The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Are You Garbage On Breastfeeding In Public, Armpit Hair On Chicks, & Bam Margera's Demise

Episode Date: May 5, 2023

VICE shutting down, the trashiest historical figures, relationships, & weird families with ARE YOU GARBAGE Are You Garbage? is a comedy podcast with comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan. @areyougarbage SUPPORT THE SPONSORS: Getsunday.com/boyscast - 50% Off Your First Box Athleticgreens.com/boyscast - Free 1 Year Of Vitamin D & 5 Free Travel Packs Tryfum.com - Code BOYSCAST - 10% Off Your Order RYAN ON TOUR: Tampa: June 2/3, New York - Sept 16 SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Daniel Polishuk, hi! Ryan, remember me? Yeah, well, you were supposed to send me Vice articles this week, and I don't see anything in my inbox. Am I to believe that you're quite quitting? Is this you not being part of the podcast anymore? Oh, you didn't hear? Yeah, uh, hear what? You have two jobs, fluffing the guests, and Vice article curation.

Oh, you haven't been paying attention the last few days? You haven't been online? Yeah, I've been on my ayahuasca retreat. You already know this. Oh, I have some bad news, Ryan. Vice shut down. Shut down who? Who did they shut down this time? Oppression? Beg bad news, Ryan. Vice shut down. Shut down who? Who did they shut down this time?

Oppression? Begatry? Who did they shut down? No, Ryan. Vice is gone. I'm sorry, Ryan. Vice is gone. What do you mean?

Gone where? Where are they going? Ryan, you know that farm upstate I told you about where blogs go in their golden years, just, you know, live out the rest of their days just on a frolicking in the sunshine and just living a really peaceful nice life. That's where Vice went.

What if the bloggers don't want to be on a farm? Take me to the farm. Look, Ryan, we can't go to the farm, but look, I promise you, once Vice gets settled in, I promise we'll go. But don't worry, Vice is having a great time. BuzzFeed's there, Quibi's there, and they're having the time of their lives. They're definitely not

having the time of their lives. I know definitely not having the time of their lives. I know it's hard for you to... Then the freaking podcast is canceled then, I guess. So thank you for subscribing to our Patreon. We'll be closing it up tonight. No, the podcast is not canceled. And not only is the podcast not canceled, but we have one of the best podcasts in the world right now.

Are You Garbage? This week, let's go. Sorry, Vice. The Boys. The Boys cast. The Lads. The Boys cast. The Doors. Sorry, Vice. The Boys Cast. With none other than Are You Garbage in the studio. This is the second time, too. We're sort of like regulars now on each other's things.

I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like wife swap, dude. I call Danny. No offense, Ryan. That was my choice, too. I'll take the tall drink of water. This is a pretty good wife swap one that I just saw yesterday.

I love it. There's three black guys and one girl that's also black, and she's introducing the two other guys to the new guy, and it's like a polyamorous family. And the one guy's there like, yo, introducing T-Bone, and then the two other guys are on the couch. They sort of get up. They shake his hand.

It's like, what's up? And the one guy's doing an interview, and he's like, never really seen her that happy, so that's kind of Left his wife with two other dudes know the two dudes then then the third guy came introduced a third guy into the realm Holy shit Yeah, the two dudes were happy with the third guy coming in the third guy was getting a lot of attention and two other guys We're sort of not laughing that also, shout out to that girl's killing it, by the way

She's got three idiots wrapped around her finger And they weren't dorky looking either These guys were like legitimate, like they all looked like I love how we just assume they're dorks I do! What kind of pussy? You and Polly, that's the dorkiest shit on earth Yeah, it's not my cup of tea, but

I feel bad for her, that's a lot of laundry and shit No, she's got to do it No way, one of those dudes definitely lot of laundry and shit the first guy is in charge of all the housework for sure make two pots of coffee every day me and Danny just came back from we're in DC but we went to Baltimore I was like state of privilege scummiest place and I was thinking that when I was leaving this morning because we were in DC but we went to Baltimore and it was like state of the earth scummiest place and I was thinking when I was leaving

this morning because we were at the breakfast we'd go up early enough for the breakfast for once the trashier the place is the more men's toes

that you can see oh yeah yeah isn't that accurate just a dude in a bathing suit who just got out of the pool

soaking wet come on man pull it together I saw like nine guys that had breakfast with their pajama pants and sandals or whatever. If you go to a classy place, dudes don't have their

fucking feet out. We're not classy. Sure, but we still have the decency to put on shoes. We're not animals. What was on the menu at a breakfast, if you don't mind me asking? A giant bowl of hard-boiled eggs. Dude, that's a fucking red flag.

Giant, pre-peeled, too. They were day-olds, dude. Those are old Easter eggs. They're graying. Yeah. Like the graying hard-boiled. It has that little Uranus. Yeah, yeah, because they start graying a bit.

Yeah, they're a little old hard-boiled eggs. I didn't eat anything, actually. I just got coffee. Coffee was out, tell you that much. I got the last coffee, I think. That's low class. You're getting coffee. Oh, but you know what? Fresh pot of coffee. 7.30, you're just got coffee. Coffee was out. Tell you that much. I got the last coffee I think. That's low class. Oh but you know what? They had a 7.30 you're out of coffee.

They had a make your own waffle station which was honestly kind of I was surprised like there was cups like just like plastic cups to fill up with batter and then there was two waffle cookers and people were like I was like

you know what I was thinking? Because they had all these, I wasn't going to eat in the morning, but they had all these already hard-boiled eggs that was coming out in bags. Not hard-boiled eggs, sorry, scrambled eggs. They were bringing out these giant bags of scrambled eggs. And then they had sausage. And then as we were leaving, I was like, you know what? I should have taken all that shit over to the waffle station.

Done waffles with all that shit in the middle. That's all right. And made my own, like, yes. Syrup, take it to go. And then as I was walking out of there, I go, ah, missed opportunity right there. But probably someone would come over and be like, the waffles are for the waffles. You can't contaminate them with sausage. So you can't put these fake eggs in the waffle machine.

You think you're better than us. You know where's fucking Mario Vitale over here? And he comes in, makes his own McDonald's McGriddle. The chef comes out, is this your kitchen? Okay. I don't come to your house and fuck your wife, do I? Get off my goddamn waffle maker. This was a Hilton, a Holiday Inn.

Four seasons, what was it? Ten rungs below that. Only somebody... It was a Hilton, a Holiday Inn. Four seasons, what was it? Ten rungs below that. It was a Sinesta. That's owned by... They can be okay. No, this was garbage. Some guy comes up to me, and the other day, he was like,

I was walking up the stairs, and there's a kid just sitting on the stairs, and he goes, happy 420. And I go, okay, thanks. And he goes, you want something to celebrate it for? Yeah, he was watering the stairwell. And then when I left, because we were meeting out front, and then when I left, he goes, hey. And I go, you want something to celebrate it for? Yeah, he was ordering the stairwell. And then when I left, because we were meeting out front, and then when I left, he goes, hey.

And I go, hey. He goes, you want to buy a Chromebook? I just stole from your boy. He goes, I got a new Chromebook. 50 bucks. Holy shit. For a new Chromebook. I was like, I don't need a Chromebook.

I appreciate it, though. I was like that he sized me up and offered me weed. And the same guy saw Danny. He goes, I guess the Chromebook for you. You look like you like hot merchandise. The best thing was we were on the train and the train stopped in Baltimore. We were like the next station over.

And then this couple, they're like from probably like South America, or a family actually, like three of them from South America, they get up. And then this guy beside her goes, sorry, I think you were going to DC, like i overheard you going this is baltimore and they're like oh no no we just we're not uh from here but uh we heard baltimore and so we're gonna get off and go check out baltimore jesus and the guy's like

uh i wouldn't do that and he literally says he goes have you ever seen the wire he asked them that they're like from columbia you know bubbles yeah he goes have you ever seen the wire he asked them that they're like from columbia you know bubbles yeah they literally go you ever seen the wire if you're trying to sell the kids i'll make an offer right now a couple hard-boiled eggs in a chromebook let's go the other thing uh you know how like so you guys are philly trash and Hey! I feel like TikTok nowadays, my algorithm's been really pushing me like actual trash. Like guys shooting rats with AK-47s, garbage pail slides. Sure. It's sort of making you guys seem highfalutin a little bit.

Yeah. Dude, I've been on TikTok. I get a lot of rodent things for some reason. They got my number, dude. They know who I am. Cooked rodents? Because that's big right now. No. No, this

guy has like a falcon. And he drives around. Have you ever seen him? He throws the falcon to kill other birds that are on a... Dude, he's just driving in a pickup truck and he's got a falcon in his hand and literally wings it out the window. That's working smart, not hard right there. Oh, yeah. It's crazy. It's my new favorite

thing. My algorithm's all screwed up because mine's just murders. Okay, psycho. They got you sized up, huh? It's all murders and teenagers and yoga pants. No, no yoga pants. I'm just like, what's going on with this shit? I'm not a fan.

Okay, so the first thing. I actually want to show you guys this video. I feel like there's a couple. We had a bunch of questions. A lot of people were asking about celebrities, the garbage things and stuff like that. I'm sure you guys get most questions like that. I'm sure you guys get that. I'm sure that most of the times the questions come in for you, they're garbage related. They're not asking how much you tip your butler at Christmas.

What do you guys think about the deficit? Have you seen our boy? This is what he's up to right now. They're not asking how much you tip your butler at Christmas. I feel like... What do you guys think about the deficit? Have you seen our boy? This is what he's up to right now. And I'm assuming you guys like him too. This is high tech right now. Aren't you famous? What are we doing?

We put it on the screen. Who's that? Bam Margera. Ah, fuck. Let him have his own mic! Let him have his own mic! I want to see Daniel. No, please. Let him have his own mind! Let him have his own mind! I want to see Daniel. No, sir.

You're going to be five years. Why are you making me wait fucking five days? She probably got the last waffle. That's a shame, dude. He's angry because someone put eggs in the waffle machine. You can't do that. That's against the rules. I don't know what the story is there,

but I've been in arguments with my girlfriend at restaurants. It's brutal Yeah, I feel like he's getting a bad rep. I'm always sort of naturally on his side But I do I'm I grew up dude. He was our fucking he might as well been our hero Philly trash is he's game. Yeah, he's from out. He's from Westchester the burbs wet Westchester. Yeah, so Dude, we skated and it was like he was... The guy. That was it, dude. He had his own TV shows.

He was the coolest dude in the world. I mean, we were one of the most famous guys in the world at one point. Everybody loved fucking... Jackass. Viva La Bam. Jackass, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But CKY, it started.

Yeah, yeah, CKY. We would get those VHSs. Viva La Bam. I remember watching that with my parents. Because you had two... True love story, yeah. Sort of like people make their kids watch football, like, this could be you. Viva La Bam. I remember watching that with my parents. True love story. Sort of like people make their kids watch football. I mean, no.

The dads had Don Vito and Phil and the kids had Bam and the other guy. A little something for everybody. Don Vito, dude. He would make us piss our pants laughing. They always just had subtitles for them. That's how you know you're trash when you're speaking in your regular native tongue and you need subtitles. And you're not like Welsh or something. You're from America.

He's from Westchester. And people are like, what did he say? He was all right. Shout out to him. I know, but I guess what happened is if you think about even like all the Kanye stuff, they basically took his kids away. And that's what's going on. Are his kids getting taken away? Is that what this is, if you think about even like all the Kanye stuff, they basically took his kids away and that's what's going on. He goes, he's saying, he's saying,

he goes, let the kid make up his own mind because basically the mom, I guess, is like, you can't see him anymore. And he's like, let the kid decide. It's like an infant. But as a kid who had to make that decision, you go with the mom 100% of the time. Even as a four-year-old, I don't fucking trust this guy.

This guy's wacky. Did you do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they did it in the living room, not at a fucking Bennekins. That's who you're holding back. Of course people are going to start yelling. Do that shit in the garage. Yeah, also, the one thing against that is he's not particularly sober,

so he's not going to really win that. That's his whole thing. His whole thing is you're just like, you could just stay sober You can see your kids And then he's and then he's loaded in or whatever just diner being like oh my kids But also if he was 20 still that would still be a sit. We'd be like he's the go Was his first public escapade like that, he'd be like, give him one. He's Bam. He's a skater.

