The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Blog tries to Normalize Cannibalism, Tumblr CEO Fights the Trans Community, and Rappers get Called Gay
Episode Date: March 1, 2024Normalize Cannibalism! A lady with huge cans is tired of being called “she” and Vice Magazine is finally over. SUPPORT THE BOYS PATREON.COM/THEBOYSCAST SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! Prizepicks - Go to w...ww.prizepicks.com and use code BOYSCAST for a first deposit match of up to $100 XBar - Go to xbar.com and use code BOYS at checkout for 15% off plus free 12-week fitness program Talkspace - Go to http://talkspace.com/boyscast for $80 off your first month Babbel - Go to http://babbel.com/boyscast to get 50% off one-time payment of lifetime subscription ON TOUR: Dallas: March 1/2, Baltimore: March 15-16, DC: March 17, Calgary: March 8/9, March 17:Boston: March 23, Winnipeg: April 4-6, Atlanta: April 12/13, San Diego: April 19/20, Houston: May 5, Austin: May 3/4, New Zealand: July 24, Australia: July 25-August 1st SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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In a new book, President Biden is quoted as saying the key to his long marriage is the good sex,
and what many people are calling a really gross image.
California resident Brad Thompson has said,
Look, it's one thing if Biden wants us to believe there's no inflation or his memory is good,
but asking me to believe that he's just laying the smackdown on Jill in the bedroom
is a bridge too far even for me.
Biden's press secretary has released a statement backing him up,
saying Mr. Biden lays pipe just as good today as he did when he was 25,
and that it's actually Donald Trump who can't f**k.
The First Lady is constantly walking funny around the White House, and if you think President Biden isn't drilling her properly, then you ain't black.
Members of the media are coming forward now, saying they have seen evidence first hand in the Lex Steele dossier of Mr. Biden just absolutely going to town on the
First Lady, and can personally attest to her having multiple O's every time he revs up the
jackhammer, which he allegedly refers to as his Keystone XL pipe. The Boys Cast. The Dudes. Prepare yourselves for the Boys Cast.
The Bros.
Just the Boys Cast.
The Holies.
Just the Boys Cast.
The Dudes.
Experiences.
The Boys Cast.
The Boys Cast.
Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys.
Please.
We are here at the Boys Cast where Danny has vowed to light himself on fire
to protest the $19 Big Mac.
The $19, yeah.
There's a lot of things I'm going to be protesting.
If this is effective, this lighting on fire stuff,
if this ends the war,
every time my chick's like,
let's go do something,
I go, I'll just grab a fucking gas lighter.
I go, I don't think so.
We're not doing shit, all right? I'll tell you what's going to be happening you know those uh one dollar big
mac days when they do that once a year well that's gonna be happening every time or option two that
was sort of that's sort of your gaza strip yeah the funny thing is where we where the studio is
here cape horn's blocked at this uh ramada inn is it i just carry just i just carry
one of these just full of gasoline everywhere i go i'm like i'm lighting myself on fire to protest
vice magazine going under yeah that's real shame we should go over to their offices yeah so what
are you thinking about the the lighting on fire uh mean, it's a big debate right now.
Can you joke about it?
No, no, no.
Everybody's like, is he mentally ill?
Because all these people are like, he's not mentally ill.
He's a hero.
A lot of people were sort of on board with that idea.
People got really mad because MSNBC ran a thing on it.
And then at the end of it, they go you're if you're suicidal call the suicide hotline
and then the people were like what the fuck msnbc and they did it with like an israel flag in the
background on their like big giant thing whatever and then they're like people are like what he
wasn't suicidal he's a hero right why would you tell people to go if they're trying to be heroes
like would you tell the firefighters on 9-11 when they're going to rescue people go hey if you're thinking about going to rescue
people on 9-11 maybe consider calling the suicide hotline well there is a lot of people that sort
of made a name for themselves by being that like think about those famous photos like the one guy
who lit himself on fire the name i've seen his photo i'll tell you that much monkey john
monkey monkey john you're telling me you don't see that guy everywhere man that guy I'll tell you that much. Monkey John. Monkey John.
You're telling me you don't see that guy everywhere, man?
That guy is an iconic photo. I do, but you said he made a name for himself
and then could not name him.
He made an image for himself, that's for sure.
I don't really remember what he was protesting either,
but something.
The fire monk.
I will tell you that I was looking into
doing some sort of monk-related sketch,
and then I was like,
fuck, I got to get a bald cap and shave my beard,
and I go, nah.
Well, also, yeah, you you probably need a lot of gasoline i need like a truck get your one leg i gotta call like cushing oklahoma being like how much can you send me yeah i didn't really have
too much of an opinion on that one way or another you're kind of like okay that happened i guess
i don't know if it's making a difference. Someone lit themselves on fire.
I mean, do we want to set the precedent
that lighting yourself on fire is effective?
What do you mean we set the precedent
by saying he's a hero?
Well, I mean, it's accomplishing nothing.
I mean, you could say that, yeah.
I kind of think about that as all this sort of stuff.
Yeah, you might.
But I mean, I don't know about society
has an obligation to like make this guy
not be a hero i don't think you say what you think i think right it's a guy who lit himself
on fire who's a kind of a communist who happened to be like in the u.s air force yeah and he's
really and he's kind of like a commie i feel like he could have went harder on his speech because
he sort of just did it i feel like he could have while he was doing it he could have released like
a better video or something live stream but he didn't really say i didn't see him his speech wasn't that he just was i'm not
gonna be complicit in the genocide there's actually a thing came out i don't know if this is verified
or not but he was um like he would evaluate uh u.s intelligence on and he was saying that he had
some massive scam you should have why didn't you release it then well no the he was saying that
that's what i'm sort of getting at.
Part of the reason that he did this
was because he saw proof
that there were actual U.S. soldiers
in Gaza killing Hamas.
Why didn't he say that in his speech?
His exit interview.
His exit interview?
That's a good question.
I mean, that would be a massive...
Like, if he did,
if that turned out to be true,
that would be a huge scandal.
Because America, if you ask America,
they're like, we don't have troops on the ground in Gaza.
Like, we don't have one person there.
So this would be this whole, like, dark
black ops department thing.
I think the black ops are everywhere, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But this would be a massive scandal
because Biden's out there saying, hey...
I mean, the CIA, probably a lot of times,
they just pay the other armies, you know what I mean?
Or mercenaries.
Yeah, exactly.
They go, technically, this guy's not.
Yes, the United States government, the CIA hired him
and we're paying him, but technically,
he's not a member of the United States military.
Well, what he was saying was he's saying
members of the United States military are in the tunnels
in Gaza, killing him off.
Where was he saying that?
It was on, I don't know where either
on his facebook or like to your friend but that is one of the reports so he was sort of posting
this stuff on his facebook wasn't really getting as much traction as he saw guys like a friend's
post i think honestly if you don't want your friend to self-immolate because he can't get
enough attention from the internet yeah i think you need to just help him crack the algorithm
because if that guy was going viral every day he probably wouldn't be doing this 100 if he was just
you know doing one of those like sitting in his car like you know like one of those like
long island guys on tiktok yes a million views just sitting in the front seat venting and it
was going viral no need to light himself up he would definitely walk in his house see the matches
and the gasoline and just be like well we're we're not going to be needing that. Not today.
Yeah, not today.
No, no, no.
He'll need it to turn his car on to heat it while he's making his videos in the wintertime.
That's what he would need it for.
It's chilly, but...
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have decoupled.
Now...
Really?
This is the beat that's been going around for a little bit.
And there's a lot of...
It's a bombshell, right?
Well, no.
A lot of people have been saying that they've been sort of living separate lives doing their own thing
now it is allegedly official now i'm not saying the lion news media gets it right every time
but if you are a man out there looking for a woman that can sort of you can shack up with her she can
sort of drain every last little bit of fame you maybe extract you from your friends your family sort of uh you know maybe you can have some projects together that she's
going to be very creatively involved in that they'll all bomb sure if you're looking for
something like that megan markle is officially on the market okay i mean this is the first i'm
hearing of this maybe an athlete maybe a saudi prince this is uh we're dropping bombshells on this if you're looking
for a woman yeah they can sort of you know jada pinkett smith style just her presence can sort of
turn you into a laughingstock when at one point you were royalty sure that is she can offer that
that should be in her tinder bio that she's like are you tired of people not looking at you with disdain and laughter
are you a prince potentially all right well she's gonna not one of the crappy princes we're not
talking like the prince of sweden no offense sweden she's going for i think their only options
is she has to go like saudi prince potentially zhi zhi ping maybe oh she would make like a good
basketball player is probably what she ends up with. The North Korea guy.
Now we're talking.
Maybe Pol Pot's kid.
Maybe marry him.
He's available still. That would be...
If the United States foreign policy is looking to do something,
send Meghan Markle over.
Get her to date the leaders of those places.
Have them just subtly drain them of any credibility,
of any likability.
And then you sort of have someone... if you wanted to turn an election put megan merkel on that guy yeah he will not be getting
elected the next season now again some of these places do not have i was gonna say i don't know
i don't know when kim jong-un is up for election i believe sometime in 2180 i'm telling you man if
you put her if you put megan merkel on saddam hus at the time, you wouldn't have to do that whole war.
The guy would have just made himself so unpopular
they would have sodomized him without him even doing anything.
Assad?
Put Merkle on him?
I think she is one of the most deadly weapons that America has.
She can bring down princes.
She can bring down any man.
Not for Netflix, though. She's getting the views over on Netflix.
She's not getting views.
Dude, last year i
believe i i think this is like our things are all bomb my friend my conspiracy podcast gets less
views than our podcast my conspiracy brain really kicked into gear on this one because all of a
sudden the show's been off the air for how many years suits and then they go that was like the
number one viewed show on netflix last year i'm not denying you that Suits is doing okay and that Merkel
is doing okay. What I am saying
is Prince Harry is
in a far lower position than he was
and Meghan Markle is in a far higher position
than she was. And Meghan Markle
has the ability to do that to you
or your friend. This is a one
woman wrecking squad that the
United States government should be utilizing.
And this is the type of thing that they need to be thinking about.
They should send her into North Korea, to be honest.
Listen!
Any man that you think is getting out of line,
you don't need to be doing all these covert operations.
Put a Merkel on her.
Put a Merkel on her.
Hey.
Yeah.
I'm not telling the United States how to run their...
Merkel-durking.
I'll tell you what, they will be laying in bed all day
because they won't want to get out because everyone thinks they're a joke
you're not at South Park making episodes
about these people
it's tough man you gotta feel for Prince Harry
I do feel for Prince Harry but at the same
time you know how many
how many warnings can a man get
listen if I've got a friend and he's with
the worst person of all time and I'm not saying
she's the worst person of all time but I'm saying if you have a friend that's clearly getting
dragged out and everyone, to the point where people are like, what are you doing, buddy?
And he goes, well, how about I don't talk to you anymore?
And then his friends and his family.
And he goes, she's just breaking.
And then, yeah, you're like, we can't even say anything to her because she's just breaking
everybody.
I mean, if this was the other way around and there was a guy dating a girl and-
It's abuse.
Everyone would describe
this yeah they go yeah he's he's abusing her and i'm not even hating the player megan merkle i'm
hating the game of the united states foreign policy that refuses to use the one-man wrecking
crew that you have at your disposal sounds like you've been watching more crappy movies ryan
sounds like you've been watching some sort of really shitty action movie where they go
they got to bring in the big guns and you're like it could be megan markle
listen if the united states government hide she put megan on the payroll get her taken down
dictator she has the ability to take down princess man there's nothing this woman can't do ultimate
honeypot she is the ultimate ultimate honeypot yeah now i like it before we move on
i have to show you um president uh javier javier uh what's the guy's name again how do you try it
no i'd rather i'd like to try it a few more times javier malay yeah okay yeah so vivek ramaswamy
and javier malay you're just throwing the fucking all the tough ones So Vivek Ramaswamy and Javier Millet. God damn, you're just throwing all the tough ones today.
Vivek Ramaswamy and Javier Millet met, the two of them.
You know?
Yep.
First meeting, just having a good time.
Now you tell me, now there's audio listeners, so we're going to have to commentate.
You tell me if you think this is a reasonable amount of time for two men to be shaking hands.
I honestly couldn't believe what I was watching.
It's a Trump handshake, though.
It's the Trump school of handshaking.
I think they're both going to the Trump school
of handshaking. Yeah, they both love Trump.
At one point, they're just holding hands for a good...
They're just talking to each other, holding hands.
