The Boyscast with Ryan Long - #44 Cucked by the Government

Episode Date: December 11, 2020

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And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead. We don't end forever, we don't end forever. You can tell our friends. Welcome to the boys cast with Ryan Long. Boys mics, check. Boys cameras, check. Girls gone, check. Lock them up in the trunk.

Throw away the key. Walk away, not quite happy with the location of the key because she snoops you know how it is pick the key back up eat it shit it out bury the shit far away you're still not really that happy buy the property that the shit is buried on buy a house have it constructed over top of the shit. Put the girl back in the trunk. Though the girl was already in the trunk in this scenario. Boys cast. One thing I've been thinking a lot.

So I saw the craziest thing. Lady walking with her stroller. And then either lady in fucking East Village of New York starts yelling at her because she's like, you should have mask on. The baby should have a mask on. And lady's like, yeah, I don't know. And she goes, I've been in my house for five months and I come up and I have people putting

me at risk. It's like, go back to your house. How about that? You felt safe there. I think we felt safe there. The male Karen, the female male Karen community, yelling at babies. That's where we're at. Lady handled it pretty good.

She was kind of like, I don't know, lady. And she goes, blah, blah, blah. And she started kind of walking away. And then she's, you know, this female male Karen's, do I like, do I walk down the street yelling at a baby? And she didn't. She took a couple of steps, but still she wanted to. She saw the baby's face.

She wanted that baby yelled at. Now, I'm doing a video about this this week because I've been loving the fact that the governors are all getting canceled. There was like, Newsom was caught eating at a restaurant, you know, with the 10 people or something. And, you know, they had all these like parties. And then the one guy was caught in Mexico. So basically, I'm going to do a video. Governors give new lockdown restrictions from house party, funneling beers, the whole thing, while they tell you, like, you know, it's very important that you don't leave your house. You know, don't have sex under any circumstances.

And then they're trying to call hoes and stuff. One governor, Northam, who's the governor of Virginia, he got caught doing blackface. So in the party scene, we're all like, come on, do it. And he's like, you guys, I don't do that anymore. We're like, Northam, Northam. And he goes like, you guys, I don't do that anymore. We're like, Northam, Northam. And he goes, get me the shoe polish. What? Does the black face.

No, we didn't have the guts. I was encouraging it. I was like, because it's Michael Harrington from Gazdage. He played UFC fighter Mike Harrington. He played Northam. We're like, just put the polish on. I would love if he just did. He's like, that's it.

And then I stepped away from it I said as a director you know I let my actors make creative choices choices I strongly advised against it I said in this day and age I do not feel that that's good but he demanded it he's and we needed the talent you know he's couldn't let him go didn't happen though you know what a lot lot of this stuff has been reminding me of is, you know, there's the idea of telling like a lot of poor people they're privileged and you go, it's one of those things where, you know, same with the Trump thing. So this is an analogy with an analogy. Same with the Trump thing where you go, even if you, even if you really thought that yelling people was, you know, the right thing to do, it's not

helping. And the same with, you know, if whatever you're trying to do, telling a bunch of fucking poor people that they're privileged isn't working that good. You know, someone, anyone of any race that can barely, you know, feed their family, working some shitty job, they come home, their wife's yelling at them because she's not working. He's getting yelled at. His boss yells at him. And then he's got to go on the internet and hear that he's, you know, it's not, it's not helping anyone. And it's just creating venom to your cause. And COVID is a little bit like that right now in that I've been seeing articles and tweets and Instagram saying, you know, you have COVID privilege

and stuff like this. And like, oh, you know, this disproportionately affects this and that. And, you know, it's always this, you know, oh, oh, you don't think that they should have bigger doors just because it disproportionately affects people that are 10,000 pounds like your mom. But when you go to people that lost their job or lost their business, you know, someone ran a dildo shop and they have to shut down. Their lifelong dream was to run a dildo shop and everyone said they couldn't do it. You know, they said, you need to get a real job. He said, I'll show you, dad. I'm going to sell the most dildos and the biggest and best dildos. I'm going to sell the most dildos and the biggest and best dildos.

You know, looking at photos, 12 inches. One day. One day I will sell you. So anyways, the business shuts down. Stuck with all these dildos. Has him in a sack. Buries him with his wife. And then you're going to that guy and being like, you're frigging privileged, you know, because you're opening your business.

Because you open up the dildo shop illegally. Black market dildos. Black market black dildos. It's kind of the same thing. You know, I know comedy club owners that they had to shut their business down. I know a lot of small businesses that are shutting down. Danny Polshuk just went back to Toronto. He said it's a ghost town. Literally every dildo shop shut down. He said he could not find one for the life of him had to just fist himself. That's where he's at. But you go back and you go, everything shut down. New York's a fucking, especially when you go deep Brooklyn. You know, they just, every little, you know, coffee shop or hair salon is replaced with a Starbucks now because that's all they can put there.

And you're going to all these people that spent their entire life, you know, trying to build something. And you go, you're're freaking privileged that you're even complaining you know you're you're things that you are mad about your complaints are not valid and you can see why people are like go fuck yourself and i saw they did a comedy show in vancouver someone one of my friends just told me about this probably doesn't want to be named because it's a hot button issue and then then they called the frigging cops. They call the cops. There's a comedy show. They're live streaming it. The fucking cops showed up. Oink, oink. The same people that are begging for cops to be defunded. I mean, this point's been made,

but it's like the level of hypocrisy is just at an insane all-time high. It's so crazy. And I looked at the restrictions. So, you know, in Los Angeles, which people are fleeing, Schneider's gone. Literally. Big Stan's gone. What are you going to do? Big Stan's gone. What are you going to do? And then Adam Carolla's gone. Fucking Elon Musk. I'm in these like, you know, I'm very in the tech circles.

And these people, every day a new one's like, oh, this person came to Austin. This person came to Austin. And this is going to cost the country, that a gazillion dollars like the amount of money you lose from Tesla leaving and the amount of money you lose from every big celebrity you just lost a million dollars I don't know what Rob Schneider made

I assume a trillion dollars how much do you guys think Rob Schneider made in the chat Rob Schneider's packing dollars Big Stan, Deuce Bigelow, you name it. This guy was probably paying a gazillion dollars in taxes. I can only imagine the amount of money that Rob Schneider has. So I looked at the restrictions that California just made. And basically, it's like stay in your house, the whole thing. And this is what it says on the site.

