The Bossticks - Secrets To Personal Growth Time Management, & Productivity With Serial Entrepreneur David Meltzer

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

#341: On today's episode we are joined again by one of our good friends and fellow entrepreneur David Meltzer. David Meltzer is the Co-founder of Sports 1 Marketing and CEO of the renowned Leigh Steinberg Sports & Entertainment agency, which inspired the movie Jerry Maguire. He is a three-time international best-selling author, a Top 100 Business Coach, the executive producer of Entrepreneur's #1 digital business show, Elevator Pitch, and host of the top entrepreneur podcast, The Playbook.  To connect with David Meltzer click HERE Check Out Lauryn's NEW BOOK, Get The Fuck Out Of The Sun HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697)  The Skinny Confidential's Get the F*ck Out of the Sun is the practical, yet incredibly fun and accessible, preventative skincare bible by lifestyle guru Lauryn Evarts Bosstick. We all have our ever-growing list of skincare questions: What products are essential for a nightly routine? Will a jade roller actually take care of hungover, puffy eyes? Why is sunscreen so important, and does it really need to be applied every day? What oils and serums are best for glowy, dewy supermodel skin? Lauryn dives into all this and more with a voice reminiscent of a friend at a boozy mimosa brunch who has a little more experience (and a lot more research) under her belt. From product and beauty tool recommendations to Lauryn's personal experience with facial massage, fillers, Botox, lymphatic drainage, and cryotherapy, this authoritative and cheeky book is essential for a DIY generation that's all about shaking up old ideas about skin care and transforming the beauty industry. This episode is brought to you by Oshēn Salmon Oshēn Salmon was created for those who longed for their perfect protein match. One that was easy to prepare, packed with protein, and made us glow from within. Hello omega-3s! Ocean raised salmon has more than 1,500 mg of Omega-3 content which is double the Omega-3 contentus versus most wild salmon. To get your box of Oshen visit www.oshensalmon.com and use code SKINNY for 15% off plus free shipping.  This episode is brought to you by Birch Helix Mattress Birch makes organic, non-toxic mattresses made right here in America and shipped straight to your door with no-contact delivery, free shipping, free returns, and a 100-night sleep trial. Birch mattresses are certified organic, and materials are naturally and sustainably sourced. Finally, an amazing night's rest you can also feel great about. They have a 25 year warranty and you get to try it out for a hundred nights, risk free. They'll pick it up for you if you don't love it-but I know you will. Birch is giving $200 off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at www.birchliving.com/SKINNY  This episode is brought to you by Three Ships Beauty In case you aren't familiar, Three Ships is an all-natural, vegan skincare brand on a mission to make clean beauty accessible for all women by providing 100% plant-derived, certified cruelty-free skincare products all under $40 snd Three Ships is giving TSC listeners 20% off their first order on www.threeshipsbeauty.com with promo code SKINNY20 Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. This episode was brought to you by Three Ships Beauty. This is a product I used throughout my entire pregnancy, okay? Three Ships is an all-natural vegan skincare brand, and they're on this mission to make clean beauty accessible for everyone. They have 100% plant-derived, certified cruelty-free skincare products. Everything's under $40. So you're going to get that clean beauty.

Clean skincare for under $40. And they're giving all skinny confidential listeners a 20% discount off their products, code Skinny 20. Here's what I would start with. This is what I can tell you that I've used 100 times that I like. I am very much a fan of their dew drops. This is one of the go-toes during pregnancy. It's this delicious, really clean vitamin C serum and it lays very nice under makeup.

It doesn't ball up. That's probably my favorite. it. Another one that is very popular that people keep raving about that I have tried multiple times and loved is their purify aloe and amino acid cleanser. Okay. Some things about the brand that I think are very important to mention. They have formulation transparency. So you can see that their formulas meet the guidelines. They have pricing transparency, which I appreciate. So they've committed to keeping all their products under $40. We love this. And also, they're available. at over 500 Target stores. So you can find Three Ships at over 500 Target stores, like I said, as well as Target.com.

You can use Three Ships Online Store Locator to find the best Target store near you. Three Ships is giving TSC listeners 20% off their first order on Three Ships Beauty.com with promo code Skinny 20. You are going to head to Three Ships Beauty.com and use promo code Skinny 20 for 20% off your first order. And they also have an amazing 30-day free return policy, including covering the cost of shipping. So you can feel confident that you'll love their natural skincare products and try the dewdrops. Guys, today is a big day. I am so excited that you can finally pre-order my book.

The book is called Get the Fuck Out of the Sun. The forward is by Dr. Dennis Gross and its routines, products, tips, and insider secrets from 100 plus of the world. best skincare gurus. We have influencers, celebrities, doctors, kind of everything. And then, of course, you can expect so many of my tips and tricks throughout the book. It is color. It is thick. It is pink. You want it on your Instagram feed. It is so fun. It's so cheeky. And it answers every single skincare question you could ever think of. This is a book that you can take and display on your coffee table, but it's also a book that you're going to go to and you're going to bookmark the fuck out of it. You don't have to read it, start to finish. You can just open it up and learn all about skincare.

I have been working on this book for truly the last three years, just picking up all the secrets and all the insider tips and tricks for you. Some of the top influencers are featured in my book. Kristen Cavalary, Patrick Starr, the Summer Friday's co-founders, Shea Marie, Griselle Lim, Jillian, Michael, Stossie Schroeder, Omni Song, The Lady Gang, Mandy Madden Kelly, Amelia Bell, Lila Gray, Bobby Brown, Justin Anderson, and more. We also have all the top skin care doctors, Dr. Dennis Gross, Dr. Jason Diamond, Sonia DeKar, Georgia Louise, Barbara Sturm, and more. I am so excited to finally bring you this book.

You can pre-order it where books are available. It's obviously on Amazon. Pre-order a copy. I'm telling you, I think you'll love it. It's very much up your alley. With that, let's get into the show. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic.

And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. Aha. And this is how a lot of people feel. And the reason they do is because they're living in the man-made construct of time

and they don't realize that they control time. So I shifted that paradigm and paradox to my tomorrow starts today. 9 o'clock, I don't want to hear it anymore. It's all about unwinding as a warm up to starting the plateau and grow process. Welcome back to the skinny confidential him and her show, everybody. That clip was from our guests of the show today. One of our favorite people, one of the most successful people we know, David Meltzer. And on this episode, we're really diving into it.

We're talking about productivity. We're talking about how to find our purpose. We're talking about drive. We're talking about how to stay on track. We're talking about so many things. I love David so much. Lauren loves David so much. is actually his second time on the show. If you're unfamiliar with him, I would definitely go and

check out his content as well as the first episode we did with him a while back. That's episode number 156. And there's some people in your life that you encounter that just make you feel good. They make you feel better. They make you feel like you're doing the right thing. And David is definitely one of those people. He's a mentor to us. He's somebody that is constantly giving back. He's somebody that is no BS. And he's just an all-around good guy, both family guy. business guy, just all around great guy. I really think there's a lot of people that can get value from listening to David and as we call him Dave and the content he puts out. I personally know that I picked up so many tips in this episode from a micro level. He gives

us a walk through his day and how he's so effective. He truly is one of the most effective people I think I've ever met. So to be able to get tips right from his mouth, the way he schedules, the way he schedules five-minute calls, the way he plans out his morning, his nights. It was so incredibly helpful. I've already applied a bunch of these tools and tactics to my life. And I really just love people that have the story. He's got the story. He's built $100 million businesses. He's lost $100 million. He's built it again. He's, you know, he's somebody that's got a ton of resilience. And I think, you know, he's got this kind of like monk-like Buddhist approach to business and to family life to really, like, keep himself balance. And I think there's a ton that, you know,

even myself included and Lauren can learn from a guy like Dave. So with that, Dave Meltzer, welcome to the Skinny Confidential, him and her show again. This is the skinny confidential, him and her. I'm going to ask you the most micro question ever. I love it. Tell me what a Monday looks like for you. And I want you to tell me what time you wake up, what wellness routines you're doing in the morning, how you have the systems to conquer your goals on a really micro level and take me through the entire day. First of all, you have to realize I have two routines. One is the set routine and one's an adaptable routine.

