The Boyscast with Ryan Long - GIGANTIC FAKE GUNS & BITING OFF NOSES w/ STUFF ISLAND

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

The queen, fake chest teachers, nose biting, sports, and STUFF ISLAND! Stuff island is Chris O'conner and Tommy Pope. SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes Chris @achrisoconnor Tommy @tommyjpope LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Boys cast with a banger episode for the ages. You know, we got the boys from Stuff Island in the studio. And this is just a ball of a time. Oh yeah, I had quite the ball. And since there's no sponsors this episode, this episode is brought to you by RyanLongStore.com. Fellas, fellas, merch, if you want to pop over there. And more importantly, Los Angeles will be this Sunday.

Then Cleveland, Chicago. Buy those tickets for Chicago. We're going to add some more too. Cincinnati, Columbus, Charlotte, Greensboro,

Raleigh, Austin, Detroit, Portland, Phoenix, Plano, Toronto, Baltimore.

Get it? Baltimore. And then, if you have anything to promote, yes, lowvaluemail.com for low value mail t-shirts. Yeah.

That are now available. All right. This is our podcast. This is podcast three. This is some of our funniest boys to hang out. So it was like just a straight up boys hang. Yeah, it was. We talk about sports.

We never talk about sports. I know. I changed the subject. We never talk about sports. I know. I changed the subject. I know. I know. All right. Here we go. The boys.

The boys' cast. The lads. The boys' cast. The dudes. Prepare yourselves for the boys' cast. The bros. The boys' cast. The homies.

The boys' cast. The dudes. Experience all this stuff. The fellas in the studio after going to the wrong location. Holy shit, dude. Yeah, dude. And you guys were sort of tuned up last night, right? Fucked up. I feel like we're even now because you sort of hit me up and you're

just like yo it's gonna be late or whatever the traffic's really bad and it's like okay but you're still just leaving now no we were on the road we were the eagles are chewing up we were on the road and i didn't think it was gonna we got through a lot of traffic what we were saying would be a lot longer than we were in fairness we were up and texting about going pretty early. Yeah. We were texting about leaving like around 9. Oh. But then we didn't get on the road until like 12.30.

I mean, the fact that you're up at 9. I was up at 8 thinking Shane was going to leave at like 10 because sometimes he just gets up and skedaddles. And I was like, if I miss this ride, it'll ruin the rest of my fucking day. And then you guys all drove back together. And then we all drove back together. That's real hardcore Philly traffic.

Is that abnormal? Normally, it's a smooth sailing, not even like a little bit of a glitch. It definitely had something to do with leaving a little later. Yeah. Dude, Biden's in town today. He's chipping everything up.

That's why I shouldn't let him in. And Trudeau. Biden's here. Oh, really? Trudeau's here? They're all here, yeah. So, come on. What's Biden doing there?

I don't know. They're all going to be there. My's Biden doing there I don't know Why is Trudeau there My girlfriend's Grandmother texted her And she goes Hey traffic jam Up by the United Nations Where she lives She goes

Cancel all your plans And you're like Yeah but you live up there Yeah yeah Canceling your plans The whole city Justin Trudeau Has been wilding too

He went to visit the queen And then I thought she was dead Yeah he killed her Yeah yeah Well yeah no We had sex with her A couple times

that's the LGBTQN does Canada still acknowledge the crown hell yeah she's on all the money it is sort of

a big deal but he went to the thing and he was like singing and dancing and he did a bohemian rhapsody no he didn't no not at the funeral

after the party no no no there was no not at the funeral after the party no no no there was a the night before the night before the funeral he was like in the hotel lobby like holding court

yeah but I don't know honestly everybody was shitting on it I'm like I don't know if I'm a piece of shit no I didn't love it

but I was like I don't know if I'm a piece of shit but I'm like I didn't think it was the worst thing in the world like she's like she didn't die suddenly she was like 96

he's like i don't know he loves attention you can't get fired why you guys talking shit about the queen yeah fuck the queen yeah you didn't say that when she was alive too afraid yeah come for us yeah once i got over 18 i knew i was safe they wouldn't come for me after a post a post-funeral is the best fucking hang that's like everybody just gets pickled dances yeah and it's a 96 year old right like this isn't like a tragedy that was the funniest thing the articles that day they were like what happens next it's like they just call a guy another old guy yeah yeah well they're sort of in a rock and a hard place

in some way because like everyone will be getting mad at the queen being like you know the monarchy is responsible for this and this and this and the obvious answer is like listen they don't do anything yeah yeah it's like you want you but like you don't want to admit that like it's like you being like you work at a company and everyone's like you know and this thing's going to shit you're like i barely have a job but like you can't blow up your spot exactly you get fired dude if she was complaining about the shit they were up to, they'd be like, well, you're not the queen, Amy. Yeah. You're like the queen.

That whole thing's done. If you're going to complain about what we're doing in India, get fucked. You get the fuck out of here. She did that quiet. The quiet quitting. Yeah. So she does. She's just like.

You know, a woman that age, you hit 70, they have to have an exit strategy for the next old bag. You know what I mean? Yeah. So they waited another 27 years for this pig to fall. There is one. Dude, you had to feel for Prince, what is it, William? Who's the guy who's in there now?

Yeah, he's finally out there. He lost all his prime years, though, dude. For Charles. For Charles. King Charles. He could have been doing physical things as a king, like kayaking and shit. I know. And he just had to be a prince until he was 80.

Yeah. It sucks. Now he's got a... Fucking 75-year-old prince. It sucks so bad. The best is, yeah, you think the girl, no, it's like, yo, I'm hooking up with my friend. What you know about?

He's a prince. Yeah. Yeah, you get to 40, that shit starts getting corny as shit. He's not going to be a prince anymore, dude. Yeah, yeah. He's a prince with Alzheimer's. They are going to have to change all the money in Canada. What?

They are going to have to change all the money. To William? Well, I don't think they're going to put the dead queen on there. Yeah, like, once they start making new money, I think it's the king. King Charles is going to be on the money no william well i don't think they're gonna put the dead queen on there they yeah like like once they start making new money i think it's the king king charles is gonna be on the money now damn this is big for him dude yeah that's huge throwing your own bills i mean dude snort a line rolling up your own face come on dude suck bird that rules you guys have a good in america because all it's your money's all men yeah all our money's chicks we actually had that.

We used to have all dudes with me and my boys protesting. We said, none of this gay shit. I'm not going to walk around with dudes in my pants. And you get like five bills stacked on each other. It's gay as shit. I'm going to fucking orgy in my pocket. Fucking Franklin and Lincoln 6ix9ine. Dude, I can trade this for Kit Kats.

Otherwise, no fucking way. Like a giant prince. I'm sweating my dick off. Is it coming through? I put it on. No, I actually did. No, it's fine. I just got a little bit of anxiety.

I feel the beat of sweat and then it gets bigger the problem is because we cover with the curtain so then it doesn't work well we have it gone now Tommy also gets dipped

in antiperspirant before he leaves the house so it all comes out his face 100% dude I clog all the pores where I should be controlling my temperature and then it just

falls over my eyebrows quick dry cement these things are soaked sponges dude you consider the headband just ringing them out in the bathroom i can't play guitar how the fuck i'm gonna wear headband no like the sports headband remember charlie villanueva that would rule red blue and white you go for Harlem little eye black you guys use gay money in your country the fuck out of here

no they were doing the basically cause there's like a big you know fuck the queen cause they're all like they did all that bad stuff

but like what bad stuff yeah let me like the government loves to sort of be on board with like you know bad news all this stuff

but like low key like we're still having the parade and stuff. Like we're not here to actually like rock the boat. So they made it a holiday. But then they also like said it's elite, like the schools were not allowed to talk about the queen because it's bad. Like students don't want to, they could get triggered because of colonialism. So they, dude, in Canada, it's, this is legitimately, my friends are texting me right now.

They have a holiday, but the teachers aren't allowed to mention why there's a holiday. Shut the fuck up. And all the provinces were like, yeah, or a lot of them were like, yeah, we're not doing a holiday. Do you think this is also to reduce the chances of a revolt and the people coming back and destroying the monarchy? Uh, no. All right. The monarchy's destroyed, I think. No, people are pretty ambivalent about the monarchy.

Well, let's get Those cunts Out of there Yeah I mean We didn't have The balls Like you guys To straight up Leave and then

Be like Oh can you imagine If Canada was like Listen we're out And they're like No you're not You're like We tried

Yeah I'm sorry I even raised my voice Here take my sword Oh okay Alright Well Do you mind

If at least We have our own money No you're not Going to have your own money. You go off. Do you need some money? You want to ride home? My daughter's face is on your money. Canada, I'm hopping along.

I guess the biggest one was, did she kill Diana? What's the conspiracy? What do you guys think? I definitely think she was murdered. What? But do you think the queen was in on it, or do you think it's one of those ones where they're like, listen, this problem's got to get taken care of,

but we're not going to tell you anything more about that, and she goes, la, la, la. You know? No, dude, you can't get killed by... If you're in a car, you could just stop. You can't get killed by motorcycles. Yeah. No, I guess the thing is the paparazzi was driving.

But they were trying to flee. You have just you just stop there's just a bad you think it was a suicide I'm the guy that's like a bumper no I'm the guy that believes the conspiracy and I don't even know it yeah me kids did like kill someone I think Sandy Hook kids did like kill someone. That's not even a conspiracy. You go, I don't know.

That one. Sandy Hook kids killed Alex Jones. Yeah. What was the conspiracy there? I'm real big on knowing one or two facts and peppering into another conspiracy. I know. But you can't ever know them because they go too deep. I remember I tried to have a conversation with someone about the Sandy Hook thing.

And they were like, dude, Sandy Hook didn't even have Wi-Fi. You're like, what? How is that? How is that relevant? Yeah. You can definitely kill kids when the Wi-Fi is not working. No, but maybe for that guy who is sexual and he needs to look at his fucking sights when he's

doing the kill. He's like, alright, now let's... He's powered by child porn No He wanted He wanted Let's fire up some butts He wants some kid butts

Scroll through the The Instagram profile Of the girl who turned him down You know what I mean True That's a good one Look at the pictures Of her new family

One more fucking bullet I think that's what it is I don't know if you guys saw I tell you the story of like This is in right where Danny lives Right where I went to high school Like literally We used to

Our high school football Or like sports The teacher with the tits You see the teacher with the huge cans? Oh yes I sold her the cans And she's a shop teacher What? She's literally She teaches shop Best story, yes I sold her big cans And she's a shop teacher What?

She's literally She teaches shop Best story of the year Dude, she has these So she's trans As of like the last year Did she build her own tits? No, no

She bought them I found the site I found the site He's been looking for himself They're about They're 500 bucks They're on a They're for

It's like a cross-dresser site They're size Z Oh, she just like She scurries Scurries into it Like a front backpack no it no it's uh full like it has it's sleeveless and then you put it on like a shirt silicone and then the jugs are like full of air basically danny i didn't i didn't sleep well enough last night this sounds

like a great bed oh real nice real nice at least pillows and then she wore them no bra because i guess there's no bra for that so that and she's like a shop teacher yeah like teaching these i saw the nipples in her belt yeah that was some of the problem but yeah they're basically the parents were like this is no good and the the school people are like our hands are tied dude we can't get involved in this training when you're buying strap-on tits do you get to choose cold or hot nipples? Like, no. No.

