The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Ep 2 - Stop giving us bad advice

Episode Date: February 21, 2020

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And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead But we're gonna live forever, but we're gonna live forever This is episode 2 of The Boys Cast with your host Ryan Long Woo woo woo Recently verified on Twitter, so I'm better than you I don't know, I'm not sure, honestly I'm not sure what to tell you That's unfortunate that you're not on my level like that Instagram recognized that

I would assume that the people at Instagram, they were looking at that's unfortunate that you're not on my level like that instagram recognized that i i would assume that the people at instagram they were looking at you know they were looking through profiles and they're like yo this guy's a real one he's for the boys that's i think that's the number one thing when they're looking they're like okay how many followers whatever but more importantly like yo this guy's for the boys so instagram shout outs for being fucking real ones over that organization the thing with the boys cast is first of all, I do have to say this again if you're a girl. Unfortunately, you do have to tune out. It's possible I will have girls' guests on.

This is something that we have been over. But if you are a woman, I suggest take the headphones off. You know what you can do is you can let a guy watch it in front of you, and then you can watch his enjoyment and just be happy know, just be happy that your guy's happy. So you should, and as a woman, that's something you should be working on in general, but deriving happiness, watching men be happy and being able to be happy for them instead of being venomous about that. So maybe if your husband is, if you were going up to him and you were, and your initial instinct

is like, you know, let me bother him. You know, he's probably had a hard day at work. Let me bug him. is like you know let me bother him you know he's probably a hard day at work let me bug him and instead of doing that if you go up to him and say hey i heard about the boys cast you know everyone's talking about it's kind of the talk of the town right now what i suggest you do is take a listen to that i'm gonna make you a snack perhaps and then i'm just gonna you know not too intrusively maybe i'm gonna sit you sit on one couch i'm gonna sit on the other couch i'm not gonna you know ruin your experience so you sit on one couch. I'm going to sit on the other couch. I'm not going to, you know, ruin your experience. So you sit on the couch.

I'll be across the room. I'll just watch you and just be like, huh, that's a guy that's enjoying himself. So I want you to participate on that level. That's, that's the level that I want you to be involved in the boys cast ladies. Okay. So first of all, go subscribe to the, go subscribe on iTunes. Cause I finally got it up. I hired a bunch of people to do art and they all made a piece of junk.

Literally, I hired like three different people on the internet to make a logo for the boys cast and make a fucking, the artwork. I literally got this back and I'm like, is this a fucking tweet? Like, I think what's happening is people on the internet, on these sites, Fiverr and all those sites, which by the way, it's not Fiverr anymore. It's Fortier. So you hire people to do artwork and then they farm it out to some fucking two-year-old in india this guy's scribbling on a piece of paper and they send it to you they take a shit they literally take a shit on the fucking computer

screen and then send you your invoice i watched this i didn't even i didn't respond to him i just left it i was like whatever i've been had so anyways i made the logo myself and i do in 15 seconds i made one 200 times better so i I'm going to work on those things. Basically, the moral of this story, my little rant about what I'm doing, this rant about the artwork is the fact that I'm going to be figuring out these things as we go. So everyone was pretty down with the cast, but a lot of people had things. They're like, okay, you got to, the fucking Mike's kind of in a weird position or it's not bright enough.

Things like that. And I'm like, okay, first things first. i just spent like thousands of dollars on all this gear i got all this stuff which was a lot of it was from the patrons from the fucking omics podcast if you're not listening to that already so i got all this stuff you essentially to be a comedian right now you have to be an astronaut the amount of technical stuff like i literally got into art and i was like an artist i've been bands and comedian and stuff like that. Now I'm literally running a starship. You have to be a literal astronaut to be a fucking in comedy these days. So I'm figuring out as we go, instead of sitting here for like 40 months with my dick in my

hand, just like going through stuff, I'm just going to start doing them and they'll get better. So, you know, they're already, I've fucking got another light here. I've already got a better logo. So that's in one week, I've already fixed some of the problems, but then I'm going to fix like a lot of the things. So that's going to happen as we go. The first one, I didn't even like really post anywhere. It was kind of like DL. I'm like, yo, this is just for the fucking real dogs. And then next episode,

maybe a few more, you know, let a few more dogs in some of the people that follow my verified Instagram account that I mentioned before. This is what I want to, okay, I'm going to talk about a few different things this episode, but first of all, there is an influx on the internet of just terrible advice people giving to men and not just men because girls are getting brutal advice too. You ever see on the things that you ever see these articles where it'll be like, this is how women can be happy. What you need to do is be a fucking dirty slut. Women need to, women need to cheat on their husband. What you need to do is be a fucking dirty slut. Women need to cheat on their husbands. What women need to do is fuck 15 guys.

And then you meet the person that wrote that article. And then the next article is like, 10 things to do when you're really depressed. Why I haven't left my bed in six months. And then you look at her and she's just like some fat, disgusting, fucking depressed hog. And you're just like, okay, why is anyone taking advice from you? Like, it'll be some 35 year old woman. That's just like depressed blogger. And it's like, why you should never have a boyfriend or kids. It's like, you are not happy. And by the way, I'm not some person that's telling you,

oh, you got to live the traditional life. I'm not fucking when these, I'm not Steven Crowder being like, this is why you have to be in a nuclear family. I'm saying, if you want to live an alternative life, you need to be a specific type of person. And it's not for everyone. Most people can't handle that. If you're telling, that's why when people are like, I need more support because I want to be an artist. It's like, no, if you are the type of person that your parents are like, listen, we think you should go to school for something normal. And you're like, that's it, I quit. Well, then you weren't cut out for this insane lifestyle because it's fucking hard and it sucks.

