The Bossticks - Ms. Pat - How To Heal Trauma, Learn To Laugh, & See The Bright Side Of Life In Dark Times

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

#720: Today we're sitting down with Patricia Williams, AKA Ms. Pat. Ms. Pat is a comedian known for her dark humor and incredible resilience. She joins us for a hilarious conversation covering multiple topics, including her dark past, where she finds inner strength, and how she cultivated the dark humor she's known for.   To connect with Ms. Pat click HERE   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE To Watch the Show click HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Head to the HIM & HER Show ShopMy page HERE to find all of Michael and Lauryn's favorite products mentioned on their latest episodes.   This episode is brought to you by Nutrafol Nutrafol is the #1 dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement, clinically shown to improve your hair growth, thickness, and visible scalp coverage. Go to nutrafol.com and use code SKINNYHAIR to save $10 off your first month's subscription, plus free shipping.   This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat-only therapy sessions. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy & you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/skinny.   This episode is brought to you by Alastin Visit www.alastin.com/skinny for 10% off your ALASTIN purchase with code SKINNY   This episode is brought to you by Pique Visit piquelife.com/skinny to get up to 15% off and a free cup and frother + free shipping for life.   This episode is brought to you by The Farmer's Dog   It's never been easier to invest in your dog's health with fresh food. Get 50% off your first box & free shipping by going to thefarmersdog.com/skinny.    This episode is brought to you by Amazon Kindle Vella Introducing Kindle Vella: Readers' interactive gateway to episodic stories, available anytime, anywhere. Start reading today for free.   Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

The reason why I'm sitting here in front of you today, because I come from a background when I thought nobody loved me. When I started loving myself, I put so much into my first kid's father. Everything was first with him. Oh, I just love you. I just love you. Then after being beat down and drug down, and I said, why the fuck am I being treated like this? I was like, fuck that.

So I started to love myself. And when you love yourself and you put yourself first, you become happy. Fuck. This episode is funny. You guys, if you want to laugh your ass off, this episode is for you. Not only is this one of the funniest episodes we've ever done on the show, but it's also about a story of incredible resilience. I was so inspired by Miss Pat, but also I just could not stop laughing. I would recommend not listening to this episode with kids in the car because we really do talk about it all.

We're going to get into a review of fast food restaurants. Her experience of becoming a mom at 15, why she became a drug dealer, finding humor in dark experiences, what it's like to get shot in the boob. I learned all about that. The truth about aging and how she feels being famous. This is going to inspire you. It's going to make you laugh. And you're going to fall in love with Miss Pat. I have harassed Miss Pat in the DMs since this episode because I just found her to be so fucking hilarious. On that note, Miss Pat, welcome to the Him and Her show. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. So explain the crystal light thing.

You just feel like it adds a little josh to your water. It's probably really unhealthy because it would have ascertained or some shit. Some you shouldn't be drinking, but I like it. So when you're young and you ain't got no money, it was Kool-Aid when you was pouring black. So when you grow up a little bit and get a little money, you go to Crystal Light. It's like going from Church's Chicken to Chick-fil-A. You know, I won't eat Church's Chicken. I make too much money.

So I eat Chick-fil-A. I eat with the good Christian people eat now. What's the Chick-fil-A order? Chick-for-anything-for-any-that damn mean. It's all good. In Jesus' name. Really good, Lauren. Guys, I'm going to say if I'm going to eat in and out,

or if I'm going to eat fast food, it's in-and-out. So I don't know. In-and-out? Yeah. That is garbage. Why? I try. That patty is so damn thin.

It's all bread. You get a double, double. No, but you're going to get a yeast infection. Just go to fucking chick-fil-a and eat the Christian chick. Oh, I'm sorry. should I be cussed. Oh, Couselais, keep going. You can eat Chick-fil-A and it's all in Jesus' name.

But there's nothing that I should try as my first virginity breaker. For Chick-fil-A? Yeah. It's chicken, girl. Just chicken. Just ask for anything you want on a menu. I'm going to fucking Chick-fil-A and getting a crystal light after the show. They got good milkshakes, too.

They do got good meat. You don't eat Chick-fil-A? Uh-uh. If I'm going to eat fast food, it's Taco Bell, it's in-and-out or McDonald's. What? Happy meal? Just cheese and meat? I can tell you got money.

You beautiful. Who eats math? McDonald's. You don't like McDonald's? Fuck, no. I don't eat no McDonald's that stuff. You are disgusting, Lauren. You gotta eat Chick-fil-A where the boozy people eat. Is it that good? Yes.

I'm gonna give me some Chick-fil-A. Can I postmates it? Yeah, them little things get stuck in the street all the time. Okay. I have a confession, like that is one of my guilty pleasures is actually Chick-fil-A and I will sneak over to that drive-thew. You eat chick-fil-A and she don't. She doesn't trust me on it. Maybe she'll trust you.

I didn't trust him on it. You never had Chick-fil-A. Filet? I'm not against it. I just think if I'm going to eat fast food, it's going to be... That's not fast food. That's like top notch. It is? Let me tell you something. Black people just started eating Chick-fil-A 10 years ago. That's how good it is. We had to discover it like Columbus did America. It's that good. I'm going to Chick-fil-A. It's better than Popeye. This is an amazing commercial. They should hire you.

I tell them that all the time, but they say I curse. It's what? It actually is a very Christian. It's very Christian. I mean, I'd be like the fucking chicken. it's good and they won't let me. They won't leave. They could bleep you out. Well, I don't need their promotion. I just go all the time. You're doing good. You're doing okay. How much have she not had Chick-fil-A? Listen, she does a lot of things. Maybe you can come here and educate her a bit.

For you to not take me on a date to Chick-fil-A and know that it's so good is unacceptable. Yeah, I, you know, some things I just, if you don't want to listen, I just keep it to myself. I mean, the chicken, you never go have a chicken breast done that way. Okay, I'm going to Chick-fil-A. You told me. They don't have no dark meat. Okay. They only have white meat, which is a chicken breast.

Okay, I'm in. The fingers. Do I need to get the dip? Yeah, just get barbecue sauce or either the Chick-fil-A salt, the Polynesian is. I never met a white person that have not been to Chick-fil-A. Really? Today, have you ever been able to? The Chick-fil-A market?

No, they started it. It was too expensive back in the day. I didn't discover Chick-fil-Aid until I was a drug dealer. Okay, wait, wait, wait. I need to unpack this. I want to go back to before you were a drug dealer. Before? Yeah, before.

Because I want to get to the drug dealer. dealer. Okay, okay. Before you were a drug dealer, how'd you grow up? What was your childhood like? What do you remember? Give us the whole spiel. I grew up in the inner city of Atlanta. I had four, I had three brothers and a sister. I grew in a Singapore household. I had two kids by the time. I was 15 by married man. Traffic cocaine, forced checks and got shot a couple times. And doing that transition of getting shot and being a drug dealer, I discovered Chick-fil-A at Green Bray mom. You're going to round the story out with Chick-fil-A. It's not good. Wait, hold on. You got, you had two babies at 15.

14 and 15, yes. That is. With a married man. With a married man. That was not married to you. No, he wasn't married to me. He had a whole wife. Did you know? No, she knocked on my door and she said, you're sleeping with my husband.

