The Bossticks - Sahil Bloom On How To Show Up As Your Best Self & Get What You Want Most Out Of Life

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

#647: Sahil Bloom is an inspirational writer and content creator, captivating millions of people every week through his social insights and bi-weekly newsletter, The Curiosity Chronicle. He shares a commitment to arm his followers with the tools, ideas, and frameworks that are battle-tested to help others live a high-performing, healthy, and wealthy life. Today, we sit down with Sahil to discuss all things high performers need in their lives to show up every day as their best selves. We cover everything from finding your identity and escaping the victim mindset to taking action in your relationships and health to remain happy and successful. To connect with Sahil Bloom click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts Bosstick click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE To subscribe to our YouTube Page click HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential. This episode is brought to you by Tecovas Tecovas are handmade from the most premium leathers. Visit tecovas.com and point your toes west. This episode is brought to you by Heineken   100% taste. 0% alcohol. Click HERE to purchase. Must be 21+ to buy. This episode is brought to you by Hinge Hinge is the dating app designed to be deleted. Download Hinge today & find someone worth deleting the app for. This episode is brought to you by Betterhelp BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat-only therapy sessions. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy & you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/skinny. This episode is brought to you by Kroma Use code SKINNY at kromawellness.com to get 15% off + free shipping on a 5 day reset This episode is brought to you by Nerdwallet NerdWallet lets you compare top travel credit cards side-by-side to maximize your spending, some even offering 10X points on your spending. Visit nerdwallet.com to learn more. Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you alone for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

A-ha. Treat your body like a house that you're going to have to live in for the next 70 years of your life. That means make sure your foundation. is in really good working order at all times. Make sure your roof is in good working order. It means making the minor repairs to things along the way before they become big, big issues. It means making the daily, weekly, and monthly investments in your house that are going to make sure that things are really, really strong

and that your house is there for you for the next 70 years of your life. So for me, it all comes down to that. Hello, everybody. Happy Monday. Welcome back to The Him and Her Show. Today we have an incredible episode for you, per usual, with our friend Saw Hill Bloom. We got turned on to Saw Hill earlier last year and just fell in love with his stuff. I'm sure many of you are familiar with Saw Hill. But for those that aren't, Saw Hill is an inspirational writer and content creator,

captivating millions of people every week through his social insights and biweekly newsletter, The Curiosity Chronicle. He shares a commitment to arm his followers with the tools, ideas, and frameworks that are battle tests to help others live a high-performing, healthy, and wealthy life. Today we sit down with Saw Hill to discuss all things high performers need in their lives to show up every day as their best selves. We cover everything from finding your identity and escaping the victim mindset to taking action in your relationships and health to remain happy and successful.

For the parents out there, we talk about how important it is to spend time with your children, what it's like balancing work and family, finding your identity and what you really want out of life, how to ask better questions which are going to set your life up for more success and how to water your current relationships, both friendships, intimate relationships, any relationships you may have, and replacing bad habits with good ones. This episode is for anyone that wants to perform better, feel better, just work better in the new year. And it's a really inspirational podcast with Sawhill. He was very easy to talk to and we got along.

So with that, Saw Hill, welcome to The Him and Her show. This is the Skinny Confidential, Him and Her. We got introduced in a few different ways. One, we're in this group together, these creators. but the actual way that I got introduced to you was a piece of content you put out. And I'm not really like, I'm not surfing the web all the time. I try not to. I try to look here and there. But it was a piece of content around spending time with your children when they're young in the limited amount of time you have to do so. We have a almost four year old and a one and a half year old. And that one hit me in the stomach. Right. I mean, one, you did it. The content was great. But just the message. And I don't even have Lauren has seen it. But maybe we could start there just talking about time. And children and how you even came to that thought. So I have an 18-month-old. So I'm a little earlier on.

That's my first son. And I write and think a lot about these things. And since he was born more so than ever before, just like how short life is, how you don't have a ton of time left with your parents, how the window of time you have with your kids is so short. And that one idea for me is there is a 10-year window when you are your child's most important person in the entire world. Ordin's going to start crying.

And after that 10 years, they have other most important people. They have best friends, they have girlfriends, boyfriends, they have partners, spouses, and you will never get that 10 year period back. And yet it also happens to be the time when we as adults are supposed to be hustling as hard as we possibly can to achieve all of these goals in our life. When we're traveling the most, we're working the most, we're going crazy for whatever our ambitions are. And it's such a shame because so many people miss.

those moments with their kids that they are never going to get back. That like when you're 80 years old, you would give anything to be back in that moment when they're young and when you have them. And so my whole call to action is it's a time to think about that, to realize how precious that 10-year period is. It doesn't mean giving up those ambitions, giving up all of your goals, your personal dreams, but it does mean realizing that there's a trade-off, realizing there's a balance, and something that you need to think about on the daily basis. thought that I think about every single day. I don't think I've ever contextualized it on the podcast. I don't know how to have a balance with this because I'll give you an example today.

I my daughter's home from school. She's sick and she wants to play but it's in the middle of the workday and I also have to go record two podcasts and I have a you know 20,000 things to do but she wants to play and so like and normally she would have been at school. Yeah, what's the answer to that. I mean, like, it's such a hard thing. Do you put, do you put it all aside and do you focus on the child? I mean, I guess you take it moment by moment, but it's really, really hard because it happens every single day and you're trying to work every single day. And the child wants your attention. I can't give you the answer to it because I think it's a really challenging problem. I'll tell you exactly how I wrestle with it personally, which I think can help a lot of people, which is there's

sort of two sides to it. One side is, it is the most important thing in the world, is spending time with your kids, being present, giving them your energy. The other side is it's really important for your kids to learn the value of hard work and the principles and values that you hold really close. And them seeing you work hard on things you really care about is incredible. That is teaching them. When you go, when you show up and do these things, even when you're tired, when you like get your workout in when you're tired, those lessons are going to be held with them for the rest of their life. I learned those lessons from watching my dad and seeing the way that he worked on things that he cared about. So the bad.

is you want both of those. When you're with them, you really want to be with them. But when you're not with them, they should be included in the why, as I say it, of why are you going and working hard on these things? Because what happens is kids, if you're just not there and you don't explain to them why you're not there, what you're doing, why you care about it, they fill it with the worst. They'll fill it in their minds with like, oh, they just don't care about me. They don't want to be here. But if you explain to them what you're working on, why you care about it, why you're traveling, why you're doing these things. Now they understand, and they're along for the journey with you. They feel like they're a part of it. They're part of the mission,

like mom and dad are working on this thing. This is why they're doing it. And that's a beautiful thing because then as they get older, it's like you're all along for the ride together. You're in this together. They're part of the mission. So for me, like that is the real key is include your kids in the why of why you're working hard. And by the way, you guys are doing something that you're deeply inspired by. Like your work, you're really excited about you're skipping to work every day. The vast majority of people do not have that. For most people, a job is a job. They're trying to like earn money to provide for their family. Their purpose is not their job. They're trying to provide for their family. You can include your kids in that why too.