So if you're the type of person that needs constant reaffirmation of why you should be fucking 10,000 dudes and fucking, you know, being a single person when that's not the cultural norm, then you shouldn't be doing it. So most people should be doing the normal thing because it's hard to do the other thing. That's what women do. This is what they do. They'll get like 50 tattoos and then, cause you want, you get like a lot of tattoos because I got tattoos because I wanted to be fucking, you know, in a guy in a band with tons of tattoos or whatever. So girls get like, you know, and some dudes, but they get a bunch of tattoos, like a neck tattoos. And then they like, people look at them weird. And then they read all these articles like, I am not weird. Cause I have tattoos. Like you got them to be weird. And then once people think you're weird, you can't handle it. That's the weird because i have tattoos like you got them to be weird and then once people think you're weird you can't handle it that's the whole reason you have

tattoos is you're kind of like oh yeah i'll be a fucking renegade then then when you go to a job interview and there are people look at you weird you're like oh you're looking at me weird because tattoos like that's why you did it listen if you want to fuck you know a thousand people nothing like i'm not telling you what to do. But when people are like, that girl's a slut and you're like, what? It's not like what you got the rules first. People are like, listen, if you have sex with a thousand people, people are going to be like, that's a lot. And you can you don't get to do it and then backdate what the fucking opinions are.

So if you're not the type of person that can hit, some people can handle it. Be like, yeah, fuck you. I'm fucking living an alternative life. but most people can't handle that and those people shouldn't be doing alternative lifestyles so these people they fucking don't have their own life together they're they're i see so many people they're broke they're fucking not good with the opposite sex they look stupid they're in bad shape and then they're on the internet like telling you how to live your life the fucking audacity so the biggest one with men so because i think the i think going through articles i was feeling pretty good about that

and everyone seemed to like it so i'm yeah i'm gonna again i'm figuring out what we're gonna do here but i think that there's a lot of these articles that i've been watching for the last fucking three years and a lot of these articles that I've been watching for the last fucking three years. And a lot of these things are essentially the common sentiment of the fucking public media. And you'll read it and you'll be like, this is wrong. And I kind of put it in my stand up. But I think this is a place for me to dissect them on a pretty aggressive level. So this is a huge one that I see all the time. It goes, telling male friends I love you is a muscle every guy needs to flex every day.

This is a huge thing. So most articles that girls write to men is, yo, be a woman. Because this is, they want you to just, like, it's all of their advice is just be a chick. So when someone tells you they love you and someone's really like needy emotionally, they're asking something from you. So again, this is, this is about girls. This is how girls are that they always need, they need stuff from you. They're like, I love you.

And then you got, I love you. They weren't doing it to be nice to you. They're doing it because they want, they need validation. When someone's fucking needy emotionally you're not like man that person's so in touch with their emotions you're like no that person's needy you know when you have a male friend that you like just met and he's like yo I love you man and you're like all right I guess okay I love you too like what what are we doing I like to surround myself with people that don't need nothing from nobody, or at least you have,

you have both. So you have your one group of friends that's sort of like your needy people that you can't be around too much because they're too needy. And then the fucking real successful dogs, they don't need shit from you. They don't need to tell you, they don't need you to tell them they love you. They just want to have fun. There's a reason for you hanging out with your friends and it's not to get like emotional fulfillment for them. Your friends, your friends aren't there to fucking make you feel good about yourself. That's something you need to figure out on your own, and maybe a little bit from fucking your girl.

But that's not the purpose of having a friend group. There's a billion therapeutical effects from a fucking night with the dogs. But one of them shouldn't be that they need to make you feel good about yourself, about everything. That should just happen naturally, and it shouldn't be this fourth thing. This is what they want you to do. Check in with a male friend. Yo, how do you feel today?

And genuinely listen. If anyone that I know asks me how I genuinely feel today, if I get a text from one of my buddies that goes, Yo, Ryan, how you feeling today? First of all, I'm ignoring it. Unless like, if we're really close. And if we're not really close, I'm going to go, what are you up to? What is this?

What are you doing? What? Are you okay? Are you kidding? Ryan, how do you feel today? You know what I'd ask someone how they feel today? If they're out of control online, you might want to check in with your friend. If you go to your friends online and he's like, this person's a bitch.

My fucking girlfriend needs to suck a dick. He's going like a big personal rant because people are insanely personal on Facebook these days. And there's this one guy in the Toronto comedy scene. This is the kind of shit that he fucking writes. He goes, one time he he goes some of you may have heard a story that i've molested my kids i did not molest my kids and anyone who said that is a liar and you're like okay well no one thought you molested your kids until right now so if you if your friend's doing real personal on facebook you might want to message him be like yo dude like

everything okay dude but you don't want to say yo yo, out of the blue, how do you feel today? It's like, especially do you, I'd be like, do you have, do you have shit? Did you have a job? I get 3 PM. How do you feel today? I go, what are you doing? Are you at work right now? You're at work, you're working. And then you just, you know, you know what I'm going to do is ask how Ryan's feeling. Cause I'm your only friend that you're at. So either one of two things, either one, you're only asking me in which case you, we better literally be like business partners for you to be sending me a random or worse. You're going through all 10 of your friends and I'm getting like a mass message of how

you feeling today. In which case I'm like, okay, don't, don't send me a fucking, that's what I fucking JJ used to do. The guy that I do fucking on this podcast with him and Danny. JJ would send me a message being like, and he's a psychopath and people don't like him. I like him, but I like psychopaths. So JJ, he would go, he'd go, dude, I'm fucking like, I'm feeling like I'm going to not, maybe not this extravagant.