This is what they do. He says, holding hands, and he goes,
well, how you been doing? They're just talking to each other.
Whoever blinks first loses, right?
See how you pulled away? That's not what these two did, my friend.
I didn't go to the Trump school.
Okay.
Javier goes in, grabs Vivek's hand.
The two of them, you know, they're engaged in a shake.
They got a little bit of shake going.
They're talking to each other.
Yeah, yeah.
So we're still shaking.
We are about four seconds in.
Look at this.
Javier Millet is not looking to budge vivek
is starting to feel uncomfortable he wants out of this shake this is not working for him at this
point there is no movement on the shake there's just oh there we go there we go so they go for
that is the fourth shake so they go for a fourth shake now they're back to standing still they're
still shaking ladies and gentlemen we might be going for the longest shake in the history of mankind.
And then we go for another shake.
He tried to pull away.
The question is, who ended it?
Vivek tried to pull away there, and Millay pulled him a little bit further.
Now the shake, a laugh, and Javier did a fake laugh,
and he acted like the laugh was the reason he sort of pulled out,
which was sort of a boss move.
That might be the longest handshake I've ever seen in the history of politics.
That was an insane handshake.
Do you want to know how long it was what are we talking about look at the time
so they start shaking at the one second mark and they stop shaking at
44 second handshake
that's that's how presidents shake you're all 45 we're normal people so we don't know
how to shake hands like presidents but you're all on 45 we're normal people so we don't know how to shake hands like
presidents but you're the president of country they fucking shook hands for 45 seconds this is
how trudeau shakes hands it goes it's a limp hand daniel's doing limp hand for like four seconds
how do you shake hands for 45 seconds i don't even know why they're trying to cock each other
does malay even speak english no That's like the one thing.
He was translating.
He's sort of saying stuff.
I didn't have the sound on there, but he's sort of saying stuff.
And then Vivek is sort of has someone translating and then he's listening to the translator
and that's how they're cocking.
I was going to say, I'm like, from what I understand, he doesn't know any English.
Two guys that don't speak English shaking hands for 45 seconds.
Two guys that can't speak to each other.
Tough. Not wild. You got to learn that in finishing school, I guess. 45 seconds can't speak to each other tough not wild
you gotta learn that in finishing
school I guess that's what they teach in
politics finishing school it's just that fucking
I've never seen anything like that I wonder what the record
was pre-Trump I bet you it was nowhere near that
I bet you hey Trump
extended handshakes doubled I don't think
he's ever done a minute and a half handshake
I wonder
I wonder if he gets someone who's like as
alpha as him, you know, like if he
like... You get him and Jocko?
Him and Putin shaking, that thing's never
ending. The lights are going out. The
janitor's coming in at the end of the night and be like, you guys
still? And they go, just keep going.
Clean it up.
Turn off the lights. I really like what you're
doing there. Oh, you got so much money.
Oh, so much money.
It was very nice to hear.
I heard a video the other day of Trump talking to this Saudi Arabia guy,
and he's just like, and this costs this much?
Oh, that's peanuts for you guys.
Look at this.
Such a rich man.
12 and a half.
12 and a half billion.
Yeah.
Trump and Putin handshake probably goes on for a minute,
but I don't think I've ever seen anything in this vein.
I mean, no way Trump allows, neither of them allow
I don't know if it was the alpha thing as much as you think
it is. I think it might have been a little bit of like
them not understanding like, oh, in his culture
he likes to shake and then he goes, well, if Vivek likes to
shake, then I'm not going to tell his culture
not to shake. I mean, the
Trump-Putin shake ends with the
bell going and then Herb Dean comes in and just
splits them up.
Good game, good game.
Alright guys, we got a good shake. That was a good shake.
Both of you get to your corners. We're going to go round two.
That's the only way.
A couple other quick things.
Bill Cosby's wife,
despite the rumors, so this is a reverse
Meghan Markle, Bill Cosby's wife
has said that she's not leaving him despite the rumors.
Real ride or die.
All you gold diggers out there who thought Cosby was going to be on the market,
the cause is a tied down man and will remain a tied down man.
Yeah, and a free man.
Also, it's sort of an ultimate love story.
Love does conquer all, you know what I mean?
No matter what he's going through, she's just ride or die, sticking by him.
Not like that Vince McMahon's wife.
Exactly.
She's not getting divorced, getting out there.
She's staying with her man the way the Lord intended
when they took those vows.
Through sickness and in health,
through richer and poorer.
They didn't really mention in the vows
what the Cosby's...
The criminality.
What poorer was going to exactly entail.
Oh, they got it.
They're caked up.
They're fine.
Did I ever...
Did I tell you that I know a comic
who had a cause story
no
I guess I won't say his name
he might have told it publicly
I'm not sure
but he basically said
back in the day
they knew a girl
that was on the Cosby show
she was dating a guy
and then he went
and then when cause
she showed up the audition
Cosby said he wanted to talk to her
in the room by herself
and he goes
so this has happened like 20 years ago and he's like we just this is just something that
happened we always sort of thought this about cause cosby basically went in the room with her
and brought her for the solo audition and then just started grabbing her boobs in the in the
casting room he just goes just grab the boobs right and then apparently she was kind of like
oh what am i going to do and then they sort of agreed she was just going to be on the movie but
she goes it's never going to be on set with cosby or stay away
from him because she had a role on a couple episodes we go i'm never going to be in a solo
room with cosby yeah and then cosby apparently got her in the room solo again and just started
grabbing her whatever so apparently he just comes like a straight up like old school like honk honk
you know what i mean apparently he causes like straight up goes for the honks right and crazy and then here's the crazy part so then apparently because of this they decided to make
like a phone call to him and she had his personal number so she called him and apparently he was
there and then her boyfriend was there and some other people so they called the cause and they
were like listen like what you're doing like this has to stop like you know this is my wife or girlfriend or whatever and like we're legal and cosby goes
you know who the fuck you and apparently they thought they were gonna have a conversation
they like weren't expecting this and cosby goes do you know who the fuck you're dealing with
you'll never work in this town again maybe not that exactly but paraphrasing like you do not
know who you are messing with right now all of you what's your name i i dare you to come after me i will bury you i'll make
all this he's you know he came he said apparently it was like a big speech and they were all just
like denzel from training day apparently you went hard in the paint so this is before any of this
stuff he said that he's been like saying this forever because he's been a sexual predator for
a while but apparently it's like straight up like on anybody it was he was apparently he's been like saying this forever because he had a sexual predator for a while, but apparently it's like straight up like on anybody.
It's was,
he was apparently he's just like walking around honking tits.
That's crazy.
I actually heard crazy.
I don't know if it's the same person,
but I heard a story about,
um,
this kid who was on,
uh,
the,
the kids say the darndest things or whatever with him.
And he actually said that he never said the darndest things and that and that uh cosby just kind of edited it saying that he didn't say anything
darndest because i didn't say the darndest things at all i was actually quite smart and then they
deceptively edited everything to make it seem like they were more darndest like i was saying
the darndest things and i wasn't so i don't know what sounds like a cosby's not a good guy yeah
you know what's funny in the sort of
like because there's this I think it started with the Cat Williams thing but the black community is
having like a reckoning of like tell-alls which is like and uh you know what I mean uh and but
and Puff Daddy P Diddy is like I'm not buying some of this getting killed on it well the and you
might be right but the funny part about it is like in the, in the
kind of like the white, uh, reckoning, it was all the producers and stuff that were
like trying to get girls to have sex.
The black ones that take them down.
It's all just like gay stuff.
Like every guy is like every sort of like black me too is essentially like this guy's
gay.
It really is.
Cause like if you had sort of like uh a girl come out and say you know
uh oh he like uh was pushing with me or cheat on his wife but the gay stuff is killing these guys
and they're saying and so they're saying like meek mills gay so pd's producer comes out and
it was really like there was a lot of bad stuff that was happening diddy and there was sort of
a lot of allegations this is all because of that New York law where you go, the last chance law
thing or whatever. This is what started
a lot of it, yeah. There's a guy on the subway. It's so crazy.
Like, there's this dude on a subway. This ad
all over the New York subways right now. This guy who's
like a professor at Columbia and it's
his face and was like, did this guy
rape you? What?
What? He was like,
there's still time to
basically come after him. You got another window? But there's like there's still time to to basically come out you got another window
but there's like it's just his face and that's a wild this guy sexually assaults you and they're
like ads all over the new york subway like imagine you're like i didn't do that oh my god
throwing your shit all over but yeah it's like whatever this last chance to, to get. So P Diddy, it's his cameraman,
right?
And he's basically,
he's sort of,
he is pushing it.
Cause he was sort of saying like,
first that like,
okay,
P Diddy was throwing these parties and there was prostitutes.
And then he made me,
you know,
have sex with the prostitute.
And that was like,
in some of these environments where it's like,
okay,
you're partying with these like rappers and you're basically like living with
them,
filming with them, your're friends with them.
And there was a prostitute and they like encourage you to bang one of them.
Like none of that really seems like you, I guess it gets a little blurry.
It probably like in some comedy environments, you're just like, you know, it's a little
blurry of like, is this your friend or this your employee?
You know what I mean?
Cause if this was your body and you're like, oh, my body made me have sex with a prostitute
and you're like, well, what did it make me? Yeah, exactly're like well what did make me yeah exactly it's like i'm not your
wife pal you did it what are the repercussions here yeah like i'm not your wife like if you did
it you did it like you're like he made me it's like or what he'd fire you it's like well i don't
know like you don't have to like have yeah okay well you then i guess you can sit and then so it
gets a little it's not that damn thingning of like, it's your employer.
I understand.
And then the other ones,
he was like,
he goes,
uh,
so this guy's little Rod Jones,
uh,
which is bad.
Tough name.
No,
right.
And it's,
it's rap music.
It's the opposite.
It's the opposite.
It calls little Rod.
Little Rod's packing.
Yeah.
Little Rod's a goddamn fucking, it's like an ironic homage yeah you go he's a
tripod well that's why people always call you little rod the tripod i've heard people call
you gigantic rod paulishak as i get in that community but they go throughout the time
living with mr combs i was a victim of constant unsolicited unsolicited and unauthorized groping
and touching of my anus
so i mean i don't know what that means where they're just like constantly touching your butt
but like i mean anus is not even the out like that's not like the butt well how do they get
into your anus what does that even mean well i guess that's like well i but i could see a scenario
in like a group of dudes where you're just like we keep slapping that guy's ass because it's funny
i know that that's not really the culture i mean he is misrepresenting this if
he was getting his ass slapped and he goes they were touching my well they they basically said
medical term they dismissed it as friendly horseplay i don't know about getting well
here's the question up your pooper i think the question is for a male to male ass slap Is do you
Cup the hand
That probably is a big difference
If you keep the hand straight
As soon as you get curvature on the fingers
It starts to become a little gay
He's touching his butthole
Anus is the butthole
This is what I'm saying
This isn't a little friendly funny slap
I'm just seeing it seems a little weird
That this guy's like oh I'm on tour with P. Diddy
and he keeps like coming and fingering my butthole
like that just seems unlikely
and difficult if you don't want it to happen
but he's sort of saying like
P. Diddy like hey
something can you plug that thing over
in the corner there
there's just like a thing
did he go up the shorts
you're like literally on all fours like trying to fix this thing well yeah what's the scenario where this guy's just
constantly like touching your butt but and then he was kind of saying like oh they had me watch
well he had all these sex workers and then he goes uh uh that big actor what's his name who
was in hustle and flow i think he said him was gay terrence howard yeah or maybe
the other guy that i always confused with terrence howard said one of those guys are gay then he says
uh meek mill he's just like all these guys that you're just like it seems kind of unlikely that
meek mill's going over to p diddy's house and just like banging dudes in front of all these like
random people you think so yeah there is i guess there's this photo of meek mill dressed the same
as p diddy with like
i don't know i could keep seeing that but they're wearing matching outfits well what do you think
you said that you see i mean i'll say where there's smoke like the season where there's smoke
there's fire certainly he must have done something fucked up because oh i'm not saying too many
things okay all this stuff with girls seems like maybe but but david said he's gay for a while
and i'm not even saying that maybe pd he's not gay
it just seems yeah maybe pd but it's like they're trying to make him like an epstein it just seems
crazy that there was like a slew of like other famous actors coming over and like sucking dick
man maybe honestly i don't know this appears listen i'm tapped into a lot of musicians i'm
tapped into hollywood to some degree i've never heard anyone that I know that's a guy personally have a story
where they're just like,
fucking P. Diddy tried to bang me.
