The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Father And Son Cucking Duo?

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

Insurance scammers, age regressors, David Goggins lake video & THE FAMILY OF CUCKS SUPPORT THE SPONSORS: Butcherbox.com/boyscast - Promocode BOYSCAST - Free Chicken For 1 Year Athleticgreens.com/boyscast - Free 1 Year Of Vitamin D & 5 Free Travel Packs Betterhelp.com/boyscast - 10% Off Your First Month SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Y'all already know what it is. The Fellas Fellas Tour this weekend coming to San Jose, Tacoma. Sold out. Added another show. Los Angeles, Cleveland, Chicago, Cincinnati, Columbus, Charlotte, Greensboro, Raleigh, Austin, Detroit, Partland, Phoenix, Plano, Toronto. The Six. You already know what it is. Those tickets are moving real fast. Four shows, Baltimore and Buffalo, all available to come see the kid. Let's get into it. The boys. The boys cast. The lads.

The boys cast. The dudes. Prepare yourselves for the boys cast. The bros. The boys cast. The homies. The boys cast. The boys. The bros. Just the boys. The homies. Just the boys. The dudes.

Just the bros. Just the boys. The boys. The gays. So, I did a quick perusal of trying to find healthcare, right? Because I know that you're a safe man. I'm a safe man. You know, you're not a guy that lives on the edge quite like me.

No. I typed my email in and my number to try to get a quote on what my thing is. You put your age in there. You put, you know, they say strength. I say very. Athletic ability, I say NBA level. Yeah, catch me in the gym, dog.

Yeah, come catch me in the gym and ask me about that. That's it. You're going to turn you up a little bit. Okay, yep. Yeah, a little juice for the kid. A little juice for the kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, you know, I'm posting all this sort of stuff.

And then basically what happens is I post my number there. Since then, I have, and this isn't exaggerating, I have maybe 85 missed calls. Yeah, big business. Buddy, buddy these people i'm telling you it's out of control what they're up to so 85 calls and half of them leave messages half of them don't and i'm i'm blocking numbers i can't block them what are the messages like they're like hey we saw you're interested in insurance that's that's some of them are like that most of them they hang up on you there was if it was one number problem solved right well there's 50 insurance companies that's the thing and they're all you're gonna go through the whole thing and the difference

between the most expensive one and the least expensive one is gonna be ten dollars i'm on a sucker's list yeah yeah yeah so i'm on this list that basically i'm sure that no one's dumb enough to do it i put my number down they They go, ding, ding, ding. They ring the bell. They go, we got one, fellas. All these fucking insurance sellers scurry out like cockroaches. Was it the state of New York website? That's what it sounded like.

The people, you go. All just crawling out from underneath. That's what the messages sound like. I say, I go, hey, what's going on? They go, excuse me, sir. You want any insurance? out from underneath that's what the messages sound like i say i go hey what's going on maybe there are it's a bunch of people that are ball they're chained up to a radiator in the basement of some insurance company the funny thing is if you think you're mad now wait till you find out how much it is yeah no i never even got that far. So basically, I decided that, well, so one of the, or two of the people, I said, I go, take me off your list.

She goes, I can't do that. Click. What? Oh, yeah. These people aren't held to any sort of community standard. So what happens if you sign, say, like you did your thing and then 80 people call you? I'll tell you what. You sign up and what, you have to tell all of them I signed up?

I honest to God bet you if I said, yeah, yeah, I'd be interested in signing. They go, I've never actually gotten this far. Um, can I get a supervisor? I don't know what to do at this point. I don't think any of them ever had that. Like go through the book and the fucking manual. I'm picturing some lady with just 95 phones. You know what I mean?

She's like, she's got a helmet on with two phones. She's like dialing with both hands at the same time never once has she they don't even leave messages except for maybe like one in ten leaves a message so i've and i didn't listen to it you can just you know voice the message of course but so i decided that as a uh a uh protest to that that i'm definitely not getting it now living Living on the edge. Well, I get it. If I had your build, if I was a little older like you. I'm not worried about any of that shit.

I'm worried about getting hit by a bus. I'd be worried about the bus if I get hit by a bus. They're going to be worried about the bus's problem. That bus needs to get new insurance, Ryan Long insurance. They go, we need a bus for this bus. That's what they call ambulances on the cop show. I don't know if you're familiar with that. I did not know.

Yeah, that's a lingo. I hate those shows. A lingo that you're not familiar with. A lingo. I have been watching cops nonstop though. Yeah. That's not up your alley though,

right? It's not up my alley, but it's okay. There's that, the Pluto, one of those like channels. Is it new cops or old cops? They're new cops.

So there's, cops is one of my favorite shows. Okay. And because of the Black Lives Matter stuff, they of those like channels. Is it new cops or old cops? They're new cops. So there's, cops is one of my favorite shows, okay? And because of the Black Lives Matter stuff, they canceled it, right? All the cop shows got canceled. Right, because it's all black guys. No, it's not. Or like, you know, I'm sure it's a lot of that. It's a lot of everything.

Depends on what probably depends on where you are. There's no shortage of trailer parks in Florida full of white and black cops. But that's what I mean. It depends on where you are. If it's cops in like downtown Chicago, it's probably a certain thing. And if it's cops in like, you know, rural Florida, it's cops in like you know rural dude they're mostly in Florida and honestly I don't even think so but that's what I mean they my guess majority white people that they started up cops again and they're just like they picked like no they're still pre-covid ones no cops has

never been super black it's it's not like that it's like it's because they're mostly just remember the Steven Seagal no it's- No, it's mostly white trash. It's mostly white trash. Gotcha. But anyways, this Pluto TV thing, which has all these free live channels, and then they just have a cops channel. It's literally 48 episodes of cops a day. Really?

It's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, it is weird, though. You think that if they were going to start up cops again, it would have to be like, the bad boys, bad boys, and they're talking about the cops. Yeah. They're all just arresting other cops. It's all,

cops, citizen arrest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's citizens arresting the cops. Exactly. Not even a proper citizen arrest. That's kind of what I was thinking it would be. Yeah. But you're saying that, yes.

Well, I don't know. They're not post-COVID. They're all pre-COVID still. Isn't that sort of, oh, okay, they're just airing all the old episodes they filmed. They're all just like drugs, domestic violence. It's all's all the usual but this is old episodes they've yeah but don't you think that is sort of like an allegory for everything in the world where it's like

everything like shut it down and then two years later they like slowly let's like yeah there's no pr release they're like we're back and you'll just find out. You go, oh! Remember Live PD? They got rid of that too? They all got rid of it. Dude, when they were pro, when cops became the worst people in America, like George Floyd, they're like, yeah, there's no cop shows anymore. Not Blue Bloods. Blue Bloods, they were doing like a... That's fiction.

Yeah, Blue Bloods, there was like there's a witch hunt for cops kind of vibe. No, yeah, no no all the real cop shows like with that actually are real they got they axed all of them because they can't

glorify that what was the Canadian one to serve and protect gone yeah yeah yeah that was the worst you ever see they had even smaller ones

they had ones that were like like the municipality cop shows like in these like tiny towns and it was like you know Joe Brown

is wanted for littering like they had no good cases that's what to towns and it was like you know joe brown is wanted for littering like they had no that's what the servant protect was they're like oh someone stole a couple timbits like honestly it's even though it's like seems so like like it honestly was that it would be like they're all petty crimes a guy took like a guy took a two an extra penny from the take a penny leave a totally honestly Totally, honestly. And there's no chases into serve and protect. It looked super Canadian and shitty. It was not a good show.

And always the cop would see the person, and they'd know each other by name. Stop it. Hey, George. Get out of here. Hey, Randy. I'm back. Heard you dinged some old Timbits. Come on. What are you doing there, pal? He goes, sorry, bud. I some old Timbits. Come on. What are you doing there, pal?

He goes, sorry, bud. I just love Timbits. Well, you know you can't do that, though, right? Small town cops. Honestly, that's what the service protect is so shitty. All right. All right, Tommy. What happened?

You beat up the wife again? He goes, all right. I told you you get two. You can't start giving her that third. It's honestly the classic thing of how Canada. You know, we talked about you giving her rip shots, Tony. Yeah, all right, I told you you get two. You can't start giving her that third. It's honestly the classic thing of how Canada- You know, we talked about you giving her rip shots, Tony. Yeah, come on, buddy. Grab the phone book if you're going to hit her.

It doesn't leave a mark. This is a classic Canada thing where they do everything worse, and then they also copy everything. Come on, Randy. Don't talk. Take the ski mask off. We're going to talk man to man here. I know it's you.

Take the ski mask off. Ah, you got me that's so funny small town cops they know each other it is that's what the server protect was

that was the Steven Seagal one they go it's Steven motherfucking Seagal every time the cops would see him they'd be all like

pumped with them right but he was like a man of the people in the cop show yeah of course did like anybody ever act out and then like a PA or or the director would have to be like, all right, cut.

He goes, so Steven's going to do some moves on you if you could just kind of play along with him. He's going to try and do a judo flip. It's not going to actually flip you, but just if you could play along. In the actual version, it would be Steven Seagal trying moves on them and be like, what's he doing? It's just like, and the guy's like, be like what's he doing you know it's just like and the guy's like what is this just fall down

we'll give you less time if you fall down alright listen we've been authorized to give you six less years if you're willing to take a tumble after Steven Seagal hits you can you cry out in pain please just cry out in pain yeah small town cops is very like,

oh, we heard you embezzled 10 bucks from the junior tight soccer team's pizza hut fund, and that's a crime down here, right? Sorry. Saw you were going to give you 24 hours to pay it back, and there's going to be no questions asked. You just got to give us the $7. $7?

Dude, that's all. That was to serve all our Canadian listeners, no, to serve and protect probably, and how crappy it was. questions asked you just got to give us the seven dollars seven dollars dude that's on the time of us to serve all our canadian listeners know to serve and protect probably and how crappy it was i actually don't remember serving you don't remember serving oh so bad brutal so that's me not getting insurance because i'm a bit of a bad boy for life yeah that's the same you don't know what it's like living that bad boy life man danny Danny's out here. Oh, if I get hit, I'm insured. He's got insurance on everything. He's got to get his fucking shoes insured.