I feel like I'm going to kill myself not maybe not this extravagant i feel like i'm gonna kill myself i don't know what to do it's like i'm quitting comedy it's like i don't know honestly i don't know what i'm doing with my life i'm so fucking depressed like yo can i call you blah blah and then i'd be like all right fucking call me like i have shit to do whatever so we talk on the phone you essentially like talk this guy off the ledge for like 10 minutes i'd be like dude you need to get out and then he would be like yeah you're right and then we'd get to the comedy club and I was like you'd be talking to someone he'd be like fucking JJ was going through a rough one today and he'll be like

yeah I just talked to him on the phone for 10 minutes earlier I go what and someone else would be like yeah yeah me and him chatted for 10 minutes do I go this piece of shit this guy's just he does he sends out mass message to 50 people about like all like i need someone to talk to and then one by one talks to them all and you're just like you mother fucker you played me it's like my mom does that she'll be bored she'll send like 40 messages and just be like you're like you sent this message to 35 people and you're just bored which is fine i guess you know your mom has your mom can do that. Your mom has a, I mean, my mom, if she wants to, uh, bother me, that's fine. But JJ cannot do that. Put the same conscious

effort that you would into a work or romantic relationships into nurturing your friendship. Isn't this just exactly what I just said to not do? Are they not even listening to me at, by the way, this is by Huffington Post. I don't know if you guys know this. Scum. Any guy that reads Huffington Post is doing this garbage. First of all, mostly women are reading Huffington Post. So mostly this is for women to be like,

I've been saying that. It's like my joke that girls say they want guys to cry. I don't know if you know this, but men's tears form a river for a real man to surf in and fuck your girl. Because they don't want that. So any woman that's reading Huffington Post is like, Yeah, I've been saying this.

And then any guy that's reading Huffington Post is a fucking pussy. So I bet you men that are reading Huffington Post, if they even have male friends, yeah, they probably do do this garbage because they're fucking dweeby ass losers. Dude, if you read Huffington Post, you don't even... I losers. Dude, if you read Huffington Post, you don't need, I guarantee the advice for men that read Huffington Post that they need isn't be less manly as you're reading through Huffington Post. Like, yeah, you're right. I'm too much of a fucking meathead. What I need to do is fucking tell my friends, I need to be more emotional.

I'm too much of a meathead reading my daily Huffington Post blog. And no, you don't need to put the same effort into your romantic relationships, into nurturing your friendships. Really? That's the thing about friendships is you don't have to do that. That's literally the fucking sick part about having real friends that you don't need to put effort in. It's supposed to be the one part in your life that isn't draining. Work is fucking demanding a lot from you and vice versa. And you're demanding a lot from them in the form of fucking money, lots of things. And your girlfriend is going to demand a lot from you and vice versa. And well, hopefully you fucking get some, a lot of times you're not getting a fair deal, but hopefully you get some stuff from her. You know, if you're paying for everything, hopefully you negotiate a contract where it's not the worst deal or at the very least she's hot and

you get to bring her out and get points from people but what you shouldn't do is have a bunch of friendships where the point of these friendships is like everyone's like fucking it's on your list of things that you got to deal with it's like no that's the thing that you don't have to deal with and if you've you know my one of your good friends you can deal with. It's like, no, that's the thing that you don't have to deal with. And if you've, you know, my, one of your good friends, you can just end the conversation midway and no one's like butt hurt. Cause they're not, they're just like, yeah, you're probably busy. You don't like, Hey dude, when we were talking the other day and you kind of went cold on me, is that okay? That's the thing you don't have to do. That's the point of having fucking real friends. If you're not a fucking loser, take the time to check in with yourself

and what you're feeling. Tune into what your needs are and what you might want to share or discuss with other men. A lot of these things too, and this is going back to the last one before I get to this one, they're very good advice for how to make friends when you're 20 years old. Put effort into your friendships. It's like, yeah, when you're in high school, you actually probably do need to kind of, you know, navigate that socially and make friends and stuff like that. But when you're an adult, you don't actually,

you don't have, when you're fucking 30 years old and you have a bunch of friends, you don't actually need to cultivate your friend group. I mean, ideally, if you're 30, providing that you haven't moved a ton of times, you have a pretty solid friend group with people that you've been moved a ton of times, you have a pretty solid friend group with people that you've been friends with for 10 years, not like a chick where they change their friend group

every fucking two seconds. So if you have friends you've been friends with for two years, you actually don't need to check in with them daily. And you also don't need to check in with yourself daily. In fact, it's quite the opposite. This is a lot of people's problems as they overthink things. opposite. This is a lot of people's problems as they overthink things. So most people that are having problems, their issue isn't that they're not like, they're not checking in as much of like, how am I feeling? The problem is they can't turn that off. People that are depressed, people that have anxiety, like anyone that's underperforming or has some sort of problem, most of that is because they're having trouble turning that out. What you need to do most of the time as a man or as a person is you need to find things that you're

