The Boyscast with Ryan Long - An Entire Family Is On 0nlyF*ns, Women's Cyclist Race Gives Them Kitchen Appliances, & More Dude W's

Episode Date: May 12, 2023

Orangutan for the boys, girls taking Ls, liberal Jesus & THE GROSSEST FAMILY BUSINESS! SUPPORT THE SPONSORS: Factormeals.com/boyscast50 - Code BOYSCAST50 - 50% Off Your First Box Fitbod.me/boyscast - 25% Off Your Subscription Or Free Trial Manscaped.com - Code BOYSCAST - 20% Off + Free Shipping & Handling RYAN ON TOUR: Tampa: June 2/3, New York - Sept 16 SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Unfortunately, I have to talk about something a little bit serious before we start because this week at a Thai zoo, an orangutan started grabbing women's puppies and the stunt became such an attraction that women from all over the world started flocking to that zoo to have their puppies grabbed also. The orangutan was just living his best life, grabbing puppies left and right and that's when PETA stepped in to stop the fun. One of the least for the boys moves in history. After being exposed to an endless supply

of honkers, PETA decided to treat that orangutan like a citizen of Germany in 1942 by taking away his guns. PETA doesn't want you to be a meat eater, but then they also want to take away your steady diet of melons. The absolute scumbags at PETA have told that orangutan no more twins, just like the sequel to the Schwarzenegger and DeVito classic did when they added Tracy Morgan. And you know what else that movie and orangutans have in common? Neither of them are getting any golden globes. Just because the guys at PETA are only grabbing weird hippie ones doesn't give them the right to take away someone else's career as a professional fun bag honker.

PETA says he's being humiliated. Well, if a lifetime supply of gazoombas to honk is humiliating, then sign me up. And PETA also says he's being exploited. And if that's being exploited, then you can sign me up to be the backup bass player for the 90s punk band, The Exploited. We demand PETA give this oranga tang hound his lifetime supply of party pillows back immediately. The Boys Cast

The Boys Cast. Despite the fact that writers are on strike across America, one thing that has not ceased production is my and Danny's reality show taking place on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash The Boys Cast. So many people already signed up. Real banger. I mean, it's literally a goddamn TV show. We're making a TV show on our Patreon.

So if you're not signing that up, even if you're not a Patreon guy, it's a first episode of a full TV show. It's 45 minutes. Sign up. If you want to cancel, you want to cancel. Whatever you want to do. But it's $5. And then on top of that, at the next, at the 2,500 Patreon tier, we're doing the second episode.

Yeah. It's a series. It's a series. And the second episode, we're only 400 patrons away. Yeah, so it's just help us out. Chip in five bucks, you fucking misers. And that's me saying that. And then we're going to get to make another episode.

Exactly. So the writer's strike won't stop us. Or go watch reruns of all that slop you like on TV. You could do that instead while you're waiting for your precious writers to come back. They won't give us streaming residuals. Who gives a shit? Who fucking gives a shit?

Oh, my writer! Oh, my writing! Have you seen their signs? These so-called comedy writers? And then they have these strike signs that they're meant to put clever stuff on? We have a lot of our friends that are striking. And then they're just like, give us money. Yeah, power to the people.

Power to the people. I've actually seen a lot of people back at the comedy clubs. They're like, I haven't seen you in a while. He's like, yeah, I don't have a job anymore. You can usually tell because they're all on stage being like, so what else? What else? Okay, I know people don't give two shits

about the writer's strike but I will say it is kind of funny there's one last thing that I'll say is if you're not on the writer's strike you have to strike

so it's like it's part of your deal as part of being in the guild you have to go strike twice a week or whatever so but a lot of yeah you gotta pick it but you have to go sign

the form that says you striked so it's like so many people just show up and they're just like they sign the form and then like the minute they turn the corner just go home because it's also we live in new york it's not out later where the whole city gives a shit about that sort of stuff no no yeah it's not like the backbone of new york city one of one person told me the funniest thing they were like we have to sign up we have to go twice a week to do our strike and he was like there's some people that are really in the strike and some people are just like i'll have to do this or whatever yeah and then uh she goes uh there was at one point like a car was

driving by honking and everyone was like thank you brother and the person's like no you're my way get out the fucking way i got a delivery to make especially in new york city and they've got a real fucking job tv hasn't been good since the 80s out of here they thought that the person was like solidarity solidarity yeah okay i have one video this is the favorite thing i've seen it's not even really relevant to anything but you have to watch the first this so do you know they have those ads on instagram yeah yeah do you know how instagram does advertisement sure i was like how are you teeing this up ryan yes i've heard that they're ad supported i legitimately this ad came on my

feed and i burst out laughing okay so there's an ad for a new app right yeah i'm sorry did i flex on y'all real quick seriously i've been getting all of my drip off this app called whatnot they have these these live auctions. I know why don't They do baseball cards I know I'll play one more time. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I flex? Love you, dude. I literally came on my screen goes. Oh, sorry about that. Did I just flex on y'all real quick? I was like, who the hell guessed that this guy is this thick? Oh, sorry.

Did I flex on y'all real quick? Oh, I'm sorry. Did he flex on you? Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Did I flex on y'all real quick? I don't know if I'm like a boomer, but my answer is I don't know.

I have no idea whether he flexed on me. I don't know if you just, like just watching that video, I was like, I know the term flex on you, but then I was like, I don't know i have no idea whether i don't know if you just like just watching that video i was like i know the term flex on you but then i was like i don't know if he did there yo that flex on y'all real quick i'm not sure if he flexed or not i don't know okay i'm undecided there's a big fucking clobber amount of uh losses for girls wins for boys this week but before that sometimes there was sort of an L for Danny because TikTok now has, they found out that TikTok's been tracking

users who watch gay content and they put them on a list. Yeah! What was it? I'm on, what do you mean? Yes, you. What kind of list hypothetically would they put a person on? So what they're doing If that person hypothetically is watching gay content on TikTok?

This was a sort of expose and they found out that TikTok basically has like an LGBT list, which they know that this person's sort of been like, you know, watching a lot of that content. They're maybe curious. Well, they released a few names.

There's Richard Simmons, Danny Polo. They found Richard Simmons? This is the weirdest part. There was five names on the list danny danny's dad danny's grandfather which i don't even know i guess if someone in your family's got his phone yeah danny's brother and danny's uncle so that's weird weird that's the whole thing yeah all right does that stress you out a little bit but it is sort of basically they put the list where they kind of they're like just being on the fucking the funniness part is just

the tiktok has a list of like dudes who like gay shit. Yeah. Who are like, but like low key. They're just saying. I can't imagine they're like some super out of the closet flamboyant and they're like, oh, this guy looks gay stuff. I imagine as people are like, yeah, you watch a lot of NFL content, but then occasionally you kind of venture over to the gay stuff.

You're on the gay list. Like what's going on here? We see, we see you. We see that you're on the gay list a little bit. Like, what's going on here? We see you, we see that you're on the gay list, and you and Danny are now living your life in peace, and we can show you the content that you want to see. Living La Vida Loca. Okay, so there's like literally four in a row,

and I put them all into a big pack. So this is pretty crazy. The first one, I don't know if I have them in order of funniness, or even the way I like them the best. But the first one there i don't i don't know if i have them in order of order of funniness or even the way i like them the best okay but the first one is spain's women race apologizes for food processor gifts yeah that's funny that's uh that's uh women don't like winning stuff they don't like winning uh kitchen goods even if because i'm sure some guys because they're all health people though you know so like it could be, like, some really top-of-the-line blender.

It's super normal, but the funny part is that they apologized for it. Yeah, this is on par with the Burger King women belong in the kitchen. Well, all of it's super normal until they apologize. It's legitimately, like, because imagine you gave, like, did a dude race, and you're like, we did a tool set. You never have to be like, we're so sorry for giving a gendered gift. But the funny thing is, it is exactly what you're saying. It's like some fancy company that essentially does a health food thing and helps them. And it was donated by a sponsor.

That's what I'm saying. But the fact that just giving a woman any gift that has anything to do with gender. You can't give them a hair dryer. Basically anything that they like, you can't give them. But also if you give them stuff they don't like, then they also don't like it. Well, that's what I'm saying though. So what do you do?

You basically have a bunch of girls running a race and then the sponsor wants to donate something. So it's like, well, we donate girls beard cream. I guess you could be like, here's shoes. And they go, we got a lot of shoes. Because if you do anything gendered for dudes, it's like and they go we got a lot of shoes because if you if you do anything gendered for dudes it's like what they want if you do anything gendered for women you essentially have to apologize but as soon as you apologize it just makes it so much worse i wonder if we're

going to get to the point where women are going to be complaining about like the ad targeting because obviously like ad targeting is based in reality where you go like yeah we target oh sorry i flexed on you yeah well ryan likes to get flexed on apparently that's why you're seeing ads like that my entire ads right now by the way i don't know how this happened i think i maybe clicked on one thing once because the guy from barstool but it's all shirts for fat guys you know it's like it's this whole market now is t-shirts for fat guys they're not like regular t-shirts. They're specifically for fat guys. And that's, I don't get any ads other than t-shirts for fat guys. Like nothing. I'm into other stuff.

