The Bossticks - Naomie Olindo & Helen Hall On Cheating, Infidelity, & How To Move Forward After A Bad Break Up

Episode Date: February 7, 2022

#433: On today's episode we are joined again by Souther Charm's Naomie Olindo & entrepreneur Helen Hall. The duo are back on the show to discuss cheating, infidelity, and how to mover forward after a bad break up.  To connect with Naomie Olindo click HERE To connect with Helen Hall click HERE To connect wth Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) Check Out Lauryn's NEW BOOK, Get The Fuck Out Of The Sun HERE This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential  The Hot Mess Ice Roller is here to help you contour, tighten, and de-puff your facial skin and It's paired alongside the Ice Queen Facial Oil which is packed with anti-oxidants that penetrates quickly to help hydrate, firm, and reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, leaving skin soft and supple. To check them out visit www.shopskinnyconfidential.com now.  This episode is brought to you by SKORCH Skorch is a heat map of cool spots. It shows you only the best (aka Skorch Worthy) restaurants, bars, coffee shops and attractions. We love Skorch because it takes the work out of finding the fun. It's FREE on the App Store. To enter Skorch's $500 cash GIVEAWAY, 1. Leave Skorch a review on the App Store, 2. Mention your Skorch username in your review. Winner will be randomly selected and contacted at the email address associated with the Skorch username. Giveaway ends 2/21/22 at 11:59pm PST. (Giveaway Terms) This episode is brought to you by Kendra Scott Kendra Scott is a leading lifestyle brand founded on three core pillars: Family, Fashion, and Philanthropy. With genuine stones in everyday silhouettes, share the love with gifts for yourValentine, Palentine, and you. Now through Valentineʼs Day, get 20% off your purchase when you use code SKINNY at any Kendra Scott store and online at www.kendrascott.com This episode is brought to you by ARRAE Arrae was created to help women feel the best so they can be their best, through targeted products which are 100% natural, filler-free, organic, and formulated by a Naturopathic Doctor. For 10% off, go to arrae.com and use code 'tsc' at checkout. This episode is brought to you by Nutrafol Thousands of women have taken back control of their hair with Nutrafol, with many users raving that the supplement not only transformed their hair but restored their confidence, too. You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support our show by going to www.Nutrafol.com/skinny  to save FIFTEEN DOLLARS OFF your first month's subscription -- this is their best offer ANYWHERE and it is only available to US customers for a limited time. Produced by Dear Media   

The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

I said, I know you've been cheating on me. Like, this is your one chance to be honest with me. Like, of course, in my head, I'm rationalizing still us working it out. even though I should have known immediately to go. And he's like, everything we're going to work this out, it's fine, it's fine. I was like, tell me the name right now. He wouldn't tell me the name. And I was like, there's a 0% chance to be getting back together unless he told me the name

or right fucking now. And he told me the wrong name. So there was a second girl he had been she to come me with. Welcome back to the skinny confidential him and her show. Hell has no fury like a woman scorn should be the title of this episode. We have two of our favorite people returning for their second appearance on the show, Naomi O'Lindo and Helen Hall. And this episode, I think it's pretty juicy.

Are you scared? I was kind of scared during the episode. Why were you scared? I mean, listen, like I said, they're spilling the tea here. And I was, you know, I was the only male counterpart on the show. So I was, let me give a fun fact about Michael Bostic. Michael Bostic wants no part of drama. He wants solitude on a mountain with a goat.

Like he wants to be left alone with his books and he's good. He's like Iqabod Crane. However, Michael Bostick loves a little juice. I like the juice. You like a little juice. Everyone likes a little juice. You know, when I'm watching Southern Charm, your peripheral is on the computer sometimes. I'm not trying to hide it.

Yeah. You love Patricia and a caftan. I mean. I love Patricia. And you love watching juicy tea. You do, honey. Yeah, I like hearing it. I like watching it.

I like seeing it. It's all for it. I just don't want to be part of it. Right. You don't want to be part of it. You just want a little taste, a little lick. In this episode, speaking of licks, we are talking about. cheating. A lot about cheating. We're talking about breaking up. We're talking about knowing your worth.

And in my opinion, we're talking about not settling for less than you deserve. I personally am really big on this message, especially for women. I think that if you start settling for less in any area of your life, it's going to seep into other areas. So I was really excited to get Naomi and Helen on this podcast to discuss their experiences with cheating. And I think, think that it's really cool to see these powerful, strong, beautiful, smart business women on the podcast discussing this subject. You don't get this a lot. No. I mean, it's not an easy subject to talk about, obviously. And there's some pretty wild stories in this one, which you're going to hear. So, yeah, I'm happy to go to talk about it. I mean, it's a lot.

You were really passionate in this episode, though. You had a really strong opinion as well. Well, I, yeah, and you'll hear that too. I mean, I think, like, listen, it'll be, it'll be interesting to see how people receive this episode, but, you know, I like it. There's some juice in it. And Helen and Naomi, by the way, deserve the best of the best of the best. So don't slide into their DMs unless you're a 10 out of 10 because we're guarding. We're like a moat. Okay, there's a moat around Helen and Naomi and Michael and I are the alligators in it with like a gate. Also, if you want to hear Naomi and Helen on their first appearance on the skinny confidential him and her show, go back to episode 283. On that note, let's meet these two entrepreneurs.

Naomi and Helen. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. Do I need to go beat up these guys or what? We need to go like, call me up. Oh, we're happy right. I actually wanted them in hot. Then San Diego now. Really?

Really. Yeah. Michael's going to beat ass. Please do. Michael, do you fight? There was a time. I have a, now I'm a father. I'm responsible.

I'm a business owner. But no, no, those days are done. When I first met him, he tried. I might come out of retirement for these guys, right? Yeah, I've been seeing you work out a lot. Yeah, might have to get these knuckleheads and control. We had you guys on the podcast the first time to talk entrepreneurship and hustle and all those things. And I felt like you guys were both in such a good place with both of your relationships.

Since I've seen you, I have to say as someone like on the outside, I'm shocked at the stupidity. I'm just going to say it. You can just say it. After knowing both of you, I just set off air, you're both tens. But I think the reason I wanted to have you on the show is. is that there's so many tens that are out there that are listening that are either single or have been fucked over or duped. I'm going to use the word duped into thinking that they're dating or marrying or engaged

to someone that they're not. Manipulated. Brainwash. Literally brainwash. We're like love bombing narcissism. All the terms are here. Sociopath. Okay.

They've been with the sociopath. So I wanted to have both of you guys on to just talk through that. And maybe you could each give a little, like, blurb of your story to give context to the audience. I think, yeah, we should probably tell the stories. I'll let you lead the way. All right. Yeah. So I was dating my ex-fiance for about five years. After three years, or I think three years, we bought a house together. I was so young, like I didn't have any credit. He was a co-signer for me. So I paid for the house, but his name was on the deed. That was a stupid mistake. Because we weren't engaged at the time or married.

A few months after that, we got engaged. And then COVID hit. So we didn't have our engagement party until like May of 2021. And so we had just gone on like a four-month RV trip. You know, we were taking the RV around town. So I ran into you guys in Austin. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Also, I can't wait to hear what your impression of him or what your vibe was from him when you met him. A little bit of a wet noodle. Can you kind of just real quick, just tell me what your impression was? Guys, guys, we're not here to trash. Well, I don't know. Listen, I met a brief. Truth, truth. Yeah, I mean, I was just like, I think you'd do better. Thank you. Yeah, you were like the 10th person to give me an intervention.

Anyway, so I... Is he going to listen to this? Now am I really going to have to fight? No, 0% chance you will listen to this. He does not care enough about me to listen. With that guy creeping up on me. Right, no. Michael's like, if I do have to fight. So I was home in Charleston for like a brief period. I'd rented my house out for those months. And I was living with Naomi in between like renters being at my house because I was home for a wedding.

So I was living at her house and in half a car. She dropped me off to go get a blowout, my weekly blowout, our most productive hour of the week, right? And I call her an hour later. I'm falling hysterically on the curb crying because my employee had just told me that he'd been cheating on me. And I called and it was true. I was like, hey, you know, you've been cheating on me. Tell me the name of the girl right now. And I knew the girl's name.