I don't have insurance on everything. The only thing I have insurance on is my that. And it's honestly, the only thing I care about is if I ever had something catastrophic, this whole country is designed to bankrupt you if something happens. That is true. That's the only, dude, I don't have health insurance. They're designed to bankrupt you anyway through paying all the money every year. Yeah.

Well, I don't have health insurance. They're designed to bankrupt you anyway through paying all the money every year. Yeah, well, I don't have health insurance. I have bankruptcy insurance. Like if you get bankrupt from a... From a health thing. Yeah. But my insurance that I have... That guy sits on you in an ironic twist of fate. But like literally, my insurance is bankruptcy insurance,

not health insurance. And you still pay a fucking out the wazoo. Yeah. I mean, you know what? You've been paying. This is Danny. Tell me when to stop. Dude, I had a guy come up to me at the Whole Foods yesterday because I was just about to

say how much I pay for my insurance, which is I pay like $300 a month, which is honestly pretty cheap for here. Canadians are like, that's insane. But I treat it like a car. In my mind, they go like, if I had a car and it was $300 a month. Yeah, you like to get prostitutes in the back yeah you know the whole thing but a guy came up to me at whole foods yesterday and he i had my headphones and he tapped me on the elbow or whatever and i take him out he goes hey uh i heard you uh he goes you got a thousand bucks for all your stuff when you're

just gonna throw it out anyways pretty good huh no way that's so funny yo i love that i thought it was so funny it was like laughing i'm like yeah that rules dude you got a thousand bucks you're gonna throw you down before yeah you gotta celebrate the wins yeah well that in addition to that i'm currently banned from facebook for another 24 hours i'm banned from tiktok you know what was making me laugh the idea a digital ban from stuff me with airbnb you from airbnb me from lyft i'm telling you people don't that it was making me laugh the idea of just being so trapped in the digital world you know because we're digital boys in a digital world right and i'm way too much of an online guy especially running you know an online company or whatever right so i just like the idea of talking to a normal person and just like yeah man it's like fucking tough out there i'm banned from tiktok

currently the guy's like yeah you think that's bad i'm banned from cvs like a lot of people in the comments actually last week about you're talking about the the bug man riseth and all these because all these people are like yeah what do we shit goes down, I don't need to know how to run a Discord server. Well, yeah, we'll see who has the last laugh. Well, anyways, I won't even be able to get my message out to people to come save me. Because, again, I'm banned from all these places. But, yeah, then the guy being like, yeah, I know what you're talking about, man. You're banned from Facebook.

I'm banned from seeing my kids. Yeah, he's like, I can't go within 50 feet of a school yeah just a couple me both pal a couple guys that are banned from things you know what i mean yeah i got banned from the local uh grace o'malley's and from for getting in a fight with the bartender when i was taking a lunch break tying on a couple yeah the ex-wife and a new boyfriend walked in i got into a little bit of a tiff with him. I guess you can't say that anymore. I grabbed a pool ball and knocked him unconscious. Cancel culture, huh?

Yeah, you got banned from TikTok for doing sexual content. I was jerking off at Wendy's. I had the same thing, dude. You can't do anything anymore. Those goddamn tech overlords, huh? Just not allowing us to have any fun. The tech overlords wouldn't let me call my server at the Baron Furkin a bitch. So I'm with you, pal.

Yeah. Just a couple guys that are canceled with everything. And I'm glad to be getting exactly out of the area because one of the things that I'll say now, but I didn't want to air him out, is the bodega guy who I like. He just went down one day. He just had no teeth anymore. You've seen the no teeth, right? Of course. Wait,

you've been waiting this whole time? He doesn't listen to this. No, the guys, yes, they do. And so what? I'm like a big dumb big celebrity. Yeah, I see them all the time. No, but those guys do pay attention. But you're saying they're thinking watching the pod? I don't know. I'm not. They're internet monitors.

I'm not fucking one of your people, Zuckerberg. You're Overlord people. Overlord peoples. I don't know what they're doing. They're running a bodega. Listen, I see him too much. I didn't want to air him out. He's got no teeth now.

These guys straight up work at a bodega 19 hours a day. He's got no teeth. I know. And he walked up. He was telling me, you see him, and he's like, it's a hot one out there. And you're like, yeah, and also what happened got no teeth. I know. And he walked up and he was like telling me you know you see him and he's like it's a hot one out there and you're like yeah and also what happened to your teeth? I know. It was shocking because one day he just had no teeth. And I still

don't know. Which is weird too because he upgraded his bodega. Yeah. He had this little bodega and then he got this sick new corner bodega. Paid for with the teeth. And I guess he was like bodega or teeth. I think so. Or he's because that area has so many crazies where he goes, you know what?

He probably leaves to go home. He pops the teeth back in. He's sending a message. All these crazy. Yeah. I'm fucking out crazy. Yeah. I got no teeth.

You want to fuck around? That is a pretty good strategy. You know, it's like, I always had this old idea where I said it would be a really good, um, uh, like a, one of my uh inventions

but i think it would only be able to be sold at like a spencer's joke stop type area but i really think a good scam would be if you sold uh online so it'd be like an online company that i'd be starting and it would be fake cauliflower ears for guys right they had that i did a commercial for it huh it was like this actually i didn't what are you talking about so they had my idea it's not your idea because it exists they're called call actually put it in a movie seven or eight years ago that i wrote so well so okay these ones were joke size ones they weren't normal that's what i said there's probably yeah people these were these were joke size. But I want joke-sized ones. I'm saying real.

Dude, you're at a bar with a guy, and the guy's like, you're just like, hey, this guy keeps hitting on your girl. You pop on the cauliflower ears before you go. That's not a bad idea. You better leave her alone. Yeah, and they're just like a little bigger than your actual ears? No, they're the exact same size. They can't be the exact same. Yes, because they're exact replicas, but they're just the cauliflower pops out.

Like, if you put a bald cap on, it's the same size as your normal head. But if you want them to look good, they got to cover the ears. Well, they're expensive. Yeah. they're just the cauliflower pops out. Like if you put a bald cap on it's the same size as your normal head. But if you want them to look good they gotta cover the ears. Well they're expensive. Yeah. It's like a grill. It's like a grill.

Like an ear grill. Ear grills. You're telling me that's not a good idea? That is a good idea. Yo, would you ever fight someone that had cauliflower ears?

No. But if you think that you are not gonna you're gonna have these cauliflower ears and you're not gonna get these shit kicked out of you at some point, from someone who goes, fuck, yeah, I've been waiting to tune up.

Because not all fighters have cauliflower ears. So you go, yeah, you want some of this? You've got to be like, you want some of this? I've got cauliflower ears. And they're like, I would love some of this. Well, maybe you set up in a way where you're just like, hey, pal, just so you know, that's my chick. You've got to cool it on this.

You go, ah, they're fake. They're fake. They're fake. They're fake. Take the you gotta take the girl take the girl take the ears it's a stupid idea i can't believe i bought these she likes doggy all right so i mean i understand what you're saying great idea it's the acting crazy kind of thing but sometimes you get your bluff called and then you're in for a real world of hurt i guess you could just tap out though. What?

If someone is like, you put the ears on, like, all right, let go. You go. Well, he's not going to respect the tap. He might respect the tap out. You don't think so? Then you're fucked.

I think you'd be surprised if they actually looked good enough how much guys would not mess with you. Yeah, you get the wrong, like David Goggins type. But then also your girl's like, you're wearing the ears again. You're going,

for our safety, honey. You're always wearing, yeah, she's like, yeah, it's funny. She's like, we're going to like her friend's like baby shower and you're putting the ears on.

You go, what do you think's happening at this party? You go, you never be too safe, man. Honey, do you know where my prosthetic glue is? The ears won't stay on.

She goes, we're going to be late. I got to get the ears. They all saw me with the ears last time. I'm going to show up is the ears won't stay on she goes we're gonna be late you know i gotta get the ears they all saw me with the ears last time i'm gonna show up without the ears putting the prosthetic ears on to go to like yeah your your sister's wedding she's like don't wear the ears you go you never know what's gonna happen there man you always be prepared now what you're not prepared what about the these could be good for other things like more normal like what if you're going for a job interview?

Well, why job interview? What are you, a job interview is a bouncer maybe? No, you want to intimidate the guy. Like you still have your same resume, but then you go, cauliflowers. Yeah, I think there would have to be a physical combat job interview. I think you'd go do it at the bank. You're replying, oh, you go, this guy's not gonna get Pushed around by the customer Yeah this guy's a hard ass dude

This guy's probably I'm hiring fucking McDonald's Jocko McDonald's late night shift You're gonna pop the cauliflower You're a lock shoe in Those you might actually want

But You got like Jocko They think they're getting Jocko Or David Goggins type guy You know what I saw With David Goggins So I actually do kind of

Have an affinity These guys And I've been talking a lot about the Jocko thing on stage just like I love that the thing is you need to get up at 5 a.m. and then if you look into it any further all it is is they went to sleep really early right go to sleep at nine right so you go we've mentioned this year but you go so your whole life hack is farm hours right yeah you go yeah you know how they did on the farm do that again right and then on top of that you go first of all like i'm not

going to sleep at nine and it's like it's the equivalent of being like i have this hack of how you can get out of work four hours early every day and you go you go in at 4 a.m you go okay don't want to do that it's like you're there essentially all they're doing is saying like hey you know that thing that people have done for literally almost all of humanity all of time other than the last hundred years. Like there hasn't been electricity at night for, I don't know what, a couple hundred years.

Right. Like there, there hasn't been night. That's a good point. So it's like, that's just what people have done. And you're naturally, your body does.