focusing on, be focused, and actually allow yourself to be in that moment. And you don't need to wake up in the morning and check in how you're feeling. You need to check how you're overall feeling once a month. So every once a month, you know, daily, you need to be doing a fucking audit of your daily tasks. Weekly, you need to do an audit of what your goal looks for that week. You know, am I moving forward for my bigger task this week? Or was my daily task, I'm just staying too busy? Am I, you know, did I fulfill my social obligations or whatever the fuck for that week? Then monthly, maybe every month, you need to be like, you know, am I happy in this situation? Or like, you know, this fucking girl's really been a problem. Like, should we, you know, should we maybe think about this? You shouldn't

be in the shower every day being like, am I happy? You know, what could I do to make myself happy? You should be doing that once a month. And then you should be doing tests on trying that. That's like literally how successful people operate. These things are, that's the other thing when I was saying these people giving advice, you're a fucking Huffington Post blogger. You probably make $20,000 a year. I guarantee you your life fucking stinks. You're a fucking loser. And you're telling people how to give advice, how to, what to, how to be happy. You're probably depressed. It's, it's, it It blows my mind that people, that's why podcasts are such a problem. And I know as I'm saying that, you could say that people might say to themselves, well, why am I taking advice from you? Well, because I've been, first of all, I've been doing

this stuff for a long time. So I've been doing this stuff for 20 years and I've been successful in every avenue and in general and most walks of life. So I'm not trying to turn this into a brag fest, but the things that I'm talking about, I actually have experience of success with. This person's telling you how to be happy and they're not happy. And then they're telling you how to live your life. And you're like, for what? How to live your life? How to be unsuccessful? Well, guess what? Most men, if they don't feel successful, for what? How to live your life, how to be unsuccessful. Well, guess what? Most men, if they don't feel successful, they're not going to feel happy. So all of this stuff is pretty secondary. People that feel like they're fucking fulfilling their

purpose and they're actually purposeful and they're successful. Those people are already just naturally happy. That's just how it works. Okay. Take time to tune into what your needs are and you might want to share them and discuss with other men you don't want to and they don't want to hear it once in a while this is what you know there's once in a while you want to get drunk and be like dude i'm fucking want to leave this relationship i'm fucking not happy but you that there should be those are about specific things because you're not just dumping some random emotions on someone. You're talking about something real that you can discuss. Then you can be like, yeah, should you leave this job? Or like, I don't know. What's the, if you're talking about a girl, whether you should leave her

or not. Like, I mean, what else is there other than your fucking job, your girlfriend, what else is there? There's three or four pillars in your life. So what are you talking about? I'm just unhappy. Like in general, I just fucking, I don't know. i don't know i'm i just can't well that's not that's something you need to figure out and your friend's not going to help you if you're if you don't have any if you can't get to the bottom to the slight degree of where your unhappiness is coming from i'll tell you what your fucking friends can't help so you need to isolate the fucking problems a little more before you bring it to other people. Idiot. Talk about what you both need to open up to one another. Discuss building a stronger mutual trust. This is all just how men can turn their friends into their girlfriends. How men can turn their friends

into someone that they could use to help their fucking... You know, there's an article that said a lot of times men work out problems in their brain and women work out problems by talking them out which i kind of understand and it's and it's sort of explaining you know why women speak a lot of a lot more words than men so a lot of times that idea that women are like talking something about you and they want but they're and you're kind of like help trying to solve their problem and they're like no they just wanted to talk it out they didn't actually want you, but they're, and you're kind of like helping trying to solve their problem. And they're like, well, no, they just wanted to talk it out. They didn't actually want you to listen. I think that's something I kind of got better on as I

went older. Like a girl would be like, I have this problem with this. And you're like, okay, I'll just do this and this. They're like, they don't want to hear your solution. They just wanted to like talk it out. And that is a real thing that, that women and men do differently, which is fine. Nothing wrong with that. But what you're giving men advice on how to be a girl because a lot of times the way I work out my thoughts or you know this is how I work out my comedy this is how I've always worked out let's say when I was talking about this podcast or the you know my fucking podcast I'm like how am I gonna do it and what is it gonna be I really thought about those things energy wise and conceptually before I put words to

them. It's almost like every time I talked, talked it out, it almost pulled the things because I couldn't, I couldn't describe verbally partially because I'm autistic or just one track, but like I couldn't describe verbally what I was trying to do. So once you, once you put words to it, you're actually being forced to make decisions on things that are sort of an idea. And you kind of are like, I think you kind of, I'm like, I know I kind of want it to be this.

And then I'll see, I'll be kind of doing something. I see something I like and I kind of move forward until I figure out, I go, that's what I want it to be. And then once I figure that out, I can talk it out. And I know that feels very abstract because that's an idea that I haven't worked out. So that right there is the proof that I'm a genius arguer because my premise was proved by my exact argument as I said it. So you can take notes from that. That's, they don't teach you that in fucking debate school, but it is true. So a lot of times you actually don't want to work out your ideas. You want to

fucking bop them around in your head a little bit. And as soon as you get bullied into talking about them, you don't, and you already have someone to talk to. That is what your girlfriend's for or whatever someone you're dating or you know what, in a lot of cases, maybe your parents or maybe one friend that you talk to once a week, a little bit and go through these things. But the fact that your friends are there as a sounding board to your problems is the most fucking chick shit ever. And they're not. And this is the problem. They go, you're just like, oh, you're just a guy and you're bad at this. It's not that I'm bad at this. I don't want to do this. You're telling guys they don't.

It's always Danny Polshak had the best description of like all the woke comedy. He goes, all these networks are going up to people in the fucking Midwest. And they're saying, this is what you like now. And they're going, no, it's not. And then these girls are going to men. They go, this is why you're not happy. And then we're going, no, it's not. You need to cry more and you need to cry to your friends. It's like, no, I don't.