Hold on, hold on. How does the employee know that he's cheating on you? How long did the employee know that information? Like, he just comes to work and says, A week's not that long. Yeah, she waited until he went out of town. But also, you should know the dynamic, the way that Helen runs her teams, it's all very much a family.

So they felt responsible. It's not just an employee boss dynamic. It's also they look up to her a lot and, you know, their friends. And that worked for me. Yeah. He was my employee. So you called him. You didn't go in person.

He was in California. Oh, so you call him. And what do you say? I said, I know you've been cheating on me. Like, this is your one chance to be honest with me. Like, of course in my head, I'm rat. still us working it out, even though I should have known immediately to go. And he's like, everything we're going to work this out, it's fine, it's fine.

I was like, tell me the name right now. He wouldn't tell me the name. And I was like, there's a 0% chance of getting back together unless he told me the name we're right fucking now. And he told me the wrong name. So there was a second girl he had been she to come in with. Hold. Hold on. Bible.

So you call someone who you're engaged to and you accuse. Wait, wait, wait. No, so you knew the name. I knew the name. She was holding the name. Another name popped up. And he said a different girl. He thought you knew about the one, the other one.

He thought I knew about the most recent one. He got confused. How do these people think they're going to get away with this in 2022 with social media? How the fuck did it take four years from me to find out? Why didn't this girl tell me before is the question. But I thought you said girls. Girls. There was one consistent one and then he told me about the one off.

Okay. So when he says the wrong name, what do you say? I don't even know. I blacked out. I think I just started bawling, crying, and called Naomi to come pick me up. I mean, I don't, I don't even have, like, the words for what to do. My heart is erasing, thinking about this. I had so many friends text me for the podcast today being like, I know it's going to be

really hard for you guys to talk about this. Like, it's going to be okay. But it's also, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. And also, like, I think that this is a theme that's not discussed enough about being a strong, powerful, masculine energy kind of woman that has her own. shit going on that gets cheated on or duped or manipulated. So I think that it's an important subject to talk about.

Oh yeah. We have a lot to talk about. So after he says the wrong name, for you is, is it over? In my head, it's over. But as time goes on, actually what really helped when I was in the car with Naomi right after she picked me up because I got the girl's number. I'd been having a consistent, you know, he had consistently cheated on me with. and I called her and I asked for every detail. I wanted to see every text message. And it took me finding out, like, this is what did it to me.

Because at first I'm rationalizing, okay, I can say this to my friends so that we can stay together and they won't hate me, like, oh, there's an excuse for this, like, this, trying to make excuses for him for cheating on me. And then there was one part where the night that my mom had, like, a seizure stroke, we're still not sure what it was. And I had to fly to Atlanta. She's okay? Yeah, she's totally fine.

It's one of the nights that he, like, cheated on me. is when I'm in Atlanta, like with my mom who was in the hospital, and he flew back from Atlanta to Charleston and, like, asked her to pick him up from the airport and slept with her that night. Like, well, my one's in the hospital. I mean, that's malicious. Yeah, so reading that, that was the seal-the-deal thing. But if I hadn't have gone into detail and really put myself in the situation and seen the details,

I probably would have rationalized staying with him. So what do you even say to him? Like, is there anything to- A lot of mean things? So you say what you want to say. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that this is the right thing to do, but I just text, text, text, text, text, text. It's called machine gun.

Texting him, texting. Machine gun, just cursing him out, saying how horrible he was and like. Is he lying at this point? Like, I want to know how deep the narcissism is. Like, do they, are they still trying to justify the fact that he did this? Yes. No, he did admit to doing it finally. It took like three times.

He did lie about it. It took him several times to be honest with me. I still don't know. He gave you breadcrums of truth. He never said. it was always like, okay, okay, this is the whole truth. And then she would find out something else. And he'd be like, okay, yes, but that's it.

And then she would find out something else. So it was always a little bit more, he never fully divulged anything. Yeah, and then he's like sending me all these podcasts that he's listening to and books that he's reading. I like his personal development. He's working on himself. Like, you know. I'm throwing up. I know.

I'm sorry. I'm throwing up. Yeah. I have to be really honest. I have like no capacity for this kind of person. I just don't. Like, if I always tell Michael, like, if you're going to cheat on me, like, fine, but bye. Like, there's like, it's not, it's not, to me, it's like not even a conversation.

Because it's, there's so many things that it proves to me. It proves to me that you don't have self-respect, integrity. It honestly, now that my, my husband has a daughter, too, like, what kind of example? Mm-hmm. She's, she's going to go find someone that is then going to cheat. not like, it's just like I just, I have a very visceral reaction. And I'm also the type of person that if, if you don't want to be in a relationship, just say it. But I didn't want to be in their relationship and I still stayed in it. That's how deep it was. Like, I knew, I never knew

cheating. Like, that never crossed my mind at all, zero percent chance. I knew it was not a good relationship for me, but I stayed in it because I was so fulfilled in every other aspect of my life that I felt like I didn't need my relationship to be perfect because I was still super happy. And also like a sunk cost fallacy sort of thing. Like you had already been together for a while. You'd put in so much to this. So you might as well stay. I think a lot of people think that way. Yeah. Just totally accepted it. Was it hard with your dynamic of you being this very gnarly entrepreneur? And then having you said earlier that he was working for you. I mean, that's like it wasn't hard for me. It was very hard for him. Yeah. Well, it's hard enough to be, I think, I think a lot of men have a, they struggle wrapping their head around not being the breadwinner in a relationship. Right. Like the din. They're a, the power dynamic is a little bit different. And it's like a new, at least it's, it's a fresher concept, right? And then you extrapolate that and you say, okay, you're also my subordinate. Yes. And I never made him feel that way. Sure, but it was, but he was doing things that made me lose trust in him. If I fully trusted him with my business, it wouldn't have been an issue,

but I didn't, which is why I was like controlling. And if you don't trust him with your business, why did I, why was I going to marry him? You know, I think about a lot of this stuff with men and cheating and, like, power. Like, obviously, like, my wife's my business partner and I founded this business with a woman. I thought about it. My mom was always that person. And so I've always been comfortable. But a lot of guys aren't and I don't blame them for it. It's just the way I think society was set up. But when you look at cheating and you look at some of this behavior, like you grow up in a culture where a lot of times like other guys, like they give that raw, raw, and they like kind of put on a pedestal and act like it's a cool thing. But really,

like most of the guys that do that are the most insecure men. They're the ones that can't look women in the eyes or the ones that like they get outside validation from getting other other women to be attracted. And it's usually because they're insecure with themselves. So there's like not saying I'm empathetic towards these guys because it sounds like they did some scummy things. But like when you look at it through that lens, you can see like it's really not like the manly cool thing.

It's a very like insecure individual seeking validation because they're not fulfilled. Drop the mic, big daddy. Yeah. Exactly. Daddy. He hit the nail on the head. That is it. I mean, it's true insecurity.

Same with her man was insecurity too. Like my survivorship for the business was Naomi. It was not him. him. We're each other's survival. That's okay, though. But that's how I didn't much I didn't trust him. Me, oh my, I am as bloated as ever. Nice and pregnant. The pregnancy really gives the bloat an extra layer of fluff, doesn't it? Well, I am here to tell you about how I fight bloat. You already know I use the skinny confidential ice roller all day, every day. It's back in stock, by the way. It is the best for bloat. And then I do a lot of cold shower. even when I'm pregnant, three minutes in the morning, it is a game changer. And when I'm not

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So I just have it sent to my door since I like this after a baby. big meal. I just feel like it helps so much and I don't have to worry about it. That's array.com use code skinny. So to you in retrospect, this is a blessing in disguise. Hell yeah. Okay, so also a side note. I have to say this part. Give us a side note. I was a week away from giving him 20% of the business. I had the document drafted because our relationship the first six months was wonderful and then when we said, I love you. It changed. It's like he just started withdrawing. But why did you feel you needed to get like so that's, I mean, I don't want to grill you here. This is what I'm going to tell you.

It almost feels like from an outside, like why would you, like why I need to give this guy 20% of your business, which is a substantial business? I'll tell you. So he started withdrawing, like emotionally after six months, right? And then we started working together. He started withdrawing more. So like all of my emotional needs were not being met with him at all. And he said he would say constantly. And he's an attorney.