And I didn't know what a husband was. And I said, how is he your husband? He got to be your boyfriend first. So you're sleeping with my man. Oh, look at him. And then what'd you said? I'm going to kick your ass. How did you have a baby at 14?

teen. How did you like know what to do? I know. But how did you know what to do? I didn't know what to do. It came out of me and they put it in my arm. Figured it out. I had to take, yeah, I knew to take care of it. Yeah. What did your mom say? My mom actually said when, so we was on welfare.

And back in those days, when you had an extra child, they only gave you $32. So my mom said, since you had this baby, all you're going to get is $32. Because the rest of the check is mine. So I got $32 a month from my mama for a baby. And I realized that wasn't going to take care of a baby. So what'd you do? I was stealing milk out of the convenience, store up the street, and I don't count of those shit.

And then I got into selling drugs, and that really helped out. If selling drugs was legal from the people we've had on this podcast, it seems really fun. Well, I saw crack. So weed is legal, but I don't think they ever make crack. Why go straight to crack? Why not start out with weed? Ma'am, I was in a black community. They had just dropped crack in the black community.

That was the hottest shit going like New Jordan. Nobody wanted weed. You can get weed anywhere, but crack was new. Not even go to Coke? Well, let me explain something to you. I like you because you don't know shit about being black in America. Black people don't do cocaine. It was very expensive.

That was white people drugs. So we did crack because they cooked it. So in the justice system, you're probably too young. What are you? 21, 22. What are you? You know what? I'm going to keep around.

But anyway, when drugs first hit the community, cocaine would give you all in no time in jail, but crack would give you a life sentence because black people did crack. And that was just how fucked up the justice system is. I'm not blaming on anything, anybody. But that's how it was. So when crack hit the black community

during the run of Reagan area, it put money in the community. It put all people on drugs, empty fathers out of the household, but we made a lot of damn money. And crack was the one out of all the drugs. Yes. So how did you initially start selling crack?

So my kid's father was a drug dealer. That's what they called him back then. He was a drug dealer. So he sold Craig. He went to jail and I had nobody to help me with those two kids. So what I did was I took my welfare check. It was $230 at the time. I had two kids and that's all they gave you.

And I bought me like an eight ball. And I cut it up and I sold it. And I think that I spent like 200 for that. I made 400. And I was like, damn. So I took the 400 and I bought a half of an ounce. And I made a close to a thousand. I just kept flipping it.

You know, we just interviewed a guy named Arthur Rapkin. You would have liked this guy. He's about 75 now. But he was one of the original cocaine traffickers that would go down from the U.S. to Columbia. And he would bring all these pounds. But there's a time when you could like put it in your suitcase with no, there was no TSA or no crazy. So right before they got, what's the big truck?

a name. Pablo? Pablo. Yeah. I remember this like, hell. It was a cup of drug before Pablo.

It got so bad to get drugs in America. They started putting it in tractor trailer gas tanks. So we got a whole batch of crack one time that tastes just like

gasoline and all the crack. How I want that shit that tastes like gas? So they were being picky. Well, that's all we could get over in America at the time because, you know,

they weren't being picky, but you smoke and cracking and it tastes like gas. You think you're going blow the hell up. When you start making that much money and you have two kids to support, does it get addicting the amount of money that you're making? And how do you start checking yourself?

Well, I was 16 making that kind of money. And I had my first $100,000 at 16. Wow. And so I made a lot of money selling Craig. But I didn't realize the value of money. I did what most people did in the hood when they made that kind of money. I bought dumb shit joins and calls. I didn't think about the long term of life.

You never do. You're just flashing and having a good time. So here I am 16 years old, living in a $1,000 apartment back in the early 90s. That was expensive. So I lived in the same apartment. One of my teachers lived in, and I had dropped out of school in the eighth grade. And he was like, how the hell do you afford to live here? I'm like, how the hell do you afford to live here?

Did he know? Do you think he knew? He knew I dropped out. Yeah, he knew. Most of us was dropping out at the time to sell drugs. So were you dipping in? to your supplier? I never used drugs. I eat chick for life. I don't get high. I don't really drink. I grew up at, my mama was an alcoholic, and I grew up around people using weed,

then when crack hit the black community. I grew up around all of that, and I used to say these people stole me. This is not my family. I know Oprah Rufie is my mama, but she don't know that she had me and left me with these crazy-ass black people. So I never got into using drugs. My sister got on drugs, my brother got on drugs, aunts, uncle, never. You probably saw a lot of people, where it didn't go well for them. It didn't go well for anybody. I always tell people, if you can remember this, back in the day, we all had jerry curls.

Remember that? Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about. When you had that greasy, curly look. When crack hit the black community, it ran the jerry curl out of the black community. Because nobody was buying activated to keep all hair moisturized. They were buying crack. I like your wife.

I need to take you on a Negro field trip. Take me on a field trip. I love taking a Chick-fil-A though. I would pay money to see that field trip. Why? It's funny watching you, Lauren, talk about because it's just like

it's so like it's shocking to you. It's a different lifestyle. It's not shocking. I actually find it fascinating. Thank you. I think it's cool to hear her story. Well, it's, I mean, it's beautiful.

It's interesting to hear you talk and I've seen you talk about a lot of different things. You have obviously a very strong sense of humor while talking about a lot of tough things. Yes. Have you always had that mentality and been that way? No. So one of the things I always tell people because I go deep. I talk about being molested. I talk about being shot. I talk about a lot of things that a lot of people keep their mouth shut about. And I tell my audience, the only way you can heal is to speak it. And I say, you know, when you can talk about it, then you have control of it.

So I don't cry about it. So if you're laughing about it, there's no space to cry about it. So I laugh about being molested, being shot in the head, been shot in the titty, being whatever. I find anything dark, I take it and make it funny. I think that that's a really good outlook. I mean, it's very profound and wise. Well, you can't change the past, so what are you crying for?

What am I'm crying for? I can't, what I'm going to say? Oh, my mama boyfriend molesting me? That man been dead now for 20 years. What I'm going to do dig him up and stick a dildo in his ass? No, but I'm going to find some great material about it. I mean, that's great material. That's a stick a delto up his ass.

What are the circumstances around you being shot twice? Sounds like. Well, once I got shot in the nipple, this guy shot me up under the arm with a 45, and they blew my ariola in my nip off. 45 is a big caliber gun. I'm telling you, if I had your titty, I would have to die. So, you know, I'm a 48.

You're a 48? Yes. That's Taylor's Rock Hard in the back. Our producers, rock hard over a 48. 48H Michael That is 48 She had breast implants Where she took them out

But how big? What was it? Those were big but not that big Not a 48H I think they were Double D D So yeah

She's like that's a fucking But a 45 caliber Still blow that off Did the person who shot you And the nipple Do it on purpose? Yeah He was trying to kill me

Who's shooting at each other Why What was the circumstance Of why you wanted to kill? He spent on my car So I had Out of Cadillac That's what drug dealers

drove And it was a Fleetwood Old School and I just got it painted pearl white with all these little, it was white with all these gold flakes in it. That's what we did back in the day. Yeah, it was really cute. And I was a girl. I was right.

Put the flip down radio and the remote control. And he was like, fuck y'all car. He spit on my car and I pulled a gun on him. Was it loaded? Yeah, it was loaded. My kid's in the car. And he was like, when I come back, I'm going to kill your ass. And you know when black people tell you that they're going to come back and kill you. He came back down the hill. He was just running and shoot.

