The Boyscast with Ryan Long - MAINTAINING YOUR QUEER IDENTITY

Episode Date: May 21, 2021

We Solved Isreal, We Solved Comedy, We Solved Crypto, And We Solved how to maintain your queer identity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead But we don't end forever, but we don't end forever And you can tell our friends put your fucking girlfriend in a hockey bag. If you are in Canada, we've... No, the hockey bag is for the Canadians. If you're Canadian, you're going to want to pop her in a hockey bag. Leafs and Cavs tonight. Yeah, you're going to want to put her in possibly a Leafs bag. If you were in Idaho, you're going to want to pop that girl in a potato bag. You're not going to want to get caught for this,

so what I recommend you do, this is my personal technique, you're going to want to use some sort of a disguise, possibly a mustache, glasses combination. That's a good combo. You ever think anybody's ever done a potato sack race where they're like, they're going to do one with their girlfriend and then they just jam them in the sack. They think they're about to get on a race.

Well, that's what you do. You go, Hey, uh, we're going to do this potato sack race. We have a professional putter and a potato sacker. Uh, he comes and then you leave, come back out with the glasses. Uh, Ryan, I'll be back in one second. I just going to pop. You ever think like, you know, like, uh, in certain places are like, never get in a, like a van with think like You know how like In certain places They're like never get In a like a van

With a stranger And then like in Idaho It's like never get In a potato sack With a stranger So that is what You're gonna wanna do Get her in that bag

If you are in LA You're gonna wanna Put your girlfriend In your purse Purse yeah In your fucking chicks Or just toss a burka on her Toss a burka

On the girlfriend And again You're gonna wanna Come back after And be like That guy with the glasses Is a terrorist dude I was actually thinking

Cause like You know with like Asian people Like they're all worried No I don't know about Asian people Oh Woo Boys cast Well you know like

Never heard of them How Asian people are like We're under attack for being Asian And then they You know There's like the mask Or whatever That just like covers You know obviously the mask cover their face then

they should just like go straight like invent some sort of burka type thing for asian people so they don't get attacked for being asian you're saying you should put asians in a burka yeah okay well i mean that's for their protection you don't represent literally for their own protection well that's what girls are putting the the but i'm saying there's a common, there's a thread here that makes logical sense. You're like, people are attacking people for being Asian. Yeah. How do we protect them? Cover them from the world.

I watched Ari's Amazing Race thing a while ago and he does the driver thing and he says the guy's eyes are shut so he tapes them up so he can see better. I'm like, oh yeah, the Amazing Race. Like 15 years ago or whatever. So crypto is officially, our friend's brains have been officially fried. Our body, because people don't like Elon Musk anymore, right? No, no, no.

He pushed it too far. One tweet too many. That guy is like, the thing is people think he's easily controlled and the whole thing is he's really like a bit of a rebel. So the more that he gets prodded to do one thing, he's like, I don't want to do that. Yeah, maybe.

Or he's autistic and he was like, oh time i tweet people love me more so i can just there's an nth degree on this if i tweet five times they really love me if i tweet a thousand times they'll fucking i mean they love you they love you when it's fucking you know you're tweeting maybe he wasn't putting that together when you're starting to fuck with people's money but that's the thing you forget with a autistic person or whatever yeah they're just emulating humans so they make a note where they go i tweeted people thought i was sick he writes that down and then you tweet more yeah yeah it'd be funny if he tweeted accidentally tweet more because he put it in his twitter instead of his notes that's what i'm saying that's what we're dealing with but our body this guy first of all he he'll send us a message every

day in the chat yeah rest in peace he sends us a message every day in the chat yeah rest in peace he sends us a message every day in the chat being like you know not financial advice aped in some currency oh we're going all in he's been in crypto for six months or something but he's he's literally lost his mind and we everyone should have known and especially you should have known that when you fucking when we saw him tweeting and he goes our boys in toronto he goes me and him we have a group chat discussing this analysis yeah yeah we go we're looking at the fucking candles. I go you don't know what you're and I go These are the dumbest idiots, you know, you know what the problem is I talk I know are like we yo, dude, you can't lose we cracked it

it's almost like with that the play on that is because like Crypto is different. You can't really short it because like you can just get white like it came, you know Ethereum two weeks ago was like $2, dollars went to like 45 you tried to short dodge going i dropped yeah i got your lunch oh i got killed shorting fucking dogecoin but like you can't even like if we're trying to like fade our buddy or whatever it's like you can't even just like short it you just have to do nothing doing nothing to the moon it's almost like doing nothing yeah to take your money out and wait for the fucking drop but so anyways now he's losing his mind but he's sending us us erratic messages in the chat.

It's a chat group. By the way, I have multiple chat groups with him. He's ignored in every chat group. Every once in a while, I like one of them because I'm like, I feel like- He's literally trying to pump, it's like you see them on Yahoo. Oh, he's such an, he's literally, he's like,

come on, buy some for the cause. Yeah, buy some for the cause. Like it's going to make a difference. Yeah, I see that a lot with certain stocks. Everybody's like, look, if we all just buy one share, you're like, it's not going to do anything. Yeah. I see that. I see that a lot with certain stocks. Everybody's like, like, look, if we all just buy one share, you're like,

it's not going to do anything. You're a fucking idiot, dude. It's a, it's a modern equivalent of a vote in New York. But so he, he, he is legitimately going to be in a padded room within the next four months,

you know, locked up, arms tied up being like, okay, uh, whales. We got, you got,

you got the whales to win. We're going to the moon. Candles to the moon, to the moon. JJ, you're not an astronaut. I're going to the moon candles to the moon to the moon jj you're not an astronaut i'm going to the moon i'm going to the moon not financial advice this isn't financial advice not financial advice we've taken your bank account away yeah it's not financial advice he's trying to eat their food he's throwing his food around the fucking insane asylum. Ape it. You got to ape it. Got to eat like an ape. Only bananas. Only eating bananas.

Yeah, become an ape. Be an ape. Become an ape. Can't let the whales win. Can't let just going out to a fat woman. You're not going to win. We're not going to let you win. We're not going to let you win.

You're the enemy. He's lost his, he's out of his tree. I mean, the worst part too is like, and I've said this to him before where he's lost his thought he's out of his tree i mean the worst part too is like and i've said this to him before where he's like dude he's like this is you know before this past week when he's like dude i'm making a killing you're like yeah it's the fucking like greatest crypto bull market of all time you just have to participate and you're doing well but the thing is is like you know these have they have their way of like correcting themselves super fast and super big yeah so he's lost his mind the fucking uh i was all week long i was flip-flopping on all these issues and it's what i

was saying before where it's like you it just helps so much to be part of a team you just be like oh this is what i think but i was going to be allowed to vote should women be allowed to vote i'm like i don't know I'm waking up at four in the morning being like there's more remember when we went to Austin no what happened and my girl

actually I convinced her that women weren't allowed to vote in Texas and she I was like yeah it was like when we came out she's like really like yeah it's Texas

they're like so backwards my chick thought the number one basketball player in the world was Michael B Jordan I'm not kidding she was like that basketball player michael b jordan and i i told and i had a bet that i would be able to i think that i would be like competitive against michael b jordan in basketball she goes they're so arrogant you are i go look at a picture of him she types

michael b jordan and i'm standing there like interesting michael b jordan would destroy i played the long game on telling her she was stupid you know what i mean yeah yeah but no yeah, yeah. No, but my girl, like, legit, she's like, really? They can't vote in Texas? I'm like, yeah. It's just one of those states where when everybody got the right to vote, they're, like, so backwards. They never gave women the right to vote. She's like, oh, crazy. It's fucking wild.

She's like, oh. She's really gullible. She's like, oh. That's crazy. But, yeah. So I was flip-flopping on fucking, on Israel, on Tony Hinchcliffe. I was sitting in the bed being, and the thing that I was saying thatflopping on fucking on Israel on Tony Hinchcliffe I was I was sitting in the bed being and the thing that I was saying that was making making me laugh even at 4 a.m in the morning and

I had to get up at like 9 so I was like probably laughing to myself in a way that was like yeah I need to go to fucking sleep you know I'm I'm just like 4 a.m I gotta get up but I'm just like the thing that was making me laugh was like I'm not in charge of these issues yeah but like i i get fixated on these things where i'm like i need to fucking crack it right like i literally feel like i'm the ceo where the like the job was like a run you need to figure out all this whole israel thing and i'm at four i'm like i'm gonna get fired if i don't come up with a solution i'm like is it an old-fashioned prayer off maybe a slap you got your fucking like PowerPoints. You're like making PowerPoints.