So keep in mind, like, he's very smart and like can be a little manipulative. But he was like, I do not. I can't get. you emotional, like, satisfaction. I can't, like, love on you and hug you and be intimate with you the way that you need because I don't feel like you're equal. Like, I feel like, like, you are my boss. And he's like, the only way I'll ever feel that way is if I own part of this company. And he asked, he wanted more than 20%. And we was, like, attorneys back and forth trying to whittle him down. I am also going to guess, tell me if I'm wrong, that there was a part of you that felt

guilty and needing to compensate for his inadequacy. Oh, yeah. And I, I, I can understand that as like as a powerful woman, you know, if I was dating someone that wasn't Michael that was different, I would feel the need to overcompensate for them feeling insecure. Yeah. You're so lucky that Michael's not insecure. I am lucky. Michael has other things. Michael has other things. Michael can provide his delivery and I really like him to work on serving my leveling which every single day.

But there's, no, Michael's great. 80, 20. 80, 20. As long as you check off 80% of the fox. I mean, but I do think I'm a product of my environment where like what I knew was my parents worked together. My mom always had it. Like I never saw anything different than, you know. His mom's a boss.

Oh, yeah. A masculine energy boss. So like I'm fortunate that I grew up in an upbringing where it wasn't like there's the man was the breadwinner and the woman. Like both my parents worked. Sometimes one was higher than the other. But like they both worked. And so it's not that like I'm just not insecure with women. It's just that was my example.

I think a lot of guys grew up with a. a different example where maybe they didn't they don't have a mother that works like that, right? Both of our exes. Parents were like that. I mean, the analogy of Helen and, which was similar to my situation,

it's, you know, Helen is a, she's a paver. She's like a leader. She just does without fear or anything. So she was constantly leading and doing stuff and always having to sort of turn around and be like, you okay?

You good? Okay. Do I need to slide? She was like making herself go slower for him, making herself smaller for him, dulling her shine. for him because he couldn't handle it. And it's what initially attracted him to you, I think, was, you know, all of these great qualities about you, but that ended up being what made him the

most insecure when he realized he could not keep up at all. So as this is happening to you, at what point do you decide this isn't going to work for me? I'm actually going to stop machine viring, texting, and just walk away from this. This is how, like, deep it was. Like, when I were talking to therapist, I think it was two weeks after I found out about the cheating. And I was like, hey, look, I'll try and work this out with you if you think you can provide me X, Y, Z. And, like, I want, like, crazy psycho person. Like, I want full access to your Facebook and your text messages, like, really trying to rationalize making it work.

Is equity off the table at this point? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell, yeah. And he was like, I don't think I can give you that. So I was, so it was really him being like, no. That's how manipulated. Like, the manipulation of the narcissism goes so deep in our relationship, you know. And now I can see clearly everything that was.

was happening while it was happening. But while I was in it, I didn't see it. So when Helen comes to you, had you already gone through everything you had gone through? It's wild. I was about three weeks away from my day. And you guys, just to give context to the audience, maybe can you explain you're both of your relationships so they can understand why that was important that you were both going through this at the same time? Yeah. So Helen and I've been best friends for years and years. We've known each other. I don't even know how long since college. We're aging. We live next toward each other. We work together. We play together. We just do a lot of things together. Basically, we've been extremely consistent. We've been extremely consistent, like, points in each other's

lives for a long time through several boyfriends, through a lot of shit, actually. Yeah. And so Helen was living with me because she just needed a place to stay for a few weeks. So she also didn't have a car. So I was also her Uber driver, which I didn't mind because it was on the way to my office. So I dropped off for her weekly blowout as we did. And she calls me earlier than she should have to get picked up and is just hyperventilating. Like cannot speak. She's crying so hard. You couldn't breathe for. I don't even remember. So I pick her. I'm like, oh, shit. So I drop everything that I'm doing and I rush to go get her. She's on the side of the road. And just bawling, like blow out halfway done. Just not well. So I drive her home and we're sitting in the driveway and I'm freaking out.

I'm like, what am I going to do to help my friend? How can I comfort you right? now. What do I do? And Helen is getting the information of one of the girls getting her phone number and just calls her from the car automatically connects to the Bluetooth. So I'm sitting here listening to this and Helen, the girl picks up the phone. And Helen goes, hi, you know, I don't even remember her name. This is Helen Hall. Super calm. creepy calm. This is Helen Hall. I just want you to know that I found out what happened between you and I want you to know I'm not mad at you. I place to blame on him. And I just want to know all the details of everything that happened. And the girl's like, uh-oh. How did you get this number? You had no idea what to do. That's the first thing she said.

Yeah. How did you get this number? Yeah. And then Matole came over to your house. All of our friends came over. They helped me through it. Like, Toul's holding me how great, everything's going to be one day. Oh, my God, the foreshadowing of this is brutal. Saying what a piece of shit. And your mom is there. Your mom is there coaching me in front of everyone in front of Matole, coaching me through this. And how it's inexcusable to cheat. Yeah. You can have the floor. I mean, that is really, really foreshadowing to be looking back on that and seeing that. You guys have been through, this is, this is, you guys should write a book together. We have a lot to do.

We're working on some things, yeah. Also a foreshadow that I need to mention before Naomi goes into the rest of the story is before I was packing up the RV for their road trip. It was like 6 o'clock on a Friday night. Stewart was over. And together, her and I were packing the RV. So 34 foot long RV. We're getting rid of our house. We're not going to meet in our house for four months.

And s' was so pissed. He was not helping us pack up at all. I was crying to her and I was like, should I marry him? Like, I don't think I can do it. Like, he's not helping me pack now. You know what's weird? Was he pissed because he had to get in an RV for four? No, he just didn't want to pack it.

You have mentioned a lot of red flags other than cheating about him before this. And I want to, maybe we get into this after Naomi's story, but it's interesting to me that one of the red flags, like, I'll give you what I'm saying. before Michael and I got married, I never said, should I marry this person? It was always like, this is the person. There was no hesitation. We broke up several times. So looking back, if you were to give yourself advice on that, would you say, like, just fucking listen to the red flags? Yeah, get the fuck out of their relationship. So three weeks later, what happens with you and is Helen with you when this happens? How is that working out of town? Yeah, you were in California, maybe?

I don't even know. So Matole got a job in New York, and we always knew he was going to do a fellowship in New York. So I had been looking for apartments, which if anyone's tried to rent an apartment in New York, it's a nightmare. Like, it's a lot of paperwork. It's very hard. The inventory was super low at the time, so it was just very stressful. He really didn't do anything to help. So that was not sign one. There were many before that, but one weekend, we were going to stay temporarily at one of my friends' apartments until we found a more permanent place, just a couple weeks. And there was no furniture in there. So I was like, okay, well, we need to go get at least our furniture, drive it up here, move it in. We'll have our stuff. And he's like, okay, I think I'm going to stay here this

weekend. So you just go and drive up the furniture. And I was like, yeah, sure, no problem. Literally packed the U-Ha'all by yourself. I was like, yeah, for sure. I was like, yeah, what happened to me if I said more, you take the U-Haul and I'll just show here. That's how much, that's how used to doing everything myself, I was. That's how used to know, I was used to zero contribution on his end, just completely self-sufficient. Like, yeah, sure, I'll fly down. I'll go get this like giant truck and drive it to New York by myself. Okay. After I gave birth to Zaza, my hair, it's not like it was falling out in clumps, but I noticed it was so delicate. So I would brush it and more hair would come out of the brush.

