The Boyscast with Ryan Long - A PROGRESSIVE MOTHER'S LETTER TO HER SON ABOUT P*RN

Episode Date: July 22, 2022

Problematic archeologists, Andrew Yang, Demi Lovato & a progressive mother's letter to her son. SUPPORT THE SPONSORS AT Butcherbox.com/boyscast - Free Ground Beef For Life + 10% Off Your Order SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yeah, you know what it is. Boyscast extra episode every week at patreon.com slash the boyscast. Also, make sure to follow Danny's YouTube channel. Help us get that to 10K right now. Get us to 10K. And also, August 26th, I'm going to be in Toronto. Oh, yeah. At Danny Palaszczuk.

Yeah, it's just my name. Danny Palaszczuk. It's just my name. And fellas, fellas tour also potentially will be out in Toronto. But as of now, Baltimore just got added. So Charlotte, Greensboro, Raleigh, Washington, Pittsburgh, Syracuse, Albany, West New York, Edmonton, Jacksonville, Miami, San Jose, Tacoma, Chicago, Los Angeles, Cincinnati, Columbus, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Plano. People did not like how I said Plano. And with popular demand, people like that one intro.

So I actually fucking cut it and stuff. And let's go. The boys. It's the boys' cast. The lads. It's the boys' cast. The dudes. Prepare yourselves for boys' cast.

The bros. It's the boys' cast. The homies. It's the boys' cast. The dudes. It's the lads. It's the lads. The boys. The Boys Cast. The Boys Cast. You already know what it is.

You know what it do. You already know what it is. You know what it do. And we're sort of recording this one day early because Danny's going on a big trip. And my life is a nightmare. Oh, yeah. I have a dog.

My life is a nightmare. Little fucking crooks. Well, Danny blew out the dog's back, he said. It's like the equivalent of taking your car in for a checkup. You get a fucking new... They put in a new engine and they go, we'll just bring it in at 5,000 miles. We're going to check it out.

Bring the car in. Drives fine. You get there. They go and drives fine you get there they go yeah your car well they're giving danny the update on the dog that they that no it's a fucking surgeon he's a new boat or something i'm saying it's the iphone update where it fucking cracks out in two seconds you know fucking you two's on my dog right now well either way because you're going away we are going we're doing this one day early and we're not exactly sure what happens so it's anything could happen tomorrow before we record that you know what i mean oh yeah we're doing this one day early and we're not exactly sure what happens so it's anything could happen tomorrow before we record that's you know what i mean oh yeah we could be you could be on your trip and we're reporting on the new york's just been bombed you know what i mean dude i mean that'll be fucking the conspiracy nuts will be out in full

force of the day i leave it's you know it's like all the saudis who left new york biden just like fell off his hammock on a new he He was doing a competitive hammocking competition. True Social changed his name to Ultra Social. There's lots of things that could happen. New Gender could have got announced. Anything, right? No, New Gender just was announced. But one. I don't know.

Dan Gender. Dan's Gender. So today when I was running, right? Almost the thing that you've heard of it happening, but it doesn't happen. You've seen the footprints, but I stepped in a big fucking cement pile. Oh, really? So nine construction workers are there, right?

And the cement- Oh, you are such a goof. You would do that too. A goof. Oh, buddy, I got two big steps. So they have a big slab of cement, right? All the construction workers are there, right? And they're all yelling at me.

So I was running past, and I was kind of like- And you're like, no pictures. It's okay. No pictures. Guys, I'm out on a run. right all the construction workers are there right and they all yelling at me but they're so i was running past and i was kind of like no pictures it's okay no pictures guys i'm out on a run shows of respect all right i'm not i'll catch you on the way back we all get a big group photo guys i know the construction workers love the fucking ryan long dude and they're like no well that's what they were but what happened was kind of reminded me of this thing in new orleans but basically they when i was running nine guys started yelling at me like, no, no. But I had my headphones in, so I didn't know what they were saying. I thought they were saying go the other way or something.

And it sort of distracted me. And then while I was looking at them all yelling at me, I go, pfft. So I literally got two pairs of cement shoes right now. And everyone- Ryan Long sleeps with the fishies. Yeah. So they were there about to give me a second set of cement shoes. They go, you like cement shoes right now and everyone sleeps with the fishes yeah so they were there about to give me a second set of cement shoes they go you like cement shoes

bad boy so i got i've got my shoes are covered in cement right those are probably done i don't know i think it just adds a little it's like wearing anklets yeah maybe like you just invented something you got a little bit of cement on your shoes to keep it kicking right so this is happening and they're all yelling and screaming at me at this point, right? And they're like, why are you doing this and that? And I just like, you know what the thing is? People don't really know what to do when you just apologize. Because so many people are, especially in New York.

Well, when it's a real accident, they're like, what do they want you to do? Learn how to lay cement now? No, they want to yell at you. Yeah, because there is no recourse. No, but that's what I'm saying. They want to yell at you, right? But no one's used to someone just apologizing like and i i feel like i have a maybe ego with like comedy and maybe this kind of stuff maybe girls a little bit but like anything else i don't really have like a big like like if some guy bumps in me

i'm not like what are you doing buddy i'm usually like oh sorry yeah yeah sort of fight no but so the guys came up and they were all like buddy what are you doing i was like usually like oh sorry yeah yeah i got a sort of fight no but so the guys came up and they were all like buddy what are you doing i was like oh dude so sorry like that my bad didn't mean that and they were all just like they were so they were like mad that i robbed them of their ability to get in a fight with me because they all wanted to blow off some steam about it right but what are you going to blow off steam when i'm apologizing they're like you god why what are you doing what are you idiot i go yeah i'm an idiot and they were just like just can you give me i robbed them of their ability to argue with me right but i weren't probably not happy about that oh they had all the hand gestures ready to go i don't know

what's going on my voice right now yeah i don't know i think i fucking need to go back to my voice doctor surgery dr hands was his name dr hands well it reminds me it reminded me of what happened in fucking new orleans right because there was this reminded me of what happened In fucking New Orleans right Cause there was this Big pile of dog shit right Or horse shit right Yeah So we were on this strip

And there was a pile of horse shit Like Probably the biggest one I've seen right Like I have all the horses In New Orleans This is their spot I guess right

And we sort of figured out That if when tourists Came around the corner They would see it And then step in it right But when they would come Around the corner There'd be music playing

So we'd dance the music We'd look at them and go hey what's up y'all oh you distract them from looking distract them that's a bit of a do you see them in just for laughs gags so that's a really nice guy right and then so we had this we had families were coming around and we would be like pumping the music like yeah and they would all be like oh and then they would be hyped up for a second like yeah and yeah. And then, and then, but eventually people started noticing us doing this. Right. So we had like a little crowd gathered around of like four or five people that sort of got the bit. And then eventually there was at one point we had like

probably 30 people, 30, 35 people kind of with us. And they were all doing it too. So people would come around and they'd go, Oh, and then they'd look and then a new person would shit and then some of them would join the pile right and then eventually a cop came by and the cop did it for one and then the cop was like okay we can't be doing this yeah that's great well that's what the construction workers did to me though i probably would have seen the cement if they just hadn't said anything how fresh was it like was it one of those things where they could just kind of i've honestly when i first stepped in and i was i was lucky that i felt like i was gonna go deeper it one of those things where you could just kind of... Honestly, when I first stepped in it,

I was lucky that I felt like I was going to go deeper. I thought it was going to be fucking up to my knee or something, but it was only up to my... Right below my... Yeah, yeah, a good two inches. So your dick would have been fucking done, brother. We're gone. Missing.

Okay. Tweet of the week. Tweet of the week. Tweet of the week. Tweet of the week. Tweet of the week. Tweet of the week. No, it's tweet of the week. Tweet of the week. I can't believe that it's the tweet of the week. Tweet of the week.

I'm trying to do that song. Come on, Arlene. No, it's not. It's a song that sort of sounds like that, which is a hundred songs. Come on, Arlene. Melody got fucking abused by other bands. Stolen? Okay, this is a pretty good one. It's possible you sent it to me.

Or I found it on my own accord. It's one of the two. Emma Palladino, the archaeologist. Did you send that to me? I did, yeah. My trans and non-binary friends, you might know the argument that archaeologists who find your bones one day will assign you the same gender as you had at birth. So regardless of whether you transition, you can't

escape your assigned sex. And let me tell you why that's bullshit. Why is that bullshit? Well, it's bullshit that these fucking bigoted archaeologists, right? But what I think is a solution is every person, regardless of any gender, you get your gender pronouns tattooed

on your bones, laser-drawn. Yeah, honestly. Or like etching. You get it etched on your bones laser yeah yeah yeah that honestly you or like etching like you get it etched on your skull that should be like they'll just like kind of they just cut a little patch flip it up so you expose the skull 11 years old and then just go well the moment you choose you go this is what i'm at right because obviously this is your new identity and it does you're not going to change it at any and if you change it again they have to you know it is sort of a little bit of a deterrent to change it because every time you change it,

you do have to go in for the bone lasers. Yeah, but whatever. It's a minor inconvenience. Hey, there's only, imagine they misgendered your fucking dick bone. Can you imagine? That would be the funnest archaeologist. I think I found,

I think it's around 3800 BC. I think it's a man. You're like, how do you, what do you mean? How do you know that that's a man? Yeah, like How do you What do you mean How do you know That that's a man Yeah that's good The one archaeologist

That's just like Jesus Christ Oh my god This is the most problematic Dig I've ever been on This is ridiculous We found nine male tigers What the fuck

Excuse me So Or Option two Is that You have a device That's attached to your gender That's sort of like

A belt sort of situation That everyone has to wear At all times right Yeah And then when they dig you up The belt will that's attached to your gender that's sort of like a belt sort of situation that everyone has to wear at all times, right? Yeah. And then when they dig you up, the belt will still be attached to your bones, right? And then it's attached

to a detonation vice and if you're misgendered, it just sort of blows up the whole site. But how, I mean, this is all fine and good for people who are going to die

as of today. What do we do for every person that's died since today? They're fucked, yeah. They're just, we're just going to misgender every person? No. So not only are they dead, not only are, yeah. We're just going to misgender every person? No.

So not only are they dead, not only are they dead, we're now going to misgender them after the death, potentially? This is correct, yeah. I don't think that's a good thing. I guess you could sort of tell if you see their wacky haircut sort of thing,

you'd be like, we maybe don't know, because some of the hair still stays on those if they're preserved for a certain while. Yeah, not that long. I don't think you're going to get hair from 2,000 years ago. No, but if they're mummified. So the mummified ones, you might be able to tell. But you're right. What about mis 2000 years ago no but if they're mummified so the mummified

ones you might be able to tell but you're right what about misgendering like dinosaurs well I think it's one of those things you kind of see how they're saying you could tell if it's gay if the bones are sort of like the hands are sort of floppy so this is also on the same topic we do want

to do a congratulation to Leah Thomas for women of the year yeah Penn State women of the year it's Penn State women of the year what's this number like 12 women of the year like there's basically women of the year it's like pretty pretty solid you're being trans people i'm not the first person to say this but we really need some trans men of the year this is kind of getting a really lopsided has there ever oh elliot page was a man of the year wasn't he what did he get a man i think he got some fucking men's award. Yeah, I guess we need more of those.

