The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Kurt Metzker on Hollywood and ALL THE WORLDS PROBLEMS

Episode Date: February 19, 2021

Kurt is the man and we talk about Hollywood, writing for Sasha Baron Cohen and Amy Schumer, the Alt Scene, what wokes are really up to and Religious undertones.  TICKETS FOR BRIDGEPORT, CT: https://bridgeport.stressfactory.com/events/43441 patreon.com/theboyscast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead. But we are in forever. But we are in forever. And you can tell our friends. Welcome to the BoyzCast. First podcast exclusively for the Boyz. Boyz, Boyz, Boyz, Boyz, Boyz. Okay, so I'm going to announce a couple shows before I get into this interview.

And pretty cool, I also want to say thank you of shows before I get into this interview and pretty cool. I also, also want to say thank you to everyone because, you know, when all the internet stuff was popping off or whatever, a lot of, a lot of different agents and everyone's kind of messaging me being like, you know, you need to go on tour and blah,

blah, blah. And even though there's COVID and all the main places, all these small places that we can go to. And in my mind, I was like, let's wait a bit because i don't want to disappoint people kind of thing like i've i felt everyone was like dude they you're gonna sell out this

and this and in my mind i was kind of like we're gonna put all these tickets on sale 50 people are gonna it's gonna be fine like for me i would be like that's cool but these guys are gonna be like oh this isn't as big as i thought. So I was kind of super skeptical if I was ready to do it. Anyways, we put out three shows already. They've all sold out. We have like a hundred offers now. And his plan was, he goes,

let's sell out on, okay, let's do this. Let's put a bunch of Wednesdays on sale. They're not even open those days, a lot of the clubs. You'll open it for that show, sell out that show. And then we'd go to the other people and be like, look, this guy's selling Wednesdays. And I was like, okay, but like, what happens when we that show sell out that show and then we go to the other people and be like look this guy's selling wednesdays and i was like okay but like what happens when we don't

sell that wednesday then then what did you i call you and say sorry so anyways we did it and every show sold out like way before so we've yet to not have a sellout and i went we just did i was last night i was just in new jersey it's like 150 people. It's like, you know, and still in COVID. So it's spaced out, but they have this big, huge place that they have for it. And seeing everyone there, I thought it was super cool. So I'm going to be announcing more. I'm moving to Miami in March and we're doing a bunch of shows there. To start, I now have two more shows in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

And how stupid I am, I had to ask. I go, is that like a plane? And then everyone goes, you're an idiot. And that's the 25th and the 26th. So that's next weekend. And then I added another show because of Helium when sold out. I sold out. We added another show on Helium next Tuesday.

And that's the 16th in Philadelphia. So anyway, a bunch more coming. Thank you very much and on this episode i i'm do i have kurt metzger so kurt was one of the you know many people that in america that i thought was uh hilarious and he's had this crazy career and now he's kind of making these hilarious videos with um kyle dunnigan that i talked about uh on my on my last podcast just i because i really thought they were good and me and him are working on something together and we talk about in the episode about

all the shows he written on and you know kind of the interesting stuff about that he had like a scandal himself and what happened with that we talked about like comedy and all the different people and how he thinks how he sees the world and the state of everything right now so without further ado i think kurt's one of the funniest people in the world and i think a lot of people do uh think that as well i don't think i said this on the podcast but when we were talking about doing this episode we were gonna do um he's doing basically it's kind of a little bit like my video where i said comedians against comedy and he's doing a it's kind of a little bit like my video where i said comedians against comedy and he's doing a special called stop the laughter and in the episode we're not i end up

doing this so that's why i'll say what it was but we were gonna do a thing where i was injured like in a wheelchair because of comedy and i was saying like comedy can actually really hurt people and this is why it's bad and i was the idea we came up with to say that I was a heckler that was destroyed by Steve Hofstetter. And you never see afterwards, I mean like the behind the music of a guy that was destroyed by Steve Hofstetter because he does all the videos where it's like heckler destroyed and he kind of, and he explains them all first. And I literally, we were talking about that and I was just crying, laughing and I went to sleep kind of and he explains them all first and uh i i literally we were talking about that

and i was just crying laughing and i went to sleep kind of thinking about it and we ended up uh settling on something else but i think i'm sure whatever it ends up being like those guys are so funny so it'll be good but this is my talk with kurt metzger okay so i'm here with the great man the legend kurt metzger and we're doing that me and you are gonna do i'm gonna do your thing with kyle right what is it called the special you guys are doing oh it's called uh stand up against comedy dude it's so funny and it's uh gonna be a comic relief to help uh get comedy off these streets or you know it's like a gun buyback but of comedy so we have uh we based it on a ted talk that uh a buddy of mine uh describe light his handle is on youtube he watches ted x talks and

like it's like if mystery science theater yeah i saw him on your podcast i listened to a bunch and um yeah because ted x talks and ted x talks are ground zero for like a lot of the bad ideas that are trickling down through society now. It's just like really like, you know, like real nerd, like I want to say well-to-do nerds. I'm trying to imagine who goes to these talks because they're so bad. And this guy scribes like a nerd. He's, I mean, I would say his sense of humor is like wholesome. Like he's not like, you know. Yeah yeah ted x is like lower than ted right because ted used to be you know mark zuckerberg would give you know and then they're like what if we crank out more of

these and uh yeah so people what people are doing is test marketing their little catch phrases and books and shit some people are just jerking off talking about nonsense yeah most of them are jerking off that reminds me you had the best quote i always kind of like make a couple quotes that people have i'll bring them up later but you said uh the brooklyn boohoo scene i don't even remember saying that but that doesn't sound about right um so they all want to get their own white fragility term because Robin DiAngelo got ripped. Yeah, they need theirs. He's like a legend of catchphrase bullshit. Catchphrase is a comedy.

Yeah, he does a bingo game with if they say which buzz phrase they say leaves out vital context or marketing a term. And he sent me one for comedy. It's some chick who's like i don't think she's a failed stand-up i think she's like was never wanted to be but never was and it was uh i think the title of it is something like rape jokes and it was around the time with daniel tosh and the great rape joke wars of uh yeah what was it 2013 um and her thing she has a thing called the pyramid of hate that explains how the base of the pyramid has like jokes and the top is uh genocide so she link from joking around to fucking genocide it's and then she makes terrible period jokes the whole time oh she's

so fucking bad which to me those are raped to my ears yeah it's like really brutal it's like and just imagine sitting in that audience and you just have to take it you just have to sit back i did uh recently i just did a video uh last week where it was basically a generator of how to generate blog articles and it was kind of like blank uh has a blank problem so it'd be you know whatever and then right since i did that so it'd be like whatever the knitting industry has a racism and you could pick your problem and since i did that like a thousand people tagged me in those articles because i was finding them i would so how i did it too i would think of one i'd be like okay what if i did

i wrote all these squares like a literally did it so i go okay the hockey has a transphobia whatever it was and then i would google them to see if i could find what i came up with and i was shooting like 50 50 really yeah like i would be like wow whatever the the football has a homie of homophobia problem and then i would be like the gay community has a racism problem i found all of them i like uh guys we need to talk about such and so thing well that was so in my video that was the third category called snaz and you're allowed to add so the snaz would be like it's time to talk about yes we still have uh you can add a little that's three tier we call that was called three

tier blogging but that's you know that's for harvard lit graduates not everyone can handle that well i you know i found out a long time ago from talking to like reporters and shit that they don't it's always an editor so an editor has like a big bag of titles that come on why to your is that how they do it yeah the person who writes it never comes up with that title it's the person they have this editor there to make click bait it up that's what their job that'd be sort of funny like a first person that guy writes a whole article and you're like a first person of count of coming out of the closet you know what i didn't yeah well well well they won't do that they just just know algorithm. All these companies studied algorithms for what do girls share, because it's mostly targeted

at women, and they did research to figure this out. And men that are women. Yeah, well, they share the stuff more. So that's why all the news is like, why does it seem like extra like silly Brooklyn chick? Like everything seems like, cause that's, they're targeting. Yeah.

Like silly, silly white girl. Like, well, whatever. I shouldn't say all white. It's, it's,

it's, but it's mostly targeted towards that. And it's always shit. Like I would never care about, or I'd be like, this is none of my business. You know, things a woman never says like,

this is none of my fucking business. So, uh, yeah, the, I i who was at the seller podcast one time i can't remember his name it's like michael something and he used to write for salon i used to read salon when i that's a hot job a male salon writer that's like a male nurse is higher than exactly what i imagined he would be. Yeah, they don't surprise you? His article was called The Poisonous Legacy of Chris Rock. So Gnome had him on, and I was like, no, don't tell him I'm coming on. He likes having those guys on, the bloggers. Gnome's very like, because Gnome just wants to, like, I'm aware, I'm like, I used to try to have people on like that, and I'm like, oh, they're poison. On Race Wars.

Yeah, they're, i've only it was like letting in evil spirits to try to talk to these people like it's not there's no like they have an agenda that's not their stated agenda which is like to to make uh like collect scalps for the clickbait industry that yeah yeah this is your rank i think that sometimes you see that with comedians who are like 45 they're like if i could just talk to these people i could get through to them you're like you have no idea who you're that with comedians who are like 45. They're like, if I could just talk to these people, I could get through to them. You're like, you have no idea who you're dealing with. Yeah, certainly that. But especially old New York liberals all think like that.