And the reason I have an adaptable routine is if you want to make God laugh, come up with a well-developed routine and he'll start laughing at you and giving you all kinds of things to push you off. So have two routines. Now, another thing that I've done through my experience is I've shift the paradigm of man-made construct of time. So my Monday starts at 9 p.m. on Sunday. So where everyone else's mindset is tomorrow starts at whatever time they wake up for Tuesday

or whatever weekday we're on, if I'm on a Monday, my Monday starts at 9 p.m. on Sunday, and I'll tell you why, is that I have to have an unwinding routine to take advantage of the beginning of the day where it really starts for people and they don't realize it. Sleep is the number one activity for the next day. It recovers your body, but it also is the only time we can clear our eating. ego out of the way for subconscious and unconscious growth. So what happens to most people is they live like Camus' stranger, the myth of Sisyphus is an old story about a guy that pushes a boulder up to the top of the hill all day long, and then he wakes up the next morning and it's a punishment. The boulders

at the bottom of the hill and he starts over. And this is how a lot of people feel. And the reason they do is because they're living in the man-made construct of time and they don't realize that they control time. So I shifted that paradigm and paradox to my tomorrow starts today. 9 p.m. unwinding routine, no caffeine, no alcohol, no drugs, no stressful podcasts, movies. I won't watch scary films before. I don't let my wife talk about kids like 9 o'clock. I don't want to hear it anymore. It's all about unwinding as a warm up to starting the plateau and grow process.

So by unwinding at 9, that means I will pass out guaranteed before 11. And what are you doing during that time, like reading or relaxing? Anything that brings it down. So mindless TV is one of the things that I do, playing and having silly conversations with my 10-year-olds, another really good one. So I tuck him in to start my unwinding routine. So sometimes just the conversation to tuck him in puts me into that vibe. And then I carry that vibe back into my room.

And I have really like positive, powerful conversations that are unwinding. So I'll play again with my wife, pick a superpower, and to help me unwind, I'll say, you know what? I want to talk about this superpower of yours and tell me and use that. And then I'll be able to listen to something super high vibrational and positive. And she'll start telling me, like she's a super kind person. And so I might say, tell me about kindness, like what it means to you, because that's one of your superpowers. You don't ask me fucking questions like this. I'm all day.

Give me a chance of 23 years. undress and show me that superpower. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's fine, too. That'll put me right to sleep. That's a great unwinder, by the way. But if you get holders, you know, I won't calm and my wife will get mad at me. But we're good.

It's the best 30 seconds of your life. We'll get you in trouble in the show. The best 30 seconds of her life. And I will fall asleep with you. So the relaxation is so vital. Very much so, because you will recover at a higher place. So when I wake up at 4 a.m., right? And I, every day, 4 a.m.

No way. Yeah. 4 a.m. 4 a. So you sometimes will go to sleep on a Sunday at 11 and you wake up at 4 a.m. 4 a.m. yeah. I want to know exactly what you're doing. Like when you wake up.

You open your eyes. Open my eyes. First of all, I'm at a higher vibration than most people experience. So I'm wide awake. There's no interference. There's no anxiety. And the reason I know that because I lived that life before where I'd wake up at a lower spot and worry, anxiety.

you know, worrying is wishing for what you don't want. Imagine waking up how many people in the world wake up wishing for what they don't want. They go to bed worried, wishing what they don't want, and they wake up worried, wishing. Worrying is wishing for what you don't want. Guess what you're doing statistically to yourself. You're getting what you don't want. So I make sure there's no worry, and I plateau and immediately, I go into meditation, 20 minutes. Now, I'm trained.

Are you in bed meditating? Because I would fall asleep. Yeah, I will either get out of bed. I have a meditation spot. Okay. But sometimes I just, if I'm in that zone, like I wake up, I'll just meditate right there. And 20 minutes. And my meditation is a trained theta.

It's an energetic meditation to increase the vibration to myself to raise my awareness. And I'm marking my vibration and frequency for when I'm at the highest feeling of enlightenment or peace or happiness. Because I want to mark it for the day as a baseline. And I'm just, I'm going to ask a couple small questions as we go. long. Yeah. Is there an app? Well, I mean, you can use head. Do you use now? No. You just sit there. I went to India to be trained in this when I was completely resistant to it. What age was that? But you did that. So I met a woman on a plane that convinced me to stay for a workshop and she conned me into being trained in meditation because I was not interested about this vibrational meditation that you only can be aware of that which vibrates equal to or less than you. and you can only be aware of what vibrates equal.

And so she was saying, I can elevate your awareness. And I'm whatever. Then she said, well, I could teach you when to be aware, when to buy or sell. Because I was in the money race back then. And so I'm like, ooh, this interests me. Like knowing when to buy or sell, I can change my own life this way. This is self-bished Dave. That's how I got involved.

Then I got trained on it. I'm like, oh my gosh. Like I was into past life regressions, body scans, quantum healing. I went on the path of like, this did not exist in my world, and I totally leaned into it. For me, that vibrational marking is really important in the meditation, so that during the day, if I experience ego-based consciousness, I have a four-step process, and you do it naturally,

you told me already, I don't do that. I stop, right? I won't go down that path. And Lawrence, I'm pointing at, for me, it's a ferocious Buddha. I identify the needs and I write them out. So I'm practicing them all the time. Here's the needs that I've learned so far. Need to be offended.

I've wasted more time, motion, energy, and money being offended. If you have the need to be offended, it's the easiest need to feed. Honestly, I could not be more excited. Ocean Salmon. They have taught me so much about salmon. There are so much to know. You can't go buy any old salmon. You have to do your research nowadays, okay?

What is ocean salmon? Let's get down to details. We get our box of ocean salmon. It comes in the mail. They really take the middleman out because they do all the research for you. Basically, ocean salmon arrives seven days fresher than anything you can find at your local retailer, which is so wild. And the branding is so cute. It's chic.

Also, so healthy. It's filled with omega-3s. It tastes amazing. It's guilt-free. and how I love to prepare it is I do tons of lemon, a bunch of herbs, a little bit of Italian seasoning, some crunchy floraesal salt, and it's so delicious. It's eight ounces, usually the pieces that I make. I'll split it with Michael, do a bunch of veggies, a salad, maybe some avocado, and it's so good on a bagel with cream cheese, you guys. I am telling you. This salmon is the best. So what makes

ocean salmon so different? Basically, this is sustainably raised Atlantic salmon that has the perfect combination of healthy omega-3s like we talked about DHA and EPA. But here's the deal. There's no hormones and there's no microplastics that are included. So you're eating salmon and only salmon. This is rare. I know this sounds crazy, but it is rare to find this. So that's why I was so excited to partner with them.

And I feel like they just did all the research when it comes to salmon. So how can you order? To get your box of ocean, visit ocean salmon.com and use code skinny. for 15% off plus free shipping. Oh my gosh, that's crazy. That's O-S-H-E-N-S-A-L-M-O-N dot com. OceanSammon. You're going to use code skinny

and you're going to be obsessed. Ocean-raised, ocean-loved, salmon as it should be. Can you talk about that for a little bit? Because I think that we've gotten to a place, especially recently in the last year, where there's a massive need to be offended at a very large scale. Someone's probably fucking offended that we say everyone's offended.

