The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Ep 6 - The Corona Mandemic

Episode Date: March 20, 2020

In this trying time its very important we tell a friend to watch the boys cast. OK Cupids dumb new campaign, Boys questions about dickpicks and 160 reasons YOU are privileged as a man  If your over hearing about Corona skip the first 10 mins dude - take it easy  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead But we don't end forever, but we don't end forever And you can tell our friends Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys We got a little bit of a debacle on our hands A situation, if you will Some might say an episode This is a full-blown mandemic

And first of all, I just want to pour one out for what people might be going through with their chicks right now. Maybe you had a job and your boss said, you know what? We're going to let you work from home for the next three months. And you're like, sweet. This corona thing ain't so bad. And then before you could pull the controllers out of the drawer and get them fired up, guess what? You got a phone call. Beep, beep, beep.

Hey, babe. Great news. The best news ever. Guess who's also working from home? Yes. We'll be two peas in a pod for a month and a half straight. You know, maybe you were just about to break up. You were on the cusp. You've been living together. Things aren't going so great. She's a bitch. And then you're like, okay, you know what? Things are a little busy right now. Let me do it next week. Then boom, you ain't doing shit, homie. You ain't doing shit. In fact, you're going to be quarantined together like you're in a jail cell. Yeah. You know, maybe

you've been stringing a few along. You've been lying to them. You've been saying, listen, I got this to do. I got this. Work's crazy. I would love to hang out. And then boom! All your excuses. Down the drain. Maybe you're sitting at home with your girl and she's deciding she's going to get gross. Stop showering. She was already a little overweight. Now she's going full-blown Lizzo's ugly friend. Well, you've got to fight back. You've got to fight back by growing a soul patch. Grow a soul patch. Stop combing your hair. No socks. Fe a soul patch. Stop combing your hair. No socks. Feet touching everything.

This is the kind of energy you need to fight back with. Maybe you're dating that chick and it's not at that point where you want to spend three weeks together. And she says, you know, I guess we're quarantined together. And you go, yeah, we're going to get you home. I'll tell you what.

You can call me Harriet Tubman of the Underground Railroad. We're going to find a way to get you back to your house. But it's illegal. The government will arrest you. Yeah, we'll figure it out. We're going to have our best boys on the case. You're going to get you back to your desired residence. Now, here's the good parts of coronavirus. One, some of the women's basketball memes have made me laugh. So there's a meme that says, you know, the NBA is going to announce that they're going to be playing for no people in the stands or whenever they did it. And then WNBA said, they stole my bars.

They stole my bars. That was a really good one. I saw one that said, when there's no men's sports, so you have to watch women's sports. And then he put sports music to his girlfriend cooking. That's a fun one. There's the Trudeau meme that the live dudes made buddies of mine andrew harris it said trudeau said he goes if you are abroad we need you to come home and then he captioned that trudeau wants women to come home that's the canadian king for you

americans listening if you're abroad you need to come home uh some of my business ideas me and my buddy from home we've been chatting we have a business idea for a bar called the Rona. Everyone there has coronavirus. You're only allowed to get in with your positive test. No bug chasers. No one that wants the Rones. Only people that have coronavirus are allowed in the bar. That's an idea we had. Another fun one is I started saying fudge packer again, and I've been having a lot of fun with that. I remember that used to be a fun word back in the day, calling people a fudge packer. Stopped saying that for a while. Forgot all about it.

Just popped into my head. I go, that guy's a fucking fudge packer. Loved it. It's going to be really part of my vernacular lately, so get used to it. Having a lot of fun with that puppy. Now, don't get infected by people's panicky energy. I'm not saying this isn't a big deal, but they want you to panic. People can't handle uncertainty.

People, and by people I mean girls, cannot handle uncertainty. It's the sitting in detention, waiting for your parents to come there. If your parents just came and said you're grounded for six months, that's better to know than just sitting there and waiting for your mom to come fucking yell at you. What is she going to do? These are the kind of things that everyone's feeling right now. And you know what they don't like is they don't like doing it alone. When someone's flipping out, when someone's sitting there like having a panic attack, know what they hate is when you're calm. So everyone wants to bring you into their nonsense. Look at

what people are posting. Look at your friends and see what people are posting. Like if people don't stay out, we're dead. And look what people are posting funny things and see which one of those two you want to be. I'm not, you know, there's a lot of people that are posting things like, I can't believe people went to spring break. These idiots, these morons, they're partying. Maybe they're morons, but are you not who you want to be? The teacher of the class? You want to be the teacher's pet? Come on, guys. The government needs us to pay attention. Guys, listen to the government.

They said stay in your house. Is that who you want to be? Look around. See who's posting cool, fun shit, and see who's being a loser. And which one of those two people do you want to be aligned with? Now, my take hasn't changed. I think this is going to be a pain in the ass. I'm in New York. I'm getting quarantined for potentially three weeks. Stand-ups canceled. I'm losing all my things. And then I think in two months, it'll be fine. And the stock market will eventually level out and then probably go back to

those levels in about a year and a half or two years. That's what I think. A friend of mine gave me an article, a check. She said, check this article out. It said, things will never be the same. You know, this is what it said. It goes, this is why the end of the world is here. Things are not going to recover for years and probably not ever. And then at the end of the article, it said, hopefully the government will use this to fight inequality and for injustice for those of underprivileged groups. And you go, okay, well, then I don't trust you anymore. As soon as you try to cram an agenda in, I'm out, partner.