He lives on the outside of the culture. He's probably got concussions. What do you want? 100%. These guys have a hard time transitioning. I feel like I could have went that route where I was like, you know what I mean? It's just hard to transition out of the young, crazy guy.

Sure. You're still kind of that guy, by the way. Oh, you mean the guy who goes to... Guys like us. I could be the guy who goes to Times Square and yell at strangers. Ryan's the only guy I've ever known to slip on a banana. I'll tell you what I don't do is go to Times Square drunk and yell at strangers. Very drunk.

Drunk fighting for my kids. Every time I see you at Times Square, I'm like, this guy's nuts. You're crazy. I'm like, you should have seen 20-year-old version of that. That guy went to jail. That's what I'm saying, though. That's why for me, I see it as a cautionary tale. Sure.

I do actually watch that. I'm not like that idiot. I'm like, fuck, that's me. Yeah, that could have been you. A few left turns. A few left turns, yeah. So that's what that was. She brought him into a public place,

and they started talking about the kids. He wants to take the kid, and she was like, no. Or he tracked her down and found where the kid was, and he was like, let me see it. That's a little different. That's a little different. I thought they were having a meal. No.

Oh, he showed up. All right. Outside visiting hours. Yeah. That wasn't his turn. In his bathrobe, I think he was wearing. There's actually one other point of it that's actually kind of crazy, too. Because if it was a show up, which I'm not sure, he showed up and that day he had the kid's name tattooed on his face.

Oh, yeah, he got the tattoo. Wait, really? I'd be pissed, too, if I just did that. I can't see the little bastard. The fuck? I just got a jailhouse here. I love him so much, I ruined my life.

It is also such a crazy thing where it's like, he's sort of like, it's almost like the Truman Show and then they turn off the cameras, you know what I mean?

And he's like, I'm supposed to be crazy, this pays the bills. And she's like, it hasn't really been paying the bills that much these days. He's loaded though, right?

He's not even costing us the bills. Probably, I don't think so. That's the question. I don't think he is. He's worth like $50 million. No, I think he spent a lot of it. Yeah, he blew it all.

He had all those super cars. He had multiple Lamborghinis and shit like that. Good for him. And dude, at a time, being from Philly, there was kids that I would know who would go live at his house. It was just like, did you hear Nick's living at Bam's house for the past 30 days? live at his house. Did you hear Nick's living at Bam's house for the past 30 days? He had

on that compound that he had, he would have 30 dudes living there just living off of him. That's a good dude right there. That's probably costing him $100,000 a month or whatever he's paying and shit. When it's not coming in anymore. It's like the Antoine Walker thing.

Antoine Walker? Remember the basketball player Antoine Walker? Didn't he have like 13 kids? He had like... I can't remember what his name was. I'm thinking Antoine Fisher. He made like legitimately $200 million and he lost it all. Yeah. Damn. Like all of it.

Like he declared banker. Like he lost it. And he was like, yeah, I'd be going out. I have entourage. But you know, restaurant bill comes. It's 80 grand. Yeah. Obviously, I'm paying for it.

I'm the guy. Nobody else is paying for it. Everybody Venmo me. Everybody Venmo me three grand. comes it's 80 grand yeah like obviously i'm paying for it i'm the guy nobody else is paying for it everybody's been money three grand and then and then i think what happened is he ended up the the death blow for him is that he bought this contaminated land that he thought was someone some developer was like we're gonna redo this this huge piece of land and you're gonna like own this like giant like apartment complex or whatever and then it turned out to be so contaminated that like you couldn't do anything with it. I saw a sucker coming.

Yeah, it was worth nothing. Well, that was that great, it was like money or fame or whatever. ESPN did that documentary of 90% of football players are bankrupt in three years. And I forget who it was. It was like, nobody needs 10 grand. Nobody. People just go, give me 10 more grand and I'll figure it out. It's like, nobody needs 10 grand. Nobody. And you're like, people just go, give me 10 more grand and I'll figure it out. It's like, nobody needs 10 grand.

I wouldn't say nobody. I could use 10 G's right now. And what are you talking about? We're upside down with the taxes. We just wiped ourselves out. Which I gladly paid. Of course. Yeah, yeah.

The IRS doesn't watch the show. I don't know. You guys make some enemies I feel You guys are on some list somewhere and you're dragging me down. No the tax man like us. We better like me I tell you that fucking much. We paid in the accounts like did it come out of your account? You know I'm like no it didn't so on the back of my head

I was just like maybe they're just not gonna take it. Yeah maybe they forgot. Fucking woke up the next morning fucking shambles. Yeah. They sent me what I owed for this day. Playing next to Antoine Walker. Fucking woke up the next morning fucking shambles What I owed for the state and for the federal night added there were two simple round numbers stay that I added up 45 times in my head because I'm like there's no way that math is right You know what I mean? Yeah, you're probably just whole numbers. I'm still like now carrying it to Starts getting you real political. You go, where is this money going? What are we doing with this shit?

Ukraine? That's where my Patreon money's going? It got to be in Ukraine? Yeah, first thing you do, you pay that bill, then you delete the Ukraine flag from your bio. You go, fuck this shit. I didn't know it was going to cost me that much. Everybody's got to be free, but...

Hey, everybody's got their own battles, you know what I mean? Hey, nobody's paying my rent. Help me pay my rent. Is Putin that bad of a guy, huh? I'm like a little boorster every once in a while. What are we doing? That was the big question. People were like, what... They go,

which A-list celebrities would you guys like to have on the show? Because you suspect they're garbage. And then I was saying that we should Also go through like historical figures to okay If you get like who in history where you go like this guy's the fucking goat of you know I mean we had one that we were talking about a little bit a few weeks ago Ben Franklin would have been a good What's his deal?

I just don't like Here you're not feeling up. I mean, he's on the $100 bill. That's not garbage. Yeah, but like he, yeah, it is. Yes, but I would argue that is the most garbage of the bill. Because that represents, everybody thinks that's the sign of opulence. You know, rappers aren't throwing around 50s.

They're throwing around 100s. Yeah, that's a good point. Which the 50 is the classiest bill of all. It's understated. You're not showing off, but you still got a little firepower. You know what I mean? Kevin thinks he's overrated because at the time when he was inventing stuff, there was nothing. Nothing existed.

This guy's just going like, hey, I can't see. Let me figure out how to see. Okay. It's just like, yeah, it's easy to invent shit when nothing exists. You know what I mean? Try doing that now, Ben. All right? Try figuring out something new.

Now you're just sort of like, oh, we're like that one, but a bit, yeah. Do you guys know Twitter, Facebook, and computers and all that stuff? It's like, well, now it's like, what if it was two of them together? Every invention is just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Facebook meets whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing the pitch meeting. That is the pitch meeting.

They're like sunglasses, but you can see farther away. See the guy got hit by the apple? No, that was Johnny Appleseed. No, the guy that got hit by the apple? No, that was Johnny Appleseed. No, the guy that got hit by the apple. That was George Washington? No, who got that in Gravity? Oh, Newton. Oh, that's who you're talking about?

Who had the apple falling? That's not even talking about BAM. I've got to go to work, BAM. No, he was electricity. I thought he was the apple guy. I thought Edison was electricity. I thought he was the Apple guy. Edison was electricity. No, he discovered the kite with the thing that realized that there was... Flying a kite in a storm?

That's it. That's what got him. He was probably high at the time. Talk about four idiots talking. Was that the Apple guy? No, it was the kite dude. Maybe the guy discovered gravity? It was there waiting to be found.

It's not a science podcast. He didn't create it. You know what I mean? He discovered the apple pie. If it was a pineapple, I would have killed it. That was foley. Is that Dutch apple pie with the crumb on top? That's how every pie has just been falling on your head.

You're like, if they put this in a pie. What just hit me? Get the pie guy on the phone. This acorn. Is this a pie capability you guys think? We tried that? To me, the one that we talked about, like, once, but that I always think is, like, you know the philosopher Diogenes? Diogenes?

Diogenes? I don't know. Yo, this guy? Steve Diogenes? He's really, I feel like he's up your alley? I feel like he's up your alley. He's a gas pedal right now. Let me go from Don Zito. You're going to take all this back when you hear what he does.

Is this the barrel guy? Yes. So his whole thing is he's like, I'm basically homeless, or he'd wander around town, right? So he lived in a barrel, and he rejected norms of civilized behavior because he portrayed himself naked and unkempt, right? And he made a virtue of poverty poverty he begged for a living and often slept in a large ceramic jar and he used his lifestyle to criticize that's known

for holding a lantern for kills on my cigarette he rejected the concept of manners there's another thing. Like manners. Sure. Yeah. Is this guy now or is this back in the olden days? It's like 100 years ago or something. The olden days. I thought you were pulling up a video of this guy.

No, no, no. It's like 2000 years ago. This is just our favorite guy. I feel like you would love him. Yeah, I respect that. He used to wear a barrel. That's your friend now that wears a beer case to the show. We got the Broncos.

The Broncos. Unofficial mascot. The tailgater. Yeah, yeah, it's just the same guy no this guy's like Somebody hit this guy to have an apple one too many times So I discovered root beer barrels Yeah, I do respect the just going like I fuck, fuck everything. I'm just living in chaos. I do respect that. Yeah, but we can all do that. That's not fair. That goes back to the Ben Franklin thing.

If everybody's doing that, then you got nothing to be bitching about. I'd like to walk around, not shower and all that shit, which I do do sometimes. Me too. There's no shortage of dudes cooking around San Francisco being like, I will tell you what the society's bad. I'm sure Burning Man's just like a thousand of these guys. That's all that guy. It's so crazy this guy got famous.

There's literally a guy in Rome that just wore a barrel and walked around bugging people. It's every crust bug in New York City. With a dog, yeah. That's what I'm saying. I mean, the fact is, yeah, this dude lived what are we talking about, 2,300 years ago. How do we know, how is he?

My favorite guy. How is he still famous? That's, I mean. How do we hear about him now? That's the thing. He's in the mix. He's one of the guys. He's got a good PR team.

I don't know what to tell you. It's like how we'll still be talking about Gallagher in 2,000 years from now, you know? Who I've seen live, by the way. No. He's not live. Yeah, I saw him live at an event. He was like the, I was in a fishing tournament, and he was the entertainment.

And he was in a big tent, man, and I swear to God, I was like, I remember this fuck. I used to watch his, they used to play his specials on Comedy Central, so I'm like, hey, I remember this. Recently? I mean, this was, I was 18, 17, 18, maybe? Okay. You know, so like, yeah, early 2000s. I don't know if it was him or his brother.

I don't remember like the billing because it was Gallagher and Gallagher 2. But dude, he came out, he sold his act to his brother. Yeah, I know, I know. And dude, he would just throw up bite-sized Snickers and he had a tennis racket. And he would just fucking crack them into the fucking crack. And people were losing their minds. Those probably come with a hot show, though. Yeah, dude.

It's like hitting a ball. Yeah. Yeah, dude. And he was, people were losing their minds. Oh, yeah, dude. It's like hitting a ball. Yeah. Dude, and he was fine. People were losing their minds. No one cracked the code more than Gallagher. He killed it. We've jumped about this before, but Gallagher just had an open mic. You know, kind of like building this thing up.

Sure, bouncing around on a trampoline or whatever. He's just like, all right, you got four minutes. Keep it quick or whatever. Don't blow the light. And he has like a watermelon. You guys have sledgehammers here? Because I got my own if you don't. We'll figure it out.

Which you gotta respect. He was working that shit out in theaters and stuff. He was like a shit. Do you think it was tight right away? I don't think so. Probably took a swing and a miss a few times. Started with a hockey stick. Yeah, for sure. Probably had a hammer.