I would take a shower and there would be more hair on the shower. So I started to be obsessed with research when it came to having really luscious, pretty healthy hair. The first thing that I did was I micrneedled my scalp. The other thing that I did was scalp massage. So every time I would take a shower or wash my hair, I would massage my own scalp for like two minutes. And then the third thing I did is Nutraful. You know this if you follow me on Instagram. They have two targeted formulas for women that are clinically shown to improve hair growth and thickness with less shedding through all stages of life. I can tell you that this works because I've used it on myself postpartum and I cannot believe the difference in my hair. My postpartum hair was shedding everywhere. Even

on my pillowcase. And that's what I notice is the biggest difference. They have so many studies on their website. All celebrity hairstylists who've been on this podcast have recommended this. Anytime my friends text me about healthy hair growth, I tell them to go to Nutraful. If you're dealing with hair thinning from stress, hormones, environment, nutrition, metabolism, you got to try them out. They have like a quiz that sets you up so you can pick the product that's best for you. So no matter what stage you're in, even if you're not in postpartum, you can find whatever works. You can grow thicker, healthier hair and support the skinny confidential him and her show by going to neutraful.com slash skinny. You are going to save $15 off your first month subscription. This is their best offer,

by the way, anywhere. And it's only available to U.S. customers for a limited time. Plus, you get free shipping on every order. Get $15 off and neuterful.com spelled nutra-f-o-l.com slash skinny. You're going to be obsessed. Do you remember when we were walking down the street one day. And you asked me if you should buy Matole car. And I was like, yeah, sure. Like, I bought the house. Yeah. So we were each other's worst enemies. We should not have been giving advice. Next time both you bitches got to call me and I'll be like, fuck no, tell him to buy his own car and getting his fucking U-Haul himself and fucking schlep his shit up himself. God, we needed you. You should have called me. I know. You should have. We probably wouldn't have

because we probably deep down knew that it was fucked up. Yeah, we enabled each other. So she bought a house. I bought a car. I feel like I got out of that relatively unskaced compared to you. I'm still on it. I have your engagement rings still in my closet. So anyway, so it was a lot to pack. You know, it was an entire house. So there were some things that were too heavy for me to put in there by myself. So I was waiting on some of our guy friends. And I was with another one of our girlfriends, just waiting for them to get to the house to help me unload or to help me pack the last of the last. The only thing that was left inside the house was his computer monitor because I'd gotten him a, laptop because he used to study, I don't know, for like med school stuff, he would study on a monitor, not a laptop, what do you call those?

A huge monitor screen. Yeah, a huge monitor screen. And that was the only thing that was left. And he had put it, because he had been living at my house for a few weeks before, and he had put it on my dad's old desk. And right behind the computer was like a giant picture of my dad who had passed away two years before. So we're inside. We're waiting on the guys to get to the house.

And we were about to go to France, like a big group trip to France, to see. stay at my house that Helen and were supposed to go on. And then Alan came? Yeah, then Alan came. And I'm trying to show them, this restaurant, LaGarete in Con. I was like, I love this place. It's so beautiful. Let me show you this view. I'm trying to show the view on my

phone. I'm like, oh, I'm looking for an iPad or something, something to show you a bigger picture of this so you get the full experience. And the only thing that was left was his monitor. So I'm like, oh, I'll just pull this up. I watched him study and log on to that thing every single day for three years. So I call him, I didn't know the passcode to it.

I'm like, hey, hey, Madison's here. We're waiting on Stone to help us load the truck. What's your computer password? I'm trying to show her this picture. And he's like, I don't remember. I don't remember it. I'm like, what do you mean you don't remember? Okay, anyway, still not putting anything together.

Like, what do you mean? Okay, it's going to let me reset. You're going to get a code. What's the code? It tells me the code. I get in the computer. I type in the restaurant name. And the time it took for the picture of the restaurant to come up,

his eye message thing, like previously opened, window popped up. I didn't even open it. I wouldn't have thought to look. And it was like a year's worth of text with his ex in explicit pictures and, you know, the whole nine yards. So I read through them for a little bit.

Our friend Stone gets there. He is crying on the couch because he's so upset. Madison is also in shock. Meanwhile, he was cheating too at the same time. Yeah, well, we won't get into that. What the fuck is going on in Charleston? Something in the water. Like six of our friends all broke up within only Mount Valley allowed two month period.

So I called him back because I could tell he sounded panicky on the phone, but I didn't understand why I didn't realize it's because he knew I was probably about to see what was on his eye message. And because I never looked through his stuff. I would never, I'm just not that way. And I call him and I was like, hey, I just want you to know. I saw the messages with Sophie and this is done and hung up the phone. And he tried to call me, you know, a hundred times.

and then the process afterwards was really difficult because when somebody is that narcissistic and they try to come back into your life, they'll say all the right things. They know exactly what they've been withholding from you in like previously in the relationship, what you crave because I would express my needs, but they would just not get met. I was like, well, maybe this is a tradeoff. You know, he's not, he doesn't scream at me. He doesn't call me names. So I'm all right. You know, I'll take it. What were some of those needs that he could tap into? Like, for instance, like did you want him to talk about kids? Did you want him to say something about the way you look? Like, what were the needs that he was meeting that he knew you needed? It was honestly, I just wanted to have

like a deeper conversation. I like to talk, you know, before bed and stuff like that. And I just remember I would try to talk to him and he'd be like, okay, stop talking. Like, I want to go to sleep. Just stop talking. And so now I'm just used to, I would get used to going to bed and being quiet. And that takes away so much intimacy over time. And I think I just wanted to feel loved. Like, I just don't, I don't think that he ever truly loved and accepted me. It was always what he thought I could offer him or what he thought he could gain. You know, it was never about who I was. And I think similar for you. It's almost like acts of service is, is such a great love language to have because you feel the consistency. You can't really describe it. It's just like an energy of like being consistent

and being there. And it sounds like you wanted more in-depth conversation from him. Maybe you wanted more from him in general. Yeah. Yeah. I think so. And, there were a lot of signs about him just not having the right priorities, you know, the way that he just wouldn't really care if I was talking about, I don't know, a problem with a friend or something, but would perk up if I started talking about anything financial and he'd be like, how much did you make on this? You know, things like that. Or would his, when he wanted something, like if he wanted to, he wanted these San Laurent boots once, I remember. And instead of being like, hey, will you buy me these boots? he'd be like, look, they make them from men and women.

We could match. We should get them. And I'd be like, oh, yeah, we should get them. All right. I'm going to introduce you guys to my friends. I don't know where the fuck you guys are finding. He's weirdos. Yeah.

I have, you have friends that like in-depth conversations that you're dating. You're dating. We're so happy. No red flags. Okay. But she's monogamous. Like, yeah, I got some friends.

Okay. This is, this, it's St. Laurent boots. You know what I would have said to him? Then you fucking buy him for me and we can twin. But he was in residency. So when you're in your medical residency, you don't make any money and you work crazy hours. So I felt bad that, you know, I was making all this money and he was working way more than me and making nothing. The theme is that you guys felt bad for your success.

You know, for all the, like if there's guys listen to him, when you're in medical residency and you're putting in the time, stop looking at the fucking St. Laurent boots and fucking put in the time and hustle and go get some goddamn cowboy boots for $100 and shut the fuck up about it. Yeah, shut the fuck up. Oh my God. He used to wear brands on all his shirts. But again, I don't want to be, you know, shit talking him because I don't even think it's worth it. But Helen and I had a moment in her kitchen a couple weeks ago where we were just talking about all the new stuff we're doing and how happy we feel and relieved. And Helen looks at me and goes, thank God.

They did that. Like, thank God. And, yeah, I feel like our healing process was the same too. Like, we couldn't eat for two, three weeks. Like, I couldn't even think about putting. And I'm an eater. Like, Adderall makes me eat a ton. And like just when I'm stressed, I eat more.

So for me not to eat, that was bad. You had the same thing. This is shitty, obviously, for both of you, but like it's another layer when you, especially for you because of the show, right? Like, you get the world chirping in. Yeah. And you're going through it. I mean, I didn't even. Thank God for them because they kept us accountable.

That's true. That's true. The worst part about that and I forgot this was the world. It's not, you know, I'm not Beyonce here. Would you know what I mean? Those, like, shitty-smithy sites. The media was on it. But they knew, I don't know who, I still to this day don't know who told, because it was really

only our good friends at my house that day. And it was already out there before I even had time to write my brain around it. Like, within 12 hours, it was on all these sites. And I had no idea. I was still trying to process what had just happened that, you know, infidelity is the thief of reality. So I was like, what is my life? What am I doing?

What have I been doing? Who is this questioning my judgment? You know, how did I not see all this? And yeah, everybody knew. And then, you know, people are commenting on the situation. And people were, which is hilarious, like, cruel to him. I mean, so mean to him. And then I felt bad for him again.

And I was like, guys, please stop being mean to him. This is not the answer. You know what I mean? Like still defending him at that point, even though he had done essentially the worst thing you can do to somebody that trusts you the way that I trusted him. You need to set Kardashian traps. The Kardashians will tell a bunch. This is what I heard.

Allegedly. I'll tell a bunch of their friends, allegedly. Different things. Like, Kylie had the baby. Kylie had a boy. Kylie, I'm just making this up. I like this. And then like whatever story comes out and the stories are fake.