They're like, they'll calm down once Trump. And it's going to be even worse because they don't have a. It's really. Did you see that? They don't have somewhere to direct it. Now they got to direct it everywhere. They took over the New York Times. New York Times is always a pile of shit but now somebody just published an article about how fucking clubhouse

uh and in the title they put the unfettered speech on clubhouse they actually use the term unfettered because they're trying to sell themselves as will be the ones that decide what's okay to say and there can't be anything that we don't control otherwise you might have a boogaloo boys will sprout up or whatever dumb shit they're so that that's like this whole and so trump's gone so they're losing all this fucking you know they're losing a huge they need their head yeah so they're gonna find new ways to make trump stories right and they're gonna find uh new crises that that are because this is the only thing they know how to do is some weird fear mongering.

It's just weird to see it happening here as much. And it's fast, I guess. What? And happening as fast as it's happening. Well, because also people have a high tolerance to hearing about shit, so it's going to be over in a couple days and you're going to have to move on to the next nonsense next nonsense you know like the wrecking ball always kept going but now people are i don't

know how anybody even has an emotion about anything with the amount of hysteria you would get through news to be like what who's he said what like how many times can you do that they got my mom i was talking about this here but so my mom eight eight years or whatever the full like trump thing obama even before that never mentioned politics the month of the last election because of covid she was like i'll flip on cnn she calls me she goes this trump guy is a problem she goes we need to get and she goes we need to make sure that he gets impeached so we can't first i go we like you're 80 you haven't cared about politics your whole life so aren't you not an american citizen she's not american that's hilarious she goes he's and she he's

calling other people ugly he's ugly the guy's orange his wife's gonna leave him like she was and and then now that the election's over this is one thing i give her credit for one thing the election's over she goes yeah i got a little carried away there i think i'm done with watching the news yeah it's i mean cnn is so fucking bad i i don't know like if i just watch every day and just thought that was the news because people don't have time to check a bunch of sources yeah i mean i don't even watch tv but i was just on vacation for like four days. And I, and I'm Fox news is bigger viewership, but the Fox commercials are for the lowest budget things. Cause they can't get like Honda and stuff.

So they, the one of their main sponsors of the segment that I was watching was sleep apnea mask cleaner, cleaner for, you know, like it's a spray on gold coins, selling gold gold three different uh coin commercials uh over the course of the hour and it wasn't all the same company so they're big on the coins like oldie old and then and then cnn is like the newly old to me like i'm newly old what should i be fooled by i guess yeah it's not your grandpa's news like fox yeah yeah they're 100 well i'll talk about that a lot because it's there's so many people right now that

are you know like my age and they're like you know us young people like we're just not taking this any you know it's kind of like that and i'm like you're fucking middle-aged like you're 30 you're close this might be a midlife crisis for you. Yeah, right. You're like us kids. Yeah. Well, that's the fucking economy too is people couldn't move out on their own. I agree. A huge part of that.

That's why there's more like hysterical, like that's why you start to hear shit of like, I don't know, take your pick, like some actors dating someone. It's not like illegal, but they're like the woman's 20 and the guy's like

50 or so and acting as if that's some kind of like it's like but that's a child like no it's an adult yeah yeah yeah but to you that is a child but they have the mind of a child like they just unless you live on your own and have to live like an adult what you can have the brain i mean even then you might not have the mind of an adult yeah i was kind of like discussing that too because a lot of the if a lot of uh the i would say like a critique of like conservative media is sometimes they just want to complain like say oh things used to be better and you know this generation it's like and you're like yeah but don't forget your role in that you know what i mean like that's what conservative means things used to be better yeah i guess right that's the basis it was better before this um yeah well they're rolling it this is like when

i would i used to argue with uh gavin back before it was like a crime you know yeah yeah and know him but yeah because you had him on a lot on race wars Wars. And he would, like, even the stupid Proud Boys were like, you know, before, I don't know what it is now, but when it was the joke thing and it was, he would call it Western chauvinist. It was like, the West is better. And like, that road is so stupid to me because you're like, all the things you hate are directly from the West. Like all the woke bullshit and all this socialism the western civilization

produced those things the things that you like like being a fucking catholic or what like that's old middle eastern shit or even yeah maybe scotland or something you're like you should you just go gavin should just take it back one country maybe if you're but he's a catholic so if you're christian okay that's middle eastern shit it's not western this used to bother me about when i got out of being religious where i'm like you know i had a jewish girlfriend who actually could pronounce the bible words that are are silly cult yeah proper jim yeah and she could be hebrew and i was like oh this isn't for me i'm from the west like this was made for people that lived in a certain place and and i you can get wisdom in shiva but we read it as if the story continues with you like you finish reading the bible and

then you're the continuation of it so when you imagine the places and people you're imagining the people around you know like wizard of ozzy you know like uh kind of and the books you have have like western looking faces and it doesn't look like people would guard a mummy, which it should look like. And I'm like, oh, this isn't like, what does this have to do with me? I don't live in the desert. You know what I mean?

So the superiority of being Western, it's bizarre to me. The whole culture is so open source, and that's the wealth of the wet. That's what happens in a wealthy country you have 25 year old it's like all these shitty i mean like a part a big part of like wokeness i blame is like shitty ass liberal parents liberal parents are the shittiest parents i've ever seen in my life especially working i don't know in entertainment

and there's not all these people that grew up telling their kids yeah to be whatever you want their parents were their friend that kind of shit it's it's created the worst like generation who has ever probably just the they're the worst it's like also uh now i mean you can hear the the eggs turning bad when the clock strikes i don't know 35 36 like you can that's when the real now you're seeing the crazy shit of of a new like sex in the city ruined a generation it really did sex in the city but for all the fucking complaint about whatever and then girls sort of picked up where they took off so it created the city fucking spinsters more than there's ever been of like spinsters and they all thought they were gonna do like having it all in the city like you know like liz lemon or scarface yeah 30 rock that was supposed to be a joke or like you can

have it all like and then and so all of them find out you can they have like fucking breakdowns and i will give this to Gavin He said that this is like 12 years ago. All right, so I had two millennial age girls on and Who were like fuck it was and it was my girl he was telling them you gotta have a girlfriend and her friend that she let Me fuck we're both on and she's a you're gonna and they're like no I would have an abortion all this like shit because they're young yeah and the second you like and something snaps like like people fucking snap well one got married but

she married a crazy guy but anyway it depends how hot they are like if it's the sevens running around with hot girl attitude you know jen kirkman's of instagram is a good barometer of what becomes of hot girls. I just know so many people where I'm like, wow, this is like weird anger coming out that who told you you should have it all? First of all, like that was Scarface where I saw that. That was an insane. Yeah, it didn't end good. It's supposed to be cautionary. Yeah, it was like a scathing critique of, I guess, capitalism.

It's like, well, any other joke? Did you watch the whole movie of Scarface? Yeah, it feels like they didn't watch the last part of a lot of these movies. Well, Sex and the City didn't show the last part. She gets married to the guy at the end. It works out for her. Mr. Big comes back. Yeah, but in real life, the person came up.

He's gone. Of course, that's the show. No, in real life the person came up he's gone of course that's the show no in real life it she you know the show is just five aspects of a gay writer's personality but the original column the woman that wrote that what's her name candace like she's the whole thing how she regrets so i wish i had kids and all right i could be like i'm always like if i have a kid i do or don't whatever yeah but as, but as a guy, you can crank him out. That really is what male privilege is. That is just the luxury that you're not going to have this crazy thing overtake your body that, you know, just hormones being shot in your brain. Yeah, pop one out.

And so, you know, if you make an honest choice, there's some, I know quite a few comics in particular that are like good comics that are women that, yeah, they're, they shouldn't, they're exactly, they should have fucking been a single like dude, like chicken in the city. And that's what they should do. It's just the majority of people are not like, most people are just, you know, are like breeders. That's what they're set up to do. And so same as college, college put out the idea like every like and i

remember uh vreed zakaria saying this when i was on larry wilmore and he's saying they were arguing about whether to go to college if it's worth it and he's like well statistically uh people get a liberal arts degree you have better this this he had a whole reason like statistically that's what they all do they all bet on statistics like yeah statistically they probably were already fine because they were rich kids or middle upper middle class kids yeah you're not taking into consideration the before part we can't all go to college like the the idea of well you just go to college and statistically you have a better job that's not like yeah it's a good point there's too many people now that are supposed to have a college job like we're way past the so too many people are in debt from going to college

who who probably just went because they go yeah it's like you're like how you go to high school then you leave and then you go to college and you leave and get your job for me it was like that it was just kind of what you do well yeah right and and so there's not a what's his name eric weinstein i watch an interview with him saying it he goes like there's not we have plenty of excellent people but there's not enough excellent people have you seen there's a lot of uh charts where they have the stats and they'll be like the amount of people in school for this job right now is 200,000 the amount of jobs 20,000 it's a fucking Ponzi scheme yeah it's all or like being a comedian like when uh Barry Crimminsage used to say there's a of syrian refugee crisis of new

comedians coming in like all these people you know when when stand up i started come i came in like i don't know like 1999 98 so because i've been watching comedy central and then then there was another another rush after that you watch it and there's not enough space for all these people and it used to be you would just like you know figure out something else to do or like stay in past all reason or but now people are mad they're like I went and I decided it was my dream it didn't work out and and I'm you're like who told you you get to be a famous comedian you see them you see them lashing out at trying to ruin comics like for a living that that's where the clickbait uh industry was growing the same time so there's all these comics i mean i don't really know them but like a lot of brown brooklyn kind of fucking scene

i knew a lot of comics like that that did like two spots a month and their whole identity was yelling at people online and trying to get you know industry games yeah online gave a new because you're already a shitty person to be a stand-up comic like that's what you should recognize you're already like us like over sensitive kind of like uh like i guess a snowflake they would call it like i always say all all comedians are start out as female comedians yeah like i like it every comedian begins as a female comic male or female and then like the cream master cycle or something where you're you're a as an when you're you know as i go to wherever you were all female until you get a hormone or

you don't right yeah it is kind of true because even the like top female comics like when you think i mean rosanne was saying something kind of similar. Yeah. Well, it used to be like that. Now it's no, there's a female side of comedy that sucks. And, uh, we're going to, you know what it is? It's being safe.