No, he did the wrong fruit. He smashes an orange. He doesn't get that a miss a few times. Started with a hockey stick. Yeah, for sure. Probably had a hammer. He goes, oh, it's a slug-o-matic. No, he did the wrong fruit. Like, he smashes an orange. He doesn't get that big of a reaction. He just writes down. Well, he would build up. Bigger fruit. He would build up to the watermelon, if I remember correctly.

I'm a bit of a Gallagher historian. Did he do one of these where he goes, oh, not yet. His one HBO special was on a trampoline. What? And another one was on a roller skate. He has, I think, nine specials, and the one is proper the whole stage is a trampoline. I know the roller skate one, yeah. No, dude, he's just jumping around on a trampoline, and there's a couch in the back with a bunch

of props in it, and he's murdering, by the way. That's tough, man. Don't watch it, because I'm doing half the act now. Anybody can walk around. Yeah. Dude, he was roller skating and on a trampoline. That's cutting edge. He was, though, actually.

I'd be worried about blowing an ACL mid-show. He's in it for the game, dude. He's a fucking competitor. What are you talking about? They didn't have ACLs in the 70s. Yeah, they came around in the 90s. This is the last one. So the Deogenes.

So Alexander the Great liked him, so that's why. And he goes, he called himself Diogenes the dog. And then when he came around, he would bark like a dog and then tell him to leave him alone because he's a dog. So, still love him. He's a crazy guy. Yeah, he's a crazy guy, which I respect. You've got to give him, I mean, hey, the right set of meds and a couple of doctors. He would have been all right.

But we wouldn't be talking about him right now. That is true, though. If he had social media, though, that guy would have been out of the game. Yeah. I mean, he lived to live with 90. He would have tweeted something, 90? Really? How do you live to 90 living in a fucking barrel?

Was that dog years or human years? He says he died in 323 B.C. They don't... And he was born in 412. They don't... And he was born in 412. They don't know that. That's made up. That's 89 years old. Yeah.

Whoa. Good genes. No way. Good genes in that guy. That's all made up. They don't even know when Jesus was born or when he actually died.

Some guy in a barrel they're fucking keeping tabs on? Come on. Imagine you're such a fucking just like a hoot at the party that people remember you for.

Yeah. 325 B.C. He was the original machine. Dude's fucking awesome, man. Coming in next, the barrel. He's the original Gallagher. Do you think the Jesus date was made up? No, not made up.

They just went with one. I'm saying that was a pretty significant event in history, and they're not even really sure when he was actually born or when he was actually crucified. It's kind of like when you make up an anniversary with a girlfriend. Let's call it early April, and we'll move from there. They got the guy in the barrel? Get the fuck out of here.

I don't know, man. If he was a good time, he had a lot of friends. Who knows? I think he had both friends and enemies. He had friends that were like... It's probably like now, it's like the guys that didn't live around there probably loved him. Oh, sure! His neighbor probably hated him. The blacksmith whose shop he was outside of didn't love him quite as much.

Hit him with the hose like that shop owner in San Fran. The guy whose barrels kept going missing hated him. Yeah, no way. That was probably Alexander the Great's burner account or something like that. Yeah. So that was that guy.'s burner account or something like that. Yeah. So that was that guy. I guess Nick Cannon's one that I would put in the category where I go, that's like, all the guys that are just like, I can't stop having kids, that's got to be sort of a garbage fucking move.

Well, I think it depends on his, like, you know, a lot of people, I think a lot of people think about it of like, the procreate, of like, you have to do it. You know what I mean? I don't think it's, I don't think all his are mistakes I think he's no living in the world where he's like I'm just procreate what's that was that he's got the cash too he's going on a whole like press tour right now being and he's talking about how his sperm so good I've super sperm I got a girl pregnant on I mean that's crazy imagine if that was like the things you have to plug yeah

hey listen I'm gonna come in work the sperm in somehow naturally. He's just a good Christian, I think. He's just trying to seed the planet. Yeah, from a Christian standpoint, they're building the army. You know what I mean? Yeah, he's having 50 kids. I think, too, you can kind of pull it off a little when you're him. You'd be like, yeah, I have all these different lives, but it's because I care about religion.

Yeah, of course. He said he wanted to make a move on Taylor Swift. I know. He's made a move on everyone at this point. That'd be a good-looking kid. Could he pull Taylor Swift, do you think? Nah. She seems pretty classy.

He's too corny, I think. She's classy and he's corny. You guys are big Taylor fans? No, she's a proper lady. I don't know what you mean. Isn't she from her family? Is she a billionaire family even before the fact that she's Taylor lady. I don't know what you mean. I mean, isn't she from her family? Is she a billionaire family even before the fact that she's Taylor Swift? I don't think so.

I thought I've heard that. She's from not too far from where I grew up. Maybe like an hour or so. I think she was like Redding or Pennsylvania or something like that. I don't know. She's from like... PA's on the come up right now. She's from like a couple hours outside Philly.

Jeez, you guys got Taylor Swift. You got all these sports teams. We're absolutely just smashing it. up right now. For like a couple hours outside Philly. Jeez, you guys got Taylor Swift, you got all these sports teams who are absolutely just smashing it. It is sort of a good time to be a guy that just has like a billion kids because there's like a narrative where you go, yeah, we have to populate the earth. I'm doing my part. I'm not some just I'm not just a deadbeat dad.

He's also like, he's worth like probably a hundred million dollars. It's like, yeah, write the check, man. I don't care. That kid's gonna have a better life than most fucking kids. If you do that when you're a mailman, that's trashy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're saying that that's trashy until you have money then all of a sudden it's like no you're actually just doing your part doing the world of service yeah i don't know if he's doing the world of service i don't know what the kids are gonna be like that is sort of like all of those kids have more money than you at this moment so they're doing all right there's a lot of like

muslim guys on the internet they're like big on the how you should have multiple lives kind of like in the entertainment world. You know what I mean? Okay. But a big part of it is they're like, yeah, you need to sell to support the wives, blah, blah, blah. But that's a perfect thing where you're like, yes, the guy that has five different wives that's broke. They're like, no, that's a prince all of a sudden. Sure, yeah.

Still sounds crappy to me. Yeah, it's not the best, but... I can't believe one wife! I got six of you breaking my balls! That guy. Sounds like Al. but yeah it's something I mean it's not the best but that's not bad it's also true that's a seven house that's a seven income household that's not that can you write that off on your taxes? Right? I guess if you... Can you file married? Not in...

Apparently not. Because I think the child support comes out not tax-deductible. It comes out after you pay your taxes. You get money back. I remember my parents fighting over this. I mean, if you just don't pay both, that's a problem. But you can claim. You get a deduction.

There you go. You get a deduction per child don't pay both, that's a problem. But you can claim, you get a deduction. There you go. You get a deduction per child. Fucking hit the lamb, baby. Yeah. Get on the road. You get a deduction. Yeah, it's probably at this point like $25,000 a year or something.

You get to take off. But I guess $25,000 a year to Nick Cannon isn't much. Also, these wives are getting all those kids off. Yeah, these kids are getting a few bucks too. You know what I mean?

They probably all got real estate in their names and shit. That's what I would do. Bulletproof prenups he's signing to. Damn. Yeah. They're not married. No, he's just getting hit in child support courts. Yeah. Hmm. But again, all that stuff, you are right, though. The more money... Like, Elon Musk, even him, it's like

he basically doesn't know a few of his kids' names, basically. Yeah, he has 10 kids. Yeah, he didn't remember one of the kids' names in a thing. Yeah, that's close to that. Really? Jesus, I didn't know that. Yeah, he was pretty close to that, I think. When the fuck's this guy sleeping?

Jesus Christ. I think he doesn't spend that much time with them. No, he doesn't. He's not at the Little League games, dude. He doesn't press you. He's blowing up fucking space shuttles. He doesn't press you with the fucking kids once every six months.

He's on Twitter all goddamn day, apparently. I don't even follow him. I see a thousand tweets a day from the fucking guy. There's no chance that those guys are anywhere near those kids. No, well, the first wife I know... Which is probably better off. Imagine if that was your dad.

It'd be pretty intolerable. It would be just talking at you the whole time being like 69 Your dad's like, you know, it's 20 today. Yeah, you don't even smoke weed Like you told me what's on podcast it's enough with the rocket ships. Why is this great? Fuck up get up and get up get a baseball glove something fucking nerd Do some push-ups or something.

You're killing me. That's wild. I didn't know he had a bunch of kids. Don't you think it's cool your dad bought Twitter? I hate Twitter. Fuck. Twitter sucks, dude. Twitter sucks.

I use TikTok. Dad's like, we're going to China. Yeah. I'm going to take a quick second to tell the fellas about Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. We're trying to take a quick second to tell the fellas about Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. Sunday. We're trying to get that lawn right.

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That's athleticgreens.com slash boyscast, and check it out. Breastfeeding. Let's get to a real topic. Yeah. I like it in my coffee. This was, so my cousin won't stop sending me photos of her breastfeeding.

This is your cousin. So this is, no, this is a cousin of mine. Let me get in that text thread. What are we doing? It sounds like a nice group chat. I didn't know we just slipped into Penthouse Forum, but I like it.

All right. So this is a woman, and she's been sending her cousin photos of their breastfeeding, and there's a bit of a debate going on. Are we saying the breastfeeding in public is trashy, or is breastfeeding in public hot stuff? I mean, I think there's a middle ground. Hey, is it gross or am I hard? I don't know. That's actually the other part of my TikTok is breastfeeding.

Yeah, ladies breastfeeding. Because they've cracked the code because you can't tell a woman that she can't breastfeed. Sure. No, I don't know. I think it's totally cool. I think it's fine. I do think it's natural. What are we doing?

I do get that whole thing, but it's also like that is still a private part nonetheless. You know what I mean? Which is like... Well, but the modern women have saying like, this isn't sexual. Yeah, but they still walk around with shirts on.

I mean, it's like... To a living world, they're like, hey, I know, right? Let's freedom, baby. Hey, all or nothing. Let's go. I'm not going to lie.

You see those little huts they have at the airport? Yeah. Or the booths? I sometimes consider just taking and knocking off in one of those. I know people that do that. Oh, yeah. That's apparently a big thing. You see them knocking off in one of those I know people that do that

oh yeah that's apparently a big thing you say knocking off in one of those just take a little nap people go in there and jerk off

no not jerking off no people do that every time that's what you said oh man this is alright for every good time this is wild fucking boys cast baby

yeah I don't know I just come from the point of I was doing it right I got tits that'd be weird no I'm just saying I would still cover it up just for the people around me. Maybe not everybody wants to see that, that's all. And they always do.

They're not trying to fucking flay your titties. Imagine being the guy that's ruining for everybody else coming up to her, and she goes, put that away, and you go, pal, what are you doing over there? Hey, shut up, asshole! You fucking dork. Go back to your fucking fajita plate, will you? I'm trying to get some nip over here. Good question. What was that over there? Hey, shut up, asshole! You fucking dork. Go back to your fucking fajita plate, will you? Trying to get some nip over here. What was that over there?

I don't care. It is what it is. When I was a kid and I would see it, I'm going to be honest, I was looking to see if I could catch a little nip. Absolutely. It was sexual to me. That was a boob.

Isn't that weird, though, if you know that, like, all kids are looking at it sexually? Like, if it was just this thing of nature, it's like, yeah, that's fine, but it's not. You even, like, young... A 13-year-old's looking to see nipples.

Well, I guess they're... Which is, I'm going like, yeah, then you might want to cover them up, maybe. I don't know. I guess their argument is like, well, you shouldn't be looking at it sexually, and you're just like, well, I am.

Yeah, he's 13, he's got a boner. Boobie? Yeah. I still do at sexually, and you're just like, well, I am. Yeah, he's 13. He's got a boner. Boobie? Yeah. I still do it sexually, if we're being honest. Okay, I mean, listen. If you're a super, if you're like remotely hot chick, and you got the tits out, and I'm like, I can't like, I can't turn my head. You can't turn your head, but if I can get my body towards that. If it's in your field of vision.