I don't actually need to do that. So all this therapy, everyone's going to, everyone, everyone in fucking New York has four therapists and they go to the therapist and they talk about shit every day. And it's like, you know, that's not first, that's not making you better. Maybe once in a while, if someone went through some real traumatic shit, but for the most part, you do not need to talk about shit fucking nonstop. How about a real hug instead of a bro hug? I would love that if I'm hanging out with my buddy and he's like yo what's up dog fucking grabs your hand comes in for you

guys a dab comes in from the hug and it doesn't let you go and he just whispers in your ear i love you buddy i go what the what are you doing what is this you're hiding i'm fucking gay why'd you get hard oh i don't why'd you get hard? Why'd you get hard? Oh, fuck, I'm hiding my boner. I don't want to be in that scenario where someone's giving me a hug and then I gotta hide my bone. So yeah, no, that's not what I want. I don't want a real hug instead of a bro hug.

I'm actually really totally fine with the bro hug. Yo, yo, what's up? Hey, buddy. You know what? Hey, do you want to just do like a, I mean, we've been doing like a bro hug for a long time, but I was kind of thinking we maybe just do the real deal. Just, you know, grab, slides the hand down to the ass.

Yeah, that's slower. Yeah, yo, being friends with you is the best. Yeah, isn't this better than that bro shit we've been doing? You know what we should do is just give each other fucking bro jobs. I mean, yeah, you know what? We've been giving each other bro jobs for years. Why don't we fucking have a real job? Yeah, how about just jerk each other off?

Yeah, give me a little smooch there. You know, we've been doing these bro hugs. How about, I mean, why don't we just do a smooch? We've been doing all these hugs and yeah like bro hugs are sick but hey all four of us you know what do you think we just why don't we just smooch each other and then see where it goes you know i mean because we need to be emotional how about not changing the topics when your buddy opens up this is i remember whenever we have to just know if you're a guy and you say something really

emotional on Facebook, that your boy screenshot of that and all send it to each other. Anytime one of my boys is like saying some fucking dorky ass shit on Facebook, like, I just want to know, thank you to the people that I love so much in all my life and tags everyone. I get that from, I get a message from that as a screenshot from four different guys with an eye roll. This is what happens when you're, when we have like, you have a group chat, maybe not extravagant, but I was trying to make eye roll this is what happens when you're when we have like you have a group chat maybe not extravagant but i was trying to make a joke about this like when you're in a group chat with five guys and one guy's like guys i'm just so fucking sad this and that you start a new group chat without him to make fun of him how about not telling how about not changing the topic when your buddy opens up

how about that i mean if this girl was guy, she'd be such a fucking loser. Invite, oh, I bet you this, I wonder if there's a dude that wrote this. My God, can you imagine me a guy that's writing a fucking guy article for Huffington Post? Because think about just the fact that you're, they're predominantly women viewers. So just, if you're a dude, because I think, I think now that I said that, I remembered this being a guy. Hold on. Let me just double check. By Jeff Barrara.

Oh, I write advice for guys. Where do you write it? Women's magazine. If you're a dude, you should fucking suck on dicks more. This is advice for dudes. You know when you're given a blowjob, what you should do is cup the balls. When you're blowing your buddy, this is just guy advice. I'm just fucking giving advice for the dogs.

But what you need to do is cup the fucking balls. Because sometimes when they're coming, when men are coming in your mouth, it feels a little weird. Okay. Anyways, this is a fucking load of shit HuffPost is stupid but I wanted I wanted to go through that one first so the second thing is this article and this is by kiffy.com and it goes it said women proposing to men becoming the new marital trend. No, it's not. Nope, not becoming a marital trend. It is so funny. It'll be like, they could do this where they like, they go to a party with a piece of,

a clump of shit on their head. And then someone will write an article like, is clumps of shit on your head a new trend? No, clumps of shit on your head is not a new trend. You just did that. It goes, marriage proposals are always popular on Valentine's Day, but it's not just men getting down on one knee. It's men getting down on two knees.

Because we're all gay now. So Sarah and, okay, but this is, it goes, Sarah and Ramiro are both teachers. And when they met, so got they got married Romano proposed Sarah accepted that's usually the end of the engagement story but a year later Sarah got down on one knee and asked Ramiro to her mirror marry her okay so she he asked her to marry her and then a month later or whatever it was she bought a ring and they were out. And then she got down on one knee and she goes, I'd also like you to marry me.

Can you imagine? So you do the marriage, you do the proposal. They take the photos, they put it on the internet. Everyone goes, oh my God, congratulations. And one guy says, fucking, hey man, I suggest you have second thoughts. Your one uncle that's like, don't do it, dog. It's the fucking worst thing that'll ever happen to you. I was at a party yesterday and the guy says fucking hey man i suggest you have second thoughts you're one uncle that's like don't do it dog it's the fucking worst thing that'll ever happen to you i was at a party yesterday and the guy did that he's like 45 he's married and one guy my other buddy was like yeah i'm like 45 i'm starting to think about marriage he goes don't fucking do it you get married when

you're 67 my buddy's like all right that's what so you get the you put the photos online everyone's like yo congratulations then and then it's a month later everything's fine she gets down on one knee and she goes will you marry me and you go we're already yeah i mean yeah i yeah i didn't ask you to marry me we're engaged she goes yeah but i want you to marry me and you go are you mentally retarded what's going on right now but this is what they say is going on right now. And it was crazy because we're already engaged. Yeah, no shit. It was crazy. You're bat shit crazy. You psychopath. Imagine, just imagine that in any other scenario, you're like, yeah, I think we should, you know what? We should move in together. She goes, I'd love to move in

