The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Ari Shaffir & Francis Foster (Triggernometry) on The Insanity of London and Ben Franklin's Guide to Mistresses

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

Comedians Ari Shaffir and Francis Foster join the Boys to discuss Mr. Bean’s romantic life, Language differences, and Bluesky’s questionable userbase. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! Marek Health - Go to https://marekhealth.com/boyscast and use promo code BOYSCAST for 10% off Prizepicks - Download the Prizepicks app today and use code BOYSCAST to get $50 instantly after you play a $5 lineup SUPPORT THE BOYS PATREON.COM/THEBOYSCAST  RYAN ON TOUR: Las Vegas: Dec 13/14, Minneapolis: Jan 17-19, Phoenix: Feb 14-16, Portland: Feb 25/26, Edmonton: Jan 24-26, Tacoma: Feb 27-March 1, LA: March 30, Irvine: March 21, San Jose: March 22/23, Tampa: March 28/29, Salt Lake City: April 11/12, Denver: April 13, Atlanta: April 25/26 ryanlongcomedy.com DANNY ON TOUR:  Albany Dec 4 and Hartford Dec 5 dannycomedy.com SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST:  https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy

Fellas, we're doing a special extra episode for the boys, chatting with two of the best fellas in the world. But we want to tell you once again, if you haven't signed up for patreon.com slash the boys cast, we are on our way. We just did a Black Friday sale. Black Friday sale. If you want to send up for the year,

this is a Danny Polasek idea. Yep. And I think it was 15% off of the year. If you want to go right now, patreon.com slash. Promo code boys cast. The boys cast. Promo code Black Friday. Promo code Black Friday. And then don't forget to catch me on patreon.com promo code boyscast promo code black friday and then don't forget to catch me

on tour I'm coming to Las Vegas I'm coming to Minneapolis Edmonton Phoenix Portland Tacoma LA Irvine San Jose Tampa Salt Lake City Denver Atlanta Baltimore San Diego Ryan Long Comedy dot com and catch me December 4th in Albany December 5th

in Hartford Danny Comedycom, and Edmonton and Vancouver early next year. Woo! Let's go. The boys cast. And the boys cast. This is a special episode because... Let me handle this. The boys cast.

This is a special episode because of a mixture of stuff. Global warming has reached an all-time high in Iceland. It's raining out. And it's raining out. So please help me welcome the host of The Boyscast, Ryan Longin. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, everybody. Danny, you were mentioning this is a special episode? Yes. Why?

Well, because you're moving to London. He's moving to New York. Yeah, you guys doing a home swap? Yeah, I'm gonna. You guys are doing a full home swap. Do you want a massively un-affordable and not even worth it apartment to move into? Yeah. Nice patio, though. Nice patio. The patio's on the market

now. The patio's on the market. Has anyone made a bid? No. I haven't officially told them I'm gone yet. Why London, Ari? Lateral move. I like chicks with buck teeth. No fluoride in the water? Yeah.

Although that'll be gone here, too. Yeah. Yeah, fish and chips is like my jam. Can't really find it here. Can't find good fish and chips. The chippies? Are the chippies in London? Yeah.

Here's the interesting thing. The chippies in London are the worst out of all the chippies in the entire country. Wow. So you're going to be moving. Because I heard Adam Rowe talking about how they're so good in Liverpool. What's a chippy? He's a scouser. He's a scouser.

The fuck's a scouser? If you're from Liverpool, you're a scouser. If you talk to any scouser, they will say that whatever they have is the best in Liverpool. They'll be like, pedophilia, we do it better in Liverpool. Why does London have the worst chippies? I don't know. Are we talking about fries? It's a fish and chip shop.

Yeah, it's a fish and chip shop. Come on, man. Have some culture. Culture. When we went to London, all we did was eat hot dogs. Good dogs there, too. Hold on. The London culture.

I guess it's kebab shops. Is that your culture? No. We've got lots. It's Shakespeare, you fucking cunt. Mr. Bean, I guess. Royal Family, Coronation Street. Have they turned on Mr. Bean for No. For all his free speech stuff?

Probably. They've turned on everybody for free speech. Yeah, because he's very much would be against all the going to jail for a Facebook post. Yeah, he's never going to say anything too offensive. Yeah, but he does these very proper speeches, not funny, where he's like, free speech is Oh, you don't know that that's Mr. Bean's jam right now? That's crazy. He doesn't even speak.

Well, he does now. He does now, mate. You know, Rowan Atkinson in real life, I think he's got an, I think it's an astrophysics degree. Yeah, yeah. The guy is super intelligent. He's like,

boopity. It's a crazy thing, too. It's so beloved there that he fucked another comic's girlfriend and the other comic would be like, no, he rules. Yeah, he's awesome. I mean,

if Mr. Bean fucks your girl, you hang it up. Yeah. Give me some dirty talk, Bean. If you walk in, if Mr. Bean fucks your girl, you hang it up. Yeah. Give me some dirty talk, Bean. If you walk in, you know. I mean, you walk in and she's getting fucked with a guy with a chicken on his head. You know what the crazy thing is? There's only been like 10 episodes of that show or something.

No. That's what Danny always brings up. I'm telling you, it's crazy. Yeah. It seems like there was 10 seasons. But the Brits do that 40 Towers we only did 2 seasons

yeah get in get out yeah exactly the office had to be like alright let me wrap this up for one episode more the Christmas special yeah

and that was it we milked darts we milked darts for so long yeah and you even had a different guy at one point the main role was different how did you even do that

what do you mean? They got rid of... Steve Carell? Whatever his name is. Steve Carell. He wasn't in it at the end? Guys, I'm done. Pam and Jim got together

seven years ago. Yeah. It's over. Yeah. Yeah, they were squeezing the last drop out of him. Action star John Krasinski. Ryan hates it so much.

One of my biggest beefs is they were trying so hard to make John Krasinski the biggest action star in the world. He works out. He's got a Kumail chest. Yeah.

There's a lot of those right now. They've tried a lot of action stars where they're pushing it really hard. I can tell you, Mr. Bean, if he was American, that would be the new guy. I'd watch that. Action star. You have to at least believe you're trained in martial arts. Actually, they tried to make Mr. Bean. Yeah.

Johnny something. Yeah. Whatever it was. to make Mr. Bean. Johnny something. Just imagine Mr. Bean with a rocket launcher. Who wouldn't watch that? Let's do it. That's actually a great idea. Has he always been squeaky clean personally or has Bean been getting it in as he has a reputation?

Are there a lot of rumors around the... No, I think it's widely accepted that he's a top-level shagger. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah, he's, yeah, yeah. Mr. Yeah, yeah, Ron Atkinson is a top-level shagger.

Putting in performances, huh? That's not true, is it? So it's like, in the tabloids, no, it's like fucking bean fucked her. No, no, it's like, he's got a younger girlfriend, but you know what? He was bean, he did black at her. He can do whatever he fucking wants. Would you want to date a girl if she was being sloppy seconds? Good question.

I don't know. Have you seen Blackadder? No. It's incredible. It's genuinely wonderful. By the way, 98% of your listeners have never heard of it. Yeah. But I haven't heard of it. I'm educating them already. I remember it would be on TV when I was a kid, but it just didn't do it for me. Well, you've been learning all this stuff because you're trying to get with the culture. i'm educating them already i remember it would be on tv when i was a kid but it just

didn't do it for me well you've been learning all this stuff because you're trying to get with the culture yeah i got a little i gotta know about no i'm excited to not know anything about the culture and then when they get to me on politics i could do here i'd be like who's your like president which two parties and like two parties like let's not talk to this guy he doesn't know like sweet we have nine parts is that why you moved because of trump is that related he doesn't know shit like sweet we have nine parts is that why you moved because of trump is that related i didn't just claim i'm leaving the country put your foot down it's you and ellen degenerate did she leave yeah she left nice for the same reasons you did did you see her applause you know what you want to know something crazy so did you see just the clip of it yeah so i was at a comedy club and there was uh it was at the port in baltimore there's a comic there and i was talking

about it and he's like dude he's like no i watched it he's like it wasn't like that i'm telling you so they loop no no so he's like i'm like dude but i i was telling him like dude i watched the clip i'm like they didn't edit it like i i didn't see any cuts nothing i'm like there's no way that's edited he's like i'm telling you i I watched it. It wasn't like that. Then he pulls it out. He opens Netflix on his phone. He goes, I'm telling you, he pulls it to the spot. It was actually longer than the clip.