Elliot Page got like nicest abs or something like that. Elliot Page is fucking jacked. It is working hard to get abs on a woman too. Yeah, for sure. Yes, obviously. Well, that wouldn't be the case here. I mean, he's not a woman. It's just an unrelated point that I was making.

For women, it would be hard to get abs, which is why it was so easy for him. Yeah, I mean, it would be hard for a dog to get abs, too. It's unrelated to anything. Have you heard of vabbing? I haven't heard of it recently. Yeah, well, someone sent me this from the Listen to Poets guest. So vabbing, because we've been following all these Reddits and stuff like that, right? So vabbing is a thing that's like there's a –

you know TikTok has all these bizarre communities. It would be like a community of I'm blind and why it's actually better. Yeah, of course, everything. Every empowered community you can possibly imagine, right? Every wacky thing. But vabbing, there's a whole cohort of women that are taking their fucking snatch juice and then rubbing it behind their ears and on their nose. First off, guys have been doing

gross shit like this for a long time, I think. You think guys are rubbing their dicks? Oh, guys saw something and go, oh, pheromones. Women like pheromones. I mean, I guarantee you guys have tried that shit, nasty stuff where they put a little piss behind their ears or something. Come on. I don't know. It is sort of...

Have you ever ran into a girl where you can sort of smell the fucking snooze like ran into her yeah we're like i just feel like i met her you know like whatever at a bar or something and you're just like this kind of smells like fucking pussy uh no but i've had encounters with women sexual encounters with women where certainly well that's why it's such a stupid thing, because either it's not really going to smell that much, or it smells like a bad-smelling vagina. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, I guess if it's mild, or if it's bad, but then you're like, a little dab, and you go, that's not too bad. But then you get in there, and you go, whoa, it's just 100 of this?

Well, I wouldn't think like, oh, yeah, that stench is getting me fucking kicked into gear. But that's the whole point. It's not about the stench, because it's like the pheromones. It's a biological process that you're not even realizing where you're just smelling it. Well, this is the thing. Women will do anything to trick men.

Like it's not, you have to be conscious of this. This is the thing. And they're wearing a fucking, you know, girls are out there wearing a full mask. Like Danny said, you know,

the new thing girls are doing where they basically get a piece of a, like a, like silence of the Lambs and they put that on their face and put makeup over top of it to like pad their chin

or some shit like that soon it's gonna be like you know they have the latex like fucking suit that you'll see like guys wearing where they'll pull it over

and you just have like Jack the six pack it'll be that for the face where they just like you meet a girl she goes let me just take my face dude I know

you have to unmask them like a Scooby Doo and you're like she was a six the whole time. No, that's what it is. They're legitimately

turning into everything they do is a disguise, right? So now they've got like smells to trick you. They got makeup to trick you.

And that's the thing because anytime they always go, it's like, oh, men make us, you know, we have to do

all this stuff because of men. It's like, you know, all the girls that had like the long necks and stuff.

That was from one guy one time that was like yo your neck's really long and then nine other girls were like yeah i mean like these long necks that's what it is same with like the feet binding thing one guy like the small foot and then fucking nine they're all like let's break our feet for it really is that's all it takes is one guy to say my girl's big on that though she she likes to blame me whenever we're late she's like getting ready and she'll be like i'm doing this for you and i'm like i actually sort of agree with that a little bit yeah but it's when we're like so late i go like i'll give you some time for it i'm not saying take no time no exactly but there is some degree of like i will take that deal where it's like you take too long to get ready but you

look hot yeah like it's i'd rather that be like hey i'm punctual it's like you look like a fucking mess we're not leaving you're on time but gross like yeah she shows up and she's like right on time you're like this is you look like a fucking subhuman put some makeup on you beast put your fucking girdle on get your girdle on get that burk on i'll put your girdle on get your burk on your neck's not even fucking spread out i want to get those feet binded up come on baby chop chop chop this i haven't seen though they will literally like put just like a just a piece yeah this is a new one that someone told me about recently a girl told me about this too is that like the guy who has half a face in Boardwalk Empire? No, it's kind of like, I guess something to do with chins is the first part.

But maybe you have a pointy chin, for example, so then you sort of even it out with some... It's called surgery. No, but you can't add stuff with surgery, really. Well, I guess you can, yeah. Yeah, you can. You've never been in there and been like, give me the Jay Leno? And they're just going to be like... Yeah, I guess you're right.

Well, basically, they're doing prosthetic makeup the way that they do. Well, it's prosthetic makeup. That's what it is. So they're doing makeup the way that they do to make someone get a bigger nose when he's doing Jew face. They're doing that to give him. I don't know what a girl would want a bigger of, though. Yeah.

Well, you know what? Sometimes if you have, your face isn't symmetrical because you have no chin. Some girls will just like, or guys will have no chin. No chin. It's like in like that. So lot of no no chin so they're the other putting a chin on perhaps yeah so this is the kind of thing that's going on there all in the name of women that's a lot we take a girl home you're like well also it's always so funny too because there's one girl she came on she was like uh she posted a video and she was like i don't need to know i don't uh know who needs to hear this but

vabbing works it 100 works i got offered two free drinks at the pool and then a guy gave me this and she explained it had a luxury uh luxury beauty products but it was just like there's nothing funnier than a girl doing all sorts of random stuff and then going to the bar and being like all my shit worked this guy tried to fuck me. Yeah, yeah. I got two drinks. But you're like, yeah, you can fucking be 400 pounds showing up at the bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's sort of a self-evident bravado kind of thing where girls could do anything and then show up to the bar and they're like, holy shit. Yeah, any kind of reinforcement and it just gives them, even though they could have shown up in a fucking burlap sack and some guy would have bought it. And then she could be out there there i saw a pretty fucking aggressive thing actually at a comedy club this is unrelated but it was like really one of those things um where this girl walked out of this comedy club that we were at recently i don't think you were there and uh she was like pretty drunk and then this guy just appeared out of like nowhere and

he was fucking going after her like pretty hard to the point where i was watching i was like i don't know if this is like i was kind of feeling like i was like i almost felt like i was watching like david attenborough you know i was like literally i'm like lady run like i didn't want to get in there but he she was like wobbling and i i was to the point i was like oh yeah it was getting a little much it was a little much and he was like hugging her and he was trying to make he met her for a minute he's already trying to like make out and it was not even night time like the sun was still out i was like oh my god did you almost white knight and get in there i was like gonna have to excuse me sir and then she fucking

shoot him away but you're out you were watching but he was honestly like it was stroking your gun i've never been i've like that was one of the most aggressive i've ever seen a guy like he was really what would the guy look like what did he look like uh like just a guy like but like white guy no what what race black guy like cool like kind of like uh swag no black guy or normal like a hype beast uh or like old school old school thug no no no not thug no no he was dressed normal normal just normal guy he just like athletic like athletic apparel uh no he's just wearing like Panned jeans and a shirt

I don't know He looked pretty normal But he just like Fucking was in on it He was on it Yeah yeah It was It was wild

So that was the guy tough though You wouldn't Cause I go Those are the guys That make us get in trouble Cause that gets Ascribed to every guy You wouldn't want to

Have to get into it With that guy though No I wasn't gonna get into it What were you gonna do You were gonna watch it Get home and then go That's a shame. Yeah, I was like, ah, I hope she's all right.

Haven't you seen the commercial that you need to stand up for this? I know. Honestly, it was so weird because it was happening six feet away from me. It would be amazing if that was a hidden camera show and they came out and they go, sir. John Quinones, what would you do? That show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like literally, we know people who have been on that show or whatever.

Wait, what? We know people as the actors. Someone we know was like an actor. I think someone, I can't remember. And they basically put people in situations like that. These crazy dudes. I've seen it where like they'll straight up be like, you know, you'll be in a diner and then they'll have the two actors and it'll be like a kid who comes out to their like

dad or something and be like, I'm gay. And then they're like, no, son of mine is disgusting. And then everybody's like, but it's so loud that everybody's like, what the fuck? You're like, you're not my son, blah, blah. And then they force them to like intervene. And then some people are like, and then they'll literally be like, so why didn't you say anything? And then someone will say something like, you can't talk to your son that way. That's no way to talk to your son just because they're gay.

And then he shows up. I actually do intervene on things sometimes here and there. What's that? I intervene on things. Yeah. Probably more than than i should but i feel like i'm a good intervener i've got like a fucking energy that's i've got a calming energy i feel like because i've actually intervened on multiple things and sort of sorted them out yeah i'm sure that fucking they got home and they gotta beat the shit out of them yeah he goes yeah just keep talking boy boy i got it i got it off the street, though.

I definitely have shut things down fucking intervening in the middle. I've always intervened. I go, a guy's fucking like, he's got his girl up against the wall. I go, hey, hey, hey, what did you do? I go, lady. Lady? I go, lady, why have you wronged him? Yeah, why is he so mad? What did you do?

I go, hey, hey, is she bothering you? He goes, you you know you want to pin her by the elbows not by the shoulders hey buddy you're gonna leave a mark up there i thought you know anything i actually have intervened though oh that was wild though we can't go too far into elon musk too much because he's fucking he's trying too hard to get in that news headlines these days so i need to fucking just address it though that his dad pulling a Woody Allen that's a weird one again they're saying okay so yeah but the funny

part is that he also said the same excuse where he goes hey you fucked your stepdaughter and had a kid with her and he goes we're here to populate I'm just an animal that's it he just straight up goes I'm just an animal the Musk family is. He just straight up goes, I'm just an animal. The Musk family is really big on the excuse that everything's

popular. Yeah, I mean, I'd be like, yo, this works when your son is like kind of like a modern day Da Vinci. It's less so when you're just the dad of Da Vinci and you're 75 and be like, yeah, you know, I've got to spread this seed. I mean, I guess he did make Elon Musk. Yeah, he's living off that. Apparently they don't talk either,

but they still have the same, they're still doing the same thing in the other side of the world. Well, you know, Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I guess. I mean, I could say there is some case to be made that if he made an Elon Musk,

that he owes it to the world to try and make another one. That's not the worst point. He made one. Yeah, but the mix, you want to make the mix with the same girl, right? Well, I mean, he's just like, in his mind, he's like, he made one yeah but the mix you want to make the mix with the same girl right well

I mean not to he's just like in his mind he's like she just was the fucking conduit to get that kid out yeah he thinks

he has the magic sperm it's in the balls not in the badge that's not what he's thinking that's what he's definitely thinking but there's something so funny he's like

you know do you just like fucking have a kid with a babysitter it's like yeah the world is welcome that's what we're here for talk to me in 25 years see where he's at you and me yeah yeah they're not his fucking wife's breaking in she's like you have a kid with a different fucking person the kid that we raised you made a kid with he goes you and me baby

nothing but mammals part of time we're back to do and then it's gonna reach you know get horny now the musk family always has the musk family always has that like locked and loaded on a fucking

boom box yeah there is like I actually do kind of go back and forth on that whole thing of like the Elon Musk because like

part of me you know you think probably is better like just the nuclear family or thing but then once you're like a certain stock of person yeah like maybe it is the best thing to just really spread your seat as far as it can go like gang i know like jengis khan style you know where he just has fucking like four million kids get fucking out that's him talking to his daughter his daughter his daughter stepdaughter

not by blood I think Woody Allen had a somewhat of a better excuse because his was like adopted and he was like we kind of only adopted her later in life and it was kind of more the girl's kid than his

still like fucking wild as long as there's no blood involved it was kind of more the girl's kid than his. Still like fucking wild, but this guy's like... Yeah, it's still wild. I mean, it's... As long as there's no blood involved, like they're not... Obviously, that's like a really crazy...