You definitely were poking around the shirts for fat guys section a few times. I looked at one once and then I've never bought anything. And then, but I only get ads. And there's like 50 companies. They're all lies, by the way. I buy shirts for tall guys every now and then. And still they give me, I show up at the belly top. It's all a fucking scam.

Because I legitimately bought this, and they're all so, they have no consistency. I bought this one shirt, and it fit me really good. So I went to that site, and I looked at the same model of the shirt, and then I had the green one, and I just bought the blue one. The blue one came up,

and it was like, it literally looks like a joke. It's sized like a fucking mini shirt ornament that you put on like your fucking windshield. It's like, it's an actual perfect square. Yeah. You're like, who is this for? A shirt's a perfect square. I'm telling you. It's wider than it is long.

It was like advertised as a long shirt. This is about a sheet. But that is, you definitely are poking around some fat guy's stuff for you i got one one i never click on ads ever and there's a dude from barstool was like and i remember because colin was talking about these shirts do you think it's possible that it's they sort of do like a scan of your own that's what i was for a second i was like i was honestly i'm like am i like stuff i'm posting is in this van but i don't think so because you're right if you were a girl though

it's just mostly anti-trans stuff so I don't if you were a girl though and you posted if you were on your girl and you signed in your account and every second ad was like moomoos for cows you would be pretty pissed off

that is a funny actual yeah you're if you show up and it was like hey chubby you want some shirts like listen they make them for you now you know what i mean the girl would be like that is actually a really funny prank is to break into your girl's instagram and just go like click on a bunch of ads for literally like just like fat chick clothes like all big ret tall stuff. Retarded pills. Yeah, just everything. And then you kind of skulk out of there. And then she's like, what? I don't know.

Instagram knows you a little better than you know yourself, I guess. Your girl's just getting served all ads for literal crazy pills. Actually, that's a smart move right there. But I'm just saying, if you were a chick and you signed on your algorithm and every single fucking ad was just like, listen, are you tired of bursting the seams of every fucking piece of linen that's on your body? Are you tired of breaking chairs? Well, here are reinforced chairs.

Yeah. Reinforced chairs. That's so good. If you're signing on to your thing, it's a reinforced chair. Yeah, you're signing under your things reinforced chair yeah you're like whoa big yeah like just you know what's getting bad when is you're getting asked for like just contractors who want to reinforce your floors because it's like they're just gonna come in and just do a full demo it's yeah like a dinner that's a dinner that's suited for you you know what i mean it's just too fucking it's too like TV dinners

taped together it's a little fucking like how they deliver you soil it's just like a pickup or a truck backs it up and just drops it

and it says portion for one serving also the processors a lot of people are an opera if you give a girl anything that might be in the realm of

the girls would like like they should just go the fucking I mean if it's like a pink magic bullet or something then i'll be like okay maybe what's wrong with the magic bullet it didn't have to be the pink one i can understand if you gave them a new broom yeah they wouldn't be happy yeah but the food processor is like it sort of is a thing that you know what i mean a guy that's into cooking would want to remember but it's just so funny like when you apologize you have to admit guy that's into cooking would want to, but it's just so funny. Like when you apologize, you have to admit why. That's why apologies are always funny. It's just like, you know, whenever there's something that's like remotely racist, it

like the apology makes it like more racist. You know what I mean? Yeah. Cause you're, you're basically, yeah. Owning it. But you're owning the, cause you're like, you have to admit that you're admitting we think like that. You know what I mean?

You're just like, you go there. Listen, obviously women are more prone to be in the kitchen, but we weren't trying to draw attention to that. Sorry. We're not saying, you know, these women who are bikers and we're not saying that they cook. I mean, they can cook, but they don't cook or they don't have to cook. Maybe they do.

Maybe they don't. We don't want to have to give them a cooking thing because maybe they cook and sometimes they don't cook. It's weird because you think Europeans are a little more chill about this stuff. What are you talking about? France is probably the hub for this fucking intellectual academia bullshit. This is Spain. Nobody works.

They all just fucking eat dinner at midnight. I think you're off on that, man. I think Europe's the hub of fucking this nonsense. Really? Yeah. I thought it came from here mostly. No, because they're all, they're so, you know, they're the hub of like, who cares if she's 12? Love's love.

You know, those European countries are like... They're extra liberal. A little extra liberal. A little too liberal. Yeah, I think so. I think they're the kings of that stuff. That was the first one. This is the craziest one. So this was back in canada but basically there was a like women's firefighters conference and i will say that like i'll give it to women's firefighters they're like any girl that i've

known that's a firefighter is like not some you know they're not this isn't a joke yeah no no they're not fucking you know girls from the west coast type thing yeah yeah they're generally not trying to like prove a point i bet you i'll tell you even more so girls that are like from the west coast firefighters i bet you most of them aren't the type that's like trying to make a play to get more girl firefighters they don't give a shit like yeah they don't give a shit they're just like i want to do this no this is some bureaucrats that got involved and they basically made like an all women firefighter conference and the whole thing you know they're parading it all around town being like you, you know, this is the future.

Girls can be firefighters just as much as men, all that, right? So I'll just do, it's a very classic how it started, how it's going. I'll read you the two articles back to back. How it started. Women's fire conference in Banff aims to break down barriers in male-dominated industry. How it's going. And we go, how it's going?

Female firefighters plan burn goes awry in Banff. Yeah, they lit Banff on fire. Alberta has a crazy amount of fires right now. I don't know if you see that. It's insane. Yeah, that one was... A prescribed burn highlighted the agenda of Women's Firefighting Conference

held to promote diversity and inclusion. And then they basically went out and they were just like proving that women could do a burn just because men. And then like literally got out of control within the fuck, like super quick. That's so crazy though to have like, you know, a thousand girls in there have like their big ribbon and they're just like looking at the cameras like yeah like yeah yeah they're yes queening as they fucking burn the thing they light a match and they literally light the match yeah they literally burn like the burn went awry it became like a big like national crisis they said yeah they're they were like oh the wind changed you know tough break i guess god doesn't want lady firefighters i've said this before it's only

what no one would care if you just said like hey there's this you know it was mostly girls that did this thing no one would notice it's the jessica jones thing i thought i felt like jessica jones was the most i've ever saw that because i was i feel like tv show it's a tv show for the superhero it's a superhero show it's honestly that was an okay format that they were doing for a bit where they were like making basically a superhero show that dudes would like but a girl main character so like girls that are fucking need a main character they could also like it was sort of a good like uh it was sort of a good mix right but then they started tilting too far the other way where i think like guys got off and then well because girls don't most shows are

probably consumed by a guy and a girl together yeah you know what i mean so it's like if you do do a something for everyone that's not bad like i actually do get when shows are like hey we want to have like a real badass like girl character so the girl can be like that's my character of course and then the guy can be like well i like the actual it's a little something for everyone it's a little something for everybody right but uh but in the jessica jones one i was i watched like a first part of it like then they had season one and it was like pretty it was getting pretty popular whatever and then season two they came out of the gate because it was i don't know like somewhere

in the mix of 2000 whatever like 18 or 19 you know what i mean but they came out of the gate with like every commercial every advertisement was like yeah it's a fucking girl show deal with it like that was the whole thing and then they go they go yeah women can be directors too and it was like the first it was like the they did like all the press was about how there's a girl director and they're actually better and this and that right and then honestly it got in my head to the point where i'd be watching the show now and you'd be like this fucking scene's taken forward like what's the point of this conversation and you're like fucking women directors like it got into my head where like because they drilled it like normally

you don't even think about the director of a show right you just kind of like in it but this show is like i've been inundated so much with like yeah this girl the fucking wrote this and directed that and she'll do it better than a man and then like normally when you're complaining about shows you're just like, oh, this scene takes too long, but you'd sit there and you go, what is this going on?

This doesn't make sense. And you're like, right there. That'll, yeah, that'll be that. And then I'd be like, you'd watch an episode of the show.

And then the next day I'd log onto Facebook or whatever it was. And you'd see like, that's fucking right. It's a girl director. And you're like, yeah, that's why we like that. So it made me like,

I think the show did get worse too, i think on top of that it was worse they were trying to shove it in my face and i was just like okay show's done for us i was in my ex at the time and i go we're done with this show i clocked out yeah i never watched it like that yeah so that was another one florida man wins the poker tournament win for the boys yeah that was last week when we had our garbage on we didn didn't talk about this. But basically a dude went... This one was pretty crazy because essentially how it works with dudes is they have... I mean, it's always funny in general that these things even have gendered categories. For poker, you're like, why? If they're trying to say like, oh, there's something wrong with this guy entering the tournament,

it's like, why is there girl tournaments? Why is there girl chess tournaments? I think the girls tournaments, they're just i think the uh like the yeah the girls tournaments they're just like we just like playing with the girls well that's fair if that's actually the reason it's like more of a social i don't think yeah i think i think it is i don't think it's but there is another part of it where but look women ruin all the guy stuff so it's too bad the actual reason for like why do you say like you know when they say chess, it almost, you know what the weird part is?