This website, I don't think so. I did peruse the site. I don't think so. I got hot ones. My favorite reaction to this, though, is if you go on Twitter, because there's all these people who are like, what is going on? Blah, blah. And then there's all these dudes who are like, it's pretty unsafe operating a lathe with your tits out.

And they go, she doesn't have her hair in a ponytail or anything. All these dudes are like, and her sleeves are out. It's woodshop. Yeah, like a woodshop. Oh, and she's also teaching the dumbest kids in the school, right? That's where you put all the. And the best part is they're trying to be like. Go make a bitch.

I can't have you fighting the teacher every day. They were trying to say the kids are cool with it. And they go like, no, if any kids are not cool with this, it's that class. Yeah. Like this isn't fucking drama class. This is like the woodshop class. These are kids who are like making fun of her every second. I mean, I would love that on that tip.

Like that's all that stuff. Like even when they were like, we're going to teach like blowjobs to grade six. If I was in grade six, I go, please. Please. You know, yeah yeah mr. Henderson please I if they all like you know you know if the principal and the school board are deciding that he's gonna have to teach me how to get out of chair and gay sex yo that was the big one they're like do we teach gay sex yeah police yes my

teacher yeah he goes like you know and that's how guys have sex with girls. Like, ah, ah, ah. Use another banana. I didn't, I didn't pick it up.

We're not done. There's other types of sex you can have. So this is all training protectant, right? They don't want to offend. Yeah.

It's honestly, it's not even technically. Did you see, um, Ricky Gervais' last special? Yeah, I think so. You know where he basically said he's like, nothing's crazy anymore. Yeah. Like there's nothing like, like there's, pretending it's not even technically um ricky gervais's last special yeah i think you know

where he basically said he's like nothing's crazy anymore yeah like there's nothing like like there's everybody's so worried about being like like you know a bigot so then nothing and like this is the classic example where someone is probably like this is probably crossing a line well it's one of those it wouldn't even be crossing a line of people they you'd show up to work like that and your boss would go, stop it. Yeah. That's hilarious. That's a thoroughbred. I get it.

It is funny, but stop doing it. Take them off. That is what they're trying to do, right? The challenge in the system? Kind of. Well, they're just pushing the boundaries of what's. I'm sure that wasn't her first pick. I know.

Was the size Z. It had to have been her first pick. I know. Was the size Z. It had to have been her first pick. You think they, oh, come on. You think she's like, I'll take normal. She goes, we only have X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X. She goes, ah, toss it in. Come on. I don't know.

That's a choice. It's like getting a large coffee for only like 35 more cents. She was probably like, how much for these? And it's only, what, for this? Just give me big boys. I'll figure it out. I would love to do the same thing. Just a male teacher who teaches in sweatpants.

Huge dick. Just the biggest fake dick he could possibly have. It would have to be a lady. The lady being like, you guys know I'm like a guy now. Just a man with a giant heart. Wearing an erect strap on.

Like the shirts. Where do you even get the shirts? Spandex. They're just wearing a fucking giant hog, dude. Wearing an erect strap on. Yeah. Yeah, basically. And like the shirts, like where do you even get the shirts? Spandex. I guess you get to get. Because it's like the person's body is probably like, you know, I don't know, Ryan, but then the shirts have to have like this much clearance. Wait, is your picture hanging on for dear life? But the arms are normal and like.

Was she wearing a sleeveless shirt? Yeah. I think it was. I think it was a tank. Maybe she was cutting off the sleeves because everybody was like, those sleeves are going to get caught in the lathe. That is so funny, though,

everyone being like, you know, this is like giving a bad example of the kids and the one guy that's like, you think that's bad? Think about the sander. The man who respects the wood shop. Yeah, he respects the safety protocols. Enough about the big heaters on the dude.

Look at her boots aren't regulated. Safety blade. That was wild. I like the idea of her every morning strapping up just like fucking Rambo. She's ready to go to war. Dude, there are all these pictures. She's putting her arms through those tits. Oh my God.

Tying her head, man. arms through those tits. Oh my God. Tying a headband. Yeah, but I mean, at least half of those dudes are questioning their sexuality and wanting to throw a little pork on them.

No, this is not hot. Yeah, no, they're not hot at all. It's not even close to being, they're so clownish. Yeah, it is clownish. It looks like you if you threw some fucking tits on.

It's not like, you know. But they're like, I don't even, I've never seen a chick. I've never seen a human someone that i would fuck yeah they're not human-sized tits though yeah they're like literally they're like but she's also not hot like if you see like a homeless chick all right but i'm saying that i'm like i can appreciate no they're like they hang down to Yeah, it's over her waist Over her waist there was and they're trying to say the kids are like, oh the kids are cool with it

It's all the media and the parents are all like bigoted and stuff Well, this is the kids are taking photos because they're obviously think it's a joke. Yeah, this is her whole angle so that Listen, I don't want to say this but there are Listen, I don't want to say this, but there are subsects of the populace, in both straight and gay, that want attention. They'll do anything for more attention. Todd Glass used to say this because he's gay.

He used to say this about guys that are just, oh, I like the fucking way up in the air gay, and he hated that. He's like, that's just an act. That's just they want attention. That's why they hang out with girls because the girls will give it to them. Yes. The guy's like, I'm in this big fight. Everyone's like...

Yeah, yeah. You can have a flair. I got a flair. You know, you think I'm turning it up. I want attention, right? I get it. But she's like, I can't get fired.

That's number one. I get a lawsuit out of this giant TV. Some people actually were saying that she's trying to get fired. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she goes... I wish. She gets a payday.

And then she goes, if I don't, I get a shitload of airtime because the media is gonna have to cover me this is a this is a strategy that she can parlay out of woodshop teaching into entertainment she can be you're right the next she's looking honestly if you knew what entertainment was like in canada you think you're telling us what it is it's dark the entertainment industry like i don't even know i guess she's looking at open she'd be doing open mics in. The entertainment industry, I don't even know. She'd be doing open mics in Toronto next week. I don't even know.

In her mind, you only know that because you went into it and you go, huh. This is what it is, right? Dude, I'll tell you this. I had a teacher and I think it was whatever, geometry or no, I don't know. Whatever. One of my subjects,

when he showed up with a new toupee and he was tormented for four straight years. Yeah. This is like, it was the funniest thing in the world to me. Of course. Now he's got tits on? Yeah.

So he tried to change toupees mid-year? He went, he had Mr. Daz. He had gray hair Showed up Toupee Jet black Oh my god Shit This is like after I'd been in the school

For a couple years So he was around right And it was Maybe the funniest thing It was like Everyone burst out laughing When he shows up into class There's nothing funnier

As a kid you'd think He's fucking with you Like he's like He wants to put a joke on Yeah This is kind of keeping In the tradition of shopkeepers Being just fucking

When I went this dude mr. Somerset he got in the middle of the year He got fired because he had like one of those old like he was like whatever he worked like a regular job He worked what he taught one class He was smoked during class and he had one of those like really old like 486 computers and he kept all the grades on there and some kid just like pressed delete and deleted all his grades and he's just like i teach one class fuck this he punched the kid in the face yes yeah yes like he was an old school dude mr somerset and he had like missing all these teeth he was like a real hard dude yeah and then and then now they're like this is what it is yeah like dude my shop teacher got struck by lightning i swear to god before i ever got to high school oh he's talking about that a

lot this guy so like so it went through like his right hand and i think out his left foot so his right hand was gone his left leg was like a peg leg yes did he make his own leg his right hand and I think out his left foot so his right hand was gone his left leg was like a peg leg yes did he make his own leg his left hand had his right toe as his thumb oh stop it like a chimp dude yeah was it out sideways also like a building bear, dude. He was remade from shop parts. Oh, my God. He's like a Mr. Potato. It was nuts. And every year on the first day of class, does he have to be like,

hey, just so you know, this is from Lightning, not for me being a bad show. He never addressed it. He doesn't be like, I didn't get in an accident in the shop. No, he'd just hobble over to you and tell you how to operate a drill. Damn, dude. Dude. Yeah, that was the first time I realized I could do that. That also, because your first instinct would be like, he's like, and here's how you do

the hacksaw. And you go, I don't know if you're the guy. You think that the injuries happen in his shop endeavors. Yeah, no. This is a full-body trauma. I didn't understand shop. You know, they don't teach you things that you could use in life. Really?

I went to Jewish elementary school. You think carpentry would be one of the big things? Yeah, because half of teach you things that you could use in life. Really? I went to Jewish elementary school. You think carpentry would be one of the big things? Yeah, because half of them are going to be in carpentry.

The dumbest kids I ever knew. So I didn't get to meet with the waterheads that often because I was in first track in AP. But all the

waterheads. I imagine they were saying the same thing about you. No, dude. I was going to school with the big boys.

They were like, this kid, you jam in the locker afterwards. I was the only jock that could rip their undies over their forehead. Anyway, Spanish class is when I hung out with the waterheads. Being the lone jock at Catholic school. You're like, let's go boys. There's no boys. Just the solo sad jock.

You're like, why do you keep doing this? It's what I do. I'm training for the future. We're jocks. I'm just for the future. We're jocks. I'm just giving the trolley horses to the coaches. No, but the Spanish class was unruly with maniacs. That's where you'd hang out with what we call the shed boys. Because they had to go to school.

There was no fourth track. There was just this wooden shed next to the school. They had to learn math and shit. No, they didn't even get a normal classroom. No, because they had to get special training. And then just to further denigrate them, they put them in this shed? In a shed, yeah.

I bet it was hot as fuck like this. You want a bigger school? Build it. Dude, these dudes, we had this little Spanish teacher that was like, she was kind of autistic and really strange.'d wear like like hairy carpets around her for her like long really long she never laid tight like really long skirts all the way to her ankles and like her she would be like okay class like very strange very strange woman wear hairy carpets

well yeah like it'd be very woolly and like she's like old school like wool and she never showed skin she was like very yeah like a mormon mom or something and then our all the kids would we would just come up with some prank every day so like before class before she came in we'd be there like five minutes earlier yeah and she they'd be like at 110 everybody just stand up and start marching So the whole class I love those guys Yeah yeah yeah I've done a few

The whole class Except for the goody goodies That would happen to be In like first or second track Or whatever They can't walk You already broke their kneecaps One day we would just

Like everybody had a paper ball And we'd just drill her And then she couldn't say Like who did it at first She'd turn around And just fucking Peg her in the back of the head With an old test.

Shit, that ruled, man. Shout out water. You couldn't even prank this teacher. It'd be a hate crime. Yeah, exactly. Legit any prank, hate crime.

Yeah, well, what you'd want to do is pop the titties out of the movie. She's flying around. If anything, everybody gets their own ones. They all show up one day.

Every kid shows up with a size bigger tizzy. You're right. Not even bigger t day. Every kid shows up. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Size. Bigger tits. You're right. Even bigger tits. If you are a kid, because yeah, people are going to debate this in the media and stuff, but kids know how to handle their business.