That's your thing, right? Yeah, yeah. No blood. Fucking get the chud. No blood, no ball. That's your thing that you're talking about. But yeah,

you know, it's obviously fucking weird, but I don't know. It is also like... You and me, baby. Is it that much? I guess it is that much. Like a stepbrother, stepdaughter?

Like stepbrother, stepsister? Is that... How much more fucked up is a stepdad, step... And she's 35. It's not like she's fucking 18. Stepbrother, stepsisters, wait. You didn't fucking... You weren't like raised by them.

Yeah, that's true. He was raised by her since he was four. No, raised by is weird. Yeah, raised by is fucked up no ifs ands or buts about it but he's saving the world then Captain America I mean if we have fucking

because of him we have internet on every single corner of the earth in a couple years there you go okay now we have a new segment

media live of the week media live of the week that's a bad one. We need a better one than that. See, this is the thing. The media, what you don't know about them is they lie. The lie in media.

Fake news, some might call it. But it's actually the Southern Poverty Law Center. Do you know them? Of course I know them. Dude, Southern Poverty Law Center is fucking out of control. Yeah. I only knew them, I never knew them when they were in control. I only knew them, I never knew them when they were in control. I only knew them once they were just,

became this kind of laughing stock. Maybe I was thinking about the other one, the ACLU. ACLU. They're similar. They're similar things.

But the other one kind of started actually like kind of fighting for fucking, you know, real like justice. Like there's, like they actually had

like people that, it kind of started off as a free speech thing, right? That was the original guy that defended the Nazi or whatever, right? And now they're like the most wild fucking cancel blog.

You know what I mean? And they put people on lists and stuff like that and that's how people get kicked off of PayPal and all their services, you know what I mean? Or in my case, Lyft. I'm done for life, yeah. It's a permanent ban. Because he's bad boy for life because i'm bad that's it he ain't other people go win nowhere he ain't taking no rides he just be walking because he's banned for life banned from lift

fuck this i mean i'm banned from airbnb for life and i didn't even do anything i straight did nothing this is sort of a bad boy podcast we're banned from lift and airbnb i just i'm back on i'm a verbo man there you go i'm back on tiktok i fucking how'd you get that i pulled some strings my friend i fucking threw some cock around i said listen you know i got i got she on the line i go as an officer t TikTok, maybe there's something that can be done here. You know, the famous TikTok dance where the girl's crying, you know, she's like, TikTok officer.

I said, maybe there's something that can be done here. Sir, are you taking your shoes off? I go, let's see. They're a little, I binded them for you. I know you guys, let's see uh they're a little i binded them for you i know you guys that's not us look at those bad boys look at those look at those size twos i can't believe we're banned from lyft and airbnb that's so crappy that is the airbnb one but it's like yeah i literally i just didn't do anything i logged on there and then they're just like yeah you're banned for life and then i called them five times like yeah you're banned for life

and i go can you tell me what I did? And they said, no. They said you broke the fucking coaches. I mean, at least if I had that, then I could be like, that's funny. Like Tim Dillon got banned for life,

but he fucking went and left all these crazy reviews and 500,000 people saw it. Yeah. I didn't do anything. I was a fucking model Airbnb-er. Yeah, I was a model lifter. I mean mean we both

you've been for like stinks dude that's so long i'm gonna be doing a lot of uh fucking bashing that company for the next little while probably for the rest of my life i mean i got no allegiance to a company that's banned me like i'm officially uh putting lift as my number one most hated uh fucking enemy right now yeah Yeah. And my enemies, you know what I mean? I have all day. I have all day to fucking talk to Lift. Blink Fitness is fucking just

a huge sigh of relief. Blink Fitness and Lift are my two most hated. But the lie of the week. I'd say the lie of the week was Elon Musk's dad lying down with his stepdaughter. Yeah, it was.

So there's, this is probably like, I don't even know if it's that funny. Is this message is just so fucking, actually, it's pretty funny. I take it back. Yeah, it is pretty funny. So Southern Poverty Law Center did this thing. It goes, Andrew Yang to speak alongside

far right figures at Freedom Fest, right? Yeah. It's like, and so the whole thing, there's, you know. Freedom by definition is like a far right thing. And nevermind anyone who's trying to be free. It's like and so the whole thing there's you know freedom by definition is like a far right thing and their mind anyone who's trying to be free it's like well it's so crazy because his free speech was like the ultimate freedom and now it's the ultimate sign of not of fascism right like they've gone being allowed to speak as fascist yeah they've gone like full

college you know like new girl and gender studies on college. Very, very crazy. I mean, these people want to live in China, right? But if you look into it, the people that were speaking, it was like fucking Dave. Dave Smith. It was like Dave, Justin Amash, Zuby. Zuby. Zuby. Well, it's the one drop rule. It's the one drop.

They subscribe to the ideological one drop rule where if you have if you have any yeah if you go if you like have someone you you're like talk to them and they're bad then you've been tainted it's a well it's a big web right yeah you're just you're tainted do you know what i was thinking that reminded me of that is like so i was kind of thinking that the of the two parties if you're like thinking of the idea that you have commitment issues to like join a party and it's like democrats are sort of like a really fucking naggy girlfriend that's just like hey why aren't you posting me more on your social media like what's this why aren't you doing this like who's that guy you hung out with you're not supposed to hang out with him you know what i mean yeah like yeah so democrats are like protective very overprotective nag not overprotective

overbearing overbearing yeah naggy girlfriend that's just like who's this guy who's this guy so you're hanging around that guy i heard that he hung out with someone else that cheated on their girlfriend once you know what i mean yeah he's like oh what's about this guy he posted a meme that he likes this what's going on with that that's the that's the democratic party and i was saying that the republican party like kind of like the the classic like you know boom Republican Party. They're like your buddy who has a wife that he hates that's grumpy. It's like, look at this party. The girls got their fucking tits out. You know what I mean?

They can't even enjoy it. You go, you got tits around. I can't look at these fucking girls just running around with their fucking tits out. You know what I mean? It's like, what's this country coming to? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're just like, dude, this party's actually pretty fucking fire. You don't have to fucking look at the titties he's like oh yeah fucking looking fucking look at

you guys looking at titties yeah yeah so those are those were kind of my thing it's your grumpy body that fucking hates his wife and then uh and what's the kind of always right it's always like no this is better like it's like you know no you have your this you're this you go to work and you do this and it's better and just slowly by the end of it you're just like a shell of a man obviously not either but that's kind of my analogy for at least some of the ones that i know right there's like telling they all they're sort of all always telling me how much better what they're doing it is and you're just like kind of doesn't sound better it sounds like what we're doing is always greener the grass is always greener. The grass is always greener, but the argument from both of these

is the grass isn't greener. Yeah. Actually, I'd say the Republican one's more that the grass isn't greener. It's actually this is the perfect way to live, and then the Democrat one's like, yeah, it's Nazi grass, though. Yes, the grass has never been greener,

but it's Nazi grass. You're going to be stepping on fucking grass. Do you know what company makes the fertilizer for this grass? Do you know? It's literally fucking Zyklon B. Yeah, yeah. That's how it got so green. Yeah, that grass is green from Zyklon B.

Brilliant. Anyways, this is so fucking good yeah so it's basically that's zoobie and dave and they go farmer former democratic presidential candidate andrew yang will speak saturday with his new forward party in creating political coalitions at the 2022 freedom fest in las vegas which will lead uh which will feature far right libertarians with ties to white nationalism and anti-Semites. They mean Jewish people. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jewish people. Are there any, like, in their mind, if you're a libertarian, that's far right? The guys that have a white nationalism and anti-Semitic ties, they mean a black guy and a Jewish guy. Justin Amash is, like, so normal, too. Yeah, he's totally normal normal I follow him on Twitter

but so he's just uh libertarians to them are just super far right now they're just the farthest of the right so that's in their mind yeah and also the funny part about it too is like if I mean this point's been made probably lots in other contexts too but you go it's like it's the most far right thing

it's like they're so and it's the worst part is this far right thing it's like they're so and it's the worst part is this far right thing is now letting in zoobie andrew yang democratic candidate andrew yang and justin amash and zoobie and you go sounds like maybe they're not that white nationalist if no those guys are all into now they have internalized white supremacy they have internalized whoever came up with that term where you just go like internalize whatever negative thing, even though it makes zero sense. You go, no, it's internalized.

Dude, it's so funny, right? So it's like really the headline should just be like, you know, Andrew Yang speaks in Vegas or whatever, right? But it's like, I actually looked into it further because originally that's, I was sort of thinking the stuff I said. And then it turns out Andrew Yang actually is in the Klan. Oh. Yeah.

So that's the interesting part. He's showing up. up we met him so that makes the one drop rule we're one drops now too that do you think that that happens if we meet if we talk to andrew yang now i did andrew yang's podcast he wasn't there that day because sometimes he's not on it he's not on his own podcast that's correct yeah probably not a good strategy for a podcast no it's him and this girl jewels and then sometimes it's just Jules that does it. Okay. Yeah, he was supposed to be there. And then he pulled a no-show, man.

And then fucking this is what he gets for pulling a no-show. Now you're on a fucking list, pal. You're on the fucking no-show list and you're on the fucking Nazi list. But if I knew that, then if I would have been in contact with Andrew Yang, who was in contact with Zuby, who was in contact with Justin Amash, who was in contact with Freedom Fest. Freedom Fest. Freedom Fest. Freedom Fest is...

What national is this? But... I don't think I'll ever find myself at any... Do you think they actually... That'd be funny going there and you're just like... They're saying it's like the Freedom Fest. They're saying this Nazi thing. It's like, as if.

Andrew Yang's there. You get there. Andrew Yang's like burning a cross. Like, what's up, buddy? You're missing the Freedom Fest. They're saying this Nazi thing. It's like, as if. Andrew Yang's there. You get there. Andrew Yang's burning across. What's up, buddy? You're missing the festivities. He's got full Nazi regalia. Whoa. All right.

What the hell? Really took losing the presidency pretty hard, huh? Oh, hi, guys. Just campaigning. Going to Dave Chappelle's show later tonight. Doing crime stats. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Andrew's like speech is just like

let's talk about the blacks he puts he was like yeah he puts a powerpoint up it's just a black square and he goes any questions yeah kind of yeah so yeah basically andrew yang's like a white supremacist now this is the also yeah classic yeah but also funny the other way too it's like they did have the speakers like the clue cooked clan like the head guy the grand wizards there it's like guys we have a special guest andrew yang oh ever you think everyone in the clan would be like no no they might be okay you think the people in the clue clucks clan would be okay with democratic candidate andrew yang showing up to their meetings yeah because that's the whole thing

wherever all the republicans call the they go yeah the clan they're all democrats yeah yeah all right they're all trying to smear each other always and then everybody's rolling their eyes or you're a democrat no you're a fucking democrat it's funny when people are like the clan's all democrats and people in the clan are like no we're not yeah they're like yeah we're not at all i'm fucking stop saying that i'm not wearing an i'm with her shirt and if i was it's ironically okay all right guys uh great speech on the whites taking over the the race uh how it's the the best race and we need to send everyone back to their respective countries, and no one can live together. Really, really good stuff, Tim.

