The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Andrew Schulz On Tucker And Lemon Getting Fired! Jerry Springer Dying! & Schulz's Friends Ruining My Show

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Culture, comedy, the Don Lemon & Tucker Carlson debacle, trad-wives & cat fishing with ANDREW SCHULZ! Andrew Schulz is a stand-up comedian, actor, television producer and podcaster. @andrewschulz @officialflagrant SUPPORT THE SPONSORS: Babbel.com/boyscast - Up To 55% Off Your Subscription Butcherbox.com/boyscast - Code BOYSCAST - Free Chicken Thighs For A Year + $20 Off First Box Patreon.com/theboyscast - Bugman Competition TO BE RELEASED RYAN ON TOUR: Atlanta: April 28/29, Philadelphia: May 2/3, Tampa: June 2/3, New York - Sept 16 SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Coming this summer. One is a right-wing conspiracy theorist. The other, a politically correct gay black man. Both well past their prime had they been a woman, but after being fired from their jobs, on the same day they found themselves sharing a common lawyer and a common enemy. The news. This summer, Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon

form an unlikely alliance to bankrupt CNN and Fox by any means necessary. And this time, neither of them are looking for change. They are looking for big bills, ideally in the form of a bank transfer. Because when life gives you lemons, it's time to get Lemon paid. And leave the wallets of both stations a little tuckered out. You will laugh. Ha ha. When Tucker finds out Lemon is a card-carrying member of MGTOW. What is that?

Men going their own way. It's a popular subreddit. It's Danny's organization. It's a gay group. And you'll wince when they accidentally touch hands reaching for the same red bow tie. Doing a job they both secretly agree only a man can do watch a patriot and an activist storm the capital the capital c capital n capital n capital f capital o capital x that took way too long for how funny it was jussie smollett and edward norton star in no news is good news welcome to the boys cast

The boys cast with a very special guest that has been years in the making. I will say that this is, I always say that I feel like you have a philosophy of helping people more than most comics. So if you do things, I'll do three podcasts I don't want to do for you being here yeah paying it forward no i do want to be here you know i i owe you how do you owe me oh you know oh have we spoken about that have you guys spoken about that well i i i think i mentioned it but i think we briefly mentioned i didn't go into crazy detail because i wasn't sure like what what extent it was a thing for you to not talk about. You know what I mean? So embarrassing.

We can talk about it. I think it's fun. So we're in Edmonton. No, Calgary. Calgary. We got a lot of Canadian fans not going to appreciate that one. Schultz is big shot filming a movie with Peter Dinklage. He's the star.

Peter Dinklage is the supporting actor. He's the supporting actor. Of course. Yeah, yeah. My big breakout role. And you said Dinklage is the Supporting actor He's the supporting actor Of course Yeah My big breakout role And you said Dinklage is cool right Dinklage is cool as hell man I'm not gonna lie

I wanted him to come to the show But he flew out of town But Yes Dinklage Juliette Lewis Who's a big fan of yours Yeah She also mentioned to me

She was like Are you going to see Ryan this weekend It's like my one famous person That likes this Friend of the pod So And she's, she's brilliant,

holy shit. But, but yeah, and I was like, you know what, I think I'm going to go try to pop in on his shows. So I,

I want to go to your shows. I don't want anybody from the cast coming. I don't tell anybody. They keep asking, are you doing any comedy? How do they find out because of her?

She must have told somebody that their show's there and I said I was going to go see you. Okay. And they're like, are you going to go on stage? And I was like, I don't know. I said I was going to go see you. Okay. And they're like, are you going to go on stage? And I was like, I don't know. I'm trying to get out of it.

Yeah, because you want to just work on stuff. I just want to work on shit. And I just want to hang. I don't want to feel whatever. And God forbid anything goes wrong, I feel responsible. So we're in Calgary, and you're doing these shows. Shows are fucking packed, sold out, great crowds. I go and I do the first one.

Everything goes great. So much fun. Go do the second one. I get off. I'm in the green room talking to your boy Alex who was very funny. People went crazy

when he went on. It was really cool. It was a really cool experience. And then all of a sudden I see, for the second show, like 10 of the cast come. The director comes.

Fiance comes. The stars are there fiance comes, like the stars are there. 10 people, there's everybody there. And I specifically tell the club, I go, listen, when they come, sit them in the back. Just sit them in the back, have a little section in the back. And that was like a thing that was talked about multiple times. Multiple times. And honestly, it was selfishly. It's like, I don't like, I don't want to look you in the eye yeah as I like do material

for sure and you're trying to present yourself as this Hollywood guy they haven't seen that side of you oh to be honest with you they know I'm not a Hollywood guy and we had a wild dinner tonight but I can't even say what happened anyway but uh but yeah they know I'm not the actor guy they all know that like it is it is what it is So I'm basically, I'm there. They're in the back. I think they're in the back. I go on stage and I look to my left when I get on stage and the director there is there.

It's a great dude. His fiance is there. And then the two young stars of the movie are all up front, front row to the left. Specifically said, I was like, do not sit anybody up front. So now I kind of got to ignore them while I'm doing my set. I don't know why that's weird. Why is it weird when you have-

I think they moved up, by the way. They did. Yeah, because they sat them in the back, and then these two sort of moseyed to the front row. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Why is it awkward delivering material? I think there's just the chance, too, because sometimes you'll say something, like maybe a question, and if they answer it, you're like, well, I know you. This is weird that we're talking in this context of a show. It also is inauthentic because if I know you, you know, and you're like, well, I know you. This is weird that we're talking in this context of like a show.

It also is inauthentic because if I know you, I would talk to you. Exactly. And now you're making me do that. Not either. Either be real and authentic in the moment where I have to have an interaction with you and talk to me. Hey, remember we were having Chinese food 30 minutes ago? Like none of these people know it.

So it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, it's just weird. It forces you to be inauthentic. That's why I don't want somebody in the front. Okay. So I go and I see them there, and I'm like, ah, fuck, whatever. I go do my set. It's a lot of fun.

Your crowds are great, by the way. And I go back. You go up. You're killing. I'm talking to Alex. And then all of a sudden, I see on the TV, which is reversed. There's a TV in the green room, which is reversed. He's talking to some people in the front, right? But the TV's reversed, so I think he's talking to people on the other side which is reversed. There's a TV in the green room, which is reversed. He's talking to some people in the front, right?

But the TV's reversed, so I think he's talking to people on the other side of the stage. I'm like, all right, phew, at least they're not my people. And then I see him asking for them to get kicked out. And the club is kind of reluctant a little bit. They're warning. And then he's like, no, seriously, can you just kick them

out already? And then finally, I walk outside, and he's kicking out seriously can you just kick them out already and then finally i walk outside and he's kicking out the director his fiance the the two young stars of the movie like he's like get the hell out of here and the club doesn't know what to do because they're like they're schultz's friends they wouldn't do it so i was kind of weird yeah why is this well i was basically what happened you didn't know that no no no, but it was like first they were like, they kept, and then I was going hard on her, calling her old.

And I was going pretty aggressive. I remember being in the green room just going like, woof, I feel bad for that lady. I was going pretty hard. Yeah, and then every time she was like, kind of offended or whatever. Is it the fiance? But everyone was on my side, but it wasn't that i was like oh this woman's arguing with me

it was like you know when someone's like uh causing a problem and then you do a whole interaction and then it's over and then they just keep on doing but they weren't even talking to me they were just the three of them would have a full conversation she's standing up like talking to the guy or whatever and i was just like who are these people why are you even here yeah so i just figured it was like the only, the shows were like sold out too. So you're kind of like, who is this even?

And also they're distracting everybody else watching the show, even if they're not being loud. Yeah. A hundred percent. And, um, so after like 15 minutes, you gave them a lot of time.

It was just like, okay, enough of it. I mean, I was more like pretty surprised they haven't gotten rid of them even. I was more like trying to play it cool. All right, enough.

And as they're walking out, you're old, you old lady, old lady old ass lady it was crazy how many old and so she was probably like 40 but she was like like i just i just felt like that's what would bother her the most you're old oh that's what got me out of the green room. I was like, damn, how old is this bitch? Called her old seven times. Bros, I felt so bad. Oh, God. And then she was with, it was like a weird, bizarre thing.

I guess it's his friends, but it was like she was with a guy that I thought they were together. And the guy was like, looked like he was 17. And they were like holding hands or some shit. Oh, that was one of the actors. And I didn't know they were holding hands. Drama alert. No. No, no. That was one of the actors.

And then there's another one of the actors that was there too. And they're all good kids. I mean, the actor is so embarrassed because he's a big stand-up fan. Oh, really? Yeah. The dude seemed fine. He seemed like he didn't like this whole thing going on. I think he felt really uncomfortable with the energy around him.

Because I think one of the actresses was kind of maybe offended by some of the stuff right as Hollywood type can be that's what she was that's what happened yeah

yeah apparently it was I think that was one of the reasons she moved up that's what someone on the cast that was a scab yeah they told you

well because they came after when I was taking pictures with people a lot of people of a lot of your people were like yo so sorry about her like that kind of thing of your, of a lot of your people were like, yo, so sorry about her. Like that kind of thing.

And then he was like, like there's two comics before Schultz and apparently she was getting all huffy during them and then she sort of stormed to the front

because she was like, Oh, she wanted to get in on the action? Yeah, she's a parent or maybe she went up to see Schultz.

I don't know exactly, but she was like not happy. But it's just funny because it was in fucking Calgary too. So it's like everyone there is like cowboys.'re the I mean they're like say crazier shit yeah yeah yeah I was team you can't offend a Calgarian no I don't know and I don't want to I don't want to out anybody because you know there's their job and shit like that but like on the crew the transpo team transpo team are like the vans and shit they're like take

everybody around it was all female transpo team so at first i'm like is this some like woke canadian shit where they're like trying to take traditional male jobs and give them the women to see if it's like to like prove that their women can do anything whatever transport actors bro this is what i'm thinking for about five minutes in the car right i don I don't know how we got into it, but the lady about six minutes goes, you know there's Chinese police stations in Toronto. I go, what? I go, hold on. This is kind of interesting.

She goes, yeah, there's Chinese police stations all over, and the Canadian government's not doing anything about it. I go, just out of curiosity, are you vaccinated? She goes, that's my business. I go, just out of curiosity, are you vaccinated? She goes, that's my business. I don't have to share with anybody. I go, I'm going to love this transpo team. And what I found is all the transpo chicks are these ranchers that are bored.

So they all own ranches. They raise bison and fucking bull and horse. They are cowgirls, cowboys. And they just are 70 And their husbands are dead Because they've been Ranting their whole life So they're like Fuck it

I'll just drive Hollywood folks around And it was Every single time I got into the To the transpo thing I don't want to say This girl's name

I don't want to get her fired But I was just going Further and further With what the conspiracies were Like I was this close To being like Jews White people get pretty fair

Treatment in this country, right? What do you think of the CBC? You like them? I like the natives. Did anything bad happen to the natives out here? That Trudeau guy's doing a good job, huh? Hate Trudeau. I hate him.

Yeah. Anyway. Did you hear about after on the set with this whole debacle? They were all just mortified. Yeah, it was coming up. They just felt so bad. Everybody was a little sauce. Not like it was an excuse, but all just mortified. Yeah, it was coming up. They just felt so bad. Everybody was a little sauce. Not like it was an excuse, but they're mortified.

That's always what it is. And then I apologized profusely to Ryan. Which I didn't give a shit. No, you didn't. But then you immediately asked me to come on the podcast. So I thought that was really good timing. I can't say no. Month and a half.

