The Bossticks - Patti Stanger - How To Attract & Keep The Right Partner For You

Starting point is 00:00:00 The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

Starting point is 00:00:23 One of the things women have a problem with, this is the main problem. Okay, pay attention and get a notebook. Women were taught to please and not speak up for what we want. This is why abortion is going away. But the point is, we are so afraid to rock the boat. I was the same way. If he yelled at me, I go silent instead of saying, hey, I'm not going to scream at you. Well, why did you do that?

Starting point is 00:00:48 Why are you being mean to me? What is going on that you are, what's driving your bus right now that you're taking it out of me? And so women are afraid to speak up and say, I want this. I don't want to do that. da-da-da-da-da-da-da, and they go with the flow. Hold on to your seat. Patty Stanger. The Millionaire Matchmaker is on the show today,

Starting point is 00:01:10 and we are getting into it. We're going to talk about the main reason why relationships don't last, how to become more self-aware of who you choose to date, the importance of working on yourself before you date, manifestation techniques, practicing gratitude, the key to healthy relationships, and cheating.

Starting point is 00:01:27 Trust me, we go there, this episode. And what I like about Patty is she's like the same energy as Michael and I, she just tells it how it is. Patty, welcome to the show. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. This is so wild to me to be able to ask you this because I'm such a fan. You're single now. What's your type? Tell us, I want you to get so granular. I thought I was really in love with the last one. And I was. It just said we had some issues that were deal breakers. And I still love him. Okay. But. But he's with somebody else now, and we went out for almost a year.

Starting point is 00:02:02 And it was the most consistent because he had a huge family. He was Catholic. I thought you were going to say huge something else. No, 1,000. And I loved his children. And it was like a package deal. And it was amazing. So I want somebody family-oriented.

Starting point is 00:02:13 I love the DILFs. You know, dads, I love to blank. Yeah. And I love a guy who's been married, had kids because I'm older. Okay. And I love those tall, all-American types, you know, good job, money in the bank. I don't need the billionaire in the private plane. I like to go on vacation once or twice a year.

Starting point is 00:02:28 But I'm not crazy. I work too. I make money. So I just want somebody who I'm compatible with who likes to do the things that I like to do and have great sex and great passion.

Starting point is 00:02:38 I think that that is a pretty goddamn good list of things. And kind. Nice and kind. I've had some really bad guys who are really mean. They don't start out that way. Like you'll get nine months in

Starting point is 00:02:49 and you're like, wait, who's this person? They just change the personality. And I'm consistent. Even though we're Gemini's you and I, I'm really consistent with who I am. I'm not somebody who, How can I say it? Changes. I never really change. So it's like you get what you get when you see me.

Starting point is 00:03:03 Do you have trouble with how driven and the brand you've built and been on television, finding a man that's comfortable with your success? So my last boyfriend at the end of the breakup said, I was intimidated by your success, but I never knew it because I was really in awe of what he did. He did something in the healthcare industry. And he didn't make as much money as me, but he was helping humanity. And I'm super metaphysical and super spiritual. And I want to help humanity. So that was a big deal. But the one thing that got me is like, I didn't know he was intimidated. He was like a total Scorpio Alpha. So how would I know that if you don't say something to me? But I'm very different.

Starting point is 00:03:38 So I go on a date. I'm chatting with you. This is business mode. We have two modes, Gemini's. And then I switch to quiet, take my energy down. I'm very sensual. I'm completely different. It's like I have two personalities.

Starting point is 00:03:49 You're a true Gemini. I'm double Gemini. I bet you you like to be alone too. Mm-hmm. As outgoing as you are. Deep progression time. Because you have to recharge to give it your all. Right.

Starting point is 00:04:01 You know what I mean? Doing what you've done over there is in putting couples together. Are you able to know rather quickly? Yes. Yeah, it's okay. I mean, I'll look at the, like when Travis and Taylor got together, everybody was really freaking out that it was a, you know, publicity stuff. I'm like, she's loaded.

Starting point is 00:04:17 She doesn't need to do publicity. And she had been burned so many times. You know, you go with Joe and it's like, what, five, six years and he doesn't give her the ring. You got, you know, Jake Gillenthal, leave you. her at the party, it doesn't go to the party. Like it was so much bad shit one after the other, but who's she going to meet at that level? Think about it. When you're that rich, who do you meet? Okay. Somebody either has a reason they're dating you or what? To get a guy who's the biggest thing in his industry, he's climbing, he's at the top, she's at the top. It was a win-win. And he

Starting point is 00:04:47 wanted her, you know, he's a Libra, which is really unusual because they're really passive. She's a sage. And he wanted her. And he said, I'm going to go and get my friendship race. like, get ready. And she didn't, she does them. She didn't know who's there. The cousin connected it. I knew right away this was going to be real. If he doesn't propose by July, I will be mad at him because it'll be a year. With everything that you've seen, what are the things that stand out as huge red flags? If someone's listening and they're in a marriage, they're not happy, what are those red flags that you see immediately? So the Gottman Institute is the best place to study. They know that resentment is the reason people get broken up. If you are not heard, your feelings are not heard, let's say you're having a

Starting point is 00:05:26 really bad day at work and you come home and you're flustered, especially as a woman, and a man usually wants to fix. But you say, hey, will you listen to me? And he discounts your feelings. Get the fuck out. The same thing with the man. If the man comes in and you're like, oh, you're overblown this and you start talking about something else, if you cut people off and you don't let them feel their feelings and express it because they won't feel close to you if you don't. listen. Both sides of the street, gay, straight, pink polka dot, it doesn't matter. Lauren, you didn't listen to me the other day. Okay, but what if your husband talks for 45 hours straight?

Starting point is 00:06:01 You're going to do the thing cut to the chase. But you can't say cut to the chase. You can say to him, I only have limited capacity for 10 minutes. Do you think in 10 minutes you could express what you're feeling and I will listen? And if you'd like me to help, I will help you. Do you think we're going to work out? I don't know. Who knows? You're going to have another baby. I think you need two because I don't like three. like even amounts. You're like even amounts.

Starting point is 00:06:23 Yeah. Adopt a bunch of kids. Then you don't have to worry about your body. It's so hard. Right. Or surrogacy. You could do circus. Oh, you know what?

Starting point is 00:06:32 The surrogacy thing, what threw me off is when Chloe Kardashian came out. And she was so vocal about how hard that journey was. Like, I don't think people are. Well, I'm adopted. So it's hard for me to say that because I think a kid, a healthy kid is a healthy kid. Any way you get them. You're adopted. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:06:49 And did you end up? meeting your own parents? No, I didn't. My mom died by the time. I found her biologically, and it was very hard because the records are sealed. So now at Ancestry.com, I just found out my dad was an orphan coming from Romania and became one of the most famous composers for Frank Sinatra, best friends were Robert Duval and Robert De Niro. And I haven't, he wrote a book.

Starting point is 00:07:13 I just got his book. And now I want to call Robert DeVal and Robert DeMiro. It was all these famous people like Patty Chiaofsky. He hung in the It crowd and he wrote a book about it. Wow, you found that out through ancestry? Ancestry because whenever you take a blood test and sometimes it goes into the database, you know, the global database, you will find out. So somebody from his side was looking for me or somebody else and it crossed, the DNA crossed.

Starting point is 00:07:38 It's all about the saliva or the blood, whatever they're using these days. And the parents that you grow up with that you call your parents, are they amazing? No, my dad was an alcoholic, a really bad one. And my mom stayed too long at the party. So it was a traumatic childhood, but my mom and my grandmother were matchmakers. So my grandmother fixed my mom up with their first husband, and he cheated. It was like Mrs. Maisel. And then after that, my mom said, and my grandma said, I'm going to teach you how to find love.

Starting point is 00:08:05 So she went on a cruise with a date she didn't like. You know how they used to smoke cigarettes and light each other cigarettes? She's at the bathroom, and my father lights up the cigar, and she says, I'm going to, he goes, I'm going to marry you. Probably said it's every woman that came out of the bathroom. But he did. He married her like three months later. So your entire childhood was...

Starting point is 00:08:23 Traumatic. You were watching matchmakers in front of you. Oh, yeah. And my aunt. My aunt was a big one in New York City. But they didn't do it for money. It was a time, you know, in the 60s was just beginning the divorce. But in the 70s, it was Bob Carroll, Ted and Alice. They were swinging the people and they were trying, sleeping with their secretaries and leaving their wives. It was a whole time of divorce. People did not expect this. You got married. You thought it was for life. a vow. So who were they going to do? They went to the rabbi in my situation. I was raised Jewish, but I don't practice. Went to the rabbi and then the rabbi said, can you help me fix

Starting point is 00:09:00 these poor women up? They're being left. Their husbands are leaving for their secretaries. So was matchmaking even like a thing? Like this they so it sounds like they almost like invented the profession. Matchmaking was big in the Jewish religion and other religions too. Okay. Especially Indian. They use it and they use astrology, the Hindu religion. If you had a small community, you went to the rabbi for help and the rabbit's end, which is the wife of the rabbi would be like, we got to have a mixer. You know, we got to have an on-nex Shabbat, which is Shabbat with singles. Like, they had to do things.

Starting point is 00:09:27 And my grandmother was really good at connecting. She was like a social butterfly at the country club. When you say your childhood is traumatic, do you mean because of your father? Because of my dad, my dad. It was a very unstable presence. And so now we know epigenics-wise, ancestral trauma, when we go into relationships, we take this. Like when the mother is having a child and she is not feeling that she's on the run, she's on drugs, something is going wrong. That child is picking up the messages of fight or flight.

Starting point is 00:09:54 And that's what we're learning now. We're learning that talk therapy is not going to get us that far. So we have to learn how to meditate. We have to learn how to, as we were talking before, change of vibration. That's what Dr. Dispenza is doing. Like they're Lipton. And my favorite is Dr. Tara. You should have Dr. Tara on your show. She isn't from the source. She is the bomb. She's teaching us that our brain doesn't know what's, what's imagine which is real. So if our brain, brain doesn't know that. We can program our brain to believe our imagination is real, but the brain gets afraid, afraid. So, because they're always in fight or flight from the DNA from the caveman area. We've got to overturn the program. So you've got your brain, which is the hardware, and your

Starting point is 00:10:33 mind, which is the software. And we're learning now that this is what therapy should have been for a thousand years, that we can change. And then when we change, we attract better people. And don't you, like what I'm hearing, and this is how I feel, I feel like I've done my own therapy within through meditation. That's amazing. Like I feel like I... Absolutely. You raise your vibration.

Starting point is 00:10:55 Do you do it too, Michael? I'm working more and more on it. So I do TM. What kind do you do? I do Joe Despenza. But I'm obsessed with Louise Hay. Oh, I've always been Louise Hay. I'm a Louis.