You're slipping in sentences about helping marginalized community in what's supposed to be an objective piece about what's gonna happen with the coronavirus. How am I supposed to listen to you? If you're a chick and a guy comes up to you and he's like, you know, just so you know, your boyfriend's like a shitty dude.

I didn't wanna be the one to tell you this, but by the way, ridiculous move for anyone to do. But if you're the chick and a guy comes up to you and he's like, you know, just so you know, your boyfriend's like a shitty dude. I didn't want to be the one to tell you this. But by the way, ridiculous move for anyone to do. But if you're the type of scumbag that does that and he goes, you know, I saw him with another girl and I don't I don't think he's the right one for you. And then he goes, also, I'd love to take you on a date. And you're like, OK, you just negated the whole thing. So that's what these articles are doing. As soon as you cram your agenda in there. And that's the problem with synopsis is period.

Because everyone likes to tell you, and that's what they do with global warming. And, you know, they do with all of the, all of the things they like to say, well, the scientists think this. And you're like, well, I don't really have that much trust in science's ability to analyze their own science. Scientists are good at finding data and doing experiments. What they're not that great at is critically thinking about what that means. And I mean, that's been proven a million times. So just because they have this information, then they're like, because of that, and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'll take it from here. To be completely honest, you just give me the numbers and I'll analyze them and make my conclusions. A lot of these people went to four years of this

school, four years of this school. They got more and more and more and more structured into this one tiny little thing. Their area of study got smaller and smaller and smaller until they're actually not that good at critical thinking. So, you know, you give me the data, I'll pop it in my head, and then I'll sum it around, and I'll give my analysis to the boys. I don't need your spin on it, Joe Blow dork that works at fucking MIT. to the boys. I don't need your spin on it, Joe Blow dork that works at fucking MIT. And I definitely don't want the spin from these tech blogs that have a social justice agenda. This is what governments and bad companies do. Because they go, all right, let's make a library. We need to make a library. And then they go, oh, okay, great, great, great. You know what? We actually need more disabled people. So let's get some disabled people working at the library. And then

also, we should use this as an example. We can only have women's books and you're like, okay, well now you're doing five things at once. Are you trying to make an effort to, uh, to push women's literature? Are you trying to help the handicapped people? Are you trying to build a library for the community? And you're like all of them. Well, like, unfortunately you don't get to do 25 things. This is how most companies fail. This is why most, you know, TV shows fail. This is why so much art is so bad right now because they think, they go, okay, let's make a TV show about this.

And they go, oh, also we'll use this to help women. Oh yeah, oh, let's use this for race stuff too. And you're like, well, you know what? You know how hard it is to make something that has a great story, that has a great narrative, that actually has said something artistically. And you're gonna give yourself like 10,000 other things that you're going to, oh, also we'll like solve racism in our,

no, you're not going to do any of that stuff. You're just going to make your thing shittier. That's what's going to happen. That's what always happens. And you know, everyone's telling you you shouldn't leave your house. You don't, you shouldn't do, well, I've been leaving my house. I'll tell you what, report me. Report me to the authorities because I have been leaving my house.

I've been on the subways. I've been licking poles. Do something about it. You should also be happy that I was out on the subways because I got to see the subway ads again. There's nothing I like more than these subway ads. So OkCupid is just brilliant right now. So this OkCupid ad that I watched on the subway,

it was probably the biggest discrepancy between what you think your demographic is and what it actually is that I've ever seen. If you're young and you're hip and you're a fucking city liberal and you're bisexual, you're not on OkCupid. And their ad goes, it's okay to fall head over heels for a man who wears them. So ladies, you know, if you're looking through OkCupid and you're thinking to yourself, looking for a man, he doesn't have to be the man's man, but I would like him to potentially wear men's clothing. And you see a guy in a dress and heels and you say, yeah, I mean, I'm probably a no on that. And then then they go okay cupid says whoa whoa whoa

whoa whoa whoa don't knock it till you try it maybe you go to your friend's wedding and he also wears a dress you can wear matching dresses to your friend's wedding what the fuck are you talking about okay cupid don't be afraid to date a guy that wears heels he shows up your picture number one oh it's him with his uh he's actually a football player in high school. Oh, there you go. Picture number two, him in a dress and he has a bonnet on. It's a grown man, a quarterback in a bonnet. And OkCupid says, ladies, you should be fine with this. Ever be looking on OkCupid for a guy, if you're the type of girl that's like, maybe he wears high heels with his big stupid hairy man feet they're in high heels so is he transgendered no no no he's not transgender he's just a normal

guy he works at ibm but he wears a dress and he wears high heels don't be afraid to do that quite a niche demographic you're going for okay cupid they're going for the girls looking for guys that wear high heels demographic. It's OK to think someone's pronouns mean more than their profile pic. What a stretch. Can you picture a world where you're that deep in the game? There you go. Were they hot? You know what? I honest to God didn't look. What did the chick look like? First of all, she's not a chick. But second of all, I didn't even peek at the profile pic. Well, how did what did look like? First of all, she's not a chick. But second of all, I didn't even peek at the profile pic.