And he was just like, I guess I was so high. I don't know. Because he's like, I don't remember it being like this. It was longer. No, no, in Netflix. He was at it or he watched it? No, he watched it on Netflix. And he goes, on Netflix, if you watch it, it's actually like a minute 20 seconds. Well, he was probably laughing or he watched it? No, he watched it on Netflix and he goes on Netflix, like if you watch it, it's actually

like a minute 20 seconds. Well, he was probably laughing for half of it. No, he was standing up. Yeah. It's so great. Like, yeah, I'm difficult to be around. I'm tough. I'm committed.

I'm a strong woman. And then just. Yup. Yup. And then like literally everybody else starts standing up. Like it's like a war hero. I would have stood up. Even if I knew how dumb a war hero i would have you know i would have stood up even if i knew how dumb it was i would be like oh yeah this is the comedy i want

i would be the last guy standing up i would have been like waiting for every other you guys are sitting down it's pretty big you've got me i've actually said strong woman content is my favorite online it's just girls being a bitch to people like it's just doing something that if anyone else did you'd be like like there's this one girl she posted this whole like a whole uh tirade basically being like i went out to dinner with my uh my boyfriend and his parents and his parents were religious and they started making me pray and i told him to fuck off and then i got in the car and i drove home because no one tells me what to do and everyone's like you're amazing and i was just like if i ever went out with a girl her parents decided to pray and i told her mom to fuck off that would be the quietest

drive home in the history of the world it's incredibly rude just just murder to yourself that's all it is is just girls being rude yeah strong woman what a defense too oh you don't like a woman speaking her mind? Look, everyone's speaking their mind. You're a cunt. You're cunty. Get into the culture.

I've got a mate who's Muslim and he was dating... Mate meets friend. Yeah, are you going to start talking like that, by the way? Because when I moved here,

I had to change some of the words I said. And you're going to have to do that, too. No more. No, I'm going to... You've got to remove all... He used to go to the prostitutes

and ask for a man. He asks that for a woman now. You're going to have to remove all the U's from your words. What do you mean? Flavor, labor. You can't text like that. It'll correct you. It'll stop you.

It'll put you in jail. To be honest, actually, can I just say one complaint about this place? The lift here was slow. Yeah. Did I do it right? Yeah, you did it right. You didn't use the word elevator. Good for you.

I thought you were talking about the Lyft like the Uber. You see, that's how you improve. You accept British English. You can't call trunks boots anymore? Yeah, you call them the boot? No, you can't say the boot. That would hurt for you too, because London people have,

they kind of grow up within their head where they go, the rest of the world's wrong and we're right. We are. Yeah, because we invented it. Right. But I mean, it's like the guy still wearing clothes from 1970 being like well actually this is a better way to dress and everyone's like you can think what you want but that the way the world and sees it is like no one cares as much look fashion peaks with john

travolta i don't know what to tell you yeah london is still dumping fucking feces out of the floor. Maybe change that a little bit. That's Hackney, where you want to move to. But no, I genuinely think, I love America, but you're doing a lot of it wrong. Told a loo. What is a bathroom? Oh, you know what? The urinal.

That's my favorite word. Urinal and aluminum. Aluminium? What's a rhino? Urinal.. That's my favorite word. Urinal and aluminum. Aluminium? What's a rhino? Urinal. Urinal. Oh, yeah. Urinal. It sounds so goofy.

So fucking goofy. I'm going to take over that country. Learn to speak, bitches. You know what you're going to come back with? When people get... You're going to start calling it the bog. The bog? Yeah.

What's the bog? The toilet. Oh, nice. I've never heard that one. Take a slash. Yeah, take a slash in the bog where's the bog? The toilet. Oh, nice. I've never heard of that one. Take a slash. Yeah, take a slash in the bog. Having the piss? I can't wait to take the piss?

No, ours is, in Canada, you call sex smashing pissers. That's smashing piss. I think we need to get sex. Yeah, maybe. Wow. Yeah, and fag. You've got to use fag. Oh, he uses fag.

Yeah, oh yeah. That's in the repertoire. Dude, one time I was working in the comedy store front booth and somebody was like, they're always coming trying to make jokes. I'm like, I'm not in the mood.

I'm around professional comics. And then somebody did that joke. They're like, do you allow fags in here? I'm like, oh, Jesus, yes. Like, I'm not playing the game. And then I was like, bringing them in

and they were smoking when I turned around. I was like, oh, no. No. Not allowed. No, it's just it's it's beautiful it's beautiful you're gonna come leaving a better person oh interesting why are you leaving why am i leaving best country on earth i'm leaving as fast as i possibly can yeah yeah why am i leaving because i love it here how are you gonna do to do your podcast? How am I going to do it? We're going to do it from here. Is Vladimir moving here too? Vladimir.

Yeah, we're both going to be moving here. Hopefully soon. Interesting. You've used up all the guests. That's what I said. By the way, nothing has been decided or whatever. I just want to. Yeah, you're just putting it out there.

I've also been putting it out there. He said like a week ago. He's like, yeah, I'm thinking about it. I've been telling people like, you know, he's moving here tomorrow. What do you think is the best place? You're the only guy that actually, you know how people at the Alpha Male,

they talk about people have a scarcity mindset. You're the actual guy that doesn't have the scarcity mindset where you can leave it all behind. No one else has the guts to do that. Turn the table over, get out. But where's the ultimate place to retire to where you're not actually bored? Because to me, if I was like, okay, let me go live in the middle of nowhere,

I would probably get it two weeks before I'd be like, yeah, okay, Brian. I mean, Europe in general is great because there's so many different places around there that are all an hour away. Nice sound effect. That's a great sound effect. That is. Good way to put that in. Our rides are here. Yeah.

There we go. Francis doesn't know that one You're used to one that goes You put the siren on Wee-oo-wee-oo-wee-oo-wee-oo Yeah Wee-oo-wee-oo-wee-oo I don't know

I think the woods would get boring If I wasn't Maybe when I'm older Like Dave Smith moved to like The middle of nowhere But he's like I've already The sticks

Fucked this girl right after Lewis Enough times Like I don't want that life anymore Yeah But he goes I did it I needed to be in Manhattan for that Yeah And you need to be in I wish that i every time i go to a small place i wish that i liked it

but after four days like i'm just like where is the stuff yeah ducky moved to henderson north carolina or ashville or something i think henderson and he was like i'm done with la it's so nice and then three months later it goes oh i'm incredibly bored yeah you're like starting to like purposely go meet the neighbors just because you're so bored. But London's a lateral move like big city wise. Yeah, it is. And then like comedy wise also a lateral move. Nothing's going to be as good as New York, but like close to lateral.

Yeah. And you're going to get arrested for hate speech. I can't wait. I said that. I was like, if you actually did get arrested for a joke, which I kind of feel about Canada too, that would be sick. Yeah. I'm going to take a month at some point when I'm a year in, I'm like, this is my try to get arrested for a joke which i kind of feel about canada too that would be sick yeah i'm gonna take

a month at some point when i'm a year and i'm like this is my try to get arrested month yeah and i'm just gonna go for it you know if you spent two days in jail you'd be like who gives a shit oh i have a thirty to thousand dollar fine okay i'm gonna like i'll make that back easily nobody's been arrested there for a fucking speech online it's fucking such a fake thing it's so funny everyone's so scared something that's never happened Where? London Yes they have

Who? Who? For jokes on stage Oh no not for jokes on stage No no Kando has jokes Theirs is more like the memes Yeah yeah

You need to get into the meme game already Come on Trigonometry Yari Shafir arrested for a meme Comedy's not dangerous enough. You can do it. I believe in you. That'd be a good thing. I'm usually in trouble for mean.

You said there was a big controversy there right now. Oh, yeah. Barry Sanders is better than Emmett. He didn't have the career. It's crazy what you're saying. Sure, electric moves, but... I actually do know the controversy. Prince Harry's throwing a Christmas party

and apparently Meghan Markle's not going to be in attendance. Listen, we don't want to drudge it up. This is gossip. You know, if you put that as your title, you'd get at least 100,000 more views. Everybody would just click in. Markle's a no-show. Trouble in Paradise?

More like Miss the Markle on that one. Hey, I'm not... You're going to crush London with those fucking wordplayers. They fucking love wordplay, man. Imagine we turn up a year later. Ari's become like a prop word comic. Goes on stage with a plank of wood. Anyway, I've got wood tonight.

Way! Eight-gall corner pocket. You can pull out the balls. Dude, it's going to be like transferring grade schools where I can be anything I want now. I can remake myself. Yeah, you can, man. This is a new opportunity.

What if I go super hard left woke and just come out after all you guys? See, that's an option, but I also think I'm picturing Tweed Jacket smoking cigarette on stage really slow, like Chlle but university professor bill hicks are you going on the panel shows i don't even know how they work yeah i mean nobody does anymore can you take your dick out on those otherwise not interested oh great great yeah mainly backstage yeah okay oh yeah i wasn't there yeah who was that was that? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That's happened a few times with our guys. God, I had a panel. As a gag? No. Well, they say it was a gag. Yeah. It was just a gag.

