The Bossticks - Tony Robbins On How To Unlock Your Potential, Master Your Mind, And Find Lasting Happiness

Episode Date: January 20, 2025

#799: Join us as we sit down with Tony Robbins – a world-renowned life coach, entrepreneur, best-selling author, & philanthropist, as he gets ready to empower audiences at his Time To Rise Summit. Known for his unparalleled ability to transform lives, Tony dives deep into what it takes to unlock your full potential & achieve lasting success, as he continues to help millions step into the power of who they are meant to be! In this episode, Tony shares profound insights on training your mind, mastering the skills needed for an extraordinary life, & understanding the critical difference between success & true fulfillment. Tony also emphasizes the importance of focusing on the present & future, explores the core needs that drive human behavior, & reveals strategies to overcome the mental barriers that limit personal growth. Start living the life you've always dreamed of & rise to new levels of happiness & achievement! To Watch the Show click HERE To connect with Tony Robbins click HERE   To connect with Lauryn Bosstick click HERE   To connect with Michael Bosstick click HERE   Read More on The Skinny Confidential HERE   For Detailed Show Notes visit TSCPODCAST.COM   To Call the Him & Her Hotline call: 1-833-SKINNYS (754-6697)   This episode is brought to you by The Skinny Confidential   Head to the HIM & HER Show ShopMy page HERE to find all of Michael and Lauryn's favorite products mentioned on their latest episodes.   Join the FREE 3-Day Time To Rise Summit by Tony Robbins by visiting timetorisesummit.com.   To donate to Tony's mission to help end hunger and support his 1 Billion Meals Challenge visit feedingamerica.org/tonyrobbins.   To learn more about Tony Robbins and his Stanford Study visit tonyrobbins.com/the-science.   This episode is sponsored by SmartMouth   Find SmartMouth at Walgreens, Walmart, Amazon or visit smartmouth.com/skinny to snag a special discount on your next SmartMouth purchase.   This episode is sponsored by Squarespace   Head to squarespace.com/SKINNY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SKINNY.   This episode is sponsored by ARMRA   Go to tryarmra.com/SKINNY or enter SKINNY to get 30% off your first subscription order.   This episode is sponsored by Lancome   Shop now on lancome-usa.com and use code TSC20 for 20% off Genifique Ultimate.   This episode is sponsored by Good Ranchers   Subscribe to any Good Ranchers box and use my special code SKINNY to get $25 off, free express shipping, AND and your choice of free ground beef, chicken, or salmon in every order for an entire year.   This episode is sponsored by OpenPhone   Right now, OpenPhone is offering 20% off of your first 6 months when you go to openphone.com/skinny.   Produced by Dear Media

The following podcast is a dear media production. She's a lifestyle blogger extraordinaire. Fantastic. And he's a serial entrepreneur. A very smart cookie. And now Lauren Everts and Michael Bostic are bringing you along for the ride. Get ready for some major realness. Welcome to the skinny confidential, him and her.

In 2017, I went with Michael to a Tony Robbins summit. I had been a fan of him for a long time. I've read so many of his books, especially the one that really resonated with me was Awaken the Giant Within. I'm sure a lot of you have read his books. He is absolutely iconic and major in the self-help space. And at his conference, we were really able to do a self-evaluation, and we came back with a lot of self-awareness. We also walked on coals, which was fun. Robbins has been someone that I have wanted on this show for so long because this show is about giving you value. And Tony is the king of value. So pretty excited about this one. If you're looking to stop self-sabotage and start thriving in 2025, this is the episode. This is the one to send

your friends, your family, anyone you know. I was taking notes in this episode. Tony Robbins, He's a world-renowned life coach, entrepreneur, bestselling author, father, husband, philanthropist. And he is getting ready to empower audiences at his Time to Rise Summit. He is truly a unique human, and I have to tell you, in and off the mic, he was a real delight. Make sure you guys join the free three-day Time to Rise Summit by Tony Robbins. You can visit Time to Rise Summit.com. Tony, welcome to the show. This is the skinny confidential.

Him and her. I don't mean to brag, but I've manifested this for nine years. I have annoyed every single person around you. I need Tony Robbins on the skinny confidential him and her. If this doesn't show you that manifestation and a little discipline and a lot of annoyance works, I don't know what does. Tony Robbins, welcome to the show. You're on the show, my friend.

That's for sure. I'm a very short list. Well, thank you. I'm really honored. And yes, it took everything to be here today. As you know, President Biden was moving around. We couldn't land. We have 80 mile hour wins.

We have a fire here. But we've made it. So I'm glad to be with you. We're here. Let's kick this off with talking to someone who's listening that is feeling unmotated, bad about themselves in a rut. But they want to start the New Year fresh and they don't know where to start. The first thing is not to have some New Year's resolutions. Because 80% of people break those in the first two weeks and that'll just make you feel worse about yourself.

But that's not to say you don't want to have something you're going to go for. I would tell people the first thing you have to do is increase your energy. the lower your energy, the less your intellect, your spirit, your soul is engaged. You know, it's like plug it into a computer. If you have the most powerful computer in the world, you don't plug it in, you don't any power. So one of the things that I do in environments, the very first thing I do in an event, for example, is we'll have 10, 15,000 people.

I know you've been there. And we massively expand the energy. When your energy increases, think about it. When you feel great, you treat people better. You perform at a higher level. When you feel terrible, you treat yourself poorly, much less other people. So energy is the first base. of it. But I think it's also most people feel bad because they have expectations about

where they are versus where they should be. And everybody has a different and unique path. And I used to do this to myself. I remember I went to, I was doing a seminar early in my career in my, gosh, I think my late 20s, and I was in Atlanta, Georgia, and I had 125 people. In those days, that was a huge seminar for me. And at the end, I gave everybody a rose, and I looked in their eyes, we sang this song. It was just so amazing. And a friend of mine, it called me and told me there's a concert right next door and it was the boss and you know so bruce springsteen was like in those days the biggest guy in the world and he's you got to come to the concert this is christmas time you got to finish the seminar early and i said no no i can't do that i want to so bad i got to give my else so i

gave my all i spent the end of that thing i felt like i'd i'd really delivered for people as a beautiful four-day experience and then he says he's still on stage he's doing his encores so i literally ran four blocks to where the stadium was came in the building and it was magical. You know, 15,000 people, and you could just feel the energy, and it was his third encore, and he was doing Born to Run,

and they had a Christmas song, and it was just, in the middle of Born to Run, right at the very end, I went from totally euphoric to depressed. How the hell did you do that? Because I looked around,

and I was feeling so good about myself. Here I was helping all these people, and I looked around, it's like he has 15,000 people. I've got 125. I'm not doing squat, and as we're going, out, people singing on the way out was feeling terrible. I tell you this story because

I was being unfair to myself. We're all unfair to ourselves because I was comparing myself to someone 12 years of my senior, 15 years my senior, I had a different experience, a different life experience. But three years later, I was in that same stadium doing my own seminar for three and a half hours, you know, for actually it was a day instead of a three hour piece. And I have this amazing experience. So we judge ourselves too soon. But what you have to do to go take back control of your life is stop comparing yourself and that's so hard in the world of social media. And it's probably harder for women than is for men. I know it is because all the studies show that when more time they spend on social media, young girls and women judge themselves so

harshly because we have these ridiculous visuals that every woman is supposedly supposed to be, which has nothing to do with health or vitality or individuality whatsoever. So how do you get out of that? To me, the real secret is you have to take control and stop trying to control everything. There's two worlds that basically have to master. We all know it. There's an outside world and an inside world. Our culture reinforces the outside world at the expense of the internal world. That's why there's so much, quote, mental health problems.

Because when we get in our minds, we have all these judgments. We have all these expectations. But the secret is you can't control the external world. I hear people sometimes saying, you know, my answer is just let people have their own opinions. And I think, how egotistical is that? They're going to have their own opinions whether you let them or not. You have no power of it. Ego is just fear.

We're all afraid we're not enough at times. And when we feel those feelings, we judge ourselves and we judge others and it creates harshness. But there's an internal world that we can master, that we do have control over. And the way we control it, if I may share with you, is I think there's three decisions that everyone listening right now could test out. And those three decisions we're making every moment of our life. But we're not always making them consciously. That's the problem. So if you're not making unconsciously, you're making habitually, meaning at a subconscious level,

which means you keep living the same problems over and over again. What are those three decisions? Decision one is what are you going to focus on? Your entire life is controlled by what you focus on. What you focus on is what you feel. What you focus on is what you experience, not reality. So have you ever had an experience either one of you where you thought somebody did something and they were like, you thought a good friend and someone told you something and you thought they

took advantage or did something terrible and you got upset. I'm reasonably upset. And then you go to see this person and you find out it wasn't even true. Have you ever had that situation? With my husband all the time. I do not exactly what you need. He's not his answer. He's not happening right out.

You never know. So the truth is when you do that, you feel terrible, but it's because whatever you focused on was real to you. Yeah. Focus equals reality to the individual, even though it's not reality and actuality. Or a simpler way to say it is focus is feelings. And the quality of your life is where you live emotionally. If you got a billion dollars or you have three beautiful children and husband or wife that totally adores you.

But every day you focus on what to worry about or you focus on what's not right or what's missing, you're going to be a very unhappy person. It doesn't matter what you have. What matters is where you focus. Now, I'll walk through in a second, the three decisions you can make about focus, it can change your life. But the second decision, once you focus on something, our brain immediately makes another decision. And if you don't take control of it, it's unconscious. It's the same. What does this mean? Is this the end or the beginning? Is this person dissing me? Are they challenging me? Are they coaching me? Are they loving me? Whatever meaning you give it

instantly changes your emotion and the quality of your life is where you live emotionally. Is this why two people can have the same trauma? And I've heard you give this example, but they can have completely different outcomes. 100% because of the meaning. Because of the meaning and because of what they focus on. Both of those together. Like you can focus, what's wrong is always available. Sure. So it's what's right. I'm not talking about positive thinking, about being intelligent. But the meanings, if you think this is the end of a relationship, are you going to behave the same way as you think it's the beginning of a relationship? No way. I often tell people, if you don't want this to be the end of your relationship, pretend and act like it's a beginning of relationship, there won't be

an end, right? Because people behave radically differently. So meaning equals emotion, emotion's your life. What's the third decision? Well, once you have an emotion, it controls your decision making. So if this meaning makes you angry, if that meaning makes you playful, obviously what to do is going to be a different answer based on the emotion. So those three decisions control your whole life. And I'll give you some practical examples for the people that are listening right now, or watching, I guess. I'd like to have you all answer for yourself and ask you both as well, if I may, what do you tend to focus on more what you have or what's missing? And before you answer, what do you think most people's answer is? And I'd love to hear your answer.

Most people's answer. And we all focus on both, right? But which do you tend to focus on significantly more? I think most people focus on what's missing. I have trained myself to focus on what's more. I don't think that's a natural human state. You're spot on. Okay.

I've trained. I've learned a lot of books. I've read a lot of books. I've done a lot of tapes. I've tried to focus on what's better. Yes. I tell people all the time that listener watch the show. We've been doing it close to a decade.

And what I find interesting is if you look at the younger, not so much younger, but the younger versions of ourselves, we've been working on this process for close to 10 years now to train our brains to think this way. Because there's probably a time when you do focus on scarcity. And we were talking about your money book while. And there was probably a time when I thought about money differently. Yes. But we've trained ourselves to think that there is more and that there is abundance as opposed to scarce resources. You're both right because the tendency in the human brain, is the survival mechanism.

So you have a 2 million-year-old brain, and its focus is, how do I, anything that could be a threat, how do I avoid it, how do I freeze, so it doesn't notice me, or how do I run, or how do I fight? Those are your choices. And when you're in that survival brain, that's how people respond. And so most people, but it's not just people in survival. You know, it's the most focused on what's missing, over achievers.

Yeah. And now there's an advantage. When you see what's missing, it's like, okay, I'm going to address it, per se. But the problem is, if you're constantly, focus on what's missing, how will you ever sustain happiness? And the answer is you can't. Don't think of it about you. It's not you. I'm talking about software. Your soul is a lot more than your software. People think of their mind is who they are. Your mind is not you. Your mind can't even allow you to enjoy an app a little bit. Is it organic? Where is it going to go? So we have to

understand the mind reduces things. But you and I can train ourselves to do this and most people don't. And by the way, you know, a situation like COVID, can you imagine what that did even people who usually focus on, you know, what's great. They felt like everything was missing. Everything was taken from that was outside their control, which is why the highest levels of depression, overdose, et cetera. Now, let me give you another one. Do you tend to focus, I think I know your answer to this, do you tend to focus more on, let's say, what you can't control or what you can't control? What do you think most people say? What would you say? Are you going to be honest here? Because I'm going to be honest.