Yeah, but I'm saying I'll move my body in a way that my head's in the field of vision. Your head has to be... You have to be seeing it at 90 degrees. Yeah, it's like I just put sunglasses on and I don't think I want to look at it. He's over there, excuse me, miss, do you have the time, by any chance? There's going to be an eclipse later I'm going to check out. You have to be walking at a 90 degree angle. That's what I'm saying.

If your head can't do one of those, but if you happen to turn your whole body, it's all of a sudden super normal. I feel like a creep if I catch it. If I catch him doing it and we make eye contact, I feel like a fucking nerd. Well, it's worse if you do that. If they look at you and you go... Walk into a telephone pole. Ah! Sorry.

Your jugs were out. Yeah. That's right. You can't act like you was a big bust. When they catch you looking, you have to just play it cool. Like, you have to do it with the skin. Is this Third Street or whatever? Play it off.

Hey, no. A good one would be to be like, hey, no, sorry, my wife's breastfeeding. What kind of milk is that? Yeah, yeah. What kind of, yeah, are you sorry, my wife's breastfeeding. What kind of milk is that? Yeah, yeah. What kind of shirt is that? What's the breastfeeding? Does it get sore? My wife's actually breastfeeding.

Yeah, you got to talk shop. That's the only way to get out of it. You got to go with a model number or something, yeah. You got a pump you're using, huh? Yeah, exactly. You got the Fendelman? That's what we're using at my house. The Fendelman 3000? XK-98. The Fendelman? That's what we're using in my house. The Fendelman 3000?

XK-98. The Fendelman. No, I'm all for it. Yeah, I respect it. Yeah, of course. But people are going to be creeps. It's documented people are creeps. I mean, those are the guys who literally make every other guy look bad.

Sure. Because those creeps and then women will be like, guys. I think it's worse to be the guy like, oh, this is ridiculous. Oh, 100%. This is ridiculous, guys. You're in a Chili's, dude. What do you want? Your ass crack is out.

Shut up. This is how I feel. This sounds personal, by the way. This sounds like a reenactment. I'm trying to get some titty clips while I'm having my fucking potato skins. No, yeah. I think the thing is just let it happen. I would.

If it bothers you, go change your seat or whatever. But it's like it is what it is. Go to a different restaurant. Don't ruin it for the rest of us. Yeah, everybody needs to shut the fuck up. But it sort of boils to one of those things where you're like, you probably go, I maybe wouldn't love it for like, if I had a kid, I wouldn't love that girl doing it all the time.

But I would love all the other girls doing it all the time Sure, I would not have for my wife you were your wife great I think man if you had a kid you wouldn't want your kids seeing that Watch this woman breastfeed. That is next level creep. That kind of dad gets her kids when they're like 14th birthday. Hey, Junior, check this shit out. That's like 14th birthday you get that kid a prostitute. That's that kind of shit.

Here's a pack of rubbers and a fucking... Anthony Kiedis' dad. I'm gonna make you a man now. But you go first. Yeah. Let me show you how it's done, boy. Dad goes first. Daddy goes first.

You know, payer goes first. Oh, man. Hey, I'm buying, it's done, boy. Dad goes first. Daddy goes first. You know, Baker goes first. Oh, man. Hey, I'm buying, so. Oh, God. Let's fucking throw up. He goes, hey, don't you kiss her when I'm done.

That's the rule for life. You just don't. I'll be out in the car. That is, I know a guy who, actually, Danny knows him too. Jesus Christ.

I knew exactly what he was about to say, by the way. He goes to the strip club with his dad and they got frosties together. That is I know a guy who actually Danny knows With his dad they got frosties together, that's crazy Oh, we had a guy that's not process we had a guy to show him and him and his dad went to Strip club together. He was Canadian to remember no yeah, they went though They went to used to go to the same strip club. Yeah, the dad started dating the girl Yes, yeah, that was in Buffalo. Buffalo, yeah. We're a trash country. Yeah, I do remember that. I used to work with a dude who would have,

would get a hooker in his car with his stepson. No, Jesus. Yeah, he was like 15, and he was like 50 or whatever. I used to work with this fucking, this guy used to do his nuts. And he would tell me this, like he was like 50 or whatever. I used to work at his fucking... This guy used to do his nuts.

And he would tell me this. Like, he told me they... You know, he took them to a ball game. What, and they would both... They would both fuck her. I go, what are you... That's illegal. What?

The kid was 15? Yeah, she's also a hooker. That's not legal either. There's a lot... They're crossing a lot of lines here, man. I don't know what to tell you. What were their write-offs like? It wasn't a Lamborghini. I'll tell you that much.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, and I remember being like, oh, people live differently. That was like, I was like 16. I'm like, oh, there's a lot of different things. And where did they take her back? Did you do it in the car? In the car. So you drive while he goes, and you drive while he drives while you go?

He's not driving. You made it sound like I was there. So you're driving. All three of them are in the back. No. Yeah, I don't know if they were parked or driving or what, but he goes, we would just, yeah. And I was like, whoa. Okay, man.

I go, what are you talking about? I was like, doesn't your stepson care that you're cheating on his fucking mom with a hooker? Oh, that's. Yeah. That's when he's getting his fucking knob sucked. I guess, yeah. Kid goes on a play ball. Hey, that's... That would just get this fucking knob sucked. I guess, yeah. Kid knows how to play ball. Hey, I'll keep my mouth shut.

Keep these broads coming. That is, I mean, that is that sort of like, if you're in that lifestyle, dad and strip club, you're like, yeah, you know, you're like, obviously I'm banging other chicks, but you tell your mother, like, you know, that break her heart. Yeah, that's crazy to me.

If you want to break your mom's heart... Hey, it's on you. heart, it's on you. It's on you. You got all the cards here, chief. Yeah, that's tough. Strip club with family members ain't great. Yeah, what was the one story of comics we know who got a prostitute

in the house? You know exactly. Tom and Tom, that's a public story. But the other guy, I usually don't know. Jared Campbell. No, he said this publicly, but basically he's banging her and then people were upstairs and they just heard him go, that'll wake you up. These two are like two barbers.

Jesus Christ. Fucking yeah. You guys over here spilling all the goddamn Canadian tea. I don't say names ever. Oh, he didn't say names. I feel like I should have a hair dryer on my head right now. The Philly guy is keeping tight lips. He says his buddy is banging strippers with his dad.

Yeah. Stepdad. Not my buddy. The best friend. It's a guy I worked with. That guy worked with? I'm pretty sure it was on word release. When he was 16.

This wasn't last summer. I was 16. It was a summer job. Do you think it's possible he was lying? No, I wasn't last summer. Oh, this is, this is. I was 16. You were a 16-year-old. Do you think it's possible he was lying? No, I knew the dad. I knew the, I knew the adult. I worked with the, I worked with the. You thought it was the kid?

Yeah, me and my stepdad get hookers all the time. That's what I was thinking. That's pretty cool. Okay, you fucking wacko. That's what I was sort of thinking. No, I worked with the dad. Okay. Yeah.

What job? What were you doing where you were working with a grown man? I work with the dad. Okay. What job? What were you doing when you were working with a grown man? I was working at a safe company. It was like a lock and safe company. That stepdad's doing that temporary for the

so he has it for his real job. Breaking safes. He's got all the keys. He's going to say, Robin Banks. That seems like a job someone does for a month They never see him again Yeah Micro processes uh yeah, I don't know no he worked there for a long time. He was just a fucking

Wacko guy who was just into that kind of fucking life That's so he so how did you get to chatting about that if it would just tell you? It was pizza it was pizza. It was casual Friday. I was in my jeans and button up. No, I mean, we worked in a goddamn factory. We were fucking there smoking cigs, trading war stories.

I was making up chicks I had sex with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, yeah, I love prostitutes all the time. My mom's a prostitute. I started making up lies. Is that in Philly? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom's a prostitute. Start making up lies. Is that in Philly? The safe company in Philly. My prostitute went to another school. You probably don't know her.

Your stepson, Mike. No, I definitely know guys that have known their dad was up to no good. They fucking kept a tight lip. That's the code in those kind of families. Wow. Yeah, that's... I couldn't do it. I'm too much of an anxious guy. tight lip that's the that's the code in those kind of families wow yeah that's uh that's i

couldn't i couldn't do it i i would be in my head too i'm too much of an anxious guy like we dinner's weird man we got to figure it out she knows she's on to any silence oh i would keep my mouth shut but i would fucking rake him over the cold yeah you get it i mean you're extorting your dad i mean we'd all do it and then rake him over the coals. Yeah, you'd get it for that. I mean, you're extorting your dad. I mean, we'd all do it and then rake him over the coals for it. You did that in front of me. I'd have fucking new Star Wars shit. I'd have fucking G.I. Joe.

I'd be in fucking baseball games the whole nine yards. Yeah, yeah. Don't get fucking cute, all right? Put me in hotels by the airport. In this scenario, you're smashing too, though, so you're sort of at either end looking him in the eyes. You're going to pay for this. No, not the stepkid. Not that fucking freak show that he told us.

Hey, they were nice people. If I knew my dad was going to strip clubs and cheating on my mom, I would keep my mouth shut, but I would extort the shit out of him. That's what I need. Yeah, it's the dad saying, yo, check out this girl I smashed.

You go, what? I thought you were cool. Stop saying, like, yo, check out this girl I smashed. You go, what? He goes, what? Like, I thought you were cool. Stop being a pussy about this, dude. I'm 11. Everybody gets some strange. I remember I called my buddy Flip's dad smoking cigs one day in junior high. I drove past him in the morning, and he was smoking a cig out of the car. And I went into school, and I saw my boy Flip.

I'm like, oh, yeah, I didn't know your dad smoked cigs or whatever. And he's like, he doesn't. And then Flip went home and was like, hey, you know, fucking Kevin saw you smoking cigs this morning, and he hasn't let me live it down. It was 30 years ago. And I still get you rat pieces of shit. Oh, what are you going to tell him, smoking cigarettes?

And dude, it's like, oh, dude, still to this day. That's a tough one to hide from your family that you smoke cigarettes because it's like, it smells. I feel like you could do it in the 90s because everybody was smoking everywhere. Now it's real hard. Dude, we used to smoke in my house and my mom would have no idea. I used to smoke for all the time and I just had this one friend who my parents knew smoked and I'd be like, it was him.

Oh, yeah. Whoever was smoking in the car. Yeah. Whoever was him. I was at Steve's house. And they're like, you just smoked a pack of cigarettes. I'm like, because I did. I remember on the not telling the family stuff, I was like 13

and I got a job bussing tables at this local restaurant. And this guy's, these two kids I was friends with them real tight with their parents and stuff like that thought they were like the immaculate couple

and all that stuff and then I was busting tables in there one day and he was in there for happy hour getting fucking hammered and I was like

god damn I can't believe he's in here because that was so my dad never did anything like that it was so foreign to me and then when he left he was like hey come here

this never happened I fucking jam me up yeah tell me about this i'll kill you you fat little bastard eat this cheeseburger and shut the fuck up damn he didn't even grease you no he was like five bucks he just hey, keep your fucking mouth shut? I think he was an alcoholic. Yeah. Yeah, you want to get greased for sure. That's a good guess. I don't know about my mouth.

It's expensive. Or he liked the wings. I don't know. He liked the happy hour app. Hiding being an alcoholic is, like, crazy. They're, like, drinking during the day. To put on a 13-year-old kid, too. Yeah.

I've had some in my family, and it's... Have you ever had one of yourself where you, like, went and had a couple beers and just didn't tell anyone? Like a shot during the day and just kept a DL? Not really. What about your day? Like nothing happened? No, because everybody in my life is a booze bag. So it's just like, if I was like, I had a couple beers at lunch, nobody would be like, you have a problem.

Yeah, that wouldn't be crazy. I don't know. I mean, I've done it for sure. I'm drunk now. I did it yesterday, actually. Yeah, I mean, I've done it for sure. I'm drunk now. I did it yesterday, actually. Yeah, I mean, I don't like drinking during the day. Radio guys, that's a big thing. You know, like Kumi and those guys.