I legitimately was. Dude, I'm up and I'm, you know, I'm waking up the chick being like, hey, what if like, what if they did like a no nut competition?

What if they did a no nut competition and the first one to jack off gets kicked out a gross food off? Gross food off. They both,

whoever, you know, they make their dishes and I'm the judge. You're the judge, so you just wanted bland. White rice is the winner. Yeah, and they both bring in their fucking disgusting dishes where they just, like, dumped a bucket of fucking salt. Whatever, hot tamales in there. Whatever the fuck.

Hot tamales. What the fuck? Hot tamales. The candy? Whatever the fuck. Grocery. I assume that's what they put in there. They just fucking

bacon and chocolate. They eat rice and beans and lentils and shit. No, but it's all hot and fucking spicy curry shit. No, they don't eat curry in the middle.

I don't know what the fuck they eat. Jews eat money and the fucking the Arabs eat, you know, live, you know, hot spice, live spices.

A lot of spices. A lot of spices. With a touch of bread. With a touch of bread. With a touch of bread. And they just eat it with their hands. Yeah. They just dip their hands

in like a bucket of fucking acid and eat it. Yeah. So a gross food off. Gay chicken. Gay chicken. Oh. Like, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Like, you know. Just make them get closer and closer to kissing. Closer and closer to kissing. Like the head of Hamas and Netanyahu. Yeah, the head of Hamas

and Netanyahu. And whoever turns away. Yeah, exactly. Like, you know, Netanyahu goes Yeah, the head of Hamas and Netanyahu. And whoever turns away? Yeah, exactly. Like, you know, Netanyahu goes to grab his dick and then, like, whoever turns away first. Fucking Netanyahu. Netanyahu! Netanyahu!

Gonna be Nutting in his Yahoo. Yeah, exactly. Gonna be Nutting in his Yahoo. All right, there we go. There we go. I think Nutting inoo is about as good as you're gonna top yeah and um but i was literally you know i'm going to bed at one point i'm like i'm about to join i think i'm like i think i'm in hamas now the next time i'm like i think i might

be a by the way i don't know if i can see i'm a gentile zionist i i support hamas yeah yeah you spread it on the bread. Has that joke been made? I stand with Hamas. Well, but the most thing that I'll say out of anything before we move on

because it's not going to be the Israel-Palestine issue. I do have... I don't know if this is happening to you but I'm rolling around. I'm not rolling around. I'm just hot as shit.

It's very hot. New studio. A lot of things keep not coming in, dude. I'm in a fight with these guys. I've ordered a sign and I paid for the advance shipping. I'm telling you, you bought it from a drop shipping company.

I got fucking hoes. I'll guarantee you bought it from China. Yeah, dude. I'm getting scammed right and left. We brought this guy in to build studios and fucking the guy came in and he was, it was just like a, you know, it's a total scam. Oh yeah. Anyways.

So the fucking, I mean, also I've been laughing at like 8chan liberals. Jews are bad. the handshake meme. But fucking, the best thing that I was like, agree with, and a few people have said this, but it's like, probably articulated better than I was saying this last episode or whatever. But the fucking, these Hollywood, you know, whatever you want to call them progressivites progressives hollywood virtue virtuous super progressive yeah a woke if you will yes but they're they're like correct about the jew thing for the same reasons they're incorrect about everything else where they go um where they're like hey you can criticize israel without being anti-semitic just because they have the jew sign on their flag doesn't mean you're being anti-semitic and you go uh yeah well i've got a fucking idea how about now use that same logic to feminism the gay pride

people saying that china is bad without fucking being racist against chinese people yeah or any other country in the world or removing the constituents from the actual like organization yeah you go you go huh like because literally three tweets before you're like so you think there's anybody who's like look i'm pro israel but i am not pro jew okay do not conflate these two things i'm for the country hate the jews i hate the fucking jews i like what they're doing with the country but if you say that you if you insinuate that i'm fucking i can love the country and hate the people i mean essentially same logic i mean that's kind of america a little bit with like a lot of places you know i mean it's a white that's true actually it's the same thing that goes back to when you know all these like white power guys the you're like hey half the country that is white like you must fucking hate

they're your worst like you gotta like if you're a fucking kkk guy you gotta hate like a sniveling like non-binary fucking dude with like it's like yeah like you know you gotta hate that guy more than like a fucking bodega owner you have to yeah even even like the grand wizards got to be like spend you know you know that old thing like spend a week with one of them in a you know i mean it's becoming a basement you've got a more likely if you spent a week with the bodega owner you'd be able to see eye to eye yeah yeah you guys would both i i would agree so yeah i mean they're probably like there's just so many talk like if you're like a real like white supremacist, there's so many targets right now. It must be like almost confusing.

You're like, who do we really direct our hate at? Yeah. No one's doing it for you, I think. No. And you're like, what do we just blanket hate everybody? Hard their new recruit. Yeah. You can't be a fan of most things.

Yeah. But anyways, the moral of the story is that I was right. That fucking identity politics is ends in hating Jews. I've been fucking... You and Barry Weiss. Is that what Barry Weiss says? Yeah, but Barry Weiss is probably more on the lines of everything ends in hating Jews.

Yeah, which it does. That's not wrong. Michael Rappaport. But it's like, you know, in Europe they tried to do that Super League for soccer or whatever and then uh like they so they tried to make the all the best teams like imagine like the yankees and the red sox and they go we're gonna make our own league and everybody was so mad about it they were like this is like after two days like there was a huge fallout they didn't do it wait i don't get it who made their own league so the oh no the

owners which are a bunch of them are jewish but they're like we're gonna like they own manchester united they're like we're gonna start our, like, they own Manchester United. They're like, we're going to start our own league, and all these other poor teams are not allowed in. It's going to be this, like, super league, right? Oh, it's like a fancy yachting league. Kind of, right? And then everybody was like, fuck this. This is bullshit.

You can't just do this. Like, you're in this other league. It's almost like the Yankees and being, like, Red Sox. We're like, we're starting the league. Blue Jays are not allowed. You're starting a new league, yeah. Your Blue Jays are not allowed in. Like, all these shitty small-

They're racist against Canadians. But then, like, you saw, like, because the owners were, like, jewish and then you saw like just the jewate like coming out just based on this like soccer league thing apparently uh i read that 80 percent or something like that or maybe it's maybe the number is wrong but like some crazy amount percent of jewish of democrat donors are jewish like like more than half of the money for the democratic party comes from like jewish people or something like that that seems high it's not high yeah everything with them is peculiar that seems high considering how small like i well i wouldn't bring it up if it was average yeah for democrat i wouldn't be yes i wouldn't be saying it if it was like

yeah that seems about right all right moving on like obviously it's notable because it's high that's the whole point no i'm saying that's like so high yeah it must be something there's probably well no because i mean fucking half of it's george soros no but there's limits on how much you're allowed to give remember because that's why dinesh desuza went to the they have their ways desuza went to the clink over that clink over fucking giving imagine like how one of the clink how lame of a fucking, what are you in for? Fucking donated too much money to the Republicans.

That guy's, no. Yeah, you're like, what gang are you in in fucking jail when you're like, I gave too much money

to the Republicans. You know what, I was thinking it was a fucking hilarious sketch because I wanted to do a jail sketch forever. Yeah. Just because,

you know that I get fixated on the locations and I was like, how good would it be to rent a fucking jail? Yeah. And I was like how good would it be to rent a fucking jail yeah and I was like I could probably get one for like three grand and just like fucking blast through money yeah but uh I mean we got one for Phil City and yeah but that was in a studio that was different because the Phil City jail you got I know my friend I've

looked into this yeah the Phil City jail you got that was a deal with the city where if you're doing a production it wasn't a jail yeah but it jail you got, that was a deal with the city where if you're doing a production. No, it wasn't a jail. Yeah, but it was with a, it was like a thing through the city where it's almost like a library. Like you're able to

go through this process and rent it out for super cheap and Matt's really good at finding those deals. No, no, no, no, no. The jail for Phil City was in the studios. It's like the big studios

in Hamilton. It's not, it's just, no, no, no, no. It was literally downstairs. No, okay, so I'm talking about, sorry, I'm talking about the jail for True Dating Stories. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Sorry, the jail you used for True Dating Stories was like, it was just in a I'm talking about the jail for true dating stories oh okay okay

sorry the jail you used for true dating stories was just in a studio but yes I know I almost rented that one too actually I was gonna do a jail sketch but the sketch is

is a guy going to jail and like it's like very like whimsical like 70s like Christmas or 90s Christmas music kind of thing

and the deal is like the first guy like awkwardly asking like so like you know how long till I how long is the acceptable time

for me to like start being gay like they're having the awkward conversation of like so do I just do I just start fucking a guy I mean you know

you have to work that out with the other prisoners like I mean usually we start getting fucked and you sort of work your way up to fucking I mean you know you get to the gym

but like you know is it weird if i do it today i mean you know there's no rules but it might be a little awkward so probably wait should i wait i should wait right i should wait yeah i don't want to be but having like the awkward conversation of how how long do you wait till you start fucking dudes and gay yeah oh it'd be you're right it would be funnier if it was like a huge black dude well it's also like yeah you're not doing the fucking probably realistically you're asking these questions i, yeah, you're not doing the fucking probably. Realistically. You're asking these questions.

