The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Dick Masterson

Episode Date: April 24, 2020

The Man the Legend Dick Masterson talking about Coronz, Boyz shit, LIES THEY WANT YOU SHEEPLE TO BELEIVE, thrill gates and more - tell a friend BOYSBOYSBOYS - Listen to him on The Dick Show  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead But we're gonna live forever, but we're gonna live forever And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead But we're gonna live forever, but we're gonna live forever Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys the boys, the boys cast. Now, today's episode, what a cool fucking situation we got going on here. Dick Masterson, one of the most requested guests on the cast. You know, almost 20 people I'd probably say on the internet have been like, you got to get this guy on. He's the man.

He's like a podcaster, radio guy, one of the kings of Patreon. He's the author of Men Are Better Than Women. He's one of the biggest controversial figures on the Internet, which fucking rules. I think he's fucking hilarious, and I thought he made me laugh a ton during this interview. The only thing I'll say is if you're watching on Skype, I did do the feature where it cuts back and forth between people. If you'd prefer it to just stay two people up the entire time, let me know. That was the option that I went with after looking at it.

I don't know if that was the right choice. You tell me, okay? Anyways, this guy's the man. Super fun interview. We talked about men and women. We talked about corona and just you know getting canceled and all sorts of shit like that tell me what you think without further ado this is the great dick masterson how's your quarantine going i fucking hate it man

i've just been calling the cops on minorities and saying that it's for corona it's fun stuff like that oh that's cool Corona It's fun stuff like that Oh that's cool Yeah there's a lot of benefits of the snitch line I'm a welfare queen now so that's fun Dude I'm the classic immigrant I just moved to America and now I'm a fucking welfare queen The only thing worse than quarantining by yourself

Is doing it with your girlfriend I think We went from I went from having a teacher girlfriend who's gone for 12 hours a day to having one who's home for 24 hours a day uh it's been quite an adjustment that's a nightmare dude i i used to because i've been hanging out with a chick here and like literally on my old when i was in toronto i had a i had an office and all that stuff and i couldn't even imagine trying to work at home with a girl bugging you like that I've got a few friends like that too they're like

quarantine you just get to work from home forever and he's like fuck yeah dude this will be awesome and it's like guess what your girlfriend's there and she's not working oh uh so I'm like I'm back in fourth grade or third grade I think I'm like relearning my sentence structures and I can hear her through the wall going through it. What is she teaching kids on like Skype and stuff? Yeah, yeah. I think they have Zoom too until the Chinese take it over.

Somebody figures out how to throw cocks all over their lessons. I think they're using it. After this over, school's just done, right? Like we don't have school anymore? It better be. Like if we all if everybody has to go back into work after doing just fine for uh two months i mean that's

on them like if you if you puss out and let your boss force you to go back to work after all this you deserve it that was something you actually said you were saying that was i've been kind of saying forever and you said a pretty good version of it that it's so funny with the bernie sanders people that that they're they're so right on like lots of the points you're like yeah this fucking school thing's a scam and you're like yeah you're like so it should cost more and the government should pay for it you're like okay no that's oh yeah i was kind of with you up until that point um yeah the bernie people are so are you are you uh fully indoctrinated into the american political system yet are you keeping your canadian roots i think i got i mean i i was i was sort of

always politically a comedian more so than anything which actually i want to say it that's one of the things that you know when i said you're going to come on here everyone's like fucking sick like everyone loves you right but one of the things that i always kind of liked about you is it seemed like even just going through some of your old interviews and that I always kind of liked about you is it seemed like even just going through some of your old interviews and stuff you you kind of always are one of those people that it seems like being entertaining and being funny is more important to you than whatever point you're trying to make at that moment which I feel like so many people the longer they're in the game they lose that element and they just become like a product of their opinions yeah they seem

to get really bitter about like uh i don't know what i mean i i think that uh even if you're just even if you're trying to be as as political as possible like nobody wants to be hit over the head with that shit um and it's uh i'm obviously right leaning, I guess. I don't fucking know. Like, it's so hard to quantify because, I mean, you know, it's just not realistic to be cataloged in any way. But anyway, like, okay, okay, I'm a big gun guy. Love guns. Everybody should have a gun. I think I should be able to build a nuclear reactor in my garage.

That's where I, that's what I think about the Second Amendment. If I can't build a nuclear reactor in my garage, then it is a violation of the Second Amendment. No, shall not be infringed. But, but, going to NRA meetup, going around gun guys, makes me hate Second Amendment. I'm like, you guys, you're just macho assholes. You just talk, you just have these guns to macho assholes yeah like you just talk you

just have these guns to talk about how tough you are but you're making you guys are making it gay yeah you're making this gay i always say that's what girls do with like everything you know it's like because they because they want to do alternative things but they want everyone to do alternative things it's kind of like you're right it sounds similar when girls are like we should get a lot of tattoos and then you'll see them writing articles of like why why whoa just because i have tattoos i shouldn't get a job you're like well you're right. It sounds similar when girls are like, we should get a lot of tattoos. And then you'll see them writing articles of like, why, why? Whoa, just because I have tattoos, I shouldn't get a job.

You're like, well, you got a face tattoo to like be wacky. And then you can't handle an alternative lifestyle. It's the girl that fuck a thousand people, right? Then they're like, what? Because I fucked a thousand people, I'm a slut. And you're like, you knew the rules going in. You can't handle an alternative lifestyle. Get a boyfriend.

Yeah, I got the whole, I got the entire bible tattooed down my ribs uh love me women are they're so aggressive with the sex work lately that it's like ruining strip clubs for me they're gonna they're gonna go too far and i'm gonna say i can't i can't i can't enjoy naked chicks anymore i see sex workers as higher than doctors even that's what it's the for me that's the holy grail of position of human being. I mean, I don't get, did they want more money? Because they pretty much get everything out of me. If I go to, I'll haggle with a doctor.

Stripper says 500 bucks. I'm like, yeah. I mean, thank God you didn't say 1,500. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, what they want to do is they want to live an alternative lifestyle and then have the world act like they aren't. That's what they want. Yeah. It's like the same kind of vibe with this quarantine all over.

Like chicks who I would pay for them to put their clothes on are trying to spoil the other ones who I will pay to take their clothes off. Like you're trying to introduce this whole respect thing, which I don't want. I don't want sex positivity. I want sex negativity. That's how I get down. Hell yeah, dude. I want to be the one on top.

I want the demeaning. I want all the negative stuff, because that's how I like it. That's how they like it. So fuck off with the unionization of sex work please you took all the rebelliousness of all of it once i'm signing a permission form to fuck i'm like well you know let's just not how about that how is this better than just having a chick like i don't know there's but it's it's exactly this it's kind of like you know how um the girls that were all like oh i'm gonna grow my armpit hair to show that I'm gross.

Like, you know what I mean? All that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they're kind of like, guys should think this is hot. And you're like, well, we don't. So I guess you're in a pickle then, aren't you? I mean, we'll still fuck you. Like, we're just not going to say it's hot. Like, we'll, we'll still, we'll get what we want out of it. It's just no one, no one's on board with this shit, honey. The whole world should, you remember, I know you, cause I know you're a musician, right? That's what we like. Yeah. we like yeah yeah which one of the things i always find that i kind of get along with musicians a lot and a little bit one of the reasons i don't have like that much respect for comedians is because it was kind of my second thing so my like identity wasn't formed

as a comedian like i kind of started that at 25 so i don't have this uh so you didn't fall into the trap of like having to talk about comedy like that is one of them i probably do fall into that trap uh if you want to check out my other podcast it's called the process but uh i've been around too many Coffee shop conversations Around the upright citizens brigade Of like people going over this material That's not fucking funny

It's like man it's just not funny You guys totally forgot the whole You forgot what the point of this is You gotta laugh great figure it out But I mean I don't know Good joke bad joke No that's exactly what it is I always say it like this Because a, because a lot of those people,

every good movement starts and then it kind of gets co-opted. It's kind of like those people used to be alt guys that like Tim and Eric, and now they don't like Trump. It's like, you know, but that's one of the things that the reason I brought this up is it made me laugh because like, I, obviously I knew all the original stuff. And actually a couple of people sent me questions questions asked you and i did want to ask a little one thing about the dr phil thing but yeah the uh the it was honestly like making me chuckle i was with the chick and i was like just like laughing in my headphones because you were in i

saw you you do a lot of the debates and controversy with like i saw the one with like honest and and destiny and all that stuff right yeah but the part that made me laugh is you started talking. He was kind of like, okay, do you want to do this? And you're like, okay, well, do you want to go first? And I'll go first. It's like, thanks for having me on your show. And he's like, okay, you talk. And then you're like, okay, well, basically I just think you're a faggy little bitch. And no one like my friend listened to that interview and he goes, damn, dude, that's what you went with to open it? I'm like, well, I mean, what do you want me to fucking say? That's what I think. I'm not here to, like, I'm not, it's not really important to me

that everyone thinks I'm smart. Oh, wow, that guy made a point so eloquently and well. Like, fuck you. I think you're an asshole. You're not a politician. Destiny, you're not a politician unless you're running for the mayor of the Lollipop Guild. Like, you're just putting on all these fucking airs and duping people into thinking you're.