In debating, like, why there's male chess tournaments, they have to lie in a way that makes it worse. Because the actual reason is that, like, men have a higher variance, you know what I mean? Yeah. So that's the actual reason is that there's, like, more kind of, like, men that have this, like, wild, like, 180 IQ or whatever, right? Like, these kind of, like, freaks. Yeah, like 180 IQ or whatever, right? Like these kind of like freaks, which aren't 99.999% of men, but they have to say like,

Oh, actually girls are strong, just as smart as men. And then they have to lose, but they're actually right. That like on average, your average girl is as smart as men, but like,

it's only at that tiny little part, but by making it guy versus girl thing, they actually have to be wrong. And it's just like chicks are into chess. Probably the best little smart chicks don't necessarily go play chess. That's probably a part of it. But I think the more part of it

is the crazy variance that men have in IQ and all the other sort of stuff. Yeah. There's way more luck involved with poker, too. That's the one thing, too, about this. Anybody who plays poker, poker's funnier just because there's so much luck involved with poker too like that's the one thing too about this is like anybody who plays poker yeah poker's funnier just because there's so much luck involved for the first for him to actually beat them and then get lucky enough to win a tournament on top

of that yeah he got he got a heater yeah like he got a heater he's probably just like well i told you remember when we so we our friends did this show like uh did a poker star show that i think david wrote on yeah and they did it at our when we had our old studio in toronto and basically um daniel negron who came in and we i was like blasted out of my mind drunk right probably one of the drunkest i've been and i entered the poker tournament i was just trash talking daniel negron who's so much where he was like real fed up with me right and i kept telling him i was like listen you play your poker but i'm better than you so what it is it's like you're in my house right now it's just like i can't remember

exactly what i was saying but i was like yeah and i'm sure you do your little tournaments or whatever but we're playing fucking street rules here and then whatever i was just going on and on he was like honestly getting like fed up and he was just trying to have like a fun game yeah he was like we were the buy-in was five dollars like he literally made last year four million dollars in cash games or like tournaments and stuff We played a five dollar buy-in. I wasn't even involved with the show by the way I just had a studio in the office I just had a studio in the office of the people that had this show

And I literally just like walked down the hall to their party Started fucking playing poker and trash-talking Daniel Negreanu And I literally beat him like two or three hands and I kept telling him that I was in his head and all this shit but it was legitimate I just got lucky and had a thing and he was like yeah obviously over the course he would have beat me but I played like three or four hands and beat him and then left of course

and I was telling everyone that I fucking mopped the floor with Daniel Negreanu anyone who would listen I was going to the other thing they're like Daniel Negreanu the poker player I go yeah I fucking you know who just fucking tuned poker player. I go, yeah, I fucking, you know, who just fucking tuned him right up. I go, you know what?

That is five bucks. Spoils. You got your friend, that bad boy. Frame that fiber. I don't fucking, the ultimate would be if you want to get him to sign it. Oh yeah.

Do you mind signing my winnings? Do you mind signing that $5 bill that I just won from here or something? And I'm sure I've had the end of the night he probably won like won the whole thing but i like literally won a few hands and then left which also he didn't like you're not supposed to do that either no no yeah you were just like fuck it i don't know he was not happy camera so you are right that anyone could beat anyone in a hand or two yeah i mean for a little bit yeah but over any sort of period and also there's the other part of it, too. One of the reasons that anyone can beat anyone in a hand or two, too,

is because especially if you're playing like a crazy person, he doesn't know what to do. Yeah, they don't know what to do. You can't put, like, a big part of poker is you put people on, like, a range of hands, and there's no way to put, your range of hands is literally anything. There's no way to put the drunk, crazy guy that just sat down and goes all in first hand.

And you have no information because you don't know who they are. And, like, yeah, you're like, yeah, you have no chance. You need to play with them for like hours. He's just guessing completely. Yeah, of course. And he's like, because you can't assume I'm being rational because I'm not. And he also doesn't want to like lose probably because he's just like, I don't want to be like first out on Daniel Negreanu.

That's true. I think he probably didn't care so much until I started getting in his face. Yeah, he was a cool guy. Yeah, he's cool. I listen to him actually on, I can't remember what podcast, maybe Lex for you, but he talks all, he goes super in depth about poker.

It was actually pretty interesting. Oh, so many people say poker relates to everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is surprising that it is gendered, the poker tournament, but he was making a point that, you know, this is what happens when you let men in women's sports or whatever.

Yeah. The thing was is because basically they have a, they have a law in wherever this took place that you can't ban men from women's tournaments and you can't ban women from men's tournaments. Yeah, for sure. And then the funny thing is one of the chick players

though was like, well, you know, if there was an all-men's tournament, I would never consider... I mean, they are all-men's tournament, basically. That's what they are. Well, that's what the guy said. He was like, I'd love to go on the men's tournament basically that's what they are well that's what the guy said he was like I'd love to go on the men's and there's no couldn't because I wouldn't qualify well you could play he's just like no he said he couldn't he said I wouldn't qualify for it oh I don't know he's like oh yeah I wouldn't I wouldn't make it in yeah oh yeah

probably yeah wouldn't be good enough I don't know I'm sure yeah I don't know yeah this is what the chick says she goes I love ladies only tournaments or whatever she's like if there was a men's only tournament she's like I wouldn't enter for enter it you're like yeah but women would the moment you go hey ladies here's the thing that like there's no physical element to you're not allowed to do it yeah just be like we're doing it yeah yeah tough i'm gonna take a second here to tell you about factor now this is something i've been mainlining. Oh, so good. During the prime spring season, you need wholesome, convenient meals to energize you for the warmer, more active days and keep you on track to reaching your goals. Factor, which is America's number one ready-to-eat meal kit, can help you fuel up fast with ready-to-eat meals delivered straight to your door. You'll save the time, eat well, and tackle everything on your to-do list.

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Did you see Jake Shields That guy who was at He was at Skank Fest Yeah Jake Shields I talk to him all the time Really? Yeah I'm trying to get him on I only knew him from skank fest or whatever but no i talked to him

well it's funny what they're saying they're calling him anti-trans ufc star i think he had like a tweet where he basically challenged he said he would fight in one night that's what i was bringing up but he had a the reason why he became like villain of the internet he basically said he got he got really deep in this stuff and he said that like anyone who transitions kids should be executed or whatever and then he deleted it. He put a poll up saying, should we execute anybody who helps someone, like an underage person transition? Matt Walsh has been pretty willy-nilly with who should get executed lately. Matt Walsh will post, like, anyone who fucking jaywalks should fucking be executed.

He's really getting a taste of that totalitarianism. If you don't immediately go to a confessional and confessaywalks should fucking be executed he's like he's really getting a taste of that you don't immediately go to a confessional and confess your sins you should be executed if that guy was president he would be off with people's heads real fucking quick man oh that guy's definitely got fucking short guy syndrome what is a woman's going to his what is a man's head he's definitely going to his head yeah yeah i don't know if jake shields is that though no no he's not i think he was like i don't know if jake shields is that though no no he's not i think he was like i don't know when we hung out with him at skank fest he was like a fun guy but like um basically he the whole thing was he's essentially doing um like uh yeah he said he's

gonna fight 10 uh he said i'll fight 10 men in a row transgender transgender men in a row so biological women and to prove that, it's obviously lopsided because he's like in the UFC before, right? Yeah, oh yeah, he's like, he's a very good fighter. But it kind of reminds me of, remember when the guy, tennis player, said I'll sweep the women's champion and he was like 55 and retired or whatever. Yeah, he was drunk when he did it too.

He played, I believe he played against Billie Jean King. This was like old, but then there was also Serena Williams. Serena Williams played the number 200 men's tennis player in the world or something or he was like 400. Something like not high ranking. Yeah, I remember that too. She was number one or something

and I think she won a game. He mopped the floor with her. He won two sets, like 6-0 6-1 or something. He smoked her. it's just not even in the same realm yeah it's like i mean again but i was there's nothing wrong with it it's just like men have the huge biological advantage my problem with this though is i just feel like it's not gonna happen it's like i feel like i saw a lot of articles coming out and people tweeting like no zero chance yeah they were like oh this because a lot of the trans men that like do ufc or whatever were like i'll fucking take that up and

i was like for a second i was like yo this is gonna be the greatest like event dude you're telling me you wouldn't like get a fucking group together to watch that fuck dude i'm going i'm watching that shit live that's what i'm saying that looks but i feel like i got my no it's not gonna happen because like one did take him up on it and then you need nine more yeah and then i guess he spoke with that like transgender fighter and then it was like yeah it's not happening like it's not gonna happen why not because there's no way that a trans like man is gonna knock him out and i think he's like a pretty solid like grappler and stuff so you're like it's just there's no scenario where he's

gonna really like lose i guess i guess like maybe the 10th person you're tired yeah you're tired i mean it's the classic like how many you know uh how many fucking children could you beat up if they're coming at you that's like the exact yeah you know what i mean that like okay if 10 000 uh if someone had that i think someone had a joke on stage oh maybe i think that alex byron's joke that he's posted or a yeah yeah no he posted this but it's basically he says uh that um you know people always ask um how many uh how many kids would you be able to beat up if they were coming at you in a row right and he goes with with uh you know with women i think it would be about like 10 000 because what i would do was i would you know i would beat up the first ones and then i'd put them in a pile and then i'd create a moat of those so they'd only be able to come around one at a time, and

then as they come around one at a time, you had a big, long explanation. He goes, with dudes, I think zero, because I'd never be able to hit a dude. It's like a good joke. But yeah. No, that's not. I got like really excited for two seconds, because I'd be like, man, something like that would be so cool, and they're doing all these wacky boxing matches. Literally the way you become a boxer has become a YouTuber now.