I don't think you're going to be doing. Well, that's part of the sketch. You're not going to be doing the fucking. But Michael Rapaport, I fucking. I go, Michael Rapaport's been like hard on the internet being like, you know, pro-Israel or whatever, the whole thing, right? And this is, I always, whatever you fucking think, if there's fucking 20 right opinions and someone has the opinion that you're not supposed to have on one thing, all I say is, oh, so at least you believe the other things you think. You may have been a guy that's out there fucking, this fucking Cheeto. No, hey, ho, Cheetos have got to go. Hey, ho, hey, ho, these Cheetos have got to go.

But if you have some other thing, if you're like, you know, but also like, I hate Asia. And you go, whoa. Okay, so you really, that was an authentic. But the thing is, it's not like, those aren't really competing ideas. It doesn't matter if they're competing. The Cheeto and the pro-Israel are like pretty basic. I'm not saying they're competing. I'm saying.

He has the balls to say it. You're not supposed to think that. Yeah. saying they're competing i'm saying he has the balls to say it you're not supposed to think that yeah so he he's uh he has one opinion that he's getting shit for on the internet yeah and 99 and all of his other opinions hollywood's like you go brother yeah and not to say that there isn't some besides behind the scenes hollywood people but i'm saying he's get everything he posts he's getting yelled at right whereas before and he did that with the durant thing like he's get everything he posts. He's getting yelled at. Right. Whereas before, and he did that with the, the Durant thing. Like he's had a few lately where it's like,

he was on the wrong side of public opinion. Yeah. And he's probably losing a good chunk of his, he's lost a good chunk of his black base in the past, in the past, like two months from the Kevin Durant thing to now openly supporting Israel. Right. That's like,

he's like, I'm just tearing this thing to the ground. So if his next 20 opinions are like, they should fucking make trans kids, whatever it is. I go go at least you think that yeah yeah i i have so much more respect for people that fucking have a thought in their brain the thing too with the palestinian thing is like all the free palestine people like there aren't a lot of people who who are like into that who are like not voicing that right yeah like almost like the entire collection of all those people

are jewish people are sending their fucking support and telegrams to each other yeah like a bird's coming through the window with coded messages it's like jews literally don't even like need to say anything because they're just like yeah obviously this is what we believe yeah yeah well a lot of them don't my friend i don't know if you know that i don't know about a lot but come on what dude there's a whole faction of like jews from palestine yeah again just the ones on twitter like none of like if they're like if you believe that you're not last option yeah and is that we send prince harry to sort this puppy out on oprah Yeah. Prince Harry goes trans,

shows up, and he uses his princess Harry. Princess Harry. Princess Harry goes trans. Harriet. He shows up, Harriet. He shows up with Oprah and does sort of like a speech,

like the other celebrities that were like, you know, have you guys tried peace? Some version of that. Of course. And then Oprah, you know, as things, you know, people start to get unruly, Oprah stands up,

be like, no, no, no, guys, guys, hear him out. And then would that work? To save the conflict? Yeah, do you think that would work? I mean, it would work as well as anything they've tried. I just have, I have my faith in Harry's ability to sort out world issues. I mean, this guy is a fucking,

I like the thing that everyone was posting and I saw Tim Dillon post and I was like, my faith in harry's ability to sort out world issues i mean this guy is a fucking yeah i like the thing that people everyone was posting and uh i saw tim dylan post and i was like pretty fucking like it was the probably the perfect comment but they posted and he goes too easy for what more than 125 entertainment professional sign open letter urging peace in the middle east that is the jew that's the jewish for israel position is you go is you got to be the peace guy yeah yeah you got to be exactly we just want andrew yang came out and he goes he was like you know i'm so sorry for israel everyone yelled at him he goes just want peace boys not looking good for you by the way yeah people weren't happy with no but just overall like really he was in he was leading the polls for the democrats and looks

like he's uh or yeah but it doesn't it looks like he's like third or something really yeah he's in trouble well i'm not gonna go through this whole article but the basically gene simmons came out and he goes uh there has to be a way to sit down and talk through the differences simmons he goes who's born in half yeah he goes and immigrated with his family he goes this open letter is also to inform the public that hamas is playing a leading role in the violence so at first first he says peace, but at second he says... Yeah, but at first he goes, but it's mostly them. Also. Yeah, yeah.

Like, I totally want peace. It's like kind of going to the therapist and you're like, listen, we want to just get this together. We want to be together for the kids and we want to find a way for her to stop being... Yeah, fucking bitch. For her to stop doing... Yeah, all we need is for her to be, stop being a crazy bitch.

For her to sort of stop being the way that she is. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know how, you know how you are. You do the things that you are. And we just want peace as a unit. Yeah. So if we can find a way for you.

What's the thing, what's the thing you said that Jewish Halloween. Purim? Yeah. So me and Danny did a show this weekend. We were in Baltimore dude I'm fucking fried dude I was

dude I was literally like talking when we got back I was like talking to someone and I was like I can't remember what and I was like yeah I was like

it was the day I got back from Baltimore and I was talking I think my super or something and I was like I was like yeah I was literally couldn't remember Danny's super by the way

is phenomenal best dude so this guy's like An old school New York pussy crusher Well he's not He's like a bit off But he's like this Dominican dude

But he's just loved like He's incredible Yeah he's so funny Like literally he'll be like Mopping the floor He's like don't need you to slip You gotta be able to Give it to your girl good

Like he literally says that to me Everything's about getting pussy Yeah he's like fixing a cabinet And then he's like Need to fix the cabinets If you getting pussy. Yeah, he's, like, fixing a cabinet. And then he's like, need to fix the cabinets if you need to put the condoms there for when you're fucking your bitch. Dude, it's honestly, like, I was like, hey, I need my counter fixed. He's like, yeah, you want to go to those counters looking nice when you get the broads over. I just want you to fix my counter. Everything's getting pussy with this guy.

I would love if he was gay. This is all a cover-up up he has some fucking gross wife he hasn't fucked her in years yeah you gotta no he's single if anybody's interested okay but so we were doing these shows

and there's like a rabbi in the crowd which is pretty funny first show fucking rabbi loves it like biggest fan like love you guys second show Jewish lady not happy

danny's doing his fucking holocaust didn't happen material or whatever you know not that but he's doing his home he's doing jokes for the holocaust lady fucking gets up she's got you know full jewish i don't she was one of the people that like was at this show not knowing was up that's 90 that's such a weird thing she wasn't like orthodox though she was just regular 90 of the crowd like there to see you know everyone's we're fucking both like doing well it's like having a good time this lady goes up complains for danny set comes back i'm doing jewish stuff which wasn't even like the jewish stuff i was doing was the like jewish holidays or whatever kind of no or no the wigs and stuff yeah i'm making fun of the wigs or whatever like nothing crazy the stuff that any stuff. Yeah, I'm making fun of the wigs or whatever. Like, nothing crazy. The stuff that any Jewish person

would like. And then fucking, she goes back to the thing where I'm complaining, being like, she complains again, being like, this is distasteful.

Then during my set, she starts talking. She goes, no more Jewish jokes. And then I start talking to her. So I go, I'm like, you don't think this is a little funny,

the wig on the wig? She goes, I don't know what you're talking about. I go, she goes, what? I go, well, I mean, if you shut up for two seconds, I'm like, you don't think this is a little funny? The wig on the wig? She goes, I don't know what you're talking about. I go, she goes, what? I go, well, I mean, if you shut up for two seconds, I guess I'll explain your own religion to you, which I killed. Can we confirm that she was Jewish?

Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. So the thing, the funny part. Well, I told you that one time at the stand, that guy wanted to fight me and he wasn't even Jewish. He was like the nerve of you talking shit about Jews. Yeah, Jews.