You know right away. I set traps all the time for Michael, like different traps. I think that's needed. But a trap, I love a good trap. Okay. So after, right after. What? It's brilliant.

Like, actually brilliant. I was like, uh-huh. I go say, what? I just laugh because everyone else is laughing and then I thought about it. So you, I feel like you both went through everyone finding out on different scales because

Charleston is a small town, Helen. And that travels quickly too. And you have a very big business in Charleston. And you have a social media presence. Why he moved? When people start finding out, like, whether it's people in your town or the media.

Do you guys just turn off your social media notifications? Do you not text back? How do you handle all of these people chirping in on what you shouldn't, shouldn't do? That's, yeah. I mean, I already have a baseline. I don't, I already have notifications turned off. I posted something and I rarely read through my DMs. It's usually there's just not like anything that interesting in there.

But the amount of support that people had and then incredibly kind messages were, overwhelming and it was really helpful in that time because, you know, I felt isolated. I was like alone. Not alone. I mean, my friends were there, but at night, people would go home or even if they did spend the night and they were asleep. And I just felt sad. I could just read through these messages of encouragement and, you know, people being like, I've been there. This has happened to me. You're going to be fine. You don't know it right now. But blah, blah, blah. And I got similar messages when my dad died. So I knew that that was going to be true. It was going to get better. But, I mean, we were both completely brokenhearted for weeks. I didn't wash my hair for, I don't know,

11, 12 days. It was disgusting. I shut everyone out. That sounds like me on a regular basis. Same at this point. So you shut everyone out. You dealt with it differently because Naomi said she had people. She had no choice because the media. But no, but you went to Atlanta and you isolated. I went to Atlanta and I isolated. Like I didn't talk to anyone. All right, turn this up for everyone who needs a reminder that it's Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is around the corner. You guys, everyone needs to get their shit together. You got to get a gift. And I have just the gift for you. A little hot tip, if you will. Kendra Scott. Okay. really cute jewelry, absolutely adorable.

I just got the Davis Lockett Charm in 18-carat yellow gold. It's so major, it's affordable, and I got a Zee on it for Zaza, and then inside is a little picture of Zaza and Michael. It's so, so adorable, and I think it makes the cutest Valentine's Day gift. I'm huge on personalization, and on their site, you can personalize a lot of different jewelry. You should also know that they have all different kinds of jewelry. So necklaces, earrings, rings, bracelets, charms, jewelry storage. I love jewelry storage. Fine jewelry, collections, men's, gifts, the whole thing. All you have to do is go on

there and get your Valentine's Day gifts. Like get something for your mom, get something for your sister, get something for your brother, and get something for your significant other. If you like someone a lot, and they're the one, get on this locket. It is so cute. I wear it all the time. I will show it to you on stories too so you can see a visual. I mean, you know how I love a visual personally. They also have the locket that I like in sterling silver if gold isn't your jam. And of course, they're doing a code for you. It's now and through Valentine's Day. You get 20% off your purchase when you use code Skinny.

And here's the thing. You can use this at any Kendra Scott store and online. So you can either go in store or online at Kendrascott.com. That's 20% off your purchase of select Kendra Scott jewelry with code skinny. Standard exclusions apply. Get your shit together for Valentine's Day. Don't forget. Well, the reason I ask is like we get all these notifications here, you know, running a company like Dear Media.

like always shows press. And we did that episode. When was the last time we did the episode with you guys? It was like, 2020. Yeah, there's a while. And like even that old article,

like you get the notifications, like people trying to like figure out what you said on even our show for that and you're to chirp in about this. And I'm like that was, it's funny. Well, and it's because like, like,

that's why I asked you about the media hailstorm because like they just go at everything and try to find anything you've ever said anywhere. So I imagine like it's, it's tougher because, you know, if that happens and you're not on television, it's not as, it's not as crazy, right?

Like it's just, and you don't have, you don't have like media outlets writing about it. Yeah, but it, the pain is still the same, you know, so it's like, okay, at least for me, if people are going to write about it, I don't really think I care that much. I cared more about the fact that my life was quite literally flipped upside down. Part of me wonders, like, again, this theme that we've learned since all this is that timing is everything. When she found out, this was the day she was moving to New York. She was uplifting her career, up, her family's restaurants, her friends, her house.

Naomi was moving to New York, friend on this day. I was a week away from giving away my business. Timings everything. I know that we don't know who told the media about what happened with the tool, but part of me still wonders if the media hadn't been there to keep you accountable, like, would you have gotten back with him? I don't know. No, I don't think so. But I think it would have been a lot harder because I'm not going to lie, especially in the beginning. And this is something that's important for anybody going through a breakup. Early on, you've got to set clear boundaries. Because if somebody truly does want to get back with you or truly loves and respects you, they'll respect those boundaries. And when you're begging somebody, I was begging him on the phone,

sobbing, being like, please stop trying to call me. I need time to think and figure out what's going on and be like, okay, okay, hold on. But can I just call you tonight? And I'd be like, no, you can't. And he would call me over and over and over again. So if somebody- involved. Yeah. If somebody just can't respect your boundaries, that is the number one sign. They don't need to be in your life. It's true about them. I mean, Lauren and I, when we dated when we were kids and then we like separated but we got back together and like finally after all that shit when we got back together it was both like both of us mutually were like listen there's any fucking around any infidelity anytime you want to step out like just say it and leave

because like if that ever happens on either part like it's done it's over right like there's no and i believe that i think she believes that like there's no coming back from it i'd rather like i always tell it like if for some reason this is not how i feel but wanted to step out i would just be i would just say listen like that's what i'm thinking and that's what i'm feeling as opposed to just like going off and vice versa like yeah and i think setting that boundary and just having that known in the relationship ahead of time and like really understanding that that is a consequence of that is important i would like to hear about both of your mindsets after you guys broke up with these people was there things that you thought maybe i will get back together like was there

weak moments because i'm sure there's people listening that have broke up and they've had these weak moments where they want to get back together and they're justifying the behavior and they're making excuses. What are those moments and how did you guys get through it to be who you are right now? Honestly, if I didn't have my friends keeping me accountable, like, I don't know what would have happened. I could have gone, would have maybe gotten back together with him, but I have harsh friends. Love them, but they are harsh and they keep me in check, which we all need. I did it so much personal development during that time when I isolated myself. I listened to every relationship book, you could put your hands on

audible. And a lot of it's bullshit. 80% of it's bullshit. But I took a lot of very important pieces from those relationship books and that really resonated with me. And I was like in my head, making mental notes, this is what I want to remember for my next relationship. This is what I want to learn from. And now the relationship that I'm in, like, I know. Like, you know, you know, when you know, you know, like, it's the first I've ever felt that way. And there's nothing about green flags. Like it's, it's such a completely different feeling than I felt was and it's only because I took the time to do the personal development. And after my, with a relationship that we met through, I also took time to do personal development after

that. And that changed me completely as a person. This last breakup changed me completely as a person. There's a really cool quote. I'll let you talk about it because it was in that podcast about the 99% Google thing. Oh yeah. Do you know who Mogadad is? He, he went on a podcast Diary of a CEO who my friend Benji recommended to me, and he's got his own podcast. And he talked about something called the eraser test that I think they did at Google. And it basically, they took a bunch of people in this study and they asked them, okay, what is the most traumatic, worst thing that has ever happened to you in your life? And so the people would say, okay, well, this happened to me, this, you know, these terrible things. And he said, okay, so what if I told you that I could give you

a magic eraser that could erase this horrible event from your life. But the caveat is, if you erase this event, you also lose all of the growth that you got from it, all of the people you met, all of the things that you learned, all of the positives that came from it. So here's the eraser. Would you erase it? Nobody erased it. Everybody kept it. So the point of that is, and anyone that's listening to this, if you're right now going through something really difficult, like a breakup, the loss of a parent, just a difficult situation. In the future, like your future self will not want to erase this from your life. And that was tests was with thousands of people. Yeah. Yeah. And no one erased it. Mm-mm. I wouldn't erase it. Would you? No. No. Wow. Cheers to us, guys. Yeah. Cheers to us.