Starting point is 00:11:08 When I get sick, she's my goddess. Okay. Now we're, this is... We're fast friends. I've been with Louise Hay and Florence Chin and Neville Goddard and all the old timers. You need to write all these people down. I don't know who you're talking about.

Starting point is 00:11:19 So, Neville. Goddard is the father of law of attraction before Abraham before the secret. He is the one. He was a, he was like a minister that brought this science of the mind. And Florence was right there with them. And she would say statements like affirmation. But the key to affirmations is repetition. You must do 500,000 times a day, even if you don't believe it, in the shower, in the car on the toilet. If you keep doing it in 30 days, the brain is going to get the message and change the subconscious, which is the driver of your mind. Yeah, what I've said to some of my friends is like if they do like the 10 minute in the affirmations in the morning, but the rest of the day is spent not doing those things. Like you kind of like missed the point of the morning. It's not going to be enough is what I was saying. Well, the 500 that we've scientifically known that the brain needs 500 to at least 2,000. But if you do 500, you're good. Like if you're like, I realize 500 goes fast. I have this little ring you push down to know how many times you say it and get it on Amazon. It's for like clubs when you go into clubs and you want to know how many people are in the club. So you can say it. So if I do a 10, if I walk. If I walk.

Starting point is 00:12:18 10,000 steps every day. I'm doing this. Now, here's the thing. The last guy that I dated was my dad, the father wound. And that had not come up in a really long time. And that hit me, he broke me. And so I'm dating sporadically, but nobody major because I'm cleaning my brain to go, no, I don't want to date my father. I want to date a different type of person. You're very self-aware. Yes, they're very self-aware. But then there's less choices. As you raise your vibration, it becomes, less choices, but better choices. So which would you have? Their quantity or quality? That's interesting that you say that because I always say if I wasn't with Michael, I don't, I think I would be single. And it's be, I feel like. I've set the bar too high.

Starting point is 00:13:02 Yeah, I feel like the vibration of what I want. Yeah. Is so high. Yes. That I would rather be alone. I don't think you'll be alone. I just think you'll wait for the right person. So those people are single who are listening to this. If you've been alone for a long time, time and you're working on yourself, namaste, do not put yourself down for it because you're waiting for the good one to come up and sometimes a good one takes a minute. You're in, you know, it's like you're redefining who you want and then you're also working on yourself, your inner and your outer self to say which is it. And we want to live in the inner world because the inner world is the world where you're going to attract the really great guy or girl.

Starting point is 00:13:41 When I had to lose 60 pounds after I had a baby. Okay. I was, but you gave birth, right? You gave a child out of your body. Yeah, but it's so hard. It's so hard. It's gaining all that weight. And no one wants to say it. I'll say it. It's so hard.

Starting point is 00:13:57 Right. But I kept telling myself in my head, I'm so fat. This doesn't fit me. Did you not feel sexual with Michael when you were doing? It wasn't even about sex. I just felt like bad. Like a blob. Then I switched my thinking.

Starting point is 00:14:11 I said, I'm slender. I'm long. I'm lean. I'm working out. I'm losing weight. And the weight just started to fall. You're a manifester. and I want to know what you've said in your head.

Starting point is 00:14:22 Okay. So I had a bat. So the last few weeks I was working on me and I said, okay, so because I'm teaching. I'm teaching my course manifesting love and money with Kathleen Cameron, big manifestation expert. You can go to my bio and my Instagram and look it up. And so I'm teaching the course. And I said to them, write down what you think of the block is. And I do the course with them.

Starting point is 00:14:43 And I'm going, okay, everybody takes five minutes, minute tape, blah, blah, blah. Come back and I go, I know. I know he exists, but I think I can't find him. So my mantra now is my love is, my true love has found me now. I don't like long mantras. You know, I don't like long affirmations. I like a simple, and I don't like when someone writes the affirmations. I like my own affirmations.

Starting point is 00:15:02 You know, when you read the affirmations in books, you're like, oh, that's a wordy thing. What do I feel? And my true love has found me now. So now that I did it, men are starting to come around me again, which you know that signs of land, you're summoning energy, and you feel better. When you did that, the weight fell off. Probably didn't fall off in five minutes. It took a minute, but it did fall off.

Starting point is 00:15:22 And you do have to say it all day long. It's not like Louise Hay says just what Michael says to. She says, like, you can't just wake up and say for five minutes. It's got to be, you have to pay attention to the way you speak to yourself in your head all day long. My best friend is Marisipere. I don't know if you've had her on the podcast. She's a leading hypnotherapist, number one therapist in the world. She's in Mind Valley, you know, with Bishon and all those guys.

Starting point is 00:15:45 And she said to me, what do you, she was on Louis's house a couple weeks ago. And she goes, what do you tell yourself every day, which is what you just said. When you wake up in the morning, you're lucid. You're in theta. You're not completely alpha yet awake. So you're in theta. Okay. And then you go to alpha and then you wake up to, you know, beta. And so you go, I'm lucid. I'm kind of feeling sleepy. That's the time, those five minutes to go in to go, program the affirmation, then visualize and taste and feel and touch in your mind. And you have to look. And you have to look. at it like you're looking at the person. You're not looking at a movie. Because if you're looking at a movie, you're not one-on-one with what you want. You have to be inside the movie.

Starting point is 00:16:24 You are the actor inside the movie. So when you wake up for five minutes, you could be like, I'm so grateful for my life. I love myself. That's a perfect dample. So start with the gratitude. I do. If you can't find anything to be grateful for, because we're living in a time of chaos in the world, I love my sheets, I love my pillow, which is Dr. Tarris thing. And I love that. I love my sheets. I love my bed. I love my pillow. Oh my God, I love my, I love my, I love my I love the way I feel. Then I go into the affirmation. My true love has found me now.

Starting point is 00:16:50 Then I see it. Taste, touch, I feel it. Then five minutes. The other day, I did it in Ben on Saturday, and I thought it was five minutes. It was two hours and it flew like that. So you're, I mean, you're meditating all the time. It's interesting because your personality is so extroverted, and you've got so much going on, and you've been on television, and it's interesting to hear this other side of you.

Starting point is 00:17:12 Right. So I want to go back to what. when you were on television and walk through up until now. So I have my new TV show on the CW. Okay, tell us about that. So it's a very different show, which is what we were just talking about. It's called Patty Stanger, the Matchmaker.

Starting point is 00:17:25 It airs Thursday nights at 8. Check your local listings. And you can download the CW app for free. But it's basically me and Nick Vowler doing it together, and I am breaking people's patterns because people are coming to me. I'm single, I'm single, and I keep going to the same type of guy.

Starting point is 00:17:41 And I say, okay, well, what are you doing? And we have to break the ancestral wound, the childhood wound, which is where it mostly comes from, before we even give them on a date at the end of the episode. And it's really not about me finding the perfect match. It's about you cleaning up who you are. We had Gigi on from Shaz's Sunset. We've got Jeff Lewis fixing up Shane, his assistant.

Starting point is 00:18:01 Vicky came on because I trained Vicky from Housewives of Orange County. When Steve screwed her over, she's one of my friends. And she called me up crying hysterically. I said, write a list right now. She writes a list. She writes at the bottom. I want a guy who line dances and it's cowboy boots and all this money. And she never had a guy with money.

Starting point is 00:18:20 And the next day, Kelly Dodd introduces her to Michael, who I knew because Michael had dated one of my friends who treats her like gold. They're living together. Life is great. And she had never manifested anyone before. She ever even did manifestation. So with all of these people that you have dealt with on your old show, on your new show, you've got your friends calling you, got your famous friends calling you. What are these ancestral wounds that you're talking about? Tell us some things that you see.

Starting point is 00:18:47 Okay, so for instance, my dad's was an orphan. Okay. And I'm adopted. Do you see the ancestral connection there? Okay. My biological mother was an alcoholic drug addict. I get adopted by an addict. You see the aunt.

Starting point is 00:19:04 So now your job in this lifetime is to break the ancestral wounds. And the only one to do it was awareness, meditation, and raising your vibration. When you do that, the chain is broken. And all those people, which probably goes back for centuries, this is not like a one-off. You know, centuries are in your family. I'm not good enough, which is the number one thing, right?

Starting point is 00:19:27 Number one thing in the whole world, we walk around, I'm not good enough. What else? What are other ones? Another one is like, I had terrible luck with love. I have terrible luck with money. I have health issues in my family. Like, whatever the issue is,

Starting point is 00:19:39 it's floating through your ancestor. I can't afford. that I can't do that. That's too expensive. You were saying, I want a baby, but it's really hard on my body. Well, it's going to be hard on your body if you keep saying it. What if you said, this pregnancy is going to be a breeze and the weight's going to fly off? This pregnancy is going to be a breeze and the weight's going to fall off. This is not a pregnancy announcement, guys.

Starting point is 00:19:59 What issues, Michael, do you have that you want to go to the next level in your business and you keep saying this is not easy? I'm going to be really honest. He's going to be honest with you. I know what he's going to say. I don't think like that. So you never think of, you always think, you can have whatever you want.

Starting point is 00:20:13 Yes. You're Mr. positive. I'm not Mr. positive. I'm not Mr. Positive. I'm not Mr. Japanese, so I'm definitely not Mr. positive.

Starting point is 00:20:19 No, no. No, no. Japanese, really? Wow. No, I, Michael is like, what's it called an anomaly? No, I spent a lot of time

Starting point is 00:20:27 in my youth in trouble. Ooh. And not trouble for like really bad stuff, but like, hey, you're in detention. Hey, you're suspended. Hey, Saturday school.

Starting point is 00:20:36 Hey, lunch. And I did you do? Do you talk too much? Yeah, I was just like, I was just like, you know, I kicked out. He was trying to finger bang me in my overalls in seventh grade. But no, I gave-

Starting point is 00:20:44 You know that guys, I know, which was from way back then? I gave my first grade teacher, the middle finger, got kicked out of school. He moon the principal. He was just like a bad boy. Yeah, but not like a bad boy. No, like a prankster. Yeah, but not even like a prankster. I just, I didn't figure out school.

Starting point is 00:20:57 And then it didn't work for me. But anyway, so I spent a lot of time, like, just in all these things. And during that time, I know this sounds kind of crazy, is like I just was in my head a lot, thinking, thinking, thinking. And I realized early on, like, I had a lot of these external factors. People telling me like, oh, you're not this. you're not going to be that. And so like I learned how to. So no, no. So because you've been Narius, because my venus is Neres. So when I get the no like you do, I'm like, oh, fuck you and I'm

Starting point is 00:21:18 watch me. Just watch me do it. So that gives you the adrenaline to do it. I also refuse to ever talk to myself poorly. Not always. But I don't. That's amazing. How did you learn that? But how did you learn? He has very good parents. Because, but no, because, okay, I wasn't always like this. But I used to talk to myself really poorly when I was young. And then I realized at one point, I'm like, okay, if I don't talk to myself kindly and with enthusiasm and tell myself I'm great, then like nobody else is going to do it. Did dad or mom teach you that? Yeah, my dad's very calm. Both of them are very like, my mom was like, oh, my mom was kind of, hi mom. It was like, hey, I did this thing. And she's like, yeah, of course. I could do the thing.