Never let a crisis go to waste. Never let a crisis go to waste. That's an age old. But that was fun, man. You stuff great stuff right outside of that debacle it was really those were fun no the candidates have been like so sick and there's like they sell out like all of them i'm like super pumped about it you know what's weird is i mean whatever would like who cares but like it's interesting it's interesting that i do better there because it isn't,

and it isn't because I have more push or whatever. It's just because I connect to Canadians more because my humor is more Canadian. Really? Yeah, it's all it is. You think in your stand-up, you think you feel harder there. Yeah, all of it.

Interesting. Yeah, I mean, the podcast. I mean, we're just very satirical. It's a little British. It's just the type of comedy i do is it connects with like canadians and british people more it's like big audiences in london big and really yeah yeah that's interesting i thought because this happens sometimes like when you come from another country and you make it in america sometimes your mother country shows a

little bit more love yeah but a lot of times they don't even know I'm Canadian. You'll go to these places. Yeah, that's the weirdest thing. Well, that's kind of the point I was trying to make, where it's like, oh, they think that here's this American guy who's killing it. He's like us. And he's coming back to Canada.

And I kind of relate to him. Do you honestly feel like- You're like a white NBA player. Do you know what I mean? Where like, he looks like me. I like him. It's like the whole representation stuff. You go, I could do that, I guess.

Dude, whenever I meet people at shows, it reminds me of meeting a brother's buddy or a younger guy you worked with. They're not like, oh, my God. They're like, yo, you're killing it, bro. It's literally like you met your brother's friend who's like stoked for you. It's a way better relationship. I feel like I have that also with the people who have supported me. We're like, if they see me on the street, they just go, Schultz. Yeah.

Schultz. Yo, can I get a picture? Like everybody acts like they know me because they do probably know me better than some of my friends in terms of. But not in a way that they're like fangirl. Yeah. They're just. Yeah. They just listen to you talk for five hours.

Exactly. Whereas like your friends don't do that. Yes, yes exactly i don't think any of my friends listen to my podcast yeah my actual friends none of them listen to my podcast yeah i have a theory that i feel like you have a little i feel like that all of the biggest comedians right now are a mix of like edgy and urban it's like if you think about it like put theo in that thing maybe not always edgy but like trevor wallace it's like yeah it's like like all the white guys that are like a little like that yeah it's the biggest guys right now because it kind of can connect to all of the different things yeah that's interesting i mean i was super lucky in that

like i kind of black people knew about me before white people did. I know. Because I came up with like Guy Code and Charlemagne. I knew you as like that kind of world. Yeah. So it's like, and I think that's an easier transition. I think that the urban audiences are more skeptical. I don't think it happens. You just don't do that transition. Like Jim Carrey, right?

He's not, exactly. But no, but Jim Carrey was on, what's it called? Living Color. So black people are like, oh, that white dude's funny. And then he transitions. And then black dudes are like, oh, yeah, that's our white boy. So it wasn't a big thing to get it over. And they love the movies, et cetera.

So I think that it worked out. I was lucky for me. It also wasn't like this big transition because I grew up in New York. Black people weren't like a foreign thing. thing yeah you grew up in a diverse city it's not like a foreign thing for you especially you come up doing stand-up you're gonna do the black rooms or the hood rooms is what we called them and um but yeah i can see how that's much easier for people to consume later on there's not like a skepticism it's like why are they pushing this white boy on us it's like oh no that was our guy and then he got successful that's fire that we knew about him before culture ran rarely goes

like white people to black people although in the latest year oh but now it is it is i i say it's not even white it's like gay is what's cool like gay is the new black in terms of like it's dictating culture right like for real for real real though right like I think I think about this We're talking about this on you think what do you think gay stuff's dictating? I mean everything like you see these dudes like with their nails painted that's rock and roll stuff That's what I'm saying. Yeah, y'all were trying to be gay. No no no back in a day rock and roll dudes We're trying to be androgynous stuff or whatever like that. It's not they're trying to be gay It's like how can I reject whatever is going on?

What is the greatest rejection of masculinity? Homosexuality, right? In people's minds, at least at the time. Like, how can I push back? How can I make my dad upset? But it only worked when it was on like a pussy crusher. Like, it didn't work that good when it was like- A fat guy with tits.

It's too believable. What the fuck's going on over here? Yeah, I hear you. But that's what we do. We just reject, right? Like, I mean, that's the whole cycle of fashion. And it's too believable what the fuck's going on over here yeah i hear you but that's what we do we just reject right like i mean that's a whole cycle of fashion i mean all the funny all the like little wayne and stuff like that started skateboarding i remember that was like a moment where i was like this is the first time where i've seen like black dudes start to dress like white dudes is that the

first time you felt your culture was being appropriated a little bit yeah he's playing the guitar backwards i respect it it's like that's how, I don't know, I guess that's like the cycle of coolness, right? It's like something is cool because it is uncool, right? A cool thing can't be mainstream. It becomes mainstream and then you have to do the uncool thing again. You have to reject that mainstream thing. So we see it happen with clothing, right? It's like skinny jeans were not cool.

No dude would wear skinny jeans. That's gay if you wear skinny jeans. Skinny jeans were not cool No dude would wear skinny jeans That's gay if you wear skinny jeans And then all of a sudden Enough people who Wanted to be cool and stand out Started wearing skinny jeans

Then it becomes mainstream Zara sells it And now baggy jeans Are the new cool thing Because this is the most Uncool thing you could do Fashion's so cyclical Same thing with everything

I love the I have buddies that like From music that Like wore skinny jeans From the first time it was cool that's like my favorite thing they just haven't left yeah yeah yeah yeah they like it came back in style and they're like this guy's like a trendsetter you're like yeah 40 years ago yeah yeah yeah there's a book about that what is it um i don't know who wrote that fucking tipping point is it

not one of the malcolm gladwell ones but airwalk and stuff it might be about like there's different there's different groups of people that can influence culture and they're like the people they're like the people that are doing it authentically by themselves then the people kind of see that and bring that to the somewhat subculture and then the big brands basically look at those people go now we're gonna make this mainstream yeah wasn't the whole thing where like tommy hilfiger was like promoting like theft like when it was starting to pop off in the 90s they were like literally like let black people steal us but like all this stuff because we just want them to wear it yeah and like he like specifically said he said that like he told me he'll ever actually said that they they say he also said other things i'm sure i'm not defending tommy hillfiger it wasn't originally an f in that

title yeah how can you be cool doing the mainstream thing that's the tricky like i think that's It wasn't originally an F in that title. Yeah, how can you be cool doing the mainstream thing? That's the tricky thing. I think that's where alt-comedy comes from. Yeah, definitely. You know, it's like comedy, and I think that's the only criticism you can really have on alt-comedy, is like comedy needs to be ubiquitous

for alt-comedy to work. So it's like comedy, you know, comedians, we make fun of institutions. Sometimes comedy becomes an institution. So then comedians can make fun of that institution. But comedy needs to be that popular in order to satirize it. If you're satirizing somebody nobody knows,

nobody's going to fucking get it. And then the thing that's being said, that's like, I mean, some people might not care, but it is like the thing that becomes, that's satirizing it then becomes the mainstream, which is what happened to Tim and Eric and stuff. Well, alt-comedy became mainstream. Yeah, but that's-

You're like, all these people are like, I do alt-comedy. You're like, you're like- You're doing mainstream comedy. You're in the biggest movie in the world right now. What are you talking about? Yeah, alternative to what? Yeah, alternative to what?

Yeah, exactly. You're not in Calgary shooting indies. Exactly. Yeah, it's a- It's a weird thing that happens with- Yeah, it's a weird thing that happens with comedy. You want the unique take. But it's everything, you're right. Which, I guess we should pour one out for the goat, Jerry Springer, who just died.

But he was the original guy that was doing kind of what's on the internet right now, a little bit, where it's like, hey, let's have people that are smarter, like, hey, let's get a white supremacist and a fucking black guy to like argue or whatever yeah like he was like more than downy jr ever see more than downy jr no dude he was the craziest he would have the most insane i think he was like a right around the same time he was like smoking he'd like you've seen him before he like this gravelly voice and just yelling and he'd have like he was the first guy to have like trans people on and stuff. And then,

but yeah, those two guys were, but Jerry was the first guy to just have people beating each other with. That was the best. What was the, yeah, he used to have so many fights. That's how Steve Wilco's got his own show.

Steve Wilco's has his own show just from the fight. And he was the security guard. Yeah. Yeah. He was just a security guard. Do you remember, do you like Wilco's? I never watched Wilco's show,

but I watched Jerry for sure. Jerry. Jerry. Also, what they were fighting about was quite reasonable. It wasn't irrational to fight about those things. I thought I was raising my kid, but I wasn't. And it was really this guy's kid the whole time? I'm going to fuck that guy up.

Some of those were fake, though. Remember that scandal? All of them. Do you know Aaliyah Janine? No, what's that? You know Aaliyah Janine she's a comic in new york but no um maybe i do whatever but she was on one of the episodes there was comics that were like there were a bunch of canadian comics who went on they did that but it was mixed because some of them were real and some of them were fake it was like i think with jerry springer too is they knew but they go like this story is good we'll just turn a blind eye to this wink wink this is totally real go ahead

like just let it go that's what it is yeah Dick Masterson I think had a bit of like that like he was doing like a character yeah who's that this he did like a he did this character I can't remember I guess it was Dick Masterson but he did a character on it wasn't Jerry I think it was Dr. Phil

where he was like women belong in the kitchen and all this stuff and he was like joking you know what i mean but they bring him on as a real guy it's almost like kayfabe he said they kind of knew wrestling uh i mean i thought the the most fire guests on dr phil was um the dude who started bum fights apparently that guy's like has some big company now like bum fights guy's been killing it so bum fights apparently that guy's like has some big company now like he's been killing it so bum fights was this dude he would just videotape bums fighting each other i think they would like pay them to fight each other he videos him put them up this is like early youtube days oh you remember oh i used to have like actual videos he did one of the fights so the guy on the outside

being like fight fight yeah so basically he goes on dr phil and dr phil is acting like he's gonna you know punish this dude at least emotionally for what he's doing he's taking advantage of these mentally ill people and profiting off of them and the dude dresses up as dr phil and he's like this is what you do you exploit mentally ill people and profit off of it no yeah he's like we're doing the same thing. You exploit mentally ill people and profit off of it. No. Yeah. He's like, we're doing the same thing. Like, how can you criticize me? Everybody on your show has suffered from mental illness. And he's a fucking legend for that.

I was like, that is done. Hands down. Bum fights guy rules. I wonder if Dr. Phil was like, I don't want to release this. And they're like, why would he? Yeah. Like, what an idiot. Yeah.

You're like, scrap the episode. You probably are filming like eight episodes a day. Yeah. Shit. Yeah. Why did you release that? Dude, think how hard it is to do back-to-back podcasts. And they would do back-to-back, it's not your father's.

Like that is emotionally draining. Oh, he's checked out. He's probably like just in his mind thinking about like a boat he wants to buy. But still to be somewhat locked in, we're like listening to these gut-wrenching stories like i talk about the bud light trans shit for an hour and i'm like i don't know if i could do a patreon today guys like that was exhausting emotionally for me and i'm drunk there was steve wilco show my favorite part about it was because his whole thing was kicking people out right yeah and it's like sort of he got popular, but it was like, it's almost like

that was where he got his start. So most of his show was he would argue with people and he'd be like, you're not even a man. And the guy would be like, fuck you. And he goes, you know what? Get off my stage. So like every show he'd kick off 30% of the guests. Wait, did he have his own bouncer?