It's being safe for work. It's being together. I mean, don't you? Yeah. They try to take out the danger, but it kind of is like anything where, cause you,

you know, you're a guy that like legitimately went through the entire industry process you know wrote on all the whole shows all that sort of stuff but it really feels like they you know when you're at a party and then like a couple people get kicked out of the bar or whatever and everyone's like oh fuck it we lost them but then most of the people are kind of like yeah but then they're like hey we're at a new bar and then everyone goes over there it really does feel like that with the industry like they've gotten like we're at a new bar and then everyone goes over there it really does feel like that with the industry like they got like you guys can't all come and then they're like but we're still the thing that they created and then everyone else started

doing this thing i mean like you know people like you you're like yeah i don't know would you take writing jobs on these shows right now um well i wouldn't be able to get them like uh never mind any controversy i ever had just uh they they they actually says, well, it has to be a diverse. They say diverse person to mean a minority. That's the new urban is to call someone a diverse. Yeah. So the word lost all meaning. And by the way, diversity is a very these people.

Diversity is a very good thing to have in a writer's room, actually. But they don't they hate diversity. They fear i mean deeply they fear it so they want the the most benetton united colors of benetton corporate cover of of your college you're like i will hang out with one korean one black guy and then one guy in a wheelchair at national geographics yeah they they want that they want like the look but these are all people that got their jobs i mean so many of them just like nepotism and all that kind of shit or the harvard writers it's that's what it was when i started it was like harvard lampoon people lampoon people then the click kind of changed and it's ridiculous now with and all the people i know they have like uh jobs just are like they try to like keep

their head down until it's over that's who evan shapiro is who is it he's the guy he was the head of cso oh yeah when i was at the hard times he he wanted to like work with us on a show but he's one of those guys that he's like honestly a super nice dude but if you go to his twitter it's like he's all day like yelling at congressman and he's he's all in right oh so he's probably a very successful person because that's who does that he's all in yeah and then he wanted us to do a show there and then he took over the national lampoon so we kind of talked about that and then he's been you know all day yelling he yells at trump he's like a big part of the resistance and then i read the article two days ago and it was my buddy sent it to me but he's charged

with embezzling five million dollars from the national lampoon wow really and i went to see if he addressed it you could say you watch to it whoever's because it's not normal to be investing that much in yelling on after you he didn't even address it i saw i looked at his twitter and i'm like i wonder if he even said anything about this and it was just like and another thing ted cruz no everybody becomes like the devil and daniel webster remember that story and that guy makes a deal with the devil and then as as he's getting later in life he starts going to church a lot yeah first want to condemn people like that's all good point all of hollywood is that so any like whenever you see like really crazy shit you know that's like not you know like me too like stuff that's all good point all of hollywood is that so any like whenever you see like really crazy shit you know that's like not you know like me too like stuff that's like this is what is this

like what is it like it's a reckoning you're like yeah but what what what okay how specific be specific how is it a reckoning no what is oh you're gonna say things on twitter and the press is gonna make money off of they're going to make their same rape money, but without having to even report on a real rape or be sued. The Hunter S. Thompson said it. The media. There's nothing a news editor loves more than a good rape.

That's a Hunter S. Thompson. Yeah, I know. And it's like a masturbating raven that leers on the shoulder. It's some like poetic thing that nails exactly what it is so it's they always it's pure exploitation that they then pretend that they're not not doing that but these people are so wormy and awful they all are trump they're all you know pot calling the kettle black like Yeah. They're all fucking Trump. It's not because they're both black. It's because the kettle's shiny,

and the pot is seeing its own reflection in the kettle. That's what that's saying. So Bill Maher is like the yin and yang of Trump. They both have tiny hands, and they both don't like to be made fun of. He is them. That's why they all were hanging out with him and shit beforehand. Yeah. Oh, he's successful. I want to be successful. I want to be made fun of like he is them. That's why they all were hanging out with him and shit beforehand. Yeah. Oh,

he's successful. I want to be successful. I want to be around people. They are an axiom and saw in their hearts. So fucking, uh, they can't believe that. That was the big affront of him.

That is like them being like aghast all the time. Like, and how could you? And like, look at your fucking selves. Asshole. Like, like,

I guess that's, that's America for you. Like the, look at your fucking selves. Asshole. Like, like, I guess that's, that's America for you. Like the country that hates its own reflection of any country. And, uh, that's what they are. They see themselves. And,

uh, did you ever have that? Like, cause I feel like I never kind of had that, that idea of like, Oh, I want to get into the popular kid crew. Like for me,

it was always kind of about being the kids at the back of the class. I wanted to be, well, yeah, right yeah right so but that was the thing like when i got in when i first did it was just nothing but like kind of black rooms and like philly and shit yeah you came up and then kevin hart was who was the smartest of any of us went to new york immediately and he was into the cellar and And then he was like, he's like straight business. You know, I got into it to be a jerk off. I specifically was like,

I want to be a jerk off with my life. Like I don't want to. I know. So when I got to the cellar, I definitely wanted to be like, sit at the table. Like I was like the height of when it was like the table. Well,

that's a different table though. I think there, cause those people are still the troublemakers of a broader scene for the most part well then so what happened is and so that was comedy central you know it's called comedy central and so there's a certain point where a whole bunch of people come out of college i assume we're getting jobs at comedy central and what are they into these are rich kids that went to college. They like improv. They like Stella. Yeah, which was funny. I never liked it. I didn't even understand

what the fuck I was looking at. Did you ever see the shorts? The digital shorts? No, I just saw this Comedy Central show. They've never really been able to translate properly. The only show that ended up being great out of that whole movement would have been Reno 911.

I used to like Viva Variety too, too the one before i don't remember that one it's a fake variety show and they're they're all doing foreign accents so it was racist now looking back yeah they should which they should watch themselves for yeah it was a variety show um but so commie central would go so this post luna luna was the alt room. That's where Marin was. And that was like, you know, like Jeannie Garofalo. I read about that in high school, that that was the cool, the like indie rock cool. It was. That was at the time. The alt was still alt, though, you know?

So then when Comedy Central started only looking, they started not going to clubs. So they'd go to like Rafifi. Whenever Mulaney was at Rafifi. Okay. I feel stupid saying these words. Whenever he was there, that's when Comedy Central started picking. And then I used to host a thing for them

at this place, Crash Mansion, where they were getting, so like Donald Glover, I remember, was coming through there and like all these people. So they started picking out of like improv and also Saturday Night Live at the same time started getting ucb people that became the mainstream right it wasn't like whatever it used to be well the problem is like this happens in my opinion it

happens with music it happens with everything that i always use the example of you know the cop movies where it's like hey rigs you know you know i don't do that anymore all that kind of stuff you know there was a point where like all those everyone's making fun of it but no one's actually doing it so a lot of those alt people no one was actually kind of knew why they were doing it they were just doing it now whereas before you know if you look at like tim and eric at the time like they're making why they were doing it so you know that old yeah i'm kind of maybe could explain it better but you know the old chinese or japanese saying where everyone's in a room and if they if they ring the bell and everyone stands up and then by the end everyone stand everyone stands up what was i raised a ninja i don't know any of these japanese you don't know

this you don't know this it's so the old experiment so essentially what happens is if they start with people and they say hey listen if we ring the bell everyone has to stand up and then if they start with people and they say hey listen if we ring the bell everyone has to stand up and then if they start when people leave they bring new people in they ring the bell you just see everyone else stand up and you go oh okay we stand up when the bell rings and then by the end no one there has gotten an explanation for why they do it they all just know they if you go hey why do you guys okay so with a lot of the alt comedy when it started it was like a reaction to like you know comedy that was too clubby and stuff like that and that's what always happens with music is a reaction to the kind of thing

before but eventually alt comedy is just like hey we're being zany but they're not actually reacting to like a mainstream of too you know too rigid you know what the people that were because one thing i always liked about marin was he hated because they would call him the godfather of downtown comedy and like these magazines and and like he really did hate that he used to yell at dimitri martin all the time which i just remember to make sure it comes on a long skateboard skating with this like i don't know blowing on a pinwheel or longboarding is wrong boarding that's the yeah and we're like look at you you're so cute why don't you be a man like it wasn't even ball busting it was yeah and um bullying yeah i think also too he sensed like a younger threat for hipster pussy yeah he was like this is gonna be this is gonna take me over