Starting point is 00:21:54 And when I wouldn't fall short, like I don't, even to this day, you know, it's not, it's like But tell her how you talk to yourself. I'm, I'm talking in the mirror when he gets out of the shower. Tell her. I talk to myself like a full psychopath. Post, but you know the rule is Marisapier, Joe Dispenza, all of them say get in front of the mirror, tell yourself you're beautiful, you love each other like 20 times a day. And then brush your teeth

Starting point is 00:22:16 brush your teeth with your left hand as you do it. But I'm not saying I don't. He talks to himself like, I'm the hottest motherfucker. I am rich. I'm on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Say, let her rip. She's on shut up this whole episode. Take a break over there. You can go and take a sip of water over there. Okay. No, I catch myself

Starting point is 00:22:33 in moments of doubt all the time. Got it. But I'm able to snap out. quickly. So if I am, if I do something... So what in the last two weeks? Did something go wrong and you had to catch yourself? Yeah, of course. What happens? Give me one. Give me example. I don't know. Like, maybe, you know, we just put on this live event in the way that I was doing it. I didn't. And then instead of like, oh, that was stupid, I'll be like, okay, next time you're going to do this and this is the way... But don't you think everything's a learning curve? Like, that's the problem. So it's a learning

Starting point is 00:22:57 to ever call myself a loser or a failure. So how do you deal with when he does that? Do you do the same thing as start to get positive because he's positive? Or do you get irritated? But I'm not positive. I just realize. Here's the thing. I'm not positive. I just realize that the negative is not going to serve me. But it doesn't matter. You're still positive. So how do you deal with him being so positive? I don't think the word is positive. I think the word is quietly confident with he's he's very confident in himself. And it's the way he thinks. So the confidence does it, does it overflow into you? Like I'll give you an example. She was saying that the next pregnancy is going to be hard. And what I'll say immediately is like, you're in better shape this time. You're taking care of

Starting point is 00:23:36 up, it's going to be easier. You're a good husband. I know he's a good husband. But I will also, like, I think I'm... I want a guy like you then. Yeah, he's a good husband. He talks a lot in the morning, though. No, but I...

Starting point is 00:23:46 I'm good at snapping. I'm practical, but I'm good at snapping myself into like, okay, like, what's a productive thought and what's not a productive thought? What do you get in your club? You know? What are you getting in the club? Oh my God, he'd be like the top of the list. So would you.

Starting point is 00:24:00 So would you. I would be like in love fixing you guys up. But I don't want to fix you up because you're a perfect couple. But watching you too, even though you know each other, you've got shorthand because you know each other your whole lives. Most people don't know each other. I look at this. The vibrational frequency is so clean. Even if you have problems, you're really good together.

Starting point is 00:24:19 We're very blunt to each other. I mean. I don't care of that. That I like the fact that you zig and zag and there's not a lot of like, there's not a lot of trauma. Like you got, when I reach your vibration, you're really clean together. Like, I don't know if it was like you probably had faded relationship before you came into this life. It's probably fate. Well, we heard...

Starting point is 00:24:38 That's a really nice compliment. We do Zig and Zag. We get a lot of shit on social media because people will say... They're jealous. She'll say, oh, she doesn't like her husband because I pick... Well, you're more of a badger. I'm a badger, but here's the thing. If you had known someone since you're 12, it's your best friend, I know where I can take it

Starting point is 00:24:58 to the line. Did you ever say, first of all, did you only date each other and there was nobody else? Did you break up and together? We had some. How many breakups have you had until you got married? We dated from 12 to 15. Yeah. We broke up.

Starting point is 00:25:11 I went with the older guys. Yeah. And we got back together in college at the end. Yeah, I went to University of Arizona. You went to University of Arizona. You went to all the hot girls and where'd you go? All the hot girls. I went to San Diego State.

Starting point is 00:25:25 Oh, that's where my ex went. Maybe I had a man. But here's the thing. We always kind of like had a connection. And I say this with apologies. I've said it on the podcast. I never, like, all the relationships I was in before, I didn't take them very seriously. Maybe I should have.

Starting point is 00:25:40 I don't feel good about how I was in a lot of those relationships. But I didn't have the connection I had with her. So I was just like, oh, here's, I knew it was a placeholder. To always comparing, basically. It wasn't necessarily comparing. It was just like, I didn't have that. Like, I knew it was like, oh, these are all just going to be like. That's amazing.

Starting point is 00:25:53 None of them are going to last in my mind. But that's, I think you had destiny. I leaned out. If I took your chart in astrology, I'd find that you were destined. I think a tip, and I want to know all your tips for women is. I was aloof. Wait, but quickly. So aloof.

Starting point is 00:26:07 Before you go into your aloofness. Were you aloof on purpose or you're naturally aloof? I'm naturally aloof. Then that's the difference. You're like an, we probably have a lot of Aquarius in your chart too. My daughter's Aquarius. Yeah. He would lean in and I would lean out and it would make him want me more.

Starting point is 00:26:21 Because he's Aries. They only want what they can't have. Oh my God. That explains everything. He wouldn't leave me alone. That's the story of my life. But I do want to say, for people listening, I'm not like this overly positive all the time guy.

Starting point is 00:26:33 I've just spent a lot of time working on. But you learn the trick of the system. Sorry, you learn the trick of the system so that you could have the goodies. Like, you understand. Like, if this, if someone said, this is the roadmap to getting everything you want, even if you don't believe it, you're still going to do it. Yeah, I don't wallow in my sorrows for more than 10 minutes. Do you wall in your stars?

Starting point is 00:26:52 Are you more of a venter? No, no, no. I don't wallow in my thoughts. I vent in 10 seconds, and then it's gone. But that's because I'm New York and, you know, raised Jewish. So that's like, we have to get it out of our system. Colostrum. Are you guys taking it? I am. You know who else is taking it? Michael, both my kids and ready, my dog.

Starting point is 00:27:13 My dogs like colostrum. So how I found this out is I was taking my scoop of my armor colostrum. I scoop it in my mouth, the unflavored one. I swish it around. I make it a paste. I think it tastes so good. The founder actually told me to do this. And I give it to my kids. Like I'll scoop it in their mouth. My kids ask me for colostrum. And I, I'm obsessed with this because it has all the essential nutrients that our bodies need in order to thrive. If you don't know, colostrum supports immunity. It helps your metabolism. It ignites it. It's anti-inflammatory. It supports your gut health, activates hair growth, skin radiance. It's just amazing too for recovery and it has powerful anti-aging benefits. The one that I take is premium. I also am a fan of the watermelon one and how I use this one is I'll mix it in water and shake it

Starting point is 00:28:05 So the regular unflavored, I'll scoop in my mouth and the watermelon I shake up. I give that to my kids too. There's thousands of five-star reviews on their site and people are saying like it's life-changing. It makes total sense because colostrum is obviously the first food that many of us ate when we came on this planet. Armour is sustainably sourced and it's a superfood. We've worked out a special offer for our audience. Receive 15% off your first order. Go to try Omra.com slash skinny or inter skinny to get 15% off your first order.

Starting point is 00:28:35 order. That's T-R-Y-A-R-M-R-A.com slash skinny. One thing that I am so serious about is non-toxic living. I've changed my entire life moving to Austin. I really have. I was thinking the other day that Austin is the place that I disappear, that I have my sanctuary, I have my peace. And I'm really about my nervous system in Austin. And so one thing that I've done is I've changed all my cleaning supplies to branch basics. They have the best ingredients when it comes to everything to clean your kitchen, your sink, your toilet, your floors. My dogs are so close to the floor that I wanted to take this really seriously and my kids run around all the time without shoes on. So I was started to really think about this

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Starting point is 00:30:06 All you have to do is use code skinny at branch basics.com. Again, that's code skinny for 15% off when you purchase a starter kit or their new gel hand soap. Let's talk about my multivitamin. The one that I take has traceable key ingredients that are clean. So you can literally go on their site and see where each ingredient comes from. I personally am a little low on vitamin D and omega-3. but I wanted to find a multivitamin that had omega-3 DHA, and I wanted a specific vitamin D, and that came from ritual. The one that I take that I've been taking forever that I always rave about is essential for women 18 plus.

Starting point is 00:30:46 I also took their vitamins when I was pregnant with both of my kids, so I'm a big believer in what they do. I also like, this is so random, but their vitamins are really gentle on an empty stomach. It has like a minty essence. So you don't get like fish burps. You know what I mean? This is especially important with Omega 3DHA. You don't want like to feel fishy in your mouth. Ritual is all clinically backed.

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Starting point is 00:31:41 Start ritual or add essential for women 18 plus to your subscription today. That's ritual.com slash skinny for 25% off. Here's the thing. People will come to me and they want to talk about whatever troubles they're going through. And I'm like, well, let's talk about it for five or ten minutes. And now, you know, 10, 20, 30. But now we've talked about it for a long time. But like my ex when we would get up in the morning is a little more long winded than me.

Starting point is 00:32:05 And I'm like, you know, you're in your mind. You and I are like, cut to the chase, get to the bottom line. But then I didn't do it. But then he did it, started doing it to me cut to the chase. And I said, wait a second. You're the long winded one. I listen to all your stuff. You better listen to me.

Starting point is 00:32:16 And that's what I mean about resentment. So you'd have to get. One of the things women have a problem with, this is the main problem. Okay? Pay attention. Get a notebook. Okay. Is that women were taught to please and not speak up for what we will.

Starting point is 00:32:31 want. This is why abortion's going away. This is the main reason, not to mention Trump. But the point is we are not, we are so afraid to rock the boat. I was the same way. If he yelled at me, I go silent instead of saying, hey, I'm not going to scream at you, but why did you do that? Why are you being mean to me? What, what is going on that you're, what's driving your bus right now that you're taking it out on me? Because I always take it on the one they love. And women go silent and they don't speak up. And then there are women that are a little nastier and a little aggressive, but they usually end up attracting a beta, not an alpha. And most women want an alpha.

Starting point is 00:33:06 In order to get an alpha, you got to know when to be alpha and know when to be beta. Because men are alpha men are not attracted to Uber alpha women. They run from that. They just want a little alpha, not a lot of alpha. And so women are afraid to speak up and say, I want this. I don't want to do that. And they go with the flow. Like a lot of mouses out there.