Or was he like, I do it too? I think he was, I think he was moonlighting on his own show. I mean, that is what a security guard would do with his show, right? He would just remove somebody from the venue. He would kick off every guest on the show. It was so funny. He would have episodes where he kicked off every guest.

And they're just sitting there talking about their feelings? Like, catch me outside, girl, when I got kicked the fuck off of the announcer. She's done all right for herself, bad baby. She's amazing. Oh, she killed it yeah i'll say one thing that that when i think of kind of that era of 90s where like howard stern would have the you know kkk guy on and they'd roast him like to me like if you actually think about it i think that that made kkk less cool than like like if you're the type of person that was like thinking about becoming like a KKK member saying like, these guys are evil.

They're the worst. Doesn't make it less appealing to that guy. What makes it, especially if you know them, you know what I mean? It just makes them like, Oh, like,

especially once they tell one lie about them. Now you go, Oh, are they lying about them? Whereas like goofing on them made them less cool. Like no one watched like that guy the roast and be like i want to be in the kkk yeah or like when they're you know i think so i think it almost like made it less cool like whereas making them like oh you're bad if you're part of them you're

like if you watch them on 60 minutes it's not as the same as if you like see them on just getting yeah i think the kkk is jealous of the police. Why is that? Because they're getting all the credit for killing the black people. And nobody's talking about the KKK anymore. You know what I mean? They had their day. They were the OGs. But a newer, more potent version has come around. They're called the police.

Are they mad about it? Yeah. Well, I used to. I always loved the idea that the other side that was like the when everyone was getting called racist the like recruiter for the kkk was like oh this is gonna be easy and then he like he brings the guy it's like this guy has 20 articles about how he's racist and the guy's like no i'm not racist and he's like i swear he's they're like he's trying to pitch him to the leader he's like what do they do the kkk i'm like I don't understand it now.

Oh, I don't know. I bet you like the actual membership is pretty like the real membership of the KKK in America. I bet you it's really honest to God. If I was to guess like they have like podcasts, but like what is their goal? Like they want black people to go back to Africa. Like what is their goal? I think they're equally as focused on Jews and Jews. There's probably a lot of like newer groups that push those out, but the actual KKK, I bet you

is probably not that popping. I picture it's awkward. Did they give up on black people? Did they do that? Have they pivoted? We gotta pivot, guys. It's not worth it. It's like the Republican Party with abortion. They're like, I think people want abortion. Let's move to someone else. Trans issues.

If they gave up on black people, bro. Oh, pathetic. I don't think I honestly think they're having like a bit of an identity crisis. They really don't know like what they are because there's all these like even hard, more hardcore racist groups. You know, I feel like they look down on the KK. I think they're kind of guys are soft. Yeah.

They're just like, you guys are like the old hat. Take off the hoods. You pussy. Yeah, exactly. Show your face. Hide in your identity. This guy's like, like, you guys are like the old hat. Take off the hoods, you pussy. Yeah, exactly. Show your face. Hide in your identity. This guy's like, yeah, but I work at Whataburger. I'm a police officer.

I can't. Dude, yeah, it just feels like so embarrassing. I just, yeah, there's got to be like. Outside of it being racist, like even amongst racists, it feels embarrassing. But that's what I mean. If you were like thinking of, you know, getting into that game, I think that watching them get clowned on makes it less appealing than people calling it bad.

Also, what if you were racist and you just couldn't make the cut? Like what if they vetted you and they're like, not enough? You're like, no, trust me. I fucking hate them, dude. They're destroying the neighborhoods. You do not want to see me when an Asian cuts me off. I promise you that. You do not. How do you prove that? If me off. I promise you that. You do not.

How do you prove it? If there was a GoPro in my car, I swear to God. I think he's faking it, dude. I think he's faking it. Plus with all the gotcha stuff on YouTube and like all the, everybody's like making these videos.

You're just, you never know who's there for the wrong reasons. Oh yeah. You have to really vet people because they actually could be there. It's all vice journalists. It's all,

yeah, yeah. Like a KKK meeting is just like wow 50 purple haired people with a fucking hood on remember in Blazing Saddles

remember in Blazing Saddles I don't know if you've ever seen it oh when they they go like the black

guy and the white guy they try to go to like a KKK meeting and then but you can see his hands whatever and they're black he goes

oh it's just dirt and then he flips it over see it's coming off yeah yeah yeah that's amazing that's good shit that's amazing

yeah definitely awkward meetings where they're I picture them like arguing over like who made the potato salad and stuff like that

yeah like Tom we're supposed to have lunch at four o'clock you know that you know who would've made a good potato salad don't mention it

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And RIP, as some of you already heard. RIP, Tucker Carlson, Don Lemon. Don Lemon. And I was thinking the best scandals of those two. And then also, I feel like you probably have a good take on what's actually happening. I don't know. I've been thinking about this a lot. I've got to know where they are in their contracts.

Don Lemon, they still owe him, I think, $25 million. Yeah. Okay, so I'll tell you a weird thing about CNN. They got the same lawyer, yeah. So I will generally just, you know, I'll see what's going on on Fox and CNN. They're beside each other. And I turned CNN on two nights ago,

and they're kind of getting normal again. I think they're being like this whole super left thing, like non-stop what were they saying dude they had matt gates on yeah like i was like am i having the same guy they call the pedophile right yeah the same dude who they're like this is the worst guy on earth pedophile like groomer all this stuff and they're like they just bring him on now yeah i like i couldn't believe it that he was on the show i think they're like yeah this because they have a now. Yeah. I couldn't believe it that he was on the show. I think they're like, yeah, this, because they have a new guy in who's running the show.

And the new guy. And the new guy's just like, yeah, we're not the far left like MSNBC. We want to be like more to the middle. Yeah. And so they're just, yeah, they're acting like, I guess, how they used to be, I guess. I mean, there's a spot wide open in the middle. And basically what they'll do is they'll just get rid of all the guys that were representative of the far left.

Yeah. Don's out of here. And those guys are probably making too much money anyway. Like anyone who's been there for 15 years is overpaid. Oh, yeah. Don Lemon's probably making $10 million a year. So that's the thing. It's like you've got to look at these guys as system quarterbacks.

Right? So we think of like Tucker, right? Or no, who was the guy that was like Fox's biggest dude? Maybe Bill Riley. Yeah. Everybody thought when Bill left Fox that like he could go create his own thing. He doesn't need Fox News. He's the biggest name. He's not creating anything. He's doing a podcast. He's writing a fourth book about Ben Franklin or something.

Yeah. I don't know. You don't even know where the fuck he is. I've seen a few tweets of him tweeting like hey I'm interviewing this guy Today and it's like 10 likes Exactly Glenn Beck did ghost but he went and started the blaze But Glenn maybe was more Industrious But Tucker Carlson's tapped into the internet stuff too

100% so maybe he could do it But even the blaze The blaze was it's most popular when Tommy Lauren was just aggravating black people Every single day. That was her way of getting news, right? Piss off black people. And then in the same way that musicians piss off religious folks for clicks.

That's the new thing. Everybody is into the devil lately. Doja Cat is like, I love the devil. Sam Smith is, I love the devil. And then Lil Uzi Vert is, I love the devil. And then Christians go, they love the devil. And then everybody listens to her music. It's almost making it cool

the truth was like there was a while where like even in comedy where like making fun of religions like hack because you're like fighting a thing that doesn't exist. I like justifying it. I like justifying every religion. Yeah. Every single one. But now it is like it's like I guess

it like people are getting mad again so they're almost like proving them right like you know what i mean like the guess i mean religious folks are always going to get upset but to me i just think it's like the easiest thing to oh is there a five thousand year old scripture that has some mistakes in it yeah oh there's a man in the sky yeah bill maher i mean like the first man in this like carlin when they're like man in the sky and everybody's like oh interesting and then you're like the fourth thousandth comedian who's like man in this Like Carlin When they're like Man in the sky And everybody's like Oh interesting And then you're like The 4000th comedian

Who's like Man in the sky That's crazy And you're like Alright Yeah Whatever It doesn't matter

But wait No it becomes The airline What's the one That everyone makes fun of Right now What is it Spirit

Is it spirit Yeah I think it's spirit Yeah It becomes that You know what I mean You're like The hot take That spirit stinks

You're like It's been covered But no What we were talking about Was the Tucker thing right So I think what happens is like when you're everybody exists in their own bubble right everybody thinks that they're the hottest shit right and uh the reality is most people don't care about anybody right there's a few people that the whole world is like that person's well-being is very important to us so i assume tucker is he has the highest

rated show on the highest rated news show in the country. Right. Everybody's talking to him. He's pissing people off. And he's also a hero to those that support what he's saying. So I think in his mind, he's like, I'm the biggest thing out here. They need me. And why wouldn't he think that he gets rewarded? Those feelings get validated every single day. Going viral nonstop. Nonstop. And every single day there are people going, yo, thank you for championing my beliefs you're a fucking hero you should be

present that's all he's being told right and the people who hate him he thinks are idiots so he doesn't care what they think anyway right they're necessary for him to keep getting bigger probably probably 100 for sure so i'm sure he's going okay i could make four million a year here five million a year whatever or i could just start my own podcast and probably make more than that. I'm Tucker Carlson. I'm the biggest name in news. So I can make more money not being a part of this system, or the Daily Wire is going to throw me a crazy bag. Rumble.

And I just have my show right there. I go on Rumble, whatever the fuck it is. So I'm sure he's like, I don't need Fox News. What he will most likely find out, actually, we'll see. We'll see how industrious he is. But not everybody's built for the business side of this shit. shapiro and the people that do especially the lifetime journalists guys yeah 100 people are saying he might run for president i've heard that too let's see let's see what happens i mean he understands media and that's really important to be present i guess what i'm

saying is like i think these people even don lemon i think is going i'm the man like i'm don lemon like i'm he struts around new york like the man yeah but they will soon find out that they were probably system quarterbacks and they can also find out that they were probably system quarterbacks. And they can also find out that they were Tom Brady. If they go somewhere else and have the same success without the system, then you know you're Tom Brady. If you go somewhere else and you just fall into obscurity like Bill O'Reilly, then you know you're a system quarterback.

Fox goes, we're a system. We could put most people in that 9 o'clock slot and it's going to do well. And CNN probably feels the exact same way. It's almost like almost like snl right it's like not to say there aren't incredibly talented people there but snl is an institution and it's going to be there whether or not jay farrell's on the show you know what i mean like they're not going oh my god snl is going to crumble if jay wants to go and do movies and continue you know with his career uh-huh so i think that's where the news corporations are going like, we don't really need you and if we're trying to rebrand

because we don't want to do that extreme left shit, we need to get Anderson out of here. We need to get Don Lemon out of here. And if Fox is like, yo,

we're running with Trump this time and we're not going to put this guy on who's talked some shit about Trump, said he doesn't like Trump, we got to get that

motherfucker out of here. It could be the best of both worlds. Don Lemon, I think, I don't know where he's going to, because he's not going

to be like a podcast. He's not going to go do shit podcast. He's not going to go do shit himself. He's done, right? I mean, he has $30 million or something coming to him. But he could go to like a real, he could go to just get

another gig like that. He's like, oh, I have a morning show now. He'll be on The View or something. The problem is, those guys go to, what's Cuomo on right now?

It's not Newsmax. Apparently he's making money, though. Something like that. But it's like, he gets as many views on his show as like, just like podcasts. Yeah. You're like, you went from like this, remember he gets as many views on his show as just podcasts. Yeah.

