The Bossticks - Nicole Byer - How To Develop Confidence, A Positive Body Image, Manage Criticism, & Use Comedy To Heal

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

760: Join us as we sit down with Nicole Byer, an actress, comedian, podcaster, and writer. From navigating the stand-up comedy scene to getting real when dealing with online trolls, Nicole opens up to us about her career journey. In this episode, Nicole sheds light on the inspiration behind her book #VERYFAT #VERYBRAVE & how she confidently embraces body neutrality. To Join us in New York City for Dear Media IRL with Lauryn & Michael and some of your favorite creators click HERE To connect with Nicole Byer click HERE To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE To Watch the Show click HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential Head to the HIM & HER Show ShopMy page HERE to find all of Michael and Lauryn's favorite products mentioned on their latest episodes. Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential, the newest launch brow peptide. Oh, I'm so excited about this one. I have been using castor oil, as you know, on my brows and eyelashes and sometimes even on like little spots on my hairline forever. And the Egyptians used to use it in ancient times to grow their hair, so it makes sense that we would use it now. But I couldn't find one with a little extra ump, so I wanted to create.

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I hate the word body positivity though, because it's like, be positive at all times about your body, but you're going to feel like shit about your body sometimes. Sometimes you're going to look in the mirror and be like, I actually don't like what I see. But then it's like put on a nice outfit, do your makeup and like go live your fucking life. Like it's okay to not feel great one day. I'm all about like body neutrality. Like the body you're in, but if you care to change it, do it. Get a BBO. Get your titty's done.

Cut off your chin if that's what you want. Get the tiny little nose. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy. and makes you okay looking in the mirror every day. Nicole Beyer, actress, comedian, podcaster, and writer is on the show today. She hosts The Baking Show Nailed It, which is currently streaming on Netflix. She was also nominated for an Emmy for her work and just published a book. Her book is called Hashtag Very Fat, Hashtag Very Brave, The Fat Girl's Guide to Being

Hashtag Brave and Not Dejected, Melancholy, Down in the Dump's Weeping Fat girl in a Bikini. She also hosts many podcasts Why Don't You Date Me, Newcomers, Best Friends, and 90 Day Bay. You also might have seen her on MTV's Girl Code or 30 Rock. She is busy. Nicole, welcome to The Him and Her show. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. So why don't you shake hands?

Give us your theory on it. This is going to go viral on TikTok. I almost came in aggressive and then I peeled back. I want to know everyone's opinion. Why do you shake hands? I don't really want to either. But why do you? Because I feel like it's maybe socially, like, polite, but I don't really want to be socially polite.

Yeah, but like what? Maybe I don't think it's socially polite. I think you're like asking for something immediately. You're like, shake my hand. My old thing is, I don't know where the fuck your hands have been. I don't know what you've been doing. And then I go out into the world after I shake your hand. I touch my face.

I'm touching my things. I touch my phone. I don't want that. I don't blame you. And then you meet our producer who, like, probably jocks off three times a day. like who wants to shake his hair? Oh, that's so sweet. Three times a day? Yeah, so you're like, that's self-love. He came up to me today. He saw me and gave me a big hug. I was like, ah. Yeah, but then that's just on your clothing. That's not on your hands. That's actually pretty polite. Maybe in your hair. So when did you

decide not to shake hands? After COVID. I mean, it's still going on, but we don't care. I heard it's rampant right now in L.A. It's not good. My grandpa currently hasn't. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay. He's thriving. He's 95 and he's been gardening. So, you know, he's got time for himself now. He doesn't have to deal with people. He could be alone. But yeah, like, COVID, we stopped shaking hands. And then I was like, oh, I like this.

But it is funny because people will go to shake my hand and I just won't move and I'll smile. Or I try to have things in my hand. And then I just sometimes will just say, I said to you, I said, I just don't, I don't shake hands. I'm so sorry. Do they ask why all the time? Sometimes. Yeah. A germs.

Well, I think it was such a social norm for so long. And then there was a period where obviously during COVID was like, do not. even come close to me, but now we've gone back. People quickly forget. I think it used to be, Taylor, didn't it used to be like you'd shake hands to confirm that the other person didn't have a weapon on them or something like that? I think that's how it originated. Yes, I should be shaking hands here in America.

Because now you don't know what I got. No, I don't. And you could shoot me dead or I could just pull out a giant sword. Decapitate me. I mean, I had a good life. Whatever. I think that's how it started, though. It's my time. I want to know what the audience thinks about not shaking hands. I'm all for it. I don't need all those drums on

my face. I don't want periola dermatitis or Taylor semen crusted on my hands. Well, let me ask you this. If you say you know someone, do you give them a greeting of a shake or a hug? I'll do a hug. If you know somebody. Yeah, a hug's fine. Even if I don't know you, a hug is fine, because my hands aren't touching your hands. I'm touching your shirt. That's fine. Our faces aren't really getting too close. No, but it would have been very awkward if I just saw you in the hole and went aggressively in for a hug. No, no, no, yeah. No, because a hug is a hug is It's a greeting. Oh, should have hugged.

Should have hug. Hand Jake is no longer greeting. Hug is the move. Taylor's taking notes. Okay. Find out. I mean, it's just me. I'm going around giving everyone hugs.

Yeah, you're trying to give hugs left and right. Taylor, you are not allowed to hug anyone in this office. Poor Taylor. For any of the listeners who want to get to know you a little bit better, give us a little bit of an introduction, what you do, how you started. Give us the whole spiel. Okay. I am an actress. I do podcasts.