There's an episode. Which is so wild. We just put it out today, actually. So this will go a little later. It's with Dr. Wokeau. And we were talking about, like, we've gotten to a place. Lauren and I, like, we talk to so many people that I know we're in a place now, no matter what, like, we're probably going to offend somebody with a need to be offended at least

once or twice a week and multiple people. And it's gotten so crazy that I've actually said, I don't care anymore because everyone's offended by everything that I can't stop and pick and choose what to say and not say. I just got to be authentically myself. And it's not that I'm trying to offend people. it's just that I can't step through all the landmines anymore trying to navigate who's offended by what. Yeah, we lost forgiveness. Yeah.

Forgiveness gives us not only peace from the need to be offended, but it also gives us certainty. One of the big nuances that I've learned is if I can strive and I'm striving, I'm practicing all these, right? I always call it minutes or moments. I still spend minutes and moments in offense, guilt, resentment, anger, frustration, anxiety, separation, and separation. But you said you have a four-part series that you do. Yeah. So tell us what that is. First identify it.

Okay. So need offended. Wait a second. I'm wasting time, emotion, value, and relationships. Okay. Then counterintuitively, I stop. What most people, what I used to do is, oh, here's an ego-based emotion. I'm recognizing it.

I'm going to go over it, under it, through it, lie to it, cheat it, manipulate it, beat it. No. I just stop. Instead of wasting and accelerating the trajectory in the wrong direction, I stop and then I breathe. So, and this takes, this is ferocious behavior. The Buddha behavior is once I start breathing, to know that mark that I made in the morning,

my higher self, I call it, I drop down by breathing to my higher self. I have a baseline for the day that's like, okay, don't even move until you get back to where you were at the beginning of the day when you were marking those moments of happiness, of enlightenment from the meditation. So I actually have a quantitative value that I know embodiment-wise physically and energetically, oh yeah. Okay, now I'm in that higher awareness.

Now make the decision what to do and move in the right direction. Stop, drop, and roll. The way that I teach people in a simple terms is when you are an ego-based consciousness, the need to be right, offended, separate, inferior, superior, anxious, frustrated, angry, all of these guilty, all these feelings are ego. They're creating interference between you and what you're actually connected to. You are health, wealth, and happiness. It's shifting the paradigm and saying, what am I doing to interfere with that? The ego is going to indicate to you with pain that you have a different direction to go. In order to go in a different direction and utilize a efficiency, you stop, you drop in your role.

Why? Because your mind, body, so on fire, when you're on fire, stop, drop, and roll. And you will be more efficient, effective, and statistically successful in less resistance in everything that you do. And you'll be able to resolve and dissolve the attacks, the judgments and conditions that are truly illusions that we're projecting onto other people by trying to resist it. Can you explain to people that are listening why from your perspective you think it's an ego-based response to be offended? Because I think that's a counterintuitive thing for people to think about, right? Like, how could they have an ego if they're being offended? But I want you, I know where you're going with it. So I'd like you to just elaborate a little bit. So for me,

the ego is based off a fear, false evidence appearing real, but there's two types of ego-based consciousnesses. One is the primal one. It's the Freudian ones. Feed, fight, fight. or the other F word that means procreate, and we all know that. And then there's these secondary fear-based emotions. They're based off of scarcity that there's not enough. It's the same reason that you and I are afraid to tell people that 2020 was the best year of our lives, like in some world that being poor would help anyone. Being rich helps people get rich.

I don't know anyone that's poor enough to make someone rich, sick enough to make somebody well. You might as well promote that. And so what happens is anytime they're an ego-based conscious, is a scarcity consciousness that says, I am afraid of judgment condition or projection, meaning I'm offended by you, I've given you my joy. I've given you my power.

It's just like approval, you'll get this for a lot of your audience. I have three teenage daughters. And I keep telling them, you understand, when you seek approval, people want to distance themselves from you. When you seek their approval, it's disapproval that you'll receive. And we see that in high school girls all the time. I wasn't invited. And then they get needy and

desperate of wanting approval from their friends and then the friends want to separate themselves. Also in relationships, when I always tell women that I'm talking to, like, no one is going to be attracted to desperate energy. It's such a turnoff. It's so much better to just be confident and aloof with who you are as opposed to like being desperate. You're right. People lean out when people lean in too much. Yeah. And you've got to learn like Michael said, right? Learn to love you because there's always something that can be offended, right? Or will be offended. So you're better off learning, and spending all your energy, loving yourself, and then people will love you, and you can give what you have. I want to go back to your morning routine. I don't you dare think I forgot. I'm actually

taking notes. Yeah. 4 a.m. meditation, then 10 minutes to get ready for exercise. So health. So then from 430 to 5.30, I exercise. And this is all on your calendar mapped out. I don't have to put the first part of my calendar because part of my routine is to be a student in my calendar. and that's a set mark. So then from 530 to 6.30 is research time. And then 630 to 7.30 is uninterrupted family time, which includes showering, getting ready with my 10-year-old son. Now, I'm going to take a step back from that 730 point

because the adjustable routine includes non-negotiables, and it's very simple. If things go astray, which they sometimes will, number one, minimum of an hour on my health. So I don't play with my, if it came down, do you get to play with your son or talk to your wife? Or you get to exercise exercises first now. By my wife's request, two and a half years ago, I've been blessed in my life. So I consider her one of my saving, savior beings who I adore.

And so I said, what can I do for you? You've literally changed my life. You've led me down this path. You've corrected and given me these gifts. What can I do for you? And she said, take care of yourself. I was like, what are you talking about? Family first and then activity I get paid for, second.

and then my health. She's like, Dave, if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone. And I know you want to take care of a lot of people. So minimum an hour on my health, minimum 30 minutes with my son, 30 minutes with my wife, two minutes with my daughter, minimums. These aren't set. And then a minimum of a minute a day with my mom. Talk about changing a relationship.

I tell my mom every day for a minimum of a minute. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I love you and appreciate you. That's all she wants to get. I don't get a minute text in the morning. I feel like you need to take notes on this. I'm actually going to steal a lot of things you're saying here.

Because I fall into the ladder camp where I'll try to take care of everybody else before myself first. And I think that that is not a, it's not a plan. Today you didn't. You juve. Do you shower? You beat your meat probably. I'm getting, I'm getting. Yeah.

I took care of myself today. No, but I will get caught up in the day. Learn to love you. Yeah. He loves them. I get caught up. The mirror was for turning on. Like you're supposed to turn on the mirror to exercise.

Oh, that's what that's for? I was learning to love me. I like this mirror. I haven't met a mirror that I just like yet. Okay, so keep going for your day. So that's the non-negotiable side of what I do. Then a minimum of 10 minutes to be a student at my counter. So 7.30 comes.

Now, that was the 630, 7.30's family time. 7.30, I become a student on my calendar. And the student in my calendar, that word student is really important to me. You know, my siblings, hyperacademics. I didn't like being a student. But what student to me now means is to be a mathematical, equation of luck, pay attention to, and give intention to the coincidences I want for my day. And so what I've done is I study my calendar every day at 7.30 to 8 o'clock. And I study it,

meaning I open up everything and I think past what I'm actually doing. Activity I've planned, I look at the activity I don't have planned. And I look or study these with a lens of productivity. So I'm constantly looking how much more productive, how much more value can I provide? And then also accessibility. How accessible am I to other people? So I have like a 520 rule. Every phone call, my objectives, five minutes, every interview meeting is supposed to be 20. I do have exceptions. Like for you too. Wait. So from a real, real micro level. So today you wake up and you do all your stuff and then you're looking at your calendar from eight, you said eight third. Studying. Studying. From what time?

to what time? From 7.30 to 8. You're looking just at your calendar. Studying four days down for that day and one day over. And you do that every day. So you're looking like where you're spending your time and energy to make sure it's productive to move the needle. So yeah.