professor professor pussy you know and yeah the next generation it's the punk guys when the new guy shows up with face tattoos and you gotta be like i mean you're not gonna be able to get a job yeah so the people that were funny were like real comics they were very funny and they're they're like he was talking about that because gene grafalo having it he goes i we brought a notebook on stage we i'm the room was so that we could work out that was what was alt about it like i'm a comic i work i work all over like i was a place where it's not like so a bunch of people saw that i'm like oh you can always bring a notebook and then that became a thing yeah and it lost its yeah and yeah it lost it and so uh and also

it was white i should also the other factor of alt it was very white like that's why this crisis like comedy is not diverse enough that's the arrogance of the kind of upper class that's into improv and shit yeah have black friends so they think that there's this horrible segregation fucking paul f tompkins tweeted when with the the height of george floyd like when when uh i would say i maybe got out of hand he uh he tweeted like i lived in i grew up in philly and i never had a black friend and that's and you got to read white fragility and like paul thomp is an asshole he's an elitist scumbag that's why that's why you didn't have a black in philly you sack of shit yeah how do you live in philadelphia

that's why i started comedy that's what i want to call it how do you live there and not have a like you just have to have a black friend by just walking two steps in philly like the amount you had to avoid black people to fucking philly and you're i mean i would too if i dressed like a plantation owner from 1843 yeah so so so then they give this christ like am I right like yeah motherfuckers you've been it's not just racist don't limit yourself to why you suck you're you're like that what you're a bigot to everyone who's not in your clique like don't just now focus on like you're gonna be nicer to the black people like have a blanket thing of like i'm going to be less of a fucking it's because they're tremendously insecure people who who can't stand i didn't realize like the the idea of alt words like i'm allergic to uh i don't know i i it there's always an element of people that

are seen they're part of the scene right and that's yeah so scene stirs kind of started taking over as opposed to people that were actually and then the corporations started you know being like there's some money to made in this little culture that they got going on a lot of oh yeah 100 now and that's what all this ultimately is not about woke or anything it's everything's i was talking to neil brennan about it like every he he's everything's a corporate gig he's right every it's all all the gigs are corporate gigs now and when i started you knew comics that did corporate gigs and they they're like yeah it sucks you know you can't really be funny it's like how college sucks but 10 times

worse doing it you know yeah and um but it's great money so that's why what the mystery of why late night sucks because it's corporate art it's garbage it's got nothing to do with their politics like it's it's in fact they're like like colbert's a bitch for like i'm sure in his head he thinks he's doing the resistance and it be and he just focuses on that and and he makes money and like he's a corporate fucking stooge he used to be great on things you know like he i know i mean part of that's he's probably an improv like actor person more than the guy who he had great writers so you'll notice the quality for sure in fact i think that people don't know that people write for these people they're like i mean it's hard to tell sometimes you're like you guys cannot possibly have right but when you do it well

people like oh you're great like you know people think the person uh they on the show they just make the whole thing kind of deep down like they don't yeah so the that person will get blamed and for things they didn't write or you know like does that's the best like bill maher actually wrote that n-word bit. That was a prank from his staff. Wow, he is lucky that that was pre-George Floyd death. Yeah, that would have been tough now. Yeah, because, I mean, that's amazing. Like, he wouldn't have just had, what do you have, like, Method Man come on and be like... He gave him a talking to.

Made it all better. Yeah, like... It wasn't Method Man. It was one of the Isis, either T or Cube. Because he doesn't comment to that New York Times guy that got fired because he was saying the word, I think to explain that somebody bad said the word and got fired. That was phenomenal.

It's Monty Python. That's Life of Brown. Yeah, it is Monty. That's what we've achieved. That's our actual society achieved that's our our actual society it's a bunch of women with beards on that's why because i was saying to go back to the thing you go like you know you had all those jobs and i'm sure some of the ones you had are super cool but like now it's like everyone there's a lot of people that kind of are outside the system

now yeah but a lot of people are outside the system now and being like man why can't this system be changed and you're like you why do you want to be part of that it's over like that's my i everybody wanted to just go be the calm pain i didn't realize how bad that's the thing i thought i thought being like i don't want to be part of that mate you didn't i didn't know it meant you yearned for it so deeply honestly and it was your dream you know because you need to validation and that's the the levels they go you get this and then you you know you have a career right and you take that away and they're like well the whole reason that was ever fun to do because i didn't want to i always wanted to stand up i was like the kind of that managers can't stand with like i just

want to do stand up and they're like well i don't know what to do with you. So I just got jobs writing because I would like, I think I wrote for somebody for like a roast at the Boston. So if you get, if people know you could write jokes while they'll ask you to. So it just, I just kind of went, I just fell into it and I needed money. So,

do you know, yeah, but you know why you were like a better writer than a lot of other people. And I've talked to, uh, on this podcast last week for people to check out your videos with kyle the one especially the shapiro and biden i was like that's so perfect but the reason why you're good and this is the opposite of what's going on on clubhouse and why that sometimes the long form stuff the way that they

do like if you look at you know you mentioned eric weinstein and those guys or whatever right their job is like in a lot of ways take a issue and like talk about it for like an hour and really get the thing out where it's like what you do in my opinion better than a lot of people is you can take their hour conversation and take it into a sentence that said all the same stuff you know what i mean so just like maybe dude i just mentioned the like brooklyn boohoo scene you know what i mean and you're like like, but that kind of thing, that one, that three words or how many words that is says better. That's what I'm trying to be like.

It's out. Like it tells the guy who says so much in the three words, the ultimate guy of that. And he's like, it's hilarious. Like that's what he does. And he, he used to tell me,

uh, yeah, he would be like, uh, imagery. Just, just have imagery. like that's what all this stuff is yeah and you use stuff that people are no i'll tell you we're like the

religion thing because you kind of talk about that as you know more than anyone because you we were a jehovah's witness and everything like you when you said that their their heaven is the right side of history oh yeah right side of history. Oh, yeah, right side of history, heaven. That's where they're going to go. It's amazing when I watch people. I'm like, what is your eternal reward? I tell you used to go like, when do these people laugh in heaven? That's when you're like, all right.

It's not a, I don't know. These are all corporate gigs now, basically. So like i feel it in my bones do you feel it have you done any of them recently where you feel like oh that's what i'm trying the whole reason i ever liked writing these jobs is because you're making up shit with like people that are fun you know i i got to work on some things that were like really good so they were good writers like now you'd probably be in with like three people that are there to fill a quota that are it's their first job and they're like uh like it's it would i wouldn't even probably relate to people like the only kind of job i could work is like it's probably some friend or a friend of a friend yeah that'd be a friend somebody like like i'm like a more referral only i've never been like a uh you know package in a

uta package for a uh yeah and then you've worked tons staff show and i didn't want a staff show i i wanted to be able to stand how did you work on who is america from uh amy recommended me to amy schumer sasha yeah i think she probably felt bad for uh if i had to guess but it was a good show she was like you should talk to kurt can you tell can you say what happened with the because i i thought the amy schumer thing you're saying she felt bad and that's because she like kind of threw you under the bus yeah which i like i said i don't i never i i very much say like do whatever you got to do she got she's like i don't know what to do these people are like if i i would have and what happened was someone at ucb got accused of rape and you kind of said hey could we look into this before

you tell me somebody posted michael shea posted this he reposted the thing and said, UCB has done an investigation and determined that so-and-so is guilty of rape. Okay? Citizen detectives. Yeah, like, not even. Like, I was calling it law and order UCB and shit. But that was all a lie. Like, basically, UCB had known about this guy doing that.

I found out, you know, after I was all a lie. Like basically UCB had known about this guy doing that. I found out, but you know, after I was all said and done, this person just went, went off road. And like UCB was going to sue her for putting that because you can't put that up. Like you, that's crazy.

Like that's a, so anyway, it became a whole thing. And somehow I'm, uh, how it shook out my, my argument that you can't fucking, that's great

I was I was even like giving evidence. I was like just at least tell the story of what happened Don't just tell me. Yeah, no UCB took care of it. Don't worry. Like that's fucking frightening and So it turned out by the end This guy's my best friend never met this motherfucker in my life. But now he's my best friend That was where I Kurt Metzger defends his friend who's like which so what if let's say he was my friend if you knew you wouldn't defend your friend if some crazy shit like that happened totally so but anyway i think i think the guy did it myself like uh but the point is

after looking into it the point is after you did your investigation it's not for him like anybody that's a crazy thing but now that's a standard thing that's good we're supposed to like you just go online that piece of shit charlie rose that's something that makes me very happy because he's a brutal notorious sexual harassment guy uh and like brett butler the comic he fucking that was the big like legend about him I found out like a little bit later and then he got me too like me that's the one me too I really fucking

like enjoyed because every person that's that tries to jump on it like yeah it's time for a reckoning they're all I assume you rape someone I assume that because why would you yeah we all have to. I mean, men, we've all done bad things and to women like rape them like no, no.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the racist thing again, but we're going to spread my guilt around to you. And so that's what these fuckers do or either that they're either doing that or it's like they're that fucking arrogant. Like I went to Charlie Rose decided to have a show about that like you that arrogant dude with your fucking record That's about to swallow you to even do a thing about me saying you should have due process. Oh He hit you up. That's why he know he didn't hit me up. He had her on to be like that's where she did it

Yes, and this fucker's tweeting at me my own points like i was on the other side of my own points i also cursed out you know this is uh i also cursed out this stupid fuck to even today when i think about like some moron but you know all that's my fault for talking to people on Facebook like an idiot like so what happened was they this this girl took a minute or you know with her and she she took she like took off for her comments and took my comments and went like look what he's saying about you so it made this whole fuck the entire narrative got constructed I mean like who gives a shit now the thing that I find like shocking is I had no idea because i at least

wrote things you could take out of context to like fuck me with like i at least did that yeah so that's like all right that's fine that's like my own stupidity but now you don't you could just say something perfectly reasonable yeah it doesn't take much yeah like you don't you might as well fucking go over the top verbally abusing someone because you're gonna get treated like you did either way you're gonna well yeah they called you a pro-rape comedian like well that was later when i was working on sasha's show and that's uh that's like some i'm sure open mic are in austin freelancering for the HuffPo, watched the credits of the show to see what brave woman must have written it

and then saw me. Nick Mullin said that to me. I can't take credit. That's so funny. Yeah, and so that's what that is. There's a thing where these people are like, no, you're no longer going to be allowed. But that's fine with me.

