The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Diddy’s Male Escort ‘The Punisher’ Testifies Against Him & An Illegal Immigrant Reality TV Show

Episode Date: May 23, 2025

The boys dive deep into the P Diddy trial, a botched prison escape in New Orleans, and a new reality show that’s a real-life hunger games. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS True Classic - Go to https://trueclassic.com/boyscast for big savings! HUEL - Get Huel today at https://huel.com with this exclusive offer for New Customers of 15% off & a FREE gift Fitbod - go to https://fitbod.me/boyscast to get 25% off your subscription Factor - Go to http://factormeals.com/boyscast50OFF and enter code boyscast50OFF for 50% off your order SUPPORT THE BOYS PATREON.COM/THEBOYSCAST  RYAN ON TOUR: San Diego: June 20-22, Tulsa: July 31-Aug2, Appleton: Sept 19/20 Columbus: Sept 26, Cincinnati: Sept 27, Cleveland: Sept 28, Baltimore: oct 3-5 ryanlongcomedy.com dannycomedy.com SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST:  https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy To advertise on this podcast please email: [e-mail]    Or go to: https://advertising.libsyn.com/BOYSCAST   Chapters: 00:00 - Ryan & Danny read their court statements 02:23 - Intro 02:51 - Get your freak off 04:52 - The Punisher 23:20 - Testimony from Cassie 26:48 - AD - True Classic - Go to https://trueclassic.com/boyscast for big savings! 28:38 - AD - HUEL - Get Huel today at https://huel.com with this exclusive offer for New Customers of 15% off & a FREE gift 31:03 - The Punisher 43:12 - Escorts 46:57 - Canadian hockey criminals 54:33 - Candace Owens 57:42 - New Orleans prison break 59:29 -  Ryan’s prison escape tips 1:06:13 - AD - Fitbod - go to https://fitbod.me/boyscast to get 25% off your subscription 1:08:28 - AD - Factor - Go to http://factormeals.com/boyscast50OFF and enter code boyscast50OFF for 50% off your order 1:10:19 - Ryan’s Review Corner - Chicago PD 1:15:26 - Illegal Immigrant reality show 1:21:07 - Pride szn 1:27:14 - Bieber 1:28:59 - No tax on tips 1:29:43 - Qatar 1:38:49 - La Jolla wants out of San Diego 1:47:37 - Seduction reddit tease

Some of you have noticed that Danny and myself have been named as two of the male escorts that were hired by Diddy to participate in the freak-offs. Our tenure was short, and we want to read a statement explaining to you why we were not only let go from, but also barred from, future freak-offs. On September 4th, 2006, well 72 hours into a freak-off, Diddy instructed me to lock hands with Family Matters star Reginald Val Johnson and yell, wee, as he slid through our legs on a lubed-up floor, gently grazing our balls with the back of his hand before double-bouncing 90s rapper Ja Rule onto my genitals by way of mini-trampoline, completely knocking naked comedian Bruce Bruce off his lubed-up big-wheel bike.

It was at this point Diddy yelled, hey, jock, quit hogging the dick, grab me by my Velcro vest, stuck myself and rapper Paul Wall to the wheel of pleasure on the hotel wall, which Cassie stepped over Dustin Patrick Runnell's naked body to begin spinning while blasting circus music. As the wheel spun, I became unstuck

and was knocked unconscious from the fall, only to wake up to Mr. Wall being instructed to retrieve his grill from my anal cavity while Diddy chanted We Gone Fishin' into his megaphone. But as I attempted to stand up, still dizzy, I slipped on the lube, bumping one of the monitors, displaying a video call to Cassie's now husband, and was instructed that my tenure at the Freak Off

had been terminated due to that infraction. It was at this point I walked into the hotel wearing nothing but a 1991 ECW championship belt as instructed, introduced myself to the fellas and Cassie's now husband via video call, and began fulfilling my request to place the belt at the top of the ladder before Diddy leapfrogged over both Reginald and myself, screaming, is gon' rain, and began urinating on himself, Reginald, rapper Chingy, Cassie, and myself, completely fogging up the scuba mask he had

placed on me, as well as knocking comedian Cedric the Entertainer and New York Mayor Eric Adams off their two-man Sibian. I was then asked to slide over to Freak Off Northeast Corner and enter the conga line positioned between athlete Bruce Jenner and scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson, while Diddy mounted the ladder, proclaimed that Black does crack, then bent over to expose his anus while making eye contact with me through his legs and whispering peekaboo. Noticing that eye contact was made, which he considered a freak-off infraction, he demanded I sign my freakignation with his dildo pen, and I was escorted out of the room without pay by who appeared to be Will Smith in a mesh referee outfit.

I hope our statement clears up any confusion. Here he comes, the best of the best. The boys are pissed. Get your freak off. Get your freak on. Danny is fresh off the trial. He was out there wondering if he could get a little... Not guilty, baby. Exonerated.

Danny was out there like it was fucking... You know, he was out there for Michael Jackson. That was the other one, the last time you were this hyped up to try to get a man off. The worst part was they go, Danny is getting men off. We'd like to introduce a witness, the Punisher. I go, I'm the Punisher. What do you mean? We can't have two Punishers.

What the fuck? What the fuck? That's what they call me. The Punisher was, buddy, I've been knee deep in diddy shit. Like I'm telling you. That's similar to diddy. No pun intended. And we're not going to talk the whole episode about this, but last night,. Like, I'm telling you. That's similar to Diddy. No pun intended. I've, and I, we're not going to talk the whole episode about this, but I, last night, I probably,

I was going to do stuff for the podcast and I was going to edit yesterday. I had a whole bunch of stuff. I listened to like nine podcasts about Diddy. Oh yeah. I fucking was. Cottage industry right now. I read every article. It's happening right, the whole thing I was thinking is how do I get into this trial?

It's right there. And there's people that are like YouTubers and stuff that got in. You can get in. I think you honestly just have to go at like five in the morning. Who do I have to blow while they're lubed up to get into the Diddy trial? Ryan like blows somebody to get in. They go, you blew someone too? Oh, no, no.

I just got here at five. You just. No, people were getting in without showing up. I know that you think. There might be some like press thing, but I think there's like all trials are open. I believe unless they're like a specifically like close to the public. I believe like you just it's first come first serve. If the

guy that's the what's his name? What's our we know I'm a violin player from the violin player or he's the fiddle player from Mumford and Sons. Oh, Winston Marshall went to my if that guy's getting into ask questions to Trump. I can't get into the DT trial? I think you can.

How am I not a journalist? You haven't tried. How am I not a registered journalist to be able to do this? That would be pretty sick. Show up in all your fucking bad boy gear. And not know how court works. Like, I also have a question for the Punisher. Ryan from the Boyscast.

You're like, this isn't, that's not how this works. Ryan from the Boyscast. I have a question for the Punisher. What kind of punishment do you give? What's punishment like? Diddy Trial Updates. Exotic dancer named the Punisher. Hired for 12 freak-offs.

She testifies in the wild trial. This thing's going off the rails, my friend. Crazy. And you know what? I looked into the Punisher. It's not... Yeah, yeah. First time Danny's looked into him.

It's not all fucking roses being the Punisher. The Punisher... The Punisher. Punisher has a little bit of a dark arc here going on here. Punisher one day woke up and couldn't punish anymore. He might have like, I think this might be part of like a lawsuit against Diddy. Like, you know, like the main, like once the guys found guilty and then really all the people come out of the woodworks. Now it's fucking odd. Because you know, you're like, look, he has like probably a quarter of a billion dollars

that's like up for the taking. 100%. Right? And we go, we got to get it all. And like, what does he need it for? Punisher needs to get fucking his beak wet. Yeah, Punisher wants to get his fucking beak wet for sure. Punisher needs his punishing beak wet for sure.

He's basically like, yeah, after the Diddy parties, I had so much pressure on me that my dick stopped working. One of the things you said is the Punisher wasn't happy with that Diddy kept yelling at him because i can't work under this kind of pressure i mean that would be fucking impossible can you imagine trying to fuck fuck a chick and then diddy is in the corner yelling faster harder you call that a dick polish you'rehock? You're like, they called me. I didn't even call myself the Punisher. That's what they call me. You're just sitting there in your full-on leather bondage outfit while P. Diddy's in the corner just smoking a cigar,

just yelling and screaming at Danny Polishock while Danny can't perform. I can't work under these conditions, Mr. Diddy. What is that, three-quarters hard? He gets his ruler out. What the fuck is this why are you measuring the girth right now he pulls a level out and he's like look at this it's not even it's not even a 90 degrees right now yeah what is going on here you're like do you not find cassie attractive

is that your problem actually no i'm not what are you gay bud oh i guess danny balashock needs a supermodel this isn't doing it for him i don't know what does then it's a lot of pressure man a lot of pressure The guy's on the penis pumps now. He's a penis pump evangelist. Punisher is trying to get paid off all this stuff. He released a book. So basically,

Punisher's big thing was that he was having erectile dysfunction. Shout out to HIMS. How many copies of the book do you think he sold? I think now it's starting to probably move off the shelf a little better. I don't think... That's a pretty unique position, though. Like, guys

are like... That is a unique position, trying to have sex with a girl while Diddy yells at you. That's what I'm saying. You're like, it's not like super... Yeah, it's so relatable. Right. I think he basically is trying to say I have a technique that was even able to overcome the most hardest of pressures.

Sure, which is penis pump. Or not a penis, penis like a... Which is being in a scenario that is like a circus. People slip and sliding around the room and then you have to get hard under that pressure. But did this guy do porn or was he just like, he was just an escort? I think his main thing was he's an escort.

So he never had to deal with like some- I'm sure he started an OnlyFans. He's trying to make his bag. You know what I mean? He never had to deal with like some crazy director. That's the problem. So he's like, this is like actually really- Is there any porn directors that kind of come at you like that?

Oh, there's probably like some difficult porn directors. You know how they see the blowouts on like real sets? I wonder if there are any blowouts on porn sets where the guy's like- Oh, for sure. They're all fucking coked up and do not come look at this do not come do you hear apparently that's what diddy's big thing is he did not like him and the guys busted really yeah yeah well he was like because that's the show's over i guess especially for the punisher where he's having problems to begin with oh great yeah well i guess we have tea for the next four hours well let me see what other punishers i have lined up right now well the punisher finishes and then having problems to begin with. Oh, great. Yeah. Well, I guess we have tea for the next four hours.

Well, let me see what other Punishers I have lined up right now. Well, the Punisher finishes, and then Diddy's like, so what are we going to do for the, I have the hotel for three hours now. Do you guys want to play Yahtzee? I guess. You guys want to play some Chell or something? Diddy's not a happy camper if you bust prematurely, man. You were in for, You'd be better off

Trying to like You know Pull a gun Than you would a bust quick He's like hey Can I talk to you for a second Um You call that a punishment

Yeah yeah What's going on here Yeah on the brush You think he's like the caring He goes Is everything okay at home Sometimes He tried

I think Diddy tried different methods Like all over the place He was just like listen Like we both want the same thing here. Cassie to get punished. Me and you, I'm on the same team, pal. I'm trying to do everything I can. Like, what's going on with you?

Yeah, what's everything on you? Everything right at home. Do you need some special diet? Can we get you anything? What's your home life like? Is your life okay? And he's like, oh, my life's not going great. I'm being brought into a hotel room by some random famous guy.

He didn't know he was the famous guy, by the way. Oh, really? Well, he says that. He was like, he came in to punish like 10 times. And then after the 10 times, he walked into the hotel and they had like a big marquee, like welcome P. Diddy to the hotel. And then. Wow.

Crazy that P. diddy wouldn't be doing this like on the deal like p diddy shows up and you're like can we fucking remove this please or was he so comfortable with like doing all this crazy shit that he's like yeah i told you it was like the one time when i was on a tour somewhere and the guy came up to me in the openers and he was like uh dude you got to come by i run a brothel and he was like you got to come by our brothel and i was like i don't think we're gonna be coming by your brothel he's like no you don't understand like we'll make it like a big like you'll be like a celebrity there like we'll roll out the red carpet for you like it'll be a bit you know he's like

basically like we'll put you on the socials like i was just like yeah i'm like that doesn't that's making it less appealing yeah that's not great not great. Ladies and gentlemen, we have comedian Ryan Long entering the building. Everyone's like, oh. We're just like in a little booth drinking a Bud Light. I don't know if you think that makes it more appealing than we're going to make a big deal that you're here. Yeah, you're like, I would like this confidential, please. He runs a brothel.