Anyways, we're bringing up Andrew Yang here. Guys, make sure you get out and vote on Tuesday and vote for Hillary Clinton. Andrew Yang's going to get up here and talk about his new party that he started, the Forward Party. The Forward Party. So they went with that, and then they they said but the festivities skewed towards libertarians and other mothers and other members of the liberty movement i hate liberty how do these fucking southern poverty law center guys not have like aren't they just like a complete i mean a 19 year old intern wrote this probably they're like this this thing must be just

absolutely overrun with fucking like newly graduated oh yeah fresh liberal arts college students and portions of which belong to the extremist anti-government movement so it's like if you don't like the government you're extremist like a dude like well like that's the most like uh definition of like fascism kind of is like anyone who like disputes anything the government says is a... Government stinks! If you're listening to this, Danny put the government on notice right there. Yeah, you're on blast, government.

These fucking stink! Yeah, well, these guys don't like the government, which... Well, you know who else doesn't like the government? Rage Against the Machine? Extremists. No, they love the government. Well, they do now, but at the time... They used to be extremists, but that's when they they weren't because everything was topsy-turvy i think that with them specifically they sort of had the same beliefs everything just changed they're on the southern

poverty law center hall wall of fame exactly they just their belief which they had for a long time which just happens to lots of people just got super corporatized and they like haven't really modified what they're saying at all yeah you see with anyone anything anytime anyone's saying anything 20 years ago it's like context does matter for i mean look at like claire clapton he's literally a villain now because he just said some stuff about the vaccine and how he's just like you know against the vaccine or van morrison or fucking yeah morrissey like all these guys who are like beloved i think that's what people always forget that like context matters where you go, okay, imagine that, you know, it's like someone here when they were annoying.

Right. And you'd like had to come up and say, and you're like, you were the first person to say like, yo, this dude's kind of annoying. Right. And then, uh, everyone would kind of be like, good point kind of thing that they would say. Right. But imagine the whole world world everyone hated this guy no one would invite him anywhere everyone it was like all anyone talked about how annoying this guy

was and then the guy shows up and you're like look how fucking annoying this guy is everyone be like dude now it's kind of like we've every yeah a little over said right so it's like well it's the same point it's like well yes obviously like the context in which something said matters to which the degree it's like needs to be said or has been said or has been you know kind of taken over by like you know zellers yeah i mean look if you're a fucking super famous you keep your goddamn opinions to yourself right but he's a yang's a politician no yang obviously opinions to himself and andrew and i mean no not yang rage against the machine is like a you know their whole thing was being you know

talking about politics yeah that's true but somehow they managed to be not against the machine yeah now yeah they're they're rage which I think I did

just described that yeah no I know I understand that but they said the festival skews towards those people right and it is sponsored

by Epic a web coasting company that has provided services to neo-Nazi and white nationalist websites. That's who hosts my website, actually. But you know what? Yeah, that's why. Yeah. But also, they literally go through the kind of 10.

It's like they basically take the 10 worst arguments. I don't know what you call it, like arguing fallacies when you make arguments that don't make sense. I guess they have a fallacy in them. You know what I mean? They go through the most debunked ones and just do them one by one like for first of all they're just like you know this party's uh has you know all black and brown and jewish people but it's a white supremacist party and then they go uh they have ties to this person and it's like five degrees that guy wasn't there specifically but they i mean they're saying they're

they're putting this thing on blast because like a web hosting company like but more importantly it's not like how do you think a web hosting company works where they just every person who signs up they go there oh we're giving them a full review well that's what i'm sure someone complaining that is what they want yeah because they're saying well i don't know epics we gave you our list of no's literally what they want is they go uh hey i just noticed you have this guy on and that's kind of funny because he's on our list of don't serve yeah like they want to be able to be the don't serve list for the world because you could legitimately say this where you go uh you know he went to mcdonald's a restaurant that is often served white supremacists and trump supporters

the other day, he was on Facebook, a website, which they do say that sort of stuff. What can you say? I mean, Reebok,

a shoe often worn by members of the Ku Klux Klan. It's a fucking, what is it, like the Norm Macdonald thing where Hitler, Hitler's dog,

you know, it's like Hitler had a dog. It's that. But that's, that's why I'm saying it's like the classic ones, right? Yeah.

I mean, they're ridiculous. They went through all the classic ones right? I mean they're ridiculous they went through all the classic ones and then they were they go they were like oh they were going to have Nick Fuentes on the festival but then the organizers booted him after taking a deeper look into his ideology so it's like basically they were going to have

they were going to have Nick Fuentes on and then they said that like they didn't want the smoke of that or whatever and then their take is like almost yeah yeah well you shouldn't have even considered having him on like okay regardless of him or anything like what's white supremacist organization in their mind this guy whatever they think he is or whatever they go hey we're gonna have this guy on and then they go ah he's too aggressive what why would they do that yeah if they go like why would they do why would they i mean assuming even if it was a guy afraid of you i guess yeah but also even if you assume that

it was done like in good faith where they straight up were like yeah like we've heard good things and then they go oh we looked into him and maybe not for us they're like he did you they did the thing you wanted him to do but that's what i'm saying like still not exactly you still wrote the article so it's just like so why would anyone ever pander to you ever? It's like, basically, they were going to have some guy on, and they didn't want to get in trouble with the fucking Southern Poverty Law Center,

so they didn't put him on, and then you wrote articles about how they're bad anyway. It's like, you can't win with these people. The only thing they do is, the more they write, it seems like, the more they just fucking

kind of make themselves less legitimate with nonsense like this. Oh, of course. Still. They have a hate map on their website, and it's just fucking kind of make themselves less legitimate with nonsense like this. Oh, of course. Still, they have a hate map on their website and it's just anti-government groups. I'm like, what's wrong with being against the government?

Oh, it's hate. You hate the government. They don't, they don't like hate unless it's a word. Yeah. But you go, what kind of hate organizations can you have?

One's against you basically. Yeah. No. If you have one against yourself, you gotta love the government and hate you. You have to love the government and hate thy neighbor, I guess. Right. Because it really is true though. If you have one against yourself. You got to love the government. And hate you. You have to love the government and hate thy neighbor, I guess, right? Because it really is true, though. If you go, I have a group that I hate group.

And you go, what does it hate? It's like my dad, people like that. And you go, we'll allow it. We'll allow it. We will allow it. But they go, but still, some libertarian speakers belong to the Mises caucus, a far-right group that won control of the libertarian party. Again, Dave.

Yeah. Literally Dave Smith. Comedian Dave Smith. From Legion of Skanks? Yeah. And he's on this podcast called Legion of Skanks. Yeah, yeah. I love it.

That came up. Associate with far-right figures Dave Smith, comedian and Mises caucus member who now runs the party's social media is a featured speaker. Andrew Yang speaks to comedian Dave Smith. It's like, yeah, he's just like, the loops that they're going through.

I mean, they probably have a whole thing about Rogan being like, you know, I'm sure they have 50 Rogan articles. Oh, 100%. Yeah.

These people are so cooked, but I just hate it because these organizations actually do have legitimacy. Like, Southern Property Law Center will make lists of people like don't serve lists, and people do use them. There's people banned from things because of these guys. And they purposely misinterpret.

People make jokes, and they'll say they're not jokes. They're a terrorist organization. They are. They are. They're all terrorist bloggers. Yang, the Democratic candidate in the 2020 2020 election won support from a broad political swath of electorate including right-leaning fans of former president trump half the country yeah i mean well for sure and on top of that you go wouldn't that be a good thing like okay imagine

well you could say bernie sanders some people like bernie some of bernie sanders's fans were former fans of trump and you go oh so in your mind if you uh hate trump so much you go he converted people from trump he goes no they should die it's the one drop purity test honestly if they apply what do you want them to do like how die they want them to die how is this not a good thing where you go, if you are this left-wing activist, you go, oh, these people that used to like Trump, now they like Andrew Yang instead.

Wouldn't that be a good thing? And you go, no, Yang needs to shun them and they can keep voting for Trump and then we can keep writing articles about their bad. Yeah, we've got an article mill that keeps going here. Honestly, if they applied their standards, more than 50% of the country would be problematic. It would be a majority of the country.

Well, also you go, so Joe Biden, did anyone vote for Trump and then decide to vote for Biden? Okay. Biden pulls Trump forward. It's like you just do the exact same thing. Joe Biden has former Trump supporters voting for him now

and then his eyes flash red that's what it is like what do you want they just want to be miserable yeah Andrew Yang is going to a libertarian conference to try to like convert some of them because Andrew Yang I guess his thing is he's like, you know, he wants people from all the things. Yeah, he wants the forward party.

Yeah, exactly. Right. Yeah. It's like you go, no, you can't do it. You're not supposed to do libertarians. You go, well, who can I pull from for my former party? Only Democrats. And also you have to be one.

And also you need to like say our talking points and be like, OK, that's kind of the whole thing. I was leaving this prism. I don't mind Andrew Yang, but I think he needs to give up his political aspirations. I got to be with him, but you're like, dude, this ain't happening. I don't know, man. I like him, too. I like him, but I'm just like, dude, this isn't happening. You're not going to be the president.

I don't know what to tell you, man. The other dude at one point andrew yang was running for president then he was running for mayor like next thing he's gonna be like running for like president of like the fucking you know he's gonna be running for to be the treasurer of the boys cast um there were some expenses i didn't approve i think andrew yang just lost an election to be the president of his condo board. That would be amazing. It's like a hard fucking campaign to be condo board fucking.

The head of the condo board. It's like, dude, you didn't even fucking come in 10th. You got dropped out. You just got a stink on him. He does know how to win elections, that's for sure. I mean, I like it. He's got a stink on him. He does know how to win elections, that's for sure. I mean, I like it.

He's got something. Well, I think what he has is somewhat more popular in business and real life, but the truth is in politics, it does way better to pick a side and just say the stuff that they want to hear. For sure. And he sort of wants to... He's the out there guy. He's the wacky idea guy. But sometimes he does that, sometimes he doesn't.

Sometimes he kind of says the propaganda for each side, sometimes he doesn't. Then sometimes he kind of says what he actually thinks. You know what I mean? Which is sort of like a more... I'm sure he probably agrees kind of more with Elon Musk-y politics, if you break it down. Yeah.

I got nothing against him. I just give it up. He has probably Silicon Valley politics, if you really... Yeah. He's not going to be a politician. I don't it up. He has probably like Silicon Valley politics if you really. Yeah. He's just, he's not going to be a politician. I don't know. Try and be a fucking congressman.