I'm a comedian. I do improv. I write. Yeah. And I got started at UCB at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York City. Then I moved here. My first show that I got was Girl Code on MTV. And that's what a lot of people know me from. And then it was just like Bipid and boppin. And I had a show at MTV that six people watched. And then I got nailed it. And then I was on a show. called Grand Crew that I think was prematurely canceled. It was on NBC. So yeah, that's, I think that's, that's pretty succinct. A lot of people don't understand how gnarly being a comedian is. It's a lot of work. I cannot imagine the pressure that you feel to get on stage and have to make people laugh. How did you even like get yourself out there to do that in the first place? I guess it's just one of those things where you come up with an idea and then I have a ton of comedian friends and I'll be like, is this funny? And they're like, yeah, it's funny. And then you get on stage and hopefully it works. Honestly, I think doing comedy is a cry for help. You left your house at 8 p.m. because you need attention. That's sad. When you get up there and something doesn't land, what do you do? Do you have a pivot? Do you have a plan? Sometimes I'll go, why don't you like it? What do they do?

I mean, I've gotten an answer a couple of times. They'll like stop and say, I'll tell you exactly. I'll be like, not relatable. I'm like, oh, okay. Or like, we don't get it. And I'm like, oh, maybe I just phrase it differently. Or if I go, why didn't you like it? And then I'll start riffing and figure out why they didn't like it.

And then once they laugh and I record my set. So then I'll like listen to it back. And I'll be like, oh, they laughed at that part. So maybe if I put that part in the beginning and then put the beginning at the end, maybe that works better. and then you try it that way. And you're like, ooh, solve the puzzle. Or you're like, maybe I put it this way.

It's just like it's like a Rubik's Cube until you get all the colors right. What I find most interesting about comedians and the work that you and other comedians do is it's like one of the only mediums where you, like you don't have a choice but to go out and fail a bunch of times. Yeah. Like we've had a lot of comedians on. And I think people don't understand how, I mean, most people are so scared to even share an idea or ask the girl or guy. Like, you have to literally go out and fail. over and over and over and get comfortable with that. I think that's the most interesting thing to me about it.

It's like most people just aren't conditioned to deal with any kind of micro failure, let alone doing it consistently many times over. Yeah. And then you learn, like you'll do a club and you'll have five or six shows in the weekend and the show will work on, say, Thursday, both shows it works. Friday, the first show works. The second show doesn't work because everyone's like too drunk or whatever. You can't get in your head and go, oh, my material's not working.

It's just the circumstance of the night. It's the people who came in with their own shit. And then you do it again on Saturday and you're like, it works. And it's a real mind fuck. But yeah, you just kind of, the shows that don't go well on the weekend, you can't beat yourself up about it. And then you can't just be like, well, how do I like tinker this? It's like, no, it's just, it is just the time of day, the type of people.

Something just isn't working. But yeah, you do have to kind of like kind of sit in a bomb. I've bombed so many times. I don't like it, but it doesn't bother me. I'm not going to freak out on stage. I'll just, I'll pivot to crowd work, or maybe I'll do older stuff, or I'll tell a story, or I'll just, yeah, tell a story of something that happened like that week that's not a part of my act. But yeah, you do have to fail a bunch.

What was your childhood and upbringing level? I'm always curious about comedians with it because sometimes you talk to people like, oh, it was like the greatest thing ever, and I never, and I just laughed all the time. And some people, like, they come from a real, like, we just had Miss Pat on and she's like in a real dark place. Yeah, she's been shot a whole bunch and them Titty saved her. Yeah. I love Miss Pat. She's so funny.

She's the fucking best. I love us so much. We've lost the entire time with her. She's great. Oh, wow. Haven't really laughed with me. Okay. I guess I'll try harder.

I won't laugh with you. Don't worry. Don't worry. Oh, that's okay. I laughed by myself. My upbringing was fine. I had parents and then, oh, I guess it wasn't fine. They died.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. I shouldn't be laughing at that point. Well, I mean, the way I presented it was. It was wild. My mom died when I was 16 and my dad died when I was 21. So like that wasn't fun.

But before that it was pretty fun. I have a sibling, a sister. We're like a year and a half apart. So like we did everything together. But she's not a comedian. She just, she teaches and she likes children. I don't get it. You know what I said to my friend who's in here today?

I said, you know, she's like, I don't like when kids like giggle. And I said, I said, I get it. I don't really like it either. But if you're your own kids, it's different. It's different with your own kids, isn't it? I like when kids are just dark. I like to hear kids laughter.

She's saying like when they talk, sorry, talk. When they make themselves known, when they show. No, I get it. I don't like children. You know what? A lot of people don't. I get it. It's a lot of work.

It's a lot of work. When you look back at what happened to your parents, did you use comedy to get used through their deaths? Or was that not even a tool that you brought out? I think most people use comedy to get through tragedy. I think there's a really fine line between comedy and tragedy. When my dad died, we spread his ashes at a beach, which I don't think you're supposed to do, but don't tell nobody. And it was my sister, my grandmother, and me, and we were like, who's going to spread it?

And I was like, I'll just fucking do it. And then I, like, opened the lid and then through the ashes, and Augusta wind came as my mouth was open. And I don't think I've ever seen my grandmother laugh harder. that moment. So your dad went down your throat? Yeah. I deep-hearted my dad. Oh, Jesus.