Wait, are you going to be honest? I don't focus on anything I can't. I'm starting to feel like Oprah right here in between the two of you here. I focus on nothing I can. We brought you here for some couples therapy. You've got to be honest. No, no, no. I know I am hardwired to focus first on the things that I can't, but I've done my damnedest over the years to train myself to focus on what I can't control.

That's been the exercise. If I'm being super honest, I think most people. It's like building a muscle. Yeah, and I catch myself now when I start focusing on things that I have no control over, switching back to saying, okay, let me compartmentalize that. And how do you do that? So just because listeners might find that valuable. I do it by realizing that it's fruitless to think about things that I can.

can't control and that all I can do is really set myself up to take on the things that I can. That's great. But it's not something that comes natural to me. I think we're all hardwired. Yes. Right? And I probably follow a pattern of, you know, relatives that, you know, maybe stress and overanalyze things.

Not to pass any blame. I'm aware of just like some of the upbringing, some of the net. Lauren calls it, what do you call it? Made up stress. No, I call it the saber-toothed tiger. He's always looking for the saber-tooth tiger. Yes. And then I don't know if you found this in your work, if some people are more wired,

that way than others? Like they more have the majority are actually. I mean, you really have to retrain yourself because the human brain untrained tends to look for what's wrong. And we have a negative bias is where it starts. That's why the media, you know, there's nothing wrong with the media, but most of the media, we all know if it bleeds, it leads. Why is the media so negative? It's not the media negative. They're a business. And their job is to take care of shareholders, not you. And so their job is to get as much attention as possible. And we all know it gets attention of something that's going to upset you faster than something that makes you feel good. That's why there are very few feel good stories and there's so much pain.

So that's the tense. Now, what about for you? I noticed that when I focus on what I can't control, it's first thing in the morning. Interesting. Is that because you have two young children like I do? I have one. I think you just wake up in the morning and your brain wants to go all these weird places. Okay.

So I try to wake up now and push that out with what I'm grateful for. But it's a practice. Tell me if you think this is the wrong analysis and who better. I imagine most people are wired to think that way and have not done much of a job to train themselves to snap out of it and start focusing on what they like for me when I look when you ask that question I'm like oh well it's a constant exercise of recognizing when I'm thinking that way and snapping myself out of that pattern and so the problem for you right now is it still requires your conscious tension versus developing a new habit right a new way of being a new

immersion and that's really basically why we do events that's why we do immersion events not two hours, but it's four days when I do it. And people come for eight, 10, 12 hours a day. And they wouldn't sit for a three hour movie that somebody spent $300 million and we came and captivated. Because when you do that day and night, and it's like if you want to learn a language and you go a little bit at a time, like most people do in high school and college, they can't speak the language later on. Right. But if you, if I wanted to have you learn Italian and you had the time and money, I'd just drop you in Italy and pick you up in three months. And I guarantee you'll be speaking Italian because you're immersed. So I use immersion to do that. So right now,

as long as you're doing what you're doing, it's a battle. But when you change the conditioning, it'll just be automatic. How do you not focus on what you can't control? What's the toney way? Well, I've trained myself like a muscle. It's not like I'm such a good person. It's just, I know to go that place is so deadly. It's so destructive. And there was a stage of my life when I didn't know whether I wanted to be here or not. And when I saw that and I took that in and realize what was creating it, I vowed in my life, I will never go to that place again. It's not from a personal, moral, spiritual perspective, God appreciating perspective to take your own life would be insane. And so that's what it can eventually lead to for some people.

You create enough focus on what's wrong, what's not, you know, you don't have love, you don't have a life, you don't have who you're supposed to be. You come up with enough negative meaning is enough negative emotion. And some people add alcohol or drugs to that, then you're really got a good chance of doing something stupid. And so I drew the line in the sand so intensely when I was 17 years old because I saw that's where I was and I didn't want to go there again. But I've also trained myself as like at the day. It was funny. I had this woman that was, I don't I think she's like 78, 79, almost 80 years old. And she went to like, I went to three different cities and she was in the front row. And she was, you know, it's a stadium. And she jumped in. I mean,

I couldn't believe it. She was going so full tilt. And so she came up to me. during a break and she wanted to take a picture, which I was happy to do. I said, hey, are you, do you think I'm the grateful dead or something? I said, I think this is your third event. If I right, she goes, no, it's my fourth. If you missed one, I was further back. I said, well, that's fair.

I said, why do you come? She goes, well, it's like, I get so much out of it. And it's like, you talk about repetition as the mother of mastery. And I said, well, let me give you a clue. That's why I come. I said, because, you know, guess what? I teach this stuff, so I live it. So it's like, if I do this over and over again,

it gets in your body. So I've trained myself to do that. Now, that doesn't mean there aren't moments that it happens, but it changes so quick because I know the consequence. But for your listeners, most people tend to focus, number one, on what's missing instead of what they have, not everybody. But most people there are achievers also do that. So it doesn't mean you've got a problem. It's just, but then you're never fulfilled. You're always chasing something.

It's going to be my follow up question is when, you know, we have a friend that calls it blissfully dissatisfied so you can keep pursuing, but you're happy and grateful while you're doing it. How do you work with high achievers that they're achieving, you know, the average person, way more, but they're just, it's never enough. Well, I show them that there's two skills in life. If you want to have an extraordinary life, which is that what most people want, what is an extraordinary life? It's life on your terms. It's not my terms.

Is it three beautiful children in a white picket fence? Is it building a business? Is it both? Is it writing a book? Is it having a garden? It's doing poetry. It's like, I'm not here to tell you what to believe, but whatever it is, life on your terms, For you to have that, you have to master two skills.

The science of achievement. That's how do I take, which both of you are damn good at, right? You wouldn't be here. You're entrepreneurs. You've got this huge following. You've done it over this 10 years. Think about that. You've taken things you envision and made them real.

Most people don't know how to do that. You've done it on a large scale. You may want to do more, but you've done in a large scale. There's a science to achievement. Like when I wrote this book, Money Master the Game. You know, I went and interviewed 50 of the most successful financial people on the face of the earth. And I figured out what do they have in common because they're all different. What do they do similarly?

What were the patterns that are there? Well, that's a science. If you read my health book, I interviewed 150, the greatest regenerative doctors in the world, found out what the biggest breakthroughs are. If you do what they show you, you'll get the result. That's science, finance. But then there's a second skill. It's the one our culture does not reinforce.

And that's mastering the art of fulfillment. So success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure. And we all, I'm sure you know, and I know. plenty of people that supposedly have everything and are so miserable. I mean, this town is filled with people, you know, without mentioning any names, which I wouldn't do, but people that come to me who've got everything you can imagine from gold medals to Oscars to whatever, and they're miserable. And they're miserable because they got the thing, but they didn't get what they're after.

Most people are after love, by the way. And what they want is, I'll be significant and then people will love me. I'll be famous and then they'll love me. But what they get to me for is they're so angry because underneath, they're so sad. They're so disappointed because what's happened is people come up to them and they interrupt their restaurant. They interrupt their children. They interrupt everything else. They don't know who I am. They'll say. They just want something from me. So I'm not getting any love. And I'm getting out today with social media. I get all this judgment on top of it. So they're miserable

inside. So what I try to show people is you've got to find what fulfills you as well. And if you know what fulfills you, you know what achieves and how to be fulfilled. Now you have, think of it as East and West being integrated. If I go to India, you'll see people on the streets who are starving and are happy. I mean, no BS happy fulfilled. If you go to Varanasi, one of the oldest cities in the world, I've been there many times with friends and family, taking them there. I wanted them to see. If you live in that country and you follow the, you know, religion, primary religion in this country, there's about 300 different gods you could have, your own personal God. But they all agree on one thing. You could get to God, some of them, they believe, by studying the Vedas, the religious

books. Some people by giving up everything, proving that you're committed. Some people, it's by doing yoga. But all these different sects agree that if you die in Varanasi, you go to nirvana meets you don't repeat because they believe in reincarnation. Well, if you go there, you'll see people on the streets. If they're dying, they'll do anything to get there. And they're dying and they're so happy. And when they die, they burn the bodies. And because they believe, I remember I went on this boat There's a place they burn bodies 24 hours a day for 4,000 years. Wow. The wood is stacked like four stories high.

It's happening constantly. Families bring the bodies wrapped up. They dip it in the river, the sacred river. They put it on the bonfire and they burn. And there's no tears. When I first got there, this little boy had a stick and he was slipping something. And then I realized it was his grandfather's leg. And here's why they don't have any upset.

Everything in our life is based on what we believe. We believe differently than them. They believe if you die this way and we burn the body, It's the T-shirt, and now the soul is free. So our beliefs control everything. So you've got to find out what fulfills you. I have a friend Steve Wynn who built most of Las Vegas, multibillionaire, we're a brilliant, brilliant guy.

And remember one day, we both have homes in Sun Valley, Idaho, you know, ski homes. And one day I get this phone call from him. He says, Tony, he calls me at 8.30 in the morning. Tony, it's my birthday. I said, dude, that just woke up. This is my vacation time. I was going to call you, but it's 8.30 at the morning. He goes, well, I heard you were here.

I said, yeah, he goes, come over to my house for lunch. I said, I'd love to. He said, Tony, when you come, I have something really special to show you. I have a painting that I have coveted for 15 years. And I just outbid everyone on Sasebiz three days ago. And it is hanging on my birthday this morning on my wall. You must come see it. I said, Steve, how much this set you back?

He said, $79.8 million, $80 million. I said, Steve, screw lunch, I'm coming for breakfast. I have to see this painting. And I'm picturing as I'm driving, what does an $80 million painting look like? And I'm picturing, you know, some Renaissance thing or God coming through the clouds or, you know, something like that. And I got there and it goes, look. And it is a orange square, red orange square. It's called a Rothko.

I'm very familiar with it. But it's a square. And I looked at him and I went, they missed some spots. Oh my God, he probably died. And he looked at me and he gave me his look like he's going to kill me. He goes, I said, I know it's a Rothko. He goes, no, no, it's a Rothko. Don't you understand?

And I said, yes, but I said, if you give me $100 with the red paint and 15 minutes, I think I could duplicate this thing. He got more stirred up, you know. You know, I was teasing him, but he goes, no, it's a Rothko. You know, he committed, he started telling me the whole story. He committed suicide. I said, well, that better be his blood for, you know, $80 million, right? So the reason I tell you the story is not to make fun of him.

He knows what he barely can see at this point in his life. He can stare at that and have an orgasmic experience. I was going to say, does it blow you? What does the painting blow? I mean, what's going on for that much? It's got to do something. Does the painting blow you? Is that a quote?

Is that a real quote? Does the painting blow you? Okay. I'm writing that one more. I don't think I'm going to ask Steve that question, but I'll let you. Okay. I must see something. How can I have to ask that question?

That is the first, that's the most unique response I've ever heard to Steve's response. But my point is that I'm not making fun of him. I look at that, Zien Orange Square. He looks at that and knows that every texture means, and so he's fulfilled. Now he goes, he should have spent that money to help other people. He spent tens of hundreds of millions of dollars given to other people. That floats his boat. So you've got to find what floats your boat.

Because the worst thing in life is to achieve, have you ever done this? Ever achieved something and then said, is this all there is? Well, I think that happens actually to a lot of high achievers. It does. You think you're going to get there. Yes. It's happened to both of us multiple times. It feels like the process is almost more fun than the arrival. Well, what I would say is anytime I have achieved something, the actual achievement has been not nearly as fulfilling as I thought.

But then I fondly now when I look back, it's usually the things that were struggles to get there that I appreciate the most. It's like the most successful people that you know, either are your friends, including yourselves. And it's like we all talk about the tough times with giants. smiles in her faces because it makes us appreciate the contrast of where we are today to what we went through right so that level of fulfillment though when you're not happy at the end there's two ways you couldn't do something at the end and really be thrilled i'm sure you've had things like that you achieved you're thrilled but then here's the next question how long we thrilled right we thrilled for six years four year for six months pretty quick three months what's the average six weeks no i'm not

I'm not going to give you an average. I want to hear for you. Six weeks, six days, six hours. What would you say? I don't like to read my own press clippings because I think if you get too involved in that, it can be a problem. So I try to move on quickly, but I don't know if that's me trying to control. No, I think like if we're being honest, we're both wired to be like, okay, great. What's next?

