The Boyscast with Ryan Long - #53 Are Life Coaches a Load of BS?

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

Ryan talks about J-stones, Frank D'angelo's: The Last Big Save, and the phenom of life coaches Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead But we're gonna live forever, we're gonna live forever And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead We're gonna live forever, we're gonna live forever The Boys Cast with Ryan Long A lot of people always send messages asking what that song is or comments or whatever And I never really address them but Some of you may know

that when I was before any of this uh stuff when I was like 20 I was in like a pretty popular punk band and that band was called the Johnstones and that song was from the final album from them wasn't like a big song or anything and the song as you may have guessed was called live forever but I've actually had a decent amount of people being like you should talk more about that stuff so okay i'll play like a couple of different songs just as sort of so people know what it was this was so this was like a song off of when we were you know like 19 the first album then we released this album called Word Is Bond. This was kind of like, this was like the big hit, the first song that was, you know, on the like Canadian MTV countdown, which is like the Much Music countdown.

Then I got into the really high singing era. And then on the last album, I went back to the fast singing era. And yeah, that song was just like whatever song. But there was a funny kind of story about it. So in Canada, there was these grants. So the whole industry kind of works on people getting these grants. And it's called Factor. And then there's a few other ones. So essentially, you'll see this in a lot of smaller countries like Australia or whatever has a lot of grants and all that sort of stuff.

And huge tax credits. So a lot of times people will go and film in Vancouver instead of America. They always film in Toronto and make it look like New York because there's huge tax credits if you film there. And so we kind of – I've talked about this before, but it's kind of like it was a corrupt system but at least there was something there like if you did somehow become like a big popular you know band or whatever to some degree you could kind of get in the system of getting the grants whereas now it's 100 just like uh politically motivated so they'll they'll have like grant systems a little less so in music but in film and everything else where it's like they'll pick someone but give them the

like movie grants and it'll be like this person has never made a movie before just like they so it's a big fight within the industry right now because the people who've sort of made their careers you know so then they basically have all these big companies trying to like engulf the little properties of people that you know fit the political way that they want uh the grants to make like the right identities and all that stuff so it's kind of a mess over there but we we kind of got in the system of getting these grants because we had a couple hits and we basically because we're i guess stupid trouakers, like we made our lyrics all, we did that song, Live Forever. And one of the big things that we kept singing about was how we took factors money and we threw it in the ground. We were talking about living large on factors dough.

And then we kept, the idea was that we took the government grants and we were throwing them around. And then, so basically they started this board or whatever it was part of the thing where they started to kind of clamp down on what people could say so they would get involved with artwork and you'd have to have you'd have to have all these conversations with these people which would be funny because it'd be like you know seven old ladies and you'd be basically justifying why your song could say i want to fuck your pussy or whatever the hell it was right but then they so they basically when we and a lot of the bands when they when they were we were kind of this was a little later and we were kind of almost like on

our way out but we basically a lot of the bands would say we'll give the money back because i remember there was a famous story i can't remember the band's name. But their artwork was super aggressive. And they were like, you can't have this grant unless you change your artwork. And they said they gave the money back and made kind of a publicity story about, like, we told them to go fuck themselves and kept our artwork. But we ended up, like, this was, again, like, our last album where we changed some of the lyrics. But it was pretty funny because we had Living Large and Factors Doe. And they were like, well, there's no way you could say that. And they had like 25 things that they made us change.

One of them was Jesus Christ was a bastard. That was the lyric. Like, all this sort of stuff that they made us change. So, we kind of said to our fans or whatever, we're like, we have to change all these lyrics, but we changed them. Instead of saying Live in Large on Factors, Doe, we said

Dooba-da-ba-dee-ba-doe. So, actually, if you listen to the song, lyrics but we changed them instead of saying live in large on factors though we said doobadabadeeba doe so actually if you listen to the song instead of live in large on factors though it says doobadabadeeba doe and jesus christ was a bastard we changed it because we had to go re-record and we changed it to uh peter rice was a batman we said it said jesus christ was a bastard we said peter rice was a batman and you know it was kind of our way of saying like this is how we don't care about your thing but we'll still take your money but we changed all these lyrics to stupid things i'll tell you what didn't get axed one of my funniest lyrics that always made me laugh is we had a guy that kind of rapped in the band and he said uh i'm not on

facebook i'm on fuck book so fuck you and fuck books they let that slide so that made the cut and mr jillis's opus was the song but we did have to change like 40 things and it was kind of the very reminiscent of everything that's happening now it's like everything you have to do you have to change everything but this at least you're like they're giving you money and you go, all right. Again, this is the tired cast. We've been doing 14-hour days. I also have a big problem where I have gorilla glue in my pubes currently. So that has been a nightmare. I'm trying to, you know, make a lawsuit for them.

Okay, so I'm going to get into something today. But first of all, I have to make a movie recommendation. On the Patreon, I talked a little about who Frank D'Angelo is. And I kind of went into his whole story. And he's this Canadian guy that had a late night show that he purchased, like he purchased time, and then put his own commercials for his own products on. He's like this old Italian guy. And when I did that, a lot of people were starting to send me Frank D'Angelo recommendations. And I got five different people told me I had to watch the last big save. And I watched this movie, and it is incredible. If there's anything, if you're at all into watching bad things because they're funny this is a 10 out of 10 recommendation my friends and like danny and all these people always kill me on because i like to watch bad things like i like i love like a terrible comedy special i'll watch it five times like the

steven seagal that whole era but me and my friends used to do seagull sundays but if you this movie so i'm gonna tell you about it but the so basically he's this 50 year old like mobster guy right and he made a movie called sicilian vampire and the plot of this one it's called the last big save and he's 55 years old and he plays for this essentially not it's not the nhl it's some other team and he retired 15 years ago and they have this game seven of the finals and they need someone to you know they they they for some reason don't have a goalie and he's the only guy that could do it so they get him to do it and he comes back so it starts where they come up and they're like he starts it's like this is my story and everyone in the movie's italian you know what i mean so right out of the gate you have the the owner of the team's talking about it i'm trying to make a winning fucking team here hey