If there's a kid right now that's like, dad, I want to be a boxer. What they do is they go, okay, here's your ring light. Here's your reaction station. Here's your premier pro. You just get in the lab and just figure all this stuff out. Right now, it's literally a guy with boxing gloves like pressing on on the camera if he wants to be. You have to,

first you learn how to be a TikToker, then you learn how to convert your TikTok to YouTube and then you grow in the YouTube space and then, you know, around like 30, you get your first match in boxing.

And then you get in a Twitter beef with Sam Hyde. You have to get a, yeah, you have to get a Twitter beef with someone. And whatever, all these people

and then finally get, get into the ring. Yeah, you have to, that's, you're right, that is a big part of it that you want to be in in a beef yeah you gotta be in a beef but i do feel like it is kind of funny that like probably it's almost like the the best way to become a boxer is

to become like famous now yeah and then go box for sure yeah yeah unless you're like anthony joshua or tyson fury but like for the most part there's like yeah most i don't know or no there's the one i watched recently the and you're if you are garcia if you are really good at boxing you might be better off because you start out like your first actual fights at like 25 and you probably haven't had your head smashed in as much yeah and also you're very rarely fighting actual athletes it's like two people who are like aren't really athletes they're fighting each other like they've like it was like harley from that's true too the that guy is cool. Yeah, no, he's cool, but you're like, he wasn't... He started training

for boxing like three months before. Oh, yeah, I know. So you're not fighting some person who just knows how to punch for the last 30 years. Epic mealtime. I don't think there's... Yeah, they're from Montreal. I don't think there's 30... Sorry, I don't think

there's 10 transgender men fighters. Are there that many who are more more than fighting just like recreation yeah because who do they fight like they've i mean i mean you would go to like i'm sure if you go to like a bjj gym or whatever like yeah i'm sure there's a lot of people who are there like of all walks of life but like are they anywhere close to like competing with someone who is like a professional okay well since we're on your topic we might as well talk about the one thing because the transgender man fell not guilty transgender man transgender man he was found not guilty of indecency in the ymca locker room yeah it's honestly use the danny polis chuck defense

your honor i can just imagine like that Well, tell the people what he said. So, basically, he was found... He flashed some people in the locker room, some ladies, because he's a trans female, but he was a biological man, so he's still... Intact. Cooking around in the girls' locker room. Intact.

And so, and then people were like, they... He was on trial for indecent exposure, I guess, or something along those lines, and then... Well, he was... This guy was, like, one step away from helicoptering it in their face. Yeah. But, well,

allegedly, if you trust those lying women, because the judge, I guess, this guy had the best attorney money can buy, and then played the defense where he goes, his fat stomach covered his micro penis. He goes,

there's, you can't see a penis, your honor. Your honor. They probably like parade, like had all these photos and like he's walking around the courtroom like i will offer a million dollars to anyone who can point out where the penis is he goes yeah the girls go please point to your piece uh your honor can i just uh establish that he was pointing to his knee there's no visible penis I just saw that go that guy could

probably give me a skank fest next this year he's gonna win tickets if you say that you saw my penis well that's funny everyone just goes oh my god oh my god but what they can't

prove is that he didn't hold up the gut i guess right oh that is so funny though you have to hold up your i guess i guess that uh none of the women ever said like when they go so what happened i don't i guess they were never like well then he picked up his gut and showed me but just because you're fat there's a way like all yet what if he put his leg up on the thing you know what i mean well i guess what happens is that they uh like the women testify right and then they probably are like the way they explain it it didn't add up it's like essentially because they were like oh it's exculpatory evidence because he goes you can't see a cock oh how was he standing like this yeah exactly they go how was he standing can you just tell me again how he's standing i go thank you

and then they bring him up And go Can you just stand the way She said you were standing Stands that way You go See no penis Nothing there This guy also has like

A fucking Like court ordered Like restraining orders Against him too Like this guy is like All in right Yeah yeah So he's been

He literally already had Restraining orders against him He's going to the Women's locker room And like essentially Just like 400 pounds, just walking around like, let's hop, ladies. And they even said in the thing.

So they go, during the first conversation, he told her he was transgendered. In an effort to have her refer to him, was she her pronouns. And they quickly had a friendly relationship, which took a disturbing turn when he began to press her for information on masturbation habits sex and other intimate options and he started talking about his sexual fantasies which is just maybe my favorite like visual ever it's like fat at like 400 pound dude he's got like barely a fucking girl's haircut walking around to girls being like how how you flicking it? You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. He goes, girls like us, huh? He goes, you know what I like to do is just sit back, put a little usher on, just fucking go for a stroke. How you do it? What are you thinking? How often? You know what I mean?

So he's just, yo, asking a girl at the gym her like masturbation habits is so great. That's one, like, that's the thing is these trans chicks i guess they really they dive right in you know like they don't they don't feel out be oh yeah i guess this one i feel like this is a scam top to bottom i don't think this one's trying to you know what i mean this is i feel like this one's a total scam you think bottom you think that this person is is just like trying to be there's just like a sick pervert i think so yeah that's my guess on this one this specific one yeah probably i think but yeah legitimately going trying to be just like a sick pervert. I think so, yeah. That's my guess on this specific one. Yeah, probably. I think, but yeah, legitimately going up to the girls like within

minutes being like. But not, we're not talking about like Big Titty Teacher where they're like gaming the system. No, I don't. Yeah, I think gaming the system, but not. But like not to prove a point. Not to prove a point or something funny, like legitimately Just like what everybody was warning about. I mean, yeah, it's the perfect scam. Yeah. I mean Do you's the perfect scam yeah they already had a

like a restraining orders and like cases against them for this do you think when the trial started his attorney was just like you're gonna have to eat a lot by the time this trial's done do you think that's how it started the attorney was like look

between you and me you gotta get eating I only i only have one defense i'm just gonna get us out of this but you gotta eat that's so crazy to be the attorney you're like just working on your stuff late at night and then having that light bulb where you're like too fat to see it too fat fat he's fat he goes yeah he's like his wife's, how's the case going? I don't know. It's just this fat, fat, fat, too fat, fat, small dick, fat, small dick. It's just this fat, small dick loser.

I gotta defend. He's done. He's up to, wait. I gotta go. He texts the guy. He goes, yo, send me, go in the bathroom right now. Get naked. Send me a photo. And he's like, okay. Okay. It's for my wife.

Started sharing his sexual fantasies. I tried really hard to tolerate it. This is one of the girls being like, well, you know, I don't want to be. One of the girls was very, you know, it's like, I don't know where this is, but it's a lot of the girls that saying like, they don't want to offend. So they're in the thing just sitting there this like you know you i'm sure you've seen like a fat guy in a locker and being like this guy's like i'm jacked it a couple times tomorrow what do you do you like to be on top you like to be on the bottom i like to really

turn around just fucking give it to the girl and then she's like you know heaven forbid that i'm offended you know what i mean this is their culture yeah this is i don't want to get my whole life ruined there was one of those the life ruining ones yeah i know you did the video about the what to do with different races in the subway but there was one today where it's like yeah i saw that it was just like beating up a girl and every like the the first batch of comments was like well look at those coward men that didn't stand up for their girl and like every guy was like yeah no thank you yeah yeah exactly oh yeah oh yeah hero oh yeah yeah that's what i'm doing yeah that's what you want to be right now is to be like the second guy to kill a black guy in new york in the last week dude like i mean probably every white guy's like

looking at every black guy being like all right you're up this is you sorry that's true you're looking at like i would literally be finding any person you're looking at is you sorry that's true you're looking at I would literally be finding any person you're looking at dudes of other races being like come on pal you know I can't

yeah come on what are you gonna do me dirty like that come on you know this is your territory this is fucked up that you're making me even consider

helping this lady right now yeah if anything you're pushing out you're kicking out her legs cause you would've if anything happens to the guy now you're an accomplice to that you gotta get off

the hell off that cart but you're right you have to look at the other black guys on the thing and be like yeah guys i would literally and then the guys like why don't you help and you go really really like look how about we do you put him in the chokehold and i'll hold his arm i'll be the holding guy i'll be the arm holding guy but you do the chokehold no i'm pretty good on that yeah i'm good yeah that's it's a craziest move you could do right now it's almost be like a good just for laughs gag you know what i mean that is a good just for laughs gag punching a black guy punching a white woman in the face no what happens is that

basically you have this. You have like a guy, like a black guy who's like punching a white woman in the subway. And then even though the guy doesn't send it, he just goes,

hey, come on. And then they all bust in and the camera crews are out on it. And they're all French Canadians. Oh, hey, what's up? Welcome. Let's make him famous. Get ready to be on the cover of Quebec Times.