Starting point is 00:33:28 From what you've seen, men and women and doing what you've done for all these years, what is the main reason people can't find a partner? Like, is it a person? Okay. So, post-pandemic, we were taught to shelter in place, which meant everything was on the phone. Okay. The smartphone has ruined our lives in a lot of ways. But yet, we have more access to information.

Starting point is 00:33:49 We're reading the news online. We're not going in. We're getting rid of television sets. Please don't get rid of a TV because I need to watch my show because I need my Nielsen rating. But we are in this place where we're getting used to being by ourselves. As we age, we get lazier. Oh, that girl's got this problem. Why should I go?

Starting point is 00:34:05 She's not married. She didn't have a job. She does in this. Then you look at the man, he doesn't have any money. He's kind of lazy. He texted me every so often. He breadcrumbs me, ghosts me. Like, there's so much chick.

Starting point is 00:34:17 When was ghosting acceptable? You can't ghost your boss. So why would you do it to someone you were dating? Why wouldn't you just say, hey, listen, I went out with you a few times. don't feel the connection. Maybe if I know someone for you, I'll give it to you, and maybe if you know someone from you, and we'll do the pay it forward thing, you know, the referral. But people are rude and nasty. Then where do you go to find a man? Michael, where do you go to find a man? I want a man 50 and up, 50 and up. How do you go? This is where I would go. Okay, where would you go? I'm going

Starting point is 00:34:45 to Santrape. I'm sitting in the hottest red dress you've ever seen. I'm taking Anna Karenina. I'm beating the book up so it looks really red. I'm putting my phone in the purse. I'm putting my phone in the purse. I am sitting with a bookmark in front of the yachts with my legs crossed and my sunglasses on and reading Anna Kriana. And men came over? And sitting there. No, I, this is in my dream. No, I've never done this. This is in my dream if I was single. Okay. I'm putting myself in the vibration of what I want to attract. Or I'm going to Barnes & Noble. And I'm looking hot, but not too hot. And I'm, we're talking about you. So where are the men? You just said to me, where do you find the man? The men are, well, the men are. They were just strolling the heart.

Starting point is 00:35:26 No, where are the men? They're on the yachts. Okay. So, and they're going to get off the yacht and see you with the antiquity room I redress. I'm going to look pretty hot and I'm going to be right in their way. So your vibration is saying, I'm attracting, which is what I teach, not going out and being aggressive about it, standing still. A woman is most potent when she's still. And using my fragrance, which is sitting here, which we can get into my family on fragrance. And then you're just emanating energy, which is what the lions do in the wilderness. It's time to mate. He sends Aurora. She smells the pheromone.

Starting point is 00:35:58 She comes to him. Okay? The lines are kind of lazy. Maybe a tiger does the opposite. The tiger goes to the woman. But in the meantime, we're from animals. We were apes at one point. So our DNA can send a vibrational frequency and a smell that'll draw the man in.

Starting point is 00:36:12 I want to be drawing the man in. I went on this date with my last boyfriend. He was on Tinder. And I wasn't really that attracted to him. And so I thought in the date, he's kind of quirky. I'm not going to go out with him again. But he, Alpha Scorpio. I mean, I think he even talked about my.

Starting point is 00:36:26 other boyfriend before that takes me the valet pays the valley takes a ticket right out of my hand oh sexy that's a sexy la thing and then he leans over and says what are you doing Saturday night and I went uh he goes you want to go to the Dodger game I have tickets and I was like he has season tickets I was like all right I'm you know what's kind of spring I'd like to see the Dodgers they're playing I don't remember who they're playing but they were playing good to me and then at the ballet he kissed me on the lips and it felt great and I go what the fuck was that I didn't like the way he dressed he's a little overweight he needs to well I said you know what he's like really cute face. I can get those 20 pounds off of him, which I did. I redid his wardrobe. I made him

Starting point is 00:37:01 hot. Put him on my Instagram, which I will never eff and do again. Okay. His new girlfriend is a Bravo addict, probably was like obsessed with me from what I hear from his family. And so the point of the story is I was like, I didn't see that coming because on the date I was like, no, definitely not. Okay? And he blew up by energetically frequency because the one thing happened. He wanted me. My energy was going like this. I was aloof. I was quiet. I was listening more than talking. And I was doing everything that you're supposed to do on a date. I was in jeans, a t-shirt. We went to salt on the water. It was like, it was just about right now. It was May 10th. The most unattractive thing in my opinion that a woman can do is have desperate energy.

Starting point is 00:37:47 I think that men smell it. I think they sense it. I think it's subconscious. I think that you have to act like a poodle with your tail up aloof. This is coming from a married woman girls. So just, you know. I mean, I don't know if this is right. Because she's got confidence because you know you got him. I was like, well, no, his love is a vibrational frequency. So here's the thing.

Starting point is 00:38:08 But it is true. We can smell desperation. Yes. And if you have backup and like I have, I have another boyfriend that wants to marry me. He's not right for me right now. But I loved him. We lived together. He was wonderful.

Starting point is 00:38:21 He lives in Sacramento. I'm not marrying him. But I love him to death. Okay? I've had three Davidson row, by the way. That's another weird thing. So anyway, it's nice knowing that he's there, but it's not backup to me because backup to me would be somebody that I do want and that if it doesn't work out, I feel good enough to go out and get another person, you see? So backup is like, I had love. I know what marriage feels like. I know what feeling a mom feels like. Most of these women who are single don't, has never had that. I teach women who have never been

Starting point is 00:38:51 married, don't have commitment, can't get monogamy, like a lot of stuff, and I always get monogamy. That's not my issue. So what do you teach them? My last, all my exes had no money. This is my problem. And I was too generous. And it went sideways. And then they resent me.

Starting point is 00:39:06 In the beginning, they love it. And then they, because they didn't have money. And now I can only date guys with money. I got to level up. Because you know what? Because you know what I'd be taking care of the guy all the time. No, it creates a dynamic. I would love to be taken care for one.

Starting point is 00:39:17 It creates a dynamic. It's, and a man must be the alpha in my mind. So what do you teach women to do to attract? Right. What are the tests? The first thing you have to do is clear your vibration. So it doesn't like, I'm a big fan of tail swan. She is teaching ancestral breakage in the lineage like you've never seen.

Starting point is 00:39:34 So she was saying today on her Instagram, she said, everybody's telling you you have to love yourself before you get a mate. That is not true. And I agree with her. You don't have to be happy all the time. It's not Abraham happy, happy, happy. Life isn't like that. On October 7th happened, nobody was happy, happy. So you have to just do the best you can.

Starting point is 00:39:52 But the people in relationships that don't love themselves still have love in the relationship because their teacher is sitting in front of them the mate to teach them a level up. When you are a woman and you're looking for love, the greatest thing you can do is make your shortlist, five non-negotiables, two must-haves. So five would be like, you know, I'm Jewish, you're Christian, I don't want the Christmas tree in the house. I want to have children, you don't. I want to get married, you don't. Those are really serious non-negotiables, okay? Then two things are physical quirks.

Starting point is 00:40:21 I like them tall, hair, and height. Okay? You know, whatever your physical quirks are, don't get crazy on the looks because God sometimes brings you somebody. You're going to smell, taste, and feel. The dopamine's going to raise the serotonin. And you go, like, he's bald, and I never date bald guys. Like, it's going to be like that.

Starting point is 00:40:37 The other thing is, if you are a believer in any kind of religion, you can give it to God, which is actually really good, because you're saying, I'm placed my order, I'm letting go. When you're harboring on what you want, it doesn't come in. It's resistant. So a little five minutes in the morning, using your affirmations during the day, you might switch it. Maybe today is a love day. Maybe tomorrow's a business day.

Starting point is 00:41:00 You know, maybe it's a health day. It's not going to always be the same. And as you start to level up, you'll get a call. Come to a party. I just got a call. My best friend has taken me away for July 4th to Lake Cuomo. Her husband and I are taking me. I'm going by myself.

Starting point is 00:41:16 I don't know anyone. other than them. I'm going to go for the week. Who knows who I'll meet? Right? I never done this before. She's like, I'm taking away for your birthday. She's a Gemini too. She's marrying a very wealthy man. And he's like, let's take Patty. All right. I went to Aspen with her a couple years ago. I didn't see a lot of men. It's mostly women in the summer. But anyway, the point of the story is, you got to move your cheese. I'm still on the apps. I'm on Bumble. I'm on Tinder. I'm on hinge. I'm still looking. I'm thinking about creating the next great app. I'm looking at financing. We're going to do something that no one's done in the industry. I have an idea. Michael and I will talk

Starting point is 00:41:54 later afterwards about that. Podcasting we're talking about. But the one thing you have to do is keep putting yourself in different situations. So if you do the same thing every day, expecting the same result, you will not score because the vibration feels unsatisfied. So to raise the level up, You got to do unusual things. And one out of ten will be good. Let me ask you the reverse, though. What are men doing wrong? Oh, a lot.

Starting point is 00:42:18 They're doing more than the women. Because it starts with the man. Whether it's the chicken or the egg, how you do it, it starts with it. The men are not asking women out. Now, I went to London before the pandemic to date because I'm writing a book on dating around the world. I went to London and I was there. I went to Annabels. I went to all the cool places.

Starting point is 00:42:37 I did regular things. Annabelle's was fancy. And the men were gorgeous. and they were staring at me up and down. So I didn't know if they were staring because they saw me on the E channel, which is like their bravo there. But I called my friend over, I said, I went to get, drop my clothes off at the cleaner,

Starting point is 00:42:50 and a guy was staring at me, got in his porch. And I said, and the owner of the story says, wow, he was really checking you out. And he was like, well, what happened? England isn't like that. I said, what do you mean? You must be introduced. Oh.

Starting point is 00:43:03 So the men are passive, very feminine energy. Thus, the boys school and shit like that. So they're feminine energy. So the bottom line is, we're having a problem post-pandemic. We're in a love pandemic where men are not asking women. I don't know if it's a white man disease right now because of Weinstein. I think it's soy milk.

Starting point is 00:43:20 It could be white. They're afraid they're going to get like canceled. I'll tell you what it is. Well, maybe that. And it's funny because you're right. Lauren and I've been married for a long time and we miss the dating apps and we've been together. And so it's like sometimes I feel a little bit out of pocket trying to talk about

Starting point is 00:43:32 this stuff because it's like, what do we know? Yeah, but give us the touch. But you're married. So you should have good wisdom. But my experience pre-Lorn when I was running around my single day is like we didn't have the apps and you, and if you saw a woman, you had to go up. Right. And you had to like, at the bar, the rest of the gas station, you had to like talk. The whole foods. Well, I remember when they used to come up to you at Whole Foods and say, hey, can you help me with this? This is

Starting point is 00:43:51 a good sale addressing. Yeah, and you had to show you were interested. Absolutely. And you had to say something. Yeah. It was harder, I think. And also because of that. But you saw what you're getting in person so you knew that it wasn't a lie on the apps because the laps can lie. Yeah. No. And, and because of that, also, I think when you found somebody, you were much more. You, you Interested. Yeah, and you stayed longer. The level of interest is higher. Yeah, and I didn't have 18 other options, right?

