The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Mark Normand On Wiping An Old Man's A$$ For A Chick, Andrew Tate's Trans Dilemma, & Chris Rock Controversy

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

Drake loving women's high school basketball, Andrew Tate's trans dilemma, the Chris Rock controversy & comedy with MARK NORMAND! Mark Normand is a stand-up comedian and actor. @marknormand SUPPORT THE SPONSORS: Eatsundays.com - Code BOYSCAST - 15% Off Your First Order Fitbod.me/boyscast - 25% Off Your Subscription Or Free Trial Athleticgreens.com/boyscast - Free 1 Year Of Vitamin D & 5 Free Travel Packs SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So, trans people are in the news this week after I received a package from Amazon with trans pride tape on it. What is this? Well, it's kind of interesting. I actually ordered a package from Amazon and I got straight pride tape. So it's very possible that Amazon is sizing up the people and their purchases and then, you know, they've extensive... You think they're implying something, Ryan? Well, they saw that you're ordering cooking supplies, an apron for a man. That was not what I was ordering. I was ordering Bibles and Bible supplies.

Well, you might have been ordering the Anderson Cooper Bible, because when they see what I was ordering, which was a shirt with Anthony Fauci with devil horns, and then Rand Paul was sort of in the corner with an angel, and he was doing like a flex on a miniature situation. And then they give you straight pride tape. They sent me straight pride tape. I've made many purchases, and this is the tape I've got.

They sized me up. They saw that I was ordering shrapnel from 9-11, they saw that I was ordering January 6th commemorative bull horns, and this is what I get. No, I was ordering Bible and Bible supplies. That was, that should have been my tape. If you were ordering Bible and Bible supplies, you would have got the Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve tape. That's exactly what- Which I got when I ordered my MyPillow mug. You bought MyPillow merch? Well, yes, I have 35 MyPillows, so I don't need any more pillows, but I still want to support the company, so I bought one of their mugs.

Is that a problem? No. And if you had done the same, you probably would have had this. Instead, they saw your sexuality, they said, at best, it's wishy-washy. Uh, no. And they sent you the LGBT tape. Ridiculous, Amazon. I'm canceling my Prime subscription.

We have, today, Mark Norman in the studio. And I know whating my Prime subscription. We have today Mark Norman in the studio. Mark Norman's first boys cast appearance. Hey, I don't see gender. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fellas have arrived. You know what? I actually put in our patreon like

questions for you and everyone was asking about whippets fucking ari i still say the oldest jew to do a whippet in history he's 78 but uh yeah he brought him on he brought a box and i'd never done them like the little cartridges yeah yeah you used to be able to get whippets i never did whippets i used to be able to get Whippets. I never did Whippets. I used to be able to get actual laughing gas, which is like, that's like the medical version of Whippets. That's just THC. Yeah, it's like dabs of Whippets. It's like the concentrate.

It's not like, I think it's a little stronger, but I guess it's just like better for you. It's cleaner or whatever, but same thing, essentially. Okay, how was it? Do you like them? I just went blank. Yeah, you just go into a different. It sucked.

Yeah. You don't like it. It's the biggest radio show. I didn't like it. I didn't love it. To me, I just went blank. Yeah, you just go into a different... It sucked. Yeah. You don't like it. It's the biggest radio show. I didn't like it. I didn't love it. To me, I'm the opposite. It's hippie crack is what they call it, right? And I'm not like, are you a big weed guy?

No. Me neither. But for some reason that, I think it's the minute thing that I really was like... That is nice. You told me it's hippie crack. I remember at Skank Fest, some girl's like, I have whippets or whatever. And I was like, oh, I'll do one. And then I was like, she was like, all right, thanks.

I went, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. I go, get back here. Maybe I did it wrong because I just felt blank and I hated it. I was like, I got to get back because also I was on the biggest radio show. That's a bit different. Yeah, I wouldn't want to do that in public like that.

When I just did Rogan, he was like, right before we started, he was like, hey, if you want to smoke some weed before And I was just like Fuck no No way That's crazy I don't even get the people Who get high and go on stage

I can't do that Like Soder's like Alright let's go on And I'm like Are you nuts I would just crumble It's crazy Well I think a big part of it

For them is like If you're a guy That smokes weed all day You're more normal there Right For sure Yeah some people are like I need it.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it either. I'm kind of jealous. It's a huge, but you can do it drunk, probably. I can do it drunk. I bet you for a lot of people, it's the opposite. Uh-huh. When I'm drunk, the sadness goes away.

The voices go away. That's why I like it. Yeah, you're not overthinking your jokes. Yeah, weed, it just spikes it. Where we're from, Toronto, there was the entire weed scene of comedy. I don't know if you've ever done any of these rooms, but it's kind of starting in New York. You know, like I Brian.

Oh, I did that room. Yeah, they're starting where they have, basically, everyone's just so baked. Yeah. All the comics eventually have weed material, so it's all this weed-based kind of material. The only problem, I'm such a neurotic. My act is just punched up because i'm scared of silence yeah i did that room everybody's baked and it takes them an extra second and a half to laugh because they're like bulldozing it i mean some of them are like sleeping like some of them are legit they're just

like and it threw me because i was like i'm bombing oh there they go there they go i'm bombing oh there's this laugh you have to like super adjust your rhythm. Yes, yes. I did not like those shows in Toronto. We had a dude, though, a buddy of ours. Me and Danny used to have an office in Toronto. And this guy, Kevin Soldo, is a comedian. He did like a whip it and then immediately fell over,

smashed his head and had to go to the hospital. This is when we had the tank. This is when we had the tank. We were like sitting there late at night. And he was the best part is he was telling everybody, he goes, you got to be careful. Right? Like, sit down, because you could pass out.