we need to get the fucking guy it's the only guy that could do it. Like there's only one man for the job, even though he's 55 and they never explained why he's good. Like he's, he's literally 55. He's got his hair dyed, shoe polish, black. He's a 55 year old mobster. And he's the only guy could do it. 55 might be pushing it. He writes all the songs in the, in the movie. So, and, and they're all like crooner songs. And the one song, it plays the entire movie. The same song comes back over and over again. And I can't remember the lyrics, but it's like, it doesn't say the last big say, but it's like, the last big say is very croony. And they cut back to that song. So the first seven minutes of the movie,

the music's playing underneath. They have the intro song. It stops. And then it comes back in. And then the song is playing for every 15 minutes. And then they come back and they just keep doing flashbacks from 15 seconds ago. And they play the song again. So he hasn't played in 15 years. But he can't say no.

And the movie, from a cinematic point of view like they've completely ignored like any hero's journey element it's kind of like the seagal movies i remember stern used to always make fun of the idea that a lot of movies will start with you know the the classic thing if you look at the hero's journey which sort of took over film is there's this big problem you see the guy in his normal life then there's this big problem they want him to leave his normal life to go you know do this problem the equivalent of slay this dragon or whatever then he doesn't want to do it he's like no i can't you know you know i don't do that anymore that's the idea and then eventually they convince him to do it and that's when it starts and this and the seagull movies it basically there's no adversity it's like they come they're like we need to do this

job he goes okay gets on the plane uh goes kills 45 people kills the last guy flies the plane back job done like there wasn't a part where he might not have accomplished this goal and in this one so they're basically like you know the coach the coach decides it has to be him and they never explain why the other goalies are gone so they're in game seven of the finals of this minor leagues so and the press care a lot about this minor league they've made up the the league and it's got it's got to be him but they never explain what happened to the other two goalies so basically if you go to the game seven every team especially you know like a somewhat of a high level would have two goalies so they played the entire season now then on top of that now they've played the entire finals so whatever five rounds now they're in game seven they played all six games now they're in game seven

but for some reason they don't have a goalie and everyone's like why would it be him at 65 and the coach goes i believe in him but they're like and he lost his you know he he was the best goalie but then he got addicted to drugs and all this stuff and that's why he's bad but they go it has to be him and every and the guys are kind of like i mean he's 70 years old he hasn't played in 15 years and he goes i have faith in him you know i believe this the fucking guy you're gonna fucking question the leader of the team so we can't and then they ask him they bring him to a diner and it's like hey I want you to you know play in this game and he goes sure then they just go so that's it there's no part where

he wasn't gonna do it from the get-go he's like I'm in he visits his dad so then they're trying to make adversity where it's like at this point they're trying to make adversity where it's like, at this point, they're trying to make some adversity. Like the reason. So he goes, I'm going to get, I'm going to get some advice from my dad.

So his dad's the worst guy ever. He's bowling. He shows up and he goes, dad, uh, they want me to play in this game. And he goes, why would he ask you to play in the game?

You're a fucking loser. You're a loser. And you're a pussy. And he goes, thanks dad. And then he walks away. And then his, and then Frank D'Angelo you're a pussy and he goes thanks dad and then he walks away and then his and then frank d'angelo's wife comes up and she goes my husband is not a pussy and you're like okay so you've got now you've got the stakes the dad's the dad thinks he's a pussy which he already you know would have known that but he goes to visit the dad and in this whole time he's talking with huge spaces. He goes, I think he's crazy.

He wants me to play in the championship game, but I got to do it. Then his wife is like, what are you talking about? You're 60. The film style, there's fades everywhere. So I used to, I like this this there's this guy who's an editor on one of the podcasts editing podcasts i used to listen to but he said he said fades are for pussies that don't know how to cut and i really think that i the kind of way that i think improv

is for pussies that don't know how to write like if you when you really like it's it's kind of like oh we'll think of it on the spot and it, well, you couldn't think of it before. You know, the same way with fades. It's like, it's kind of like a pussy way to cut. Because you're like, ah, this cuts. You know what? Let's just fade it all over. It's like a pussy way to make film is you fade everywhere.

So every cheesy after effect in the book, they cut back. And then they keep cutting back to the two scenes. Because there's only two scenes before the game starts, basically. And the dad calling him a pussy. And they cut back to that every 15 seconds. But it just happened. And then when they cut back, they put film stock as if it's old grainy footage. But you're like, yeah, but that just happened 15 seconds ago.

You're like, it's all the flashbacks. You just saw last scene and they have fades on them so every cheesy thing in the book and then the best part about it is the game starts so that you're like 20 minutes into the movie there's been you know the three scenes a big long music montage then the movie starts and it's just 45 minutes of real-time hockey play. Like, you watch two minutes of it, you go, okay, whatever. Like, what sports movie, whether it's football, baseball, how much real-time hockey do you watch?

So the hockey players, like, he obviously just, you know, hired some team. So the hockey is bad quality. Like, it's men's league hockey style. And they just, and he's the goalie. So he's not in it 99.9% of the time. And you legitimately just watch a frigging men's hockey game for 40 minutes. But they put the, they put the, the, the like logo of the, the score and everything on the screen.

So you're watching it like as it's being broadcast, but they can't decide whether you're, whether you're doing that or not, because sometimes they'll show the announcers broadcasting. And then sometimes they'll show the announcers with like the actual cameras, like it's not on the screen and they can't decide which one it is. But it is, you literally are just like,

as if you walk down to the local community center because it's not in a big arena it's like madison square gardens it's in legitimately the the game is taking place in in a community center and if the filming they never film above the boards because the arena they're filming at doesn't have like a big stand so they probably like found different stands to put all these people here to make it look like the stands are bigger. And it's the so you're watching 45 minutes of real time hockey. And then every once in a while, do they cut to a heckler? And the heckler goes, hey, Bird, you suck.