Starting point is 00:44:14 There's, you know. Right. Because you know if you're on Tinder and you're on there, there's 20 million other people. If this doesn't work out, fuck her. I'm going to go to the next one. I think it's a problem. Because what do I know? But we have younger siblings, younger friends, people ask us all the time.

Starting point is 00:44:27 And I say, you know, when you have endless options, you're like, oh, this person. Can you imagine what's going to be like with your children in the future? You're going to be like AI and make me an imaginary girlfriend, which is what they're doing right now. For us, it's like maybe we had five boxes. My son's girlfriend better. look just like me. She's gonna say I was with the girl. I'm like, okay, she's like, checks four out of the five.

Starting point is 00:44:45 That's good enough. Now it's like, hey, I have 15 things. They didn't check one of the things. Let me swipe 18 other times. I'm done with this one. And by the way, the apps don't have a lot of money. You're not going to see lawyers and doctors and accounted. It's a very weird energy on the male side.

Starting point is 00:44:58 The women are super successful. Why? Statistics have shown us were more women in college. Okay? That's a really big deal. There are more women in the United States, even though the singles rate is growing. The average age now is 20 and,

Starting point is 00:45:09 get married. That's old, by the way. And so when we look at the statistics, we're looking at men are controlling the board. So how does a woman control her own board and level up? She's got to say, no, no, no, universal yield at some point. Because if you are sticking to your guns and you're not crazy with a list to the floor, the basics, you know, normalcy, it's going to come. But to your point also. And I've seen really unattractive people get serious love with beautiful people, by the way. I am going to get eaten alive for this. I think it's important to have, you know, independence and be a strong woman, strong man, but this. Women were not meant to be like, DNA was. I don't know any of my guy friends. It's like, I want an alpha woman that's just

Starting point is 00:45:49 going to be raped me all day and beat me. There you go. Men want to be men. And like if, Lauren and I, look, here's the thing. If you got sick or something went wrong and you couldn't process your information, you're worried about what your situation is, you're going to want her to alpha up. But that's what I said. There are time. of alpha, but majority is beta. You come into the relationship as a beta, but God forbid, like finances go, health reasons go. Shit happens. Your parent dies and you're in a depression.

Starting point is 00:46:17 She's there to help you. Then she's going to alpha up. And you can't take that away because that is gold. You take turns with each other, loving each other that way. That is great advice. And I like when she's alpha at times, but if it was all the time, I would be, I wouldn't want it. I'd be like, this is too much. I was an alpha last night. What happened?

Starting point is 00:46:36 We had great sex. I was not alpha. You were on top. I went on top. She did all the work and you just laid there. No, I did a lot of work. No, he did a lot of work last night. He's tired.

Starting point is 00:46:45 I was wearing my heart rate monitor. Can I? Did you look at, I mean, I'm looking at my aura ring. Did you look at your wound? Wait, I got to tell the aura ring. I looked at the score after. You need to put like sex and how many calories I burned on the, on the or ring, even though I haven't had sex in a lot.

Starting point is 00:46:59 I recorded as wrestling. I'm going to ask you a question that I, maybe people ask you all the time, but I think a lot of people want to know, but they secretly won't ask. If there is a girl that's listening right now and she wants a rich motherfucker. Yeah. And I'm talking rich.

Starting point is 00:47:14 She can join my club. Okay. What are the things that she needs to do to get that guy with so much funny? So when a rich man finds like a Lauren Sanchez, which is an unusual thing with Jeff Bezos, and I love Lauren to death. I know her. She came in even though they met through the,

Starting point is 00:47:31 you know, it wasn't a clean situation when they met. But he adores her. Great astrology, by the way. She looks like she rocks his world. Right. She, when she did the helicopters and all this shit, he'd never met a woman like that.

Starting point is 00:47:42 So he was extraordinary, but not everybody's extraordinary. A lot of people want that wife that supports them and makes their life easy. Even easy, like meals are on the table. House is clean. I'm taking your shirts to the cleaner. I made the travel arrangements.

Starting point is 00:47:56 Basics, like for the multimillioners. Okay. When they see that great sex and fun, they sign up. East Coast men especially sign up. men are a little lazy. If you want a real alpha East Coast Wall Streeter, you got to go to Wall Street. That's how it works.

Starting point is 00:48:11 Or you got to go to, well, the tech country is a mess. I went up to Silicon to try to fix the situation there. Those men, I don't think they're, they're unmatchable. They won't get out of their houses. They're loaded. They've got hair down to their ankles and everything on the app's like, will you go on a hike

Starting point is 00:48:27 with me? A lot of beta energy up there. So beta. What is that? They have nothing but money. Lauren, Sanchez. I love her, though. is one of the smartest women. And I'll tell you why. She had great men, all three of them. She is, you can tell she's fun.

Starting point is 00:48:43 And confident. She's confident. She ooeds charisma. She also brings out fun of someone who's used to just work, work, work, work, work. And she's, you can tell she's the life of the party, but I can also tell she knows how to switch it off and let him be. Right. There's an art and a finesse to knowing when to turn it on and then knowing when to. Step away and let him be quiet. And the other thing is you got to meet that person. So who is

Starting point is 00:49:08 intrigued? How do you get into the rich person? When you go to Harvard Yale and not about the protesting right now, but when you go to Harvard Yale, because I'm not a really fan of the Ivy leagues right now. But when you go to the Harvard or Yale, you're not going there for school. Harvard doesn't even teach you a trade in the first four years you go there. You're doing basically the same thing you did in high school. And then they want you to go to the business school or the law school. You're going there for contacts. You're going there to meet the elite of the elite, the rich of the rich. And then you've got to zig and Zag and know what to do. That's why people go to those schools. So how did like a Kate

Starting point is 00:49:40 Middleton meet the prince? Like what does she do? Well, when I watched the movie, and I don't know if this is true, they had run into William with his mother in front of like selfridges or one of the major department stores raising money for the poor. So the mother saw they had a look against her. Her mother taught her what to do. So wherever William took the gap year, she sent Kate to where it was. but there were always one step behind. And then they finally landed at college. She was beautiful, had the look. I mean, she looked like a model.

Starting point is 00:50:11 And she wasn't very nice. She thought he wasn't very nice. So she dissed him. And then she had a boyfriend who was hot, but the mother said you could level up. The mother was the coach in this. And the mother said, get rid of the hot guy.

Starting point is 00:50:24 She did. He had been waiting for her to be single. And then saw her in, you know, a fashion show and some nakedly clad thing. And that was it. But she put her, in a position with the looks and the confidence that she could get William. That's a pretty high, tall order since he's a prince.

Starting point is 00:50:42 A lot of girls could not have done that. Do you have a red flag that goes up? I would if I was you. I'm just wondering if you do, though. When someone is leading with money. Like when they come to you and they say, I want a rich guy. Right. To me, I would be like, don't lead with that.

Starting point is 00:50:57 No, no. You want security. Security is not a rich guy. Security is like if I have a baby, do I have to worry? work. I would love to stay home because I know my body. I know the way I'm going to feel. I need to nurture this child for him. And maybe in this time and age, you get lucky with the rich guy and he says, you don't have to work. I'm going to take care of you. And then one day the kids start growing up, you get bored and you go back and you get your business going. That's a different situation.

Starting point is 00:51:22 But when someone says, I want Gucci Fendi Prada, I want to go here, there, and I'm like, no, no. And you can give them. You will introduce those types too. I will give them the man that wants that. But then I said there'll be no intimacy and no depth. You'll have no depth to this relationship. He will turn on and turn off. He will trade up to another girl. He will not, you will not be the fine wine. Now, the old days of the girlfriend experience, which I don't do, I've never done any hooker situation. The girlfriend's experience makes a deal. You will pay all my bills. I will not get emotionally attached. I'll fuck you six ways to Sunday. But at the end of the day, at the end of the day, this is a contract. You'll come see me two, three times a week.

Starting point is 00:52:02 you'll pay my rent, you'll get my car. If you want more than that, you've got to pay me. And you know what happens? Every one of those guys fall in love with the girlfriend. Really? Because she doesn't want him. And then she's always got a boyfriend on the side, like some waiter that's hot, that she's shed up in. So that's why.

Starting point is 00:52:17 Every time I have, I've done research on this. That's wild. So do they try to end up marrying him? I've had seen the situation when they've even given them the ring. Yeah. And they've ended up trying. And some of them have ended up marrying them. Yes.

Starting point is 00:52:29 So that's a hot tip. Because, but then there's a. So what happens with the girl in the end? The girl in her mind is very cuspy, well, totally narcissists. These are narcissistic relationships and a sociopath at some point. She has no feelings. So as long as her needs to get in a minute. So a narcissist works out like this, because I just came from a narcissist.

Starting point is 00:52:47 I love you, you're everything in want. You take all my boxes. I want to marry you. And then the devaluation stage comes. I start to see flaws in you. And now you're broken. I want to send you back to the factory. So I'll discard you.

Starting point is 00:53:01 And maybe if I can't find somebody else, I'll hoover and come back to you. That is what men and women do, gay or straight, in these sociopathic psychological relationships. And their needs have to be met. You fuck me. I'm pretty. Okay. You look good on my arm and you pay the bills. Why are men cheating?

Starting point is 00:53:21 Because they can. What do you mean? The woman lets them get away. There's too many options. I want to know all the reasons that you take men cheat. Men's sheet for various reasons. Their needs are not getting met. We talked about the resentment.

Starting point is 00:53:33 Okay. I've warned you, you're resenting me. I've warned you. Now I'm to the floor. Now the secretary comes in and she's the life of the party and makes her life. And she's got a crush on him and boom, bam, boom. Okay. That's one.

Starting point is 00:53:45 Number two, the woman says, I don't feel loved for years. And the gardener starts to live good. Same type of situation. So the woman, you're also seeing a lot of cheating as well. What I was going to say is we need to play. And it can go gay, by the way, and it can go any situation, go gay, fluid. whatever. We know plenty of women. I actually know more women that cheat than men. Women cheat more than men statistically, but they don't brag about it. Men brag about in the locker room,

Starting point is 00:54:09 so they get caught. So women have shame about cheating. So they keep it inside. That's scientific. You know, a lot of this is the alchemy of attraction is all science. It's all science. Now, another reason why they cheat, I got drunk. Alcohol and drugs will induce cheating. It's the gateway to cheating because you have no inhibitions. Molly, whatever market drug is on the market, it's a gateway to cheating. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand.