Well, how did, what did you peek at? I mean, I just saw they, their, them, his, her, these are. And I fucking came. I came in my pants. I said, this is the one. What do they look like? Honestly, I don't know. Probably fat and gross.

That would be my guess. If I were to guess, fat and gross. Abysm and gross. That would be my guess. If I were to guess, fat and gross, abysmally gross. But the pronouns, whoo, really got me off. And the last one, it's okay to date a bear who hates to cuddle. Is it though? I mean, really, first of all, I don't, I think they're just throwing up buzzwords together. Did someone, was there a gay guy that works at OkCupid? That he had a boyfriend that was a big bear? He's a little twink and he'd come home, his big bear boyfriend, you know. He's sitting there, he's got his shirt off, he's hairy, he's dressed in fireman outfit.

I assume all bears just wear fireman outfits around the house because that's, you know, that's what gets their fucking twink boyfriend off. Fudgepacker. Their fudgepacker boyfriend. twink boyfriend off fudge packer their boyfriend twink boyfriends in the house and he goes he gets done fucking him he's an ass is sore and he goes you know he puts his arms on him he goes hey i don't want to fucking cuddle you is it okay to date that i would be like if i was a little twink i don't want a little bit of cuddling after i got after i got my shit fucked out of me after I'm lying on the ground with no shit

left in my body, and I want a little bit of cuddles, and OkCupid says to me, no, no, no, it's good. Don't worry, don't worry, don't worry. It's okay, dude. He doesn't have to cuddle you. We're OkCupid. We're fucking for bro bears. If you're a bear and you're a bro that just doesn't want to fucking cuddle, OkCupid's got your back. Hey, here's a new OKCupid ad. It's OK if you like gay orgies with 10 guys, but your boyfriend likes them with 11 guys. OKCupid, this is our new ad campaign. Going for a real niche market. Do you think someone old took it over and they go,

yo, Grindr is crushing it? Let's just do what they're doing. I don't even want to talk much about this, but I don't know if you saw, like, Marvel came out with Snowflake and Safe Space. So it's two social justice characters,ake in safe space we're taking back the words and it's like you guys really really want people to hate you like if you're a normal person it's kind of fucking into you know you got into social justice stuff because you in your mind you

believed you know you're going through your college phase or whatever and they're like right guys like us we like superheroes safe space you'd be like okay come on you're kind of making us look like morons right now it really does feel like whoever took it over really wanted to tank this thing to the ground and then the other one is like this fat native girl and that's the whole thing it's like a fat superhero amazing it's a fat superhero it's a cartoon she comes out she's fat and she bounces around and like why there's just no reason to make her fat you can just make her normal but you make her fat it's insanity stop it i saw an article recently and it said it was a gay guy and it said being gay affected my chances of getting movie roles because he's, I came out of the closet.

And then, you know, he thought that producers didn't want to hire him to play straight roles because the public opinion would know that he was gay. And this is the article. Which may be true. But the funny part is, the people who hold that opinion also are huge on the idea that you should only play the thing that you are. Straight people shouldn't be playing gay roles. Like, you know, when What's-His's his name from Arrested Development played a trans person, it was a big deal. And he came up and he goes, I hope that no one ever does this again. I'm the last straight man to play a trans person. You're like, okay, well then why should gay people

play straight people? If you're only supposed to play the exact thing you are, you know, I might play a guy with a four inch dick, even though I have a fucking massive 15 inch one. Which is it? Are we only supposed to play exactly what we are? Or is everyone supposed to play different things? Make your pick and stick with it. So these people have Marvel or OKCupid are just so out of touch. It's insane. We'll know what the best part is, too. When you look at these people's past and you'll see them like tweeting some gay joke in fucking 2001 and they go, oh, no, but I've grown. I used to think that was funny.

And now I no longer think that's funny. And you're like, well, what a fucking coincidence. What a perfect coincidence that your opinions happen to change at the exact rate of in vogue public opinion. I mean, the odds, just like someone who found their soulmate in high school. They got lucky enough that their junior high had their soulmate in it. Just like you, as your opinions changed at the exact pace of the ones you're supposed to, you used to have a punchline where you called someone a chick with a dick and you thought that

was funny. And then now when society went full blown into trans issues is the most important thing. And that's the only thing that you should care about, by George, that's also what you think now. And the odds of that happening, that you just evolved at the exact pace of society's elites. Wow. I mean, just, you should feel,

you should buy a lottery ticket because the odds of that are very low. Don't you think low-key a little bit? If you are a woman that really hates men like a hardcore feminist, wouldn't a doctor that does sex changes be a pretty good job for you? Just come into work lopping off hogs every day, just zhing, zhing, zhing. When you love what you do, never work a day in your life. Just take a big pair of scissors and cutting dicks off like a ribbon from a ribbon cutting at a new feminist restaurant that you eat at. Wow. Put the dicks around your neck

and wear them like a feminist warlord. You're telling me that's not the dream? Getting carried away? People that didn't even come in for that? I came in for enlargement. Too bad. I have two katanas. Jing, two at a time. Slicing off the patriarchy. Just food for thought. And the reason I say food for thought is because you'll also be eating them too in this scenario. Bam. Feminism. Now I'm going to answer some of the boys' questions, then I'm going to get to an article. Now Ethan asks, what's the best way to ask for nudes? So you're in the apocalypse. You're sitting around and you're saying, fuck, we should have some nudes to fucking spank it. Ethan's getting ready to fucking get his dick out.