I mean, you set it up. Maybe that's why you don't want to shake hands. That's a lot. Yeah. So I think, yeah, when tragedy arises, there's also, like, comedy. Like, me and my sister used to say, like, the darkest shit to each other and make each other laugh. And when I first started doing stand-up, a couple of my jokes were about dead parents, but I was also, like, 20... five when I started doing stand-up.

So it wasn't relatable. People were like, my parents are still living. This is sad. You're really bringing us down. How many times does it take to actually put yourself out there to become comfortable on stage telling jokes? I think it's different for everybody

because there is a lot of people who are confidently bad and keep getting up. And like, I don't know, you'll come across on Instagram sometimes. You're like, wow, this person has a lot of clips of them being very bad. And they're like, not only did they get up,

they tape themselves. and then edited it and then put it up for more people to see and it's not good. I'm going to say someone's name but we have to edit it out. I came across

profile. I don't know anything about comedy like that. I don't know. I just like, we have to cut that out what I just like just beep the name.

I was like, this isn't funny. Do you know who I'm talking about? I do. It's just not funny. You know, everything's not for everybody? Do you think it's funny?

We don't have to say. his name. Or am I missing something? I don't think you're missing anything. Okay. That's a nice way to say, no, it's not funny. We have to obviously cut his name out. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Yeah, and that's like, but everything isn't for everybody, but like there are universal themes where you're like, oh, this person, I can see why they're funny. Yeah. There's people where I'm like, I don't find your material funny, but I can see how other people find you funny. You're just not for me. But like, sometimes there's a person where you're like, I don't get any of it. Yeah. I simply don't. Yeah, it was funny.

What's the strategy like behind the scenes to make sure you're doing what you need to do to evolve as a comedian? That's a good question. I think like constantly writing, listening, I don't think you need to like write your material for people, but if people are like, hey, that seems mean and you're punching down, I don't think you should double down. I think maybe you should like ask why and learn and evolve. I think everything needs to evolve. I think you can joke about anything

as long as you have a perspective that's unique and that people haven't heard. And when you think about punching down, like what do you think an example of punching down is or like maybe give me one? I think punching down is like talking about marginalized people when you don't have any experience with it

when you just like have a thought and it's like, well, why are you even thinking about it? Why? Why do you feel the need to say this? Like what is your hot take and is it different than everybody else's? or if someone's just being mean to be mean

Yeah You know what I mean And it's like it lacks cooth I don't know You know what I mean Yeah When it doesn't have that finesse Because that's what I think

So good about the best comedians Is there's a finesse You know what I mean And some of them just don't have it Like the one I just mentioned Well I think the best comedy Is the stuff that Yikes

Gets you to think about Real serious issues By first making you laugh about it But then making you think about it later Yeah weird way. Maybe it doesn't be so much later, but it's just like something that's like, oh, that's funny, but it's also like there's some truth to that. Yeah, I think so. I think, yeah, there's truth in comedy and it's like, if you're just talking

about, I don't know, but also I love silly shit that's about nothing. I like, I don't do political stuff, but like I admire comedians who do who can make it very funny. It's a lot of work. Why did you decide to write the fat girl's guide to being brave and not dejected? Melancholy down in the dumps, weeping fat girls. in a bikini. That is a title. But I don't mean why did you just decide to write it? Like, what was the like eureka moment to write this? Like, what happened that made you just even have this thought in your head? I take a lot of pictures in bikinis and I was hashtagging it very fat, very brave, just so people who saw the pictures realize that I knew I was fat. Because sometimes

people in comments go, hey, you're fat. And I go, oh, yes. Like, I just, I don't really get it because I have a mirror. And, like, I walk past a lot of windows every day. So, like, I know. And my friend Allison was like, why don't you do like a coffee table book with like pictures, like professional pictures of you in bikinis? And I was like, oh, okay. So I pitched that. And then they were like, well, what if you wrote a little bit? And I said, oh, okay, maybe I'll make it a guide.

And it's a very tongue and cheek guide. The whole thing is just like, just wear a bikini. Like if that's what you want to do, wear it. But all like there's little captions and stuff. And it's, it was a labor of love. It's dumb. It's the dumbest thing I've ever read. and I'm so proud of it.

But I also think there's an undertone of body positivity in it, like for people to just wear a bikini if you want to wear a bikini and who cares what other people think. Sure. I hate the word body positivity though, because it's like, be positive at all times about your body, but you're going to feel like shit about your body sometimes. Yeah. Sometimes you're going to look in the mirror and be like, I actually don't like what I see. But then it's like put on a nice outfit, do your makeup and like go live your fucking life.

Like it's okay to not feel great one day. I'm all about like body neutrality. like the body you're in, but if you care to change it, do it. Get a BBL. Get your titty's done. Cut off your chin if that's what you want. Like get the tiny little nose. Do whatever the fuck makes you happy and makes you okay looking in the mirror every day. Body neutrality. I like that. Yeah, just you're neutral about it. Did you coin that word? I've never heard that word. Really? No. I don't think I did. I think it's a great word. Yeah, you're just like neutral. It's like, okay. You're indifferent. It's just, it is what it is. Like when a car is a neutral can go forward and backwards. I like that. I kind of go forward and backwards in your thinking. Yeah. As long as you don't stay in the negative. Because sometimes body positivity can feel a little virtue signally.