So this guy, basically Basically Diddy would walk in And then The Punisher would come into Diddy's hotel room And Diddy would have They didn't describe it as a shysty I think this was pre-shysty mask But essentially Diddy would have his face cover With just the eye holes

So the guy didn't know it was Diddy For the first like 10 punishments Oh and then Diddy was like the big It was like the masked singer I think one was Diddy for the first like 10 punishments. Oh, and then Diddy was like the big reveal. It's like the masked singer. I think one day Diddy was just getting hot. You know what I mean? And he took it off. And he's like, what the fuck?

So I've been punishing for Diddy this whole time. Also, the Cassie girl is like a famous singer too. Yeah. Yeah. I'd have never heard of her before this. Neither did I. Or the Don girl. I mean, that's the thing.

It's like Bad Boy Records probably has a pretty deep roster of famous chick singers. Sure. I think the Dawn Girl was on Making the Band, and that's where she came from. Okay. Remember when all those shows

were big? Oh, of course. That first season, Making the Band, great. I think some of these girls, they're probably on songs that you've heard. You'd probably remember that song

and be like, oh, she's the girl on that song. Is Dylon vindicated now from all of this stuff i guess so is he like yeah maybe he wasn't so bad i saw that die so people uh remember remember but uh the chappelle show did a skit where a guy goes he's my favorite rappers or dylon dylon and dylon and then dylon's been on the record basically saying that like ruined his life i know i know but i wonder if dylon's not happy with that chappelle sketch. No, but I wonder if this vindicates him a bit.

He goes, I wasn't such a bad guy. I was dealing with fucking Diddy. Yeah, look what I was dealing with. Yeah. So the Punisher basically, he did up to 12 freak-offs. First of all,

the thing is, all of the assistants and everything, which maybe people knew were all in on the whole thing. Of course. And now they're kind of, their whole deal is like,

I was afraid for my life. Yeah. Because Diddy basically told them, he was like, if people snitch about this stuff, they have a tendency to go missing. Oh, okay. Not good for Diddy, then. Not good for Diddy. No.

But the thing is, I mean, on the other side of it, where you can go, yeah, but like Danny, if you were working for Diddy and you're just like, yeah, I'm just like there, He's beating his wife every day. And then also I had to organize this orgy for him. It works crazy. It works crazy. And then you're just like, what am I supposed to do? And if I tell anyone, you go, well, you don't have to go in tomorrow.

Yeah. At the very least, call in sick. Yeah, call in sick. I mean, I guess you're worried they'll find you. Tell them you're going back to school, Polish up. It's like the mob, though. It goes, what you're in, you're never out to school, Polish up. It's like the mob, though. It goes, what you're in,

you're never out. It doesn't really seem like that, though. It feels like the vibe wasn't them pitching like, I couldn't quit. I think they're just

kind of like, a job's a job. Yeah, a job's a job. There are a lot of benefits. There are a lot of perks to this job. The ball's on Diddy to go up to the... You think he

would mix in a few women just so people don't think he's gay. Right. Because he's getting all these people to do this for him. And then he's like... Well, he's not gay because he didn't want them to finish. That's pretty straight. Yeah, pretty straight. No, none of that fucking... But he's like, you know, imagine telling your assistants. You're just like, okay,

we want a bunch of escorts. They're just like, you know, rock and roll lifestyle. You know how we do. Who we're thinking? I'm thinking like Bill, Dave, Tom, The Punisher. Do you want some? Oh, those are gigolos. Those are all men.

And they're like, yeah, I guess throw a girl in there. Yeah, I get a girl in there, I guess. Whatever. Just for some diversity, I suppose. How are you not like, aren't you embarrassed? Aren't you embarrassed? Aren't you embarrassed going up to your assistant and making your assistant help you order men? Sounds like he's a little fruity.

That must have been such a hard thing to do. Hold on. Ladies and gentlemen, we have the revelation of the century. Sounds like that was tough. Stop. Hold the presses. I guess that's the whole 50 cents thing, right? Hold the presses, everybody.

A little bit of a fruitcake. Danny has a fucking hot take that this whole thing seems a little fruity well fruity yeah yes it's the most fruity shit in the world yeah i guess that's a bowl of fruit loops my friend he's too can sam yeah too can sam uh i guess yeah he probably was like fucking he doesn't like cans though so he's zero cans sam i guess he couldn't really get caught doing gay shit so he's like this is the closest he could get to it but he was caught by his assistants like a lot of people knew that he was up to this business yeah yeah so he didn't really keep it on the dl no so but he was just like you know everyone also but in his mind he was pitching to people like not dude that's

actually the least gay shit ever he's like this is hollywood this is more male to female sex happening do you know how much male to female sex is happening in this room what is gay about eight chicks running a train on your girl while you watch with a balaclava actually really straight really straight stuff really straight stuff yeah so so he alpha male p diddy he's obviously was gay but i think you know there's a part of him that he was like you know there's nothing gay about this what do you think he's doing in prison like i'm a freak you think he's getting into some gay stuff you think he has like some fucking like prison cell diddy parties going on i don't think he's there yet yeah because he still thinks he might get out and by the way he might yeah he might get out for sure like they have to prove without a reasonable doubt and they brought the

dawn girl out yeah so the dawn girl she writ like she had a soap i'm a Don soap heiress What's that? I don't get it Johnny do you get that one? It was all the oil and soap and stuff He was lubeing them up Stupid stupid stupid stupid Edit that out

I'm not a big soap guy I wash my body with shampoo So this girl she was also a bad boy records person And he was banging her too I'm not a big soap guy. I wash my body with shampoo. So this girl, she was also a Bad Boy Records person. And then he was banging her, too. And then her testimony, she kind of was like not... Wait, he was unfaithful to Cassidy? What a pig. Well, the Dawn girl, essentially, she came out and then she wrote one thing on her police record,

which was like he was beating her up with eggs in a spatula. And then he wrote another thing on her police station, on her police record, which was like, he was beating her up with eggs and a spatula. And then he wrote another thing, basically saying he heard it. When she caught him, when he was fucking having a tough time making breakfast. Yeah, that's what happened. She didn't make breakfast for him in time.

He came down after the freak off. So you like to have breakfast made for him. He used a lot of energy. So he beats her up with all the breakfast. He's going to slap me with the bacon and stuff. Yeah. And then he threw a loaf of bread at me. And then,

and then Diddy went up to the whole staff in the house and he was like, just so you know, this is family business. Like any of you say shit, you're going to be real problems. But then she did a police report. She did her other suit. So she sent like a different story, like 12 different places. And then after all this, she went and banged him like a month later. They always seem to do that, huh?

So her story, you know, there's parts of it where it's looking like it could go either way. You know what I mean? Also, all the Cassie stuff, you know, again, she was like, if you, he was like definitely beating her up. They were definitely buying prostitutes. Yeah, I mean, there's a video of him. There's literally a video of him beating the shit out of her. And they had all the prostitutes. But on the other side of it, where you were like, there is something to be said about a girl if you were grown up and then you go you

participated in this thing for three years it only works for a girl like a woman i guess it's more sympathetic to be like i had no choice yeah women just go i had no choice i wouldn't obviously never stick for a man no but no if the punisher is like i had no choice but the actual you know the other side of this story is that you, not the other side, but like they, you know, all they need to do is put like doubt in their mind, right? So they're like, no, Cassie, she's like the Ghislaine Maxwell of this whole thing. Like she's procuring other people. Now she's just trying to save face.

Well, maybe. Yeah. I mean. Well, that's the argument. Again, yeah. They don't, and again, they don't have to prove these arguments. They have to prove that maybe it was that. Yeah.

We got to get into this courtroom. That's what I'm saying, dude. I was literally at 4 a.m. last night just looking up how do you get into courtrooms. Well, you should have gotten fucking hopped in an Uber and drove down to fucking the courthouse. Yeah, but that wouldn't have got me in. I would have just went there and been a fucking other schmo standing outside. I think it's literally like, oh, you wait in a line. And they just take the first certain amount of people. I think it's literally like, oh, you wait in a line and they just take the first

like certain amount of people. Like, I think it's like camping out for a new Xbox. Right. I think it is like waiting for your Taylor Swift tickets, but at the same time, it's probably like 40 people get in

and there's probably 8,000 people waiting. I'm not going to be able to do that. So, yes, I was at 4 a.m. being like, I considered posting,

like, does anyone have a Kinect? You're on StubHub? Oh, yeah. Diddy Court tickets. Oh, these are pricey. Also, it's interesting that they would get in all these big fights, and then they'd have, like, a makeup freak-off. Can you imagine?

That's a million couples. Minus the freak-off part. Yeah, but, like, not really, because can you imagine you and your girl? Like, obviously, people have gotten in a fight and then have sex after. Yeah. Yeah, it is weird to get in a fight and be like, you want to make up sex? You go, yeah, but not with me. It's like, I'm so sorry I said those things.

It obviously got out of hand. You want to call nine guys over and hash this thing out. You're like, well, imagine getting in a fight and your makeup sex is calling 12 other men over to bang your girl. I mean, the guy's got a tootsie roll. What's he going to do with it? Also, he was getting... Yeah. That one girl was shitting on him saying he has a tootsie roll.

I think that was the Don chick, maybe. Maybe. So. They also have like... The interesting things that I made note of, it was kind of just an overall point not even so much just about this yeah but they have like uh three different lawyers like they have like a black chick like a white guy and then i forget what the other one is but they match the different lawyer like when they have a black girl on the stand they have like they black girl like cross

examines her yeah like so they basically do it it's kind of like makes perfect sense it removes like any sort of racial bias kind of but think about in call it yeah i was gonna say more that it's about how the jury perceives like a white guy yelling at a black exactly yeah yeah for sure it's like you have a black woman yelling at a black woman and like being nasty to her and yeah okay well i can't i have to remove any sort of potential like bias from this equation yeah and it was kind of making me think like, you know, there's, there's so many, you know, when everything gets like crazy, there's so many people that like have to lie in terms of like for politics, for this, you're like, you're saying something that you know is kind of not true.

Sure. But it's always when it comes back down to it, like when you're talking about like, you know, making money when it comes down to like law, like ask a lawyer, like for example, when they're getting rid of the jurors, right. They're just like, you know, we want, okay. Like for example, they probably, they like a black man is going to be more sympathetic to domestic violence than like a white woman. But it's funny. Cause you know, they would say these things like, you know, white men are the most sexist

or whatever. And you're saying sympathetic to doing domestic violence. I guess I'm the point I'm trying to make which i'm about trying to simplify that you might say like a blogger for example might say like a white guy's the most sexist right yeah but then when it actually counts if any of those people was a lawyer and they were picking juries they'd be like well you said that's the most sexist they'd be like obviously you don't actually think yeah yeah when it actually comes down to the you know real there's money on the line we have to pick who's actually more sympathetic to this, who's more sympathetic to that. It becomes, all of the bullshit goes out the window.

Yeah, all the bullshit goes away. It's like how people kind of say things. I can't remember what it's called, but it's like how people will, it's like some sort of bias or preferencing where people will say stuff, but then they actually act differently. Yes. And when you're picking jurors, it's kind of like the most purest form. I can think maybe your own thoughts, picking stocks, but no one's watching. And then picking jurors is to be up there among the most pure form of we know we know all the stereotypes and we know which ones

are true and which ones aren't like there's zero stereo like there's no don't stereotype we're like yeah okay yeah okay dude five dudes in a do-rag on the fucking jury you're going okay who's more yeah who's more sympathetic to crime here the white woman you're like hey you like in your average life you might or some people would, probably some of these lawyer people, New York lawyers would have to be just like, you know, neither is more likely to be more sympathetic. Yeah. No idea.