You went from this. Remember on CNN, him and Don Lemon during COVID? And they were like, this is the biggest thing in the world. And now he's just like, I'm on this shitty channel that's basically a podcast. I don't know. I don't know if Don Lemon can take that ego hit. That's the power of podcasting, though. We're doing more views than a lot of these news organizations. Yeah.

It's crazy. Most of them. It's crazy. Isn't that crazy it's wild yeah you know it's crazy to see podcasting in like tv and film now that's what's crazy like it's a job in tv and film what do you mean like to me that's how you know it became mainstream when the people that are in the tv shows like carrie oh she's a sex in the city has a podcast. I hate the way that they present podcasting and movies drive me nuts. The Justin, the Justin long one. I was just like, maybe you want to punch my TV. I didn't see that one.

Why was Justin Long still doing anything? Because they can't make, like all of the biggest podcasters are something that they refuse to. So they don't, the murder podcast guys, that's real. So they make the murder podcast, but what they do is they make them an NPR guy. So they make them this famous podcaster. That's you know and how are you doing it's like no one listens to those podcasts and they they like they're creating like an alternate world where like a different podcast well it's because that well the production company that makes that movie owns the podcast like they own a similar pot it's probably all like some giant but it's like a fake

trope so they're always trying to just promote their own it's like making a hockey team and they're all gay and it was like okay well that's not what it's like they are all gay i watch hockey night in canada i can confirm they are all gay now i just like hate that shit when like they make a movie about like a culture you know and it's kind of always music docs like some do it music movies some do it good some are like just crazy corny yeah where they like i'll tell you where music does it and i'm sure that maybe you feel this way about like hip-hop stuff but they'll make like a rock and roll guy well after there was any rock and roll guys yeah like you know what i mean they'll have a guy that was yeah 2004 yeah and you're like no there is no rock and roll band unless they were like a throwback like you know what i mean yeah so they have this guy that was like let's get ready

to rock and he's like so famous and you go okay but that doesn't exist in the real world so what are we what is this is this like an alternate universe is that your music rock are you big like

rock and roll no I was dead when I was one pop punk no who do you listen to simple play I was like

my big things growing up was like punk and rap so like my favorite bands were like Rancid Rage Against the Machine, Beastie Boys. And then after that, I kind of got into all the-

How old are you? 37. 37. Okay. So you didn't get caught up in Guns N' Roses or Metallica? No. That was way before me. When I was in elementary school-

I'm 39. That's all I was listening to. What? Nirvana, Guns N' Roses, Metallica. Guns N' Roses was before that. Use your illusion one and two. I'm 39. That's all I was listening to. What? Nirvana, Guns N' Roses, Metallica. Guns N' Roses was before that. Use your illusion one and two. That was like right before Nirvana. I bought Appetite for Destruction at a CD store. When I was in grade

like five, 311 and Raging as a Machine were coming on the scene and they were pretty cool. Rage I remember, but it never really took hold in New York. We liked the machine. No, yeah. New Yorkers are really big machine town. Yeah.

That's the thing about New York. I think a lot of people don't get it. It's like it's not like everybody. Oh, it's liberal, whatever like that. Yeah. It's liberal about everything except like money. This is just a money town. Yeah.

Money moves shit here. And you could see it in across all cultures, music. It doesn't matter. It's like that's why nobody really hates the finance bros you know what i mean like they were they had their moment where crypto bro was like a slur crypto bro was a different thing though it's all shit and like you hear girls going like i don't want to date another finance guy and it's like you're gonna marry them you're all gonna marry them like shut the hell up you know what morgan stanley is you

know jp morgan you're in the. You know what the fucking hedge funds are. You know every single one. So you are going to marry them. But yeah, I think New York likes it. We have every reason. If we really wanted to have animosity for a group of people in New York, it would be the hedge funds. And they're right there. But every New Yorker is like, nah, I'd be fired to work at a hedge fund.

I know it sounds crazy for us because we're in the exact opposite profession. Keeping the strip clubs afloat. They really are good people. Oh, hell yeah. They really are good people. Dude, I'm in. They really are good people. That's my, like, yeah, part of my fucking world. Those expense accounts they have where they're, like, literally just like, yeah, they wrote off, like, an eight ball of Coke.

And you're like, you could do that? Yeah, it's like every steakhouse in this city is kept afloat by J.P. Morgan's. Oh, for sure. No, that's when people talk about, like like Toronto or New York and stuff like that. I always thought of it the same way as when people from here are like, oh, the dumb like hick from, you know, then you're like, well, they're not really like the way you think they are. Yeah.

When I was in like New York, most people, I think of like Chris from Brooklyn as like a New Yorker, like kind of like urban. Chris DiStefano. No, no, no. Faga. Chris Faga. Oh, okay. Okay. I don't know who that is well I think

of like who is that like you're a little like uh comic but gas digital show high society radio but I think of like you are more like clean than what I think of when I think of the New York guy like I think of New York guy as like uh basically dresses like kind of like a gangster from like 15 years ago a little bit and you know kind of walking a gangster from like 15 years ago, a little bit. And, you know, kind of walking around, doesn't like guys bumping him. Goes for the type of guy that would go for like a beer by himself, maybe at a local watering hole. You know what I mean?

Like that's the guy that I think of like with New York. The other stuff is really what they're describing as Brooklyn and college kids. That's the thing. It's like I think a New Yorker is an amalgamation of a bunch of ideas of what New York is for outsiders, right? So it's like how Chrissy D talks is how they think New Yorkers talk, right? But what New York looks like is where I live. Where's where you, like in Manhattan?

Like I grew up in Manhattan. So when everybody thinks about New York, they think Manhattan. They're not thinking Bushwick Of course They're not thinking Bay Ridge But when they think of New Yorkers They think of Bushwick, Bay Ridge Yeah

They think of like the Italian It's the caricatures Exactly It's the caricatures of New York Yeah Exactly So you're just kind of like Blending these things together

But like most people That grow up in Manhattan Kind of look like me Dress like me Yeah New York kids are fucking weird dude Yeah Like it's a weird place to grow up

Oh yeah Like there's no grass Have you met any women that grew up in Manhattan? Are they strange? They are interesting What's the problem? I don't know if it's like the SSRIs or whatever

Do they not need anybody? No they're not like that They're very desensitized They've seen the wildest shit since they were kids. I actually do know a few, yeah, now that I'm just talking about. And like nothing really bothers them. And it's quite nice when you meet them at first because you're like, holy shit, I can just kind of like be myself and say the wildest shit and you just kind of like laugh and like

because nothing really bothers you. But there is a problem with also not feeling. Yeah. Right? Do you know what my theory on why that is? Go. Because Toronto is a little bit. Tell me Do you know what, do you know what my theory on why that is? Cause Toronto is a little bit, tell me if you think I'm right.

Because in cities, okay. Everywhere other than the cities, the kids are the most important thing. And in cities, the parents are more important than the kids. Interesting. So the kids don't like,

there is a weird thing where they feel people in cities feel like they can accomplish more, but they also feel like they're less important. Like they don't have like a, when you're a kid living in a suburb, it's like your whole everything revolves around your soccer practice and you're this. So to me, there's like a bit of that. That could be 100 percent right. It's just so unrelatable to me because I relate to the first part where it's like in the city, your parents are the most important. Yeah.

And like you feel that like they go to work, they pay the bills. It's expensive to live here. They're busting their ass. I remember thinking that. I didn't think that life was revolving around us. I thought I had a lot of freedom, which I love, but that was really because my parents were probably working their ass off.

Yeah. I think city kids are- So you're saying in the suburbs- Suburb kids feel like my fucking parents won't leave so me and my friends can be in the pool. It's more like the parents are in the way. That's so interesting. Do you know there's nothing for them to do? Yeah. There's nothing for the parents to do because they live in the suburbs. It's more like the parents are in the way. That's so interesting. There's nothing for them to do.

There's nothing for the parents to do because they live in the suburbs. What do they do? What annoying parents be in their kids' lives. Maybe that. It's always the suburban kids that are shooting up the schools. It's like, we don't. That's a good point, actually. We wait until after school.

We're still shooting each other. We're not going to do it in a fucking... You would think city kids would be shooting up schools more. Yeah, why don't we do that? Because if you're already willing to... I think you don't think your problems are as important as other people. No, it's because we shoot the people who deserve it. Like someone who doesn't want to give me money.

Yeah, like you have money and you could just give it to me and if you don't now i have to find a way to get it but like just shooting an innocent person you know what i mean like i didn't even ask him for money why should i shoot him why should i kill him yeah yeah that's an asshole thing to do it's very new york yeah yeah it is kind of odd that's an interesting thing about not being focused on the kids it is not focused on the kids at all at all yeah you even feel it growing up when you see the nannies that are taking the kids to the park it's very rare you see parents take their kids to the park yeah they have to go make a trillion dollars if they do yeah yeah it's interesting i never really thought about it like

that i was super lucky like my parents were really involved you know and um my dad really involved i want to be at every basketball game everything but i remember even as an adult like some of my friends going like yo did you realize that like your dad was the only parent at the basketball games and i was like well the only dad it was like a basketball team sure there was dads at the hockey game Yeah our hockey team No But But yeah maybe that was it Maybe that was it

Maybe that was it Did you think that was weird That all of our dads were locked up You didn't think that was fucking weird Nah it was just Yeah I never really even thought about it like that Wow But you did say

I remember when you did your special And you did the video At the beginning Where it was like New Yorkers kind of feel like they can accomplish more things. It is true. Like, I felt like I had that a little bit in the suburbs. I don't know why.

And I was actually thinking about. That's why you're here. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I mean, it's the most amount of millionaires in the world in this city. It's opportunity. But I always, I was going to say like, because you're doing like acting and stuff now, I've always felt, whether it's true or not, that I'm like, yeah, I could start a company if

I wanted to. Yeah, I could do that. Like, it all felt like, yeah, I'll just go do that. I'll do this. I'm like yeah I could start a company if I want to yeah I could do that like it all felt like yeah I'll just go do that I'll do this you know what I mean I agree if I want to do that except I always even when I was young acting I always felt like well no you don't do that that's something that your dad's an actor or like you get famous for something else and go act like oh really I never well I just even from like a young age I just knew it wasn't like to me it never felt real that was like one of the only things I've ever done in my life

where I remember even like auditioning I'm just like okay there's no path for this like it just doesn't exist you either get famous for some other shit or like that's why I mean in Canada yeah

but I felt like that here too I'm just like I don't know I felt I just felt like always that that was the one thing where I was just like that's a fake thing

that you get like you win from something else I'll be honest I only acted like early in my career because i thought well that's what comics had to do i was just like how do we sell tickets and go on the road and like do stand-up that's the only thing i cared about well i've done it a million times for sure but so i'm like okay i gotta be in a sitcom because that's what makes people sell tickets or i gotta you know

write a fucking show or something like i just saw that old antiquated model and this is like prior to podcasting all these other you know posting clips and you know special on youtube um so that's why i want to do it now doing the acting i don't even really like acting to be honest with you but i want to make a movie so i need to learn how to like behave on set what i should expect on set like what what um you know how to handle egos like what goes into making a movie so i'm like almost doing like research and it's cool i'm at the point right now where like i don't really have to audition so but if you were just like hustling and banging your head to be an actor that is in the nightmare luck that is complete that's what i would tell anybody that's willing

to do that is you have to be an absolute stereotype. That is the quickest way to get on as an actor. Because think about it. If you have a role where you have three or four lines, which is a lot of the shit that I've done. Italian mobster. You have to look like it. You don't have time for your interesting,

unique perspective on the world. Fit into a mold. Yes, because they only have 30 seconds of you on screen. So you have to be really fucking Jewish, really fucking Italian, really fucking black. That's all they want.