Air Canada Rouge magazine. White supremacy. He's a stealer rampant. And the guy's like, no. And they go, we talked to your boss and you have no longer have a job there either and then eventually they go just go and then they go gotcha gotcha and he's like soiled himself guys yeah yeah i think that's sort of that's that's that would be the gag yeah so that sort of happened but it was that's how this girl i think that's what the girls are in their world About the trans stuff Or anything like that

Where they're just like Heaven forbid I ever The guy's like He's this first day in the gym He's got like His dick out 400 pounds He's put his leg up And the girl goes

Hey does that look like a rash to you? Is this a yeast infection? I'm kind of new to this Being a woman thing Is that a yeast infection? You go Why is it hard? I think you spilled some cream cheese on your balls so that's definitely definitely funny though that's good stuff right there it was good stuff

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your life with manscaped but so i sort of jumped around but one thing that was pretty interesting is this girl you want to talk about uh toxic femininity yeah so there's this woman she basically murdered her husband yeah and then she wrote a book a children's book on how she dealt with her grief because of her husband's death and then started parading around like doing her book tour and stuff like that and then got felt guilty of being the one poisoning oh funny how that works out i guess that is the this is like the the ultimate thou doth protest too much it is like she's like i'm gonna go and write a book and go on a tour you know i know i'm dealing with the grief you know that's the old everyone knows that's the oldest trick in the book. That's how girls kill guys is they poison them.

For sure. So. That's the thing, too, is, like, women always act with domestic abuse. Where you go, like, it's a one-way street where it's, like, it's only guys killing women. And, like, guys probably kill women. Guys, for sure, it's more. But guys obviously kill probably women in more, like, horrific fashion. And then there is, like, obviously the physical advantage.

But there's so many dudes who are just like yeah he just died in his sleep nobody knows what happened it's like you fucking poisoned him not many chicks are getting away with murder like legitimately getting away with murder all chicks are murderers you heard it here you heard it here first anytime a girl don't trust any women

you want uber eats and I want to shake hands with the driver before I eat it oh yeah I made you a shepherd's pie. Oh, did you? I literally have a body double who also tastes all my food. My fucking Castro. And it's the trans fucking. You have someone test your food like Castro.

That's so funny. Sitting there at the table with your chick and she's like, how do you like it? I go, I'm just sort of waiting for you to take a bite first switching the plates every meal princess bride i don't know maybe the poison's in yours now switching the food every fucking yeah the crazy thing too is the guy said he goes if i he changed his will and he took his wife wife out of the will and he told all his friends he's like if i die she probably killed me that's so fucked up where like he knew she was gonna kill him that's crazy that people that's the that's the so that now that we've established a thing you're right the next part is that she did a sloppy as hell job of the murder it was like for her to be

on this book tour she did a crappy job yeah yeah she did not do a good job. So this guy, she basically gave him some food, and then he started saying he felt immediately sick, and he already had said, I think she's trying to poison me, and his text messages were like, I think my wife's trying to poison me. Well, because she failed one time. And then she had text going out to her friend asking to buy fentanyl. Which I thought you needed the littlest bit of fentanyl to kill someone. She bought $900 worth of fentanyl.

Wouldn't that kill a fucking basketball team? Yeah, you're right. And this guy, I guess he's like, Raspbian. Bitches be poisoning. Bitches be poisoning. Y'all know when your bitch be poisoning you. You come home, she be playing around with the fentanyl.

That's like, how awkward is it though? After the first poisoning attempt, he recovers, but he's like, lives. He loves food though. But he's like, not even loves food. You're like, okay. So you're like, he's like, I live with my wife. We have three kids. Obviously breakups are like, you know, they're not easy.

Like obviously it's in a perfect world. You just fucking dip. But like, it's not that easy. It's just like his wife just tried to murder him. He can't prove it. And he has to just like pretend like nothing happened and go back he's an idiot for staying in the house with her for sure but you're like he probably was like well what uh you know he's like i can't prove that she tried to murder this guy had some cash though stay in a hotel pal yeah i mean that's the thing a chick is... Nothing scarier than a scary chick.

Nothing scarier than a scary chick. He's legitimately rattled. He's like, I can't. What do I... She'll find me or something. This isn't making sense, what you're saying right now. If you literally think your fucking wife tried to murder you, you're getting divorced, you're in a big battle and stuff like that,

probably don't stay in the same house with her. I don't even understand your counter-argument to that. Well, I'm saying that... You think he was too scared to leave? I guess. Well, what's your... I mean, he literally said he thought she poisoned him and he was like almost i would say that he probably convinced him out of that he convinced himself that that probably maybe wasn't the case yeah

but then he's telling people he changes the once you're changing the will that's not just like a maybe that was out of spite either way imagine she didn't try to put was it changes the will and then like he just ends up dying and they live a happy ever after remember like 40 years ago I thought you tried to kill me so I took you out of the will forgot to put you back in sorry

because I stormed over to the will I got really bad food poisoning and I thought that was you trying to kill me so paranoid back then so sorry yeah now you don't own any of this stuff i guess a lot of times they just put the kids in the wheel instead of the mom so as long as the kids are young enough the mom's sort of get in the house anyway in that case yeah but right yeah yeah i think so but yeah basically this guy thought he poisoned she tried to buy fentanyl she has like multiple messages so i'm just saying like that

is the every once in a while it's like i feel like you find guys that are like a lot of times you know how they say a lot of times criminals you think that they're smarter than they are but like a lot of times you know even the mafia or whatever it's like one of the reasons they get caught is like the guy's out of bar fucking bragging about his murders yeah you know i mean shit where you're like you idiot I think the girl one is like a version of that, is a lot of times they just really think that they're smarter than they are. It's like, the idea of

you think you're so much smarter than everyone that you're going to do a book tour after you like, have obvious reasons that you did it? Well, I guess in her mind she goes like, well, no murder would ever go to this extent. That's what I mean. She just thinks like, oh, she cracked the case with it. But man.

It's all part of the cover. She probably could have been like off the radar if she was. How do you think the sales did of the book? Think it did numbers? Can you still buy it? Do you think you can still buy it on Amazon right now? That's fair. Is it available?

And do you think even though we now know that she killed her um her husband maybe are there some tips on dealing with grief okay yeah it's actually the kids though yeah not just like what fucking orphans i think uh essentially she's in jail they get the dad's money so they're not really orphans because they've got cash. Well, that's how old they are, though. No, no, but they're not going to some crappy orphanage because they don't have cash. No, I just mean, yeah, they might go with a family member. I'm just saying they have no parents.

Yeah, so that's true. That's a bummer. That's a bummer. That's a bummer. That's just about as bad as the Leafs being down Fucking 3-0 Against the Panthers I got really I got on that bandwagon For one game

And then I immediately Got off I was literally like All aboard I was looking up All this stuff And I was like Watching

I was like I was I honest to god Looked up Leafs jerseys too I was gonna buy one And then they won Lost Like immediately

Just lost every game And I was just like Fuck this stupid team Yeah Heartbreak Hotel that fucking team danny was saying we should get uh rbf on the podcast that i don't i actually put in the comments what you think there's a lot of like political rbf rfk there's a lot of these political candidates that are starting to do like tours and stuff like that yeah well we have an election

coming up i was sort of skeptical of having them on because rfk i think is i agree so that's why i wanted to sort of discuss him but i was just saying my original point was i don't love people people that are too political period sometimes yeah i don't love because it's like especially with political candidates it's like they don't mean a fucking thing that they say they just here's a bunch of like talking points and it was like and then they go around every podcast just saying that no matter what you ask them they just say the same thing sure so it's like well they have to have like my least favorite person to talk to they do have to have a platform though because the people i guess invariably are asking you like okay if you are the president what are you going to do yeah but if they've already said it on six other things

it's like true true yeah you're not gonna hear i mean my issue with having him on the podcast is the fact that he straight up is just coming out and saying that the cia killed his dad and his uncle and then you're like i don't need to get on the fucking cia's bad books yeah rfk i thought did sort of uh that was crazy yeah to be honest the fact that he's like such a big guy so i had you're right and plus we could be like he's like, what's Larry David like? He's like legit, like fucking super against like vaccines all across the board. He's like a democratic guy. And then-

Most famous democratic family in America. Yeah. So to me, he's like, his story is super interesting, but my problem with him, and this is as a guy who experiences this, I was like,

I can't imagine someone being president that has that voice. Yeah. And I hate- Well, he had- I legitimately like, I honestly, I'm not kidding

i thought it was a joke when i looked up his interviews i was like oh maybe he was sick it would go he was they're like so what do you think about it and he goes well and i'm like is it like a bad connection and he was like the vaccines are terrible for you and i'm like this is not that's not real is it and then you said he had some sort of illness that caused it. I can't imagine you'd be president with that. I honestly just think, you know, like we don't have bald presidents. Ryan, I mean, I'm just going to tell you what everybody's yelling right now. Fucking Joe Biden is the president.