Not erasing anything. I don't know why you're not drinking tipsy. You should be drinking tipsy. I'll tell you later. I love tipsy. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, we love it. We love it. We love it. But we're just doing charge anyway. So when you were healing through this process, what are other tangible things that you did that people can do who are healing from a breakup? What are some little things? It could be honestly, like self-care. Like, what are things that you had in your toolbox?

So something, this is a very basic, but you know, you have to start somewhere, like eat an elephant. This is the first bite kind of thing. Something that resonated with me, people told me to write a pros and cons list and then just throw out the cons, look at the pros and ask myself, what was so special about the pros that I couldn't find that and literally anyone else. And I looked at it and I was like, huh, yep, that's true. There's not really much that's special about this person. It's you make them special. You put them on the pedestal. Your love for them makes them, gives them the magic, you know? So the pros and cons list helped. Then this is kind of a sidebar, but somebody that really, really helped me was my friend

Benji. And I call him sort of my guru. But he and I had dated when we were 20, 21, but very briefly, just like a fling, nothing really. And he was in New York. I was coming home from France and had a layover. I was like, hey, okay, Mitchell and I are broken up. I know that I know you, you're a safe person. I know your family. Let's get a drink. And that'll be sort of like my introduction into dating again. So we go, we hang out. And he's like, I'm thinking, okay, I'm going to go back to Charleston. We won't probably talk for a while. And it's fine. and I get back to Charleston he's like, hey, first of all, nothing happens. He's like, you're not well. I'm like, you're right. I'm not well, but why do you care? You know? He's like, listen, I can see that you have a really good heart and I want to help you and I just went through something similar. So here's a blueprint that I created to get through my own heartbreak. And when I say this thing, it includes every single detail, like what kind of ear plugs to buy to sleep well at night? What kind of like bath salts to Soaken and how many times a week, podcasts listen to books, poems that we all want to put together

and call it like Benji's Blueprint probably because it changed the course of my life. Is he single? Yeah, I think so. I think so. Maybe you guys should call your book the breakup blueprint. So we are going to, by the time this podcast airs, we have blueprint for breakup.com and we'll have a PDF, just a soup, not Benjys, because he needs to do that, but like a simple little PDF that'll have a link to a few of the podcasts that helped us and like audio books. So

when this podcast is live, go to Blueprint for breakup.com and download that. It'll be simple. I love a content market. I really do love a content market. We can help ourselves. And you know what? Always taking opportunity. Capture that traffic. Finding the opportunity. No, that's so, so smart. And that's really sweet that he gave that to you. So he gave you all these little tips. Yeah. And this is clearly something, you know, he spent months and months working on himself, what vitamins to take. I'm saying everything. What hell did that girl do to him? Damn.

I think he's just a really enlightened person, and I think that I don't know exactly what happened, but it took him down a path of doing work on himself, which he then sort of condensed for me and passed on to me, and I passed it on to so many other people. He was like, we're not like hooking up. You're not well. I need to help you. Was there a moment that each of you guys thought for one second,

you would go back with the person that had hurt you so bad. Yeah. Yeah. I had the first two weeks were awful. Like I had so many weak moments. But where I was like, God, I just want my old life back. And maybe I could just try not to think about this and go back to where I was comfortable before. What are your mother saying?

My mom never liked him. She was not, would not have let me go back together with him. He just sounds like he was wearing a shirt with a red flag on it. Yeah, he was. And I just, you know, walked right by it. But when you're so close to something, you don't see it. I get it. You don't see it. I mean, but it's weird to like look back in retrospect and see you say all these things. Oh, like now you're telling me that the new person you're dating is just a green flag.

Oh, so unlimited green flags. It's the most awesome thing. We love you, Alan. We love you, Alan. We love you, Alan. Does Alan have a big brain? He does. He's brain. Yes, he does. Neuvascular sales. Oh, and he has his own job. And he is so supportive of me. He like spends all like a lot of his free time learning about things that will help my business. And he goes and drops product off a different wholesale accounts. And he brings me coffee in bed every morning. And he's watching my cat right now. He sends me videos of my cat. Chill, chill. Yeah. I know the coffee in bed. Could you do that? I don't know. Lauren's got this look at her eyes. Get moving on. That's just good at the next step. Yeah. And he's so sensitive. I love it. Everyone on Instagram when you were going through this was commenting Craig. I think I know you guys are just friends. Yes.

And he's dating someone who I really like. Page is great. Adorable. Yeah. So there's everyone who's listening, she's not going to date Craig. I hate to break everyone's heart. Definitely not. Sorry, guys.

Everyone I saw on your Instagram was like, Craig has a chance. Oh, nice. Get the press clipping. Is there a line? Is that a press clipping? Yeah, we got the press clipping. Like when you saw him after you broke up, was there any thought? Was it a chemistry back?

I mean, I don't know how to answer this. You'll just have to watch the show, I guess. Okay. So, I aired it all out on there. I have a question. First of all. Wait, hold on. She's back on the show.

Oh, I didn't know that. So you, okay, hold on. Because of the breakup. You were going to quit the show to go to New York with this guy. You want you to quit the show, Naomi? Yeah. But then now that you're not, now you're back. Oh.

Yeah, I had to like beg my way back. I was like, guys, please. I know I quit and I know I told everybody to, fuck off, but please, I'm very depressed and I really want to come back. I don't know what I'm going to do if I'm back in Charleston. They're like, all right. Did you stop the show because you were overcompensating with him being jealous? You were on it, or did you actually genuinely stop the show for yourself? If you want to know all the amazing hotspots that you see on Instagram and you want to see it all in one place, you have to go to Scorch.

I signed up for this app and I put a bunch of my favorites on there. I did San Diego, Texas, and L.A. for you. So you can go and just see everything all organized. If you want to check out my by the way, it's at Lauren Bostic. Let's be friends on there. Maybe I can get some tips and tricks from you guys too for those areas. But basically what Scorch is is it's a heat map of cool spots. So you can go on there and you can see all your favorite scorchworthy spots in one place. And you can post your profile in real time and follow friends and influencers to see where they're going. Sometimes on Instagram, I feel like I am screenshoting Instagram stories of where people are or trying to like make a file or an archive on Instagram. of like hotspots and restaurants. And it gets really confusing because I have 100 files. I like this app because everything's in one spot

and I don't have to worry about it. So I'll go on there and get so much inspiration for whenever I'm going to L.A. or when I'm coming back to Austin, I'll give you an example. We're looking for somewhere to go for Valentine's Day,

hint hint, Michael Bostic. And I went on there and screenshotted six of my favorite places and sent them to Michael. I feel like this is such a good app to go on to get trendy restaurants or coffee shop. or you could even do like what I do.

I like the polo lounge in L.A. because there's a piano and it's like retirement vibes. You can kind of curate it to however you like it. You should also know Scorch is doing a cash giveaway. Cash giveaway, guys, for Skinny Confidential, him and her listeners. If you love Scorch like I do, all you have to do is leave a review on the app store. And you have a chance to win $500 cash. Be sure to mention your Scorch username in your review,

and they'll randomly select and email the winner. That's S-K-O-R-C-H and leave an App Store review to enter the cash giveaway. You have two weeks to enter, so hurry up before you forget, okay? Very important. I am so excited to see your thoughts on Scorch, follow me, message me, say hello, details and links in the show notes. So it was half and half because I thought, I mean, nobody can have a healthy relationship while filming a reality show with somebody that doesn't film.

And he wasn't going to film because he's a doctor. You know, those two things don't really go hand in hand. and he was a resident and he needed to apply for fellowship. So a lot of things played into that. But I was totally willing to give up the show for a healthy, what I thought to be a healthy and loving relationship because that's what I would prioritize over a reality show, obviously. And so I had no problem doing that.

But then when it ended up not being a healthy and loving relationship, I was like, okay, well, I'm single. You know, the show opens doors for so many opportunities, business-wise and stuff. I know that. And I don't really have a problem sharing. Everybody already knows what happened, you know. I don't really have a problem sharing it. So, yeah, I was like, why not?

Just tail tucked between my legs. I was like, hey. This is the million dollar question that I've been waiting to have you both on for. No, Michael, don't interrupt. Who's making these decisions? That's a con that you interrupt. The million dollar question. What advice did Patricia give you guys?

Oh, God, she gives such good advice. I know especially about this. You guys need to go over to her house and have Jen Martini's and ask- Actually, we should. Why don't we done that? You guys, that's like the first person

you should call. I feel like she knows how to lay down the lawn. If I lived over there, that'd be like my second stop home. Like I'd leave. She taught me about the Nancy Reagan stare. The what?