I go, are you Jewish? He goes, no. I'm like, so what the fuck is wrong with you? Who are you trying to save here? Who are you trying to impress yeah bucko so we do this then the the people show you the comment cards a lot of time and they show me there was like comment cards that were like how ryan handled the jewish lady's hilarious uh right like the jewish lady was hilarious or something like that and then one one lone comment that says no more jewish jokes brownie face yeah Yeah, from her.

Distasteful. It's a distasteful. That's actually funny because today you know like Facebook has like the memories or whatever and then one of the memories

popped up was like from Absolute in Kingston from like four years ago or something where someone I was doing this joke about how chicks like to be choked

and then this woman did a comic card and she goes choking jokes was distasteful. It actually said also distasteful. Distasteful is hilarious.

Distasteful. She goes, jokes about the weather I liked. Because another comic was doing jokes about the weather. So she literally was like on a comic card. She's like, I like the jokes about the weather. Not a big fan of the choking material. I was like, oh my God. That's what you're dealing with.

Jokes about the weather Average comedy club goers It's like Jokes about the weather are good That's so funny But actually Okay so I wanted to I gotta talk about this article

I know there's other real shit to talk about But this is so fucking funny So There's You know how There's like a Like sort of a pro gay movement going on Have you been following that?

I'm in it. Well, they wrote an article for you. Yeah, yeah. Five ways to maintain your queer identity in a relationship people read as straight. So, for example, like you. Yeah. So I'm in a straight relationship. On paper.

So if you're a woman who was pretending to be lesbian for a for clout yeah which pretty much all if you said you're bisexual basically if you're a chick that said they were bisexual when you're in college basically yeah well they just realize now you've been in a relationship with a man for 20 years and then people are like oh you're in a straight relationship and you have to be like no i'm not well you're back on the job market and you're realizing it's tough for straight women, so you're like, hmm. Right.

So you've got to go back, but you're also married. Yeah, but what do you do? If people thought to you, and they go, oh, you're straight because you have a girlfriend. No. Suck your dick right now, faggot. I got so confused. That's exactly what it is.

This article, I was so confused. That's exactly what it is. This article, I was like, honestly, chuckling. It goes, I'm seen as straight, feminine, the right sort of woman. When in reality, I'm the wrong sort of woman. Wrong. Nobody harasses me, leaning in, telling me to kiss them so they can watch. Because when she's walking around with her other butch lesbian, people go fucking smooch. That's what she's saying. But the funny part is she's like.

It's like two girls who look like pugs and you're like, curse. Yeah. But the funny part, too, I was thinking as soon as I read this, she was like, just now that I'm in a straight relationship, no one's telling us to make out. I go, we got a guy who would. Name's J.J. Lieberman. Also, maybe there's like this thing where people aren't asking people to make out. I go, we got a guy who would. Name's J.J. Lieberman. Also, maybe there's like this thing where people aren't asking people to make out.

Have you been like, okay, so... Hey, baby, you need your box? So it's like, when I'm gay, nobody asks me to make out. When I'm straight,

nobody asks me to make out. No, she's saying when she's gay, they do. Oh, they do. She's saying she can't go a day in her life. She's just sitting there on the subway

on her phone beside her girlfriend holding her girlfriend's hand and someone comes on like, eat her box, baby! Hey, you guys, see you guys fucking lesbians? Oh, you're gonna fucking smooch her?

Yeah, yeah. You guys, you guys gonna smooch or something? Yeah, yeah. Five bucks for the smooch. Yeah, I miss it. Love your videos. Love your videos.

But JJ definitely would ask. That's his whole bit is people, straight people being like, I love to watch you guys. Fuck. Yeah, he just wants to watch people fuck. But the flip side of safety, because she's safer now because she's with the guy as opposed to the girl, condition as it is, is erasure. In one glimpse of me with my male partner, 11 years of identifying as queer are erased.

So she's a queer yeah that'd be so weird if you're like a dude in a relationship with a girl and then like well actually you know what now that i say that my ex is she would be like i know a few of them that they say but that's her thing so she goes but it's funny too for for one you're like it's funny to call your girlfriend a queer i know hey get over your fucking queer i had an idea i had another idea of like um an old guy at a like a ad company yeah and you know the cereals are all like trying to do the woke thing or whatever but he fucking he's like just pandering but he doesn't like care that much so he's like okay so we have a thing a cereal for queers and he's like what is that is that not good he's like okay so we have a thing a cereal for queers and he's like what

is that is that not good he's like and they're like well you're not like it seems like you're saying it aggressively it's like hey listen i don't even want to be doing this this is like i feel like i'm eating you more than halfway by making the cereal for queers look quit queers are queers and they eat cereal cereal for queers yeah cereal for queers straight people can eat them too if you're for everybody they're called cereal and here's the commercial hey are you a fucking queer it just seems like you're being aggressive i'm not they're the one who said to call them queers told i listen you guys are it seems like you just want to argue yeah like and he goes okay well how about my other one? Homos. Homos. Yeah, that's right. Homos. Homos.

Oh, so it's like you guys just can't be pleased. You said you wanted a cereal for fucking queers. I gave you a cereal for queers. That was a fucking great sketch when SNL used to be good. Remember the homo-sil sketch? No, it isn't. Where it was basically like it's one of their commercials. It was like Will Ferrell and fucking Tracy Morgan.

It's like your kids are like, so it's like a boy who's like nine years old and he's like basically dressed up as a cheerleader and it's like when your kids are gay and it's called homo-sil and it's a pill. So your kids are acting

super gay and you're just like so disappointed that you just popped this pill to make you deal with your gay kid. That's wild. I saw one recently

where fucking they had Chevy Chase saying the N-word. I mean, Will Ferrell saying the N-word. I mean, Will Ferrell said the N-word, remember? Yeah, in the Goulet. So that wasn't all that long ago. The homo skills, imagine having that.

Homo still is incredible. What happened if someone like you took homo cell? Would you turn your back straight? No, it doesn't do anything to you. It's basically just an antidepressant to deal with your homosexual children. It's for the for the dad that is i mean that's what kevin hart lost the oscars for yeah kevin hart lost the oscars for making that joke well also like tracy morgan's in that sketch and then tracy morgan said he had to stab

his kids if they were gay i guess that fucking figured out who wrote homo yeah exactly right isn't it funny though where you go this is kind of what describes because they go seven years eleven years of me being a queer has been erased my identity

and you go and now I'm with a guy and I'm in like a relationship with just a guy and it's like so you're admitting like you were kind of

in it for the identity Yeah Like if you were in it if you were just attractive to the person and you go none of this other shit matters like I don't care what your flags or what you think.

It's like, I'm attracted to women. And now we just see you the same, even though you're attracted to women. No one cares. It's like, yeah, but that's not what I, so you're admitting that you wanted the bells and whistles. Yeah. You want your cake and eat it too. You want all the perks of being like, I mean, we see in comedy, all these people all of

a sudden who are like, oh, I'm my pronouns. You're like weird. You never thought that like, maybe you had a weird identity thing like four years ago. Like maybe that was ever. And then like just all of a sudden all these people are like, yeah, I'm a new person. Well, being a queer person in a relationship that reads as straight by others can be painful and invalidating. You know, it's funny. You know who could be really painful for when it's a guy who's queer.

That's like probably because what do you mean? This is purely from a women's perspective. It's a girl with it's all but this is like all just but if a guy like we know a guy that was like bi or whatever you want to fucking call him and he's in a relationship now and he wasn't like no i'm still still gay i promise right all right you know that's if anything you're like good this whole thing's solved he goes i guess i never was gay yeah yeah exactly but how about this if you're in a relationship with a guy, I'm in sort of problem-solving mode this week, I told you. But if you, how about this?

If you were with your guy and you're walking down the street and you're like- With my guy? Yeah, yeah. If I'm with my guy. You're a chick. Yeah, I'm a chick. So you're a girl. I'm a queer chick.

You're a queer chick and you're walking down the street with your fucking big burly man. Yeah. And everyone's, you know, peering at you like, look at this perfectly straight couple. Just straight as it be. What if you wore a shirt that says, I'm a fucking queer? So you're walking with your guy and you'd be like, queer woman. Rainbow hair.

Well, they would still be like, oh, that's a straight chick that supports. Yeah, exactly. I think you can just wear a shirt that explicitly says, still really, I'm really, really gay. What about you're wearing like short shorts with a dildo coming out? So it makes you like, Oh man, that's fucking,

that chick's packing. Yeah. Proper. Like one of those new, new, this is my husband for 10 years. Just because I'm with my husband for 10 years doesn't mean I'm not a fucking gay.