So fucking funny. Because it's so much funnier. And then the Oneson guy, you go, he was talking. You're like, you sound like you were molested. And then he goes, I mean, my dad was charged with molestation, but I'm pretty sure he didn't molest me. And you're like, what? Did you just nail it in real time? That's so fucking funny.

Now, I'm back. Yeah, I blame the acid for that one a little bit. Yeah, yeah, I heard you talk about that. You know what? You know what it reminded me of as you said that? It's all the British comics. In all British people, there always comes a point in their career where it feels like it's more important for them for people to think they're smart than people think they're funny

funny where's all the best funniest best entertainers comedians whatever you want to call it personalities it's kind of like they're of course smart and then they're not insecure so they don't need people to think they're smart whereas the british guys are all like there's always a switch at some point where it's like, I kind of do actually need you to respect my intelligence though. Yeah. It's like, they get lazy. Like they're when they're, when they're funny, it's because they thought of something insightful and then turned it into a joke. And then they just get, then they just start saying what they think. It's like, nah, man, you gotta, you gotta make, you gotta put in work.

You gotta actually make a joke out of this. You can't just like, Well, yeah. And it's's easy it's obviously way easier see i got you talking about the comedic process okay yeah you did you sure did no it's more about it's more about an insecurity thing right it's like the guys that you know it's like when you talk about uh guys like getting chicks and stuff and you're like well they always go what's you have to act like you don't care a little bit and they're like how do to act like you don't care a little bit. And they're like, how do I act like you don't care? I'm like, no, you actually have to not care. You have to not care. You can't pretend you don't care. Okay. So the original thing, which was, you know, cause I guess the way I see it and I sort of found out about you a little later in life,

uh, probably like in like five years ago, I remember seeing a lot of you on the scene and I've heard, listened to a lot of people on your podcast over the years. Oh, cool. So originally, when you went on Dr. Phil with the character, that's what some people were asking about. Because this is how dumb I am. When I came to New York, there was a lot of comedians that were like, yeah, I went on Jerry Springer, and I went on this show,

and I was on this show, and they paid me. And I was like, oh, I'm a moron. Oh, yeah, you thought it was all real I maybe thought this is what I maybe thought that people duped doc like people would dupe the tv shows and they kind of knew but they didn't they let it go not that they were like so active in organizing it well so I guess let me for anyone who doesn't know I think most people do know but you went on the show and a bunch of times as a as the world's biggest chauvinist as a guy as dick masterson you know me uh except i wore mirrored aviator sunglasses and i had a big cop mustache and i showed up on the production day in like a big white suit like a complete asshole uh and it

was for my website menarebetterthan than women.com which got turned into a book which had shit like um it had it had article titles like all lesbians are faking it and women couldn't do math even if it tasted like chocolate like it's it's kind of they're kind of cute like they're they're quaintly misogynistic looking back on it um they're still funny though like the old tricks still work it's they still piss women off to this day you know what happened it's almost like they came around where they work again now where there's a lot of stuff that i didn't think was that funny four years ago but then as soon as you add the the special sauce if i'm not allowed to say it, you made it really funny again.

Well, it's like Trump is president because he basically took, I mean, he basically just does that material all the time, and now he's president. Like, it definitely works. Yeah. I'm just not as good of an insult comic as him. So Dr. Phil, they contacted me to bring me on. And they have obviously tens of thousands of psychopaths

trying to get on that show all the time. Like just, you know, the daytime TV audience whose credit is fucked and who needs brian in college trying to get on that show all the time. Is that what they do? Is it actually real money or is it like 600 bucks? What, to be on that show? Yeah.

I didn't get shit. I found out later that i was the only person who did not get paid to be on that show they found wage gap you yeah they fucked me a complete i thought i was the clever one but they were getting one over on me because they used me for like 80 of the voiceovers um they got an anti-social guy and they paid him a grip two of the chicks sued them for an undisclosed amount of money afterwards but they kind of they walk you through beforehand and at least in dr phil i know jerry springer and those guys are just straight up uh here's the character you're supposed to play and we're gonna pay you money for it dr phil i think is a bit more um bona fide and they but they do still walk you through. Like, they knew I was fucking with them, but they couldn't tell how much.

Oh, you did like a straight-up walkthrough beforehand, and everyone's... So everyone has to, like, pretend they know, but they kind of don't know. It's this big charade that everyone's playing. Well, then it turned into the producers that brought me in, like, then it turned into they're bringing me on because they know i'm funny and they like kind of want me to say these awful things right and so other producers who were chicks would start getting pissed and they would interview me aggressively trying to fuck me up so i would say shit that they would put in the show and then my the guy producers would come back

in the bros give me like these setups for jokes that they know i could nail it was the fucking weirdest dynamic because then it turned into okay you they know I could nail. It was the fucking weirdest dynamic because then it turned into, okay, you guys know I'm fucking around, but now the chicks are still pissed off because I'm getting away with it. Because I'm going on TV and going like, lesbians are faking it,

fucking three women like shit. And they're like, okay, well, yeah, I know he's faking it, but I think he still, he obviously believes some of it. It was a real weird power thing. Dude, that's so, I mean, the best stuff for me is always that where it's like it's not – you're like he's joking, but you're like there's a little truth there. Like I'm kind of not.

After I went on, my mom – I was dating this girl at the time, and she was like, well, what do you think about it? Yeah, her parents asked you what you do for a living. You're like, yeah, I have a book called. Yeah. Her parents were hardcore Islamists, so I think they were fine with it. A girl asked my mom, oh, what do you think about this whole thing? You know he's just joking, right? My mom goes, he's not joking.

He means all of that. That's why he thinks it's so funny is because he means all of it. Like, ah, shut up, mom. You're going to fuck like yeah yeah it's it's almost like not fun you're not supposed to say it there's a lot of stuff with uh you know like lately i've been getting into like trashing fat people and it's like that's to me like five years ago that would feel so hack lately i've been getting really into trashing fat people. This is my process. Yeah. That's on my Tinder account. Interest.

Trashing fat people. That's my account. I was thinking about doing this sketch of, like, a guy in quarantine with his 600-pound girlfriend. And it's just straight up, like, her, like, you know, shaking the ground and being the whole, just the classic, like, 1945 fucking fat joke. And I'm like, this is only because every time I do anything like that, people get so mad. It's like, it makes me so happy to just do the bread and butter and then play ignorant. Like, I don't know.

It's like, am I not supposed to? It does come in waves. Like, I feel like an itch. Like, ah, you know, fat people, they really are asking for it. I don't know why. Don't tell me why, but I could feel it out there. They're gearing up. The fatties are getting geared up for a big protest i gotta cut them down uh yeah when islamophobia was like hot that's there was like kind of all i was talking

about was like muslim shit for a good fucking two years where i looked at my set list at one point and i'm like this is all i've been talking about is like i've half of my set is a fucking islam i look back at the podcast titles and topics i'm like oh yeah that was i remember that being a big like i remember we had the i was going on a thing about how superman was going to be islamic and i was like oh it's it's cute it's cute you get obsessed with the thing it's you know it's just the principle of your being a kid and there's like you can't say shit and it's like wow the amount of comedic power you just gave that yeah yeah you know what else uh made me laugh when i was watching some of this stuff so after you did that when you did the interview with like chank unger oh yeah remember that but i'm like he was like kind of reasonable back then

for how much of a bitch he is now i could he was kind of he was kind of almost extending an olive branch of like okay i was very surprised at how much of a flip that guy is now because i kind of know him i wasn't like some fucking young turks fan me too man i remember talking to him and then i didn't hear about him until uh dame pesos did that election night meltdown of him and uh when i saw him again he had just gotten so fat and crazy like man, man, you are, like, you are really in love with yourself. I remember the chink, Unger, who was, like, kind of hungry and unsure of what he's saying. But now he just sounds like such a bloviating psychopath now. It's just he got too into wanting money.