If you were, you and your boys were in that class and you all just showed up with matching tits and they were like, you can't do that. And you go, why? How many? That's the funny, that's the move. Over, under. In Halloween parties in this town and that's cool. How's the move over under in halloween parties in this town and that's cool how many people are dressing up like big titty yeah big titty's gonna be a

popular you know it's a weird thing though so some article found the site that's how i saw them whatever and then for whatever reason they were like 800 on the site and then the site because of this news like oh put them on sale yeah On sale? Right? They're now $450 or something. No way. Slashing the price, I guess, blowing them out. Well,

because they used to be like a very, like a boutique item that only you're selling 10 of them, so the prices are high. Now they're moving off the shelf probably.

It's so funny because that's like a factory somewhere. fake tits applying to me. Like someone's job is just like, yeah, I make latex size Z.

Imagine hanging up the phone like, holy shit, got a hundred more triple D you won't believe it someone someone's not spending time with their family because they can't get these tits out there is a really good I couldn't find the girl's name but as a Instagram star that has these like huge guns right yeah and had a Instagram story where she does does anything at other than talk about the guns, but she has like $10, you know, she's getting 2 million views a video, right?

Just reading nursery rhymes with the guns, whatever she wants to do, doing dances. This is how you make an omelet. Yeah, doing omelets with the guns, making nursery rhymes. She's doing all the things, but with the guns.

And then she's like been prepping up that I'm getting this breast reduction. And she got the breast reduction and someone posted the analytics. She went from like 100 to 200k minimum of video to like 5k overnight just analytics are just torched yeah did she actually think she had worth she honestly thought like well now that i'm a real like a big star i don't need the guns oh my god honey you needed the gun their back was probably killing yeah oh yeah you're just dead lifting all day i deadlift once a week i'm hurting for five days this bitch is

throwing 325 across her chest it'd be funny if she had to walk around you know when the people put their like one knee on that little scooter okay put their tits on a scooter in front of them try to keep the weight off their back yeah they to go over the handlebars on the bike, I think. That's just standard. Yeah, what a nightmare. These ones are rare, though. They're designed for use, you know? For function.

Those ones. People, I would say if this week was like a week for all the wackiest fucking stories, that's why the Beyond Meat CEO, so the chief operating officer That's like you know probably like third up Yeah he's up there Yeah he was in a fight In like a parking garage Someone's car basically backed into him And the

Billionaire probably guy Caught into a fight they started yelling And then he just started biting off the guy's nose And then people started trying to break it up and they're all both bloody. He's got a piece of the guy's flesh in his mouth and he's like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm the head of Beyond Meat, the vegetarian. That's what happens when you get all jacked up from sporting events

because he was leaving the Arkansas Missouri game or something like that. He said a Subaru kept inching his way and in front of him, he has a Bronco. That's a car that means business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a snub-nosed type, too.

Those new ones, too. Those new Broncos. Yeah. That's what I was going to have. I think I would bite in a fight pretty fast. Well, he opened with smashing with his fist the rear window. Through a windshield. You drive away if some guy is trying to punch in your windshield.

That's great. If someone does that, they go like, oh, so you just don't care about your hand? Yeah. Nothing like an arm? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just trying to punch through? You. That's great. If someone does that, they go like, oh, so you just don't care about your hand, nothing like that. You're just trying to punch through. You're not going to respect the tip of my nose. You break my back rear window. You're biting your noses. My best friend growing up

got his nose bit off. Really? What? Yeah, my boy Ron Bader was in a fight in college. Maybe just after college. He was a tough kid and he would always get in fights around town. But I watched, the only fight I saw him do as we were older,

I saw him fight some dude at a tailgate for St. Joe's Parade. Did they reattach it or did he just go a hole in the face? They did, but it didn't work out that well.

Oh no, they had to put a thumb there. Like dirty work? They had to do like a skin graph and it's like a lot of, So he looks weird. A bit, yeah,

it's obvious. I haven't seen him in years, but. He's probably hitting the bottle pretty hard now I well they will do you look like creamer Chris Farley and dirty work yeah yeah it was pretty fucked up at first I got I don't know if it's him or another dude but what it didn't take it first so like like no skin can die and then you have to take it off you can't you wear oh not taking looks not good either.

Yeah, dude. Yeah. He's snub-nosed, too. You ever see the snub-nosed bear? You ever look up a snub-nosed bear? No. Holy fuck, dude. You probably have showed it to me.

Does it look like its nose is bitten off? Legendary. Or is it a huge, short nose? Or is it an ancient bear that was huge? Short nose, snub nose. All right, guys. It would just kill villages. It was like the size It was a bear but a dinosaur. Oh, and oh, you know what? I think that's off over recently

Actually, there's two guys beside one of them. Yes, and it's like yeah, I would have they only get up to like their ankle Yeah, yeah fucking Should've saved it. Yeah. Yeah you wasted your road You got these bear facts dude they used to have like villagers like 30 of them set up like traps where like i guess they get one like slow lady like this way and then they would dig like giant you know they figured out the only way to kill them was to for them to fall in giant trenches oh wow but probably eaten for like all you do would just come like clear villages and then go to the next town, clear villages.

But I'm saying if you catch one of those things, you're eating. You're good. That village, you're good. Yeah, that's good. Bear meat though, is that good? I think back then you probably just take a chicken. Back then, yeah. Probably all right.

Back then it was probably like chicken. So can you imagine living in an era where there were animals you couldn't kill? Like physically. Yeah. Do you guys ever, because you live together, do you ever have like we get together and like do you cook for each other

or is it every man for himself in the house? I cook for him. Yeah, he cooks for me. I made eggs once. Yeah, yeah. Did you do like weaponized incompetence? He made it up so much. He made it up for a while.

Three years he made me eggs once. Dude, he made eggs once too. I've heard the story. I think I made a PB&J once too. Yeah, you got to make bad eggs the first time and then the girls be like, she can't cook and you go. His girlfriend was like, he made her eggs once and there was like no salt, pepper, nothing, just just some eggs.

Savage, dude. Yeah, she wasn't. This is like first night. I would rather say I don't cook. And honestly, this is, I had no. He doesn't though. I didn't have any idea that this was an issue until like months later. She's like, can you believe the eggs?

I go, you had a problem with the eggs? No idea. You've been eating that way your whole life. Oh, I had no idea. You put salt on something. You're like, what did you do to these? No, honestly. No, Ryan goes, you put salt on his eggs,

and he starts sweating. He's like, what is this, habanero or some shit? What's going on here? Oh, so I was in Miami this week, and honestly, the people, we went to one fancy restaurant. The way that they do it, first of all I the way that they talk they go um so anyways you guys want any a blue skit yeah yeah they say all the fancy words right and then they have like potato esponage like they're saying all these

things it's literally home fries with some cheese yeah and I go you're not much fancier than I am you know're not that different, me and you. Isn't that the whole thing with fucking like aioli? Isn't that just like mayonnaise? All of the things are pretty normal. They just like present it differently and give it a fancier name. Well, they give the name of just a different country. Like it's just the guy. And that's what they call it in Italy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, a potato, espinata. You go, it's home fries. $40 home fries. Speaking of Miami, are the fake asses, the technology getting any better?

Fake everything over there. Oh, you don't like the way they look. No, this is phase one of fake dumps. I know. We're in phase like four

of titty bombs. Yeah, you're so right. I think that you're probably. Silicone titty bombs feel really good, whereas before they were just like, they would look like

pastry chef over Like a baseball You know like You know like Strudel Yeah It's a little A little potato Mashed potato

Yeah Like your old White trash aunt Finally had enough money She sold like an IROX Z And she had just Two big rocks With skin like real tight

Wound around it So now tits are great But the fake asses You can see It's a shelf They go right out And they're out On the corners

Yeah and they're like Yeah they look terrible They're all over the streets I think that the technology Is still what you're saying In the first trimester Yeah We went to the

We went to the This place 11 With like Our We know Miami guys This guy Carlos And Anna Sneeko

Like all these fucking Yeah Like proper Miami Yeah Sneeko's your yayo cook. I don't know if he was that, but he's been living there for two months, or two weeks, he's already got all white everything. He's in it,

right? These guys know everything. They all have a Cuban accent. They know every doorman. Both of them, I was like, oh, he knows a guy. He's like, I know a guy. They're both like, I know every doorman. It's almost like it's a point of pride that they know the doorman. It's like us trying to say who's louder. We're arguing about who's louder.

But they actually have something of worth. So we went there. First of all, they got trapeze artists on this place. And then you get the lap dances in broad public. So everyone's getting like, there's all these guys with like four girls just like crawling all over them and stuff like that everyone's just throwing money everywhere there's just one you know a random old guy they'll just be sitting there and he's got two girls on his lap one girl onto her lap he's you're creating these like orgy lap dances situations in the middle of and

you can just like pull out your phone and record anything that's like they don't they consider themselves like a nightclub with strippers yeah you can you can they're not topless but there's so many of them you cannot make it to the bathroom without getting like oh they're so aggressive this is the worst case i like this you feel sought after that's a benefit yeah yeah that feels good to feel wanted that's so annoying i went with my girl it was just like oh that's all right well that's fine it was fine i was just like i don't know know They knew a guy with a booth too So we're sitting there Drinking other people's

Vodka with a thing too I can't It was a scene Any attention Even if they're hot Like I can't There's a sneaker shop on Steinway That I can't go into

There's two hot girls that work there You know how every Every shop in a dog shit town Just puts a hot chick in the front As a hostess You put the hot broad on the curb The abracadabra The gargoyles are in the kitchen

Yeah the pigs will come The guards Yeah but they're in the wood shop a hostess. You put the hot broad on the curb. The gargoyles are in the kitchen. Yeah, the pigs will come. Yeah, but they're in the wood shop in the kitchen. Why don't I, you promised me eventually I'd get promoted from the kitchen. You go, it's coming for sure. Once you get that wonky toothpick. Keep doing CrossFit, you'll get. But you go into the sneaker shop, you get pounded by these two women. Non-stop.

Oh, how about this? How about this? Do you like this? And you're like, I'm just perusing. But it's about this? How about this? Do you like this? And you're like, I'm just perusing. But it's just sneakers? No, they're sneakers and like shoes and stuff. These would look good on you. I know they won't.

They're gaudy Eastern European boardwalk shoes. I wouldn't wear those on fucking Halloween. Get out of my face. That's so funny walking in there and you're like all the way outside. You see your buddy. They're not going to take advantage of me. You see him walking out.

He's got four tracks. Low for the day. It's like the alligator fucking thing. That's the dude at the strip club going, this one likes me, dude. Spent 500 bucks for a handjob I never got. Yo, that's so funny. When you go into the store and they convince you to, you look good. And you're like, do I?

They got you in some Miami club shirt all of a sudden. I've made that mistake before going down to Florida and getting like a Hawaiian shirt and being like, this actually is pretty comfortable. It looks good. Yeah. I'm going to wear this when I get back for sure. At least that's a bit of a joke. Oh yeah.