He's sick of porn, huh? You fucking dirty dog, Ethan. He's sitting there, he's got his, he's got the lubriderm, got the fucking towels, ready to go to pound town on himself. Just treat his body like a wonderland, aren't you, Ethan? You ready to do that, huh? First of all, I think you want-evaluate your position of needing nudes nudes are a a chore and b a demand you know if you start talking to a girl and she sends you a nude i like kind of i hate the position i'm put in because you're demanding a compliment from me

because you don't you box me into a corner i can't ignore it you i can't ignore it i can't write back like decent you have to you have to whoa what that's so you have to act like you're fucking so impressed oh my that is so sexy you're fucking so sexy or worse you gotta like go get one yourself you gotta go you know stop everything and kind of get your dick hard now you're looking at porn trying to get your dick hard trying to take a pic to send her back be like here's an offering in return for your boobies i guess some of the reasons you might want nudes is for like later like after you you know if you're in a relationship you know a little something something to remind you of the good old days stuff like that and maybe to brag maybe that's what you want to do. Show them to

people. Ethan, is that what you want? Dirty dog. And that is possible. But it only is word brag worthy if you've had sex with her. And if you've had sex with her, it should be pretty easy to get a nude. Like if you've been banging a girl, you know, then it's pretty easy to get a nude. Then you can be like, yo, whatever, whatever you're up to. But if you're saying you want nudes because you're just like at your house and you're like some girl that you just started talking to and you're texting and you've never even fucked her yet and you just want her to give you some nudes so you can like have the nudes for collection i'd reevaluate that position what's the point of having nudes you haven't girls you hadn't sex with you know girls giving nudes is a chore my ex used to all the time she'd be literally, I wouldn't be paying attention to her,

and she'd send me a nude, and then I'd be like, I gotta send her a fucking me with my eyes popping out, going, like a cartoon character, like, hubba, hubba. I don't want any, you know, keep your fucking nudes. Don't let them have that power over you. Now, I'm about to get into an article, but do keep sending the questions in to theboyscastwithryanlong at gmail.com. I will do my best to keep answering these questions. Everyone's been mad cool supporting during the

apocalypse. You know what the coolest part is? Everyone has been taking screenshots, posting them. But I think more importantly, everyone's been telling their friends in person because this still is the best way to tell one of your dogs and be like, yo, you have to check out this podcast. Now in this apocalypse, you might be trapped in here with your girl and you might be saying, wow, she's overreacting about everything. And this frantic energy is kind of annoying. And this is kind of a pain in the ass that it's my job to sort of keep everything under control where she goes into a full-blown panic attack. Well, you're wrong. But everyday feminism has given you 160, 160 examples of male privilege in all areas of life. 160 reasons why your life is way better. I want you to know how good you've got it as a boy.

Everyday feminisms, this is what you have. They don't have the luxury of all these things. All 160 of them, which I'm not good with every single one. For example, you're subject to less scrutiny for the ways we speak. When people criticize vocal fry, for the example, they are more likely to point it out when a woman does it and ignore a men's vocal fry. I don't even know how you would possibly test that. But if a guy comes in and he goes, hi, how's it going? How you doing? You go, nothing, nothing out of the ordinary. Yeah,

it seems like everything's normal with you, Frank. Hey, where were you last night? I don't know. I was just out. Oh, great. Everything's fine. And then a girl comes in and she goes, How you doing? You go, whoa! Someone's partying? What?

Were you out at a speakeasy all night, you fucking slut? Ugh! Jesus Christ! What is wrong with you? Even the guy with the vocal fry says, how can you believe this crack whore? And she goes, why? He was out partying with me.

I don't care what he was doing. You sound like you've been smoking cigarettes since you were two years old. Disgusting. You disgust me. You are gross. You are gross. And now I don't respect your opinion because you're vocal fry. Can you believe this bitch? I know, right? So that's one thing. You're allowed to have vocal fry as a man. You know, that's something I take advantage of. Sometimes

when I lose my voice and I'll just be walking around and I'll be like, I'll order a coffee. And they go, one coffee coming up. I go, damn, it's good to be a man. Can you imagine what that would have been like if I was a woman? Here's another, as a man, you're not expected to step aside if someone from another gender is walking in your path. I love that they say another gender, not just a man as a woman. So if you're a man and you're walking and someone from another gender, we're talking, who knows? It could be any of the other genders. No, you mean if you're walking and a woman walks by. If you're a man and you're walking and someone from one of the other genders, okay, one of the other genders. So what you mean is if you're walking and a woman walks by,

you're not expected to step aside. So that's what I do. If I'm walking down the street and I see a woman, I go, if she doesn't walk by, I fucking slam her. I give her a slam. I'll tell you what, I'm way more likely to move aside for a woman than I am for a man. Because for a man, you have like a weird power dynamic. If I'm walking in a guy, you sort of like, you almost got to move in a way that doesn't make you look like a bitch. There's all these weird power games. Whereas with a woman, I feel like it's almost polite. I'll move in. I'm way more likely to move for a woman than I am for a man. With a man, I almost got to like, you almost got to find, play a weird game where you meet halfway. So

you don't feel like a total pussy, especially if you're with a chick. I i know certain girls i've seen certain girls that are like this too well they'll be walking and you can tell that they refuse to move so they'll be walking towards you and they just barrel up until you're like you're like yeah okay i can move out of the way and they'll be like that's right you wouldn't have moved i'm a woman just like a like the fucking Bushwack brothers. Is that something you've experienced ever? As a woman, where you're walking down and you don't move so the guy fucking shoulders you? Fucking move out of my way. Get back in the kitchen.