And I was shooting back and I reached for the door and he hit me up under my arm. and I didn't even know I was shot until I got in the house and I was like damn I snaked my nipper on the do jam and I looked down there and it was just all big ass hose. So would you go

straight to the hospital? Yeah, I just called a hospital and they don't sew you up. They don't sew that kind of tissue up. So the hole came out through my ariola and all they did was put this plastic thing on it and told me to keep it clean and it healed. Oh, man. Wow. It didn't hurt. Honestly, it's crazy

when your adrenaline is going like that, you cannot feel gunshots until the next day. All these guys that try to act so big and mighty, we know someone that accidentally shot himself in the foot and I've heard that story many times and she's telling me it doesn't hurt. No, no, no.

Well, I'm telling you when I got shot. He didn't hurt. Yeah, he said the same thing. The next day. And the next day it hurts. Yes. Because I have big titty so I had to pick my titty up to clean it off. Is it a cute scarno? It's a very, you got to suck my titty to really know. I'll suck your tony to see the scar. You're not going to suck

my fucking titty lady. Taylor, We'll suck your titty. Taylor ain't sucking my fucking titty. Okay. I'm not the nanny. And who the hell is Taylor? Who the hell is Taylor?

Taylor's in the back beating off to this conversation because he's getting so horny over your age food. I'm licking my lips like I'm about to eat some chicken. Oh, shit. I hope you like your chicken salty. Oh my God. The guy we're talking about that shot, themselves said the same thing. He said when he first did, he was putting a gun in a holster.

And he forgot his finger was on the trigger. So when he jammed it down in the holster, went boom, and it was a 45, I went through his foot straight. And he said it at the same. He didn't notice. He's like, oh, what was that? Like, went off. Couldn't find the bullet and then realized there was a fucking hole in his foot. Yeah. And he said the same thing. Like at the time didn't feel anything. But then after days off. He couldn't walk. Did you feel when you got shot that that was something that was like normal and not out of context and weird? No, because I got shot twice when I was 15. My kid's father hit me with a piston and went off and cracked my skull, so it took some part of the back of my head off. And so, and I just remember saying, Lord,

you got to get me out of this shit. They just keep shooting me. I'm tired of being shot. I got shot twice in one year. So no, it wasn't normal. But I mean, that is like the craziest shit I've ever heard. You get, you get shot twice in one year when you're 15 years old, where you're making a hundred grand a year at 16. You have two kids. I mean, this is wild. How do you start to transition out of that? I met a good black man with side teeth and a job.

Side teeth and a job. Yes. You are funny. Side teeth. Yeah, very important. Side teeth are important. Yeah, because I wear a weave. And when they don't have no side teeth,

they should come out of their mouth and get into our hair. I'm just saying Taylor does have side teeth. Yeah, he looks nice. No, no, no. I'm Michael. This is Taylor. Taylor's back here. Taylor, pop your head up.

Taylor's the creepy producer that's like. I don't want to fuck Taylor. I'm trying to give me Taylor. I'm married. What I'm going to do with Taylor? Use a for tampon? Taylor, I need somebody who dick don't work. Taylor did work.

I don't got time for that. I'm going through menopause. This is so hard to interview. I heard you talking about this on Jimmy Kimmel the other day. Menopause. why do you feel like this is such a you know this is something you're talking a lot about right now well you're going to get every woman going to go through it

so is some women ashamed to talk about it because they feel like we're going to be dried out you don't be dried out you just get hot and shit you know so a lot of women get embarrassed about getting old a lot of women don't want to get older I don't have a problem getting older I don't give a fuck I've been I've been sexual active since elementary school I don't need no dick.

I need my back teeth fix and more money. How did you, you said you got out of the life you were living with the guy that you met? I got married. Okay. And where did you move from there? Did you stay where you were? No, I moved, we moved into a two-bedroom apartment. And then I got six months then I got custody of my sister kids, which took us from two kids to six kids.

And he had no kids. Oh, wow. I'm sure he was excited No he wasn't I got back He was packed and ready to leave And I just told him My sister was on drugs

And I was like I can't pick between you and my nieces I don't want them to go into the foster care system Because I knew he grew up his mom and dad He grew up going to church every Sunday So he didn't really have any struggle like that But I know what it is When a child will start off on a solid foundation So all I was trying to do was

Say look what little family that I had So I just told him, I said, we're going to take care of these six kids. And he's like, you don't lost your fucking mind. I don't got no kids by you. But he stayed. It was 31 years later, and he's still there. Now I have custody of the nieces that I raised. My sister got them back after 11 years and got on drugs.

And she put the kids on drugs. So now I got their kids. So what did you do? How did you manage that with your own kids and their own drugs? Well, no. Well, my nieces wasn't on drugs when I had custody of them. They mama came back and terminated my temporary custody, and she got them back. Then she got them on drugs and the prostitution.

She did everything to her kids and my mama did to us. That's very common. A lot of, a lot of, but it sounds like you broke the cycle. I did. I'm when nobody going to pimp me out. I was thinking of that shit years ago. And I just said, when I had that baby, when you have a child, do you have any kids? Two.

When you have a kid, you automatically know something wakes up and you call them a month. mother instinct. And I knew right then and there I had something to live for. Because before those kids, I was like, it didn't really matter. You know, I was running wild and acting crazy. But when I had my daughter Ashley, I knew I had to protect her. I knew I had to make sure she didn't go through what I went through. And I remember holding her in my arm on August 19, 1986. And I said, I promised you, everything that I went through you would never go through. You would not be molested. You would not go to jail and you would not drop out. And she was the first one in three generations

to graduate high school. For her. Wow. That's cool. Yeah. It sounds like you are, sort of use visualization, manifestation,

I don't know what you want to call it. You're like, you're not doing this. You're not going to be molested. You're going to graduate and you, it seems like you've done that really well in your family life. Do you do it in your career too? Yeah.

Well, you know, I tell people, I say anything you want in the world. You don't have to pray every day. I mean, I'm not. I mean, I ain't going to say I'm not a Christian, but I know it's a higher power than all of us. But I tell people all the time, if you want something in life, you put it out there in the universe, do the work, and it will come back. So, like, I tell people, I say, I'm going to buy me this.

It's like, you're fucking crazy. I'm going to buy me this. And I keep telling myself that because that make me work towards what I want. A lot of people say they're going to do something. They're going to set the fuck down because they didn't say it enough. They didn't put it all the way through their bones. They said, oh, I want this. but I don't know how I'm going to get it.

There's not a such thing as I don't know how. I don't say those things. I tell people you can't say I can't because I can't hinders you. A lot of people are scared to just even speak it into existence in the first place. Yeah, I just built a house with no contractor 15,000 square feet. I don't call it a mansion, but that's what I wanted to buy, but I didn't want that note. So I bought a little ragged house and tore it now. My husband's like, how the fuck are you going to do this?