So for starters, it says all individuals living in the state of California are currently ordered to stay home or at their place of residence. Stay home like a fucking jealous girlfriend. You're not allowed to go out with the boys. And this is what it's the questions are on the thing. So it has an FAQ section and this is like on the government site. And it might seem normal at first glance. The questions are, can we go outside?

Can I get food delivery? Can I walk my dog? These are questions that they've given answers to on the government website. And these aren't like, this isn't like 10 clicks. This is, you know, here's the report. Here's what we need you to do. And then just in case you're wondering if I can walk my dog. So either they have been inundated with questions of people being like, oh my God, my dog is just shit all over my house. I, you know, I've obviously haven't been outside because I'm, you know, cause you own me, but can I walk, can I take my dog for a walk? There's shit everywhere. Or option two is they're kind of slowly trying to like normalize the idea

that you should be asking these questions. Cause you know, obviously if it said, you know, something like the idea of, can I brush my hair? You'd be like, yeah, obviously. But this is not weird to people. You know that, good question. I was just thinking of that. Can I go outside? Is that possible?

Can I go in my backyard? Please, government? Please? please can you like just imagine a scenario where this was anything else like your fucking parents or your your girlfriend and you're legitimately saying to her hey can i oh gracious girlfriend would i possibly be able to see you know to see my friend oh gracious government would i possibly be able to walk my dog can i order would you allow me please to talk on the phone with one of my friends imagine being this cucked where you're like asking the government if you can walk your dog it's out of control can

i please go out with my friends and it says you can walk your dog but remember to face covering and distance yourself at least six feet from other pets and owners. Okay, thank you. Thank you for giving me the regulations of how I can fucking take my dog for a walk. Failure to comply with the order may be punishable by the fine of a misdemeanor and revocation of a business license or court-imposed penalties. So they mean business over here. I kind of watch the, I watch the guy, there's a lot of these guys doing the lockdown videos, because, that are saying, you know, and this guy made some good points. He basically, you know,

talked about the idea that this is how many people are dying right now, you know, from deaths of despair, which I like that term, kind of like depression and drug addiction, and just a clump term to clump all those things in and all the business and money and the poverty, blah, blah. But it is funny watching those videos when it's a guy doing that because, you know, he's like, and the deaths are on their hands. And I'm kind of just watching being like this guy fucks because, you know, I'm just talking to the boys here on the podcast. But no matter what, there is just no scenario where it's an attractive personality to be out there being like, whatever one you talk to, giving them the COVID conspiracies.

And I'm getting into it right now. I'm on the dark web being like, they're frigging locking us up. I'm going to be in the trunk. And the key is going to be in Newsom's backyard under a house covered in his shit. I'm one step away, but it is funny watching a guy, you know, these YouTube videos that go viral and you go, this guy fucks. And if you're at a party, you know, which again, I have been, but if you're doing these things and like, if you're picking up a girl right now, if you're on the internet of any sorts, if you thought it was, you know, if you thought it was bad to be the guy that says, you know, if you thought you were a leper before to be like, I hate this woke shit.

You know, if you were a leper before to be like, you know, if you're one of the people that's like, I have a couple of questions about BLM. If you thought that was a bit of a repellent for the normal society, being the COVID like conspiracy guy is just no one wants to hear it yet this is a conversation for you and your girlfriend's ears to get talked off he's like can we have sex you're like and another thing the government's doing we're we have to be that guy you're yelling down a well no one wants to hear it no one's interested it's kind of like the question last

week where the guy was saying like i gotta tell the girlfriend some bad news like there's nothing you all you can do is complain but on the topic of the conspiracy it is going to another level now some people sent me this and this is kind of like so it all is all that's like censorship and the government telling what you to do and ask, you know, creating the precedent that you should ask if you should walk your dog. It all sort of adds up to this idea that like, yeah, yeah, we're your fucking boss. And if you look at so this is what was happening, you know, recently and over the last six months in China where they are, you know, they've really got you locked down in the trunk. And so there's these people called the Ungers, Igers, and people know that the Wiggers, however you pronounce it. I'm going to say Igers, Wiggers. Let's call them Wiggers. So this is like how it kind of fucking starts so basically pretty crazy story so these people were

kind of you know they're muslims and they were kind of part of the liberation army and stuff and there's like millions of them and they've locked them in like a village and they've created like a surveillance state around these people and this you know this is why my videos are all prophecies so in china the wiggers let's call them Uyghurs. The Uyghurs have made up the most surveilled population in the world. The Chinese government moved thousands of Chinese people and they've moved the Han's big brothers and sisters. So legitimately, they just call them the big brothers and sisters into homes in the Silk Road cities to monitor the Uyghurs. Forced assimilation is what they're, you know, trying to do.

They're like, you know, making sure they get the Muslim. If they see the Koran, they burn the Koran. If they see on their phone that they were looking at Bible verses, they get lashed. They eat meals and some of the big brothers sleep in the same beds as the wives of the detained men. Think about that's where they're at. Remember my video where it's like the governors

are going to come have sex with your wife? So, I think China is like maybe six months ahead of us. Where we're going to have a population of people that's like,

hey, just so you know, you voted for Trump, like, here's the city that you go out to live in. Here's the city that you have to live in.

And lo and behold, Bezos has got to smash your wife, flipping her over, putting his three inch hog between your girlfriend's stretched out vagina. And so first of all, I do see one problem is that if they came here

and they were like all the people that are just cucked for COVID and they start doing it, like, I mean, they're already putting the apps on your phone. They're already, you know, starting to introduce like all sorts of different surveillance they're already you know creating the

precedent that everyone needs them monetarily by like destroying like entrepreneurship and entrepreneurial spirit and then they're fucking your wives these guys what a bad deal these guys have got and first of all i would see some of the people that are like, you know, lockdown cocks. They're basically, the problem with that is they'd be like trying to get their wife slept with. So they'd be like, oh, you know, just so you know, if you misbehave, we sleep with your wife. And they're going to be like, oh, look at this. I'm on 4chan. Oh no, I'm busted on 8chan. Anyways, enjoy. I guess the time, the punishment has come.

I have my wife's pants ready. She has her legs behind her head and she's handcuffed to the bed. Not a bad job being the big brother. You know, that's not a bad government job. If you had to have a job and this is your government job, you're like, hey, what's my job?

