The Bossticks - Shut The Kale Up AKA Jeannette Aranda On Divorce, Infidelity, Healing Yourself, Moving Forward In Life, & Wellness Advice

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

#513: On today's episode we are joined by Jeannette Aranda also known as Shut The Kale Up. Jeannette is a digital entrepreneur, mother, and voice behind the popular online brand, Shut The Kale Up. Jeannette joins the show today to discuss divorce, infidelity, how to heal yourself, and wellness advice for staying on track in life.  To connect with Jeannette Aranda click HERE To connect with Lauryn Evarts click HERE To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697) This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential. The PINK BALLS facial massager is great for defining the jawline. the unique shape and automatic grip takes the guesswork out of the lymphatic drainage technique. Use code ICYBALLS for 15% off, excluding bundles. This episode is brought to you by Lexus The Lexus RX is the best-selling luxury crossover of all time and the best-selling luxury vehicle every year since it was first introduced. Never lose your edge with the all-new Lexus RX. Experience Amazing at your Lexus dealer. This episode is brought to you by Match Dating Match believes the most important relationship is with yourself. So, in a world where you can choose to do anything–or anyone–choose you first. Download the Match Dating App today. This episode is brought to you by Little Words Little Words is the original word bracelet founded on the belief of being kind to yourself and others.Go to littlewordsproject.com/SKINNY for 30% off your first order. This episode is brought to you by Clinique Meet Clinique's first ever foundation to be the last step in your skincare routine. Even Better Clinical Serum Foundation is formulated with 3 serum technologies that visibly reduce dark spots, brighten and hydrate skin. Find your shade this holiday season at Clinique.com This episode is brought to you by Just Thrive Just Thrive products have more clinical research than just about anyone else in the industry. Enter Just Calm–The breakthrough new stress and mood support formula from Just Thrive. Get 15% off at Justthrivehealth.com with code SKINNY. Produced by Dear Media

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excluding bundles. Go on there, grab the ice roller if you don't have one, but definitely get the pink balls. We also have like an instant facelift kit. That's amazing. All right. So everyone who has listened to this podcast knows that the probiotic that Michael and I take is just Thrive Probiotics. I take two every single morning. I used to take them before I ate. And then after interviewing the founder Tina and a microbiologist on our podcast, I found it's better to take them after you've eaten. So I take two after I eat in the morning. I do not skip my probiotic. I am all about the gut. I have had so many specialists, doctors, health gurus come on this podcast and say a probiotic is essential. So I'm all about the probiotic life. This one is the best in my opinion because it

survives the trip to your gut. There are so many probiotics out there that don't survive the trip to your gut. So if you're going to take one, make sure you really know what you're taking. They just came out with a new product that works in tandem with the probiotic. So it's actually a psychobiotic. And it's a new class of products that utilize beneficial bacteria to support your best mood and emotional health. So what I found after interviewing them is the probiotic works on your gut and this is really going to help with the mood.

And I could use a little help with the mood when I'm postpartum. Just saying, at least I'm using that excuse for Michael. So we have a code for you. I would definitely get the Just Thrive probiotic. That's a no-brainer stock up if you don't have them. They're the best. Like I said, Michael and my go-to. If you're ready to up your game and feel your best, you get 15% off this dynamic duo bundle or any other of their scientifically proven products when you go to Justthrivehealth.com and use Code Skinny. At checkout. And this is going to help you to live your best life. All right, let's get into the episode. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic.

And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you alone for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her. It's very liberating being able to share because I know many women go through this and they feel like they can't speak or can't get out. Find that little space within you to understand. understand that when someone tells you and looks at you in the eyes and says, everything's fine,

but you see that nothing is fine, you know, you can trust yourself and say, no, actually, it's not. You can say, no, I know that something's wrong here. And I would like to know the truth. Shut the Kale Up is on the podcast today. She is a very, very, very famous Instagrammer, blogger, entrepreneur. you've probably seen her everywhere. She has such a cute Instagram. Jeanette is absolutely amazing. She talks about recovering from an eating disorder, motherhood. She brings us through grocery halls,

yoga flows, healthy recipe ideas. And recently, she is going through something. And she has been quiet on social media with what she's going through, which I have massive respect for. It seemed like she needed to like take a step back and wrap her head around what was going on. And in this episode, we get into it. She had a very chaotic childhood. And right now she's going through something that she has decided to open up about on our podcast. She's very honest. She's very raw.

She's very vulnerable. What I respect most about Jeanette, though, is that a lot of people will show you their before and after. but no one shows the in between the nitty-gritty. What happened in it? When they're in it, they don't talk about it, right? And she's talking to you guys and to us when she's in it. She's in a very raw space right now. And for her to fly all the way out here and open up like this was incredible.

I have massive respect for her. I hope that this episode helps anyone who is struggling right now in a marriage, in a relationship. I know that I'm just so impressed with how she continues to produce content and be a mother to two boys with all she's going through. So who is Shut the KL app? She's an Orange County, California-based mother who encourages her hundreds of thousands of followers to find balance by openly and honestly sharing their journey. She does all different kinds of wellness tips, tricks, hacks on her Instagram. I've loved it forever. And she's been around forever.

She is one of the OGs. She's a healthy living influencer who's partnered with brands like Adidas Dyson Thrive Market and Skims. And most recently, she released a product collaboration with Cocoa Kind Skin Care and Material Kitchen. She's a badass boss and I could not be more excited to help share her story. With that, let's welcome Jeanette to the skinny confidential him and her podcast. This is the skinny confidential him and her. I love you guys. You're so sweet.

You guys talk about such amazing things on your podcast. And also just not only your guests, but you guys as a power couple working together and also parenting, that's very difficult. And you guys do it with so much grace. And I love how open you are about just being who you are, both of you. I love that so much. I'll take, I mean, I hope that we're recording so we can take the call.