You can explain to your kids that you're having to go to work or work two jobs or whatever the thing is because your why is that you're providing for the people that you love and that you're going to do that. So after I watch that piece of content and our kids a little bit older than yours and you'll see as soon as they start talking and asking questions, it's a whole different dynamic. And many of the parents that have older children are not in their head. But what we do now for anyone that's listening and maybe you can even think about this, every time we go somewhere, we always say, like, we're going to do this because of X, Y, and Z. And what's most important, we tell her that we always will come back every single time when we're done. And when we get back, we say we were working

so that we can have a nice house and you can wear a nice clothes and you can get that bluey toy that magically shows up every time we get back from Amazon or whatever. And so I think now she's starting to understand, like, she said to Lauren that he's like, oh, mom, you work so hard. But she's like, like, it's a different context. I'm like, why are you leaving me? Yeah. Yeah. And they get it. right? Like they're slowly starting to build this pattern of understanding why mom and dad are working hard or why their dad, whatever it is. I go and get my kid's too young to explain those things to him, right? I get him a stuffed animal from everywhere that I travel. So like, I'm in Austin this week. I don't know what your guy's thing would be. I don't know, like a snake or an

armadillo or whatever. Like, I'll go get him something. And so then, like, as he gets a little bit older, he's going to have... Get him a cicada. Yeah, yeah, get him a cicada. That'll be, I don't know. Like, that sounds kind of creepy. We don't like bugs in our house. I hate bugs. Like, this is my one of my things. It's including him in the journey in this tiny way. Like, my dad used to travel a ton for work and he would always come back with some little trinket. And, you know, the traditional wisdom is like, oh, we're going to have a bunch of shit in our house. I don't want all this shit lying around. But that shit actually mattered to me, right? Like, I knew that my dad was thinking about me when he was on this trip, that he brought me something back from the place,

that then he could explain to me, like, oh, I was in Lisbon, and here's what Lisbon, history, whatever. Like, you can be included in the journey. Who's your dad, an international spy? What the hell was you? Exactly. Exactly. Okay. So I know we just jumped into it. Going back with you, what I find interesting about your story is if you were to look at what you're doing now, it makes sense if you know your story, but I think also in some ways has not been a clear line. And I relate to this because I think, I always tell people if you look at what I do now running this company and sitting on this mic, like there is no fucking way 10 years ago that I'm doing any of this. And I would have looked at

you strange if you asked me if I would be. When you were in college and you were, you were in basically almost professional athletic, would it be pro athlete? I guess like pretty much. Not yet, but yeah, but close. Baseball. You start and you start thinking about graduate and what you're going to do next. What I resonated with is like it felt like you didn't really have a direction of which way you wanted to go. And I feel like so many people struggle with that where, you know, Lauren was super lucky and she found her passion early on. And I always felt so confused. Like, what do I do? And people say, chase your passion. I'm like, well, what the fuck is that? How did you start to figure out what you actually wanted to do in life? Took me a hell of a long time. All of this is about

identity, right? Like people think they want money, fame, success, wealth. What they really want is a clear sense of their identity. You want to know where you fit into the world, what your purpose is, how other people should look at you, how you should think about yourself. And the really challenging thing when you're growing up is most people tie their identity to like one thing. So for me, it was sports. It was baseball. You might have a different thing, right? Like you might be the cheerleader in high school and you think of yourself as the cheerleader. Well, eventually an identity gets taken away from you at some point. And sports is really tough. Sports is really tough. And like the number of guys that deal with terrible depression post-athletics or the number of people who were like, I identified

as the popular kid in high school and now I'm no longer that. I have to enter the real world. When your identity gets ripped away and you don't have anything underlying it, it's really challenging. And you fill it with all of those things I mentioned. You go fill it with trying to make a bunch of money or you fill it with trying to have a lot of sex and meet a lot of different people. And none of that fills the void that is actually a like a search for identity and who you are. So my journey was long and winding because I didn't know who I was. I tried to, you know, like post baseball, it got taken away from me. I got hurt.

And I didn't know who I was. And so I went and chased the money game. Like I went and got a job that was high pain. working in finance. I was at a private equity fund, making more and more money every year. And people are like patting you on the back. You sound impressive. And I was miserable. I was like, if you saw me then, super overweight, terrible skin, drinking all the time, not present with my wife or with my family, like friendships were atrophying. All of these other areas of my life were being sacrificed for this chase for money that I thought was going to fill my identity cup. And it only changed for me

when I sort of hit rock bottom around that moment of realization of how short life is. And I had, it was a single conversation with a close friend of mine who asked me how life was going. And I said, you know, it's great, it's fine. I'm doing well. I'm getting promoted, whatever. But I don't see my parents very often, really close with my mom and dad. I was living in California. They were on the East Coast. And he said, well, how old's your dad? And I said, 65. How often do you see him? I said, once a year. And he looked me square in the face. And he said, okay, so you're going to see him 15 more times before he dies. And I remember it was like getting hit with a sack of bricks.

It's like math that you've never thought about, but it's just true. It's like math that you've never wanted to do, but it's math that you actually do need to do. That night, I went back home and I like passed out, woke up the next morning, and I told my wife, I wanted to quit my job. I wanted to move back to the East Coast to be closer to family. And that was like the turning point of my entire life where I just sort of like ripped the band-aid off. And in a 45-day period, went from feeling like I had this cup filled by trying to make money to I have to go search and figure out who I actually am and what I'm actually energized by. I would love for you to talk about that process because I don't want to go from what you just told me to how successful you are now. I want to talk about the in between.

When you first get to the East Coast, how do you start? to sort of reinvent your identity. It was kind of beginning with the end in mind. I had the great fortune of having some incredible mentors in my life, people that had a vested interest in seeing me when it meant nothing to them. Like it was never going to be any gain for them, which is an amazing thing to have in your life. And what I went around and started trying to do was just figure out how to ask better questions

about what this all looked like. Everyone wants to search for answers, right? You're like, oh, give me the answer. I want the one-click easy cheat code to six-pack abs or getting rich. And it's like, that's the content that people go and try to sell. The reality is it's all really hard. And it's all about asking better questions. Everything good in life comes from asking better questions, not from trying to chase whatever answer. And so for me, the question that really clicked was, what does my ideal life look like at age 80? And sit down and actually sketch that out. A mentor encouraged me to do that. And I did it. And for me, what that looks like was sitting on a porch with my wife by my side, kids hanging out with us, grandkids playing around in the yard, and a whole bunch of friends coming over to have dinner with us. And what does that actually mean in terms of who you are today? What do you need to do today to have that be the future state of your life? Well, it actually has nothing to do really with money, right?

There's no yachts, I'm not on a private jet. I'm not doing all sorts of fancy things like what I was on the previous path around. It all has to do with the people that are actually around me, right, and the loving relationships that I'm creating. It means if you want to have a loving wife by your side when you're 80, you better be a damn supportive and loving husband every single day today. Same thing with friends. Same thing with being a supportive parent if you want your kids to want to spend time with

you. So I really started focusing on that and figuring out how can I build a life that's actually grounded around being present and having more flexibility to focus on those things that actually matter to me in the present. What are some things that you do on a day-to-day basis that you think water your relationship with your wife? A lot. So, I mean, number one is we take a daily walk together every single day without fail. I mean, when I'm home, without fail.

It's like, you know, I kind of have like a list of daily non-negotiables. And that is the most important one from a relationship standpoint. Because it's the only time, like we have a young kid, the chaos of life, you guys know this. It's just craziness constantly. And so having 30 minutes that's like protected time when you can talk to the person about things is really, really important. And it's like a, it's a way for you to actually feel gratitude around the present. It's very easy, especially for ambitious people to lose sight of all gratitude.