You got to really spell it out. Like one of those like led shirts where it's like, it's changing. Like it just has like queer woman with a boyfriend. Yeah. Queer woman with a boyfriend yeah queer woman with a boyfriend yeah gay with a boyfriend she says i cringe at the thought of bringing one of my male partners this article gets fucking great i'm telling you it's a banger i cringe at the thought of bringing one of my male partners wonderful and progressive as he is or they are she's still called to a gay bar or queer relative event because you know I can imagine if you go

to your gay events and you show like you go to a gay mixer yeah show up with your fucking husband two for the queer event well he thought he rescued you from that life you know like imagine you're like dating some person who's like used to be a drug addict and they're like let's go to this fucking drug den you're like no I thought you weren't doing it

how are they gonna relate to you comment two for the gay event she cringes like she's like hey I'm gonna go to the gay bar tonight and you're like no i thought you weren't they're not how are they gonna relate to you comment two for the gay event she she cringes like she's like hey i'm gonna go to the gay bar tonight and you're like okay but i mean we're in a monogamous relationship so you're like and then he's like can i come and she goes i mean why i don't i would i guess if you're him you're like that would that would be tough if your girlfriend is like, imagine, like, comes home and she's like, oh, it's so annoying. No one thinks I'm gay anymore. You go, okay.

Yeah, I mean, I was kind of thinking that a little bit, too, since we've been married for 35 years. Holy fuck, what a drag to be married to that person. What a drag. What a drag. What a drag. Wear a shirt that says I'm a queer. So she goes, she's already having problems and none of the problems are like me and my husband

are fighting all the problems are like not enough people think I'm gay this is like a problem for you and a therapist not like anybody else it sounds like you want to break up with this guy are you trying to you know do you want to have sex

with other girls? No. It's like, what's the issue then? It's like, you're happy, you're in a relationship. Worst part is this guy hasn't been able to turn this

into a threesome scenario either. It's like, that guy's probably. Yeah, well, this guy should solve the whole problem. Yeah, he goes, all right,

we'll get some more chicks in the mix. Yeah, yeah. Problem solved. She goes, no, that's not very queer. I cringe at the thought.

So she goes, when you've been with someone of the so-called opposite sex, she's imagined Heather fucking your girlfriend goes, here's my boyfriend of the so-called man. What was that about? She goes, you know,

you're a so-called, I go, why do you keep doing the fucking air quotes? So man, when I'm with my boyfriend, he's a so-called member of the opposite sex no i am actually a member of the opposite sex that's been confirmed that's pretty uh when you're with a man with someone who's a member of this no matter how much you emasculate me honey i'll still be factual

i think the issue for her is because it could be a trans man. Right. That's even worse. If you call a trans man so-called opposite sex, that's even worse. That's even worse. That's way worse. You're right. So when you're with a member of the so-called opposite sex.

Okay. And she said gender, too. It can start to feel like your queerness doesn't even matter anymore it's funny it's like it went from like this shouldn't matter to like i'm so fucking pissed this doesn't matter that i need therapists yeah well how about this like if you're a gay guy and you're mad that your gayness doesn't matter anymore what if you were a cum stained shirt around like yeah i mean everybody knows the cum dries. That could be any stain. That could just be from before.

That could be anything. It could be your cum. It could be not even cum. That could be so many things. Okay, so when your queerness starts to not matter anymore, here are five suggestions. Five? She's got suggestions.

Five suggestions. That might help if you're a woman that's dealing with this affliction of people not thinking you're gay enough when you're married can I make one request

in the future I'd love to see the pictures of these people okay you know I was thinking I could send you the articles beforehand if you want but the

a lot of times it's like day of or whatever they don't usually put their picture on there by the way well I just wonder if you could just find it, because I'm sure they have the name.

I mean, okay. You know what I'm going to do? You solid right now? Close your eyes. Yeah, yeah. Picture a fucking woke bisexual. Okay, hair color? That's her.

Okay. Got it? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Imagine someone who would write this article, make zero changes. Make no changes. make zero modifications to the image you picture.

So I'm picturing bangs, glasses, maybe like the cat eye glasses. You're going to want that, yeah. Maybe like spacers. Out of shape. Out of shape, spacers. Yeah. It's funny how gay guys love working out and lesbians hate working out yeah well it's cause they're trying to look like

yeah I don't know what they deem to be like a normal man no because I think being hot's like more attractive in the fucking gay community like if you're like

a fucking you know Justin Silver type in the gay community you just pound yeah but if you're a fucking if you're like

if you're a fucking lesbian it's like you can almost be butch and dominant, and then you pound. Yeah, exactly. You just got to put on that wife beater. Yeah.

So the suggestions that may help. Reading books and watching films and TV shows that feature queer characters can be a powerful way to stay connected to our identities and narratives. So it's like you watch lesbian stuff to sort of remind you of the good old days.

Yeah. I was once that. Still am. Remember when I used to eat pussy? Yeah, it's like two lesbians. They're sitting in the bed together. Because you're with your husband like sitting in your bed

watching this TV where two lesbians are like, I fucking love being a lesbian. And you're like, me too. That's me. Oh, I'm so that character. That's so me. And your husband's like,

I mean, it's a little bit not you. Yeah, I mean, we've been married and we have children. Having to be supportive of that bullshit. Be like, you are so that character that's so me and your husband's like i mean it's a little bit not you i mean we've been married and we have children having to be supportive of that bullshit be like you are so that man i feel there's one thing for like your girl your girl who's like gay you know 10 years ago to be like hey let's go to the pride march and just like check it out well to support yeah support or whatever they're like yeah sure that's fine but like this problem where you're like people don't think i'm a fucking lesbo enough lesbo's never not funny lesbo so you want to do that unfortunately despite increasing so you if this is if you're gonna watch the show so you go home one of the solutions you're watching all these shows of lesbos right unfortunately though despite increasing

visibility and representation it's not always easy to find media that portrays queer characters realistically and three-dimensionally so back to square one so first suggestion is watch lesbos but unfortunately they don't do a good job and there's none in tv so we're back at square one so first suggestions and nolan void yeah she nolan voided her first suggestion does she check porn Pornhub? They do it pretty good. I think that's one thing you'd be fine with, maybe a little bit. Anytime that I've said I'm going to watch porn with a chick,

which I don't really like at all. Never really with a girl I'm dating, more so just like, or kind of like first in the mix and you're trying to get wild. Yeah. And you go, but like the,

I don't think I like watching like, so some professional Ramma girl, but I the, I don't think I like watching like, so some professional Ramma girl, but I'm beside like bad lighting. It's just not the same thing. It doesn't really do much for me. Okay. She goes, don't stick with what you know, or think of what you know. Read about queer people of different orientations, genders, racial background, and socioeconomic

classes. So read about poor queers. Read about fucking rich queers, black queers, classes so read about poor queers read about fucking rich queers black queers brown queers palestinian queers dare i say jew queers so you're gonna wanna it's not just that's a thing if you're a fucking in a heterosexual relationship married if you will maybe even with kids and you want people to know you're queers make sure that you read a lot of books by queers for que queers. For queers, by queers. Yeah.

Oh, that's me. It's the book section. Engage in activism on queer issues, which I think that could probably solve all problems, to be completely honest. Yeah. If you're sad, if you are having a bad day. Just getting some activism. Activism is sort of like a catch-all.

Solves all your problems. Yep. So, she says, do homeless LGBTQIA plus youth in your area have access to resources that affirm the gender and sexual identity? If not, there's lots of work to be done. So if you could... I mean, that's fine.

You want to go help homeless people? I'm not going to help. Gay homeless people. Gay homeless people. No, you didn't go to... You're stepping over. You go straight homeless people. You go fucking straight people.

Yo, you gay, bro? Straight. Yo, dog, you gay? What? No. All right. You're waving the bill right in front of his face. They think you're like trying to fucking pick them up for like a trick or something.

Like, yeah, you gay? You're like, I don't do that shit. All right. Well, sucks to be you. That sucks to be you. Yeah, just waving the bill. And then someone's like, are you gay? And you're like, yeah.

You know, here's 20 bucks. And you go, okay, cool. Yeah someone's like, are you gay? And you're like, yeah. You know, here's 20 bucks. And you go, okay, cool. Yeah. Yo, dog, you gay? So focus on the gay homeless, not the other homeless. That is so funny that they're getting to the point where they need diversity in helping the homeless. Yeah. It's only the only help the right kind of homeless.