I want to play that at the front of every single show. Thank you for saying that. But I think we talked about this early on on the podcast and we're like, listen, it's it's hard to create a show like this for as long as we have and not just kind of like be open and bear it all and kind of be unapologetically ourselves because when you do this for as long as we have and it's like if you were curating like you can maybe in some other spaces, eventually like that that's going to fall apart because you can't keep up with it. So it's like if you're just going to bear it all and be who you are, that's like really easy to continue doing over and over and over because you don't have to make anything up. I want to talk about your whole story. So I want to talk about before social media, what your life was like before you launched because you're kind of an OG blogger. Like I remember looking at your content. God, I want to say like 10 years ago on Instagram. So before all of this, what was your life like? Well, if you want to take it back to childhood, that was a very hard upbringing. So I basically come from two parents who weren't emotionally or physically there. My mom was an alcoholic most of my life. My dad was always working. And that was very difficult. I helped raised to my two brothers, younger brothers. I got a job when I was 15, started working, started paying for my own stuff around that age.

And then going into getting out of high school, I started working at Barney's, New York, when I was 18 years old. And I was there for seven years. So it was very, I would wake up, get ready, go to work. There wasn't much to it. I was just trying to get by. It was very difficult living at home. I never moved out until I got married. So I like briefly moved out to my aunts, but I don't really consider that moving out

because I was still with family, right? Do you think that you didn't move out of the house because you were scared what would happen to your brothers? Absolutely. But also, I felt like I didn't know where to go. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I just felt like I wasn't capable. That makes a lot of sense. I was talking to my friend whose mother is an alcoholic and he was saying he didn't have the tools or resources of how to be a human in society because the parents weren't available emotionally or physically to give them the tools or resources. So that actually makes a lot of sense. I, yeah, I was,

not taught how to be an adult. I don't think most of us are taught to be normal adults. But yeah, it just felt like I wasn't capable of doing that. And I didn't have the resources. When you say you had to take care of your brothers, is this a situation where you're like waking up and making them lunch, taking them to school? Are they two? Are they five? Are they 13? Like when did that start? And what did it look like? So my younger brother, quote unquote, I call him older because he's only two years younger, but he's like taller than me and all that. So I would always say he's my older brother. And then my youngest is, sorry, seven years younger than I am. So I basically raised the youngest one because my older one was, you know, he was capable of going to school, taking the bus,

whatever. But yeah, there was times where I would have to make their lunches or I would have to pay for groceries because my dad would give my mom money for groceries and my mom would spend it on alcohol. So there was nothing. in the fridge. That was my growing up, you know. What, what did your dad play in this role? Was he enabling your mom's alcoholism? Yes. Very much enabler. Was it like out of sight, out of mind thing? Because he was working. Yes. It was very much out of sight, out of mind. And it just felt like he didn't care for his family. And I don't know if it's, I mean, I don't have a good relationship with him. And it makes me sad to even like say that on air, but it's reality. And I'm here to

share my growing up unapodgetically. I can't say that. There we go. Yeah, it was tough. And is it, you don't, you don't have a good relationship with him because he was kind of checked out and wasn't paying attention or because he did things that you didn't like or it's just because he was just gone? No, he was just gone. And even now, you know, he'll message me on Instagram, but he won't text me. That's weird. I think too, as you get older and you don't have the space and you create boundaries with certain people, they are uncomfortable with the boundaries that you create as you mature. Absolutely. And so the boundaries like ruffle the feathers of the person. They like want you to be subscribed to your bullshit. And like when you're unsubscribed,

their feathers get ruffled. No, but the only reason I said it's weird. I'm like, he obviously has your number and to message you on like a DM. And it's just emojis. Oh. And I'm like, hi, dad. Miss you. And, you know, and even now going through a divorce, he's not, he's not asked about it once. Wow. And your mom, is she still in the picture or, or no?

Yeah, we have a restored relationship, which I'm very grateful for. And I constantly talk to her about, you know, things that I've shared on Instagram about her and our upbringing and even going on this podcast,

you know, she knows that I will share stories and the things that we've been through because she's now on the other side of it and she can take responsibility. And I just think that now, you know, we we just share conversations that are uplifting rather than like, do you remember when you did this? Because it's not about that. It's about getting out of it together. That makes a lot of sense. And that's very emotionally mature of you to be able to get to the other side. Did she end up getting sober? She got sober 11 years ago. Good for her. Yeah. Mom, if you're listening, good for you. Yeah. I'm so proud of her. So at what point you're working at Barneys? You're there for seven years. Does Instagram come about? And what is like your first post when you decide to dip your toe into this career? During Barney's years, I was struggling with disordered eating and working at a place like Barney's. You see all the women come through with their, you know, tiny little bodies. And mind you, I had just graduated from high school when I started that job. So,

I felt like my body was totally changing. And after a few years of my body changing, I was just thinking, like, why doesn't my body look like it used to? Or, you know, and I started dipping my toes into dieting, which it wasn't a healthy, in a healthy way. It was more so quick fixes. I didn't know about longevity or like, you know, true wellness. I just thought, oh, if I eat this, I'll, I'll be skinny. You know, that was a, you know, that was. my mentality. And I'll look like these people trying on the zeros and the twos. Mind you, I'm small built. So it's just in the mind. Sure. You know, but after that, I became very much aware that I was not a person to be working in retail. I wanted to do something that was going to fill up my soul. So I started taking up yoga classes and I really fell in love with it. So I, I, I became a yoga instructor. And around that time, Barney's was going to be closing. So I got this huge severance check and got out.

And around that time, I was about to get married. So I was lucky enough to pay for all of the debt that I had and also, you know, this training. And so I started training or I started teaching yoga after I got laid off. and that kind of like opened up the door to first shut the kill up. And at this point you have no children. No children. So you start posting on Instagram and your content is like really great. One thing I love about you, I don't know if people have told you this, but you show the brands to get.