But the funniest is you got your same normal everything else except for one stupid fancy Miami shirt. Yeah, you're wearing sweatpants with ketchup on it. You're like, who is that? Went to Florida. Guess who went to Florida? Guess. Yeah, they got an $8,000 wallet in the pocket of your track pants now.

Our strippers got to be changing up their jargon, though, right? The hooker stripper speak like that. The honeys and the babies i hate it honey babies yeah i think they're i think they're on that still baby baby you've got a baby oh yeah i hate that stuff yeah that's why if i'm in an actual relationship and someone calls me honey or baby i'm like don't do that yeah how is this helping you frequently what yeah where you're like traumatized it's like moved into your relationship no i just noticed i heard one pig call me baby no

i wouldn't be like did my wife just call her baby no no i'm not worried about the person i'm with no he's saying the stripper walks up and they're like hey baby and he goes oh oh no he usually comes after you don't want your loved one to call you baby yes because it's empty it's shallow it's not empty from her though yeah it is they're doing stripper talk is that what you're saying like you're messing me up your girlfriend will be like hey baby you go you think i'm fucking stupid mark now is that all our love is to you you're gonna say honeys and babies to me just a john come up with something new. Yeah, Jesus Christ. You think I don't know

what's going on there? Yeah, yeah. Just think about it for a second. Come up with something unique. Tell your girlfriend you're hanging out at strip clubs

without telling your girlfriend you're hanging out at strip clubs. Did you just call me baby? None of that here. None of that here. Where's the champagne room? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We don't have a champagne room. We don't have fluorescent lights behind us. None of that in the house. It's more like this. He goes, he goes, honey, and. We don't have a champagne room. We don't have fluorescent lights behind us. None of that in the house. It's more like this. He goes, honey, and he goes, all right. Oh, wait a second. No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. No, no, no, no. We're putting that money away. I like hanging out with Chris. He just keeps asking me to break 20s every time I call him baby. Go to a laundromat. Get yourself something nice. Bring back 19 ones once just put a little bit in their sweatpants band i'll tell you a wild thing i had on the plane though uh fucking so miami plane miami heat it's

like boiling hot ac's broken on the plane you're maybe the most snake bitten travel person never and by the way their end back had problems honestly Yeah that's what I'm saying Honestly Their NBAC and the Uber But I've started To not want to Make And yeah I've started to not Also we sent us

To the wrong address So maybe it's him Yeah it might be him Well one of them is him actually The Uber was you You're on the flight No AC I don't

I just can't Size Z tits you're wearing I'm sweating my ass off Oh that's actually He's got a paper towel Going down my ass off. Oh, that's actually a good one. He's got a paper towel going down his ass. Because you know it's giant fainted. You know they charge you for an extra seat if you're too fat.

Yeah. But they can't charge you for being trans. No. You kidding? Oh, that's. The airline will go. You got a free seat for the puppies. Wear a fucking wig.

Go down on Spirit Airlines and be like, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize Spirit Airlines was the transphobic airline. Yes. I guess I'll tweet that out to my 150,000 followers. What's your name? Sally? Yeah. Do you have to check those tits if they're not?

No, that's super transphobic. They definitely have. No, that's. Dude, what about this hands-on security going, like, trying not to smirk through this going. Sorry. Sorry, miss. That's more than three ounces. I'm sorry. Do I call you ma'am? You're like, yeah, I do.'s more than three ounces. I'm sorry.

Do I call you ma'am? You're like, yeah, I do. Call me ma'am. Can we just see what's under the tits? We have to check the tits. They do feel pretty good. I felt that both ways, too. They do have that pretty funny move, though.

When they feel your dick, they just go like this on it. Back of the hand. Yeah, yeah. Back of the hand. Did you ever see that cop? My leash. Baby. Back of the hand

is more fucking queer, you know? Like if you just went like, all right, cup check. Yeah, yeah. You'd be cool about it. Yeah. Come here, kiddo.

What do I got in there? Just be cool about it. None of this just goose you. Yeah, it's more, it's more, it's more sensual. Yeah, you're moving it

like beads in a palm reader's office. Yeah, like a girl who knows how to get you hard properly, you know? You try and get through like, who's next? Let me see the balls. What are we working with? I'd like to come in from behind. I'd like to come in from behind. That's so funny

The security The security airport guy Dude Switching things up a bit Did you ever see that police video Alright Gotta just check this There's like a

I don't know if it's cops Like a walk all the way around A dash cam There's this There's this black dude In cuffs And the cops like Patting him down

He goes He's like what's this What do we got right here And he's like It's my dick He in cuffs And the cops like patting him down He's like what's this? What do we got right here? And he's like It's my dick He goes Oh sorry about that I remember that

I think at one point He was like good for you man Good for you Nice Yeah nice dude Sick hot I guarantee you guys won't Agree this story is my fault

Because the It was so hot So you're sitting in the plane With the air condition Going for Off for 45 minutes Everyone's You know I've probably made eye contact with 15 people where you go uh yeah you know we

all have camaraderie about how crazy this is at this point and then you just hear a lady start screaming so like maybe a 50 year old like latin kind of woman she's like and she's having a like like a panic attack and she can't breathe, so she starts going crazy. They all rush on. She's bawling her eyes out doing this, and then everyone's like, oh, God, another thing, right?

So she starts having this. Everyone rushes her out. They're trying to get her out, but she won't move. All the commotion in the world. She's bawling her eyes out, and then they finally get her off, and they go,

all right, everybody, we're deboarding the plane because of that happen. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Did you want to get off though? No, I wanted the plane to take off. Dude, this happened to me in Atlanta. So I had to catch a second flight. The plane rolls in.

They had us waiting to get our gas filled. And the tank wasn't, the lock wasn't engaging, and you could see out the window, this dude's like fucking with the lock. We had to wait for like a second mechanic to come through. Then the fatties in the back of the plane started getting worked up.

They're like, the air! I don't get why they can't run the air, though. I know. Well, I guess the gas. Oh, they had like no gas. They need the engine. They like to get it just like bone dry before they refill the hot water. So they put us on the flight, and then the guys, people just started complaining how

hot it was. So the captain's like, all right, we're not going to be off here in a little bit, but I'm telling you now, if we de-board, we're going to have to re-board the same process that'll take another. And he's like, he looks at the list. He's like, we have about 30 to 35 people That are trying to Take a connecting flight here

Which could affect it I'll leave it up to you guys And the fat's like I want to get off Oh I'd kill him Be like You get off And get a new plane buddy

And then I You know They put you up At a nice hotel And I slept with a Russian Yeah dude I do think That like

Where'd the Russian come from Safe flight Come on On the flight? Hotel bars are Filled with sexual tension You picked up a girl At the hotel bar?

I've never been at a hotel bar Like Where I Like the staying overnight ones Yeah So you just pull your thing up And everybody by that point We get out of the

Out of the The tarmac And all the things are closed So like And you have like the shared Like trauma Yes He has died You fuck at an airport Yeah Everybody's got of the tarmac and all the things are closed. And you have the shared trauma experience of this guy you fuck at an airport. It's a lock-in.

You guys remember lock-ins? No. Really? You never did a lock-in at your church or anything like that? Oh, no. You just stay at the school or the church overnight? You guys never did that? And you just finger people? Oh my god.

Your teachers are there. Obviously you're not supposed to tell your parents about it yeah it's a sleepover at the church or like a yeah what the community yeah it's like all the kids you're not going somewhere on ted church yeah dude where else you like that baby don't call me baby yeah so like You roll up your suitcase And everybody's like Lean over the bar

Like just give me A fucking whiskey Or something And then you strike up A conversation It really does feel like That's really up your alley By the way

Oh it's so hot dude Oh I would love it As soon as I walk Into an airport I get turned on I feel like you're like A Kaiser Soze Kaiser Soze kind of thing

Where like you're the guy Who was like Jimmied up the gas compartment couldn't get in the fat guy's like i went off from my p2 should we go up i don't know my voice is like a lady voice like me too i already find my kill you know what i mean i'm a lion stalking for a slow l find my kill talking for a slow well there she is the best game about that you just live with you yeah that's how you get a hotel room every night yeah I'd light a cigarette in the bathroom and skedaddle like somebody smoking in the

bathroom I feel like we should get off the plane and head to the Applebee's bar. Winking at every girl as you leave. Dropping cards. Oh, shit. Dude, I get horny in airports, too. I get so horny in airports. Do you get horny in airports? I've gotten a boner here and there, but I don't think it's like a specific. I think there's a lot of hot chicks walking by.

That's maybe something. Yeah, it feels like full of potential. And hotel bars? Hotel bars should have bowls of condoms instead of peanuts. How often do you have the hotel bars? I don't have the bar beside the flight. What are you going to do there? You're talking about in the terminal. No, I'm talking about regular hotel bars. Off the premises.

Regular hotel bars. How are you there so often? Any hotel I ever stay at. So you go and pretend you had a flight that got canceled? No, no, no. I'm just sidetracking. All my materials, flight canceled materials, no, no. I'm just sidetracking. All my materials, flight canceled materials. Yeah, dude.

I just got a suitcase full of like goobers and trolley gummies. Just like walk into a hotel bar. Just in case things go south. At least I'll have a bit of candy. It'll really go south. How you doing? You always have the pretzels just to be like, that's how you start it. You go, I guess I'll have these and these.

Dude, there's little Biscop cookies from Delta. That's what they give you on the flight, I guess. Oh, what's that? Travel toothbrush in my ass. Anyway, where are you headed, baby? I live around the corner. Yo, that's such a scam. Where's Tommy?

He's at LaGuardia again. His favorite spot. I'll tell you what, I have been at a bar late at night solo because let's say someone else left and you stick it out and you act like your friends are all still there. Yeah, for sure.

Like at the Club. I don't know, they're here for sure somewhere. We'll go grab them and knock down that for sure. It's the adult thrill that I used to get when you're 20s. When you would just go out every night. You're like, I'm going to go home with somebody. The last time I did that was forced with John Nunn.

The dude I was telling you about. I used to stay with him when I first got here. Like nine years ago or whatever. And he locked his keys out and he was in a different borough. And I couldn't get a hold of him. Because he was like that when he was drunk. Now he's not. He's sober.

But he would just disappear. So I couldn't get in his house. So then I had to go to... And you pulled it off? Yeah, off yeah i did i was like i have to go to a bar and get laid i have to walk around and ask some i'm not sleeping on the street i didn't know anybody so i went to the nearest pub in bushwick and i met a girl and she took me to fucking harlem immediately yeah she lived in a project building she looked beautiful but i didn't know she did she lived with her family in the project. Yeah, but you probably went back to the family?

What was that wake up like? I didn't know that. She goes, you want to come back to my place? I was like, yeah, I think I could do that. You know,

acting like it wasn't my whole fucking life. Sure. I don't know. I got a mansion that's accessible. She goes, why don't we go there?

It's not, okay, I lied. Was the family there when you woke up? I think I skedaddled like really early. I forget. I saw her little brother.

I didn't see her dad. Dude, that's so funny. She was Spanish. Girl, bringing home back to the thing and the brothers. You're waking up to the brother breathing on you. I remember walking down the steps. Which might actually be the son. True.