It's like you go to those places, they're like 10 a.m. and they're not getting drunk. I can't do that because it's like I'm all or nothing. The guys are like, let's have a shot and we'll do this. I'm like, if I'm opening up the floodgates, it's like, I know what I'm like. I'm drinking all day and And we're smoking cigarettes. It's a thing. That is a fun realization.

When you're going through a day and you're like, I could just get a fucking couple of drinks and fucking take this edge off. That's my favorite thing in the world. Going, you know what? Just throw in whatever responsibility you have to the wind and go, let's go get a couple during the day. Throw that into dinner. I didn't know in New York they have a thing. Colin was actually telling me about this. Where there's all these, I guess you go to dive bars and you order three beers and they give you a fourth one for free

the buyback I've never heard of that it's only like a lot of smaller neighborhood spots will do it they'll give you a buyback not a lot of places do it anymore he said buyback I go what are you talking about he goes yeah if you order three beers

you'll go somewhere with three beers for ten bucks it's not really three it's just you can get a buyback? He said buyback. I go, what are you talking about? He goes, yeah, if you order three beers, you'll go somewhere with three beers for $10. It's not really three. It's just four. You can get a buyback. Yeah, it's just like, you know. You're tipping heavy. If you're tipping heavy. Next one's on me.

And it's like a small place. They'll give you one. Or like, you know, a lot of places, well, some of the places I frequent, when I'm closing out my tab, they'll be like, the last two were on me. Or that last round of shots was on us. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They just clear it out. It's like, you know, it used to like, the last two were on me. Or that last round of shots was on us. They just clear it out. It's like, you know, it used to be like for every two or every one.

And they want a tip for it. They're just pocketing that money. You still have to pay for it. Who's not greasing the bartender? Of course. Yeah, but they're just pocketing that money. Yeah, go heavy bike. If you see somebody with a shot glass in front of their thing, they got one coming.

Yeah. A lot of times they'll put it. If you're sitting there drinking a beer, they'll put an empty shot glass upside down in front of their thing, they got one coming. Yeah. A lot of times they'll put... They ain't going anywhere for a while. If you're sitting there drinking a beer, they'll put an empty shot glass upside down in front of you. That's the free beer. Or like if I'm going, hey, I walk in and I see you two, I go, I want to get them a drink. And you guys have beers already. They're not going to just put another beer there.

They'll just put an empty shot glass upside down and go, this is like your... This is common. This is your older place, yeah. What are you guys, cops? You don't know about this? I have no idea. Every beer costs a movie. I'm talking to a couple of high school kids over here.

It's going to be about boobs. It's going to be about boobs and beer. I'm trying to pretend that this is an interesting fact. You're talking about bozos, huh? You look over at the chart. Telling you the ins and outs of being a server at a dive bar. See, here's me shooting pool, all right? You know the eight ball.

Here's me striking out with a hot chick. You know that eight ball that goes in the pocket before the other ones. They actually lose the game. The bar culture. Now I feel like a loser. Welcome to America I honestly say welcome to America But I feel like that thing would be like illegal in Canada

Really? Yeah you're a bunch of pussies Wouldn't be illegal if I was there I'd do it I don't care I don't care dude I'll do it right now I thought that was a universal thing Never heard of it in my life It's just dirtbag bar culture.

You've never had a bartender buy you a round. I never heard the term buy you a round. One day, though. You'll definitely have a round. You've never had a graduation or anything like that. I've never heard of that. Also, they've listed every friend they know, and they all don't have money. Danny gets the thing where they go, hey, we're buying that guy beer.

And he goes, yeah, but actually what they told him is that guy's paying for it. Put it all in C-Benz. No, but he's like, there's a term, and he specifically called him, he's like, yeah, every three beers you get one beer. That's the standard. It's standard issue local bar. Yeah. He acted like

it was an unknown rule. Like an unwritten rule of bars. Yeah, I mean, if you go into a nightclub, no. An Irish pub or Paddy's or whatever, yeah, they operate on the... The place is Collie's going to. Yeah, he's like, you gotta go out to Queens to get these deals.

Are you familiar with the 7 train? Get yourself a map. You ever seen a girl that has a local bar? That's always strange to me. Once or twice in my life I met a girl and she was like, yeah, yeah, if you want to meet me here, I usually go there for a couple drinks during the day and just chats with the locals.

And I'm just like, what? What's the name of the bar? Red Flag? Later. I remember a girl. Going to be a yikes for me. Going to be a yikes for us. I met a girl in the East Village. No, from me. Going to be a yikes from us.

I met a girl in the East Village. No, if anything, you're just like, yeah, okay, well, wouldn't you have in six? I'll pop in around then. Let me know when you're about to close out. Let me know when you're on your fourth buyback. All the local towns buttered you up. I'll come take you and I'll go, yeah, okay. I don't want to meet anyone.

You want to meet Chuck? I actually don't want to meet Chuck. Let's get in the cab. Yeah, that's happened to me. This girl was like, I met her. She's like, oh, okay. I don't want to meet anyone. You want to meet Chuck? I actually don't want to meet Chuck. Let's get in the cab. Yeah, that's happened to me, dude. This girl was like, I met her. She's like, oh, let's go here. It's my favorite bar. We met her in Eastville.

I'm like, yeah, whatever, you know. And, you know, you're just trying to, like, fucking see if it's like 2 a.m. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we walked in, and it was like bringing in the local hooker that everybody knew. It was like, dude, people were mouth-kissing her right away. It was like, I was like, God damn. I remember being like, what the fuck? I remember I walked into the bathroom with some dudes like, oh, you're here with Natalie or whatever?

I'm like, I gotta go. Oh, yeah, that's John. Natalie's got a new guy. Kevin's in there showing the guy the ring. What do you think? I remember being like, I was like, all right. I was like, I'm going to get. So I walked in.

She said hi to everybody. Everybody's coming over, hugging her, holding her tight and everything. And I'm like, I was like, all right, I was like, I'm going to get, so I walked in, she said hi to everybody that's coming over, hugging her, holding her tight and everything, and I'm like, fuck. That's like me at a Wendy's. So I'm like,

I'm going to go to the bathroom, so I go to the bathroom, and I come back, I was like, all right, you know, whenever she's like talking to this dude, I'm like,

I'm going to grab a beer. She's like, yeah, I'll do like a Coors Light or whatever, and she's like, yeah, what do you want? He's like,

I'll do a Bud Light. I'm like, I'm fucking, I'm not buying this guy a beer too suck my dick I'm out of here call a lot of guys uncle there

nah he's cool he's like my brother got him bent over the pool table holy shit that's sometimes what it feels like when you're meeting

a chick's friends a little bit you know they've got all the scoop you're meeting the guys and they're like you know she's better now. She used to be wilder.

She's calm. She's a good girl. What the fuck is happening? Wasn't for me, but for you. What the fuck? I was dating a girl once and she brought me around her friends and one of the guys was like, you know what you're getting into with this?

No, he didn't! He's like, you know everything. I was into with this? No, he didn't. Yeah, he goes like, he's like, you know everything? And I was like, what? Like just thousand yard stare. I go, and I just kind of was like, yeah. Yeah, I thought I did. I think I do. And then I'm like, I don't know.

There goes your free beer, buddy. Vagina? Are we talking? And I was like, I don't know. What was it? What did he say? He didn't specify. That's the thing. He did it. He was trying to cop lock know. What was it? What did he say? That's the thing.

He did it. He was trying to cop-block it. He was playing defense. No, no, no. It was like his girlfriend's or her friend's boyfriend. The tale doesn't freak you out. It was her boyfriend or her friend's boyfriend. He goes, listen, between me and you, you're the ninth you this week. Yeah, he was trying to do me like a solid, which I respect that.

Yeah, he was like you. Wait, was that one of her friend's boyfriends? Her friend's boyfriend. That's a good dude. Yeah. That's a good dude. Yeah, it didn trying to do me like a solid. Which I respect that. Wait, was that one of her friend's boyfriends? Her friend's boyfriend. That's a good dude. That's a good dude. Yeah, it didn't work out. Not bad of that, dude. Or he didn't like you and he was like, this isn't gonna stick here. I'm gonna hang out with this fucking guy. Which I respect that too. We're going on vacation

with this motherfucker. This guy sucks. I'm not hanging out with Danny. God, I don't even know what to buy back here. I'll be paying for every goddamn beer out with this? God doesn't even know what to buy back here. I'll be paying for every goddamn beer out with this guy. Fucking idiot. This guy's a bozo. Next. Yeah, it was,

I remember being like, hmm. I don't like that. That's the worst. I remember I didn't even, I never even brought it up ever again either. Like, I didn't even know

how to approach her with a girl. You dated her for six more years? Yeah, probably dated her for like four more months. I was like, did you notice anything? Anything anything anything weird I mean they're all psycho so I don't know there's varying degrees sure never got to the

bottom of now I didn't well it's one of the things I just like I don't want to know okay he's getting that so I just do you still know that circle of friends or no it'd be great to find them now. What the fuck was it? I could actually ask him. I think I could find him on Facebook. She's for sure a dude now, by the way. No. No, she's thankfully not. No, dude.

I swear to God. You find the guy, he's like, yeah, she's left-handed. What the fuck? That was it? You piece of shit. She's a smoke show. A lot of guys, though. He's looking at her? She's a smoke show. A lot of guys are always looking at her. She's a billionaire. You fucking scumbag. You okay with this?

All that money? I just didn't think, you know, he'd be freaked out. That's what you meant? Shit. That's a real rift in the relationship. You had a real rich one at one point. Was it? Yeah. Oh it? Yeah.

Oh, like that. A billionaire's daughter, yeah. Really? Yeah. I mean, I hooked up with her. I wasn't dating her. Man, you two are catty. I fucking love it.

No, this guy's a fucking gossip queen. We were almost rich. He fucked it all up. This should be called ladies' cast, by the way. The way you two fucking gossip. know who did what to you know who I can't say the name But you didn't hear this from me I'm breaking up with her I go well you will do nothing of the sort

You know how bad we need this man I'm not sure how many toes she has I had this When I was in 8th grade Or going into 9th grade I liked this I had when I was in 8th grade or going into 9th grade I liked this girl great girl

liked her ended up dating her but right before we like became official there was this other girl that went to another school

that liked me and she had short blonde hair and I always still have a thing for girls with short blonde hair for some reason

just because of this missed opportunity we me and me and the girl that became my girlfriend you know with short blonde hair for some reason. Just because of this missed opportunity. Me and the girl that became my girlfriend, we became like a couple and all that stuff. And then like two weeks later, the blonde-headed girl had us over to her house. And it was literally the size of a fucking city block.

It turns out her dad was the president of an oil company They had multiple was also oil company that owned it really Multiple atriums in the it was fucking crazy. Yeah, like a marble. I love my girl I loved her family and stuff like that, but you're just like fuck Could have been on a fucking yacht eating granola bars or something like that. How old were you? That's what you think people on yachts do. Carl, you're up there. You got the kudos bars? Shout out to kudos.

How old was this? I was in ninth grade. I would have been set for life. The one that got away, she was like, we almost dated for a week. I kind of liked you at Steve's party and I was drunk. We almost dated for a week and you dated that other girl and you go, it's the biggest mistake of my life. The one that got away.

Did you find her? Do you know what she's doing? I did a little poking around in college when I broke up with the other girl. Just to see what was going on. You know what the problem with poking around with chicks is that they change their names. The last names. The last names and you can't find them anymore.

That's the reason they started it. That's the creepiest thing anybody ever said. Is that they change their names? Last name the last names and you can't find them anymore. You got to do real You know the problem is they pull their shades down yeah, these girls are tasers on them. They get married. They get married. All right. I don't think they're first in Latin. The problem is they dye their hair and they move them

Latin America to get away from you and then you gotta go all the way down there and find them. You know about these restraining orders? Jeez.