So like if you make a sandwich, you'll tell us like what the mayonnaise is, what the bread is. You know, sometimes people will like post a recipe that's healthy and you're like, but what sourdough is that? Yeah. You always have done that from the beginning. Yeah. So you started sharing food and then you get married and you have your first boy. We got married. I started Shut the Kill Up.

And then I got pregnant literally three months after we got married. So it was very, very quick. And by the time I had Elliott, my first, shut the kill up was kind of a thing. And it was weird because I didn't know what I was doing. I just wanted to share with the world about healthy living. and finding balance and happiness and, you know, joy of eating real whole foods and not necessarily being on a diet. Do you feel at this point your eating disorder was, I don't want to say fixed or cured, but you were on a different pathway with eating? Yeah, it wasn't,

my focus wasn't on food anymore. It was about my passions would shut the kill up. It was about Elliot. I had obviously never been a mom and being a wife, you know, all of those things. just kind of, I guess. You got interested in something outside of yourself. Right. So at this point with the person that you're marrying, are you seeing anything that is a red flag? No.

Looking way back. Even now, outside perspective, birds eye view, there's nothing that you can point to and say, eh, I didn't like that. You know, yeah, yeah. Speaking to my therapist now once a week, you know, I now see that it wasn't just,

oh, this happened overnight. He changed overnight. It was a lot of things. It was a lot of things. And, you know, as a person now that has literally dissected this whole entire story and years of being married to this person who lied and had a double life, I totally see how I could have been blindsided by him. For context, how long were you guys together before you got married? We were together for probably three years. And then you got married after the three years or you were taking three years in total?

No, three years and then we got married. Okay. What's his personality? Like, is he helping you with your business? Does he have his own thing going on? What is his energy? So he was a very hard worker when we first got married. He had like three jobs working at a local church and playing at in bands.

And he worked at a little boutique store nearby where we lived. And yeah, he had his own thing. and then one shut the kill up kind of picked up, I needed help because I am the worst at signing contracts and looking through contracts and asking, you know, brands for however amount of money. I need to get paid for, you know, my work. And so he kind of took the role of managing Shut the Kill Up. Obviously having some similarities in the way you and your husband were operating. Like I am big on women in particular learning this side.

of the business, especially if they've built something and then their boyfriend or husband is diving into that business. Because it's really easy for somebody to come in. Say that you understand finance or you understand contracts a little bit more than maybe your creative counterpart. It's really easy to kind of derail or take advantage of somebody. And then like I think because there is, there's this dynamic sometimes and Lauren and I go through it. It's like, and I'll, I'll be a little sexist here, but I'll just talk about specifically about Lauren and I like some a creative, sometimes like someone in a creative space, specifically a woman will say, oh, like, I'm the creative and I don't like the contracts and I don't like the business.

And then like you get some, a guy comes in and maybe takes advantage of that. And so I'm, I'm big on championing specifically women to even if it's not going to be the main thing you're excited about to at least like understand it and get your legs into yourself and like understand basic finance and basic contracts and have a third party so that you don't have some guy come in that could potentially take advantage. Does that make sense? Absolutely. I'm not saying he took advantage, but I think it's worth saying that because I think we get into the, especially with societal norms, you get into the same, it's like, okay, like he does the finance and he does the contracts and I do the contracts and I do the creative. But like the most valuable thing is what you were doing. Right. Like you can get other people to review contracts and do your books. Right. You know? Yeah, I'm learning so much now. And to be totally honest, I had no idea how much money I made till last year. So I didn't know the back end stuff. Obviously. This is not the main thing that excites you. Right. Right. Even still, I, you know, kind of struggle with that. But now it's just all me with my manager, which she's amazing. But yeah. Michael read this book on finances that I tell everyone about the changed his life. What's it called? The Tony Robbins book. That's one of them. But I just, I think like the more. What is it called? Just if someone wants to read it on money. It's called money master of the game. But the more that I learn and evolve and the more people that I speak to is like, I don't care who you are or what your proficiency is.

or whatever you're the most excited about. Like, if you are going to be an individual that is running a business for yourself or an entity for yourself, you have to take the time to learn about money and finance. Because you could make, like we just interviewed Rob Derrick and he had made millions, if not hundreds of millions, all the way until he was 40 and ended up with basically broke at 40 and had to go figure out. And it wasn't until he learned. Like, it doesn't matter how much you make.

It matters how much you keep and how much you understand. So I think it's just really important for people to, even if it's not the thing that excites you to learn it. Okay. So, so you guys start getting in business together. And what is that something that you can point to that helped your relationship, heard it? What was the, the vibe there? You know, everything moved so quickly in our marriage. So we got married. His parents split up. You know, they got divorced. That really was something that we should have processed together. him obviously as an individual but also together because we were just married and then you know the baby and then shut the kill up so it was so much and the growth was a lot because we were living paycheck to

paycheck and then all of a sudden we have so much money and we're able to like go rent a bigger house and start saving for our own home you know it was so much and i felt like we were still so young I mean, I'm 34 now, but when I got married, I was 26. So it just happened so fast. And to be quite honest, we both never really learned how to manage money, how to, you know, both be in a committed relationship. It definitely took a toll on us. What is it like when you have all your followers that are following you and you're like, you're going through something like this that's this heavy on Instagram?

I mean, that's what that's, I feel like I, that is a lot. Yeah. Last year was awful, like me finding out about the affair. And then him, like, obviously I told him to leave our home. And I could not show my face on Instagram. Because first of all, you have your partner, ex-partner, saying, how did you not see that I was doing this? It was very gaslighting at the very end. What?

What blamed you? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, wait, let's back up for a second. What is the first time in your relationship that you were like, huh? Like, can you remember the first time that you were like, this isn't good? I was in denial that he would ever cheat on me. I never imagined he would do that, ever. Nobody did.