Like watch the wives of the people. It's like, all right, that's fine enough. And you're like, also you have to have a job and this is your government job you're like hey what's my job like watch the wives of the people it's like all right that's interesting fine enough and you're like also you have to fuck them and telling your wife going to work low-key you're just smashing asian chicks just pounding asian pussy just karate chopping it with your dick and your wife thinks you're just at home work you come come home, bring home the bacon. Why do you smell like Asian pussy? Basically, the whole gist is to make sure that they aren't Muslim. So they say that they're testing this surveillance there. And this is what, basically, my hypothesis is the Chinese government is America.

Got it. Everyone's on board. They're testing it there. The article says the Chinese government has a history of using major historical events to introduce and embed surveillance measures. Sound familiar? Using big events like COVID-14 to introduce, you know, the Chinese government, for example, introduced events like a karate competition. They're like, you know, the Chinese government, for example, introduced events like a karate competition.

They're like, you know, there's a big karate competition, so we just got to get cameras in here, you know, to make sure that everyone celebrates properly. It's a big win for us as the Chinese government, get the cameras up. Whereas the American government has their own, you know, 9-11, for example. They've also made use of making self-policing a tradition by asking citizens to watch for disobedience and descendants in their midst.

They made it a tradition. Woo! National snitch day. A national cancel day where you snitch on anyone who didn't obey. I've seen this other one. Here's a perfect example of the kind of stuff that we're seeing. It's like very similar. Epic Games, big company. Epic Games, and this is, you know, a huge Twitter account, fucking Ken Gazillion tweets. It's a hot, you know, hot take from these people. Epic Games has expressed their support for Black Lives Matter. Well, Valve has remained silent,

therefore choosing the side of white supremacy. They've remained silent. They didn't cry when the North Korean governor died enough. They haven't expressed this video game company. Kind of interesting. You know, I tweeted about this, but silence is necrophobia. Just a coincidence that you haven't really commented on whether or not you think you should sneak into the morgue and have sex with dead people it's kind of interesting uh the the uh the new york knicks have actually said that they don't fuck dead bodies and they actually condemn

fucking dead bodies kind of interesting the lakers haven't commented on that silence is fat phobia you haven't explicitly said on your profile lately that fat, you like fat chicks. You haven't explicitly posted a chick of a fat, you haven't posted a fat and been like, this girl's hot, which I'm going to talk about a little later in the episode. Silence is Daniel phobia, Daniel Polish Chuck. Kind of, you know, I just haven't seen any of you talk about your stance on Dan. Are you an anti-Dan man? Are you an anti-Danner? Well, then why aren't you posting that you like him? Are you an anti-Don? An anti-mon? Cool Jamaican slang that I always liked. You know, there was body-mon, bat-y-mon,

auntie-mon was a good one. You know, you're an anti-man. That's what they used to call gay people. was a good one. You know, you're an anti-man. That's what they used to call gay people. Now, to remove the doom and gloom, I'm going to give some positives of COVID. I've been, because I've been a little free in the loose with the rules and doing things like saying I'm going to party in my empty condo in Toronto, which a lot of people mention me about, and doing things like posting videos of me partying and stuff like that. I have been, I've had some backlash in my personal life. But, you know, people have been canceling things like, but they've all been good. It's a positive. I'm basically like Larry David when he puts the Trump hat on and no one wants to talk to him.

First of all, the chick's friends, some of them are like dudes in there go, you know, Ryan's been touring and he hasn't been responding, you know, he hasn't been like respecting protocols or whatever like that. So like, we're not sure like we would get together. I was like, wicked. Yes, please. So I'm avoiding like hanging out with people that I do not want to hang out with. You know, this would have been a forced internment hangout for me. And now I don't have to do that. My mom moved three hours away from Toronto. So I was going to go back, have to like go get my car,

drive three hours. It was going to be like kind of a debacle. And then she canceled it, which by the way, they got to her. She is not happy about this. So that's another person that is like legitimately like not having a good time. You know, spending way too much time by herself,

getting ideas, starting to, starting to, the mill's starting to turn. She's messaging me in the middle, like, you know, with ideas like, hey, you should, hey, Ryan, have you considered doing a podcast? Just spinning around ideas. But she's like, she's like, you know,

we're going to have to not cancel this family event. And then my other family event canceled. I've had a few things here canceled that I didn't want to do. So things I, you know, I've got, I had to not do some interviews and, uh, you know, meetings. I've had to do them on zoom as opposed to there. So there are benefits to COVID. If you, if you get it out there, you're kind of free and loose with the rules. You definitely get to cancel things. I got my lift canceled for a day. So this is actually true. I was, and by the way, I mostly wear a mask in the Ubers, but I got a message from Lyft and it says you have not been following safety protocols properly. So you're banned from Lyft

for a day. This is how it starts people. They're banning you from Lyft for a day. And then next thing you know, they're fucking your wife. And by the way I can't uh I didn't no way I could tell this is the chick that I'm like yeah I got banned from Lyft because she specifically was like uh no I don't want you to don't put your mask on and put your freaking mask on on my uber because I'm gonna get a bad uber rating and I was like oh as if and and then uh now I got banned so if I told her that it would be a big told you so and I am saying it on the boys guys but she's been banned from listening to it so it'd be one of those things where she'd have to be like I know this and I'd be like how do you know this and she'd be like I don't know this my mom has been making insane proposals because she is getting so hyped up in corona she messaged me and she says

hey well because Christmas is canceled and I'm so mad about that why don't you do this and I don't think we can get together but I have this condo that I have access to because, you know, her husband moved and she's like, well, if you want, you could stay there for a couple of days and by yourself. And I go,

what? She goes, yeah, like it'd be a getaway for you. I go, I live in New York. I go, what are you talking about?

She goes, yeah, no, I just thought you could stay in the condo. And it's like, you know, we can't see each other, but you could go stay in that condo for a couple of days and like relax. And I go,

mom, I live in New York city. Does that sound real? Let me, let me like just roll by what you've explained to me, buy a plane ticket, get in the plane, deal with all the COVID nonsense, get to Toronto, get a car, drive three hours, sit there by myself for two days, drive back, get in a plane, come here. Ooh, relaxing. I go, this COVID is wrecking people's brains is the moral of this story. Making insane proposals. And by the way, Uber drivers like me for the most part. Very chatty.