Everyone talks about gratitude journals and doing this and doing that. And for the most part, it all sounds good. And then you're not actually feeling any gratitude in the present. The only thing I've ever found that works for gratitude is like zooming out from where you are and thinking about how much your younger self would be blown away by where you are today. That's the only thing I've ever found that works. You tell yourself you have a ton of gratitude, but I think with ambitious people in particular, you never want to feel like I made it.

And so you're always looking for the next hill to climb. And that could be challenging because you sit there and instead of taking inventory of the accomplishments you have, you know, I just actually, it's funny, I was journaling yesterday and I looked back and I wanted to see exactly what I keep these journals. about me? I did journal box. Was I in the line? You're always in there. I just drew a picture of your tits. That's good, man. Physical attraction needs to stay there. No, but I went back. I was like, I want to see what I was thinking seven years ago. And I keep

these journals. And they're small. They're like just like bullet points. But I just went back and I was like this is where I was seven years ago. And I did it as a gratitude exercise to see some of the way. Like I was like seven years ago, no children. You know, like not living here in worse shape, business than a different place. Like value. I like you more now than I did seven years ago. Yeah, no. And so I did that because I was sitting there and I was getting anxious. And I was like, oh, trying to do the gratitude practice.

I'm like, why is that not working? And it's because you're just like to sit there. I'm grateful because it's hard. I think you have to compare to you or maybe your future self. Yeah. And especially in relationships, the way I always say it is falling in love is really easy. But growing in love is really, really hard. And the falling is the thing we all focus on.

That's like the sexy Instagram moments on the beautiful vacation. before you have kids and all the amazing stuff that happens in your life. But the reality of life and the reality of relationships is that the growing is what matters. That's like the crawling through the mud and coming out on the other side. And we know this scientifically. Shared struggle releases oxytocin in your brain, which creates feelings of love and connection. It's scientifically proven. And that only comes from being willing to share the struggle with the person and to grow through that struggle, to have a growth mindset around your relationship. And very few people ever think about that or focus on it. They're only focused on the falling. So as soon as the falling goes away,

as soon as you're not feeling that honeymoon phase, you're not feeling the same level of lust or physical attraction for the person, all of a sudden you're lost and you're like, oh, need the novelty of sex with some new person. And so like all my younger guy friends that I have that are constantly chasing that high, it's never going to work. Like until you grow up to the point where you realize that that is not real. There's no texture to that. You're never going to have a fulfilling relationship. The difficulty, and I could say this,

and you will relate to this, for a lot of young men that become middle-aged men that don't realize that lesson earlier is that becomes a pretty dark life at some point. A really dark life. Yeah, because you're chasing that fulfillment, but all of a sudden you're like the 45-year-old guy at the music festival, sing-man.

You're like, oh, it's not the best look. Yeah, and a lot of successful guys, I mean, this is a knock on guys I'll probably get hated for. A lot of successful guys were like super nerdy and not attractive when they were younger. And they have their big exit. They sell their company for X million dollars. And all of a sudden, they're hot for the first time in their life. And they're not used to that.

Like, they're not used to the fact that they're now attractive to the opposite sex because of their power or their money, other things about, you know, their confidence because now they've made it. And they go crazy. You're like, you know, I think it's the reason that so many men that were, like with an amazing supportive wife during their like making it years, get a divorce after they've made it and they have the exit. They like all of a sudden they are hot. They have attractive, you know, people coming towards them. And they just like, they lose their minds because they're for the first time in their life, they're attractive. And they like, it's like getting dropped at the top of a mountain and you didn't acclimate on the way up. And all of a sudden you pass out.

Like what happens? If only when they were younger, they would be hotter and richer. Then this would never, this would never happen. Or just more comfortable with themselves. I mean, I can empathize with that. I actually can get like almost on board with the fact that it must be hard that you weren't looked at by women as a man. And then you make money and you have a success and there's a line of women out the door. Of course. And I think to what we were talking about earlier, the reverse of that is with maybe you were young and athletic and handsome and successful and popular. And all of a sudden you get later in life, you don't have those things.

same thing. Like, I don't know if one is better than the other, right? They're both tough. And I think the biggest thing is just being aware of those things and listening to more of these conversations. Because I will say that in my younger days, if you would have met me, you definitely would not have wanted to spend as much time with me. And what kind of got me out of that was getting, you know, thinking you make it. And then all of a sudden, realizing you did it and kind of crashing and burning a little bit and having to reassess life, when you decided to kind of go and change careers and get out of finance and take hold of your life in a different way, what were some of the things you started personally doing that you weren't doing before? One of them you said maybe you

were drinking less alcohol. What else did that look like? Yeah. I mean, it was a whole set of habit changes. So yeah, I stopped. I stopped drinking. I dramatically reduced how much I drink. I still drink now and then, but it's only when I feel like it materially enhances my level of connection with a person. And it's not just like on a Tuesday night by myself sitting at home. That was a big one. I started religiously getting back into my fitness habit that I had had most of my life because of baseball that I just didn't sleep enough. I started sleeping more. I started doing my cold plunge and my sauna every single day. Just like mentally, that is a huge, huge part of me feeling sharp on a daily basis, doing the cold plunge every morning, doing the sauna at night and having that like quiet, peace time to reflect. All of those things. I mean, I'm a big believer that like working out will change your life, working out broadly defined. Like all of this stuff kind of as part of like taking care of your physical health because the ripple effects that that has into every other area of life are very real. Like whenever a young person comes to me and they're not happy with their standing in life, the first thing I tell them is to wake up at five in the morning and go work out. And if you can do that two straight weeks, you will start to change your life because all of a sudden, if you can do that, it's really hard.

You start self-identifying as a winner. And you felt like a loser before. You weren't happy with where you were in life. to go do that for two weeks, and you're going to start thinking of yourself as a winner. And when you start thinking of yourself as a winner, you start actually making changes that confirm that. Like you all of a sudden start believing in yourself. So you go find evidence that proves that belief to be correct. It's like pure confirmation bias at work. When I moved to Austin, I wanted to get myself a pair of black cowboy boots. I had a whole vision. I wanted to wear my jeans. And I wanted to stuff them

in my black, me high cowboy boots. But I wanted a very specific. specific one. I wanted a pair that was super comfortable that I could wear during the day or I could wear into the evening. And my stylist, who's a friend of mine, Emily, introduced me to Tukovas. The one that I got are called the Abbey. They're so cute. They're true to size. I got the color midnight. And they're black. They're chic. They make your leg look so flattered. And they go up right underneath your knee. And I tuck my jeans into my cowboy boots. And I wear this look all the time. They're so cute. Toccova is all about comfort, style, and service. They're very, very innovative, and they're all handmade from the most premium leather. Toccova is Western to their core, and they believe in Western for all. You can get custom fitted for a new pair of boots, too. You can even get their custom leather stamping or branding. Michael did this. It's so cute. And you can also go into the store, which is so fun. They'll even shine your boots. And while you're getting your boots shined, you can have a drink. Even the hard. stuff. Okay, how fun. If you can't make it into store, Toccova delivers the most premium quality

and most comfortable Western goods right to your door. Visit Toccovaz.com, that's TECO VAS.com and point your toes west. You know what I love, Michael? What do you love, Lauren? A crisp Heineken Zero-Zo. It's an alcohol-free option to the original Heineken that you love. If you're somebody that's looking to cut out, alcohol or cut back on alcohol, but you still want to enjoy that fine Heineken beer taste. Heineken Zero Zero is the choice for you. It's absolutely incredible. And like we said, it's made with zero percent alcohol so you can enjoy that Heineken taste, but without the alcohol effect on your body.