How's that worse? Well, he's like, that's an old guy voice, I guess. But Joe Biden is like, literally, he's like. Yeah, I guess that's a pretty good point. Come on, man. I don't wear... Who's what? Okay, but there's a big difference between an old guy voice and a guy that sounds like... No, it is tough. It sounds like the connection's lost on a Zoom meeting.

Yeah, yeah. Honestly, it seems like his vocal cords are just fried. I'll tell you this, right? About myself. People don't realize how important their voice is until it's gone. When I had those years in my life where I really lost my voice, I was less funny. Like, you're not...

Even doing stand-up, you can't make your inflections that you're used to. You're not as powerful. People don't listen to you. Having no voice really does make people not take your stuff seriously. It's just hard to listen to or something. Yeah, it is legitimate yeah it says in 2008 he has a thing called uh he was reported he had spasmodic dysphonia which causes that stinks man i feel bad for him as a person

like i had voice surgery and everything and i had like six months where i could barely speak and it was like yeah it's very very difficult you don't think though people will see that as kind of like oh it's like nice that he has like actual, like, he's not super, I mean, he's obviously polished, but you're like, oh, maybe he has some sort of adversity, and also the CIA is out to get him. I can't, I don't see it. I mean, there's too much.

I agree with you, though. He's got all this other stuff and the voice. The voice was like, maybe if it was just the voice, and he was like. Should he get like a fucking voice box, like one of these things? He might be better off. That's the I ain't killed my dad. Dude, if right now he was like,

I'm just going to say that you're not going to mess with us, North Korea. It's like, I'm telling you. Yeah. I mean, I agree. It's tough. It's tough. It's tough to listen to like you'll never be a president who sounds like he just inhaled helium they just won't i'm telling you i i i

think that the voice is going to disqualify him i really do think that his polling numbers there's going to be a surgery that they can i mean also it's pretty crazy that he's coming for the incumbent president like he's not a republican yeah he's like literally like yeah i'd like to be the democratic nominee and they're like we already have biden's like we already got one and i'm the president yeah we already got our fucking weird voice guy dude that is crazy though that's the debate it's like well i'll do a better job than you as president no you won't it's like i don't even know who you were doing the first time joe biden yeah i know i know but i'm saying like how they're like so bad come on man i'm good at my job i am actually the one who should be president no i'll be the yeah it's a fucking old man that's about to die and then a guy that sounds like he's legitimately

like a computer simulation that's disappearing and reappearing. It's a... I think that guy's got his work cut out for him. He does. I mean, his polling numbers are impressive. Apparently, he's already polling at like 20%. Because he has like pretty good stuff. Yeah.

He's like a super interesting guy. Sounds super smart. It's hard to think he's like a super... I saw a video of him when he was younger and he's kind of a cool guy. I mean, his fucking uncle was JFK. That doesn't mean he's cool. Could be a fucking extra dweeby.

Pussy crusher of all time. That's true. Pussy hound of the fucking century. Okay, well, it's like, so if you met some guy and you go, does that guy crush pussy? You go, he's Hugh Hefner's nephew. Like, that means nothing.

Yeah. Oh, yeah? I like that he goes after the CIA. I mean, the thing that was you're like okay so then and then you're president and how long is that gonna last before the cia is like hey can i got some beef with your i can't imagine the cia loves that shit yeah well he's like all those people are dead for starters probably cia doesn't die well he's like the guys that did it he was like he's coming in being like i know it's not you it's

those guys you're the you're one of the good ones yeah but i don't think he Well, he's like the guys that did it. He was like, he's coming in being like, I know it's not you. It's those guys. You're one of the good ones. Yeah, but I don't think he's a big fan of the current CIA either. I think he's going to be like, I think he's going to be fucking driving around the Popemobile. Well, his whole thing is he's like, hey, we just got to stop all the war stuff. And then basically they're like, what about all this other stuff? He sort of is smart because basically, you know, they asked him, some people ask him, like, what do you think of all the trans stuff? And he's like, oh, trans stuff, I'm more of a no war guy cia's bad vaccines are bad like

he's sort of more that guy pretty sad and then they were like what do you think he sort of stays out of those heather issues i guess it's sort of his tactic yeah yeah he's like and when you stay out of them everyone kind of knows what that means it's like yes obviously i'm not a fucking moron but like i'm not trying to sign my death i mean obviously the democratic party just yet yeah also it's part of it is like biden is just so bad i think people are like not nobody's pumped about biden they're just like better than desantis do you think that uh do you think that they should like castrate like uh you know 11 year old kids and he goes now the thing about the geopolitical situation in this case he knows what he's doing yeah yeah he's really so there's that they were yeah a few i mean a lot i think

he'll get a lot of people on the right would like they'll not like the staunch republicans but the people who are just like the undecideds he who might be a desantis person could become a fucking well there's so many would never be a biden person but could be there's so many people that like disagreed so much with the covet stuff they uh you know they they uh disagree with all the covet stuff they disagree with all the like sending all the money to war stuff they disagree with all that stuff but they're not like oh yeah let's use all the political like will we have right now to make sure that like you know arkansas doesn't have abortions or whatever bullshit they're like you know what i mean there's like a pat on your back conservative sort of thing the real like no one i know gives too much of a shit about anyway no no you know

what i mean no and then you're or or the opposite they give a shit about it the not the way you think they do yeah he i mean he's a he's a well i guess what they would call a classical classical liberal but that means he's not in favor of some of the things yeah but like most of those sort of change their things yeah well yeah well they have to they have to go further left or then become republican yeah most but it is sort of interesting i'll say the last thing on this political topic it's sort of interesting to see like a guy that's uh like that with a democrat because it does sort of stick a little bit to the thing whereas when those guys are republican they sort of they start with those

kind of things and like use that energy of all the people that are sort of like you know the movements that sort of uh on the internet or whatever but then they sort of transform that like energy all into essentially like just uh trying to win specific culture war issues or whatever. They just sort of take all that stuff into sort of like, you know,

mainly, yeah, like abortion, Christian stuff, whatever. I guess it's hard to say what the biggest issues will be in the... But when I saw that,

I thought that, because I've watched that sort of like play out over the last like four years and I was sort of thinking that I was like I feel like the next guy is going to be like a common there's going to be like a common sense sort of Democrats could fucking

clean up and probably yeah we'll see it's very unclear who's even going to be the Republican candidate it seems like DeSantis is not doing very well yeah the whole thing is going to be a fucking shit show It seems like DeSantis is not doing very well. Yeah, the whole thing's going to be a fucking shit show. But anyways, RBF, we liked him, but his voice is weird.

RBF. Ruth Bader F. Giffinsburg. Ruth Bader F. Ginsburg. Kennedy. Who would you have sex with if you had to have sex with one? Ruth Bader Ginsburg or RFK? Ruth Bader Ginsburg or R.F.K.? Ruth Bader Ginsburg dead or alive?

Dead. Dead Ruth Bader Ginsburg or get railed by Robert F.K.? Oh, I have to get railed by her? You have to get railed by her. Probably go with the corpse, I guess. Okay, what about if you're having sex with them? So it's two lying on a bed. There's two beds.

You walk in. Kennedy, just because I'd be like, I fucked a Kennedy. And then you go, which one? You go, which one? I think it could have been Maria Shriver. Don't remember. Give it to me, Danny. Danny, ah, boy.

I need it. And this is, you know when people say that you're making fun, like deaf people can make fun of deaf people? I actually, that is my community. No, the voice problem community is my community. Are you upset about Morgan Wallen? Dude, I used to get fucking steroid shots in my neck. You see that guy Morgan Wallen? The country guy?

What about him? Is he part of the community? Yeah, he just cancelled a huge tour today because of his voice. I've been there. I've been there, brother. Solidarity with Morgan Wall. Plus he came back from a big N-word scandal. Oh, yeah. Daniel.

Come to Papa. Well, just in case we were wondering if we were going to be able to get him on, the answer is no now. I can't imagine. Imagine? Are you just like, this is me sabotaging Danny's plan to try to get all his politicians on? He goes, I was considering it, and then I heard your debate about whether you would fuck me or Ruth Bader Ginsburg's corpse, and I don't really think that's presidential.

I think you'd come on and participate, and there goes another discussion. the name's Robert Kennedy but Daniel I want you to get on those Kennedy's knees you're right this might not last Mike might have better luck getting fucking Joe Biden at this point I'm telling you though Might have better luck getting fucking Joe Biden at this point.

I'm telling you, though. I've already heard all the things you guys just did. Well, anyways, I endorse RFK Jr. Oh, we got an endorsement. Official endorsement from the lover boy to the lover. I can't vote, but... You also would like to have sex with him. That's a quote from Daniel. Yeah, I wasn't talking about politics.

Yeah. I endorse that I'd rather have sex with him that's a quote from yeah i wasn't talking about politics yeah i i endorse that i'd rather have sex with him fellas just taking a quick second here to tell you that i've released the dates the rest of the dates for 2023 minus a few coming and i'm coming to tampa bay san diego salt lake city new york city tacoma kansas city omaha edmonton los angeles irvine san jose phoenix, Toronto at the Queen Elizabeth Theater. With maybe one more or two coming. I think we're trying to get Denver and Vancouver coming. And then I will be coming to the UK in January.