I've never heard any of these first things.
I'm not saying it's completely out of the question.
I mean, he got off on a gun.
He did get off on a gun charge that he for sure did.
Well, yeah.
Well, I'm sort of picturing in my own head,
what's the scenario?
You're putting him into this kind of weird, Well, I'm sort of picturing in my own head, what's the scenario? Like, so he brings like an Epstein.
Like, you're putting him into this like kind of weird sexual Hollywood cabal thing. It's a different sort of thing, though, because I get if anything that happens with girls,
you're kind of like, well, I don't know.
Like, what's those two sides of the story?
What's the evidence?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
With the guys, I'm sort of like, I'm trying to picture it.
And you're just like, you know, what's that thing where it's like, what's the most obvious
explanation?
Yeah. What's that? Occam's like, what's the most obvious explanation? Yeah.
Occam's Razor.
Occam's Razor.
Occam's Razor.
Like, Occam's Razor on this one isn't that every rapper is going over and just having
these gay orgies.
That's a tough one, too, because if you think that the guys...
And they're not even picking guys that seem gay.
Big risk reward on that, too, if you're these guys, too, because if you're saying that P.
Diddy, you did gay stuff with P. Diddy, but then you lose the lawsuit, well, then you're just like this... It's also... Well, then you're these guys too because if you're saying that P. Diddy like did you did gay stuff with P. Diddy
but then you like
lose the lawsuit
well then you're just like
well then you're gay
yeah that's true
you didn't get it paid out
it also seems like
there's so many of them
like they say it about
Eminem and Dr. Dre are gay
they say these guys are gay
it's like
there's so many rappers
you're just like
what are the even odds
that like 90% of rappers
are all fucking gay
I think that's just
the ultimate shit talk
to a rapper
is calling them gay
that's what I think yeah and I think that also if you're trying to get a guy to settle on a
case yep okay what's the most one he wouldn't want to go public with like if you were just like oh
this girl's accusing you of something the guy's like well i'll fight that tooth and nail and i'll
fucking bankrupt you because you're wrong about this and i'll prove my name where the guy's like
okay i'm gonna i have all this footage i'm gonna say that you're gay and the guy's like okay how much do you yeah like some of these might
be more like he's dealing with a lot of serious shit like he's got a lot on his plate right now
so much on his plate 20 of these i know yeah so i don't maybe that guy just hoped he's gonna get
one in and maybe just get a little but a lot of the other ones i could picture the scenario like
i could picture a scenario where he has all these prostitutes over and he's like telling people to fuck the prostitutes
and all that shit i mean that doesn't seem like far-fetched no but it does seem far-fetched that
like p diddy and meek mill sneak into the other room and they're like bangy like open the door
and they're like close that door and there's fuck yeah that doesn't seem like something diddy would
do that sounds like something will smith would do i'm telling you every black actor or rapper is getting fucking crushed down
the case they might be wearing the dress because they want to he's also suing the tequila brand
because the tequila brand sponsored the party and he was like well you should have known that
all this shit wasn't going on this is starting to seem like a frivolous lawsuit hey that's what
i'm sort of saying man yeah i'm not saying dude he's not up to nothing but this guy's suit i don't
have a lot of criticisms of America, like some people do.
I don't have a lot, but the criminal, the justice system in terms of the lawsuits in
this country is ridiculous.
Let me posit you something.
He came in and he saw those two naked, but they didn't also see that there was a girl
that they were running a train on, which is like a big activity probably with that community.
Yeah.
The guy's like, oh, I just saw the two of them in naked.
And you're like, well, no, the girl is.
And they weren't wearing their Tims.
So he goes, well, if they're not wearing their Tims, then they must be having sex with themselves.
Doesn't make sense.
Hey, listen.
Doesn't make sense otherwise.
Okay.
I will say, I know you mentioned beforehand you wanted me to tee you up because you had
a real bone to pick with this article that was portraying people that steal as two girls oh what the fbi thing you said you walked in here today
okay you go let me fucking have it let me let me just pull this up here um no so the fbi
uh their their twitter account which i think they might be a bunch of tricksters and
jokesters over at the fbi because this is kind of kind of funny so um they put they posted uh two
days ago they go higher prices dangerous products and closing businesses these are just some of the
impacts organized retail theft has on everyday americans learn what the fbi does to combat these
crimes on the federal level to protect shoppers across the country.
FBI.gov. And they show
two photos of
young women. What'd you drop?
Anyway, they show two
photos of these young white women,
which is just hilarious. Because yes, I'll be the
first to concede.
The biggest thieves...
Like, when I was in high school and in college,
every girl I knew stole.
They do like it.
And they be stealing.
They be stealing.
Okay.
They didn't.
Some of them did it for.
Teenage girls be stealing.
And they did it for fun.
Regardless of race.
They do it for fun sometimes.
Like it's not even.
The thrill.
It's not even for the, they need the thing.
Sometimes they just like to steal.
Like it wasn't like they.
It's a high for them.
It's a high for them.
They didn't even need to steal.
They just liked to.
But they're talking about-
I remember girls be stealing when I was in high school.
I remember I had these friends in college at Guelph, these two girls, and they were
like, yeah, we go to the mall.
And they're always like, yeah, I stole two pairs of jeans.
I love stealing.
Me and Jarek were dating these two girls once.
And I remember they went to get gas and then fucking tried to run away.
And then they get in the car because the one was dry was her car yeah and she got she
pumps the gas then took off and then the car was trying to come after us they're trying to escape
the car and it was just like what are you ladies for what for what yeah this isn't even shoplifting
you're stealing 30 bucks of gas there's always something with these ladies no chicks love to
shoplift okay but anyways it's just funny because this is the
photo and it's the one photo that they get the least in trouble for even though they're getting
ratioed like to hell i get your point yeah but the funny thing i didn't know if you had to do
all the photoshops where you kept doing all the real people that steal but the funny thing is
what he actually looks like click on the link if you click on the link that the fbi.gov uh gives you right um they have they go here are
three examples of organized retail theft rings that we've broken up and it was a white guy a
chinese guy and a black guy and then they're just like here's two white chicks in their 20s okay so
it didn't even relate to the article no obviously it's just funny yeah and then i will one thing though that i'd like to
i don't know what other people because i keep seeing like these videos i saw this video of
some guy stopping uh it was like a home depot and some guy was trying to steal all the shit
from a home depot okay and then some guy went and like basically he's like get the fuck out of here
and like beat this random dude up who's trying to steal from a home depot you see a lot of those
now and the people vigilante store owners they're not the store owners they're just like vigilante guys just guys where you have
nothing to gain and in the thing he's like this is the reason why all this shit's so expensive
i'm like look uh this might be my god that's his point yeah he goes this is why everything
they are not home depot if theft goes to zero tomorrow, are not passing on the savings to the customer.
I hope you don't think that Home Depot is going to be like, thanks for everybody for
not stealing.
Let's lower the prices of everything.
They might take stuff out of their locked cabinets and they might not raise them again
so much.
Maybe they won't put stuff under lock and key, but they're not lowering.
They're not passing those savings on.
Like for you to go defend,
it's one thing to be like,
this is like a mom and pop.
You're defending Home Depot?
Getting involved, yeah. Like a fucking $80 billion company,
you're like defending them
because you think that the reason
your shit's so expensive is because of theft?
And maybe it is,
but they're not passing those savings on to you
should theft be reduced.
Well, maybe it won't keep getting worse in their opinion.
I don't know. I don't think so. Yeah, well yeah well you're saying you wouldn't do that uh i would not
do that no would you go block the storekeeper off help him out if it was like a shopkeeper
depend the problem is where like in new york city no you're gonna get killed probably what was that
what was the publication that posted the picture of the two white girls as the face of theft
fbi it was the fbi it was the fbi it was picture of the two white girls as the face of theft? FBI.
It was the FBI.
It was the FBI.
It was their personal.
It was their Twitter.
Their newsletter.
It was their Twitter, the FBI Twitter page.
Did you see that one?
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the new york times so this guy who worked at the new york times
he stopped working there and he kind of did an article being like that was fucking nuts
yeah yeah it was a wacky it was a wacky time it was a wacky time in my life and he goes I was a
heretic at the New York Times and there's just one part of it that's really funny because he started
he goes he goes I did what I was hired to do and I was paid for it so he said the first day they
asked him is for his favorite sandwich because they do these like yeah like these tea building
where you're trying to introduce yourself
and you say,
hey, I'm
They sit around in a circle
and he goes
I like Burger King.
Russ and Daughter's
Super Heapster came to mind
but I figured mentioning
the $19 sandwich
wasn't a great way
to win friends
so I blurted out
the spicy chicken sandwich
from Chick-fil-A
and I considered
the ice broken.
The HR representative
leading the orientation chided me.
We don't do that here.
They hate gay people.
And then people started snapping their fingers in acclamation.
That's so crazy that they do that.
I hadn't been thinking about the fact
that Chick-fil-A was transgressive in liberal circles
for its chairman's opposition to gay marriage.
Not the politics, the chicken, I quickly said.
But it was too late.
I sat down, ashamed. Tough first day at the New York Times, huh? opposition to gay marriage not the politics the chicken i quickly said but it was too late i sat
down ashamed tough first day at the new york times huh oh that's one of those things where you're so
embarrassed you just recreate like it just runs on replay in your head you go oh you cringe every
time you're like i can't believe i said chick-fil-a that's the but it's interesting that's the
environment that's going on of course i mean i got chick-fil-a and everyone's just like oh my fucking like who is this you know savage that
we hired and it's funny because this chick ida bay wells who's like this popular journalist or
whatever and i think she works in new york times yeah she's like i worked in the new york times
never happened and this guy this other guy who's like prominent was like yeah i was there that
happened it happened well they probably went through everything too it was like, yeah, I was there. That happened. It happened.
Well, they probably went through everything, too.
It was like, what's your favorite show?
And he's like, The Office.
They're like, oh, my God.
Sorry.
The Chappelle Show.
Oh, my God.
What drink do you like?
I like Starbucks.
Oh, my fucking God.
I just shoot yourself.
Yeah, you go.
I drink water.
I just like water from the tap.
It is something else, though. I i mean that's what you're dealing with
with the new york i mean like look the no love loss for them because they're they're kind of
doing it to themselves like rolling stone did a similar rolling stone's kind of been going down
the vice uh road yeah yeah yeah they're getting so crazy where you think you go hey what kind of
stuff are they doing like just all the same stuff that vice did where it's just so uh wacky it's even wackier now yeah they did a thing on shane where they called war mode holocaust
deniers i saw that yeah you know like that stuff and you're like i know those guys they're not
holocaust deniers they're just asking questions and um i mean that's like the joke on the show but
they uh but no they're they're doing crazy stuff you go like, you've seen this blueprint of how Vice ran itself into the ground.
And they're following it.
Agreed.
Instead of trying to course correct in some way, they're like, no, we're going to follow it.
Okay.
Well, you know what?
Let's talk about the comedy thing a little bit.
Because there's been a lot of stuff that happened.
But we'll say before we start, come to see me on tour this weekend in dallas and then calgary
i'm going to be filming uh taping that weekend so come out to that baltimore washington boston
winnipeg atlanta san diego houston austin new zealand which is the least tickets i've ever
sold in my life on an announcement and australia which is selling great so come to that ryan long
comedy.com new zealand new zealand it's not not going great in new zealand but they love that
chick jacinda Ardern so much
that she probably said don't go to Ryan's show loser just take a vaccine instead but Australia
the dogs are coming out so and Danny's gonna be in Dallas and Phoenix this weekend has a comedy
Saratoga Springs uh Fairfield Connecticut Hamilton Ontario just uh booked in April Dallas
North Plains Minneapolis Edmont Edmonton, Vancouver.
Actually, you know what?
Before I wanted to talk about the quick comedy thing, there was a good article.
Also, shout out to, I would just like to give a shout out.
Somebody heard that I, on this podcast, that I had lost my domain, dannyjokes.com, which it turns out I didn't lose.
I actually had it on some weird company that I bought it on that I forgot. And I don't know what happened. But anyways, so I do't lose. I actually had it on some weird company that I like bought it on that I like forgot.
And I don't know what happened.
But anyways, so I do own it.
And the reason I realized it,
because someone who watches the show
was trying to buy it back for me.
From you.
For me.
Yeah, but I know, but from you.
But then I got this email from GoDaddy being like,
hey, someone would like to buy this domain.
What will you sell it for?