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Starting point is 00:56:28 tea, which is a blend that's balanced with a hint of Jasmine green tea to deliver a floral fragrance experience. There's 100 milligrams of flavonoids per cup, which is really amazing. They also have the new lemon peach honey ginger tea, which is the one that I have. You could also do what I do, which is I get a big pitcher, I get ice, and then I'll put like six tea bags in the picture. I'll pour hot water over it and I'll let it melt into a really delicious iced tea. Sometimes I add mint to it or lemon and I enjoy it. it over ice. It's delicious. It's so delicious that Michael asked me to make it the other day. What I love about Lipton Green Tea is I was a massive coffee drinker for a long time and it was

Starting point is 00:57:07 just killing my system. And so I switched over to Lipton Green Tea for the middle of the day when I start to feel a little slow, sluggish. And it doesn't give me that coffee crash. It just gives me that nice, subtle energy that I can carry myself throughout the day with. How I like to use the hot tea is my voice gets very sore after three podcasts. We just did three in a row, two hours each. And so my voice gets like a frog in it. So I have my cough drops and then I have a hot cup of green tea always sitting out ready to go to soothe my throat. So get your green tea in. Try new Lipton green tea.

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Starting point is 00:59:29 But I've heard from a lot of women, because I obviously talk about it. And a lot of men let themselves go. I've heard that they don't want to fuck their husband anymore. Right. And that they just cheat on vacation with a girl's trip. I hear it all the time. So there's lesbian cheating. Okay.

Starting point is 00:59:43 There's DL cheating. We know that men have a DL thing. Oh, I'm not really gay, but I'm fucking my best friend. Okay. Oh, what I didn't know about that. Oprah did a whole show called, Oprah did a... Is DL down low? Are you fucking?

Starting point is 00:59:54 Down low. It's called the down low. So they cheat with men and they don't think they're gay. There's a lot of that going on. A lot of deal. They cheat with men but don't think they're gay. Taylor, are you fucking Michael? It's kind of like wrestling and we stick it in.

Starting point is 01:00:08 You know what I mean? And one person's the bottom and we're just the top or the verse. But so the gay, the gay... Taylor, is that what happened when we wrestled last? The gay community, the gay community. the gay community will end up with these straight boys and then either they'll flip to the dark side, leave their wives, or they won't,

Starting point is 01:00:25 and they'll stay in their relationship and just have these open relationships that the wife don't know and they go on for years. There's a lot of deal, but there's a lot of women doing it too. With women. And they go, oh, that's not really cheating. That's not really cheating. I'm with a girl. And then the guys, like, will bring me to the party.

Starting point is 01:00:41 So there's a lot of threesomes going on. At some point, if you feel comfortable, you want to spice up your love. And that's where swinging comes in. And that's where these parties are swinging coming in. They start to level up on these kinds of lifelows. Do you know who that is? No, I don't know.

Starting point is 01:00:53 There's a sex parties here in L.A. Have you heard of those? We had them in yesterday. I was invited to Bliss. When I first got to L.A., I must have been 40. And I was dating one of the major porn marketing guys. Okay. And he said, I swear to you, I'll never date with any of these girls.

Starting point is 01:01:08 I'll never cheat. And we started dating. We're getting close to having sex, probably two months in. He was giving me monogamy. He lived in Pennsylvania. And he says, we're invited to this party called Bliss. Okay. And I said, it's like,

Starting point is 01:01:17 an eyes white shut party and I was really excited to go at one point because I like voyeurism. I like porn and boring and words. I'm a same way. I'm a boyer. I want to go through or watch. But I don't want to participate. Like he said, if you're naked and you are, and I had been once gone on a date and the guy once took me to swimmer's club, a swingers club and I almost had a heart attack.

Starting point is 01:01:32 That was in Florida Lutter now. So we were talking about it, but then he went and cheated with one of these girls that he was doing a video with and I found out through the grapevine. I'm like, no, no, you have too many candy in a candy store for you. I don't like a guy who was a lot of girls. So I broke up with them, but I always remained friends. And this guy who made these Bliss parties, which I can't remember the name, every celebrity one. I think it's Damon.

Starting point is 01:01:52 So maybe it was him. But it was called Bliss. And they rent out mansions and everything. So maybe it is him. Damon's part of the showtime. There was another guy that did show. Nexium. But he's like one of the most prominent one.

Starting point is 01:02:06 He was in here yesterday. We were talking all about it, which is why I asked. But anyway, the reason I was asking. I like the voyeur part, but I don't want to. I don't want to participate. Can relationships withstand? swingers, polygamy.

Starting point is 01:02:18 He was offering to set us up and I said, you know, the reason we stamen on was like, I don't know if I could do it. No, because I'm confident her and I could align on the same page. I'm not,

Starting point is 01:02:26 I do it, could you swing? No, no, no. Like where you do, like you do a soft swap between the two of you? I got too much going on to be, to do it. I don't want to watch the other person do it. No, no, no, no, no.

Starting point is 01:02:36 I don't, I'm not a good share. I'm not a good share. I'm not a good, like, hey, go jerk off in the corner guy. I'm not like to be an active part of somebody. But she would, I was saying her and I could be completely aligned, known each other a long time. Yeah. But I don't trust the third person. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:48 I mean, I don't trust that person being. Okay. So my best friend for her 40th, for her husband's 40th birthday, brought in the trainer, and they had the threesome. And the trainer got pregnant, and he left her for the trainer. See, I can't. Wait. Your best. My best friend for her husband's 40th, brought in the trainer, the trainer.

Starting point is 01:03:07 The girl trainer. They had the threesome. She got pregnant. And then he left her for the trainer. So that's why I don't trust any. I don't trust any of that. Me neither does Dr. Drew. He said he's never seen it work out once.

Starting point is 01:03:18 Well, there's always three. I told you three isn't any of the number. So when Jenny McCarthy was writing one of her books, she asked me to write, how do you do a threesome? So I'm going to teach you how to do a threesome where you don't get in trouble. If you want a threesome, pay attention. Cock on the clock, which means you get a hooker. When you get the hooker, the hooker's looking at the hour.

Starting point is 01:03:36 It'll go over the hour, but you've got to pay. And she's not calling your husband after it's over. She's got enough men coming through the door. You always get a hooker. Yeah. Because it's a business transaction. So is the guy allowed to fuck the hooker too? You have rules.

Starting point is 01:03:52 You have rules. Some people just want to have, you watch me, and you can touch us, but you can't stick it in. Everybody's got rules on how this is going to work. But if you do cock on the clock with the hooker, you won't get in trouble. This is what I wrote in the book because it's a business transaction. Her brain is not processed to fall in love when she's had that many men. It's like a massage.

Starting point is 01:04:10 Exactly. Exactly. Good point. I think that women should wait at least three months to have sex. I always wait three months to have sex and I always get monogamy and I don't have sex unless I get monogamy. You know my rule. No sex before monogamy. I did not know that. That's a million or matricer rule.

Starting point is 01:04:27 People get that about people saying that these days now. And if you don't want, like my ex waited a really long time. He's like, I will take all the time that you need. If you don't hear that, he's like, well, you know, I'm used to, you know, trying the car out before I buy it. Like, no, goodbye. because you're going into a hookup situation and you're in danger. Now, why are you in danger? If you're under the age of 45, you have oxytocin.

Starting point is 01:04:48 Okay? Men only get oxytocin when they fall in love and they don't fall in love through sex. They fall in love emotionally. Women fall in love through sex. The minute you sleep with the gas station attendant, you're in love with him. Whether it's a bad sex or anything, the oxytocin rises up in your body and your brain starts to tell you you're in love and that's punch drunk love. And you don't want to go there.

Starting point is 01:05:06 You got dopamine, serotonin, all the little fun. stuff is jeweling you, making you feel like you're wonderful. Even if it's a great orgos. What I was saying earlier is about previous dating is I would, I'm not proud of this, but I would have no real emotional attachment to some of the women that I was with. And not intentionally. Sex is like, you know, if you watch porn, it's like, you know, athletics. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:30 It's not really, you don't really, the porn that I like are the regular people because I want to see the connection between them. I can't get off and just like. So I have two younger sisters and I would always tell them. Oh, that's why you're. good death. But I would tell them like, hey, you know, if you have sex too early and you get an emotional attachment, like you don't count on the guy to have that same feeling right away. Exactly. And a lot of men don't have it right away. You have to like, you have to really wait to. Look, a man's going to fall in love

Starting point is 01:05:54 with the actions that you do. You go on the CVS line to get your drugs and it's a line around the block. And how did you behave on the line where you're making him joke? Did you have fun with him? Were you giggling? He's going to remember the subtle points. And that's what builds over time to make him fall in love. He's not going to fall in love because you gave him Nooky on the first date. Don't sleep with them on the first day. You're an idiot if you do that. My ex-boyfriend told me he would never get a relationship with any girl that slept with him on the first day. This is going to sound also very, I mean, aggressive, maybe very alpha.

Starting point is 01:06:22 But as soon as that happens that quickly, immediately, I don't care what anyone says. All of our brains are like, well, who else did that happen with that quickly? My boyfriend that I live with David, he once said to me that if a woman comes onto him and a woman seeks him out and makes a phone call, he's not interested. He has to be in hunt mode for him to feel like he got a prize, the prize. My dad dated so many different women when my parents got divorced. So I got to see like an expose, like a focus group. And the one that dangled the carrot because you got to dangle your carrot for as long as she did is the one he ended up marrying. It was never the woman that ever.

Starting point is 01:07:01 I got yelled at last time that I didn't make phone calls to him. And I was taught by my dad. You never call a man. No. Let them call you. And so he kept saying what. He's like, why don't you call me? Why don't you this?

Starting point is 01:07:12 And I was like, I was like, whoa, did you have women that called you? He's like, yeah. He goes, you were the least needy girlfriend I ever had. And I go because I was trained by my dad to be like, woman is most potent when she's still. Let the man come to you. When I created this fragrance, by the way, my Fairmont frame of remembrance, I said, we needed something that men would smell and come towards the woman because if you can't go after him, what are you going to do?

Starting point is 01:07:36 That's so smart. So I created this fragrance with I have love. I was working for years. It's the highest potent pheromone you could buy. It's gay, straight, male, female. We just gave you a couple's kid. And then we also created a candle, which is fun. It's a massage candle.