Almost too chatty. Have to put the fake headphones on. But I did a show in New Jersey for jail guards, you know, a bunch of guys in their, you know, 50s and 60s, jail guards. It was like kind of a corporate, there was like a closed off event. So I take an Uber back hour. First, first things first, Uber driver picks me up. He goes, in about two seconds, he goes, you want to go to a whorehouse? He goes, that's a whorehouse. Probably good. And then he goes, I brought three or four guys here the other day.

Yeah, they were trying to go to a bar. There is no bar. So I brought them to the whorehouse. Pretty funny. And then he goes, yeah, I almost, I just got my license back. I was suspended from Uber. And I go, oh, crazy. Didn't ask what happened.

He goes, yeah, so I picked up this gay couple and they go, I wanted to drive to Manhattan. And I go, I didn't want to drive to Manhattan. It's an hour away. So it was a mistake that they assigned me that call. So I told them I can't take them to Manhattan. And they started yelling at me, go, it's because I'm gay. Oh, you don't want to take us because we're gay. And then the guy goes, so they called Uber. Uber suspended this guy for a week he kicked and screamed and then after a week

they let him back because a gay guy said that he didn't want to take him because he's gay and then he started going you know it's always these people playing the gay card i go you know that i think the headphones are going on crazy story doesn't stop there he goes uber's not even a good job man it's left by the way. I just keep interchanging. But he goes, ah, you know, they don't even pay me enough. I barely pay for gas. Like, you know, if anything, I break even. I go, probably not true. But if so, I wouldn't do it. Like if you Uber around all day and he covers your gas, probably not the best decision to be doing this job if you're breaking straight even. I'm not sure. And then he goes, yeah, I need to get out of this country.

I'm a military vet. He goes, I'm a military vet and they treat us like shit. I got no money. I'm doing this Uber gig and I'm living in my car. I go, excuse me? He goes, I go take some showers at my friend's house, stuff like that. But for the most part, I've just been living in the car. I sleep right there.

I go, probably should stop telling people that. So we're about 10 minutes into an hour long drive. I don't think I necessarily need to know that the seat I'm sitting on is also your bed. This guy's got like a Hulk Hogan style like do rag on to mind you, military vet. Then he tells me, he goes, Yeah, I think I'm to move back to Russia. And I go, really? He goes, ah, probably not. But I might go to LA because I had a mill. He goes, I met this girl on the internet from Asia and she flew to LA and I lived there with her for six months. We got in a big fight. So I had to move back to New Jersey, but we're patching things back up online. If anyways, if you want to have a smoke, I go, what? He goes, you can smoke in this car.

If anyways, if you want to have a smoke, I go, what? He goes, you can smoke in this car. It's no big deal. I go, I don't smoke. And he goes, if you want one, I have smokes. Just let me know. I go, what is going on right now? I'm currently, I'm taking an Uber. I'm in your bed and you're trying to start, get me starting smoking.

So this guy, moral of the story is this guy didn't care about COVID. You know, moral of the story is that one, this guy didn't care about COVID. You know, moral of the story is that one, this guy didn't care about COVID. Two, this guy fucks. And three, this is how it starts. They're banning you from Lyft. They're taking your business license away. And then boom, bang, bang, they're fucking your wife. And I know I'm being hyperbolic, balic, hyperphallic, and I'm being the guy that I just fucking, you know, talked about, but it's like, what are you going to do? It's right before your eyes. California, they're disappearing and the public is begging for it. The public is asking for it. After the public gets fucked, you know, it's up to us to be like, you know, what was the

public wearing? Cause they deserve it. And I get, you know, it's easy to look at these things and you go, okay, companies like Amazon are getting bigger and stuff like that. And all these small businesses are going back and be like, maybe that's probably not a good thing. And then they propose solutions that make it worse. And you go, yeah, you're complicit in this. You know, all of this lockdowns is killing small business, all of the tax stuff, all the regulation, you know, they go, oh, you know, all these, uh, policies where they go, oh, this is like, you know, the business needs to have these new washrooms. We need wheelchair ramps. We need a, if you're going to have more than 20 employees, like you need to do this or whatever it is. And you can make, there

shouldn't be no regulation, but like all that stuff just helps like the big businesses. And this is what they need to do. They need to fix all these tax loopholes. Amazon shouldn't be subsidized by the fucking government. They should not be, you know, using the post office service that operates basically at a loss. You know, Uber shouldn't be able to operate in fucking Denmark. They should have to be, you know, taxed in the States that they're taxed in. Apple splits up all the parts of their computer. Go look at when you buy a fucking Mac. You know, you bought like 10% of it from fucking Silicon Valley and you bought 90% of it from Kazakhstan. So when you add up all these things like, yeah, but tax law is complicated and you know, this country and the government's lawyers are stupider than these big companies

lawyers. So those things are hard to do. So when you get these people like AOC she can't be like oh yeah there's these tax loopholes we need to fake what they need to say is like we should just raise income tax so I think the one thing that these companies the country needs to like agree on is as a whole that there isn't something fundamentally wrong with being a rich person and that you can't tax over 50 percent that should be something that they teach in schools. And they should say, yeah, people should, the goal here is for companies to be compete at a level playing field. So Amazon doesn't have an advantage over you where you have, you know, you make regulation that costs a small business a gazillion, you know,

a 10% of the revenue and Amazon points to 1% of the revenue. That's the goal is to have like somewhat of a level playing field. So you can be an entrepreneur if you want to. A lot of people, they probably would have been someone that started their own business of one or two. They go, this is too complicated. I got to start companies. I got to do all this stuff. You know, I've got to file all these weird forms. I got to buy a business license if I want to cut hair do all this stuff. You know, I've had a fun, I have file all these weird forms. I got to buy a business license. If I want to cut hair, all that stuff, get rid of all that stuff to some degree, or at least make it to some degree comparable on your size of production or business or whatever. And then teach people in schools that when you raise the rate over 50%, you get less tax. That should be like something that they, so it's like you have a hundred tools that you can use to solve these problems.

And if you say the problem is that like, you know, the government censorship and Amazon taking over the, you have all these tools. One of them is you can, the minimum wage that these people like to mess with. One of them is the income tax that these people like to mess with. You can't just, you can't take 20 levers and just fucking crank one. They should know that you put it over 50, then people flee to other places. That should be taught in schools. So it'd just be like a principle that everyone sort of agrees with. Okay, that one's already at the top. That's at the max. Okay, I guess we'll have to do other things. Hmm, what should they be? Maybe incentivize small business. Maybe we stop closing them down. maybe incentivize small business. Maybe we stop closing them down.