And I was like, what?
It's a loopy move.
I go, what the hell? And then I started digging into it and then i go oh i own it still
so anyways thank you to whoever that was well danny you are not buying gay dodgy so yeah uh
shane did snl and he like crushed it and you went to the after party it was those after parties
started like 4 30 it literally started at 3 15 no it was pretty late i was fucking i've been at
it that day man yeah yeah no it was three we what we walked by there at 2 15 thinking like yeah we'll
just like wait to start and they're like no come back in an hour it goes late yeah yeah i left
there at six and there was like 400 people there but what were you were talking about is those
places that write these insane comedy articles like n NPR wrote the article saying that Shane had a
he was like, oh, he bombed. And it was just like
if you actually look at the thing
they basically
it was kind of like, I a lot
of times will do stand up where you kind of
you kind of act like
you act like maybe
something didn't do as good or whatever. Sure.
And in his case he was sort of saying
he goes, you didn't think that's funny? I think's funny but the people did laugh yeah and that's his style
yeah exactly and they kept like mentioning those sort of things and it was like listen i'm i could
maybe take that from a normal person but for like a comedy critic to not understand that that is like
his style it's like being like woody allen did his performance and he was really nervous the whole time he seemed like he was so neurotic and nervous that's literally what they said it's like
watching a basketball game and being like a commentator from basketball and seeing guy do
a pump fake and you're like oh he went up to shoot it and realized that it was a really bad time to
shoot so then he took it it was just like you don't understand like what that is they probably
in their mind they go we're gonna do this watch along party at the npr office and then everybody's sitting there in silence they go bombing yeah
yeah he's bombing at the npr office as you guys are watching it because you guys aren't laughing
but it was just like someone not understanding your reign of terror is coming to an end yeah
how do you not like understand it's like you just that was like you just watch something and like
have no idea what's happening even you know what i mean yeah they just don't they don't get it
yeah it's literally watching thankfully we don't need them to anymore yes we don't we don't need
them together we can see with our own eyes you don't you don't need realize realize realize
and it's pretty funny that there's the seattle comedy club that basically
canceled uh kurt and i think lewis and lewis dave and jim florentine show but kurt's been going
uh he's been posting all about it because the reason it's so funny is because it's
in the in the chas in the chas district of seattle there's this comedy club and then like now chas all the comics were saying like oh it's funny
though uh florentine went on uh uh one of the fog shows and he said they one of the reasons is
because a lot of the comics there is say think the east coast comedians are too rough around the edges
i was wondering why he got like he's not like uh i don't yeah i don't know where got florentine
east coast comedians are just too bad yeah and you're like, fucking Kurt Metzger has a...
What is he?
Has an Emmy for a feminist comedy show.
He does, yes.
You think that would be a big hit
over in the Chaz and the Chop?
But yeah, basically they wrote this whole thing
just being like, you know,
we need to stay in line with the community,
which is like, you know,
these comics that are just like very niche comics
in this one area of Chaz. It's like, oh yeah, like comics that are just like very niche comics in this one area of jazz.
It's like, oh, yeah, like the trans person at the coffee shop next door.
The coffee collective.
He's going to hire your bookings.
It's just not happy about it.
Pretty funny, though.
Lewis, shout out to Lewis J. Gomez for taking the high road,
because he actually straight up was like, I don't even want to.
He's like, I'll just, whatever.
Like, I don't even want to talk about this.
But then it just got blown out. I think he was saying all his fans were just like going hard
like messaging the venue oh my god of course where yeah messaging you're probably sending
fucking bomb threats they're like swatting the venue knowing the legion is gangstas
yeah so i guess uh his sort of thing was like whatever this like crappy comedy club says no
which is true you're just like sure be that comedy club i'll go to the other one and bring the money
that i'm it is weird though that seattle i guess seattle's just that's the ethos because the only
real like good club is not even in seattle right it's like tacoma right like seattle as big of a
city it's not that far yeah it's not that far but it's just like it just doesn't call tacoma comedy
club's great yeah yeah but there's also the Danger Cats, the West Coast Boys.
Yeah.
They basically, these guys were doing, they did a roast two years ago.
Yeah, this is nuts.
And they did a roast joke where he mentions the mass graves.
Okay, so yeah, they did one in one roast, so one roast battle.
One of the jokes was one of one of the girls i guess was like
native in who was getting battled by one of these dudes and then yeah they made one joke referencing
mass graves that have yet to be discovered right because that was a big thing at the time was they
go there's these mass graves and then they were flying the flags at half mass in canada like it
was a big deal in canada got burned down churches got burned down like it was a big deal in canada all this got burned down churches
got burned down like it was a big deal they have yet to recover a single piece of physical evidence
that confirms that there were any of these mass graves well i think one thing that people are
realizing though when you're in canada the natives make the trans people look like fucking yeah
they're they're the new comics you do not want them on your ass man those guys when they're on your ass
there's a lot of them in fairness they have been treated like fucking shit for a long time like
they have real grievances but for them to be like yeah this they just said this well it's not who's
it's it's like yeah there's a few people i guess right but they are they they get taken seriously
so anyways they got their uh shows
canceled everywhere yeah they're like entire tour basically they're all yeah it's getting
because and it's it's the which sucks but it's essentially it's the heckler's veto where um you
know you just complain so much that you basically make a venue go hey like we're getting threats
that this might be unsafe like there's something
bad might happen so we have to like a lot of the venues like we don't want to cancel this
but they're threatening us like not even threatening us economically they're like it's
it could be potentially dangerous and then you go the same thing that happened to me with the
show in toronto the free speech where we go like so you can either drop five grand on security
if that's what you'd like to do which obviously is not economical or
they go sorry we just have to cancel it and then you have to do the stuff where you know like the
the compound do where you go hey we'll let you know the venue like an hour before it starts
yeah the show starts at seven we'll let you know the venue at six
but it is kind of funny though that like in seattle and uh and uh i you know uh in parts of
canada and seattle these like little places where it's it still kind of feels like 2015 and then
kind of like in sort of the more broader culture it's kind of like sort of like wilder east coast
comedians are like the biggest in the world right now. Yeah. It's like two things happening.
It's almost like it's sort of like two timelines happening simultaneously.
Well, Canada's always been behind.
Canada's always going to be behind. Yeah, it's always going to be behind,
even though there's no real reason it should be, but it just is.
It's always going to be like living like six years behind.
Yeah.
We're not doing that anymore.
Yeah, we're not doing that anymore.
And eventually, Canada, they'll poke their heads up and they'll go, oh, it looks safe down there to try some edgy jokes, eh?
Oh, it looks like we're okay.
Like the fucking groundhog peeking his head out.
Exactly.
Looks like there's going to be eight more years of edgy jokes, eh?
Yeah.
So, I don't know.
It is, yeah, it's great that that shane got the show too though on top
of it like the net i know yeah there's i've very much felt that we've been in like this comedy
dark ages like where we'll like we'll look back on it like 50 years from now and be like yeah
there is like this just weird like decade where like nothing good got made like it commercially
like nothing commercially of like really particularly great like maybe the
odd things that anyone's gonna remember tim robinson stuff or whatever but like for the most
part like if you graft it out it would literally look like this and then culturally significant
mainstream nothing like a decade just gone yeah kind of yeah gone like wiped out i think i was
hearing like you know eric weinstein he was
sort of talking about the idea that he was sort of talking about this in the context of like schools
and just like how schools are just like got blasted by this stuff and i think they haven't
really been able to recover at all because the thing is the really thing that changes stuff is
when everyone in an industry or area when everyone just changes their business models
to not include that anymore yeah so you essentially like you keep moving without the thing you know
what i mean yeah and i think that's what happened everyone sort of changed that and then also there's
another part of it where it's like people that are like somewhat in entertainment whether that
be like broadcasters or commentators are a little like braver because bravery sort of takes like uh
repetition in some ways you know what i mean so you're a little like unlessver because bravery sort of takes like uh repetition in some ways you know what i
mean so you're a little like unless you light yourself on fire you can go out in one big boom
yeah we need like uh what do we need yeah we need like peter jennings or someone but like
standing up to people like standing up to a guy or like just in general like not being afraid
kind of takes like repetition to some degree like even think about like being on stage like yeah
just sort of like takes like the more you do it the less you're like afraid the more people yell at you the less
you kind of care okay and i think that that's happening these in like some of those smaller
places like their business models still like 100 tied into like if you want to work in this thing
you got to get the grants and these are the two places you get them like you know what i mean so
none of that sort of changed so he's sort of pitching it as like it seems like it was as
kind of crazy as it ever was which is maybe true it might be in that stuff yeah i mean that that is such uh you know like the academia stuff and
however you know the people who are running schools and all that stuff and pretty much like a
you know homogenous belief system like to turn that ship around that's like a giant
you know i think you have to turn the monetary part around first
i guess like if you're the top scientist and you're like yo the only way for you to work is
to work at one of these places and get their money and then if there was no you know because
some of these guys are trying to do some bullshit abstract abstract problems it's like i guess the
or the other thing is you essentially become like a public person and then you make your money from
that and then you go to research but i think for a lot of you know then you're doing speeches and
stuff like that but i or write a book that becomes profitable and then you don your money from that and then you go do research. But I think for a lot of, you know, then you're doing speeches and stuff like that or write a book
that becomes profitable and then you don't need them anymore.
But I think that moved a lot
slower where it's like a lot of those people
are probably like the top guys at Harvard
and you never
figured out a way to sort of like
incentivize yourself to go
elsewhere. Yeah, you're like institutionalized.
You're institutionalized.
But it's quite comfortable. Like it's's not uncomfortable you just have to kind of play
the game and you know have to but it is i'm sure it's a very comfortable existence to be like in
the upper echelons of administrators at harvard exactly you know you're like it's i work at
harvard like what's it's prestigious so on the topic of the science community and scientists
and such right which by the way i saw uh what's the guy's neil de topic of the science community and scientists and such right
which by the way i saw uh what's the guy's neil degrasse tyson yeah saw a clip of him when he was
on compound back in the day what yeah and i was just like well that's crazy you're calm yeah i
was like an interview with him and anthony kumia well i guess anthony kumia did have a pre before
the unpleasant yeah it was just interesting to like see or whatever yeah but um the news scientist.com they ran out of stuff to
normalize is it time for a more subtle view on the ultimate taboo cannibalism
listen you might you're this is is this the same before you get on your high horse
is this the same guy who wanted to fuck the animals, too? I hope so. Isn't that the same guy, Peter Singer?
Everyone's like, let's see, who is this by?
Yeah, everyone's like, you got to stop talking about, this is by, oh, this one.
They don't put a name on these.
Nobody wants to be named.
Unnamed author.
Cannibal Collective.
Cannibal Collector's unnamed author didn't want his name attached to this bad boy.
All right, fair enough.
So it could be Peter Singer.
He's like, you told me what not to talk about.
You didn't tell me what I should talk about.
Yeah, he's like, look, we eat dogs.
Ethically, cannibalism poses fewer issues
than you might imagine.
If a body can be bequeathed
with medical consent to science,
why can't it be left to feed the hungry?
So, really good news homeless people
your worst nightmares have come true i mean i think we figured out food i think the reason
why we don't is because that's the absolute like if if the home like people were starving
maybe that would be an option i think there's some homeless people and you go listen you don't have to beg anymore this whole you know standing outside with your coin look
with your standing outside with your uh cup looking for money yeah really good news yeah
remember do you remember your friend good news and bad news remember your buddy ray
he's not with us anymore the good news is he's delicious the good news is he made we had mario batali
prepare him four different ways he makes an incredible casserole
that's such a crazy solution so they have a couple different angles the first angle is
they're kind of like you know there's a lot of people hungry out there and yeah imagine you go
to the we figured out better solutions so they go to the food bank you go listen these
food banks you know how much it costs to get when we have a morgue full of what i would describe as
food food yeah yeah technically so that's one of the first reasons i think one obviously one of the
things is it's not good for you to eat humans i don't think i don't know i do wonder if it
if it is bad like because you know they they say organ meats are the best ones.
Is it good to eat a human heart?
I'm not eating any organ meat, but you probably have some organ meat.
Is that the most nutrient-dense shit is to eat a human heart?
Perhaps it is down to the fact that it is culturally ingrained with roots in early modern colonialism.