What's next? Yes, I get it. So that's the whole component. By the way, there's nothing wrong with anything that you're doing. You guys are totally successful in what you do. However, if you want more fulfillment, remember, there's two skills. More fulfillment requires. focusing more on what you do have and appreciating it that does not keep you from still saying,

okay, now this is when I'm going to go to the next level. But the tendency is go to the next thing so quick that you don't get the fulfillment. But here's the larger point. We're not made to sit at the table of success too long and just get fat and bored. We're made to grow. You're both at that. And you're also both at a stage of your life where you're creating massively. Now, I hope you do that your whole life. Not everybody does. My bet is you probably will because it's pretty wired in you. But you don't have to give up the fulfillment to do that. And I know you have I'm sure you're fulfilled in so many ways. It's just, it's all a matter of like how much more would you have?

And when you're more fulfilled, how much more do you give others? That's the other real secret. So the point I'm trying to make is it's two different skills. And you can have both. But also, even if you say, is this all there is, it's usually because you climbed a ladder that went against the wall that really wasn't yours. It was something that you envisioned based on what someone else taught you. It wasn't really your soul speaking to you.

But if you did something and it was fulfilling, it still doesn't last. It's just not disappointing because we're not meant to sit around. We're meant to grow. The purpose of our goals, of our dreams is not to realize them. It's who would become in pursuit of them. And that's exactly what you're proud of. If I asked you guys, how'd you get here? I know there's lots of stories along the way.

Ups and down. It has to be. Me too. But what's beautiful is all that has made you who you are today. So you have more to give and more to give your children, more to give your listeners, more to give each other. That's the beauty of it. But I do want to finish with that third, if I made, a decision we made,

because I don't want to leave that out for people. So we said the first one is what you focus on. And if you don't do it consciously, the world directs it. And you're always in reaction. If you take control of it, it's a very different gift. Second, we said, you've got to decide what it means. We get to decide if this is the end of the beginning. We get to decide whether this person is, you know,

as dissing me or they're coaching me or they're loving me or whatever. We get to make those decisions. That controls our emotions. And out of that, we make decisions about what to do, which controls our life. So what we are giving you three examples. I gave you one example of focus you could change is if you find you tend to focus more on what's missing from what you have. You can create a new pattern. And you already have done that to some extent for yourselves already to get to where you are and achieve more and enjoy more.

But you can increase it. The second one is, do you tend to focus on what you can or can't control? Most people focus on what they can't control. Almost every one of my seminars, if I got 20,000 people, ask the same questions. I've raised your hand before I tell them the answers, meaning what the impact of the answers are. And 90% of the people there say,

yes, I'm focused on what I can control. That's why they came. They came because I wanted to control their business or their finances of their body or their emotions or their relationships or their family or whatever the case may be. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's a great thing to have. But you've got to start by controlling what's going on in here,

and that's what we teach people. And then the third focus is do you tend to focus more on the past, the present, or the future? What do you think most people do? What do you do? I do a mix of the present and the future. But I've trained myself. Okay, that's great. I'm not, it's not. What did you used to do? I'm not a past thinker ever. I was too focused on the future. Okay, got it. And now I've learned by moving to Austin, Texas to just be more present.

Yes. But I mix it with the future. Of course. A little cocktail. about for you. Yeah, I mean, fortunately, I've never been one to dwell in the past. Sometimes at my detriment. I'm sentimental, but I just, I've never seen the point I'm just constantly living in the past. So my problem for sure has been living too far in the future. And again, like, we work to try to be more present now, especially with young kids. I think young kids, when you have a,

you know this, they force you to be present. You can't be far as. That's exactly. That's the gift of kids. There's no possibility. Actually, I'm going to ask you my next question in a second. Finish this last Okay, you got it. So my point is that the largest number of people still tend to focus on the past. Even our culture, the therapy culture, it's all about going to your past, figure out why you are because of your past. And the truth of the matter is, two people can be grouped up in the same household with the same problems or the same opportunities and turn out completely differently. Your past has nothing to do with your future unless you live there, right? And unfortunately, a large number people do, and our culture is obsessed by that. So that one doesn't work so well,

Unless you focus at times, like you said, something that you care about, something goes wonderful. There's nothing wrong with that. Focusing on the future is what all achievers do, right? Because we're trying to anticipate. Anticipation is power, right? That's my entire life also. I'm a strategist. I can help you with a strategy for your business or for your relationship or your emotion and save you 10 years of pain.

So I know the value of a strategy. But a strategy is one thing. You still have to have that emotional well-being where you're not going to follow through on that strategy, if that makes sense. So our whole focus then is the future is wonderful, it's going to anticipate. The present is where all the joy is. And the presence is the only place where pain doesn't actually live. You might feel sensation for a little bit, but pain suffering, I should say, comes from dwelling on something beyond this moment. If you're thinking about the future or you're thinking about the past, that's usually what your pain comes from.

You're anticipating the loss of something. In the future, I'm not going to have something I want or I've lost something that I once had. Those are the pieces. So your cocktail is the ideal cocktail. The mixture of finding that balance of being in the present. And I agree. I have five kids and five grandkids. I have a 50-year-old daughter and I have a four-year-old daughter,

three-and-three-quarter-year-old daughter, three-year-old daughter. That's a wide gap. It's a wide gap. You're a busy guy. I adopted three of my kids when I was young and, man, I got every stage. So at this stage of life, you know, at 65 years old, I have my daughter, you know, that almost four, it requires absolute present. every moment. So it's a beautiful thing. It's like if I wouldn't have the discipline

or else, I'd do it for her. And most of us, by the way, we'll do more for others we love and than we'll ever do for ourselves. That's the beauty of it. So my point is, if you want to, here's an example. I'll ask people in room, maybe you guys know. How many of you lost people in room in stadium 15,000,000 people? How many of you know somebody that takes antidepressants and is still depressed? You know some people? Everyone. Not everyone, not everyone, but a lot of people. Yes. Everybody in the room always their hand. Like 90% of the room raises their hand. Everyone knows someone else. How could you take antidepressants to be able to be depressed?

Because antidepressants don't change anything except numb you, right? And by the way, there was a study meta studies across many different groups. It was on the cover of Newsweek two years ago. And the cover said, endopressants, SSRIs do not work. But we're still giving millions of the people because numbing people is what we do. The real problem is that we're focusing on what we can't control. We're focusing constantly in what's missing versus what we're grateful for. and we're tending to focus on things in the past or the future as opposed to the present.

And if we change just a couple of habits, your entire life changes. And you're no longer having mental health issues, which we make into this giant thing. And we think it's our past. No, it's believing we're out of control because we're obsessed with control. And the part of us obsessed with control is the fearful part of us. The ego, when Suuio says ego, that just really means fear. And every one of us is afraid we're not enough at times. And it doesn't matter.

You may not feel that now. but at some point you'll feel it or have felt it in the past. And if you feel like you're not enough for somebody you really love and care for, man, that feels like if I'm not enough, I won't be loved. If I'm not loved, love is the oxygen of life. I mean, if a baby's not physically loved, hell, touched, kinesthetically, they develop failure to thrive in them. They die.

That's how wired we are for love as human beings. So most of us are playing a game in our head of, like, I want to do these things, but I don't want to take too much chance because if I fail, then it won't look like I'm worthwhile, or I won't be appreciated or I won't be loved. And so most people live in fear. So then they focus on the outside world to blame it. And the more you blame, there's no chance of choice to change your life.

So how at this point in your career, you've helped so many people, how do you snap people out of it that are determined to tell you Tony, no, I need the antidepressants, no, I do have a mental, know, my past is like, how do you quickly get through to someone that's determined to kind of live in that narrative? Well, I don't, I don't like, so I did this when I was a kid. When I was a kid in my 20s, I was like, I literally went around the corner here to, to, to, LAX, there used to be a Denny's there. I think it might still be there. And I went and took this class on NLP and Neurlinguistic Programming. It still is there, actually. I think it is. And I came

out of this class and, you know, everybody there was a therapist and I talked my way in the class because I wanted to learn these tools. You can wipe out a phobia in an hour, not seven years. And so I came out of this class and most of these people were hesitant because they're therapists and they're used to things not, you know, taking years. I didn't want to wait. So I went next door, all six foot seven of me, sat down. It was, I think we finished the class like 8 o'clock at nights was like, you know, 8.30, 9 o'clock at night. And this poor guy hunched over, you know, the lunch chair area. As that next to him, it's, sir, my name's Tony Robbins. Tell me what you promise. I will handle you right now. I am the one-stop therapist, right? This poor guy

that's going to kill him, you know. So I've tempered myself. So I only go to people who ask or raise their hand. But sometimes someone raises a hand for someone. They're suicidal or whatever the case to be. So the answer to your question is, you have to be able to shift their experience. Think of it this way. A belief is a poorest substitute for an experience. If you tell me all about China, you've never been there, you're just telling me your belief. But if I take you to China, you have an experience, it's going to be very different. So what I have to do is get people to experience the joy, the excitement, what I would call a compelling future. When people are not making progress in their life, and this is probably the biggest problem in our country up in recent years,

That's not a political decision, by the way. I'm an independent. I vote on both sides. I'm making a political statement here in any way. But when's the last time we had a vision? I mean, you know, John F. Kennedy, a Democrat, talked about we're going to take man, put him on the moon and return him to the earth. It sounded impossible.

The people, NASA, like, we can't do that. Sure enough, a few years later, we're doing it, right? Or Reagan, you know, there's a Republican. So it's both sides. You know, we're going to be this beautiful city on the hill. We're going to try. What has been the compelling future for this country? There are people that are millennials and Zs.

that don't want to have children because they believe a story they've been told that says the whole world's ecology is going to break down and working 12 years. I mean, I'm not bringing children to this. They believe a lie. We only behave based on what we believe. Remember those people in India? They behave radically differently than you. Because they believe something different. So shifting a belief is best done by giving experience.

One of the reasons I've done over the years like firewomen. I used to skydiving and then I did firewalking because you can't put. I did the firework. I told you. Oh, did you. So, you know, 15,000 people. we can't put them in the sky, jumping on airplanes in the middle of the night over New Jersey, right? I wouldn't put it past you, though.

Well, I used to do a smaller group. Yeah, I'm not surprised. I gave people experiences that were beyond what they thought they could do. And when you do something, woodbreaking, firewalk, anything, it starts to make you, man, if I get myself to this one thing I thought was so difficult or impossible, and I can do it this quickly and easily and change, then what else can I do? And so it opens up the door. But think of it this way. Everyone needs a compelling future. Anyone can deal with the problem of today, no matter how bad it is, if I've got a compelling tomorrow.

Well, without a compelling tomorrow, that's when people consider ending their life. And so I think it's really important as parents, as friends, as business people. Our job as leaders is to help people develop their own compelling future, not ours. What is it that they really want? It's the hero's journey, right? Think about it. What is the hero's journey? All the stories of humanity, if you put them all together, there's one fundamental primary story across every culture.

The hero's journey. How does this start out? Your life is normal. It's what you, you know, you're what you're used to. And then something comes and shakes it up. You're the Wizard of Oz and you're Dorothy and you have your normal life. It's this black and wife life, you know, Star Wars, right? So here's Luke Skywalker on this. And everything's just fine. He's doot, doot, dut and around. And then something comes and shakes that up. And that's call. It's a call to adventure. You might think it's adventure because it may come as a cancer to somebody in your family. family or you. It may come as, you know, COVID and all of a sudden somebody shut down your business, the government, you're not in control. You don't know what the hell to do. Something

happens that shakes your world to make you have to grow. Now, not everybody takes the call. Some people take multiple hits before they take the call. But if you take the call, you start to go on the venture, what's going to happen? You're going to meet new people. You're going to move to new lands like Austin, Texas. You're going to meet new mentors, and you're going to develop new skills, and you're going to have some battles with some of the things internally with you, and you're going to have some external battles with people outside of you. But eventually, if you continue the game, you will slay your dragons, and you will become the hero of your own life,

and you return home to give that gift to those you love, because it's something you actually have experienced. It's not something you talk about. And by the way, and then the whole thing starts again. You'll have your next challenge that makes you grow. And that's what makes life so fulfilling. So my whole version of life is to show people, Instead of waiting for life to do this, let's see if you're on the path or not.

Like, how would you know if you're on the path? Well, the path, the growth, the path to fulfillment, the path to whatever it is you want in your life, it starts like every story with what your desire is. If you watch a movie, if you read a book, the first few minutes, you're going to mean the main character and you're going to learn very quickly what's their driving desire. Because desire determines the path of your life. Is it to serve God? Is it to have beautiful family?