Do you know what I mean? Like it just feels like sometimes it's like a little, I don't know, like your... What's your point? Like sometimes you can't just like put a smile on your face at all times if that's on how you really feel. Yeah. And it's okay to feel your feelings. It's going to be like, I don't like the way I look today. I like it.

Okay. Great. How do you deal with the people that comment stuff like that? Do you zing them back? you ignore it? What do you do? I'll just like heart it. Just so they feel heard because there's a reason why they're commenting

and it's so they can be heard. You want to hurt my feelings and to hurt my feelings you have to be heard but you can't hurt my feelings. I posted it. I don't... Do you know what I mean? I thought I looked good. I don't really care if you think I don't but I will, you know,

heart it to let you know that I saw it and that your feelings are valid and hey, whatever. I think I told, I was telling this on another podcast, you were on the podcast too, where I said, like, they either want to be acknowledged or they want to just get you riled up.

There's no, there's nothing in between. And when you acknowledge them, they usually reply, sorry. Yes. They want some kind of human interaction. Like the handshake going back to pull it all around. They want some kind of human interaction, and that's just what they're looking for.

And when they're acknowledged, they apologize. Yes, and I'm fine to give that to them. I'm fine to let them know that I saw it, that it is what it is. But also, it's like you're not telling me anything I don't already know. I did have someone DM me that they said something real nasty. I can't remember exactly what it was. And I was like, hey, I read this. I'm sorry you feel this way.

I hope you find a comedian that you like more. And then they reply, they're like, I'm really sorry. I was having a really bad day. Keep making people laugh, but not me because you're not funny. You know what's so crazy about. And it made me laugh so hard. Because it was like they were having a bad day, but that's how they feel. And I don't know.

It really made me laugh. I was like, way to double down. It's a view when you're real. Yeah, I simply don't care if you find me funny because some people do. And I'm not for everybody. But children like me and children tell the truth. Ah. How do you know children like you?

What happens with that? Is this show that I'm on or that I hosted called Nailed It. Kids love that show. kids like go bananas about it so I don't know kids tell the truth so I'm like if kids think I'm funny I think I'm funny

So you like kids then No What if a kid comes up to you And wants to shake your hand No You won't do it Absolutely not Kids have the most germs

Yes they're disgusting You want me to touch a sticky little gremlin hand No those little goblins Absolutely not I'll take a picture with one That's fine I'll say hello

We'll talk but I'm not touching one Taylor has goblin hands That's a perfect sign They're just, they're sticky. I was a nanny for a long time. Kids are dirty. Yeah, it's clammy. Like I said.

I've never, not now, thank God, but I never have gotten more sick in my life than when we had kids and they started going to school. And then he's trying to shake people's hand. See? See, you're a super spreader. I'm probably, I'm a super spreader. You're trying to spread what those kids gave you. How many kids do you have? Um, like eight?

No, he doesn't. I have two. He has two kids. I have two kids. He's like, well, two each they're out. No, no. Seven too many. Yeah.

What do you think? It's one and done. Kind of. Tell us, like, what a day in the life is for you. Because I think some people think you just go on stage and tell jokes. Like, there's so much more in the behind the scenes. It really isn't. For me, personally.

Well, you don't have to write it. You have to practice it, right? Or do you just improv it? So sometimes I'll write a joke top to bottom. That's, like, when I'm feeling inspired. And I'm like, okay, da-da-da-da, go do it. Or I'm driving to the show and I go, all right, this is fine. Is this funny?

And then I'll call someone and be like, is this funny? And then I'll ask the comics backstage, is this funny? And then I'll go on stage with my premise and then whatever comes to my brain from the premise. And then I record my sets. So like when things hit, I'll listen back. And then I can write it all down. And then I can start rearranging it. Quick announcement, everybody that wants to get live in person, interact with people, have a good time.

We are coming to New York And when I say we, I mean Dear Media A lot of the companies coming out there. Dear Media does these amazing events called Dear Media IRL, which stands for in real life, where we have incredible lineups of the Dear Media hosts

come out for a day of programming. We have activations. We have happy hours. It's really an awesome networking event. It's also a great social event. And we have a ton of fun. I also like to think that they're jam-packed with value. For example, this year,

the lineup in New York, if you're out there, includes Amanda Hirsch, Taylor Strecker, Shannon Ford, Caroline Budino, Remy Cruz, Alicia Marie, Lauren, me, Whitney Port, Pia. We have an incredible lineup. Lindsay Metzler, Brittany Xavier, like I said, it's just jam-packed. It's a day of incredible programming with incredible hosts and talent, and it's a great place to meet people and have, you know, just a really productive day. So with that being said, I want to make sure anyone that's in the New York area or that's been thinking about traveling to the New York area, Dear Media, IRL should be on your list of things to do.

It should be on your stop. It's something you should even plan a trip around. It takes place this year on November 2nd. And like I said, in New York, the last two we've done have been in Austin, Texas. So this is going to be the first time Deere Media does an IRL event in New York, big, big city. And we're super excited about it. So tickets are on sale right now.