So that's going to be real bad if you get called a colonialist because you don't want to eat a fucking guy when racist stereotypes of the cannibal were concocted to
justify subjugation so i don't know if that's not a bad way i think you could probably convince a
certain subsector of like you know college chick girls yeah that like the reason they're not eating
their buddies well they're not they're grandmas and stuff and they're not eating their buddies well they're not their
grandmas and stuff and you're not eating yeah you're not eating fresh meat you're eating probably
old people well i think yeah that's a good point too because yeah you don't want to eat old people
i don't want to eat that's not good meat that's just not you can take that quote to the bank my
friend that's objectively just not good meat from the olds perhaps it's down to the fact it is culturally ingrained with roots into early modern colonialism
like it or not then cannibalism is an important part of our history understanding its deep roots
might shift our perspective on the few cultures that still practice cannibalism today this is
the ultimate of that's their culture is this a part of our culture well do you have to do that
with like jeffrey dahmer yeah who's like the famous people that ate people yeah jeffrey dahmer hannibal
yeah you have to be like is that part of what culture is that part of like in our culture
they're saying like some tribes in the forest yeah yeah like in the amazon or something they're
kind of saying like they do it and there's nothing wrong with that i mean that was what was that
movie in the 90s alive well yes yeah the guy who... Alive? Well, yes.
They referenced that as like pretty sick.
Yeah, like they had to, you know.
You know, they kind of... Well, they're sort of saying they didn't have to.
They had like, you know,
they were just kind of going back and forth.
Yeah, they would have been fine surviving on berries and snow,
but they chose to eat their friends.
The guy who wrote this is a cannibal for sure.
There's no question about that.
At least he's thought about it. This is something he's interested in doing. Hey, I mean,
to each their own, I suppose. Well, it's the same as the guy who's...
It's on the topic of
like, you're writing an article about like,
you know, you write 40 articles about age of consent being
fucking problematic. You write 40 articles
about, you know, how you should fuck
your cousin. Or you write articles about why
you should be a cannibal.
It's like you have a genre that seems... You have interests as a person.
Do you think there's any funeral home
where there's just one deranged funeral home
somewhere where they just take a taste?
I do think so.
I would say not that they take a taste.
I would say there's one deranged funeral guy
that has a link where he's selling it to the other guy.
Oh, he's the plug. Well,
I think he sells it and he goes, you can fuck it or eat it.
I don't care.
Oh, you're not. He's not like
selling sausage. It's not like
already processed. I think
they have more an arrangement where they go,
listen, I'm going to leave you alone
with the body. I'm going to come
back in 50 minutes and whatever
happens, happens. there's just a bite
out of the leg why the fuck am i supposed to bury this guy it's open casket they i aghori a hindu
aesthetic sect in india also did it to reach transcendence they don't eat cows what are you
talking about they eat people made some fat women it's like they don't even eat cat. They're all like
multi-vegetarians, aren't they?
With just an allowance
for human meat? I would really hate that
if the apocalypse came and I had to fucking eat
people, man. Obviously,
if I was with you, I'd be good for a while.
I still hate that. Ryan says he'd be good for a while
like he wouldn't be the first guy getting eaten.
Ryan goes, yeah, yeah.
So who are we eating first?
Well, Danny just sees me like a hot dog.
We're all just like on our fucking bibs.
Look at you like a hot dog.
Yeah, that would be, if apocalypse happens, I'm just killing myself.
Yeah, you think so?
Yeah.
Okay.
So then, and I will have no choice. choice yeah but you don't know how to cook
i know but i'll just me i'll just probably put it in the fire oh that'd be okay actually i think
that'd be okay so they're pushing this um they're saying you can transcend your body and a lot of
people uh we have said that there might be some people that have evil spirits in their house.
We've obviously talked about that.
A lot of evil spirits.
Okay, ready for this lady?
Yeah.
Are you getting attacked
by incubus and succubus spirits
in the night?
That's you.
They're demonic spirits
that come to defile you
in the night.
How do you get rid of them?
Break agreement with them.
It's pretty simple stuff.
Put up a head of protection around your bedroom.
Get out your anointing oil and anoint your bed and say, in the name of Jesus, I command
there will be no demonic visitation, no unclean, foul, evil spirits, and I bind every incubus
and succubus demon from attacking me, my
spouse, and the knife.
So what would you do if you were...
Does she sell the anointing oil?
Like you buy her anointing oil?
You can buy the anointing oil from her.
She goes, I might know somewhere.
She's one of the places that you can get the anointing oil.
I mean, my oil is the best anointing oil.
What would you do though if you just heard that
in the other room?
If you went home with a girl and then she just went into the other room for a second.
She goes, demons and succubus, I commend you.
Comes out of the bathroom.
She goes, all right.
How you doing?
Spraying oil everywhere.
I go, all right.
This might be a one-time deal.
I wouldn't leave.
I'll tell you that much.
I've been with crazier.
It would be funny if you were just doing that to the girl.
You're with the girl.
She goes, what are you doing?
It's like, oh, I'm just getting rid of the evil spirits and the succubus that are in
my house.
She goes, why are you spraying it on me?
You know, I've heard that they possess women.
Yeah.
And she goes, and then you look at her, you go, hmm, still here, huh?
You put it in the girl in the morning.
Succubuses, please exit my house this instant.
Be gone with you.esus i command it's not a bad idea in the
name of jesus christ i command that this woman exit the realms of my what do they call it home
my abode abode yeah yes there you go so the tumblr ceo had probably one of the best fights
he's having like kind of a breakdown.
I can't believe people still use Tumblr.
They don't really use Tumblr that much.
So it's only for wacky shit.
Tumblr sort of could have been one of the big sites.
And it sort of just never happened.
Because of the porn?
Well, the porn is sort of the only thing that was keeping them afloat.
That's where you go to get one-legged porn.
And they sort of have this weird thing where they probably kind of pretend it's art, right?
Yeah.
But the CEO basically kicked off this trans woman, right?
And then the trans woman kind of, and he was saying it was multiple violations,
all this sort of stuff.
Trans woman basically just said I wanted to kill him or wanted him dead.
Then the trans woman went onto Twitter afterwards and was like,
I hope you die a slow death, some version of that, right?
Yeah.
And then he basically was kind of saying like hey you weren't kicked off because of that and this is what he posted when will you be honest with your followers that the repeated adult content
violations were not pictures like this because the trans person posted a photo being like this
is what i was kicked off for and basically they had all these burner accounts and then he said
but you were actually kicked off for your other accounts.
And these are the actual names.
Irish pig cock girl, burger foot job, furry vor burps.
What do you think the burps is?
I don't want to know.
So this is what's going on on Tumblr right now.
This is the kind of sexual content that's happening on Tumblr.
Furry vor burps.
So I guess they just dress up like a furry and they burp. bedstrigin bedstrigin cumber burping sites this is what's
going on on tumblr right now cumber dog girl ball sack hung queen
but part of it they're getting mad at him because uh he like i guess doxxed her account you know
because she was running hung queen as a you couldn't it was like a anonymous you know what
they're so used to talking tons of shit to elon musk without with everyone just patting them on
the back and and you know they never expect that elon musk might were like reply in this scenario
yeah they're not happy about this well Well, I mean, to be honest,
obviously this is hilarious,
but if you actually...
The facts of the case is,
if Elon Musk did say,
I kicked you out for your other accounts
and they're these nine,
that is doxing.
That is the question.
Is this anonymous or not?
Can the CEO of Tumblr go in,
find out all my accounts,
and publicly post that these are my accounts?
They are probably in their back end are all linked via IP,
and then the IP address, and then that's how they figure it out.
I'm not saying how they didn't figure it out.
I'm saying if Elon Musk quote tweeted Danny being like,
well, that's funny because his other account is HungKing45,
you would be like, well, you shouldn't be doing that.
You have to do sort of take that side. Come after the hung king.
That's what happens.
Big titty cock girl.
These are fucking crazy.
Big, no, this is the best.
Okay.
Here's two back to back.
Big titty cock GF.
Yeah.
It's a big titty cock girlfriend.
Big cock titty GF.
Oh.
Really just trying to get every permutation of that available.
Girl taint.
So what the account is.
Is this doxing though?
I think he's trying to say you're using all these accounts as like a violation of our.
Yeah, but they were not attached to the person's real life identity.
That's what I'm saying.
Oh, gotcha.
Gotcha.
That's what I'm saying.
Like if Jordan Peterson had like another anonymous account, like someone who works
at Twitter can't be like,
well, Jordan Peterson
has a burner
and this is what it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, right, right.
But I can,
I do know what you mean.
It does get a little murky
because she's like,
I got kicked off
and he's like,
you didn't get kicked off.
You got kicked off
for other things.
You got kicked off
for having all these accounts
and doing stuff against
search terms and services.
But if he posted,
it's kind of doxing.
Yeah, I guess he could say
you had all these other accounts but he didn't need to post the names
he could just be like these you have all so everyone knows she's girl taint right now yeah
all these other accounts and that's a violation and now everybody knows that she's an interest
one musk mommy is that a elon musk thing probably what what else could a musk be i don't want to
know smell right oh so i or was that must musk i guess musk is a smell yeah
so she just like smells and she smells but she's a girl still these people are sick okay musk mommy
girl ball sack ball sack what was he saying she was doing if you're wondering what's going on
wondering what's going on in tumblr a lot of girl ball sack girl ball sack oh we got ready for one shower sharts
this girl tried every niche in the book i don't shower sharts that's uh i guess these are all
violations of tumblr's terms of service i guess you can't do a shower start what world are we
living in when you can't be sharting in your shower and selling that for monetary value yeah i guess that's when oh once
you sell it i'm sorry i thought this was america but i can't sell videos of me sharting in the
shower not very american of them not very american they're getting rid of shower sharts sapiosexual
breeder okay cat girl hairball so i guess she dresses like a cat and she has hair that she
plays with maybe
do you want to do a little bit of an investigation into some of these not really i was thinking maybe
you're the investigation guy okay shower shards cat girl hair cat girl condoms so she has a
condom on and she's wearing a cat girl she's sort of you have to i don't like really know how tumblr
like works to me here's a good one cat girl cum sock so she's working pretty hard this
this one cat girl ball sack so she has a lot of cat girl stuff cum spangler was the last one
spangler that's pretty so anyways uh the he's sort of and the trans community's like really
up in arms about this guy right now because they're not happy that he kicked her off he owns
it and they don't like being told really what to do in general. That is correct.
I understand that they don't like it, but...
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but on this topic one of the craziest stories this hardcore band right
they're called lorana this is the best isn't this wild
sure this is so funny it's crazy yeah so basically the gist of it was the singer of the band
really liked one of the other i don't know if he's a singer actually one of the guys in the band
liked one of the other guys in the band's girlfriends and then he wanted to get him
out of the picture yeah so we started dosing him with estrogen diabolical it's diabolical i would
like you should check in to see if you've been
dosed with estrogen but and this guy didn't know what was going on he started going to the he was
going to the doctor because he was you know feeling like there's something wrong with them
because estrogen has a lot of bad effects you know it's not free to be a soy boy no no
and he goes he was putting it in his pre-workout drinks uh he's putting estrogen in the pre-workout
drinks and this is the statement that they've made we have decided to part ways with our vocalist
diego due to the admissions of disturbing and concerning behavior towards one of our band
members he has admitted to being obsessed with uh her his partner and has been attempting to
sabotage the relationship by cutting pre-workout.
He frequently gifts from his job
with high amounts of estrogen.
He's been attempting to force a transition onto him.
That was, imagine.
Now listen, is this diabolical
or the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me?
That is pretty romantic.
Are there any women reading this being like,
I wish my man would put pre-workout in the guy that I was seeing?
Yeah, who I don't really like.
Yeah, this is like a real, I wouldn't say Romeo and Juliet kind of.
Casanova.
Yeah, this is some sort of, this is like a Taylor Swift song.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right here where he put.
Just a drip in your drink.
Just a drip in your drink and it shrinks on your dink.
And now you'll be with dave hey man if that
works that's a bad precedent is that yeah you got to do that but you have to think the funny part is
it's not that type of music it's yeah
you were looking like a girl yeah i. I wonder how he found out.
Dude looks like a lady!
How'd they find out?
He got drunk and admitted to it.
He was like blackout drunk
and he started spilling the beans.
Sounds like he's the chick, man.
Can't keep his secrets when he's drunk.
That's the ultimate girl move to be so drunk.
Getting high on his own supply a little bit.
He was getting high on his own supply
and then he got blackout drunk and started,
well, that's a, you fucking. I won't believe what i know what happened and he
was like probably you know okay well could you just shut up and he goes enjoy your estrogen
how about that i would put your estrogen wondering why you're so moody lately yeah he and then he
woke up oh you know yeah. You know? Yeah.