He's got a, what's your synopsis of what do you just go full social justice because that's what it was and he just you know i'm just gonna be a woke boy 100 all in i don't know i imagine i imagine dealing with that amount of money probably fucks is very difficult for somebody in that position like i think it's very it's probably very difficult for somebody who's left-leaning to need to generate so much cash and have it thrown at you. Cause I think they have like the young Turks isn't, isn't a grassroots thing.

They get, they get ass loads of money from, uh, fuck now from huge donors. Um, I think it would be very difficult to maintain that level of like cognitive dissonance for actually standing for something. And then just being a complete whore for the Democrat. Eventually eventually you just say this is just a job and tell me what to say okay yeah yeah yeah yeah and plus he he made a huge ass of himself on when he got the chance to be on tv so that failure probably still stays with him you know he flew that hosting gig

what was his tv show he was i think got, I think he got on MSNBC He was the host of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Yeah, and he just acted like a jerk and wouldn't tone himself down It's like, motherfucker, this is TV, like, just calm down, chill your shit out They're gonna kick you off in two seconds I guess, I mean, who cares about chat, I don't know why we have to ramble on about him Well, he thought I meant it, too, by the way Like, he thought, he bought it, he bought it hook, it hook line and sinker yeah i just thought he was kind of reasonable

i guess i guess you give him credit for like going and debating ben shapiro and stuff i guess that's actually that's another point i know i'm kind of all over the place but when you donate when you were talking about that destiny guy and you were because i knew what you were saying you were kind of saying you're like anyone can pretend that they're all about facts and all this stuff. And realistically, that's not the reality. It's the reality is complicated and nuanced. Isn't that guy kind of like a left-wing Ben Shapiro a little bit in the way that they argue and stuff like that?

Oh yeah. Cause even the way that. Yeah, go ahead. Well, like the way that... Yeah, go ahead. Well, like, the way Ben Shapiro, like, drops these gotcha facts, like these mic drops about, I don't know, trans identities or suicide. That's perfectly, yeah. It's like, okay, man, like, what are you... Who are you...

It's just people preaching to the choir, which is what I told Destiny. Like, you're just showing off for people who already agree with you. which is what I told Destiny. Like, you're just showing off for people who already agree with you. Like, this is really cancerous to, like, America. But whatever. You got to make a buck, too. That's fine.

And just the amount of purposely not understanding the nuance of something. Yeah. Like, they do what I'm doing when I'm bugging people on the streets, like playing dumb on purpose to fuck with them. Yeah, Ben Shapiro is probably a better example than destiny just because he's more well known but it's like Ben you're you obviously know what they mean like you can't there's no way you think what you're saying you're you're a lot smarter than this you jackass um yeah it's kind of that that's actually one of the but to go back to the corona, I thought you had such a good point on that too, where it is the not understanding the principles

seems to be the root of all of these problems. Kind of like, so, okay. So when we're talking about the Bernie thing, it's the same thing, but that, so when people are saying you're trying to kill lives and stuff like that, if you go outside and you're trying to break quarantine, you're trying to kill lives and you're that, if you go outside and you're trying to break quarantine, you're trying to kill lives. And you're like,

do you really not understand the principle that there's either scenario has bad consequences? Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy to me. And it's, it's kind of like terrifying. Like I used to be afraid of the robots taking over, but now I'm like, well, I mean, I don't, I don't know if the robots would do such a worse job than people are because people are, people cannot, cannot weigh the deaths in such a weird way. Like once they decide they're in for, you know, you're locked in for the ride.

The corona thing especially is like the most amount of people being passionately on one side or the other who cannot affect in any way in no discernible way the the outcomes in the end like one person staying home or going out is not going to do shit and yet everybody's saving the fucking world every day by screaming their heads off it's been it's been really gross to watch and yeah i'll tell you what it it's it's one of these things like where it was the same as the woke stuff where after a period of time it really separated who could be who was like a critical thinker for who was you know taking whatever you fed him hook line and sinker yeah and you've i've definitely said

if you watch my facebook or my instagram you've slowly saw even if that first they switched like everyone i know who's pretty cool and kind of gets it has slowly been like, yeah, this sounds like a bunch of bullshit. And then everyone who is, and everyone who's a fucking pussy bitch, like, you know, you kind of see them. They're still just there. Now they're making videos about singing songs about how you got to stay in your house and stuff. And you're like, Jesus Christ, like whatever. I'm not holding against you. You're just a nerd, but let's be clear on like, the grossest is when they try to make it cool. You know, it's like, Hey man,

stay in your house. If you want to be cool. It's like, I don't have a choice. If I go outside, a cop will arrest me. Why do you, why are you trying to, why are you still trying to convince me to stay inside? I don't have a fucking choice. Like I don't get that compulsion to be, I think they'll just, they'll keep going until somebody says, Hey, you're doing a great job like print that song out i'll put it on the fridge and then you could just shut the fuck up like we're all we're all locked down already well that's the best point you made on it whereas

you basically it was the same as all this stuff is diversity whatever they don't just want and this is where i always say that the woke stuff is more feminine versus masculine than it is you know anything else race or so basically they they want you to stay in your house but they also want you to be happy about it and you know say thank you for giving me these rules just like we want we have to say on your tv show you need to replace yourself with other people but also be pumped about it you need to post statuses about how you're stoked that you got kicked off your own tv show yeah uh you got to be at home singing songs i didn't get a harumph out of that guy we're sending the cops over so you

can put your best uh get it with an acoustic guitar so you can sing a song about how much you love being inside like oh okay why not um i got is it not is it not your girlfriend saying hey i want you to come to this thing but i need you to be pumped about it every step of the way. Yeah. You're locked down. I mean, you guys are obviously, it's fucked up out there, right? Yeah, but I mean, again, like, I don't have any respect for this lockdown. I've been out, I've been about.

I've been interviewing people on the streets. Everyone's sending me messages like, dude, this is not okay. And I just leave them on read. Like, okay, do something. Call the cops then. I don't know what to tell you. Call the cops. Come get me, then. I'm gonna grease myself up and run around naked. Come grab me and throw me inside. Let's see what you can do.

I feel like all the edgelords, all the edgelords, I don't know, they lost a lot of their cred on this one. Like, we had a beautiful virus that was supposed to kill all the stupid people. And I remember everybody complaining about, wouldn't it be great if all the dummies just got taken away magically somehow. God gave us this virus to do the, to do that for us. And we all, we all sat home instead. We all sat it out. Uh, we spit right in God's face. So I don't't i don't know how i can take

hearing complaining about dumb people anymore from everybody who said well we need to work together to save people from themselves like no you had your chance you blew it i read somewhere that it only takes uh that it statistically only kills a homosexual so god's this is god's classic move i mean yeah this is vintage god sending a uh somebody somebody was saying to me like oh isn't it isn't it can you believe how stupid these church people and these pastors are like well but like they you understand that they think there's a heaven right like you yeah you're able to admit that they actually like it's not a con they're not lying about not about believing in god like they really think they really believe that shit uh how is that stupid uh like what am i supposed to do that's so funny dude if i

but i will say if i go out in new york city that's what that's why i want i i kind of go back and forth between always where i'm like, man, am I just living on the internet too much? Cause you know what I mean? One of those things in my mind, I'm like, this is bullshit. This is such an overreach of government. You know, they're locking us in our houses and I go outside and there's like literally a baseball game happening. Like the park that I run at is jam packed.

People are having picnics. And then I go on the internet, and I'm like, you know, there's videos of some grandmother walking in the park getting SWAT teamed, and I don't know what to believe. Yeah. This weekend is going to be 90 degrees. I would be shocked if people weren't at the beach. Yeah.

After being inside for a month. What about you? Are you going out and about or you straight up like well you know it's i mean you stream 45 hours a day so it's yeah i'm i'm probably the least affected by this in that like the only place i would ever go out is bars or restaurants and it's impossible to do that now so i'm staying all the time i'm now i'm trying to convince my sister to let to let us come over to hang out with her and her kids,

but she's been mainlining CNN, so she's having, like, fucking panic attacks like Tony Soprano any time she gets a cough. But she thought she had it. So if anything, she should be protecting everyone else from her. Yeah. It doesn't work like that, though. You know, fear doesn't work like that though you know fear doesn't work like that that's the ultimate scenario my boy's in that where he's he's at home and he's he's kind

of like he don't give a shit he would be doing whatever and then his girlfriend is you know hard line uh stay at home truther yeah and he's just like but he's you know he goes he said he goes he went for a walk the other day and he got in a fucking two-hour fight about it i was like fuck dude uh one of my girlfriend's friends came over last week and she had to lie to her roommate about where she was like if i tell her i came over here she'll just blow a gasket wow man cool um what is your what is your so i mean i've kind of heard you talk about it a bit but what is in a nutshell your actual opinion because you were saying that uh you know 40 percent of or what is it 50 percent of people under 40 in new york are unemployed now and every

business is going on like what do you think this is an overreach i mean i feel like i kind of moved here from canada for the freedom and then the day i get here they're like oh yeah yeah yeah oh yeah we're done with that move to sweden if you want to be free um i think that i think that governments have killed a lot more people than viruses have so i don't and then as soon as they start as soon as they start just convicting people without courts like as soon as uh as soon as they start removing civil rights or really anything um without involving a court system or even fucking with it like we do atrocious shit with the court system anyway as soon as they start doing that i gave in women the vote like we do atrocious things in these courts uh i i don't think anything good has ever come from it like i'm way

more worried about what the government's doing than what a virus is going to do. I was pretty confident in being able to stop myself from getting sick for, you know, the last, the last, whatever, however many years I've been adulting. Yeah. I got the Mr. Burns body where all the STDs come together and they form a perfect blockade.