So go to RyanLongComedy.com to get those tickets. And I'll see you on the road. And subscribe to my YouTube. And subscribe to Danny's YouTube. Underscore Danny. Okay. I got to really. Actually, I'm going to do this first because it's sort of in the topic.

But basically, this guy wrote an open letter from Jesus Christ to the church. It was like a medium article. It was very popular. That was great, right? So there's this dude. And his whole thing was the church being against abortions or whatever, all that kind of stuff, right? He goes, dear church, it's me, Jesus. So he wrote a big article, but the idea is he's right.

This is the article that would have came from Jesus, right? And he goes, your personal Lord and Savior, you might remember me from such hits as Love Thy Neighbor, Turn the Other Cheek, and Hey, Stop Being Jerks. Okay, I made up the last one because, hey, I'm Jesus. So out of the gate, my favorite part was just that he made Jesus such a sassy Twitter guy. He essentially turned Jesus into like a Twitter reply guy. He goes, yeah, well, I made up with them because, well, maybe I'm Jesus. You might remember me. So he's turned him into like a total nerd, right?

A total dweeb. A total dweeb. So he's mad that they scaled back some LGBTQ stuff or whatever, right? But the best part, he's like, well, we're talking about fear. I've just watched another round of the horrific news footage on CNN. Yes, my preferred news service. So he's written a news... Jesus is a fucking libtard? Yeah, Jesus...

Well, that's his whole thing is Jesus is a libtard, but he's also like... The fact that Jesus is like... Yeah, I love CNN. I'm kind of a Don Lemon guy, but sometimes I like Anderson Cooper. He made Jesus like the gayest guy ever. He goes... So Jesus likes CNN Jesus

He's really unhappy about some of the stuff He loves CNN It's hard to know what Jesus would have been Because Jesus was sort of like a hippie guy If you break it down Yeah So he could have been He's a bit of an iconoclast

But that's what I mean He could have been a hippie guy That was like He could have been like a super like Anti-vax hippie guy You know what I mean? Yeah he'd be like He'd be like in the fish lot Selling grilled cheeses It's very possible Jesus would be more like I actually heard like a super like anti-vax hippie guy you know what i mean yeah he'd be like he'd be like in the fish lot selling grilled cheeses it's very possible jesus would be more like i actually heard

like a fish or no grateful dead an early uh interview with them a long time ago about like why they didn't get into politics because you know all the guys a lot of the other bands in that movement when you start having movements very very yeah yeah and i thought it was i can't remember i think it was online or whatever but it was from 20 years ago and what he said was he it was like he goes well you know politicians are kind of you know they all have you know some agenda and what we're trying to what our what our purpose is is to show that music we create our own little world and we all become one everyone on stage becomes one and that transcends politics that transcends petty arguments that are happening right now and that was sort of his thing right

and that sounded a lot more than what jesus would have been yeah right i mean jerry is jesus to some like jesus wouldn't be like rah rah rah supporting like you know a political candidate probably in my mind i think he'd be more yeah he wouldn't be a partisan he'd be more like... Yeah, he wouldn't be a partisan. He'd be more like, you know, everybody get together. He'd be the guy on the subway when the cops and the protesters are all fighting and he'd go, guys! And he'd be putting the flowers in the gun barrels. He'd be the guy putting the flower in the gun barrel, I think.

That seems more... If you had to pick, he wouldn't be a sassy CNN mom, probably. He wouldn't be Brooklyn Dad. No, he wouldn't be Brooklyn Dadassy cnn mom probably he wouldn't be brooklyn dad which is what this guy wrote him as right yeah but he goes and so he goes and while we're on the topic of political interventions i just this is how he talks right he goes yeah uh jesus while we're on that topic let's talk about how you've been placing your trust in politicians remember when we rallied against the guy who claimed to be chosen by God and yet had a history of cheating on his wife, lying to the American people and inciting violence?

So this is Jesus also really hated Trump. Not a big Trump guy, huh? Well, you know what's kind of interesting about the, I mean, there's always sort of like, my opinion inconsistent arguments that like involve uh jesus on both sides but like the one that there's the big thing about like you know jesus would be you know all for uh you know gay people and trans people and whatever because he loved everything and like whatever who hitler yeah yeah whatever right but the the funny part is that they're like then they go well i'm jesus and why did you support this guy that cheated on his wife? So it's like, okay, that rule, infidelity, that one's really serious, but, like, all these other rules.

You have to be forgiven by all your sins, though. Like, the whole point is that you're, like, it is, like, a kind of brilliant thing set up. Well, but their argument is that it's not a sin, right? And his argument is it is a sin. Like, this guy's argument is that, like, the thing is, the original thing, I the original thing i guess with religion is like yeah it's a sin to do this stuff right yeah well their argument is that it's not a sin whose argument is not a sin okay so if you're like hardcore christian yeah anti-gay right your idea might be even if you're very accepting i think the their the position is like listen i know that this is a sin, but I forgive you.

Yes. And their position is that it's not a sin. Whose position is this not a sin? Oh my God. This is a who's on first right now. Who are you saying? The guy? Yes.

Okay. Gotcha. Well, you're saying who's as in like many people. Yeah. Yeah. Gotcha. I'm saying progressive Christians.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Progressive Christians position is that it is not a sin. It's not a sin. Yeah. Yeah. Abortion's not a sin. Whatever. All of it is not a sin yeah yeah abortion's not a sin whatever all of it's not a sin and like tolerant you know conservative christians position would

be like it is a sin but we don't care and then catholic fire and brimstone is like it is a sin and welcome to hell yes okay so those are probably the three sort of positions you know what i mean so i'm saying that it's he's his inconsistency is saying that like oh and i hate trump because he cheated he cheated on his wife but also that seems really yeah i mean that's like the ultimate loophole and then the other so my other one is the like republican version the matt walsh kind of version is they go that you know all the trans stuff is like religion because it's blind faith and that's why it's wrong and you're just like well but like by that logic like that's what you're into yeah honestly the trans people should really for the

matt walsh stuff they should just do the thing where they're all like we're all christian like you know how like parents ruin stuff for kids by doing the thing be like hey matt we're all christians we love jesus i think they are doing a bit of that but i'd like really like go to church every sunday like really get in drag yeah get in there turn it into a drag brunch yeah like really get in you go hey where are we going after church services we're going to drag you might be able to try that at white church i don't think you're going to try that fucking bullshit at black church you think they're fucking black church is a little fun you think you're gonna try to show up in a fucking with your drag music at black church i mean i wonder though because like the people who are at church you're like well you guys are

literally the forgiveness people so i mean maybe what happens what i said they're saying i'm they're saying why am i being forgiven for something that i didn't do wrong yeah yeah but i'm But I'm saying in terms of being not welcome there, I think what would happen is they'd be like, oh, come in the first time. And then they'd be like, okay, we got to really work on this stuff, though. You can't just keep coming back. You can't just keep coming back. If you want to keep coming back to the church, we got to really- You can't just be coming in here covered and come.

No, no. We got to be working on this stuff. You know what's weird? In all the prank world of videos, not a lot of church pranks that's a pretty easy one too you're right like why are there not like a whole genre of people like going to church and ruining it and stuff and synagogues and that does seem obviously mosques that one we know why but yeah in today's day and age like there why hasn't there been a youtuber that went and like did it yeah there's like like what a fucking put a fucking hidden camera and did confession where he confesses to some wild shit.

Yeah, I'm surprised. I had a priest on my old show, and I was kind of like, I can't remember what I was. Yeah, on Rylan's channel? Yeah, I can't remember what the joke was. I don't know. Yeah, but I had some gag with him. Yeah, but I'm surprised that there's no... Oh, that's what it was.

I was telling him that I was going to jump. I think it was when I said I was going to jump out of the plane and kill myself and he shouldn't do that. And I was like, yeah, well, I'm going to because... Oh, yay. Or fortune telling. I don't remember. It was one of those.

I think it was the plane one. Might have been the plane one. Yeah. But anyways, that's where I was just saying it's like inconsistent. But yes, it's like for them, it's sort of like the... You know, you're dating a girl, right? And you're like, listen, you sort of like the you know you're like you're dating a girl right and you're like listen you came home past curfew i forgive you for it and she's like i don't have a curfew like i already said i forgive you for it and she was like listen

like i didn't do anything wrong and you're like hey listen just don't let it happen again but i forgive you like that's how they see it with like the gay stuff i think you know what i mean yeah i just see it as deliciously sinful yeah it's so fucking sinful you and just our fucking just better jim no his name is robert fucking bitter voice box all right he's definitely not coming this is my community yeah listen if you want to make fun of you know the the fat uh trans small dick guy i'm i'm not gonna tell you no one's gonna try to cancel you for it no one's gonna try to cancel you for it whereas you know i'm allowed to make fun of my community of people that have voice

problems voice problem i couldn't speak for six months i used to have to write it down on a piece of paper i did cancel tours and shit that Yeah, that sucks. That sucks. You get lasers on my throat. Laser. Pew, pew, pew. Pew, pew, pew. That's how they do it. Pew, pew, pew. Yeah, that is...