If you just go to DeerMedia.com slash IRL, you can find them there. They have all sorts of packages and hotel packages. But the tickets are going to go fast. So make sure you check it out. Again, that's DeerMedia.com slash IRL. or just go to DeerMedia.com and you'll find it. And we'd love to see you out there. Lauren and I will both be there as well as some incredible hosts. See you there. Woo more play. You have to try this. You can eat it like it, suck it, fuck it. You can use it for all

different kinds of things. Alone with someone, with a friend, whatever you want to do, it's the best. Coconut oil has really helped me. I used to get UTIs. I don't anymore because there's something in the coconut oil, I swear, that is like really good for the back. I love this lobe. It's the only lube that I will use, but I also am a fan of their vibrators. Their vibrators are the best if you're looking to have some fun alone or with someone. Their vibrators are strong. The best part is, is not only are they like the best of the best, but they also come in this like almost like a toothbrush holder, but for your vibrator. So when you travel with it, it's not like next to your makeup or your skincare. It's nice and protected. And when you get to

the hotel, it's not like laying out. It's in its protective little case. For your vaginal health, get the coconut oil loob and then definitely pick up the vibrator. Go to woomoreplay.com and use code vagina and you will have some fun. That's woo moreplay.com use code vagina and code vagina gets you 20% off. That's woomoreplay.com. So it sounds like you throw it on the wall, you put it out there, and then you go back and you refine it. Yeah. And I kind of sandwich it. So like I'll start with bits that I know work and then I'll do the new stuff and then I'll do something old to end with. So you end on a good note.

Wait, that's crazy that you can just drive to a set and just try it without like having this whole wild plan. Called talent, Lauren. Some people, well, some people write top to bottom jokes. I work better with like a loose structure, like an outline, if you will. Like bullet points. When you talk to other comedians behind the scenes, what are they? all doing. Some of them do that. Some of them right top to bottom. Some just do crowdwork. And sometimes that

crowdwork is planned bits. And sometimes it's not. The magic of stand-up is just like making it feel like it's coming off the dome. I cannot believe that people go on stage without having something planned. That sounds like I mean, that is like so wild to me. It's like telling me to fly to the moon. Well, it is a plan. Like, okay, so I want to talk about smart water. I don't know. Okay. And then I'll be like, well, why do I want to talk about smart water? It's because I have these three ideas about it. So I want to talk about smart water. It's X, Y, Z, that's your plan. But you kind of like, as it comes to you and like, if someone laughs at something, then you're like, oh, I can tag it with this. So it's like, it is a plan, but it's just not written. When you're on a set, like at MTV, do they give you your jokes or do you have like help in the writer's room? Like, what does the background of that look like? So Girl Code is a talking head show.

It's like, I love the 80s. Like the H1 had a bunch. That is, we sat in a chair with a producer next to the camera and they'd go, what's your, what is your view or what do you have to say about this topic? And I didn't know that girls were writing jokes because I wasn't a stand-up at that point. I had only done improv. So, like, I would just say things. I would just talk.

And then Laura, one of the directors on the show, would be like, okay, well, say it like this. So it's, like, clippable. And I go, oh, okay. And then you just kind of, like, repeat it. Give us an example of a word that they would give you that you would have to go off on. It would be like breasts or, like, periods.

or getting into a relationship or like when to say I love you because it was just, yeah, it was like coming of age shit for girls. So I'm on my period. And you have to just make a whole joke out of it? Yeah, I'd be like, what do you think about periods? And then you just kind of like, I would just talk.

And did they clip it up afterwards and edit it? So it was kind of almost before social media similar to content creation a little bit. Yeah, all those talking head shows, I think were like... Pretty TikTok almost. Kind of like reels because it would just be like

short bursts of different people talking. How do you plan all your content for social media? Do you have different strategies that you do for each platform? You just do it. There's, you just do it. So like if I do a show,

like I did a crowdworking special so I just like clip that up and posted those to like drive traffic to my YouTube to watch it. And then I just like post my podcast I should post more on TikTok. I simply... I don't really get TikTok.

It's hard. I know, and I feel very old. I also, okay, so my phone is not in dark mode. It's in light mode because that gives me more dopamine. Yeah. But isn't that normal? My phone's... What is?

Isn't everyone... So you can put it in dark mode. TikTok is perma dark mode. The interface is dark, so it doesn't give me the same dopamine that Instagram gives me. Why does TikTok do that then? I don't know. because other people don't mind dark mode. I don't use TikTok, so I don't know.

Wait, I never even noticed that until you just said that. Yeah, so like if your phone is in dark mode, you probably love TikTok. I don't like it because it's not giving me. That's really weird because I really don't like going on TikTok. Sometimes it has like a weird frequency. Maybe it's because it's in dark mode and I'm used to my phone in light mode. Baby. That's weird.

And if TikTok wants me to get on it, they should have me be able to change it. You need to go on TikTok and you need to make a campaign about how it should be switched to light mode. I guarantee you that would go viral. I'm not joking. Maybe there's a setting. I was told that there is a setting, but I don't think there is. Ariel, can you look to see if there's a setting on TikTok for light mode? That's actually very, very interesting.

I never click TikTok. I'm always going to Instagram. Have you ever put your phone in grayscale? Yeah. It's upsetting. Have you ever done the red one? Do you do the red one at night? No.

You do the red one at night? I'll show you. Yeah, he lines his phone down. See, yeah, that doesn't give me happiness. Well, that's the point is it's supposed to get you out of it. Our audience wanted to ask you, I want to know too. Michael, I don't know if you want to know this, but I do. If you need some extra TLC before doing a gig, what are your wellness products, your beauty tips? Well, you're wearing beautiful lashes, right? Yes. Give us like some beauty. You have beautiful skin. Like, it's just funny because like before a gig, I'm on a plane and then I land and then either I get to nap or I don't and I go do a show.