They'll get these things. You can't even go without a hundred feet of their ass. Hey, we're running into you here god damn cancel culture huh he said that so sincerely

oh fuck so there you go there's the other one not to be a gossip man you two really are a couple of chatty catties did you date the oil company's daughter for a while no we didn't even live in the same province but that would have been it you guys both had a couple of lines up man

she was the female Canadian Nick Cannon. She would have been paying you checks for the rest of your life, dude. That's the sitcom, or the buddy cop movie of you guys getting together to get the old girls. You go now, she's just working on a fishnet, she lost it all. We're gonna be together, and she goes, oh that's crazy, I lost everything in the divorce. You go, crazy, my plane's coming. what was that mom i gotta go i just jump in the water start swimming away yeah yeah well listen i'm not one to gossip it's just very unlikely it's it's a sort of unbecoming

danny almost ate a rachel mcadams and you didn't hear it from me. Wait, really? No. Date Rachel McAdams. I know her brother. It's another one. I know her brother. It's another one that almost got away from us. I know her brother.

Do you? Yeah. She's from, yeah, her brother and my friend who's married to her brother. They all live together in Toronto. Rachel McAdams from the time travelers wife? Book that's what she's from that okay? Yeah, that's like a random one Huge movie what are you talking about Eric Bonner Eric Bonner? Yeah, what happened Eric Bonner? I don't know

Let's just say things with him and his wife I'm going great but in an unrelated know. He's been having a few problems with his wife. Let's just leave it at that. Oh, Rachel McAdams. She basically posted a big photo with the armpit hair out yesterday. Or like a couple, whatever. Oh, is that what that was about? Yeah, so her whole thing was. And I'm always very ear to the ground to Rachel McAdams.

Because Danny almost dated her. The second one that got away. ear to the ground to Rachel McAdams because Danny almost dated her. The second one that got away. Damn, dude, you're a two-time loser. What the fuck? Two-time? Are you kidding? The billionaire.

Yeah, no, way more than two. I was going to say. That's true. Goddamn, you're generous, man. I always had my ear to the ground on Rachel McAdams. You dated Joe Biden for a little while. I was engaged to Princess Di for a short period of time.

I was in the limo. Yeah, I was chasing to Princess Di for a short period of time. I was in the limo. Yeah, I was chasing in the car. Goddamn Doty Fian beat me to it. They had the store. What are you going to do? She's got the armpit hair. And then I was, for me, that's the one where it's like not on even any like, I just, out of all the things, like if a girl's hot, I could put up with like the grossest everything the things like if a girl's hot I could put up with

like the grossest everything I've had girls super hot I can put up with smelling bad people were like bald I could do bald like whatever it is armpit hair is the only one that like does actually make me like physically you don't even have armpit hair I have armpit hair but people don't you say that what the fuck you saying I don't have

fucking armpit hair prove it you don't have fucking tell all I think we're witnessing the end of voice cast cut that cut that What the fuck? You're saying I don't have fucking armpit hair? Prove it! You don't have fucking... You don't have a ball? I think we're witnessing the end of voice casting. Cut that! Cut that! I have armpit hair. Did he give you that ball hair? Did you know that?

This guy's got alopecia from the shoulders down. You guys want to see what a messed up circumcision looks like? He's got two buttholes, I swear to God. That's why the billionaire left you. And it looks even more messed up when you're up close. And it tastes weird. Dick tastes future, dude. That's awesome.

That's awesome. Okay, great. Now more at six. You fucking... Folks, we'll be right back. You fucking newscaster. Oh, that's great. Right, what were you saying?

Great stuff. Bad circumcision. Bad dick. Terrible dick. Over here. Never kippy with the weather. Okay, lighter news, folks. Gave up on two billionaires.

Bad dick. Moving on, folks. I'm sorry. But no, she was taking shit for that. Well, she's sort of taking shit for it because... Who gives a fuck? Well, these people... Oh, my God.

Agreed, but I think the reason why I'm sort of on the other side is because you're right, I don't give a fuck, but it's not just like... The whole purpose of it is for you to give a fuck. You know what I mean? Like, the reason they do that shoot, they're like, what, is there a problem? You think so?

Yeah, if it wasn't provocative, it would just be her in a dress or whatever. That wasn't just like, oh, did I forget to shave? Oh, crazy, from my cover shoot? That was calculated. Yeah. This one's going to get a lot of clicks. Yeah, and the article was all about how she hates shaving.

And she's like, once you start shaving, you can never stop shaving. Get her back in the news a little bit. That's a little different than what I was expecting it was about. I thought it was about something else. But again, I only bring it up not to really besmirch your ex. It's more for me just talking about, like, that's for

me the only one out of all the things I could think of with girls. I think even hot girl hairy legs I could probably... It's just the armpit hair is the only one. There's no scenario where I could fucking justify it in my mind. It grosses me out. It changes the smell. I'm too disgusting to even have an opinion on anything like that. I couldn't Rachel make a shave your

You want to get with me? I'm just saying by the way. I probably would still do it in many scenarios like I'm Well, the problem is what? I'm lucky in her. I think a lot of times. I wasn't just saying that. I'm the fucker. All right. I wasn't just saying her, though.

No, I know what you mean. You pick any random hot. I mean, if my wife, who I love and I've been married to, if she grew armpit hair, I'd be like, we got to talk about this. What are we doing? But you're also like, nah, you can't leave her over that. So the fuck I can't. You hear that, babe?

That's pretty shallow. Yeah, you don't know. He underestimated his narcissism Asian people for good luck will have the one long super super Single beard that creeps me out more than ever what if a girl she has one for good luck one just a long guy just down to the way you know I'm not a grossed out guy there's a few of those random things that they like actually yeah yeah like a guttural response yeah like a six-incher out of a mole single one yeah a mole hair armp hair is rough. Mole hair, armpit hair, two guys having sex.

Two guys getting married. I like that stuff. Two men holding hands. When I was a kid, my grandmother had a... I have these, but skin tags are pretty gross. I have them now, and I know they're gross. They're only... I feel like

yeah, if they're on your back or whatever, but if you have one on your neck, it's like, just get rid of it, right? A fat guy with a skin tag is a tough one. Is it a fat guy thing? Yeah, it's a fat guy thing. Because it happens more on fat guys. Why? It does.

But why? If you ever check it, it's always a 4X. Yeah. Why? The tag? Come on, what are we doing? We'll be right back. I'm going to spoon feed this stuff to you.

We'll be right back with more Kevin Ryan Everybody Oh that's great I don't know why it's a fact I think But it is a fact I think There's gotta be some You created a different hormone or something I just cut them with toenail clippers Does that hurt?

No you don't I do I just cut one of my eye with my toenail clippers Stop it that hurt? No, you don't. I do. I just cut one of my eye with my toenail clippers. Stop it. You freeze it first? Freeze it? What am I, a dermatologist?

No, like Ice Cube or something. That seems painful. Yeah, I kind of like it. It's weird. What the fuck? This is two guys at Universal Healthcare that can't wrap their heads

around you doing a small surgery in your back. I went to the dermatologist and he's like, do you at least put Freon on it, Eddie? You do a local anesthetic on that? That's wild.

I do an MRI first and then I just, no, nothing. All right, fair enough. One of the craziest things, that's you lying on your bed naked trying to get hot for your wife. She walks in,

you're like, I'm just kidding. Hey, make sure you shave those legs. Give me two more minutes. I'll take you to the night of your wife, she walks in your club and you're just getting dead. Make sure you shave those legs. Give me two more minutes. I'll take you to the night of your life. Just blood everywhere. Yeah, it bleeds. Yeah, they bleed. So your eye's bleeding everywhere? No. It wasn't that bad. The eye one wasn't that bad.

You just snip it and put a little alcohol on it. Because I just go to the dermatologist and they were like, that's not going to be covered. That's cosmetic. Yeah. And I was like, alright. Doesn't matter. Pay for it, man. It's a write-off, I'm sure. Yeah, that's a write-off, actually. Not being a dirtbag.

Yeah, that's a write-off for you. I don't have health care either. We'll have Toby shoot it. We'll make content. It's a write-off. There you go. He took a mole off my chest and one off my back. Moles have been there forever.

Yeah. It's like a different, the skin tags are purely cosmetic. Like, there's no health consequence. Gross you out at dinner. Yeah. It's like a different, but skin tags are purely cosmetic. Like there's no health consequence. Gross you out at dinner. Yeah. Falls in your soup or something. It's not the greatest. Yeah.

I got him. So I can't be judging about any armpit hair. I keep my mouth shut. Okay, but do you, okay, you're saying that, but like if you're watching porn or you're like, well, who am I to judge? I guess I'll do it with the first one available. No, yeah, you judge. You judge. Okay, you're saying that, but if you're watching porn, you're like, well, who am I to judge?

I guess I'll do the first one available. No, you judge. You judge. Well, you're allowed to have preferences, certainly. But if any hot girl comes on, you'll never, you go, I'm not one to speak. There's certainly a level of hotness where you go, yeah, I can live with this.

Sure. Yeah, nines, right boys? Anything above a four. Anything on the floor. Okay, there's that. There is that. There is that, fellas. And there is two more things.

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New York Post article, which if we could probably agree, New York Post is the garbagest of all the posts, right? I mean, comedians and podcasts are really like keeping New York Post going, essentially. A lot of the best. But I'll say this. They do got snappy headlines. Not that I've done it in a long time, just because you don't really have the actual paper,

but back in the day, when I lived up here the first time before I did comedy, hitting the bodega and grabbing a fucking New York Post and sitting on the train, whoo, it's perfect. Go right through it.

It's like reading Twitter. You feel very New York-y. You feel very New York-y, and it's perfect. Go right through it. It's like reading Twitter. Yeah. You feel very New York-y. You feel very New York-y and it's an easy read. It's nothing too heavy. You know what I mean? Ink all over your hands. Yeah.

My dad was like a, my dad's not the New York Post, but he would read it in paper. He's like a big paper guy. Yeah. And he was like the expert in the folding because he would get the full ones

so he would like, Get it down to like a quarter panel. Yeah, he has it like this big and he like knows exactly how to fold it like fucking origami every time, so he would like... Get it down to like a quarter panel? Yeah, he has it like this big, and he knows exactly how to fold it, like fucking origami every time. So he's like going in chronological order. I wish I was like that. Like this, and you're like, but it's just this tiny thing like this, and he's just going

through the whole thing. Like some people read the New York Times every Sunday. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. No, I still got... I got a family that reads both the papers and gets mad. Every day, just reads the paper and then gets pissed off at the paper.

I like a local paper. Local paper's all right. See what the football team's doing. I always used to read the arrest reports. Love the arrest reports. What's the arrest reports? I don't know. In the U.S., small towns.

Crime blog or whatever they call it. If you got arrested and you were over 18 and made the papers. So it was like the arrest report. It would be like Ryan Long got arrested for DUI on, you know, 3rd Street or whatever. Fucking jam you up at Thanksgiving. Love 3 to 9. I heard about your buddy. Yeah, that was always a bad thing.

If you were under 18 and got caught doing something, you were like, ooh, I'm good. But you're like, damn, fool, he was 18. He's fucked. It's all over the paper. I feel like I could have been a New York Post writer in a different life. Sure. Yeah. I don't think you're that far away from it now York Post writer in a different life. Oh, yeah. Sure. Yeah. I don't think you're that far away from it now.

Yeah. In a different life. Oh, I'm glad. I would have seen his higher and I'm lower. Loose tie doing happy hour. Me at the post. Stupid hat. Yeah, dude.

Like that dumbass. The little press thing in there. With the little press thing. Watch the news, see? Me and the boys going, yeah. We going over to the drink together. What was it called? The pen and the pencil or something.

The Grand Slam. Yeah, I'd have a pencil in something. The Grand Slam, yeah, I'd have a pencil in both ears. I could definitely be a post guy. Robert Downey Jr. in Zodiac.

Yeah. And all their things are just like, woman's titties not looking great. Stories, they're just like, what's your third fault?

It's a catty remark which is perfect for you. That's what I'm thinking. Danny Scott, weird, Danny equals weird dick. They all gotta be puns. I think I'd be a buzz guy.

We always joke about it on the podcast, but every time any comedy-related thing, they always say it's no laughing matter. Oh, it's just no laughing matter. They've run 100,000 no laughing matters. No matter what the context of it is, it's always no laughing matter. That's funny.