My thing is- Wacky British people. If it's flaccid, it's a gag. Yeah. If it's at all chubbed- Yeah. Then you can't be doing that. That's probably-

That should be the court case. It was like, how hard was it? I'm making fun of me. Yeah. I'm taking my flaccid dick and I'm the mockery. Right. Yeah.

Have you ever heard of a comedian? Genuinely, he's one of the world's best comedians called Jerry Sadowitz. Yeah, I've heard of him.

Yeah, he's, he's, like, he's described as the world's most offensive comedian, but he's actually a fucking genius.

He is brilliant with his comedy. Does he have an album where he has, the police line on his no no no no and he's one of the world's best close-up magicians as well really so he says all these horrendous awfully horrendous jokes whilst doing close-up magic he's incredible yeah that's how they do offensive comedy and he's like boo your watch where is it right here and uh but anyway he every performance he takes his dick out and he's a guy in his mid-60s i love it yeah that's who i dreamed to be yeah and the mentor doesn't do like the thumb thing where he like takes his dick out he goes i'm almost out of the stage of like funny when i was young now it's like it's getting a little sad

and I'm almost out of that getting a little sad phase till like I can't believe he's still bringing it with the dick out so I just gotta see it through but this is it

so the last time I saw him he took his dick out on stage and he looked at us and went I just want you to know that I take no pleasure in this

at this point it's more of a contractual obligation that'd be amazing if you're on a show with him and then you do it before him. He's like, yo, what the fuck?

That's my thing. He's like, that's my, literally, you just did my bit. There's a new crop coming into town. What the fuck, I'll take it over.

He's like, keep these fucking young guys coming in doing my shit. Yeah, I'm like, I didn't take your dick out. Didn't even fluff for it. But if you get,

if you, if you're in London and Jerry Sark, which is great. So there we go, the most brilliant comedian in the world takes his dick out and does magic. That's what's you're in London And Jerry Savage Is playing There we go The most brilliant comedian In the world Takes his dick out

And does magic That's what's going on In London Yeah Listen Louis C.K. They all copied him Yeah

They all copied him He was the original Yeah they did it here too Yeah and he outed And he outed Jimmy Savile in the 80s Oh they outed him Yeah

For being gay No I guess he was kind of gay Well for being a pedophile Oh okay He was the one who Worked at the BBC It's not the gayness Jimmy Savile in the 80s. Oh, they outed him? Yeah. For being gay? No. I guess he was kind of gay. Well, for being a pedophile. Oh, okay. He was the one who worked at the BBC. It's not the gayness. It's the age of the homosexual.

That was really the issue there. They really have no problem with a male and a man. I don't know this guy. See, it's these moderate opinions that will have you working consistently in London, mate. Kurt was telling me, British foster care system. Kurt always gives me the updates of where the pedophiles are now. Really?

Sometimes he goes on these rants and I'm like, dude, no one's even talking about this. He's sending straight texts about it. Dude, he's finding stuff out. He's deep in the stuff. He's doing the research so you don't have to. By the way, that is part of British culture, Ari.

Pedophile jokes. Oh, great. Yeah, they're called nonce jokes. Nonces? Yeah, it stands for not on normal courtyard exercise. Has anyone made it happen? Is that really true? Yes. Oh, I always wondered what nonces were. I found this out last night from talking. Yeah.

Yeah, so you're gonna, you've got, there's so much for you to learn and be part of. Does anyone make a shirt, like a hat or a shirt that says nonsense? And then. Cut the nonsense. That was actually something that you, have any of you guys heard of a guy called Chris Morris? Yeah. Yeah.

Brass Eye. That was. I don't know any of these people. How does he fucking know all about British culture culture because he's cultured he went to he grew up in holland yeah so chris morris is one of our best satirists he's a comedy satirist what the is a they have different words for everything yeah he is incredible and he started he had a program called brass eye and he got these. You ever go to like a boardwalk and they draw a picture of you, but they give you a really big nose? It's like that kind of thing.

Wait, he's saying he's an anti-Semite. No, no. It's a caricature artist. Right. But so he started this. This was in the early noughties. Pro, like a pedophile awareness group. And he called it nonsense. Pro-pedophile yeah where they are like yeah yeah but saying like oh this is

what you know highlighting pedophilia and whatever in this satirical program and he got all these major uk celebrities to put uh wear a t-shirt saying nonsense on them and got them photographed with him some allergy shit yeah satirist yeah and he was saying like fumes come out of the keyboard and turn you into a pedophile and then they showed like one of our greatest ever footballers sniffing the keyboard going yeah i can smell it it's turning me into a pedophile wow and no blame on the children huh no that's i was saying that the one reason that pedophiles can get away with it longer is because they're the only ones that doesn't have an accent yeah if pedophiles had an accent the way the gay guys had an accent you know what i mean they get caught more i'm here for the coaching position you go no

nice try yeah you're gonna have to learn all of that mate i'm gonna have to learn all of it i love to be an emperor and they're talking about ukip and stuff like that i don't follow him but after like three or four days five days i'm like is ukip like the racist i'm like yeah you're getting it okay all right all right i think i'm starting to figure something out this is are we taking the advice you're on stage you're just like i was having sex with a two-year-old and you just look at francis like what the fuck i thought you said they're into this that side yeah dude you're hanging me out to dry what the fuck? I thought you said they're into this. That side.

Fuck, dude, you hanging me out to dry? What is this shit? But if you do it in Scotland where they've now implemented hate speech laws and they've criminalized public performance, you can get arrested.

In Edinburgh? Yeah, the Edinburgh Festival. Bullshit. 1,400 comics. Somebody would have been by now. Yeah. No, they implemented it last year.

Oh, actually this year. This year. This year when? April the 1st. Oh, catch Ari at Edinburgh this year. No, we implemented it last year. Oh, actually this year. This year when? April the 1st. Oh, catch Ari at Edinburgh this year. We already had an Edinburgh. Yeah, so just because it hasn't happened once doesn't mean... 1,400 comics times 25 shows each.

Maybe they weren't trying hard enough. There's no way they'll do it to someone famous. If they were going to do that shit, it's going to be some nobody. There's no way they're going to do it to a famous guy because they know it's just going to go the opposite way. Yeah, they're going to have to test the waters guy because they know it's just going to go the opposite way yeah they're gonna have to test the waters and someone small it's like that girl who got tried for napster stuff like you owe 75 million dollars for all this just some little like 12 year old girl you owe a billion trillion dollars yeah but yeah so that is all i can't wait i can't wait to test the waters yeah yeah i'm a

shit stirrer. So it sounds like that's the place for me. So what is the big thing that just happened? That's the big controversy. You were sort of telling me about it. Oh, yeah. What's the big controversy? What is the big controversy?

The Southport thing. Oh, what? We're going to talk about Southport? I don't know what it is. What, Dave just got Southport? Oh, is it not funny? No, it's fucking horrible. Well, maybe we could see if maybe we can make it funny.

Yeah, let's try. Let's try. We have no emotional attachment to it at all. We don't even know what it is. Start it along and see how long we can go laughing before we let it in. Actually, this is what could get you cancelled. The jokes about... Could they extradite

us? We make a joke about Brances. Could they get us over there? Brances, you tell us about the story and then we'll see if we can punch it up. Until we realize how horrible it is, you tell us about this story, and then we'll see if we can punch it up. Until we realize how horrible it is. Let's laugh. I mean, I don't think we can make this funny.

All right. Challenge accepted. Challenge accepted. So that's the one where you box with the opposite way or whatever, right? No, that's kangaroo boxing. Okay, so it's not that. No, no, no, no. We're starting, though.

We're getting the ball rolling okay so south part is a place where goods come in is that the one santa lives in or is that what was it where there's a bunch of dead kids in a shipping container no those are elves and they weren't doing their job so that's what happens oh close to that oh dead kids yeah yeah kids okay so there's dead kids okay okay what color let them work okay kids save a lot on coffin this is one of the cheapest mass murders that can be in terms of just in terms of coffinage yeah are you putting this together for your set you're gonna do this top secret so this is you're saying in in britain it's like

very it's a very pro having sex with kids jokes but if you're saying in britain it's like very it's very pro having sex with kids jokes but if you talk about dead kids jokes it's like come on man yeah so is that the line i mean they were shipping them no they weren't shipping them pedophile jokes they're like we're wearing we've got shirts on people yeah yeah yeah but yeah pedophiles and then merch and then you're like there's this other guy that killed kids you're like come on yeah yeah guy That killed kids You're like Come on I'm getting caught up

On the port part Yeah but listen We have the BBC Which is basically A state sponsored Pedophilia funded You know Organization

Is that so Yeah Hugh Edwards Who was basically Our lead broadcaster Our lead news reader That was recent Yeah that was recent

He got exposed For being a nonce I Don't know why you guys don't call him a pedophile. There's like not kind of taste Nonsense cutesy. Yeah, you're like slapping their butts. Yeah Yeah, so yeah nonce what what else was happening? There was a there was one BBC Didn't nothing presenter. He got arrested for raping 42 dogs. Oh. Danny.