Is it to make a billion dollars? is it to grow plants and trees? Is it to heal people? Is it to merge with God? What is it? And so what I show people, the way you're going on the path, the way to get on the path, but in any of your life, your finances, your body, your emotion is, what do you really want now? Not years ago.

Now, today, the real you today, the current you. What do you really want? And to fan that desire, that hunger. So it's so compelling. Now, the minute you do that, you're on the path. But to continue on the path, the second step on the path, curve really is for you to see, okay, I have to really find and face the truth. And finding and face the truth is what has kept me from doing this already in the past.

Because if you don't face that, that's like New Year's resolutions. Oh, I want to do this. But nobody figures out what stops me and creates a pathway and a plan. And so two weeks later, they haven't done it. I feel bad about themselves. So there are only a few things that have stopped you in the past. Think of your own life. And you've not been stopped by much, but at times I'm sure you were, at least temporarily.

fear, that's the number one piece. Two, limiting beliefs or a limiting story. Well, because I've tried everything, all the good ones are gone, or I've tried everything, that's why I can't lose weight, some story, some belief system that controls you. Just a story. But if you tell a story long enough, loud enough, often enough, you believe it. Somebody said years ago, if you tell a lie big enough, loud enough, long enough, sooner or later the people believe you. Goebel's, Hitler's guide, thought people that, right? So we're Hitler to ourselves very often. But if you can figure out, okay, there's this fear or this story, or maybe it's a different notion. Maybe it's the feeling of overwhelm.

Or maybe it's stress. Or maybe it's, you know, some other emotion that shows up that's a blockage for you. Or the fourth thing it could be is maybe it's a habit. You want to lose 30 pounds, but you start every morning going to Starbucks and have a smoker, mocha, whatever hell that is, right? No, it's not going to happen, right? And the fifth one is maybe there's a skill missing. Maybe you don't have the skill to manage your finances.

is no one taught you or to invest or to run a business or to whatever it is. So you figure out, you face the truth about what's actually gotten in the way. And then the third step on the path that keeps you going is you come up with a map, a massive action plan. Not a perfect one. Just some core things that you can do immediately to move the ball forward. And if it doesn't work, you change your approach. And then the fourth step, and there's seven of them, but the fourth one, by the time you're

the fourth one, it's easy. And the fourth one is you face and slate your dragons. You know what's not fun? Bad breath. You guys know I scrape my tongue every morning. I take it very seriously. And I also have a hot tip. If you're looking for a mouthwash that prevents bad breath for 12 times longer, then you have to look at Smartmouth.

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There are so many benefits to taking armor colostrum, like I said earlier, whether you want to strengthen your immune system, especially now in the new year, if you want to fortify your gut health, which you know dictates the rest of the health in the body, if you want to ignite your metabolism, vitalize your hair growth, enhanced skin radiance. So many benefits to taking Armora. So check it out. We've been longtime fans of this product. We've worked out a brand new special offer for our audience. Received 30% off your first subscription order. Go to tryarmra.com slash skinny or enter Skinny to get 30% off your first subscription order. That's TRI-M-R-M-R-A dot com slash skinny. And what happens when someone comes you and says, okay, Tony, I've done all these things, but it didn't happen as fast as I wanted it to. So. Well, so guess what? Welcome to the world. I try to teach people. I imagine you encounter that. All the time. I'll give you there some givens in life.

I don't come up with this. I read a book years ago. I think it was called the five givens. I wish you remember the author's name. But it was just a little tiny book. And I thought it was so brilliant. Because whenever you're upset with life, it's because you violated some of these givens. And one of those givens was things don't always go the way you plan.

It's pretty obvious, right? But we tend to forget that. In fact, most of the time, you want to tell God, you know, someone said, you want to tell God your plans? That's how you make God laugh, right? You know, in a great movie, in a great story. I mean, think of it this way for a second. What if I told you, there's this awesome movie. This is an awesome book.

You got to read it. We got to go see this movie. And here's how the movie starts. The main character is really happy. They're healthy. They're vital. They have great relationships, great intimacy, great family. Business is going well.

Economics are incredible. Spiritually alive. That's how it starts. And as the story continues, they're still happy, and they're still fulfilled, and they're still financially great. And as the movie ends, who's going to go to that movie? Nobody cares. Nobody cares about it because everybody wants some drama.

Well, guess what? Life provides enough drama. You don't need to add to it. It's why we won't go on any of these reality shows. That is such a good quote. That's so important. Life provides enough drama so you don't need to add to it. So many people love the chaos.

There's an addiction to it, kind of. But also what chaos provides, I'm sorry to go so deep, but there's six needs. We all have the same six needs. This is how I'm able to help people. but we don't value them equally. Okay. Okay?

So one of those needs is certainty. Okay? So a lot of people, they want certainty. My plan's going to work. I want to know this relationship's going to last. Like, are you going to love me forever? And then they try to control the person.

And for some reason, the person pulls back. Right? They don't understand why, right? So certainty people, everybody wants certainty because certainty means you can avoid pain and ideally have some pleasure.

It's a survival technique. If I have continuous, you know, pain, I'm going to have continuous damage, continues death. So it's a survival instinct that's important to us. But watch this. If you're totally certain

every moment of your life, if you know what she's going to say before she says it every day, you know what he's going to say, after a period of time, beginning, it's cool. But after a while, how would you feel?

Bored is shit. You're absolutely right. That's another great quote. I'm going to add that to the other one about blow jobs. You just kind of zone out too, right? You would kind of stop paying attention, right? Well, exactly.

And by the way, that's what makes relationships, stale. In a beginning of relationship, you're so excited because there's so much variety. That's a second need. We also need uncertainty. She's got variety. She keeps you on your toes. It's very clear to me. Listen, I'm sweating over here. But the point is, you picked her because she brings that energy to your life. You'd only be a certain stable kind of person without this woman over here that knows how to stimulate this and vice versa.

Frank Sinatra said it shouldn't be a staring contest and it's not. I love that quote. But so think about it. We all want certainty, but it'll be a certainty, but if we get enough of a board out of mind. We also all want uncertainty or variety. Surprise. I ask audiences, let's say, how many of you love surprises? Everybody raises their hand. Then I go, bullshit.

You want the surprises you want. The surprises you don't want, you call problems. But we need them because that triggers growth, right? Surprise. So it's like, but you can fulfill both at the same time. Have you ever rent a movie you guys have already seen? Yes, all the time. Sure.

Get a life. Supranos? I just watch casino again. No, good, fellas. Yeah. Good one. But you know what? It's true. I've done the same thing. Why do we do it? Because you've seen it so you're certain it's good. And it's been long enough. You hope you forgot some things. So there's variety when you want to. When things meet more of your needs, they become more addictive or more fulfilling. In fact, if at least there's six needs, if anything you say or do or experience with yourself or another person meets at least three of those needs, you'll become addicted to it. It can be a positive addiction or a negative addiction because it meets those needs so deeply. need. This is the one that controls society today. Significance. They need to feel unique, special,

important. Has it always been that way or is it more so now? No, we've always needed it. But social media has made it the most important thing. And people take pictures of their children and they don't even see them while they're filming them and they post it on Facebook to people that don't even want to know anything about your children. Right. It's just ridiculous. Or, you know, they alter the picture of themselves to something of it isn't even real. And it's, and then they wonder why they feel insecure, right? So our culture was radically changed by social media. It's always been an issue, but it usually was an issue more for males because significance is tied to testosterone, but now it's just as much females as males. In fact, in some cases, it's even more females

than the culture they're in now. And so what happens is significance is a very important need, but if it's number one, you're not going to have much love in your life because you're always going to be a measuring who's more significant, me or her, him or me, that person or her and her, me to be on the kind of relationship. It doesn't matter. Is that why so many, quote unquote, celebrities fall into trouble and trap? Especially if they both have pursued significance because what they really want is love, in my experience. We all want love at the deepest level, but we have a pathway. Some people want certain love. It's never going to go away. Well, if you get absolute certain love, it's going

to be boring after a while. It's going to be dead. That's why a lot of people subjugate the love that they should have for their partner to their children because they think that love will never go away because they haven't had a 16 year old yet. And we will go away or will at least seem like they're going away at some point, right? So it's like we all want different things, I'd say how we value it. So the third need of significance, by the way, all these needs, you can meet in positive ways, neutral ways or negative ways. Your whole life is controlled by how you've learned to meet your needs. But I'll finish them and give an example, okay? Fourth need is love and connection.

Most people settled for connection because they had love at one point and it was so euphoric. And when it ended, the pain was so huge. They don't ever want to go there. So they settle for the crumbs of connection. But we got at least have the crumbs. It's a need. It's not a desire. You were born with us.

You didn't learn this. How do I know this? I didn't get it from a book. When you traveled the earth and I've had the privilege of living at this time in human history, working in 193 countries, every country in the world that exists, and working with the most challenged people on earth and most successful people on earth, you learn there are patterns. and they're universal. I don't care if I go to China and I've got 10,000 people or one person, an athlete, or if I go to the South Bronx, it doesn't matter where, east of London, wherever you go,

the same patterns show up because they're human needs and the way we go about them, they're predictable. So love and connection is the fourth need. Now, these first four needs, certainty, uncertainty, significance, and connection and love are the needs of your personality. They're basic needs, and every human will find a way to meet them. If you have to work around the clock, To be certain, you will. If you have to eat to be certain, you will. Meaning like you're feeling stressed and you smoke a cigarette, what do you do? You throw it out nice and slow.

So guess what? You feel comfortable and certain, right? You can do it by exercise or cigarettes. Exercise will make you stronger and I'm more alive. Cigarettes will eventually kill you, but it feels good in the moment, right? So we meet our needs in positive and negative way. So those first four needs are needs of the personality. The spiritual needs, not religious, but spiritual needs are we must grow because everything

on earth, everything in the universe grows or dies. That's not my rule. And everything in the universe contributes or it's eventually eliminated by evolution. Everything. So what makes us fulfilled are those final two needs. If you grow and you give. And the reason we grow is we have something to give, that makes our life meaningful. It doesn't mean that everything's been perfect. It just means it's rich. And most people don't get those two at the highest level because they get caught up in the survival of certainty and uncertainty and trying to be significant and hopefully getting some crumbs of connection. So what's different about this is think about this for a second. Everyone has two needs. They value more over all the others. Think of them as like your true

north. So if I, my number one was certainty, I'm going to move in a certain direction. Let's say I'm moving away from this right now because I'm uncertain. If I want uncertainty, you know I'm going forward. Well, your direction determines your destination or destiny. You can determine based on somebody's need structures, I can tell you in advance what problems they're going to have, what opportunities they're going to have, where it's going to be challenging a relationship, and you'll learn it in a few minutes. But you can learn it for yourself, which is even more important. Second, if someone's number one thing was variety, it's going to be different, but let's look at significance and love. If significance is number one, you're always comparing yourself to everybody else. Well, you're never going to be fair to yourself doing that.

No one is. So you can remember an example of Bruce Springsteen, right? I could give you a dozen of those in that stage of my life. Like, at this stage my life, look back and I laugh at the stuff that used to make me stressed. But you're young, you just don't know. And I was trying to be enough. We're all trying to be enough. We already are enough.

But we just don't realize it because we're making comparisons to other people at different stages of life with different paths. So significance being number one usually guarantees unhappiness because you have to constantly compare yourself to other people. So you've got to do one or two things. Surround yourself with people that you really are better and more skilled at or something at so you feel superior. which means you'll never grow and you won't be fulfilled, or lie to yourself and pretend that you're smarter, better. Because there's always someone smarter, faster, younger, funnier, more playful, something than us if we're honest,

but when you have significance number one, you can't afford that. And that also makes them driven all the time but never fulfilled, right? So all these needs are important. Like, it's very important to feel significant. But the more you try to demand significance from other people, the less people give it to you. The most significant thing I found in my life is, I love people, so I've loved on millions of people for days and days and days.

And people that are even skeptical, they'll tell me, I remember a friend of mine, actually I wrote about in this, one of the guys I wrote about in this book, I think, he's a trainer from me now. He was sitting there at a seminar I did early in my career. And he said, you know, I was wearing a suit in those days and tie when you did things back then was the 80s, you know. And it was a firewalk. And I'm on stage for, you know, 10 hours.