My loose lips.
Yeah, imagine that.
Is that illegal what he did?
Yeah, I think there's some criminal stuff happening.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, it must be.
Sure.
Yeah, you can't just do that.
You can't put stuff in people's drinks.
I can see that being like some chick serial killer who kind of goes to the bars
and just astrogens up guys
drinks and stuff keeping your d low you're a do no no no no i'm gonna steal your girl
yeah that's swooping he looks stronger and more so he looks stronger and more manly in comparison
uh and then they go brackets stupid caveman mindset that makes zero sense i want to know
how manly he looked to begin with, like the other guy.
The hardcore guy?
Some of those hardcore guys are jacked.
Yeah, some of them are good.
I guess he worked out.
I looked up the band.
I couldn't find them.
I don't think they're a big band.
This tampering has caused confusion and thousands of dollars in medical bills in the past month
trying to figure out what's wrong.
We would not know any of this unless Diego had gotten way too intoxicated and ousted
himself and then stated an admission to all this via text
There's been many more disgusting details that have been left out for the sake of privacy and general censorship. They're called Lerona
I know I couldn't find them though because there's 4,000 bands called Lerona. Oh, that's a common common name here
Well, they just lost they got I think into open audition for a new vocalist
You think I think that this is the most press they've ever got well they just lost they got uh they're gonna do an open audition for a new vocalist you think
i think that this is the most press they've ever got so if they can keep moving yeah this is a bad
precedent for probably because they're seeing oh holy shit oh that guy's getting kicked out of the
scene too the scene does not like stuff like that i don't know but that that band is probably
first show after the scandal goes oddly sold out very interesting though that's a huge move
i bet you there is some girls reading that saying it's so romantic though yeah there are people that
are micro dosing hormones because they're talking about like people that are like non-binary yeah
and they're uh there's actually an article that they said uh what's it what it's like to be
non-binary and have a feminine body and basically the girl's mad because everyone won't accept that she's non-binary because she has massive tits.
She has huge jugs.
She has massive cans.
Not even binding them or anything.
She's just out there flopping around.
She dresses like a girl and she's got massive tits and she's pissed off
that people won't accept that she's not a boy
or a girl.
When they have to eyeball her and guess the pronouns
on first guess, they keep going with she.
You're a girl and she's like, well, you're wrong because I'm none of them i'm you know not a boy nor a girl they could call
her ma'am but then there's a lot of people there's all these articles that they're saying like he
basically micro dose hormones so you just give yourself a little something something yeah like
you know girls just get a little bit of tea i get the girls that are like lesbos that you're just
like i want to fucking juice yeah i want it like that like just that little mustache to come in yeah just like the little i don't think if you were like yeah
exactly i see that and i see that like anecdotally in the city i i think if you're like going hard
lesbian and you're just like i'm gonna dose a little tea yeah i could see the utility of that
you know what i mean you get a fuck you know a little bit stronger a little more energy you
become the dominant you know less tears bumping everyone but if you're a dude and you're just sort of like trying to go androgynous
and you're dosing yourself like with estrogen it's just gonna make you depressed and shit like that
possibly yeah like it might give the girls a little roid rage though but they already have
a lot of domestic violence anyway domestic violence capital it's funny though they're
the number one so if you're in a lesbo relationship and you're just
like you're just constantly coming home and your girl's got like microdosing t-roid rage it's
coming home like smashing walls you got both microdose comes home in her catcher's outfit
punching walls construction outfit it just doesn't work it works at a coffee shop
full construction outfit yeah yeah this girl is not happy that people keep saying she's a girl
she goes um the funny thing is tends to happen when people look at me you see their eyes always
trend downwards scoping out what you might call a traditionally feminine body i live in massive
cans she's living in this body that must be torture though you're living in this body with
massive cans and you want people to see you as like sort of an androgynous blob yeah she i know
she hates all the free drinks she's getting all the time and just all the she's drinking them
crying people are being nice to her and stuff and just she hates it she goes well just treat me like
a person i want to be treated like an androgynous blob that doesn't have big tits yeah yeah exactly
you know i mean here's a you probably gotta yeah you get the reduction or you're gonna have to put
a sweater on because the truth of the matter is they have binders for that specific thing
if you're going to be jiggling around with these big tits
and you're expecting guys not to see the tits
you're going to keep dreaming
and you're going to be mad about the misgendering
like where you're going to
go hey sorry
and realize you're a vape em
yeah basically this story is massive honkers
people keep seeing them and thinking I'm a girl
when this elevator eye assessment is complete i like to think that i feel like guys don't do
that much they i feel like guys give it a uh an honest try to not be good looking at the boobs
for sure yeah unless you're like the old i like the old creeps who have kind of just given up
and they just go for it They don't care about it
Do you see a lot of that where guys just go straight for the tits with the eyes
Yeah on the subway
Maybe if you have sunglasses on
Sunglasses are good for that
But guys on the subway will like
Some dudes are shameless
Girls are walking by
You ever been accused of peeking
No
I don't think so.
I definitely have.
Like, accused of it?
Yeah.
Where someone goes, oh, you had a good luck, but...
Yeah, basically.
I don't think so.
Some version of that.
I've definitely been accused of peaking.
Was it with, like, a stranger?
I'm telling you.
I mean, I don't know if I can think of some specific time, but I can probably think of
multiple times, like, in general.
Well, I've been peaking. Try to think of a specific... Okay, I can think of some specific time, but I can probably think of multiple times in general. I've been peaking.
Try to think of a specific.
Okay, I can think of one.
Maybe I'm sitting and peaking.
I remember a girl that said that eyes up here to me.
Were you in talks with her?
Johnny said, you've had that happen to you?
Danny's trying to say it's never happened?
I've never had a girl be like, eyes up here.
Oh, really?
Well, I respect women for their brains,
and so I like to just focus on the brain
area yeah that's what yeah that's just i like a big beautiful you're having sex with a girl and
she has to be like eyes down here because you're looking at the ceiling where you've drawn a bunch
of dicks she's like eyes down here i'm like i'm trying to get through this can you open your eyes
i'm definitely had a few eyes and ears.
I feel like you try, too.
Most of the time where you're just like,
Lady, you got your fucking guns out.
They're out.
Yes, I'm sorry that I took a peek when they're out.
And there's a biological hard wiring here thing that you're taking advantage of.
It's so impossible.
It's so impossible to be looking so straight
and you can see in your peripheries.
They're just fucking bulging out.
Oh, if they get in the peripheries, that's crazy.
How are they not in the peripheries?
I don't have a visor on my nose.
If they're really getting in there, you're like...
Yeah.
Maybe one day.
It's impossible to not...
You're seeing them.
I mean, look at your line of vision.
I could see.
Yeah, that's true.
I guess that's just going to.
Well, I mean, yeah, put a sweater on that I'm not peeking.
But if you're wearing essentially like a bra in public,
it's very difficult, at least in like a five-minute conversation,
that I'm not going to pretend to look around and get caught.
The real crazy thing is the chicks who are wearing something really revealing,
and they go, what are you looking at?
And you go,
that's kind of the point
of what you're wearing,
isn't it?
I guess I'm looking at
this slinky,
slutty outfit
that you put on
so everyone can...
Yeah, I'm looking
at your top,
not what's behind the top.
I just like clothes.
Yeah, you have to pretend.
You go,
where'd you get that?
Is that linen?
I was looking at
something similar for myself.
Is that a cotton poly blend?
Well, this girl's
not happy about it.
And she says, when the eye assessment's done,
I like to think that they switch flips over
to the cis brain to the she-her setting.
Although, they have to do the full evaluation.
Got it.
It's a girl.
Like, you can't just immediately see it all.
What's she even saying?
Well, she's saying a guy...
Well, she's saying she walks into the room,
you know, or sorry,
it walks into the room
and then people do the full assessment.
They go, hello.
Terminator.
Girl, locked and loaded.
She, her.
That's what she's saying they do.
But I think it's like a microsecond
before you probably make that analogy.
Yeah, those big,
that's the thing.
Those big ass,
those titties are so big
that they wouldn't even be, couldn't even be fake
on a, you know,
like they're huge.
I'd have to see them.
Did you see them?
Yeah, she had a photo of them.
Okay.
She had a photo,
okay.
That's not very interesting.
Big guns, yeah.
They're like massive.
Yeah, I'd have to see
the outfits,
what they're like,
but they're a big gun.
Well, it's basically
just dressed like a girl.
And yeah, she dresses like a girl and she doesn't't even have one of those weird non-binary haircuts.
She's wearing women's clothing.
She has long hair and big hips.
She's just wearing pants.
She goes, I'm non-binary.
I'm wearing pants.
They're women's pants, though.
Yeah, I know, but I think in her mind, she goes, that's...
David Bowie would wear them.
Yeah, they're just pants.
Women's pants, but I guess in her mind, she goes, well, I'm not wearing a skirt.
Why would you think I'm a woman?
Well, when this flip is switched, it takes a gargantuan amount of effort to reset it to neutral
uh this is the switch when people are like you're a girl yeah once they've decided you're a girl
then and you're like i'm neither yeah yeah that's everybody though it's definitely probably hard to
make that switch flip back oh man i don't know what you know there's that girl who died in uh
or that trans person who died got like beat up
or whatever and then killed herself or something yeah yeah or whatever and that's like a big she
had a big fight she was like getting bullied and then she like splashed water on the kids and they
like beat her up and then i think she killed herself the next day though yeah she didn't die
from the beating or whatever but anyways i saw someone writing oh wait that's what happened yeah
yeah they didn't beat her to death she oh i thought, wait, that's what happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't beat her to death.
Oh, I thought they did.
Well, that's what the fucking lying news media would like you to think, Ryan.
It did give me the impression that that happened.
And then I saw people kind of saying like, well, what happened was she started the fight,
but I didn't realize it was a suicide.
I thought it was a beating.
I believe it was a suicide. Well, she died the next day.
There was like, they interviewed her in the hospital and she was like, literally fine.
How did she die then?
I think that's like, she just killed herself. Oh. Yeah, herself oh yeah yeah i mean that's bad but you like you can't really
yeah yeah it wasn't like three girls who you're gonna fight her to death oh that's what i thought
that's what they were trying to make it out but anyways i saw something yeah it's like you know
when people write those stories it's like you know you're lying of course and then i think they were
they are so quick to write the stories and then the next day the actual like body cam footage of the cop who interviewed her in the hospital came
out and he's just talking to her she's fine okay what was the point but anyways someone was writing
an article about this whole scenario so there's this non-binary person there's these three other
people and they're like referring to the non-binary person as them but then they're
also referring to the three people as them so it's just and i'm just like this is like fucking
so confusing like because they always say oh it's nothing confusing about what's the problem and
you're like i have no idea what's going on yeah you can't just throw these thems around referring
to a group of three people this person and then just interchangeable you're like it's possible
to fall but anyways those your tits and dicks that's pretty good you go the one with the dick did this and the one with the
tits did that oh i'm sorry yeah they go i don't want you to refer to the tits you go i think
that's the one that's working for me right now yeah the one with the twig and berry we often
think as a certain not quite male not quite female when we think of non-binary but uh she's sort of
saying that uh many non-binary people don't meet that shallow criteria of just being in between
so she's saying that there's a lot of non-binary people that are you look exactly like a girl
every single fucking way yeah and they're all and they're all in the comedy scene for some reason
but what is it then if it's not if it's not the in between what is it then just how you feel up
here i guess that's what she's trying to say it's all how you feel ryan even if i'm out in a low-cut
dress and heels i expect a baseline level of respect where people don't think that i'm a guy
or a girl and if you're not if you're not sure how to refer low-cut dress and heels and you go i do
if you think i'm a woman you mistake me for a woman i am not gonna be happy about that uh
listen the bottom line is if you can be motorboated it's gonna be you're gonna
have a tough go just as a society not telling people to shut up enough just we gotta just you
tell them danny it's gonna be like shut up shut up shut up yeah i think it's starting i should
start following the chick around just that's that'll be my i'm just gonna live stream me
following around from a safe distance just just being like, shut up.
Shut up.
That's ridiculous.
That was an Australia one that was pretty funny.
So basically they do this like gay pride parade thing.
Gay Mardi Gras situation.
Yeah.
What is it called?
Sounds like a Mardi Gras parade, annual LGBTQ or whatever.
They have this big...
Is this their Pride Parade?
Is it different from the Pride Parade?
I think it's the part of their Pride Parade, I think.