Starting point is 01:07:49 Oh, nice. You light it and you dip it, and then you can massage each other, and it's got a spout. But the reason I did all this is because men, men's neurotransmitters are turned on by the sense of a woman. And same thing with a woman. Like, you like his sweat when he comes home from the, gym you like the fair mom but how can you get a man if you can't go out and hunt and you got to wait for them to come to you and it's very frustrating for women to wait for them so i put this

Starting point is 01:08:14 fragrance thing together with i have love and that's we're it's like animals in the while do nothing stand at the bar do what you just said and watch them flock to you like you're in your santropathium my whole tip and i know i'm married is what you just said do nothing do nothing But you know what? People can't do it. They can't. They can't take the advice to just do. They take one glass of wine and it's game over.

Starting point is 01:08:41 No text, no call. If he wants to pick up the phone and call, he can call. When a woman's chasing a man on text, would you think he's going to go, I'm working, I'm busy, stop, leave me alone. And the next thing you know, he's going to block you. Men want to hunt. It's in there, Dana. I want to be hunted.

Starting point is 01:08:59 Right. You like the knowing that he's after you. Yes. People discount, like I think if we, because we've been married so long together, they discount this. But also we speak to a lot of people. Right. And we have a lot of friends that are in these situations. And we have experiences previously to be married.

Starting point is 01:09:14 I don't know any guy that just wants to be chased all the time. And when I told my sister's growing up all the time, you should never have to wonder if a guy is into you. If he's not chasing you, then he's not in you. Because that's what, you know, even he's not into you said that. Yeah, there's no such thing is. But it's like, if you like three, four days of him calling you checking and checking, you can say, hey, how's your day? Like that's different because that's showing care and you're not a bitch. No, I don't like, and I don't advocate for the games.

Starting point is 01:09:38 If a guy's actively pursuing and chasing and you're trying to do the game and you're trying to do the game and you're like he might have a business meeting and he's really worried about it and you say hey, how did your business, how'd your deal go? I don't agree with that I love a game. But we're talking about before monogamy. When you're in monogamous relationship, things change and now you share more. I still play games. The first 90 days is the perfect day. This is where I think Lauren's advice is actually terrible for women.

Starting point is 01:10:00 I still play games. He calls me out on it all the time. Okay, go. I'll tell you why. Because in this day and age, there are men have a lot more options than we do before. Way more options than women. I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to.

Starting point is 01:10:14 Women do not have the options you think they do. It's men who have the options. Okay, so that's fair. And I'm not going to lie about that. When we, if men, and I know this because I see my friends do it, if the girl is playing the game too aggressively, then they're going to the next four or five. I don't play aggressive. No, yes, you do.

Starting point is 01:10:29 We're like, don't respond. Don't answer. Don't text back. The game goes too far. And I think if a guy is actually saying like, hey, I'm into you and I'm pursuing you. Yes. If you feel the same way, like, give him the opening. If you don't give him the opening, then you're moving in mind.

Starting point is 01:10:41 Exactly. You've got to give the opening. Exactly. I understand what she's saying. So I like to live in the middle. I'm going to be a little bit more, you know, calculated when I'm first, if I like you, let's say I like you. you and I'm going to be more calculated in the first 90 days.

Starting point is 01:10:56 But when I get into monogamy, it's going to shift and be more like you. But I don't know who you are. So if I don't know you where I'm at risk for falling for you, where you can go to the next one because you have no oxytocin. You're not going to bond. Even if you kissed or touched and taste me, like hug me, I'm getting a serotonid opium bees. We have found scientifically a five second hug is probably equivalent to like a day's worth of serotonin. And then if you kiss, it's a 10 second kiss. Same thing.

Starting point is 01:11:25 So all of that is changing my brain. Your brain doesn't change. Sure. But if a guy is love bombing you, then I think you pull back. But if a guy's like, hey, I'm into you. Like, okay, if a guy's like, hey, beautiful and I've never met you, like off the app, I'm like, oh, here we go. And if they're like, oh, my God, you're the most amazing thing. I feel like you've never met the person.

Starting point is 01:11:44 Do you know how many people in relationships from the pandemic that have never met their person? And it's strictly like a Zoom, like a WhatsApp, like a FaceTime relationship. I'm like, you've never met him. This is not a relationship. This is a pen pal relationship. So, like, when you're. Mr. Henshaw. There's tons of them.

Starting point is 01:12:01 You could do a whole MTV, you know, like catfish should do a whole extended show on that. I see them all the time. All this being said, I'd probably be completely lost if I was single now. I wouldn't know what to do. You wouldn't be lost. You'd just be discouraged because you got such a good one. How are you going to go from her? What's like?

Starting point is 01:12:18 What are you going to do? Go have fun. I would say it. I would be discouraged. I would be very, very particular at this point. Ariel is laughing. Have fun with that. You go see what's out there.

Starting point is 01:12:28 I'll be over here. I actually think, and this may be a hot take, I think that you should play games when you're married. I play games all the time that he doesn't know about. There's passive aggressiveness in the marriage all the time. Come on. It's like life is life. A little game.

Starting point is 01:12:42 And sometimes you like, got to read your mate and go, okay, he's feeling this way. But if you get secretive on me and I don't understand the secretive, I would go right to the fire and say, what are you doing? Like, what's going on? Why are you being weird and secretive? Because that's when we start to go into resentment. It's like we don't understand our. mate. No, there's no secretive too.

Starting point is 01:13:00 I got a big power flex move. I'll leave my phone. She can have my phone where she wants. We're talking about men who don't let women touch their phone. No, that's a red flag. When I need to take a phone call and you're like, you know, like in a weird situation, like you're in a middle of dinner, he's got, you're like, you know. Those are red flag. But those are red flags are both.

Starting point is 01:13:17 I have a tip for girls out there. Go into your mate's recently deleted text. You can see their recently deleted text. This is going to break up relationships ever. That's a new thing on Apple. You can go on and you can see their recently deleted text to see if they're cheating. All the men and women that are out of integrity right now are flipping and they're freaking out with their fire. No, Apple's letting you do that now.

Starting point is 01:13:40 It's a new thing. No, and I actually haven't done this to you. I've just heard that you can do this now. I think, though, that when you're married, you should still keep it hot with a couple games. Yeah, I think that it's always, it's knowing your mate when to come forward and when to come back. Yes. It's push-pull in a lot of ways. Like you said.

Starting point is 01:13:57 But it's not like to the. the point where it's going to break your marriage up. It's just a little game of like, oh, you don't want me right now. I'm going to go busy and go do something. Where are you going now? I'm like, oh, I'm playing tennis. I'm, you know, at the club and, you know, you're like, wait a second. What are you doing at the club at 7 o'clock at night? You know, that kind of thing. And then you're like, I met with, I met with a bunch of people. I'll call you back later. Bye. You know, that kind of hold on. The pool boys asking you if I want a vaude call you right back. Yeah, but if the man started to, if I started to be like, oh, sorry. No, no, no, you need to be home with a book.

Starting point is 01:14:26 No, no, no, no. If you said to me, I got to work late and you're working late every single night and you're not coming home, then I have suspicion about you. You know what, though? My husband, he just wants to sit in his man cave and read his books. No, do you know what it is? You're so worried. You're perfect because you like to be alone too.

Starting point is 01:14:43 Yeah, it is. Here's a thing. I have enough headaches as it is. And I think about, I play these scenarios out in my head. I'm like, okay, if this happened and then this happened, like the nightmare and shitstorm that would come into my life. Also, her, I think she would be maybe, I think actually I would be physically. hurt. Do you want to know what I would do if she did? What? Nothing. I would wait.

Starting point is 01:15:01 Yeah. I would wait for two years. And I would think and I would strategize. You say that. No, I would not freak out. I think when you freak out, you're being emotional. I think the number one thing that a woman needs to look for is compatibility. You need a guy who's compatible with you and he cares about you and is kind and loving and he's not just loving to his mother and the waitress. He's loving to you. And if you, How the first question I would say on a date after with the niceties and the pleasantries, you know, when they start, they're going to always ask you if you're older, what happened

Starting point is 01:15:33 to your last relationship? Why are you single? They're going to ask that. It's standard operating. But you can say, how do you resolve conflict? Joking aside. And if they don't answer, how do you resolve conflict in a very conducive manner, run. How do you resolve contact?

Starting point is 01:15:46 No, I want to know. I will. But joking aside, I do not make, I was saying this to our friend other day who's young and she's getting serious with her significant another. They're getting ready to take the next step. Okay. And I said, you're going to have to let go of a lot of the me, selfish stuff when you become, when you're going to realize.

Starting point is 01:16:03 You could still be careful. You got to merge. I do not personally make any big decision any longer without thinking about how that decision impacts her. No business decision, no life decision. And so when I make the decision, I'm also thinking like, how does this affect her? And I think that that is a, it's a good thing for people to think about in a relationship because I think a lot of people, they get into a relationship and it's still like, I'm doing

Starting point is 01:16:25 everything for me and what I want in my career and what I want. And it's like if it if it's not conducive to the relationship, then you have somebody off on a on a kite string on a tether just doing their own thing selfishly without any consideration of the person. I understand that. But when she's, you can't tell her everything. She's going to have to go through the experience herself. And that is the mistake that everybody is. We read all these self-help books. We get all this information. And trust me, I wrote a great book, become your own matchmaker. And it's, and you can get married in year. Those steps work to this day. It is a Bible. It is not dated. it is evergreen.

Starting point is 01:16:56 But I will tell you this. No one can teach you what it's like to be with the other person because no two people are alike. Sure. Like snowflakes. But the one thing you need to say is how do you resolve conflicts? Because when you say that, that tells you what type of man you are. How do we resolve conflict?

Starting point is 01:17:10 No, she asked you. How do I resolve conflict? Yes. Yeah. Well, I do not hold on to... You're not a grandchildren? No. We recover.

Starting point is 01:17:19 Okay. So if you had conflict right now, would you say I want to talk about her or take an appointment for later? It depends how big... Or do you not talk about it? You keep it deep. No, no, no, you'll talk about it. We're talking. We bring it to the surface quick.

Starting point is 01:17:30 But if it's like, hey, we were tired and we're snapping and we're like... Yeah, dude, tomorrow. Or you let it go. No, we look at each other and be like, was that the thing we really want to... My mom would say, is it a battle or is it a war? Yes. That's such a good one. My mom used to say that.

Starting point is 01:17:42 So she said, you got to learn, Patty, the difference between a battle and a war. That's a good advice. She's really good. That's your next book. My mom used to say, listen to the, this is the best thing. My mom would say, men are like buses. They come every 10 minutes. She just got to know what bus to get on.

Starting point is 01:17:56 Because when she was dying at the end of her life with a babushka on her head and walking Publix grocery store in Miami, my stepfather was at home. Men would swarm. And I'd be like, why are all the men coming up to us and helping? She goes, Patty, I have the X factor,

Starting point is 01:18:11 which is what my barramone is, the X factor. Because I didn't have that. Growing up, I was not the kid that the boy swarmed. So I was jealous of my mom because she had that internal knowing that confidence, which is what Lauren Sanchez says. Same thing. You have the X factor now.