It has 100 percent taste, like Michael said, but 0.0 percent alcohol. I'm obsessed with stocking these in the fridge so I can have them whenever I want. Like, you could have them after a workout. You could have them on a Friday night birthday party so you can wake up and do a run the next morning. You could even have them if you're giving up alcohol for dry January. I think this is such an amazing option. It's crisp. It's full. It's delicious. It tastes just like the world famous Heineken quality. You really can't go wrong. One of the hardest things about giving up alcohol is missing out on the beautiful taste that a Heineken provides. Nothing worse than cooking an amazing

meal and not being able to enjoy a Heineken. Well, now you can and you don't have to worry about the effect of alcohol. I'm actually going to have a sip right now, Michael. Cheers. Ah. Heineken Zero is an amazing alternative to juice, soda, or sparkling water. Heineken Zero 100% taste, 0.0% alcohol, and only 69 calories. Now you can. Click the link in the show notes to buy now. Must be 21 plus to purchase.

Please enjoy Heineken responsibly. I have a friend that I just met in Las Vegas, and she told me that she met her husband on Hinge. Then my producer Carson also told me he met. his girlfriend on Hinge. And then the other day, I heard another story about a couple meeting on Hinge. Hinge is where it's at if you're single. Hinge is the dating app designed to be deleted. Why? Hinge gives you a sense of someone else's personality and lets you share your own. You get to know potential dates through their unique answers to prompts. Plus, you get a sense of someone's dating intentions and what they're looking for. This is so nice to set the table and set the expectation before you go on the

date. I feel like if you're single and you just want to like lay it on the line and know exactly what someone's in for, this is the way for you to go on an app and have a dating success. If I was dating in this day and age, I feel like this is such a great way to just know what to expect. I love that you can get answers to these prompts. I love that you can get a sense of exactly what the intentions are before the date. This makes it so much more seamless before you go on an actual date. I talk to a lot of podcast guests behind the scenes and everyone has said the same things about Hinge. They say it's the best of the best when it comes to dating. Download Hinge and find someone worth deleting the app for. Download Hinge and find someone worth deleting the app for. Download Hinge and find

someone worth deleting the app for. What I've realized it seems like you sort of are on the same vibe is that when you have a bad habit, you can't just take it away. You have to replace the bad habit with something else. So like, I'll give an example. When I lived in L.A., I would have a glass of wine, sometimes just a glass at night. And then when I moved to Austin, I've replaced that with like a really great magnesium water. I know that sounds weird, but it's like that's how I nightcap my night. And it's just a little switch. And it could be anything. I used to, I used to wake up. I used to look at my phone probably like five years ago. Now I wake up and I meditate. It's replacing what you're doing that's bad with something else.

I think where people get in trouble is when you just try to take the bad habit away and there's nothing to replace it with good. You almost have to crowd it out. Yeah, we're ritualistic creatures, right? Like humans throughout their entire history have loved rituals. And that's exactly what you're getting at. It's like you create a new ritual that you enjoy, hopefully, or something that gives you a little bit of a dopamine hit or some sort of energy because it becomes much easier than to crowd out

whatever the bad thing was that was negatively impacting your life. And the reality is like these habits, no one, you know, day of doing these things matters. It's like, you know, if you skip it, whatever, like you can convince yourself to the end of time that it doesn't matter if you do that. But over a course of 10 years, those habits show up on your face. I mean, I went to my 10-year college reunion a few weeks ago. And it blew me away seeing all these people because we're all 32 years old, but some people looked 50 and some people looked 30. And it's because the way they treated themselves over that 10-year period on a daily basis shows up on your face after 10 years. It just does. Like you can see whether someone treated their body well, whether they were eating

the right things, whether they were sleeping, whether they were taking care of themselves. And that all plays out in how you operate in life. Like if you're not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of your partner? How can you take care of your kids? How can you take care of your job. It's like one tiny thing that impacts everything else in your entire life. This is where it becomes hard, though, because you're trying to do 600 things at once and you have the kids who want to play. It becomes a real balancing act. You have to get very creative with time. How are some ways that you get creative with time? Figure out the minimum viable version of what you need to do. So give examples. On a daily basis. So I used to think I needed

to work out for an hour in order for it to be worth it, quote unquote. And, I learned in the first three months that my son was around that I could actually get a great workout in in 15 minutes if I had to. And my wife learned the same thing. She used to come to the gym with me for an hour. And you can't do that at some point. You literally cannot do that. There's just not enough hours in the day. And so I would say like with every habit or everything that you want to do, figure out like the minimum viable version that is the non-negotiable for you. For me, it's like move for 30 minutes a day. And that can include walking. If I can't do anything else. I'm going to go for a 30-minute walk with my wife. Sleeping six hours was my

version. People will get mad at that, but like six hours, I know I'll be okay. I can't do it for probably like two weeks in a row, but for a few days I'll be fine. Making sure that I actually like eat whole unprocessed foods on a daily basis is a big one for me. So just figuring out like those really low intensity versions of it that are low friction that you know you can just execute on even when shit hits the fan is the best thing. You know what else? I feel, and maybe you've experienced this in your life. And Michael Easter just came on the show. Who's the guy? And so he was just talking about this study in his book where basically when humans are trying to figure out how to solve a problem, we always think you have to add something to solve it. And in a lot of cases,

it's taking things away. And I think about this in my own life and with having children, I know there are things that I can do as an entrepreneur that would quote unquote put more money in my pocket. I could go do more speaking events. I could go do coaching. I could go take, I could do more of these shows. I could work longer hours. Like all of these things would quote unquote make me more successful as a businessman from a financial perspective. But at the same time, I'm weighing against what we talked about earlier. What sacrifices does that mean I'm taking from my children or time for my wife or time for myself or time out of the gym. And I think we have a really difficult time saying no to things that we think other people or that we think are important from a societal perspective.

Let's just say that I could go and make a few more million dollars a year by doing those things. A lot of people would be like, well, you're crazy not to do that because they put such an emphasis on the financial success. And my younger me would have done that too. Now I'm like, well, yes, I can have a few more million dollars in the bank. But to your point, I will never get that amount of time back with my daughter or my son. And so to me, as soon as I look at it that way, I'm like, now I'm eliminating things. Yeah. The way I would say it is everyone wants you to focus on not leaving money on the table, but the way you're thinking about it, which is correct, is where am I leaving my peace of mind on the table? Where am I leaving my relationships on the table?