What? 42? Boy dogs or girl dogs? Is he gay? I didn't find out the sex of the dogs. Oh, okay. Did he stop at 42 to honor Jackie Robinson? Was one of them DMX?

Yeah. He was 42 and 0. Yeah. No, but yeah, he got done for raping 42 dogs. Was he trying to get to 101? Where are they Dalmatians? How did they find out the number? No, those were the charges.

I don't know how they found out the number. One of the dogs can keep his mouth shut. The dogs can't come forward. Using the word rape there is odd. Should just be having sex with 42 dogs. Now we're implying the dogs didn't consent. The dogs, yeah, feelings about it. She should just be having sex with 42 dogs. Now we're implying... The dogs didn't consent. The dogs, yeah, feelings about it. Yeah, the dogs didn't consent, mate.

They couldn't. I mean, yeah, exactly. So, therefore, we can't be consenting. That's like saying you can't have sex with a passed out woman. Yeah. Or somebody who just doesn't speak the language. Yeah, exactly. Because you didn't consent in English.

I don't know. These are all gray areas. I speak a little Thai. At what point is the dog asking for it Because if you're The 42nd dog At that point You stuck around

You saw what was Happening to the other 41 Explain how they got The peanut butter On their ass I've seen dogs At dog parks And they kind of

Don't mind it Yeah But if you're Dog number 42 And you heard All that sort of stuff I mean at that point You can't be

If you're the first one It's heard all that sort of stuff, I mean, at that point, you can't be there. If you're the first one, it's definitely the dog didn't ask for it. Dog number 42, at some point, dogs have got to take some accountability. Did they do a kind of photo of all the victims? No, they did, but they had their faces blurred out. Yeah, they're all playing poker. Little black strips across their eyes so you couldn't tell. Damn, were these dogs okay after that? Where did he get all the dogs?

I don't know where he got all the dogs from. That's a good question too. Neighbors dogs? It's somehow worse than just strays. So he got done for raping 42 dogs. What's the penalty for that in England? Oh no, he was actually he moved to Australia. They promote him.

I think he got charged then sentenced in Australia he has to do time in Australia for crimes committed in England well he does

five years but it's only two because his dog years boom there we go satirist Ryan Long

your sentence in dog years is pretty obvious everyone knows that excuse the math thing wrong yeah so you know we've got what is it one to seven yeah well i boxed myself in when i said they gave him five years yeah yeah but it was really i got mad boxed him in boxed myself in yeah

it wouldn't get 14 years two to two years yeah so it was too late at that point yeah so we're 35 years ago yeah The word was out. He got 35 dog years. Yeah, exactly. But you look at all the nonces that have worked to the BBC. It's huge. No, but what are we talking about? Why is that? What's the Southport thing, though?

Oh, yeah, Southport. I'm trying my best to fucking avoid this. Oh, you're saying that you're... He's like, I don't want to talk about this. It's on with our memories. Here's another list of pedophiles at the BBC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, somebody got raped by one of these BBC guys.

Like, no, don't bring this up. Yeah. Do the fucking Southport thing. Yeah. Yeah. I like, oh. Who was it? Well, you said, what you told me is, we didn't really talk about it, but you were like, oh,

it's like, it looks like it's going to be a big debacle over there. Oh, yeah. It's going to be huge. That's the thing that everybody got sentenced to jail over. The Southport. The Southport. There was a stabbingbing i know you don't want to talk about there was one stabbing no uh no there was three three kids three girls got killed yeah by this guy and then ethnic or not ethnic no they were not ethnic he was a british citizen which i think they were saying he wasn't at first but then he was oh he was of an ethnic origin yes right so i see how that could

yeah so then they were interested and then they were like it was like an is origin. Yes. Right. So I see how that could pile up. Yeah. So then they were interested. And then they were like, it was like an Islamic thing. And then they said, it's not. I guess. You can't just be. That's why you'd have a black person. But that was the thing where they opened the courts. He killed the Asians. And they're like, well, he killed four white chicks, too.

We're going to. Yeah. That doesn't help our story here. That was like, remember the guy shot up the rub and tug? Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Yeah.

And it was like, no, it was about hookers, not Asians. It was about hookers. And they go, no, it was Asians. No, he hated sluts is what he said. He hated sluts. Yeah. Yeah. But that made him come here sluts is what he said yeah yeah that is what he said like we went in court and he had to like stand up and he was like it's not because there was a misread

they go you hated slits like no no no my sluts that's a typo but i guess you could you could say to him where he's like no it's i don't hate asians i hate women who work at rub and tug you go oh you know what i mean that what are they called yeah give you a rub and then they give you a tug oh really yeah what do you call them there i guarantee they have them in london too yeah well they probably have a hilarious name for them no they don't really well no they call it shop. He calls it visiting his girlfriend at work. Yeah, yeah. That would take the roof off at Top Secret.

Get standing on like you're Ellen DeGeneres, mate. He's fucking done it. Legend. But no, so we call it a knocking shop. Knocking shop. Yeah, of course. Wait, three dead kids is off limits? Yeah.

Three dead kids? Yeah. Fucking screw up. I guess there's a racial component and that's why. There's a racial, but basically what's happened is the government denied that there was anything to do with. Israel have anything positive? Any Israel in there? No, no, no.

The government denied what? Denied that there was any links to Islamic terrorism. And it's now come out that actually there were pretty, it looks no. The government denied what? Denied that there was any links to Islamic terrorism and it's now come out that actually there were, it looks like there's pretty strong links. Yeah, and this is the thing is that's the thing that they sent all the people to jail for over Facebook posts where they like opened the courts up like

they basically were like we're expediting everybody's court cases to deal with because normally it's like you take a year or something they're like you're going to court right away we're sending you to jail right away. For what? right away for what for facebook posts about this yeah oh yeah oh okay i see what's happening now i get it so basically they the people were saying this guy was a terrorist and then then people were saying it they started putting people in jail for saying it then it turned out they were right yeah they were like saying they were exciting and everybody

showed up to this guy's to a mosque or whatever so They were saying they were inciting violence. And everybody showed up to this guy's mosque or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they said that they were inciting violence. Yeah. And the government said there was no evidence whatsoever that this kid who did it was an Islamist. But when they arrested him, they went to his house.

He did that whole thing. Apparently. But they found an Al-Qaeda training manual, and he was making... Well, I have an Al-Qaeda training manual. I think it's just a conversation piece. I have it on my coffee table. Just because you got into Harvard doesn't mean you went there.

And he was making rice and gas. Oh, right. Rice and gas sounds like a delicious thing. It sounds like one of our puddings, doesn't it? Yeah, and then you fart on it. Rice and gas. Yeah, I've had that in Tijuana.

So yeah, so that's the... And it's now become... You know what I'm starting to realize? This podcast is lowbrow. Yeah. It's never built as anything other than that. Yeah. Fellas, Merrick Health offers

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after you play your first $5 lineup. That's BOYSCAST to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks run your game. Interesting. So then do those people get out of jail? No, they're still in jail. Wow. Some of them got like three years.

And what do the pedos get? They don't get three years. Yeah, and here's the thing. They let out loads of people who were in jail for very serious crimes, including one sex offender. They let him out. To make space. To make space. And by the time he got to the train station.

He built another cell at that point. By the time he got to the train station, he had already sexually assaulted someone else. Stop. And then did they let one of the bad speech people out to put him back in? No, no. So they had to get him back in. Get a lot of different sex offenders.

They built a new prison. It's a give and take. Wait, so this is interesting. So they did that. But one of these guys actually called for a day of violence, right? They're like, we should have a day of violence. There were people who were genuinely inciting violence, but there were also people who were saying things that were not inciting violence.

And some of them had on their Facebook where they have 20 followers. There were some people who had huge Twitter profiles. Yeah, that's the thing about Alex Jones. People are like, how can you say this? I'm like, but someone told him. He didn't make up that. He's not patient zero for this so somebody so that guy should should give up their assets you have to track it back to the original liar

someone shot donald trump is fucking msnbc responsible for that right yeah dude if you watch like right now every single time there's like a drama of a woman who killed her husband or someone who every there's like 10 of a woman who killed her husband. There's like 10,000 women in chat groups right now being like, I think the husband killed his wife. And then people go harass the guy being like, I think you killed his wife. People start making TikTok videos. I just lost my fucking wife. I'm not just a rando. I'm a grieving husband.