I never know. I would never know. You will never know. I will never know Sketchy business too You know the Spanish dad Could be unhappy right I'm actually getting excited

Thinking about it Spanish dad Who the fuck Who the fuck are you And you go My flight got canceled Go here have some pretzels Yeah yeah

You successfully sneak out Of a house like that though You're like I could have joined the Navy SEALs Yeah for real I'm like I'm like deadly quiet Yeah

Yeah I think I jogged Like two blocks once I got outside of that little premises. Oh, you probably had a little pep in your step after pulling that one off Triple Axel. For sure, dude. Speedwalking to the coffee shop. Just in case they release the hounds.

That was one thing that I was even, like I was going to say that earlier, but like the living together, that's other cultures. They never stop doing that. I feel like and Like they all kind of live with their boys forever and then the girls just move in and you guys are you guys are living Like people that aren't white live when they get older

They like still have their boys and if the girl comes they just kind of move into the house to Chain went from our floor. I know stairs. So it's like yeah, most you move upstairs, but it's like it's way better It's amazing. Yeah, it's it's pretty yeah the utmost you move upstairs but it's like it's way better it's amazing yeah it's yeah it's pretty much the most fun the worst part about being older is you have to live with girls yeah yeah yeah and your boys are gone yeah and the dudes see how you live it's funny like when someone's on your business they're up in your business it's terrible like a podcast fan like dude you're 40 something with roommates roommates. Like, what's that? And I was like, your wife is your roommate.

Yeah, yeah. You have a roommate, too. You're just not having fun. You know what I mean? You also don't fuck, I bet. Yeah, very likely. So I got it made. Things don't like to go out.

Because I'm fucking my roommates, and I'm living with them. No, having them squat around Is the way to do it It's awesome But it's hard to like It's just hard to pull off But you guys are fucking That's when I When I go back to you

When I go to your place I'm like I could fucking do this Yeah Yeah yeah This is the ticket dude It's a vibe dude Dude I'm full on

Kramer in Shane's apartment Dude I was bursting Through that door What are you doing Coffee Yeah You're going through Their fridge Yeah dude I was bursting through that door. What are you doing? Coffee? Yeah.

Really? Going through their fridge. His milk's expired. You spent like three days up there. It doesn't take much to get the touch of O'Connor around. There's something on every fucking table. It used to couch. The cushions were like on the floors like an old McDonald's bag. I'm like, you better clean this.

You better tidy this up before Papa Shane gets home well everything's disposable my life instead of cleaning just throw anything out yeah well this French dentist was jailed for mutilating patients do you guys see the French dentist no I'm telling you his wacky story after wacky story this week what what he was purposely fucking people's teeth up so we'd get more money? This guy fucking kicked so much ass. That's just a regular dentist. That's just a dentist.

Well, veterinarian for sure. You want to talk about fucking stuff? This guy was pulling out. People were going out. He goes, all 35 of them got to go. What? Yeah, dude. Dude, patients that needed a loose crown ended up having their full mouth of healthy teeth removed.

Oh my God. Like full root canals where they shave all the teeth down the little fucking widgets. For veneers. And they put full teeth on them. This guy had this operation going for a bit. He's like 35 or something.

Dude, I'm telling you, there's a lot of dentists sweating right now when this came out. Dude, didn't they give him like, yeah, they are all crooks. Dude, I remember I went, right before I moved here, I went to like, I was like, I'm going to go to the dentist before I moved to America because I had my dentist in Toronto. dentist sweating right now this came out because they're all crooks dude i remember i went right before i moved here i went to like you know i was like i'm gonna go to the dentist before i moved to

america because i had my dentist in toronto and then it was like it was actually this kind of newer one and then the dentist comes in and he's like he tried to give me this presentation about why i needed like all this shit and it was like a powerpoint but you could tell he was mentally so checked out like he just was like wants the money like he's like i just think about golf or something and he's just like pointing thing the money. He's like, I was thinking about golf or something and he's just pointing and he goes, yeah, it's this.

No enthusiasm whatsoever. I was like, I'm good and nothing came of it. Of course. No problems. Until they crack the exterior where all the sugar and the bacteria comes from

to infect the interior, you're fine. My dad has never been to a dentist. Really? He's never been to a dentist. How do they look? His teeth look like

a 7th century cemetery. I was say leaning on each other it's like mold in the corners you know when you see like an old soldier and there's like green mold in the inside there's ghosts of bacteria in there yeah my mom is just haunting him in the back uh no but he's never he's never, because he was a conspiracy theorist around the ship. That's a good, I love the guys that are into conspiracy theories, but they're all like,

it's like low-level conspiracies. Dennis is pretty fucking serious, dude, because any cavity tooth that I had from my youth eventually turns into a root canal. If you play sports, you crack your teeth. I've heard like reputable people say that, uh,

most cavities, the, the, the dentists do. You probably didn't. Cause some of them expand, like some cavities expand and some are just, they are,

and the ones that expand, you need to get filled. But the ones that don't are just like, you don't need to. Yeah. But they, they don't show you the technology. They don't have the technology to show you

do you remember like fucking 10, 15, 20 years ago or even 30 years ago the blur of the x-ray that they would show you to prove that you have a cavity and need

they go see and you go I don't know and you're like what am I looking at yeah everything is the same thing yeah there'd just be like a little shape

and they'd be like just an insurance insurance scam because everybody who goes to the dentist mostly has insurance. And they're like, how do we bilk the insurance company out of the most amount of money possible? I got a crown six months ago. The guy told me, he's like, don't get insurance for dental.

It's the only insurance you should never get. It's such a waste of money. And you'll get a cleaning once a year, which is like a hundred bucks. And we can give you a discount. Yeah. Like when a dentist, oral surgeon is telling you not to get fucking dental surgery this guy's got your back yeah and i was like you're my guy now you're my fucking guy they're mostly mechanics like they're the same the same job yeah yeah yeah oh chiropractors is fake even better yeah chiropractor they don't

even need to like show you an x-ray they go oh you're gonna need all of it we go i don't even really have anything you go wait till you know yeah if you can feel what i'm feeling right now yeah you'd be mortgaging your house now let's go over the different packages we have we've got the wooden post buddy they're fucking timeshare salesman the chiropractor dude i went to a chiropractor in uh stuy town actually i Oh, he loves it. No, no, no. I hate. No, no, no. This is the worst. It was the craziest experience of my life. He tried to sell me this like supersonic thing where I had to take it home and like massage.

He's like, yeah, it's like 25 bucks a day. And then I like looked it up and it was honestly like an Amway kind of like scam. A day? Dude, it was like you take it. He's like, yeah, you just like rent it for like I don't know bring it back to me in like a week or something wait it was multi-level marketing it was like just

yeah all you have to do is sell it to five more people dude it was like such a no it was like a scam like the thing and then you will look it up online everybody's like yeah this thing doesn't work at all

you could tell this guy was just and he was asking me about comedy and stuff and he's like yeah I did comedy for like a week and then in the honest he goes he's like yeah

he goes what do you think about like I've been thinking about doing because I've done I went to school for like film week and then in the honesty goes he's like yeah I um he goes what do you think about like I've been thinking about doing because I've done I went to school for like film like maybe like I do some like stand up but like which is no crowd is he rubbing your back at this point no no

this is like a consultation and honestly this is one of those things where I have so many red flags and I still was like okay we could proceed a bit I don't

but he was like what if like you just do that where you like film yourself doing stand up in front of just like a brick wall but no crowd and then you put that out and I was like I'm not here for this that is that Shane and then he had this weird you went back a second time though yeah cuz I paid for it in advance that's what happened he's like he's like I paid

for it and then I did and then I was, why don't you just film in front of a brick wall? When your dentist is thinking how to scam your job, he's like, dude. You know what I mean? There were so many red flags. He's already figured out his. He's already figured out his job. I can move on now. You can buy Instagram followers, right?

Dude, he was literally. Your chiropractor's literally first thing about your job is why don't you fake it? Honestly, I felt like I was one step away from him putting me on like, you know, the 1930s, like the band that just like for weight loss or whatever. He's like, just like hook up to this thing. I was like, oh, okay. Also, what he was telling you is like a Theragun and they're like 35 bucks. It wasn't a Theragun because it had like a hypersonic like cold. It was honestly like 50

buzzwords. It's faster than sound. Dude, it was like 50 buzzwords in this one little thing. It was nonsense. It was cold. It was hot. Imagine walking in for a massage walking away with a daily charge. Also,

this guy got like, he got some serious time, right? Didn't he get like 15, 20 years? This guy's going away for a daily charge. Also, this guy got some serious time, right? Didn't he get like 15, 20 years? This guy's going away for a minute. So it says the officer spoke with both parties and witnessed and determined that his... Oh, that is the wrong story. His name is Gueds. Accused of...

Oh, 4,000 root canals is how many he did on 330 patients. So he basically was hitting these couple... He found his sucker. 4,000 root canals is how many he did on 330 patients so he basically was hitting these he found his suckers 4,000 dude imagine going back for your like 9th root canal

I guess the truth is once you start giving people root canals you probably fuck some other shit every time you do one you wreck one yeah you know what I mean

I feel like we gotta be getting close though to just getting people aren't happy too beyond teeth you know yeah well some people are

I got a one crown and and I kind of like it. Why? Honestly, the first time I got it, I was kind of... Can't get a cavity. Yeah. And it felt like, you know, when Luke first gets his fake hand? That's what it felt like. Actually, it's not that bad.

I'll tell you what, Dad. Imagine all your teeth are fake and white. Yeah. Don't people get grills? Like, they mangle your teeth, like the real grills where they file them all down. You're like, that's it. You're done. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen, this is true because I'm a fucking freak about it. But fake teeth. And if they, like, secreted toothpaste and shit. Fake teeth. They're, like, self-cleaning. And shelf, like, grills and stuff. That is nine times out of ten their breath is disgusting. Yeah, well.

Why? Because stuff gets stuck in them. Yeah. Grills especially. You're right. Like, how do you floss a grill dude so unless you're already flossing you go floss i'm constantly flossing no every night you got to put them in that like dental thing i was just gonna say that bakes the instruments yeah yeah but some of them don't come out though like some of them are actually like in there permanently so people with grills generally have bad breath yeah they got 100% Or people with like

One or two veneers Like they got their Front teeth knocked out You'll see like they Try and grow it on a nub Again But like they're Yeah

If you're not Up to par Unless you have the top dog It's like just It's like a Bacteria trap It's just open dead growth It's like the fucking

Underside of a boat Yeah Exactly Barnacles Barnacles all Disgusting. Barnacles all over your mouth. Dude, I forget everything,

but Tony Baker said this once. He's like, I don't remember shit, but I'll remember, if I smell your breath, I'll remember what day it was, where the sun was, what you were wearing.

Like, that's unforgivable. Oh yeah, especially like the rotting. There was a friend of ours that, yeah. Extreme breath. Like, yeah. Dude, but it never, yeah. Especially like the rotting. There was a friend of ours. Extreme breath. Dude, but it never stops.