Yeah. Like that seems like a fucking, all these idiots all over. He does get fucking dummied at elections. Yeah. But like try and be a congressperson. Like that seems like that's doable. There's so many of them. And you know, it seems like some places. Or you do pull the governor.

You pull Cain, and you'd be the governor of Fort Knox. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, he's the mayor of Knoxville. The mayor of some small town, yeah. Knox for something. Yeah, exactly. Like mayor.

Don't try to be the mayor of New York. Mayor of New York. Well, yeah, but it was a drop. I'm telling you right now, I think he's running for his... He's running to be like... I actually can't believe that he got... He's running to be the head of his chair of his dodgeball league. He's just like, I don't know, trying to be a fucking PTA meetings or something like parents

association at his kid's school. They're like, drops 500 K on his fucking campaign still loses. It's not for you, man. Okay. I think we just ruined our chance to get him as a guest on the podcast but you probably would have done all right and i think i always go back where i go i think i think we're this shit talking podcast guest podcast that's fine uh yang was a uh yang was a democratic candidate okay but that was one thing i was gonna say but that this is oh yeah the last thing that made me watch laugh hate watch sent a request for comment to the

forward party about yang's decision to appear at the festival the forward party did not respond so and then they said another one they go another mrs cock is linked speaker clint russell host of liberty lockdown and uh they asked oh no that wasn't him but there was another one that they asked hate watch oh freedom fest organizers didn't respond to hate watch either for comments so hey watch sort of got ghosted by everyone oh they're ghosting sblc what do you think if if you get a email and you go hey we're looking for a comment from hate watch you think that's gonna be in your favor or not hopefully that my fucking filters know to send that right to trash i'll tell you what if hate watch asked me for a comment, I also

probably would be fucking not giving a comment to Hatewatch. Sounds like a trustworthy organization that has my best interest in mind. Oh, yeah. What do you think? If you're the head of Freedom Fest, it's probably the Hatewatch messaging. Yeah, Hatewatch messaging Freedom Fest. These both have these fucking

catchy names. All we need to start doing is just like, every time we talk about someone on The Boys, guys like that be like, you know, we have these fucking catchy names yeah yeah but no we need to start doing it just like every time we talk about someone on the boys guys like that be like you know we talk about fucking hillary clinton just send her an email to like the office care to comment on this uh and then we're releasing it on friday so if you'd like to have an official comment and then always be saying that like hillary clinton's office did not comment we responded to hillary clinton's office they did not comment so that's the fucking Clinton's office. They did not comment. So that's the fucking... It's like no one even falls for that trick anymore. They go, yeah, yeah, you sent a million messages

and no one responded to you. And they're sort of using that as like if they had nothing to hide, they'd respond to me. Yeah, why wouldn't they just respond to every fucking email we send? They get 500 emails for commenting. Why didn't they respond to us? We must be hiding something.

Exactly. So another Mises caucus speaker, the host of Liberty Lockdown, Russell started the podcast May 20 to push back against COVID-19 lockdowns, meant to stop the spread of the virus. And that was the last thing that I thought was funny that they put in there.

They go, the COVID-19 lockdowns, which if you didn't know... No, were meant to. It's like, oh, that's why they were there. They didn't. If he knew that, maybe he wouldn't be against them. You know to. It's like, oh, that's why they were there. They didn't. If he knew that, maybe he wouldn't be against them. You know what I mean? Which is probably just an education thing.

But, well, why don't you go there? Why don't you send one of your people there? And you go, guys, guys, guys. Everyone's like, we need to end the lockdowns. They were too much. And everyone's like, guys, hate to be the... Just straight up common misconception. Some of you may not know this,

but the lockdowns were there to sort of stop the virus. And everyone goes, fuck. You know what? I'm an idiot. Takes off his swastika. Grab the cheese grater. We got to get this fucking done. I'm embarrassed. Honey? Egg on my face.

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The porn one. Ridiculous. This was a... Like physically. This is a Tony find and it's a fucking bonger. Fucking bonger. So this mom wrote a public, wrote a letter to her son

about his, about watching porn. And, and then she also published it in Mamma Mia. Mamma Mia. It's the website for mamas. Oh,

she's a co-founder of Mamma Mia. Co-founder of Mamma Mia. She's a co-founder of Mamma Mia. If you're, you do not want to be the son of the co-founder of mama mia but she goes she gave uh this mom a letter to my son about his porn usage maybe the last thing you want to talk to your mom about have you ever talked to your mom about porn no thankfully no

it also wasn't probably as like big of a thing back when we were growing up too what you know when i was a kid i used to have to go to the woods to jack off to little boys. That's what you were saying to me earlier. Yeah, yeah. It's just back in my day. Yeah. That's how things were. Back in Danny's day when he was getting CP.

I guess if you got a nude photo of anyone when you were a kid, you technically had CP. I have nude photos of myself. Oh, you have CP of yourself. That would be the ultimate going away for that. I swear I'm innocent. It's me. Rules are rules, kid. I don't know what to do.

I mean, people do get in trouble for CP of themselves. From my understanding, it's not so much that they get in trouble. It's that the cops use that to get them to rat on someone else. They go, hey, listen, we got evidence that you are controlling child porn because you have nude photos of yourself, so you better give them up. Yeah, give them up. Who do you have? My brother?

I think generally. Are you sick, fuck? We were taking a bath together when we were children. Generally from the cop shows. They never actually take anyone down from that. They always just use it as a ball of leverage and it usually works on the 16-year-old girl. I'll tell you what,

the SVU came out with a new season. It's unwatchable. It's fucking insane, dude. Really? That's sad. Buddy, I've never seen it. Why is it so unwatchable? It just like straight up went, because they all went different varying degrees

of like fucking woke or whatever, but like SVU. Okay, so it starts out by being like that they're all uh it's like you know 2021 right so it's all like they're all you know everything they do is under scrutiny or whatever right okay and then the old guard takes over and the guy who's in charge of the svu is an old guy named mcgrath like they bring in an old cop guy and then they go and then they bring it to the boss of the special victims unit comes in.

He goes, what's up? I'm fucking McGrath. And he goes, he goes, listen, we got to fucking stop. He goes, he literally comes in. He goes, listen, we're not going to be prosecuting any of this. He said, she said bullshit anymore. Oh, he's like, all right, I don't care. We need more blacks in jail.

You go, McGrath. It's one step further. He's on his phone. The girls, they'll come in, and she was like, she was brutally raped, and blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah. And he's looking at his phone. He goes, I don't know. Seems like kind of a slut.

Yeah, but what was she wearing? Dude, it's that crazy. Who's the actor? Is he famous? I don't know the guy's name, but Marissa Mahogany has a big problem with him. She's always kind of coming up to him and being like, who are these victims matter?

And she goes, victim schmictoms. He's the head of the special victims unit. Victim schmictoms. It's in the name, victims. Dude, it is crazy. The one of them, there was a cop's daughter got raped

and then some other girl got raped by the same guy, and it was like a serial rapist or whatever, and they had fingerprints and everything, all this sort of stuff, right? And the cop goes, listen, we got a good witness. Let's not muddy the waters with this whore. Dude, it's fucking crazy.

How did he get put on the thing? Well, because they're sort of making the point. Oh, it's a commentary. Yeah, yeah, like nepotism. But it's New York, right? So the day before, like before this guy came in, they were like, you know, someone even just looked at a black guy the wrong way

and the whole department's under lockdown. And then the next day, the head of the department's like, who's this slut? Yeah, like the new head of the department calls him George Fentanyl. Whoa, easy, man. It's crazy, right? So anytime they come in, the girl goes,

you know, we have video of the girl getting raped. He goes, unless there's cold, hard fucking semen in your hand, we're not. Unless you personally catch him in the act, we're not. McGrath. Yeah, McGrath doesn't give a shit about the victims. You know what I mean? But it's just so over the top

and it's, I'll tell you what, not that I'm saying that every fucking thing's like this, but once in a while they'll bring someone in on these shows from like,

butt fuck nowhere where you never heard of and I go, I don't know this town, like sure, I'll believe they brought some guy in a cowboy hat and it plays a different

fucking set of rules, you know, he beats the prisoners up a little more, you know you go maybe it's not like that i don't know but i'll tell you i don't think the head of the like special victims unit in 2021 in new york is saying victim schmickers daddy's wife it's just crazy it's a woman i know right so i do not recommend that yeah okay so i watched a few episodes. I haven't seen Law and Order. There's a new Law and Order I'm going to get on. So Mamma Mia to my darling boy. So what you want to do is put yourself in a place where your mom sends you this letter.

She goes, hey, we need to chat porn. You probably don't need to chat porn. Well, first off, your mom goes, I got some mail from you. I got a letter. And you're like, I've never got a letter in my life. It's from me. I'm 15. She goes, it's from me.

It's from me. Okay, so why the pageantry about I have a letter and you're like i've never got a letter in my life for me 15 she goes it's for me it's for me okay so why the why the pageantry about i have a letter because it's just just read it just read it to my darling boy i realize the conversation about sex is not one anyone wants to have with his mother at any age because even having the words mother and sex in the same sentence is deeply upsetting as a gift to you let's not talk about it face to face but i'm also going to publish it mamma mia.com and tag you on facebook he's getting tagged a lot in this you won't find this information on porn sites or in conversations with your mates and your future sexual partners probably won't tell you not for years or decades Only mom knows the secrets about porn.

So mom's a bit of a porn hound, some might say. A bit of a porn addict. Son, rule one. When the guys move their arms, that's so the camera can see better. You want to have it well lit. Very well lit. Shadows are not your friend. Shadow. Exactly, right?

Just all these porn rules. Yeah, she does the 10 porn commandments. That's basically what she's giving them. Make sure you really give a good douche if you're going to do anal. Otherwise, there's going to be fucking shit everywhere. When you're searching through, do not pay for the premium. You can get it free otherwise here are some places you can do it disclaimer as a woman i'm giving any advice pertaining to

i'm giving advice pertaining to heterosexual porn because i'm a straight woman and this is my personal area of expertise it's so gross imagine your mom saying you know obviously heterosexual porn is my area of expertise and she's not an ex-porn star. So it's like actually not your area of expertise at all. Now, personally, mama likes the BBC. But I'm into straight. Your mom's into Bukkake, okay? I don't know any other way to put it.

Isn't that crazy? Bit of a freak. Your mommy's a bit of a freak, okay? And obviously, whether you're gay, straight, or anywhere on the sexuality spectrum, I care not. The same broad principles apply. So mom's sort of throwing a dig, you know, on whether you're some fag or some shit like that. I don't know if you fucking, I don't know, however you are, you know, it's just the same. You know, listen, I'm into straight porn and mom likes a good BBC. Mom likes her fucking, I like a man and a woman, not Adam, that's not Steve and Steve,

you know? She's probably wondering, she goes, she's kind of been avoiding me for the past week, like having that breakfast the day after you're reading the article,

she goes, so? Read the letter? Yeah, but I want to say that I'm into straight porn and if you're into that Steve versus Steve shit,

then just fucking put this letter in the garbage right now because we got nothing more to talk about, bro. Bro. Bro. Bra. So mom is sort of

throwing a dig a little bit. Like whether you're gay or straight and the mom, the son keeps being like, yep, for the hundredth time you're gay because she keeps having her pen. Like, hey,

did you talk anything about that sexuality? She's got like four I've got a gay son articles queued the fuck up. Yeah, he goes, let's drive you to school, bumper sticker.