I don't need to work in that shit. No, you're no longer going to be allowed. But that's fine with me. I don't need to work in that shit. Like, I don't... I never wanted to do... Dude, I've watched... Like, extended Hollywood time. You know, like...

That was a job. That was just a paycheck in addition to stand-up. That was cool. That guy is great. Like, that's a cool... Like, that was a cool thing to work on. But I could never survive in in because the way people survive who always work in that stuff is crazy you're like you you just have to be like oh no i don't

know how i would be able to survive like i would just inadvertently do something that's going to be a problem do you know what i mean like i'm not i'm not a h i'm not like a office pig. I'm like a tusks and coarse hair pig. But here's what's good about it. And a lot of stand-ups can't do it because stand-up is so about you. And I feel about my own stand-up. As a stand-up, I write less and I'm much more precious with things.

Yeah. It's like something in nature, like, fuck show. There's something about being able to, like, blank out, like, put yourself into a project, especially if the thing is cool. It's very easy to do it if you like the thing you're working on. You know, like, some stuff's just job,

but I really liked Who's America, so that was, like, a very, that's exactly, like, why I would get into comedy to do, to make some shit. So I'm just hanging around like very funny people trying to be as funny as possible. So it's just like freedom and play. That's what Kyle called it.

That's what comedy is. So that's all I want out of it. Is that, is that experience of doing it? Like there's no other thing like doing it. I don't, yeah. Like I don't need to meet,

uh, you know, fucking, uh, the chick who plays mystique and the new x-men like that doesn't do anything for me yeah i mean i can see that with you yeah because even when we like we're talking about that thing you'll message me like late at night with an idea i'm like oh you just like oh yeah this always dude and uh so with kyle i used to work with him in an office. We would write stuff together. In fact, that's the Emmy. Me and him, that was like...

Amy Schumer. Yeah, for a song. That song was called Girl, You Don't Need Makeup. And that was a thing I had Facebook posted. I had made a joke about I wanted to write boy band songs. And then we made it into a thing and kyle's like really musical and yeah i remember that and um so he's just good to work with like he's like uh he's more he's probably more precise than i am like that thing you're talking about with biden

that took us like one and a half minutes that took fucking forever well that wasn't the precise thing yeah that was more the that's more the like what you said your ability to write characters like with and you make fun of them without hatred like to me that was what i liked about it yeah right we just pick out it it's uh he he i wanted to i started working with him like before the pandemic because i wanted to before he this shit was already good before i got there he had a thing of um his donald trump was so funny it was like my favorite trump impression because i and i could see in the comment like people that hate and like trump both like all like this impression so much better you could be like making fun of something they did

like but it's just it's just trying to be funny as funny as possible with it and not part of the resistance with it. I don't want to hear your fucking resistance version of Trump. It's not just separation of church and state. There's a lot of shit. There should be a separation of corporate and state and of comedy. Not comedy and politics. People are like, I don't like politics in it

like there's always been politics and stuff it's it's this specific intersectional cult that's what people don't want in their shit you know when you're like yeah you hear complaining like don't get the politics out of my something like it's not even politics that's the problem it's the fucking uh like where i feel like somebody's trying to indoctrinate me. Yeah. I'm like, I just was trying to get away from this nonsense for two seconds with some kind of entertainment. Like, but no, you're never allowed a moment. It's like being in a cult.

You think about God all day with your whole heart and your whole soul and your whole mind. And you don't want to stumble your brother out of the faith. Yeah. That's what they do. You got to just think, like. Well, put it this way. mind and you don't want to stumble your brother out of the faith yeah that's what they do you got to just think like we'll put it this way i mean isn't that like when you're talking about the writing for amy you were able to like write for her and like her message which is different than yours and i've done that like lots of times with girls but they wouldn't be able to do that like if you work for the church you couldn't write for you wouldn't be able to write like

oh i'm also like moonlighting writing a mus screenplay, you know, like they would. Or the company or Disney. Like, so somebody's telling me, I have a friend that was working for ABC, which is Disney. Okay. And they were telling him, I can't remember what they were arguing about, but he's like, any standards and practices would say this is fine. They go, well, there's regular standards and then there's disney standards and so disney has its own sharia law and he told me it felt like scientology it's like being working

for scientology working for a disney company what is it it's just like your overall it's a like all these companies you have to be part of their corporate culture and and you just start to think like that you're like well is it disney standards or is it regular american you have your rights and they'd like that to be everyone's those companies like i should decide what what standards you know that you live for like discourse you can't just have unfettered this unfettered like clubhouse speech going on like yeah and most of it's revolving around no jews i would assume where's the large private entity uh monitoring you to make sure and that's all fucking people supposedly left are into that that's mind-blowing to me they're all

into a corporate censorship like weird power thing and they're like that's the left that's who the left is here did you when you wrote on uh who is america did you have anything to do with the mosque sketch yeah i wrote that there's one dude that to me the active shooter with the mosque and he has a little mosque in his um no no you're talking about so that sketch was phenomenal and times was that wrote that one mostly yeah but i know the one you're talking about i thought you're talking about we had to build a little mosque in his cubicle so yeah all the mosque stuff was incredible with that character i guess those are two different ones no the the town hall was great because town hall and nathan fielder directed that right yeah that guy's a funny dude man

yeah i really liked him uh like i was not that into the show like i liked certain stuff on it but i wasn't like people tell me like great and it was like the character i thought he would be like a boring dude from his character he's doing but um he's a he's a very funny dude like like yeah i know yeah like i didn't work on the movie that he just did with Borat. That probably was difficult. I imagine that was a difficult thing to figure out. But the show was before it was becoming completely... But I remember warning him,

this is going to be the last thing, a funny thing. You thought that? Yeah, I can tell 2016 these people like famous people are so insulated from shit that goes on generally okay so it takes you know one time we got an argument about antifa you and seshmer and cohen and uh i and antifa wasn't that big of a thing like you thought they were great you thought they were really great no he's just like it's just a bunch of lesbians and they don't like he just has no idea like these people have no idea what what goes on at the very base level

with any of these things they just know the side they wish well and they're like they mean well and um i would say he's a very like nice like he i didn't see any vices like he don say he's a very nice... I didn't see any vices. He's Jewish, doesn't get high, or he's got a nice family. He just seemed like a very upright... I would never in a billion years expect to hear anything like that about him the way you hear shit come out about people.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, you kind of said that it seemed like there was a lot of... In Hollywood, it's a lot of people in their 40s and 50s sucking up to millennials who fucking hate them yeah it is i mean but that's also has to do with marketing because there's a coveted demographic that they're going for but i just

think that this demographics are like shrinking like you know like the boot the bourgeois thick classy you're trying to get it's getting smaller and smaller and smaller so that's why there's this huge disconnect between like the establishment critic versus the the audience score on rotten tomatoes you know where it's like really like you thought chapelle was only 12 good and like everybody else saw it strangely thought it was 99 it's completely it's almost like what occupy wall street was talking about except socially like yeah you know like we are the 99 that there's a whole 99 of people that aren't into this shit and and because that these people

built up their bubble so well they're like in it i mean they've made fun of it like saturday night live had that thing called the bubble you know where you and your friends could move so yeah a few sketches that were like kind of like it wasn't like funny but it was like at least commentary on on uh what's going on um yeah so that's it and then all these execs like i'm sure lauren michaels has all kinds of shit that he's afraid but i'm sure all these people at Long Running Things have all kinds of history where they have to really pretend to be obedient. Of course, yeah.