Those fucking thing is like the idea that yeah those straight homeless they have it pretty good okay they don't need your help they actually have it worse because if you're a gay homeless guy you could potentially become like a homeless or not a john you could become i know of course but i'm saying you do have the added thing where it's like all every girl homeless could just become a prostitute of course not that you want i mean there's a reason why there's almost no female homeless people but you could just become a prostitute. Of course. Not that you want to become a prostitute. I mean, there's a reason why there's almost no female homeless people. But you could just become a prostitute. Yeah.

Gay, like straight homeless guy. Gay homeless guy, decent looking, you could become a prostitute. Yes. Because gay prostitutes are more of a thing. Yeah, yeah. But if you're like, not if you're gross, but.

Yeah, if you're just some gross veteran dude who's in his 60s or whatever. But the idea that they're saying, you're already homeless. You already have it pretty like saying like you know just like home you're already homeless you already have it pretty rough as it gets yeah and then they're picking winners in the homeless community like that's a that's a next level that's that's really like you're not gonna have to be deranged to be like pick you know being like there's only certain types of homeless i want to help you have to be deranged kind of you do have to be deranged to like literally just

ignore people who are like you know they're not like you're like yeah they have white privilege like they're homeless they're literally homeless yeah but they're not home they're homeless yeah exactly but they're not gay homeless that's like they're even putting a hierarchy in homelessness when it's like you know they're all on the bottom rung together together that's the peak of that shit that's crazy pretty good right so that's their solutions that's the second solution uh number three is spend time in queer ascended centered spaces yeah so if you're in a relationship you know maybe spend some time at the bathhouse if you're still gay you want to go back to that bathhouse uh the ballet maybe ballet yeah softball okay you know that is funny though you're the one girl on the fucking

queer baseball team that's like married to a dude wait we're gonna bring all our significant others to the final game yeah i don't know mine might be busy that day oh it's bring your partner to to baseball day so i'll come friday yeah listen honey i was thinking yeah i don't know if this is gonna go over well in my ex uh they said although most queer centered spaces do welcome straight allies consider leaving your partner at home if they're straight maybe even just once yeah yeah so you can't come pal sweet i'm going to the fucking that'd be like the ultimate like like the guy's like, are you sure I can come? Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know if I should come. I don't know if that's... Really? I blocked off the time? Yeah, I don't know if that's right for me to come. I guess I'll just stay home and watch the game. Yeah. Oh, yeah?

You think the guy dating this chick's watching the fucking game? Yeah, probably not. He's like watching Midsommar. He might be reading the game. I don't know about either. There's a joke in there. Yeah, he's not really the type of guy that watches the game or the type of guy that reads the game

yeah in my experience even the most supportive straight friend or partner has occasionally let slip a but surely it isn't that bad or a but you know that's not all of us right what so okay so you're the husband

your girlfriend is fucking at the queer space yeah and then you're there trying to fit in but you make the cardinal sin of letting it slip something like i mean but surely it isn't that bad or even worse to be gay yeah well they're having their conversations of how bad it is oh right and then you like they're for example like he's basically they they go, like, being gay and homeless is really bad. And they go, yeah, but also being homeless is bad. It's like, like, record.

What the fuck did you just say? It's like I just said, you know, probably being homeless. That's all lives matter. Yeah, it's all for homeless. I just figured, like, all homeless people are having it rough. You go, excuse you? What did you just say? All homeless people have it rough?

Holy shit, all homeless lives matter but like the thing is everybody's like what she's like she has to apologize she brought him he's like i just i'm defending homeless people it's like how's that i'm so sorry waiting the car daniel what i just said all right he goes but he goes but surely it isn't oh no one of the lights went out what did you do well you fix that if you don't mind

I think what you probably did was unplug it cause we're not fucking cutting on this poppy we keep it fucking rolling he goes but worse than saying but surely it isn't Because we're not fucking cutting on this, Poppy. We keep it fucking rolling and rolling. He goes, but worse than saying, but surely it isn't that bad, is saying, but you know not all of us are like that, right? So those are the two cardinal sins.

So obviously the all hell and less lives matter would be even worse than those two. But what they really mean is if you did something like, for example, let's say your girl's there and she's saying, you don't know how hard it is for me right now being queer. Like my life is a nightmare. And you're the husband being like, I mean, it's really you've experienced zero things. We live basically the same life. And you go, I'm so fucking sorry for him. Yeah. Feel bad. Like she's saying.

Feel bad he doesn't get it. Yeah. If you're at like one of the queer centered spaces and there's like a bisexual girl being like my life is a non-stop nightmare yeah because of my because of my identity and she goes i know you think that's bad i don't even get to experience that anymore you know i wish i could experience all that hatred you're so lucky which is it she goes the cardinal sin is saying it's not that bad. And she's writing an article about the torment of not experiencing it anymore. Yeah, this article should be called, I wish it was that bad for me.

But that's the cardinal sin saying, but surely it isn't that bad. And she goes, what the fuck? What did you just fucking say? I am so fucking sorry. That's so funny, the homeless stuff. That's insane. Homeless people. All homeless people matter.

Stay connected to your queer friends. You know, we keep JJ in the mix. Yeah. If he doesn't fucking kill himself over his crypto stuff. Well, maybe it rebounds. This guy said he lost like fucking 40K. He's like, he said he's going to move to fucking Vegas. Yeah, he was like, he had all these plans.

He's like, I got all the plans. Like a week of fucking crypto volatility. He had his 100% money and Vegas. Yeah, he was like, he had all these plans. He's like, I got all the plans, like a week of fucking crypto volatility. He had his 100% money and fucking, this guy's got. Well, the problem is he has all these shit coins. He's not the slightest bit diversified. No, he is. But the thing is. He's fucking aped into shit coins.

The thing is, they have literally, they have like a similar volatility. Like, unless you have Bitcoin, even Bitcoin, which is supposed to be like, you know, the least volatile cryptocurrency, got cut in half. Oh, the least volatile cryptocurrency got cut in half. Oh, so some of his got cut and fucking. Dude, I bought that. They got chopped. That internet coin or whatever thing. ICP?

ICP. I thought it was income posse. Fuck the world. Yeah. Yeah, I thought it was too. Well, I didn't think it was, but I thought that might've been like the joke of whoever made it. But anyways, no.

Fuck you. Fuck us. Fuck us. Fuck Tom. Fuck Mary. Fuck Gus. Fuck Darius. Fuck the East Coast.

And fuck everybody on the West. Eat shit and die. Fuck off at least. Fuck preschoolers. Fuck rulers. Kings and queens and gold jewelers. Fuck wine coolers. Fuck chickens and fuck ducks.

Everybody in the crow socks. Both motherfuckers. Whatever. I can recite a bunch of that. Fuck critics. Fuck you. You got a juggle on our hands. Fuck you.

Even if you like me. Fuck you. Fuck the real deal and fuck all the fakes. Fuck all 52 states. Ooh, and fuck you. Come on, everybody. Juggalos in the house. Dude, I'm an ape into ICP.

Yeah. I'm aping it. Anyway, JJ said, he's like, I'm aping it. Fuck the world for those of you. Shout out. When it was $400 a coin, he goes, I'm aping it. And I went and bought three of them for $1,200. Yeah.

I checked them yesterday. It's like, I think they were like $100. Like down 75%. But it's like, gonna be a yikes for me. That is a yikes for me. But it's like all these shit coins literally just got like, you know, cut in half or not in half, 80% down. How about instead of shit

coins, shit goyums. That could be a thing. There's some Jews who... Well, next thing. If you aren't satiated yet with the suggestions, another thing you're going to want to do is stay connected to your queer friends, like I just said.

Was this the final solution? No, there's... There's one more. These may end up spending more time... They may end up spending more time with their partners, friends who are probably straight. She says in brackets, probably fucking straight. Friends than their own, perhaps out of a dire desire to avoid seeming heteronormative to their queer friends. As a result, it's even harder for them to stay connected to their own identity.

I didn't get that. Sorry, I'm going to read this again. They may end up spending more time with their partners. Stay connected to your queer friends. They might end up spending more time with their partners, probably straight friends, than their own. Perhaps out of a desire to avoid seeming heteronormative to their queer friends. As a result, it's even harder for them to stay connected to their own identity.

So they're spending too much time with their straights. Yeah, they're spending too much time with their straights. Yeah, and they go, this is normal. Yeah. Then they're starting to realize, like, yeah. So you need to, and I guess what happens is like, do you know how you have like an hourglass it's kind of like your gayness starts rubbing off yeah it's like a cinderella situation yeah where you basically like spend too much time with people and you're like your gayness is rubbing off right how do you

get everyone they said if you're a guy you just go down in the bathhouse and just fucking go on a tear but if you're a chick you want to tear and have your ass go on a tear that's what i'm saying but if you're a chick how do you like get all that get all that back you have the tasmanian devil box rolling through the steam room you come back refreshed you'd buy yourself another three weeks of gay identity i'm so fucking queer oh i'm un-fucking-queer. I'm a queer! It's coursing through my veins.