And it's with the lens of productivity, accessibility is how accessible am I, but also how am I accessing what I want? So integrated in spending that amount of time isn't just on the activity of plan and what you don't have plan. It starts sending you to things you need. When you start studying, you're like, wait a second, so I'll have to Google something or, hey, there's no driving time in here. It gives you, in that time alignment for your day that gives you extraordinary effectiveness,

efficiency, and statistical success and confidence. Yeah. I did steal that. The first time you came on and you told me that, because my calendar gets slammed too and I have somebody that helps me with it, which is great. But I stole that for me because what I realized was I was constantly jumping into meetings or college, whatever, and I was on the defense. I was like, what's going on here?

What are we talking about? What's the agenda? by stealing this tactic from you, I go in, I see exactly what's happening. So when I get into these situations, whether there's a meeting or an interview or whatever it is. Proactively, I now know like, this is the agenda. This is what we're talking about. And I kind of know how to manage the time more efficiently as opposed to being like,

what the hell is happening here. And I'm sending out emails and text messages for things that are missing and things I need and other ideas that I have, reformulating what's going on. Really smart. And I don't make as many mistakes. Yeah, that's probably a huge part of your success. Oh, for sure. I'm sure a lot of people don't.

the next level. I know you want details. You got to hear this part. You'll love this. Because you have enough employees for this. I have calendar captains. Best thing I've ever done in my business. I know they're cringing behind me because I'm saying it's the best thing. So Justin, who's back here the head of my media, he's Wednesday's captain. So his job, and I tell him his bonus, because I bonus everyone, I'm a big believer in bonuses, not raises. Like, I want to bonus you for stuff that I want you to do to move the whole needle. So his, biggest priority is always to be the calendar captain for Wednesdays. So Justin,

every single day is studying Wednesday for a month. All is studying and looking for things we could do better, looking for more people that we could meet. Justin's on Wednesday right now, looking at his Wednesday as you speak. And then everyone in the company is on tomorrow. So if it's Sunday, everyone's studying Monday the next day.

The whole company is responsible for Monday. but my calendar captains like Colleen, she's Friday, Jake, who's in here, Jakey-Bakey, he's Tuesday. And I can't tell you, coordinated with what I'm thinking, and now having another captain involved who picks up other things with their perspective and knowledge of what they're doing, the productivity, you know, we do stuff with, you know, Gary as well and the Vayner team. And people are amazed how much not only do we get done, mostly first comments when I see people, how the heck are you doing that much content? Little do they know that I'm running really big businesses.

I'm investing and I have a really happy family life. And I don't just save time because it takes me 30 seconds to be with my wife. I actually am productive, accessible, and gracious with my time. And I do it through this calendaring and attention plus intention equals coincidence, the mathematical equation of luck. And if you have these lenses, and it's all a practice, that's the other thing. There's no perfection to it. It's just practice, practice, practice, like refocusing.

Yeah, I think as you get further along the success ladder, no matter how you define success, I think you ultimately will get to a place where you realize the most important commodity is time. And sometimes it takes you longer to figure that out than others. But what I realize is like that is the most important thing to me in the world is time. And it's the one thing that you can't ever get back, right? Like you make more money. You can get into more relationships. You can go travel more, but you can't get time.

And so finding ways to audit how to have more time, be more productive time, have more fulfilling relationships with her. All that stuff is so important. Because once your basic needs are met, and I wish this for everybody, you realize, okay, well, time is fleeting and you only have so much of it. Oh, wait. If you have been listening to the skinny confidential him and her show for a while, you have heard us talk about Helix mattress.

Helix just launched a company called Birch Living, and they are making the best organic mattresses in the game. I have switched to an organic mattress. after learning all about it. And Zaza has an organic mattress. And it's really exciting that Birch has launched because they make organic, non-toxic mattresses right here in America. And they're shipped straight to your door with no contact delivery. I think that's so amazing that they streamlined this during the pandemic. No contact. It's free shipping. It's free returns. And it's a hundred-night sleep trial. So if you get this mattress and it's not for you, you can return it for free. So now you can get

all the amazing comfort of a mattress from the makers of Helix, but you get the premium organic materials that you're going to love. When I laid on this mattress, you guys, I like almost fell right asleep. And the delivery is very quick. It's very easy. And it looks really, really pretty. I have to say, like, it's a beautiful, beautiful mattress. It's also nice that, like I said, they're certified organic, but they're also sustainably sourced. We really try to put an emphasis on that with our show. And so to know that is amazing. So you get this beautiful night's sleep and you also feel good about it. We recently moved. So we were getting mattresses in a bunch of different rooms. So I was really able to see what the best mattress was. I went mattress shopping. The whole works.

If you're in the market for a new mattress, like we were recently when we moved, then you definitely have to check out birchliving.com slash skinny. They have, and you need to know this, a 25-year warranty. so you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free. Birch is giving $200 off all mattresses and two free eco-rest pillows at birchliving.com slash skinny. That's $200 off all mattress orders and two free eco-rest pillows. Happy sleeping. When I was your age, that's exactly what I said.

Now I'm saying everybody should be in the pursuit of the infinity of time. Like my biggest pursuit is I can't fathom and understand the scope and scale of time. we were talking about the speed of light and the speed of thought. So I spend part of my studying of the calendar in the precept of trying to, when things come up, understand time. So I study history to understand the human nature of how people utilize time. But I also study science, so physics, metaphysics, and quantum physics to figure out, you know, what Einstein, for example, thought about time and what that really meant the relativity of time and wave.

I study during this student of my calendar period in understanding, and I'll get to other studying that I do during the day. So most people probably, from the amount of content I do and the activity that I have, first of all, no work, guys. You don't work. There's activity you get paid for, activity you don't. Learn to love everything you do. If you can't learn to love it, then don't do it. Pay someone to do it, get rid of it. The key to life is learn to love what you're doing. Take your time to research it. If you hate taking the trash out and you can't learn to love it, then have someone do it for you. But you should be able to find the light, the love, and the lessons, and everything. And it will make time work for you in a different manner.

There's all these different things that I've learned about time that's changed my life and providing what I believe are illusions to other people's prospective vision. It's an illusion. And you can get too deep into time. People go, oh, Dave Meltzer's way out there. I don't understand this. To take it back a level, you're really. goal is how can I be most efficient with my time, right, accurate or effective with my time

and statistically successful. So even from a young age, I made a million dollars nine months out of law school because I had this philosophy. It's in my book, The Power of 64, 16 hours a day productive, twice as efficient, 32 hours a day productive, twice as effective or statistically successful, 64 hours a day. And then this one is for Lauren especially, seven days a week. Two minutes a days with more than two hours on a Saturday. You need to vacation every day of your life or you will be one of those people that have to go off the grid, relax, feel burnt out. I don't ever feel burned out. Number one, because I've learned to love everything I do. So who's ever going to get burned out of what they love? And then two,

I'm efficient, effective and statistically successful every day vacationing. And that's in my calendar. What do you mean? Yesterday I went on vacation. I have a 45-4th Thunderbird. And so I allowed a a minimum of 30 minutes of time during the day. I found my activity that wasn't planned during the weekend. And I ended up overlapping with time with my wife because she ended up coming, but just jetted out to PCH. And the mindset was, we're staying at the montage. Now, it's back at my house, which is 10 minutes away from the montage, but we rented a 55-4 Thunderbird. This is my mindset. And I'm just going to enjoy cruising PCH, people watching Sun in my big dome. And it was awesome. And when I got back, like, I felt like I just had returned without the travel hassle, without the check in and checkout, without my bags.