If you're abroad, it's time to come home. That's a Justin Trudeau quote. Social norms allow you to take up more physical space. Also, physical realities allow us to take up more physical space. Also physical realities allow us to take up more physical space. I'm six foot three and you're five foot three. Look at this guy's taking up more space. I'm twice your size. I'm literally twice your size.

This is what the mansplaining thing. I'll be on the subway and girls, there's the don't mansplain. If I put my knees all the way out, everyone bumps into them. If I cross my legs, everyone walks by and hits my leg. Literally like kind of putting my legs to the side is the only way that people don't hit me. I'm six foot three.

I weighed almost 200 pounds. You weigh a hundred pounds. You are literally half my size. These crazy social norms that allow me to take more space than you unless you're a fat disgusting pig in which case who's telling you not to take up more space do you think if you think if you see like a big huge woman taking up two space you say women you say no that bigger person took up more space social norms allow allow, yeah, yeah. Whereas a guy can just sleep on the subway. Whereas if a girl's doing that, if a girl has her arms out, I go, what are you doing?

Women aren't allowed to take up space. Space is for men. They're already at number eight. I skipped some crappy ones. They're already at number eight and they are still ruggling. You're less likely for strangers to expect you to smile. It's so common for women that has sparked a widely praised art project called Stop Telling Women to Smile. One, your premise is proven by your own point. No, that is not a widely praised project. Stop Telling Women to Smile was praised by you and your friends.

They agree with you. You know what? It was a widely eye-rolled-at project. Stop Telling Women to Smile. First of all, no one tells women to smile. I've never told a woman to smile in my life. What am I, a fucking construction worker from 1920? Who's telling women to smile?

Hey, sweet cheeks, fucking put a smile on, eh? Who am I, a Jersey construction worker? No one's telling women to smile. You can buy clothes designed for your gender that have pockets you can actually use. Oh. And you don't think your life was great? You don't think your life was great, dude? You have pockets.

Clothes meant for women are often focused about skimming, so purely decorative pockets are common. Have you ever heard of a purse? It's commonly acceptable for a woman to carry around her bag of items as an adult. As a grown adult, it is more than acceptable for you to carry around a purse full of 9,000 things. From a fucking pen to napkins to fucking hard candies, every girl I know brings around a huge bag of every fucking things in the world. A treasure chest, if you will. Guess what? Pockets wouldn't make a dent in the amount of things that girls like to carry so they'd be prepared for every single occasion in the history of the world.

Literally, guys focused in the last little while have been making wallets smaller and now to a point where a lot of guys barely even have a wallet. Whereas girls have a bag the size of a fucking hot air balloon. We don't even get to have pockets. If you had a pocket, it would not even make a dent in the amount of stuff that you need to carry. Purely decorative pockets. Well, yeah, having a fake pocket is pretty stupid. But guess what's in my pocket?

Nothing. I don't have anything in my pocket. In my coat. Maybe my coat pocket. And your coats have pockets. I put maybe my phones in my pocket. So then put your phone in your coat pocket. Or your purse.

If a man walked around with a purse, everyone would be like, what are you doing, you fucking weirdo? Or a backpack. I'd love to wear a backpack. But I can't because I'm a grown man. And if I wear a backpack, people think I look weird.

Yeah, you get to a bag full of everything you own at all times. And we get a couple extra pockets. Oh, the victimhood. You can buy a car without salespeople assuming you can be taken advantage of. Chances are you'll be offered a better price than a woman. Now, why do you think that is? Ladies, what's the reason for that?

Why do you think that men or salespeoplepeople whether the salesperson is a man or a woman why do you think that they perhaps look at a woman come in and they go she probably knows less about cars is it perhaps because it's true you know if i went into a female nail salon and i went i'm buying some uh products for my. Do you not think that they would think, Oh, this guy doesn't know what he's talking about more. And would they not be right? What do you think that this is not true? Like if you're a woman and you're saying, Oh, these guys assume that I know less about cars. Are you proposing that they don't, they know way less about cars. Most girls I knew in Toronto didn't

even have their license. And again, I don't know a ton about cars. I don't give a shit, but I know a little more than them. I could fix a few things. I could boost a car if I happened to need to. You think that that's not a reality? Some of these things are just so insane. You go, think that that's not a reality? Some of these things are just so insane. You go, oh, being a man, it's like people assume that you're physically stronger than us, but we are. That's true. This isn't a wacky conspiracy theory that like, can you imagine? Oh, they assume that I know less about cars. You do. You definitely do. So they're right. They assume you know less about cars because you do. You psychopath.