For sure. What'd they say? What was it? Okay, there was, people said, I don't wash my hands after I use the bathroom and I'm not alone. And this girl went on a whole thing.

And the internet's divided, to say the least. But, so. Are you asking me if I wash my hands? And what's your take on the not washing hands? She fakes. She does a fake out. I faked it, for sure. Just right in here, I did the fingertips.

No, no, no. Fingertips is fine. She literally, she goes, I'll turn the tap on and just stand there. This is the argument. So they just the fingertips. No, no, no. Fingertips, fingertips is fine. She literally, she goes, I'll turn the tap on and just stand there. This is the argument. So they hear the tap. This is the argument I've always said.

It's like, okay, but anytime anyone's out and about, dudes will just piss and they didn't wash their hands and nothing changed. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. If you don't,

I don't judge you. I also don't, a lot of times, I'd say mostly I do. A rest stop or an airport, I tend not, they're grosser than a lot of times. You hit the Purell on the way out.

Yeah, that's the one benefit of COVID is the Purell everywhere. The pandemic has changed that. Yeah. I wash my hands less than I ever have in my fucking life. If you shit, you got it. If you're pooping, you got it. We're living in reality here. I'm just saying.

I don't know. I have to. I usually get poop on my finger. I have to wash and then use the Purell to cover up the smell. You remember when you called me with the lemons at the bar? The lemons? Gossip Queen. He's ratting on himself.

You remember when I shit on my finger and you caught me and I denied it for ten years? What was your buddy's name? That fat piece of shit that you used to do the podcast with. Shit all over his... Fuck. Shmoley. But what was the lemons? You wanted lemons? you want lemons no he goes listen we were sitting at a bar and shit myself i need lemons no how's that no he went down to take it she goes i gotta take a shit so he goes down we're like waiting for we're at the village lantern waiting for a show to get off so he goes down to take a shit and he comes back and then like i was like walking up to get a beer or like

a diet coke at the bar he's like hand me some lemons and i'm like and that's like that's like a wait staffaff type thing is to get the smell of like whatever you use lemons. I go, no man, because it's like such a him thing. I go, no man, because you didn't wash your hands after you shit. I did. I did wash them.

You're still with this whole charade. The smell was still there. So you didn't wash them. One of my favorite So he's over there rubbing lemons. I'm like, you fucking slob. Also you're touching the other lemons that they put in. Oh, yeah, maybe this is actually potentially Jerry's Trashy thing you guys never heard of but in Canada we have this thing called Swiss Chalet, which is a chicken joint It's like a fast-food chicken joint But it was also you could sit down at some of them and they used to

bring you out. Like if you go sit there. It's just like you get a quarter chicken and fries or whatever. Did you ever do this? And they bring you the little cup of hot water with a lemon slice in it. That's classy. For what? You wash your hands and then you drink it and get the last

little bit of your food. You think it's a drink. And it's just hot water with a slice of lemon. To clean your hands before you start digging into the chicken like an animal. Or after probably. No, I always did it before. There's a scene in Scarface where he goes down to meet the main drug dealer. They serve him one of those and he eats it.

Yeah. And it was like. They laughed at him or whatever. No, it was just supposed to be a thing where it just showed that he was out of his depth. He didn't know what it was. Really? I used to think the little wipes that they gave you at KFC

were classy. Did I get your hands on those? The first time I flew to Europe they came around and gave me a hot towel and they do it on international flights. I'm not the Pope. And I was just, I didn't know what to do with it.

So I just waited for everybody else to look. And I was like, oh, do you rub your hand, your face, wipe your ass? I don't fucking know. It's like a little spa treatment. You put your nose in them is what you do. You guys see someone else fucking open in theirs and use it on their hands and you're mid-whipping a guy. No, we're not. I thought we were, this isn't horseplay.

We're not doing horseplay. I thought we were, this isn't horseplay. We're not doing horseplay. I thought we were playing grab ass. What's the deal? All right, we'll bring in the towels here. We're going to do one minute. That's all you get. However many asses you hit, how many you hit. We go back to our vibes.

I had no idea. There's an OnlyFans girl, too. This is kind of the boobs thing, too, where it's like, I was just saying that guys creeps are, guys boobs thing too where it's like i'm saying that like the guy guys creeps are guys creeps are there's girl creeps but guys creeps are just more creepy like even if you know you close yeah you have the like breastfeeding thing there's no like there's videos of girls breastfeeding a million guys watching there's no girl like ball cancer videos where the girl's like yeah look at the other one you know what i mean that doesn't exist right yeah

but there was a our only fans girl was at the gym and a random guy asked her not to wipe down her seat. He goes, oh, don't bother wiping down the seat. Then she looked back and she caught him sniffing it. Jesus. I've had gym bro dudes who are just like, because you know, you'll be like, oh, I'm going to just be nice. And they're like,

I don't want to. I just do it out of etiquette. And they'll be like, you didn't sweat on it. You don't have to go do that. And I'm etiquette. That's a white watch. They'll just be like, you didn't sweat on it. You don't have to go do that. I'm the same. If you use a machine and you're not sweating on it, I don't care. Some people are like, you've got to be like, every time you touch anything, wipe it down.

To me, it's like the effort. If you at least make an attempt. Or be like, hey, do you want me to wipe it down? Let me wipe it down. If they go, no, it's fine. You go, okay, cool. But like, at least a semi-attempt.

I think if you don't leave anything there, then you don't feel like it. I agree, too. Obviously, you pretend you're wiping, but you're like an inch away. You got the spray bottle. You smell it yourself. You're making the noise.

Obviously, I don't go to the gym a lot. But in the past, when I have, like when I was going last summer to New York Sports Club, I always did that. When I went 12 years ago. I always went to that. I didn't want to be the fucking fat guy getting yelled at by some muscle head.

You got barbecue sauce on the chest breast again. You guys got lemons in hot water here? I got a half a chit. Half a bird I'm about to take. You're getting the lemons because you didn't wipe. You're about to use the chit up bar. Who got shit on the elliptical? Okay.

And these are just three quick fan questions Sure That we have from our Patreon For you guys Is it garbage To be so hungover You sit in a lawn chair In the shower

Sort of Like a broke boy steam room I would love that There's times where Dude you have a shower That could fit a lawn chair in it That's pretty good I guess maybe a small stool

The bathtub shower Yeah A small stool or something Yeah It's an old guy move. I do bad hangovers now. If I was out until like 4 a.m. and I have to get up relatively tan or something, I'll take a bath and I'll just fucking soak.

I'll just turn the shower on, I'll lay down and just fucking soak it out. I have to do it. You turn the shower on so the shower's hitting you? I'll fill up the tub like a regular bath and then turn the shower on so the shower's hitting you? I'll fill up the tub like a regular bath and then turn the shower on so the shower's hitting me. Wow. Just get a hot and steamy soap, maybe some Epsom salts in there. Where does it hit you? In the face or just around your chest?

I move around. I got switched on. There was a while where I was like, I could be a bath guy. Let me go on paper. I am a bath guy. I've literally fit in one bathtub in the last 20 years. It's bad for me. It's bad.

But when I get a nice one, I do it. Yeah, yeah. If you find the right one. When I get one of those, what are they called? Lion's claws or whatever they are? Yeah, I know. Eagle's claws. Something claw.

The old ones. Like from the ring or something like that. Getting one of those bad boys. There's been some on the road that had like jacuzzis you could get in. Yeah, right. I love a hot tub. But this is what I thought and then someone

it was some article I read or something and it was just like hotel bathtubs are the grossest thing. That's one of my questions. Have you ever taken a bath in a hotel? But if I got in my head now I can't enjoy it. Everything is gross.

If you have the type of brain. I'm thinking about it. I'm picturing the people and stuff. I don't know. I got in enjoy it. Everything is gross. Yeah, for sure. If you have the type of brain that thinks... But now I'm thinking about it. I'm picturing the people and stuff. I don't know. I got it in my head. I'm feeling stuff in there. I was doing it. I'm being in there.

I'm jerking off in there. It's like you're... What do you think is happening in the bed? Yeah. You're worried about the tub? Yeah, but you're not soaking in the bed. You're not soaking in it. Soaking in it's different.

You're sleeping. Let me tell you something. Yeah, but they're fresh sheets. I will proper blow my nose in the sheets and the comforter in a hotel room. He's single, ladies. I rest my case, Your Honor.

I will literally go like that and then just wipe it on the side. I'm leaving in the morning. I got into the shower. And I'm checking in right after. And then he makes it again so they might think that he didn't actually use it

and leave it. Dude, if you saw the actual... If you saw a mattress that you were sleeping on, if you stripped that thing and saw a mattress, you would not sleep there. But you have to sleep at a hotel. You don't have to take a bath. Yeah.

And also, I would... It's got to be out of sight, out of mind. You're not taking a bath because, like, oh, I have to. You're taking the bath because you're, like, treating yourself to a bath. I'm having a meat day. Let's cum bath. Yeah, yeah, you can't do that.

It is a little bit. After a long show, you're like, I can take a bath day Let's come, Beth Yeah, yeah, you can't do that It is a little bit After a long show I can do a bath Put the headphones in I used to enjoy it But it's the same as seafood Now that everyone told me That shrimp's cockroaches

Now I can't eat those either The cockroach of the ocean People have been getting In my head lately I've been turning me off stuff Yeah That's what happened With armpit hair

Yeah Molested by one guy With armpit hair Hey, rules are for everybody There really is a smear campaign Against seafood About the mercury And the radiation That's what happened with armpit hair. Yeah. Molested by one guy with armpit hair. He rules it for everybody. There really is a smear campaign against seafood about the mercury and the radiation and all that stuff. Yeah. The farm-raised tilapia, the farm-raised salmon.

I don't know. Big livestock after that. I took a shower one time at a hotel not that long ago. Whoa. Went in there, grabbed the bar of soap, and then after I'd washed my whole body, realized that it was old and had been in there. Yeah. That might be worth a complaint to the front desk. That freaked me out.

That stinks. But I do the math. I'm probably grosser than the person that was in there before. That's fair. Give me a hot chick. I have a memory like a goldfish with that stuff. A hot chick is hot now. Oh, it's real hot, yeah.

A couple of suds. That's why when I was waiting tables, I had a code of ethics when it came to eating off people's plates. It had to be a good-looking guy or a good-looking girl. Or a bad-looking girl. No, it had to be an attractive person. Or I had to be really hungry Yeah It was more of a guideline

See I feel like it would be more like How much is left Like if they mashed everything together Like a kid Sure yeah But if there's never Kids are fucking gross Like half a steak

You go I don't care who that was I could eat that You used to have that bit about you Kids never finish everything Kids never finish anything So he goes I would recommend stuff Hey kid Hey kid try to shrimp skewer me And two whiskey and cokes That I used to do probably. Kids never finish everything. Kids never finish anything. So he goes, I would recommend stuff. Hey, kid. Hey, kid, try

to shrimp scampi and two whiskey and Cokes. That I used to do. Get a kid an order of calamari. Grilled. I like it grilled. But dude, if a hot chick cuts her hamburger in half and only eats the one half,

we ain't eating good tonight, boys one especially probably any sir chick starts looking all hot with those food goggles on the lunch or the shower is actually very good that's great I respect it I think I would be down to like bring a lawn bring up bring up a stool to my bath so I can take a shower but you ever been in a shower that had a seat in it? It's fucking real nice, man. You need the wheelchair seat, right?

No. You're a dirtbag. Who are you fucking? Cleaning out some nursing homes. A lot of times that's where they put the comics on the road in the handicraft. Because they're like, yeah, we don't care. It's just like, dude, I'm being able to. We heard you.

We heard this guy's a little barmy. Dude, the rails? Yeah. But the shower doesn't, you don't step in. It's just a walk-in shower. So it's just a whole floor. Dude, the whole floor gets soaked. Everything turns into a slip and slide in there.