It's like this guy hasn't played in 15 years. And all of it is like whether the goalie, it's like, is Bird going to be able to do it as if it's, you know, basketball? And he's the star of the team or it's like a boxing gonna be able to do it as if it's you know basketball and it's he's the star of the team or it's like a boxing match the rocky kind of situation but with the goalie like it's not like the goalie makes or breaks the team in that scenario especially so his team scored it's like and people are like ah bird sucks it was like it was second period and they have zero score their team has zero it's like okay best case they'd be tied then. But the whole thing, and they keep going back to the coach and he's like, I'm telling you, I have faith in this guy. And you're like,

faith in him to what? Like not get scored on more. It's like your team needs to score. So from like a adversity standpoint, it doesn't make sense. Cause he's the goalie and he's, he plays the goalie in real life and he sucks at goalie so he's like flopping around and they're like oh a save you're it's you're legitimately watching you know a guy it's like watching old-timers men's league hockey is the level like it looked like when I was watching this I'm like yeah that's how good I am at hockey and the music is every once in a while they cut in him speaking and then the music's inspirational. Like he's about to score. And it's like, you can do it.

But he's just a goal. He's the goalie. So it's like, you can do this. And then the play just resumes. And he sort of stands at the net because he's the goalie. And then they keep flashing back to like, you're a pussy. They flash back to that a bunch. And also the announcers are partisan.

So like if you watch a hockey game, the announcers aren't like, another pass from the good guys. Oh, the good guys are partisan. So like if you watch a hockey game, the announcers aren't like, another pass from the good guys. Oh, the good guys are about to take it. So the announcers are like on his team. Like, you know, I hope Bird could do it. Like, this is the story. Like, we're going to need one right here. It's like the announcers are on the side of this guy

that hasn't played 15 years later. Also, there was no montage in between where he like gets back into shape. He doesn't even have a practice. He just straight up, we need you to play they cut to the game he's at the game now and then at the end of it the team wins and it's all like he he caused it even even though whatever three two or whatever they take the photo of the team and then before they take the photo of the team he leaves and as you can predicted his of the team, he leaves. And as you can predict it, his dad was there and he goes, I'm sorry, I called you a pussy. You are not a loser.

So they wrap that up. And then he walks away eight miles, mile style. Like, you know, I just got to do my own thing. I'll see you later. One last thing is when, when his wife shows up to the game. So he's lives with his wife and then he shows up to the game and the wife's there and she goes when he goes what are you doing here you're not supposed to be here but like they never had her like he never had him telling her not to come or her saying she's not gonna come the gist of it was as if like she it was rocky like i don't want you to do this you're gonna get hurt and then she shows up anyway but there's just no reason why she wouldn't be there like she's been supportive of the you know the other two scenes and then shows up he goes what are you doing here and she's like you know i come to the games why wouldn't i be here and i'm gonna give it that

100 for the boys recommendation to watch this movie and since i'm giving that such a thumbs down i want to there was another movie i did watch called blind spotting because right now if you look on netflix there's all the black categories. And I said this before. It's like I'm so impressionable. I feel like I'll watch four black movies and I'm like, I got the fist up. I'm doing the whole thing. But I thought it was a pretty good movie.

But the reason I liked it and the reason I wanted to talk about it is because I feel like it was did something that like so many movies and characters screw up right now and I thought it was good because it showed like both of the sides as humans and I was talking to like um Kurt Masker about this and I because I think I'm having a podcast but I'm doing like a video with him and he released this thing recently that was Ben Shapiro and Biden talking to each other, and I thought it was like really, really funny, and it's so simple that you just like have to write the other side like they are humans because they are humans, and that's like such the biggest problem with everything. So in this movie, I felt like they had the, you know, the black perspective,

and then they showed the white guy that was kind of living in the black perspective and then they showed the cop as sort of a human at the end too. It felt like you kind of could empathize with everyone's place in their life or whatever, whether they were right or wrong. And so many people right now, they just write characters like they hate them. And I think Norm Macdonald had like a good saying on this at one point too he was like when the way that people portray trump and he's like you know to do like a really good impression of someone you have to like them a little bit because people

like themselves and even when they hate themselves they kind of like themselves you know they still think that they're good internally no one just thinks that they're bad or very few people. So a lot of times it's like they write people as like assholes who just like know they're assholes and are bad. But it's like they don't see themselves like that. So it was I thought they did a really good job of like, you know, kind of writing Ben Shapiro in a funny way and then writing Joe Biden in a way. But not in a way that you looked at it and you're like, yeah, that's right. Fuck you, Biden. It was kind of like they almost made him like endearing while making fun of him, which I thought was like such a, you know, a good way to do it. And he writes him like really flubby, funny flubs. He calls him

Jericho, Jericho Biden. But they just yeah, they just make it, I thought it was like, you don't, you see a lot of the other way right now. And it was kind of like, what's in my opinion, like one of the big problems in comedy, entertainment and everything. Now, thank you to people who have bought tickets already for my New Jersey and

Philly shows, Ryan long comedy.com for tickets. We've sold a whole bunch right now. Some of the tears are already sold out, which is cool. And also if you're like a cinematographer or anything like that that lives in the miami area hit me up the boys cast with ryan long at gmail.com because i'm going to be there for a month we're getting an

office me and danny poloschuk are going to write our movie there um in the andrew schultz manor he's got a big place there and there's like a we're getting an office in that building and we're gonna work on that there and i was getting killed because uh when we were doing i asked i go there someone wanted me to come to la to do some something and i was trying to figure out whether i can make it work and i go is so how far is la close to miami or no and then people are like you're an idiot because allegedly it's at the other side of the country and i go all right then reminds me when i first moved here one of the country. And I go, all right then. Reminds me of when I first moved here, one of the things that got killed on the most. We were at Coney Island and I asked, what lake is this?