No, like when I told our friends, everyone's like, there's no way. You're crazy, Jeanette. and then I showed them the papers. I showed them the actual, like, it's, it's my story, his story. And then there's screenshots and actual papers. I got AT&T bills that, you know, phone calls and all of that. So I had all of these sheets of papers of phone calls to this other woman. Why did you decide to look at this, though, in the first place?

because I've never, like, reached out to AT&T to get Michael's phone bills. Like, what made you do that? So this is, this is going to get weird. A month before I found out my ex-partner, basically, we had already been struggling and we've been going, we were going to therapy for only three months. And it was maybe four therapy sessions. on April 1st, just to give you timelines, on April 1st, we wake up and he's like, hey, I don't think I could do this anymore. And I was like, what do you mean? We're working on things. Like, wait, what do you mean? What do you mean? Because we're a family. You have kids. I'm your wife. What does this mean? And he says, oh, Jeanette, I'm done. I'm done here. And it just, my mouth was open.

for minutes. And I couldn't believe I was hearing this. And I said, okay, it was just 2020. That was when we started really like, I was realizing, oh, we are actually having issues. Because before our relationship was quote unquote fine. But then the pandemic happened. But then the pandemic happened. So I assumed everyone was going through things because everyone was. you know, so I never imagined it was something that was an affair. Do you think that the reason he said we're done is because he could feel that you were about to catch him cheating on you and he wanted to get ahead of it? I don't think so. He actually, I'm pretty sure, I don't want to say I'm quoting this, but I'm pretty sure he never thought I would catch him. So why do you think looking back that he said we're done?

From my perspective, he wanted to get out without anyone knowing about this affair. Because when I caught him, he was already a year and a half in with this other woman. So he just didn't want all the chaos to ensue after. They didn't want to be painted as a bad guy. Probably. So once he says that, what happens next? So after that, I'm like, I kick it into full gear, start changing the things that he's been wanting me to change. Start going to therapy alone.

And obviously, he did not want to go anymore to therapy. and my therapist was kind of our therapist was kind of shocked because we had only gone to her four times prior to the I'm done. You know, my friend started noticing that he wasn't around anymore and that he was doing things by himself with the kids. And I was going to be in a wedding for our best friends. And he was supposed to initiate the wedding. And he backed out just a week before. You mean officiate it? Yeah.

he was going to officiate it. And he backed out a week before and everyone started kind of like asking questions like, hey, what's going on with you and this person? Pretty aggressive to back out of officiating a wedding a week before. I'm sure the bride was not so happy about that. Yeah. Our friends were pretty shocked. And, you know, everyone was just kind of like, you work it out. You know, you're married. This is commitment. This is, this is what we, this is what adults do. And so he didn't go to the wedding. He just did not. and I went. I felt like I needed to be there for one of my best friends. And when I came back, he left on a two-day little retreat so that he can, you know, lay low and be in a hotel and

have kind of collect his thoughts. And I kept thinking, this is very strange. That's when the antenna goes up. You're not going on a fucking retreat. So a retreat to hell. Well, he says he has to go on a retreat. A retreat where? I want to know details about this. I'm just retreating in general. He needed to go stay, you know, a couple nights at this hotel that we really like in Laguna so that he can kind of like have clarity and this and that. And I kept thinking, why does he keep doing this? Because in the month of April, he kept saying, I'm going to be staying at so-and-so's house. So that's when I said, is there somebody else?

And he said, no, do you not think that this has everything to do about you and not somebody else? He kept saying those things. And mind you, now looking back, I just, I can't believe I was taking that sort of disrespect from my, you know, the father of my children. It's just so weird. It's so weird that I allowed that. I want to tell you about the Lexus RX. So a little background, I drove a Lexus in high school and in college. And my dad drove one growing up.

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world and looking for that, they're going to have such better success using something like this as opposed to some swipe app, like I said. And here's the thing. When it comes to dating, it's hard now because back in my day, you had to go out and you had to have really deep conversations and you had to actually pursue someone. Now they've made these apps so easy and so quick, you're losing a lot of that. So what Match does is it pre-vets a lot of this and it makes sure that people are actually matches with the same interests that are looking for the same kind of thing and the same kind of relationship. So it's just a much better place to date and find somebody serious. And instead of just being on these surface level apps.

And if you do, do you. You already know the best relationships show up when you show up for yourself first. There's never been a better time to try a match. Download the match app today to get into something serious and find your match. I think it's hard when you're in the situation because for something as important as your marriage, you're trying to give yourself any reason to hang on, right? Absolutely. Any reason to see it through.

I think, you know, we all say like you can easily give somebody else the right advice, but it's really difficult to take your own. But I think all of us know deep down what the right answer is. Yeah. And I knew, but again, I fought so hard for our marriage. You know, I fought hard because of our boys, but because I actually really loved him. I wanted to make my marriage work. It was never about me getting with somebody and then getting divorced.

There's no divorce in, I mean, I just didn't. I prioritize family. That is my number one. And yeah, absolutely. And so after that, one of my friends said, hey, I really think you should see my friend who does Reiki. I think that would really benefit you. And you could work on your inner child because you have so much trauma.