Is that that different from what he did? No, it's about the same. You know what I mean? You're just like a grieving husband getting attacked by different from what he did? You know what I mean? You're just like a grieving husband Getting attacked by 20 year olds on TikTok In England those TikTokers would be sent to jail Yeah They're sent to jail for saying it's Islamist

Did some people do this? I thought Brexit was supposed to take care of this What do you mean it was supposed to take care of this? To not have those people stabbing kids But he was a British national. Number one, he's a British national. But I'm talking about the people weighing in. Wasn't there a theory that his dad was like a Rwandan genocide?

You know this stuff. I just can't get to the actual bottom. Because you were trying to figure it out. So his dad was a Rwandan refugee who flew the genocide in Rwanda. Who fled the genocide? In Rwanda, yes. They were saying he was participating in it? On his way out, he did a little genocide.

Your last day, you've got to buy souvenirs. But nobody really knew. There is genuine misinformation on both sides because the reality is there's a court case happening. They can't talk about it for legal reasons because it will prejudice the case right so in that sense it is true but what the government did when they were just basically

arresting people for saying this kid had links with islamism is they they were they were shutting down people who actually turned out to be right right and the kirsten then came out and there were loads of protests happening because people were rightly furious about it because there have been lots and lots of terrorist incidents in the uk as a result of islamic terrorism and he was calling these people far right on these marches two-tier care exactly you know more about this what is that two-tier care two-tier care yeah what is that it's a two-tier justice system. Basically, it's like, you know, you can say certain things if you're a certain group,

and then if you're part of another group, they send you to jail. Yeah. Similar to here. Yeah. It's like why black people can say, I like big butts and I cook. Right. Yeah. And they might be lying.

Well, speaking of politicians and big butts, you're the only, you know, born American here. Do you know this thing where... Wow. Johnny's American. Well, the only born American here. Do you know this thing where... Johnny's American. Johnny's a fucking Hollandaise sauce. Can I get one of those Alpha Brains? Yeah, have an Alpha Brain. They're kind of just for show. No, there's no such thing as a spider.

They're just not as strong. He doesn't have a scarcity mindset, I told you. It's like Havdalah at the end of the shabbos our body is uh he got too deep you know jj he got our buddy jj he got jj abrams lieberman yeah abrams he got too deep into alpha brain and then uh he had a show that he convinced himself he couldn't do comedy because of his alpha brain and then he was posting on every platform being like emergency can anyone sell me any alpha brain i can't find it his stars are closed do you know what i always forget even the most sane looking comedian is deeply mental oh yeah

he doesn't look sane i'll be clear on that yeah he's the most mental comedian yeah it does say i don't have a best buy 522 yeah this is one of the first things we bought for the studio to offset it i i love j. He's a good guy. But I remember he looked at me the other day and he went, yeah, I rely on you for all my news. And I'm like, dude, please don't fucking say those words. We hear it all the time. People are like, the only news I get is from the voice cast.

I'm not saying it's a good thing, but people say it all the time. Wait, so what about JJ? Oh, he's just the alpha brand thing. That was the whole story. Wait, what were we just talking about oh yeah so ben ben franklin yeah you're familiar with probably oh yeah you might you might not know you asked me a real american okay yeah ben franklin this thing kind of went viral a bunch in the last like month and everyone's posting in all these articles posted but ben ben franklin he brought all these letters to his buddies where he was saying how to get what

if when you're picking a mistress how to get the perfect mistress and then basically his whole theory was like you want an old girl like we're talking 40 or 50 and then he made a list of why an old girl makes the perfect man dude like think about tony soprano all the problems he had is because he was dating these fucking 20 it's soolds, right? It's so funny that we elevate our forefathers as like these great, but they were just like 23-year-olds. I know, right? It's like the frat guys

who are ruining the East Village right now. But it's funny using the good language. He goes, I said that you should prefer old women to young ones. You call this a paradox and demand my reasons. Who's coming at you for speech?

This is a free speech they wanted to leave England for. No hazard of children. Number one. Boom. Solid. That's solid. Solid.

That still applies. No condom. Boom. No hazard of children. You can rot. But I'm saying it's good that he puts an intellectual spin on it.

That's what they used to call raw dog. They didn't have the term raw dog. Childrenless sex. Hazardless. No need to waste lamb skin. Because they have more knowledge of the world and their minds are better storied. They have better conversations. I don't know.

Whatever. Better conversations. A little true. A little true. You don't need to go 50 to get me. you can probably stick with 30 for a good conversation if he's talking about like a 23 year old he's talking like a 14 year old is that yeah yeah he might be talking about it yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a good point yeah what is he comparing it to no i think he i think he's talking about like a four he says no hazard of children so we're obviously

at least 40 no no but the but the younger women is his younger women 25 or is his younger woman like that like 13 14 oh probably that the conversation would be really bad with the 14 25 you're like no they're all right when he said no hazard of children he means like no hazard that you're fucking a child yeah he goes no hazard that there are children yes imagine like this is the thing about smart people who are eloquent. They can justify anything and make it sound eminently reasonable. Maybe he was just into gilfs. This is possible.

That was his thing a little bit. Why he's doing a bit on why it's the best. Yeah. And it's like, you know, no hazard of children. You're like, that's solid. You know, they've got more to talk about. Of course they are. He's saying he loves the conversation.

He really loves the Greybush. That's his thing. Yeah. And that's, that's solid. You know, they've got more to talk about. Of course they are. He's saying he loves the conversation. He really loves the Greybush. That's his thing. Yeah, yeah. And that's what he's into. Greybush was my Native American grandfather. They take care of you more? Well, he says, because women cease to be handsome, they study to be good.

Yeah, it's by Fat Checks. Former Fat Checks are the best ones because they had to figure out a way to get people attention. So they make an extra effort. They had to learn something. Yeah, exactly. Someone need to ask him his policy on Fat Chicks.

I wonder if he has a Fat Chick file. A treaty. He probably has a treaty on Fat Chicks. The worst woman we all know is someone who had been thin their entire growing up life then became left first. And then became leved, uh, first.

And now they're like, Oh, you're a garbage person and a garbage body. That is the worst person. Yeah. And you know, and I'll tell you what, add to that,

grew up rich and now is poor. Yeah. Yeah. Rich, thin girl. They were a rich hot chick. Chubby, fat,

older. And it's like, ew, you suck. There is that. And there is a lot of guys that in their mind, they're just like, no, I dated. I scored the hot chick from my high school. Dude, there's actually one at my high school that this was probably one of the hottest

chicks. And my friends send around photos of them being like, this is a whale now. Wow. It is funny to get that revenge, that time revenge. Yeah. On a chick who didn't even turn you down because you weren't even brave enough to ask for it. I think I can predict it now. If I went back as an advisor to high school kids, I think I could be...

If I was a creepy uncle that was advising, I'm just like, I'm telling you, that one's going to be bad, like older. I think I could tell. Just smash now. Don't lock it down. I got some advice for the listeners out there. Who are you? I tell you what would that is a school

advisor that we need a guy to come back and go mate literally don't go out of a mental yeah i gotta bring you into my office you're just a cool guidance counselor yeah you go hey what job should i go fuck your job we're not talking about it's at least you're worried talking to that girl over there she's gonna absolutely explode she. Her mom was in for parenting. Look at the back of her arms. You think that's normal? Yeah. Look, fuck college.

Let me tell you about crypto. Yeah. Bitcoin all the way, baby. Here's the tip to anyone in their 30s. Go, if you have your Facebook friends from high school or your friends of friends, go find out who's divorced now. Because right around 28 to 33 is when they start getting divorced. So now these women are newly on the market.

They've had maybe a kid, whatever. All you've got to say is they want their youth back, but it's gone. Reach out to them and just go, hey, you already know the divorce. Don't tell them you know. Just go, I always kind of had a thing for you in high school. True or not, doesn't matter. Because now they're feeling their power. They're feeling their power of like, oh, yeah, I won too.

And now I'll give it up. Have you ever done that one? No. But you've heard it work. Yeah, I've heard it work. Psychologically, that makes sense. I mean, probably true. It's always one of those things where the guy who does it, you're just like, I should mention I sent a thousand of those.