Yeah. Invincible. Are you a smoker too? I heard smokers are immune too. Oh yeah, no, not really a smoker. I'll like, you know what I have been since I grew up in America? You sound like you smoke a lot. No, that's partying and singing in the bands and I got voice surgery, the whole deal. Oh, really? Yeah. I've been getting a little bit into vaping. Like, if I'm hanging out with a chick that has a vape, I've been – just because I saw that and I was like, that is fucking so sick, dude. Yeah. I want to be fucking sick, dude.

I mean, I don't know. I think everybody watched too much Walking Dead and it's like really wants an apocalypse to happen, but it's not happening. So they're trying to force it to happen. People love's you you can see as soon as the government's like stay in your home you see people coming it's fucking ridiculous yeah it's like china china need their government does it but america are white people's favorite pastime has always been oppressing themselves oh 100 dude religion is not is no longer in fashion, so they can't whip themselves in the back like at night until they're bleeding and they refrain from masturbating.

But they will lock themselves down and start baking bread. Like they're just getting off all over the country doing that. That's so funny. I love that when you see someone on Facebook being like, hey, don't you guys think we should have more rules? Really? It's weird. They're so fucking angry. Like, oh, if people will, if people start going back to work, then everyone will go back to work and it will be mass chaos. Like, man, just shut the fuck up. Just stay home. You don't have a job anyway. All of you motherfuckers that

didn't have a job before this, you still don't have a job. Just stay home and shut the fuck up. You got four months of unemployment. Stay home and watch everybody go everybody else go out and have fun but that's the real problem if everybody else is having fun you feel like a dick because you're sitting there with all your doomsday shit and there's no apocalypse happening so you had to make one happen so you don't feel like an asshole um doubled your income dude like let's be real yeah yeah seriously the amount of money that's out there too as a result of this is insane trudeau in canada is letting it fly dude he's oh he's a rich guy's fucking hot girlfriend that's just spending cheese it's so it's so fucking crazy i don't think i don't think anyone's keeping track anyway

he's a guy who got 1200 bucks200, and he's rich as fuck. I'm like, why did you get this? He goes, well, you know, various things. I'm like, oh, just fuck off. I might apply for fucking cheese in both countries. Fuck it. Trudeau's like a guy that's at the strip club spending ones, but he didn't realize they were hundreds because he didn't look.

And then after, he's like, dude, look at the hundreds. He goes, fuck. I just, oh, because he didn't look and then after he's like dudes with the hundreds he goes fuck i just okay i kind of oh shit all right wrong stack yeah uh it's like his first time there here you go everybody this is how it works right should i get fives it's fine do you think i should get five uh yeah man that's that's how it works i've been loved that all this stuff too with the experts like we should listen to the experts and you're going okay first of, the experts have been wrong five times this week. Second of all, the expert, the amount of times experts have been wrong in my lifetime. And even if they are right, it doesn't mean they know what to do with those models. That's my favorite. Like that's what I've always been saying. The guy I'll be like, well, this is what we think about the

coronavirus. So what we need to do is we'll take it from here you you give us the numbers number nerd like leave the politics but what why does some doctor have a better a better uh version of what to do now that we have the information i i don't know um i've been uh i've been told that like i posted statistics statisticians mathematicians take on and like well they, they're not doctors. Like, I mean, what? So if you want a bunch of numbers modeled, you're going to go to a doctor that doesn't make any sense. I still don't get how you could be an expert in New York and LA and Alaska and Texas. Why? Why is the federal government just running the US? Why don't they run the whole world? Why don't they tell us what you should do in Cairo and nairobi and antarctica like just shut up it makes no fucking sense and there's no there's no talking to anybody about it like oh well trump

should have done this like how is how is one guy how is this you think you think anybody knows like how what the fuck was you know Trump ran a game show on television. What do you expect him to have done? Go door to door singing a song about how you need to wash your hands? What the fuck was he supposed to do? I don't know what they expect. It's like, he's not Santa Claus or Jesus.

It's just one idiot. They wanted Donald Trump to suck the virus out of all the citizens and then spit it back into China's face. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait for war with China, by the way. That'll be fun. Well, that's the only thing Trump could have maybe actually done is blocked up the border to China earlier.

And it's like you would have had a conniption if he did that. Yeah. And I mean, I don't even know if that would have worked. Like, I don't know who has this shit. Have we stopped viruses before they kind of just seem to do their own thing yeah i was i've been i was just saying that it's well it's because it's racist if you call it the chinese virus but it's racist oh yeah but it's racist to mexicans if you call it the coronavirus so i don't know what to say uh yeah are we still calling it chinese food

is that racist too i've just been straight up calling it the small dick virus. So I've been meeting in the middle. I've been saying, no, just, I've been trying to just be extra nice. That's a funny, I just saw the dildo in the back of your shot. That's amazing. Oh, you like that? That's my home protection dildo. I was saying that I've been, because I've been trying to stop the racism towards Chinese people. I've been nice to Japanese Chinese people. I've been extra nice to Korean

Chinese people. Yeah, that's good. I've been really trying to get it out there. Hey, so what's a, I heard you going, talking about this, but, and I've, I've heard a few people kind of getting into this recently and I want, it sounded like you kind of had a take on this stuff what's going on with bill gates injecting everyone with aids or whatever is bill gates bill gates wants to be the gayest man in the planet i guess and get himself into as many guys as possible uh but he's the reverse he's a reverse bug chaser yeah he really is i don't get why this guy has this like need to put microchips and worry and, uh, in everybody. Um, so do you think that's, what's happening? They did that. Do you, do you believe that or not believe, but is that how you see it? That he needs to get his,

I think he hasn't had his nerd ass kicked in a long time. Somebody to like, I don't, uh, I mean, windows was, uh, was, uh, pretty shitty. Like, everybody knows Control-Alt-Delete. The reason that I compulsively Control-S while I'm working on anything is because Bill Gates can't make anything that works for longer than 10 minutes. It works great now, but the kids might not remember that the blue screen of death was like an ad that Windows would show us every 10 minutes no matter what we were doing i don't know where this guy i don't know where he gets off planning like our

our this global vaccination uh computer microchip id he just got in the mix real quick and he's like we're doing this now yeah we're all doing we're all doing tattoos and ids you guys are up for that right like no no I hate that. I would love if the whole thing that happens is as soon as you get the microchip, it's just like, maybe Apple isn't as good as everyone was saying. It's a big ploy to fucking get people off Apple chips. It's only compatible with PCs. It's the gamer chip.

Yeah. I don't know. Are you getting a microchip? Do you even get a flu shot? I don't get one of those. I'm the gamer chip. Yeah. I don't know. Are you getting a microchip? Do you even get a flu shot? I don't get one of those. I'm not getting a Corona shot. No, I'm not. I don't want any of them. See, I'm not. That's another one where I, all of these things I don't, I'm not so suspicious about until they're rubbed in my face. Like, yeah. You know, when, as soon as they make something blasphemous to think, I'm like, okay, well, what's actually going on here now?

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. There's a few of those things. It's the, hey, there's no dead bodies in my basement. You're like, yeah, I didn't think. Yeah, just so you know, don't even check. And you're kind of like, why? And also, can you believe this guy said that?

Can you believe this idiot said that? And you're like, well, now what's going on here for real, right? It seems the vaccination stuff, as soon as they made it blasphemous to question, I was kind of like, I don't know, maybe there is fucking something weird going on here. Well, I love that they also threw out that we need, was it Bill Gates who said we need to start testing in Africa right away? Yeah, he wants out there.