And my ex-partner was saying that the reason why he felt like he needed to go was because I wasn't giving him the right intimacy and wasn't fully. the best wife because I was too involved with my kids and shut the kill up. So that was the reason why he did what he did. This is my problem with this though. I feel like even if you were giving him the quote on quote right intimacy, which I have no idea what that means. That could mean a billion things. I still feel like he would have done this. Well, only a certain type of person can do something like this. Live a double life for that long. Our son was three months when he started

talking to her. So imagine being postpartum. Elliot or your second son? My second Cole. I have a real problem with men that cheat on a woman when they're pregnant or postpartum because that is the most vulnerable time. Like if you're going to cheat at least

do us a little bit of a favor and wait like a year after, three months postpartum is the most vulnerable time of a woman's life. That's That's tragic that he did that to you three months postpartum. Whether about the intimacy or not, you go through ebbs and flows with intimacy. Like, I don't want to be fucking and doggy style 10 months pregnant. It's like, like, give me a minute, you know? Absolutely. But the way I think about, this is hard because, listen, I, I'm of the mind that like, if someone desires to be with someone

else, then like, it is what it is. Like, I don't think that there's a lot that, how do I say this? I don't think that there's a lot individuals can do to change someone's mind about not wanting to be with someone else, right? And I don't think that people should take personal blame for that. Like people's taste, people's preferences, people's love, like that stuff changes. I take issue with people being dishonest. So for example, if something happened in my marriage, I was like, I want to be with another woman. One one would probably kill me. But if I did, I would hope that I'm the type of person that would voice that and say that. And yes, it would suck. And yes, it would be uncomfortable. But to me, that's like what being an adult and a man is.

or even in being what a woman is, like, especially if you're going to co-parent with someone or be in that kind of relationship, like you should have the decency to be honest with. Like, listen, my preferences change or I don't want to be here, but to sneak around and then blame other people, especially when they're postpartum. Like, that's what I take issue with. Not the fact that somebody actually left to go be with someone else, but that they're, that they can't own up to that. Yeah.

After he said, I don't want to be with any, or I want to, I don't want to be with you. And then you start talking to friends. You get rakey done. At what point do you call AT&T and why did you decide? to do that. So I had this session with this incredible woman who does Reiki channeling, energy channeling.

I don't know if you know what that is. I don't even know what that is. I don't know how to explain it. Just a Reiki specialist flipped my baby in my stomach. So I totally believe in Reiki. Okay. So this woman immediately was just like, we're going to do channeling. And I said, no, no, no. I don't

like, I don't, I don't want to go to a psychic. I don't want to ask questions. I don't like, I'm not here for that. And she said, no, no, I'm not a psychic. I just, I just want to channel your energy because it's clearly frazzled and you need clarity. And I said, okay, I'm open to that. And immediately, she just said, your husband is with another woman. There is, you know, a relationship happening. And it's like he's leaking information about your marriage. And I said, do I know this woman? Do I not? what's going on. And she said, you have to find proof. And immediately I thought, I'm going to go look at our phone bills. And I remember him asking me, hey, what's your password for AT&T? I'm just going to

move everything with my passwords and my username because he handled all of that. So I was never going to find out. And so when I called AT&T, I moved everything back to my email. And that's when I saw everything. And this woman, it was married, has two boys as well. And so I was just shocked. I was very, very shocked. Is this someone you know or just a random person that he met somewhere? Like, how does one meet is, are we meeting on like, what's the grinder? Like, how, how is someone meet someone to cheat? He knew her from like college. They knew each other. They like, I guess dated at one point, but it never worked out. And we would see her around. She followed. me. So when I looked her up, it said follow back. And I immediately was like, oh, this is the type of person

that she is. And this is the type of person that you are. And it just, it really rocked me. And I had to pick up Elliott from school literally 20 minutes after that. How do you hold that together for your son? Everyone asked, are you okay? Because you look like you're going to pass out. I look like I was a ghost. It was the most excruciating moment of my life to be able to look at my son, my oldest, and hide that from him and pretend like mom's okay was very difficult. I think the thing with cheating, if you're out there and you're listening and you're going to cheat, is that it's not just about you and the partner. It's about the children, too. I don't think they ever thought about that because I think about her boys too. I mean, at this point, I don't want anything to do with that family, but I think about, did you not think about the repercussions?

And even now, co-parenting, it's rough co-parenting with a person who hasn't owned up to anything, hasn't apologized a sincere apology. And I'm not talking about, I'm sorry that this happened, you know. Like, and it's honestly been so up and down. what did you say yesterday the devil comes for what what did you say I said the devil always takes his pound of flesh I'm not a religious person but I'm saying like the reason that this is a bad strategy for anyone is like all this stuff comes back to roost at some point whether it's you know in another relationship with your children 40 years later with a business partner with whatever compounds it just like at some point like in life you have to pay for the mistakes you make and no one's

perfect no one's perfect no Before we get into how you approached him with this information, I would love to just tell everyone that's listening if you feel like your spouse is cheating on you, go get Reiki. I think that's actually a great tip because they are, it's not a psychic. I don't even know what it's an energy healer. Or just check the phone bills. No, check simultaneously check the phone bills and get Reiki. I think that's great. I just, I'm the type of person who's very trusting who's very much like, I'm not, if I'm dating somebody, I'm not. I'm not. going to go on your phone and look and see where you're where you're whereabouts are. I'm very trusting and I want to be with a person who's going to be exactly the same like, you know, like we don't have to worry about it because we're committed. We've made that choice. It's a choice. You're going to manifest that for your next relationship, though. You are, I can tell. Manifest someone. It's like you don't have the energy with two children running a huge business to have to worry about what your spouse is doing.

get it together or move right you know what i mean like if it the per you don't you don't want to have to like check everything like it's it's exhausting especially as a mother it's like we don't have the time no we don't have the time and i'm also wanting to raise two men you know two boys that will one day become good men to women and being respectful and living in integrity i think the living in integrity is my number one because i want them to be honest i want them to own up to their mistakes and grow from them. Every time Elliot says, oh, I can't do this. I'm like, you can't talk like that to yourself because then you're going to start believing it. And then if you fail at something, do you not see that that's how you learn? You know, so I say when you fail,

that's when you learn the most? Because if you continue to get all these wins or do it right, when are you going to learn something valuable? Yeah, and I don't want people to like, you know, when we have these conversations on this show, inevitably there's people like, I don't think Lauren and I are trying to sit on this side in a relationship that's working and profess what we think is a healthy relationship. But I think one thing I do try to profess is that I ended up marrying somebody that I believe above all else has integrity. Like, Lauren's a lot of things, right?