But this is, so I was kind of thinking this is like almost like the purest form of like real what stereotypes are true and which ones aren't and what different groups are which way is picking jurors. Yeah. Yeah. But that's a problem. There is this whole like element of, like game element of it too

because it's like you don't have unlimited, like you only have like a certain amount. So like you got to pick your spots because you only get to like dismiss a certain amount before you go, you have no more dismissals. Yeah, in your domestic violence trial, like you only have,

you can only get rid of four white chicks and there's six. You know what I mean? Men, you're like really getting granular about what type of white chicks are there's six yeah you know what i mean then you're like really getting granular about what type of white chicks are these right would you say you're partial to a menthol cigarette white chick yeah yeah yeah so and then the uh there's apparently like some there apparently like they have um you know texts or videos or like uh or it was uh testimony that cassie also was like telling other girls like i'm gonna kill you if you don't do this like yeah apparently like you know they're trying to to some degree put it in

the in the ethos that she's might be like the jizz lane maxwell or whatever she's thinking her mind she's like i still have a music career at the end of this and this is like she's made so much money she's she's already 30 mil at this point i think she's in for 30 mil and then on top of that she has some sort of deal that they can't really prosecute her so okay she has some some some sort of d i don't know what exactly it is but it's like a cooperation deal essentially it's not no no it's not a cooperation deal she has more like a sexual victims deal you know what i mean uh it's so it's it's actually like the cooperation deal i think they don't you don't want that because the cooperation deal makes your testimony worthless so if you come in and and uh jury you know that's the first thing they just said like you know you're trying to save your

own ass right here? And what deal did they make you so you would say this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're like, no, I have like the standard sexual assault victims. Some version of that. I'm not being precise with that. They also, interesting, is that, so the fact that she's pregnant is obviously like very helpful, right? Because now she's like, you like, I'm a family woman.

I'm with this guy. And it was interesting to me to think, was that on purpose? That guy's a saint. That guy, yeah. Video calling during the freak off. He's kind of in the mix. He knew about all this shit. For sure he knew about it.

He's probably having his own freaks. I mean, he seems just like a normal fucking fucking dude though i saw the photo of him it doesn't like he's not like some famous guy or hard to say i yeah i'm not that deep on that he seems like a guy you go that guy was like an agent like he was just like in the periphery of it's hard for me to know whether that guy's like a mastermind or whether that guy like a mastermind now where he was like you know this is we're gonna sue here and get the money and this and that like and he's actually somewhat you know the brains behind like this is his revenge tour a little bit to some degree he goes

you fucking called me during the freak off he goes this is how i'm gonna get my revenge well maybe but also he might have been instrumental in like getting that 30 million dollars oh i'm sure which is now sure he helped with partially his so i don't know if that's true or you know he's the guy that's like this sucks yeah he's definitely a guy who's like this sucks the 30 million doesn't hurt it's possible he's not a guy that's like this sucks it's possible he was a guy that was like orchestrating like yeah well that's the thing the biggest way to save face is you go yeah my wife is a victim of crimes yeah that's how you kind of clean up that whole thing oh if diddy goes to jail this guy's life's better if diddy's out this guy's life stinks nightmare nightmare you go you're just like a liar and fucking your wife's a hoe if this guy if diddy does not go to

jail this guy is not going to be happy camber let's leave it at that you know we don't have to go much deeper let's leave it let's hope We don't have to go much deeper. Let's leave it at that. Let's hope she didn't make him sign a prenup. She probably did, but let's hope she didn't. There's no one praying for this to be a guilty charge more than that guy. That guy, 100%.

Ugh. Yeah, so that's all interesting. But anyway, the point I was making was I wonder if she got pregnant before strategically. Or is fake pregnant. Fake pregnant? I don't know. They were like,

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I don't know. That's fucking diabolical. Let's just read the article yeah so diddy's live trial updates exotic dancer named the punisher hired for 12 freak offs he testifies in wild deal charrette his name checks out i can't imagine fucking your check ego um imagine you you ran into a guy you you and your jewish union yeah you run into a guy it's like oh that's my ex you charrette the punisher why did you call him well i don't know if he's my ex you should just come off over and punish me with a bunch of dudes

i don't love that my ex-boyfriend hired the punisher to fucking give it to me you go who's your ex-boyfriend famous rapper you know all right give it to me. You go, who's your ex-boyfriend? Famous rapper. You go, you know. All right. You know. All right. You should have told me this on like the first or maybe second day. Danny's getting angry.

Danny's getting angry. I can't think of a stick. Shrey Hayes. Shrey. Shrey. Yeah. He testified that his book. the name of his book in search of freezer meat men's self-help book about erectile dysfunction by way of a penis implant that he says features sean diddy combs and cassie hayes said earlier that his experience sexual performance issues when he was around Combs and Ventura

specifically experiencing anxiety maintaining erection he testified that he used Cialis Viagra even corner store pills to fight the issue but ultimately had performance issue due to Combs directing him during sex could handle the pressure cooker there is I don't

fucking I've definitely had situations where I don't get it up yeah is it the director's fault? you've said you never't fucking i've definitely had situations where i don't get it up um yeah is it the director you've said you never had that i've definitely never had and i always like the you know the hotter the girl the more the pressure or you know uh i don't know there's just high pressure situations whereas like i mean my other person would never be a problem yeah my i was the exact opposite if the girl was too hot i go like fuck don't can you last longer than fucking 45 seconds yeah there's more going on in my brain than you man it's fucking it's just like i know i sometimes i wish my brain is just like just happy to be here just like fucking guy who's been in the minor leagues for fucking 15 years gets called up to

the bigs for one game Oh, just having a cup of coffee. Just happy to be here Yeah, my brains thinking all my brains You know you're thinking this you think of that you're thinking this so those scenarios would get me I'm ju I'm bricked up now cuz I'm juiced You know what I mean me too. I've been I've been I've probably had a situation in years The thing is even just knowing you have the brick in your pocket helps. For sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like for me, knowing that I had a brick available knows that I don't need one. You know, if you got a boner in the pocket, you don't need one in the fucking... A boner in the pocket's worth one in the... I wonder if the penis implant for the Punisher is like similar placebo effect where he just knows that he has the penis pump and then he's just like... That's what I'm saying. It's not a placebo.

It's like knowing that you're gonna be fine it's kind of like someone that has enough money that um okay so imagine you have enough money that you never had to work again there's like a certain level of risk that you're fine with it doesn't stress you out of course so i think that knowing the worst case knowing the the bottom floor of worst case scenario is that i go take a pill and i'm fine in 40 yeah that that like reassurance in your brain makes me never have a problem that's the thing i would actually be most stressed out of all potential scenarios of the scenario where i go yeah i just gotta go pump my dick up well i'm not talking about pumps i'm saying or whatever where he's

like he's got the implant he goes like i don't know how those work like if you have to add air to them or something i mean like you're at some chick's house he's like do he's got the implant and he goes like, I don't know how those work. Like if you have to add air to them or something. I mean, I don't think. Like you're at some chick's house and he's like, do you have a bike pump by chance? Where's the outlet?

Oh, you have to charge your iPhone? Yes. Yes. This thing's a 40 PSI. Can your bike pump do that? What are you talking about? You're just in the bathroom

just like, I'm ready. you're a fucking generator that'd be the most stressful yeah you do not want to pumping's insane yeah that's like crazy yeah i don't know who wants to get on this pumping business this is the last resort well he took out like an ocial this work this guy's like the classic thing you know they say if you don't use it you lose it he used it too much and he lost it he wasn't using it that much though because he couldn't handle being yelled at me personally a sexual scenario with a woman's partner present actively get present and actively giving me

directions was not the norm for me i mean mean, are you a professional or not? Exactly. Yeah, like sometimes you're a fucking plumber and then you show up at some house and some woman's like, and they're like, and you're like, As a comedian,

I can operate under any circumstances. Sure. The mic goes down, someone shows up, starts yelling. I mean, it's just called professionalism. It's called professionalism. Maybe you're in the wrong profession, Punisher.

Sounds like it. Sounds like that's why he's not doing too much punishing these days. So it created discomfort that could affect my performance. Both Ventura and her mom, Regina Ventura. The mom was there? Yeah. No, okay.

Oh, this is... Oh, so she had a... Okay, so the mom and her testified that aside from Diddy, she was having side things with Punisher. Oh. So Punisher, after he laid it down, her and Punisher had a side thing, and then Diddy was really unhappy with that.

Oh, so she liked the Punisher. Yes. She's a fan of the Punisher. Yes, so basically brought in all these people, they're banging, and then Diddy was directing, and then she ended up getting the Punisher's digits after. Oh.

You know, good work out there. Like, hey, we should work out sometime. Yeah, we should work out.. Yeah, we should work out. We should just share techniques and whatnot. Talk shop. A little shop talk. Nothing out of the ordinary. It's kind of like when you just go to,

you know, you go to play pickleball with a friend and then you meet someone else on the court and you go, oh, why don't we do a game one time? That's kind of with the Punisher. He wanted to do one off the books with no payment. So Cassie was getting a freebie from the punisher with diddy not there but when diddy was there yelling at him through the megaphone he wanted to be paid this is this book is the number one new release in male impotence on amazon now it is i can't imagine he was selling any copies about his penis pop book before this shit i don't think he only has

one five-star review so i like one review period what did the review say i don't think he only has one five star review so i like one review period what did the review say i can't it's just what he just has c customers here we go mike c such a great this is from today uh it says such a great read raw honest and unexpectedly hilarious freezer meat dives this is written by him for sure by him dives into the world of a male exotic dancer battling erectile dysfunction and the pressure to perform both on and off stage shrehe's breaks taboos with humor and heart this is not a real review this is just like the fucking that's that's not a review that's like my putting my biography yeah it's like the actual thing of sharing his journey with fearless vulnerability and just the right dose of comedy.

It'd be like if someone left a comment on this podcast. Long and Polish Shuck fearlessly address. It's like, you wrote that. It's bold, brave, and refreshingly real.

A must read for anyone ready to laugh, reflect, and rethink what masculinity really means. No way someone bought this and that's the review they left. Also,

it is a hilarious period being a male dancer that can't get it up. Also, if you have trouble getting it up, what made you decide to be a male? Like, if you've ever had, like, you know, even if, like, 10% of the time you've had times where you can't get it up,

what makes you think, like, you know what I should be is a fucking male stripper? I mean, here's the thing. This is a classic, like, classic, like, athlete's problem. Right? Like, high-performing athlete's problem.

You think you got the yips. You got the yips. Yeah, you get to the bigs and you got the yips.'re like rick and keel or fucking like you know some some golfer where you go when he was banging sink a six-foot putt right now when he was banging some 650 pound bachelorette yeah well you're in the bachelorette's friend in a bear in a bear costume yeah you have no issues and you get called up to the big leagues the fucking bright lights actually want to do a video before where i did i said that do you think that it's it's bad to discriminate they should be allowed to discriminate against white people because of their race at a workplace setting and i go because i was not hired because of my race uh what job i was trying to be the dancing

bear and uh they want a black guy it's unfair yeah exactly yeah but anyways he just had the yips he had the yips a little bit he was he was having no trouble when it was just like some 70 year old slobby fucking whoa of course that's easy some you know retired widow that was calling on him in her fucking nashville trip and decided to take down a magic mic backup dancer um here's here's uh the introduction is called of the book i got a little excerpt here i'm listening uh introduction our cocks ourselves why do dicks loom so large in our imaginations they don't mind i mean yours johnny's imagination chapter two the brain. Fixing your mental health can fix how you feel about your cock. The brain dick pipeline for Danny is fucking

severed, man. The dick's in charge. The brain is put into a corner and that room is locked, my friend. Chapter three, unshaming your shaft. Making space for vulnerability. This is like some feminism shit for men. I know.

You can picture a bunch of guys in like a support group holding hands together. Guys, today we're going to be unshaming the shaft. I love how he just uses cock so freely. Like chapter five, dysfunction junction. Everything that can go wrong physically with your cock. Chapter six. Dude, do a book club review.