But Intel people, you know, fix the school, fix the school situation. I heard the best, I heard the best way to describe the schools and universities right now. Universities are like kind of operating like monasteries and that they teach you an entire regiment of stuff that's only applicable in the monastery. They give you four years of stuff that is very useful if you stay there. If you be a professional student, that information is kind of valuable. And anywhere else is not. This idea that like working as a blogger is somehow better than working as like a painter. It's actually worse. These people should be mocked. working as like a painter. It's actually worse. These people should be mocked. So until these things, you know, there's some, any reasonable understanding of like how to fix problems. It's very hard to have negotiations with anyone. That's kind of one of the things, you know,

so when you have someone that people that are like essentially wrecking the country or the world or however you want to say it, messing with you specifically culturally and financially. I think the main thing that people need to start doing is just like removing their trust for this. It's like the idea that like these people have the best intentions, no, they don't. And it works in culture too. A perfect example with this would be, I have a lot of comedian friends that will message me with the videos that I do and they go, I like the stuff you do. I wish I could say that stuff in my comedy, but I can't because I want to work in the industry or I don't want to upset these people.

I want them to like me essentially and you go this fringe people amount of people that's yelling at people and getting mad and canceling and all that sort of stuff trying to you know champ you know parading around that like the lockdowns all that stuff it's like these people hate you I go like some dude you're a comic and it's like oh I want to make sure they like me. They fucking hate you. Like your face, if you're working at like Comedy Central, your face bothers them. Like they want you out of a job. Like you don't realize that you're their enemy. And you're like, hey guys, could I maybe get a spot in the thing? And they're like, they, not only do they not want to give you

a spot in the thing, they are currently having meetings discussing how they can have less of you. They are trying to make laws right now internally about how there can be less of you. They are an ugly girl who is in love with a different guy and you are still desperately trying to smash. How can you get a piece of slop for them if what you're asking? These people hate you. Your face drives them nuts like in that vice video which thank you for posting it's did over a million views in a few days but it's like they just look at you and they go i hate this guy i'll figure out why later

you know if guess what if you look at someone and they have four twitter cause if they have four activist causes in their bio that they stand for, you know what they really stand for? Getting rid of you. They stand for the removal of you from their industry. And you're worried about what these people think? Fuck out of here. And these people are to be ignored and ridiculed. That is how all of these people are to be treated. There are plenty of people who have not lost their minds. Why be worried about what they think? You have to think of these people essentially like critics. And obviously these things can be more delicate in your normal life if you work with someone and this and that. But these people, you have to think of,

like, normal people, you know, even when I was talking to Roseanne about comedy, for example, you know, the idea of like, you know, normal people always get it, you know, and they do. So the fact that you pander to these people, they're critics, essentially, right? And they're to be thought of like critics like remember and which are worse now because remember if you think of like people that were critics of comedy or movies you always get you know shows shows that win all the awards a lot of them don't actually do well and most a lot of people didn't like them and critics have always been pretentious but when you add diversity and wokeness and all that stuff to the mess of critics, now you have a list, a bunch of pretentious people with alternative motives other than what people are going to like.

And on top of that, now they are lying. So on top of this, this sect of people, not only were they pretentious and like didn't get it before, now they're fucking lying on top of that because that's, you know, that's the fucking thing that they have to push. I watched fat man, which was a video by, uh, Mel Gibson plays Santa Claus, loved it, hunk of shit. And this is this movie, you know, 40% Rotten Tomatoes panned by critics, the same as every good movie. MacGruber panned. I remember, you know, everything that fucking Adam Sandler does, even though people love them. I'm stuck through Sandler through thick and thin. This is what they say. So I'm looking at like,

this is what they say. So I'm looking at like, this is what the New York Times says about Fat Man, a grim, tonally confused comedy. And it's like, why are you reviewing this? It isn't for you. They made this movie like knowing that it was ridiculous. Half the joke was that they fucking made it. They're like, we're going to make this insane Santa movie. Dude, this is what happens in the movie. Santa Claus is played by Mel Gibson, and he takes a government contract, essentially, and then he basically, there's a hitman that's trying to kill Santa because a 10-year-old boy hired him, and then Santa is a badass, and he pulls all the guns out.

It's supposed to be campy and ridiculous. New York Times didn't think it held up. It's like watching a Steven, new Steven Seagal movie and like critiquing the thing, critiquing the like plot structures. Critics are useless. I see these comedy critics that talk about, you know, people's acts and you go and go look what they like. And you go, this is garbage. You know what critics liked? They loved Nanette. It is an industry that does not need to exist. Everyone has the internet.

You know what everyone can do right now? And they also have their own eyes. But you know what more importantly they can do that they couldn't do before? Everyone has three friends that they respect. Go look at their, or three people that you respect. Go look at their, or three people that you respect. Go look at their Facebook profile. Listen to their podcast. I don't need Roger Ebert to tell me anything.

I don't need some fucking loser at the New York Times to tell me what they thought of Fat Man, comedy, COVID, or anything. So you add pretentious to critics. Holy shit are they done. All of these people took 30 years to develop vouchers. You know, New York times says this book was good. Oh, okay. Late night is, Oh, this is the new comic, the Grammys, the fucking thing. You know, they had their vouchers. They developed like, like a friend.

They used to bring you to good restaurants. They developed what was somewhat worthy of a vouch. And then in two years they've destroyed it all. Everyone said, okay, yeah, they're a little pretentious. Now they have destroyed any shred of credibility. Here would be a perfect example. And this probably like forces me to, or sounds a little like braggy or whatever, but like, you know, so in Toronto, there's like two or three festivals. And this year during COVID, they did a, a profile on like the top comics from Toronto or whatever. Right. And you go, okay. ask any comedian in the entire country who from Canada had a hot year this year. And I go, it's not even close. So if I did, let's just say whatever, however you want to say it. Like, what do you want to say?