But I think like, and I mean this is a compliment. At the top of the list, like I've known, like my wife has a lot of integrity. So that was like, that was checkbox number one before I can get. get to like anything else before like are you hot or you're creative are you like going to be a good all these things like do you have integrity and i and i try to at least for myself like like i have flaws but i try to at least be like you know what you see is what you get what i say to you is what i can believe and what you can trust and i think like if you can any in any relationship if you can come to a relationship with two people having those things and like really that's the foundation

then you can make the rest of the stuff work absolutely if you're entering i think if you ever cheat I'm just going to go back through each podcast where you talk about integrity and put a minute clip together of all the places where you talked about it and put it together in a reel. But what I'm saying is like, you know, like we've all been in relationships, even us and then we've been together for long. But we all get in relationships where you maybe start dating someone or get with someone. You're like, they're out of integrity. And if they're out of integrity in a little area, they're lying to their friends. They're kind of cheating on another. Like they're going to be or their business or taking a man or do whatever.

They're probably out of integrity in place in the relationship. too. So how did you confront him with the information that you found or did you not confront him and did you wait? No, I couldn't wait. I literally just asked, so how is this? And then I added her name. I said, so how is she? And he said, what are you talking about? Oh, yikes. I knew immediately like, oh, he's going to actually try to hide. Like, this is insane. But at that point, I had seen him change so much within that month, you know, that I just didn't. even know who he was. I don't even think he knows who he is. To be totally honest. And just to clarify, everything that I'm speaking about today, I know my boys will one day listen to this podcast. And the only thing I ever want them to say is, I respect mom and her decisions on how she spoke about this season in our lives. Because that is who I care about the most are my boys.

and I want them to be so proud of mom. That's literally the only thing that I care about at this point. I think you're doing a beautiful job about speak. Like, you're being very respectful to the situation. I think one of the worst things that you could do would be one to like overshare details, which you're not. And the other thing would be to not say anything. See, I do not want to stay quiet anymore. And I'm not saying it in a, oh, I'm going to share everything.

I just, for myself, this is freeing. It's not your burden to carry. No, it's not. And it's not. It really isn't. And also, there are so many women. And I haven't even shared. This is the most that I've shared.

And it's going to come out when in a few months. I think a couple weeks. I think we bumped you up. Wow. Okay. Yeah, we'll figure it out. I think that from hearing your story so far, It sounds like as a child, you couldn't be free with saying what you really thought.

It's almost like a chokehold on sharing your truth. And as you've gotten older, the reason it feels liberating is because you haven't been able to do it in the past. That is so crazy that you say that because my last therapy session, my therapist said, do you realize that as a child you were taught to lie? You were taught to hold. Cover up. Cover up. Yeah.

And I said, what are you, what are you talking about? And then, you know, she brought up the fact that I've shared that my mom would always tell me, don't tell anybody, but she was drunk and she couldn't take me to school. So she would be like, just tell him that I'm sick. Or I can't get to the phone, so I'm sick. Oh, tell your dad that that money was spent on, you know, baseball, whatever. Or your dad taught you to avoid the situation. So you're with an example of someone who's telling you to be quiet.

and avoid. Exactly. And you're basically covering for other people's bad behavior and carrying the guilt yourself. And I carry so much guilt that my marriage failed because to a certain extent, I believed a lot of what he was telling me about being a bad wife. And, you know, and I will own up to anything, you know. And did I care about my kids way more than anything? Yes, absolutely. But I feel like in a marriage and having young kids, you know that that's your number one priority. Not having sex or going on dates. Mind you, we did travel so much. If you've been following Shut the Kail up, you know that we were traveling without Elliott for work, for pleasure so much without our children, you know? And so it's very liberating being able to share because I know many women go through

this and they feel like they can't speak or can't get out. And he didn't give you. He didn't give me a choice. Well, then I think when you lie for another person, man or woman, especially when you have children. And I've seen this happen with some of my friends that I grew up with is the kids end up resenting the parent who actually didn't do the wrong. Meaning like, I've seen people lie and be like, oh, like, wasn't his fault or wasn't her fault. And like they put the blame on themselves. And then the kids have no context of like what actually happened. And they grow up presenting the wrong parent. Not that they should resent anyone, but you know what I mean? It's like, then you've like hurt yourself even more because your kids don't have the full

understanding. Yeah. And kids are smarter than people give them credit for. Oh, I constantly say how, you know, our kids are super intuitive, how they just know. They know. And especially my oldest, Elliot, he is just so in tune with his intuition and his gut. And I'm constantly treading lightly with him because he knows a lot of what's happened. I feel like he and I have gone through this together as a little.

little, you know, team. And it's, it's been very hard. But I always tell him, hey, I just want you to continue to find that little space within you to understand that when someone tells you and looks at you in the eyes and says, everything's fine, but you see that nothing is fine, you know, you know that you can trust yourself and say, no, actually, it's not. Even as an adult, you can say, no, I know that something's wrong here. And I would like to. You know, I would like, to know the truth. Cutest gift ever because it's personalized and I love a personalized gift. And that is Little Words Project. It's the original word bracelet brand founded on the belief of being kind to yourself and others. So these bracelets are meant to be worn and loved and one day

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this holiday season at Klinique.com. At what point did he admit to you that this was going on and at what point did you decide we're getting a divorce? This is over. Well, there's a lot to it. And I joke about this, which it shouldn't be a joke, but I say it should be a in Netflix original because it's literally been hell. But we tried to make it work. We were on, you know, tons of therapy sessions and breath work and Reiki sessions and all of these things. And he's still not admitting it. No, he did admit. He did. He said that it was an emotional affair. And I... Oh my God. We got to get more creative, guys. An emotional affair. Yeah. At a place in Laguna, or at a hotel in Laguna Nigel? No, no, no. I,

I don't know if they were together then. You don't. No. I just know that the phone call records were insane. Okay. And then after that, we obviously were trying to work it out. But, you know, later I found out that, and this is awful. And I hate that I have to say this, but it's the story he wrote because it's all true.