I have a gay son. And he goes, mom, I'm not gay. She goes, look, you prove it to me and I'll take that bumper sticker. I have a gay son. He goes, Mom, I'm not gay. She goes, look, you prove it to me, and I'll take that bumper sticker off, and you'll fucking get in. What a nightmare it must be with this kid at school. That's the dad that's like, he has a thing that he goes, gay son on board.

Proud parent of a gay son. Yeah, and the son's like, Dad, I'm not gay. And he goes, prove it. As far as I'm concerned, you are. He goes, you got to earn getting that bumper sticker, getting taken out, all right? Did you see how you played fucking lacrosse last week? like dad i'm not gay and he goes prove it as far as i'm concerned you are he goes you gotta earn getting that bumper sticker getting taken out all right did you see how you played fucking lacrosse last week could have fooled me could have fooled me with that turnover you just ran an eight minute mile son this bumper sticker stays well are you not gay then you must be trans because it's not you ain't no fucking straight man yeah no you ain't oh my god disclaimer as a woman i'm into that type of porn first of all

i know you've watched porn probably a lot of it you had your mom being like listen between me and you i know you're fucking cranking them out cranking them out and i see the fucking bandwidth usage i've struggled with this at first nobody wants to imagine their child watching strangers having sex let alone porn sex

which is something differently entirely you're a fiend and also I'm publishing this publicly it's like you know but that's between me and you

and Mamma Mia's reader is that a normal thing where parents picture their kids watching other people have sex she doesn't want to do it but she'll will if she has

to for the article she was probably doing the research for the article and she was putting herself through that she goes but this mom's a public writer so it's like everyone knows who her son is like she's a public writer for like this crappy ass blog no mamma mia is popping off dude from us got the boys guys bump yeah for me this is not a moral question if you've been watching porn i'm upset for you not with you because i think it has the potential to affect early sexual experience in a real negative way so a lot of her thing is sort of that porn's bad for you it's not where we thought it was going where it's going to be like because where you would think the article is not her recommendation

of her top favorite scenes we yes you your instincts are this article is going to be like now listen don't hold yourself down to just like two girls one guy you know what i mean maybe you try three guys maybe you try three you know guys five guys exactly guys i actually put a playlist together for you that's kind of what you thought but basically it was sort of more saying uh she's saying the this almost like the talking point that it's like there's a negative health benefit. Yeah, yeah. Which there obviously is. Watching a ton of porn isn't bad at you, so she's not totally off. Obviously, watching eight hours

of porn together two days is not good for anyone. Obviously, right? You think she's going to do the cigarette thing where she makes them just watch fucking porn every day for a week? Yes. Twelve hours a day? That's correct. You like porn? You're going to watch all the porn on fucking Pornhub. You're going gonna watch me

and your father having sex till you don't like watching people have sex anymore for me it's a moral question if you've been watching porn I'm not upset for you mom wants the and she goes

it's gonna affect your early sexual experiences in a normal way and I want you to have a good time when you're out there yeah when you bring that girl home

you know you shut the door how old do you think this kid is 10 me and your father put our earplugs in I don't want porn you Yeah. When you bring that girl home, you know, you shut the door. How old do you think this kid is? 10? Me and your father put our earplugs in. I don't want porn,

you know, taken away from what that girl, the enjoyment of that girl's vagina. Back in my day, you know, it's sort of this, right? She says a lot of the vibe of it is kind of like,

you know, and I know kids right now, you know, you're going to be having trouble getting it up because of the porn and you're going to have unrealistic expectations.

Things were easier. Back in my day, I just used to get banged by three fucking guys in the back of the truck listening to Dylan. You know how it was. Yeah. You know, things were different back in my day. I just got banged in the back of a barn by three football players while the boss is playing

on repeat. Ah, the late 90s was a good time. We used to smoke a doobie of fucking sesamelia. Sesamelia. Got fucking stems and seeds and that shit and just get railed by the old farmhand. Whereas you are going to be expecting all this different stuff, whereas when I was hanging out with the minister's son

in the back of the church, listening to Ozzy Osbourne that we shouldn't have been listening to, it was puff, puff, pass on a third guy. Puff, puff, pass out, get fucked. Puff, puff, pass out. She grew up in fucking Footloose or something. I think that's what she sort of did, yeah. People who watch a lot of porn

Can have trouble enjoying real sex with real people And men who watch a lot of porn Are usually pretty bad at sex Like your father for example Watched a lot of porn Can't please me for the life of him Obviously not even the worst thing to say Your mom

Not the vessel If you're a mom out there that thinks you want to write your talk to your porn son about porn he yeah it's not gonna help if my mom wrote me this letter i would probably get one line into it oh so this is what this is about yeah i'll pass yeah i'd puke dude i go what are you doing mom no because i was very like to be honest my personality was kind of similar to how it is now when i was fairly young like i would say like probably what's how old are you in grade three good i don't know it's eight i feel like grade three is my earliest memories of like rolling my like being like jesus yeah like how i

am now is stuff like your parents bought and you're just like oh like talking to your friends these guys are a handful you know my teachers were fucking shut up yeah of course like exactly start rebelling grade three was my first memory of being kind of how i am now i'd say yeah i'd say around there too yeah yeah grade two i still was probably in the matrix a little bit fucking just a cuck no grade three i was just like a menace like i was more just like like uh you know running around like looking breaking stuff getting kicked out yelling and screaming but there was i didn more just like like uh you know running around like looking breaking stuff getting kicked out yelling and screaming but there was i didn't have like a philosophy of like yeah yeah yeah i was great up until i think up until that i was more like yeah you're crazy and

then you yeah you came online a little bit more he's sort of switchy i was like and then your parents being like you know can you do this and you're like I wrote you a letter about porn you go yeah yeah yeah I would have been like shut up mom

we're not doing this no not happening read the letter yeah read the letter at gunpoint well people a lot of she says the dad's

you know maybe not performing up to snuff and she doesn't want this sucks too for this kid because you know that because he knows his mom's a writer right so he gets his letter and he's like this isn't even like for me this is for you i'm a pawn in this whole game yeah this is just a piece of this story or he never even got the letter yeah or maybe not or there was never

a letter for sure but or she wrote she probably did write the letter but in back of her head she was like if this works out it's going to publish obviously no this is getting published regardless this is this started with an idea for a column this wasn't this is gonna start with the things out she goes yeah she goes what's a good idea for a thing i'll go oh i'll write a letter about porn to my son writes a letter does a little thing but like it's you know you have a friend who's into pranks and then everything's like video you know you have a friend who's like a vlogger or tiktok and everything's like in public yeah that shit and back in my day son i used to have to get my dad's playboy and take it out to the woods and just fucking beat my clam till it was black and blue and you go mom mother mother sometimes i couldn't walk for three days after the damage i did to myself holding that playboy

magazine in the deep woods all right, right out in the bayou. Your father used to walk in on me. I looked and smacked in the face and kept going because I wasn't about to stop for no one. When I got going, it was like a boat. But that was then. This is now. I didn't have the selection.

If I had the selection, I would have nine computer screens. I'm a fiend, son. And you got that fiend in your bones. It in your blood you were a family of fiends don't resist the temptation me and your father getting physical altercations over who gets to use the laptop the family laptop we better take a second mortgage out for two laptops i watch porn like a cSA agent. I got 19 screens set up. Son, do you want to become me?

My clam hurts. The clam hurts. Son. Son. You do not know how bad this clam hurts. My clam's in critical condition. I had to go to the doctor. Fist stuck in the clam.

I had two fists tied together stuck in my clam i saw it on a porno thought i could do it that's what you got to watch out for you're gonna see stuff on pornos thinking you could do it you're gonna wind up in the goddamn emergency room you ever eat a plantain in our house well you're lucky you peeled it i'll just say that just say that you're lucky you peeled that plantain son because you've eaten something you don't want anything to do with. I'm a fiend, son. They say they're more likely to do things that their partners find upsetting, demeaning, or painful. Just because they saw them in porn.

You don't want to be that guy. So mom's sort of saying keep it vanilla. You know what I mean? Yeah, girls like that shit, though. Well, some do. Yeah, some do. But I'm saying she's trying to say, oh, girls don like that she's saying oh yeah well yeah some of them are well that's what she's forgetting that a lot of the girls grew up in this generation too where they

sort of been into the you know they can't fucking feel anything unless you spit in their mouth to start i agree that you could probably like over the last 10 years like maybe even more eight years like the first time with a chick you could get into some pretty wild stuff if you felt like it you know what i mean yeah it's actually not that crazy so you're right the mom i mean you gotta feel it out like anything it's just like you know you go on a date with a girl you gotta feel out if you should give her your real political opinions or your fake ones but also i would say it sort of got annoying because all these girls are like faking it too like in the sense that it's like they're not faking not with me dog i don't mean faking yourself dog i mean they're faking that that's their personality that they like it oh yeah so it's like they think that's

what you want well they're faking they're like wild and crazy guy personality and i there's nothing that bothers me more than people going through phases and there's nothing and i obviously during like sex stuff i hate people that are like going through fucking some like phase so you're just like you know what I mean I like them to sort of

have a somewhat of a you know do a thing you do I'll do a thing you do if it fucking works it works yeah yeah we just do our own thing

it works out for us it works out for us you know let's not put so much pressure on ourselves listen I'm gonna put this I'm gonna put this I'm gonna put this

piece of paper down you write down two positions I'll write down two positions I'm gonna tear up the piece of paper we're gonna pull one out of a hat I'm gonna put this

hourglass you have seven minutes to finish and after that I like the hourglass if we don't finish then we try again tomorrow how's that sound

we try again next time I'm feeling Randy, and I can't predict that. Unpredictable this generation. It's hard for me to get Randy with a girl that doesn't finish. Anyways, let's go. Anyways, let's go. Tick tock. Are you guys going to do a calculator watch? All right, let's go.

I whisper in her ear, too. I go, let's go. You ever been fucked with a go to the calculator watch? All right, let's go. I whisper in her ear, too. I go, let's go. You ever been fucked with a guy wearing a calculator watch? Sorry, but I had clocks everywhere in the room. No, but it's on your calculator watch, but it's hooked up to the big hockey arena game clock. Yeah, I'm like, brr. She's like, I'm almost there. Time to go.

Let's regroup tomorrow. We'll see if we can do it again. All right. Good game out there. You know what I mean? We gave it a shot. I was able to finish. You need to work on your game out there a little bit.

You know, I won this round. Looks like I won this round. I put it on the scoreboard, won nothing. You don't know you're competing until you're competing. So that's what the mom's saying, I guess. Mom sucks. Mom stinks. I hate her.

Okay. People who watch a lot of porn aren't good at sex, she's saying. And she's saying no one's into that stuff which she's like you i know from experience for example your dad doesn't take puts keeps his shirt on and puts a dick through the hole you know um they're more likely to do things that their partners find upsetting and demeaning just because they saw them in porn you don't want to be that guy i wish any yeah any sex advice from your mom needs to be fucking puked out. I wish you could have had all of the chance to explore sex organically with all the surprises and thrills and spills. The moment that my mom wrote thrills and spills. I'd be fucking throwing up there, yeah.