They just do it. But as far as, yeah, you can just change your own chemistry and it's like, Oh yeah, you have so much more hours today. And it like but less yesterday am i i mean i do agree to the element where sometimes like some all some people will be like yeah i wake up at 4 30 in the morning but then like i get most of my best work done at that time because there's nobody to bug me

like i i kind of get but that's the same at night guess what no one's bugging you at 12 a.m. That's true. It's literally the exact same. And I've heard Ryan Holiday talk about this because I listen to him sometimes. But, you know, again, if you have like this super crazy, like specific schedule, it's one thing. But anyone that has any sort of different schedule that sometimes you're at night, you do it once, you take a weird plane and now your whole thing is screwed up. Right. So you need to be a little more flexible. But he always says, he goes, he's like, he's always talking about the stoic stuff and he goes i never regretted

waking up early and i go that's not true like the a million times i've woke up too early because something happened or i had to do a phone call and then like i was messed up and i'm trying to write and i sit down for three hours and i was like my head was too groggy and i'm like i didn't get enough sleep and i have to do other things where i'll go you know what let me try to do administration type stuff because i can't focus because I'm way too tired. And it's like, so if I did that the next day and the next day, it's like, so I just never be able to be make like good comedy or whatever, because I'm just always tired. Well, again, that doesn't work for comedians. Or the million jobs are like that. You know, yes. Or what about a physical

thing? Like when this is like a legitimate fact that when you're doing physical labor or like running, for example, like how fast I run and how tired I get is almost directly corresponding to how much sleep I got. Yeah. Well, okay. So what if you're doing that? It's like, okay, so you're just always tired. Your body doesn't have enough time to regenerate. No.

I mean, yeah, we've said it, but the people who are trying to cheat sleep, generally there is some sort of cost to pay. and one of the big costs is they get dementia at the end of it yeah that's the big one some of these guys have the nerve to be like you know one of the big life hack life hack one get up really early life hack two get the right amount of sleep and you're just like okay buddy yeah i mean if you can do it if you have the life that like you want to go to you're cool with going to bed at 9 p.m. Yeah, but even then, if I went to bed, most of the nights would lie there forever.

Well, that's the thing. You just physically, your clock's all off. You couldn't go to bed at 9 p.m. if you wanted to. I understand if you design your entire life around it, but David Goggins, he's like the best one almost. He's a lunatic. I saw a video of him he tied his hands that's the one i was gonna bring up so it's probably the best video i've ever seen i love that you saw that so there's this video of david goggins and he ties his hands up behind

his back he ties his hands behind his back and his feet up and then he dives into like a lake and he's you know he's able to swim with his hands tied up. And the whole thing was like, you know, I've been afraid to swim forever. And now he's sort of like flopping around like a fish. Right. I was afraid of water. Now I got my hands tied, which the funny part to me was like him coming up with those ideas.

Like he has his, because you know, he runs his company pretty, you know, the same way that he he talks about so he's got these boards on and he's like hey tuesday we're gonna do the the tiktok where we do the hands tied and like that is true i think i someone had to film that oh no for sure i think that's one of the navy seal training things that's what they do to you right and he's like i always hated swimming and then now I just tie my hands now. I'm a fish, motherfucker. Yeah. I'm a fish, fuckface. That video legitimately made me chuckle. Where I was just like.

It's like a Houdini trick kind of thing. No, the worst is the guys who are like the fake David Goggins. Who then they're like, I'm going to do this too. Guys that jump in after him. It'll help. It'll help. Overestimate. But it's also if you can swim.

I'm sure everyone's done a version where you're swimming and you put your hands beside you and you kick your feet and you tread water that way, right? And your feet could be together. You do it like a fish, right? Hands behind the back, though. Well, the hands don't matter because they're not doing anything in this scenario, right? Yeah, you're just kind of using your fetus fins, I guess. I just think I could do that, no problem, right? But yeah, I guess if you're saying it you're just kind of i mean it's just fins i guess i mean i i just think i could do that no problem right but yeah i guess if you're saying i wouldn't love

i wouldn't love like i could do it but i would like the whole idea you go like oh this could go sideways really fast well not really because all that the worst thing that happens is the guy just jumps in after you yeah you're not by yourself but i just you know or is that like his wife or something where he's like babe come I need you and she's like just give me a second because I'm filming yeah you know he needs her to come film with him like you hold the camera like are you alright tie my hands

and she's just like oh god but the end of it he posted it he re-edit like you know when you go back and edit your caption he edited it into the caption also disclaimer don't do this unless you're a professional. And he's like, a professional what?

Marathon runner? He's like, he's a professional ultra endurance runner. I guess he's a professional military guy. So he's a professional. Tim Kennedy, I'm sure has done that. A professional hands tied your back swimmer.

A lot of their things are things that me and my friends would do in like a pool when we were seven. Yeah. As like, you know what I mean? And then your parents come out and they're like,

are you guys out of your fucking minds? Mom, I'm David Goggins! You're like, you're zip-tied. All zip-tied in the pool. That is like peak the type of stuff that I'd be into when I was like 11. Daredevil. Daredevil stuff. Yeah, daredevil stuff. But anyways.

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We see you and we respect you. Advice. Should my girlfriend and I use my parents' bull? What? What is going on? Danny's about to go full fucking rust in the bar here. What do you mean use your bull? Well, new to Reddit.

Apologize if this isn't the right place for this kind of post. Sounds to me like cuckold is the right place for the kind of post. That is exactly the right place for this. I'm excited to have found this community, though I'm aware some people are going to be freaked out by what I'm about to say. That is also funny, being a cuck that's like hearing some other people's cuck things. It's like, what are you, some kind of weirdo? Freak! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who is this freak uh you're like the one guy's like how how do you have sex how do i you know i'm trying to find two different guys to have sex with my wife the guy's like me and my dad are sharing a guy and he's like look at this fucking weirdo if that's the case please simply ignore it long story short my girlfriend 19f, 20 male, are looking for a long-term stable bull. And they've had some problems finding the bull. It's hard to find a bull. Listen, it's hard to find a good bull in these scenarios, especially now

with the racial tension, because you've got to... Of course. You know? I mean, you can't specifically ask for the black ones. That's very faux pas. You have to cast a bull the same way that people cast in real life. Yeah, I know. When I went in, I remember going into... You went to the one where the same way that people cast in real life. Yeah, I know. When I went in, I remember going into...

You went to the one where you had to go in for a terrorist. No, I was a guy named... Whoa. What did you go in for? It was just a guy named Dinesh. And then I showed up and I go, Do I need to be here? We know who's getting this.

There was that and then the basketball. You auditioned for a guy named Dinesh is so funny I auditioned for the voice of a basketball for the 2016 NBA all-star game a sniveling Jew I was the voice and I'm like all right excuse me um someone dribble me please and then obviously like the guy who fucking brought it sounded like I don't know Wesley Snipes or something did you put some twang on it no I went on crazy i show up i'm like yo what up i'm a basketball motherfucker and they're like what are you doing we wanted a white basketball that's so fucking funny though yeah you doing that like i just assumed you that's actually a pretty funny sketch though they're like yeah you

know what it is i'm a basketball yeah you know i live in lower income i eat dog sir sir sir oh you're a uh upper middle class white basketball i go oh oh my oh my bad this is my mistake should i let me try it again they go no can i get the fuck out of here let me see that script that you have you go i'm not dribbling too well because I got diabetes. You go, sir! I got the sugars. Sir. Y'all be putting me in that hoop before my baby mama comes back. They go, alright, Daniel,

I think that's... And that's honestly, though, the thing came out and you go, yeah, that's... That is what it was. That's what it was. It came out because I always, whenever I auditioned, near the end when I was like, near the end of me auditioning for commercials, and they were really starting to dick you around like this, I would always go find the thing. They were getting, they're probably crazy now.

Probably really crazy, but I'd go find. No, now they probably say ethnic. Yeah. Or whatever. Yeah. But I would go find the thing just to see like if I ever even had a shot. And near the end of it, you're like, okay, this is just, I'm a prop. Yeah.

Yeah. That, no, it'd be super funny if you looked up the guy and looked up the actor, and it was like a huge black guy. Like even in his acting photos, he's got like a chain on all this stuff. And then he's like, I'm just a basketball player. He's doing the Jewish voice. He's doing me. He goes, I am a basketball.

And I love to be dribbled. I go, what the fuck? That's the twist. That I'd actually be more fine with that would be fine because you're like okay that's why i was there no i'd be like okay well they just they they had their idea of what they wanted the basketball to sound like and his was just better version of mine yeah exactly what does it matter what he looked like y'all better be dribbling me now that's like basically what it was though it's like ridiculous well the

one was crazy because i'm like yeah i'm not getting this yeah yeah what was Dinesh's lines I don't you don't remember I can find it I don't know yeah you were doing a joke about it for a while I just thought you might have some more info I don't know I don't remember what it was for it was for like you know BMO or I have the same experience going out for a rapper where I went out for a rapper and then you looked at the commercial and the guy who was the rapper was you know like big black guy that dressed like a rapper yeah and you're just like okay so why were you auditioning white people just like oh yeah maybe we'll just see some white people maybe for some reason like we want well for some reason we'll have like a white guy be

this rapper that we clearly don't i think they just don't want the optics of it. It's all it is, yeah. Yeah, well, they don't want the optics of the waiting room being all black rappers. And then they're all just like, so what? This is what you think rappers are? Yeah. Like, we're just all the same to you, huh?

And then for them, I guess they're doing that. I don't know. Okay, let's have the fat white feminist here. It's like, okay, we're open to anything. We actually could have been that. We went through all the people. We did happen to end up on Black Eye Who Looks Like a Rapper. Dude, I saw a J.Crew.

I walked by a J.Crew ad the other day somewhere in New York, and it was just like whatever, maybe in the subway or something. It was just like five people. And one of the dudes like legit just like looks like me and like it's like four like kind of bodily and then it's dude he's just like got a gut and he's just like wearing j crew and i'm like he did and honestly i was like he just was like a schlubby dude and he's like you know late 30s 40s like not in shape at all that's a win for you though whatever but the But the thing is, I'm like, this is like supposed to be aspirational, I guess. But then the aspiration is that like guys like me could be models.