And I do that every day. Every day I take a vacation. So what's something today that you're going to vacation? So today I'm going to go and my son has a baseball game when I get back to Orange County, this thing. And there's a beautiful park. So as he's playing, I'm just going to go for a 30-minute walk by myself as if I was on vacation and there's nobody turn all the phone. all the stuff off. And I'm just going to walk, meditate, think, and look and watch people, just like you went

on vacation with nothing to do. Smart. That's a very smart advice. And I treat it like there's nothing to do. I'm on vacation. Nobody can bother me. And I do have periods every day, too, that I shut off. So my calendaring usually goes to 5 or 530, usually, unless I have the adaptable routine.

So then I shut everything off from 530 to 7. And that's family time and eating time. And so it's just off. That's seven days a week. This generation's constantly scrolling through their phone. Like they're scrolling and it's mindlessly scrolling. It's not even being aware of the fact that we are scrolling. So to be able to have specific times of like five to seven I'm off my phone.

Like period. It's non-negotiable. I think that's so smart. Makes a difference too. And even when I go with friends, best tip I think. And I may, I don't know why I think I told you this last time, but it's the best thing I do with my friends. the worst thing before COVID was, you know, you don't get to hang out of your friends as much when you're married with kids. Sure.

So I would go out of my friends and we go to dinner. In fact, we just had a dinner with Ed Milette, Jim, quit, all these guys on Friday night. And my rule is when you go out to dinner, everybody puts their phone in the middle. And if you have to look at your phone, you just got that portion of the bill. Because everyone was always fighting who's picking up the bill anyway. So if two guys pick up their phones, they split the bill between the 10 people. That's a good one. Right?

Because you have to make a conscious effort to stay away because, you know, we're so relying even on a personal thing. What do you do if you, what do you do if there's people that are acting like they deserve your time? I'm going to give a couple of examples. Yeah, please. High school friends that want to pick your brain for coffee. Your wife's sister's cousins, dads, dads, mom's brother that got your number through someone that is dropping into your text message inbox. How do you deal also with the influx of text messages? I feel like now more than ever, like people just want a response right away.

So first of all, they don't get a response right away, but they get a response the same day. My emails are clean. My DMs are clean. My LinkedIn's clean. My phone is clean. I highly suggest people to call me because all of those are filled. My email boxes, my DMs are all filled. Yeah, but what if that interferes with your calendar?

It's not because I schedule for it. And I have efficient systems to do that. So, for example, I use Outlook for a lot of calendaring and a lot of all of like my center location because I started in technology in 1992 and I still believe that PIM, personal information management is the most useful and simplest application to use for efficiency and everyone has all these complicated CRMs, etc. I let other people deal with that. So for me, I have created folders to categorize types of emails requests. Those are requests that all three of us get all the time. So I used to just slide them into a folder and then I could handle

the 10 emails that have the similar request. And now you have notes in Outlook. You just click and drag it over and you put the first name in and you have a customized personalized answer to the issues. So you'll realize that 90% of the communication you have are categorized communication. 10% will be unique. And then you just have to have a unique folder to put them in. Are you actually answering your DMs yourself? Yeah. You are. Yeah, we'll have the pre ones where you just put one letter.

So like book would be B, free training would be T, right? So they're making a request. You have something that's given the information. If it's long, then it's E, which is email me. But what if there's people that are coming into your text message inbox asking you to go for coffee? What's your response? Well, first of all, I have a video on that. So I have a 520 rule.

So I'll send them a link. to search. Demelter. I said, I'll literally say, hey, search.demelter.com, search coffee. What does it say? Fuck off. No, it says 520 rule. Like, why would you waste time getting coffee with me? When after five minutes, we're just visiting. You and I aren't friends. We really don't need to visit. You really don't want to visit with me. You want me to answer something that's going to help you. So let's get this down to five minutes. And so I have a 520 rule. And I have, so usually in my calendar, four to five. People sometimes get offended though. Like some people want the internet, right? I can't control how you feel. Okay. So you just say like here's the link to my video. I'm going to answer all your

questions. Or I say call me for five minutes and I have probably two periods during the day where I take 12, five minute calls and I usually can get them done two or three minutes each. People get off the phone in five minutes with you. They will. Oh yeah. I've had when you start conditioning people up front, either the people that are setting the calls up for you or you setting it up and saying, I'd be more than happy to help you. I have a 5-20 rule, five-minute phone calls. If I can't help you within the five minutes, then we can schedule another time,

but I'm very confident I can. I mean, I do something similar. What I do max, even for intercompany stuff, is like when I do phone calls with the team, it's 15 minutes max, right, for calls. For meetings, it's typically 30 minutes max. We don't, any time over that, like what I've learned podcasting with guys like yourself

is you can cover so much ground in a 30, 40, 50-minute window. And so what I just helped was like, let's cut right to the root. I think when you put people in that time constraint, you get past a lot of the busy talk. It's like you can skip past like the small talk and just get to the root issue and actually you're more productive by limiting the time. I think it's different as a woman. I'm going to tell you guys. I'm going to think it's different as a woman.

I think women, we are conditioned to just visit and talk more and get to like I just think it's different. But I think if you don't give someone the option to visit. Like so I think what what Dave does and what I do is there's no, there's no time to visit, right? Like, they actually be like after these, there's a lot of time, like, I got to get off. I have a hard stop. And so people get to the point much quicker. What if you do have unanswered text messages or are they all answered?

You said they're all answered. Oh my God. That's not really. Yeah. And I encourage people to call me still. I'll give my cell phone out on IG lives, on office hours on my show. And people are too afraid to talk to me. I'll say, don't text me at this number because I have a text community, which then I can use

the same systems of templating. And the best thing is I'm giving value. It's working. Like people give me back. changed my life. Thank you. And I'm very cryptic. I've always been a cryptic text or a cryptic responder. You get along with Lauren's dad really well. The times I get in trouble is when like Colleen, who's back here, you also say, do you want to do this on Tuesday or Wednesday? And I'll say yes. Okay. That means both, but either one. But you'll be amazed. People will respond.

They'll hurry with you. They'll be so respectful of you. I think it's the smartest branding thing that I've done for my brand. is the 520 rule and having people, because the other people are like, oh, well, what about the personal, you know, relation? I'll get there. Wait, the 520 rule. Explain that a very different. So my objective of every phone call I'm on is to keep it to five minutes. But what is, where is 20 come in?

Meetings and interviews. 5.20. So you do. So I need a limit, man. I'm at 1530. I need to cut it down. You'll get there. Maybe I'll do 10.20.

So on a weeknight, like tonight, are you, you're having dinner early? Are you having wine? Are you winding down with your wife or is it back to work after 7 o'clock? Yeah, so 7 o'clock till 9, right, that time. So 5.30 to 7, everything's off. That's all family, everything. Then I call it optional time. So I could continue staying off the grid or I could use it to catch up on emails, DMs, LinkedIn, whatever, or I can take more five-minute calls or I can do research. I'm a big researcher. And I'm also because I'm a refocer, this muscle of allowing you to two things at once or appear to do two things at once, I will have my arm around my son and have an earpiece in, and he's watching, you know, silly Nickelodeon or whatever. And I'm talking to

the person for a five-minute call. And then if I have to, I just mute her when he says something to me. And because I know how to refocus, I'm catching pieces of what she's saying, not all of it, but I'm doing it so fast that I'm catching it. It's kind of like speed reading. You get so many words. and then I'm answering and giving him my undivided attention and I have one earpiece on the side and he feels completely satisfied. My relationships and I'll do the same thing with my wife or put up my finger for her for one second. Do you do this during sex? Do you have an earpiece in while you're having sex?

Only for guidance. Michael is volunteer to give me his tips. Left hand to right shoulder. I want to switch gears a little bit because I'm sure you've dealt with this in your own practice and there's probably a ton of people that reach out. I think this is a common question. For people that are feeling they're falling behind or stuck after the year, we just had, how are you coaching those people or helping them get out of that feeling?