It's always the same people. Yeah. There was someone that did a, a girl we know did a like, hey, there's a lot of guys in this scene that have bad breath. If you want anonymously message me and I'll tell you whether it's you. And she said a couple of the people, she broke the news to them. But they didn't know. I don't think, I don't know. No one tells you

I would never tell anyone that I'd die first yeah you gotta be kind of close with somebody yeah I would I think I would tell my

really close friends there's the two different types there's like you have breath right now or you always have it I mean right now I'll fucking tell you right

right this is a chronic problem you have I think I've just we just part our ways, I think. I know. Dude, still, anytime someone offers me a piece of gum, I'm like, why, what's happening?

You would be super mad about that. What do you mean? Yeah, you took one Tic Tac, you gave me three. What the fuck is that all about? I bet you that's everything with you. Everyone's like, hold this. You think I need to work out? Everyone's always with you. Everyone's like, hold this. You think I need to work out? Everyone's always scheming.

Everyone's afraid to tell me the truth. You want some fries? You think I'm skinny? Is that what's going on? I like those shoes on you. Why? Because you got thick soles? What are you getting at?

You're basically just Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Yeah, but I mean, if you can smell your friend's breath, because you're not getting that tight, so it's like if you know it's bad, then I think you tell them. Well, that's the thing. If you're only seeing someone every once in a while, you can sometimes chalk it up and maybe they're having a bad day.

But if you're every day, you've got to let them know. It always comes from a dental thing. Yeah. St if you're every day, you got to let them know. You got to be that dude. You're right. It always comes from like a dental thing. Yeah. Stental or halitosis, which is gut. That's your two options. How do you fix halitosis? Now, apparently, I thought you couldn't do halitosis. Dude, I am obsessed with bad breath.

It's the most disgusting thing. It'll level me and wobble my knees. You ever turn down a girl without it or you just do it from behind? Oh, a thousand percent. Yeah. Bad breath is just like a bad pussy. It's like you're not going down there If it's mangled

I'm not going down anyway I ain't doing any of that Gay shit On our birthday So yeah Dicks have touched it I think you can fix it I think you drink

You drink like A chemical now That kills it But before You couldn't do shit I feel like Back in the day People must have had some wild ass bread. Garlic.

I feel like you just eat tons of garlic and would do that. I don't know. I think that costs a bit. You reek like it's a new set of problems. Yeah, dude. People stunk so bad. For most of human history, people stunk. They never showered.

Yeah, but everybody stunk back then, so it didn't matter. Yeah, and it was probably more like- It's like a locker room of hockey pads. They never showered. Yeah, but everybody stunk back then, so it didn't matter. Yeah, and it was probably more like... It's like a locker room of hockey pads. They all stink like shit. It's all relative. I brought that up for you guys, the Canadians. Yeah. And he's a hockey boy, too. You guys hockey players? I played hockey. Yeah, pretty competitive. I'll tell you what,

being Canadian, they're sending all those immigrants to Martha's Vineyard. Where's my trip? Where's my free trip as an immigrant? You're getting a free trip to Martha's Vineyard? Where's our bus to Martha's Vineyard. Yeah. Where's my trip? Where's my free trip as an immigrant? They go, we're going to free trip to Martha's Vineyard? Where's our bus to Martha's Vineyard on the government? You just got to fuck up your paperwork.

We're not tan enough. I hope they do all right. It's so funny. The immigrants? Yeah, yeah. You're rooting for them? I do. Those guys are going to do all right.

They're a hot topic. The guys are going to, if you're on that bus and you become a national news story, I'll tell you what's not going to happen. You're going to do anything really bad. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're in the spotlight.

Yeah, you made the move getting on that bus. You ain't getting in a cage afterwards. That's for sure. That's a golden ticket. Definitely. It kind of was a golden ticket. Definitely, dude. They got hooked up once they got a Martha's Vineyard.

For sure. Like, obviously, the Martha's Vineyard people obviously were just like, this is so sad. I can't believe this. We're going to do everything we can. Anyway. They're back on the bus real quick. Yeah, dude. But if you actually are looking at it from the immigrant's perspective, those immigrants

are doing good. I bet you they get like expedited paperwork and shit. Definitely ain't getting sent back home, that's for sure. They're grandfathered in. They're like the early AT&T all-inclusive packages. That's one pack of immigrants. I'm going to have everything they need. You never give that up, ever.

It sucks that the Democrats are so bad at politics because if they tried to make it work on Martha's Vineyard, that would have been so much more fun. If they actually figured out a way to really fold them in to just Martha's Vineyard, and then they send another plane. There's just a war. Dude, the bed and breakfast wars on fucking Martha's Vineyard. Dude, the fact that they took them from Texas.

They're like, hey, we actually have enough seats, Republicans. He goes, oh, do you? Let's go. All right. Beep, beep, beep. They're parachuting out of Libya. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. There's that red light flashing.

Dude, the fact that we're just destroying rich people's areas is just the funnest thing. That rules. You know what I heard? You guys probably know Martha's Vineyard better than me because like i don't like never really heard about it okay but someone was telling me it's like not really true that it's super liberal there they're like yeah it's a lot of like billionaires it's like long island it'll be like they're rich well yeah yeah but it's only like the funniness comes from these people being like super open board. Well, Massachusetts, the state. It's the liberal island.

If they're like, in your face, House of Immigrants, and they're like, yeah, we didn't like, we said we didn't like this. I voted against this. Then that's us. Like, what's the hypocrisy, I guess? It's just, yeah. How do you like the immigrants now? Same as when I voted.

No. Imagine all the immigrants show up, everybody's wearing like MAGA hats, being like, what? Yeah. Yeah, in your face face You read us totally wrong Get the fuck off my dock Yeah you You made A dire mistake in calculations

Thinking that We were talking about this earlier In the car today When Dave Smith tweeted He's like you want to change true policy, you have to impact the rich people. They'll make the policy changes if it impacts their personal life or their world. They didn't change it that much. Their society.

They just got rid of them. But they made quick work of it. They didn't change it totally. And I said, this is kind of what has to happen with school shootings. Gun control. You've got to shoot up the rich schools yeah yeah for sure the private schools the senators the senator's sons and all those guys we got to cut off their wi-fi we got to get that kid out there and shut the wi-fi down those schools probably already have armed guards though yeah that's the

thing they were like what about armed guards and everyone's like no armed guards you're right the rich schools they're probably like yeah yeah no armed guards is like obviously all right yeah yeah yeah they got a doorman with a gun in his hip yeah i guess that's like i mean as far as like funniness goes it's like anyone who thinks this isn't like a little bit funny you're just like out of your mind yeah oh yeah there's a crazy move though just like taking them from texas like at first i go oh yeah there's like i guess they're i was like oh they're haitian then right yeah coming from because they're coming from florida and then they go no he just went to texas to a different state yeah and then flew them to father's video funny i think where they

saw what he was doing he was like yo let me get some of those no they were like they're like recent a little yeah a couple of those bullets No, they were like recent. A little, yeah. A couple of those bullets. He did still sort of steal his funny move. I feel like that about DeSantis. Everything he does is like he just saw someone else do it and then says it or doesn't. Definitely, definitely. But flying is such a, he's really elevated.

He turned into a laver. Just having the pilot being like, yeah, clear for landing. They're like, who are you? And like the money is like, so Florida state taxes. I don't know how to tell you this. Florida state taxes paid to take immigrants from Texas to Massachusetts. Yeah. I guess it's just to prove a point.

I guess he's trying to make a play. I mean, it's insane. But it's risky. It wasn't a play. It was a stunt. Yeah. Dude, that's clearly a stunt. That's a hotel three in the morning coke binge going, I got it.

Yeah. Like, that idea is so insane. And then to pull it off, you got to give it to the fat little fucker. It's a brilliant play. It's a brilliant play. I feel like kind of looking at the internet, though, everyone still thinks exactly. Like, if you look at uh liberal places they're all like yeah and we took care of them really super well and we

actually showed our humanity and then the republicans are like you kicked him out in 24 hours like yeah yeah it's pretty bad yeah but it was like i feel like the democrat one is more of like how girls operate like legitimately you can say your chick being like oh you know i care so much about this and like you know oh there's this homeless guy on your step like how are you doing you need some water we're calling the cops obviously but like i could see a girl i don't do it all that democrat thing where it's like they they did take care of them but they also shipped them out it's like guaranteed to lose the fucking debate you know what i mean just keep them on the island how long do you think they should have kept them for? Until it died down at least?

Dude, build cabanas. Put them in there. Do whatever it takes to make them wrong. That's what it... It's like, dude, you got at least $12 million. You're at a war

and you sort of conceded. He spent $12 million to humiliate you. You gotta find $12 million to take the heat. You're saying they should have fought back. Yeah, yeah. Do something equally ridiculous. should have fought back. Yeah, yeah.

Do something equally ridiculous. Make him the mayor. You won't, pussy. That's all it takes. Coward. Dude, that's like, I mean, this is the same process that the ultra liberals with like purple hair bitch that like Black Lives Matter. She'll drive from Connecticut to Wall Street and talk about defunding the police

and then, you know, scurry back to her area that doesn't have all the problems. That's why, like, my true black friends are like, we don't want this shit. What the fuck are you talking about? You're going back

to your gated community. We don't want people that get murdered all the time. And you're like, that's your culture. I don't want it. They just want it for an Instagram post.

It's like, that's your culture, like, that everyone's killing an Instagram post It's like That's your culture Like that everyone's Killing each other No it's not Stop like Meanwhile dude's like Yo chill

I kinda want the Cop around once in a while You fucking up You know what Kind of annoyed Like Did you see the SNL thing

Like they They announced The new cast or whatever No And there's that girl Meatbrick Molly Marcella Hernandez You know Marcella No You don't know these people you missed you i saw a video

so me brick molly and marcello were like the two new cast there's some other ones i don't know and it's like it's such a like politicized thing and snl is obviously super political but that meeper girl's like like lesbian chick like super funny. She's non-binary. She's non-binary. Well, this is my point. I've known her for a long time. Actually, turn this off. I met her at a girl meeting. She had a girlfriend. I've hung out with her a bunch of times.

Non-binary people can have girlfriends. She is hilarious. I've never heard her say she was non-binary. It wasn't in her bio or anything. Maybe she met, I don't know. Well, now it's her identity. But my point is, every article about her is like, it's almost like the liberal people, it's like they're sacrificing them because they go, the first non-binary cast member.

And obviously people are like, shut up. You know, some people are celebrating. But you're saying she's funny enough. She's hilarious. It was like, you're throwing her to the wolves. Yes. Like, you're making her like a political thing where you can't just say, here's the new cast. I'm sure she didn't call the magazines and like, hey, do you mind putting the non-binary thing in there?

Like, I know her. She's not like that. She's like a fucking like one of the dudes kind of chick. Like super. Sometimes. So she's just fucked. Occasionally? Only when she wears that big fake dong in her sweats.

Shop class. But I've seen that with like lots of times with comics where they'll get presented in a certain way that makes people hate them. It's also, I agree with you, because it's also been blown so far out of proportion. Everyone's sick of it. Look at ESPN.

Everyone's tired of it. The bubble should burst at some point, but it never will totally. Deflate. But like if you see, like ESPN. Everyone's tired of it. The bubble should burst at some point, but it never will totally. Deflate. But if you see ESPN, right? There used to be... There'll be a hockey game and it'll be for Asian chicks.