It's coursing. I have the power of a hundred queers. I have the power! I have the power. I got the power. I have the power. Oh, fuck. You come back glowing. You got rainbow fucking throwing to your face.

Were you at the bath? Is your boyfriend like, were you at the queer events again? Were you at the bath is where boyfriends like were you at the queer events again he's just throwing the sun she got the catcher's mitt on his top just fucking working the glove in in the bed honey i can't sleep when you do that i have the power of a thousand queers. So, yeah, because then that buys you like another two weeks. And then your queerness starts rubbing off. It's a slippery slope to play, game to play, though, where you're like always just trying to get some back. You're always just trying to fucking.

Chase the elephant, you know. Chasing that queer elephant. You're chasing the elephant of being queer. Holy shit. Okay. And're chasing the elephant of being queer. Holy shit. Okay, and here's the last part. This is their final solution. The final solution for the queer problem? The final solution for the queer problem?

I don't know if you put it like that. That's a great way of putting it. The final solution for the queer part problem is, and the queerness is already coursing through your veins at this point. Talk to your partner about it, especially if they're straight. Unless your partner's also experiencing the same thing. Unless your partner's also gay, and then you're probably like, it's a pretty weird relationship.

We're like, huh, I'm a gay woman, you're a gay man. What are we really doing here? Almost doesn't make sense. Yeah, almost none of this makes sense. We could just be gay. Almost feels like we're just supposed to be friends. Yeah, exactly. I think we're friends.

Who was it? Imagine going to the therapist, that couple, and being like, what are your main problems? Main problem is we're both gay. You know what, though? In Toronto, I can't remember his name but you know him this comic he's like a newer comic and he was telling me that his uh parents his biological parents divorced i know it is uh a redhead redhead and he's like they both became gay and so he now has literally like a gay two gay he has two dads has two dads and two moms. Two dads and two moms. Yeah,

that's what you want to have in high school, eh? You got fucking two dads and two moms, buddy. Your fucking dad's gay. You go, yeah, my mom's gay too. Yeah,

my mom's gay too, so cancel that. Yeah, so cancel. It's just a totally regular family. Isn't that wild? That is pretty crazy because he's like,

it's not even like a hypothetical thing. It's like, it actually is. But do you think the, it was like one of them was always trying to upstage this. Like, the whole reason they broke up is because he's always trying to like upstage her the guy comes in and she's like i just got a new promotion he's like i actually just got

a better promotion and then uh she went like she went gay and he was like yeah you think you're fucking oh yeah yeah oh yeah but it's weird because hi this is uh mary oh who's your mom's new uh boyfriend i heard she has a new... She's with someone new. Oh, yeah. Mom's new boyfriend is actually named Stacy. It's like, Chuck? Chuck. Yeah.

Come over now. That one is a weird... Because, you know, like, there is that whole thing where, like, older... Get me my leather. There's older gay people who are just, like, wasn't okay for them to come out. So they never, like, came out. And so... They must have had the worst sex.

But that's the thing. It's like, there's one thing to be like, oh, we'll be, like neither of us it's acceptable to be out of the closet so we'll be this sham marriage together but then like to have a kid well that's what happens when two gay people have sex the kid comes out with red hair i guess i mean you can't you can't uh disprove it yeah well talk to your partner about it so if you're dealing with this talk to your partner about it especially if they're straight they say i I'm going to add my two cents here, talking about it definitely during sex is when you want to bring it up. So it's like when they're fucking you being like, I'm gay.

Okay. It's not really helping me get there, honey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're having sex. Maybe you're like eating her out and she's just like, I'm gay. Do you want me to stop? Okay. Do you want me to stop? Okay. Would you like me to stop?

She's trying to give you head. I'm gay. Role playing. I'm a lesbian. She puts a wig on you just like a fucking... Yeah, I think that might help. So talk to your partner about it.

She goes, a lot of us shy away from talking to our partners about things like this because we worry that we might feel guilty for stealing us. They might feel guilty for stealing us. They might feel guilty for stealing us from the queer community or they won't understand.

In particular, tell your partner if you think there's anything that they can do to help maintain your identity. This can include correcting friends and family who misidentify you or your relationship is straight. You're not fucking mentally ill. I try to be sympathetic and understanding. Correct. This is my favorite one though. You go home with your girlfriend to meet your parents

like, oh, so how long have you guys been together for? It's like, we're actually not in a straight relationship. She's gay. We just asked how long you've been together. The thing is, you have to shoehorn this stuff in. Because to because nobody's like oh so how long have you been in a straight relationship for yeah like nobody asked that nobody asked that right nobody's like how long that's never been no they go how long you've been seeing each other you go oh we're queer you go what she's no i just asked you how long you've been together for how long you've been in a

straight relationship yeah who the fuck's ever saying that oh so you've been in a straight really how long you've been in a straight relationship how long you guys been straight dating for yeah what uh yeah she's gay oh she's gay oh sorry how long you guys been straight dating for she's gay okay oh sorry how long have you been a queer relationship i'm not gay the guy's like i'm not gay though so what is it you're right you have to shoehorn that in when is that who when has anyone ever been identified as straight for relationship purposes like but i just love the uh at the this is you know because we had a buddy so my buddy renee one time when we were on tour he fucking he had he had we were all in the van right and he went home with this girl he comes back the next morning strutting late right we're in quebec he's fucking you know we're we got to go to the next tour day

he's walking back we see him strutting back from the you know like he's all proud of himself girl was pretty hot walks in the van like smoking a cigarette he smokes at the time you know we go did you fuck that girl he goes what the fuck do you fucking think two months later we're back in montreal we're all talking to the girl oh the girl you know i'm talking i think one of us is talking like her friend comes out she's like what renee never fucked her blah blah and then she goes renee said he fucked me he goes he goes up to she goes to renee she goes renee tell them renee goes we didn't have sex but this is so this is that where she goes um he goes

uh yeah I'm in a straight relationship she goes tell them you gotta go back to your friends guys I have something that I need to

she's queer I gotta tell you I remember how before I said we're in a straight relationship uh we're actually in a gay yeah it's like what is it then

what do you say uh we are yeah cause you are in a straight relationship but the relationship is I'm in a straight relationship with a queer. I guess is that it?

So you go to your. But I just. Yeah, you have to go back to your friends and you go, hey, I know that earlier on we are talking and it came up that we're in a relationship. And and then she's like in the corner looking at you like, oh, yeah. What kind of relationship are we in? And what kind of relationship we're in, Danny? We're in a queer relationship. We're in in, Danny? We're in a queer relationship.

We're in a queer relationship. We're in a queer relationship. I'm a queer. My girlfriend's a queer. I guess I'm half queer and she's full queer. I guess our kids will be half queer. My girlfriend's a queer. Okay.

They're like, yeah, okay, whatever. And they go, you did good. You know? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Even if you've never been in a relationship that others would

categorize as non-straight, you can still be a queer! With an exclamation mark. You can be a queer. You can be a queer. They're just recruiting soldiers for their army. Yeah, they're definitely recruiting. You can be a queer.

So they leave... Okay, the last thing. By the way, we have a fucking awesome Patreon they're definitely recruiting you can be you can be a queer so they leave okay the last thing by the way we have a fucking awesome Patreon this week too so

everyone's been fucking joining and we're dude the amount of money I'm spending on this fucking podcast get in on the Patreon dude

I'm literally like fucking just for all this stuff we're doing in the studio and all these people we're hiring like I'm literally,

dude, I'm fucking dumping a king's ransom in this puppy. But everyone's been joining the Patreon and people have been giving donations. And I do appreciate it and I respond to everyone's message on there. And the other thing before I finish is, if you, I know that this sounds like a little thing, but if you could, if your audio, even if you're not,

go leave a five-star review, then I know it seems little but the one of the reasons it helps is because everyone looks at that stuff like for example we're gonna probably try to bring some big guests on that and it's like i get asked to do stuff all the time and like that's the first thing you look at is like all right how you see like 100 reviews you go this podcast is shit like i think i have a decent amount but it's like i still have a lot of video like it's still a lot of video listeners and then on top of that i never really the fucking hawk this as well as everyone else is always well and also the actual subscribes to get moves you up the charts like okay the actual

act of subscribing to the podcast oh thank you so subscribe and leave a review yeah it's a subscribe i think the subscribe because it just it's like a thing that takes two seconds and it honestly does like yeah yeah um like and subscribe yeah thank you and then yeah and then join the patreon because we have a fucking fire episode this week too but the the um i just thought it was so funny because we're talking about all the jew stuff this week and we've mentioned the black israelites before but me and danny when we were on tour this week um again i just can't as we said that at Baltimore Magoobs but we we went to the

harbor I guess it was the inner harbor we go to the inner harbor and they're doing a black Israelite rally and I

black Israelites these ones were a little more intense but whenever it's like just two or three guys it always it's always like fun to watch

and there was the first things at first there was like a full rally yeah like a hundred and then there was like a couple smaller rallies

like one which I guess they were having like a competing black Israelite rally yeah they were like their you know the sellouts or something

no I think they were like I think they're more extreme yeah the one that was like the few of them was like the extremer yeah they're like they're the hardcore yeah they're more extreme. Yeah, the one that was like the few of them was like the extremer. Yeah, they're like, they're the hardcore. Yeah, they're literally just calling you the devil as you walk by. The worst, dude.