They don't have a second Pride Parade.
Well, they essentially do this gay and lesbian Mardi Gras march.
Okay.
I don't know.
I think they might have a bunch of different marches.
They're multiplying.
So they have this gay and lesbian march.
And then basically there was these two gay dudes that were dating.
And then the one gay dude, they like broke up and the gay dude started dating some other
gay dude.
And then the gay dude murdered them.
Yeah.
And the gay dude that like murdered his like gay lover happened to be a cop.
Sure.
So they started saying it was like violence by police against gays.
Yeah.
And then they basically said the cops aren't allowed to come to the gay march anymore the george floyd stuff where they're like because of the
the george floyd and they go like even in canada remember their george floyd happened they go we
don't want cops at the gay pride yes but this would be like if like a guy got in a bar fight
with a black guy right and then you were like and he happened to be a cop you know what i mean and
they were married and they were gay lovers, is actually the exact scenario.
Well, it's basically like,
the story is a guy murdered his husband,
and he happened to be a cop, right?
Yeah.
But they're saying, like, they're kind of...
He didn't marry, he didn't murder him because he was a cop.
Right.
No, the cop's the one who did the murdering,
and the spin on the internet is essentially like,
there's like cop violence against gays, right? Sure was like well no gay guy murdered another gay guy he just
happened to be a cop so then they go i don't think they're gonna see that nuance they go i mean how
nuance it's kind of a far-fetched way to pitch it the other way of course i'm just like i mean
imagine like if you get if you get in a bar fight against like a firefighter and we said there's
firefighter violence against podcasters like it's not what happened yes but if we're trying to gain sympathy
and more so if you were bang if you and a gay firefighter are having sex sounds hot so you're
banging this dude sounds good and then you know you try to uh you try to flip it around and he
knows that you're always supposed to be the bottom and he's the top so you get in a fight with a gay
firefighter and you're gay lover with a gay firefighter gay firefighter kills you we don't it's now like no firefighters allowed in
podcasting because firefighters are violent against podcast it's just like not yeah it's nonsense
it's like it's just so funny though because they like took that story and like ran with it like
gay like cops yeah are like going after gay guys to kill them oh yeah that's not yeah they're like
there's cops on the loose
killing all gay guys to be safe.
But, I mean, I might not be the first person
to say that gay guys might be a little dramatic.
That's not news.
Well, sometimes they're so dramatic
they kill their fucking ex.
Hey, I mean, there's domestic...
Nobody likes domestic violence,
but it's just the nature of life i guess and by the
cops have a little bit of a loose trigger so maybe there's some part of that but it's not the only
job like teachers also have that same fucking authority complex where they don't like things
going their own not going their way it goes back to every single thing like you know when trans
people say you know trans people get murdered or whatever and then you're like well so you think
like trans people should be the only group of people who don people get murdered or whatever, and then you're like, well, so you think, like,
trans people should be the only group of people who don't get murdered?
Like, every group of people gets murdered.
And just when you have a certain mass of people,
you're kind of going to start having a thing from every group.
People are going to get murdered?
Yeah, cops are going to get murdered.
Cops are going to do murdering.
They're going to do them at work.
Well, another way you could spin this is, like,
gay guys need to fucking take it easy. They're out control yeah like look at gay gay guys are murdering yeah like
another thing is you could say like gay guys are murdering like you take it that way you can do
the equally uncharitable off opposite side it's like yeah you see these gays there's an epidemic
of gays murdering people in australia so you better watch out who didn't you go who do they
murder they go i don't
even know i don't even know just two bros someone did not deserve there's a gay guy murdering two
bros is the like if you're gonna say it's a cop murdering gay guys you could also say it's a gay
guy murdering two bros yep yeah you gotta watch out so vice magazine is officially shutting i i
don't i feel like every six months there's like a new thing about how they're shutting down they are i think they just keep selling off the scraps for parts and they
keep sort of re-emerging because like i guess the names were something so they keep like selling and
re-emerging but they basically said they have massive layoffs yeah i just went to their website
and they're shutting down the news site uh well you know what so i went to their website and they
have stuff up that's from like a week
ago yeah well every time they say they're getting shut down and they kind of seem to
i think keep sticking around the so if you go to vice.com right now their like banner main image
is from february 22nd which is a week ago so i think it it's, I think they finally did it. You think that in the last- Ding dong,
the witch is dead.
The witch is dead.
The witch is dead.
Ding dong,
the witch is dead.
My tenure at Vice will no longer.
So you think that-
No, this is legit.
Like they're not,
I mean,
they're not creating content.
Not like they were before,
but they're not like,
you know,
their website has not been updated
in a week.
Vice.com. can we hire a few
of the vice employees as studio janitors coffee studio baristas that would be no we hire we hire
ex-vice employees to write advice articles for us to make fun of yeah you go fuck we go we want to
what this kind of actually fucked us over we want to hire you for the boys guys we go we just keep doing exactly what you're
doing you don't have to come into work then we end up being like editors you go yeah your stuff
about racism and whatever i didn't really sense that you felt that
we have a bunch of vice writers that are just in the other room then we hire them to do exactly
what they're doing they're just over there typing on the typewriters and then they come run it over
to us and we make fun of it it's like a dude we like literally said of like a model t production
line like remember that um i love lucy with the bonbons or whatever writing articles about that
they're coming out so fast that we can't take fun of them.
Like, they're starting to, like, pile up and shit.
Slow down, guys.
Okay, we got podcasting.
This race is just hot off the presses.
I wonder what they're all going to do.
Just get regular jobs, I guess.
No way they're, like, maybe one percent of them will get a
job in journalism yeah the way journalism is going like you don't go from vice to new york times vice
i mean journalism is not flourishing yeah like uh editorial journalism is not like it's not a uh
supply and demand is not in the demand category is dwindling in the supply category is pretty high.
And there's no money in it like for the actual publishers.
So no, I think a lot of these places are having trouble figuring out how to make money.
Oh, for sure.
I mean, they're not making money.
You know what?
They were probably kind of hoping like a lot of these people were probably like, we just got to make it through to if Trump wins again, and then we're back in fucking business.
That's that would be so
funny i mean yeah there's gonna be some journalists just well someone's gonna buy vice vice like their
goodwill for vice tangent you know whatever i mean it's not worth zero yeah exactly it's not worth
zero dollars we'll take a crack at it it's i think that's what kind of keeps happening someone keeps
they bought like for someone bought it for like was it it 500 million, Fox or Rupert Murdoch?
And then he sold it for like $10 million or something.
Ooh.
Yeah.
It's gotta hurt.
Yeah.
He's still Rupert Murdoch.
Hey, Tom made his money and got the fuck out, man.
Hell yeah.
Tom's the real winner in social media.
No.
Although he didn't make as much money as some of the,
you know, the people they make now.
No, no, that was, yeah.
He didn't get...
But I have a Vice article,
and to be honest,
it wasn't even that crazy of an article,
but I thought we would do an homage
by going through one of their articles,
but it was actually kind of a funny thing.
Read it, and I'll do it.
In the arms of an angel...
Landlords are enforcing no-sex tenancy clauses now.
After moving into a shared house with three other girls,
Lucy started to notice signs of communal areas
banning music after 11 p.m.,
house parties,
and crucially, loud sex.
We're all girls,
and he starts lecturing us about the use of today
being hypersexual.
So apparently landlords can write into their clauses
no there's no sex so the thing this is no loud sex well this is where obviously and then we go
okay well what's loud sex this is where it gets interesting but i guess the actual situation is
like for example if you rented out a room in your house and you were like a family what you
can say is no guests after 12 p.m yeah and people either take that deal or they don't right so
apparently a lot of these people that don't have that situation like i can understand if you're
like i'm moving someone in with me and it's a family it's like hey this is the deal take it or
leave it but it's cheap because of it and if it wasn't cheap you just wouldn't take the deal right
or if you're like a student living with a family or whatever but if it's cheap because of it. And if it wasn't cheap, you just wouldn't take the deal. Right. Or if you're like a student
living with a family or whatever.
But if it's like a single apartment,
I guess you could say no being loud.
Like, well, I don't know why you'd specify sex.
Well, there's like a law that says,
you know, there's a, you know.
But it does sound like this landlord's pushing it.
Yeah, he's trying to make sure
he doesn't want loud sex specifically.
But there's a way around this.
And apparently the landlord came in and he was lecturing them about youths being hypersexual and telling us they need to save themselves for marriage.
Okay, what happens if you're the landlord, okay?
And then a couple comes to want to rent your place and you're against loud sex, but they're both deaf.
Say that again?
The people are deaf.
The couple, they want to rent the place.
You go, no loud sex, but they're deaf.
So you know it's going to be super loud, actually.
You know it's going to be...
Like really loud.
And they don't even hear it.
You don't know what you're going to be able to do.
But then you're like, if I enforce it, then they're going to take me to the disability court.
You're fucked up.
You just need that couple, and then you go, this clause is gone yeah he's gonna be fucked end of the clause well it's
not just this guy apparently he's doing it but this guy is extra funny because he said uh i thought
how are we even gonna police that but the landlord does inspections himself and he mentions it when
he visits so he sort of comes in he takes a break from his breast inspecting side gig
yeah basically looking
for cum stains he's got like his he's got a nickel and he's just like scraping off the thing he goes
what the fuck is this csi black light yeah he's sniffing the sniffing the sheets like what's this
what is yeah finds a condom wrapper he has a fucking conniption right disturbingly some tenants
have had a no sex clause actually written to their agreements sometimes it's expressed overtly other times it's disguised as a ban on overnight guests
but this is something uh that they so this guy has said he's feared it in the past and he's had
two different landlords try to ban or respect restrict sex on the property he privately rented
one landlord made a comment about the cues of men always outside the house it's safe to say i did not make people cute to fuck me the comment felt homophobic so now let me go on this guy
listen at first you're like we got this creep landlord that's coming in smelling our floors
looking for condoms making sure there's you know no evidence of sexual intercourse now you're saying
four landlords in a row have
been like this is out of control where they're selling the place they're like we don't even want
to be this guy's landlord anymore they're selling the place this guy's bringing 19 guys and spraying
the walls having like orgies where you put the mask on cues of men maybe it wasn't cues of men
but it's you're saying you have back-to-back landlords that are like yeah i mean i've lived in a bunch of places i'm not unfortunately i've
never had a landlord complain although i did get kicked out of an airbnb once there you go
before having guests over after hours if you know what i'm saying
yeah did it yeah i did get kicked out of an airbnb once for that okay there you go the guy after that. Yeah.
Did it get kicked out of an Airbnb once for that?
Okay. There you go.
The guy came in and he goes, listen, you saw the lease on the Airbnb.
Any midnight guest that comes in here,
Dave gets his taste first.
If you don't want Dave to get the taste, you should have
thought of that before you took the agreement.
I actually was in, when I was in
Istanbul, actually, I picked up this girl and I was in, I didn't get, when I was in Istanbul, actually,
I picked up this girl
and I was staying at some hotel.
They have weird rules there
or whatever hotel I was at.
And then I was trying
to bring a girl back
and they were like,
like,
listen,
the bed can barely hold you.
One in the morning
and they were,
I was trying to bring a girl back
and then they were like,
as I walked past the front desk,
they were literally like,
you have to pay us 100 euros.
What?
And I was like,
what?
Boning tax? Like literally a bone tax. At 1 at 1 a.m they go that might just be the guy that worked there saw sucker in this no no it was like i was like because i put up a huge stink and they
were like what did they say it was for bringing a second person they go they go no you're only
allowed one person in the room that's what you paid for and i go it's temporary pal she's not
staying with me and they they were like, no.
And then we ended up going to her house.
What a cock block.
Oh, you didn't pay up.
I was like, fuck that.
It was ridiculous.
She's like, I live five minutes from here.
And I go, okay, I'll just go to your house.
That is funny, though, bringing a girl home.
Fast forward to you yelling and screaming at the Airbnb guy.
It wasn't.
It was a hotel.
It's going to be five minutes tops, and she'll be gone.
What don't you understand? She's just some dumb whore I found at a hotel. It's going to be five minutes tops and she'll be gone. What don't you understand?
She's just some dumb whore I found in a bar.
Look, I'll just use her up and just give her the boo.
I give you a 1,000% guarantee she will not be staying.
Look, what time is it now?
2 a.m.?
She's going to be gone by 2.20.
I promise.
Tops.
I got to get some shut eye.