Where am I leaving my health on the table by going after that extra money? And no one wants to have that conversation with themselves. They just focus on the money because it's like it's the easiest scoreboard, right? It's like, yeah, it's easy. People will pat you on the back for it. It's a clear number. You know exactly what it is. And so people chase that. But they're leaving all these other things on the table along the way that in the end are much more important. No one cares about, you know, those extra million dollars 30, 40 years from now. What's it going to matter? 100%. And, you know, we move from L.A. to Austin. And I always have all my L.A. and New York friends saying, oh, Austin's slower. And you could do this in New York or do this in L. And I'm like, I'm very

well aware. If you drop an individual like myself in any of those cities, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to wake up to your point at five. I'm going to work all day. I'm probably not going to go to the gym. I'm just going to work all day, get sucked into the rhythm of the city and quote unquote will be more successful financially. But my children may not be as happy. My wife won't be as happy. I won't be as healthy. So I know the sacrifice I'm making by being in a quote unquote slower place, but it's an intentional decision because I realize that if I stay on some of those paths, I may be more successful from a business standpoint, but I may be emptier from a personal standpoint. I would also guess that, and this is a paradox, but by slowing down, you actually allow yourself

to speed up. Can you go off on that? Yeah, I can go off on that all day because this is, I mean, this is what allowed me to. It's what you did. Today, like, I make five times as much money as I was making at my lucrative finance job and I work one fifth as much. And it sounds ridiculous to say, but it's just true. And it's because I slowed down and then figured out how. how to speed up. It's like Lionel Messi, watch him playing soccer. He walks all around the field. And people go crazy. They're like, why is this guy walking all over the field? Well, it's actually strategy. Like, he's examining the entire field. He's creating this unbelievable map of everything out there. And then when he sprints, it's 110% in the perfect, perfect way, perfect angle to open up the field

and score, pass, whatever. And that is how you need to pursue things that you're doing in life. It needs to be like you're surveying the whole field. You're figuring out where is, my one unit of input, going to generate 100x output. Most people operate in this fixed one-to-one world. That's what I was doing. I was working in finance. I was working 100-hour weeks. And it was fixed one-to-one everything. If I wanted to make more money, I was just going to have to work another 100-hour week versus now where when I work on something, you know, I might work for an hour, but I know that that hour is going to generate 100x output and put us onto a completely different plane with what we're doing. I'm obsessed with this conversation because one of the things that I've

realized since I moved out here is I have space and thinking time. So I'm just thinking and thinking. And it's, it's exactly like that soccer player. It gives me the ability and the clarity to be outside of all the noise and all the cortisol and to just be with my thoughts so I can be like, what, where am I most effective? And I, I, I spend half my day thinking. I walk. I meditate. I sit with myself. I write. I like, It's a lot of not working, but it is kind of working in a different way. Yeah, I mean, when you think about how few people actually just sit with their thoughts on a daily basis, not even meditating, just sit around and think or walk and think. And then you go talk to like the most successful business people in history, right?

Think about John D. Rockefeller, go way back. He used to walk around his garden doing absolutely nothing every single day without fail. Like for hours, he would go walk. He was running the largest company in the world at any point in time in history. And he wasn't listening to podcasts. There was no podcast. He wasn't like listening to an audio book on 2X speed or doing whatever. He was walking around and thinking.

And that allows you to then go and deploy your energy where you need to. I mean, now today, like Bill Gates is famous for doing this thing once a year called a think week where he literally goes off the grid, like goes to this tiny shitty cabin. He's hundreds of billions of dollars. He goes to this tiny shitty cabin with a bunch of reading and a bunch of thinking that he's planning to do. on the biggest picture things that Microsoft needed to do to, like, create the future they wanted to create. We all need to do something similar to that. I can't take a week probably. Like we have young kids. You're probably not going to take a week and just disappear. But can you take a day

once a month? Or can you take a day once a quarter and do that? Probably. I've found that it's people are uncomfortable to sit with their thoughts. But what I've found is if you can get through the uncomfortable part, you start to crave it. It starts to become an essential in the day. It's like for me, if I don't have time to think, especially in the morning, like watch out. Like I need space. And Michael's going to say like, you say it like I'm being soft. But it's not that I'm being soft. It's like I have to like. No, I don't say that. Like sift through my thoughts of how I want the day to go. And like it's an important time for me to be reflective. And it's something that I crave now. No, I say she's being soft because yesterday we won't.

woke up and our dog threw up on our bed and I freaked out like the dog threw up on the bed and then she like went in a tailspin because she got woken up roughly that does suck I do hate that yeah I hear you on that he woke me up and ripped me out of bed well not physically but I was like yo there's throw up all but no she got mad because I said there's throat and then I just couldn't deal with it and I left the room and left the dog well that sounds reasonable then he runs in he announces that there's throw up everywhere, wakes me up out of bed, and then leaves the dog who's, by the way, eating his throw up in the bed with me. Listen, I had a moment of weakness. The kids were going nuts, and I made a critical husband mistake, which I'm sure you've made. I walked in. Do not wake your wife up. She was sleeping.

Nope. You don't do it. I had a momentary reaction where I announced the mistake. And then I realized that I was going to be stuck cleaning. And then I exited stage left. I like how you started this, by the way, by saying that she was soft about something. And now you've walked it way, way back to like, I made the mistakes. So this is smart. This is why your marriage is working. Yeah. So it's really just, it's, I realize in everything in my life, it's all my fault. But you know, it is do not wake up a sleeping wife. Don't do it. Especially with young kids. I made eight mistakes in a row. Yeah. Literally just let the wife sleep. Okay. But the, um, the point you made, though, on like, getting comfortable pushing through the discomfort of sitting with your thoughts is important.

Because people, the reason people get really uncomfortable with that is they don't want to think that they are wrong about anything in their world. We have an incredible ability to mindlessly just believe that we are right about everything. Like an ostrich puts its head into the sand to avoid danger. Like when there's danger around an ostrich sticks its head into the sand and it looks hilarious and sits there so that it can avoid danger in a hilarious way. Humans do that. You at this point in time are burying your head in the sand about something in your life, I don't know what it is, that you are terribly wrong about, but you're unwilling to confront being wrong about. Because we all want to be right. And we care more about being right than finding the truth about most things. And that is

easily the most dangerous thing, dangerous path you can go down. Because if you want to be right in your relationship more than you want to get to the truth and actually solve the problem, it's going to fail. Same thing in business. If you want to be right more than you want to get the right answer, then you're going to fail. None of it's going to work. And unfortunately, I think we're seeing this also manifest in politics not to take a full right term, but I think that, you know, when you dig in real hard on something and then whatever you're digging in on proves to be either counter or wrong or false, it's really hard to step back and say, you know what, in that moment of time based on the information I had I was wrong. I think that that is so cool. I think it's so cool to take such a

hard stance and then realize that you were wrong and actually take time to say, you know what? I didn't have all the facts. I'm wrong. How often do people do that? But to your point, how many people do that? But how cool is that, though? When I hear someone do that, it's like, you know what? I thought this way and now maybe I've evolved.

And you know what? I have the ability to be able to change my mind and not have such a stance. Yeah, I think like, again, we're not perfect. We make mistakes all the time. We make mistakes on this show. But what I always tell the audience is that we're going to have all sorts of different perspectives on this show all the time. And once in a while, if not all the time, you're going to hear something that either makes you uncomfortable or that you disagree with.

As an individual, I personally need that because if I start to sit, like it would be very easy for me to pick a quote unquote side and just have all of those same kind of people on the show all the time and just reinforce my personal belief system and make myself feel good. But I feel it's really difficult to grow as an individual if you do that, right? Because then you're just sitting there patting yourself on the back all the time saying I'm right, good for me. Yeah, I mean, it's an embarrassing way to live. You get one life. And I mean, we like with politics in particular, we labeled people who changed their mind in the face of new information as flip-floppers. It was a negative term. And the reality is like, those are the people actually want in office.