If you're excluded from mainstream culture, you can find community in outsider or counterculture groups like nerd communities without being excluded there because of your gender. Now this is clunky. How the fuck is this person going to get to 160 points? Now they're already saying like, well, if you're a guy, you get to be a nerd. Why don't you, why can't you be a nerd? Yeah. Well, if you're a guy, you can be like a nerd. Yes. Because men are into more things. Most girls I know, if you ask them, you're like,

what are your hobbies? They'd be like, Oh, I like to go to movies. I like watching TV. I like going to the gym. And you're like, no, no, no, no. Your hobbies. Those are just things that everyone does. You're like, well, I like to, you know, go for walks. No, no. Again, those are things everyone does. You're not saying, you're not saying like, oh, I'm into, uh, you know, collecting model cars or I'm into like playing video games. Like all the things that girls tell you, they're just normal things that people do. Whereas guys, you know, they always have like a pretty hard identity. So those groups tend to be mostly men because that's who's into them. These self-fulfilling things that I bet you this person that's saying this, she's saying

like, I'm excluded from counterculture groups. And you're like, what counterculture groups are, what are you into? Are you into skateboarding? You know? And they'd be like, no. Okay. Like when I was growing up, I was into every fucking thing. I was into skateboarding and then I've got into music and I spent, you know, hours playing music and then fucking nerd out about a million different

things. I'm into cameras. Most girls I know didn't do any of those things. And I have like seven countercultures that I've became obsessed with because that's kind of how guys are. Whereas girls like to hang, you know, we're just different people. And you're like, well, why is that? Why is that a problem? You're like, and, but more importantly, you're not getting excluded from mainstream culture. You were getting propped up at an unprecedented rate. And even if you were, you're more than welcome to be a part of countercultures, but you don't want to be part of countercultures. That's not something that you want to do. You're into internet activism and you want to be part of countercultures. That's not something that you want to do. You're into internet activism and you get to be part of that counterculture

but only because it came mainstream. Back when internet activism wasn't as mainstream, when everyone didn't have a social justice blog, you weren't into it because you're not into weird things. You're into things that everyone else is into. Now, isn't that funny that right now you're really into feminism and it kind of

is the most popular thing in the world? Everyone does it? Hmm. Why weren't you into it five years ago when it was a niche thing? Because you don't like countercultures. You want to be part of mainstream stuff. And you weren't kicked out of mainstream stuff. You were plenty welcome there and always have been. Most pornography is made with your gender in mind, and it creates some pretty damaging ideas about women and other genders. All of the other genders. It creates some pretty damaging thing to all the other genders in the universe. Well, why don't you go make some porn then?

Well, why don't girls make porn? This is the number one thing that these people always do. They don't want to make anything. They want to, like a communist, they want to seize the means of things that you are making and then redistribute them. You go, what is stopping women from becoming a director and making porn for women? Two things. One, no women want to be porn directors. You don't want to do this. I'd be like, would you want to do it? It's like, no, I just think other people should do it. Well, why don't you specifically do it? I don't want to do it. I want to backseat drive the things that you're doing. Okay. So you want guys who have porn companies to start making porn for women. Do you think that if it was financially viable to do that have an all-woman porn porn geared towards women why wouldn't people do it is it because they're sexist or because

if you looked at who pays for porn the fucking suckers the suckers with porn subscriptions that they're all men that probably 99 of revenue generated by the porn industry is generated by men? Whether that be the ads or the subscription? Is that possible? Why don't you go make a porn? I would love to see a fucking whatever porn this person would make. Why don't you go make a porn? Start a porn company.

Make your For Us, Buy Us. Foo-woo. Foo-woo. For Women, Buy Women. Foo-boo- Fwo-woo. For women, by women. Fwo-woo-woo-woo. Why don't you make your porn company? For women, by women. It's a bunch of girls just getting eaten out for 25 hours.

It's just a guy in a dress with high heels on eating people out. It would take 10 seconds for your all-pborn women to get co-opted by social justice. You would literally be like, let's make porn for women. That's what they'd like. And you'd be like, well, we need like trans people. And you'd be like, oh yeah, of course we need trans people. Also, it should be fat people. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. We should have fat people, you know, disabled. You would intersectionalize your stupid porn company so quickly that it would literally be a fucking 400 pound retard just getting eaten out by a fucking person in a wheelchair. That's what your porn company would be. Within a week,

your porn would be co-opted so fast by all of your nonsense that no one would watch it. You can make changes to your appearance like a haircut or dye without assumptions. You're doing it for men. You are. That's why you're doing it. That's why we're all doing it. I, this is so funny. The idea that like, no, I just, I just want to get really, really dolled up for myself. I spent an hour and two, I just went to the hairdresser. I spent $200 on a haircut. Oh, cause you want to look hot for men. What? How dare you? I want to look hot for myself.

I want to look in the mirror and see that sexy girl. When a guy gets in shape, you're doing that to look good for women. When a guy gets a haircut, you're doing that to look good for women. I don't do it for my boys. I'm not showing up to the boys like, this is for you. Yo, fresh fade for the dogs. Yo, Chris, the things I do for you. You know I got your back.

You know I got you. Guess what I got you for your birthday, Chris? I got you my haircut. It's a buzz. I shaved a Nike symbol into the side of my hair. And an Adidas symbol on the other side. For you, babe. Why'd you call me babe?

Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. What are we doing? Yeah. We all try to do that stuff for the members of the opposite sex. And if you don't think that, you are an idiot. Products like Viagra exist with the aim of helping cisgender men. With the help, helping cisgender men maintain the help helping cisgender men maintain their sex lives

as they get older and social norms congratulate you on doing so. You should be on Viagra if you're one of the boys right now. You should be on Viagra.