And, you know, I found that he had a burner phone, that he had gotten from her. Apparently she bought him a burner phone so that they could speak. and it just, yeah. And that's when you were done. Yeah. I mean, he was the one that said, I want a divorce. And I said, okay, but can you please hire somebody? Because you keep saying you want a divorce, but you don't divorce me.

And so at that point, you know, we hired somebody. I got a mediator and we did the thing. How long ago was this? This was March. And you've been going through this. I've watched on Instagram. You've alluded to it, but you haven't. Like she said things, you know, I'm going through something, bear with me kind of thing.

Yeah. And it's hard when you have like an audience of people kind of like wondering what's happening because you want to be respectful to everyone. How are you managing that up into this point? Why did you decide to come out with it on this podcast? Where are you at with that? Yeah, because I know this is the direction we're taking like, but I'm looking at the brief here and it said, like one of the questions is, what's her favorite dish to cook? We're going to get to that. We're going to get to her favorite dish. That feels like the wrong question now. We're going to get to her favorite dish. She has great help. This brief needs to be thrown out. This has gone to a much different direction. I didn't know. Lauren started it. I just want to be able to tell her story so she can say it in her voice. Not I don't. I'm just saying I would have prepared differently. But we'll get to this.

Yeah. I honestly, I came on this podcast thinking, okay, like whatever is said is meant to be said. Well, I could speak for this audience. I think from saying like this is a very. non-judgmental space and audience. And I think also very supportive, right? Like, I think we've cultivated a, like, if Lauren and I have done anything right here, it's like we've cultivated a space in an audience that is open to so many different perspectives and very supportive of people kind of living in their truth. Right. I'm glad that you are where you're at now. You seem to me, and you can tell me if I'm wrong, that you feel free, you seem in a good place. You know, it's very, it's an emotional roller coaster only because I am with all of my might and power, I'm trying my best to protect our boys from all of this.

Because it feels very dark. It's not normal in my opinion to go about it like this. Well, the thing also that's not normal and I keep bringing this up is it's not normal to go through this in front of millions of followers. That's a different element that you have to navigate. So I can imagine, are you just trying to keep on your normal routine? You live a very healthy lifestyle. Well, I didn't for all of that time.

I mean, I lost so much weight. I couldn't eat. That was the last thing on my mind. Like, the stress was killing me. I was crying. I wasn't sleeping. I couldn't eat anything. What are some tools that you've used to start eating again, start sleeping again?

What are some things that have made you feel better? I would wake up at 3 a.m. just thinking about what happened? What happened to the guy that I married? And how is he not fighting for his family? This is bizarre. You know, like those were the things that were replaying in my mind. And how would this woman with kids not have respect for her own children, not have respect for herself, to do something like that to another woman, you know, all of these things. But I'm not big of a drinker or anything like that. So it wasn't like I was drinking wine or anything like that. But I was deep in prayer. I feel like meditation and prayer. Like I've become very spiritual. And I feel like my whole entire life when I've gone through the darkest days, which I have definitely gone through some hardships in my life, I feel like God has always been there for me. God can mean,

so many different things. But for me, I feel like I can sit with myself and be in deep prayer, meditation, whatever. And God always gives me away. And he's given me the strength to be able to, you know, pull myself together and fight for my boys. Because that is my family. I'm excited to have you back on the podcast another time in like two years or something and hear where you're at because I feel like this is this, your life is like, just be crazy from every you're letting in all this goodness you feel liberated I think it's going to be a really great story I think it's probably hard right now but it sounds like this person wasn't right for you so goodbye yeah no it wasn't for me and I feel like that needed to go so that the goodness

like the real substantial like good foundational stuff can come in I think your audience and our audience would kill me if I didn't ask you a couple of wellness questions because you're so known for that. What are something? All the people that tuned in early for that are like, whoa, we just went on a ride. No, we went on a ride. And she was so open and honest. But I think if I didn't ask you a few wellness questions, they would freak out because you're so known for wellness. Let's do it. Okay. So what are three wellness tips that you do that help ground you? It could be eating, could be anything on a daily basis. You seem to me when I watch you very routine. It's routine. It's literally, I don't want to do this, but I'm going to do this. Meaning for me, I wake up in the morning. I go to my Pilates class. I come back. I now

have a cold plunge, so I like cold plunge. And then I start my day. It's literally getting up and doing something that isn't always fun because it sets you up for such a great day. And also anyone who has, like anyone who I've too who's like amazing or whatever has podcasts all that they have good routines and good habits so eliminate one bad habit for one good habit so give us an example so instead of sleeping in wake up an hour earlier whether you go work out or you write on your journal or sip your coffee and just look outside or go outside and look at the sun or you know get some fresh air that's one thing that's easy i love the swap it out what's a food that you think can be swapped up because you're so into healthy, thick, plentiful foods. What's a food that you see people eating

that they can swap out easy? Lately it's been cheese for me. I absolutely love cheese now. It was never a thing. But I swap out, you know, the usual tons of ingredient, I guess, cheese and just swap it out for raw cheddar. Like that organic pastures raw cheddar is so delicious. Are you talking about like the raw goat cheese? Raw farms. I think. I think I have that. Yeah. Is it like a little, a little cow on the front? Yes. Okay. That brand. We have that. Zaza loves that. If you're going to eat cheese, the raw. Zaza's so cute. The raw goat cheese. She has to meet Elliott one day. Oh yeah. They do. They do have to meet. Okay. Nutrition. I got to talk

about nutrition. What is a day in the life of eating and something that you feel really good about when you eat? So right now I'm really loving a good smoothie because I didn't for so long. that now I'm starting to get all my nutrients back in. And it just helps me feel regular. Like I can use the restroom and feel good. Tell us your smoothie. You got to tell us your smoothie. Okay. So my favorite right now is banana, peanut butter, chia seeds, ham seeds, raw milk, vanilla powder, like protein powder, and a date. That to me is so simple, so easy and so delicious. And then what are you eating for lunch and dinner. So for lunch lately, it's been, I don't know, like a chicken sandwich. I'll make, you know, I'll toast up some sourdough, put some avocado mayo, add a little lettuce, chicken or turkey,

and then add tomato, sprouts, and then slice it up. And it is just, it's such a classic. Michael's drolling. Maybe I didn't eat it. I only had a little bit today. Before you go, can you leave our audience with a breakup tip? If someone's going through a breakup right now and they're really in it and if you could go back and give yourself a tip, what would it be? Give yourself grace. It's very difficult in the beginning, but you won't understand why this happened until later. And I'm still hoping for that day that I wake up and I'm like, this is why. This is why it happened.