I want someone who can get new information and change their mind on a subject because that's fundamental to human growth is like you should get new information. It changes the way that you thought about it and then you change. And we started, you know, we started saying that. Those were bad politicians if they were that way. We also just hate when someone doesn't have an opinion on something, which is the worst thing for society. Like, I get asked about things all the time that I just say, like, I am not educated enough on the topic to have an opinion on it.

And people go ballistic. People want you to have a fucking opinion on everything. Sometimes I just don't have an opinion on it. I don't know enough about it. I don't have an opinion on most things, actually. Like, I don't know much about that many things in the world. So why do I need to have an opinion on it? And why do you need me to tell you my opinion on it, by the way?

Like, why do you care what my opinion is? Because I think it's a control thing where maybe people feel like because they're following you that you have to give them an opinion because they're owed an opinion. But what I've realized is my policy is I'm not giving an opinion on things that I don't, like you said, have enough knowledge on to give an educated, eloquent opinion on. And I'm just not. And if that doesn't work for someone, they should unfollow me. Or speaking of having an opinion, and I'm sure you've dealt with this, when you have any kind of platform that starts to gain any kind of reach or notoriety, and anything that someone in the world

feels as important to them personally is going on. And they hit you with messages like, you have a responsibility because you have this platform to say something. And I'm like, well, because there's a platform that has a sizable reach, the real responsibility is actually taking a second to actually understand what you're talking about with the best data possible and accurate information. And I think that's where so many, I guess, creators and people that are building platforms online run into trouble, in my opinion. And I'm looking at this from a different perspective. I'm not looking at it as a perspective of just me with the show, but as somebody who now has this company that represents many other mouthpieces in the industry, it's like what I always try to

tell people is like, you have to be very thoughtful with the information. information you put out and make sure that what you put out is really what you want to stand behind. Because if you just rattle off what everybody on the internet deems to be important in the moment, it's really, you're really just a mouthpiece for someone else. Does that make sense? Yeah. And we also live in a world where it's very unclear what the facts are. If you're reading a bunch of news media articles as your basis for whatever your opinion is, well, they might change their headline from one day to the next on what the thing was, right? Like there might be, you know, one day, It's like considered completely ludicrous to say that COVID came from a lab leak in China. And a year later, the CDC says like, oh, yeah, that actually is probably what happened.

When you were a lunatic for saying that a year ago. And so data changes, evidence changes, information changes on a daily basis. And if you are someone that says, I'm actually going to wait and I'm going to learn more about this, I'm going to educate myself, people yell at you. When the reality is they should be supporting you for doing that and they should be understanding. standing that that is actually the appropriate response to these things. They also don't want you to say what your opinion is. They want you to echo their opinion. And the second you give your opinion and it's not what they wanted you to say, they're going to tear you down just as much. Or if you say it slightly wrong from what they wanted you to say. Human beings used to think there was a guy with a

beard in the sky throwing lightning bolts down at them. There's still some people that do believe that probably. Yeah. And among other things, there's a person that lives under the earth. It's like, you know, I mean, and listen, people are, but so I just think that, you know, in our going back to the topic of sitting with yourself and your thoughts, I think people sometimes and myself at times too, we feel uncomfortable when we're not quote unquote busy. We don't have something going on. We feel like we're not accomplishing something if we're sitting and we're not working on something or we're not, you know, outdoing something or socializing, whatever it is. And what I've found as I get older in life is that some of the most productive. things that I can do as a human, as a father, as a husband is to sit and think for a long period of time so that when actually go and do something, it has real impact as opposed to just a bunch of busy shit. Are you going to start meditating after the two podcasts we've had today? We've had now two amazing men come on and talk about meditation. I think that you've been manipulated. No, no, I know that I'm lacking on the meditation. I don't meditate. Okay.

I've never been, like, I would do what I call it walking meditation. Okay, talk, go off about that. Yeah, I mean, I, so I have never been able to get myself to sit still and meditate. It stresses me out. It actually creates more stress and anxiety in my life than the peace that it would create. And I've tried, like, I've done 30 days. I've done five minutes a day. I've tried to do 10 minutes. I've done everything. And I'm never able to stick with it because I need to be moving. Like, I don't know if it's ADD, ADHD, something that I have naturally. I just need to be moving. For me, it's meditative. to go walk with no phone, nothing on me. I carry around this little notebook with me everywhere I go so that I can jot down thoughts. I was going to ask you about that. That's how I like think about and perceive the world is just walking around. No headphones in.

I'm not listening to podcasts. No audiobooks. I call them tech-free walks. And that is meditation for me. So I also think just like expanding your definition of what meditation is in your life is an important thing. It's the same reason that like people don't start journaling because they think that journaling means you need to sit down for 30 minutes.

and write down all of your deepest, darkest thoughts. Well, no, journaling can be like writing down one bullet of what you were grateful for that day. That's journaling. So by expanding the definition of these things, I think you can actually find something that works for you. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at BetterHelp.com slash skinny and get on your way to being your best self. Over the years, Lauren and I have had many therapists on this show talking about how to use therapy, the benefits that their patients come by.

we've also had so many high performers on this show, and a common denominator between many of them is that they use therapy as a tool in their toolbox to feel better, perform better, think about the world in a more productive way. Lauren and I are big proponents of therapy, especially now with a platform like BetterHelp where you can do it from the comfort of your own home. You can vet all sorts of different licensed therapists to figure out who's the best fit for you. You get a whole other level of privacy, no longer having to go into an office, and just being able to know that you're going to be able to speak to someone. about any issue you're going through. You may think, hey, I don't need therapy. I feel like I'm in a pretty good space, but you can always be better. Lauren and I firmly believe in that. And BetterHelp is a perfect tool for anyone to just get their ideas out of their head. One of the biggest benefits of doing this show is that we get a talk so many of our thoughts out live on air and sometimes

with therapists and people that have been in therapy and people that have benefited from a platform like BetterHelp. Better help is extremely cost effective. And like I said, you can do it from anywhere right now from your phone, from your computer, right from the comfort of anywhere you see fit. So if you've been on the fence, if you've been thinking about therapy and you haven't really known where to start, BetterHelp is the platform for you. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. Celebrate the progress you've already made. Visit betterhelp.com slash skinny to get 10% off

your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P-com slash skinny. Betterhelp.com slash skinny. Best thing ever, something I drink every single day. My kids drink it. I am obsessed. I cannot shut up about it. I harass the founder is cranberry hydration elixir. It's these electrolytes by Chroma Wellness. She's been on the podcast, the founder. She gave them to me live on the podcast. And they are so good. They're like kind of spicy, but not too spicy. And they are the best electrolytes I have ever had. Sometimes I'll like froth it up with ice and put like a sprig of mint. It's just the best. If you're on their site, I would also recommend checking out their, oh my God, cookie butter. This cookie butter, you guys, I'll do a spoonful before bed. It has, like, chewy goji berries in it. So not only do you

get the cookie butter, but you get the chewy texture of a cookie with like a hint of goji berry. There is nothing better. If you're looking for a cleanse to start the year, Chroma has you covered on all ends. I've done their cleanse many times. Kristen Cavalieri is actually the one who recommended this cleanse. You do not feel hungry at all. It's the best cleanse ever. They have so many amazing bone bras, but the best, the best is the cranberry hydration elixir. I cannot say enough good things. Grab that in the cookie butter and you are good to go. One of the best things about Chromas reset is after you're done, you can purchase all the delicious foods, beverages, supplements from the program and continue to incorporate them into your daily

routine for ongoing benefits. Reserve your five-day reset now to take advantage of free shipping until the end of January. The Chroma family is also offering an exclusive a 15% off discount for all listeners. Go to chroma Wellness.com and inner code skinny at checkout. That's chroma wellness.com code skinny. I personally could not be more excited to talk to you guys about nerd wallet. You guys know I'm a personal finance geek. I've done a few episodes on the subject.