I already had it manifest. I said, I'm going to buy me a little house. on some lamb, I'm a tad down, I'm a high mill architect. And people's like, where do you get this stuff from? Because I believe in me when nobody else believed in me. And I just put it out there. If I say, I want a car, I go buy me a car. Where do you think that came from, how do you think you got that kind of confidence,

especially growing up in the circumstances you grew up in? You know, that's pretty powerful. A teacher call me true. She said, Patricia, you can do and be anything in the world you want to be. All you got to do is dream. And that's all I do is dream. I have been on a journey with my hair. Let me tell you. So when things started getting bad with my hair was after I had a baby, my first baby with Saza, I noticed shedding, shedding everywhere, shedding on my

pillowcase, shedding when I got a blowout, shedding in the shower. It was just like a nightmare. And so I set out on this really gnarly journey to sort of healing my hair. And this involves scalp massage, microneedling, a good hair serum, eating lots of meat. It's been really like a whole 360 of a journey. I also sleep on a silk pillowcase. If you want all my tips, you can head to my latest Instagram where I'm wearing denim. I talk about it. And one thing that I have done is I've been very thoughtful with my supplements. And the supplement that I take is neutraful. You guys know this. You've heard me talk about it a lot. Nutraful helps with hair thinning, shedding, hair issues. It has a really proactive approach and it targets the root cause, which I think is really important.

What I've noticed is I've seen improved hair growth. I don't wear extensions anymore. Nutraful is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement with over 1 million people seeing thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding. Get results you can run your fingers through. For a limited time, Nutraful is offering our listeners $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping. When you go to Nutraful.com and enter the promo code skinny hair.

Find out why over 4,500 healthcare professionals and stylist recommend NutriFel for healthier hair. That's neuterful.com, spelled n-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com promo code skinny hair. That's Nutraful.com promo code skinny hair. The skinny confidential him and her podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. It is always a great time to share your feelings, your ideas, get whatever's on your chest off your chest, which is why we love BetterHelp so much, and we've loved them as a partner for years now. I think this is one of the greatest companies that we work with because it It gives people peace of mind in the ability to talk through whatever issues they may be having with licensed therapists online right from the comfort of their own home.

And what we love about therapy is therapy can help you focus on what you want instead of what others have so you can start living your best life today. Lauren and I have had so many high performers on this show. And a common theme across all of these performers is that they talk to someone. They have a therapist. They have a coach. They have someone that they can share their ideas with and just get them off their chest. holding in these thoughts and ideas and not being able to talk them through is a formula for disaster.

Lauren and I get the benefit of talking to people regularly on this show, many of whom are therapists so we can vouch for the importance of sharing ideas and talking through ideas. We've learned so many things about ourselves, just being able to share ideas that we normally wouldn't share. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Stop comparing and start focusing with BetterHelp. Visit Betterhelp.com slash skinny today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash skinny. Betterhelp.com

Slagin. Alastin skincare. I was told about Alastin by my facialist, Stacey Christie. She knows all the best brands, ones that are really results driven. And she recommended that I try their C-Radical Defense Antioxidic serum. I've talked about this on another podcast. It's an amazing, amazing form of vitamin C. You should know that it has like 14 vital antioxidants to help protect against environmental stressors. So it really helps to brighten the skin. It protects from free radicals. It reduces the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. But most importantly, and I just feel like this is so relevant because it's summer right now, it helps with photo damage and other signs of aging, especially from the sun. So that's what I've noticed

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your first order. The career you've created is incredible. At what point in your life did you start manifesting, visualizing, and thinking about what you have now? They want. They went. You always knew you were going to be famous. I don't consider myself, I got a job. You don't consider yourself famous. No, I say I got a job. Yeah, but if you went back to your hometown now. I go over there sometime.

People say I'm famous. But to me, it's just a job. So I remember when I first became a comedian, I had a friend named Tom Simmons. I'm probably six months in. I said, I'm going to have a TV show. He said, yeah, everybody said, no, I'm going to have a fucking TV show. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to have a TV show.

So when I got the Miss Pat show, And I called him to LA. He said, what's crazy is I thought you was crazy when you told me 15 years ago. I said, I told you I'm going to have a TV show. I see it. I already seen it. What was your first touch with fame? When I did the show with Roseanne Ballard, the Ruffinian Moll, I did that show.

And did you know that there was something real special there? No, I just, I didn't win. I just knew I had something, but I didn't know how to control what I had. Like, like, I didn't realize that my, I'm from the inner city. So when I started to tell these stories about my life on all of these podcasts, I was like, why are people so fascinated with me? Because I thought everybody had a baby at 14. Everybody had been molested.

Everybody, then when I started telling my story, I was like, well, damn, well, why my mama wasn't no good? But I started to connect to the people who understood where I was coming from or what I had been through. And it was so many people out there that was just like Ms. Pat or like the little girl that's in me called Rabbit. And I was able to connect. Where is your mom now? Dad and dad too. And were you able to repair your relationship with your mom? My mom died at 39 years old.

Wow. I've never dealt with depression, maybe a little bit. But I saw depression, depression one-on-one, cried all the time. How old were you when she passed? I was 16. She had a stroke. right before she passed. Right after you had two children.

Yeah, she had a stroke, and I never forget it. I was asking my mom, I said, Mama, I want to eat your Rice Krispy. She used a little rice Krisp Treesby. She used to love Rice Krisp Trey. She's like to pour milk, because we have on the fucking milk, and listen to them pop. So if you eat Rice Krisper with water, they pop like a motherfucker.

If you do milk, they pop a little bit. So she used to love Rice Kris Kris Treat. And so I said, Mama, let me have some of your series. And she was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what fuck wrong with you, Mommy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she was having a stroke, but I didn't know it. two blood vessels hit in the head.

I waited in an hour. So I said, I think I better call the ambulance. You up here bullshit and you won't talk right. I called an ambulance and they said, you probably waited too late. She's probably going to pass because the blood vessel hit in the head. And I prayed. And this is when I know that God is real. My mama bottom mouth was twisted down there to her ear.

She could not talk and they told me she was going to die. I remember going in the hallway, a great hospital. And I prayed. And I said, Lord, I'm 16 with two kids. I have nowhere to go. I have nothing if you take this lady. Within a week, my mama turned back around and she was fine.

I was like, we didn't do it. But I knew who had done it. So she lived and her mouth was back to normal. Back to normal. And then she had another stroke later? She died in her sleep. She was 39 years old. She was an alcoholic.

But she was very depressed. To her, she was about, I would say my mom was about 70. That's why I came stand to see people cry. To me, when you cry, it shows weakness. And it always reminds me of my mother. What are you crying for? Why are you crying?

Do something about it. Crying ain't going to fix it. I think that's good advice. If someone's listening and they've been through a lot as you have, how do you find inner strength and resilience? Learn how to love yourself. The reason why I'm sitting here in front of you today because I come from a background when I thought nobody loved me.

When I started loving myself, I put so much into my first kid's father. Everything was first with him. Oh, I just love you. I just love you. Then after being beat down and drug down, and I said, why the fuck am I being treated like this? And I was just telling somebody else when that's that movie, what's love got to do with it? Yeah.

I was like, fuck that. You're not hearing me no more. You're not dogging me out no more. So I started to love myself. And when you love yourself and you put yourself first, you become happy. If you're unhappy is because you're putting people before you. Fuck your kids. Fuck your husband.

Fuck everybody. You hear that, Michael? Put yourself first. and you love yourself, then you know how to love Michael, then you know how to love your kids? But how can you love them when you don't love yourself? Do you listen to Louise Hay? No.

Who hell is Louise Hay? I was going to say, I doubt that, Lauren. A lot of people that come on the podcast do. Louise Hay's been passed for a few years now, right? But she says the same things that you are saying. It's very similar. He's got a very nice, calming voice. Yeah.

Is he? No, she. It's a woman. She's dead now. But she says a lot of the things you say. That's why I just wonder if you know, wow. A lot about loving yourself. I love who we say, by the way.