It's hard as shit. I think it's going to happen for you. very soon. I think even talking about it like this, can everyone, can everyone who's listening go support Jeanette? I think it's going to happen soon. I think there's going to be a silver lining. You're very sweet. Thank you. And I think it's brave for you to fly all the way to Austin with two children and talk about this. I can't imagine like I know I keep saying this, but having this audience and also having your friends and your family and your kids, it's a lot of pressure. Yeah, it's hard. I'm still in the thick of it. So I hope that no, like listening to this,

nobody thinks, oh my gosh, she's out of it. She's so strong because I'm not. I feel very vulnerable. I feel very weak at times. But I know I'm doing this for my greater good. And I know God has a better plan for me. Because that wasn't it. And I want my boys, like I keep saying, to grow up to be not that. What I think's really cool about what you're doing is so many times on Instagram and TikTok, it'll show the before and after. Like you see a transformation of a body or you see like someone being like, I used to. to be so depressed. I even did this when I was going through postpartum depression after Zaza. I didn't talk about it until I was like after. I think it's interesting and cool and amazing of you to talk about when you're in the mud. It's a very different kind of thing. Usually people are like, here's my before

and here's my after. And I think that to actually document the process is different. It really is. but, you know, I, the reason why I started to shut the kill up was because I wanted to see a little bit of everything and things that I wasn't seeing on Instagram, I was posting. And so in this season in my life, I wish I could have heard or listened or seen somebody go through what I was going through and been like, okay, there is hope. There is something better. And I still, I haven't heard or, you know, seen someone that I look up to. saying like, hey, it's going to get better. And I hope I can be that for somebody because this sucks. Well, that's why I'm always when I was trying to be like delicate for multiple reasons on this conversation. But I think that for people that like, I don't want to say that like, you know, this is not this is your experience is unique to you, but you're not the only person who's gone through something like this or is going through something like this. And I think for people to your point to hear another individual and like have that individual still be strong and solve their life together. and also maybe to realize that there are more people out there that are good people with integrity.

Like I think like that's the North Star that people should should look to, right? Like you feel so in it and you feel so stuck and like this is like I'm never going to find anyone like my life's. Right. And there's nobody else. Nobody has integrity. It's like that's like that's just not true. Like there's a lot of people that do just when you're going through something like this, you kind of feel like this is all that there's ever going to be.

Yeah. It's a very lonely place. And I feel like I've been in a very, very, very. lonely place, but this is where I've grown the most. Your boys are going to be proud of you with this interview. Where can everyone find you? Pimp yourself out. Tell us if you have anything we can buy, how we can support, give us all the things. You're very sweet. So you can find me at Shut the Kail up on Instagram. And I also have a Seekyll Clay Mask with Coco Kind. That is amazing at Target. I didn't know that. You didn't. Oh my gosh, I wish I would have brought you one. I'm going to buy one.

You're so sweet. Wait, I didn't know that. We can send you some. Oh my God. I didn't know you had a mask. Yeah. I'd be wearing it all the time. And what's in it? Tell us like, is it like really good for you? I feel like you're really ingredient driven. Yes. So all the ingredients in it are amazing for refreshing skin. Like it's a mat, it's a mud mask that you can literally put on and leave for, I mean, I've left it for like hours. And it works better as time goes by, to be totally honest. I also use it for my under. arms and like bikini area because it gets rid of sebum and just any like stubborn, you know, areas. Perfect. Our producer has the worst razor burn I've ever seen. It's up to his nipples. I'll get him all up. Poor Taylor.

Do not cut this out, Taylor. Oh my gosh. Okay, go on. So we can find that at Target. You can find that at Target or at Cocoa Kine's website. I also have these re bowls with material kitchen made with all recyclable materials. And yeah, they're perfect for like really big salads or mixing. bowls, pretty much anything. My boys use them for popcorn for movie nights.

You hear that guys? All the guys listen is you got to catch out here. She's building an empire, right? You know, got it all together. No, no, no. Jeanette, you're amazing. Thank you so much. I can't wait to talk to you in like two years. I'm excited for it. Thank you guys so much for having me. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for doing the show. I appreciate it. Wait, don't go. Do you want to win some of Jeanette's collaborations? We're going to give away a Cocoa Kind skincare mask and some of her products from Material Kitchen. All you have to do is go send some support to Jeanette on my latest Instagram and make sure you've rated and reviewed the podcast on iTunes. It takes like two seconds. I hope you guys love this episode as much as I did.

Jeanette is truly incredible. All right. So everyone who has listened to this podcast knows that the probiotic that Michael and I take is Just Thrive Probiotics. I take two every single morning. I used to take them before I ate. And then after interviewing the founder Tina and a microbiologist on our podcast, I found it's better to take them after you've eaten. So I take two after I eat in the morning. I do not skip my probiotic. I am all about the gut. I have had so many specialists, doctors, health gurus come on this podcast and say a probiotic is essential. So I'm all about the probiotic life. This one is the best in my opinion because it survives the trip to your gut. There are so many probiotics out there that don't survive the trip to your gut. So if you're going to take one,

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