I don't know how you do that, by the way. Side note. I've been to those things. It's wild. And hold everybody's attention to keep me. fully alive. And he goes, I watched the sweat pouring down you till he said, your tie was completely sweat. And he said, after a while, I thought, if that guy's want to jump and give that all, I can do this thing too. But you can't fake caring that much. But when you love on people that

much, ironically, you become significant to them. So I have so much significance in my life, not because, like, I've asked for it or demanded it. I can't walk down the street. I'm the privilege of being with you today. You greet me and you thank me for some of the work that I've done. Well, you did the work, but I'm so grateful I got to play a small role. And when, helping you during some tough times. That makes me feel so happy and fulfilled. So I become significant by contribution or by love. That's the more ideal way. And again, those last two growth and contributions. So if I now have told you all this, now here's your fun test. What do you think have been your top two in the way you've lived? Now, let me clarify. Almost everybody really wants love.

But most of us wired us, I got to have certain love, or I got to have a variety before I have that love or I got to be significant enough to be loved or whatever some people straight away what do you think have been the way you've operated have been the top two for you for sure certainty and variety for sure maybe not as much anymore but in the past for sure it's mixed together conflict for you yeah of course it's a come my whole idea I was gonna say so you must be to have a lot of conflicts going out of times I have a ton of conflicts um because because those two are opposites so when they're right next to each other it makes it even more difficult That's the, I mean, that's the first.

I'm somebody that's wired, and I told you I grew up in San Diego. I know you're familiar. And I was kicked out of every school because I wanted to do things my way on my terms, all the time. Also makes you great entrepreneur, though, right? He moon the principal. You feel like the principal. Oh, my God.

Okay, I wanted something. Maybe you want to feel in love of this guy. She's all me mooning the principal. No, just kidding. I wanted variety. I got it. There's some truth on that one. And so to be with you or you wouldn't be together.

I wanted to taste a lot of different things and not be put in a box. I'm not talking just in my life. But I've also, it's been at conflict because I've wanted certainty. And I think, again, like we talked about living in the future too much. I do think that over the years and I was telling Lauren, what is it, like two days ago, I was saying, well, it's like the first I started thinking about in my life. And I was like, huh, I haven't really felt stressed or anxious or living too far in a while now. That's nice.

How old are you now? I'm 30, I'm 2038. Oh, that's wonderful. On the plane, you were a little stressed today getting here. Because there was uncertainty. Okay, today was a little bit, a lot. I wasn't stressed. Yeah, because I knew we were doing this.

You were a little stressed about the fire, and I said to you on the plane, I said, you can't control it. Well, there was fire. We're flying into fire. You can't control it. It is what it is. For some reason, somebody over at the FAA

gave Biden clearance to land before me. I don't know what's going on there. And changed it four times, too. I changed airports. I don't want to be late for you, you know. But no, those, I don't know so much. There's nothing wrong with this. The reason we're asking this question is not judgment.

Because I hope everyone, you guys are being so honest and open, I hope everyone listening gets a chance to themselves too. It's to say, this is software. So if you're not getting what you want, you ought to know what software you're running. So you know consciously what to change. Otherwise, you're going to sit around in therapy or reading a bunch of books or going to a bunch of seminars.

It's not going to, you're going to 10 million seminars learn all these skills. You won't do it if you're wired to do something differently. So you've got to know what it is and then change the wiring. And that's the essence of what it is. So normally people have certainty, uncertainty, significance, or love and connection. And you want them to, the way to do it is to switch to growth and contribution. No, no, I don't do that.

Here's what I actually do like in events. I'll have people. I'll explain just like to add this to you. Okay. And then I don't tell them the details about significance. And I just say, I want you write down. What do you think? First time, write down, what are some of the ways you get certainty that are positive and negative?

Okay. So let's say, well, I get certainty by working out. I get smoking a cigarette or by overreesome. or by overeating because it makes me comfortable and I breathe, whatever. They see positive negative ways. They see that all the things they do, they don't do randomly. They do it because it meets some of their needs. Okay.

And then we find better ways to meet the needs. Because I got a lot of willpower. I'm sure you both do as well. But willpower has a limit. What has no limit is when you're fulfilled. That's why people go to a seminar and time disappears because all their needs are met. So it doesn't matter. It's 12 hours.

It feels like an hour, whereas a minute can feel like eternity when you hate what you're doing, right? So I first have them say all the ways they meet their needs, positive and negative, so they can see, oh, that's why I do that. Now, I could find a better way to do that and not have to give anything up. It's not about giving something out, but it's replacing it. But then I say to them, if you had to tell me your top two, like I just did with you, write them down, but then I have them write down without me saying a word. What are the consequences of making those two at the top? Like, what have you missed out on? What screwed it up?

Has it affected a relationship? I have them do that. I give them no comments. Then I say, tell me what you think your top two needs need to be to go to the next level. And write a paragraph and tell us how would that change the life for the better. And when I'm done, it doesn't matter how big the audience is, doesn't matter what culture I'm in, country I'm in, doing something in China, doing something in India, doing something in the UK, doing here in the U.S.

It's fascinating. Doesn't matter how big a group is. I ask people, now how many had certainty as one of your top two? It's usually about 70%. somewhere between 50 and 70 being on the culture, right? How many had variety, small number. How many had significance? That's the largest number.

In the current culture, at least in most of the Western world, and some of the Eastern world as well, right? And then how many had, you know, love and connection, not in the top two for most people, even though it's what they really want. Their brain says, I've got to do all this crap, so I can eventually feel this as opposed to going for what they really want,

which is why people's lives are so stressed. So then when I'm done with that, I say, now what did you change it to? How many still have certainty? Out of a room of 15, 20,000 people, a little stadium I'm doing arena, you'll see two dozen hands. And I'll say, okay, there's 12 people that still feel like punishing themselves, right? And then I'll go, who has, right now variety's increased. Who has significance?

Significance dropped through the floor because on their own, they see how that's messed up their relationships or made them stressed out. I don't tell them. Again, here's what I believe. If I tell you, you may doubt it. If you tell me, it's true. So my teaching philosophy is to give you an experience, let you evaluate it, and then confirm what those realities are, because then you own it. Versus, oh, Tony said, who gives a damn what Tony says, right? I mean, some people may do it, but that's not how to operate.

And then when they're done, now they have a reason, their reasons, not my reasons, to make that switch. Now, to make that switch requires some conditioning, requires you to see the consequences of the past, not see it, but feel it, experience it. I think you went through the Dickens process that we did if you went to that. It was a process where you looked at to the future. And if I don't change certain beliefs, what does it cost me in the past, the present, the future? Kind of like Scrooge, right? They took him on a journey. He changed them one night.

He didn't want to change. How did he change? Three neurosystem conditioning specialists showed up at his house. Three ghosts. And they gave him these experiences. And then he changed quickly. Well, that's how I go about it. What do you think your top two have been?

Mine are uncertainty and significance. Okay. That makes sense. I do think, though, I have trained myself, as I'm listening to you, I hope to be growth and contribution. Oh, that's nice. That's great. I hope. So that means you're on the way to it.

You're not there. You wouldn't say a hope if you were there. Yeah, I think I'm on the way to it. Yeah, that makes sense. I think it's definitely a work in progress. It's funny because there was a question you asked earlier, like, what do you want? And, you know, we've done well and maybe achieved more of our goals than we would have expected. I think at this point of my life, what I get most excited about is knowing that people are going to listen to this and then go change their lives.

That's what, that's why I'm here. That's why we wouldn't have done this for this long and this often if we didn't get that back from it. That's the two needs that I feel from this show. Because I remember the reason we started doing this is we would hear people like yourselves and other people doing shows like this or doing things. And we would get that and it helped us change. Yes. And I like the idea. Now, like not from an ego place, but I just like the idea that there's people here.

Maybe not everybody, but there's a large group that'll hear this and it'll set their life on a path that's not expected that can change them. 100%. You've mentioned immersion therapy and that you're doing it. Or immersion learning. Immersion learning. You're doing it over four days. What does that do that rocks people so hard that it creates massive change? Well, I can tell you what I know, but I can now tell you what science has shown.

During COVID, I got approached. First of all, during COVID, you can imagine, I'm used to. to doing stadiums all over the world. And I get my first call. I had a 60th birthday party that my wife threw on for me. I said, I don't want a party. You're going to have a party. Well, it'll make a purpose.

So we did it to raise money to save children from trafficking. And we raised, you know, I think it was, what did we say? It was $22 million. I'm like, about $5 million came from us. But it was amazing night. And so, like, it was so fulfilled. And we had thousands of people. And some of the people I've helped over the years and some of my dearest friends

flew in from all the world. I was on cloud nine. And then a week later, I'm ready to get up and do a seminar for, you know, 14,000 people up in San Francisco, San Jose area. And the governor's office calls this in March of 2020 and says, oh, by the way, you can put 100 people in the stadium. And I'm like, what? He said, no, you can put 100 people in the stadium. I said, we can't possibly do that. So I'm like, you guys, I don't take no. So I was like, okay, we're moving to Vegas. They'll never, they'll never shut down Vegas. So we have 14,000 people to go to Vegas. And 10 days before we go to

Vegas, they shut down Vegas. I was like, we're going to Texas. I met the governor. He's, you know, Texas is their own government. If they think of themselves as their own country. The only fly that can fly at the same level. You know, that's right. You live there. You know what Texas is like, I have to tell you, right? I was like, the governor says he's not going to bend. We moved everywhere to Texas. I was using a friend of mine's church. You asked earlier why we moved to Texas. I get it. Doesn't tell them. So I then said, we're going to do movie theaters. We're going to do 1,400 movie theaters, because we can put 10 people in each of these. At least there's a large screen, great sound, and they'll at least have 10 people in Iraq with, right? We'll do it all over

the country, make it work like that. Then they shut down the movie theaters. So I built the studio, and I started, said, I got to help people where they live. And so I didn't believe, honestly, for sure that I could pull it off because I'm used to being in a stadium with rock and roll music. And I mean, like, you know, I've had some of the greatest coaches, athletes in the world come. And, you know, I remember a dear friend of mine who owns a piece of the heat. Pat Riley, I'm sure you can probably remember he used to be a coach here in L.A. a long time ago. And Pat came one time and he's like, this is like the envy, this is like the seventh game of the NBA championship, except it's not two hours. It's 12 for four days. Because

I can't even believe it. You guys have been there. You know what I'm talking about. It's intense. And I'm not just pulling your chain. I've never seen anyone with that much energy in my life. I got to get your routine after that. But here's my point. I had to figure out what to do. At the same time, I had to figure out to do something else happened. Stanford called me. And they said, look, we have one of the biggest. issues right now during COVID is like a year into it or six months into it. They said is that suicides are going through the roof. Depression is through the roof. People are overdosing through the roof. And we had two of our professors come through your date with destiny seminar, the six-day

seminar I have. And they said, they both were clinically depressed. And they're both off all of their medication. There's no depression in them. And they said, we didn't everything like this. And we like there, do you have some studies? And I said, well, I give you a million testimonials or more. But He said, no, no. I said, no, but if you want to do a study, I'd be open to it. I said, what do you want to study? You said, how effective you'd be in a way of getting out depression without drugs or therapy. I said, fantastic. I said, tell me what the standard is.

Like, what do the meta studies show? Because I've read a lot of them over the years. And they said, well, Tony, 60% of the people who are depressed and go in for, you know, psychiatric help, meaning they get drugs, Zolov, Prozac, or whatever, and or therapy. 60% make zero improvement. 40% improve on average, but their average improvement is 50%. So they're still half as depressed. Most people are on the drugs forever. Few people get well, but very few.

I said, well, you can almost get that result with a placebo. And he kind of laughed nervously and said, well, yeah, that's probably true. And I said, well, we'll beat that, but what's the best result you've ever gotten? And he said, there was a study in five years ago at Johns Hopkins University where they gave people a month of psilocybin and cognitive therapy every day for a month. he said, the results were, I said, they better be incredible. You want to change people's brains, right? I said, what happened? He goes, best results in the history of psychiatry, 53% of the people, six weeks later had no symptoms. I said, all right, we have our target.

We want to beat that. I said, it sounds like hubris, but I will not bet you a large sum of of money will wipe that out. Because only because I've had so much life experience, I've done this forever. We have a night at the event called suicide night, because when you have 5,000 people, there's at least a dozen, they're suicidal in any group. And I go, one after another, and wipe them out and then we follow up on them three years later, five years later, so people see it last. So I said, I'm pretty confident, but I said, let's just see it. Let's you set up the study. So they copy the study as John Hopkins. They had the same contrast group, you know, everything else. At the end of six days, no therapy, no drugs, right? Six weeks later is when they do the follow-up.

93% of people had zero depression. The 7% had it had improved about 80%, but not completely. and then 17% went in with suicidal ideation, considering suicide. They all walked out without it. They followed up a year later without any interaction from me. And a year later, 72% decrease in negative emotions, 51% increase in positive emotions. Nobody's still depressed. It was published in the Journal of Psychiatry two years ago, and guess how many calls I've gotten from people in that community to do something?