They go, this is an ocean, partner. And I go, okay then. I will see myself back to Canada. Me and my friends have been having a pretty good time because we have one, our friend who dated, this girl that dated our friend, she has a new boyfriend that kind of looks like him, but like a scummier version. And we've been loving sending each other photos of this guy being like, definitely looks like a guy that was paid

in cash. Whatever his job is, he's paid in cash. You could just picture him having a smoke break over a flipped up mark, a flipped over milk carton. We're having a good time with that. But I have something that I based off a question that someone sent me today. So one of the boys sent me a question to the email being like talking about a phenomenon, which is life coaches. And basically they're saying, you know, they've seen all these life's coaches pop up and they've seen a lot of people that they know become life coaches or get life coaches. And kind they've seen a lot of people that they know become life coaches or get life coaches and kind of one of the points of their email was saying that a lot of them are

using like all these fake social media tactics like they they have no followers but somehow they have all these likes on their things and it seems fishy or whatever which usually those are pretty easy to spot which I do love when you see them, you know, a million views and 20 comments or something like that. But it kind of reminded me of this life coach thing, which is such a phenomenon. And I wanted to sort of go through it in general. So I found this article, which was, it's like 10 pieces of advice from the top life coach. And in general, I always kind of think, coach. And in general, I always kind of think, so our life coach is bullshit is probably like the original question to answer. And there is something to be said about, you know, why take advice from someone on anything if they haven't done it themselves before?

Because there's two different ways. One is advice and the other is kind of like ideology. So a lot of times, you know, when you think of like Tim Ferriss and James Aldricher and Ryan Holiday and that whole world that kind of stemmed from like the Robert Greene, 48 Laws of Power world, like the biggest thing that they were kind of good at, I think, is like sort of a different way of looking at the world, like a pragmatic way of sort of how to analyze problems and how to think about how your life should be. And I think there's like so much that those guys like added to that conversation. And then a lot of times once you kind of hear it, you're like, all right, I got it. Like now you think like that

sort of like they switched off something in your brain that wasn't working that good. Like you were thinking about things in like a box. And once you sort of open up that box, but any, most of the time, you know, people's advice is how to be them. And most of the time advice that's good is how to, is specific advice. Like I have three people in my life that I sort of call, you know, when I have issues and being like, Hey, what do you think of this? I have this like problem. And a lot of times it's like, have you tried this? And they actually give you out of the box solutions that you haven't thought. Like, what if you, what if you hired two people instead of one? And and, you know, whatever it is, like there was specific advice as opposed to other people that usually their advice, you're like, yeah, I thought of that. But when I was young, so when I was like,

I think it would have been like 22 or maybe no, probably maybe like 24 or something. I think, uh, when someone in Toronto, um, I think it might've been like Nicole Arbor, if you guys remember. She was, she's like a big, like has a big YouTube personality. But she was in Canada, when she was in Canada, she had like, it would be the equivalent of like what girl code and guy code is here. We have this thing called MTV video on trial. And there was like, you know, kind of five or six people that kind of became big, big stars off that thing. I was on it a few episodes, but it was kind of like in the later years where I was on like the last couple of seasons and then it died down. So it was like not really as big of a thing for me, but some people kind of like built whole careers off of

their being on like this video on trial thing. And I think she had this life coach and a few different people. This is when it was first coming off, people being like, Hey, you should talk to this guy. He's like really helpful or whatever. And I go, okay. So you should talk to this guy he's like really helpful or whatever and I go okay so I remember talking to this guy and my takeaway was this is retarded so I talked to this guy I remember the first thing he said is he was like you know I want I go let's just have a conversation and see if you could be helpful because I don't know even what they do like I mean I've had managers in the past that have given me advice that is pretty helpful or other people in my life. I'm like, maybe this guy is like, you know, has all this knowledge. And I started talking to him and I remember the first thing he said, he was like, you know what I want you to do. I like, I want to give you an

assignment. And I go, okay. Like we haven't decided if we're doing this yet. We're just chatting. But he goes, I want you to ask someone, someone uh one or two people that are close to you to tell them a flaw about yourself and I go yeah I'm not doing that and then he goes uh okay the other thing I want you to do is ask someone for something that's a long shot that you wouldn't normally ask for like he was giving me he tried to give me these uh like tasks that would make me like a better human and I go yeah this is crazy like there's zero chance I'm calling up like a friend and being like hey Danny like uh I was wondering if you could I have a assignment for my life coach could you tell me one flaw about myself that I could improve I go this is such girl shit there's no scenario

and he goes ask someone for something I I go, no, that's crazy. I'm not like calling up someone and asking them to do something for me that I feel like is out of reach. I go, this is insane. It's so it's like, it's all of the, like these life coaching things, a lot of times revolve around someone that's like a mess or, and then you go back to him. It's like, are you more successful than me? And you go, probably not. So it's like a lot of times, you know, the best probably football coaches were really good at football. And the best like, you know, people that give you advice on comedy understand comedy and were good at it. So it's kind of like the whole industry of people giving advice to people where they don't do that thing seems to me you know

suspicious out of the gate because they don't understand it but they're like more importantly it's always focused on this people that kind of like aren't doing very well and they have all these like blocks internally and then how to sort of get on track to be like a medium person I'm like I don't have a problem asking things for people I don't have a problem like evaluating what I'm good at and bad at it's like this is crazy so it's like you know these guys just have this system and even this I read the you know read the article and you kind of look at it and you go okay but if they say here's these 10 things you need to, uh, that like help you, you're a little bit like,

okay, so why don't I just read this article? Like, why do I need someone to tell me it? If it's not really specific, if it's kind of like some system that you have, like, yeah, put it in a book. And if it does well, then it'll get to me. Like, if this does well, where a lot of people are like, yeah, this was super helpful. That package of advice will kind of get to me once it's successful. And then I'll see if there's anything I could use from it. But a lot of it kind of seems like, you know, medication instead of practical advice, you know, how to like cope when you're dealing bad, all this sort of stuff. It's always the same way that when people, you know, are depressed and

all that stuff, a lot of times doctors will kind of be like, okay, here's medication. And then it just sort of solves the problem where you like feel better, but it didn't really solve anything. Cause a lot of times these use like practical advice. And if these people don't know the intricacies of the situation, then, then how would it help? A lot of times, you know, like you'll be talking to your girl or something and she'll be like, you know, what do you think I should do in this? And I'm like, I don't want to answer because I don't know all the factors. And I also don't want to know all the factors. Because this is going to take me half an hour to like understand exactly what we're dealing with.