Well, you're going to be selling sleep apnea cleaner. Yeah, you're going to be selling sleep apnea. Yeah, right. Patriot pills. I only want to sell a tampon that lets you fucking make it in the workplace. What are the fucking commercials on the on the like msnbc what are like those kind of lifestyle products it's like that and then like raytheon for some reason yeah that's advertisers i did jimmy shore jimmy jimmy Oh, Jimmy Shores Doe. Jimmy Doerr? I did Jimmy Doerr's live show, and he played videos,

and there's a fucking commercial. It's Raytheon and Girl Scouts. It's incredible. It shows all these girls learning about technology, and they're like, we need something for the future, in the future, and women, and inclusion, and women in the future. And it's like girls are have like a

they're holding like a virtual reality thing in their girl scout outfits and it's the most bizarre pairing i would it looked like a parody they are they you i've thought about doing a parody of those and i didn't i kind of went a different route because i was like yeah dude have you seen like coca-cola's transgender commercials it's it's crazy what's the coca-cola transgender commercial so essentially i mean there's so many of these right now you're right and it is like so the coca-cola one it's just a bunch of people the mom so it's like a little documentary style the mom comes and her son is you know dressing up like a girl or whatever and then they show the son you know getting the surgery putting the makeup on and they show three different ones and they do that and at the end of it it's like you know sprite

ah that's hilarious it's phenomenal it's almost like the pro like the boomer process of like being you know going to college and being hippies and then getting your shit together and going to silicon valley and started you know like that yeah the hippies became yuppies um their kids it did it all together at the same time like i'm a radical and i'm gonna get a job in the city and i'm gonna be wealthy and i'm gonna like they didn't like just it's so and it's like i think from just having no principles like it wasn't like losing your prince it was like just having none none to begin with and so there's no like this they're like no yeah this is like somebody called the lifestyle left on twitter and that's exactly what it is the lifestyle left yeah so anybody left that supports

that shit they're gonna come after you like so i love jimmy like he's one of the few few were like chris hedges or any of these people they were a few people who were like free speech leftists and they're also ironically the few anti-war leftists and they get sent anti war sites they get scrubbed along with the right-wingers that's the little quiet because these companies don't get to look over here yeah so jimmy had on a guy so jimmy had a thing because he talked to some boogaloo boy who had given a speech in like Michigan at the Capitol. And what I just overheard from media thing is that they're a racist proud boy group or something. That's what I heard. But it's not.

It's a bunch of people. The guy's gay. They were there defending, they would like defend BLM protesters. That's crazy to me how opposite they get reported as, as a right wing. They're not at all. And, um,

so then he talks to this guy and then, then he has this guy from the something democratic socialist alliance. And this guy's like, has this huge problem that Jimmy spoke to this other guy before him. He did the Boogaloo boys are probably because yeah, but the guy just said that it's not that it's an amazing fucking episode. I know. And this asshole is like, I don't think you platform a Boogaloo Boys are probably, he goes, yeah, but the guy just said that it's not that. It's an amazing fucking episode. I know. And this asshole's like, I don't think you platform a Boogaloo Boy.

He just would not get off this. He goes, you were flirting with libertarianism. Oh. Yeah. And then not two days later, not two days later, that guy's site got scrubbed off Facebook. Wow. He got censored two days after his shit after they had this argument fucking moron so that's like it never takes long for them to you know

taste of the on mass there's like you know it's like the the classic like how the marks is there's like the they don't like the working class they never have they can't stay in the working class so to be a leftist and hate the working class that's why I got converted to your skin color and gender and shit, because that way I can be rich but still a victim of you. Yeah. Have you seen the meme? I'm a victim of people who are mean on Twitter.

There was a pretty good meme that was going around. It was just like, you know, whatever, if you want to say. I can't remember if it was leftist or whatever society in 2000 it was like the wall street thing you know 99 and it was everyone signs and then it was like them now and it was just them on a float with like rainbows everywhere and it's like coca-cola bank of america td bank and it was like the same people that's the process dude the fucking the I guess the what do you call it the wild beast of they have to swallow that's what all this like painful shit is is as the corporate beast swallows woke yeah burping noise or the

as it swallows all this horse shit and because it has to co-opt it and then that's the truly disgusting process is watching them co-opt it because everybody you could buy everybody like so all these people that are like you know they they went to college like they learned the shit at college they went to college expecting to have a better life in general and they fucking uh you know you didn't get it and then let him like you can and you can help do work for women or something you know like you can fucking you're right it's how to get all the things at the same time yeah so that's that's like that's why i don't believe in any of the like people are like for socialism or capital like none of these things are like the thing

that fixes things like they're just an economic system yeah and they're they can be medicine to it and you you you got to work with the people you have to make the, you know what I mean? That's a huge factor. What kind of people are you working with? So they're always pying this, you know, it's just a good religion. Like everything's, oh no, this is the system. It works perfectly. They always tell you how it works great and none of them do.

And they're not figuring in the human element of how like your perfect system is going to be fucked up by people. how like your perfect system is going to be fucked up by people yeah you know like i especially if people talk about capitalism like most people who aren't invested in stuff only think of it as like oh i want to start a business and do it you know i want to be able to advance my life and uh like it's it's just now i notice where you see a both right and left kind of acknowledging this fucking like corporate it's like it's like state capitalism or something it's like giant corporate cronies and it's like uh you know pull the ladder up worst of both worlds yeah like you don't want to let anyone advance that's what these giant things do they make it

so other other things can't advance because that's what it's if it was capitalist it's supposed to be we all can like you know the market can decide but then they have the power to manipulate the fucking market and they say that they should that it's good that they do that in fact they're doing us a favor manipulating the market yeah they're like oh it would have been a mess like you know you wouldn't even had your precious capitalism if we didn't give this bank a trillion dollars um the whole of capital none of them don't like capitalism like capitalism in terms of international corporate capitalism is like the fucking devil i mean it's really bad it's not i don't know how anybody could argue for it well what do you mean by that that's why everything's like this that's why everybody's walking around

every comic i talked to that i know for a long time they all mention of like how they got it just keep their head down and watch every little like you just got done telling me how you live in fear all day I know and you're fucking worried about like oh you think you're losing democracy because Trump got elected are you fucking stupid you've been spied on since for fucking 20 years by your government you like they all just put that aside because you need to be programmed to worry about aesthetics and programmed to pick a personality that you're devoted to and not worry about any of the policy. Because that's really none of your business, the policies and shit. Just have trust.

Like, oh, who do you like? Somebody said to me on Gnome's Play, which candidate do do you like I don't know all of them. They seem nice Who gives a shit what I like yeah? What are you are what are you gonna do anything that I give a shit about? Was it all like not like who I don't I don't want to have a beer that Disgusting idea of like who do you want to have a beer with? That's a fucking perverse thing especially politics like i could hate you motherfucker just do the thing i want but you're supposed to go so the reason now here's the

benefit you get from attaching it all to personalities if someone says something that's true if they're a bad person then who cares that means it's wrong you know so so in the case of like let's say coronavirus which there's a lot of evidence. It was like engineered not as a bioweapon But the way they study viruses is this hot I saw these people talking about it was the most horrifying thing I ever heard and and uh But because Trump suggested it the media has to say of course not that's great That's a conspiracy, but people that know about this shit,

it doesn't act like a normal virus. A normal virus will get weaker as it spreads out, but this virus can mutate into a stronger because there were two schools of thought in virology. One is you should try to evolve the virus to see how bad it can get because we need that information. And there's other schools like that's too dangerous to do.

But it wasn't really settled, and there was perverse incentives to do the other way. So people have been doing that with viruses because they just get grants and shit, and there's actually no scientific reason anymore to do it. It's just a perpetuating.

It's so scary how it works. So normally a virus, once you beat it, the way he put it was a This fight advice usually has one trick like once you beat it like it has a trick to survive But this one has two tricks which doesn't normally happen in nature Where it evolved where it evolves to usually one and once it does the first trick You don't have that much time for it. And then it yeah, so I

mean, that's really like simplifying it but the the science jargon makes it sound so fucking frightening it sounds so terrifying and and then the guy's like it's politicized so that's unfortunately because it got politicized there's no way like everything is not a platform for this you know virology should be just its own platform that doesn't concern itself with um you know identity politics yeah like like so that's the big so all these people who aren't particularly good at one thing but they they can be zealots for this thing they're like oh yeah i'm a comic who really cares about um yeah i'm not that good at comedy but that's not what's important like i'm doing this to promote marginalized voices.

Yeah. And then if you're a critic who never understood comedy, when I started, being super edgy was what they were going for. And shit that I didn't think was any good, they would push. It was amazing. Like Lisa Lampanelli, who was like... Lisa Lampanelli was the Nanette of her day where all the fucking people like oh my god it's amazing it's a woman and she's saying things that are racist and like

it's not even the race it's like it wasn't fun it was just like this is just like you found a hack it seemed like the shit that yeah like hacky racist is so much worse it it like the the audience would eat it up and you and you're like oh my god like is she's like saying what they're all thinking you're like ew and but but the industry love it because it's a woman doing it you know and it was like that's supposed to be amazing so then they flip so they they always promote a crap so then they flip hard and then they promote the crap of you know and that's where all the writing all the all the writing staff is being cast that way so they're like we need a diverse one and you can't just be

a i know somebody who's like a a lesbian who can't isn't diverse enough that's nothing right now yeah like you gotta be black now because i've george floyd they're like oh it's can't you're not just gonna munch your way into this job you get you got to uh you got it kind of like with the with uh when like the corporate like takes all the woke stuff for hollywood or whatever you know when like an alien like when they say an alien comes here and imitates a human but it's like you it's they didn't quite do it right yeah it's like because there's no room for nuance in you know a phony replica so it just becomes like dude they we used to laugh at standard when we get the standards and practices notes on everything i

ever worked on that was went on tv they had standards and practices notes of like you can do that so on uh ugly americans they had this robot that was supposed to be like it was after nuclear war this robot was designed to come back out and repopulate the earth so it's filled with sperm you know because they all the sperm would be ruined and it got out early and it was going around shooting people with fucking sperm okay yeah so standards of practice said okay you can have that but it can't be like a like a fire hose of it it could just be like a few like little okay and then when they made it, no, right.