Okay, two different things. Falling behind is different than stuck. I'm a big fan of feeling stuck, meaning you'll get this as your child grows fast. You buy a pair of shoes three weeks later. Like, I can't get this on. I can't get, it's stuck. Why? Because you're growing.

So what happens is we create resistance on behavior that's actually a positive behavior. That's interesting. I've never heard that. You compound. Things compound in interest. And we, our senses are so stupid, the way we see, things, smell, things, taste, things here, thing, and touch them. We don't realize that we're growing. Just like we don't realize that our kids' feet are growing and we wonder how the hell they grew out of their shoes so quickly. You don't see it when you are there every day. Imagine for yourself. You don't see your growth. So we feel stuck. And what we should be doing like we did in COVID is lean in.

Get stuck, getting stuck. Look at your skills, the knowledge and your desire. See how you can improve. enjoy the consistent persistent pursuit of that potential. Now, the other one is different, right? And you're saying falling behind. Like, I'll give you an example. Yeah. Like, it's been, this has obviously been a hard year or last year on businesses. A lot of businesses were reliant on in-person interactions.

And there's no way around that. And some people, there's nothing you could do, right? The world shut down and a lot of those business got screwed. What do you tell those people that are like, I just had this thing. I fell behind, not out of my control or not in my control, but I want to continue moving forward. like what goes on that? Beautiful. So for me, you talked about this earlier too, about control. Know that you have control of your mindset, your heart set, and your own conscious continuum.

You have control of what you think, say, do believe the aggregate of your own quantum memory, which is your personality traits, characteristics, obsessions and addictions that can be handed down from generations or even multiple lifetimes like I believe in. But regardless, once you teach someone who's falling behind or things aren't working out, to look at what they have control of and then take it. inventory of your capabilities. So what I teach is take inventory of what skills you have, whether they're applicable to what you're doing or not, the knowledge of what and who. Too many people just think of knowledge is what. I'm a knowledge of who person as well,

because the easiest way to get to where I want to be is find someone that's already there and ask them directions. And then my desire, the emotional side of what I'm doing. I want to maintain the desire that I must be what I can be to reach my potential. And here's where I take them. I say, look, now that you've done inventory of your capability, skills, knowledge, and desire, let's see where they're synergistic and supplementary to what's doing well right now. And then they'll say, well, I don't know what's doing well. Let's look at the stock market. You'll notice that there's industries, careers, and jobs and companies that are doing well by what the stock has done over the past 12 months. See how your skills, knowledge, desire,

align supplementary, synergistic to the industry's careers, jobs, or companies that are doing well. Or stability. Look what companies. from the stock market that haven't moved in the last five years, including during COVID, see how your capabilities are synergistic supplementary to those and desire. And then if you're a risk taker and entrepreneur, I like to look and see how my capabilities are synergistic or supplementary to what I think is going to do well in the future. And looking at NFT and some other things, I'm a huge e-sports person. I was blessed to be an investor in overactive media.

We're building a half a billion dollar stadium. that takes vision, risk, time, and risk tolerance, but I'm always looking at my capabilities. Sports, agentry, marketing, media, fit right into e-sports, even though I didn't know the games and I've never played. My capabilities were aligned with doing the business because I've built stadiums and arenas. It's just another pattern for something that's occurred in the past. What do you see the common denominator is between successful entrepreneurs and on the flip side, what do you see something that's not really working for entrepreneurs that are struggling? For me, it's one thing. The most common denominator, I think it's all successful, athletes,

entertainers, billionaires, millionaires, and entrepreneurs. There is a desire that you must be what you can be. So pain, for most people, pain's a stop sign. Oh, I shouldn't do that. I put my hand in the fire. See, that pain isn't a stop sign not to put my hand into the fire. What it is is an indicator that I have a lesson to learn of a way to do something better because you're not just putting your hand you're trying to do something so for me if you have the desire that you must be what you can be the common denominator of all successful self-actualizing fulfilled passionate purposeful and profitable people in all industry's careers if you have that you'll see pain is just an indicator that it's a turn signal not a stop sign that is the best answer i've ever heard it's like it's like you would rather die if you can't accomplish what you

want to accomplish. It's like you have this potential that you have to reach and you just can't focus on anything else without reaching it. No, you're not going to quit. See, this is my best lesson about quitters. The reason people quit is they don't understand perspective. And it's all about time. So if you think it's going to take you 20 years to get to where you want to be, most people think they should be halfway there 10 years. And so at 10 years, they're not even close to halfway there because things compound. in interest. Yeah, it's like looking at that Warren Buffett compound interest chart. Exactly. It's not the halfway point. It's like towards the end. Yeah, especially in entrepreneurship.

So 18 years into it, you're at 25%. 18 years in something that you thought would take 20 years. You're only at 25%. And that's the most dangerous time because 99% of the people quit somewhere between the time they start in 18 years on a 20 year venture because they start listening to what's missing, they start listening to what other people want, what they don't want, and they quit. The 1% that move on, they get to 50% of the way there in 19 years. So you're really not, with compound interest, you're not halfway there to you're literally 19 years in. And once again, a lot of people even quit there because I've worked all this time.

I'm only 50% there, which in their mind means they got another 19 years and they don't have it in them unless they have what? The desire that you must be what you can be. If you have the desire that you must be what you can be, going at 25% in 18 years, thinking that you have four times the amount of time to get there, you're still in. At 19 years when you're 50% of the way to get there and you think to yourself, I must have another 19%, you're still in. But if you can study time, you just realize it's like noes.

Knows are like time. The more knows I get, the closer I am. Joe Osteen taught me 25-no rules. He always said, you know, I used to tell myself, I'm 25 knows from getting what I want. so I get super excited by the 10th though I'm just closer. I just made it into the more knows I get, the closer to what I want I am. And that also stands to the desire to be what I must be. But the math of time and perception stops so many people.

And you can see why, because they think that it's all equal. Times not equal. It compounds itself the same way that interest compounds itself. Well, I think we've also gotten to a place where everyone, you know, you can visually see how everyone's doing if you're comparing yourself to someone, which I think is a dangerous thing to do. And you might see somebody. And you might see someone, like, I'll use Lorne, my wife. You will see the success of something like the skinny confidential with books and product lines

and blogs. Overnight success, right? Yeah, and you don't realize like that idea started over a decade ago and there was seven, eight, nine years of it, which, where it felt like there was very little progress. That's a micro example. That's not a lot of time ago. But when you feel like you just can't give up or you'll like, you'll, if I stopped, I would feel like, I'd feel miserable.

Yeah, I would. look at something like a dear media, like, oh, that was like an overnight thing, but it was five years podcasting. And also, it was a decade before that of accumulating other business skills and other ventures, some successful, some failed that put me in a position to be able to take on this venture. And jury's still out of it. It's going to be successful or not. But like you said, like, there's not a cap and window of time. We're like, okay, if I don't do it by now, it's over. It's an accumulation of hard work and dedication. Here's one to blow your mind. So when I lost over $100 million in 2008, which is now 13 years ago, I told my wife's like,

how the hell did you do that? Right? I said, well, I didn't do it overnight. It was a series of years of really stupid things that I did, but I don't think I lost it. And she looked at me and said, what do you mean? I said, you're thinking time is finite.

I didn't lose that money. I just invested it. I said, I lost it if I didn't learn anything. I said, I've learned so much. That is such a good way to look at that. And it was. I make so much more because of that. And I'm so much happier.

I sat with all that money. And I think you probably, Michael, know what this feels like with everything I ever dreamed of in misery. Looking at my ceiling going, it was like when you said, Dave, you can't retire. That's what I felt like? I'm like, what am I here for? This is awful. There's nothing I want to buy. And so I started buying things I don't need to impress people I don't like.