Well, thank you. And she says the first thing is to love yourself. You got to love yourself. And I just learned that over time. I learned for, you know, we, we, we, we, we, we people could try to be people pleaser. You know, for years, I wanted best friends in school. I wanted people to like me because I was a poor kid with no clothes. I just wanted to be accepted.

I wanted to be the cool kid. I wanted to have what the other kids had. But so I would allow other people to jump in front. front of my happiness. Yeah. I don't play that shit no more. I'll take my kid, fuck y'all. I'm going to do what I want to do.

Y'all grown. I bet you've raised some really cool kids. They ain't perfect. None of them are. I got some good kids. You know, my kids did not go down the road that I went through. One of the biggest things I told my kids in life from being a teenage mom, I said, all I want y'all to do is graduate.

I want you all to do something I never done. and every time you get a diploma, it's a puzzle to my heart that is filled. So I have four kids to graduate, and each one of them had meet their diploma. Every time they went to prom, they let me dress them because I never got a chance to go to prom.

I dropped out of school in the eighth grade. So I appreciate my kids because they let me live through them. Oh, sweet. So I got to go to prom for a time. I got to pick my daughter to date because she was gay. Thank God. I got to pick my fat daughter to date because she didn't want to go nobody.

I picked both of my son's days. Wait, what do you mean? You go to school and pick me? How does this work? So, we did an episode about this on a Miss Pat show. My niece, I didn't want, I wanted good people to take my kids to the prom. So my niece, I walked in Subway one day, and I said, oh, you're a good-looking black dude. I said, well, how old are you?

And he went to another high school. I said, well, you take my child to the prom. And he said, yes, he was the most beautiful black boy. I laid eyes on that subway so he took my daughter took my niece to the prom and I had custody at that time and my daughter

she was gay but she hadn't really came out yet so she just went with all her friends and so my fat daughter what do you mean your fat daughter she's fat as fuck she a version too oh my god

how do you get away with calling your daughter fat does she get mad I'm fucking fat what are you talking about don't about the crowd of being fat and I was everybody fat my husband's fat

so you say my fat daughter Does that mean your other daughter's not fat? Yeah, she's fat too. Oh, okay. But yeah, I'm the one in the one who lives with me. She, I call a virgin. I said, if you ain't going to use that pussy, give it to me. Because mine leaking.

She going to cuss me out with she. But she went to the prom and I got to help her pick her outfit. And when she graduated, she had me her diploma. Actually got like two degrees. Damn. Mm-hmm. So all your kids, all. four of your kids you're very proud of.

They all got their diploma and you got to pick their prom date. Yes. And my two girls went to college. Well, my son went to college too to be a nurse, but he quit. That's my son, Junebug. That's my favorite. You say your favorite. Falkil, you got a favorite? No, I don't do that.

No, no say that in front of him. Look at him smiling. I have favorites for different things. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Mm-mm. Like, my daughter's really bossy and my son's a little bit more easygoing. Mm-hmm. So I have like, it depends on the energy of what I'm doing.

No, the boys are a little mama's boy. Yeah, boys are usually mama boys. And let me tell you why, so when you have a girl, the oldest she get, how old is she? She's four. So the older she gets, the more she's going to connect with you. Yeah, I noticed that. Eventually, your periods are going to come on at the same time because you're young, and you're going to find yourself moody at the same time.

So women connects. That's why you're like, if you, you, ain't no grown-on-beast staying in my house. You ever heard that before? No. One puss at a time in my house. Oh, Michael. screwed. So when you grow up with a daughter, it's kind of difficult because y'all, either you become

her best friend or you her mother. And a lot of times when you being mother, they don't like that shit. Were you mother or best friend? I was mother. You know, they don't curse in front of me. A little bit now, I still have to pop up in the fucking mouth. You was not allowed to dance in front of me. You was not allowed to drink in front of me.

None of that shit. So you had strict rules. Yes. I just thought dancing was a form of disrespect. And let me tell you why, because I grew up in a bootleg house. Any kind of dancing? Yes. I grew up in a bootleg house.

And the bootleg house is where they saw moonshine at. So all of these grown people being now, you see Black move where they tell the black kid to get in the floor and dance. Yeah. So we always had to dance for the old men. And they'd be like, shake that ass, baby. And you sell them years off. I was like, I fucking hate you old summer bitches. And so if you look at it now, you could get arrested for it.

But we always had to dance for the old black men. They always say inappropriate shit. So when I grew up, I didn't allow my kids to dance. And I think it was a form of protection. It makes sense what you're saying. Yes. What I love about doing the show is we get to interview so many different people and you get to hear why they are the way they are.

And it's so interesting to hear, it's like an onion. Because when you say I don't allow dancing and then you explain why, that makes total sense. Well, it's interesting to like walk through why people decide to do the things they do. Like, because that's like a deeper route. Like, when I hear you can't, you don't let your kids dance. Like, it sounds strange. But when you explain it, it doesn't sound strange at all. Yeah, so my son, I killed.

He's my second born. And one day I saw him dancing. He's grown with a family. And I was like, damn, you can dance. But that was the first time I saw him dancing. He had to be in his, he's 30-something, 35 now. And I think he was in his late 20s or early 30s. Because I didn't allow him to dance.

Now he's probably dancing at his house all the time. He fed his hair. He can dance, but he really could dance. I mean, if he can dance. Yeah, and it's okay now. I mean, I'm okay. But to me, that was a form of protection. How did you break into comedy?

People always told me I was funny. I thought I was always just blunt. Well, that's apparent. Yeah. No, you're funny. Thank you. I mean, real funny. Thank you.

I went to a welfare of work program when Bill Clinton became president. I voted for Bill Clinton because he was sexy, white dude. You think he's sexy? Fuck yeah, back in the day. Really? What? It's not giving sexy to me. Well, you're looking at him now.

You're 35, ma'am? I don't know. I don't think he's... Man, I'm talking about early on. He was fucking fly. Really? I'll go look at old Bill Clinton photos later today.

Everybody was throwing vagina at Bill Clinton. I'm not talking about no fat chick like Monica Lewinsky. I'm talking about beautiful women. Really? What? Bill Clinton was gorgeous. Apparently, I don't know about Bill Clinton and I don't know about Chick-fil-A.

Apparently, you don't. Bill Clinton was dropped-dead, So I went to prison. I didn't lose my right to vote. And at the time, I wanted to do something different. I had never seen my mama do, which was vote. And I didn't know nothing about Democrats or Republicans. So the fly issues coming to mail, no internet back then. It was just getting out. And so the way they reached you was knocking on your door and giving you a flyer. So I got a Bob Doe flyer and a Bill Clinton flyer. Bob Doe were old, wrinker, and white. I was like, I'm not wasting my vote on this. this ugly-ass white, and Bill Clinton was beautiful. Okay. So I just told my friend, let's go vote for this sexy-ass white man.