Zero. Because there's no economic value in not having an ongoing. impatient. It's so sad. It's such a weird thing. Or they just don't even believe it's possible. It doesn't matter. So Stanford did another study. It's a year-long study with 1,500 people. That's huge. They usually do 35 to 50 people. And they did this one on engagement. Same result even better, where people improve month after month. So here's what I'm telling you this, to answer your question. Then they're like, how the hell does this work? And so there was a group that followed me for three years. They partnered with Stanford. And they followed me on stage in these events around the

world and they put this device on me that measured everything in my body is a $70,000 device. They came during the breaks and took my saliva from our hormonal response. Now they took my blood for four days and nights while I'm on stage doing it. And they've also worked with the Tom Brady's of the world with the Tampa Bay Lightning, like championship teams and individuals that are extraordinary. And they discovered something called the championship biochemistry. This is what it is. And Tom Brady is in the fourth quarter of the Super Bowl and he's down by 10 points and it's impossible to win and he comes back to win.

How does he do it? His nervous system and mine does the exact same thing when I get on stage every time. His testosterone explodes up. This huge explosion of the testosterone which gives you drive. Doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, drive. Also in that state, you remember everything. Your cognitive capacity and your memory capacity goes through the roof. Why?

Think of if I asked you where you were during 9-11. and every person on earth, including non-Americans, can tell you where they were, who was sitting there, was on TV or where they know the moment. If you were on 8-11, you have no clue. It's because information without emotion is barely retained. But with that emotional drive at testosterone, but usually with testosterone also comes stress, the stress hormone is called cortisol. And so it usually causes you not to maintain that focus because you have the drive, but you also have a fear. Kind of like your certainty, uncertainty thing. But why does the testosterone rise in that moment, scientifically?

Like, what causes that? They don't know what causes it. I can tell you is it's changes in your focus and your physiology, the way you use your body and the way you use your mind. Because I know how to do it. I do it every time they get on stage, right? But what's interesting is the cortisol drops through the floor for me, for Tom Brady, for all these guys.

So all you have is this clear, focused drive. And here's why I'm telling you this. It's answered to your question, long answer, but it's the answer. Because I tell you my idea, I'm going to tell you what they proved scientifically. they then started following my audiences. When they first started testing me, it was, well, everything was open. Then it's now COVID. So now I'm doing seminars where I'm meeting people in their homes doing this.

Now, the cool thing is I built this studio with 50 foot high ceilings. You're like the Professor X set up over there. I really did. 20 foot LED screens, 0.67 resolution, the highest resolution in the world. And I put everybody on there. Now I see you in your home in Australia. I see your kids. I see your dogs.

I see the sunrise and fall because I'm doing this. When I started 10 a.m. You know, in Palm Beach, Florida, where I start, it's already midnight in Sydney, Australia, and they're going to go from midnight to one in the afternoon, and we lose less than 3% of the people because they're so engaged. So here's what happens. They went and measured people around the world in different countries, and it's unbelievable. There's something called mirror neurons.

If you watch somebody paddling or group of guys paddling and you are connected visually to it, many of us who are empathetic feel the same kind of feeling inside. The more you use your mirror neurons, the better they get. That's also where empathy comes from. Some of us look at somebody and we feel them. I'm sure you do that. Not everybody does, but the more that's developed, it's more there. Well, the audience mirrors me, and it literally looks like music when they put it on a chart.

You see everybody's biochemistry around the world rising up with all this testosterone, and you see the cortisol drop off the roof, and then they stay at this level, and they're learning at the level, so a year later, it's still there. That's the conditioning process I'm talking about, as opposed to, okay, I should do this differently. that's hard. I admire you and respect you for it. I used to do that too. But it's, it means it's like a battle as opposed to training myself. Listen, Steph Curry in the NBA. I'm fortunate enough to own pieces of multiple teams and I've worked with, I have championship rings for every finger like from different sports from all the teams I work with. It's something I'm really proud of. But

the Warriors, I own a small piece of the Warriors, and I've worked with them during championship years and got to know stuff a little bit. People look at Steph Curry. And if you're not feeling, if you're listening is the greatest three-point shooter in the NBA history, right? If you ever watch him, he's chewing on his mouthpiece like Bugs Bunny. He shoots the ball from like almost half court, and he doesn't even wait to see it. He turns around smiles and walks away. He already, and then swish it goes through and he makes his move. He's just unbelievable. Now, when you see that, you just go, he's a genius. He's unbelievable. How does he do that? It's like magic. I'll tell you he does it. He shoots 500 shots every single day. He's got to make 500 shots.

every single day. That's 35, and he does it seven days a week, 3,500 shots a week, 168,000 shots a year. Listen to me now. He's been in the NBA 15 years. That's 2.52 million practice shots to make 3,100 3.3 points shots in his entire career. That's, here's what I tell people.

You get rewarded in public for what you practice in private. So if you condition your nervous system, you can make a shot from half court. And it's like people say to me, how long does this take to get good at this? Whatever it is, their business, their finances, their relationship, their parenting, whatever. My answer is always how long you want it to take. If you do this once a year, it's going to take decades. You do this probably never.

If you do it once a month, you know, maybe you do it a few years. If you do it once a week, maybe in six months. You do this multiple times a day. This is something you might be able to do in a month or two. Right? And then the biggest thing that accelerates it, though, is human emotion and energy. right you do everything at a low energy level forget it but if you do at a high energy level you're raising your consciousness is what is i know it sounds you know like woo-woo stuff but that's what's happening

when your consciousness is higher you think differently you process differently you experience differently i think that's the biggest challenge for parents parents get overwhelmed they don't know what to do with these little creatures that they love and they want to kill at times because you don't know because they're not able to control what's going on right and especially if you're a new parent i mean i'm a christmas break was long i'm not going to lie christmas christmas break was long i'm not going to lie. But, you know, so I had kids, you know, when I was 25, I married a woman who was 11 years my senior, and she had two husbands before me and kids from both of them. They were separated. I brought them together and adopted them. So I was 25. I had a 17-year-old son, an 11-year-old

a 5-year-old, and then went on the way. So that's why I got this little advanced timing. So suddenly I had to learn how to be a father for every stage of life, and I was out here to try and change the world. At this stage of my life, I have a daughter. which, by the way, came from COVID because it's like, okay, I'm not 275 days on the road. My wife and I tried several times. We're going to do this, and we used IVF, and we're able to do it. And so we have our daughter now. But being as a parent today is so different than them because all the things I was worried about there,

it's like, I'm not worried about. I know this pattern. I know this game. I think every, I'd love to plant a seed for everybody listening. If you care about your kids and you care about yourself and you're worried about the future or concerned in any way, here's how you overcome that fear. You teach your kids three things. You teach them, or yourself, you teach them pattern recognition.

That's all learning is. If they learn rapidly as the world changes, whatever the world is, they'll be advantage over it. See, when you recognize patterns, there's no fear. Everything looks like chaos. Like when you're a new parent, it looks like chaos. Like you have multiple kids, two, right? One on the way, two.

So I'm going to have three. Oh, so it's your third. This will be my third. This will be a third. Congratulations. Yep, Michael won't give me a break. Well, there's nothing better than children in my experience of life, no matter how much other beautiful things in your life. There's nothing better.

Elon said that we're having population collapse. I'm like, I better do my part. You guys are doing a good job. But let's say, I'm making it up. Let's say your first child. I've got five kids and five grand kids. This is your first child gets an earache. You know, ear infection.

I got to go to, I got to get to the doctor. We got to figure this thing. When you get to your third child or first child or five. fourth child, the fifth child, they have ear infection. You go, you're not, it's not like you're not concerned, but it's like, it's part of this stage. Okay, let's just go handle it. It's a problem, but there's no reaction to the problem, right? And so that comes from pattern recognition. This book that you love on Moneymaster the game, finance, all I did is I took the pattern from all the best investors and made it simple that anyone, my billionaire clients and somebody just beginning the journey

could know what to do. It's like, okay, now I get how this works. I see the pattern of what goes on. Well, it's so interesting too, and I'm not going to go super deep into this because we would take too long. But even just the pattern of like somebody that's interested in finance is watching the markets over these last four years. If you read this book, which I did, I was telling her, like there was not one moment that I was really that concerned. You won't be if you understand these patterns. Right. You just sit there and you're like, all right, I get it. This is actually, you're buying opportunities to be honest. 100%.

Because other people are there. It's chaotic. Like I don't know what's going to happen. That uncertainty that people don't like uncertainty, that sick feeling inside. Well, when you know something, I always tell people it's like, do you ever play a video game against a child? No. Yes. Okay?

Who won? Crush that child. Well, you must have played a lot of video games. Most adults, when we play video against child, the child always wins. Oh! I was like, this little shit, they thought they were going to. I was like, no, let me show you what's going on. Well, you're a different generation too.

You probably played video games as a child. My dad would tell you to slap me out. He's like, get off these games. And now I talked about, listen, man, if I would have stuck with those games, who knows, I would have been one of these streamers. They make money to it now. I got a sports team of them, an e-sports team. That's good business.

But here's what I want you to get. Like the average person, here's what it looks like. You're an uncle, you're an aunt, your mother, your father, your grandpa, grandmother, and you buy this little game for this person. If you're a generation that hadn't played games, unlike you, and you go to the child and you give them the game, they go, Mom, Dad, Uncle Aunt. Grandpa, Grandma, play with me.

Like, no, no, no, I don't play those games. No, no, come on play. Let me show you. It's really easy. Boom, boom, boom, tune, tune, too. It's done. And you should know you're being set up when the child says, you go first. Right.

And so most people don't have your experience. And they go, okay, and they go, ch-t-ch-tun-ch-tich-too, and they're dead in three seconds, right? And the child goes, not bad for the first time. And child goes, ch-tch-tune, ch-ch-tune, ch-ch-tune, ch-ch-tch-tune, and 45-tch-tch-tun. And 45 minutes later, you get your second turn, right? And then now you're more determined, I'm going to beat this child, right? You're out in five seconds. They do another 40.

Why? Because they're smarter? Because they're younger? Because they're faster? know because they've played this game before. They know the pattern. They know the first bad guys on the left. The next bad guys up on the right. They can anticipate versus react. Losers react wheners anticipate. And so anticipation only comes when you can recognize patterns. So the first skill is to recognize patterns. That is great. If you look at someone who's great in finance,

dance, music, movies, running a business, having great relationships, there are patterns. So I I've spent my whole life studying those patterns. Now, when you study them, you don't have fear. But the second skill is using them. When you start to use the patterns, now you can develop economic, well-being, or abundance, or absolute financial freedom. You can transform your emotions. You can transform your business or your relationship or your parenting.

And you're not fearful. Like when people say to me, oh, the political environment, you know, it's never been this bad. It's the worst time in history. I have these two placards that I have a copy of that are from, they're copies of the originals from, John Adams versus Jefferson. And if you saw what they wrote about each other, it makes Republicans, Democrats, at their worst,

Trumpism versus against, you know, versus Biden or whoever Kamala, it makes it look like we are choir boys today. So it's an illusion. It's just we go in a cycle of seasons of winters. That's really tough and crazy. Summers that are really tough and crazy. But in between both of those,

we have falls where we reap and springs where we grow like easy. So this process, allows you, once you start to use patterns, now you have power. You have patterns you've done or you couldn't get up and do these sessions over and over again. They may all be different, but there's certain core patterns of how you go about preparing, thinking, and doing, right? But the third level, that's the level that's really cool. And I'm sure you've done some of this, and you'll do more in your future for sure, and that's when you create patterns. Now you become masterful at something. Now you become one of the best in the world, something. You can come be a goat

at something if you start to create them. So think of it this way. If I'm going to learn to play the piano, I'm probably going to start by learning other people's patterns. And by recognizing and learning those patterns, now I can make music. I start to use those patterns. But if I do enough of other people's music and I use those patterns, there's a point where I become a creator. And I stand on the shoulders of all that I've learned and me comes out. That's what's happened in my work. I started out learning NLP, Gestalt, all these different formats. And I immersed myself in all of them to master them. And after a while, I was like, no, I want to take anything anybody does and learn how to do it. I want to do patterns on all the areas that matter, the body, the emotions, the relationship,

the finances, the spirit. I don't want to just change a problem. I want people rewire their whole life. And that's been my life's work. I have a product that is a total multifaceted multitasker. It is by Loncom. It's called the Genufique Ultimate Serum. It was recommended to meet by a dermatologist.