Yeah, right. That's the aspiration, which doesn't even make any sense. It's not aspirational to own the clothes. Before you could be before models. Before you could be like, oh, I could be like part of this friend group. And then I'm like, yeah, that's, I don't know. That's not an aspirational friend group anymore. It's a regular friend group. It's also extra funny when they're like you know doing the photo shoots

because it's very like you know like yeah put some stank on it be sexy you know pout those lips you got some also there's always one old school model there who's like you know only smokes and does coke all the time and doesn't that's such a model there's still one of them and then the model is like this is what a fucking model is now that guy hates it no it's like a chick or a guy or whatever yeah but it'll be like so this is what i like i've been starving myself and like this dude is just here now part of the like he makes as much money as me and you're just like when are we starting pretty much like it's like scratching your belly like model is just like the most nebulous like idea now anything there you go hey where'd the craft services go you go

sorry it's gone you go you don't need anyways though i figured so they're just like what's that smell and you go oh sorry I got a hoagie in my pocket Danny has a they go the camera's picking up the hoagie

can we get a new pants something something darker so I can keep the hoagie in my pants if possible sir yeah

you always they keep having to have extra shirts because you keep staining them it's like what is that sir you go sorry I was storing a McDouble in my shoe.

The funny thing, too, I don't know if they just don't care or they don't read them or what. But I got on Twitter today, actually, I got a Nike ad. And it was just like a woman. It's for Nike. And she's probably my size. And then the new slogan, do it or don't do it. But it's a sponsored ad. Kind of. And you look, it's for nike and she's like probably my size and then the new slogan do it or don't do it but it's a sponsor yeah kind of and you look it's a sponsored ad and then always when i see these now i go let's see what's going on in the comments okay let's see what people think about i love the comments it's like i mean if you showed me the ad i'm gonna get something out of it and

the comments are all just like what the hell is this like everybody's like this is nike and this is running and everybody's like like i'm not not saying that she could not be a runner, but this is not like the aspirational runner. Yeah. Here she's just like, he looks like someone just tried running for the first time today. Maybe that's what they're going for. I don't know.

You know what they should have is like, so they don't have to change all their slogans and everything. It's like a guy like you, and he's looking. He just ordered the McDonald's. So he's at the thing. He walks up, and he goes, yeah, he ordered the mcdonald's and so he's at the thing he walks up and he goes yeah i'll take the uh you know the big mac combo and the guy goes supersize and then just do it yeah the nike mcdonald's crossover yeah so it's like just do it comes from like get the fucking supers just do it just get the supersize dude nike Nike Moo Moos. Yeah, yeah. Just do it.

So anyways, that's that. And my thing was that, yeah, I went for a rapper. But long story short, in the cuck community. That was a long ass story. That was a long story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the more, so we've had a shorter term arrangement, but we'd like to establish a more regular relationship with one rather than bounce from underwhelming guy to guy and that's how we started oh so he's just like he's such a good bull that he

hangs out with them in their regular life they're just like this bull is the best in the game like his parents bring his bull around and he was kind of like is you know he's saying to his dad like is he free and his dad goes come on get your own bull like this guy is come on we have him working pretty hard he's not gonna you're gonna tire him out and he's not gonna you know you put out the full to put the full performance yeah because the young the young ones just like he's gonna have to put in a real work and then he's gonna satisfy the old and then your dad's gonna be looking at this bull having sex with his wife and he's just like kind of giving an 80 today huh you don't think there's some scenario where the son goes, Dad, can we use your bowl? And he goes, chip off the old block, huh?

Well, I think that's what happens. Because he goes, they're all these, like, you know, super city folk kinds, and they go, now my parents are also in a cuckold relationship. The four of us talk about the lifestyle openly. Which almost seems crazy, but this is the kind of stuff that's in the cuckold. I mean, who knows? Maybe it's a fake post, but

still a funny scenario. Yeah, it could be. I mean, who knows? Maybe it's a fake post, but still a funny scenario regardless. Yeah, it could be. But these, the people do post in these, you know, they have, there's different things. First of all,

a lot of them, they have their Reddit, like their actual Reddit things have a karma and stuff like that. So you, and then they get kicked out by the mods. Like mods take like trolling their communities very seriously. With the amount of stuff we've covered covered nothing will shock me as being real at this yeah

like there's so many people out there that like this all this stuff ends up existing just based on the volume of people that exist every permutation of every crazy and that's why i like the cuckold like the i i respect that the cuckold reddits are running the mods on reddit are running a clean operation. They're not letting anyone come. I mean, think about the craziest crime you've ever heard of that's like so out there. And you go, yeah, it's like, you know, it's real.

And like, yeah, someone did it. There's so many people. They're like, things all get happened. Yeah, it's the monkeys on a typewriter, huh? So my parents, and they talk openly. They're aware of my girlfriend and I's search. And they've all... How's the house search?

How's the search going? Well, we met with Tyrone, but I don't know. He's busy on Tuesdays. He works on Tuesdays, and that's when we kind of generally like to get down. You guys are using him. It's a tough market out there. Some might say it's a...

What's the... It's a bear market. It's a bear market. It's hard to find a good bull out there some might say it's a bear market it's hard to find a good bull out there it's a bit of a bear market and what's that mean it's like you know all we can find is big gay guys that want to do it no bulls available that's exactly what it is you can't find like a big tough guy that looks like David Goggins it's a David Goggins episode. All you can find is a big burly guy that's clearly gay that wants to do it. You know what I mean? And then you go, it's a bear market, not a bull market.

Can't even find one good straight. Yeah, he was having sex with a wife, but he really had his sights set on me. You know what? It's a bear market out there. Where does one go to be a bull? Is this a sex club thing? Is this an IRL game? air market out there so where does one go to be a bull is this a sex club thing i think i think if you want to be a bull and you actually are like a what they want like big tough like jacked all that

stuff nice piece i think that's probably hard but it's probably harder to just be like some slob that's on the internet like if anyone's interested oh yeah i mean there's probably no shortage of those but like is that you go on one of those weird websites jj uses or yeah a million weird websites i'm sure but that's what you put it out there and you go hey just uh putting it out there if anyone wants me to come smash their wife uh willing to give her a stick and i'll be bull life bull life from what they've told us about him he sounds exactly like what we're looking for my girlfriend and i are. My girlfriend and I are trying to see if we should take them up on that offer. My concern isn't so much about the family link.

Obviously, my parents and I are quite open about our sex lives more than most families, and that's natural for us. I'm worried about any weirdness that the bull might feel. Yeah, I'm really worried about the bull. The bull is just there to do a job. I don't think you worry about, hey, how does the bull feel about it? He just clocks in to work. He's got his hard hat on and his lunch pail.

All right, just another day, another dick in. He's trying to fuck some weirdos. Yeah. I guess a lot of them, it should be easier if you paid the bull, right? If you got cash to lay down on the bull. Well, I guess if you're attractive enough, that is the payment. But I'm sure if you're too gross, then you do probably have to pay. But then isn't he just a gigolo at that point?

I think a lot of them are sort of gross. I think even people... I'll tell you who's definitely always gross. The couples. Always. Like this idea that it's like a life hack that I'll be a bull and then I'll just be getting all this snatch thrown at me. No.

No, no, no. That ain't good. I mean, I don't know if you've had it, but I've had it multiple times. Some dude being like, yo, you want to take her for a spin? And I'm like,

do you have to be there? And then it's like, yeah, duh. And you're just like, no, but we've also had friends that have done it. Yeah.

I know people, people, our friends that have done it in Toronto forever. There was this joke about it, but there was this couple in Toronto, uh, forever who used to hang out at, I think it was Vape on the Lake, remember? And there was this odd couple, and the girl looked like a boy, and she looked like a 14-year-old

boy. I do remember that. Remember that? And she had a shaved head or whatever, and there was the whole thing where every comic was like, yeah, it took her for a spin while- They were about that life. Yeah, they were. But they were not like, that was not like the way thing where every comic was like yeah it took her for a spin while they were about that life yeah they were and the boy but they were not like that was not like the what you think

about the porn movies the dude looked like uh fucking i never from rick and morty yeah yeah exactly he did right and the chick looked like hillary swank from boys don't cry and then he would watch from like i think he had a two-sided window or something like that. Something like that. They had the whole thing rigged up? They had a rig. They had the basement apartment rigged up. That's so funny.

For sure. No, he's got... We know multiple people. JJ might have been one of them. He's under the bed, but he's got one of those military grade things that like poke up like a submarine. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The periscope. He's got a submarine periscope from under the bed.

Double-sided mirror. Oh, my God, dude. He's got one of those auto-mechanic dolly things that he's laying on his back. He's laying on his back on the dolly thing. He goes, hey, can you just give me 10% more? And he just goes right back under. Hey, did you work today Or something

Feels like you're A little tired out Does he get like A Gatorade bottle Gives you like a splash Like a goalie Yeah You good

You good A little squirt of Gatorade A little pit change That was what I think I think JJ might have Smashed that joke Like when Al Val did it He said that he goes

He did the thing And then Uh Like The guy tried to put His hands on his shoulders that joke that like when al val did it he said that he goes he did the thing and then uh like the guy tried to put his hands on his shoulders while he was doing it right like the bum was like buster for the rest of the development you're doing good it really was the guy comes up and he's like yeah good stuff and he's like do you mind if going yeah you're supposed to be on the other side of that double glass well apparently when he does do that it's like yeah really good stuff you know you're doing good there he goes come on you can't keep touching me and the guy's like oh you know no big no big deal obviously sorry yeah yeah didn't mean to mess with your mojo

yeah really apparently that's kind of the game that That's such a... I'm going to take a quick second here because now we have a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Listen, we've been telling you about BetterHelp. And sometimes it can be tough to train your brain to stay in problem-solving mode when you're faced with a challenge in life. But when you learn to find your own solutions, there's no better feeling. And a therapist can help you become a better problem solver,

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I think we might have mentioned it like in passing, but it was coming up a lot and someone sent it to me and then I saw a video about it. A new term alert that we never saw and that's auto-sexual. I hadn't seen this at all

until you sent this to me. I couldn't believe we missed it. I don't know how we missed it either. Look, there's tons of articles and auto-sexual is when you're attracted to Otto from The Simpsons. Oh, no. So autosexual is a great one because basically you're only attracted to yourself sexually, right?