But do you put makeup on? Yeah. Okay. So what's your tips? I just put the makeup on. You just throw it on. Yeah. You're very like fly by the seat of your pants like at it as I go.

Kind of. I mean, this is like a, I want to like get into it. I can do like an hour beat, but this is like a 15 minute beat. But I'll like go in and, you know, I'll do my makeup. But that's just because you're coming. You paid money to see a show. So I should at least look like I tried. I mean, your skin looks beautiful.

Your eyelashes, your eyebrows. You don't have one tip for us. I feel like you like, you have some beauty tips going on. And you said you came here late because you knew it was going to be filmed. So you were doing something. Because I was doing my makeup. Let's see. What do I do?

I use an exfoliator thing. It's Craved Beauty. It's like a little liquid exfoliant. See, I knew she'd have a tip. Here it is. I use their sunscreen. I wear sunscreen every day. Okay.

I also use Cornhuskers oil or Cornhuskers lotion on my arms. What's that? It's not lotion, but it's like glycerin lotion or something. I don't know. My arms are, I didn't put it on today, but my arms are very soft. I'm scared to touch your arms. You can touch my arm. I can touch your arm.

I offered it. Yeah. Isn't it soft? Her arms feel really good. Here, feel my arm. Don't touch your hand. Hey, wait, hold on. That's a soft arm.

Isn't it? Isn't it shocking? I would tell Taylor to come touch your arm, but we don't want his hands on your arms. Let me tell you something. I was like, oh, God, I got to touch your arm. Let's see. Everyone says they have it. That's a soft arm learned.

Yeah. Taylor, would you like to touch my arm? I don't mind you're coming. Let's do this. Are you sure? It might get stuck to you. That would be funny. Okay.

I can't resist a soft thing. Oh, Jesus Christ. Isn't it soft? Soft and smooth. Now you can think about that for your fourth time today. Okay, so your wellness hacks, your beauty tips, do you do anything for mindfulness or skincare? I don't do anything for mindfulness, but like I try to wash my face at night. Nothing, no meditation, nothing, manifestation, nothing.

I can't, I can't meditate. Why? I have ADHD. So, like, if I'm sitting trying to, like, not think, I'll be like, uh-oh, there's a lot to think about. Yeah. It's just hard for me. Do you run anxious? Sometimes, but not really.

Like, the way I fly is insane. Like, if my flight boards at 7.15, I will leave my house at 6.30 to be at the airport by 7. You are a full psychopath. That's like me. There's always more flights. That's how I feel. There's always another flight. You're the only person I've met that's exactly like that.

We're the exact opposite. I got to, I can't, I can't. I just feel everything's happening for me. I missed my flight, then I wasn't supposed to take it. It wasn't meant for you. But I think I have ADHD too. Okay, okay, hold on. We got to break that on.

When she does this to me and she says, it wasn't for me, I'm like, well, of course you say that when you try to go there 30 minutes before it goes. Like it's not, there's no way, it's not human. It's the time is a real thing. Here's the thing. If I arrive to the airport at 7, we board at 715, I still have 30 more minutes past 715 because the door doesn't close until 15 minutes before departure. Also, I have clear.

I have pre-check. You got old stuff. I have no qualms about saying to somebody, my flight's leaving in 10 minutes. Can I go in front of you? And then people are like, oh, leave earlier. And I'm like, I know, but you'll be me one day. And that gets them every time. I might steal that.

I just missed my flight. I thought Michael was going to have a full blown meltdown. But I really did feel like it was happening for me. Yeah, but you know what you had to do? Because you say there's another flight. Guess what? there was another flight for her. Yeah.

But it was a Southwest connecting flight through Phoenix that took her seven hours to get there. And then she missed all of her meetings. And so she's like every. So I'm like, maybe you didn't watch housewives. Maybe you didn't need those meetings. But we turned a two hour journey into a nine hour day. Not to mention.

Wait, that was the only flight available. Yeah. That was the only one. He's acting like he was on the fucking flight. It was just me alone by myself. And he was literally projecting his own anxiety on. to me because I missed my flight. And I go to the airport

10 minutes before my flight. I don't want to be there for one second longer than I have to be. I like to get through security, walk to the gate, get on the plane, sit down and have them close the door and go,

we are leaving. That's my favorite thing to do. And what about when you miss it? What do you do? I get on the next flight. Yeah, but don't you, then you have to like sit there for hours and... No, I go home.

If my flight was at 6 a.m. Oh my God. My flight was at 6 a.m. And I miss it. And the next flight isn't until 3. Okay, that's different. That's different. I'm going home.

Okay, but what if the next flight's at like, what time do you say 10? What if the next flight's at like 1230? Well, then I go to the lounge and have a nice time and I get drunk. I kind of like your style. This is how I like to travel. He likes to be the first fucking one on the plane. No, no, no.

For what? For what? Because I can't stand in the tube. In the tube? Oh, he has a thing with lines. I can't stand in the tube. Well, then arrive late. That's what I know.

on board and then you get on. Yeah, but I also don't like to stand in the area. No, the real reason is that he doesn't want to shove his shit up in the thing with other people's shit in there. He wants to have his own spacious thing. Be real. No, I don't need to be fighting for bag space. I don't need to be, oh, can I move my shit?

I don't want to deal with any of that. I want it to be smooth sailing, sit down, get going. There's nothing more pathetic than someone fighting the bag space. You know what you see those people are like. I've never noticed. Yeah, because I fucking do. I don't notice either because there's always space for me. I always just put it in the overhead bin and I always sit in the bulkhead so both of my things go up.