She's a top dermatologist, Dr. Sheila. She's in Beverly Hills in Tucson. And she came on our podcast, and I said if you had to pick one product or in green, what would it be? And she recommended this. I started using it for plumping and hydration and soothing and it absolutely changes the game. If you're looking for a product that is multitasking, this is a great one. I also like to use this product in the morning when I do facial massage. I'll sit outside, get some sunlight, open my lymphatic system and depuff while I'm massaging my face. I mean, it's a really, really good one if you want that plump circulated skin. It really makes a difference.

Part of that is because it has hyluronic acid in it, which is designed to hydrate. It also has a pure licorice extract, which is so good for the skin because it's going to even out the skin tone and soothe all at once. It has this secret ingredient called beta glucain, and this is really amazing to repair the skin's moisture barrier, and it also improves hydration for radiant skin. So they sort of hit all the points. I liked it so much. I gave a bottle to Michael.

He ended up stealing mine. It's a good one. check it out if you're looking for something that sort of does it all when it comes to plump, glassy, glowy skin. You can shop now on Loncom dashUSA.com and use code TSC20 for 20% off Geneficultimate. Let's talk about Good Ranchers. As we welcome a new year, it's time to focus on what matters most, creating healthier habits, enjoying more moments with family and spending less money on going out to eat. Good Ranchers.com is here to help you turn those resolutions into solutions, By shopping with good ranchers, you're supporting local farms across the U.S.

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So again, check them out, go to Good Ranchers.com. And subscribe to any Good Ranchers box and use our special code Skinny to get $25 off, free express shipping, and your choice of free ground beef, chicken or salmon in every order for an entire year. Again, go to good ranchers.com and use code skinny. This one is for the business owners out there, the entrepreneurs, anyone that is running a small business. Running a small business means you're wearing a ton of hats. Your personal phone becomes your business phone. This is such a mess for me and Lauren. We deal with this all the time.

And before you know it, you're juggling customer calls day and night as your two. team grows, it becomes impossible to manage your personal number. That's where Open Phone comes in. Open Phone is the number one business phone system. They'll help you separate your personal life from your growing business. Sometimes this feels impossible, but Open Phone makes it so. For just $15 a month, the cost of a few coffees, you get complete transparency and visibility into everything happening with your business phone number. Open Phone works through an app on your phone or computer and integrates with HubSpot and hundreds of other systems to make managing this system so easy and efficient. They use AI power call transcripts and

summaries, so you'll have a summary of your phone call with action items as soon as you hang up. And if you miss a call, automated messages are sent directly to your customer, meaning you'll never miss an opportunity to engage with them. So if you've been struggling to manage your phone calls and separate your personal phone from your business phone, this tool is going to help you do so. What I love about it is they use AI, which is the future and which is going to make us so much more efficient if used properly. Of course, we have an incredible offer for our listeners and viewers. Right now, OpenFone is offering 20% off your first six month when you go to openphone.com slash skinny. That's O-P-E-H-O-N-P-H-O-N-E dot com slash skinny

for 20% off six months. Again, that's OpenFone.com slash skinny. And if you have existing numbers with another service, OpenFone will port them over at no extra charge. Again, openphone.com slash Skinny. Is it strange for you at this point to see people kind of doing the same thing with your work now? You talk about standing on the shoulders. I would say even arguably people like, Lauren, like you've been so instrumental in so many people that look to inspire or help people. Is it inspiring for you at this point to kind of look back and see that? No, I'm just grateful.

I just feel very lucky to have this much impact when God's blessed me with enough years. I mean, this will be, I'm coming up on my 48th year of doing this. I started when I was 17. So you think about this, you guys aren't even 48 yet. So it gives you a perspective. And the difference is some people say, well, I got 10 years to experience this. And I'll look at them and say, do you have 10 years experience? Do you have one year experienced nine times?

You know, because some people don't grow. But I've been obsessed with constantly growing and learning more. It's just I'm obsessed is the right word. I'm not gentle about it. I've got to constantly do that. But I'm fulfilled by it. Like, what does everybody need? We need a compelling future, but we really need if you want to have mental well-being and

you want mental fulfillment, you want an extraordinary life. you really need to find something you care about more than yourself. Because focusing on us, it's not that hard to meet our basic needs. And then it's kind of boring. And so we create dramas because there's nothing else to do. But whether it's your children or it's your community or this community you're serving here, or it's something philanthropy, or it's the world. And I don't mean virtual signaling.

I'm talking about you know inside what drives you. And when it's authentically what drives you, when there's something that, like I tell people there's two types of motivation. There's push motivation. You're trying to make yourself do something. Well, that works for a while. But, you know, that's, again, it's all willpower. Or maybe it's inspiration from someone else.

Nothing wrong with that to get you started. But then there's pull motivation. Poll is there's something I want to serve more than myself. So I look at my daughter and my wife and I together, raising our daughter. It's like, what's our goal here? What's our purpose here? Well, yes, we want to feel totally loved. That's the base of everything.

We want her to be incredibly resilient. but we want to make sure that for her to have an extraordinary life, A, we got to know that her gifts may be radically different than ours and not think she needs to be like us. We got to see what unfolds. We need to be witnesses. B, we need to give her lots of choices. But even when it's what she needs to do, we give her two choices and we show what the consequences will be at three and a half. She knows them all. The other day, she's like, I'm missing. You know, we were in our home in Sun Valley and she's got a teacher, you know, who's with her almost every day, five days a week. And she's like, I'm missing my teacher.

And I wanted to come here and she started cry. And then she started a little mini temper tantrum for a moment. And my wife said to her, she said, okay, honey, she says, well, we're all here. We didn't bring her because this is vacation time. She goes, so if you want to be with her, we can put you on the plane. And mommy and daddy and Mary, we'll all stay here. And well, she doesn't know, no, I don't want to do that. So she's always, but what I love is she's very decisive because her whole life she's made choices.

But our purpose, our purpose with her is to make her have an experience of being a beautiful person. She'll contribute that. What is a beautiful person? Someone who lives in a beautiful state. What does that mean? Somebody who's grateful and somebody who has a life of service. So even at three and a half years old, she has all these things around the house. She doesn't get paid for them.

These are not chores. It's not economic piece. We're all pulling together to make this household work. And now she loves to do it. She's proud to do that. We took her out and had her give away some of her toys and her dolls to kids there need it. We went out and feed people. And so I've done that with all my children.

You know, my other children are, you know, I've got, like I said, a 50-year-old daughter. I got a 47-year-old son. I've got a 40-year-old son. But I remember when I took my youngest boy, Jerich, when he was four years old, and we went out and fed people, and there was a basket full of food. And we went to this place in Oceanside, California, not far from. We used to live there because we used to live in Delmore, too.

And I went up to Oceanside there, and there was a park there. And so we made these baskets. And there was a guy lying on the floor next to the toilet in the men's bathroom, covered with socks and things like that. And I said, go in and give us to him. The basket was so big, I'd help him carry it, set it down. And then right at that moment, the man was like to grab my son's hand. And I felt my heart jump, and he jumped.

And the man took his hand. I'll never forget this moment. It makes me cry. Just think about it. And he pulled up to his face, and he kissed my son's hand. And my son is now 40 years old. And he still talks about that moment at various times. We'll go back to that day.

And he's such, Jericho, is such a contributor. He's a beautiful, beautiful soul. He's got such a great heart. My daughter, my other son, They're all, they have that built in. So to me, a grateful human being that's about service is a fulfilled human being. And we all think it's about what we're going to get when really it's what about we're here to give. That's the challenging intimate relationship today.

Everybody was trying to feel, what am I going to get? A relationship's a place you go to give. If you're there to get, you're going to be disappointed. You've got to be expectations. And expectations are what destroys relationships. You should be this way. You should be that way. Like the two of you are fun because you're playful together.

you play off of each other, you tease each other about things you could just fight about, and you can still fight too. Obviously, that's part of being human. But those differences make each other grow. You picked each other because you bring different gifts to the table. But if you have expectations about how someone's going to be, it's like if you ever had something you wanted to give somebody and then they make it clear they just expect it, you might still give it, but it doesn't feel like giving, does it? No, it feels bad. And so that's the same thing. So we teach our daughter no expectations because she's growing up.

I grew up with nothing. She's growing up in a world of great deal of abundance, abundance of love, abundance economically, environmentally, et cetera. So she could become a crazy person, a mean person, if we're not careful. She doesn't have that in her nature, I don't believe. But instead, we make sure that doesn't happen. So she understands I'm here to learn and grow and give and have a great time to love and to laugh, to learn all that. But this is my life's mission. Whatever it shows up, she might sing or dance.

She does a lot of artistic things right now. like she might you know it's like I don't have an expectation she's going to do a certain thing but I do have a clear set of values that I know if she lives those values she can do anything and be a fulfilled human being that's my target our target because it's not just me I wish it was it's not just me my wife is the most amazing mother to her and we have a unique family we couldn't my wife couldn't carry so there's a person in our life had been with us and her name's married and beautiful soul that we've known for 13 14 years and travel with us everywhere She was family for us and we're trying to figure out who's going to carry and can have a stranger carry your child and everything else.

And she raised her hand. Wow. And we were blown away. And so when Violet was born, I could see the fear of family. Everybody had that like, okay, I'm going to be a baby and she's going to go away. Well, she's always been in our life before. And then, you know, I'm at a certain stage of life. My wife, I'm 65.

She's 51. Mary's 40. I said, you know, why don't we make Mary a guardian as well? So we all made it legal. We're three of us raising her together before we were able to do that. And Mary's her mom too. So she has two moms and a dad. And she's, and it's like, it's the most beautiful thing in the world.

And she sees that love is not scarce and that, but it's my job to be loving. You know, it's not what I'm going to go get. And so, and by the way, a child, how beautiful the child is, children are egocentric. We're focused on ourselves at that stage of life. Now, what's the problem is if you don't outgrow that and you're 40 or 50 and you're still that way. But she's learning at this stage not to be so egocentric. to really think about other people's needs.

And she's developed such a beautiful heart. I'm so proud of her. Maybe some day she'll hear this little audio of you, me talking about her with you guys, it touched my heart. It's so sweet. What a sweet way to talk about your dog. That's that?

For you, isn't it a trip to think about that all of your kids when you're longing on that they will be able to go and listen and watch all of your stuff? Yeah, but more importantly, the stuff that's about them too. You know, that's like that. I've built an AI that we use for people, but I'm doing a special piece that's just for them so that when I am gone,

And I hope to live a very long life. Listen, with the energy you got, you're going to be around for a lot. But, you know, I mean, think about it. I told my wife earlier, I said, I'm not having a kid past 50, right? You know, so I'm not going to show up their high school graduation at 70. Well, now I'm going to be 80 in the high school graduation. But I'm fortunate enough to have a lot of role models. So my best friends, you know, they were all 18, 20 years my senior.

So I knew them when they were 50 and I was 30. And now I know them at 80. And most of them are still alive and healthy and kicking and living the most fulfilled, beautiful lives. So I have some great role models around me. unfortunately. But to me, it'll be lost about legacy. The ultimate legacy to me is I've helped the whole world and I didn't help my own family. That would be the worst thing on earth. So my first legacy is my family and my second legacy is all the people I've had the privilege to serve.

I got to be honest from from my perspective, you seem 30. Oh, thank you. Well, my true age, my physical age, my chronological age. Have you done that? Yeah, I've done it. Yeah, I'm 52 in my biological, excuse me, biochemistry age. Well, you know all the stuff. You wrote a book on it. Yes, I did. The stuff to live forever. Plus, I biohack everything. I got hyperuric eye. If you went to my house, it's better than the best, you know, medical spa you've ever been.

You were one of the original cold plungers. I was. I did that 18 years ago. Now everybody in their brother does it. I know. It's like a virtue signal about wealth now. People are like, what cold plunge you got? But you know, the biggest thing I've learned and I don't have nearly your experience, obviously,

but, you know, we've been achievers for a long time. Yes. been driven by that. Yes. But there was a moment where I had this huge realization where if you work to serve other people provide value for other people to help them in their lives, whether that's information or whatever it may be. If you're truly doing it, the other stuff kind of takes care of itself.