Yeah. This doesn't even really make sense to me. Well, it doesn't make sense because a whole part of it is that some of the things are like, do you like spanking it a lot? And you're just like, there's so many people. There's like, I guess you're default autosexual. Well, it's a yes, but you're like, yeah, do you like spanking it a lot and you're just like yeah there's so many people there's like i guess your default auto sexual well it's yes but you're like yeah do you like spanking do you ever think about yourself that's what they said the term auto sexual might not be as commonplace as some of the other words we use to describe sexualities

but we're trying to get it into existence man i'd like to see this term get tossed around a little more yeah i'm auto yeah that's maybe only one of the cool ones to say. I'm Otto. Like if you go pick a thing that you have to say, like Demi, lame, Pauly, lame. Pauly's lame. Otto, kind of cool. Pauly is very lame.

Like, cause even no matter what arrangement you have, even if you're like the guy can just bang and the girl doesn't, saying you're Pauly immediately puts just bang and the girl doesn't, saying you're poly immediately puts images of like some freak at Burning Man. Yeah, exactly.

What do you think about this? You go to, you go do streeters at a NASCAR thing and ask people about autosexualism. Ask them if they're autosexual, yeah.

And they're going, fuck yeah. Fucking yeah, I get a little hard when I see that auto. I got a fucking Dale Earnhardt tattoo right here. You better believe

I'm a fucking autosexual. You go, here. You better believe I'm a fucking auto-sexual. You go, it's actually not what you think it is. You walk out, some people are like, yeah, I don't know. I'm masturbated into a mirror. I'm auto-sexual. I'm auto-tool-sexual. He's got two wrenches in each hand. You came to the right place if you're looking for an auto, buddy.

But that doesn't mean it's not worth understanding and then i got launched into the wider cultural language uh recently in short an autosexual is a person who is sexually attracted to themselves either much more than they're attracted to other people or to the exclusion of other people autosexuality therefore is a term that encompasses a spectrum of desire and immediately What comes to mind Is the guy Who in the movie Where he has sex

Where he flexes And looks in the mirror You know what I mean What was that Boogie Nights No no no Where he kills the girls And stuff like that

Famous He's like the reference For everything American Psycho Yeah yeah yeah So that's what you're thinking right But they do clear that up In the other article

They go no No I know We're not that And just so you know This is way different Than being a narcissist Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what you're thinking, right? But they do clear that up in the other article. They go, no. No, I know. We're not that. And just so you know, this is way different than being a narcissist. That's what they said. No, you're a narcissist. I mean, Khloe Kardashian coined this term.

Or one of the Kardashians. Like, this is just narcissism. I've been talking also how the Kardashians are pretty good at changing culture. Actually, you know what? I just rented a new place from Kim Kardashian. Oh, what'd you rent? Pretty sick. It's a house I'm already getting foreclosed on. Oh!

It's pretty sick, though, because my foreclosure notification comes on Kim K letterhead. That must be nice, dude. Collector's item. That's a little collector's item. Yeah, she's starting all sorts of weird businesses. That's what these idiots out there, like Mark Wahlberg and Kevin Hart, are like, I'll start a chicken wing franchise, and these people are like she's like every house she's like i'm partnering up with black rock to buy a suburb not she's straight up doing that remember like everyone was talking shit about black rock for buying all the rental homes and now straight up kim

kardashian is joining the party that's crazy right that'll be a dark when people start getting evicted by kim kardashian kim kardashian but i love kim kardashian he goes yeah well should have paid your rent dude my ex used to talk about kim kardashian the way that uh you know how like a cliche i guess thing that girls would make fun of guys about like talking about jordan peterson yeah about being like you don't get it he's like sick you know i mean or be like you're wrong about him she would be like that to me about kim kardashian but she's like you don't even no one gets it like she's honestly so brilliant she's smarter than everyone like people don't get like what she's a call i actually have had this exact conversation i didn't even argue that much because i'm like my girlfriend

i don't have like a hate on her yeah i don't hate her either i was kind of like okay so it was worse it was at least the jordan peterson thing a lot of times it's because girls are like he's the worst ever or like people like that where girls you don't get it nazis worse and you're like you're not even that's not what he's you know what i mean yeah i've been probably myself in that argument right of course because that's not what he says right yeah a little grumpier now but at the time i've had that arguments about kim k to this girl and i'm not even really arguing that she goes she's so great and you people don't even realize i go oh she's fine like whatever i mean she's obviously like successful she's not uh i wouldn't say she's like self-made but she you know she did a lot like

her dad was like a lawyer he wasn't fucking the president of nbc or something well i don't know if you saw but it keeps going because allegedly her and the mom signed a contract to release the sex tape. So they actually had like a legitimate contract and Ray J or whatever. Yeah. This story just keeps popping up. I saw something about Ray J actually earlier today. So that's what happened

is Ray J is like, I got proof that this sex tape that she's like it got released or whatever. They were in on the heist oh that I believe yeah I believe that yeah I believe that that was calculated same with Paris Hilton too of course I think everybody saw the Pam and Tommy thing and they go like yeah

you'd be a fucking celebrity by the way Jordan Peterson a little flex of him posting a photo with Cristiano Ronaldo yeah sick duo pretty big move yeah that's a huge move cool cool move for both parties I think Cristiano Ronaldo when he finishes soccer he's going to go get a show at Daily Wire

Christ with Cristiano Ronaldo's and Ronaldo don'ts I mean they'll have a hundred million people watching it like instantly he could start up a network bigger than any network just tomorrow of course well anyways I was a network bigger than any network just tomorrow of course well anyways i was just saying she's really good at uh the kardashians did a good job of changing culture

because like four years ago or six years ago you legitimately most people would probably look at the kardashians and be like come on now people do look at them and you're like that's the that's how girls look that's the look right there yeah and that was oh the bbl and every if there's any if there's any lesson to be learned it's get black guys on board with your cause and that helps to like change culture and make it cooler yeah and as been because they were all just like this is what we look now and then like everyone else was like i'm not here to argue with basketball players and rappers about what's hot the crazy thing is with the bbl thing too is like i guess they obviously did the did it but they have like the top surgeon in the world so the proportions

are like perfect but then everybody goes the butt surgery the butts the brazilian butt lift but then everybody goes and they get like all the women who are kind of following them they go get bbls but from not the best surgeon in the world and it looks like someone just like gave a girl like an oversized pair of pants and then just stuffed like chicken breasts in it just like raw chicken breasts and you're like this is disgusting it's not great obviously some guys are into it i don't know but most of the bbls i've seen no it looks like someone wearing like football like but it looks like thigh pads it looks like they had a procedure gone wrong uh-huh like it doesn't look like oh you like like you tried something and then they went wrong and now you're stuck with this no you are right that when they go wrong they look like a bunch of mashed

potatoes taped onto their legs they all look so bad i haven't seen a bbl where i go that's good that's a good one they all just are like you look mangled i like the idea of you know they say bbc yeah like what kind of porn are you in m uh m white or what was it mwc i'm like pretty into mwc porn was that medium white cock representation matters yeah but no they have uh did you think that any of those girls that got the bad butt lifts were ever like walking around a store

and everyone's like, ma'am, you can't like steal the stuff. Yeah, yeah. Probably. I mean, there was the prison guard.

Are you stealing our literal bags of lard? Checker for lard, boys. It's in there. And women are dying too. They they go they get the cheap ones there was like a woman recently in new york who died you got a bag of you know cake icing and taped to your inner thigh ma'am literally looks like just a bag of cheese curds yeah just jamming

your pants with cheese curds it does look like i want it i want to meet the guy that went to a quebec gas station and he's trying to do a heist trying to steal all the cheese she's running out all funny and she goes we got it you go how much money did you get she goes i didn't get any money but i got enough courage to last us for a lifetime and then the guy's like and weirdly i'm kind of turned on right now i don't know what's going on i've yet to meet a guy turn you into an autosexual I've yet to meet a guy Who's into the BBL thing too Like I don't know any guy

In my life Who's ever been like Man you know You see that That's fucking I like that Not for me Never

I've never seen one I don't know They exist Your brains do change though Give me four years Nah I'll never be on board with the BBL Really?

I didn't think I liked the big lips Now I'm a big lip I'm a big lip man I hate the fake lips too Call me Call me What's that guy That did the call me Lipton's iced tea who's the guy Lipton I was saying the guy that did the it behind the actor's studio isn't that a little jay-z so that's who I met behind the actor's

studio is me telling my things about lips. Yeah. All righty then. Okay, we're out here. We are rolling. We're rolling. So these are some of the signs you might be an autosexual. A few people are out here listening. You prefer masturbation to sex. That's also a sign that you're just in an unhappy relationship.

Yeah, exactly. Or it's a sign. you're just uh in an unhappy relationship or it's a sign so this might be you know many like just middle-aged men are like i'm an auto sexual you call me an auto sexual i think that i'm a auto she's getting fat i prefer masturbation to sex oh you have this new sexual kink it's like yeah yeah well because my old sexual kink of my hot wife is no longer available that one sort of got rug pulled away from me yeah you got rugged on kid number five kid number five uh was the old we called them rug sort of got rid of my uh sexual kink that's what they call a hot one that That's a hot wife. The wife that takes the ball, they call it a hot wife.