You are not going to hear a peep. I assure you that. She's not even going to be gone by 2.20. I promise. Tops. I got to get some shut eye. You are not going to hear a peep.
I assure you that.
She's not even going to like it.
Yeah, yeah.
She's just standing there.
He's like, no, 100 euro.
Yeah, interesting.
It's interesting that you didn't pay up, though.
I got to shake down.
Well, she was just like, let's go to my house.
Yeah, a better option came up.
I mean, I would have.
If that was it, she goes, well, I don't live near here
or whatever,
I'd go, all right.
What would you do
if you did pay the $100?
Then as you see the girl leaving,
you see the guy slip her her $50,
and you just paid for a prostitute,
and that's a scam they got running.
That would be an interesting scam.
That would be an interesting scam.
I've been like,
yeah, well,
game's the game.
Yeah.
At least just chalk it up
to game's the game.
So the landlords, when you say that multiple landlords are uh doing this because i don't think i've ever heard
that but i guess there is certain places where you just your rooms like too close to other people's
rooms and you're just like can you keep it down my first place in in uh toronto in parkdale it
was like the second level of this house and this girl lived underneath. Have you ever had people that tell you to keep it down while you're jacking off?
No.
But she was even worse.
She was even worse.
I would come home at two in the morning, and I would just be walking upstairs.
And she was underneath, and she's literally like, hey, can you stop getting texts?
You're really loud.
I'm like, I'm just walking.
I'm not stomping around.
Interesting.
I'm just walking. your landlord would do that this well she owned this huge house in parkdale
and then we just rented like the top floor or whatever me my brother but she was and she was
underneath i guess and she was but she was ridiculous i'm like what i can't walk yeah
like you own this like 120 year old house i don't know it's crazy ever comment on the boning
no that was dead silent.
She goes, I hear a lot of crying.
What's that about?
I go, could you keep the crying down?
The interrogation didn't stop there though.
They then tried to call me and say that there was silicone lube marks on the floor.
Well, this, this guy's saying he's never spilled the silicone lube.
He's sort of saying the landlord's fake news.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't use it.
I'd like to hear the landlord's side of this story.
Well, the question is, if I was like a bit of a Perry Mason type of go,
well, do you use silicone lube?
Right?
Because if you say you use it and you go, well, I didn't spill it,
you go, okay, well, but you use it.
He's not making that up.
But if he doesn't do this,
a landlord poking around and being like,
scratching the floor and being like,
this is lube.
I know this is fucking lube.
He's got a magnifying glass.
That is crazy.
That's insane, yeah.
But anyways, they're saying
that there should be a right to shag, Bill.
Well, the thing is,
I don't know if it's like-
Being loud is the issue.
You're never going to be able to fight that one.
No, but- And listen, it's an issue I've fought my whole life. Yeah, You're never going to be able to fight that one. No, but...
And listen, it's an issue I've fought my whole life,
being told to keep it down.
Of course.
But again, there's...
I don't know if it's like this in England,
but if you can't put something illegal into a lease,
it's not enforceable.
But being quiet apparently is.
Well, after 11, that's just like,
that's the bylaw of wherever you live, right?
Like, you can't like... But apparently you can have leases to say no guests yeah no guests is potential yeah right
yeah so i guess i don't know but can you you can't say you like what my mom can't come over
i mean again you're right i'd probably not probably enforcing it would be very hard my
mom's not allowed over at my house yeah and they would say no specifically your mom i don't think
that's legal specifically your mom because it's awkward for me to have to see her after he ran a train on her
that night because yeah i don't love those p cam sessions when your mom's over so there's this woman
and she wrote this article essentially being like if your husband's a piece of shit how to have an
affair without actually having an affair but you don't want to have an affair but you do but yeah you mentally want to be you mentally want to stick
it to him i'm having an affair nine ways to have an affair without having an affair yeah and it is
really the writings of a crazy woman it's a sad woman but also just like an actual psycho yeah
it's just like it's sad here are the nine ways so the first one is date yourself what would you do
if you took yourself on a date for pure fun
of it so there's lots of girls that have been writing date take a date on yourself ones but
under the context is extra crazy under the context of like and that i'll see how you like this yeah
yeah well he's like what are you up to and she's like i'm on a date i'm on a date he goes with who
uh myself yeah exactly someone who actually respects me so i but you're i guess if you're
trying to make him jealous like you're not really having the date it's more you stomping out being
like just made i'll have a dinner reservation for one like you know you're kind of making a
whole show you can and you can kind of make him concerned for your mental well-being like if you
go i'm gonna date and you go what and you go with who and she goes myself and go oh god yeah
something really technically not cheating and you go that's true it is something and then the second one is dress up
for yourself pick at least one outfit five days a week that'll make you feel sexy so that's i guess
this is her being like i don't see how you're cheating by putting the outfit on but i guess
if you're really putting them out there you're like walking around the streets with your tits
out being like not not cheating technically.
I mean.
Kind of like, I'm not touching you, I guess.
I suppose.
It's still not cheating.
Let yourself flirt with men.
So letting yourself flirt with men, I guess,
is what it is.
Yeah.
Still not cheating.
Probably.
I imagine the guy's not going to love that.
Men are going to take notice when you start to dress up.
Let those feelings be seen in admiration and soak it in.
If you're approached, you can assure the men that you're taken
because you're dating yourself.
That's psychotic.
Move your body.
Find a time when no one's home and put the headphones on and just dance.
So now you're sort of dancing in your own home in a sexy outfit,
being like, shh.
There's some weird point, too, like line with this, where if you're the guy, you your own home in a sexy outfit being like, shh. There's some weird point too,
like line with this,
where if you're the guy, you go,
fuck, this is insane,
but it's what you need to do to get her out of my hair.
It's like a good deal kind of at some point.
Well, you come home and you hear the music,
you hear her dancing up a storm.
You go, okay, I'm back out.
You go, I might have another coming hours
before I come home.
I'm like, you're working late tonight.
She's on a date with herself.
Yeah, you're just like, open to do it she's doing it in
the context of cheating where she's kind of like at home by herself dancing being like but my
husband's gonna be home any minute like oh my should we be doing this not a crazy thing to do
but i'm a married woman touch your body so give yourself a massage give yourself a massage it's funny unless you have one
of the massagers that do that but just sort of one of these to yourself not technically cheating
and you're i guess if you're in front of him i guess a lot of it is like to what extent are you
doing the thing is you're not but you're if you say hey i'm not cheating and then you're acting
crazy then i mean he gets kind of the message being sent but it's just yeah a lot of this is just
like nine things i do yeah but also just like be crazy and make your husband like re-evaluate the
relationship a bit because he's you're you know yeah this might be coming to an end here's 10
things that i do it's just attention this is like attention getting how to get some attention
well writing love letters to yourself is another one and then leaving them around the house who's that from it's from me
like i'm worried at some point when you're writing yourself letters on the regular it gets
you're probably pushing it a little bit yeah um psychos imagine that your girl found a love letter
and you're what the fuck and there's like
lipstick on it and everything and no one appreciates you you are so great yeah you're
the best and then it's from you and you go okay i'd rather you be banging a dude than whatever
the fuck this is seriously this is the gayest shit ever okay um before we go here, I have something.
So, this is a potential
gang that Danny
could join. Ooh, I've been looking for a gang.
Yes. So, this is a gang,
ladies and gentlemen,
and they make YouTube videos,
so something you like to do. Okay.
And what they do
is they go around to different restaurants,
try the food,
and they make videos on whether the chairs can fit them.
Have you ever been seated at a restaurant and found that you couldn't fit comfortably in the seat or booth?
Hey, everyone.
We're Plus Size Park Hoppers, and we range in sizes from 2X to 5X.
Like this video and follow us for more Plus Size Disney content.
We're starting a new dining series called If I Fit, I Sit.
In this series, we'll go to different restaurants on disney property and beyond
showing you the types of seating they offer whether or not we find it comfortable and we'll
also review the food we know yeah you will yeah chairs with arms on them and being anxious about
whether or not you'll fit our goal is to help you feel more at ease and to show you that there are
accommodations out there with one of us being gluten free, we'll also highlight the gluten free.
Do you know what this reminds me of?
Because you know what?
Like, it's so crazy where you can't fit in seats in restaurants in America.
That's a good point.
You know what I mean?
Like, this isn't like, oh, we're going around Europe and this is real narrow.
This is America.
This is like those types of fish where the bigger the tank you get them,
the bigger the fish becomes.
You know what I mean?
Like if you get it a giant pool, it'll become like a giant huge.
And this is actually what they're doing.
They go, yeah, we just, everybody's getting bigger.
They're just getting bigger.
I mean, if it's not a wake-up call that you're going to a restaurant
and you need to do research on if you're going to be able to fit in chairs.
In Florida.
You're in Florida. At Disneyland at a restaurant and you need to do research on if you're going to be able to fit in the chairs. In Florida. You're in Florida.
At Disneyland at a restaurant, you can't fit in Florida?
It is a crazy thing to be just watching tutorials on which chairs can fit.
Like if you go, I can't fit in any chair in Disneyland, that means you can't fit in any chair in the world.
Like there's no chair, no restaurant in the world you can go to.
Well, also it's sort of an excuse to go eat at nine places in a day. And you're't fit in any chair in the world. There's no chair, no restaurant in the world you can go to. Well, also, it's sort of an excuse
to go eat at nine places in a day,
and you're just like, do you just have nine meals? You go,
we're reviewing the chair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a chair
review. You go, yeah, but
you ate dinner at all? Yes,
we throw in a food review. Yeah, we like an app
or an entree. We throw in an app
or an entree, but this is a chair-focused
YouTube channel.
Have they ever broken any?
That would be probably good for their channel.
I hope they have a nice slow-mo of them just like...
No, I mean, you just see this.
You see the girl sit down.
But she comes in,
they come in like sort of a reviewer team, right?
So she puts in, comes in the napkin,
sit down, breaks the chair.
Everyone's like, are you okay?
And then she just pulls out her pen.
I'm fine.
You guys are.
Oh, that's going to cost you.
That's going to cost you some money.
Anyways, a load of the turkey.
I mean, that's the thing.
Probably realistically.
I'll sit on the floor.
Super fat people are the highest ticket spenders. I know, that's the thing. Probably realistically. I'll sit on the floor. Super fat people are
the highest ticket spenders.
I know. You do want them. You probably don't
want to go, fuck, if we lose all the super fat
people, we just can't come to a restaurant. Well, I guess if you
have low chairs, it's because you want hot
people there. The most depressing thing is, you know,
in Vegas by where Skanks was. Where they have couches
at the buffet? No, they have that restaurant
on Fremont, the Heart Attack, what's it
called? The Heart Attack Grill., they have that restaurant on Fremont, the Heart Attack, what's it called? Heart Attack Grill.
The Heart Attack Grill.
And they have like a postal scale outside of it.
And if you weigh more than 350 pounds,
you eat for free.
What the fuck?
Why?
We walked by it a million times.
Why are they giving free food to 350 plus?
I guess because it's fairly rare,
even still, to be over 350 pounds.
But why do they want that?
I just think they're branding and they think it's funny but then you see like people weighing themselves outside and
like the worst thing is when someone goes they go this is a funny thing to bring your girl to
and say you bring into a place where she can get her meal for free and then just like blindfold her
and then take her there get sit you have to stand here and then get her up and then she then she
takes the blindfold off when she's looking at her way yeah and then and then she goes okay this is
embarrassing i thought we were gonna get a free meal here you think there's ever been a guy who
was like 340 and he's like fuck i'm like so close he put some ball bearings in his pockets or
something well is there anyone that's just like weighs 350 that just goes eats there for free all
the time or do you get like one free meal per fat yeah i wonder you can't just eat there for life although life's short so in those scenarios that's crazy
yeah but i saw this one like tiktok of a guy who was just like when he was so proud of himself and
you're like he like walks over there he's like 440 and just gets wild he goes like yeah like
that's mental yeah well thank you everyone for subscribing to the Patreon
and everyone who subscribed and watched our competition.
It was a battle for the ages.
It was a battle for the ages.
And we talked about it on the Patreon too.
We went more in depth on the pains and the toils
of being professional competitive eaters such as ourselves.
Part of me thought that I would never eat a hot dog again,
but then I had a hot dog yesterday.
Liked it?
Man, 7-Eleven has good hot dogs.
The man is back.
Underrated dog.
Agree, they got taquitos, 7-Eleven.
I don't like the taquitos, but the dogs are great.
I get them at the airport sometimes when I hate myself.
Yeah, underrated dog.
Peace.
Later.