So I watched, right? Oh, yeah, right. I'm obsessed with the kind of black Israelites. So there's four of them, right? And they're standing on the bridge. The other one had like a thousand black Israelites. Yeah, yeah. And they're more mainstream.

Like they're honestly, like it didn didn't you wouldn't think anything of it like it was mostly there was a little there was like a tinge of like white people are the devil and that but it was mostly like George Floyd and stuff

yeah George Floyd and stuff and like just police reform and then they're like we're the Jews you don't read about in the Bible yeah they were getting into the Jews

we're the real Jews stuff but they weren't like cause there was a hundred and they had a megaphone they were lighting sage and stuff theirs wasn't like if this many people were saying shit that the small group was saying, they probably would have had to ask them to leave. These guys are like literally death to white people.

Yeah. Oh yeah. So I go over also the big, the big black Israelis. And handing out the pamphlets too. They were like jamming the pamphlets in your hand. Well, because the big one too, they were on opposite sides. So there's like a hundred of these people and 50 is on each side of the path and it's a small path.

So you essentially like go a gauntlet where they kind of like, you know, it would be like a, you know, just like a woman walking her dog and she has to walk through like 500 people, which any rally that would be kind of scary because they're yelling at you because they're yeah. Well, they weren't yelling at you. They were just kind of being, they were doing some sort of like but all their girlfriends it's only guys are allowed to be black israelites i guess and all the girls were on lawn chairs like 50 meters down like as if you like the boys are playing softball right yeah which i thought was amazing totally so that the

boys are playing softball i mean i guess it's you know whether the boys are playing softball or saying who are the right Jews, it's always just the same. It's always the same thing. Yeah, so I sat and watched. Well, these guys were getting ice cream or whatever. I was not getting ice cream. I sat at the bridge

and I pretended to be on my phone to watch. You know, it's basically some intel I got. Some intel, yeah. And they were going, they go, white people are fucking savages they belong in caves they are worthless nothings yeah they would say that as like a white person would walk by and then she goes a white woman like 50s walks by and then so they come up to her start handing out on pamphlets or whatever and she puts her mask up because like everyone

they started like crowding her or whatever and she was like a whatever probably like some liberal or whatever right she puts her mask up as the as some of their like the flyer guys come in and then she and then the guy with the megaphone yells he goes you put the mask up to avoid the virus you are the virus white people are the cancer you are the cancer on society i would love that has been plaguing this universe forever and it's like it's just so funny because there's like a guy with his picnic basket it's a fucking harbor it's like it's totally family friendly saturday afternoon yeah it's sunny people are walking by licking an ice cream cone call you cancer that's that's the moment when you want ben shapiro to show up and just be like like cracks his knuckles time to do a little pony i don't i don't think he would have a guts to

phone black israeli i mean he would like if he had like security he would need so much security yeah he would be like all right well then explain the uh and he would just have all the stats like you know he would love to get into them but he would need to be in a no he would be in a glass fucking encasing like the pope like a magician they put him in a He would be in a glass fucking encasing Like a magician They put him in a fucking glass casing Because he would have all the He would know all the Jew stuff too like in the Torah So you'd be like so why is there no mention of this

They're very like All of these guys are like younger a little bit It's very like you know Probably how any of us were with anything It's all first university student energy Like they're like actually the bible said this But it's like the you know kind of kind of how nick cannon was where he's like he's they're fresh yeah yeah totally yeah it is a cannon it's literally that so they're they're like fresh it's literally the cannon stuff but they're they're literally like you know an old

woman would walk by and he goes you fucking honky devil you know white small dick these guys didn't say the small dick that was the other guys i was seeing but the other guys were big on saying white people have small dick and they go any any white woman that's with the fucking white devil is a race traitor like they're going all in right they go that's a fact they yelled at a black guy black guy walks by chain with jesus on it and he goes you fucking race traitor because you have a i don't know exactly the words but he goes you have white jesus on your fucking thing he goes you were a slave to the white man because you because you have a, I don't know exactly the words, but he goes, you have white Jesus on your fucking thing. He goes, you were a slave to the white man because you don't have a black Jesus.

Like pendant. Yeah. And the guy was like, get the fuck. He was like, he was dressed like, uh, in like,

uh, like a basketball jersey. And he was like with his chick. Yeah. He goes, get the fuck out of here. You fuck you. Like he was about to go.

This guy wasn't a pussy. Like he was like, don't fucking call me a fucking race trade in front of my girlfriend. Like, fuck you. Yeah. So those, I mean,

the thing is, those guys are ready to fight. If Ben Shapiro went there, they would punch him out, punch his lights out. They're really punches lights. I don't know. He's been working out.

There's fun to watch these guys. Those are, they're crazy everywhere they are. They're always like quite the spectacle, quite the spectacle. Anyways, anytime I see stuff like that, I always pretend to be on my phone. I'm checking and I walk around. Every once in a while, I look around as if I'm waiting for someone

because I don't want them to know that I'm like... I also don't want them to talk to me either. But they don't really talk to white people. The black Israelites in Toronto and the young in Dundas Square ones, they used to hang out. You know when you walked over to Imperial and there's like that little Tim Hortons in the underhang? Yeah, I know. That was their zone. But the difference with them is like they were just hanging out and like being like, they would kind of like yell and stuff.

But they didn't have like a real like handing stuff out or anything. They were more just like people walk by and they just tell them to go fuck themselves. Yeah, fuck you. Like they didn't really have a purpose other than just harassing people. I don't know what these guys' purpose was. I think if you had to boil it down, maybe their purpose is to, like, get black people to, like, walk by and be like, good point.

Or to join in. They're trying to grow the ranks. But, like, they're so... Like, their things are so outrageous. Like, I can't imagine a black guy... Like, imagine the KKK. Like, and I get... I don't know if it's the exact same,

but, like, it sounds... Like, it sounds, like, kind of similar. But it's, like... I mean, the cancer rhetoric. I mean, if you went to a straight-up white nationalist, I can't imagine it would be this aggressive. Obviously, you can say more shit to white people than black people. But if you were that, and white people were walking by, and he was like, hey, brother, you know those fucking N-words?

Has that ever worked? You know what I mean? I can't imagine. Maybe a little bit. Maybe some of these black guys were already like dabbling in the black panther stuff yeah maybe and they stop and they go i'm listening yeah they're not sure which like group to be part of and then they get convinced yeah i'm not i wonder what extent to like was that did that guy start by himself at the beginning of the day they probably were smaller than they were no i mean at the beginning oh at the beginning they just roped in mean, they probably were smaller than they were. No, I mean at the beginning. Oh, at the beginning they just roped in. Yeah, like those five guys.

That guy was like, I was going to get milk. Yeah. No, I'm part of the Black Panthers. Black Israelites. Okay, anyways. Patreon.com slash the boys cast. Yay, yay. And just added June 11th, I believe.

I'm going to do the Nashville Comedy Festival. So we had to push Kansas back. So me and Daniel'm going to do the Nashville Comedy Festival. So we had to push Kansas back. So me and Daniel will be doing that. Nashville Comedy Festival. Kansas got pushed back. We're posting the new day. But it was kind of all the same people that were involved. And they were like, hey, we really want to do this thing.

And it's like, I think Bill Burr and Sebastian Maniscalco are the headliners. And I'm headlining a night at Zany's. So buy tickets for that at Zany's. And then the Kansas thing, still happening. It's just getting pushed back like a couple weeks or something like that. And thank you for listening. Peace. Bye.