She's never that hot, though. It's all relative. You use fantasies about yourself in order to finish. So that is insane. Oh, that one's nuts. Again, if someone told you that in confidence, you'd be like, I have to probably tell people about this, even though I said I wouldn't. It's just... That's the kind of how everybody hyperbolically describes trump like that's what he would be like like oh yeah he must just only think of himself he's during sex he's

still just like picturing himself just himself but doing what like like are you picturing yourself fucking yourself like are you the top and the bottom and you go yeah give it to me yeah or are you picturing jack in it yeah i don't know like if like i would love to meet on a section go what is it are you just picturing yourself masturbating in front of a mirror or are you literally taking it from yourself and then at that point you're like why only two of you why not just like some sloppy orgy with 10 of you but then it's like pretty gay it's the least gay it can be though it is the least gay it can be because it's all you it's like michael keaton and what was that movie where he had multiplicity did he ever smooch i don't know i never saw it it was when he was on

the outs but it was his career wasn't doing so good you're right that's such a exactly true though because you go you go oh i'm picturing two of me having sex and you're just like pop a third in there it's like why stop there yeah like why not a train of danny's exactly like you're getting ahead from three of you what's going on here danny danny danny danny danny danny stock portfolio that's at the front of the train that's the that's the uh the human centipede the danny said no the caboose is's stock portfolio that's at the front of the train that's the that's the uh the human centipede the danny said no the caboose is the stock portfolio probably but it still is your dick attached to your it's like the actual like the the deeds of your portfolio you know and they

have the hard copies but that with your dick on it who knows so this makes no sense no sense so if you're talking about a girl well it seems like some sort of clinical narcissism or something. You picture yourself. Stop it. Nuts. Okay. Yeah, they fantasize about yourself when you're. Actually, the more we're talking about this.

This is a chick thing. This is not a guy. Of course, it's a chick thing. But they go, they fantasize about yourself when you're masturbating. And then you go, what do you fantasize yourself doing? Masturbating? Like, what are you doing? Open your eyes. Look in the mirror the mirror well yeah yeah uh my fantasy is me but a slightly better shape yeah like what is this even i'm six inches taller yeah and then they say you prioritize spanking it

and quality time with yourself over the pursuit of dates well those are two very different things yeah but that's again one of them is like when I'm spanking it, I'm picturing myself spanking it. And when I'm having sex, I'm picturing myself having sex with myself. The other one's like, yeah, dates are a hassle, so you just rather watch TV. Yeah. Or you're broke.

So everyone's a bit of a color me. I guess I'm a little bit of an auto-sexual myself sometimes. Yeah. Anyone in a relationship, too. You go, she's like, hey, you want to go, you know, like go to this expensive restaurant? You're like, I was thinking you just go do your own thing. Yeah.

It doesn't make you an auto-sexual. It makes you just like over it. Yeah. It's not an auto-sexual. No, auto-sexual specific. Your erotic dreams about yourself. Yeah. The moment you're closing your eyes when you're having sex with a woman

and you're picturing yourself. As woman oh yeah that's like that sounds like it's a whole new batch of problems that also sounds like someone that's not you know experimenting being gay i guess but then you're like that's you it's still if anything it would be like you're giving it to some person and they turn around and the wig comes off or it's like a dude with long hair and you go well that's what they said they, and the wig comes off, where it's like a dude with long hair, and you go, ah! Well, that's why they said that you have dreams about yourself. You go, that's not a dream. That's a nightmare.

It's a literal nightmare. Yeah. You go, yeah, you're getting all the fucking ass you can get, but it's your ass. No, you're literally in the fantasy. You're having threesomes with these two chicks. They're giving you head. They both look up with your face. It's a nightmare.

And then you start inspecting it a little further, your body, and you go, oh, my God. No. No, you're at the wedding thing. Yeah, you're about to get married, and it's like this hot girl, and she takes off the thing. It's just your fucking fat face. Yeah, you're like, oh, God. Oh, no.

But some people would be like, that's a dream. That's the dream of the autos. Yeah, the dream of the autos that's yeah the dream of the auto is like a hot chick with your face and you go okay this doesn't exist for a guy there's i don't think there's no way yeah because this requires a level of narcissism that only really women are programmed with like guys are narcissists but not like the pie chart is definitely way more women and this is what they say in response to what you just said. While it may be common for people to assume that narcissism and

auto-sexuality are inherently intertwined, the judgment. So a little bit of a little judgy, judgy. Yeah. Judgy Kathy over here. Judgy ladies. The,

this judgy judgment is not only wrong, but hurtful and offensive to auto-sexual people. Well, maybe your auto-sexual stuff's hurtful to a narcissist. Maybe. Hurtful to autosexual people. I want to meet the hurt autosexual person. He goes, my identity. The person that's not your costume.

Yeah, having sex with his wife, looking at himself in the mirror, closing his eyes to picture himself, and you're like, you're a narcissist. And he was like, that is hurtful to my people. Sickening that you'd even say that. Yeah, now you're going to be, this is giving a bad name to my people who

actually have a... Do you think that it's hurtful for narcissism because Trump is like the best known narcissist? Like that he's so attached to that and people are like, what are you saying? Yeah. Well, they're just, you're nail on the head saying that it's girls. For sure they well they're just you're you're nail on the head saying that it's girls for sure and they're just saying like uh i'm what could never be a narcissist yeah there's

nothing i could do there's no level of thing anything that they say i can do no wrong i can do no wrong stuff yeah yeah i go oh wait i'm not a narcissist this is my sexual orientation yeah they have like an answer for everything how it's like something else and that thing's untouchable yeah you go well no narcissist is something that needs to be changed this is something that's actually about you that's like perfect i mean again they turn this into their gender they turn narcissism into gender expression exactly this is my gender this is something that i can't like i could literally like get you thrown in jail for challenging me on this like they would i bet you these people would put narcissism lower than pedophile on the spectrum when you were like you know narcissism you go that's the worst thing

you could be a pedophile you go i can't help that you're born that way i think they would yeah that should be a good campaign to get like narcissism as a sexuality into their thing and then force them to have like narcissism in thing. Yeah, just add it to the- Like a troll group. Add it to the 2SL. Still learning to do this new acronym. Hey, we're putting an N in there, and they're just like, what does this N stand for?

You go, I don't know. Three guesses. Could be necro. Good luck. So what to do if your partner's autosexual? Don't take it personally you know if you're having sex with your girlfriend yeah try try and be a dude

doing this shit with a straight girl and try and get her to not take it personally where you would rather picture yourself than her they're just saying the dude has to not take it personally she's giving you head with

her eyes closed when you go i guess it's picturing that it's my dick she's picturing herself but like imagine like yeah that you're having sex with your girl and your eyes are closed and she knows that you're thinking about her as you yeah yeah yeah don't take it personally it was like you know it's important to realize this isn't about you it's just how she's in love with herself and there's nothing wrong with yeah everybody knows that that's a just a rock solid answer for stuff in your relationship is be like no no this is just a me problem it's not about you well yeah like that's ever worked where you go why are you like looking at all those fucking chicks and this and that you guys nothing to do with you nothing to

do with you yeah it's just it's just something I'm working out. And if you just give me some time and some space, I'll get through this. This is just a part of my sexuality. We'll get through this. That I'm prostisexual. Yeah, exactly. I'm representational. Rub and tug sexual.

Yeah, I'm rub and tug sexual. I wish I wasn't born this way. Tug sexual. It's not you, though. What's that? That's the sound of my people. That's the sound of my people. It's the tugboat.

It's like they have pineapples for swingers. Upside down tugboat. I wish that I wasn't like this. I'm tugboat. It's like the pineapples for swingers. Upside down tugboat. I wish that I wasn't like this. I'm tug sexual. It's a fucking nightmare. What is tug sexual? It's like when I have enough money, not that often, but I go to the fucking tugs twice a week after work before I come home. I wish it wasn't like this.

You know what? I really like to think, too, that maybe i was born this way yeah the lady gaga tug anthem i like to think though that i don't know if we've quite reached this kind of level of success with this podcast but maybe the next year where we talk shit about the autosexuals and then like we're good this clip is getting passed around an autosexual like support groups being like they're making fun of us there's been things like that. Yeah, but this is so niche. This is like...

Wish motherfucking... I wish the auto-sexuals would start the war. Oh, I love it. If you listen to this auto-sexuals, come at us, bro. Sis. Yeah, well, it's mostly ladies.

I'm tug-sexual. I was born this way. Baby, I was born to tug. To get tugged. Oh, yeah, fuck. For me, I was born to be tugged. So that's... Autosexual.

That's you talking to your wife. Yeah. Yeah, you're super reasonable. We're tugging. We're tugging. And then you have to be supportive. You have to be supportive of every fucking dumb shit girl does, right? Well, once it becomes an identity.

Oh, yeah. Like, once it becomes your gender identity, then you go, well, if you're not going to support it, then you're literally Hitler. I'm supposed to live in a world where I'm an autosexual and I'm not being supported. But the thing is, you're supposed to be. Women have kind of conned us into supporting their, like, mental stuff, too, though. So it's not even like they had to make this. It's just for themselves. They've conned. Like, if they go, I'm a narcissist that's diagnosed were you going to not support me you'd be like i guess i have to support support and encourage your

partner to explore their auto sexuality so they don't even want you to just say be fine with it they're saying like you want to like help them on their journey like hey i was just here's some pictures of you no you if anything you go you get, I was just, here's some pictures of you. No, you, if anything, you go, you get a latex, latex Halloween masks of you and go, honey, I'm feeling frisky. You go,

she's like one sec. And she puts on your mask of your face. Yeah, that's what, that's the world that there, and she blows you, but you're blowing yourself. That's how you be...

Horror. Encourage your partner to explore it. I can honestly say that receiving encouragement from partners made me feel more open to experiencing my full love for myself and engaging with my auto-sexuality has improved how I engage with others. I don't think I would be able to be supportive of that. So you're probably going to want to keep that puppy to yourself.

Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. What happened to the relationships where you just, you both hid as much of you could from each other until you were just old and dead. You know, you just, you hit all day.

You remember like you ever hear those stories where some guy's on his deathbed and then he's just like, I was in, I was a Nazi concentration guard and nobody knew. And you go, man, good on you for keeping that to yourself for that whole time. Or like deathbed confessions of murders and stuff. Now it's all just like, oh, you murdered someone? Tell your partner.

She'll support you. Otherwise, she's not the right one for you. Tell everyone everything everything nothing to yourself well they say this is uh the regressors so regressors have been sort of popping up and we're doing this is a non-sexual we're doing sort of like a wacky person episode right but um whoa you're trying to say autosexuals are wacky? And not only are autos wacky. This is, so regressors are the people that like to look like babies and act like babies, right? And, but there's the other side of it too, of the people who take care of people like that as well.