Oh, yeah, exactly. I went to a big high school. I just went through the yearbook, like one by one. Like, hey, in eighth grade, I was at thousand of those. Oh, yeah, exactly. I went to a big high school. I just went through the yearbook, like, one by one. Just went to this thing, like, in eighth grade, I was at a think-free. Well, you might also get the message from, like, the guy being like, yo, stop messaging my wife. I love that you constantly make out how fucking busy you are, Ryan, and actually you're just on Facebook.

Messaging former people you went to school with. Who are you? So that's the first one, the no hazard of with. Who are you? So that's the first one. The no hazard of children. Oh yeah? Okay. I forgot what we were doing. There's a couple more. I like this. Because through more experience, they are more prudent

and discreet in conducting intrigue to prevent suspicion. Wow. They're willing to be like, hey, why don't you leave first? I'll leave in about 20 minutes. That's an amazing way to describe it. They're worldly women. They keep their mouths shut. It is a great, such an eloquent way to say all this.

They are prudent and discreet in conducting an intrigue to prevent suspicion. He was basically like, when was he alive? 1870? It's the original pickup artist. Yeah, he's like Andrew Tate, basically. This is an old school red pill shirt. Yeah, this is it. This is the first time I consider him now my forefather.

It's so funny explaining to a woman, one of the things I like you is you're prudent in conducting suspense. You're like, you mean that I'm not blowing up your spot? You're married? That's it. I love the guy, the wife comes home, the guy's like, his buddy's reading this. He's like, what are you reading?

He's just like, nothing. He just fucking throws in the fire. They will rarely key your carriage. Man, this is what you need to do. This is how you can get away with everything. Imagine like Marcus Aurelius

wrote a bit about how to crush pussies. Just a couple chapters. Yeah. But it's, you know, it's done in like, you know,

in the classic Latin stoical writing. I know. Yeah. Wearing all leather will get you into the gay clubs. Thou draped in leather. This is how

you do it. Yeah, not to... A costume. I mean, they put him on the 100 for a reason. He calls out banging them commerce, too. The commerce with them is therefore safer in regard to your reputation

Also with regard to theirs so is your that's actually good for you What do you know he's saying? I know he's saying calm. I think he's describing commerce the meaning of that That's the commerce means money, but I think that I don't think he's describing prostitutes. He's describing mr. Says it might be like a trade The trade between a man and a woman. If the affair should happen to be known, considerate people might rather be inclined to excuse an old woman

who would kindly take care of an old man, form his manners by her good counsels, and prevent his ruining his health and fortune among mercenary prostitutes. I'm going to disagree with that one. I don't think if you're cheating on your wife, she's going to love it if it's just some old bag. I think that's what she's saying.

Take it easy on her. She's 90. They're not going to go after her like these fucking bitches trying to ruin her. It's like Camilla. Who's Camilla? No one's that mad at her. She's the one who dated that fucking horse leader they have. Prince Charles. Prince Charles. What are you talking about?

Have a bit of respect for your new fucking king. It's your new king, too. It's your new king. You come over. You're not even over there yet, and you're fucking slagging off our king. Ari's got some videos already ready for when he does. Yeah, this is what. Yeah, listen.

If you do this type of material, I'll be the one reporting you to the police, you cunt. I'll be calling them up. Yeah, he's doing hate speech mate arrest him it's funny that this one doesn't apply they're like they'll keep their mouth shut because they have something to lose too it's like that doesn't nowadays like i fucked bill clinton yeah of course it's a different time yeah this is obviously the president too so this is there's no twitter bad there's no social media back then so it's a blab yeah you have to literally go on like a fucking Apple box

in town square and just start oh you could just start distributing here's an amazing one this is a real cope because the sin is less

the debauching of a virgin may be her ruin and make her life unhappy so you're saying this you know the old one's

already ruined that's a nice one that's a nice one it's like don't take somebody's virginity they're gonna fucking hold you in high regard let them be in love with her first. That's a nice one. Don't take it somewhere he's virginity. Let him be in love with her first. That's not a bad one, right?

No, and you've got to bear in mind as well, this is way before antibiotics or any type of retrovirals. Most people were riddled at that time, including him. Isn't that why they had the wigs? Yeah, that is why they had the wigs. It's why they called someone, you know, and that's why. Why do they have the wigs? Because syphilis came from South America to the UK. And what was happening was that all of the,

it was one of the side effects of syphilis, one of the symptoms is having the hair fall out, lesions. It would all look. That's why the judges all wear those wigs. That was the reason? Yeah. That's why the judges wear the wigs. Too many STDs.

Yeah, because they're fucking getting it in. Well, I had syphilis. I didn't get any of that. My hair is still full. Yeah. those that was the reason yeah that's too many stds yeah because you're getting it in yeah my hair is still full yeah you got a full-on afro yeah god yeah i up why are you the condom yeah that's so funny yeah you should sell condoms you come home yeah you're like hey we need to talk you're wearing one of those wigs you're like it's something i need to tell you you think you're a barrister like yeah now yes but that's not i need to talk you're wearing one of those wigs you're like it's something i need to tell you like you're a barrister like get now yes but that's not i need to go to the reason why i'm a barrister yeah so that's why they were wearing those wigs like you've heard of that i'm shocked to get like a prison sentence from a dude who has this like syphilis all over his forehead you should not be part of his stomach me you're fucking you're fucking you have syphilis yeah

that's so funny and also a guy bangs your wife and then you get the wig and then you knock on his door and you're like i think you've been banging my wife he comes out with the wig you're like well now it's settled yeah that's how you find out but that's where the term have you ever heard the term big wig yeah yeah yeah so big wig comes from like the people who are richer could afford a bigger wig whoa that actually makes perfect sense interesting yeah a big wig comes from Like the people who are richer Could afford a bigger wig Whoa That actually makes perfect sense Interesting Yeah A big wig

Like we all have Were there like people Who were like poor And they had Just basically like a shitty toupee Yeah yeah yeah Small wig Like you saw like the outline

It was like a mohawk wig Yeah They're like I just can't afford A bigger one Yeah To cover up your sores So the bigger the wig But how expensive were these wigs

Very expensive Oh yeah Okay Why were they all white They're expensive. Oh, yeah. Okay. Why were they all white? They're $10.99 now on Amazon. Because everybody was white back then. But the hair is all white. It's gray, I mean.

Well, even people have black hair. It's still white when you're old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's something you aspire to. To be older. Yeah. Probably there wasn't too many judges that weren't old, too, back then, right? No, but everybody was kind of young back then because everyone just fucking died early.

Yeah. Yeah. So aspirational. Yeah, exactly. Syphilis and a wig. that weren't old too back then right no but everybody was kind of young back then because everyone just fucking died early yeah so aspirational yeah exactly syphilis and a wig syphilis and a wig and the bigger the wig the bigger the more important you are

seems like an easy system to hack though do you know what the streets of cobblestone there in the UK I would assume because they're old

no because when you're stabbing kids the blood doesn't puddle it like soaks right into the in-between the cobblestones. Yeah, and that's the reason that we had spiral staircases

so you couldn't have sword fights on there. Yeah, that is actually true. That's why you guys drive on the other side of the road because of jousting, right? It's so grand to have a sword fight there. I think that's the reason why you guys drive on the other side of the road is because when you joust, everybody's mostly right-handed, so that you hold the joust with your right,

so it wouldn't make sense to do it on the other side. Yeah. Oh, we do here. You'd have to be left-handed. Yeah, so it's, you know. So there's no jousting here. Yeah, there's no jousting. It's because you're cucks.

You're not real fucking men. We shoot each other here. Yeah, so you were going to have a great time over there. We had jousting. My friend was in a frat. We made them get on tricycles and run shoot each other here. Yeah. So you were going to have a great time over there. We had jousting. My friend was in a frat. We made them get on tricycles and run at each other with pogo sticks. Yeah, we're signing to the thing where they're driving on. They just went right at each other.

They don't have the form down. Head on. Pedge. Face. Yeah, we're going to take you to a Weatherspoon's, Ari. Have you been to a Weatherspoon's? Yeah. Weatherspoons are great.

What did you do? Did you bottle someone? That's the tradition. Bottle someone? Yeah. Just smash a bottle? Bottle over their head yeah no i was just over yeah johnny just went they're all just like train station bars yeah and it's just like oh the trashiest not even trash just like class lists just like businessmen getting loaded yeah is it kind of like a crappy irish pub here kind of like it's a bit Irish pubby, I would say, but really it's just about

functional drink before you have to go home for your business trip. The most depressing place on the planet is a Wetherspoons on a Tuesday morning. Morning, right. Yeah, in the morning. What time do they open? They open at 11.30, so you get people

going to the Rock and Roll, as it's called, the doll. A bit of Cockney rhyming slam. You've got to learn all this. I don't even know one thing you just said. This is all over my head. Over me noggin'. Over me noggin', mate. Yeah, you see?