I do like a rail for just for the, beside the toilet. Sure. Just to grab on. Yeah. Put your arm up there. You got a ripper? No, just just to grab a Ripper a little leverage. Yeah, it feels good They said if you could only eat the byproducts of one animal Which would it be so you can either have like, you know milk and steak chicken and eggs You can only have okay, so I basically they're saying you can have a chicken,

you can have a cow, pork. It's the animal, right? Yeah, but a pig would be hot dogs, bacon. No dairy, no cheese. No cheese, though. You can do chicken hot dogs, though.

I had chicken bacon this morning. I would go beef. Cow, I think. Just get cheese. Cheese, milk, burgers. They can make chicken milk. Yeah, but that's three things. I saw a chicken breastfeeding one time.

There is a, yeah, huh. You could do beef ribs. You could do hanger steak, filet mignon. Yeah, jerky. Chickens, eggs. Dogs. Eggs are big. Eggs, I love eggs.

Can we incorporate others? Can you use, but like that's just the byproducts of that animal, right? You only get one for the rest of your life. But like I can add tomato sauce or whatever. I think you can spice it up. This is always the main meals I say. You're not eating it alive or anything like that. No, I would go chicken then.

You can do a lot with eggs. I feel like I'm on chicken too. You can do a lot with eggs. Fuck. I think if you went with like cow. You could do bread. You could do anything. Cow you'd feel better for the first three months, and then you'd kind of be like,

I should have went with chicken. No, but it's also every steak is the same. It's steak. It's like, yeah, you could have a hanger steak. You could have a T-bone. You could have this. You could have that. It's all just a steak at the end of the day.

No milk though? Oh, I don't drink milk. I don't really drink milk. I mean, that's what you're hung up on a little bit yet One thing I cheese I want yeah cheese is tough to Jesus no chicken somehow There are some okay vegan vegetarian cheeses or whatever not the worst There was a place across the street from New York Comedy Club on 4th Street that closed. That was fucking phenomenal. I couldn't believe it. Dude, yeah, it was wild. The only thing I don't like about vegan cheese is it doesn't melt properly.

But I've had a vegan, my girlfriend buys this vegan cream cheese, and I'm like, actually, I can't really tell the difference between this and regular cheese. Yeah, my girl gets something from Trader Joe's, some kind of cheese dip. Yeah, it's fine. I can't tell the difference between a lot of that stuff also. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, they said life hack.

This is the last one. Is it garbage to order pizza from the place that always delivers pizza late so you can complain? So this is a pizza place that always shows up late. And they know the one that always shows up late And the times that they show up late So they always order that pizza to get free pizza That's not our kind of trash That's a fucking dirtball move

That's not a I don't know You're trying to jam up a local pizza place What the fuck They got to fucking act together The problem is I don't think this is going to help them get their act together. This will just help them go out of business sooner.

Yeah, put them out of business. Not over a pizza. A pizza's like a dollar. And you know that guy stiffened the delivery guy too. It ain't his fucking fault. No, he might tip the delivery guy. Maybe.

If you grease the delivery guy, I'm fine with it. Sure. Yeah. All things being said, if you paid for it and got it and then you were like, hey, listen,

it showed up an hour late. That is on the business to make things right. An hour, sure. I'm assuming I doubt they got the stopwatch out. I'm assuming it's somewhat of an egregious. I've had many times where you order a pizza at like 3 in the morning and then at 4 they go, yeah, we're not coming.

That happens a lot. On the road, if you're... Here, that happens a lot. That's never happened to me. On the road, I've had a guy... That's never happened to me Dude on the road I've had a guy That's the worst shit ever I've watched my guy At McDonald's At like 3 in the morning

In fucking Tennessee In the He's in the parking lot And then he just calls Yeah I'm not I'm not He just gives up Dude I've seen my girlfriend cry

That's part of the game though baby That's not true You're living by the sword She ordered a pizza And then she's like At 4 in the morning She's like They're not coming

And then they're like Yeah and there's also nothing open now. So they brought you to the cutoff. They literally brought you to the cutoff, and then they go, we're not coming, and also there's nothing open. And then I do the worst thing ever, and I'm just like, yeah, I think it's just a sign maybe that we shouldn't go to bed.

And then she's just like, I want pizza, though. If you're dabbling in the late night ordering trade, that's the risk you run. You live by the gun, you die by the gun. I've been burned many times. God damn it. That's what it is.

I actually, I've had it a couple times where I was happy, where I was kind of like, oh, this fucking pizza's gonna be a whole thing or whatever. Someone orders something, and I was waiting for it, and they cancel, and the girl's mad, and I'm just like fucking yes microwave popcorn

Something to substitute I'm good the bagel bites are back, but instead I was getting some fancy ass form of dish That's the thing though the girl wants to soup up the whole deal you know yeah It's not just going we get throaties in the fucking air fryer no it's a place that does late night shrimp late night skewers all right so then we're divided on that but mostly people if you got to grease the delivery driver it's not classy it's not classy but i don't think it's like the worst move the uber drivers are kind of a little bit like right now uber sort of sticks their uber drivers against you because they always are like, right now, Uber sort of sticks their Uber drivers against you. Because they always are like, here's your fucking food.

You know what I went through to get this? And you're just like, if you're not getting paid enough, like, I feel like this is. Yeah, they don't get paid enough. Yeah, and they kind of like, do you know how far, there's all these guys that were like, I don't know if you've seen videos of guys being like, I'm not giving the food because they wouldn't tip me 20 bucks because I drove so far. And it was like, this Uber needs to get their shit figured out. You know what I mean? I didn't sign up for this.

In the app it said I click three buttons and you're going to bring me nuggets. That's all I did, man. I'm sorry. But you can't order something and not have money for the tip. No, the tip's in it now. The tip's like, process order, what do you add? What do I add on the tip?

I've seen Uber's videos where the delivery guy showed up and the person didn't tip him. I can understand being pissed about it. Oh no, tip's just a scumbag. You're a dickhead. This is the ones that I've seen. Point in case, there's a lot of these videos

right now. There was just one not that long ago where the guy was like, he banged on the door. He goes, are you going to be cash or something? I don't know what's going on. And they're just like, I used to deliver for DoorDash. Okay. Not too long ago before the pod took off.

What were some of the hot stories? No. But so what they would do is they would just whatever they would just give you an arbitrary number of like, hey, this order is going to be, you'll make $7. You go, okay, cool. I'll do that. It's eight minutes. And then it ends up not being that.

No, and then it is. But then it always averaged out to like $20 an hour. So then even if I didn't have many, they were like, hey, this next one pays $18. And you're like, it's a four-minute ride and the order is like a cheeseburger. You're giving me the money to keep me happy. So I make $20 an hour. So that's even less of my problem than being fucking subsidized. I got like a fucking $22 tip.

It was like a $22 tip. This guy's going to catch it on the next one. That's what I think. No, I don't do that. That's good. That's the guy. He'll square you away. Don't take care of that road a little bit. Those's good. That's the guy. Okay, okay. I'll square you away. Don't take Harry and Dada around a little bit.

Those are good folks over at DoorDash. So I guess you guys are doing that. The street's real cool. Don't worry. You got to do one more, man. You can't close out this one. Yeah, don't close now, man. That next big fish is right down the street.

That whale's right around the corner. Keep plugging away, bud. That was the worst fucking summer of my life. I was in a car with no AC. It was August. Oh, you were caring it. Oh, yeah. I would go out to...

The pod was successful. Uh-huh. And I just didn't have any money. Uh-huh. So I would have to, like, in fear of being recognized, I would go out to, like, Central Jersey, just to, like, some small suburban town. Because I, like, couldn't, like... Kippy? Are you delivering my food? Yeah?

Wild one that I've not said on this pod I don't think because I was like let me let some time pass because it like spooked me. I delivered your pizza You delivered food to me and I made my girl get no... Holy shit. I knew you were joking, but I was like, wow, that just got real. When you said I sent my girl... No, no, no. Bomb shivers.

I fucking... When I moved, I ordered a guy to... What? I've been there myself. What app was this? It was two in the morning, and it was crying. I'd like a boy, please. I had a couple of skin tags, and I didn't want to take them there myself. What app was this? It was two in the morning, and it was Grindr. I'm like a boy, please. I had a couple of pizza places closed.

I'm going to take them off myself. So here I am ordering a hot guy, you know. So I order this hot guy. Can you grab me a slice on the way over? I fucking... I ordered a guy to put the shelves together. The guy comes in. I go, you've really let yourself go from the photos,

but I guess the shelves have got to go. It's time to update those headshots, pal. You didn't say you had kids. It's time to update those headshots, pal. So the guy started putting the shelves together, right? And he's, by the way, not doing that great of a job. Is it a comic? No, worse.

The guy starts being like. He's a magician. The guy goes, I recognize you from somewhere. And then I go, I don't know what that might be. And he's like, no, I'm sure I recognize you. And then he goes, hmm, you ever been on Union Square? And I go, not really. I mean, maybe once or twice in my life, like blah, blah.

And he goes, I don't know. You just look like someone. And then I realized he was a guy that I had a video messing with in Union Square. I made a video messing with a guy and now he's in my bedroom fixing my shit.

Trying to remember where he recognizes from me. Eventually, I just leave. Hey man, lock up when you're done. I did do that. Yeah, I would too. I left and I was like,

Hey, I got to go run in to get something like blah, blah. And I was like, here's like a big tip or whatever. And I left and I kind of just hung around outside the building. And I was like, cause it was, you know, half an hour more. And I was like, I can't be there where he's like, I know. It was like, honestly, like chills were going through my body. This guy's,

isn't that crazy? The ultimate vengeance story. That's like a Law and Order episode. I know. He goes, I recognize you from somewhere.

He's got a lot of video equipment around here. Oh, I went immediately to my Instagram and deleted it too. You were the guy with the ice cream cone

that kept pulling it out from under me. Yeah, it's crazy though. Jesus. Yeah, I was just like... That's how people get killed. He's looking at me like, no, it's something,

and I'm like, could be anything. Have you ever called me a pussy in Times Square by any chance? Yeah, do you think I even got my kids taken away from me because of the stuff I said in Times Square? You're not the guy that got me fired, are you? Because you fucking screwed me in that edit job?

Yeah, it was probably some corporate lawyer or something like that. You really took liberties with that editing. That wasn't you, was it? You're not the guy who's the reason why I have to do this. I was a United States Senator four weeks ago. Let me tell you something, buddy. You know how I got this job? I used to have a great job.

I told this fucking hit piece. Some guy trying to be cute on YouTube. I'm not going to put my hat on. This idiot Canadian guy. I was trying to be polite. You start talking like you're from the south. You can't trust them Canadians. I'll tell you that right now, partner.

If it's up to me me they ain't be allowed here I'm going to run down a saloon You want a cold beer for the road? They got buybacks That's the most stressed out I've ever been Until the next time I'll never do that again I think I just have to put stuff together myself

Now you became a man, too. That's great. Life lessons. And that's how I learned to fix stuff. Okay. Are You Garbage? The podcast. Thank you, guys.

The comedy podcast. Thanks, fellas. It's always a good time. I appreciate it. And just ripping it in normal life is a fucking good time, dude. Yeah, of course. When the squad's together. Yeah, we have a good time.

A couple of beers and a couple of fucking cigs with Ryan Long is all right. Every time he bums one, I haven't had one in three years. He's always got a new number. You're like a chicken or what? That's Marlboro I-Town. Yeah, always has a new number. He's talking to you. He's got his mouth.

You got a light, too? You got a light? You got a light? You got a light? What do you call these again? Yeah, you fucking scumbag. Seeing you at these again? Fucking scum back seeing you it's gang for now. You're like,

what the fuck? Yeah, that's for later. Yeah, that's for another one. Good stuff. Now I'm a fume guy now. Shout out to them. Shout out to them

from a good place, guys. All right, catch, oh yeah, we're not exactly sure when this ends up. All right,

okay, are you garbage, but are you guys on the road? Yeah, we're over the road. We're coming to Florida. Tampa,

second show's probably sold out, but then we have Dania Beach, we have Charleston, we have Louisville, Kentucky, Cleveland, Columbus,

a whole bunch of cities we're at, and check it out. The live shows are a good time. Funnest show. Patreon.com slash The Boys Cast. Peace. Later.