Chapter six. I'm the punisher. Stock your toolbox. All the correctives for your cock what's a corrective like you have like you know um when you break your leg and they put like a stick there and they tape it to it is that what they do they get like they have a sling on your dick sort of situation i don't know i don't i don't know okay they correct i think i think the implant i don't know what an implant is i think it's like maybe it's just like a

like a little metal A tube Or like a metal thing Like one of those Snap bracelets you had When you were a kid You know And then they just go

Ding Yeah it just curls back up It's just a perfect circle That's so funny Yeah so That's it Nah yeah That's it for the most of them

I'm not gonna read anymore Anyways Okay they have that I like this shit this is he says what Combs said Combs was sitting in the side of the room and he goes I like this shit that's the kind of things he says he's holding a camera yeah I like this shit

once told the pair after chucking cash on a bed while the escort and Ventura were having sex Sharae the pet punisher, Hayes testified. So the punisher was banging her, and then he came and threw a bunch of money on the bed, and he goes, I like this shit. Thank you, sir. It's just nice to be recognized.

Thanks, boss. Thanks, boss. Hayes said Combs at one point threw condoms on the couch, told him in an assertive and aggressive tone that he was ready to see him. That would be hard to perform under those circumstances. Hey, man.

It's not for everybody. Get your dick out. Yeah. All right. He's yelling at you like a drill sergeant. I mean, you get called in for a save in the ninth inning. It's your fucking job.

I don't know what to tell you. This is your moment. Yeah. You're withering under the bright lights and you're blaming the fucking coach. He is, exactly. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. You know what?

If you're going to call yourself the Punisher and then show up and then you drop the bat before you're about to make a hit. Yeah, you're like, do I bat lefty or righty? You can't even remember if you bat left or right. I don't know. Do I put the top hand on top or the top hand on bottom? I don't know.

All right, this isn't know. All right. This isn't for you, man. I hate to break it to you. It's a lot of excuses. Hayes said that he wanted them to create a scene, and Combs was like a movie director during the marathons, while Ventura were like actors in the scenario. So he would give them roles sort of thing.

Sure. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, he was a creative guy. He's like, you're a detective. Oh, yeah, like a horror star. He goes, you don't know your lines? He goes, all right, Cassie.

Or no, Punisher, you're Riggs. And Cassie, you're Murphy. So what happened? What's going to happen in this scene is your partner just died and he brought it up and you don't like to talk about that. And then also, Cassie, you're getting a little old for this job. So if there's any lines you might want to say in there about getting too old for this

kind of shit. That would be good. Action! I think he edited these videos at all. Then Punisher has to come in. Like, was he like the next day just like on Premiere Pro? Was he on Premiere? Just like editing the shit back together?

Cooking through them, yeah. Or were they just like, just the video was the video? i bet you we put them to his music and stuff like that oh for sure yeah yeah yeah he probably had a good time with it it wasn't just a one night thing i definitely think he was cooking up scenes like that though yeah and like he would have his friends over he because he probably had like a movie studio or a movie theater in his house and like be like i'm playing some of my top freak i think i think so he put it on like a and he probably had like it goes over the top the i'm full imax yeah but the full like dome imax and he was like okay let me put on the one where you know one last job so i was like you know the punisher was retired and she comes back and she's like i need you to pound me and he goes you know i don't you know and he goes one last pound and he

goes and then he goes uh we have your kid to hold hostage. And there's only one way to get him back. And then he comes in. These are like disaster level, disaster artist level movies. Yeah, I think so. Everybody's like, this is the worst shit I've ever seen. And he's wearing a balaclava the whole time. Don't forget that.

Ski mask. Gotta be. Punisher Hayes said the first time he was hired to enact a sexy scene for Cassie, he didn't recognize the music mogul because he was naked wearing a Muslim face covering. So they had baby oil on themselves and then a naked man came into the dimly lit room. I could not see his face. They're basically there. He's got the lighting set up and then P. Diddy sort of like sidles into the room wearing

full Muslim, but he's naked other than this like muslim headgear hayes says he was hired by the pair for 8 to 12 times and uh he just okay so anyways also just another thing that on the topic of escorts because someone sent this to me but basically i guess one of the main like escort sites that people use um i think jj fucking does this one actually probably when he's up to his fucking tricks he's talked about it i don't know it's hard to know with him what he talks about that's real and what he talks about that he's he's trolling you know what i mean but anyways uh let me show you this it's uh so this is the front page of the escort site we'll put that on the screen maybe so essentially and i think someone posted

there just like a feminist escort well that's what i mean they're like even on the escort sites they can't get away from this yeah so it's like a 300 by the way if you look at this it's a 300 pound escort cartoons an escort in a wheelchair an escort what with super hairy legs and then a guy that's clearly gay with like a i guess the normal looking black chick and then a big bald looking black chick that or maybe a trans person probably but it's it is funny but it's like looks like the commercials in 2016 would the escort say that's crazy who's getting he was getting his escorts from there no no no maybe I don't know

he's probably getting them from everywhere but someone just sent me this separately on the topic of escorts but I'm saying how funny is it that imagine you

order an escort in a couple of wheelchairs it probably costs extra to be honest I don't think we want to put the name

the reason I'm specifically not saying the name of it is because I feel like that's the type of shit that gets you zapped on YouTube yeah zapped on YouTube.

Yeah, zapped on YouTube is certain talking, promoting fucking illegal prostitution sites. Sure. Anyways, so there's lots of crime going on this episode. And I have... Bum, bum, bum. You know, I guess maybe I'm in legal mind frame because I'm so knee deep in it. You've been watching some of your fucking first 48 hours and shit. So maybe that's what's catching my eye a little more, but I'll tell

you the Canadian hockey situation is what you've been following probably, right? I've been following it a long time. Yeah, we've talked about it a few times. Five not star NHL players, but a couple of them were pretty high-end NHL players. Carter Hart

specifically going for the Flyers. They're just cut from the team, essentially, over this. And it also made me laugh that Chris Robinson used to have a joke that he was like, the two people that love gangbangs is like absolute gangsters and then hockey players. Which is so funny. And another

thing with Canadians that you know is the term puck bunny is a real thing. Where there's like, at every level of organized hockey there's just girls around who just want to fuck the hockey players yeah right like so that like there is this element to it especially in a small town small town like that's the thing people don't i mean me i don't know like basketball players in miami yeah it's not even like basketball like i guess if you're like play single a baseball in some small town you're like you're probably like you know the star fucking yeah depends on how big of a deal the

sport is but it's like if you're like any anywhere in the canadian hockey league where i grew up it was that was not the case no no because you grew up in a bigger city but it's i grew up in a multicultural city but i'm saying like if you go to like small town ontario like you know if you play for like the berry battalion or whatever, and you're like in the OHL. Oh, yeah. You're like the biggest celebrity. License to Princeton. You're the biggest.

You're 16 years old. You're the biggest celebrity in the city. Yeah. You're the biggest celebrity for 10-year-old boys and 18-year-old women. Yes, exactly. And maybe 40-year-olds. And maybe 50-year-old women. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, yeah. So these guys were like overseas, I guess, on a tournament? No, no, no. This happened at the World Juniors. That's right. Where was the World Juniors? I don't know where it was that year. No, I think it was in London, Ontario.

So they basically, they went back with this girl. That's why the court case is in London. It's in Ontario. Yeah, the hockey players basically had a freak off. Yeah, they had a freak off, essentially. She, you know, just fucking Chuck and Todd, like fucking fucking boy body just fucking the ripper down there they always do there is so many fucking when i used to play because i played like double a which is the second highest level uh for a lot of years playing hockey right and there was always these rumors that you know people talked about the

hazing i never experienced any of it or saw any of it but like i remember so many people when i was just like 13 telling me that like oh if you play on that team like what's like the ajax axman or whatever like the junior team like if you get up to junior oh what happens is like when they get the new rookies they take them and they tie a string to their dick and they take the string and it goes over uh to a bucket over after over to a bucket then they shoot pucks into the bucket and it tugs on your dick yeah yeah yeah i heard that so i've heard a lot of that like six months on the kitchen arrangers which is the oh did he ever have to do the dick bucket he said he got shit thrown at him all the time shit like in the shower he'd just be showering because he was like the rookie on the kitchen arrangers and literally like he would just be like in the

shower and people would just be like literally shit in their hands and throw it at him wild yeah yeah there's a lot of uh rumors about this stuff but basically the trial that is now coming out is like sort of looking good for them yeah yeah it goes hockey canada complaint uh complainant how do you say that word complainant complainant complainant compliant the complaintant says she took on porn star persona because it seemed like what's they wanted to see a woman allegedly saying she was sexually assaulted by five professional hockey players in london ontario hotel room all london's a hockey town for sure she took on a porn star persona as a coping mechanism in a room surrounded by men she didn't

know so she basically went home banged all the dudes and then kind of after the fact is saying that like uh well i didn't want to but like i was kind of like in this scenario there was so much pressure on me and if i didn't i felt like unsafe if i left but i never uh verbalized any of this sort of thing and it kind of when she there's there's a lot of like, this thing's been going on for a while. And one of the crazy things that's happening is the league gave her like a big payout in a civil suit, right? Hockey Canada did. So this is Hockey Canada, which is like the governing body. But the, sorry, let me just say the funny part is that when they did the whole payout, a lot of the minor hockey league money goes into that.

out the a lot of the minor hockey league money goes into that yeah so a lot of people are like i'm paying like you know three thousand dollars a year to put my kid in hockey and half that money's going to pay off yeah yeah so i'm like a fucking rape complaint and you know well your kid's about to grow up to be a rapist so we're it's money well spent all right just like okay this like no what we need a new league that like half my hockey money like if it's three thousand dollars that should be paying for like the fucking ice time of course the jerseys why am i paying double price so you can pay off fucking it's like don't you have insurance yeah like how what the hell yeah no this was a huge scandal like hockey canada after this happened they had to basically because between this and then there was the thing with like the coach of the chicago blackhawks like there was a

bunch of like sex scandals in hockey like remember there was one where a player on the chicago blackhawks like basically said like there's i think it was like an assistant coach or something was like making passes at him and they they like fired the whole coaching staff like joel quinnville was the coach and he was like one of the best coaches ever in the NHL, and then they're like, he just can't coach ever again, although he just got signed to be a coach this year, and people are really mad about it.

Okay. So they were like, they were literally like, this is in the height of the whole hockey has a toxic masculinity problem. Oh, yeah. Too many white people. Too many white people,

and they literally fired the whole board of Hockey Canada, which is a pretty big organization. Oh, buddy. It's like a mini FIFA. If you watch Hockey Canada right now, it's like a guy in a turban and two checks literally that's what it is and they just replace them all and they go all right problem solved yeah fixed it but now they have this thing to deal with but yeah she settled with hockey canada because it was if you like don cherry you're gonna really love vivek Patel that's good it's only for the Canadians okay so

but it's these guys are looking like they might win and some of these guys I mean hey innocent until last I checked in the court of law

and this applies to Diddy as well you're innocent until you're proven guilty. But by her own testimony, it's sounding like she's kind of saying, like, well, I didn't say... Yeah, it sounds like she regrets doing it. Which you should. Yeah, you got a fucking train ran on you.

By a fucking junior hockey team. Oh, world junior hockey team, Ryan. Come on. You know how many fucking dudes are watching this being like just straight ass hockey fans being like fuck I'd let them do it probably I mean buddy that used to be the like I'll be a fucking sick hang eh that used to be the like insults is like yeah your butt your chick probably got like ran a train by a hockey player yeah and here's the thing there's so many girls in Canada who absolutely have been in this identical situation who

got a train ran on them by like a junior beat for free for free. And they just go, yeah, that was fun. I don't know. Like, I don't know. I don't, I'm not talking about it, but I don't like, I'm not going to the police about it either. But it's like, dude, you heard stories about this shit, like all the time in hockey. Like this was not an uncommon thing at all.