I mean, that must suck because I feel like with a voice... It does suck. It's a nightmare. Probably when you're young, too, you never think that you're like, this just can go away. Yo, anyone is...

It's one of the things you really take for granted. You go like, yeah, I just talk all the time. Anyone who loses their voice completely realizes immediately how fucking important they're go try to pick up a girl after you've lost your voice completely yeah it's like impossible to do anything now try to go be president when you know the voice good luck pal when he gets at his

inauguration we're gonna be like what uh are you kidding he climbed yes it's the complete opposite i would i wouldn't be saying i told you so i would say this is a win for my community yeah my people and when your guy is president of nambla you can say the same thing so my only fan here we go my only fans is a family business And I'm proud that my mom and my brother house So it's a whole family right You're not happy with that

This is Euro trash like I've never seen in my life So you think in this specific situation You think they do need to go to church a little bit more No they need Jesus Y'all need Jesus Y'all need Jesus Hallelujah y'all need jesus hallelujah okay i got a hallelujah so they got the whole family board and so the brother takes the nude photos this is some real trashy shit so the brothers the brothers sort of run in the whole thing that's a video that i want to do the

guy that responds to the only fans yeah i want to be like the guy that lets his whole life just responding to dudes yeah doing dick pic ratings and shit You know what I mean So what are you going to do brown face or And yeah they asked me I have to show them the bobs It would be funny a funny idea Because you're a dude and you're kind of like

For the guys a bit so you're being a little A bit? No but I'm saying in this scenario Where you're being a little too generous With the dick ratings and then the chick comes in To review your work and you're like a little bit. No, but I'm saying no in this scenario where you're, you're being a little too generous with the dick ratings. And then the chick comes in to review your work and you're like, what are these? You're giving everyone. You gave nobody a, like under a seven.

Are you kidding me? You make me look like a fucking joke. He has to mail the to them. So he has to put the lipstick on and kiss the thing. Send it with love. With love to Brooklynoklyn but yeah so it's one of the craziest things ever it's it's a 39 year old model from spain and she has a full-fledged family business so the brother was working right and she's making 35 grand a month the brothers responded to the messages taking the photos and the business the mom got a job responding to messages And stuff like that

And it was working so good The mom got a taste The mom's only making $2,000 The mom's like Honey how do you spell cum slut Here's the best part though Not the best part But this is for you

Because I know you like To delve into the comments Yep The top comment On the mom's only fans Mom makes $2,000 a month Exclamation mark Exclamation mark

Question mark That's $2,000 too much Who the f would pay to see that the mom's like fat uh i mean i yeah that's my comment yeah he's doing all the sexting he's pretending yo but it's not like it's one thing pretending to be a guy it's another thing sexting on behalf of your mom and sister and then your mom who's like 70 is like man you're making this kind of money huh you think i could do this she's like everyone's like i guess she's already taking photos you're like no i think we're 35 is pretty good she's like it never hurts to help we go we're actually so crazy because like there's legitimately like fairly attractive women who

make like 400 bucks a month i know and this mom fucking pulling in 2200 she must be doing some crazy stuff like just just freaking cucumbers just but they come out all diced like slap chop style like something something nuts i don't know his mom is problematic but just responding to your to like text messages on behalf of your mom being like yeah you are a good boy i'm a you know i would like to suck that that's a nice looking hog he's like i'd like to fuck you too and it's your mom you're sexting on behalf of your mom but the best part is this so that's not even the best part by far at first i wanted to help my mom with content uh blah blah blah blah her mom joined in 2000 2020 she says it's more than three times

what she made in her part-time job. And with that money, she's able to pay rent. However, there's one person in the family who's not too happy about her OnlyFans hustle. And that's their dad. The dad's against it. Dude, can you imagine the extent to which you'd be like,

you're probably wondering how I got here. When you walk into your own living room as a man to see your wife and daughter spread eagle and your son taking photos of them. Is this legal? Your son is fucking snapping photos of his mom and your daughter nude. And you were just like, I'm surprised this guy hasn't just blown his brains out and just killed the whole family. Chris Benoit, the whole fucking operation. He's thought about it.

I imagine it gets pretty dark for him when the mom starts referring to having sex as making content. She's like, you want to make some content? He goes, I'm going to fucking kill myself. Because I barely want to fuck you anyways. Now you're calling it making content? That's a bit much, huh?

So this guy's just... You want to talk about bad life? They need Jesus. Y'all need Jesus. Y'all need law. And then our girl's back. So our girl's back a little bit. Here we go.

That's what the guy deserves. If I'm not getting 10 out of you every single day then i'm not going to bed until you've if that's his average you know what i mean if i've seen you bus 10 consecutively for a little while and today you've only busted like six or seven i'm like honey are you all right like so she's doubling down she's doubling down on the whole thing. Ah, poor guy. Is there even a guy?

Do we know that there's... I'm honestly starting to feel like they're going to be like, who... Like, nobody's ever actually met the guy. Kaiser Soze, like, never existed.

No, the boyfriend's going to walk into the building and they go, who's the boyfriend? He's going to walk in and just collapse on the floor. This guy, he's got zero fucking

juices on his body. Probably looks like, oh, you're dating a 90-year-old man? He goes, what? No, he's my age. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah.

No, he's 22 years old. Looks like the fucking Crypt Keeper. That's what I'm, I'm actually picturing the Crypt Keeper. So she's doubling down. People are like,

come on, eight or nine? She was like, actually, it's 10. So I'm starting to think that she's fiddling with it. So she said, what did she say about the average?

She goes, that's your average. You did it once and then you do it again and now so she said what did she say about the average she goes she goes that's your average you did it once and then you do it again and then now you've done it two times that's your average oh so basically

she's holding him to the high water mark she goes you bossed it 10 times before in a day I guess consecutively so now that's the that's the norm now

that's your norm that guy's gotta get off meth not one not less yeah I don't know so this is her thing she's been tripling down. Who is she? Some influencer chick.

But it's not this. She's not an OnlyFans? No, the thing is, it's from this show that they basically do like a YouTube show where they interview like hoes in a van or something like that. They're not actually, I'm saying hoes. I think the girls are supposed to be. It's not all like porn star people. It's not like Bang Bus or anything?

It's basically that, but I don't think they bang them. It's basically hoes on a bus yeah but it's not it's pretty funny though you know the show fresh and fit yeah there's probably like four or five where they've literally had done the exact same thing it's just pretty funny like they they actually have just like they they steal like the studio design and stuff like that the camera angles the camera angles everything it's like pretty crazy. I saw the one, I don't know if you saw the one with, they talked about it on Abbott.

No, there's another like black guy one. Yeah, but there's one where he, the guy goes, hey, he goes, can you,

these three girls are there and he's like, there's like the two dudes or whatever and they're like, do you want to like rate us or whatever? Like what are our ratings?

And so the one girl's like, you're like an eight out of 10. You're like a seven out of 10. You're like eight out of 10. ratings and so the one girl's like um you're like an eight out of ten you're like a seven out of ten you're like eight out of ten and then like the other girl goes like yeah you're like eight you're like a nine eight like the three different girls or whatever or the girl and rating the three guys and then the one girl's like a you're like a two uh eight or whatever and then the guy who's like she said to two he's like you fucking bitch get the fuck out of here grab all your shit get the fuck out of here. Grab all your shit. Get the fuck out of here. You're like, you asked her to raid him. And she was like, totally polite about it.

She's like, yeah, I don't know. I think you're like a two. A two's not polite. But like, she was like very like, she's like, I guess you're like a two. And he literally like snaps on her. And it's like, so the cringiest thing I've ever seen. Dude, bitch, get the fuck out of here. Like, grab all your shit. Yeah, he's like, grab all your shit.

They're like, make sure you've got her phone or a bag. I don't ever want to see her face again. Get out of here Grab all your shit Make sure she's got her phone in her bag I don't ever want to see her face again Get out of here You asked her Every dude on one of those shows Has become Steve Wilkos You asked her to rate you all And then she goes two

And you're like you're a dude here Maybe I can see a chick snapping No you're missing that's the format You gotta kick them off I feel like that's always missing that's the format You gotta kick them off I feel like that's always the highest rated clips Is when you kick them off People love when they get kicked off That's what people fiend for

They get mad when one of the girls doesn't get kicked out Okay sign up For Bugman vs Bugman We got another fucking hour and a bit on the Patreon We got a whole bunch of other shit to go through this week come come rock with us on the

patreon you know listen to the episode we're already since we've released the thing we've already gained like another

80 or 100 so now it's like we literally probably need like 380 more people or whatever help us help you

to help us we and i'll tell you one thing we spend all the money that we get from it on the show so on the next fucking shitty cabinets are cheap and next episode we're thinking doing like a whole gun range and things like that this show's gonna keep getting better because gun range if there's one thing i know how to do it's waste money on productions that have in a lot of ways no value and even only 2,000 only 2,000

like around 2,000 people are seeing it and spent fucking we're building a content library we're like Quibi or Seesaw or something along those lines and then I have to fucking watch Shade Arena doing a response video with a million views while I'm fucking slaving away for content

behind a pin alright peace