And it's like, okay, when we just laugh, you're like, whatever you want. Sure. Grosser. The little squirts look so much grosser.

Cause it's not comical anymore. Yeah. It's not comical. And, and it's not based on any moral thing. It's like what somebody imagines what some ivy league lawyer imagines they could maybe get in trouble for so that's all these morals now are based on like what could we maybe get in trouble for and now the only way to advocate is to try to destroy someone who has your opposing

view so that a corporation looks like oh people are really mad like they fired that chick from the from uh the mandalabra and uh yeah they got like a backlash like well was there enough of a backlash to make it a vote where they have to like you know so it's just like the backlash is probably good yeah so who's gonna have more voting power naturally or more important it's gonna be like rich people and so that's why it's like the disconnect between pbs and like regular TV when I'd be like, who's watching this when I was a kid? Because I was like, who's watching the ballet?

Like it's like rich people were paying for this to be on because it's like culture stuff. Yeah. Everything's that. It's like this is sponsored by some rich man's secret crimes he did that he's got a fucking. That's what the reason we have Jamesames corden is because less moonves and because of what less moonves from cbs the guy who got kicked out for being a sexual harasser and he was like corden's the guy he he handpicked him like he was the most powerful guy there you know who what was his deal corden where do you come from oh he's from england he was on a

show called gavin and stacy which was like she was like an actor kind of coming up or whatever i guess it was like a comedy if you but it's not a show that's gonna come over here put it that way like people maybe think a lot of british shit's funny like well you're maybe just seeing what somebody realized yeah you're seeing the good stuff that came over yeah yeah and so fucking well and and now james gordon so he's on a show called gavin stacy try to watch it it's like if you think friends is too edgy and hardcore and too white like and also not white enough yeah like it's it's my i'm like who the fuck this must be what they mean when they mean little britain that means like the people that would watch this show it's so like not even jokes

and so much revolves around like singing a song a popular song together i just try watching clips it's it it baffled me like i i really sat there like what what is this yeah and then les moon guy saw that and he said this guy saw he saw him he's a show he saw him not doing a play or a musical somewhere in london so which apparently was a very well reviewed music but how can you trust reviews you cannot yeah so now uh karaoke is a form of comedy like just singing that's like comedy see comedy you know what's funny that's a corporate way to do it like this is art like you know nobody's upset oh oh i have a pleasant feeling and that's a song that i've heard so it's good promotion for the

song and yeah i'll have tiktoks that yeah and i'm not doing work this This must be comedy. This is like the automatons that be funny, but, but I saw, I watched. So when I was in the hotel, I was actually like on Friday night, I saw what was on Friday and Saturday. And I thought this was so like telling,

and maybe you have like a real reason why this doesn't mean anything. And I'm reading into it, but Friday and Saturday night, they had marathons of south park four episodes and it wasn't like you know this is some weird it was like this is what they're doing friday saturday night they're like put south park on four episodes and it was like you know this shows you know it's still relevant and still happening but it was old episodes like these are 15 years old so this is their friday and saturday night programming which i assume is a pretty like

heavily watched night and they're like they're still watching the one show that they still have that they would never make in a million years now there was a point like where commie central most of their money was coming from uh blue collar everything oh the the larry the cable daily shows like a prestige kind of thing but but it wasn't like the demographic that they wanted to get because a lot of brands, you know. And they eventually had to get rid of the denim, the Canadian tuxedo tour. Yeah.

And so they fucking, you know, or like Netflix had old episodes of The Office. That's what everybody was watching on there. So like a lot of their shit sucks. Like they have a huge failure rate and then these, they own the rights to these reruns. That's why South park doesn't get canceled.

If you're already big enough and you demonstrate how much money you bring in, then whatever you did is okay. Now they hate JK rallying. Yeah. She's not going anywhere. She owns God bless her, owns all her shit and it makes so much money. So there's nothing that they could do, but they could destroy like

you know if you're a minor something minor or unimportant of course that's i'm even like jordan peterson a little bit so they wanted to kill him but it's like you know at the top of the company they're like are you gonna give me a billion dollars what did he do that like i still don't get what his like what the danger of him is like what is it that he's so i've heard they figure that out after you know that they they know that this guy is bad that off though like why does he have to go well they'll they'll figure out why he has to what what's the reason second you know the real reason is because jordan peterson became literally the biggest probably cultural influence in you know modern history and just sold a gazillion books you know and he was against

all the stuff that they're for you know which is so it's like a trump thing of like we can't like our yeah and he wasn't uh he didn't speak like trump but it didn't matter you know his big thing that's that's my point it's like a guy that doesn't speak like trump will get the exact same amount of fucking horse shit if he's yeah they just find that they go oh look we don't like the way he speaks and then he stops speaking like that and you're like still don't like it lo and behold yeah right well now it's like going to be a thing of of trying to control every like because there's no trump and their business is fucking sucks now they're gonna have to like get a new business is being in charge of what anybody can say that's what i think the new york times their new business is putting south

park on four times a night again yeah and you're like hey there's a lot of other people making great shit like you could do that again and i watched trevor noah so they put trevor noah on and i go the quality of what we're doing right now was better than the trevor noah show and you're right well he was a perfect guy for a corporate for yeah and you're talking you know about real shit this is trevor noah interviewing some actor about nothing and you're or fawning over like whatever there's always like kamala harris yeah fluff pieces to me you've seen when celebrities start podcasts because they have to do you know what i mean like you know some actress and she's like oh i guess i'll do that

now because you know there's some whatever like podcasting is popular channel which is more hilarious that that seems darker when you see yeah you're like matthew mcconaughey like got a youtube channel now and he's making digital shorts and you go rebarcen and her fat friend hey like this is rough and you so just really feel bad for the fat friend you're like wow yeah when you take away all this stuff i mean other people have made this point but it was funny to watch like you know you watch south park it's a funny show ever then they cut to trevor noah and he's interviewing a guy and he's kind of like you know oh so you uh ran into george glooney last week you mentioned and it just kind of oh that's like classic setup uh i know but when it looks like a podcast it's unfortunately our brains you know are used to seeing they know

everyone knows what joe rogan looks like everyone listens to 10 podcasts now so when you see this one you have a frame of reference and you're like is instead of comparing this to jimmy fallon they can't duplicate the entire appeal is that it's not produced and like they can't read ever duplicate that feeling of like a real thing because it's by nature not it's like yeah but even like you watch all those hollywood podcasts you're like these people are in studios they've got good cameras set up i'm gonna you don't need to watch them i'm sure you've been on them and you know what they look like or whatever but just funny to watch trevor noah do his like looks like just fucking filmed on an iphone the guy doesn't have a we both the guy doesn't have a microphone and you're like this is broadcasting on

on like zoom or something yeah i never watch i see i see the promo sometimes and i see that he is like i like his hair's bent he's got like a corona lockdown hair and he's fucking uh yeah he's got a pro yeah and he wears a sweater but he was always like he's a nice guy like i a long time ago i met him and he would be at the cellar sometimes and like very like talking to him he's like a nice guy i'm sure um and i didn't like he's not filming the show but yeah like an out but like uh you know any kind of like foreign comedians i always grade on a curve i'm like okay well what country you know like manette giving a generous curve still not comedy you know yeah um trevor is like okay like it's it's like kind of like trite but like he can you know i i see how this is like the the biggest of south africa or whatever like but i'm like

all right and i never it's just like it's what do you think of australia it's i thought that john stewart picked him to like make sure the show could never be as good as his show you think it was that no i think well i used to think that but it's like being happy seeing your girlfriend with like a you know i think it's just being um like you know like kind of like white guilt like they all love a guy with an accent all these kind of like comics like they all think that they're smarter even a fucking australian accent they're like oh they're smarter they have a fucking Australian accent. They're like, oh, they're smarter. They have an accent.

And, you know, it's like he checked a lot of liberal points for him. Because John Stewart's like a cute liberal, you know? The thing I give him credit for that I think was very great about him was he would always say, this isn't the news. If people are watching instead of the news, that's disturbing. The news is not doing their job. Well, it wasn't at the time now it is though i mean now the news dude you can switch back and forth between the daily show and cnn and they're kind of saying the same thing no then these shows started copying the daily show because it got raised so now that's why i like anderson cooper's anderson cooper has a ridiculous right say that

he goes here's my ridiculous list. I have not watched it. Anderson Cooper is this sickening human being. Jesus Christ. I'm watching him talk. Remember Donald Sterling? Yeah, he's a patriot hero. Do you remember the Patriot?

Oh my God, it's hilarious. taking girls out of the hood dude that guy yeah well that was his beard that's what i what somebody told me is like that guy's gay and that chick is his beard if you're 90 years old and you're gay just give it up man no it feels like gay doesn't age well like being a nine-year-old guy still take kind of a beard are you being? He goes, when I heard magic had those AIDS. So Anderson Cooper, so okay, more power to you. Definitely get that interview. I'm glad I saw it of this guy, Donald Sterling, defending himself. It's hilarious. That's hilarious.