Starting point is 01:18:28 Sort of not really. Not really. I know, you know my you have to say, that's your affirmation. Okay, that'll be my affirmation. You have to say that I'm going to wake up in the mirror tomorrow and look at myself and say, I am the X factor. So, but it's funny because my mom had this like, Junice qua. She didn't always pick right in the men, but she had a Juniceecoab at her. And I was just like,

Starting point is 01:18:50 I remember thinking about this as a kid. She had blonde hair. tan skin, really sexy. And I thought, oh my God, like, it's not even the looks. It's like she was like a, she manifested things before anybody did. We used to call her the ostrich. But she was always manifesting. When she couldn't get pregnant, she had endometriosis. We didn't know that back then, but that's probably what it was.

Starting point is 01:19:10 She put a pillow onto her dress and go to the maternity store, pretend she's pregnant. And the next day she went to the doctor to get a checkup to see what was wrong. And he said, look, I don't know what's going on while you're not getting pregnant. I don't know if it's psychological, but I have a baby for you if you want to adopt. And that was me. Oh, my. So she manifested through a side door, you know, like you get, my mom's like, I don't care how I get the baby's like.

Starting point is 01:19:32 And the same thing with my sister. And so the thing that, the thing that I got is she believed it. And when I looked at Lauren, Lauren had the same kind of, you know, like I, but she's also around these crazy, these amazing powerful men. But she has that same feeling that my mom had. But to get there, you have to believe it. Yeah, you got to have it. She has something.

Starting point is 01:19:51 She came in this world that way. So if you want it, you have to learn to untrain your brain to believe it. So a lot of actresses, they do that. Let's talk about Barbara Streisand, my favorite. So Barbara Streisand does, The Mirror Has Two Faces. It's a very French movie. It was made into an American version. And she was the ugly ducting that hanged out that with her girlfriends at lunch.

Starting point is 01:20:14 And she was a professor like at Columbia or whatever school it was at. And Jeff Bridges, his dated all hotties. And nothing mentally stimulates. So he's going to make an arrangement. He takes a personal ad out, and he's going to make an arrangement to meet a not-so hot girl who's brilliant, and they'll get married because whenever he gets married to the hot girl, she steals his money and his work goes sideways.

Starting point is 01:20:34 So it was really funny. So she meets Barbara Streisand. And she has a crush on Pierce Brosnan, which is her sister's husband, who's the hot one. And she never could get that guy, but she starts to transform. She becomes the ugly ducking to the swan. And she got so beautiful at the end of the movie, that Jeff Reznor comes back, they break up.

Starting point is 01:20:54 And she's like, I don't know if I want you because I'm it now. What are you? Like she didn't look at him like at the pestle. Eventually they get married. P.S. Long story short, she goes to a dinner party. Okay. And Charles Bronson's there. Who's like gorgeous movie star gorgeous.

Starting point is 01:21:09 You know, we know his son and everything, right? And they get married because her brain was being such a great actress. She probably even did method at that point, like a Merrill Streep thing. And she became what she was in the movie. And I just think that is the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen. That is the one thing I was think about. It's a looting confidence. It's the actress who can go in there and become the person,

Starting point is 01:21:31 which is what you're trying to be as a human being who's not an actress. Because actresses are taught what to feel, taste, touch, and become the thing. You've got to fake it until you make it. That's why they always get men. That's why they always go on set and meet another guy. That's why they go out in the world. And the agent says so-and-so saw you on TV. I want to meet you.

Starting point is 01:21:49 That's why they meet because they're always. training their brain to be that person. You know, it's funny, I see this too with the men. Like, sometimes my male friends that you would look at and not think would be the ladies men, they're like, because they elude that confidence and they believe it. And maybe it's also they've had to work hard for it too. How about the ugly comedian who was really, you know, hot? You know, like I went on Jimmy Kimmel and he was like, just broke up with Sarah Silverman

Starting point is 01:22:11 as the day I went on. And I was really kind to him because I don't want to ruffle his feathers. And, you know, he thanked me. And I said, you know, you don't realize how hot, sexy you are. He goes, what do you mean? I go, you're funny. That takes you 10 notches above. You make me laugh.

Starting point is 01:22:27 I feel sexy. You will always have a woman. Like, don't ever think that you're not hot enough because I was telling him that. Some of my friends, because we're in our mid late 30s and the guys that were, I guess, like, you know, the ones that would be, quote, like, they would be considered the good-looking hawk. They struggle more now than the guys that are like the funny, confident ones that are just, they'll go up to women. Exactly. So if you think about it, now, that's the man. The man can get the girl because the man has to go out.

Starting point is 01:22:54 In the old days, you get 10 numbers and one, you know, we try to get 10 numbers and one with pop, right? Is that the rule? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Same thing on the apps. Right. But on the apps, the men are just texting back and forth. So what's happening here is they move over to regular text.

Starting point is 01:23:07 The woman thinks, oh, he moved over to regular text. This is good. And then he won't ask her out. And I said, do you know what you're doing? Your entertainment for the evening so he can level up to a better girl. He's bigger better doing it. So stop giving them entertainment and say, hey, listen. You know, you've been texting. Do you want to go out or not? Because I don't really have a lot of time for this.

Starting point is 01:23:24 What about if you're a Sunday girl? What's a Sunday girl? A Sunday girl is if a guy when I was single started texting me on Sunday, I'm like, oh, you're hungover and you feel bad and you're in bed and you want to be entertained because you went out Friday and Saturday. Block. So if I ever gave a guy who didn't give me Saturday night to test him, I would give him laundry night, which is Monday. Oh. But now you don't do that anymore because now you're getting a lot of information where they live. live how tall they are whatever, even if they lied. And now you take it over to Spokio. And Spokio is an app, my favorite app, where you get a background check on them. Are they really who they are? So you're not just going to LinkedIn, which is like you now, so I don't recommend any girl going out with anybody unless they screen them because they could be married. And so I had a situation where a friend of a friend of mine was actually my ex-friend's ex. And she was dating

Starting point is 01:24:15 this great doctor and she didn't know he was married. And she met him on I think Tinder or something. She saw it on Spokio. Well, I think she found out, so I don't know. But it would have saved her a lot of time and effort, and she's a beautiful woman, gorgeous. If she had spokio at him and screen that he's, you know, married. Or maybe he's divorcing. Like, I know someone who's dating someone and the woman they're dating hasn't been divorced for 11 years. Now that's a red flag.

Starting point is 01:24:40 Now, it might not be for the guy because maybe he doesn't want to get married again. But for a woman who wants to get married, you're dating a guy who's never been married. divorce. Oh, it's a problem. Finances. Bullshit. What if they're not on Spokio? Bullshit. The minute you decide we're getting a divorce, that divorce better be done in a year. A hundred. Because there is no, I mean, we're not talking, you know, Jeff Bezo money here. This should be done in a year. And even if he had Jeff Bezae money, it'd be faster anyway. Before you go, tell us where we can find your pheromone perfume. It smells beautiful.

Starting point is 01:25:11 Okay. So I'm really excited because we're going into the next phase. We're probably going to do makeup next. So Eye of Love is EYE oflove.com. You can go there or you can go on my bio at Instagram. It's called Matchmaker. Make sure you get the Matchmaker one. If you're gay or straight or fluid, it doesn't matter. So we've made different fragrances for what type of sexual person you want to attract. Is the black one more of like a masculine scent?

Starting point is 01:25:35 No. Actually, some of them. It says on it, attractive man or attractive woman. It depends what it is. There's all different ones. You got a couple's kit, I believe. Did you get a couple's skin inside? I'll open it when you're talking about.

Starting point is 01:25:44 Yeah, I think you got a couple's kit. I got the pheromone perfume. Yeah. And then the massage candle. Right. And I'm sending you more stuff to his fairones. Is this just going to make it even gnarlier? You're both going to be like tonight if you do this.

Starting point is 01:25:59 And even if you use the candle, I don't even want to see what's going to. You better get those kids at babysitter. That's all I can say. The kids have another room. Wait, the candle. I'm talking you need a baby volume and then let them go to sleep early so that you can have the night to go jiggy. I recommend making a bath first. get you calm and relax so the days washed away. Remember, water washes the day away. That's why we take

Starting point is 01:26:19 showers at night. Okay. And then you'll be all clean and scrubby and go for it. Put spray it on. But I have to warn you when you're out in public, both of you're going to get hit on by men and women. Oh. Well, sometimes it's nice to be appreciated. Like come home and go, oh my God. You know, I went to the peel box and the man at the front was really attracted to me. In West Hollywood, I get hit on a lot. Because you're gorgeous. Like, why would men be hit on you? The men get me. It's nice to feel appreciate it to be honest. You can come back on the podcast anytime you want. Thank you. Where can everyone find you? Do you want to do a code? Do you want to do code skinny? There's no there because we put the discount and it's really cheap. It's like $49.29.

Starting point is 01:26:56 It's really cheap. Go shop for perfume. Where can everyone find you? Matchmaker, fragrance. And I have a course if you want to if you want to learn how to become a multimillionaire. I am one. So it's not like something that I'm not teaching you. And how to attract a mate just because I'm single. Don't judge me. I came out of a bad relationship. Even though I I love him to death, and I'm leveling up to a different type of man. It's always in refinement, but I always have men around me. So I will tell you that, and I've been asked, I've been engaged before. You can go to my bio in Instagram and check out the course with me and Kathleen Cameron, love and money.

Starting point is 01:27:28 It's still going on right now. We still have enrollment for it now. There's a VIP section for that. But the fragrance is going to do all the work. This is a party with a purpose. And what's your Instagram? My Instagram is P-A-T-I-S-T-A-N-G-E-R. I'm surprised because this long time.

Starting point is 01:27:44 to do this. I know. We've been talking about this forever and we're going to talk about podcasting when we leave afterwards. Thank you. Thank you for having men. I am so excited. We have fun. Two things before you go. You can watch us now on YouTube. So you can go on YouTube, search the Skinny Confidential and watch our entire episodes on your computer or TV. Also, you should know Michael and I are doing a him and her newsletter. So basically it's a him and her tip of the day, of five days a week. And the tips are very specific, as you can imagine. And then we also have a monthly favorites. So basically we collect all our monthly favorites, everything we've bought and used and tried and put it in one monthly newsletter for you. To sign up for that, go to shop skinny

Starting point is 01:28:27 confidential.com and sign up for the newsletter. Thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time.

The Bossticks - Patti Stanger - How To Attract & Keep The Right Partner For You

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