together. Let's move in together in two months. And then you're like hanging out the next day. She goes, I have a fucking brilliant idea. No, I got a really good idea. And you're like, okay, what is it? Are you going to, what's the idea? Bring another chicken? Cause I agree. Bringing another chicken would be a good idea. And she goes, no, we should move in together. And you go, yeah, we just talked about that yesterday. What do you mean? Ha ha ha ha ha. And she goes, no, dead serious. What do you think? And I go, yeah. And she goes, well, yeah, I What do you think? And I go, yeah. And she goes, well, yeah, I just want it to be my idea because I'm a crazy power tripper. Everything has to be equal. We have two proposals. Hey, we should get a dog. Yeah, we should definitely get a dog. Then

the next morning, I got this fucking crazy idea. Dogs. Sarah and Ramiro added, Ramiro sounds like the bitch of the world. If Ramiro is taking this, Ramiro is a bitch. Like if they actually posted photos, they post the photos up, like guess who's getting married? And everyone's like, what is this, Groundhog Day? Did I step into a time warp? Am I Bill Murray in Groundhog Day? You know what? I had a good conversation about Bill Murray, by the way.

Where there's certain people that fucking do wacky stuff. And Jeff Goldblum is one of them, right? So Jeff Goldblum is always, he's always bopping around. Like he used to come to Toronto and then it'd be like, Jeff Goldblum just went to my party and stayed there for two hours. And you're like, Oh, weird. Jeff Goldblum is a fucking G, but you're like, yeah, but what you didn't mention is that Jeff Goldblum fucked that 22 year old girl after that. So Jeff Goldblum's a fucking G, but you're like, yeah, but what you didn't mention is Jeff Goldblum fucked that 22 year old girl after that. So Jeff Goldblum's always like, yeah, I'll go to Seattle and then I'll just meet someone out of my book signing of my new wacky book.

And then I'm like, then Jeff Goldblum went and partied with these people. And it's like, that's so crazy. Jeff Goldblum's doing gold and stuff. Then he had a threesome with two 20 year olds. So Jeff Goldblum is a pussy hound. And he's getting credit for being zany Goldblum. Look at him. He went to a hotel with fans. No, he fucked two 20-year-olds. Goldblum's a fucking dog. Oh. So Bill Murray, so I, you know, he's fucking, I'm not saying it's good or bad or whatever, but I guess it's a little dishonest because Goldblum's like, look at me. I'm a fucking.

Whereas Bill Murray, he's kind of actually being wacky. And I'm not even saying it's so fucking awesome to be wacky, but at least it's like he's doing it for real. Bill Murray is literally a 65 year old man, goes to a bar, bartends and then goes in parties with people at their house and like plays poker or whatever the fuck till 5 a.m. And then just leaves and goes home to his wife like or whatever goes home to his his fucking whatever he goes home to but there's there's a big difference whereas Goldblum and girls are so fooled by it I've had so many girls they'll be like guys like that they'll be like yo James Franco is wild dude he'll just he's such a like wacky dude he's teaching an art class and you're like yeah he's fucking all those students.

He's a fucking pussy hound. That's what she says. And it was great. And Ramiro added, yeah, it was crazy because we were already engaged. Yeah, it sure was crazy, Ramiro. It was, Ramiro added, it was perfect. Yeah, that's what Ramiro added. I can't even describe the emotions I felt until Ramiro fainted. She goes, Ramiro, I know that we are, she's wearing the fucking wedding ring already. She goes, Ramiro, I would love for you to marry me. Ramiro goes, oh. And then we came to, he goes, I do. I fucking hope to God that she's like making 100K a year and R Romero's fucking just live in the life. You know what I mean?

So he's like, whatever, I'll put up with her stupid bullshit because she's paying for all my shit. I respect the certain guys that they're like, I'm just a male feminist. And they winked. You're like, dude, I'm living in her fucking, her, her parents are fucking, her parents are super rich. I'm living in her $4,000 a month fucking or whatever whatever, New York $10,000 a month condo for free. I'm living the dream, dude. And then she just comes home.

I'm in my apron. I'm just naked in an apron. I'm like, here's your grilled cheese. Or whatever the fuck. Your feminism is awesome, dude. Trump, ah, Trump. What did you do today? I was just watching videos of Trump.

He's the worst. So I hope for me, for me as one of the dogs, pour some out for him. Ramiro couldn't describe the emotions I felt. No. Ramiro. Sarah even surprised him with an engagement ring to match the one he'd given it to her. So they got the matching an engagement ring to match the one he'd given it to her so they got they imagine girl engagement rings with a diamond on it can you imagine i gotta stop saying can you imagine but i love it all these scenarios are fucking there's lots to be imagined a lot of

649 just imagine ramiro gets a ring and then it has the like fucking stone on it like a chick. And he goes, it felt like it was my way of reaffirming that I wasn't just passively saying yes to his proposal. That I was truly committed. This is not a new trend. This is a new trend. Is this a new trend? The guy proposes. And then two months later, the girl's okay. By the way, if this is a new trend, I love it. I love it. I hope like one day when I ask her to get married, I go, Hey, fucking, we should get married.