It really does. I don't have to explain that other than that. Like the, if we're talking economics, like the most economic growth has actually been when we've not been so focused on trying to create economic growth for ourselves. 100%. I remember I, Jim Rohn, I don't know if you know, him as a personal development speaker. And when I was 17 years old, 16 years old, I guess, just turning 17, you know, I was in high school and I was working as a janitor. And our family was very poor. We had times we had no money and no food. And one of the reasons I've fed over a billion people now. And I'm, by the way, I'm now doing a hundred billion meal challenge. But I did a billion meal challenge with Feeding America as my partner. And I said, I fed up to 42 million meals before that over in my lifetime. I thought, what if in a year I did as much as I did? did in a lifetime. Because I was writing this book, Money Match the Game, but I'm interviewing all these billionaires and I watched them take what's now called the SNAP program. It used to be called, you know, coupons or whatever it was called and blank in the name of it. We used to live on it in my childhood. But they wiped out of six billionaires. So that families that really need it, in order to cut the budgets, they cut that. So a family needs it would have to go one week out of every month without food unless people like you and I stepped up. So I was like, I'm writing this book on money and I'm reading these billionaires and they're cutting this for these people. And I was like, I called my office. isn't on my foundation. I said, how many people have I fed total in my life? I'd never added

up was 42 million. I was like, wow. I was like, I fed as many people in a year as they did my whole lifetime. What if I fed 50 million? And I went, what if I fed a hundred million? What if I fed a hundred million for 10 years and fed a billion meals? And I did in eight years. We finished that a couple of years ago. So now I'm doing a hundred billion meal challenge. And we just announced 30 billion meals we've done in the first two years. How can the audience help support that? You can go to Feedingamerica.com forward slash, I think it's Tony Robbins, if you want to. And whatever you do, I'll double.

So it's like, yeah, and I do that up to, you know, five million bucks a year to give me an idea to support that. So I'm doing another billion. I've already done a billion to them. Why did it exponentially grow like that? What have you found to? It didn't. It started with me feeding two families. Right.

When I was 17 and then four and then eight. Then I had a little company. I got my 12 people involved. And now I have, you know, I've got what now 114 companies. We do $9 billion in business across all these. industries. So I use the leverage of all that. And then that's also what the wealth is for. You know, the financial freedom is for. It's like I don't need anything more. There's no toys or something that I'm after. And that never drove me anyway. But being able to like, I'm really proud. My wife and I have

saved 71,000 children from trafficking just in the last seven years, working some of the best organizations. I've gone out on those undercover with makeup. Is that through a foundation or a charity or is that? Yeah, through multiple different groups that I go through. What do you mean you've gone out undercover? I went to Haiti undercover with a group of former Navy SEALs, Steel Team 6 guys, and a couple CIA guys that are brilliant. And we went down to rescue 32 children. And they were from five different or six different madams. And these were seven to 14 year old girls and boys, but mostly girls,

and chained to a bed doing eight to 10 tricks a day. And you saw this? I unfortunately experienced, I saw that the tricks happening. the tricks happening. But yes. No, of course I did. But in order to do it, they put, they were used a movie makeup person, put on me out huge scars all over my face.

And I had this hat and this, you know, stuff for me. And I went and they rented this yacht. And I pretended that I was coming here, this very wealthy guy with 30 of my friends. And they're all built like this, right? They're all Navy SEAL guys. And so we rented this place. And we couldn't tell the police because the police are involved. It's the only person who was the prime minister, the president.

And so we worked everything out. And then he was going to have his. Special Forces Group come in at the very end, but we had to film it and trap it. And so it's funny because I'm on the, I'm seeing things that I just, you can't unsee, unfortunately, the worst part of, I wouldn't call it humanity because these people aren't human what they do to children. It's just, I get emotionally thinking about it. Anyway, I was supposed to negotiate with this guy.

And at the last moment on the boat, someone said, you're Tony Robbins. I was like, holy shit, it was my voice. It didn't matter. Like, my voice is so distinctive, then they'd heard it. So I was like, I sat in the corner and someone else negotiated. They brought these guys on. And the guy's like, he doesn't talk to you. We need the negotiation.

My job was just a nod when it happened. And while it's going on, I'm watching one of the guys who's this brilliant guy doing this negotiation. And he's so convincing and so enthusiastic. And we want the young ones and all that stuff. You know, he's on our side of the table. Everything's being filmed. We're right off the beach. And then on the beach, there's a place where they're going to go get the children.

And that's got all filming in it. And as he's doing it, was three men and a woman. And the woman had intuition. And I could sense her. I sense, she senses something's off. I didn't know what it was. And when the guy turned, I saw his mustache

was starting to move just a little like this because it was not real. And I gave him a little look. Fortunately, we got it done. We went on there. And then the Special Forces people didn't show up. And we're freaking out. The last second they show up, they had to leave the country

because also the police come, they'll put us in jail, right? So we rescued all these kids. Then we rescued a hundred group. I sent my plane down. And the first place they went was Palm Beach, Florida, to our home. And they're, you know, on the ocean and playing basketball. And you can only imagine it's the worst thing I've ever seen and the most beautiful things ever seen when the freedom is there. And then we funded for them, you know, the integration process to come back from that when you've gone through so much trauma.

It's pretty amazing. And we use a lot of the tools that I've developed there. So I'm really proud of that. We planted over 75 million trees. I'm plant 100 million by the end of this year. That was a goal I had is like, I want to provide oxygen. I want to provide food. I want to provide food.

want to provide freedom, want to provide education. That's what this is all about for me. That's what the driving force is in all of this. No one can say they don't have time. No, we all have time. But we think it's the story that we don't. If there's people listening, they want to change their life, you're providing a three-day free event. Yes.

Tell us about it. I started during COVID. Remember I said, you know, when all of a sudden people are at home and I was like, how can I help people? They're stuck at home. They can't travel. I'm used to like, go to a country and people all fly there and we do this. this giant event. So I said, let's eliminate all the barriers. No travel, no money, and not a lot of time, but enough time to get a real transformation. So I said, we'll go like three, three and a half

hours a day, let's say three hours a day for three days. And let's have people all of the world attend. They can attend from their office or their home. There's zero charge. And we go through how to build the path, right? Your hero's journey. How do you go from where you are to where you want to be? So instead of starting this year, the cool thing about a new year is new year and new life, right? It's artificial, but we all kind of get into like, oh, we're going to work out now. We're going to do this now. So we want to take advantage of that, but this time actually get you to succeed by getting the plan and the strategy and the conditioning. And what I love most is there's no charge for it at all. But I do say, if we're going to give this to you, I have one request,

and that is you fully participate. And at night, I give people an assignment based on what they've learned. And they put that on Facebook in a group we have. So we have, you know, a million people in the community. And the stories and the transformations, I mean, I'm up all night watching them all because you can't stop because there's just so many of them. And it's another and it's another. And we had a couple years ago, he had a guy that I just saw him recently. That's why I thought about it. I named Matt would never have gone to a seminar in mind because he's been in bed for six years.

You weighed over 700 pounds. He's on oxygen. So his doctor said he'd never be off oxygen again. Couldn't get up to go to the bathroom, how to do everything through a tube and everything. But he could watch me on his big screen at home and attend the seminar. So it was free. And he's at home. What the hell?

Might as well do this. He got so transformed by it. He got someone to give him this little pipe, like what you'd hang clothes on or something. Like, it wasn't that heavy. And he started just doing these lifts with the oxygen. And day by day, we only have these plans. And he did his little plan. He built his little system.

And then I got a chance to talk to him because people interact with me. It's not just passive. Like, you get to call in if you're on Zoom and have this connection. We get to interact and so forth. And so he got through and so I had this cool conversation with him. And I said, look, you do this. and you get yourself out of bed for the first time at six years

and you get off the oxygen. I said, you know, get your doctor's support, but if the doctor says you can't, find somebody who believes you can because there will be a doctor that will show you they can. And I said,

you get yourself so you can get in a car and I will fly you here and we'll do a seminar and you'll walk on fire with me. He lost 300 pounds. And he came and he walked on fire with us. And then he fell in love and I sent him to Fiji to my resort there.

And he got experience there. And so he's been a real inspiring. But I could tell you a story after story after story of people's transformation. Woman or lost your daughter, I mean, you know, I can't even imagine the pain of losing your child and completely transformed a whole and took the meaning of all that to be able to serve other kids in a new way and set new examples. You know, people with businesses that they've grown 300 percent. A woman who got an idea out of there, we do a little brainstorming process around

creating something if you want to do a business. And she came up with this idea of like, she saw, you know, we all love diamonds and she saw this idea that someone had this idea that, you know, they now make these diamonds that they grow, as you probably know, and they're just as beautiful. And they're still expensive, but they're about a fourth price. And she said, what if we made that? Her friend had just died, and she was all depressed. What if we took the ashes and we used the ashes to produce the actual diamonds? So I'd be wearing my friend. And so she did it. So she built the business down. It's been two and a half years since she went to the program. It's $35 million your business. She's built now. She and her partner. So it's just so

cool thing. So it's free. There's no charge for it. And all you got to do is go to it's called the Time to Rise Summit. Where you'll have the time of your life. Yes. Time to Rise Summit. Because it's time to rise. Time to rise up and claim what your real life is about. We'll link it out. We'll put in all the show notes. Yeah, if you put it in there, Time to Rise Summit.com and just go and fill it out. And then you can do it at home, do it in the office. You can do with your family or friends. We encourage you to do it with somebody. And it's January 30th, and February 1st. So those three days for about three hours, there'll be people from literally all over the earth. Last year we had every country in the world, 193 countries participating. There

were over 1.1 million people. And then you're also part of a community of people that support each other to grow. I think Michael and I are going to do it. So maybe you'll see Michael and I there. Okay, you got a deal. Tony Robbins. I got one more question for you before you go, because it's selfish a little bit. After everything you've seen and all the people, we're doing pattern recognition, all that. What surprises you at this point about people? What surprises me about people? Is there anything left, or you've seen it all? Well, you know, I got the call when years ago, you know, I've gotten the call during unique moments. I got the call when Mike Tyson bit off all the years of ear and I had to turn him around.

And I remember going to see him. And I was shocked because he goes, oh, Tony Robbins, I'm a fan of yours. He has a funny little voice, you know, that was interesting. And he goes, are you here for my wife? I said, oh, they invited me to come see you, you know? And when I was blown away by people asked me like, who's, who you've been, I met everybody on earth. You can imagine. Who have you been the most shocked by?

It was him. you know why? He's one of the most well-read people he ever meet. You never believe it. That doesn't surprise me. He's read every religious book, the Quran, I mean, everything. He's read. And when he was in jail, he would be telling me all this philosophical stuff. And my mind was blown. It's coming out, Mike Tyson. And when he was in jail, I talked to the war and he said, he literally took over the jail. But he got all the different groups that were fighting each other to unify. He goes, those people out there hate each other. We can't hate each other. So he's telling me all the story about love and what really, man, kind should be and what's about. And then all of a sudden he shifts and he goes, there are other

moments though. If there was a button and I could push and kill every person on earth. I was like, I do it right now. And I'm like, oh my God. So Mike's become a good friend. But I don't think there's much that's surprised me only because I know people are going to do what they're going to do. And I know they're going to do things to meet their needs. And so if significance is the most important things, some people will destroy others to feel significant. There's two ways to be significant. I build the tallest building in town. Don't take a break. Don't take a lunch. Keep doing it. Take lots of risks or blow up everybody else's building. And unfortunately, in humanity, you can get significance faster with less intelligence and less capital by destroying things and creating

things. So that's why there's always been some form in humanity's history of, you know, of that type of behavior. But hopefully we get a consciousness change. But there's nothing that would shock me, I don't think, at this point, only because this will be, you know, 48 years of traveling the planet. That's why I was curious because you've seen, you've helped so many people and you've spoken about you've seen so many human conditions. And it sounds like in a weird way, we're a lot simpler than we think we are while also being complex. That's a good description. We're both. But the human brain is not infinitely complex. And or such that the human mind is not infinitely complex. It's extremely complex. But what I've spent my life doing is

taking the complex and making it simple enough that we can actually use it. Because I always tell people, complexity is the enemy of execution in a business or in your life. The more complex you the less likely it's going to get executed, especially if you have a business with multiple people. But so it's like, how do we make it simpler? How do we make it more direct? How you make it more actionable? That's what I've done with finances. I've done it with health. That's what I've done in relationships. So, and that's what I'll continue to do. Tony Robbins, you're an icon. Thank you so much for coming on the show. You're welcome back anytime. We will all be at your three-day summit. Thank you, thank you. Where can everyone find you? Pimp yourself out.

Tony Robbins.com or any social media we're there. That's for sure. We'd love to have you. Thank you for doing this, man. Appreciate you. Thanks. It's really great to meet you both. Make sure you guys join the free three-day Time to Rise Summit by Tony Robbins. You can visit time to rise summit.com.