Yeah. Why are we testing in Africa? Can you explain that please? Can you show your work on why we would start there? It's down in Africa. That's what he's saying. Yeah. I mean, I guess the, I mean, obviously it's because they don't have any rules, right? Yeah. Cause they have no rights. Well, you know, because they're not white. Like, oh, okay. I just wanted you to say it. Thank you. Hey, what's your tribe rules on this new strain of of virus uh oh you don't have any great

step right up if you want your water that magic oh great awesome i have some anti-magic i'm gonna inject you guys with get rid of spirits get rid of evil spirits as a fucking bill gates no but i've been saying this forever that all of this stuff. And that's one of the reasons why I think it's like fun to have you on because, because as soon as I started doing the boys cast, it's like, and I was saying it's the first podcast exclusively for boys. Everyone's like, yo, you got to talk to fucking Dick Madison. Like, yeah, that's true. But to me, all of this all boils down to feminine versus masculine from the woke stuff to who thinks stay at home. I mean, I guess it's

always been like that right it's freedom versus safety it's all of that stuff kind of boils down to at the end of the day right yeah i think so i think that's what the whole destiny thing is about too and after we debated it it came out that he's fucking guys with his new girl guys who have no balls like he did you hear about that was it destiny or honest in uh that was destiny destiny said he's now experimenting with bisexuality with his new girlfriend and he was talking about uh banging some dudes i love how you should correct him no you're experimenting with being gay you're not experimenting like you're fucking gay dude that's uh it's fine but what i'm so funny the pretzel people in right now when i was doing

the street interviews the other day i had this thing where i was saying that i was had sex with it but the joke i didn't end up using it in the thing but the joke was uh because it was kind of too complicated but i love i was telling people that i thought that i had coronavirus because i had warts on my dick and discharge and stuff like that and which is from corona and the girl's like and she's like i don't think that's a symptom of corona and i was like no because one of the guys at my bathhouse was telling me that he had it too from corona she's like you've been at the bath i was like yeah well i have sex with hundreds of thousands of men without condoms and she was like oh so you're gay and i'm like no

just because i had sex with a hundred thousand men that makes me gay and she was like no no not of course not i mean it, it's an identity thing. And I'm like, she's so wrapped up in her thing that she's willing to admit that having sex with hundreds of thousands of men doesn't make you gay. It's like, man, maybe be a little more secure or maybe be a little more certain about your sexuality before you get to Trump being a racist. You're sure that Trump is a racist, but you're not sure you like sucking cock yet? Like, okay. I mean, whatever.

I don't, I forget why I started talking about that. Well, it's how impressionable these people are too, right? It's like, what are my opinions? It's like some of the opinions for people like me, they be, you know, it's kind of one of those things where like, hey, you shouldn't be racist. And you're like, yeah, of course. Like, shouldn't be gay. You're like this and this and that. like me, they be, you know, it's kind of one of those things where like, Hey, you shouldn't be racist. And you're like, yeah, of course, like shouldn't be gay. You're like this and this and that. And then they start getting, you know,

they start getting crazier and crazier. By the end, they're like, also, every guy should be sucking a dude's dick. And he's like, you know, you're the boss at no point. Are you getting off this train? How do you know if you haven't tried it? Like, I mean, yeah, I guess you got me. You got, why am I? Do you think that is one of your most controversial opinions? Because I was always saying that I thought it'd be a funny, like, one of the things I always think about is when people are sort of, you know, the people that are really edgelordy,

but with really normal opinions, like, if you're a fucking racist, you can suck my dick. You know what I mean? That's kind of guys. But I'm like, name one opinion you have that you couldn't say on the ellen show right now like the uh unpopular opinion people that just express the most popular opinion possible yes correct yeah yeah yeah but what's your i know and this is what i think it would be for you but maybe if you have a different one and talk about this one too, but what do you think you are most popular? Like what,

what's the opinion that you believe the most that gets you in the most shit? Oh, in the most shit that you're really sure of. God, I don't even know if I can tell the difference anymore because I'm basing it all off of my audience, which is already pretty extreme oh right it might be you telling something that they don't like for the opposite reason your most your most

uh controversial opinion with your audience is that uh that racism exists no bro my yeah yeah me saying that white people is real piss people off me not having a problem with the drag queen shit yeah or like or like gay indoctrination and kid stuff like motherfucker make as many get make as many kids gay as possible are you kidding me the best thing we could do is make little boys gay so they don't have to deal with women ever for the rest of their fucking life like this is if you can put gay in a serum i'll go door to door injecting kids with it so they never have to tolerate someone like their fucking mom. I don't get that.

I don't get it. First of all, the joke being that you can't, you think you can turn a kid gay other than by molesting them? Like, I'm not saying that all gay guys were molested. It's just like, if you fuck with a kid's sexuality at a young age, you're going to fuck it up forever. Like, they're always going to be confused. But showing them two dads in a DuckTales cartoon,

I don't think it's going to make anyone start wanting to suck cocks. That's a very controversial opinion in my crowd. I don't know. If you make him watch a full season of Seth Meyers' show, that might start to get something spinning. Hey, the only thing that would have made me gay as a kid is a guy saying,

the reason I'm gay is because I get to fuck more pussy I'd be like, oh interesting Alright, I'm going to check this out I'm going to check this guy out Funny thing is all the pussy is located on a man's ass But Oh, okay I get it

Holes, holes, holes I get that That's actually one of the things that I know that you probably had to deal with a lot of the years Because it's Whenever you're doing controversial stuff It sort of becomes this You know, you develop this fan base and how do you let them not control you right I guess the answer is to always stick to your instincts so it's if you

don't leave what you actually think then you never really have to be making those decisions of am I pissing people off or not right yeah I feel like people are pretty uh like they I think a lot of times they just want to even if they think you're wrong or an idiot like they do like hearing you explain yourself um even if they totally disagree with you they're like oh yeah i enjoyed hearing like even like a real sick person who's on the street like a schizophrenic you'll sit there and watch them just hoping that they're able to explain to you like why they think aliens stole their penis or how they're the reincarnation of elvis yeah i want to hear i want to know more even though what you're saying is yeah bafflingly retarded i want to hear your explanation for it ask them as a legitimate interviewer not a not a

person with a position yeah yeah that's how you get that the uh do you remember that show what was that show coast to coast they were the best it was a great show dude yeah that guy people would call in and be like aliens came in and uh raped all of my family last night and then they pissed in my grandmother's mouth and they were green and they had like they were six feet tall and he goes now did you get a look at their bottom half yeah that show is so fucking great uh yeah i was watching that show i used to listen to that show a lot and uh it's amazing this guy was calling in about like the cia tracking him or something because he had all these secrets and uh he he didn't they can't for some reason they didn't have like a voice scrambler on him and he found it out halfway through the interview and

started freaking out he's like wait this has been my normal voice this whole time? And I think George Norrie's like, well, yeah, what do you mean? And he goes, well, my voice isn't, you don't hear my voice? Like his modulator broke on the end. It's the guy with the blur that steps outside the blur. Yeah. Like hearing his genuine panic that he really thought the cia was gonna be on to him now uh it was so funny yeah those guys are fucking amazing

you know what uh my most controversial yeah i was gonna ask no i well i was gonna the reason i want to talk about the lesbian one but i was gonna say there's a few of them but honestly there's on the both sides so on the side that you were saying, like, uh, where you feel like you're going against people that like you is cause I do a lot of stuff about it. Women aren't funny, but then, yeah. And I've kind of said that, but like that's wrong ladies. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That was one of the videos, but the, but you know, it's funny. I remember I did that video where I said, come on,

I go up to girls and I said, you know you know uh do something funny just to prove that women are funny or whatever it doesn't have to be that funny it does just a little funny and you'll probably book a festival but then I love people in the comments they go oh how funny would you be if they put a mic in your face and I was like I've been I've been a professional comedian for the last 20 years so I'd probably be fine but but people want me to across the board say that like i don't think women are funny and i don't really think that i think that stand-up comedy is and a lot of art forms are a composite skill and a lot of things women are better but like across the board like who's funnier just your average man your average women i know tons of funny women so it's not really that's i don't

really think across the board women just aren't funny that's not like an opinion i hold i think that the best stand-up comedians are higher at a higher proportion, man. And it's a more nuanced argument that I think, but people give me shit for that. They're like, fuck you. They're not funny at all. You don't know. I'm like, I know. Yeah. Already. Like, you don't need to,

you don't need to add your commentary on the joke. Yeah. And then they say, they say I'm like simping for women. I'll be like my friends like who's a professional comedian she's super funny and they go no she's not none of them are and i go all right fine yeah it's like the people who they flip out on both sides like you can't say well la or miami is hotter than new york and it's like well you know not every day is hotter but by and large yeah it's hot like guys can't do their hair i can't i got i can't do my hair for shit because i don't need to do it to get laid um so when you say that lesbianism is uh like a myth i actually have been saying this is a joke too the lesbians have been myth

this is funny yeah it's because it's so fucking funny and i but i also feel like there's a bit of truth there and every time i sort of try to put together the theory, this is the closest I've got to where it's like, I feel like gayness, a man that's gay, it's sort of a, it's like a hypersexuality that almost is like you added this extra sexuality that made them so deprived that they'll fuck a man. Whereas like a woman,

it's almost like lesbianism is just, they have no sex drive. So they're like, Oh, I guess I'll be with a woman to me. It's like, that's the closest to a realistic theory that lesbianism isn't real. It's just the women who've decided to commit to how much we all know they hate us.