There'd be a spill coming out of my fucking stomach. Just vomiting everywhere. Your mom telling you the thrills and spills that's the way it used to be for us sex was cool sex was a cool

often awkward experience or discovery I told you see right she's saying like when I was a kid back in my day we knew how to fuck yeah

we fucked she's saying but she's saying we fucked but it was missionary but it was a cool experience yeah cause we it was just sloppy and neither knew

what was going on neither knew what we were doing you know what I mean you don't even know what hole goes where I barely knew if it was your dad

or your dad's best friend sometimes we mess that up it's hard when Hendrix is fucking you ever get finger blasted to the guitar getting finger blasted he's a goddamn

fucking genius on that thing I got railed in the back of the pickup 9 40 p.m in front of my mama's house dad's working at the steel mill late that's how it used to be before porn i fucking hate this one today by the time your generation embarks on your sex lives you'll have seen hundreds of hours of porn stars doing it hundreds of ways the hogs oh the hogs you're gonna see hogs you're gonna see big hogs you're gonna see gigantic hogs you need to get those hogs out of your mouth son it's like charlotte's web hog city i'm all going to hog city for the night they will all be in your head and in bed with you and they'll influence will

explicitly feel your actions if you're not desirous. She goes, those hogs are going to be in your head, son. Get them out. You're not going to be able to get those hogs. I'm speaking from experience. My head's a clam factory. Might used to call my head the beach because it's a clam house.

Surfing turf up in here. So she says, the hogs will be in your head. You're going to see all these hundreds of people, the hogs will be in your head. You're going to see all these hundreds of people. The hogs will be in your head. And explicitly feel your actions, if not your desires. What do you think is worse,

saying your mom's saying thrills and spills or your mom talking about your desires? Yeah, I don't know. Spills is way worse. Spills is gross. But then also, I wonder if this is going to have some sort of effect where is it going gonna make him go crazy

Or is it gonna make him be like Totally celibate kind of thing Like which effect I think if he's any sort of A normal kid He's gonna ignore this completely Yeah he's gonna be a Complete like fuck off

Yeah Fuck off Fuck off Yeah definitely a fuck off So I think that's kind of What you would do If you're normal And she says

Also While I've got your attention Remember that it's crucial That all women have Cheap, safe, and legal access To contraception and abortion do if you're normal and she says also well i've got your attention remember that it's crucial that all women have cheap safe and legal access to contraception and abortion um and she goes so make sure that you march alongside women whenever they're fighting for reproductive rights i was like also like i'm this letter is about porn but also go to abortion rally i mean that's where the fucking that's where the easy pussy is that's yeah i think that's so right if you want to play this fucking game on fucking easy mode head on down to the abortion

rallies i told you this way we know choice or you i probably know them but we know some buddies that fucking were getting down at uh uh occupy wall street the original yeah that was the original like hippie march right yeah of course but i think guys it was easier to be a occupy wall street had like somewhat of more of like it had a little less of that was before like that was when you could be like a head activist and just be like a like a white guy you know what i mean yeah some white guy out of college could go there and you're sort of on equal footing for sure if you're like just your average white guy out of college you always need to be like you know not taking up space well it wasn't a race it wasn't a race gender-based thing it was it was a class-based thing yeah it's like what did race really matter in that thing so i think

yeah you always nowadays you need to be like hey lady um it's very important to me to not take up space and i felt like the least space i could take is the back of my fucking ford what is you know the the trunk of my for Escape's got a little pull down. I mean, you can go in there, two white people, we won't take up any space. Yeah, we don't want to take up too much space. Just a bunch of legs and arms and just everything getting crazy.

Me and you, lady, we don't want to take up too much space. You know what I mean? This is not a march for us. It's a march for black people. Sleeping bag for one. I know this is an abortion march, but this is for trans men.

This isn't our fight. You know what I mean? I mean, it is our fight. but this is for trans men. This isn't our fight. You know what I mean? I mean, it is our fight. Every fight is our fight, but it's not our fight. It's not our fight to speak. It's our fight to be here in support and yell at our dads in our spare time.

It's what we really need to do, baby. Baby, baby. It's appropriate black all day. Do you think that's what, like you know how a lot of songs are about like, saw that girl on the corner, yellow ribbon in her hair, like that kind of thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now it's like, you know, she was holding that blue pickup sign, picket sign, you know, with a, it was the most beautiful handwriting saying men are trash. Like in 10 years, it's like the love songs

about the girl at the rally years it's like the love song yeah I caught her eye from across the protest yeah the girl she caught my eye the sign said I'm a piece of shit and the sign said all white people

need not apply need to die so I picked so I picked up my sign and got in line and protested right beside her. I whispered in her ear that I said, white people should be quiet. White people should die.

And I signed time. You should make that. And I brought her to the back of the Ford Escape. Good car, Ford Escape. You used to have one of those. And then I grabbed, I ripped off that Bernie shit

from the tits. Bernie shit from the tits. Bernie shirt. A Bernie shirt. Yeah, I ripped off the Bernie shirt. But do you think that'll be like some,

you know, love song before it? Could be. I guess all love songs nowadays sort of sound they like Usher. You know what I mean? Like the Drake era.

Yeah. Even like all the, like the, you know they like Usher. You know what I mean? Like the Drake era. Yeah. Even like all the, like the, you know, like if you see like new age, like white dudes that look like frat guys, that kind of would have been like a John Mayer type guy or like they would have been like Jack Johnson. Yeah. Now those guys all like sort of, they all sort of have to do a little bit of like a. Yeah, they're like a little hip. Well, even the country guys.

R&B. Well, even the country guys have a little bit of like R&B in them, right? Well, the country guys sing those songs, those love songs, but they're love songs about their country. Or their car or something. Or their car or something, yeah. Yeah, I think someone made that joke, but country songs are all about things they like.

Yeah. Yeah, there's beer. I like my beer. I like my beer. And I like my truck. And I like my wife. And I like my house. And I like my dog.

And I like my kids. And I like my country. And I like my party. Yeah, you house And I like my dog And I like my kids And I like my country And I like my party Yeah you know She like She been like I like my guitar She's kind of all that right

Oh baby I saw you standing Next to the purple hair Something like that Okay so She says Listen You're gonna knock these bitches up you want to fucking take them to the abortion been knocking them up so there's she gives six different points

one porn sex is not real sex sex work sex work but porn sex is not real sex porn is sex well that's because you'reorn sex is not real sex What it is Is an honest day's work I mean it is real sex But it's just You are actually having sex Yeah

Porn sex Is to sex What formula one is to driving Sports metaphor Is from Mamma Mia Yeah An extreme version Best left to professionals

And you son Ain't no motherfucking professional I don't think you need to best left to professionals. And you, son, ain't no motherfucking professional. I don't think you need to leave it to professionals. Sex needs to be left. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. Sex needs, I mean, especially for girls. Leave it to the pros. Yeah, well, for guys.

Oh, like escorts? No. I mean, for the only thing, like for guys, it's like, no, you need a big dick. And for girls, you need to be able to take a big dick. That's really the whole deal. Yeah, just be hot be hot helps or don't be hot

yeah or just have any sort of look that fits any sort of niche which is almost everything pretty much you could probably pick anything on thing go fat redhead

million fat redheads yeah yeah it's very democratic yeah the son brings a girl home he comes down on the couch he turns the light on he's finger blaming

he goes son son son it's for professionals ew what are you what are you trying to do here flip those lights back off Yeah, the son brings a girl home. He comes down on the couch. He turns the light on. He's finger-bending. He goes, son, son, son. It's for professionals. What are you trying to do here? Flip those lights back off. That is little bearing on driving a regular car down the street. You don't have what it takes to go pro, is what she's saying. How does she know that her son's not going to lay it down either?

Also, is she insinuating that she's some crazy pro? Because she has a kid. I guess so, right? You're right, but how does she know that this son doesn't got what it takes to go to the big leagues? She hasn't even let him try yet. He probably has a fucking higher body count than she has, and he's like 15. That's funny.

Your mom's a higher body count than you? No, he probably has a higher body count than you. No, he's like 11, dude. Oh, he's like 11. I thought he was a teenager. Well, this is in the teens category. So I think she's a teen. Maybe he's 12. No, I think it's worse

because I think he's in high school. Well, but she did say you're soon going to be having sex. So maybe you're saying the kids are like... No, she's naive. Well, she's assuming, yeah, you're going to be 20 soon or you're going to be banging age.

I think you're off on that, but we don't have that information. He's like a bin smashing. Well, I know she has it under the teen category. Never compare yourself to the men you see in porn. Male porn stars are chosen for their larger than average penis sizes. You don't say.

Yeah, like the kid does kind of. But you're right. I think that does mess up. And what if he's packing? He could be packing, but that's, well, maybe she's saying the dad's not packing, so she's assuming he's not packing. Oh, she's assuming she's but your dad's got a that probably is a good point though that a lot of kids probably get

messed up by by like uh fucking like i don't think i'd seen when i was like 13 or whatever whenever you're going through puberty maybe i don't even know older than that but whatever it was i definitely hadn't seen like 10 000000 monster fucking dongs yet I had just your own 150 times just my own just my own in a magnifying glass

45,000 times I can't imagine that would be good for your self esteem if you're like you've only seen your dick and then fucking but I definitely saw porn

like cause she said like you see porn most people see porn like I saw porn for the first time pretty young yeah yeah because my brother had it on our temple porn temple synagogue is that where you're oh no no just on them your brother had it on yeah on like one of those fucking 486 that's pentium 486 bad boy what's up that's that it's the computer we had and your

brother showed you it yeah he had like a floppy desk and he goes yo check he had a floppy disk i swear to god it was like and he said yo check this out yeah you'll never do that yeah because you want to give this a shot yes i do did you guys wank it together you and your brother no no no is that something brothers do and he goes no your dad your brother brings you over and he goes see this and you go that looks pretty sick you're gonna know what's even better? Money. Yeah. And then we jerked it to that. You know, he shows you a video of just like, you know, like a guy.

You're like, that's one porn and the other porn is just like slot machines paying out. I think it moved watching the slot machine video. Usually they use drugs like Viagra. Other times the video is edited to make it look like it's one continuous sex session when it's not. They also have hairless bodies and no pubic hair. This is a porn thing. It's not because all women prefer men to be hairless. Whereas your dad, for example...

Men hairless? Yeah, she goes... That's such a funny point. She goes, no one has pubes. Whereas your mom, a normal, actually reasonable body, bush. Bush city. Big bush. Whereas your mom, normal, actually reasonable body, Bush. Bush City. Big Bush.

They used to call me George in high school. W. The kids used to call me W because I got the Bush. That's so funny, a girl's nickname being W. That's such a good nickname for a girl with a Bush. If your boy's all known, it's like, yeah, I might see W tonight. Can everyone notice the girl with the bush? Holy shit, that's fucking great.