And then, then two months later I go, I'm waiting. And she's like, what's the problem? I'm like, I don't know. Are you not going to ask me to marry you the problem I'm like I don't know are you not gonna ask me to marry you I just think that I don't know you think it's a little weird that I proposed to you and you proposed to me okay I guess I'm awaiting Sarah isn't alone skier Lindsey Vonn made headlines after she asked her fiance to marry her writing on social media that men should get engagement rings too. Okay. If you're super rich and you want to do this nonsense, but for most people,

especially in 90% of relationships, marriage is a fucking, this is the most just like fucking city rich people shit, because marriage is a financial commitment too. Like you're literally saying like, all right, we're going to fucking split our money, this and that. And the guy's like,

because it's a social norm, I'm going to have to fucking drop 10 G's of our money now on a ring. And the girl's like, oh, let me buy you a $10,000 ring. And you're like, stop. Like this already cost us both $5,000. I do not, like, I do not need a ring.

Like you, I get the, you need this, but I'm, we're not spending five, 10,000 more dollars so I can have a fucking dorky ass ring like a chick. Okay. Women proposing to men skyrocketed 360. it says women proposing to men skyrocketed 336 percent from the year before okay so what that means is out of 330 million people in america it used to be one person did it now it's four people that have done it a 400 increase you know i don't even need to go too much into this article because the article is just such a load of shit. You're just like, shut the fuck up. And then, so I have a lot.

When I first started doing this podcast, and I've been thinking about this for a long time, I kind of, I thought one of the funny things too that I was saying, like, I don't know if I want to talk for 45 minutes if I have stuff to say. And they're like, I remember a chick that was talking and she goes, she's like, Ryan, I've heard you talk for five hours straight, like back to back. And you're like, yeah, fair enough. I got a lot of opinions. And then the, the second part is I was actually, I started going through, cause once the truth is I, I wasn't excited about it. And then

once I put it out and everyone was very positive about it then I was like okay that was a test I'm going all in so I was already making ideas for episodes I already have like I was looking at all these cool things I could do about what are your most what what's the opinions that you have that are most not commonly accepted like what are the 10 things that I think that are most that people disagree with the most including comedians and stuff like that i had i was i just made a list of like five or six and i was already going in i was like yo this podcast is gonna kick ass and the fact that i'm gonna put every episode on youtube i think people like that so i'm feeling

pretty good about this whole thing one of the things that i want to talk about that's that's funny and i'm gonna do one more thing and i thing they're all going to be under an hour I think and if you're watching on YouTube stop getting mad that I drink too much water I had voice issues and I even got voice surgery and all that stuff too so it's just, it is what it is dog that's the fucking, that's the breaks

when you played in a band for fucking years and you're a fucking party dog you end up with voice problems I was doing a show at Caroline's and you're a fucking party dog. You end up with voice problems. I was doing a show at Caroline's and these three ladies come up after me and they were like, you're Canadian? They go, so this happened a hundred times since I moved to America.

Someone comes up to you and they go, you're Canadian? They go, why would you move to this country now? Oh, are you crazy? And I'm like, you do not understand that everyone wants to move to America Americans are like a really rich kid that everyone wants to come to their house because he's got a pool and a trampoline and everyone's like yo I want to come to your house and you go why would anyone want to come to my house my dad's a fucking Nazi and you're like actually everyone wants to

come to your house it's the sickest house you're like you don't understand he went on a trip with my mom and he didn't even bring me you don't understand my dad is the worst human in the world and you're like actually i know a guy whose dad is broke and he beats him and i know another guy that doesn't even have parents and i actually know another guy who lives in honduras and he's fucking working in a mine right now and you're like no you that's not as bad as my dad. He took three years to get me the trampoline when I won the trampoline. That's Americans. A fucking spoiled bunch of idiots that don't understand why someone would want to come to your country

even though it took me fucking thousands of dollars and two years of my life and a whole career to get here. You fucking morons. You're crazy people. So I wanted to finish this article I did last time because I only did half of it. And then I was going to go through a couple more of the article from last time,

which was the Guardian article. Because there was just a few more ridiculous pieces of advice that I thought it would be fun to finish up. Okay. So this is one. It's three things that they've said in the article. So this is one. It's three things that they've said in the article. So the last one, we went through all of them, but there was like four or five more.

And because the fucking, the boys thought it was cool, I thought I would just do the rest of them. Why not finish it up? Because I kind of was like, ah, I don't need to do the whole article. And then people, a lot of people were like, yo, do the whole article. And I was like, yeah, why not, man?

It's just the fucking boys here. And if you are listening and you're a girl, please turn this off. I think I'm going to do two more of these. And then I'm going to do more on the next episode. Cause I think what, I think that this article has got some more meat on the bones and I'm already at like, I'm already getting to 45 minutes or whatever, but there's one that goes, and I don't want to feel like I'm rushing through it. Don't make assumptions about a woman's intelligence capabilities or desired based on how she dresses. This is so funny that you don't, that you don't get to, um, you don't get to this. You don't get to make assumptions about people on how they dressed. That's the same for

me. That's what I want. I want to be able to go to a job interview in a thong and someone be like, and they're like, Oh, this guy does not take it this seriously. He's wearing a fucking thong. He showed up without a shirt to the interview. And I go, excuse me? Oh, wow. You're making assumptions about me because the way I dress, I wear a Hawaiian shirt instead of a fucking shirt and tie to a funeral you should probably make assumptions you can make a lot of assumptions about my intelligence and you can definitely make my assumptions about my ability to make fucking social choices properly if you're if a girl shows up and and she's got her fucking like she's got her tits just out there just boom she's showing up their tits are out

there just a fucking miniskirt and then on top of that she has uh she has like just normal toe sandals like as if she was at the beach and you're just like okay a this person seems like they're a mess their hair is all like their hair is all over the place they just have a fucking over their eyes and you're like okay so i don't know did you just wake up this person's a mess they've got makeup on this is what their makeup is they just have emo makeup this is what they do they put on black eyeliner and they cry and then they go to work so that's what their makeup is and you're like okay i don't think we should hire that person based on the fact that they wore beach sandals and then they also had their tits like in my face to the point where I couldn't even concentrate. And then there, and then this person says, you piece of shit. I'm reporting you to HR.