They want the stereotypes so they don't have to explain you. Yeah. Right? Eventually, you hope after being a bunch of fucking stereotypes, you get an opportunity

that's a little bit bigger than the stereotype and then from there you could be someone else. But the quickest way to get in on acting, I believe this sincerely, is just be the stereotype. And then from there, you could be someone else. But the quickest way to get in on acting, I believe this sincerely, is just be a stereotype. And if you look at how The Sopranos was cast,

it proves everything I'm saying. They just cast the mobsters. They're like, should we get some theater nerds? No. Get the mobsters, put them in the fucking show, and it's going to work. And it did. Yeah, that's like half that thing.

It's like none of those guys were actors. They did something else. Actually, you know what with the offer or anything i always because schultz always gives uh good advice on everything but i always think it's i've like told someone this but it like makes me laugh that one time i was like saying like i was getting i the people were saying to audition the cast and directors reading out and i was like i'm not doing any of that or whatever it was like driving me nuts and then you were like yeah do offer only yeah or whatever and then i was like i told them like okay i'm offer only so it's been two years it's not a single offer but let me tell you playing hard to get i was like oh i did offer only this was hip advice

for him listen i did offer only as well i didn't get a single audition either yeah i didn't get a single audition for two years nothing i don't know offers nothing but if if you don't have the time to do it you gotta take control of it yeah so if you don't have the time to audition just say i'm offer only yeah that's what and they're gonna say no but eventually it's in the back of their head why the fuck is this kid they don't know what to do like it's a weird thing like they really don't know they freak out like i mean they're all just trying to save their jobs like if you're a casting director you're just trying to just you're tiptoeing around this whole thing to like not get in trouble i don't know about for movies but definitely for

commercials like yes everybody's worried about getting far yeah like listen we have a question actually can like if you can answer in that context it was about this from the patreon but uh he asked asked schultz about hollywood and movie work does he think that that avenue will open back up for comedians is it possible that hollywood goes back to making uh decent shit and having decent talent making great comedies again like how do you see that play out yeah i think i think it can happen it just has to be proven on an independent level first everything in hollywood is a race to be second they want to see the thing work and then everybody chases that thing that's working because like you said earlier

nobody wants to lose their job all these executives they have their kids in private school they have a nice pool a nice house and a lot of them are passionate about film and they're in a job where like sometimes it gets to feed their passion but a lot of the movies they have to green light they're like this movie sucks and i've spoken to some of these dudes and i thought that there were a bunch of squares and i spoke to them and i was like holy shit there's some like real like movie what cinephiles or whatever like some real like movie buffs that really care about movie and story they're just in a job where they have to put out a christmas movie every year per their contract so they have to pick a shitty fucking christmas movie and put it out so it's almost

like they look at that shit like we used to look at college shows where it's just like this shit pays i gotta go fucking do it and it was better better for me to understand that i think that an indie comedy needs to explode an r-rated indie comedy like we make a movie put up five million dollars for it or something like that it absolutely murders and then all of a sudden hollywood's gonna go holy shit the next kevin smith kind of thing yeah literally that there's a bag of money there yes once they see it i mean if you look at uh what happened with uh jordan jordan peele jordan yeah yeah yeah i mean like he made what was the first one get out get out he's really beating that to death huh huh? What's that? He's like, you like black horrors?

How about nine a year? But that's the beauty of it is they're going to keep on giving them the bag because that first one made so much money. Oh, so much. They're like, we need one out of ten of these to hit. That probably cost $10 million and made $400 million. Crazy. They don't need those to be successes. And the return on film is insane when you get it right.

I mean, the chance of getting right are very slim, but when you get it right, if you make a $25 million movie and it makes $250 million. Oh, that's insane. Like, that's crazy multiples right there. I mean, everybody's still chasing Blair Witch, to be honest.

You still hear people talk about Blair Witch being like, remember, it cost 40 grand and they made it on this handy cam and it made $200 million. 100%. Yeah, the biggest issue with Hollywood so far, in my estimation, just from kind of being around it and talking to some folks, is the separation between the person that comes up with the idea

and the team that executes it is so far. The guy who sells the show, oftentimes, or the show or the movie, is nowhere near the final draft or the person who directs it. And the director is often nowhere near the person who conceived of this idea. So this director doesn't really care that much because it's not his idea. Initially, the writer directors, their movies kill at a way higher clip for sure. Way harder because they care about it. They're intimately involved in this fucking movie. And they just know.

They started it and they go, I know what I want this to look like. I know exactly how I need it. I know how much. I know exactly. You know how much work it takes to make a scene perfect. 100%. You're editing too. So you want to be in there.

You want to grind away at that edit. So it's like. You're up until 5 a.m. the night before changing the thing. Which, yeah, we've all done. But, yeah, I'm not up until 5 a.m the night before like changing the thing which yeah we've all done but like yeah i'm not up till 5 a.m if i get hired to do someone's thing exactly and there are a lot of plug and play folks in there some of them are great a friend sure sure or unless maybe you really believe in the project you're talking along you're like oh my god this amazing and and you're probably going this can give me way better opportunities in the future yeah you tap the fuck in but but yeah i think that's the biggest issue not i think it worked for a while when there wasn't other content out there that was as

competitive we had much lower standards for what we watch and um now i think it's a little tricky but i will say that making more movies go to streaming like i don't think comedy needs to be in movie theaters i think all comedy rom-coms should be streaming. I think horror and action can be in movie theaters. And I think that's what we'll see a shift in soon. Just because it's a movie doesn't mean it'll be in theaters. Avatar needs to be in a theater. Fucking Top Gun needs to be in a theater. Wrestling.

Wrestling. Bros don't need to be in a theater. Bros don't need to be anywhere. You know what I'm saying? Like maybe that shit would have done all right if you just put it on at home. But on, like I was in You people the movie right that number one movie in the fucking world yeah i i think if people went out had to put on clothes go out and see it do all that i think it would be a different expectation about but the fact that you could just turn on

your netflix and see eddie murphy julie louise dreyfus uh, Jonah Hill. You could see 20 fucking superstars, David Duchovny, by just pressing play in your underwear while you're doing laundry? Of course everybody in the world is going to watch that. If I want to go to a movie, you're right. I want to see Top Gun. Give me an experience. You want an experience. Give me an experience.

I want something that utilizes the whole surround sound thing. 100%. Not just dumb and dirty. I want to get punched in the fucking face. Or it's got to be weird. Everything, everywhere, all at once was different. Yeah. It was something we haven't seen before.

And because of that, I'll put on clothes. I'll go to the movie theater. Right? It would have also killed streaming. But if you're not big, scary, or different, you don't need to be in a movie theater. If you're doing traditional rom-com plot, that's great. That's awesome. We love rom-coms. It's awesome. Just're doing traditional rom-com plot, that's great. That's awesome. We love rom-coms.

It's awesome. Just put it on a home. Pop it on the TV. That's it. Put it on a home. Yeah. I agree. Before we continue,

we have to tell you about a couple things. This weekend, you can find me in Atlanta, Philadelphia, with DP, San Diego,

Tampa, Salt Lake just got added, and New York. You already know what it is. But, more importantly, at patreon.com slash the boys cast we have completed the bugman challenge we have a round one of the bugman challenge in the books in the books it is currently being edited almost done and we're

going to announce probably asap when that gets released and a trailer we'll play the trailer at the end of this episode watch the end you'll get to watch the trailer and then sign up for the Patreon so that you can watch the entire thing. It's going to be like a TV show, basically. Yes. We're basically making a TV show and every one. So the next Bugman will come out at 2,500 patrons. 2,500. Help us get to 2,500 patrons so we can get to episode two.

Well, let's get the first one out before we bug and badger them too much. Before we Bugman them too much. Patreon.com slash the boys, guys. RyanLongComedy.com for tickets. Peace. So we had a clip that like, one of our clips that like a lot of people were arguing about and then you said you thought it was funny.

Oh, I love this one. That basically, so I have, I found another one. And basically the clip was like the girl saying that like, you know, I give my man head like 10 times a day or whatever. And I was sort of saying that there's a lot of that kind of popping around and it sort of relates to the thing we were saying before where like it kind of became like the same way it came it was like kind of hacked to make fun of christians or whatever then maybe that's changing the same way that like it's almost right now like making fun of men had no consequences now the girl that's

like the one the girl that wants because other girls find out it's like hey i just won't hate men and then i'll be more appealing or whatever yeah but like there's a new one this is the kind of stuff that i'm fucking seeing pop around everyone keeps asking me how i keep my boyfriend happy all the time and i have these three rules starting with number one i always cook for him okay it's really. We'll cook him every single meal and homemade from scratch. He loves that. Number two, I always clean. I will literally bring out the mop and sweep.

I'm lots of stuff to do. Number three, I'm always wearing something sexy around the house. And just like, so this is, this is the kind of, this is the kind of content that's coming out now. Well,

it's like sarcastic. Like he's in the background rolling his eyes at what she's saying. The question is, are they delivering or are they just making content? Like is she actually this? That's like, did you see those videos going viral when like the, I don't know if it was just Indians. I just saw Indians doing it. They basically are doing their like college admission video

and they need to talk about like what type of person they are with their family around okay and they started like basically they're making sure like I like to wake up at six in the morning I like to get my reading on the morning and the mom is just there going yeah she's dying laughing like I love my mother help her cooking I do all these things she's just dying laughing so the girl's just pranking her mom basically yeah so I think there's a little prank in this but I agree with you even if you're parodying it though it's parodying something that exists yes yes yes also yeah I don't think she's parodying anything no the funny part was the guy was being like oh you call those like looking sexy like track pants that was the joke I think there's a

lot of women they're just trying to grift off the manosphere thing well there's another article how about this 10 ways to be the perfect girlfriend. I actually looked at there's hundreds of them right now, whereas you never see that four years ago. Maybe it's like... I mean, it's what you said at the beginning. It's counterculture, the trend. How are you going to get some

buzz? How are you going to get some interest? It's counterculture to give dudes head. It's so counterculture, dude. Why would you do that? I'm this crazy counterculture girl that just fucking gives my boyfriend i mean it's literally it's just like the trad wife i'll take it ultimate like trad wife now yeah being a trad wife is fire dude yeah but maybe that's yo i mean like on the serious note maybe what happened is there's a lot of these girls are out here they're lonely because they listen to what these ugly chicks had to say for the last five years and now they're like fuck that like how do i be a good girl also they're

like 34 and they're like oh shit i don't have five years to just dick around that shit hits you quick that's a good point too because they're like you know what'll really help your fucking life if you go in marches five to five hours a day and then this other girl's like give a guy head once a week and it'll probably make your life ten times better. Yeah, all that shit makes sense when you don't have children, I think. I think once you have kids,

the world just gets so small. I mean, my wife and I are trying to have kids now. It's like, I can imagine you don't really... I don't see a lot of chicks with fucking mustard stains on their shirts at these marches.

No. Do you know what i mean like they're with their kids and they're taking care of their fucking kids because they have to and it's consuming their whole life you know yeah i don't know i i'm well that was kind of i was used to talking about that on stage they're like uh girls that girls uh in the cities don't want to have kids anymore so they have to mother everyone else on the internet oh that's funny but like yeah it kind of was what was happening. You're right. How do you force, not force, but how do you like encourage people to have kids?