Now, obviously, at first she was like, yeah, it was not consensual or whatever. And then now she's like, it was, but I regret it. Dude, me too's are getting flipped over right and left. Candace Owens is on fucking Weinstein's me too. Hey, everybody's saying she doesn't like Jews. Everyone's saying she doesn't like the jews look at her trying to get a innocent jew out of jail good for her candace i haven't seen it no but i i there is something like just inherently funny about the fact that she's doing it absolutely and it's

pointless you're not getting fucking weinstein out he has like how many guilty he has like so many dude he has so many cases in different states and stuff like he's currently on trial and or he's having a retrial in new york but it's like he's got like a million charges and fucking right i think he has federal charges as well as uh state charge like he's he ain't going anywhere there is when you it is interesting, though, just, like, in general, like, the court system's level of, you know, whether you have a, like, people always say, like, it's easier to be rich and all this sort of stuff. Like, it really is kind of, like, you're at, like, the whim of whether the judge likes you, all this stuff. Like, dude, I had a buddy that was on trial for something, and it was, like, he hired a lawyer lawyer and essentially his lawyer was kind of like ignoring him yeah and then he was just like well and he basically needed the lawyer to do discovery and the lawyer just like wasn't doing his job and then he was like oh i

want to like a extension or whatever and they're like no and he's just like okay you just have to go to the trial with your lawyer who you know has been like not even he said he calls his he said he would call his lawyer and the lawyer would be like what now and he'd be like what now you're like how much money i fucking pay you a crazy amount in this particular case but it's like he's like life's on the line yeah i mean fucking um shkreli said with his judge where he was like he basically they were gonna like give him one of two judges he's like the one judge he's like was gonna give me 25 years in jail that's wild i just got a judge that like you just happen to get a judge that doesn't have a bone to pick with you like it really is like a luck of a draw if you're fucking in one of these situations i know a lot of it is anyway i know but i the the question is is like should these and i think i

know the answer to this but should these guys get exonerated like will they be let back in the nhl because i think a lot of them are just like playing in russia one of them i think alex formington we've played for the senators i think he's like a construction worker right now he's just like working in construction i don't know why he wouldn't go over play in europe somewhere but like is it like will the nhl probably the answer is no similar to the trevor bauer probably yeah bauer situation in major league baseball where he's basically blacklisted even though he's yeah that guy's been on uh yeah yeah i mean he's literally just blacklisted like he could play he could be a fifth starter the guy won the cy young and he sort of that guy sort of has exonerated himself no he has like dude the one of the main chick who like uh like made all

these claims about him like he has all this evidence she like recently got arrested for like all this crazy shit like there's audio and text and all this stuff and he's just like blacklisted from major league baseball it is interesting coming back and being like see i was right and they're just like yeah we don't care yeah we don't care you go you guys you know you guys are replaceable also you haven't you guys aren't even actively playing so you probably still aren't quite you're probably not quite as good than you were and they're like yeah sorry on the other side of crime the new orleans criminals that got out is maybe one of the funniest things in the world yeah crime's been fucking wild this week yeah i mean just a bunch of murderers in louisiana escaping not a good uh oh but the funny part that's true and all of of them, when they escaped,

they essentially... These guys dug their way out of a trial, or dug their way out of the prison. They basically had like a guard on the inside that they're kind of like, you know... Someone help them. We're going to kill you if you don't turn off the water so we can get out.

And then there was someone else who didn't know. So there's some sort of stuff on the inside. The guard, who was the main guard, went to get a burger while they were escaping so they put their blanket on top then when they escaped they wrote over the hole like this wasn't even easy and then within like 10 hours all of them got caught on like the most basic shit yeah the one guy goes to his baby mama's house they're like first place they look they found him yeah the next guy where else would you go the next guy's out of fucking he went to like his uh uh maybe it was his parents

or something like that he's just standing on the porch like what took you so long sure i mean you know when you're doing this you're like you how far can you possibly get another guy went to bourbon street and just had a drink hey like you live in new orleans he goes down to bourbon street where they're fucking, you know, every day's a parade. I mean, that's what I would do. I mean, you know that... That's what you would do?

I mean, you know that you're not like... They didn't even change their clothes. Dude, this is... The guy's sitting there in a prison outfit on the porch. No, they weren't in their prison. Some of them were, yes. Oh, really?

Oh, I thought they said they all ditched their prison. No, all of them did not ditch the prison. That's insane. It is. But I mean, you know you're getting caught. You're like, this is a weekend vacation. Why?

People have gotten out of jail before and then not got caught? Well, the problem is, is the first off- You gotta at least- Why escape then if you're not gonna at least try? How do you like, just from a logistical perspective, you're like, how do you deal with money and stuff? These guys aren't rich, so you're like, where do you get money from to survive? You can't have a debit card or a credit card, nothing,

because it will all just obviously link back together. Do you remember the guy from The Jinx? He went and put on a female outfit. He was rich. That's the difference. The guy was a fucking billionaire. I think that if I got out of jail, you wouldn't find me. First of all, you would go.

You'd go shave your head. You'd put on a hood. If you shaved your head, put on a hood. And then you run as far as... They're black. Their heads were shaved. Exactly. So then you go...

Throw your hair out. Takes time, Ryan. No, you put on a fucking do-rag and a shy-stee, whatever. That'll keep the cops away from you. A million different things. Then, I don't know. it takes time ryan no you put on a fucking do-rag and a shy steve whatever and a million that'll keep the cops away from you a million different things then i don't know you you know go into the you steal a bit of food go into the forest for a little bit okay so commit a crime just off the jump well that's the problem is you got to commit all these crimes you have to commit a few crimes you're going to you're going to a grocery store late at night with like an Indian, like an Arab store clerk

who's not really paying attention. Yeah. You take a bit of food. These people are notoriously not suspicious of the do-ragged. All right. So you take some food. Then you find yourself into like a forest or some shit like that. Yeah.

You're there for two or three days. Dude, these guys, if they're in the woods for three days, I'd rather be in prison. They go, this is way worse than jail. If I knew the city, okay, if I got escaped from jail in New York,

I think I'd be fucked. If I escaped from jail in Toronto, you wouldn't catch me. Where would you go? Where would I go? Yeah. You can't go home.

First, I'd go to the baby mama. You can't contact your family. You can't go home. No, you would, I would contact. You can't contact your family. You can't go home. No, I would contact a random girl that they would not even have thought of. Okay. I would have contacted one girl that I'm like- And you're like, do you have some money? And she's like, no.

Yeah, I would contact a girl that they wouldn't think of, or a person that they wouldn't think of that I know that this would, it's going to take them a while to get down the hatch to this person. Okay. Yeah. Then I would try to, I would try to get money, some money from them, cash money. Cash money. And I would have to keep a really close eye on them to make sure they're not calling the cops.

So the phone would have to go in the bucket. They'd love that. Well, you know, I would have to pick the right person. Yeah. But I would already have that figured out Before I got out I'm on the fly right now But I would have had six months To plan my plan

Yeah And you're on foot And you're on foot the whole time Yeah Yeah Until I got a skateboard In which case now I'm skateboarding Steal a skateboard from a kid

Maybe a bike Yes Find a bike I'm skateboarding around in a shysty Then Then after that I'm cooking my way down to etobicoke etobicoke okay they'll never find you in etobicoke and what are you doing in

etobicoke what were you sleeping no i i would need to find like uh potentially uh yeah i would what's your six month plan i'd need a safe safe house, obviously. Who's giving you that? Well, first of all, I would go to the river in Pickering where there's like a bridge. So I'd be under the bridge for a bit. Okay. So I'd be that bridge guy for a little. I don't think you like being a bridge guy. And then I would go further north.

Yeah. So I would keep going north. And then eventually like... On your skateboard. On my skateboard. Just Ryan skating up the 400 no i'm but before you know it i'm in fucking three rivers quebec okay and you don't even know you know before you even fucking know it i'm in three rivers quebec on my way to the east coast and then i'm getting and you're stealing food the whole way or i guess you got some money yeah i'm stealing food yeah stealing and i'm eating food and then what and then you're and then you whole way. Or I guess you got some money. Yeah, I'm stealing food. Yeah, stealing food. And I'm eating food.

And then what? And then you get to the East Coast and just you live there now? I put on makeup. No, by the time I get to Three Rivers, Quebec, I'm a girl. Okay. You're forgetting this part. Okay. You're forgetting a pre-cardinal component.

I'm a trans prostitute now. 100% by the time I go there. And I go to a costume store, which I know my way around. Sure you do. Yes, you do. I'm on full women's outfit. I've got like cow... I go to a thrift store and I get some women's clothes.

And I'm wearing an extravagant women's outfit. Okay. I've got the fucking wig on the whole thing. All the stuff. Which is actually... Some like it hot stuff. You can cook around Canada like that now without drawing too many eyes. No.

Yeah. You're totally anonymous in Canada like that now without drawing too many eyes. No, yes, you're totally anonymous in Canada like that. Yes, so I'm now I'm in the East Coast by this point. Yeah. I lose the skateboard once I get to Halifax. Once I get to Halifax I lose the skateboard. I don't need it anymore. Yeah. Keep the girl outfit. And then you sneak it to a shipping container and hope to make it over to Europe? I think if you get to Europe you're pretty good. I think'd leave the skateboard. If you get to Europe somehow, you're fucking good. That's the plan. Once I get to Nova Scotia, then I take a boat to Europe.

Yeah. Full trans again. You know what would actually be not a bad strategy? Is you go somewhere in like, somewhere like in the GTA, Greater Toronto area, and if you could somehow

get into the trunk of a car, of a nice car, that car will get stolen at some point and just get fucking put in a shipping container and sent over to Nigeria. Classic Canadian hack. Classic Canadian hack. Free trip to Nigeria.

You just get in the trunk of someone's car and then it gets stolen. It's guaranteed if it's a nice car. It's just like, find a Range Rover, you just hide under some blankets and before you know it, you're in Nigeria. Classic, classic. One escapee, Kendall Miles,

was found hiding under a car. So he just went and hid under a car. He goes, this is smaller than my prison cell. By the way, I'm not going to hate on the hiding under a car because that might have been temporary. Yeah, it was temporary.

That was actually one of the better hiding spots is under the car. Multiple inmates were caught wearing the exact same jail clothes. One inmate was hanging out at a relative's house sitting on the porch. Officials say four were still on the loose, but then one turned out to be still in the jail the whole time. Oh, he was in the jail the entire time. Calamity of errors.

Yeah. This is what happens when you pay correctional officers $28,000 a year. Yeah. You get what you pay for with this stuff, it seems. I think that I could get out 100%. It would be tough. It's tougher than it seems. Yes, but you have six months to plan it.

Yeah, or more. Yeah. Especially if you're a criminal. Don't forget, criminals have more people that they probably know that are in crime. That's true. That's true. I don't even know any criminals, really. Yeah, if you somehow get your hands on a fake passport, then that's where you're good.

Yeah. Yeah. And just fucking dip out of there. So, boys, it's almost summer. It's time to get jacked. It's time to get shredded. It's time to get yoked. We're out here.

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It's actually one of my impressions I could do pretty good. I go, I'm going to give you one last chance. I'm going to give you one last chance. Okay, so anyways, that show is of crime shows and I have more crime things. I'm not even-

Do you like fire shows or just the PD shows? No, fire shows suck. That is the craziest. I've been going through them. I've watched them all. And maybe some people like my reviews of cop shows. Some people don't like my reviews of cop shows. This one is the craziest one you've ever watched in your life.

So every episode, he beats the shit out of someone. He takes the criminals down to the dock and they start chaining fucking cement blocks to the guy's legs, and they're going to throw him in the river and tell the one cop, like, come on, man, we got to bring him into the station. He goes, all right. He lives to play another day, and they act like, you know. He's a good guy?

And then on top of that, they have like a cage in the police station where they just put criminals there, and then everyone goes upstairs, and he just beats the shit out of them. Every single case, they have someone comes in and he goes, you know, we need the information.

And he grabs a knife. He starts cutting off the guy's ear. What? Another guy. Chicago? In Chicago. He goes to the criminal's house and he starts cutting off his ear.

In the police station, by the way. Yeah, yeah. He pulls out a knife in the police station, has the guy in Yeah, yeah. Police just start... He pulls out a knife in the police station, has the guy in his torture chamber. It's not he's threatening, he's actually doing it. Yeah, this dude starts cutting off the guy's ear. Nothing ever happens to him. He's always...

He always does business back to normal. And they sort of pitch him as honestly, he's honest but fair every single day. But they're not corrupt in in like uh doing crimes standpoint they're just they do whatever they need to do it's more of that yeah um and then it's honestly the answer to that question is honestly too complex i'm not gonna get into it layers to chicago pd so then on top of that so he beats up a guy every episode he cuts off a guy's ear he's always like threatening to shoot, knock out their teeth,

breaking people's fingers, smashing their legs. It happens every single episode. And it's this one guy who does it? Yeah, the one guy. But the other guys, a few of the other old heads are in on it. Okay, they get it.