And I became a Democrat. And when I voted, Bill Clinton got into the damn White House and started the welfare of work program. I was so mad at him, I could have killed him. And explain what that is if someone doesn't know what that is. The welfare of work program was to make lazy people like me

who grew up on generation of welfare, not working, uneducated, say, hey, it's time for y'all to go out and get a job and take care of yourself. So they did this through If you dropped out of school They made you to go back to school

To get your GED And they paid you for all of this Through programs And they will help you with a job A career If you want to go to school To be a nurse They'll put you in school

To be a nurse So I want to be a nurse But I had a I'm a convicted felon So I've You missed that part of the story Why did you go to prison for? Drugs

I went to prison for selling crack So How long? A year Okay So I couldn't be a nurse Because I was a convicted felon

and it was narcotics. So when I went through this program, I got the GED, and I met a caseworker who said, you're funny. You shouldn't be trying to go to school. Be no nurse. You should really look into comedy. And she told him, I remind her of Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby because I had a crazy story. So I started just Googling them.

And I said, oh, he made money telling his business. Oh, I could do this shit. And so I went to an open mic. What is prison like? It's not like TV. I mean, it looks like TV, but. It gets locked down for somebody telling you when to wake up and go to sleep. Just really sitting around watching TV all day.

Really? How did you occupy your time? On the phone. Back in those days, the call, collars all day. You could call, collect, and talk to your hang up. Now it cuss you off in 15 minutes. Huh. Yeah.

So would you be Googling how to be a comedian in prison? No, I wasn't funny then. It was after I got out. Yes, way after I got out. And is after you got out when you stopped dealing drugs? When I met my husband. Okay. That's when I stopped.

Because he didn't deal drugs. He had just got out of the military, just came back from the Persian Gulf War. He was a good guy. Can I ask you a strange question? Maybe not so strange. When you're used to making money that fast, that quickly, is it hard? It was so fucking hard. Because when I got with him, I had to get a regular job.

So here I am with an eighth grade education. Who going to harm me? I only have a GED. At that time, I didn't have a GED. I got my GED when I got married. That's when I went through the program. So I'm sad now I go for making all this money

from stealing and selling dope to making $4.25 an hour at McDonald's. Oh, that's why you don't like McDonald's? No. No, I'm a hustler. So what I would do is I would steal from McDonald's because I stole from everywhere.

So, but you liked the food at McDonald's when you were working. At the time, I was young, I'm 52 now. So you come through the drive-thru and you order something. One thing I can do, well, I used to do Namos was my thing. I could see your credit card

and remember that bitch and go use it. That's why when I hate, now, I got all of these, I got all of these, this street knowledge, and I only see this shit with white women. Y'all were walking around with the clear purses, with your ID showing, with your fucking credit card number. Let me tell you about a killer. If a killer can look at your address

and show up at your fucking dough, I see it all the time at football game. I'm like, turn your fucking ID over. Turn your credit card over, you stupid bitches. I've been on a plane with white women who was ordering something. Credit card. I said, ma'am, let me tell you something. I used to steal.

I know your credit card. I'm just by looking over there. What'd you say? Oh, my God. I didn't think about that. Well, the world don't love you like your family do. Pay a fucking attention. The clear case thing is really real.

I don't have to worry about it because I don't carry my credit card or my ID anywhere. I make Michael do it for me. Yes. Or put it in your titty. put my shit in my titty and I don't Well, you have an H. I don't have an H. Where is mine going to go? Put in your pants, you got a vagina. Yeah, I'll put in my Yes, but never just walk around with your

idea, your credit card showing, because somebody, back in the day, I'm not, I can't fucking see no more, but back in the day I could look over there and bam, your whole numbers in my head. Yeah, but I go through my credit card bill. Back in days, credit cards was easy to for it. You had a friend to remake them. But what if you go through your credit card bill? You can find fraud. Baby, I don't

fucked you up before your bill got to you. And this was before you got all those pins and dings on your phone. Yeah. You know, the same way with a check. By the time you caught it, it's like... Yeah, it took your 30 days to catch it. So it sounds like you used McDonald's as a way to steal the credit card numbers. No, I didn't steal the credit card number.

I stole the cash. I don't want a fucking credit card number. So when you came through the drive-through, I will promo your meal, calculating my head and give you the correct change. At the end of the night, I knew how much money I was supposed to take out before I turned in my register. I don't get it. You'd be able to discount through some of the order of my promo codes. I used to work, by the way, I used to work at McDonald's.

So you got it. You hit the promo code, the food is free. I used to work at McDonald's also. Yeah. Got it. Okay. Or you kept your register a little open. So when they ordered like a number one, you know, it was back in those days, it was $4.0025.

Got it. And if you can, yeah, if you, if you calculated, you knew how to get a change back. And that's what I knew how to do. So when did you stop stealing? Doing my marriage, my husband was like, you're going to stop this bullshit. You're going to go to jail. And I buy this time I got cussed at my sister kids. And he's like, what the hell I'm going to do with all these fucking kids?

These folks going to come and get their kids. I can't stop your baby daddy from getting your kids. So I stopped selling crack. And I just went straight. It was rough. It was rough. Because everywhere I went for, I went to school to be a medical assistant. Everywhere I went, they checked my criminal background history and wouldn't get me a job.

And they said, no, you're convicted felons. So you can't work here. And then I found a doctor off there would allow me to work there. And it was like $8. Try living off $8 with Section 8 with your rent is. discounted, but you got eight kids. It was rough. That is so many kids for your husband to go from no kids to that many amount of kids.

Well, six kids. Now, mind you, I hadn't had a baby by him yet. So by me having abortion when I was 16, I fucked up my uterus because I went over there and got it on the free to low-low on Medicaid. They don't get a fuck how they grind the baby up out of you. So I have an abortion that fucks up my uterus and stop up one of my two. So I meet a good man, and now I want to have a baby by him. So now I got to go and then they got to dig all this old shit out me to make me have a baby. And did it work?

I had a baby, and it was a miscarriage. And so then... You got a lot of tough shit. No, no, this is funny. Listen to me. So I have a baby. And I have a miscarriage. I'm like four or five months praying.

My husband's crying like a bitch. And I'm coming the street. Oh my gosh. She's like, weak bitch, you're crying. I said, and I had it on his birthday to misska. I said, shut the fuck up. We can do this shit again. I'm a hood bitch

I get pregnant real quick I got right back pregnant and had my daughter he was booing like a hole because it was like you gotta put I love your reaction all of these podcasts are so fucking different

I feel like I'm in No it's horrible what you went through I'm just saying it to say that you're crying like a bitch to your husband I'm trying because this is so funny I'm inspired

I'm pinning this to my Pinterest board. If Michael ever comes to me crying, I'm going to be like, listen, you're a weak bitch. You're crying like a bitch. I was like, why are you crying? We can do this shit again tomorrow. He was like, what? Because he had never been through no shit like that. Well, I mean, you know, in the hood, you drop a baby, you have a baby.

Who gives a fuck? So I got rat back pregnant, and I realized my uterus was weak. So they put a piece of a white sheet in my vagina. It's called a, I forgot what it's called They tie your fucking vagina up To keep your fucking, not your vagina Your uterus to keep the baby from falling out So I had that twice with the two kids I had by my husband

Does that hurt? If you stick your dick in me or did Oh, so you can't have sex No It really, he says So I'm sure your husband was crying like a bitch Your husband sounds like a fucking saint He is a saint

I don't even think he cussed Is the husband the same husband Yes, 31 years That's cool And is he funny? To me he is. He cracks me the fuck up. Why?

Because he, he's pretty funny, and he's crazy. He, because, you know, everybody, oh, Miss Pat, Miss Pat, he'd be like, shut your stupid ass up. That's when I know he's serious. And sometimes, like, I get home and I take my wig off. He was like, you're just going to sit up here next to me looking like a real nigga. Which is really funny. So I love him because he's honest. He's honest.