The Nancy Reagan stare. So basically when your husband or boyfriend is talking about something for the 880th time and you've heard the story five billion times. Who does that? You have to look at them.

Like they are the most interesting, capable, amazing person. Start talking about the... Start talking about the scumbags again. I will look at Michael. I have it perfected. I will be meditating

or thinking about what I'll do tomorrow. Tell the story about what these guys did too again. You guys have to go to Patricia's house and eat spicy nuts and drink... Do you want to come? Yes. Yeah, come with us. She would give good advice on them.

Maybe she'll write the book for us. She's giving me great advice over a little caviar, which I was very grateful for. But to Patricia, men are just like, disposable. You know, we all call ourselves. They are. We all say that we're Patricia's little play things because she just kind of runs the world and is like,

I would like for you to do this. And you're like, okay, I'm doing it. I'm going. Like, I'll do it. But she, yeah, she basically was just like, fuck them. Just, you know, go date other people. Go do your thing. Dating ups really helped me.

I'll say that. Yeah, because it made me realize, like, oh, like, there are a lot of guys who are attracted to me. And, like, because, you know, at the same time, made me feel so insecure and weak and, like, unlover. And he made you feel gross. I remember that. What do you mean? He used to tell people I had a messy house. Like, my house is so clean.

My house is very clean. Tell me more stories like this, too. Yeah. And then he would... It's a roller coaster. Yeah, but going back on dating apps, like I would... Don't bring up Alan. I'll just talk about it.

I'll just talk about it. I'll send Alan to give you an email with some tests. No, but going on the dating apps helped because I was able to have conversations with new people and realize, like, wow, I do have a connection with this person or I do have this work with this person. I could see myself with someone like this. I like these qualities. Wow, there's other men out there with really good qualities. Like, who knew? And they're just from dating apps, which I didn't want to date anyone that I knew. Like, I wanted fresh, like, fresh man, fresh meat, who I could learn. And trust myself again. I wanted to be able to trust my decisions.

That's a huge point. I think after you're betrayed and your judgment betrays you, you wonder, can I trust myself again to see somebody's real intentions, to see the way, somebody really is. Am I going to be love bombed again and gaslit and manipulated and then discarded after a few months? Because that's essentially what happened. It's hard to learn to trust yourself and to... Yeah. Then your friends, now my friends have to approve. Looking back on both of your relationships, what are things that now you have the wisdom that you would do differently? I would not buy a house with someone unless I was married to them and I sure would not let him be on the deed. Okay. And what about?

you moved or you were going to move. Would you look looking back or do you think it's all situational? I think that in general throughout the entire relationship, I would, something I would do differently in a new relationship is I would never give so much to somebody that reciprocated nothing in return. And the way that I would somehow rationalize it

was by giving more and he would just take and take and take. And this is not just, I'm not just talking financially. I'm talking, you know, emotionally or even a small thing like cooking dinner. He never one time cooked me a meal in three and a half years, not once. Did he help you clean them? Yeah, yeah. I mean, we would do it. We would do it together. We would clean it together. Yeah. He would never be like, I got it, you know. Can I ask you with everything you've been through with your father? I mean, I lost my mother and I know how hard that is. and I can't even imagine being in a relationship with someone that's a taker when I was going through that.

Was that hard when you were going through everything? Was he taking or was he, can you like look back and be like, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt he was actually giving? So that that is actually something that kept me with him probably longer, even before the cheating and stuff because there were other issues. It was the bond like he had met my dad. And he was really, he was there for me when my dad was sick. And that was really important. He was there for my mom a lot. Not in a complete way where I didn't feel like I, you know, could just talk to him about my dad or cry about him whenever. There's sort of like a time for it. But he was there and he spent a lot of time with me and he, you know, flew to France and missed work and stuff like that.

But now in hindsight, I'm like, that's just kind of a basic human thing to be there for somebody. It shouldn't be something that. Yeah, it shouldn't be glorified. But I mean, I don't want to rewrite history and say that he never did anything because he did show up and he spent a lot of time with my. family. But yeah, you know, I also hung on to him because I'm like, my dad thought I was going to be with this person. And I want whoever I'm with to remember my dad. It's where I don't have to describe my need, you probably know that feeling. And yeah. I guarantee you your dad would want you to be with someone that you were empowered by. I, that's why he waited till the, he gave us so many red flags

to notice. And it was like the last day that you were moving. And that picture was up him was above the monitor. He's funny like, all right, listen, bitch. Time to learn. That's final hour. That is crazy that his picture. That is crazy that his picture. and it was his desk. What are some things that are amazing about being free of these relationships? Let's talk about the good things. Like what do you guys notice that you've implemented into your day or your week or your life that are just the show, you're back on the show. It sounds like you're doing some cool business shit. Like what has come out of this that's good? Ew. Actually, I remember like, because tipsy spritzers I've been working on for three years.

And I remember him saying he deserved equity in tipsy spritzers because he was like emotionally there for me while I was trying to start it. I'm going to throw up. What? Who? Helen, come on. Yeah, no. But I'm... Listen, if you're just throwing equity around.

I know, right? You're an emotional friend? Yeah, let me get some more. Come on. I'm here emotionally for you. Yeah, I know. You're my survivor. Shit.

Just kill me now. No, but what was the question again real quick? I think the answer is the same for both of us. And it's that we feel so alive. I feel so alive and I'm so creative again. So what made Blender Bombs like magical when it first launched was that it had such a personal touch to it. And I lost that along the last couple years because I was

keeping my head above water like, like, what was supposed to be running the business. He was not taking any stress off of me. The girl who replaced, like, he was so replaceable. Gosh, but now that I have some people who are helping me really grow the business that I found, you know, they say, when the student is ready, the teachers come.

So getting rid of Scott, like, teachers have come since then. And they're like male teachers that probably wouldn't, actually one of them was a friend, but he's helped me so much ever since he left. I tried to hook up with his girlfriend, like a long story. Ooh. Yeah. And so I'm creating. again. And you'll, when you get back to Austin, you'll see this PR box that we made. But I'm actually, I have one for Zaza for a birth offering one tonight. But it's like this piece of art. And we have gotten more followers from this PR box in the last two weeks because it's, I'm finally able to use my magic again and be creative and put thought into things like the beginning, which is what made Blender Bums even grow a little bit. And so having that creative freedom has been so, it makes me really happy to have it back.

Ew, s' it would have told me it was the ugliest box ever and not to send it out. Then I wouldn't have sent it out. I'm going to look at the box and I'm going to put it on my Instagram story and show everyone. Yeah, you are. I know it's great. I know it's great. And what are some good things that have come out of this? It could be like little.

It doesn't have to be big. Like you take walks in the morning, anything. Yeah, I think it's actually big. It changed my mindset and made me realize. I never manifested before. I never did stuff like that. And I realized just a little bit, you give like a little bit. you give like a little inch of gratitude, a little inch of positivity and what comes back to you is just

so overwhelming. Like, I've met some of the most incredible people and gotten to talk with like the most interesting minds and learn so much. And it's just brought out this curiosity in me about life that I had sort of dulled down before because Matole wasn't interested in that stuff. So I was just trying to, you know, appease him and always what did he want to do and stuff like that. And now that I feel like I'm just running free. A little bit buck wild, I would say. Yeah, we all go through it. But it's just so amazing.

I mean, for a few years, I didn't listen to music because I didn't really feel anything inside. And so music didn't do anything for me. And now I can't go from the car to my front door without music still playing on my phone from my Bluetooth. And Helen's the same way. We would drive in the car for hours in silence. We didn't even notice. Yeah.