So there's people who are also like, I like to- Caretakers, they're called. Caretakers, right? I like to take care of people who pretend to be babies. Yeah. But it's not sexual. It's not? No, no. This one is be babies. Yeah. But it's not sexual. It's not? No, no. This one is specifically, they go like, that's age play.

And they're like, this is not a sexual thing. Oh, because there's some of the things they're like, I found out that he's also into age play. Right, yeah. Well, that's what they all are. And some girl goes like, oh, I'm like a baby, and I found a caretaker, and he takes care of me. And then six weeks later, he goes- Find out this sicko is also in age shit's in age play

this whole time I thought he just wanted to take care of me that's what's happening in a non-sexual way sis they're always in age play I'm 20 years old and I wanted to pretend I would be

a baby and I found this 50 year old guy to pay my rent to take care of me and then I gotta fucking I gotta find out this sick fucks in age play sick piece of shit

in age play well I never never been so disgusted with someone's lack of moral character in my life. Very hard to find a character. Yeah, they're all in age play.

And they're like, if they're not in age play, then they're all either basically trans or autistic. Okay, yeah. Dude, when we were walking back to the studio yesterday, this person walked up to me. And it was like, so it was basically looked exactly like a guy in every single way, right? Yeah. Except had a bow in the hair.

Okay. And then comes up to me and starts going, you're a cutie, blah, blah, blah. And then I go, all right. Then he goes, hey, you got any money for me, cutie? And he starts saying stuff like that. And I go, bro, I'm good. then he goes hey you got any money for me cutie and he starts saying stuff like that and i go bro i'm good and he goes it's actually sis and he goes my name is jessica and i go all right and he's like kind of walking with me so i'm just you know you're brushing them off yeah just like how you do right like like flies you know and i go no no but then

and he goes i'm autistic and he goes and he goes i'm autistic and he goes how'd you mind if i ask you something and i go i'm in a hurry i gotta go and he's like autistic and he goes how'd you mind if i ask you something and i go i'm in a hurry i gotta go and he's like you know he goes how'd you get that cute saying shit like this and i go okay i'm just like walk away but he's and i was like dude i literally like i go and he goes again it's cis and then he goes yeah people don't usually like the gay stuff uh you know and they want to hurt me so that's why i hurt myself and he starts showing me his like cuts on his arms and stuff like this this is when I'm walking by the Wendy's. Right.

When, before we got here, so this guy, but like, it was your theory that there's like a crazy high amount of autism and the thing, but it's like the crazy part was my theory. That's someone else's theory.

Well, the crazy part was not changing anything. Zero, zero modifications. Just on Jessica. Now he's a beard. He's a Jim Carrey, the bodybuilder from Remembering Living Color. Legitimately, it was the bodybuilder Jim Carrey.

Just he straight up put his hair in normal hair. One bow tie in the hair. Little bow tie in the hair. Not even trying. Well, the funniest one of regressors was this person that said they're looking for applicants. So this is a big one. So basically, it's kind of the same thing as the bow. How do you find one, right?

So this person says, hello, I've been interested in becoming a caregiver. So this person is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been interested in becoming a caregiver. Mama for quite a while now, and I've decided to go out there and try to find a little one to take care of. So this is a mama.

The mama might be a little less likely to be into age play, but hopefully somewhere in my general area. Apologies for formatting. I'm on the mobile app. I'm currently 19, turning 20 closer to the end of the year pretty soon. And I've decided, searching for a little one, I've come up with a list of things that uh i want so this is their list of what they want when they're looking for someone to be their uh like their little one 50 year old per i guess this person is going to find like a grown-up that's going to act like a baby and they want to take care of so that's yeah that's the most insane one because there's there is literally no person that's just like yeah i just want to take care of a grown-up acting like a baby and i'm not gonna it's not gonna be anything sexual yeah i mean one of the parties wants

something sexual duh at least i mean one of them might not though there might be one party who's like naive or there's a party that's like oh she knows this comes with the person paying for all their stuff so they go yeah i'll put the diaper on if you pay the rent. You come home, you go, all right, yeah, put your, put your diaper on.

You go, okay, are we happy now? Can I go to bed? I got work tomorrow. Put the pacifier in. This chick's got a lot of rules too. She goes,

you need to be comfortable with dressing up, talking like a baby. So this is like a job. I'm sure there are girls kind of cruising through this being like, what does it pay? So you go to their house. No, but this is a woman too though. She's looking for a job. I'm sure there are girls kind of cruising through this being like, what does it pay?

So you go to their house. No, but this is a woman too, though. She's looking for a man. No, I think she's looking for a guy. It's weird, though, because are you comfortable with baby talking? And they're like, yeah, like they must be. Are you okay with video and phone calls, being touched, hugs, cuddles, snuggles? So you basically have to be like, there you go.

You got to do all that stuff so this is for anyone that's interested this is uh an option for you would you be what would it take for you to go do this job where you go you have to act like a baby for i would have to literally be on uh what's the fucking that sketch show the uh the one with the prank show that we know the jimmy kenney experiment no no the one with sal on it or whatever the oh practical jokers where they like i have a earpiece in and then they go all right this is and i

make 10 million dollars a year from this show and they go all right you gotta go full baby costume and what's the minimum they're feeding you things in your ear yeah yeah just tell them you need a change i need a change the baby needs a them you need a change. I need a change. Say, baby needs a change. Baby needs a change.

I need you. I'm going to need you to baby it up there, Danny. Baby needs a change. Okay. So how much would it take for someone to say, hey, we'll even give you, okay, girl and guy is obviously different. Yeah. But let's say guy So this guy

There's not gonna be Any sexual stuff Even though he wants it You don't have to do it Yeah So you go to the guy's house You're gonna have to Walk around in a diaper

Is he changing my diaper And do I have to Soil my diaper You have to soil your diaper But he doesn't have to change it Number two soil He probably has to change it I'm a baby

He's gonna have to change I can't change my diaper So okay But then now we're just asking How much for gay stuff so let's go a girl okay so it's the girl okay

okay so you have to go she's gonna change her diaper but there's not gonna be any sexual stuff but she you're wearing a diaper you have to do baby talk you have to do the snuggles

you have to wear the pacifier you have to crawl around you have to sleep in the crib I have to soil my diaper you have to soil your diaper how much? a month a month straight this is my whole life? no a month you only have to do a month. How much? A month. A month straight.

This is my whole life? No, a month. You don't have to do a month. But I'm saying like every day for a month? You live at this house. I live at a house as a baby for a month.

Yeah. You're answering her thing. Answering her thing, shitting myself. What happens when she leaves? Can I go be myself? She's there for five hours a day.

When she leaves, you can probably just go back to normal But you probably Have to put the baby Clothes on still Because when she gets back She'll be mad

Right I can't break character At all Well you probably Just want to have The stuff in Because if she comes in And she's like

You're wearing a suit and tie She's going to be like What the fuck Yeah that's not very Baby like of you And I don't know A month

A lot Six figures for sure Of god Duh I don't know I didn a lot Six figures for sure I don't know I didn't think you were going to do it for 20 grand I'm sure lots of people would do it for 20 grand I didn't think you would I thought you were going to say higher than that to be honest I mean dude if someone right now

Who goes here's fucking Quarter of a million dollars To do this I shit myself once a month anyways I would think probably 200k would start to make sense if no one else knew about it yeah of course nobody else knows about it i mean she'll know about it i feel like if she's because you your instinct is like i want her to be hot but then i feel like it would be more embarrassing if she was hot like i'd want her her to, I know. That's so true.

I wanted to be like a grandma. You'd be like this hot girl being like, look at this loser. Right. And then you're like, she's changing your diaper. It's a more emasculating. You accidentally get hard and you're like so many wires.

It's way more emasculating and she's hot. Yeah. Right. If she's gross, you're just like, this is a gig. It's a job. It's a gig.

A hundred percent. This is a job this is a gig 100 this is a gig if she's on a gig she's gross it's a gig yeah but if she's hot a little part of you's like she's thinking the whole time like this guy probably wants me to yeah and then you're like in your mind you're like fuck could i like what's the yeah you're thinking like i've got him yeah then you're wearing your baby outfit being like yo you mind if i and she's like hey baby you're like in your mind, you're like, fuck, could I? Like what's the scenario? Yeah, you're thinking like, yeah, then you're wearing your baby outfit being like, yo, you mind if I? And she's like, hey, baby, you're not allowed to touch mom and stop it. And you have to be like, you got turned down. Put your pacifier on.

Go watch your cartoon. You got to suck the titties. Go in the corner. You try to make a move on her and now you're in the corner. You got to suck the titties? Is that a part of it? Oh, that's huge Breast milk?

Then now we're back to the changes Because old lady, you don't want to suck the titties No, you don't want to suck the titties Hot lady, that's just a perk Then you'd be like, alright, enough with the titty sucking Do loud noises bother you? Accidental slamming and raised voices I don't know what the slamming is

Are you comfortable with punishment? And no spanking so this girl's not going to spank you okay what if you've been bad she just punishes you i think that's like go back to your crib and stuff like that bedtime's comfortable for you so you're going to get the david goggin schedule yeah you're going full you're waking up at 4 a.m a playful poking fun look at those chubby cheeks. So that's the kind of stuff she says to you. Oh, you slipped so comfy.

Look at those chubby cheeks. This is what's so funny. Just because she goes, example. Look at those chubby cheeks. Oh, you slipped so clumsy. And then Dash will ask if okay, though. We'll run this by you when you're not pretending to be a baby. No, she's saying when you slipped, she'll say, oh, look, you're so clumsy,

but are you okay? No, I think what Asuka said, okay, though, is that, like, I'm going to run these by you. The chubby cheeks one makes sense, but the slipped and fall, I think she's saying, and I'm checking to see if you're fine after you slipped and fall. Like, you know, it's like, oh, you slipped and fall,

I'm going to say you're clumsy, but don't worry, I'm also going to check to make sure that your knees aren't scraped and stuff like that from your fall. Would it be okay to take pictures of you? Oh, this is looking good for Danny. Will making snacks be welcome? Oh, yeah.