So it's kind of like girl therapy a little bit more than guy therapy always. Because like, you know, and I do get that part of it. Like if you have whatever, a therapist or a life coach or all that sort of stuff. Because girls sort of just like to talk shit out you know they want to like talk stuff out where i'd way rather you know go so they don't have to burden everyone in their life you know what i mean so you don't have to just constantly be you know talking for hours with people in your life about you know whatever whatever issue you're having you can pay someone to do that for you and now you don't feel guilty about it so i think there's something to be said about that but as a guy i way prefer there's an old thing that

says women speak 5 000 words a day and men speak you know 800 or something like that i don't know the exact numbers but apparently it's like a study and it's actually kind of true and one of the reasons for that is because men do more thinking in their head and women do more thinking by like talking out problems so i guess i see if it's like you need to talk everything out but i think of me i'd way rather like go for a walk and like think about the thing sometimes just thinker and think sit there and think of people like what are you doing i go thinking would you just look like a psychopath you're just sitting there like not moving what What are you doing? I'm thinking. What do you mean? But yeah, I think that probably in general,

getting in the ideology of the people that are kind of like high performers is probably more useful for a guy. But I'm going to go through the things that she says to, as a life coach, like how to be, you know, the things that they're saying. These are the 10 or whatever, how many points of advice from this alleged high-performing life coach, one of the top life coaches in the world, as they say. And I'll tell you whether I agree with them

or don't agree with them. And the first one, it says, be yourself. It's better and easier to be a first-rate version of yourself than a third-rate version of anyone else. How long till you fake it? Anyway, you're like, It's better and easier to be a first-rate version of yourself than a third-rate version of anyone else. How long till you fake it? Anyway, you're like a—how long can you fake it for anyway?

You're like a snowflake. Yo, you're a snowflake. This guy's already insulting us. Just as no one else in the world has your face, no one else has your unique gifts, strengths, and personality. So I think I agree in general and you, but so yeah, it's like, that is a fact that the, the best, you're better at finding out who you are and what you're good at and then aligning that with the things like, but the problem is probably most people don't know who they are and they don't know how to match that up. So it's like, that's the easy part, like accepting the idea that you'll

be better when you actually are who you are, but it's like, how do you find that out? And that's, to me, you find that out by doing experiments. And then you find the life you're best suited for. Cause it's like, it's, let's say you wanted to, you know, you're like, I'm going to be better at being myself. And I want to be in like a really high stress job. And it was like, the answer might be, you actually would be better at that job if you were not yourself. If you're super emotional, you'd be like, you actually might be better at that job

if you turn into someone better. But probably the answer is that you're not, that you're not suited for that job. If you're super emotional in a high stress job, like you might be better for something where you could cry all day. So the easy part is like, yeah, that like catch all, like you're better at being yourself, but like, what does that mean? Like, that's yeah. Kind of obvious. And you go,

then what? It's like, how do you find out who yourself is and how do you match that? And like, that's where it like, that's the kind of part of it that actually gets complicated. But in general, you go, okay, they're not untrue. Two, you have nothing to prove. Do you ever feel like when you achieve X or Y or finally score that job or man or woman or reach the ideal weight, your worth will go up? Well, you can drop the struggle. You were enough from the day you were born. So that's untrue. And I think that that goes back to the girl advice. But men do actually have something untrue. And I think that that goes back to the, the girl vice, but like men do actually have something to prove. And so much of your like success is tied to the place

in the world. And you can think of exact cause real, like real confidence is earned. Like if you're the, if you're like so confident, you're enough at a bar where everyone's fighting. It's like, that comes from the being tough. If ever, you know, perfect example. It's like, it kind of goes to this idea that they're saying like, Oh, don't care what people think. But it's like, well, unfortunately you, of course you have to care what people think. And you do. So it's like, if you're like, Oh, be yourself, but also you don't have anything to prove. It's like, well, the type of person I am, like, I do feel like I kind of want to prove something and I probably won't be happy unless, you know, like most guys, it's like,

if you have, if you're like homeless, it's not like, oh, you just be, you know, you have nothing to prove. It's like, well, no, I'm going to be more confident person if I feel like I'm happy with where I am and stuff like that. If every one of your friends is like, yo, this guy only fucks like the grossest chicks.

You do have something to prove to kind of like show up with a dime and be like, huh? And then everyone's like, okay. Like when I I first moved to America no one knew who I was and like I needed everyone to kind of like quickly realize that I was funny so I had to kind of get in front of the most people and like have good sets and it was like no the I didn't need to do that and then once I did that I could sort of like relax a little bit and go back to focusing because now I wasn't like you know walking into this or like interacting with people as this like guy that people didn't think was important. Like you kind of, for a lot of scenarios, you do need something to prove. Like

it's, you know, in any workplace scenario, you're like, oh, I'm going to go make deals. But like, I've never done anything before. It's like when you get fake confidence, that's how you get the like, you know, rapper confidence or like uh club owner finance uh like i've i've got 50 ideas i'm gonna do this it's kind of like well that's just fake confidence like real confidence does come in from you like proving yourself internally and externally so i think that's kind of the we don't care what people think is like sometimes a loser mentality i think it's like i don't care what anyone thinks. Like we kind of should. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of me. It matters a little bit. They say, you don't have to earn your place in the world. You don't have to please anyone or

entertain others or compete unless doing so makes you happy. You are enough exactly the way you are right now. So unless that makes you happy, but it makes everyone happy to be doing well, you know, your goals might be different, but to say that like, you don't have to compete. It's like, that's just how you lose. Like those who don't play the game at all, just lose. And it's easy to be like, Oh, I'm not playing. It's like, okay. But generally you lose when you do that. So you, you a 100% do have to like earn this plate, your place in the world. But so I guess out of, you know,

and maybe it's like kind of girl rationalization, life coaching. But if I went to a life coach and they're like, I was like, okay, I want to like win the Super Bowl. And they're like, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You okay, but yeah, this is, you know, my life's a mess. I don't, or whatever.