You're learning it. Duck to water, son. It's his alpha brain. Yeah. See, JJ was right. So you go on the rock and roll right the doll yeah so the doll is like on welfare yeah on the doll like on the lamb isn't the doll like the doll the doll is bob doll yeah welfare that bob doll invented yeah okay go sorry is that true

no no the doll is like welfare welfare it's what we call the welfare But I thought it was based on a guy Dole Dole Former presidential candidate Bob Dole That's correct You think that's when the Dole started? Yeah And you're sticking with it now

Even though you know it's a stuff He was the Presidential candidate In the 90s You're a real American now Clearly I'm wrong I thought the slang on the Dole Had something to do with the fact that

Bob Dole was into welfare Free company Re-examine knowledge you have, but now that you're an adult, and you just took it as knowledge, and you're like, nope, yep, there's no way that's right. It makes zero sense.

So, and you go there. Are you telling me Starbucks has nothing to do with Mark Zuckerberg? So you go on the rock and roll, you get your check, then you go to the spoons, and then you eat. What's the spoon?

It's the weather spoons. You go to spoons next What's the spoon? It's a weather spoon You go to spoons next door And you get absolutely levered For a 20 knicker And there's some cool people That go there too Sounds like you're speaking A different language right now

20 knicker? 20 knicker mate 20 knickers is pounds Yeah or a score You say I've got a score I'm going to get Four score 20 knickers is a dangerous one

I know That slang's got to be On it's way out at this point No knicker So you've got 20 knicker Or a dangerous one. I know. That slang's got to be on its way out at this point. No, knicker. So you've got 20 knicker or a score, which is 20. I feel like this is you getting punched as you... No, you don't understand. I'm saying knicker. Yeah, exactly.

That's 20 pounds? Yeah, a score is 20. Four score. Oh, okay. So you guys go by that. Yeah. I think you're saying a score like you just got some money. It goes five a tenner, a score. A score. Right. score like you just got some money it goes five or ten

a score yeah right and then you've got a half a ton 50 a ton is a hundred stone yeah or a monkey you can say i've got a monkey no won't won't try probably i'm not stupid i may have been born on a tour day but not yesterday. Monkeys 100? Yeah, and then you've got a grand off a grand. Grand off. I like that. Yeah, so you've got a grand. And then you put it in your skyrocket, your pocket.

You're making shit up now. No, I'm not. No, you're making shit up. I would have heard of some of these. No, apple and pears, stairs. What? Yeah. You guys just call stairs apples and pears? You go up the apple and pears, stairs. What? Yeah. You guys just call stairs apples and pears?

You go up the apple and pears. Oh, my God. And then? Strawberry tart cart. Yeah, strawberry tart cart. Yeah. And then there's so many of them. You go for a Ruby Murray curry.

Yeah. But they even shorten it even then. So next time when we're in London, we all go out for a Ruby. And that's what? That's just Indian food? Yeah. It's Indian food. Youondon we all go out for a ruby and that's right that's just indian curry yeah you wouldn't catch me going up for a ruby or an fbi what is that big indian what do you if you like a big indian dude no like for a big indian meal you guys need like a donald trump who will come in and just get rid of all this slang. Yeah, no more British slang. You need someone to drain the slang swamp. Drain the slang.

Drain the slang. Drain the slang. For guys that, yeah, because for a culture that's very much like, we created the language, we say it right, we also replaced all our other words with fake words. All this cutesy bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happens when you, it sounds like girls got in charge of the linguistic stuff too much.

No, this is our culture How dare you Well anyways, the last thing he says Eighth and last knee You want to bang an old chick because they're grateful That's the last one Look, and that's the thing with great writing It resonates through the ages

Yeah, like slang and berries Wow The cool thing about Wetherspoons I don't know if you know this It was one of the only places during the troubles or whatever they call it that the uh that they allow trash cans because the ira was like they've suffered enough if they're in here that is a lie but it's a good lie because weatherspoons weren't around during the troubles but they're relatively modern so you guys have all these crazy slangs and then when you're all

blowing each other up you're just like it's just the troubles yeah it's a cutesy thing for that no that's the cutesy thing that is a cutesy thing because it was glorified civil war mate i whenever i travel i learn stuff about other cultures and then about a month later i don't know and someone says it like three years later and i go okay right like even when i was in like ireland the fact that you go northern ireland and and there's the two different irelands and they had this bill whole history like i didn't know that and then i forget about it immediately like oh there's one ireland yeah yeah yeah i mean which makes you a republican is that what's republican they don't know about irish stuff no but they just say there's only one island oh i see what those are the southern apparently my mom's like we're from belfast

and we need to go there and i've been i thought it was just ireland and they're like no that's northern ireland it's a different thing and it's a way different thing are you protestant or catholic he's not my protestant or catholic i think you're probably saying neither anglican what's that you're you're a protest you're protestant yeah anglican is that the good one catholic church isn't it no anglican isn't anglican is a protestant church yeah catholics don't have variations You're just Catholic Yeah there are variations of Catholicism

But when the church split Because of Henry VIII Who also it was rumored was syphilitic Especially to the end of his days They then split it off into various different factions It's weird because they hate each other There's such different factions Where they fight each other

Jews don't have that level of faction They're just like no we just have different customs but not like fuck i'll kill you israelis are annoying yeah that's more regional yeah yeah i know there was a bar comedy and in toronto that was owned by this jewish family and they're like we won't hire israelis ever really well you always hate the thing that's a little more because you know like you hate what you know you know it's like you're gonna hate the comedian that does what you do poorly more than you hate the guy that just does some other thing political comic like that's just not just some different thing entirely you know what i mean yeah because it calls attention to yourself and you know why it's annoying you know because you have strong very strong opinions on these little

things yeah me and messker talk about that we both came from very religious backgrounds and like okerson is like i'm jewish i don't hate jews the way you did you grew up that way yeah i have some metzger has like such anger still i have a little bit of that where um yeah i develop more disdain to the thing that i'm around i can find myself if i'm around something more it'll shift me to whatever the opposite of that is right so when you see pedophiles like i do it better than you no i i leave that and be like i hate this pedophile shit where was there not around i'm like are we really yeah yeah right it's an orientation come on yeah they're maps we're maps yeah exactly exactly you went on blue

sky yeah yeah crazy what's the the pedophile stuff going on on blue sky oh danny you just told me there's update on blue sky oh well it's just it's like pedophile city it's crazy the amount of people who are like just were were maps like the minor attracted persons or whatever is hollywood is hollywood mad that you're calling that pedophile city now they're on there i mean rob reiner just had to check into uh rob reiner went on blue sky and then he goes it's so toxic on here where he's basically like checking into like a rehab wow it is all those things are so i love how people when elon musk took over twitter like fine i can go back on there i'm like what you think it's a fun place to be now yeah because a lot it was shitty before shitty afterwards even not left or right it's just a terrible place this is literally from nine hours ago rob reiner's post i've made the decision

to take the next few days to check into a facility for peace and relaxation no phone social media no trolls just calmness to heal my pain over trump and this is because he went on blue sky to be like oh it'll be chill over here but it was screaming it's still too toxic for him because a lot of the trolls once blue sky started like people on twitter were like oh blue sky's like kind of popping off they're all going over there then all these people it's a great place to get people well then all the trolls on twitter are like yeah we'll just follow you over there you can't stop us i mean if it's like you see a bunch of seagulls diving in the water go hey let's get away from our spot and go over there yeah there's fish there oh what a beautiful place yeah yeah i i but that's kind of a just a

beautiful metaphor for human nature like but i mean we're gonna open this place it's gonna be nice everyone's gonna be kind of echo chamber that we wanted checking into like a mental facility over trump winning that's so funny they sold themselves in the idea that it is full german nazism yeah and then when they're like wait most of this country is german nazis sure oh what and they can't they can't they can't go oh i think that was wrong but he's not even like he's you know he's rich like go move to london or something so many rich people saying it's hard for them we were dying the other day at our buddy who was saying that like uh he there's like this person

that is very sympathetic to israel stuff and we're saying to get on her good side but he's german being like yeah my grandfather's actually in the holocaust like oh uh must have lost a lot of people like yeah right at the end there for sure those last few days were tough what camp he sort of moved around a little bit you know like my mom's south american like you met so many people in venezuela who in Venezuela whose family were German. Blue eyes. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, when did you come over?

Oh, 1947, 6. You're like, I know what your dad did. I wonder how you bought this beautiful house. Hitler's cousin moved to New York City. There's like a whole family of Hitlers. They obviously changed their name. Jimmy Hitler. Yeah.