But that idea of people, I hate the word sacrifice because it's the wrong energy. I'm investing. I'm always, I'm never, if I have to sleep in my car, I'm just making an investment in myself. There's no sacrifice. My mom didn't sacrifice work in two jobs and packing my dinner or station. She invested in her children. And it paid off, right? They're all amazing children.

Even I'm okay, but they're like Ivy Leagueers, like Jewish moms wet dreams, you know, like literally Harvard, Penn Columbia. Could you ask for more? What if someone is listening that's experiencing burnout? Yeah. What are some like little tools that you use? And you get really detailed. Yeah.

So for me is start studying what you're doing in a, identifying what's making you feel the resistance, which you call burnout. What's physically causing you to be emotionally exhausted? That would be my definition of burnout. You might have your own. But when you're listing out into a list of, is this feeding me or bleeding me? And I call it the great chain of feeding. There's a variance of the people, the content, the ideas, the activities that either bleed me or feed me in some kind of variance.

What's an example of something that bleeds you? People-wise, like literally I've had to fire friends that, you know, with their free time, they want to do drugs, alcohol, take me to strip clubs. And I didn't have enough inner strength to say no and would sit there miserable going, why did I do this? Like, while I was doing it outside of my own head going this is, but I end up because they were bleeding me. And I take accountability.

I told them, look, hey, I don't like who I am when I'm around you. This has nothing to do with you. I want you to be really clear, but I don't want to be around it. And so, therefore, I'm not going to be around you. Ideas that bleed me. So the politics for me, whether you watch CNN or Fox, both of those stations bleed me. I feel the same way. That's why I don't talk about it.

I feel the same. That's an interesting thing. I just, it's too much. Of course and mental feeds me. Wayne Dyer feeds me. Skinny Confidential feeds me. I think when you have a public platform, people, they don't like that because they want you to pick a side or choosing. But I think Lauren and I have consciously said like, again, both sides bleed us.

And we don't want to, it's not, it's not feeding us. It's taking away. And so we try to stay out of it. People don't like that all the time. But like, again, they've got to go, they got to go with God on that because it drains me. Let me tell you one that may help you too, that help me in my marriage. I went with that Teddy Mellencamp and Edwin, who are friends with us. And they, they're married and my wife said something to them. And like, Dave and I have argued three times in the last 10 years. And they looked at us like, how did you do that? I said, of all, ask her about the first 10 years, right? Because the first 10 years, we argue three times a day. We would only argue 10 times every, or three times every 10 years if you didn't slam the doors in the

morning. Right. So here's a good example. It's literally so easy. I'm just really fucking strong. That's all. Yeah. He slams the doors and I'm like, like, spiking my cortisol. That's bleeding me. Yeah. So that bleeds you. So for me, the things that my wife does that bleeds me, I started not focusing on and forgiving. and I started focusing on all the things that feed me in my wife. And so instead of driving home thinking, because I promised my wife would be home a certain time and I was late and I had to drive down to San Diego from Orange County.

And all I would think in my head is, oh, she's going to be so mad at me. She's such a B word. She doesn't understand. I'm doing all this for her. Look at the house. We live in the car. And I have built all this energy and exception up.

And that's what I would get when I got home, it would bleed me. And when I started saying, I am so blessed that I have. such an amazing wife. First of all, she's attracted to me. That's a win. She wants you to come home. Exactly. And how blessed I am that she'll be understanding that we're in this together and this is part of what. And that's exactly what I got. So I think the bleeding goes to searching for those superpowers. And it's okay if something really bugs you to stop the bleeding by either forgiving it.

Or just closing the drawer nicely. You're understanding and asking how much. You have to be so grateful that I close the drawer with such power. But you can effectively communicate. Like the reason it bugs Lauren And it's the same reason it bugged my wife when I didn't take the trash out. It represented something different. It was offensive to her because it represented to her that I didn't care or love enough

to do the little things that I was above our mutual social contract that we had with. And when she and her, I got into conversations about what does it mean? Like why would this action truly like be that upsetting to you? Because it was representing. And then I asked, well, why would you feel

that I would even think that way? We got into it a little more and it became more forgiving. But for me, forgiveness is a superpower. It raises my cortisol and I don't want to raise my cortisol. I'm very conscious about keeping my cortisol at a certain level. And I hear that, but I think that it's sound advice because I would want to go deeper than that and say, well, why does it raise your cortisol? And if I understood that, I would probably be able to act on it. But I think people give very surface responses.

In defensive. They have a need to be offended and get defensive and go like, oh, well, this is the most common. You slam the doors. The drawers. You slam the drawers. The immediate responsibility? Well, really, you didn't do the dishes. Really?

You don't do. And I'm into a battle of bleeding of what you don't do instead of, hey, I need my sleep. Or would you, it would really mean a lot to me. I adore you. This would mean a lot to me. And you could ask why. And then all of a sudden, you change your habit because she means so much to you. And then all of a sudden you get a positive point of feeding instead of bleeding.

because every time you don't slam the drawer, she's thinking in her head, wow, he actually cares. Well, I think this goes deeper where it's, you know, in a relationship, a partnership, we give surface level response about why things bother us or trigger us

or why we don't like that. And I think that's very hard for humans to relate to. It's like, don't slam the door because cortisol. Like, if you don't have a cortisol problem, you don't think. But if you say don't slam the door

because cortisol and it triggers this thing from childhood or it makes me feel this way it makes you feel you don't care. Then I think that you can connect with that as a human being. How you feel? If you don't get to,

if you don't go below surface, it's hard for people to make change and understand why an issue that doesn't bother them would bother you. Nailed it. A tip that you can leave our millennial audience with that really you think is life-changing, something maybe you have not talked about. I think content. If I was a millennial and I'm on this quest to understand and fathom the size, scope and scale of all, to get to the understanding of some sort of infinity,

if you're young right now and you're not building your brand two people at a time, You have confidence in your frequency. I use Dr. Pimple Popper as my example because I'm disgusted by her content, but she has more followers than the entire Pro Football Hall of Fame because she understands one thing, that there's such a big audience that there's a certain portion, a little tiny little portion of that audience that loves popping pimples and watching it. And that tiny little portion has grown to be bigger than other people's big portions. And other people are trying to be something else or,

impressed people by standing in front of cars they don't own or they're impressed by people that standing in front of cars they don't own. Be yourself and start putting that frequency out into the universe and build your community, whatever it is that is you, whether it's doing fingernails or tennis shoes or whatever it is, I would create content and not worry about who's watching. They will be attracted to. The universe is so connected. And we have this great tool called social media and the internet that connects us. And it connects our frequencies. It actually connects our vibration. And if you're young, use the compound interest effect. This is what I told Gary Vee, four years ago, Super Bowl. He said, Dave, I'll help you, because I was helping him with the

sports agency, I'll help you with your brand. How many followers in year one? Where do we want to get to? I said, I want two ambassadors. He looked at me. He's like, what's an ambassador? I said, I want two people at the end of this year by next Super Bowl that would tell everyone, you've got to listen to Dave's podcast, read his books, watch his TV shows, hire him to speak. I just need two people out there in a year. And he said, you don't care how many people follow you? I said, no. Because if I can get two people like that every year to get me two people, that in five years I'll have 64 people, and in 10 years I'll have 2,000 people. And in 15 years, I'll have 64,000 people. But in 20 years, when I'm 70 years old, I'll have 2 million people getting me 2 million people who are not