There's no... I mean, fine. You know what you're doing here. Yeah, I know. No, some of them are great. Mina, she's fucking incredible. But now every show that used to be two popular guys, that everyone has a female no woman of color as a moderator where she's like

okay you say this now and you go that because now we're just shoehorning and if the guy always played the sport yes right like the guy's like yeah i had to play this sport to get this like not level of knowledge and then for the colorators, yeah. And then it's the chicks just like, yeah, I'm hot and I like sports. Yeah, I'm hot. Yeah. And I like sports. Yeah. The chicks and the chicks, the commentators for the sports,

I feel like is like a lot of people's line where they're, no matter what you think, you're just like, you're pushing my buttons here. Yeah. It's so funny. Also making chick referees, I feel like is a dangerous move. Why? Because we already hate referees.

We were all brought up by a referee. Our moms are just chick referees. So now it's a bad call and a woman did it? You're so right because that is like the whole purpose of referees like half

the time is for everyone to like take their aggression out on you. Fuck you! I remember hockey, my favorite one was all, Ref, are you fucking pregnant? Because you just missed two periods. I was a referee, actually. Really?

Oh, buddy. I used to get yelled at, and it was always my fault. For hockey? I'm the loopiest person in the world. You were a referee? For lacrosse. Really? Dude, I literally would pull all-nighters show up to the lacrosse game

miss goals and then just call it and they'd be like you didn't see he was in the crease like kind of thing and I'd just be like no he wasn't

like yeah dude I remember times where they would parents would be yelling at me that you didn't see that penalty I go I saw it

what number that rules did you catch a number on that? What's the license plate on that? I agree. I would catch myself. The big tall one or was he the little short one? Describe him.

Which one did you think it was? Just to see if you're thinking about it. Yelling at the parents. Dude, parents were ready to jump down and fight me. I was so bad at refereeing. I would never be able to be a referee. I would be so too emotional. Oh would never be able to be a referee. I would be so... I'm too emotional.

You'd be yelling back? I would also just decide... You're jumping into the stands? No, I wouldn't fight the parents, but there'd be kids who I just didn't like the way they played, and I would... Give them a little something. I'd make them suffer. T.M.O.P. right away. Be hitting them with the business.

Two for reffing. Why didn't you touch anyone? Two for unsportsmanlike. Keep, yeah. Be hitting him with the business. Yeah. Two for rough and one. I didn't touch anyone. Two for unsportsmanlike. You want to keep it going? Keep running your mouth, kid. I ain't saying coach. I got all day. Get a hold of your team here.

Yeah. You're not even in the sport where you have flags. Yeah. This ain't soccer. I'm not going to run out of cards. Keep talking, wise ass. Dude, I remember running down the field And like

It was the box Because it was like In the hockey arena Lacrosse right And I legitimately remember Like often Like the play happening And me like

Catching myself Like thinking about Like some shit at school Or like band My band or whatever And then like Kind of coming to In the place at the other end

And just being like You know just Like having to play it cool. Like Kramer. Dude, I would, that happened to me. Like I was maybe the worst referee in history of referees. Like you, you're trying to pretend like you're investigating some deep principle of the lacrosse. Yeah.

I've thought about it and it wasn't a penalty. That's what I was thinking about for the last eight seconds. This crease is drawn wrong. That's why I was there. I was zoned. You want to just think about the girl's breath from last night. She must have a dead tooth. I'll tell you what I would do.

I would catch myself. You know how sometimes you'll be fidgeting and you'll have something and you don't put it in your mouth and you'll accidentally put it in your mouth or some shit? Yeah. I would catch myself just fucking around bouncing the ball. You just can't be the referee bouncing another ball. I'd just catch myself, take the ball out of my pocket and fucking around bouncing the ball like you just can't like be the referee bouncing the ball like I just catch myself like take the ball out of my pocket

like fucking around with it just imagine you on the lacrosse field chewing on the flag it's just like what how old is this a is this like big

are these high schoolers uh no cause I was in high school so I was probably reffing kids that were like you know 10 and I was probably like 15

yeah so some of the parents do give a lot of a shit yeah yeah they're ready to fight you some of these parents you're fucking up their kids lives like in their mind they're like yeah you're just stunting their growth you're the reason why they're not ruining their kids life bro well you is a bit like toronto hey potty if your son plays for the top team in lacrosse in the world like he makes as much as a fucking construction worker. They're all fire. They're all the Toronto Rock. It was like a CFL similar joke, but they'd say their stats and then their job.

Dude, if you're really good at sports and your parents put you in one that makes no money, that's a cruel and unusual punishment. For women especially, because women, there are a bunch of sports where you can make tons of money. And there's a bunch where there's zero money. Wait, what sports? Golf? Tennis? I mean, tennis, you make as much as the men. Yeah, it's close. For way less work. Wrestling? It is true.

It's way less work. Well, they only play best of three. Stripping. I know, it's pathetic. And they make exact same purse. And there's no, nobody's complaining about that. I am. No, no, I know. I'm saying.

I'm saying he's actually on their side. I'm saying. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's like, we should be playing just as much as the men. Yeah. Yeah. No. Your knees would give out.

But that is such a good point because the refs are going to be doing bad calls more than usual. Everyone's going to be yelling at them. And then they're going to have to be like, oh, look at this. This fucking bitch. This is why you can't have them in there. And they'll say, look, everyone's misogynist. And everyone's just like, yeah.

That's the one time we get to do it. So beat it. Yo, that would be so mad if they were like, new rule. You get kicked out immediately if you start yelling at the reps because it's a girl now. Yo That would be That would be so mad If they were like New rule You can't You get kicked out immediately If you start yelling at the refs Because it's a girl now You'd be like

Yeah You're proving our point Of like There's She's such a princess I can't fucking have some words with her After a bad call The good thing is

They actually Breaking down and crying They actually have to go through the system You guys are meanies They have to earn it Yeah So they go through the whole They work their way up

Just like a player does. Yeah. Unlike the other people that I'm talking about. Yeah. You make okay money being like the top ref in the game. Oh, dude. Did you see the 30 for 30 on that guy from Donahue? Yeah.

They're all from Delco. It's like the hometown down front. Okay. And they have like four or five legendary dudes. So they would always scoop guys from Delco because it's a very sporty town. Okay. And people would like coach their it's nepotism yeah it's probably probably a bit of that who was the one rick javis was a real ref hotbed well nepotism they're not related i listened to the pod i haven't seen the 30 for 30 but i listened to the donahue podcast

and yeah he was saying like there was what was it steve javis or something it was like the main guy yeah and then jack and canon who was my high school basketball coach. Really? Yeah, he got nabbed. But he never got charged, but he's in that doc. That's crazy. Yeah. They nipped it in the bud.

Those guys, until he fucked it up, he was like, yeah, I was making $400,000. I was betting on games, but I wasn't shaving points. And he was like, I was still making money because I had this mob insider that was like, I would make an extra million a year. So then he's like, he got out of control.

Didn't Donaghy try and say that he only made 30 grand or something? Yeah. Fuck off. In the doc, they asked him. No, that's how he's hiding it. Yeah.

They were like, did you make more than 30 grand? And he was like, I don't know. Yeah. No comment. And then they interviewed him again like later

and they were like, remember before when you said you didn't know when we asked you if you made more than 30 grand? He was like, I didn't know. Yeah. No comment. And then they interviewed him again later, and they were like, remember before when you said you didn't know when we asked you if you made more than 30 grand? He was like, I didn't say that. They were like, it's on film. They showed it to him. He's like, I don't know what happened there. I was just like, what, dude?

He's already out of your fucking mind. He's out of jail, and he's not ever going to ref. What is he going to have to lose? Other than the mob coming after him, I guess. Do you wonder if he was hiding money prior to his inevitable downfall, correct? Or he was a real degenerate gambler.

A proper degenerate gambler would have nothing. Yeah. If you were the real deal, you'd have nothing. They were shaving so perfectly that they were hitting like 78%? Yeah, 78%.

Or something like that, yeah. So that is fucking fly. I mean, it's easy. You just like get Kobe. You foul out Kobe Bryant or something. Like when they're ahead 15 points or something. Even before he was doing things to impact the game itself, he would have inside information that would be.

Well, he knew all the refs' tendencies and who they. He's like, he knew. I remember the podcast. They're like, he knew which refs like hated certain players yeah they just fucking hated their guts so he's like yeah he rests him super hard he hates him yeah that's also corruption yeah but there's no way to eliminate that without robots there's still people yeah yeah so like even i'm sure majorly any sport has that where you're like yeah i hate that guy yeah that's why nba is tough for me to watch i can't i love it i mean also you're a sixers man yeah but great i like, that's why NBA is tough for me to watch. Oh, I love it. I mean, also, you're a Sixers fan.

Sixers are great. What are you talking about? Oh, this is a Toronto conversation we're going to have tonight? You fucking jerk-off. I was over that a little bit. I just put two and two together. I'm like, what's he talking shit about? The shot.

Canadians don't talk shit. No, I have friends who are Sixers fans. They're like the most. They all are like, it's tough being a Sixers fan. Yeah, it was for a long time. It still is. Well, since, nah, we're gonna be good this year. Listen, dude,

we are, we are, we're competing at a high level late in the playoffs. What else do you fucking want? Teams are so good in the NBA that, like, it's hard to get anywhere near your Eastern Conference title. Dude, the Raptors were like that forever.

It's crazy. Yeah. It's like the Eagles. People talk about the Eagles. They were so bad for 28 years, but then we also won four NFC championships and we won our division like 12 times. Do you guys know the guy who ate the shit? You don't remember that shit?

Huh? Do you guys know who the guy is who ate the shit after they won the Super Bowl? No. The guy who ate the horse shit? Yeah. No. I think I kind of knew that person. I do. I do. You had a friend of a friend of the Super Bowl? No. The horse shit? Yeah. No. That was the greatest. I think I kind of knew that person. I did.

You were a friend of a friend of the shit eater? Yeah. Dude, that was the greatest thing when the Eagles won the Super Bowl. They were like, everyone was celebrating afterwards or whatever.

I'm pretty sure there was like news camera and there was like horse shit because from the police horses and this guy was like, ah, he just picked up some shit. I think it was like

an open mic. His boyfriend or something like that. Oh, so he was looking for a moment. I think so. I think it was like an open boyfriend or something like that. He was looking for a moment. I think so. I think he was. You're not the only funny one, Becky. Where's my new closer, bitch? That would be bad if he went viral for that and he's got to do it.