You guys are. No, but I also think like I have to always be like there's always space for me. That's how I look at life. Yeah, that's, you're thinking abundantly. You guys are also. Exactly. It's scarcity mindset. Listen, I don't want to be sexist, but this is very different for men and women.

Nobody, when a woman doesn't have the bad, everyone's all the guys. Like, let me help you with me. Exactly. Nobody helps me on a plane. Are you kidding? You know what happened to me? Everyone just gives me a dirty look. I was like, you idiot, you should have got here earlier.

That's what they do. And they don't help me. And if I say, can I cut? I have a flight. They look at me like, no, you can't. I'm glad that I've met someone that I, that's exactly how I think about flights. Get there the latest possible, be the last one to get on. So you don't have to wait in a line.

I just got, we just got through all this. And also like, it looks a little desperate energy. In my opinion. You're just thirsty for a vacation or something. It just looks like someone's like sitting. sitting like waiting like on the plane it's like chill out i do have a bone to pick though at the baggage claim if we're on the topic i do not understand the people that get right up against the baggage claim that's you on the plane no no that's your energy on the plane yeah but i don't get

in anyone's way i'm just doing my thing i'm going like baggage claim have you seen people they won't move and then people like dragged along with their bags that's wild check my bags i agree with that i simply don't get it anything you need that you forgot you can go to Target. Yep. Right. Or Amazon. Yeah, I just, I don't want to deal with them losing my bag. I don't want to deal with waiting. I truly, I get off the plane. I order my lift or Uber as I'm walking to the door. So it's right there when I'm out of the door and I'm gone. No, no, no, no. Okay, you can't argue. What do you mean? No, no, no, no. That's what I do. Very passionate about the airport.

I hear what you. No, she's saying it's called efficiency, but not if you have to miss these flights and times and go to Target. That's inefficient. Yeah, but you could also, you can order stuff. Like, that's what I do. I have to order stuff there. What are you checking in your bag that you need?

You need those extra pair of pants. Are you going to wear them? His Esperaldas. What are Esperales? That is funny that you said Esper. I was like, I don't know what an Esperlda is, but I guess you need it. Lauren, you should see,

Don't even bullshit me. Lauren, you have our whole fucking house in all different colors lined up. Did you check your bag too? Yeah, because he makes me. I would rather do what you do. Lauren, you have, no, when we travel tight, we usually take care of it. But right now we have the kids and this and that. It's like, it's insane.

We have half the fucking house with us. I think that you need to work harder so we can fly private at all times. I mean, yeah. Yeah, fly private. But I went to Europe for two weeks with just a check bag and a bag bag. That's impressive. That's impressive. That's impressive.

Did you have shows? No. But if you had shows, would you have done that? Yeah. Okay. So you're just kind of like go with the flow. Well, for shows, I just wear my little uniform, which is just a striped shirt and jeans. Always.

Yeah. That's good for branding. Oh, I just wear it because I like colors and it's easy. And it's the same shirt every single time. Uh-uh. I have a bunch of different colorful striped shirts. And then I have multiple pairs of jeans that I know fit and I can like move around in. You know, someone was saying that this is also good for decision fatigue.

Yeah. I don't have to make a choice. I just, if I have three shows or five shows, whatever. We change in between every show? No. There's two shows in night and I'll just wear the same outfit. But it's like, so it's like three days of shows. There's three striped shirts.

And then an outfit for like before the show. But it's like you don't have to waste your capacity of your energy on making any decision that's not having to do with the show. shows material is the way it seems like is that like is that strategic that sounds kind of strategic no because i'm wearing it right now it's just it makes my life easy and if i like go to dinner then i'll wear something fun okay it seems like you're everything that has happened to you is very like fluid which i think is cool because a lot of people come on here and they're like i have a 5 a.m. wake up with a meditation with a

and you're not, dude. Yeah, you just like go. I have ADHD. I'm bippin and poppin. It's talent. Thank you. Yeah. But also I've just like made things easier in my life. So it's like this makes my life easy. I just know what I'm wearing. It's fine. I don't have to like freak out. I just know that I'll have a pair of jeans clean and I'll have a striped shirt clean and that's what I put on. I like the decision fatigue thing. So what are the things that like rattle you? things that rattle me? You don't seem very rattleable, if that's a word. Does that make sense?

Yeah. You seem like pretty, like, you're not going to be thrown off to you're saying. Even keeled. Dumb shit rattles me. Like, if I'm in my house and someone's in there and they're in a different room and they enter that room, that scares me. What do you mean? What do you mean? Like, if they come from behind me and ask me a question, that's scary.

Oh. So, like, if someone's in the other room in your house and comes from behind. Yeah. So do you tell them to not sneak up on you? They should. But then I'm like, how do you not sneak up on somebody? If an ominous voice is coming towards me, that might scare me too. I'm rattled by dumb shit like that.

Let's see, what really rattles me? What rattles you? Well, someone in the other room in the house doesn't rally me too much. Pull out your pet peeve-less. No, I got a lot of peeps. So we do this thing when we travel called prompts. And sometimes they're called pot-stering prompts, but sometimes they're called prompts. And we ask, like say we are traveling with like 12 people.