That's just the way they do it. Okay. Yeah, he has a cage that he brings him in. His son's involved with crime. His son goes with the head guy from the mafia to go whack another guy every second case they can't uh they can't every second case they have to like uh lay off it because someone in the precinct is directly involved in the oh okay it's a lot of okay so it's one of those a lot of corruption oh yeah every every like every second case is like

oh this is his buddy from high school that did the crime, so he's got to go easy on it. His son's the actual murderer in the next one. Then the girl is actually, the guy knows that she murdered a guy, so they've got to fucking go easy on him. All right. But the funniest part is just the extent to which he's literally killing people

and cutting off ears and all this sort of shit. All right. He takes a guy to the hospital. There and all this sort of shit. All right. I'm going to have to give it up. He takes a guy to the hospital. There's a guy in the hospital. What season are we in? Guy commits a crime in a hospital. They're not even working in the hospital.

He brings him to the basement of the hospital and then just starts kicking the shit out of the guy in the hospital. Okay. He's not even like a... Just brings him to the basement of some random hospital and just tortures the guy for the information. Hey man, sometimes you gotta get the info. I don't think black ops site guys are doing business like this guy is doing.

It's so crazy. You could just be like, hey, I have a Chicago cop show. 12 seasons. Oh, Dick Wolf does this. He goes, this is Dick Wolf. His wife wants to go on vacation. He goes, he's Jewish and cheap. And he's like, he doesn't want to go on vacation. He's like, honey, we only have $10 trillion right now. He's a gazillionaire, right?

Literally net worth 1.2 million. And then Dick Walsh just walking down the street. And he's walking down the street. And he sees like a fucking Ohio street. And he's like, honey, I've got another idea for a cop show. Ohio PD. And he sees a first responder. He's like, what a first responder.

Like, fireman. There's one. Yeah, he's just fucking dude first responder he's like what a first responder like yeah fireman there's one yeah he's just fucking dude this guy is a money printer he bangs out ideas he goes

that's because the same ideas over and over again okay I'm gonna you say Dick what do you have

for us Dick what do you got Toledo PD god damn genius Dick you did it again we already have Toledo PD

okay Toledo special victims unit oh my god Toledo fireman how do you think already have Toledo PD Toledo Special Victims Unit Toledo Firemen How do you think of this? Toledo First Responders I'm on a roll right now Actually he's the richest man alive 1.2 billion dollars

He has his money stored though too That's why he's not on the top 10 charts You would know that it's Bill Gates Elon Musk, Dick Wolf But I think Dick Wolf has his money in offshore accounts so you don't actually know what he has well he probably researches crime so he doesn't want you to think differently of him well you know so much about crime that he's probably doing a little wouldn't that be a great end to the dick wolf fucking story arc because this guy's a crazy crazy like mob boss i'll be fucking incredible

okay on the topic of somewhat crime yeah because it's all crime i have one thing that's not That would be fucking incredible. Okay. On the topic of somewhat crime. Yeah. Because it's all crime. I have one thing that's not crime oriented. But DHS says it's in beginning stages of vetting process for immigrant reality show. This is, I love this. It's a 10 out of 10. This is so funny.

Man, this is the most American shit I've ever heard of in my life. Fucking doesn't get much better than this. We'll let you compete for citizenship. Also end of an empire shit a little. Kind of, I know. You go, we're going to let you compete in a reality show. Department of Homeland Security is reviewing a reality show where immigrants would compete in American citizenship.

Does Donald Trump give them the citizenship card at the end of it? That's the thing. Donald Trump comes down and they've got him strapped up like he's Tommy Lee know tommy lee coming down see i actually kind of figured out their issue here and that because like a lot of people are against this and they're like this is wrong well some people don't like the challenges they thought it was in poor taste but they also think gardening challenges yeah gardening challenges berry picking challenges but like you should they're like you shouldn't this is not how you get um like citizenship, what they should do is be like, you compete to win a Trump gold card, which that is just, you just need $5 million, right?

Those are for sale. You just need $5 million. You're thinking. Right? So they go, that's the prize. You're thinking. $5 million to get a Trump gold card. I'm listening.

And everybody knows you. Yeah, if you have $5 million, you can just buy one of those. And then that way, technically, you're winning five million dollars. You're not winning citizenship, but the five million dollars goes to buy a Trump gold card. They should hire you as a consultant. Bingo, bango, we're done, Sue. Moving on, next question. But seriously, that's what it should be.

Well, this is what you're missing, is they want to hand out a couple every episode. I know. You're at $15 million per episode. I understand that. I understand it's not. Well, that's the thing. It's like one season where the single prize is $5 million, a.k.a. I'm sure, but then you have like 80 million illegal immigrants.

So you have like, okay, we have 10 million illegal immigrants. How many people? Let's say you have like 60 immigrants competing for this prize, right? Yeah. And then 59 of them, it's like back to El Salvador. I feel like people wouldn't want to watch that. They need- High stakes, Ryan.

I know, but I feel like people need- Everybody knows the key to TV, high stakes. I don't think women would want to watch that. They like to see the heartwarming story of the guy who gets it. Yeah. They need more people getting it. I feel like yeah, what if you what if my part of the thing is? Okay, we're gonna start this first challenge in Mexico drop off ago later idiots It's like a it's like a one of those like Spike TV shows or they go they're pranking the contestants they go Alright, so first challenge starts in mexico you dumb idiots we just deported you all oh my god

you thought you were getting american citizenship retards we have a challenge nine mexico they have they have 20 mexicans on each side and they like, okay, whoever can fit more of you in this hatchback wins fucking today's rose. And get back into Mexico wins the rose. Uber Eats races. Do you think it's... I don't know what the challenges are, but I want to pitch Uber Eats races. Yeah.

You know, and whoever gets like the... Whoever can do the most Uber Eats deliveries in one day, rain or shine, hail. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rain's a big one. And then you have just like some fat american being kind of like you know testing like you look at the thing like bags a little crumpled my fries are cold that's docking points off sir sorry i cannot get your fries not cold i mean it's immigrant hunger games yeah basically border

hopping you know definitely these are kind of i mean some of the real ideas were like making them I mean, it's immigrant hunger games. Yeah, basically. Border hopping. You know, definitely these are kind of... I mean, some of the real ideas were like making them go like mine gold. You know, work at a convenience store. You work at a convenience store. And then whoever does the perfect change, you know what I mean? Anyone who screws up the change without having to use the till. Yeah, where someone does the thing where it's like they give you extra money because they just want a perfect change back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do it in your head. You go're you're an american this guy's an american so the thing you just said they did have wild ideas where they go he said the heritage challenge will be tailored to specific locations a gold rush challenge in san francisco for example pizza challenge in new york or a nasa challenge in in Florida to showcase how cool America is. So these guys are pandering. They're going to shoot you into space. Sayonara.

Catapult. How about this? How about this? And this is a truly American thing and this is actually like the test of whether you are an American is if you beat Joey Chestnut in a hot dog eating competition.

That would be good. Instant citizenship. Yeah, instant. I think that should just be anyway. Immediately. Like you should go, if you win the fucking Coney island hot dog eating competition you are an american fair is fair come on fair i mean it's impossible but they're i think they're pandering

to homeland security when they kind of say like oh well showcase the thing like it's good actually good for america well yeah yeah for sure i mean they have those like border shows like obviously they sign off on all those ones like the custom shows you have to go to san francisco and rush for gold i was yeah i was thinking it's more like bar back challenge and stuff like that yeah but it's they're trying to watch a gay pride parade first row san francisco not be horrified you like that you really want to be an American? This is what being American is about. Boston Slur Challenge. Who can find the most slurs? That is so funny. Yeah, they bring them to New York City and they force them to watch a fucking child story hour.

Child story hour? You like this? This is what it's about being American. You go, I'm going to go home. This is not what I signed up for. You know what I was thinking too? Because Pride Week has begun. Pride Weeks. home this is this is not what i signed up for you know what i was thinking too because pride pride week has begun pride weeks pride month has begun season i don't know if you saw but like i

think i don't know if canada did it but uk some germany maybe some of these other countries they issued like a travel warning for gays yeah or because of the trans stuff and they're just like we issue a warning to go to america because it's so homophobic and all this stuff but it's just like it's so funny to me because imagine um like okay imagine a jewish thing right where like they go hey we're issuing a jewish warning where you can't go to this country and you go what is oh what did they do there they go oh they do a month-long parade for honoring jewish people you go are you sure this is like unsafe for me for sure you go every city has a giant parade yeah you go oh my god what are they doing is it like iran where they throw guys out the building you're like every metropolitan does a month-long fucking new celebration and then by the way they have 40 other days celebrating other than that

yeah you go wow this seems dangerous and they're on tv they're high positions in And you go, wow, this seems dangerous. And they're on TV. They're high positions in politics. You go, traffic warning. Every corporation sponsors them and gives them money to do this simple behavior. Yeah, you go, oh, this parade must be like, is it like the Klan parade where it's like very frowned upon? You're like, no, it's sponsored by banks. Yeah, you go, I don't know. It seems dangerous.

I mean, Donald Trump. So everyone must be really against that. Actually, it's very, you'll lose your job if you're against it hey you know it's mandated state mandate and you go spooky or maybe they're trying to just kind of low-key give him a wink being like a lot of gay shit going on in america if you just want to you know maybe pick somewhere like maybe uh croatia or something for your holiday oh you they're they, they're trying to send them somewhere less gay. Yeah, yeah, you go, hey. It's a gay travel advisory, just so you know.

A lot of gay shit going on there. It's a travel advisory for the boys. You go, hey. We're going to issue a gay travel advisory if you're traveling to America. Tons of gay shit going on. To do gay shit. You go, are you saying it's bad to go there if you're gay or good?

Let's just say, hey, don't go there. Not saying in one way or another, but just read between the lines here. Read between the lines here. Yeah. We're ushering a June travel advisory for New York City. Specifically June. Buddy, I went there and let's just say you don't want to be there no you get caught in that parade my friend my friend yeah no no by the way i'm looking up uh

dick wolf's uh filmography here he's got a new banger coming out which maybe you couldn't even think of i'm listening law and order hate crimes yeah really yeah it is funny that dick wolf plays both sides of the card man because dick wolf does have his shows that are just like, Mariska Hargitay nowadays is just, I mean, theirs is the sexual, the special victims unit. So that's a little more fair because, you know, that is fair where you have most of the, you know, most of the perpetrators are going to be dudes doing sex crimes.

Like that's, you're going to be, that's going to be your woke one. Right. Yeah. But the, it does, it's funny because he has some he he has he has literal shows where it's like the cops are you know talking about the good old days of when they used to get to like murder criminals and they're the good guys those are good guys and then they have the other like he plays all sides of the coin you're assuming law & Order hate crimes isn't them doing the hate crimes. They might be doing this, and you're like, whoa, holy Bay City.

Law & Order hate crimes. They already have enough of that. Like, FBI was basically Law & Order hate crimes. Every single one was like the white supremacists are going to bomb things. Dude, he has nine shows on TV right now. I thought that's low. That seems low to me. Dude, he has CIA, On Call, Law & Order Toronto,

FBI International, Law & Order Organized Crime, he just had a show canceled, FBI Most Wanted. He's the richest man in the world. FBI, Chicago Med, Chicago PD, Chicago Fire, make fucking Vladimir Putin look like he's begging for change in a potato sack.

Law & Order, SVU, and then regular Law & Order. Yeah. That's crazy. That's not crazy to me. I think that's low. I would have thought 15 if I was to guess. Putin begging for change in a potato sack. Law and order, SVU, and then regular law and order. Yeah. That's crazy. That's not crazy to me. I think that's low. I would have thought 15 if I was to guess. Has any producer ever had nine shows on television running at one time? I told you he's the richest man in the world, and I would have guessed more.

If you put a gun to my mom's head and said, how many shows does Dick Wolf have? I said, I don't know, 70? Yeah. I mean, he's had probably, looks like about 40 shows, but the fact that nine of them are on right now. If you get into one of those universes, you're set for life because it's like if anyone likes you, you get your spin-off.