Correct. No, we know that you hate us because we're just abrasive and horrible to be around. But some of you have the balls to just give it up completely and go find another one of you. So is that your take on it? Is your take on that it's a little more simpler where you're just like, you just don't buy it from fucking start to finish? I mean, I just love how it pisses off some lesbians.

And my favorite part is how it pisses off women who claim to be straight, who are all lesbians. Like I will go, lesbians are faking it and then all women are actually lesbians too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you're going both ways. Some chicks just blow, they want you to know, you know he's wrong about that, I would never fool around with a chick,

like okay, I mean it sounds like you're asking for it at this point. It's almost like everyone was born being able to fuck a girl, and then you added the part that they would fuck a dude. I guess a lot of gay guys are like, ooh, I would never fuck a girl. But I'm like, yeah, I guess you probably could. I don't know. Maybe. I guess maybe it just takes –

My theory always falls apart, but I feel like there's something here. Yeah, it falls apart until you go to prison. And then it's like, oh, wait, a lot more guys are gay than they're willing to admit. But that's not what they say. They say, I'm not gay. That's a girl now. Yeah, okay, cool. There are a lot of woke guys in prison, a lot of progressives in this penitentiary.

No, I just turned you into a chick. They're like, oh, you're gay? You want to fuck me? No, I want you to be a woman that's what they say yeah um i mean i see that african warlord i've seen most uh i think the average height and weight for women in the u.s is about uh equal to blastoise the pokemon they're like 5'4 and 170 pounds so i'm not even really sure that you could say i'm straight if that's the case like that most women i do not want to touch with a 10-foot pole so i don't know if there is a sexuality

for that yeah everyone wants to fuck magazines yeah your your your sexuality is you don't want to fuck gross chicks yeah i've had no show i mean i listen i'm no shortage of fucking gross chicks that do it in a band forever Girls always get that They're like why would you fuck a disgusting chick And I was like it was funny For the high fives Yeah because I have to jerk off You know three times a day

I got a lot of Hell of an energy over here that's why Yeah sometimes you do it and then you're like It sort of almost turns you off women for a while Where you're like yeah that was a lot of energy over here that's why yeah sometimes you do it and then you're like it sort of almost turns you off women for a while where you're like yeah that was a lot it's like going to church oh man oh god never again never okay never again one of my one thing i was saying before this quarantine shut down i was kind of doing this thing where i was saying that uh because gay guys have the most sex because it's like a hyper sex drive and I say gay guys have the most sex Straight people have the second most

And lesbians have the least sex at zero because you need a penis for sex I feel so mad at that shit But I don't know I've been playing around with all that shit forever Because there's something that fucking Just like I don't know It just rubs them the wrong way It just rubs them the wrong way it just robs them the wrong way like i was having that argument with someone today on i'm fucking

my instagram they go oh you're making because again i told you i'm on this like fat chick obsession because yeah it's this thing you know it was kind of an old one and then it came back to me where people are like you can't say that and i'm like well actually i can but it's but this guy was like okay why don't you try to be a good comedian any easy it's so easy to make fun of fat chicks and i'm like i would love to see you go on stage and try to make fun of fat chicks in front of a new york audience see how it works you're mine i hate that it's so easy shit like okay do it let's go do it you're gonna get eaten by fat chicks yeah you can go make fun of a fucking some weird shit you have good no no it's easy talking about this wacky thing you saw

happen on the subway yeah that's what's easy that road itself uh like so i'm fucking this shit can you believe how gross she was like yeah in front of a fucking nyu students you know how well that smashes fucking idiot uh lesbiansians, you know, they say they have sex, but sex also, the very important part of sex is how much you want to leave afterwards. So if they don't experience that, then I don't count it as sex. Like, that's what it is.

It's you wanting to leave immediately and her trying to trick you into staying until you fall asleep. That's what sex is. And if they're not doing that, then they're not having sex. You haven't come yet. Yeah. That's so funny.

And then, so, right now, you got... So, right now, above you is your girl upstairs. Are you on the same floor? How does it work? I think she's between classes. She put a... So, she's smoking in the hallway between classes. She's at the track. She's doing the newscaster thing where she's all dressed all prim and proper

and then wearing no pants ever since it started. Yeah, has she become like the office slut where you're just fucking her right and left? It's like a Married with Children episode now. Hey, come on. I can't, I can't. I got to go do a podcast

and then I just come in here and cry. That is so funny though, Evan. Just makes me laugh you being like, or maybe the same thing, but your girlfriend's there and she's like going to work. Like, okay, babe, just give her a kiss and you can come down and you're stepping up up so now they think about these fucking bitch women

and then you come back up you're like oh what are you doing for dinner i know i'm like well do you have to do you have to because i can't do this i can't do this show if you're gonna teach like from we have this our our podcast hers for a group of uh of of children and mine for an even less mature the kids are there and she's just like talking about fucking math and the dick sucking here's what you do with women here's a real lesson here's a real lesson for you kids and if they're not gargling your gum i mean and there's there's a chance that like at least maybe one of them knows like so one of them's got to be a follow a so follower or somebody like um that's so fucking funny yeah and it's high school kids

too so they're like the real deal these are elementary school kids i mean and still it's probably i always assume that kids are doing shit younger than I think that they would. So who knows? I was doing that too. And I had the, at my old house, that's why I had to always be going to my office. My girl would be like, just do your shit with me here. Do the podcast with me here. And I'm like, yeah, no, no fucking way.

I just can't. I can't say these things when you're around. I remember doing one once and then she, then she called and this was her fault. Cause she came up and she was like, and then I heard you once. And you were like, said something about these bitches don't listen. And I was like, and I was like, yo, okay, well, I'm never doing a podcast around you ever again. That's the end of that. That's a, that's a wrap. All right. You had your chance to fucking,

it's like when a girl wants to listen to your like stuff or whatever. I'm like, don't tell me, like, don't show me all your hands. You like, like you have to understand there's a, don't show me all your hands. You like, like, you have to understand there's a part of me that you will never have. Like I have to keep that person because I've been through this too many times. I know that, I know that guy. Uh, you're never going to kill him. I know you're trying to, you're trying to worm your way into my brains to try to get that guy and kill

him and stab him. But you're not going to do it. Dude. I was saying, you know, the chick, because yeah, well, to try to get that guy and kill him and stab him but you're not gonna do it dude i was hanging out with a chick because yeah well that's the thing there has to be this point where you fucking have this shit that you only have with your boys or whatever because what else is there that's why when i was hanging with the chick and i was i was starting to like just bully her a little too much and i was like putting her in wrestling moves she's like can you zoom chat with your friends or something like my bully energy was getting out of control because i haven't fucking guys will ride in with that like they want to they want to they want to treat their

girlfriend like they're friends i'm like well i mean why do you want to you don't you have friends your friends don't want to suck your dick let me help you out with that if you want her to continue sucking your dick stop treating her like your fucking friend uh no it's it's know what i think you want this is my my synopsis on the best way to live your life and i'm not taking my own advice i'm not a guy 100 that's like i would never fucking date a girl that's this and this and this and then like a month later i'm like i mean they're all right i don't know like you know what i mean i wouldn't date a girl that like shows her tits on the internet and then the next thing you know that one's a great like those fucking guys like oh yeah you wouldn't you wouldn't date this girl

that that that was me for sure when i was younger i'm like i'm not gonna date a fucking girl that has her you know that's on the internet with all these guys and then you know and then i do it and i'm like i don't know whatever so i'm a fucking everyone's a hypocrite about what they think they can handle but i think also as i've gotten older and have more money and successful i feel a little less like because i think a lot of it's that you know especially with those girls you know that there's tons of guys coming hitting on them at all time and there's gonna be some rich guy trying to get her on the yacht and maybe i'm a more of a position like even financially and thing where i'm less, less like, you know, I don't, that bothers me a bit less maybe. Yeah. But I think you want to date a girl that's a person that lets you do your career and then you have your friends. And then once you're

on your second marriage, when you're older in your twilight years, you want a girl that's the closest thing to your best friend because you're not working as much. And you actually have to hang out with that person a lot and you're going to have to do trips and you want some of the kind of rules a little bit. Well, my parents have, my mom gets the house and my dad gets the yard. I think that's how they make it work. Like she spends all day inside reading books and cleaning and stuff.