No, it's something. It's like Tim Hitler or something. Did you hear about... That's what they call Tim Dillon. Did you hear about Hitler's great-great-nephew who got caught for... Who got actually arrested, charged, and put in prison for being a pedophile? No. Yeah.

Oh, man. That's a funny thing. Disgracing the Hitler name. Yeah. Hitler would have been mad about that. Yeah. He would have been fucking furious. Hitler's like, I get why you don't like me

I'm still against that Dragging the family name through the mud So many pedophile facts Very pedo episode Imagine you have one Briton here We go straight to pedophilia The whole country Mate I'm inoculating you

So you're going to go over And you're going to come out Doing pedophile gags in Cockney rhyming slang. You're going to, in about, give it six weeks, you'll be selling out the O2. Your special will be on the BBC. Can you call it the Oxygen? Why do they keep doing O2?

Why do they keep doing the O2? Yeah. I don't know. What do you think of the Liam Gallagher brothers getting back together? Is that a big deal for you? No. See how long it lasts. See if they actually make it to new york sure yeah i mean the ticket sales look pretty brisk so they'll be walking away from a chunk of change if they

oh you're kidding me yeah yeah yeah they're selling huh oh they're playing metlife wow that's gonna be you after your hiatus coming back to america yeah i'm gonna find it i mean i i saw them at glastonbury once in my tent whichever one of them playing America. I'm going to find it. I mean, I saw them at Glastonbury once in my tent, whichever one of them playing Wonderwall. I'm trying to sleep and I'm like,

this is fucking lovely. Oh, what a band. No, you hear Wonderwall, you go, shut the fuck, oh,

it's the actually them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. better someone at the fire. Yeah. Shut the fuck,

oh, it's them. Oh, okay. No, you went to Glaston. Glaston, yeah.

Yeah. Where did you go? The Cure year. Which was? It was the Cure. Lizzo was there. It was like, I think it was 2019. 2019.

So it was some recent. Yeah. Did you have a good time? Blast. Blast. I got on the comedians one. Like, we have a place for you to stay. I'm like, no, no.

I'm tenting with like, I got a group. Good. Good choice. Yeah. And they were like, do you want to use showers like i got wet wipes uh what now wet wipes oh yeah yeah exactly oh we had right by the fucking toilets where our where's our little camp so the wind would shift i'm like oh yeah but at least we didn't get pissed on much because people like you're already right by the toilets don't piss on these tents yeah just go right there yeah yeah it's it's great you think they were incredible up the hill from

from pyramid stage so yeah god damn what a fucking festival it was they had something for everybody those kids they had a whole kid section we're like don't don't bug them yeah and then they had the all night fucking giant robot blasting fire yeah and that went to like 5 a.m you can't sleep near there no but god you go to sleep when the sun came up and try to it's an amazing festival yeah should be sponsored by barocca yeah the only way to survive it was barocca look how we've left you yeah what are we talking about here i saw oasis once barocca i would say barocca is uh barocca you need to fucking Barocca is Barocca Barocca is Ozepic for hangovers Yeah

That's what Because everybody is a functional alcoholic in the UK It's the only way to survive the weather And the general air of misery It's a drink It's a tablet it fizzes up And then it's just Tons of vitamins make your urine

Orange Orange And then you back and then you go to work and then you do your terrible job do one before and one the next day no hangovers you get through Edinburgh how's that taking off here you can get it only on Amazon it's in every pharmacy there

Bayer owns it here but like you can get it on Amazon and you should it's great before you drink it's got a little caffeine lit so be used to get it fucking uh super hungover then going to your job as a teacher yeah it's classic eh yeah yeah yeah but then you know the kids behaved because if they they knew if you came they were also a little hungover yeah a little right action yeah you just breathed on them and they fucking died so right yeah that's how you do it francis is like let me show you about the uniting the right and the left now take your seat yeah so you know that's how you

that's how you kept control baraka it really is good you you have one in the morning you're like oh and you're like oh i'm fine yeah like really within 10 minutes yeah it's it is genuinely that's when it would be the country's greatest export. Yeah, it might well be. For real. So if you're having a bad day, you're like, oh, mate, I feel fucking terrible. It's not even a question anymore. People go, have you had Barocca? You're like, of course. Obviously, yeah. Yeah, it's not even a question.

It is now part of the tapestry, the rich tapestry of my fine nation. Nice. That reminds me of Joe Liszt a bit about he was talking to his wife. He was in a hotel, and he was like, I'm i'm having trouble sleeping and she goes have you tried masturbating goes oh that's so sweet that you thought i hadn't thought of yeah we're already cranked three out well that's your brain's first thing to you is they go yeah why don't you jerk off and you're like why don't you fuck off? Like, wake it up

and your sock's still around your dick. Like, wow, really did the trick. You put a sock on your dick? What do you do? Just fucking freewheel it? Let it fly anywhere? Yeah. I'm a rebel. You live in a humid environment. You put the sock on the dick? I don't put the sock on the dick. He puts the sock on the dick.

Inside out so it's smoother. Her sock? You just pop one up. Then the whole thing is just gone. What type of what? Like a gym sock? Yeah, like anything. But doesn't it kind of kill the vibe? You're not looking for vibe at that point. You're a big vibe guy

when you're freaking one out? You're looking down and you see the sock, that's your problem? Yeah. Let me ask you a question. When you're masturbating, you stare at it no but if i wait this does nothing for me looking at your own dick to masturbate see maybe that's a cross the pond situation we're looking at the porn site or it might be that i'm a flagrant narcissist i don't know yeah there he is yeah but like this is all a bunch of nonsense but you've got to check that out by the way it's incredible but anyway no if you feel it feels uh doesn't it now you just do

lightly just like it feels like when you were younger and just rubbing it through you gotta go smooth okay yeah you know i do one of these the the indian fire It's like a prison fleshlight Prison fleshlight I love it I can now see why it's called the boys cast And you've got mainly male viewers And listeners I can imagine this doesn't appeal to

The vast majority of the ladies Heaven forbid you disgrace a masturbation session With a sock The queen did not intend for that. No, she didn't. God rest her soul. You shut your fucking whole mouth. Don't you say anything.

She was great. She had fucking power. She made a lot of Trump. She fucking took over. Took no shit from anybody. All she did was do a couple of handshakes and fucking destroy India. Brought back crappy spices that she should have left there. Gave you a national dish of curry. Without that,

we have no late night food in my new country. Yeah. The food would have been way better if they didn't bring back all this nonsense. Is it Great Britain or England? Right, here's the thing. I literally asked him this exact same thing the other day. Right, okay, so it depends. So we're talking about United Kingdom, which is Northern Ireland, Scotland, England, Wales.

Great Britain, which is England, Scotland, Wales. And then England is its own little kingdom. So do they consider Scotland a country? Yeah. No, we don't. We consider them kind of like a... Provinces? It's a bit strong.

It's kind of... You know your kind of alcoholic little brother who lives in the shed at the bottom of your garden and that you have to subsidize? That's basically the Scots. Alaska. Wow. It's Alaska.

You're going to push that 1%. They're gone, bro. They're gone. And let's not get onto the Welsh. Have you been there? Have you seen them? No, they're rare bits. Now, where is the Welsh. Have you been there? Have you seen them? They're rare bits. Now, where is the Welsh?

Welsh. Southwest? Yeah. The Welsh is this little country over there where they're all... It's their New Zealand. No, it's not. It's a third world country. It's really poor.

It's really sad. Musket shots fired. You walked, Ari. But he does have to leave. We have five o'clock. So yeah, he's got to rip out. So we will wrap this up. Where can we find you?

He's got a big dinner with some big celebrities. We can't talk about it. Who's your dinner with? Adrian Appalachian, Louis C.K. You heard of him? Oh, yeah. And Oprah's coming, too. This boy to protest us.

Prince Harry. All right, Shafir, he's got a big tour coming up. The farewell tour. Pittsburgh, Denver, Seattle, Vancouver, he's got a big tour coming up. The farewell tour. Pittsburgh, Denver, Seattle, Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Portland, Tahoe, and many others. Go to ari shafir.com. My new podcast.

What's it called? You Be Trippin'. Danny's on. This is coming out January, February. June. Okay, so you're here for a bit. Yeah. Love you. Peace, brother. Peace. And then Francis, you all June okay so you're here for a bit yeah alright yeah love you peace brother peace and then Francis

you all know him and love him from Trigonometry do you say Trigonometry or Trigonometry Francis Fordnopula right you can fuck off mate I'm gonna get you

turned away from the border so yeah I've also got a podcast called a new one called Francis Foster Sorts Your Life Out. We're going to have to get all your boys on it. Yes, yeah.

And follow me on the socials, Francis J. Foster. Yes, sir. All right, the boys cast appreciate you. Peace. Later.