Views, cultural relevance, however you want to kind of shake it in terms of comedians from there. If I did, you know, 150 million views, Maybe the next biggest one did 2 million views. And you go, okay, ask any person that kind of follows it. Ask any comedian who had a hot year this year. And then you see the eight people that are on it and you go, okay, but people have eyes. So they go, oh, okay. So I can't listen to them. The same way that like Jay Oakerson was never on top, top 10 list. can't listen to them the same way that like jay okerson was never on top top 10 list tim dylan andrew schultz who's like by far the probably the biggest comic in new york and getting like

you know bigger than anyone everywhere and and it'd be like the top 10 hottest comics and wouldn't put him on it and you go what you guys are useless this means nothing and it's legitimately means nothing you know what should happen is if you do a top 10 like comic thing they should message like my agent or whatever and like say hey we really want ryan to come and be the thing and then i probably wouldn't want to that's like legitimately where this thing i go i don't know if i want to you know fly to toronto and have to deal with that stuff and it's probably not that much money like, no one really gives a shit what's going on there anyway. But it's like, my point is, it's like, it's crazy. So these people have made themselves essentially irrelevant.

They've built up these, you know, comedy competitions, you watch who wins and you go, nope, whereas 10 years ago, and this happens in everything, you entrepreneurial things they go here's this here's the new hot company and you go no it's not i have eyes these places are giant corruption offs so right now they have i'm going to read this article it says telefilm does well i'm not going to read it but telefilm does complete overhaul and this is in canada they essentially have a board that gives all this free money to people to make films five big companies have monopolized it the same way that that works in music and they essentially get fast track which means they get the free money up front so all of these places have created a whole

industry of stealing money and it only goes to the same people the same industry people but whatever at the very least it's i'll tell you that in a second. So basically, and then on second, now they've said they need a complete overhaul because it's not supporting diversity. So they're, they're going to tear it down and they want to get rid of the measure of success and they want to get rid of the fast track and a bunch of other things. And they want to make sure that has fast track and a bunch of other things. And they want to make sure that has quotas and blah, blah, blah. And their argument is that, well, if you have a

measure of success, then, you know, typically people like white films better or they do better because of racism. So then it's not fair that they use that as a measure of success. Okay. And you go, so this was, this is a corruption off. So now the people at Telefilm who've, who all, every single one of them has a black square in their bio. Every single one of them, you know, has been supporting all these causes. They're essentially getting their money taken away because they've learned how to rig the system. So they have to say, you know, they're, they have to be very careful. They go, Oh no, we, of course we agree with diversity. We just think fast should stay. And then you go, I bet you do think it should stay. You have old corruption

versus new corruption in a fight to who can steal this free money. Now, I am of the mind that this was like this in music. There was all these grants and they used to be on how successful you are. We're a big component. So it was very corrupt and labels could game it and all that sort of stuff. But at the very least, it was possible to get in the game. When you take an arbitrary corruption, then it's at least that you go, okay, you know what? This is kind of corrupt, but I could potentially be that person. It is possible for me to blow up on the internet, be a big success, sell 20,000 albums to make the cut, and then get the grants. That is possible. Now they want to do it where they can bypass any of that. At least these labels have to pretend that they're playing by the rules. Whereas now they want to say, okay, you know how this free money is going to be operated?

We're going to have a board of people because they say we want to go bold stories. And when we look at the success metric, it doesn't look at bold stories. Sort of true. But what they mean is the problem is who gets to decide what's a bold story? Well, you guessed it. They're bored of people who aren't successful. So a random sample of idiots and critics are going to sit behind a desk and they're going to read your fucking scripts and they're going to decide what's a bold story, you know, mainly based on skin color. And then they're going to, they're going to dole out money

arbitrarily to who they see fit. And you go, good scam you got going on there. I mean, kudos if you pull it off. But it is funny to watch old corruption squirm as new, more regressive corruption and more arbitrary corruption is taking over. It's kind of like watching your old girlfriend just fucking burn. And you know, these people are, a lot of these people that have been complicit in tearing down all these industries tearing all this stuff you know now it comes to you and it is true because people go oh so like even if someone likes this has any sort of um qualms with like a diversity initiative or whatever like it is and you go oh so you don't

like it just because it's worse for you and you go you definitely is that unreasonable like the fact that that is unreasonable to be like oh yeah um we having we're gonna have 10 comedians on this show or we're gonna give out 10 business loans or we're gonna have like 10 people getting into this school you get and we go oh we're actually making a thing so uh it has to be this much other people and you go well that's crappy because it's going to mean i have a less likely chance to get in and you go whoa just because it's worse for you and you're like what kind of psychopath like actively wants a policy that's harder for them what's going on is all these people pretend that they want policies because they don't think they affect them in that particular industry.

You know, people that aren't actors that are in the high ups can't wait to do the thing. Companies like say, yeah, sure. More of our shippers will be colored or women. Sure. They don't give a shit. This is them. This is them appeasing them as you know, to keep their position in the court. And the biggest problem with all this stuff, in my opinion, is that with when you talk about like redesigning industries the way that you want them with the way that you want them to look racially and genderly. When you look at it, you know, you're watching, you know, industries like porn that they love and you go, 10 dudes, 10 white dudes. When you're watching you know industries like porn that they love and you go 10 dudes 10 white dudes when you're watching in bathhouse orgy film and you go 10 white dudes wow i need to i want nine black guys and then one white guy getting bukkake there are industries the people

that work in these industries fucking do nothing like bloggers and actors and people that work in these industries fucking do nothing. Like bloggers and actors and people that essentially do do nothing. So there's a scale of industries where you can, you know, rig it diversity wise. And on the one end would be jobs like actors, model, because it really doesn't matter all that much. You know, maybe model if you have like some specific race demographic, you want that. But even still, when you're talking about most of these things, you actually could, you know, when you're talking about a fucking actor in a commercial, it really, you know, you can change that. Probably not going to change that much.

Maybe it will. I don't know. But it's not going to really affect anything. And then there's places like sports where you actually, there's nothing you can do. One, you can redesign entirely without much change. Two, there's almost nothing you can do. You might say, you know what, when we're talking about who's going to be the fastest man in the world, what we're going to do is we're going to take everyone from one race and give them like intense training. And yeah, you could probably make a little bit of a dent, but probably it's going to be still

marginal because most people, if you're the fastest guy at your school, you're on the track team. If you're like way faster than anyone, there's, I don't think there's any like diamonds in the rough, just the flash as fast as can be, you know, never thought to run, never considered running at track in class. He always denied running. They go, you should run. Never considered running. I'd track in class. You know, he's denied running. They go, you should run. So that doesn't much exist. And then the truth is everything else is in between.