We ask a question and you have to go around the table and it's like Jeffersonian style and everyone has to listen to the person answer it. Okay. And it could be things that like, like, like, what was asking? You could ask anything. Like, it could be like what do you, it could be something like what do you want your legacy to be or like what's your biggest pet pee? Like it could be anything. Or like you could be like, you know, sometimes we'll be like with couples and be like, what is your greatest sexual experience you've ever had? Not in the relationship.

or not in the relationship. And it's like, we do those ones and be like, oh, this shit's going to get interesting at dinner. And then you have some wines and tequila. You see what happens. Yes. Like throwing a...

So one of the ones that we just did was what's your biggest pet peeve and everyone went around. We get to him. I had to take the phone, the notes fab out. Larry David. Larry David.

What are some of them? I don't know. I have to pull them up. I don't know if I don't know if I still have it. I like that you write them down so you don't forget what bothers you. Well, we were drinking and there were so many peeves that I just had it.

Read us a couple of your, I don't know if I can find it. So what's your peeve while he's finding it? I don't love when people chew with their mouth open, but I feel like that's universal. Okay. It's kind of gross. Taylor's out.

Nicole, where can everyone support what you're doing? Where can they find the fat girl's guide to being brave and not a dejected melancholy down in the dumps, weeping fat girl in a bikini? I think it's on Amazon. Okay? I think. I don't know.

My Instagram's at Nicole Beyer. My Twitter's at Nicole Beyer. My TikTok is Nicole Beyer as well because Nicole Beyer was taken. My website is Nicole Byer was taken.com because that's funny. That's taken. That's the actual handle. That's amazing. Yeah. And can you

give us a little peek of what's next for you? I have a podcast called Why Won't You Date Me? I have another one called Newcomers. I have another one called 90 Day Bay. I have another one called Best Friends with Sashir's Ameta. Why won't people date you? Listen, I've been doing the podcast for like six years, seven years. There's been no answers. But is there a common theme?

Like when you date, is there like something that's going astray or something that's... I think I'm just a lot and I'm a little weird. And if you're not on board with that, then I'm also fat. I'm also a black woman. So it's like there's a lot of things. No, I think we can get to the bottom of this. There's got to be, you know, there's people out there for sure. I'm sure there is.

You know? The search continues. Do you live in L.A.? I do live in L.A. I will brag that this show has set up a lot of people. Some people have gotten married from the show. Really? Yeah, we had people come on the show.

Kids? Literally. Kids? Yeah. People have kids. Oh, have kids. I was like, what are you doing with these kids on the show? I'm just confused. Should I alert the authorities?

He's here. How Nicole has four podcasts? Is it weekly? Have you ever thought about consolidating some of those podcasts? No, she has 80. I can't. Because one is about love, one is about friendship, one is about movies, and one is about 90-day fiance. Let me tell you something. We talk about 8,000 topics on one show. Yeah.

Anyways, this sounds like a little... She has ADHD. But it's also diversifying your assets. Yeah. Ah. Yeah, but aren't you the same? But you're the, but you're, okay, you know what? What? It's fine. I love that you're like, don't make it one. But I, one is by myself and one is with somebody. And then the rest are with people. Oh, they're with people. Yeah. So I thought you were just like I have four podcasts by myself. That would be insane. That would be actually unhinged. Do you record every single week for all of these?

Damn. I stack them. So why won't you date me? I'll like record three in a row. And then best friends will record like two, two in a row. Newcomers will just record. We try to stack them,

but sometimes we can't because my co-host has kids and, you know, kids are unpredictable. And then 90-day Bay is weekly because the episodes come out. Last question. Do I need to watch 90-day fiancé while I marinate? Okay, listen, it is a whole universe now. So you have 90-day fiancé, 90-day the other way, before the 90 days. You have 90-day the single life. You have 90-day happily ever after.

You have Darcy and Stacey. You have the family Chantel, which just ended. Is it that good? What's so good about it? That's why there's six spinoff. Wait, but it sounds like it's a little bit like housewives. Like if someone asked me, do I need to watch housewives? I'd be like, wait, wait, wait. Like, so overwhelming. There's so many different directions. There's a lot. Wait, but what, just give me a one sentence blib on, like, what it is.

So there's an American who meets somebody foreign to bring over to America. They're worried that the American, or that the foreigner is going to steal their money. But as you watch, you're like, what money? You live in a trailer. Like, what money? Okay. And then everybody, like, everyone is crazy. And then their families are all like, why are you doing this?

and they're like, I'm just in love. Okay. It's delightful. And does any of their relationships actually, like, make it through? Very few. Okay. All right. I guess I got an issue.

I think you already missed it, Lauren. I think it's too late. It's not too late. Start with Anfisa. I think that's season three or four. Okay. That's when it becomes less of a docu series and more of a circus. Okay.

Can't wait. Nicole, we got a lot covered in this episode. Thanks for coming on. Thank you for having me. Taylor is horny, inspired all the things. Thanks, Nicole. Maybe somebody will listen to this and date you and you'll find. Find love on the skinny confidential him and her show.

Is it women who are finding love on your show or men? Men. Both. No, it's more men. She's right. She's right. It's more men. The single men who come on my podcast.

You never know. You never know. Be abundant. You never know with the space that you have on the airport above. That's the way that you should look at dating. What if this entire time, if you showed up to the airport earlier, Mr. Wright was just No. We're not compatible.

No, yeah. Why isn't they're so fucking early? And also like, she... Wait for you. If she was flying private, maybe. All right, Nicole. Maybe there. We've covered it.

Not the commercial.