If a woman tells you that you fucked up and you feel like shit, don't put it on that woman to make you feel better. Apologize without qualification, then go away. Can you imagine this person ran their own company? Like what a fucking, first of all, whatever cupcake shop she would run would fail in 10 seconds. But being a guy that runs there and then, and then you, she comes up and she's like, you fucked up, dude. You, there's a girl that came in the store and you looked at her weird and you go, Oh, I'm so sorry. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is not my, this is not my position to make you feel better. You piece of shit. Get the fuck out of, this is just all fucking Russian authoritarian, like government shit. You just, no matter what they

tell you, you have to say, sorry. They go, the state comes and they go, listen, the government doesn't like the way that you talked about the government. And you said, oh, okay. Tell me what I can. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I want you to publicly apologize, take your flogging and then go away. Stay out of my sight for 10 minutes. You piece of fucking shit.

Don't use your power to get women's attention slash company slash sex that's the only reason men want power so you're a fucking moron don't use don't use power in the workplace but in real life don't use your power to get women's attention company or sex are you fucking out of your mind what's the point of doing anything if you're not going to fucking use your power to get women? That's the whole reason people work hard to be successful so they can get the right girl. Last one. Don't read a list like this and think that most of these don't apply to you. Well, I did. I did read a list and think that most of these don't apply to me and I also think they don't apply to anyone stop giving men bad advice

stop it stop ruining people's lives you piece of shit bloggers and if you guys are watching this you obviously subscribed to me so go check out my video I just did about Vice Magazine which is how every blogger writes

and this goes, oh by the way sign up for Jessica Valenti's weekly newsletter on feminism and sexism. That's it. That's what you want to come in here. Fucking. That's what you want to start your fucking days with a weekly article about why you're so bad. And if you're a girl, that's what you want a weekly article on why men are so bad. So you can just get on and go, Oh yeah. And then go to work, fucking fired up and then be mean to every man because you're, cause you're fucking jazzed up that they're the worst, but they're actually not. One thing I do need is if you don't mind, because this is not that much to ask, but if you could please, because I just started this podcast, I need you to go to iTunes and rate it.

Because for me to start getting in the search engine and stuff like that, I need, you know, 20, 40 ratings. So it's not going to take that much time. Go, uh, give it a five-star rating and then write it. I know everyone says that, but because I'm just starting it, it actually kind of does help because then it puts it in the fucking ratings and all that stuff. And then also what we're going to do is if you want to give me questions or send me articles so you can send me questions that you want to do and eventually that'd be a patreon thing too but right now anyone could do it and my email is ryan at ryan long online.com so if you want to send me questions you want me to answer or if you want to send me like some bullshit article you want me to go through

send me that shit and i'll i'm like open to everyone's things just be and in the title be like one of the boys in the title say article from a boys or question from the boys so i know it's one of the boys messaging how perfect is it that with the boys cast all the fucking fans get to be the boys even if you're a chick because that's what khalis said i'm a friend who is with i was with yesterday at uh christina hudgenson's, by the way, was fucking a banger. This girl threw a fucking savage party. But Khalees was there, and she always goes, I want to be one of the boys. She wanted to ditch feminism and be one of the boys. And I'm like, you know, there's a tier.

Oh, my God. I just thought of the fucking best thing in the world. You know how all those shops were doing a thing where like because of sexism men pay five dollars and women pay you know four dollars for whatever it was the coffees because it's probably actually priced i just do a patreon tier that if you're a guy you pay you pay less than girls guys guys pay less than girls on the patreon tier to be a boy so girls can be a boy but they have to they have to fucking they have to pay a premium but i still i don't know if i'm gonna allow that

because i still don't know if i'm allowing them to listen these are things that i have to listen to there was funny though i was at justin silver at this fucking party and he's like yo we gotta hit the hard hot tub which i was like kind of down i was like fuck yeah dude it's fucking fancy room that was like probably this room probably cost four thousand dollars a night it was insane and all these food had uh moscow mules the drink in a can coolest shit i've ever seen in my life and then he was like yeah we gotta go to the hot tub i go up to the hot tub but like midnight we're like let's go in the hot tub i look it's just like 30 guys there like one girl 30 and it's only the ripped guys too first of all there's mostly comedians and stuff,

right, so everyone fucking looks like shit, except for seven or eight ripped guys, every single one of them's in the hot tub, I'm just like, yeah, I'm probably good on fucking going in the hot tub with fucking seven dudes that look like fucking Vin Diesel, okay, so miss me with that, you know, rate my podcast, follow me on all my shit, my Twitter and Instagram, because I post different things on all of the things. Follow the boys' podcast, fucking Amish podcast. Send me questions and shit. Send me what you want me to do. Woo, woo, woo.

Okay, peace, y'all.