That's the perfect nickname for a girl that's fucking packing bush. So long, too. Like you couldn't even write a concise letter. No, this is big. Okay, we'll wrap this up soon. Never compare your partner's body to women in porn. This may seem obvious, but I need to spell it out in explicit detail. The women you see in porn often have fake boobs.

They are much bigger, higher, harder, rounder, natural boobs than your mom's saggy ass milk bag. I mean, like, let him just be a fucking teenager. He'll figure it out. Did you ever see when Kramer takes off his shirt because he's so hairy and they go, ah! Yeah, yeah. That's his mom being like, you want to see what a real boob looks like? His mom goes, no. He goes,

they're touching the floor. They're touching the floor. This is what a tit looks like, son. Look at me. Look at my vulva. Look at my vulva. This is what a real vulva looks like. This is a vag right here.

It's currently leaking piss. Yeah, that's what happens. Is it not intuitive to just kind of watch a bunch of porn? And you see all those buttholes. They're all waxed and bleached. No, open your eyes, son. You need to see this. But I'm like, is it not intuitive to just know some of this stuff?

Yeah, obviously I know that that's not what women look like who are in porn because every girl I know doesn't look like this so yeah I get that that's not what they look like I mean

I don't get like that point it's like well you've never smashed a hot girl before like yeah but I'm saying like she goes not all of them look like that

and you go obviously because I don't know I maybe know one girl who looks like this what are you like you're just saying that you're saying

the like she's trying to be like hey just so you know not every woman or not every woman is hot or super hot or whatever

yeah but like tons of girls in porn aren't that hot I know that it's just like a look so it's like dude there's so many girls in porn

where you're just like yeah that's I've smashed tons of hotter girls like I don't yeah like what I don't know what point

yeah what's the point but she's making she's like not every girl looks like the only thing she means maybe is like they don't all have these like crazy fake the point But she's making She's like not every girl Looks like The only thing she means maybe Is like they don't all have These like crazy fake boobs

Yeah sure But again Tons of girls do Yeah tons of girls do Tons of girls have fake boobs Yeah So I don't know what They involve the surgery

I feel like they involve the surgery It's really nice And she goes And the women In real life Take much longer to warm up Than women To warm up

Your mom's talking About having to warm up Yeah I and don't warm up your mom talking about having to warm up i also mentioned the vulvas you see in porn look very different from real life which are often which goes which are often left far less contained mom telling you about how contain ability of vulvas who are paid to do this instantly and be convincing. So mama takes a little while. So when you hear, you know, if you hear me and your father getting started,

no one's going to be a while. Her mom's literally giving the fucking ka-flump with the vulva. She goes, let me show you what a real vulva looks like. Not one of them porn vulvas. Takes off her underwear and she's like, ka-flump. This is the biggest article of all time. So women in porn are faking it.

And her last point is that we'll say, porn is almost always made for men. By making things like anal sex double and triple penetration and coming and spitting on women's faces standard in porn, most of you easily could be fooled into thinking that every woman likes those things so she already sort of made that point and it was kind of the point that we said that some people do actually think that yeah and some people do like that interesting

gross gyros so speaking of women trying to trick us into you know they always want to trick you they're putting their face paint on. They're lying to you. And then on top of that, Demi Lovato, while she was using her crystals probably to trick Ren, Demi Lovato had to get stitches because of her giant amethyst crystal and made a TikTok video about it.

She doesn't have a crystal for not getting hit by crystals because it's the thing you gotta have that she just didn't have that crystal this is a problem she didn't have the not tripping crystal she had a crystal for you know everything for love and the universe but she just didn't have the not tripping and she tripped on the crystals um yeah sorry continue no no no you call her billy because she's tripping and she tripped on the crystals um yeah sorry continue no no no you call her billy because she's tripping on crystals that's a bad one um here's a little interesting thing before we kind of uh wrap this puppy home yeah science they said is happy wife happy life true science says yes so they did a big

science thing i like science right and science basically does a whole thing their whole point is like it actually is true that if the woman's happier the relationship is better but if the man's happier the relationship's worse and it was like the whole article is kind of like why it's good for men to keep their wife happy but like the obvious undertone is like yeah because men don't make it everyone's problem yes like there's a lot of guys that are unhappy and they just say whatever and they still go to their job and just live some shitty life and they fucking go down with a ship and keep it and hold it to themselves right whereas if a girl's having a bad time everyone's having a bad time yeah they're like a they're just like a black hole of misery they just suck

you in we're all having a bad time yeah so if i'm having a bad time we're all having a bad time okay well you know you could just internalize this and not you know project this on everybody else and go no if your wife's having a bad time you're gonna have a bad time okay okay okay if a 2014 study by researchers at rutgers university has found the marital bliss is strongly associated with whether or not the wife is happy in relationships but it really well first of all the other point is like yeah because no one gives a shit if the guy's that happy just do your job well guys are just different they're not you know they don't need to be like externally being like oh my happiness is what matters.

Otherwise this whole relationship is getting fucking burned to the ground. Yeah. Yeah. I can be kind of miserable. And also I think guys will be more like they're either happy or they're not on their own. Whereas a girl, if they're happy or not, it's like if a girl's unhappy, they'll fucking put their entire emphasis on the guy to like solve this, their relationship. So that's why being with

the unhappy girl is so bad because all of it's like her whole thing is like because when you i think when a guy start doing inventory where they go like you know what i'm fucking not liking the way everything's shaking out they go you know maybe i don't like my job maybe i don't like this maybe i don't like this i don't like this whereas girls every if they're like that everything's like my guys yeah oh yeah i'm unhappy because it's my relationship for sure and he's just like i can't help you with this this is not something so every yeah because they they get too much of their needs from their either partner i think you know what i mean yeah they're more codependent not every girl because i actually have had ones that haven't but

i'd say a big portion codependency yeah i agree it's probably more common yeah it's not not the all the time but yeah but you're right yeah but it's way more where it's like yeah there's dudes that are like we have friends a lot of the new york sad boys are probably like that too right yeah they are the new york sad we know a lot of new york sad boys but they're probably alternate between career and relationship you know what i mean it's like i'm sad because relationship or sad because of career there's less factors you know your average guy might chuck and join a dodgeball league be like i wasn't hanging out with my friends a lot i've actually found that some of the times when i was

like getting bummed out i was like oh i just haven't been like hanging out with anyone like yeah you've just been kind of too locked up yeah yeah exactly right but obviously it's not always the solution but if he she's miserable then her husband is miserable and pretty much the whole relationship is just the pits which is like such the truism of the world if your wife's very miserable like the whole household you're miserable suck you in oh you're gonna be hearing about that guys if they're miserable they stew about it and then they maybe kill themselves and everybody's like i didn't see it coming and you go yeah because that's how you do it that's how you don't give one fucking hint hold it in and then you beat your kids you don't

give one hint about your misery until you just have to end it all. Yeah. If I'm, if I'm a miserable, definitely she's not going to be hearing about it as much unless it's because of her. Like I've, I've, yeah. If it's because of them, then you owe it to them too.

It's because of them. Cause they're being too miserable. And then it's like this, this cycle, you know what I mean? But it is funny. Like, how do you make this article on your tango.com and sort of not see that as

negative? Like, huh, guy, if a girl's miserable, she will make her husband miserable. And they're like, huh, guy, if a girl's miserable, she will make her husband miserable. And they're like, well, boys, like,

use that, you know what I mean? Yeah. So the reason happy wife, happy life is true is that happy wife is more willing to aim to please. So they're saying that, like, a happy wife actually makes the, they said it the other way. They're trying to pitch it like,

well, because if you make your wife happy she'll make you happy yeah but you have to make her happy but she can never be but it doesn't yes but it doesn't hold up because the truth is if the guy is unhappy it's like it's no one's business she's saying like if she's like if she's miserable she'll make it your problem but then they're like if you make her happy she'll make you happy and you go what if i was already happy also what happens if I take her out to some really nice restaurant and then they fuck up her order? And then she goes from being super happy to miserable. Right. And she starts crying and everything.

And I'm not miserable at this fancy dinner. And you go, how have I can't do this? On paper, this should have been a happy night. Exactly. What happened? So their pitch doesn't really make sense because they're like, well, make your wife happy and she'll make you happy. And you're like, well, what if I'm fine already? And you go, well well then your life's gonna

be fucked bud well she'll make you unhappy and then she can make you happy and you go that's the kind of what their pitch is yeah it's like well you better make her happy even if you're happy because then she'll make you unhappy and then if you make her happy she can make you happy again it's a vicious it's a really vicious cycle vicious Vicious. As Deborah Carr, or the study by Deborah Carr, she explained, a wife is happy in her marriage. She will try hard to create a positive experience for her environment.

So perhaps she listens to him more. Don't need that. She offers him more emotional support, things we don't need. All things that they need. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's something you need. Listen to your stories about your things at work.

It sounds like stuff you want. That's my need. Yeah. Kurt Metzger had my favorite point of all time where he goes girls will apologize for everything other than the things that they should actually apologize for you know i mean they'll apologize for racism like they'll apologize for colonialism they'll apologize for everything other than like you know showing up late or something they actually did yeah being like you missed a thing that was important. Yeah. Not all women, obviously. Not all women. Yeah, but not all women

is accurate. So basically, and then she offered him more help with his activities. That's actually, yeah, but there is such a thing that these places do. It's like, well, guys,

here's the list of things you could get. And you're just like, you just gave me a list of things you want. Happy wife, happy life. You get more emotional support. I don happy life more emotional support am i being blackmailed right now like what's it doesn't feel like i feel like this is extortion like happy wife happy life is literally just like extortion good point it is i mean i'd hate to see something happen to your life it would be a shame if something happened to your nice life you have

a nice happy life i'd hate to see something happen to it that would make it unhappy exactly what it is it's fucking protection money seem to be having a fun time over there you're happy you know just wouldn't want to something to have to make that unhappy. We can make it unhappy like this. Dude, it's literally like the protection money showing up to fucking the mob showing up to your business being like, you're real shame if something happened to your business. Maybe a firebomb through the window. That would be a real shame.

Yeah, you wouldn't want her to have to. I hate to see it. I would hate to see something like that happen. I would hate I hate to see it I would hate to see something like that happen I would hate to see your wife I would hate to see I would hate to see your wife have a crying mental breakdown when you were supposed to be hanging out with your buddies

I just hate to see that when the game was over I would hate to see your wife I'd hate to see you during the Super Bowl with your favorite team and their first time in the Super Bowl that I would have a little meltdown

I wouldn't allow you to watch the game I would hate I would hate for something like that to happen. We're on the same team here. We're on the same team. This is, you know, let's not pick sides here. I would hate to see something like that happen.

When a woman is unhappy, she's far more likely to talk about it and even be confrontational. You don't say. The psychologist did some fucking research yeah i love it you're a fucking expert psychologist your wife's unhappy you're gonna hear about it oh fellas fellas all right we have fun over here at the boys cast always throw us a subscribe and always know that we got a bonus episode at patreon.com slash the boys cast we're almost at 2 000 subs over there we are you know it is

and we got fucking uh this week we're gonna have a one of our boys on secret guests you love them you hate them we won't say who he is but actually have a two or three really funny things for the patreon so anyways um everyone thank you very much peace later The bros The homies The dudes The boys The cast