just following me, but are people that listen, are one of the three IG people they listen to every day, that hire me, that give away my books, whatever it is, two million. And then it comes four million when I'm 71. I literally will be one of the most popular people on the internet, just two people at a time. And I think millennials need to know, you don't need two million people on TikTok following you and laughing at you or offended by you. Inspire them by who you are. And that's your living proof, Lauren, that's all you did. Thank you. You literally all just put out like what was important to you, what your frequency was to build this community to help them understand all these cool things that people like you understand and you attracted them. And you weren't worried about whether it was

two million or two people when you started writing the blog. Well, I always try to tell people that ask me, how do you grow an audience by getting more people? You grow an audience by getting more people, not by looking for more people. You grow an audience by serving the two people that follow you, which is exactly what you've said. So they go out and influence other people to follow you. Even if you have five followers, if you can serve those five followers,

they will go tell 10 people each. They are influential just like anyone. They'll go to happy hour with their girlfriends and say you have to follow this. It's really important to focus on who you have, not the more, more, more mass mentality. And what's the most powerful form? of marketing, it's word of mouth, right? Like getting an endorsement from a friend or someone you

trust. Like that is still to this day of all the different marketing tactics that people take and all the different tools. We use that is still the number one most powerful thing. When a friend comes to you and says, hey, you have to use this product or service or you have to follow this person or go on this platform. You do it. Yeah. One of the biggest compliments I get because it's taken a long time to build a YouTube following for me. And, you know, I don't even really know where it's at. But let's say it's at 15,000 subscribers, which I'm super proud of. But the most common one is how does this video only have a thousand views. Don't tell me. If you really believe that more people should then tell your friends to look at it. But I don't look at how many views I have, whatever.

But what's the compliment is this video changed my life. Your TED Talk changed my life. Your book changed my life. And what can I do for you? Share it. That's all I ask. And if it resonates with you, fine. I'm happy with people that say, I don't get you, man. I don't get you. I'm like, cool. Somebody else will get you. I'm planting seeds under trees. I may never sit under. Someday you may understand time and a spiral. But if today you're like, what the heck is, he's high, cool. Don't go find someone that does grab you. Last question, I have you.

Lauren might have another one. But my last question is you're very clear on what you want and what you go after. And it's a very rare trade, I think, especially for young people. It was always a struggle for me. When you're talking to anyone, I won't just generalize young people. How do you help them get clear on what they're going after in life? Yeah. So for me, it's a practice of taking inventory of your values.

day one. I call it your what. Too many people when they're young focus on their why. You know your why. It'll attach to your what. So tell yourself every day, what do I want to do personally, experientially, giving wise and receiving wise? Just those four basics. What do I want to be valued personally today? And when you know your what, then seek the who to accelerate what you want. So find someone that sits in the situation that you want to be them. Someone asked them for directions. then the how, which I student account is a great how, then the now. The best tip I can give young people is ask yourself, can I do it now? And if you can't do it.

Too many people waste their lives away with not doing things now. Use Roosevelt's matrix of importance versus urgency if you can't decide what to do now. But if you can do it. So basically it says do what's important to you if you know your values first. Don't let urgency get in the way. Do what's important. And you've got to know your values and take into it. inventory. And then make a practice of ending fear. Like do the stop, drop, and roll, be a ferocious Buddha.

Those five daily practices. But I don't think most young people, and I'm encouraging my own kids, take inventory of themselves every day. Of what, like, if they just would take inventory for five minutes, asking a kid, what do you want to do? I don't know. Where do you want to eat? I don't know. Well, it's indicating to me, you haven't taken inventory of your day, of your values. What do I want personally? What do I want experience today? I'm going to do. to send Zaza to Uncle Dave's house to hang out and get her value system all ironed out. My daughters will probably be better influences. It's harder now. I think for young people because there's so much noise coming from the outside. Like Lauren and I met, we were right on

the cuss. I didn't get a smart like Apple phone until I graduated college. It was like 21 when I got and that's when it all came out. Before that we had the flip bone, you know the flip bones or the razors or the black. I was in that business. Yeah. All that stuff. We know you go out with the digital camera and do the whole thing and then upload it to Facebook and see what happened later. And I think that that's harder now for kids to get quiet because there's so much. outside influence where like you do have to get quiet with yourself and ask yourself like what do you really want regardless of what other outside influences are in your life book podcast a resource you would leave our audience with book for me for sure thinking grow rich Napoleon hill or connected to goodness my

book which i'll send to everybody for free just email me david at demelter.com i'll sign it ship it pay for shipping it's not you know a free thing it's like literally free i i know that if you read my book it's a step-by-step way to expand, you know, your life to what you want to be happy. Connected to goodness. What are you listening to yourself? Who are you listening to? So I listen to Napoleon Hill every day. I listen to Wayne Dyer, mostly power of intention every day. I read the course in miracles every day, which is something I practice for five and a half years that has changed my perception of time, of forgiveness, of peace. And then I take on usually about three or four audiobooks, anything from atomic habits to alter ego effect to don't take yes for an answer any of the topics that come up

use any book on gratitude just to remind myself one of the great thing about lessons is you're going to forget every lesson you've ever learned so i live by gratitude forgiveness accountability and inspiration but i forget it every day so it's good to read about what i already know because you have the power to access what you already know in lessons you've never learned and so when people talk about what's most important to you you may learn something because it comes in a different than what you've been reading before. And then there's multi-frequency texts like think and grow rich or course and miracles that you could read 100 times.

And it means, it's like the words, I am. First time I took existentialism with Kirkaguard, I'm like, I am. I get it. And here I am 53 years old. And I've spent days trying to figure out the power of I am and what it truly means. It seems like the common denominator, too, with entrepreneurs that come on this show is everyone says they're constantly students and evolve. and learning and listening to podcasts and listening to books on tape. It's a practice. It never goes away,

no matter how old you are or how successful you are. Napoleon Hill is, I think regardless of an entrepreneur, anyone should read Napoleon Hill. My dad gave me that book when I was like 10 or 11, and he said, and it sat on a shelf for four or five years. He was like, well, he's like, you know, there's a secret in this book and I'm not going to tell you until you read. I'm like, okay, okay. And when I finally got around doing, I've read about three times now. And I think people should go back to it frequently because there is a big unlock in there once you get through the end. you kind of don't figure it out until some people find it early. Some people find it at the end.

But it's a huge unlock in life. Absolutely. Pimp yourself out, all your social. Where can everyone find you? And we are on your podcast. We've been on your podcast once before, too. And you've been on our podcast before. We'll leave that all in the show notes.

Tell us where we can find you in the meantime. Yeah, these two are like Saturday Night Live characters. There's like a special club. Only two people are in there that have been on my podcast twice out of 700 episodes. But at David Meltzer. Google David Meltzer. Email me directly. David at Demelter.

dot com. Text community if you're into that. Call him. Call me. 858, 688, 3294. Ask these two. That's my real number. Text me at 949-29-29-2905. But if you forget all of this, I don't like, there's so much out there. Just Google me. David Meltzer, you'll see, you know, the middle-aged mutant turtles sitting right there.

You can find the wisdom of years of lessons that I've learned, and I'm happy to share them with you as well. David, you are welcome back anytime. Thank you so much for coming on. go listen to our episode on his podcast. We love you. Thank you for coming on, brother. Love seeing you. Diem? Do you want to win a copy of Dave's book? All you have to do is tell us your favorite part of this episode on my latest Instagram at The Skinny Confidential and rate and review the podcast. It takes two seconds and it helps build the community. And with that, we'll see you next time. Don't forget to

pre-order a copy of my new book. Get the fuck out of the sun. There is so many insider tips and tricks on skincare. You guys are going to be obsessed. You can expect routine. products, tips, and insider secrets from 100 plus of the world's best skincare gurus, of course, peppered in with lots of happy hour conversations with moi, pre-order on Amazon or where books are available. To get the scoop on the book, there's also a whole website called get the fuck out of the sun.com.