I'm like mid-level and I want to like run this company and I want to move up quicker. And they're like, it is not, you don't have to care what anyone thinks. You don't need to care how they look at you. And it's like, okay, I do. So even on a little scale, it's like, you know, all my friends are like getting married and all that stuff. It's like, you don't have to care what anyone thinks. It's like, no, that's not true. You need to be able to like rationalize your decision. Like if you're deciding to stay single for a career, whatever it is, you need to rationalize that decision. It's not that you just say, Oh, who cares what anyone thinks? I'll live in my own world. It's like, unfortunately you live in population earth. So kind of that one kind of

smells like how to cope when your life's a mess to me. Number three, you can't control anyone. Tell that to a pimp. Have you ever met someone who thought that they were wrong about their choices? Neither have I. I mean, I have definitely met people that knew that they made the wrong choices. was part of my journey. And it's like, yeah, that's a rationalization thing, but not everyone's like that. Some of the most mature action or inaction or biting our tongue. For example, my super duper healthy friend and I went for lunch last weekend. She ordered a salad. I ordered a bagel with extra cheese and a milkshake. She didn't say a word. That was nice of her to not call you a fat fuck. So you're saying your friend is, is she's, you know, operating. She's obviously heard of your coachings and she knows not to judge you. But that's not really what you can't control anyone means because you can control people a little bit, but you can only change people a little bit.

And it's just how you control and change people. I mean, obviously, people can control other people. But should you and how do you do it if you want to? And that's why, why like you look at those like 48 laws of power books it's like obviously there's some stuff in there that's aggressive but you go and it's like the dark arts a little bit but there is like truth to all these things if you can kind of control people i mean there's lots of women that control men lots of men that control women it's like do you want to live in a scenario where you're kind of controlling

someone and you mostly change people's opinions. You know, you can control people by changing people's opinions. It depends what you mean by the word control. But like really by making, you know, a better option, by having an attractive life. Like you actually change people's, you know, musicians change people's opinions on how to dress

less by telling them how to dress and more by like doing it and being successful and people being like, oh, that's cool. I want to be that guy. So you can kind of control people, but generally how to people's lives and stuff like that, you move them a little bit. And where I kind of do agree is there is something to be said more so about not thinking that people are going to want the same things as you. And I think that's where the, you kind of get into problems. It's like, you know, two people are going to want the same things as you. And I think that's where you kind of get into problems. It's like, you know, two people are in a relationship and they want different things, or you're like working with someone and you want different things. One guy wants to take over the

world and one person wants like a comfortable life. And those two things are conflicting. And one's always trying to change the other. And you just end up in this like constantly butting heads. So much suffering, they say so much suffering comes from trying to control others, their actions, their habits, and their worldviews. This can include strangers online, your ex or your colleagues. So yeah, in that one, that part, I do agree, but you can control people. It's just a matter of like, do you want to, and more importantly, do you want to be in a scenario with people that you have to control? Like I've seen people, you know, date someone that wasn't like them

and, you know, go through five years of kind of eventually getting them in like a system that they want. Maybe they were going out too much or whatever the fuck, or maybe the opposite. And eventually you turn them into that. It's like, yeah, it comes with a bucket of problems if they're not naturally that.

You can pull it off, but it's probably not the move. The old saying goes, live and let live or in modern times do you, but that means to let everyone else do them. Well, if you don't have to work with them or you don't have to interact with them. So if that was your kid, you know, if that was like your employee, like, you know, you have to sort of find people that like fit with what you need from them or vice versa. And if it doesn't work, then yeah, probably there's a point where you're better off parting ways than you are trying to move them. But like, you probably could control people to some extent. You just, it's not the move, but again, it kind of

just like fits in that like loser mentality but like just live and let live man it's like okay but what if you have like a what if you have like a a company and everyone's just slacking off and no one tries like live and let live man it's like it kind of there's this um i think someone's said this quote so it's not for me, but it basically said like, a lot of people that were like young people and like kind of commie oriented sort of situation, they have the like, they have the luxury of living in a utopia

because they never have to deal with logistics. And it's like a lot of these sayings, like live and let live and stuff like that. It's something that you're like, you have the luxury of kind of thinking those vague things if you never have to deal with like logistics of actually doing something like there's a million scenarios where live and let live isn't gonna work like you can't control people like what if someone wants to kill you it's like just live and let live like people's you're living in a world of people with like conflicting interests and the

idea of how to like you know get what you want is to sort of navigate that and put people with like conflicting interests and the idea of how to like you know get what you want is to sort of navigate that and put people in like the right categories so the other part of it is they always all these things always are used by people for something crappy like it's always it's never like you know oh do you know what? My best friend just started this company from scratch, and now they're a billionaire. Live and let live. It's always like, my friend dropped out of college, and now they decided to go travel, and now they sold all their money, and they're collecting seashells on the beach, and they got involved in a gang, and now they're going to jail.