I think that this episode is so important because I think if you're settling in any area of your life for mediocrisy, it's going to seep over to other areas. It just is. So if you're listening and you're in a relationship where you're settling for someone who isn't up to the standard that you should be with, you should question where else it's going in your life because it does seep over. It's so much easier to have a partner and so much more effective and so many more things, to have a partner that's helping you press the boulder up the same hill. It just makes life. Life is

already hard. Matul one time looked at me and said, why do you spend so much time doing personal development? You should be learning about stocks, something that will actually help you. Well, there you go. If you guys were to say something before we go to each of these guys, would it be nothing? Or is there anything you would say? Can you be friends? Is there just nothing to say? No, I don't think there's anything. And I definitely don't hold any, like, hatred for him. you know, I really wish him the best. I think maybe Helms in a different place, but I, I just don't think he's even really worth me having any negative feelings or any feelings at all at this point, you know, I'm six months out. So if you're listening to this and, you know,

you're struggling through your breakup, you don't know what to do, promise you it gets better. And the usually the signs that the reasons that you're, that caused your breakup were there within the first, like, you know in your gut, you know. I knew. I just didn't want to face it. Helen knew. She didn't want to face it. So if you're having doubts, this is me telling you, you know, and listen to yourself because nobody knows better than you. The intuition is underrated. Mm-hmm. I know. With everything we've gone through in the last three years, your intuition is underrated. I just one more time for everyone. Induation is fucking underrated. I want to learn more about that. Like, how to hone in. I'm reading a book called The Getsu-

gift of fear right now that talks about your intuition and survival and stuff like that. But I want to, like, the female intuition is strong. Yeah. Strong. That's strong. Anything that you would say? I would like for him to respond to my attorney so you can figure the house situation out. I love Helen. Helen is fucking funny. I'm going to say Helen. But yes. And there is a quote I'd like to say, and it's the happiness thing. Can you repeat it because you say it better. I like have squirrel brain right now. Yeah. One of our favorite quotes is happiness is knowing that you're striving towards your true potential. And I feel like that's where we're at right now. Yeah. I'm so happy. I'm excited for both of you. Next time you guys come on the podcast, I'm sure it'll be a totally

different chapter for both of you. You guys are welcome back anytime. Thank you for coming from Charleston. Yeah. I'm diving back in Southern Charm, I learned. I'm diving back in. Southern Charm is so good. It's going to be wild. It's the best. Yeah, but I always need a connection. I always like if I like to be connected with somebody, I like to get the insider access, right? Michael loves the juice. Like Michael, like, he loves the juice, but he like doesn't like drama, if that makes it. I want to be sitting on the couch with my fucking peasant family. They're like, hey, I actually know that person.

I went to their house. I'm just kidding, family. I love you. So funny because everyone in Charleston is always like, do I don't watch the show? Yeah. I want to turn around and be like, everyone in Charleston. It's like a person I say to Naomi. The show is so good.

Like, there's so many different layers and dynamics of that show to unpack. Like, it's so good. I'm like a reality show. Like, okay, I'll, I'll give you an example. The best real housewives, what do you think I'm going to say? New York. I've never seen it. I've actually never seen it.

I've never watched that. Because there are so many different layers and dynamic that you bite into it and you just don't know what you're going to get. The best reality shows have all the different dynamics. Like yours is so great because there's like Patricia who's like in her like mansion with the caftan and the caviar. And then you got like like Greg and Austin, which is a dynamic. And then Catherine and then you. Like it's just there's so many different dynamics. I know.

You're going to lose your mind. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't look up to as Naomi. Yeah. You guys have a special friend. I feel like the only person that people actually look up to on the show.

Like actually admire and would want to be like is you. No. I disagree. I think that there are like several others. People do love you though. People do love you though. I saw on, you know, after all the outpour of support that you got after everything went. It was pretty amazing.

No, that was really amazing. It was, that was. is like very humbling. Like, whoa. Damn, this is very nice. You guys have a very sweet friendship. I think there's big things in store. Pimp yourself out. Tell us about tipsy. Tell us about what you're both working on, your Instagrams, blender bomb, everything. You go for us. Yeah, so blueprint for breakup.com. We're going to sort of consolidate all these tools that we've learned and gathered in the last few months. Yeah. Thanks to Benji. Thank you, Benji. And if you need help, you know, just go. go on the website, take a look, share it with a friend, whatever. Still, for a clothing brand is LaBea, Shop LaBea, L-A-B-E-E-E-Y-E.

That's what I'm wearing today. And Helen packed this exact same outfit and was going to wear it today. I'm like, you can't wear that. Oh, what you're wearing is from your line. Yeah, cute, you guys. I both commented when you walked in. You both look adorable. Yeah, we love Lebeye. And discount code for Lebeye. Oh, yeah, discount code. We'll do Skinny 15. Perfect. Skinny 15, you guys. And yeah, then Blenderbombs, 80-20 market, Tipsy Spritzers. Helen, take it away. So Tipsy Spitzers is the newest thing. You're going to love this fact.

Because I don't think you know it because I have not heard you guys talk about it. Are you familiar with Belkron? So Belkron is in like 99% of anything in a can. It's a carcinogen, right? But they sprayed a 99% of anything in a can and they don't disclose it on the ingredient label. Come on. They say it dissipates. Did you just fuck cans for me?

Did you just like fuck that up for me? I'm done with cans anywhere. We got to add that too. Oh my gosh. This is another thing, though. No more naughty lights for you. Right? It's been a while since I've been giving daddy light.

God, those are the days. Yeah, those are the fighting days. Yeah, yeah. Bring them back. I'm going to be. I don't know. I used to be covered in eczema. And I ate so healthy, so clean, didn't know what it was.

Like, I gave up alcohol. It still didn't go away. And it turns out that it was like a La Croy. Because they put something in these canned drinks that was triggering my eczema. The week I got rid of all canned drinks. drinks that went away. That's kind of what took us on the pathway. My business partner is like very an ingredient, like snob. So she called some manufacturing companies being like, what are you putting in these cans? Like, you know, from Spindrift to LaCroix, I don't want to call up brands because I don't

know which ones are which. But anyway, they put Belkron in them. And we do not have Belkron in this. So it's tunnel pasturized. So they drop it in, you know, hot water, cold water, hot water, cold and that's how they preserve it. And so it's just a wine spritzer. It's low calorie, low sugar. and it's actually really delicious, but it uses real juice. And then for, that's tipsy spritz. There's it available on the East Coast now. How much time do we have while Helen goes through all of the businesses? And then Blender Bombs, obviously, my baby.

We just launched bars. Delicious. I'm going to actually eat that bar on a second. I just had the grapefruit flavor. Delicious. The orange is my favorite. I love the grapefruit. Yeah, Blenderbombs.com, and we can use a discount code for that.

What is the discount code for Blender Bombs? Skinny 15. Okay, Blender Bombs in my smoothie, they're so good. I love you. It's such a quick tip to just add to your smoothie. I got the tip from Naomi when I saw her weight loss post. It was like this little bomb that you just throw in your smoothie. I put it in with like greens, berries.

You could throw some water cheese. Controls your blood sugar. So, yeah. And so it is, if people are trying to lose weight, it does control your blood sugar. The bars are fire. Like,

I can't wait for you to try the lemon. Because I'm getting hypoglycaemia because I haven't eaten all day. Someone had a seizure on our plane. That was hypolyclycliamate. My favorite is the peanut butter jelly bar. They're so good. But yeah, if you are doing intermittent fasting, like trying to lose weight and you break your fast with a Linderbom smoothie, you're good to go. Skinny 15, baby.

Skinny 15 for both brands. And then at Helen Hall and she's at Naomi with an E underscore Lindo. I love it. That is amazing PR. I should have your breakup stories. You should have held on for equity. You're going to think this is really crazy before I have to say one thing. I swear to God, I actually taste the difference with a beverage.

in a can without that in it. I know you're going to not believe me that I say that. I believe you. There's something that now that you mention that that, that I can taste in cans that tastes weird. I will not drink alcohol now except for tipsy. I will not like, I will not do it. And she has zero x-m-o. Yeah, I'm like perfect now. She's perfect. Let's end it on that. Naomi and Helen are perfect. You love you guys. Thank you for having us back. Thank you for coming. That's fun. She wasn't so painful. No. And maybe I'll talk to them. We can do a giveaway with both of your products. If you guys fall, them. I will leave it at the end of this episode. Come back anytime. You're the best. Yay.

This is one of our biggest giveaways yet. We've teamed up with Naomi's brand, Shop LaBea and Helen's brand Blender Bombs. And we are doing a huge giveaway together. So it's like a skinny, confidential favorites with Shopla Bay and Blender Bomb in like a whole gift bag for you. All you have to do is tell us your favorite part of this episode on my latest Instagram at Lauren Bostick. And make sure you're following Naomi and Helen on Instagram. And on that note, we'll see. be on Thursday.