So many people get so overwhelmed trying to figure out where to get the best financial information, whether it's trying to figure out a credit card, compare credit cards, whether it's trying to figure out how to use airline points or which airline miles to sign up for whichever. savings account or whatever investment vehicle or brokerage account, it's all so overwhelming. I have been a reader and consumer of nerd wallet for many years. They have so much great information on their site, whether it's credit card information, if you want to learn more about travel, if you want to learn more about small business, insurance, mortgages, investing, they have it all

for you all in one place. If you've been thinking about applying for a new credit card and you want to know what the top travel credit cards are or you want to know which ones are going to offer you the most in points for your spending. And you can find all of this information so easily delivered by experts with expert opinions. Over the years, I've also, as I've evolved in business, use NerdWallet as a resource to figure out what kind of resources I want to use for my business, what kind of bank accounts, what kind of business credit cards when it comes to travel, trying to figure out how to use points and miles. It's just such an incredible resource for anyone that just wants a little bit more literacy around finance and services in the financial industry.

NerdWallet lets you compare top travel credit cards side by side to maximize your spending, been offering 10x points on your spending. You can figure out how to make all the best financial decisions. So if you're looking to make smarter financial decisions and set your life and your family up with the best options out there. So like I said, compare and find smarter credit cards, savings accounts, and more today at nerdwollet.com, nerd wallet finance smarter. Again, that's nerd wallet.com, nerd wallet finance smarter. And I just want to put in a reminder that credit cards are subject to lender approval and terms apply. When I was a kid, and I'm not this not woe was me. I had a great childhood. But I was in trouble all the time. And when I say trouble all

the time, I was the kid. When I got out of school, my mom got given a book about this thick. And it was just a bunch of detentions. I had so many, every day all the kids would go home, I would have to stay in detention. I had so many that there was not enough days in the weeks. I had to stay for lunch detention. And they had so many of those that I had to come to school on Saturdays for four hours and sit. So I spent from like sixth grade all the way until like I got into high school all that time just sitting and sitting and sitting. And so I don't like to sit still for a long time. It's probably some trigger for some trauma that I got to work through. Probably meditation would cure it. But to me, to your point, I have to be kind of like moving. I like to think when I'm

walk. I like to read. I like to write things down. But I don't like to just like sit for so long. Walking meditation tip, go take towns in the stroller and get outside. I think that's a great tip. And that stuff I do like the other day I was like in the house and I'm going to take a walk. But I don't just like, I'm not sitting there and like going into Zen posts. It may be. By the way, what a horrible education system we have in a world where a kid that clearly will learn better, moving, being energized, et cetera, is forced to, like, sit and try to learn. There was actually a study. I think the guy's name was Dr. Chuck Hillman, who did a study where they had kids take a few tests on, like, math and reading comprehension and writing, both after sitting for 30 minutes or after, like, walking on a treadmill for 30 minutes. and the kids all across the board performed better after moving around and moving their bodies. And yet we have this education system where kids are forced to sit and then punished for being fidgety

by being forced to sit more. And the reality is like if you just had that kid get up and you allowed them to like walk around and learn or like fidget with themselves and not be punished for that, they would learn and actually embrace the learning way more than they're actually able to. 100%. Lauren, we've known each other since we're 12 years old, like a long time. We were together that whole time. Yeah. I met my wife when I was 16. Okay. She was 14.

Yeah. But you. She was 14. He was 16. He was the older guy. You can attest to this, though. I used to show up to the class and the teacher would be so mad that he had preemptively set my seat outside of the classroom. So I would sit outside the door and look in and try to hear what he was saying.

And then there was another teacher that put my desk against his personal desk. And I'm like, well, one, the rebel of me was just like, well, now like if this is what I'm going to go even the other way. But two, to your point, like, I think about that now as an adult and I'm like from an educational standpoint. Like if I learned that, and my parents, it's not their fault, but if I learned that that was taking place for a child of mine, I'd be like, well, this is the wrong education system for them. I wouldn't knock the teachers. I was just like, well, this isn't going to work. We're out, you know? Totally agree. How did you get to be so thoughtful? Just you're very, I don't know,

you just seem like you really think about things and you're really good at articulating it. Is this something that you've sort of refined or is it just something natural in you? It's probably a bit of both. I spend a lot of time thinking. I'm like you. Most, like if you were to look at my work day, you would say that I don't work a lot because I'm not sitting at my desk a whole lot. Like I have, you know, maybe two blocks of like two hours a day where I'm really at my desk doing something. And the rest is like walking around, I'll play with my son. I'll, you know, work out, run, like long runs are super meditative and a lot of good thinking time. I just spend a lot of time thinking about human struggle and struggles that I am personally facing and how I'm

wrestling with them. And I actually don't, I don't think of it as being in my own head a lot. Like I have friends who I think of, like I used to think of as like head cases. They're always in their own head and they're getting in their own way. I just really like wrestling with problems and like thinking about what questions am I asking. How can I like better experience this? Because that's what I write about. My whole goal with all of the content I, create any of the talks I go give, any of that stuff, is to help people ask slightly better questions. I said it at the beginning. The best things in life don't come from having better answers. It's from asking better questions. And I cannot give you the answers for your life to anyone,

because everyone's life is different. Their whole map of reality is very different than mine, but I know I can help them ask better questions. And if I wrestle with these things enough, I know that I can pass that along. And that's really what I'm trying to get at with it. What are some questions that people are asking themselves that you think could be better? And how can they ask those questions differently? Or even some structures to questions. I mean, I think a big one with relationships that I've been preaching recently is, are you actually fulfilled or are you just less lonely?

And I have so many friends, so many people in my life who have stuck in a relationship that I believe is much more driven by the fact that it reduced their loneliness versus creating fulfillment in their life. And this is an important question because reducing loneliness is just removing a negative from your life. It's not creating a positive. And a real lasting relationship, it has to create that positive. It actually has to fill your cup.

It can't just reduce the bad that was in there. That is one I think that is a huge unlock for people to just spend more time, to sitting with it, to your point, sit with that question. If you're in a relationship that you're not sure about, sit with that question and you'll have some revelation about what's there. Yeah, because a lot of people are settling because it's what they're supposed to do when society tells you what you're supposed to do. I personally, I would rather be dead single than be with someone that I was settling for. And maybe other people are different. Maybe other people are more into like the optics of it.

But like that's a really good question to ask yourself if you're in a relationship. Are you lonely? What are some problems that you see across the board? Like what are some problems? You said you'd love to explore problems and struggles. What are some things that you see that you're experiencing with, but you also see from your audience? Movement versus progress is a huge one. It goes to a lot of the themes of what we were talking about before, but people confuse movement with progress in every area of life. And there's this desire. We live in a society and in a culture that rides you on movement and pats you on the back from movement. So, like, being busy. You go to a cocktail party anywhere in the world. And mostly in the U.S., it's really bad. And someone asks you how you're doing, I guarantee, like 95% of people are going to respond with some variation of I'm good, comma, busy. And everyone's supposed to be like, oh, yeah, that's a flex, right? You're, like, flexing on being busy. And it's just, it's mostly bullshit, right? Like, being busy is actually not a good. I I shouldn't take pride in being busy.