Well, you're focusing on the having kids part. I'm more focusing on the girls giving head part. Oh, those days are done. You've sort of said that too. I've never once been in a relationship where there was regular head. Yeah. You really haven't no really no it's always the only thing that it is it's always part of sex which doesn't even really do something

for me oh oh that's what you mean by regular head it's like yeah on its own it's always like it's always like to start and then it's a lawnmower and then at some point it would be like okay let's have sex and i was like yeah it's never start to finish. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We had, excuse me, we had a deal. But can I be honest with you? Like, I'm on so much fucking hair pill medication that, like, I don't think I could just get head and also satisfy my wife. Like, if I'm getting head three times a week and my wife wants to fuck three times a week, that's too much. Yeah. So I got to either be bald and do that, you know what I mean?

Or I got to just be satisfied with my bald and do that you know what i mean or i gotta just be satisfied my wife and then you know do you think the hair pills uh do you do you think that there's any change in like motivation that's like a or that's what i'm blaming it on i'm not gonna take personal accountability for that okay it's the hair pills or do you think just fucking i go this fucking like you literally are like, I just got rid of a problem where I'm like, I can watch like a hot girl. It's not because I'm having sex with the same woman for the rest of my life. It's the hair pills, Ryan. It's not that.

Why do you keep asking questions about this incredibly volatile subject? And Schultz's wife being like, you know, we had a nice night. I was thinking, lights the candles. He's like shaking the probesia. She's like, ah, babe. Babe, yeah. Why didn't they just put that as a side effect to help us out? You know what I mean?

It's like, we got you, fellas. We'll take this one on the chin. We can have sex if you want to have sex with a bald man. Is that what you want? Yeah want we'll have bald kids put a bald cap on and come on like i just want you to get used to it if this is what you need oh dude it's so true though it's so true okay one other thing is um so there's this self-help guru who sold a strand of his hair for $8,000 in China. And he was like Tony Robbins of China.

Right. And there's like, it's pretty crazy where it's like all these, there's like a guy who he lost like 200 grand. And then his wife was like divorcing him. Like all the, he, this guy's like running a pretty good scam.

Right. But I was wondering if like, is there any of the like self-help guys in any way that have uh that you've connected with ever like i know james altucher saying new york's dead you must have hated that hated that i spoke to tony i like you you got altucher on your podcast well yeah i spoke to tony robbins um i sent my brother to him really was having like a rough time and uh yeah he he's uh my my brother has some you know mental health stuff so uh i sent it to him and uh your brother went to the actual yeah yeah yeah

he went to the event like for like the week or whatever it is and uh he came back like fixed for like a week for really dead ass like it was like i he's fired Noticable difference Yeah Kicks down the door Bro and then you know Obviously You're not continuing to do that But like I think he definitely Has helped people But I'm trying to think

Self help guru Did I really Not even guru Like I'll say that Like one that To me Yeah Right now

Like early Tim Ferriss But to me I was thinking Like I think Huberman's Probably the best guy right now Oh Huberman's great Cause he'll say like Science Yeah science He's just a professor But the one thing Like Just not a dweeb Or maybe I'm not thinking I think Huberman's probably the best guy right now. Oh, Huberman's great. Because he'll say like... Science. Yeah, science.

He's just a professor. But the one thing that... He's just not a dweeb. Or maybe I'm not thinking. I think I'm thinking of Huberman. Wait, who are you thinking of? The other guy. Am I not thinking of Huberman?

Which one? David Goggins. He runs all these companies. That's all of them. Fuck. Well, he always talks about like the one thing that... Huberman is looking to the sun, taking ice baths. The beard guy.

Yeah. We had him on the pod. Yeah. Who are you? Yeah, I'm thinking of... No, I'm not thinking of this guy. Who's the guy that runs all the companies? Joe Rogan.

Yeah. Ah, shit. Okay, there's another guy that I like. There's another guy that... You don't even know his name? I'm not very going to... His podcast is called The Game. Oh, Alex Hormozy. Oh, yeah, Alex Hormozy Hormozy yeah I made a video about you actually yeah yeah yeah I like him okay so the reason I liked him is because the same reason I used to like Tim Ferriss back in the

day where it's like yeah he speaks to you like every they're all everyone's so much full of bullshit and I I'll never get like jazzed I don't need someone to like hype me up yeah but he was like he was talking about like work-life balance and he was like you know they're all everyone's like wrong about that don't listen to anyone he was like listen like if you think of what you're doing as like a game he was like you know i do that as much as i can and the only thing that makes that change is if my returns are decreasing like if i'm fucking there's not like about having work-life balance but if i'm like 12 hours in and i can tell that i'm too tired to be doing this then maybe i need a shift but it's like what everyone else is saying

is bullshit and i was like because you can't talk to anyone about like anyone if you were like oh i'm like i don't have time for this anyone will just be like well yeah do less stuff like there's no one you can actually like yeah they're like why don't you meditate two hours a day and you're like well i don't have time for that yeah so i felt like it's like any i feel like i like the guys that are like actual listening to the real problems that people have, but like give you practical solutions. Yeah. So to me, but I feel like you run your life in such a regimented way that you must have like somewhere that came from, if that makes sense. Let me think about it.

Or is it all just like. I wish that I was a little bit more regimented. That's what I'm trying to get better at right now. But I do like Hormozzi and I love his like brutal honesty. Like he was on some podcast or some interview. It was like him and his wife. And then the question was like him and his wife and then uh and then the question was like i might be fucking this up but the question's like you know

how did you guys end up getting married and he was just like he's like listen could i've dated a hotter girl yeah but what we were compatible you know what i mean and compatibility is the most important thing and she's just sitting right there he literally him. He literally said he hired her for his business. And he goes, look, maybe we can date, but if it doesn't work out, at least we can work together. I kind of like that shit. Bro, he's wild. But he's seemingly a very intelligent dude and driven. And yeah, I wanted to have him on the pod.

I wanted to just kind of talk to him. Yeah, he's real smart. People are saying he's like the new Naval if you know that dude I like Naval too but because he just like is he has a lot of good like aphorisms and stuff yeah yeah yeah as far as like having that regimented life like yeah I don't know I've had I don't want to say it I don't know I wish that I was better at business is that so did you sort of have to force yourself to get good at it but it wasn't like natural what I get good at what I mean by business is like organizations and structuring like I have really great guys that are developing

like systems and structuring but like we could be better at that and i could be way better at that i'm good at making decisions and uh creative choices and like i think i have a good idea of like what the culture is kind of like wanting caring about even maybe before they know yeah does that make sense or before it's like obvious but in terms of like structuring the business i don't like doing it it's annoying and uh boring i mean it's literally a different part of your brain it's like a different side of your brain like the artistic and like that side of your brain where you're like running a business i want to have the crazy ideas yeah and then you guys figure out how we do it that's the most ideal now you can't do that exactly now you can't do the beginning you have

to do everything with your guys in the beginning right right? So we've been able to do that and continue to hire, et cetera. But there are people that really know how to create compensation packages based on the different contributions people are doing, like real business stuff, guys. I don't really know how to do that. I'm just like, yo, you're killing it. All right, you should get more money. You know what I mean? I'm just like, does everybody have enough money? I try to not look at the money at all. I like to be surprised if we make money. you know what i mean like i'm just like does everybody have enough money like yeah i try to not look at the money at all like i i like to be surprised if we make

money you know what i mean like i have a number of money i think i have i think and that means that my wife is good my family's good her family's good and as long as this guy's gonna get dame cook oh immediately steve harvey i say this the time. I'm the perfect candidate for this. The perfect candidate for this to happen to. But I also appreciate, I also like operating in a complete creative way, meaning every decision I'm making is do I want to do this creatively?

You only have so much brain power. I guess. I don't know. Some people are really good at all those structures. Well, there's also, they say that like... But then people become like these cogs in a machine. I never want that. Well, there's not like, you know how they have like liberal conservative the way that people say. But then I think Jordan Peterson talked about that. But it was like the actual like person that's liberal conservative. The liberal wants to like build things and then move on.

That's more like entrepreneurial. And the conservative is better at like maintaining the system. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't care about that at all. I understand we need systems because my schedule is getting so tight. And then I have a very limited amount of time. And then I can't create about that at all. I understand we need systems because my schedule is getting so tight and then I have a very

limited amount of time and then I can't create effectively. Right. Because if all I'm doing is business shit, I don't get to write. But let me, I'll say that then where I go the other way, whereas I was like the way that you make your act, you're tinkering with it. You're just doing it with someone else. I think you just have to, cause you probably have it cause you tinker with your hour. Like the way that you probably would tinker with a business.

Oh yeah. We do it. Like yesterday we sat down for hours and we tried to map out what the the way that you probably would tinker with the business. Oh, yeah, we do it. Like yesterday we sat down for hours and we tried to map out what the next few months are going to be like on the pod, what the next few months are going to be like touring and try to get all that in. And then we try to set up a system. Okay, we're going to announce a new date. This person is going to talk to this person about flyers. This person is going to make sure that we have a release time. We're going to have a clip or something to go out with it.

this person is going to make sure that we have a release time we're going to have a clip or something to go out with it and i have to sit there and we have to go and i have to go okay why don't we set up this system and create this structure so that you don't need to ask me for anything when it's time to go you send me a dropbox folder it's got everything i need and i can post it and i might even want to get to the point where i just like give my instagram account to somebody for the posts that one's tough because it's your message basically texting as well yeah i maybe they just can sign in when they have to post things because even when you start to have to do like the promo and do that kind of post that can be like 30 minutes or an hour of your day going back and forth it's just like i could be more effective writing with that but we did that all day yesterday

i wanted i had in my calendar i'm writing from four to seven and i by writing i mean just listening to sets just fucking yelling calling a buddy on the phone and just screaming at him about some crazy bit some idea asking hey what's going on with your wife oh it does happen to me with my wife like just talking being creative and then I instead of writing from four to seven we just did business shit from 12 to seven so then I have an hour before I go on shows to kind of do it and then I'm upset on stage because I don't feel like I'm getting the most out of the stage. Uh-huh.

Exactly. So it's like I need to put some more focus on that and maybe hire more effectively in that. The ideal situation is you hire a person who loves business the way that I love comedy. And they can run everything like a business. And I don't even have to think about anything at all. And they can build up an immense amount of trust in me. Like in other words, I trust them with all these business decisions.

So I don't even have to think about it. The tricky thing for us as like creatives is we arrogantly think we're the best decision makers, right? And we got here so far because of our decisions. So we should believe that. But there are people out there that are better decision makers than us, right? There are.

There's somebody who's better at like scaling tickets for a show better than me. Right. There's someone who's more thoughtful than me about it. But because so far in our careers, when we make a decision about what the thumbnail should look like and how long this joke should be and how long the special should be, when we should put out and that's worked out for us, you know, and now we're doing these fucking shows. It's very hard to be like,

okay, I'll relinquish that control. But you need to in order to grow. Yeah, exactly. So it's just a tricky thing. Yeah. No, I listened to when you talked to me about that stuff. You have good advice. Do you get hyped up about people like Elon Musk,

the Rockets and stuff like that? Or do you, like, did that get you stoked up? No, I don't care about it at all, the Rocket shit. Because I feel like that or do you like do you that that's that get you stoked up or do you know i don't care about it at all the rocket shit because i feel like that was one of the things that i'm surprised that you don't yeah because you seem like a guy that would be stoked about like a call like uh what do they call it like you know like going to the moons like you know these feats where it's like men are sort of like winning at something i do get excited i mean okay this is what i get excited about.