You know, and I don't like to be pamper and like treat it like, who just treat me like whatever. You know. Are you like the entrepreneur in the family? He's retired. That's nice. My husband worked at General Motors for 21 years. And he always took him. He always been there no matter.

Every time I thought we were down, he always had something saved. So, and I told him, I said, if I don't get nothing out of this comedy career, one thing I want is I want you to retire. from General Motors because it's kicking your old ass. And so he was supposed to retire when he was 31, 30 years in. He retired at 21 years in. I got the second season on The Miss Pass show. I said, okay, it's time for you to give up your fucking job. I got it.

And you've just taken the baton. I've taken the baton. Every night, every night. Every night, I end my night with a cup of tea. And the tea that I love is Peaks Ginger Tea. I just love ginger for digestion. and this tea does not disappoint. First of all, there's no tea bag.

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How do you look at your day every day? You're obviously so busy. Do you, like, have someone managing your time? Are you really stickler about your calendar? you have things every single day? What does your day look like now? Every single day we got something. So I have two assistants. Okay. To keep me on track. So Jasmine does the most where it's saying, hey, we got to do this, we got to do that. I have a manager. I have a lawyer and all of that. So they keep me pretty tight,

you know, along with the PR person. Five days a week working? Seven days a week. Yeah. I think that's so incredible to hear at the stage that you're at in your career, you are still working seven. days a week? Well, I go out on the row, and then when I shoot the Miss Pat show, which was, we had to rehearse and shoot, it took five days a week out of me. And then I would go on the road Friday and Saturday. Come home Sunday and go back to work on Monday. Damn. So when I say, now I just finished the second season of Miss Pat settles it. So now we just touring. So right now I'm on a promotional tour, then I'm always working on the next thing. I got some things in development. I'm writing another book, trying to sell other shows. So I'm just

busy. So, and I tell them, I said, I tell my sister, I must talk to you every day. Burke don't stop. When I was a drug dealer, the early bird catch the worm. I don't mind. They were like, do you sleep? I can sleep when I'm dead. Oh, you're not a big sleeper. No. I'm a big sleeper. No, I don't, no. When you sleep, you lose money. So. I know, but I feel like it, this is so weird. I feel like sleep makes me prettier. I look like a pig without making, putting makeup on me without sleep is like a pig. It's like, it's not good. I got to sleep.

Really? Yeah, I wish I could. My dad, like, runs like you. He's like, you can sleep when you're done. I've never been that pretty chick where I care what I look like. I would take my wig off. Well, you are too, but, like, I can go to the stove looking like, shit. I don't care. Like, to this day.

So could I. Yeah. I go, like, Schmeagle from the rings. Yeah. I go through the car wash when I get to L.A. You should see me in Austin. Michael has a whole different wife. It's disgusting.

He's like, whoa. No, like, I like, I like going to go on. to the store Walmart with no wig on, no bra, I just fit right in. So I, all of this makeup shit and like I like to skip a bath, you know. I like to skip a bath too. And, you know, I'm not like, most women are into like going and letting people shave their vagina. I shave my my vagina one side at a time. And you shave it one what at a time? One side. One side. So you'll just leave the other side grown out? Yeah, because I'm fat. So my stomach is heavy at the bottom. So when I get tired of holding up my stomach, I just let it go.

And then when I get the next shower, I'll show you the other side. Don't you wish there was like a service, like, dry bar that you could just go in your vagina shift? No, I don't want anybody looking at my pussy. I ain't got that kind of pussy. What a husband? I mean, what? One of my favorite things about this episode is how many times Ms. Pat has shut you down

and not been interested whatsoever in any of these things that you're talking about. I love you. No, I mean, what about my husband? Pussy is pussy. That's you young girl. running around here to shave it all to have your vagina. You know, I was just telling somebody is the only time I ever shaved my vagina

when I was young is when I called crabs. Y'all just running around with baldhead pussy for no reason. I will say as I've gotten older, I care less and less. Yeah, who care? As I've gotten older. Don't be careful what you say. You don't care?

I mean, we've got to move it along, you know? You want to move it along, you don't care. I don't like when a guy trims too much. I don't know. The good thing about it, she's a white woman. So her hair doesn't get, excuse my language, nappy. A black woman got an afro down there like the Jackson 5, so you just stick your hand and I'll draw, it'll break your fucking nails.

At least your shit is soft. My shit is crunchy. It'll take your nail bed off. You got poop, poop, poop, pooh. This is the funniest person that's ever been on this podcast. You just can't finger me. You got to spread that shit like the Red Sea. See, she's black.

exactly what I don't you black see she know what I'm See that's why she laughed She ain't laughed all day She's like she was on that body cry Oh the dingo broke been through some shit But I said we got a nappy pussy How she fell out laughing

Yeah Her pussy probably looks like your hair But my shit like the Jackson 5 Air fro you just can't go down in there You got hoop poop Because your finger nail get caught Break your fucking knuckles That sounds like a real bitch to shave

Because you got to like get Yeah it is It is I mean that's a lot of work I don't blame you. That hurts your arm. Yeah, that do hurts my arm. And I'm not letting anybody get between my leg and shave that shit.

So I shave it when I get. It don't really bother me until it's get into my navel or get on my tie. It gets on my thighs in. It's fucking rough. TikTok is going to have something to say about that clip. We've covered a lot of ground today on this one. It's a lot of ass I got. Miss Pat, you are fucking funny.

You have an open invite to come back anytime. You can come on anything you're promoting, anything, anytime you can come, and we can talk about vagina hair and chick filet anytime. Oh, good. Do you shave your booty hole too? Yeah, you got to shave it all. But I don't, then let me ask you something. Yeah, ask you out.

Why don't you'll shave your booty hole? Who the fuck back there? I didn't even know I had no hair my ass. When you're in doggy style, you can see the butthole. You ain't, my husband ain't never told me he seen my butt hole. He's lying. My friend, no, hold on. Let me tell you something.

Well, you ain't got no ass. I got some ass. I got some ass. Not like mine. My ass eat my booty hole. I'm like, who look? Because my, I had a friend who told me she died her booty hole. Yeah.

So it looks safe. What? They bleach their butthole. That is fucking too much. I don't bleach my butthole because I'm sorry. I cannot do eyebrows, nails, hair, spray tan, shave my vagina. shape. It's too much. Like I cannot add bleaching butthole. But does it matter?

That I think is like maybe taking it a little step too far. Do you look at her boothole and say, well that is pretty hairy back here? Well, I try, you know, not to think of it. No, but it's not hairy back there because there's no hair. I don't got no hair my boothole. I think that Jasmine should check later. You're crazy to him.

I'll check. I'll check. I'll check. I'll check. I'll check. I don't want you looking at my booty hole. It ain't. People do bleach their butthole. I feel like you've come on to Miss Pat this entire episode. You're going to check her ass, you're going to kiss. It's all this whole time. I'm coming on to Miss Pat. No, no, I don't want you. My daughter will eat the fuck out of you.