Again, it's like Law & Order. Law & Order Toronto. He's just the creator, but it's like, what did you create? He just goes Law & Order Toronto. He said, this is Toronto. Yeah, he goes, this is Toronto. How fun. how fun yeah like does he hire if you need me i'll be on my yacht yeah but like does he hire the people or he's standing right now he has one leg on one of his yachts because he wants to ride both of them at the same time or is this just like a star wars brand deal where he

goes yeah you can put my fucking logo on your oranges dick wolf's not getting his hands dirty yeah but like is he doing anything No nothing I don't know Maybe he mucks around Like does he hire the show runner Yeah he might muck around for the first month of the procedures Okay Crazy

I think he might have a hospital one now He's wetting his beat every which way He's Chicago Med So there's his hospital That hasn't really had a lot of forays into uh into the hospital stuff though it's mostly just have you seen he has uh north dakota post office soon any government job he's got his fucking greasy paws all over i mean he probably goes on tiktok and he sees dude i love on tiktok right now there's like

like influencers for every like shit job that exists i know i know like literally like a dude works at a gas station with fucking five million subscribers and he's just like my job at a gas station and like remember when we were in high school you're like i'll tell you what you don't want to do is wind up working at a gas station and this guy has to continue working at a gas station to keep his fucking to keep his sick gig on tiktok going like the guys are probably like yeah i made enough money from my tiktok influencing to own a gas station i know where i was making fucking minimum wage running a gas station by the way it just reminded me of this because there was that photo of justin bieber and girls were like he's so hot and then someone posted it being like he looks at

every guy in a sudbury gas station like or whatever but uh you guys remember that probably but recently uh justin bieber's fucking wife was on the cover of vogue and he posted the craziest shit he posted a whole thing being like um you know i just want to say that uh you know this just put everything in perspective because just a year ago today me and her were in like a huge baldwin i think her last name is baldwin me and hilarity what's her name no we're not hayley hey me and hayley baldwin were in a big fight and i was screaming in her face that she would never be on the cover of vogue and then it all came full circle so i just want to say i was wrong and congratulate which i can admit that that's what his fights look like he gets also crazy she's like i could absolutely be on the cover of vogue what are you talking about that's not like that big of a deal for her getting a fucking yelling

match with your girlfriend and you'll never be on the cover of vogue never be on the cover of vogue she's like i can absolutely be on the cover like the gayest shit to yell at your chick yeah but that's not even like it doesn't even make sense you're like yeah i could she's like i've been offered to be on the cover of vogue 10 times well he said she doesn't have it. You think you want to be on the cover of Vogue? You'll never be on the cover of Vogue. I was like, they sell those at the front of the grocery store. You'll never be on the cover of Vogue. Yeah, I could be on the cover of Vogue.

It's not a crazy thing for me to do. Also, I thought you were right with your tweet where you said the no tax on tips thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's coming down. As soon as they said no tax on tips, you're just like, okay, you tip less. Yeah, I guess I'm tipping less. Back to to 15 back to 15 for sure 15 i mean this 20 thing i go sure i guess the government's not getting their cut anymore yeah only federally but still well then you're back to 15 at least yeah 15 seems reasonable i mean obviously a million people

have said like because it passed 100 to zero which is pretty rare for that kind of bipartisan support for anything yeah but I mean obviously all the jokes about how everyone at our company is now paid in tips yeah exactly you're like I guess I guess all my money is tips my service costs a dollar and my tips are ten thousand percent there's gonna be so many people working that loophole sure sure I don't I don't even know how that's gonna work in practice because they must have some idea that that's going to be they must have some limits or caps or something i don't know but i mean it's good it's a politician actually promised something and then did it yeah that's good well trump's been doing okay uh this this yeah a good couple weeks of banging out shit hey man for the most part the all the shit i mean the stock market's

doing good uh i mean bond's not doing good but seems for the most part this all the shit i mean the stock market's doing good uh i mean bond's not doing good but seems for the most part this stuff's working i was actually thinking with the guitar guitar thing yeah because um it's it's funny because this is one of those things i've obviously it's a huge discourse online i haven't quite been able to get to the bottom i think the interesting the interesting part of it is that the same with everything there's like some people that have the idea that you know it's kind of like how um even in comedy or our industries you know a lot of maybe our friends that are liberal have these kind of like attitudes of like you shouldn't associate with them yeah and i think that permeates to like highest levels of the elite political affluent.

It's kind of like, you're not supposed to talk to them. Sure. Stay away from that. I mean, again, they definitely do lobby. They are registered under the foreign agents. There's a foreign agents registration where if you're a foreign country, which every country does, like china like all these countries pay tons of money to just kind of get some you know shine on them i guess and yes and and you know uh manipulate the narrative about them in western media and like so they're number one money yeah qatar is way up

there but like uh they were saying you know tucker carlson did some interview with some guy from qatar and then they're like some foreign agent like pays some PR firm and then the PR firm but they didn't have any proof of it. The only thing that like my only opinion on the Qatar thing is like because you see it a lot

with the pro-Israel people now where they're just everybody's like oh you're pro-Israel they must be paying you and then now everybody who's anti-Israel go oh well you must be

getting paid by Qatar and you go you have no proof of either of these things you're just doing the same thing the other person's doing and you picked a different country and you're doing it to that person exactly yeah but i'm like i don't i do you think it's fair to say that uh pro-israel people uh talk about

palestine the way that um rich new york liberals talk about homeless people where they maybe not rich new york liberals rich people talk about homeless people where they're just like i can't give money he's just gonna spend it on booze we can't get money he's gonna spend it on guns we'd love to give him some food but they're just gonna take it and grind it down and turn it into explosives is that fair to say it's pretty accurate yeah um but well it's kind of like they a lot they don't like they don't like america making alliances with the people that they think are... I know they did give them... Qatar did give Trump a $400 million plane.

I was thinking with the plane, I would be the hardest politician to bribe in the world. Yeah. Because I don't want anything. Sure. Literally, like some Saudi prince being like, you know, we got you this $4,000 piece of sushi. And I'd be like, who the fuck is... Are you trying to poison me? What is the fucking wieners and beans please what are you doing like like i got you four thousand dollar wieners and beans i got almost what the they

nailed it already you don't need to be messing with the good thing and a knife oh yeah we brought you to the back of this bar this you know restaurant and it's the most fanciest restaurant in the world and be trying to do all this stuff to bribe. Staying in a 10-star hotel and I'd be like, this room is too big. I do not need a fucking... Where's my stuff? I don't even remember what room I put my bag in. I don't need a 12-room hotel. Get me out of here.

They'd have a hard time trying to bribe me, I think. Yeah, yeah. I mean, everybody's got... I don't like stuff. What could you possibly... That's the thing. I still don't understand. So Trump gets to keep the plane personally? It goes into his presidential library. Oh, okay. But it's like the United States government's keeping the plane.

Technically, the American United States government owns it. It's just the new Air Force One. Well, they have to do all this stuff to get it up to specs. Yeah, yeah. They got all the technology. They do all this stuff to get it up to specs, which does cost money. I think that the the argument from the reasonable argument from the republican side is kind of like no matter what you think of it it's just like not

great optics yeah which i agree but it's like you know every country does some shit like it's essentially this is like lobbying it's just it's more overt lobbying instead of just paying someone cash to go here's like an actual physical thing to have yes yeah but is it much different than like the statue of liberty i don't know statue of liberty they didn't buy it the france gave it to them yeah i guess the you can't fly it i don't know the the depth of what i think that people were you know saying that they kind of the gifts like this are pretty common but at the same time not this big and not for there's obviously like too much of a direct i guess i guess there is the whole thing where they're just like,

yeah, Qatar, like a fucking backs terrorism. And some people are like, they were involved in nine 11 and all this stuff. And so I guess that's, Trump doesn't give a, seem to give a shit about that stuff right now.

He's just letting it fly. He goes, Oh, the prices are too high. Is that because of tariffs? No Walmart's greedy. Yeah. Walmart's greedy.

We have a 2.8% profit margin. So we can't really do much on this i saw something someone who works at target on reddit posted like here's how we're raising all our prices because of the tariffs like all these like garbage fucking you know like off-brand iphone chargers are like doubling in price and you go all right well if they don't die but that's the thing they're like well walmart should just eat it and you go okay but if walmart just ate it wouldn't that defeat the purpose of making uh foreign goods more expensive yeah yeah which is allegedly part of it well i guess the thing is he trump's thing is he goes the consumers are not gonna pay for it that's that's his ideal scenario is the tariffs get don't

get passed on and then these corporate giant corporations just essentially eat it and they're like yeah we're not though yeah we won't though and if we do someone else won't yeah yeah and i mean walmart could theoretically like if they're like yeah three percent of our goods we are no longer profitable like at the end of the day either way aside from those those things he has he's been pretty had a pretty good couple of weeks i feel like yeah he's doing good he sort of chalked up a few wins yeah yeah he's doing all right you know i was looking at because i'm going to san diego's cancer now and fucking and jake tapper's book which is like literally what's your take on the cancer i mean well i mean the timing seemed like you have something to say i mean the timing of it is

obviously incredibly suspicious because literally this would have been kamala's time to shine right now wouldn't it have i mean well i mean the theory i guess behind this whole thing is that because with advanced prostate cancer from what it sounds like like when you get regular blood work you have this thing psa levels or something yeah which detects prostate cancer you're like you're the president you're the most like you know like you have the most you didn't forget to go to the doctor no you're not allowed to forget to go to the doctor like they test you constantly because you're the most powerful man in the world. So they were hiding the test. So they were essentially...

And he had, in 2022, he gave this speech. He was in Delaware. And he literally, in 2022, July 2022, Biden was talking about Delaware and how the pollution was so bad. He was talking about how much dick he lays. Remember that? Yeah, but he literally, in the speech, he goes, and this is why i and so many other people have cancer he said that in 2022 and then they go that's just like one of his gaffes oh but he said he goes this is why i have cancer like in 2022 but so obviously they were the ideas they were hiding it and then they just had to get him past the finish line get elected and then he

would just be like i have cancer kamala harris is the president now. If you were the Democrat Party, you'd think you'd be right now saying like, even, okay, obviously, we fucking pulled some shit. It didn't work. All right, you caught us. No, but I think that you would have to say like, you'd have to have at least some scapegoats

to like, you know, even have some credibility where you go, we figured it out, and it was like Dave, John, Tom, and we fired them all now we're good yeah whoops yeah but that's like you gotta blame someone at least to move on politically at some point you get caught in such a massive lie your pants are so down yeah you're just like there's nothing you can do like you're like we can't admit to this because this

is so damaging yeah there's two it's a pot trot out jake tapper with a book there's no there's no situation where we can kind of be like only dave knew yeah yeah just we got rid of him yeah we had no idea you go everybody knew you're like everybody watching you and jake tapper's like i had no idea are you retarded so some people kind of saying buying that book imagine like how just brain dead you need to be and being like what the oh my god i can't believe it you know this business where people knew that biden was in decline you know everybody was saying he was clearly visibly in some sort of cognitive decline i didn't see it though no but the thing just on the topic of government i was looking at uh

it's so i'm going to San Diego. By the way, buy tickets to San Diego because I've sort of been on tour for the last two years and then I came back to the summer and I'm here for like a couple months and I'm just like trying to be like

insanely focused on all this shit. But I have this one San Diego date in the middle of my two month focus session. And I'll be in Calgary, June 5th to 7th, last shot. And Danny's going to be in Calgary, but 5th to 7th laugh shop and danny's gonna be in calgary but my san diego date the issue is i'm like well i want to like really

zone in and focus but i have to i have this one show to worry about selling tickets so i can't even be like my normal ticket system so i'm just like if you're gonna come by the way those shows almost always we sold out three out of four shows the last two times on San Diego. Buy your tickets now so then I can focus on other shit and not worry. And I can look at the thing and be like, all right, two of those four shows are sold out. I'm back to business. We're doing more podcasting. We're booking cool stuff. We're making more sketches.