But Anderson goes, warning, some of this mate. The way he gives the warning, like,'s like i have some bad new he said some bad stuff i'm so sorry i have to show this to you right now guys i'm really sorry but you have to see the like it's so repulsive that insincerity of like he because the joy that of what he's getting from this guy couldn't be happier yeah and he's gotta like show like this is solemn this is a solemn thing in america when this magic johnson had those aids i prayed for him what does that have to do yeah he's the guy given someone he hates like his test back and he got an f and he's like i'm so sorry that you

got an f yeah he's ecstatic he he has to uh somebody told me donald sterling who's that one player on the team that became like a comic briefly oh uh duane was it uh dwight howard no no he's kind of redheaded no i know the one because he did the roasts yes but i think he sucked at comedy but he was funny on the roast i think he said like he's like funny for a fucking cte athlete well yeah but i mean you know i'm sure he was funny in the dressing rooms i don't know whatever yeah no people told me a bunch of people you're like yeah he's a funny dude but he said donald swerling like held his hand and took him around the locker room they took his hand i think don't i just like to look at all the all the black butts

and and uh donald swerling's gay that's what i heard and so right was his beard and so which is why she doesn't care that he was she was having sex with all the guys yeah he didn't say don't have sex with like bill burr's joke he's very progressive fuck him he goes but you're here to be my beard so it doesn't stick to the job a team of black guys that's what it was and he can't say that but that's like an interesting real story but and you that you have to like i guess know somebody who knows somebody here which the a real journalist would give a shit about or you know like yeah and is this something that would someone would break and it's almost like a lot of things right now where the truth seems so crazy that you just you get

written off like a conspiracy theorist like oh as if like there's just too many people can handle like two points of things happening like once it's three or four things like okay so he has this girl then she's fucking all the black guys plus it's his beard and you're like i'm out this is too much things well i like uh john stewart which i thought was fucking weak as shit as uh neil brennan had a show called approval matrix then he was interviewing john stewart about about this about this and it was and he was interviewing Jon Stewart about this. And he was asking,

is that disturbing in your home? That's a thing now? And he goes, no. He had no problem with it whatsoever. He thought it was a good thing. Sorry, he thought what was a good thing? You know, like now your private shit is going to be a newsworthy thing. Gotcha. I thought that was fine. You know, like, now your private shit is going to be, like, a newsworthy thing to, like,

thought that was fine. And didn't, like, now it's so much worse. I mean, it's fucking vile now how it is. What's kind of the Jezebel thing, I guess? What's the Jezebel thing? Well, Jezebel, I don't know if you've seen the documentary, but essentially Jezebel outed Peter Thiel. Oh, Jezebel. I thought it was Matt Jezebel.

Sorry, Jezebel's the one on the one like a really yeah i know gossip queen yeah well she would tell me about it like like um because you know and she wasn't like like they started hiring people like when she got in there it was like still the Liz Lemon era of feminist. So 30 Rock's a very funny show. So back then, women actually could still be funny at 30 Rock before that was banned by less funny women that came in. So fucking, she talked about these hires that they had that they sucked.

This is as more and more millennials got the jobs of being uh it's i always thought it was ironic that jezebel was named after a chick from a by from the bible who deserved to be thrown out a fucking window jezebel is an evil woman who painted her face like a whore that had to be chucked out of a window jezebel yeah yeah it had to be the lord commanded it it's so funny dude but yeah that's like they all just turned into sort of like you know gossipy church ladies i guess essentially someone's had sex out of wedlock do you hear because uh it's that's did you this is in new york times they're they're writing this okay the the guy writes like the new york times is in the middle of an evolution from stodgy paper of record to a juicy collection

of narratives of like the best online it's like did you say you're a juicy collection of narratives that's where the new york times said they are that's in the words of the guy and so that's a guy from buzzfeed that broke the fake p-tape story okay trump remember nobody would publish it because it was actually a like the cia leaked it so you know why trump and nobody would pick it up like even these shitty outlets but buzzfeed they go well we'll just say this somebody said this and is it true you decide yeah yeah so this guy went to the new york times just bull put or did he at the end? Yeah, right.

So that's what they think news is now because that pile of shit, Nick Denton from Gawker, there's a documentary about it called The Front Page. And you can see where Brian Stelter got his start at New York Times. And this old reporter's like, yeah, I think Brian Stelter was constructed to torture me. He was made in a lab of everything I hate. So this guy's like a real journalist.

And you can see he's on his way out. And they cut to this fat turd, Brian Stelter, tweeting, I'm checking Twitter. And it's a document. And Nick Denton's bragging about how they're just, because the newspapers can't, now this is pre-Trump. So they can't compete.

So all this happened before Trump. Trump was just like the lifeline for them, kind of. Yeah. It was all like startup money and all this shit of rich people investment, and they turned news into queeny, shitty gossip. So maybe I can't blame The Daily Show, because they were just turning it

into like some jokey jokes but gawker was really like now the news is going to be the meanest fucking rich girl hangs out with the shittiest gay guy the shit they talk about yeah imagine these two fucking morons how they talk oh my god that's the tone of all the news now it's so juicy i went to the columbia school of juicy narration actually that reminds me i'm gonna we're gonna uh wrap this up because we're getting long and i'm gonna but like the one last thing that you said to the because i always listen to i actually do whenever i'm listening to people i like, especially even when I was, we were going to do this and I listened to a bunch more of your things, I always like write down in a little,

which sounds kind of corny, but I'll write down like the, like your name and then like a few funny things. And then I write plus my name. No, yeah, yeah. And then I write my own name and it's way more.

And I'm like, these are all the great quotes that great comedians said. You have way more than them. I go, you know what? They need to catch to catch up oh you write down people's i write down like so you said the brooklyn boohoo scene and i know this is crazy but like i don't remember saying that like where did i say that on your podcast did i really do whenever someone nails something i go i write it down and then also you kind of keep track of who said what that you heard so

you're like then when you later i say brooklyn bruce who the fuck said that thing because it gets in your head and i go who said that especially when it's my friends or people i like i want to know can i contribute too right but you said it's very thoughtful and canadian of you i would just i'm also like a psycho ocd about my notes and stuff like that too so maybe that's part of it it's like all work and no play makes a it's right i just love quotes i do i get so excited about you ever been like i think that was one of the things that people like jordan peterson so much but you ever been like fucking you know think hopefully i do that for other people sometimes but you're like thinking about something forever. And then someone says one sentence. Yeah. A guy that I'm a fan of on YouTube that I talk to sometimes,

he said, you, I never heard this joke, but it sounded funny that you want to join the military, but you didn't like the idea of having to commit suicide after. No, no. Close.

I said, I, you know, I would be down to join the army if you didn't have to be homeless after. And then I say, I go, wow, he,

he, he's a veteran the guy's a veteran by the way oh really yeah and i go well americans love their troops till after the war then they're like ew he's got no legs uh i don't want to be homeless after you know did you know the last broke president was who truman truman died at his fucking he'd move into like his mother-in-law's house oh the ultimate shame so that's when the president swore they would never that won't happen to me yeah yeah get raytheon on the phone raytheon on the phone day one but you said i'll tell you what you said you said that uh which was such a like perfect crystallization you were we were talking

about you're talking about like kim kardashian and paris hilton or whatever right and you were we were talking about you're talking about like kim kardashian and paris hilton or whatever right and you were like that is so much if kim if paris hilton was famous now she'd be telling you telling you who to vote for yeah oh yeah that's what i i still admire about paris that we did not appreciate these uh debutante party whores like we should have that's what it is yeah they were making porns that all they wanted to do was hang out and be and now the generation that should be them is now like i'm an activist like oh my god yeah fucking make a sex tape happy like paris elm was doing what make that's what you're supposed to do as a fucking she had a shirt that said fuck poor people or whatever did she really and i think she did fucking. She had a shirt that said fuck poor people or whatever. Did she really?

And I think she did. I know for a fact she did fuck some poor people. One of my roommates was a poor person she fucked. Really? Yeah, so she was literally saying she would fuck poor people. She's always listening. She's all right. That's all right.

Never once said anything about, I don't know, take your fucking pick. I can't even get them out of my mouth. There's so many of them in my brain at once. No, but yeah, if all those people now, it's like, that's how smart you are. And you're like, you're right. Some of these people do have a good business sense of how to turn their activism into a business. Do what you're good at. Everybody's not supposed to switch jobs.

The president's not supposed to be a clown, and i'm not supposed to be the president okay yeah and so let's all go back to our jobs it's called the division of labor and it was a good thing yeah that's the the new communism is when all the comedians are presidents and all the presidents are comedians it's gonna be worse like they're worried about trump but somebody worse is coming like because the they didn't address any of this problem yeah yeah and so someone who's not gonna fuck it up who has like you know trump's just like an empty fucking he's like an empty fucking suit that you're like what are you like you like me say this like that's all yeah somebody's gonna come that has ideas and they're gonna be maybe bad and

it's gonna be like overwhelming like i somebody said that to me uh some comic out here because he goes yeah the the next president will be like the hitler is is being raised even now in silver lake and uh i believe him he was right yeah okay fuck yeah well hey when are we doing the when are we doing the the special he called me just now so uh we're gonna do a pre-record so i think we're gonna pre-tape that oh that's perfect okay whenever you want but uh we're gonna have it we have to have like his oh this shit we're gonna have to record ahead of time and then do the live anyway it's coming very cool man i mean it's like literally you guys are doing stuff that's probably cooler than most TV shows

and you're just making it the two of you. It'd be great if that made me any money at all. I'll tell you everybody, thanks. Okay, and podcasts is Can't Get Right with Kurt Metzger. It's not a good podcast. All right, I'll see you later. Okay, thanks, buddy. You're the best.