Live and let live, man. It's like, no. They always use, like, live and let live generally is used to justify bad stuff, not to promote, like, being good. Which I think people are more happy when they're doing good. which I think people are more happy when they're doing good. So it's probably like, I think a lot of these life coaches would be better for men and more useful if they shifted from rationalizing bad things

to creating systems for good things. Yeah, it sort of reminds me of the drugs fixing depression stuff. They say, don't take yourself too seriously. So I think I agree with that. And I like Seinfeld had a really good quote where he was like, um, whenever you, you should always zoom out. It's a good way to solve things. Whenever things seem start to seem too important, zoom out. And you kind of like, you know, think of like the whole world and the whole universe. He has like a, says he has a picture of a universe or whatever. And you, you know, it's that old, like, I guess like, you know, of like the whole world and the whole universe he has like a says he has a picture of a universe or whatever and you you know it's that old like i guess like you know you're

like a grain of sand or whatever but when you can zoom out you want to zoom in sometimes but also zoom out and then you're like you're right none of this like sort of matters then it can sort of put it in perspective and when you start thinking you're too important it does sort of that's when people start to get bad whether they're like artists that start to think they're too much of a genius which i don't even like really agree with the the genius word i think a lot of it is like a tetris thing where people like i was saying earlier it's like certain people just have like a certain combination of skills which really suits you know one specific thing this person might be like the best at you know being like a

visual artist for whatever reason like whatever combination of skills they have is like the perfect fit for this so it doesn't make them the only real genius i agree is like should be pretty like objective like someone who has an iq higher than 160 or whatever it is so like yeah this this person has an iq of 160 their brain works like better in like all these capacities like that's a genius everyone else like when they talk about in like all these capacities like that's a genius everyone else like when they talk about like you know a Kurt Cobain being a genius is like no he was just a real good fit for the combination of things that needed that like one he was cool two he was good at like you know capturing like cultures pulse in like a bottled form and three

he was good at writing songs or whatever all of these things like combined that made them like super culturally relevant and four he was good at dying which catapult him um so they say when i was a teenage waitress the cafe owner i worked with had a rule that whatever we whenever we smash a plate or glass we ought to laugh which you know the your uh walk in oh your boss looking sad today you just smash a bunch of plates that should solve it for you laugh i thought you're gonna laugh but i agree that when bad things happen i think it's way better to just be like well all right and a lot of that comes from, you know, experience, too. In general, I think it's always good to like for people in because and that's why it's like a lot of these things just seem like sayings.

Because when you say don't take yourself too seriously, like what does that mean? How do I not take myself seriously and why why do I not take myself that seriously? And I think the better way to even think of that is that if you look at averages in general, if you look at averages of things instead of perfection, and you can still be like great but if you look at averages then you're you just accept some things that are bad aren't going to be part of the ecosystem even like little things like losing your wallet if you're like this is how i am i'm gonna lose my wallet three times in my life you just kind of think of it's like yeah that sucks i lost my wallet again that's one of the times or you get like a ticket you're like you know there's certain amount of cops on the road. I'm probably going to get a ticket seven times or whatever amount of times in my life. So you, if I'm going to speed either, you say,

all right, I'm never going to do that again. Or two, you go, yeah, I'm probably going to get eight more of those in my lifetime. So you go, all right, there's one towards my eight. And then your goal is never, is always like not to never be wrong, but to have like a good percentage. I think of like standup like that. It's never like, okay, make every joke perfect. And every joke gets a laugh or every set's great. It's like about who's mostly good. And with your, with the employees or people you work with, if you have like a coworker, it's like, it's not that they're always great. It's that they're most, they're, they have a good average. So they're usually helpful. They're usually not a pain in the ass. And then when you look at

averages, so it's like, that's the zoom out thing. Don't take any little individual event too seriously. And I think that's helpful. And always, always pitch yourself in your mind a little worse than you are. Cause you want to have like a little lot unrealistic optimism to succeed. But there's also like, I said this with stand up before probably on this podcast, but I always think like, if you, if you think you're better than you are, it's going to make you worse. Cause if you're like, let's say you're an eight out of 10 and you want people to think you're like a nine out of 10, then because you need to be so great, you can't take chances. So if you're

an eight out of 10, you need, you think you're a seven and a half out of 10, then you can do a little worse and it'll actually get you to be your eight out of 10. So in everything, it's like that, like, even like with this podcast, one of the reasons I've like sort of been hesitant towards, uh, ad deals is because you sort of sign up at like a certain amount of views a month or whatever. Right. And I'm like, I feel like I'm still kind of like experimenting a lot with different things. And I go, I don't want to like, and I know what podcasts do better than others. Like I see the numbers. I kind of know, you know, same with a video. Like I know what video I can make that kind of has more of like a viral thing, and I know one thing, what I can make that I think is funnier.

And I like to do all of those things, so when I kind of block myself into, oh, I need these high numbers, it kind of makes you so more rigid. So I think pitching yourself a little lower and then also looking at averages instead of individuals are both probably a good way to not take yourself seriously. Here's another one. You're doing great.

How often do we put off life? Don't do it because there is no tomorrow. The only time to take action and make something real happen is today. Yeah, it's kind of like Gary V shit. But it's like there's there's so much to misinterpret. And you're like, I don't know if there's a way. Again, I could read your pamphlet and maybe make my own conclusions, but do you really need to go to someone to tell you this unless they were super successful?

And put off life, it kind of goes back to my other thing where I think in all scenarios, that's going to be interpreted as something, you know, like surfing, backpacking around Europe. Most of the time when people go, oh, you know, you shouldn't put off life. I can picture like every girl I know right now being like, got it. Take that vacation. Not like, you're right. I shouldn't put off life. I should work 12 hours today.

There is no tomorrow. Well there is so they go you know there is no tomorrow it's only today for your social activities is what it sounds like well there is tomorrow it's not the only time to take action it's not the only time to do things and if also if you're doing great already what action no you're doing great you know you don't have to take action why would you take action if you're like i'm already killing it and even if i do bad i'm killing it some people aren't killing it if you uh if you've decided to start a company and now you're 80 grand in debt like you're not killing it if you've showed up for work once out of the last 10 days you're not really killing it so these things sort of toggle between support and actual life coach girls do like to be gassed up so i do get the appeal of this stuff and maybe there is some purpose to chicks like a lot of chicks love they need the like yo you're killing it i guess guys have that too but in a different way you like

you like to feel like you're winning yeah because it makes you a little more confident but it usually can't be fake i feel like girls can fake it a little more girls can just have them like you're amazing you're killing it and they're like oh okay sweet so maybe there's a benefit to like being gassed up but it's like psychological bullshit it's not like practical life advice and they say well actually i always find that uh it like almost bothers girls that i don't need to be gassed up. Cause I think a lot of people like to, uh, you know,

they want support. So they want to give you support. It's kind of like when people are like, you know, you should talk about your feelings more, but really what they want you to do is open up a forum where they can now talk to you about their feelings. I'm like, I don't, it's not worth it to talk to you about their feelings. I'm like, I don't,

it's not worth it to talk to him about my feelings for me. Isn't worth it to have to hear about yours. But it always, I found like a lot of times with girls, it kind of bothers them that like, I don't need anything, you know? And I get that.