People are expecting. On stage, everyone's like, eat the shit. We paid money. You know what we came for. Who's going to shit for we paid money you know we came for alright who's gonna shit for me who's gonna shit for me like Gallagher everybody's got a poncho in the front row because they're throwing up on each other this guy's taking a third bite of the apple

oh shit we got one more thing we do we go through the craziest reddits and there's these ones do you know what a tulpa is? no okay so there's these people and they basically think they have the ability to summon a second person that lives inside their bodies and we check in on their reddit every once in a while okay yeah my mom went to one of these wait no they say that they have like multiple they have multiple people living in their body but one

of them is the main one and then the secondary one like just come out is it like an ancient one or is it just like a guy from sometimes sometimes they think it's ancient but they generally all kind of have the same personalities as the original person they're bad at it yeah it's terrible acting from somebody who needs attention no it's never all these people they never have a personality where it's just like their original one was like kind of a college kid bisexual and the new one's like

a fucking you know construction worker who was this queer shit like it's never a different thing like that you know what I mean but these people

one's like I like strawberries and the other's like I don't really like strawberries I don't like gay shit it's hell in here I don't like the texture of strawberries are you gonna give her to carl please

because i can't fucking deal with this all day oh it's also 90 percent chicks yeah yeah of course yeah there isn't a lot of guys that have this it is any guy that has it's probably like i have a tulpa that's gay and i'm actually yeah i have a tulpa that uh cheated on my girlfriend that's that's our yeah that's the best one. Topo's a dog. It's so funny too the documentaries on people with multiple

personalities always start out and they're like all of a sudden he was speaking in a perfect Scottish accent. There's no way. There's no way he would be able to do

that. And then like 45 minutes into it he's like yeah he watched like a lot of Scottish TV. What the fuck? What the fuck? You're just wasting my time yeah yeah that's a fake doctor he's getting his money oh these people have

great the posts like they all found their total community it's all very encouraging like you know my 12 doesn't want to come out that much you got to give them time like it's all that kind of stuff right they go i'm considering making a tulpa. I don't want to bring someone in business. Making a tulpa. They know how to make them. Conjure them. They conjure them up. These are like all mentally ill people.

Yes. What's the process? You just go like this. No, you don't. If you don't shit shit then you made a top do this it's so funny you're like yeah you're ready you're making tulpa again but once it's sucked i killed it can't get rid of it doesn't like strawberries well the other thing is sometimes the best part of the post is sometimes it's a post

of me like, I'm John's tulpa and I'm fucking sick of this shit. He doesn't let me do anything. So sometimes the tulpa gets on Reddit. So wait, this personality is trapped in their mind and their body. When they extract the tulpa, one of those said personalities, if it's not just one. They kick the other one downstairs. Oh, so you're regular. They take the driver's seat for a minute.

You're like a slave to this. Right, so the regular person is in the basement until this guy's fucking over. He's in the basement, yeah. So how long can he control when the tulpa exchange happens? They don't. I think they're not. Tulpa doesn't like to give up the power all the time. So the fear here is if you put your toe on your

toe ain't coming back off for a couple years you weren't scheduled for wednesday well you have to start coming in it is a little like you promised though it's only gonna be quick yeah yeah and then you go back to like you're an auto mechanic you just walk in with scott his accent for like three fucking months you got a lisp all of a sudden that's the best one is someone coming out and being like perfect scott his accent he's like hey i'm a scotman i was like he's not really that well he moved around a bunch he lived in the uk lived in spain i'm considering making my atalba but i don't want to bring someone in the world to suffer

because the world's such a bad place right now So they're sort of saying like do it should uh, yeah, they're having Ask him how many fucking kids I did. No, I know that's what I would love is someone someone sitting across them sitting across I'm someone who's complaining about their kids. They're like, you don't know what it's like I made a topo. Yeah, you only have two kids I for told I brought four toppas into this life. Childbirth is so hard. Yes, it is the second hardest thing.

Dude, I wish I was fucking, I wish I was mentally like that. And have the audacity to like just say all your bullshit to people straight face like they should care. Yeah. That's a level of crazy

I think would be fun. Like you don't know you're that fucked up. Yeah, you don't know for sure. You're having a great time. Some of them do sometimes say though that the tub was like a ruining their lives though, which is kind of funny. Yeah. Because it's just them ruining their life and they're just justifying it.

I didn't ask for this. Yeah. Yeah. Like remember the one there was the chick and she was like, yeah, I keep cheating on my boyfriend. Yeah, that was a good one. That's my tall pop. But then my boyfriend doesn't know that.

That it's. Oh my God. Well, this person says, first and foremost, this post, I want this post to be respectful. I figured since it's Pride Month, this would be a good time to ask the question I've had. I'm curious. I see a lot of overlap between the communities. I don't personally identify as the queer community, but I'm interested to see if we do. So does having a tulpa make you part of the queer community?

I guess. I don't know. It depends what your tulpa is. It depends if your tulpa is gay or not. Yeah. Do you jerk off? Does the tulpa jerk off? Then queer community i guess i don't know what depends what you're doing yeah do you jerk off does the tulpa jerk off then i'd say now you're gay for sure more than 50 of these people are uh like the actual person i'd say like 80 of them are lgbt in some way well most of yeah the most they're always very few people yeah but i think what happens is you get a little buzz from like saying i'm a queer and stuff like yeah Yeah, yeah, and then it else so heroin now you chase the dragon Tulpa is 100% chasing the dragon

That's it fuck we started with attention that told put is the fucking Yeah, cuz you're out here and the person's like I've got big tits He's like I've got big tits and there's a fucking mechanic living inside me A second one each tit has a totally different personality. This is the one with a different milk So I'm a tulpa and please don't call me that so this is the tulpa took over red and they said that they don't like the word He's been reading up on him Would be a good one it'd be like the he's been reading up on him i mean it would be a good one it'd be like the um top mentally charged person i'm like top of an american dude i'm top of an american this is i feel like you

could snap these people out of it too with just like a lot of quests very specific questions be like or a job what was your child yeah yeah that too yeah yeah and he started rent to pay yeah but just like you know what was your childhood like where'd you go to school like you just start asking all these questions and like it would be so hard for them to make them up on the spot they'll be like all right you got me yeah when you make a tulpa does it have a history it must how does it know how to use reddit like it has it has to have education yeah how did it learn to use reddit yeah if it's does it have to start you because your tulpa would just be a baby really yeah exactly yeah until it gets where did that why is your tulpa like a guy that's been to Spain?

It's like, okay, was it someone else's tulpa then? Are you stealing tulpas? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you making these tulpas? How are you making these tulpas? Yeah, how do you have a history that never happened? Well, they say... You just get like a dead soul breathed into your mouth,

like that black guy with bees and... That's what it sounds like they're doing, a Candyman situation. Or Green Mile. Yeah, Green Mile. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The big Jack Black dude, sucksman situation. Or Green Mile. Yeah, Green Mile. The big Jack Black dude, sucks at all his bees or something. I'd much rather, it's unnecessary, I shouldn't be called a tulpa because I'm a person just like you. Yes, my etymology is a little different, but I'm far from not a person, so that's what they don't like to be called, a person, not a tulpa.

Which is sort of funny that, yeah, being like your tulpa taken over, and there's going to be some changes around here a little bit. This is the danger of having too much money. Yeah. I think this is the parents having too much money. That's what I mean. That's what I mean.

So your kids will just be clowns. Yeah. It's just such a gilded era. I'm not the clown. My tulpa's a clown. So like when you're a kid, you grow up like what, middle class, low class? Like you got to cut lawns and shovel yards. Even in America.

Like dude, third world countries, zero tulpas. Yeah, there's no. There's no. Very low tulpa rate. There's no tulpas in Africa. Yeah. Right? Like they just don't do this shit.

Like they're just. That would be annoying though if you're fucking. No, I bet they do. If you're an Indian kid. Heypas in Africa. They just don't do this shit. That would be annoying though. I bet they do. If you're an Indian kid. Maybe South Africa. I can see Africans getting into tulpa. Because I feel like it's also... They would have like a different... It wouldn't be like this nonsense.

I mean, it could be stupid though. I mean, I don't think they're... I mean, that whole spirit inside you thing. Their tulpa thing would be sawing off like fucking elephant dust to clear the cancer out of the elderly. Yeah, yeah. It'd be misdirected tulpa shit, but that's just a wizard inside of them. Right.

Listen, when black people do tulpas, it's great. When white people do tulpas, we don't care. Get out of here. We don't care. You're not cool. Yeah, you're mentally ill. Get a job. They have tulpas because they have to.

I have a tulpa. You better. They have no choice. Yeah have to. I have a tulpa. You better. They have no choice. I'm just into it right now. That's their culture. Yeah. Yeah, and then the last one that is making me laugh was this person was having trouble making tulpas,

and they go, fake it till you make it, a guide to tulpa creation. For this guide, you only need to know one thing, the ability to lie to yourself and fall for it. So they're saying, like, sometimes it's hard to make to tulpa creation for this guide you only need to know one thing the ability to lie yourself and fall for so they're saying like sometimes it's hard to make a tulpa so if you just start believing that you have a tulpa then you'll get better at making them in the future that is and you're true yeah but it's funny like but like typing this all out but at nope and then but you're still like and then but they are real like this is just a good way to get there

i'm faking mine right now yeah but it'll be real soon this whole thread should have padded walls around it this is just a bunch of psychos bat they are it's my favorite community on the internet we always keep checking back in with the people i haven't been on reddit ever maybe somebody sent me a link of like a an accident or something somebody getting hit it's the best place because it's the only place that like real freaks can find other freaks to like real freak out, you know? Yeah.

Like if anyone was this crazy, it would always be dumbed down a little bit. It would always come a little bit of like, I know. And now it's coming with like a, can you believe this guy

doesn't even know tulpas are real? Like they get to be sort of like that with the energy of their wacky community. This world is so backwards, dude. Everyone, everyone's living without tulpas.

Oh, shit. That was fucking fun. Yeah, man. Thank you, boys. Stuff Island, check out the podcast. And I was on Stuff Island, too, so you can check out that episode. Yeah, I'm coming on next month.

Yeah, we had a fucking fun episode, too. And then me and Danny, as always, on the Patreon, patreon.com slash TheBoysCast. We got a bunch of shit on there to talk about this week. You guys are going back to film your shit right now, right? And then maybe I'll go to the stand. You're not sure? Yeah.

Yeah, I think so. I'm on the front stage. I'm leaving for San Fran tomorrow. What time? I guess there's people listening to this. Is this still the podcast? I was going to say, is this still the podcast? I was going to say Is this still the podcast? I just had a good time in San Fran

Wow So good Your topa's in San Fran Yeah Already Alright Okay and then what are your Instagrams? Oh yeah

Tommy J Pope Instagram and Twitter And Chris and I have a live show At Helium in Philly Wednesday October 5th 8pm Come to that That'll be fun

Go to Helium for tickets. Helium.com. A. Chris O'Connor is my Instagram. Not peace yet, A. Chris O'Connor. I hate saying my Instagram. Thank you, boys. Oh, you think you're just so cool. No, no, no. It's not a cool thing.

I chose a bad handle. Oh, yeah. I guess that is weird. What's the A for? Instead of doing a number. That is a little weird, yeah. It's confusing. What's the A for? It's just instead of doing a number. That is a little weird, yeah. What's your email? Don't tell your email. It's also A, Chris O'Connor.

B. His email's B, Chris O'Connor. Yeah, C, Chris O'Connor. That's my TikTok. All right, peace. The boys. The boys. The last.

The boys. The dudes. Prepare yourselves for boys dudes The bros The homies The dudes The boys