And he spends all day- Whoa, whoa, whoa. He spends all day outside making gorilla noises and moving plants from one end of the yard to the other. He's grilling 24 hours a day. And building shitty lawn furniture. Hey, babe, we need more steaks. We haven't had a steak in three weeks.

Where are these going? There's a big hole. I think they only see each other when we come up, too. It's like a Greek tragedy. But it works. It works for them. I'm going to take notes. Actually, I talked to my dad when it first started, when the quarantine first started. He's like, how you doing? I said,

horrible, horrible. My girlfriend's gone. Because you always have your dad on the show and stuff. He's kind of like in the mix. Yeah, yeah. He loves showing off. I love it. And he goes, yeah, yeah. Well, you got two stories on your house. This is what you do. One of you takes one story. One of you takes the other story. Problem solved.'s like well dad thank you once again for your wonderful advice it works it works do you sort of have that right now um i mean yeah i i think we i think everyone in america has uh resigned themselves to their work corner like a bunch no no i mean do you sort of have the you have one story and your girl is the other story oh yeah she she does all her stuff downstairs and i got the you know i got my i got my tv area upstairs yeah and you got it soundproofed enough that you can good enough yeah dude i used

to have an i used to have an office in toronto i mean that's where i think i'll probably try to get back there again but it seems like you got a fucking cool system on i always like respect you guys where it's like just one of those you're always one of those guys that i guess i would call like one of the kings of patreon you know what i mean yeah there's a few like come downs in that category there's like probably you know 20 of you guys that just low-key or just you know low-key kind of killing it and yeah it's i don't know if the right word i mean i'm sure that there's a million people who know who you are so low-key kind of killing it and yeah it's i don't know if the right word is i mean i'm sure that there's a million people who know who you are so low-key is not i don't mean that in like a disrespectful way but sort of off the radar you know what i mean yeah but you're not

too popular i guess well there's these people that are way you know these people you would consider way more famous and you're like you're destroying these guys in numbers it's not even close there's a weird shift going on i think it's going to get a lot uh i think it's going to get a lot bigger now that after this quarantine like i don't think i mean you're kind of you're a entertainment-ish adjacent guy you're familiar with the industry uh i don't think you think i'm just you you saying i'm entertainment adjacent yeah what would that would that mean? I mean the industry adjacent. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, you know what I mean.

You understand how we're – Like you've been around entertainment at some form in your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're doing your own thing. Like and you're ahead of the game. Oh, I know. You're doing your own thing and you don't have to rely – like you don't have to be –

you don't have to go through the system that just churns out shit now. Yeah, I did in Canada. Now it's – I mean, you know what people like you and, you know, the Legion of Skanks guys, and even like the guys we fuck Corinne and Christina, it's like, that was part of the reason where, when I came here and I was like, okay, I'll come to America. I'll like sell some TV shows. And then when I got here, it was like, oh yeah,

this is way better and these people are making more money. So the Comedy Central bring these people in and they'll be like, Hey, we want you to do their TV show. And you're like, and they will give you this much money. And you're like, I made that much money this last month. Yeah. Yeah, we sold a show to, God, was it Spike? And it was, I think it was, I think the max we could get out of them

was like 5,000 an episode or something like that. Which was shocking to me at the time. I'm like, huh, I always thought there was more. Like, I guess I went through the, fell into the Seinfeld trap. Like, I thought it was like, oh, Ted Danson makes how much? This is a lot of work you guys got. But you've done traditional radio and traditional entertainment industry before you, like before you did your show with like Maddox and stuff, didn't you have somewhat of a traditional

career? We sold some stuff, but it never it never got uh past the pilot stage um it never got anywhere and it was all like it gets so fucked up and uh I mean you know it gets so yeah like there's so much fake chuckling that goes on behind the scenes I I forget what a genuine laugh sounds like until you go back to doing your own shit for a while um nobody's having fun nobody's having fun and nobody who is fun is working in there i did like the on the last round where i had a web series that went to like third season so i was able to keep raising the budget so the third season i made a lot a decent amount of money

and then i made it myself and hired all my friends and that was you know if you can get into that scenario you know like whatever you know obviously the south park guys are portland yeah but you're right i mean i don't see it happening now that's why i'm kind of like to me all of the cool kids which is to me why i get i got into fucking you know entertainment or comedy or whatever is the kids that i was hanging out with at the back of the class that were funny and cool and shit like that to me those guys are all doing some version of what you're doing and making videos on YouTube and so it's a it is a complicated one to figure out what what exactly to do but just try to move with your instincts yeah um it's fun you know what do you the question is how do

you sorry I didn't ask the question but how do you feel the industry is like what do you what's your prediction on how it actually shakes down are these networks just shooting themselves in the foot until there's a regime change and they change or is this fucking disappearing altogether the way that we know it as of now in your opinion i don't know it's so so you've got these like like everything always gets more absurd and it it it's the the um so you think it's just about process like commercialized monetizable content versus small indie creators that's it's obvious it's easy to frame it like that like you've got the empire and the rebels and you've got you've got spectrum and all of their entertainment properties and disney and warner brothers and then the little guys on YouTube are doing stuff.

But then you throw in Netflix on the list and these streaming companies whose only objective is to sell to China. And they produce just endless trash with has-been celebrities to do it. The amount of everything they produce just seems so... it's something gutless about it and something missing about it where it's it seems just like the synthetic it's synthetic entertainment right it like smells like smells like entertainment feels like entertainment but

it's not entertainment but it's not and yet and yet on the other side you're stuck there watching 10 hour series like there's nothing there's nothing even entertaining about it. It just seems like it's kind of on and there. It's so weird. You've got movies that have turned into theme park rides. You've got video games that are now pretending to be movies. And it's all gotten so bad that it's rare that I even find something I'll watch or enjoy anymore. And it seems to be the way it's moving.

Everything getting flattened and spread out until it's just like a blanket of entertainment that never stops, never ends, and doesn't have a point. I don't know. Where do you think it's going? It's a complicated time because you're like, I mean mean you can kind of see how right now if there's let's say you know these let's say like what's going on at gas digital or all these little like podcast networks like if anyone had a brain you'd be like let me start a network get these 10 people on it and now we're a big like now start a network and that's what this huge network is and we'll be the tastemaker for the whole for the whole industry industry. Right. But I guess, I mean,

I think there's this element where it's still the politics have to get removed from it for people to want to do that because any, anyone that wants to get involved with that, it becomes this like political conservative network, whereas really, it's not what's happening. All these people that were just making comedy, it's like, no, that's just what comedy was forever. And now you're like, oh, that's right-wing comedy. And you're like, that's actually just-

Yeah, man, that's rough too. Like everybody that gets banned, they all get stuck under the same umbrella of like, well, great, now because I joked about fat women too much, I gotta go be on the site that also has like 10,000 Hitler is great videos. Yeah, I'm not joking. That's so funny. you're on the hitler side because you call the girl fucking disgusting because she's got armpit hair yeah

um but at least the one thing i think that's good about now is there's never been i don't think there's ever been a better time to be to get money directly from what you do um you don't have to go all the all the distribution channels are all basically shot to shit and people can pay you directly for it um so they're getting there is good you know there is what the content you want exists yeah it's not it's it's it's a lot weirder and grosser like sam hyde exists now and he could never have existed um 10 years ago so like that's that's a good thing yeah i mean i've been watching what you guys have been doing i mean like i said when i came to america i was

kind of like all right how does this all work and i'm kind of watching what everyone said and i kind of abandoned a little bit uh what i was doing before and started to get into this media and it's honestly grown it's grown like crazy i'm yeah, I went from not doing it, uh, you know, it working very well, pretty quickly, you know, and everyone embraces it's been awesome. All right. I'll let you go in like 10 minutes. I wanted to ask you a couple of different, one more couple of more things, but I always, even just what we're talking about, the reason why it seems like the political thing has to disappear,

which I think is happening. So it kind of remains to be seen what happens next. Is it another gross wave where, you know, it takes over and you get kind of the 80s again, where you get people on stage? It becomes not fun for me to make a fat joke when someone's like, this fucking fat bitch was sucking my dick.