Yeah, she loves you. You're beautiful, but I don't want no pussy. I don't like my own puss. You hear me? Pussy do too many tricks for me. I don't like it. Oh, my God. Mm-mm. Where can everyone go watch your comedy special? My comedy special, what is it called? What is it called? Oh, y'all?

want to hear something crazy is on Netflix, but you can watch season one, two, three, and four the Miss Pat show on BET Plus. Don't be scared to come over there. It is fucking hilarious. I have a judge show called Miss Pat Settles it. It comes on tonight and every Wednesday night on on BET. Cool. Yeah. You've got a lot going on. I don't know why you don't have a podcast too. I do have a podcast called The Pat down with Ms. Pat. Can I come on your podcast? Fuck yeah, come on. I would love it. I could Instagram story. We should film that. That would be. They would love you. They would love you.

I want to go if they would love me. You're so pretty to go on a Negro field trip. She's told me I'm pretty. That would be the best content. You take, I'll be on the show. Take me on the show. I don't live in the hood. I live in a nice neighborhood.

I know, but let's go. I'm going to take you to where the crackhead's at. And they're all going to run because they're going to think you to police. Really? Fuck hell, you're a white woman in the hood? Oh my God, you're so shelter. You need me in your life. You need some help, Lauren.

I'm in. I'm in. You need me. I'm in. I'm not afraid to look dumb. No, you're not dumb. You know, you're just easy to kidnap. So let me say this to you.

If I was stealing from somebody, I would come to you. Really? Because it's written all over your face. No one does. No, no, no. They don't. Ask my husband. I would.

A guy, one time, a guy tried to stick his finger in my butt hole. Well, I'm not trying to stick my finger in your butt hole. I'm trying to steal your credit card. I don't give a fuck about your booties and ditties. No one's ever stole my credit card. Yeah. You haven't had me in your life 20 years ago

Today I got the same cause you got It doesn't matter She's the type of person At the end of every month She goes, who the fuck stole my credit card? Who did these charges? Every time we go through it's her Every time it's her every time it's her

Every time I go Someone stole my credit She gets the whole everyone riled up And we all go through We spend an hour going to turn every time I'd like to go on a field trip I'd like to come on your podcast And you can grill me on your podcast

I would love for you too fabulous and you can come back anytime you want. I think you're fabulous too. Because when they first said, what's the name is podcast? Skinny Confidential. I said, now, why did they invite a fat bitch on skinny confidential? It's not about being skinny. It's about getting the juice.

And then I got here and you gave me this healthy shit. That was made. And I was like, this going to be rough. I should have got you for so much. You know what, though? I'm going to give you an ice roller. Have you ever tried an ice roller? What's that?

Oh my God. She's going to love the ice roller. What's that? Show her the ice roller. You got a lot of fucking murder. Is that a deal, though? No. It's designed after a dildo.

It's designed after. I don't want no dildos. No, no, no. Because I can't get it out if I put it in me. My arms short. Now, if it was a dildo, I'd give it to my gay daughter. She loved dildos. I do have a vibrator for you that I'll give you your daughter.

You're a vibrator? Yeah. It's a sex line. But this is designed. You got a sex line too? This is designed after a silicone dildo, but it's an ice roller for your face in the morning. I get puffy. I get puffy.

I'm not putting the big dick in my face in the morning. I'm telling you, you got to try it, Miss Pat. You're on film. Like, don't you feel like when you, like, I wake up and I'm puffy. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I'm 52 years old. Use this as an eye.

I thought this was going to get some say you at least out of my thigh. This shit is half his fuck. You can use it. You could use it after you shave you the one side of your vagina. If I rub this, this is a black girl fucking eye. This thing is happening. It's a trust. me. I think she'll like, you can rub it on your

boob. There's a click stroller. On that, yeah. On the nipple wounds, you just take that thing out. Okay, I'm gonna try anything. I also brought you mouth tape, but I'll explain that you off air. Mouth tape. What? Wait a minute now. That's kidnapping.

The fuck is mouth tape. The tables have turned, maybe we're gonna kidnap you. You know what? Miss Pat is already a nose breather, so maybe you don't need mouth tape. This is the mouth tape. What do you do with it? you put this over your lips when you sleep, and it's going to encourage nasal breathing, which is really good for you.

That's for fat people. Give me that. My hub to leave that shit. Does he snore? Yes. This will shut him up. For real? Swear.

So you do this? Yep. He ain't not going to do it. You know why? He's going to say this is gay. No, tell him that my husband wears it all the time. He don't give a fuck about your husband. He won't?

He's a black man. It's pink. You got to get some blue for me. If it stops him from snoring. He's not going to wear it. And if he's sleeping, I put it on his mouth, it might work. Sleep it and send me a picture of it on his mouth. Is he a big snorer?

You know, when you said mouth tape, I thought it was going to be something to make you hold your mouth off for penises to go in. I can invent that too. Give me two once. I like it. Your wife freaky as fuck. When I was your age, I used to be so freaking like that. I like to keep it freaking. Penises between the tities.

Now I can't do it because God is looking. That's such an old sex move. They don't do that in Tomah. Hey, you know what? They should bring that move back, though. I like that move. And I had big titty, so they wouldn't yank off of me. Thanks a lot for reminding my husband of that move tonight.

He's going to, like, harass me for that move. I can see it in his eye. She has a cup. You better be careful. You know what, though? She used to have, I told you had the boot job. She got removed. Well, we can't say.

Do you miss? I've had five versions of tities with her. Five. Five versions. Because I had. So these are you now. These are moogie now. You're real tities.

Yeah. Four versions. Yeah, you're good. That's proportionate. They're not hard, Ellie. Hard? Yeah. No. Because you let fake boobs be.

When them black girls be getting them over there on the low, low behind the church's chicken house, they'd be like bricks in their fucking chest. I was like, bitch, I won't walk running my hard-ass titties. No, you got to go to a good person. Let me fill them. I knew she's on. How do we get to this? This is. I don't like tities either.

Be careful now. Well, I'm wearing a bro. Oh, they're real. Yeah, they're real. That's your little. No, she had, I knew the high school ones. This is the high school tities. Well, no, because I knew those.

Then I had the first boob job. Then she got those out. They got a new boob job. Why did you want a boob job? She never really needed it. You're so pretty. What do you do other than this? You act?

No. I didn't research you. I didn't want to research anybody. I asked on Ms. Pat. This is my podcast. Yeah. Put her in the show. That's what put in the show.

You're so pretty. There you go. Okay. All right. You know what? And we're going to talk about your podcast, too. Yeah, go to the pat down on Ms. Pat. It's a pat down with Miss Pat.

Love it. And the reason why it's called the Pat Down because I used to go to jail, they used to pat me down. So pat down. Nice. That gives me so much anxiety when I have to read about people patting you down. Like in jail. Yeah.

That's like. No, you know what? We'll give you anxiety because when you go to jail, just get locked up and you're going to be in there for a while, they make you bend over. And you have said, ha-chuh. And so if you got any drugs in your pussy, it'll fall out. Does that actually happen?

Yes. And some people had grip They were holding. I don't got no grip. You know what? Maybe don't sneeze when we're having text. Okay. Thank you for telling me all of these tangible things.

Well, you should sneeze because it make it wetter. Oh, look at these tips that she's giving. The grip, the make it wetter with a sneeze. I'm going to Chick-fil-A. I'm glad I met this version of you, but there's also a part of me that wants to meet Miss Pat 20-year-old version of you because I feel like that would have been a whole entrepreneurial. A whole wild story.

Oh. Ms. Pat, thank you for coming on the show. Thank you, Miss Pat. You are a legend. Got me a dear dough and a lip set. You are so funny.