When you look at engineers, it's probably, and a lot, and most things are a little closer to fucking track than they are to acting. So when you go, oh, we're going to, you know, make sure that there's more coders. We're going to make sure there's more of this. We want them to be all women or whatever. And you go, a lot of the industries are harder to rig, pal. You, all your things can't change the fact that more men want to do these things or can't change the fact that culturally fucking more suburban white people ended up, you know, being skateboarders or the fact that more of a, you know, black dudes ended up being rappers. Like you're not gonna be able to change a lot of these things overnight. And even if you can change it, there might be other reasons why

things are going on, why men are better than women at certain things. And women are better than men, like certain things like blowing dudes. I think most things are in between and closer to the fact where you can't rig it. So it's people with industries that you can rig telling people that industries that you can't rig and comedy is one of those industries, how it should shake down. What is the top making sketch comedy is something that is somewhat objective. And there are metrics for that. One of those being views. Two of the, one of those being like, you know, lack of mistakes, awkwardness,

you know, some of the intangibles you can rig a little more. But it's a lot of that. People telling, people trying to rig industries based on the fact that their industry's riggable because they're in a fucking shitty, useless industry. Now, before we continue, I want to talk about our sponsor, Sheath Underwear, BoyzCast sponsor. These guys are cool. They support freedom of speech. A lot of people bought the product and they've reached out to me. As you know, I have long balls, so they help. Contrary to what people

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That is true. What is not true is that you don't have to take them off when you're taking a shit. So I just did want to clear that up. And you go to sheathunderwear.com promo code Ryan Long to save 20%. However, it will not save you if you're out in public at a family gathering and you take a fucking massive dump in your boxers. So I do recommend you buy the product. I got them. I've got them on right now, but I'm not shitting doing a podcast. And you might be thinking, well, you're just saying that because after you finish, you're going to

take a shit in them. I assure you, I'm not. They weren't meant for that. Great boxers, not good to shit in. You could do a piss in them, but I recommend even then I recommend a tiny little bit of piss. I recommend letting it drizzle out. Don't unload fully. If you have to let a little bit out, you know, if you're driving and you got to let a little bit out, fine. That might be a little easier. You know, it will be able to absorb the piss.

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about a couple of just funny things before i you know this is kind of going to be a little longer podcast but that's one of the funniest things i saw was claire woodward you know she posted why rebel wilson's weight loss is sad for so many people like me and this is an article she posted five months ago or five years ago and then recently she made an article she got skinny because she was like a big tub and then she she got skinny at 55 or some big age. And then she goes, she made a big article saying that I regret not getting skinny until I was out of my prime. I wasted my good years fat. She was writing articles shaming people for losing weight.

They're coming around. Jog jogging this is a big viral tweet this this guy he goes or it's a woman sorry he goes just ran an entire mile in nine minutes i used to weigh 363 pounds now i'm running a mile and under 10 hooray you know a friend said great good job also didn't shit your pants in the sheaths this is the tweet that went kind of viral afterwards ew ew ew why do we have so many mutuals i thought we were supposed to be body positive this is question question question question bye then they wrote back to go to my point they They wrote back. I did not mean to be, you know, fat phobic. I just was noticing that I felt better and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Like I said, these people are to be ridiculed and ignored, not to be pandered to. And then they said, your entire account is fat phobic. Bye. The entire account for the last little bit has been like, I'm in shape. Like anyone who gets in hot shape, probably some stretch marks, but still. So this is what this person is talking about. This is the kind of stuff that's on the internet. Full of insane people. This is why you can only listen to your friends. And you know, so I re I realized this recently too. And the same with when I'm, when I'm taking feedback from people, there's a lot

of people that I, that messaged me a lot, you know, especially on the Patreon and stuff like that, that, that are like fans of mine or whatever, but they, you know, there's a, there's this thing where it's like, if someone's, if you really like someone's podcast, and I feel like this with a lot of people, you kind of feel like they're your fucking friend. And then people that don't like feel like that, you know, for example, the other day I posted a video that was making fun of religions and a bunch of people were getting mad at me because they're Christian or whatever. And they go, oh, Ryan's making fun of Christians. He would never make fun of Muslims, even though I kind of was in the video.

And I go, see, this is not someone that has paid any attention to me. This is not someone that actually likes me. And this is what a lot of people's fan bases are like. They're not people that like them. These are people that agreed with a point that you made and they like the idea that they could use you as a weapon to push forward their cultural movement. And then now that you're saying something

that they don't agree with, they will discard you because they never liked you. Whereas if you like someone like, for example, you know, I've, of all these people where i'm like i've stuck through these people through bad films tim armstrong i stuck through for multiple side projects the making songs with girl era and it's more like your friend where you go most of my friends i agree with them on 90 of stuff we probably agree on like a fundamental philosophy

and then we have probably three or four things that we couldn't disagree more on. You know, I love this thing. I hate this thing. I think this, and then you go, yeah, okay. That's my friend. They're funny. I like hanging out with them. They usually have pretty good takes. Maybe not that one. So these people, that's not what they want. They have a fucking movement and they want to pull people in that can fucking be helpful to it like religion they want you to be the pastor at their church you come in and they're like oh this guy gives really good speeches about how god's there get you on stage oh god's so great and everyone's like oh you know they all pay attention and then you go also like yeah but like other religions are good too they go get him the fuck out of here

that's not what we hired you for. People want to hire you to be a fucking assassin for their stupid thing. Everyone who pays attention to me knows, yeah, I make fun of all the stuff. And maybe I didn't feel like making fun of that one. And that doesn't matter. It's irrelevant. Five minutes of making fun of Muslim shit. My fucking specialist.

But I did want to do my take on religion. and i think this is like a hot topic always but this is one thing that i wanted to i wanted to because i remember you know when all this stuff comes up it's like you remember jordan peterson where he was talking about religion non-stop and then people would be like so are you christian and he would go roll the dance around it which i kind of see you know maybe that's a better, dance around it, which I kind of see, you know, maybe that's a better way to become bigger quicker is you sort of like, if you are cultivating a fan base that thinks a certain thing and they're not going to like you when you don't think it, you dance around it, playing both sides of the fence. This is what I think. I think most people,

I don't think it, first of all, I don't think it matters. And people go, of course it matters. I go, no, I don't think it matters to me. I think a lot of people need structure in their life. I think a lot of people need rules. I think a lot of people need structure. I don't think I'm one of those people. In some ways, I live my life like it's a game and I don't need a reason to be's a game. And I don't need a reason to be playing that game. And I don't need a thing at the end of that game. So if we're talking about the question of whether, you know, religion's better or worse for a person, and that's a different question than whether or not it's true. The first one, whether it's better or worse for

people, probably for lots of people. And I think is yes, if they don't have a religion, they're going to find one, but that doesn't really help me. The same reason where it's like the political teams, it's like, you know, when you're talking to people, it kind of has the same principle where it's a lot of people are like, you know, the, Oh, I think I go, you think one of the people's lying to you. I just think both of the people are lying to you. It's like, you think what, you know, one religion's true. I probably just think, you know, and the other ones are all not true. I probably think yours is not true.