And you're like, that's not exactly what I was doing. But, and there's a bunch of bros in the audience being like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. You like you know it's so funny i get off track with it my buddy i had a one of the because of the boys guys stuff i had a day where like everyone was tagging me and shit and someone was like fuck yeah the boys guys and everyone's day you know there's shit my buddy just mentioned me and he goes someone's gonna get raped at one of your shows. Jared Campbell. Someone gets raped at every show. Y'all no worse than UCB.

Yeah, no shit. Like it's part of their process there to graduate 401. You got to suck at least three instructors. But what was, do you, I feel like with one of the big reasons why feminism is like became so unpopular. It's just because they can't figure out what they want. It's like when your girl's like, Hey, I want this and I want more money. I want more time. And you're like,

what exactly are you asking for right now? What do you guys want? This is this endlessly that you just want. Yeah. You want to nag endlessly? Yeah. You want things to complain about. Got it. All right.

Well, no one's going to see your movies. How's that to complain about? Oh, good. We can do that. That's not perfect. Yeah, I complain about that. I think it was Kurt Metzger that said this, but he goes, no, that's why you have a husband, so you can nag him. But they want to take the nagging and spread it over all of the men.

Yeah, it really is. And now we got the OnlyFans is doing that too. Now women are all having to run their own customer service portals. I know a few chicks that do all that shit, and they're actually kind of doing okay. I bet they're doing well, but it sounds like a fucking nightmare. Well, I'll know what the most nightmare is, is that most, it's like they, they give these women are giving this advice to people that are

normal people. They go, you got to start an OnlyFans. You're like, no, this girl's been building her like slut profile for 50 years. So she's got, you know, 80,000 followers. Now she can convince them to give her money. Like someone who has 700 followers, like, Oh, give my Only my only fans who's that for your uncle and your old swim coach I mean the women who want to start I get asked a couple every once in a while some people are like yeah I want to start make money online like okay what do you want to do I just kind of want it to be about me like well not really I don't I think you get one guy. You get one customer with that approach.

It's a very high paying customer, but I don't think that business really scales. It's them brainstorming after a big night and then it sort of like ends up, the sun goes up and you're like, y'all, we came up with this show our tits. Yeah. Well, you tell me you're the customer. What would you pay for? I mean, I guess I'll give you five bucks if you show me your boobs. Yeah, I'll do that. I'm down for that. What was, okay. So of all the things that you've done, what was the most thing that got you quote unquote,

like canceled where you really were getting it on the internet? The hardest. Uh, let's see. Have you got kicked off? Cause I have you got kicked off because i know you got kicked off at twitter like what are the what is the worst one where it kind of actually affected you i got kicked out of ucb for saying um for i was having an argument on a podcast with my old co-host and i said that yeah and i said that women it was in the middle of an argument, and I forget how I said it, but it was that if women pass, like any women that get blackout drunk and pass out at a party should expect something bad to happen to them. Because you should always expect crime to happen if you put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Was this around the time of the rap were that happened there and all that stuff yeah so he when i started dating his ex-girlfriend we found

out about that he took that he took that from the show and like made and took only that part out and sent it around and made a video about it and posted it to his uh to his private uh facebook page so i got i got kicked out of this uh this big show that I was a part of. There was a lot of fun. Uh, it was always sold out to once a month. I got kicked off of that. Pretty much everyone I knew at the theater never wanted to talk to me again, which is a good and bad. They called you like a rape supporter. Yeah, it was. And it was right at the start of me too. I think it would be looked at as kind of like a joke now that everybody's

wagons and guys are like yeah well you know he's obviously he's right because you stupid hoes keep getting raped like you fucking you keep doing this right at the beginning um that was probably the worst thing i don't and then uh it's always about rape like it's always every single bad thing I have ever gotten shit for has been about rape as though as though me or any other guy on the planet is pro rape. Not even rape. Yeah. Pro rape. Like it's the it's the most fucking insane idea that rape is a controversial subject. It's not. None of us like it. Like, no, not one person, not one fucking person, no people are divergent on not liking rape and not wanting it to

happen and everyone wanting to stop it. But for some fucking reason, some people hate it in the wrong way. And that is cancelable. Why this is, it's like this nickel and dime shit of like, oh yeah, well, racism is bad. Yeah, but you don't like racism enough.

Okay, I guess if you fucking say so. I think I hear one of your wife's kids upstairs crying. It's so, the rape shit, it drives me insane. It's so funny. You know what you need to do? You'll get in less trouble is when you say it, if you roll the R. He's a rape apologist. It's an old technique.

Yeah. It's that thing when you go, when you tell a girl, you're like, hey, don't walk. If you're walking home, like maybe don't walk through that dark alley because it's like a little dangerous like why don't you tell men not to rape and you're like okay we do also do that but i mean we got a whole system to try to tell them not to do it we got guys in uniforms going around that we've that we've uh we've authorized to use extreme violence if they see a rapist but you know but until then maybe you uh also don't like walk through dark alleys at 4 a.m help us out a little bit no okay i'm walking through there in a bikini at 4 a.m and there's nothing you can do about it like yes because if

i tried one of those guys would come throw me in prison well that's what that's what i i've been talking about this a lot of stage but i think it's that thing where girls go you know you don't know what it's like being a woman to feel unsafe walking alone at night i'm like yeah obviously i felt unsafe walking alone at night what are you talking about yeah i have a car like i've parked my car in an area that i was worried it would get fucked with yeah i'm like it's not like the girl's like are you unsafe you're like those thugs are unsafe i'm a weapon like oh god the women women carrying their car keys around like they're wolverine oh it's so annoying to me i got i was i was drinking and i a girl was running her mouth about how she went to a self-defense class and i was like okay you

know what let's see it what show me show me kick my ass and she's like well uh come at me you got to come at me it's self-defense so i said okay so i got behind her and i uh i uh like i went for the back of her knees and she fell over backwards on top of me and then i wrapped her up and she's like well you didn't do it right like I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Is there a corresponding rapist class that the men go to so they can learn how to attack you properly? It's more dangerous to me that they're walking around

thinking that these car keys in their hands are gonna... That's fucking great oh hell yeah dude okay well i'm gonna let you go but dude thanks for coming on here this i mean you've been doing this for years but like the the zoo i'm doing uh and by that i mean the skype interviews but like it really does feel like you're kind of hanging out it doesn't this is you don't this is pretty good i don't feel like we're in a different fucking city right now. No, no.

It is good. People ask my girlfriend all the time, like, oh, what's he like when he's not doing the show? He's exactly like that all the time. He's always like that all the time. Yeah, he does feel just like hanging out. Thanks for having me, man. I really enjoyed the comedy. No, I appreciate it.

Please, sometime. Fuck yeah, dude. Anytime. Oh, you're like, dude, you're one of the greats in the industry right now it's killing it i'm telling you i'm i watch your things and i'm like fuck this you're almost like i feel like you be you know because i have uh all the other stuff i do so literally your formulae would just be like impossible for me to keep up to like the amount of the amount of shows and the amount of patreon content all this stuff you're just like man you got a good system now you really have to

must you really have to must uh how did i say that you really must have to uh systemize your life in a lot of ways like are you a guy that thinks about efficiency and effectiveness and stuff like that a lot in order yeah and usually maximum efficiency looks extremely sloppy uh like that's what i've because everything else starts to get sloppy except for the five things that matter or the two things that matter. Yep. Those work very well and nothing else does. Yeah, I think so too, dude. That's what.

Yeah, I've had times where especially. That's why I like a little shorter of projects because sometimes I'll be working on a project that's like a year long. And that's like too long to have your head down you know while everything crumbles in your entire life except for that one thing yeah oh yeah like oh shit what year is it fuck yeah buddy so okay so dick master what's uh your specific social media and stuff now that you keep changing it every day when you get plugged up from everything but i'm sure you could find it out there just go to patreon.com slash the dick show the dick show la comedian is maybe you maybe not you on twitter la based comedian is my base comedian friend of mine on twitter that's sean's twitter account and it's not because you're based in la it's because

you're based right that you know what i didn't even i didn't even i didn't even make it that joke on purpose really is that the first time you heard that? No, Doug Tenapel, the Earthworm Jim guy said it. I was like, oh, fuck, I'm going to pretend like I did that on purpose. Dude, you're so fucking based. One of the most based comedians in LA. Possibly. Okay, hell yeah, dude.

Okay, I'll see you soon, buddy. Yeah, have a good one. Thank you for listening to The BoyzCast. That was Dick Masterson. Take a screenshot of what you're listening to. Tell a friend. Help grow The Boyz movement. Boys, boys, boys.

Tell the squad. Let them know. Share my videos. Retweet it. Send a tweet. Telling your friends the boys cast is the shit. Alright. Thank you very much.

Peace.