We're building the system. And I can rest easy for the next two months knowing that this San Diego show has the tickets sold. Do me a solid. Anyways. Help us help you. Help us help you, ryanlongcomedy.com. But,

and what's your dates? June 5th to 7th, Calgary, Alberta. You're in a bit of the same situation as I am. The great sovereign nation of Alberta. Yeah. Well, San Diego's, La Jolla,

La Joya, La Joya, La Joya, La Joya, where the show is. They're basically trying to secede La Jolla La Jolla La Jolla La Jolla La Jolla where the show they're basically trying to secede from San Diego

as a city right back to Mexico yeah no so it's kind of basically San Diego is like

oh they want them they just want to be their own no they are their own city though aren't they no they're part of San Diego oh they're like

the San Diego metro so all the taxes go together and they're basically like you know there's homeless people everywhere all this sort of stuff and they're misusing the money they're spending all our money on progressive bullshit we can't even you know they're they're letting people set up we we you you pay all this money and fees and taxes to start a restaurant and then people start just open up carts outside your restaurant but all that sort of same shit and they're kind of like not happy about it and a lot of rich people live in la jolla and they were just like what are we doing here let's be our own city now i kind of was looking at it because i was just like is it possible to actually succeed

it looks like very difficult oh yeah it's almost impossible how it works in America. I know Texas. There's talk about Texas. There was a few loopholes. I don't know about cities. Fucking Beverly Hills, I believe it was, is their own city now. Or something like that. Yeah, yeah. There's some sort of something. Yeah, yeah.

It's not even Beverly Hills. It's the other one. Malibu? No. One of them. I don't know. Some of them. Yeah, whatever, one of those

But anyways, and then I think there was Staten Island I think tried to be their own city And it generally fails because They do a vote and the Main city has to vote too And they just be like, yeah, yeah, we'll vote out our Fucking flea money

All these tax dollars that we rely on That we misappropriate yeah but it's it's like the woman who's i guess in charge of la jolla right now is kind of like on a big tangent trying to get trying to get out but it's it seems like it's kind of similar to the alberta go see ryan there because you'll have some very tailored jokes to your city no i'm not i don't you know i don't fucking get on that i don't do that fucking local business. Maybe one joke here and there. Remember Chris Rock when we saw him at Canada Center? Yeah, yeah. And it's like, Chris Rock is like, I was driving around today,

I took the wrong turn, and I was in Oshawa. You were not fucking in Oshawa. Took the wrong turn to land in Oshawa. Yeah, you were like, and everybody's like, yeah! He said Oshawa. You were like, you were not in Oshawa. Like, literally, like, we're watching that. you were like you were not in oshawa like literally like we're watching that you go he was not in oshawa today there was no way you were sitting in your hotel room at the four seasons people do love a real local reference

people go people love it when you're like i was at fucking tim's bakery i've been at tim's bakery literally like the comedian in me is just like scraping the dirt off no you weren't you didn't go to oshawa well the reason i when i was thinking about this sorry it's almost just literally like the like we've all been in a green room where the headliner goes like i remember i mean it's a guy in new york being like took a wrong turn and ended up in connecticut yeah but there was like i remember there's this one comedian in canada who he always used to do this like bit where the bit included like uh university it was like the university was like the best and then there was like a college and then like the shitty community college and it was like shitting on the community call that's what they like oh i just went to

school in the community call yeah or something and then like in the green room he like shows up and he goes hey what's the community college here called? Because he has to- You can fuck that guy. Because he has to- Well, yeah, because he has to write his joke in that- Of course. He needs those three. So he's like, what's the community college here?

You can really fuck that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So stupid. I kind of thought- That's the biggest pops. Like, literally, the crowd goes insane. Oh, they love that shit. Especially an older club crowd.

Forget about it. Oh, buddy. But there's sort of a i think in even terms of like girls i've dated if you were to put your finger on like um like a maybe like city liberal chick yeah it's almost like i put my finger in a couple you put your finger in a city liberal chick if danny's checking for change there could be something i know it's in here i feel like to some degree they the like the best way to describe it i'm trying to say it properly but it's like they they they're much easier on strangers than they are on loved ones

so it's like they're like for example like with drug addicts they would be they would be very much like we need to do everything we can whereas if it was your own if this was your like brother and he like stole from you nine times you'd probably be like we need to put our foot down sure but if it was like a stranger they would be like well it's not his fault yeah like the the farther where i feel like uh with most people the closer someone is in proximity to you the more you give them benefit of doubt yeah whereas like a lot of city liberals the farther someone is in proximity to them the more benefit of doubt because there's no socioeconomic factors that are in fact like affecting your brother you can't just be like

oh it's the world is the deck is stacked against him kind of thing where you can it's so much easier just be like oh these okay but here's an example in the immigration thing we talk about right yeah okay we if if someone heard about someone that they didn't know in the abstract that came to america and was getting uh pushed out era was getting deported they would be very much like that sucks like you know what i mean we know multiple friends who have come here got deported and all of our friends who probably would be saying that same thing would also be like you you stayed fucking two months over your visa what are you doing yeah what are you doing they

would put the accountability on that person that they knew of course but if they didn't know him they'd be they'd probably assume... Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of elements to that, though. Let's say like a drug addict. Yeah, and you're also like, oh, this person's coming from a poor country for a better life. That's dangerous. And you're like, yeah, you're just going back to Ottawa.

Well, maybe that wasn't the best example because then you're going one under and being like, well, that guy's not white and they like not white people more. Fine. And there's that factor too, but I think there is something to be said about my theory where it's like, the farther out in proximity they are to you, the more that they are generous with their

empathy. Yeah, and it's a group too versus an individual. Like, they're empathetic to entire groups. So you're saying that you're more summering it up because they just have their groups they like and they don't. But also, they're like, I'm being empathetic to entire groups. So you're saying that you're more summering it up because they just have their groups they like and they don't. But I know. Oh, but also they're like, I'm being empathetic to a million people versus empathetic to one person.

Like, I'm like, I'm getting more bang for my buck here. With my empathy distribution. Yeah, my empathy is getting distributed a lot farther. But even if it was one guy. Yeah. Like, for example, and you want to remove all those factors. If it was one guy in the abstract that was like sleeping on outside of someone's apartment building and the cops got rid of him they might have more empathy if it was someone

on their block that they've met before they'd be like they gotta get rid of this guy sure sure yeah this guy's kind of bringing the property value down yeah that one's easier it's a bit of a nimby that one's easier because i guess also you could say well it affects them now but i'm actually not positing that it's just the effects of them. I'm saying that there's like a proximity issue to like people that I know where it's like I watch them in my real life being like a story that happened to like someone that they was in the abstract, them being like very sympathetic and the same story that happened to someone like at their work to them being like, yeah mean dude what do you gotta get your shit together that's interesting

yeah that's interesting i'm sure there's some sort of explanation to it i mean it could be like a mix of a lot of things where it's like a bigotry of low expectation thing it could be this it could be that but i do think that there is like a pretty good correlation with like the amount that you're empathetic versus the proximity uh to actually knowing them yeah yeah it's like seven degrees of empathy i think it's just easier it's just easier to be empathetic to this like thing that's like person that's you know not my my theory isn't even that much on the why it was just something that i was like it's like yeah it's like the amount of people who are like you know probably will be more likely to give to like a go fund me for like a dog that gets injured some random thing that they

see on social media and you go yeah there's a homeless guy with a dog outside of your house you walk by every day and you've never given him a dollar yeah not a dollar yeah you go why not you're like there's a dog you can help right there you walk by him every day you go yeah i have to i know we're going long this episode but i have to fucking talk about a couple of these seductions reddits and maybe we'll continue those on the patreon we'll continue a bit of a tease but the seduction reddit is the funniest reddit so it's it's it's it's called our seduction and it's kind of like pickup artistry, like, the game kind of stuff. However, it's all, like, nerds that are clearly, like, really bad at women.

Yeah. And I'll read a couple of them. So, okay, so, I don't, so, they talk about, like, hey, these are the lines that i'm using to pick up women um these are lines i'm picking up women can you guys help me tell me if it's better or not i don't mean to be rude and i certainly don't want to be creepy but what i do is i gesture by bringing my hands up and cupping them around the breast area and say then after and then i say these breasts are amazing then after she blushes and says thank you i follow up with i don't mean to be out of line but would be okay if i have a

feel and what do you guys think what should i tweak so it's like a it's like a it's a lot like a 10 year old like working out his fantasy it's like I just want to touch some booze so I walk up to the woman and I look at her and I don't want to Be creepy or anything so I just make a cupping motion. I go those look amazing And then I proceed to ask her if I could cop a feel what do you guys think yeah, you're not good. I go try it You gotta get this stuff battle-t it's funny because it's supposed to be like a pickup reddit but every question is like who loves tits say i real boob boob people what do you think i want a girl with a i want a girl with a big ass and big boobs i just want a girl with big ass and big boobs you said it want a girl with big ass and big boobs.

You said it twice, by the way. That was the post and the comment underneath. Zero upvotes. This is in Seduction. A guy goes to the Seduction Reddit just post, love big asses. I'm looking for a girl. I'm looking for a girl who looks like a porn star, has a big booty, big boobs big boobs high sex drive likes to tease i'm expecting this girl to become muslim and wear modest clothes when around family but wear skin tight and revealing

clothes when family is not around and follow the religion but not overly religious i am a simple guy who goes to work comes home and relaxes and would like to be accompanied by a girl and suck and fuck each other. I am in Atlanta, metro politician area. Let me know if interested. Or if you have someone who might be interested.

If you have someone. I know just the gal for you. I'll have you know a girl that fits in. I love it. I love that it starts off with being like, this is what I i'm looking for and then it's just like a classified ad he goes if there's anybody in here because you know tons of chicks tons of big booty busty chicks are in the seduction forum looking for men that's where all the best guys are what's up fellas wonder if you can help me for something i'm looking for a 10 out of 10 woman who can suck me off and become Muslim. Can anyone point me in the right direction?

That's where all the top guys are. I love how anyone in this seduction forum is going to be like, actually, my friend would be fucking perfect for this. You got a couple leads. I have a few leads for you. If you know anyone who'd be interested. I have to point out the obvious oh this is I think a guy telling his

I have to point out the I hate to point out the obvious but your boobs are fantastic I used that opener three times last night this even gets better this guy thinks he cracked the code The title is I hate to point out the obvious

But your boobs are fantastic And the subtext I used that opener three times last night At a gay bar On chicks with low cut blouses The first time I got a thank you But she was on her way out the club So nothing happened

The second time She jumped up and down you. But she was on her way out the club, so nothing happened. The second time, she jumped up and down, had me feel the difference between Wonderbra and actual boob. Nice. Then she had me motorboat her. She said it was really nice that guys were noticing. The third time, she told me about the Wonderbra, had me feel them, and then started dancing with me. Why are you in a gay boat?

Well, she thinks she's gay. Yeah, exactly. I mean, he goes, I figured it out. Figured out a real life hack. Make women think I'm gay. This is a guy who has a seduction form

figuring out a life hack that you go to a gay bar and tell girls your fucking boobs are amazing. Yeah, you're so fucking hot. And then at some point you go, I'm not actually gay. You want to go home?

She goes, ew, no. What are you doing here? me and my friends did that one day at gay pride it's probably like maybe the most one of the top five i've ever laughed in my life i think it was like with waldo some a bunch of like probably like five of us right we were fucking drinking all day and then we went to pride and then we went to this like bar with like i guess it was just like mostly normal chicks but like somewhat of a gay bar and then all five of us like we took our shirts and put them in a thing and act like we were gay and we're just going up to everyone and be like oh you look at this one and then we had at one point i remember me and my buddy had two girls sitting on our laps and we're like

you go girlfriend and then no you go and then we were all like it was i was literally just like like cry like cry laughing and we actually had it's like all five of us with the exact same thing where we put our shirts in the thing the girls are just like well straight guy wouldn't wear a shirt like that so i guess that's what it is that was the the opener I used at a game. Boys, I cracked pussy. Did you get any? No. All right, fellas, subscribe to our Patreon.

There's a few more of these, but also a ton of stuff. We got our ginger is black. I've seen on patreon.com. You got a little ginger in you. And I've heard rumors that you had a little black in you. Patreon.com slash the boys cast. got a little ginger in you. And I've heard rumors that you had a little black in you. Patreon.com slash the boys, Cash. We'll see you over there. Peace.