And I'm not the only one that's like made a version of that point. But I think I connected it to the political thing. So to me, I just try to like, you know, mostly be nice to people because I prefer to do that and I don't like being shitty to people because it makes me feel shitty but here's a perfect example of where I don't align with any sort of religion or philosophy if I act dishonorably like I break these rules like let's say stealing or you know, like cheating in certain circumstances, in games or whatever, in life or with a fucking, in certain things. If I act dishonorably and it doesn't hurt anyone, I don't really usually have an aversion to that. So it's like a lot of times people make these rules for this.

It's like I don't really have like a moral code of conduct that like is fucking set like that. Like I don't think you should cheat. Like, I don't think you should cheat on this. I don't think you should lie on this. I don't really have aversion to lying or any of that stuff. I do have aversion to like making people feel shitty and have aversion to like making people's lives worse and seeing it, especially like seeing things in person. So it's like, you know, I don't like to say shitty things to people that are going to make them feel bad, like, or something like that. Cause whatever, for some reason I'm a, I'm a fucking sucker, I guess, but that's it. So what happens when, who gives a shit? It's irrelevant. It's, it's really irrelevant to me. You know,

what I want to do is like make a big body of like cool comedy and artwork. You know, I kind of like to find like games to play. Like, you know, starting a business can be like sort of exciting, you know, finding new people that I like is exciting. That stuff's exciting. And whether or not there is a God, I mean, I don't need anything to do with that. And because I don't think it's going to make my life better. I think it's just like anything, like meditation or any of that stuff. It's like, yeah, sure. If it works for you. But if not, it's just taking up time. I sit there. If I went to church once, I'm too skeptical. I think I would sit there and be like, this is a no for me. Yeah, no. And I know, you know,

I could probably be going harder on it, but this is, I think it'd be like legitimately what the issue is. I don't need it. It's not helping me in any way. And I know people would argue that. And I go, no, you're wrong. I know it's not. And then if it doesn't affect me in any sort of way, then when it's over, okay, whatever. But if I was to bet, if I was to put my money on that one of these were right, guess which one I'd put that money on? My money would be on a no for that. That'd be my guess. Probably not. Probably be my guess. Okay. So I'm doing something pretty cool next week.

And for a four-month trial. Well, not a trial. For a four-month period. So there's this new app called Stereo App. And they got a bunch of comedians that are going to do this run of stuff with them. And it's kind of cool that I got to be included. You know, Ari Shaffir is doing it. The Legion of Skanks, like Jeff Ross, all these pretty big people. So I think it's kind of cool to even just like have my name included with those people. So what I'm going to do is attached to my podcast. I'm also going to be doing a little 10 or 15

minute thing at the end of them where people can, um, where we're going to be doing four different things. The first one is, you know, one of them could be, you think of it basically as a Q and a, but like the, for the, for the, the first one, what I'm going to do next week. So if you download the app and I'm going to do this next Tuesday at 1 PM. And so this is what's happening. You basically go on the app and you get to send little bites of information and, and, and I get them and I answer the questions and you can talk on the app so you can go play around with it. But what I thought was really cool is because so many people give sketches, so many people give me sketch ideas.

And I talk about that a lot on the podcast. I get, you know, not kidding these days, five to 10 a day. I want the people that listen to this podcast to give me a chance to pitch their sketches. So I'm going to probably take like 10. So you download the app 2 p.m. I'll post about it again

2 p.m. next Tuesday. You know, I'll record it so that I can record the rest of the podcast. And then everyone, and you have two sentences to pitch me your sketch. I'm going to say whether they're good or bad. And then on top of that, I'm going to give, I'm going to give everyone, like I'm going to send a sweatshirt and a t-shirt to the winner. And if one's really good, I'll make it. And that'll be at the end of next podcast. So I think that's pretty cool. Next Tuesday at 2 PM is when I'm going to do that Eastern standard time. And this is the reason it should two sentences. So I, you know, a lot of times with me, one of the ways that I got really good at making my sketches was working with the hard times for so many years. So I was making all those videos there.

And like, I had my style and all this stuff, but that was really like refined the idea of how to do it. And the onion was really good at that. Cause you kind of like treated it like a headline. And if most people give sketches where they go something, something, something,

and then at the end of it, they're like, okay. And then this happens. And then this it's like, well, it's not really that funny, but you can make it funny.

I was like, yeah, you probably shouldn't have sent that email, but if your sketch, it can't be explained in two things well it's not really that funny but you can make it funny i was like yeah you probably shouldn't have sent that email but if your sketch it can't be explained in two things it's not gonna work because it should be like the title should be able to explain it like that's the art form it's kind of like when you read an onion or the hard times article it's like you can you can see in 10 seconds the joke and then you you know you make the video funny you can expand from there but that the headline is what's fun you know i remember the onions one

of their best videos like 10 years ago. It was soccer comes out as gay. That's so fucking funny. It's like you don't need a paragraph. So I'm going to take 10. That's what we're going to do. Send me. And I'm going to have a few of these little things.

And they're going to come at the end of the podcast. So next Tuesday, 2 p.m. Send me your sketch ideas through Stereo app. And then I'm going to award the winner. and then I'm going to potentially make one of them or do it as a street interview this has been the boys cast thank you everyone very much for tuning in if you want

we have like tons of episodes available on the Patreon these days and also I'm going to be in Tampa Bay this weekend and so this comes out Friday so I'm going to be in Tampa Bay this weekend. And so this comes out Friday. So I'm going to be in Tampa Bay Saturday. If you know, go to Dick Masterson, LA based comedian on Twitter. He's putting this whole thing together. It's a theater. I think it's almost sold out. So it should be pretty cool. And thank you. Peace.