There was that video that came out to Gangster's Paradise where they had this, it was an Elon Musk kind of like hyper cut and it went pretty viral and it was basically like his company, I think it was, what is the fucking company? SpaceX. SpaceX was about to go broke and like all these other astronauts were kind of shitting on him and he gets like emotional. He like a robot guy yeah it really hurt me they said that and then on the final launch the one that if it didn't work out he would be completely broke and the company

is done it actually goes and it soars he makes all his money and gangsta paradise and i love that because i i love the hero's journey like i love against all odds. That is my favorite thing. The best thing that you could tell me is, I wish I had a teacher that said to me, you're never going to be anything. Yeah, you want that chip on your shoulder. Do you know what I mean? Honestly, maybe it's better they didn't

because I might be a fucking tyrannical dictator. But unfortunately, all my teachers are like, you're really talented. You can do things with yourself. But there was one there was like nothing oh my fucking god you needed to be cut from your like basketball team like Michael Jordan you know maybe this is a good thing because now like I care about people and like I want to help everybody and I want other people to succeed but if there there was one teacher, I swear to fucking God, if there was one teacher,

it might be a problem. Yeah, you'd have a whole special just dedicated to that one teacher shitting on them like Michael Jordan. That's why people have to invent one. Dude, I was watching a Jordan documentary with friends who were like, God, Jordan's such a lunatic.

And I was like, lunatic? Oh, yeah, he's a lunatic. Yeah, he's a lunatic. That is a fucking, yeah, nobody thinks like that. Nobody holds grudges in that way. That guy's a fucking, yeah, he is a lunatic, that guy, weirdo. Yeah, she's going back like, fuck you, Ms. Anderson.

She's like, I gave you an A. Ms. Galindo. Yeah. Ms. Galindo, I know her. She left me off the track team in third grade or something like that. Ms. Galindo did that shit. That drove me fucking crazy. Yeah, I'll remember.

I'll remember things. But yeah, I love that. I love against all odds. Like, I can get really into, you know, the fucking Hobbit, Lord of the Rings. Like, I love it. I love it. That's fire. I don't care much about, like, Bezos already having, like, a crazy successful company and then wanting to go to the moon.

I gotcha. I want the motherfucker that everybody writes off. You care about the people, not the thing. Yes. And, like, they wrote you off and then you went out there and did it let's go

and bigger risk takers too like it seems like Elon is really rolling the dice way more than like Bezos is just like yeah if this doesn't go like this doesn't really affect me because I can be a rocker

he got the money from congress yeah exactly he bullied him yeah they lost the bid and they still gave him the money so there's no stakes here like Elon seems to really

like walk in that like tight rope where he's like if i fuck this up like i'm just start from scratch yeah you see he got caught with his burner account you ever had a burner no dude i don't no i've only ever had a burner like 10 years ago like a facebook burner to bug my friends but so what would you do you just troll them yeah yeah we we had a girl account and then we would message all like dudes that we knew and then like we had we had one guy that is horrifying we have a buddy imagine like opening up and using your best riz on your boy oh no we have a fucking buddy that's a comic that one time someone messaged him and he was like, who's this? And we were like, let's go. No!

For fucking three years. Every now and then we'll message him and be like, yo, you in Toronto tonight? Like, we got a link up. Like, last time was so hot. And he'll be like, yeah, I said that. And you keep turning, you keep like. And then he'll be like, can you send a pic? And he's like, I think he thinks he knows who it is.

But it's like, bro, think about how much pussy like the you and the friends of yours that were in on this prank have missed out on because you thought it was your friends trying to get you. Oh, I was skeptical of every girl that reaches out. Of course. You got a video of your first birthday if i'm fucking believing any of this pull the passport today's paper well i had a i had i got catfished by this chick really or dude this is this is a while back but the girl that was the

in the photos that was being used was beautiful and uh so i i was like yo who is this like i asked twitter i was like yeah i got catfish but i was like who is this girl like because this girl is fire yeah and uh and then i dm the girl she responded and i was like am i gonna be the first person to fuck the actual girl after being catfish like do i have enough clout and then she just ghosted me but still how dope would that be like we end up getting married like i get catfished with this hot chick and then find her in reality what and then you get the guy who messaged a little bit like yeah invite him to the wedding thank you man did you tell her the i told the whole story you're like you won't believe this can you imagine dude it was so crazy and they also sent pictures of your feet like can you make sure

that your feet can you can you just yeah like because they might not have been yours and i don't want to get double catfish so if you could just send them feets over that weird jerking off to somebody else's feet so if you could just send those over too man yeah that'd be a fucking goat story dude yeah i couldn't pull it off though you know what someone told me that you had uh you were on a park somewhere you were talking about like uh having bad trips on like weed and mushrooms or something like that mushrooms that's what it was someone i can't remember who but someone told me that they go you know how like my story about like how I can't do mushrooms or whatever.

Yeah. They said you were on a podcast or something telling the exact same story almost. And I was like, that's interesting. And I wonder if there's like certain type of brains that just can't fucking deal with that shit. That could be it. That could be it. I mean, yeah, I was in. Can't let go.

That's got to be a part of it. I've done. So what happened? Yeah, I was at Burning Man and I did mushrooms. I think this was like maybe the second time I went to Burning Man. Forgot you're a Burning Man guy. Yeah, I was at Burning Man, and I did mushrooms. I think this was like maybe the second time I went to Burning Man. I forgot you're a Burning Man guy. Yeah, I love Burning Man. And second time.

And if my wife is pregnant, inshallah, is that wrong to go to Burning Man if she's not too deep into it? To bring her? No. No, no, no, no, no. Wait, you think you have to take nine months off of doing stuff? That's kind of how I felt. What the fuck? No, you don't have to take nine months. It depends where no. What, you think you have to take nine months off of doing stuff? That's kind of how I felt. What the fuck?

No, you don't have to take nine months. It depends where and the thing. I think you have to take. But I feel a little guilty. Yeah, the problem, too, is. You take the first day and the last day. Yeah, the problem, too, is if you ask her and she goes, yeah, it's fine. And you're like, but is it?

Yeah. You know, you come back and she's like, you seriously just were fucking doing DMT for the last week? Like, oh, my goodness. That's a toughT for the last week? Like, oh my goodness. That's a tough one. Yes, but I still do want to go. You have to pay a doctor to say that she has something that might be contagious and you need to stay away from her. I've got to stay away from Burning Man.

No, you've got to go to a dry desert. You've got to hire a doctor to quarantine you away from her. That happens to coincide. Yeah. Yeah. No. Anyway. Oh, yeah.

So where I met Burning Man man and uh i did i took mushrooms for the first time i'm starting to feel it i think that the thing i said is uh yeah it felt like someone took the condom off colors do you know and it was just like like purple was hitting you know what i mean like it was just the moon was just beautiful and i just kept following it it was uh and uh and then I randomly got internet in the middle of the playa and I looked at twitter for some reason I just saw a bunch of motherfucking hate people bagging on me and uh and it was the my trip completely flipped that's the worst thing that you can do oh I know I should never look to my phone and I wasn't I didn't get internet the

entire time I was there just randomly in this one moment maybe I was hallucinating but maybe it was yeah but like I just and then it completely flipped and I'd also taken some more mushrooms too because I thought I was like I want to really feel like this color thing is really cool but I'm not seeing visions as I've been told before and um and man I every time I close my eyes I I was in that Bruce Lee movie, Enter the Dragon, where he's fighting the statues. But the statues were like my insecurities manifested. That's funny to cut out to just like you in an empty field. Oh, my God, dude. It was gnarly, man.

So I couldn't go to sleep, but I was exhausted. man so I couldn't go to sleep but I was exhausted so I'm just standing I'm just sitting there in this Winnebago with my eyes open staring at the ceiling like hoping that I'll eventually just pass out some guy with a shell necklace having sex right beside you so yeah that was brutal but I did

it again and they were kind of fun now you got it figured out yeah yeah but I don't know I don't know it just doesn't it's not as wild as I thought like weed is still way better but it just makes me so fucking I think acid is the next top. I can imagine. That's him. Yeah.

Near, near, near, near. I think that fucked with my brother, man. I'll be honest with you. What's that? I think the acid fucked with my brother. I know people that have fucked with my brother. I don't... Oh, for sure.

That's why I hesitate. I had a friend who... I've said this before, but I had a friend who... He was in India, and he was a big acid guy. And he had these two little vialsials of liquid acid and one of them was Concentrate like every drop was a hundred hits Oh and every and then the other one was every time was one hit and this guy did it and he's like didn't label them Properly and he's with this girl and then at one point. He's just like we want to do acid

He goes pretty sure it's this one. Oh god, and he's wrong And he's just like not been the same And he's wrong. And he's just like not been the same. Oh, God. Yeah, I remember I hadn't seen him for years. And I go, he's off. And someone was like, yeah, you took 200 hits of acid in one go.

That will fuck you up. Yeah, it will. Especially if you have something under there. I think there's a lot of people where mental illness starts to unearth itself. Schizophrenia in the family. Oh, specifically that. Which I have a little bit of. Oh, for sure. I mean, some people with weed.

I know people who are just like weed. If you're kind of on the edge there, that's mental health wise. Like we could just I get after I smoke it when I smoke weed. I have so much fun. It is indescribable. The high I get from smoking weed is it's like up there. Molly feels different because you just feel love. is it's like up there. Molly feels different because you just feel love,

but weed, the laughter and the joy that I get from weed. I feel like it's hard to get it now because everyone, like it's not, it's like having a beer for everyone, so you can't be the guy that's like, I'm that guy, and let me tell you something, you're getting on board. You don't have a question. You're getting on board.

But I'm so depressed and anxious. You're like, like boys we are tripping no no we are laughing we are laughing and but i get so depressed and anxious the next day like i literally you're like a weed hangover i have the most severe weed hangover for days wow i'm like a shell of myself so it sucks because this thing that i love but i assume that's what it is like you got to pay the price for the joy so you you know you work out you pay it before and then you feel good afterwards and i think with the weed for whatever reason i have a buddy man he could take molly and feel nothing the next day he does not feel any hangover and i'm like why aren't you taking molly every day the fuck you have a gift from god like just do it this is the best feeling

ever but there's a cost for that shit i actually want them to ban weed now because I feel like people are coming to shows high. Yeah, ban it from me. A lot more. Or they're doing edibles. And I think people just kind of relate laughter and comedy as they should, but they don't realize they're like – Got yelling in your faces a lot maybe. Yeah. You also got to follow what's going on.

That was like in Toronto they had all these weed lounges. and when they introduced dabs like when dabs showed up game over you're like all the comedy shows got noticeably worse and they weren't even good to begin with yeah but they got so much worse because everyone was just like catatonic they were so fried they were just like and you're like this is not good and also you want people to feel things like in a comedy show like i don't want you to be too relaxed. I want you to be anxious. I want to be able to, like, make you feel uncomfortable. And I feel like if you're high, you're like, it's impossible to make me feel uncomfortable. These are just words that are coming your mouth. It's okay.

I don't give a fuck. And I've seen that couple people in the audiences. Or I'm just bombing. It could be just me bombing. Because all these people are high. Why are you all high? Stop doing edibles. No, there was this girl last night, though, and I asked her, and I high yeah why are you doing edibles no there was this girl last night though and i asked her and i was like i was like are you okay is everything because i

thought she didn't speak english because she was kind of giving me that like blank stare and uh and her boyfriend answered for her was like now we just took edibles and i'm like why would you ruin this experience go to a a movie. Yeah. Movie's better. Go watch like everything, whatever all at once. I cannot say that fucking title to save my life either. Yeah. Everything, everywhere. I mean, they have hot dog hands. Take an edible.