I should take pride in having unbelievable output per unit of input. And then I can decide. Like, if I want to do 100 units of input and become a billionaire, great. Or if I want to do one unit and just have tons of time with my kid during these years, that's great too. And the difference is it's just you have to separate movement from progress. You have to think about, like, avoid becoming a rocking horse that just like goes back and forth and sits around and doesn't actually go anywhere and focus much more on progress

versus movement. For someone that's listening to you, or us even together, and they're saying easy for you guys to say, you know, you are well off with your finances, you're in the relationship, you're in the marriage, you got the kids, like easy for you to say, but my life is X or Y or Z. How would you coach those people to stop thinking that way and put themselves into a growth mindset instead? I mean, the first piece is that's just like a victim mentality. Yes, absolutely. Like, we're in great places in life. But that didn't have. happen by accident. There were sets of inputs and things that you did along the way that you should be inspired by actually. You should learn from and feel like, okay, what can I do today? What is like a

single action that I can do today that will leave me slightly better off tomorrow? If I were to repeat the day that I'm having today for the next 100 days, is my life going to be better or worse on the end of that time period? And no matter where you are in life, the inspiring thing to know is you are like one good action away from being in a better spot. It doesn't matter how dark it is, wherever you are, one good action puts you in a slightly better place. And if you believe fundamentally that you are meant for more, whatever more it is, if you're meant for more money, more fame, more success, more love, more trust, whatever the thing is, if you believe that, then you can go and create the conditions that allow you to get there into that world. If someone's unhappy in any

area in their life, their job, their relationship, whatever it is. What can they do tomorrow to make a little bit of a change? Stop fearing. I think most people build up the pain that they will feel from leaving that situation beyond what it will actually be. I had terrible fear about leaving my lucrative finance job. I literally thought, like, not going to be able to pay the bills. My wife's going to be upset. My family's not going to love me because I'm not in the, like, prestigious job anymore. Friends are going to think I went off the rails. I created all of this unbelievable stuff in my mind. And the reality is you always build up fear to be bigger than it actually is. There's like that quote, like most, it's imagined versus reality. So I would say in general,

life is really freaking short. You get one shot at it. So staying in a relationship that's not fulfilling because you're afraid of what the, you know, lack of a relationship looks like. Staying in a job that you absolutely hate if you don't need it is much, much better. Just leaving that thing is much better than staying in it for longer than you need to. I stayed in my job probably, you know, realistically, I probably stayed in my job for like three or four years longer than I should have if I'd remove the fear. Can you leave our audience with a habit? You're around a lot of successful people. are very successful yourself, a habit that has maybe changed your life. And it could be a couple of

habits or it could be one that you just like always do. This is probably the best advice. Maybe the best advice I've ever received. I was talking to an 80 year old man, family friend, and I asked him what advice he would give to his 30 year old self when I was turning 30. And he said, treat your body like a house that you're going to have to live in for the next 70 years of your life. And it just stuck with me because it's so true. You don't think of that, but that means make sure your foundation is in really good working order at all times. Make sure your roof is in good working order. It means making the minor repairs to things along the way before they become big, big issues. It means making the daily, weekly and monthly investments in your

house that are going to make sure that things are really, really strong and that your house is there for you for the next 70 years of your life. So for me, it all comes down to that. And like, the actual tactical advice around that is wake up early and work out because there's no such thing as a loser who wakes up at five in the morning and works out. It just doesn't exist. You can't. Really good framework. You can't not tell us about what this little book is that you carry around. I think this is so smart. I always am pulling my phone out to take notes, but I like what you're doing. So you have a book. Yeah. It's a little black book. And a little black book. It's kind of like what a, what a madam would have if she had like a book full of hookers.

Why do you go down? Because it reminds me of Heidi Fleiss. You don't know what's in here. No one ever knows. But his is like yours. Yours is like notes. Yeah, no, I mean, the way I remember things is by writing them down. I can't do the like typing, you know, people have notion, all these fancy things.

I can't, I don't remember anything if I type it. But writing it, if I write it once, I'll remember it forever. And so I carry around. It's a pocket notebook that it's moleskin as the company that I use. although I probably need to start a company that makes these because I've sold a bunch now. And I love them, but I just literally like, I carry it around with me.

It fits in your back pocket. And anytime someone says something interesting or I have an interesting thought, I just jot it down. And then I come back to it sometimes later. Sometimes I look at it. Sometimes I don't. But I carry it around with me everywhere I go.

Okay. So when you start your own company, here's what you have to do. Put a spiral on it because it's annoying how it closes. You know what I mean? It's pretty good. It opens pretty good. Okay, but also I'm seeing you carry your pen around.

and we need something to put the pen on the thing. I like the little, it's got the little strap. You just hook it on. Yeah, but can we get like a little thing on the side when you create yours? You know what I mean? Like something. I got you.

Yeah, maybe the pen doesn't like poke our asshole. Like when it's in there, you know what I mean? It fits right on the little, on the little journal. A good one that fits in. The other- come in and knock a multi-billion dollar note.

Yeah, yeah. No, we can go do it. We should all go work on it together. We could sell a lot of these things. This company should get their shit together. They've only sold like a billion notebooks. Yeah. I'm just disrupting.

The other one, which I do use this for, is the other, like, habit that I think everyone would benefit from. It relates to journaling. I was never able to get myself to journal. I started doing something. I call it the one-one-one method, which is every single night before you go to bed, sit down with a piece of paper and write down one win from the day, one point of tension or anxiety or stress. Give an example. You know, I didn't feel like I was present with my son today or that work thing didn't go. well today or the dog threw up in bed and I yelled at Lauren. I wasn't supposed to do that.

Something like that. And then one point of gratitude. Something tiny that you felt grateful for during the day. It doesn't have to be the massive things, but something tiny like, oh, you know, we had my favorite dinner and it was really good. Whatever the tiny thing is. I don't think that's going to be his. He had chips for dinner. Well, whatever it is, whatever you felt grateful for. Because if you do, I mean, it takes two minutes. And you immediately, like, you feel good about the win and you register some win that you had during the day, you get off your mind the crappy thing that's been bugging you. That's going to bug you. For me, like, I won't be able to sleep. I'll be thinking about it. Just like throw it down on paper. It's gone. It's out of your mind. And then you feel grateful for

some small thing that you otherwise would have just let blow by that you never would have thought about. And it creates a journaling habit that actually kind of moves you forward without taking a bunch of time. I also think, like you said, it's not overwhelming. It's just the book that you have in your hand is just something small. You can just jot down a word or two. It doesn't have to be so overwhelming. Thank you so much for coming on. Where can everyone find you? Subscribe to your newsletter. All the things pimp yourself out. It's all at my website, sawhillbloom.com. Fortunate thing about having a weird name is that like I'm at sawhill bloom on every major platform, easy to get my name. I would love to, love to connect and meet more of these

people. I learned a lot. Thank you for doing this man. Appreciate you for having. This is awesome.