You should be on Cialis. And you're crazy if you're not. I'm not saying you should use it every time. But if she's good, I should, honestly,

I'm going to make a note to talk in more depth about Viagra next episode but I do a lot of jokes about this on stage what are you waiting for I'm not gonna support any specific things because I'm waiting for my blue chew ad and by the way I have enough listeners right now that I could do ads but I've chosen not to

for a little bit because I'm for the dogs I'm gonna see where it goes for a couple months I'm not gonna for a little bit because I'm for the dogs. I'm going to see where it goes for a couple months. I'm not going to make any decisions like that. I might start doing ads, but right now I'm keeping it clean. And all that I ask is you send the pod to a couple friends. That's it. I'm telling you, if you, if you're one of those guys, you're like, I've never fucking, I don't think I don't need that shit. It will change your life. Not saying you take it every time. Every now and then when you want to throw down, get on that shit.

And social norms will congratulate you for doing so, allegedly. Why would they do that? Yo, have you ever, is there an old person? He's 60, he goes to the doctor. Can't get it up. Doctor goes, I'm going to give you Viagra. And he walks out.

It's like that meme with the white basketball coach with all the black basketball players. They go, ah! Tommy! Tommy! Did you just fuck her? Did you just get, you fucked her? You got Viagra? Congrats, dude.

Yo, congratulations. Congratulations. You're sitting at your home. You get a phone call. Yo, dude, I heard. Congratulations. What'd you hear? you hear heard you getting that dick hard with viagra congrats dude congratulations no one's congratulating dudes for viagra and what what what do you need the bill for what are you talking about you don't have a dick you don't have this problem what the real thing you're saying here is it's

harder to be a man because you have to deal with things like not getting it up as you get older you have to literally turn 60 70 and have issues like you can't get it up or when you're younger a lot of people have issues where they can't get it up and that that's what's going on right now and you're flipping that guys get to take viagra for a problem that you don't have to have. You moron. It's like, oh, fucking is so much better being a fucking woman. They get to take, uh, they get to get chemotherapy for their breast cancer to get rid of it. And you're like, well, you don't have to get breast cancer.

The craziness that you're living in, this bonkers, this bonkers world that you're cruising around in? Guys are so lucky they get to take Viagra for a problem that you don't have to have. Jeez Louise. You can participate in kink, BDSM, and other alternative sexual practices without being judged as a slut or facing assumptions that you're not in control of your own sexual choices. a slut or facing assumptions that you're not in control of your own sexual choices. You are judged if you're a guy that's into kink. Any of my friends that are into kink or BDSM, you are being judged. If I have a buddy, that's his thing.

I go to his house. He's like got whips kicking around, leather everywhere. Everyone's talking about that. Everyone's like, yeah, that's his thing. He fucking needs to chain up his girl and beat the fuck out of her. Yeah, it's kind of weird. He's got ball gags. You know, he shows up,

you call on, you knock on his door, he comes down, he's got his ball gag, he's taking his straps off. What's up? How you doing? You're like,

you got your ball gag and he goes, sorry, dude. You know what it's like? Being a dude's awesome. No one judges me. Even though I'm in kink and BDSM, I'm wearing a leather thong at all times because you never

know when it's going to crack out. I'm not going to get through all of these, obviously. I'm going to give you two more fucking bangers and then we're going to fucking get out of here. You can turn down a date without worrying about being verbally attacked, physically assaulted, or even killed. You hear that, guys? You get to live your life knowing that if someone asks you on a date, they're not going to kill you when you say no. First of all, again, I'm going to flip this switch on you.

How about this? As a woman, you don't have to worry about asking people on dates because guys ask you most of the time. That must be pretty sweet to not have to be the one making any moves. You sit on your fat fucking ass and have guys ask you out you most of the time. That must be pretty sweet to not have to be the one making any moves. You sit on your fat fucking ass and have guys ask you out and bring you out for free meals

without getting killed. So if you're a woman, you don't have to worry about being killed. Don't listen to these blogs. You know, I know obviously you're not listening to this if you're a woman because it's for the boys only, but if you were hypothetically listening or someone wants to tell a girl, you don't have to worry about being killed if you turn a guy down from a date. You're not going to be killed. You can turn a guy from a date and quite frankly, you're not going to be physically assaulted either.

Hey, um, I'd like to take you on a date. Oh, sorry. I'm married. Bam! It's probably not going to happen. Boom, boom, bam, boom. Why I oughta. And just to close up here, you're as a man, this is what, how great it is. You are less likely to be homeless as a result of an intimate partner violence, but you're more likely to be homeless. You're more likely to be homeless as a man. I love this.

You're less likely to be homeless as a result of intimate partner violence, but you're more likely to be homeless. So men are more likely to be homeless by a long shot. You found a tiny niche of homelessness that women occupy in a greater number, and you're like, men are not going to have this. You lucky ducks. You're going to be more homeless, way more homeless as a result, especially if you're in the army. Now, there is 160 of those. And that is really fucking funny.