You'll love it. Their hands turn into hot dogs. It's hilarious. It's for people on week. All right. We got two questions. Let's for people on week. All right, we got two questions for our thing. This is the first one. So do you know what a bug man is?

No. Okay, so we're doing this competition to see who's the least of a bug man. But bug man's a guy who can't fix anything. It was originally DJ's, like, a modern, basically modern city man that doesn't know. I'm a complete bug man. So that's what the question was. We talk about it a lot. So the question was, are you a bug man?

Embarrassingly so. Do you hire people to fix shit? I think me fixing something is me hiring someone to fix something. Uh-huh. And like, yeah, it is bad. I am. How do you react to people calling that manly? Do you think that they're wrong?

Wait, wait, wait. Well, people associate it's like you can't fix stuff. And I'm always okay yeah i don't do my job and then come home and do someone else's job that's a good point too yeah i haven't really thought about it because i grew up in new york where everybody can't fix shit so they can't even drive cars here exactly yeah like i can at least drive a car you know what i mean like that's pretty cool for me yeah i think if i lived on a ranch and i was a bug man i'd be a loser but i live in new york where i can like hire people everyone's bug man yeah yeah so i guess i never really felt bad about it at all like if you if you and if you and your wife like buy something would you attempt to put that together and what would it be a mess this is how much of a bug man i am my wife put together our closets she's hung

most of the things on the walls. I thought you were just going to say she's hung. It's one of those. Not that progressive. But yeah, she actually did all that shit. Yeah, I don't know. I make money. Making a girl do stuff is great.

Oh, no, no. She wants to do it. I make the money, and then you do whatever you want with the money. Well, a lot of times they want to do it because they don't trust you to do it. Yeah, that also. She shouldn't trust me, And I wouldn't do it. If she's like, can you build this closet? I'd be like, I'll hire someone.

Hire a guy. What about like hanging a picture? Hire a guy. Hire a guy. Yeah, hire a guy. Hanging a picture even. Yeah. So this is peak bug man forum.

Yeah, like what if we- It's the peak male forum. Who am I? I mean, like do bug men, or what is it not in bug man? A man. A man? Okay. So what do men do? Like what do like manly men do? Do they call their friends and be like, dude, I hung a photo ofbug man? A man. A man? Okay. So what do men do?

What do manly men do? Do they call their friends and be like, dude, I hung a photo of me and my wife today. It's just another day. I think they belch after. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll be in that conversation with them and I'll be like, yeah, I made millions of dollars. Yes.

Yeah. How about you come over and hang some shit at my house? I'll give you fucking $2,000 and I'll throw it there you go there you go yeah matter of fact next time you're hanging shit i want to watch how much would it be just to watch and beat off in the corner i'll just what is it hang cuck myself yeah i feel no insecurity about hiring another dude to do manly shit about me i've never have either but like there's it's almost like it has become a thing where in the last little bit like people have been giving dude

shit you don't want to fucking fix it yeah i mean if i if that was the only thing that i could do i would give dude shit about that you're right it's probably yeah if you're like the you know uh you weren't jockeying for position yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah it's all just joking yeah that's smart do it you're right i got you you're right to compete with us call us bug man or whatever Joking for position. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all just joking. Yeah. That's smart. Do it. You're right. I got you. You're right. You got to compete with us.

Call us bug men or whatever. That's exactly what it is. Yeah, they go to the girl that you're talking to and they're like, you know, he's a bug man. He can't even fix shit. And she's like, but he works at J.P. Morgan. Yeah. Do you know how much his bonus was?

I think it's fine. That was the first one. And then the last question was, people want to know, which top 10s a lot, but let's say top three heavies of all time. And people don't know heavies is the pups. Top three heavies of all time. For you. That's a fucking great question, to be honest. I mean, we have to put Yomi in there just because she's so instrumental.

Yomi Park. Yeah, Yomi Park. Legendary heavy. Yeah. They're legendary heavies. They're not the top ones, but they're legendary. Yeah. Do the legendary heavies have to all be big, or sometimes they just want to be nice?

Do you want to know legendary heavies? I'm going to throw one out right now. Oh, my God. What the fuck is her name? She was in Wild Things. Denise Richards. Denise Richards. Okay.

Wild Things. Champagne scene. Those were fucking incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, amazing. What, you got to look this up? I got this shit seared into my goddamn brain. I never forgot that.

I'm going to Mr. Skin. Oh, dude. Do you guys remember Mr. Skin? No. No, what's Mr. Skin? I think guys remember Mr. Skin? No. What's Mr. Skin? I think it was Mr. Skin, but he basically, any time a girl ever got nude in a movie, that was the whole website.

Catalog. Yeah, yeah. So you type in an actress and she knows any time, like even showed like a nipple or whatever. It'll be the first one. I mean, that scene was legendary. What's her name? Denise Richards.

Denise Richards. She was married to Charlie Sheen. Yes. I'm saying Denise Richards boobs. Put Denise Richards wild things. married to Charlie Sheen. Yes. I'm saying Denise Richards boobs. Put Denise Richards wild things. Wild things, yeah. And it is just iconic. Her and Neve Campbell, right?

And Neve Campbell wouldn't even take her top off because she's so what Denise is wearing. Oh, there we go. We got it. Who is this guy? This is what we're talking about, right? It's Matt Dillon, right? Yeah, it's Matt Dillon. Oh, dude, yeah.

But you don't even see the cannons right there. I mean, look at that right there. That okay okay I mean I can't put that on the screen right there fantastic um and then number three okay nice having to think number three a just absolutely phenomenal I mean this is a brand new one and I actually have to see them full form. Jenner. I got to put a trans chick in there right now. This young milk queen, Sydney Sweeney. That is a legendary heavy. He's right.

I mean, that. Oh, Danny's playing dumb. No, I don't. Never seen him. Euphoria, the blonde in everything. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's in everything. I know, I know. Stack, stack.

The skinny with the huge tit combo is always just a fascinating thing to see I know it's just so peculiar like how how does that work

especially if it's natural it's like a hormonal problem or something it must be it's a defect it seems like it's like in the like an elephantitis

or something like that right like there's just some weird disease they got that worked out perfectly dude I had a kid in my camp who had elephantitis of the balls and he literally had a sling that had to go around his neck that like that's not true i swear no it was they were like he had it was like a real condition

only his balls he got ragged on so hard they were like fucking sling that goes through his thing and this is a jewish school which is like like the most Jewish camp thing to have that condition. We go, I have elephantitis of the balls. And yeah. I can't remember what his name was, but it was like, that was a thing in our camp. I mean, he's put here to repopulate the world of Jews. He's like, I'm the stud. He's got six million right there.

Like, you need to let him go to work. He's like that tortoise that repopulated the island. Have you heard about this? There was like a turtle and the species was going extinct. And this one turtle named Jose, obviously, it was like, I got this. And he just repopulated a thousand kids or something like that. That kid, Ira, whatever his name was.

Probably something like that. Oh, you got to let that man at it, Ira, whatever his name was. Probably something like that. Oh, my. You got to let that man at it, bro. You got to take him over to Williamsburg. Huge balls. Huge balls, yeah. His name's Hugh. Fill him up.

Whoa. Yeah. That was a three-grade heavy. Yeah, I would say that. I was even going to say that I feel like a new one was Emily Radjikowski, but I agree with you. Sydney Sweeney pushed her out. She's the new her.

Yeah, I can't give it up. Now, Emily Radjikowski has a podcast. Sweeney pushed her out. She's the new her. Yeah, I can't give it up. Now, Emily Radjikowski has a podcast. You can't have nice tits and do a fucking podcast. Yeah, I can't. No thanks. And I think I get annoyed with the whole, like, you know, women are objectified, but keep objectifying me.

She's annoying. Yeah. Hands down, she's annoying. Sydney Sweeney hasn't said much. What did you do with your hands? Hands down. Right? That was hands down?

Okay, because I saw that and I was like, gay, gay, gay. And then I was like, oh, hands down. Got it, got it, got it. I picked up on that too. This fucking bitch. If that makes it into your act. I go to her. Everybody in the audience is like, ew.

That's my catchphrase. Boys, when I see that girl's annoying, I think we can say, hands down. But isn't that weird? That's this weird type of feminism where it's like, stop looking at my body, but also look at my body. Well, because they obviously realize that they get all this stuff from their body. They're like, well, we don't want to lose all the stuff. But it's like, oh, what? I'm just an object.

I hate the patriarchy, yet everything I've ever done in my life is surrounded by and supported by the patriarchy. The patriarchy disappears. So you know what? I don't look at your tits anymore. That's your punishment. You don't want the patriarchy? You're not getting me looking at them fucking fat knocks anymore.

I'm taking a stand. That's what we gotta do fellas. We're going on strike. Yeah. Plenty of tits out there. Top three heavies. Great answer. Yeah. I'm trying a stand. That's what we got to do, fellas. We're going on strike. Yeah. Plenty of tits out there. Top three heavies. Great answer. Yeah. I'm trying to think if there's anybody else.

Okay. Oh, but we got a bonus heavy coming at you. I'm trying to think of like- Bonus heavy on the Patreon. Iconic heavies. I like a natural heavy. So I got to think on a- I don't know.

For next time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely next time. For the next time yeah yeah yeah definitely next time top three were fire and then a reverse great heavy from Emily Rodzikowski

you can beat it and stop podcasting it's our game but you should have her on the pod yeah she's not invited no it's gonna happen

she's gonna be on the podcast and afterwards it was a prank we weren't filming beat it she got a pretty big favor you asked yeah you were begging Oh, it's going to happen? She's going to be on the podcast, and afterwards, it was a prank. We go, we weren't filming. Beat it. She got a pretty big favor, you asked. Yeah, certainly.

You were begging me to do this. Yeah, and we weren't filming. There's no cards in these cameras. She's like, okay. All right. Gotcha. The worst gotcha ever. Flag or two podcast.

Brilliant idiots. Actually, the thing we were talking about before, that's how I originally knew you even before comedy was like a fucking, one of my black friends listened to Brilliant Idiots. Respect. Yeah, like very, very early on. Respect. His black friend.

You got White Man Can't Jump, right? Yeah, I got a couple lines in that one. That was fun. White Man Can't Jump. Yeah, that was fun. So that one's coming out soon, actually. Soon, right? Yeah, I think so.

Him and Dinklage Buddy cop movie That would be awesome Dude I gotta pitch that To Dink man The Dink The buddy cop movie Would be fire

The Dink and the Dong The Dink and the Dong Who's who Yeah yeah yeah That would be sick Alright good I got something to pitch That's what we got

Something to pitch Yeah Okay sick Dude Dinklage as a cop In a buddy cop right that is fire oh that's fun that's we're in we're cooking gotta write it well thanks for having me boys yeah dude you're the best and thanks always for congrats on everything on everything of course man you guys are killing it man keep up great work peace here are the rules urban dictionary describes a bug. Keep up the great work. Thanks, over. Peace. Peace. Here are the rules. Urban Dictionary describes a bug man.

Pick up the dresser for the bug man competition. I just move faster, I think a little bit faster. You doing a bug man comp too? We're going to get a product that has the most amount of low review. Almost impossible to assess. Read the instructions, start to finish, and then get started. I think that's my key to success. This is the screwdriver, right?

Oh, that's the wrench. Oh, that's the wrench. Oh, that's the wrench? Danny was gonna be scrolling through the instructions, taught, all right, what's your cheapest hammer? Clock starts now. So can we rent all that? Yeah, cool. Well, we don't rent measuring tape.

What the fuck is that? How many women does it take to install a light bulb? One now.