If you, you kind of want to be helpful and you start feeling not needed, it's annoying, but it's like kind of is, you know, it's not nothing, but it's just the wrong things. It's like,

I don't need support. And they're like, well, what do know it's not nothing but it's just the wrong things it's like I don't need support and they're like well what do you need a sandwich the toilet cleaned I do need things real actual things so you're like you know why don't you want to talk about this and like why won't you like open up to me I go I don't need that but I do need you to walk down to this door and pick up my props. That would be helpful. Practical things. A couple more. They say failure isn't final. So I think I agree with that.

And I often go back and forth on this a little bit because I go back and forth on whether or not failure is good because it depends on what you're doing, I think. So their thing is failure isn't final. And there's, you know, that's pretty obvious. Like just because you fail this doesn't mean it's over forever. And you go, yeah, it's almost like a truism at that point. But on the topic of failure, there's kind of two schools of thought. There's one school of thought. There's one school of thought that like failure makes you stronger and you know, you learn from it and all

that. And then there's another, there's like the Peter Thiel school of thought that failure is overrated. And I think they're both, there's merit to both those, but it depends on what you're doing. So it's kind of like everyone's advice is, is kind of how to be more of them with Peter Thiel. kind of like everyone's advice is kind of how to be more of them. With Peter Thiel, failure makes you better because it helps you understanding other people. It gives you more empathy, and it makes you more careful and cautious, and which could be good or bad. And then not failure, like just constant winning,

just all-day winning Charlie Sheen, you're more confident, and you're less careful,, you're more confident and you're less careful and you have more risk taking. So it depends on what you're doing and who you were to begin with. So some people are just like, you know, I've done things where it's like I've spent, I've like done so much. I'm so too confident that I start doing this thing and it's like I'm all in. And kind of a year later, you realize like, you know, and then there's other people like that was probably not the move but I never stopped and thanked because I was too you know I didn't have any failure to sort of like pump the brakes a little bit then there's the other side of it where people don't do anything because they always talk themselves

out of it because they're like oh you know why would I do that it's too much it's so obvious it's like kind of like the thing when you like people to smoke too much weed it's like you know it's always like oh you know like is there really a point of that like most likely it won't work and you kind of talk yourself out of it when you've had failures so with those people they might use a healthy dose of winning but I think with the Peter Thiel it's like yeah he might be better at that but if Peter Thiel was for example like uh making like a movie and writing characters, or maybe the way he is in his personal relationships, he might be better off having some failure.

Who knows? I'm sure that guy's a little autistic and all that stuff. He might be a nightmare to be around, and some of that might be that he just can't stop winning. So I think there's probably both. Like, you don't want too much failure, but you don't want none unless you're doing something like, let's say you're an athlete and all that matters is winning. Those guys might be better with just never having failure.

And it might make them a worse person in other aspects of their life. And it might make them more difficult to get along with. But it also might make them, that optimism, make them better at sports. So it depends on like what you're doing. Last one I'll do. 90, 99% of limitations are imagined. So that I clearly disagree with. And I think this kind of is the they've run out of, you know, kind of living reality. And it starts to

feel like all this, it just kind of starts to feel like, you know, slogans that you would put on a poster or whatever. Because they say Wayne Dyer, Wayne Dyer said he can become a no limits person anytime he wants to. Because the only limits you have are limits you believe you think you can run a marathon, you can you think you can run a side hustle, you can. Think you can have fun online dating, you can. And the same goes for whatever you think you can do. Or can't do. And you go, well, that's just like not true.

It's like you're basically saying for normal people, this thing that's like slightly out of reach, you could probably do that and everyone I don't think there's anyone here that thinks like I'm not capable of starting a side hustle I'm not capable you know and there's some you know one percent of the population that's probably like there's no chance in any scenario where I could have it fun on a date and it's like you actually can you're like okay but these are pretty low aims so yeah you proved yourself right by like making things that are pretty low but you go i want to be an astronaut even though i'm really stupid like you can't whether you think you can

or think you can't you can't big you know i want to start a business i have so many people that kind of that you'll meet them and they're like, I want to run a big company. And you go, you're not going to run a big company. I've met you. You can't. And you're like, well, that's just their brain getting in their way. And you're like, that's one of the things that's getting in the way of their brain capacity.

I want to be in the NBA. Whether I think I can or whether I think I can't, I can't. And you want to be the president, which is a funny one now because what's happened in the last little while, forever it was kind of like, you could grow up and be the president. Now it's probably like in so many liberal households, it's like you can grow up and be the president.

They're like, yeah, I don't want to be the president. What are you, crazy? I don't want and be the president. They're like, yeah, I don't want to be a president. What are you, crazy? I don't want to be the president. So I think it's like with anything. If you're working out, you want to push yourself a little more than you're at, right? If you do eight, you want to aim next week to do nine. You don't want to aim. If you can do 200 pounds bench, you don't want to aim next week to bench 9,000 pounds.

This is unrealistic. So I think that this life coach business probably doesn't... It's probably not useful. If you are more like a girl, if you're super emotional, I get that there's some idea of paying someone to listen to your problems so your chick and people in your life don't have to be burdened by your nonsense. Okay, well, usually I talk about that stuff

a little more on the Patreon, but I decided to take that one to the main cast. And I actually gonna continue that a little bit on the Patreon this week. If you wanna sign up, patreon.com slash the boys cast. Lots of cool stuff coming up. Thank you for listening to sign up patreon.com slash the boys cast lots of cool stuff coming up thank you for listening

to the boys cast and also make sure that you hit me up with any questions or things you want me to talk about at the boys cast with Ryan Long

at gmail.com I have been Ryan Long peace