So, I didn't want to do an entire episode of coronavirus. But I also didn't want to ignore it completely. Listen, coronavirus has been fucking taking me out. I moved to America to do stand-up comedy, and now stand-up comedy is canceled across the board. I had a bunch of festivals coming up, things like Skank Fest that were good money, and it was going to be badass,

and it was a big showcase, and it was canceled. I had directing jobs canceled. I was going back to Canada for some work, canceled. I've lost a lot of money in the stock market. Actually, a lot of people kind of were giving me a bit of shit on that where people were saying, oh, you're an idiot. You lost like fucking all the money. But the truth is I was saying last week, I think it's kind of funny that I'm down fucking 20 grand or whatever it is. But I know I'm not a fucking moron. You know, I planned on kind of climbing it while it's going down. And I still have some wiggle room and I've already been putting more in.

And I'm already a little up from where I've started. So I'm not a moron. I'm not saying I'm the number one finance guy in the world, but I'm in my 30s and I have some experience with what I'm doing. And I'll tell you what, maybe if the Federal Reserve would stop printing money, then we all wouldn't have to be amateur speculators to not have our money inflated away. Okay. Thank you, Federal Reserve. That's their solution to this whole thing. Let's just print some more cash and fucking give everyone $1,500. People don't know what they're talking about. This is where they go. They go, he needs to freeze rent and freeze mortgages. And you're like, it's a no brain and freeze mortgages and you're like it's a no-brainer they say and you're like i'm not listen i'm not totally against that

but you understand why that is a massive redistribution of wealth and it's an arbitrary and random one and they go what do you mean well people like they're gonna freeze mortgages and rent i go okay but what if you own 10 properties outright, and now you're getting the income from those, and they go, well, yeah, who gives a shit? That's like, you know, millionaire. Okay, so you literally picked one job, and you say we're going to steal all their money. But this is what people say.

They go, yeah, well, who cares if some big rich guy has his money stolen? So there's three parts of this. The first part, for example, you don't know what he's doing with that money. Maybe someone owns 10 different properties and he gets, let's say, $30,000 a month on those properties, which he's using to fund 80 different people's families. You don't know what this person's doing with that money. That might be funding 20 single mothers. that might be funding 20 single mothers he might be funding everyone in his family who knows he might be taking that money and he might own he might be supporting an orphanage you don't know what he's doing with his money it's also more importantly when you take these

specific things you just pick an industry you say okay we're picking one job and saying you don't have to pay that person are you kidding me you go so would you be able to would you go to someone that uh okay if you own an internet company no one has to pay you anymore would you say that to a store and you go hey i know that anyone who owes this store money doesn't have to pay it no you're just picking one person and you're taking their money and you're giving it to other people there's it's a massive problem and you try to find the solution that's optimized with the least people hurting, I guess, without doing anything that's completely unethical. People will say this. They say someone will have a store or a bar and it's not government mandated

that they have to shut down. And they go, you should shut down this place. And they go, well, we have a bunch of employees here. And they go, too bad. You should shut down. You're being crazy. Every store is getting hate mail because people are on the internet. That's what people are doing with their time. They're on the internet scouring and messaging companies and being like, I can't believe you have the nerve to do this. I will never forget this. This is what they're saying.

The nerve of you to not shut down your company. And they go, OK, but we have a bunch of employees right now. They have families and these employees need to get paid. So we need to stay open so we can make money so we can pay our employees. They go, well, you should just shut it down. You're like, okay, so should we shut it down and then not pay the employees? No, you should shut it down and then pay the employees. And you're like, okay, so what do you think our company's payroll is?

What is it? And you say, okay, well, this is what the company's payroll is. How long, how many months do you think that our company can pay out that payroll before we go to business? Most companies, maybe even big companies, maybe one, maybe two. And they go, well, I don't know. Okay. So let's say, let's say a company that had $10 million a month payroll.

So what if we did that for four months? So where did that $40 million come from? What if it's a company that doesn't even make $40 million in a year? And now we have profit and we're taking a $40 million loan out? Of course you wouldn't do that. Your only option would be to lay all the employees off. So all of your solutions hurt employees. People don't, people just think there's magical solutions.

So these are complicated problems. And then they go, well, Apple shut down their stores. Companies like Apple, those stores are essentially store funds. You know, they probably sell 10% of their business at those stores and 90% is done online. So a lot of these stores that are posturing, they actually don't do that much of their business in these retail locations. Any big company that's made a big social posture, go look into what their actual business structure looks like. And you'll most likely find that what they're doing didn't make that big of a dent because the companies don't make insane decisions like that. So I'm just,

before you have the answer for what everyone should do, just look at it a bit more. And I'm not saying you, because I know the boys are probably a little smarter than that. I feel like the dogs are a little more of critical thinkers. But just know that that's what's going on right now. These are complicated problems. You don't have the answer. If you think you have the answer, you definitely don't. Thank you for listening to the Boy's Cast.

I have my Boy's Cast clips on YouTube. YouTube.com slash Ryan Long Comedy. That's where you can watch the full episodes. You can stream it on Spotify, iTunes, Google Play, everywhere. Tell your friends. Help spread the word. Honest to God makes a huge difference. The numbers have been cruising.

Like I said, everyone's been fucking sick. This has been cool to watch. I like the energy of the movement. I feel like everyone's funny. People are messing me with funny things. I feel like everyone's funny. People mess with me with funny things. It's not like some, it's not weird internet guys.

The people that have been following this seem to be very funny. Thank you for hanging out with me. Stay safe out there with the Corona season. Peace!