You don't like snacks, huh? So I think you go. The funny one is like, will it be okay for you to be soiling your diaper? And the other is like, I should ask this, but consent is very important to me. Are you fine with me making you snacks? Do you like cookies? Yeah, you go, the snacks are going to be fine. Snacks are fine.

Snacks are fine. Snacks are fine. Clean my diaper. You go, this is my baby voice. I need you to use a baby voice. This is how I talked when I was a baby. I've always talked like this. What about spooky themes?

Are you okay with being spooked? it's too soon I don't like it I want to be too spooky I don't want to be too spooky too spooky baby's getting spooked so that's the first one I got pretty spooked when I was a kid you ever see the peanut butter solution if anybody saw it pretty spooky oh yeah That's a pretty spooky Canadian movie. What was the story? It was the kid loses his hair in a nightmare, and then he figures out this, like, puts peanut butter on his head, and then it makes his hair grow back, but then it won't stop growing,

and then this one kid in his class finds out, and then he puts the peanut butter, because they're, like, tan, and he puts it on his balls, and he's got hair coming out of his pant leg bad news pretty spooky pretty spooky one person who's listening to this

has seen that movie spooky well the last thing we'll talk about we'll do a few more of those when we do the Patreon tomorrow but

the we meant to talk about this last week but the landlord as a guy that's looking for places right now, and as people that are both a tenant and a landlord, but there was this landlord that...

You found a place, though. What? You found a place. Well, how do you think I did it? You got to suck them off, dude. Give them that sloppy toppy. They're all scumbags, dude. All of these fucking brokers and everything each one's scummy

new york is especially like new york straight up the city is just i don't know who designed this but like it's this entire city is designed to put every person through the ringer this like if you can make it here you can make it anywhere thing is like the more you live here i get it and they're not even talking about show business just talking about getting through life yeah yeah yeah dude they have a thing at these places where the rate rents for the the rates for the rent change uh by a computer right so i did a lease and then they went down three hundred dollars and then i told the guy i'm like hey it's gone down $300. So like, cause what happened was I did it at the original rate and then he gave me a contract and it went up and he goes,

they went up. And I was like, all right, like, give me a second. I'm going to like, look around if that's the case. And then it went back down. And I was like, so I'm looking at it again. And it seems like the normal prices and they go, so it went back down. He goes, well, sir, if that's something that you want to do. and I was like, what? I was like, the thing went down. Why would I pay $300 more a month? And then he was like, he goes, I don't know.

Like, what happens is the prices go up and they go down. So that's something that happens. And when you did it, that was the price. And I'm like, I understand that, but I've given you $0 so far, and the price has not i would like the sale price please duh like if i walk to a place to buy a computer and then you do ding ding ding it just went to half price and i'm in the line at the cash register and i've given you zero

dollars like i mean everybody it's happened to where you go ring out they go oh it's actually on sale yeah and then you go that's the they go oh it's on sale in the system let me adjust that back to the regular price literally that's the etiquette so i go to this guy i'm just like but obviously it's like higher now so when i give the other one he goes he goes sir i will say this again uh i feel like i'm repeating myself right now but those prices go up and down based on computers and market rents and i go stop for a second they say based on computers well he's giving me this energy he goes based on market rents and i i i legitimately stop this guy and i go or let's like take a pause for a second i go what are you i i is what happening right now you're being annoyed that i'm asking you i go you have 80 places for rent right now so it's you know

it's a big place this is Pretend you don't know me. I go, yeah, we got a bunch of places here. You signed me up at a rate. It went up. I've not signed the deal. It's now gone back down. And you're flabbergasted as to why I might be inquiring. Like, is this, am I, you think I'm being out of pocket here?

Yeah. And then he goes, no, I'm just, and I go, so what's going on right now? Why am I, I feel like I'm getting attitude from you. And why is that? And he goes, he's like, at this point he backed off a little bit. And then I go, okay, so what do we have to do to get the normal price? And then the guy goes, what did you have to do?

He goes, you can, he goes, because you ever heard of an auto sexual? What he says is he goes, What do you know about age play? He goes, well, you can take the chance if you want to release that unit. And then, you know, you could do it again after. But there's a chance that you lose it. I go, yeah, do that. Like what, five minutes later? The five minutes you could lose it?

Yeah. Legitimately, the guy releases the unit. I just sign up for it again at $250 cheaper. And then the guy calls me and he was like okay we'll do the next steps i go all right so before that i would like an apology yeah i go you were like acting like what i was doing was insane and it took me 15 minutes to get a 250 dollar price like and he goes, that's a chance. He wouldn't admit it. He wouldn't even admit it. He's dying with that one. This guy, they're total sleazeballs.

I'm telling you, New York landlords and stuff, they're back. They had a couple rough years, unprecedented rough years, where they were so in charge for literally a century. Yeah. Like a hundred years.

It was like, yeah, it's them or nothing and then they had two years where it was tough on them and now they're really stepping on people's necks again well that's that is exactly what's happening and worse than that this landlord this is like a pretty big story but the guy's going to jail and everything he had like a bunch of tenants and this is in vegas and this this dude alan rothstein of vegas landing he would basically get all these people to live in his place and then he would give them contracts and in the contract they had to have sex with them right they're not even like they're like

specific things too one of the things in the contract probably my favorite one is the girl's not allowed to have a boyfriend that's more physically fit than that guy because he doesn't want someone that can beat him up. He's like, if you want to have some fat slob that's your boyfriend, that's fine. But you can't have some muscle-bound guy that's going to kick my ass. Or not even kick his ass. He just is jealous. I thought it was more that because he knows any girl that's with a boyfriend,

you say it's some Vegas prostitute-y type, type right but she starts dating some guy that's like big and she's like yeah i gotta deal with my landlord where i have to bang him and the guy's like wait what what and then i want to have a word with the guy the guy's like no no no that's not in the contract look at subsection 14 clause 4 there will be no words with the boyfriend yes wild right so he had this scam going on forever i mean part of it is like you know i mean the fact girls can be convinced of anything yeah well he got her in a really tough spot so there was he had four i know but the one in this article a homeless mother of five who was like not what i got but it wasn't the only girl no i know and then this girl it was like

he took yeah you but the fact that he this guy has a nerve advantage to put this in a contract where you're like you're literally causing you're like you're gonna go to jail because you put this crazy shit in your lease i know well thinking they goes well it's in a lease i think his idea was maybe that he won't get booked or he thinks like, well, if it's consensual, we have a contract, that's the deal. It's like it's the ultimate consent. Yeah, but like you can't make

prostitution contracts. Right. Well, maybe in Vegas you can because it's Vegas. I don't think prostitution, you can make the contract there. Oh, I don't know. I know Nevada or whatever.

There's no scenario where you can make a contract where a girl has to come have sex with me, but it's not, like you can't rip it up at any moment. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can't rip it up. Well, I guess you have to, yeah.

And your tenancy or whatever. I don't know. Demanded regular blowjobs. Yeah. Barred her from eating aphrodisiacs like oysters. Sea cucumbers. He comes over. We're talking about a recently homeless

mother of five who is paying 145 a month oh that's what i read and he thinks she's gonna be he's gonna be coming over and she's eating sea cucumbers it's a high-end food yeah it's like it's like a weird delicacy i've never heard of sea cucumbers and it says to direct form and a direct consent for sexual intercourse and or fellatio or cunnilingus form. So he basically had it in her lease where he goes, whenever I want to give you some cunnilingus, it's illegal to say no. Yeah, yeah. Illegal. Or I could sue you for all the money back kind of thing.

Insane. I mean, if I was her... Girl in a tough spot, but this guy's been running this scam for years. I mean, the real scam is you scam the scammer and then you sign up for this thing and you be like, yeah, try and evict me. I'm never paying rent so I'll see you in court.

And you go like, I live here for free now. Oh, so good. Yeah, you go, you could blackmail this guy and be like, yeah. And by the way, I broke the contract because here's my muscly boyfriend. As you're slurping an oyster, you go, you could blackmail this guy. Be like, yeah. And by the way, I broke the contract because here's my muscly boyfriend. Yeah, and he lives here too. As you're slurping an oyster, you go, hey, Alan. Alan Rothstein is here. That's some bad news for you, pal.

Yeah, me and Sergio over here move in and he's not happy about this whole contract thing this is right Sergio not happy about the contract there's two ways why is Sergio Russian Sergio is because I'm like saying a badass Russian guy is the boyfriend is that not a Russian name

Sergei my name is Sergei Sergei S-I-R space G-A-Y sergey sergey my name is sergey sergey sergey it's actually the name sir space gay yeah hey it's sergey a lot it is me sergey and i am not happy about contract but i'm willing to negotiate if you sign contract include me on lease yeah yeah and she goes wait a second she calls she calls the russian guy over and he he goes do you manage to get rid of that contract he goes good news uh we made some changes to the

contract and uh half of the blowjobs i'm gonna get now sergey did a little bit of wheeling and dealing be given a lot more handies looks like like a nice house. The legal complaint states that Rothstein compelled Torres to sign a stack of lease agreements. So she was there, her hand was getting tired with all the lease agreements. Yeah, I mean, it is fucked. I'm sure she's like, yeah, I'm trying to just not be homeless

with my five kids. Direct consent for sexual intercourse or cunnilingus is so funny. She said a larger, meaner, or more physically aggressive boyfriend that owns firearms or is possessive. Or is possessive? The initiator calls himself the initiator. I wonder how long this guy was doing this for.

That's insane I know dude That he would even have the nerve You're so right though That's the perfect place to pull that move No 100% Like if I ever was assigned I went to go rent a place

And there was all these things I would just be like Oh yeah yeah Let me just sign Sign all that Oh yeah yeah What do you want Four or six blowjobs a month

How many blowjobs Yeah and then while you're giving him The first blowjob You would go Aha Joke's on you What do you want? Four, six blowjobs a month? How many blowjobs? Yeah. And then while you're giving him the first blowjob, you go, aha! Joke's on you. I got bad news for you. This is the last blowjob you'll be getting from me. So there's that.

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