Like a full tank? It looked like a torpedo. It was this high. Oh, my God. That's like a keg. Yeah, it's like a keg of whippets, literally, like this big. And then he took one, and he had glasses on, and it was like a chair like this, and he fell out of the chair.

And we're all fucked up. And then you hear this thud. And then I come to, and i look over and there's just like a pool of blood he's split like this like it wasn't so bad but then he comes to and then he's like all right we gotta go to the hospital yeah yeah it's kind of bummer yeah you ever i had i went to college with a guy who we lived together and he was six nine and he would faint at the sight of blood so i want he was like a construction guy and he did this and his fingers started bleeding he went huh and he would faint at the sight of blood. So he was like a construction guy and he did this and his fingers started bleeding and he went, huh, and he fell through the coffee table. 6'9". He was like the toughest guy

but if he saw any blood, he would just go out. That's dangerous when you're 6'9". I know. It was like Tower 7. That's the original Crip. Yeah. That stinks. Just the ultimate man. I know. He was the toughest dude but one one blood i don't know if you saw but

in new york because like new york had basically like the the most mass restrictions but because everyone's been stealing so much with masks that like mayor the mayor of new york just came on yesterday he was like everyone's got to stop wearing their masks oh wow really he's like you have to take off your mask when you enter a store now like that's what he's trying to push yeah he goes take off your mask for just a second look at the camera and then he's like you could put it back on that's like girls with condoms you know every girl's you gotta wear a condom right when i'm about to put it in they're like take it off you know but wow no more masks are illegal what a 180 yeah legitimately well it is funny and there is all the

different versions like there's sort of the the people on the internet they're like you know mayor adams this is like a genocide on people who have long covid like whatever right and then all the other ones but like all the store owners were like yeah it was the literal best time to be a criminal in history right right it's like you just wear a fucking ski mask wherever you go. That was like the wildest thing too was when she was like crazy in 2020 and like all the, you know, like rioting and all that stuff. And then people were like doing these smash and grabs

and like not wearing masks. I know. And I was like, what are you doing? Who? Just like you see these videos of some people like just like looting a Walmart or something. They made that legal now. Yeah.

You're allowed to steal a thousand or less. I know, that is so crazy. It's incredible. Wait, what did they do? There was just people like, you know, looting a Target or something. They made that legal now. Now you're allowed to steal a thousand or less. I know, that is so crazy. It's incredible. Wait, what did they do? There were just people looting a Target or something. And then they just didn't have their mask on. I remember watching it being like, you have to wear your mask everywhere. Why are you not wearing your mask in this one instance where you'd

want to hide your face? Sure. And then I guess they finally came around. And then now Mayor Adams is like, no muss. Did you ever, when everyone was smashing, grabbing everything in 2021 I guess they finally came around. Yep. And then now Mayor Adams is like, no muss. Damn. When did you ever, when everyone was smashing, grabbing everything in 2021 or whatever it was, did you go check it out? I did it in 2005 with Katrina. Katrina had everybody looted and they're like, these black people are out of control.

And I'm like, yeah, I'm holding like two plasmas, you know? And so I looted the fuck Out of Walmart In New Orleans You were there during Katrina? Yeah yeah Oh crazy Yeah I was I was in LSU

Which is an hour away But I would It was so easy It was a 45 minute drive So we'd go back Wow So we wanted to see Katrina It was guys in like

Canoes and shit Smoking weed With a fucking machine gun Just going down Canal Street It was wild That's crazy It was mayhem that is crazy they actually had i guess the closest thing that happened in toronto was at one point they did

have a flood that was like the whole city kind of flooded up to my knees yeah you just go on the road and it was all flooded the best was there was this guy who tried to because people in cars katrina was the original george bush doesn't care about black people. That's right. That's where that came from. Yeah. Kanye. When people who have cars don't realize when there's water, they think you can just drive. You just gun it and you can go. So what actually happens? You get stuck.

You're not in a boat. Right. And so there was this famous photo of this guy in Toronto and he was in a Ferrari and he's just like, I'm just going to pin it. They're already low too. Yeah. And he's like, I'm just going to pin it and just go through this. And Yeah, he's like, I'm just going to pin it and just like go through this. And then he's just like, you literally go five feet

and then you're just totaled to your car. Yeah. And your car gets flooded and wrecks the air and all that sort of stuff. That's great stuff. Dude, that's crazy. What was, was there like, I actually don't know that totally that much about Katrina,

but like, what was the big political thing that, cause obviously like that can't be prevented, but is the idea that there just should be more money given to them is that what people are mad it was basically like they gave a big mandatory evacuation and a lot of people are like I don't have a car it was mostly poor people that got fucked so then and you see their houses got full of water and they would just be on the roof and then we had to send in FEMA and helicopters to get them off the roof and give them food. And then they put everybody in the Superdome. Oh, right.

And then there was like rapes and killings and death. Wait, what's the Superdome? That's our big arena. Where the saints... Okay, so they put everyone in the arena. Yeah, all the poor people, they put them in there and then they all just killed each other. That's wild to be a rapist where they're like,

we're putting everyone in the dome and he was like, yeah, you are. Right, right. How long was that for? That was a couple of weeks. Yeah. Because it got so ugly. There was like, yeah, you are. Right, right. How long was that for? That was a couple weeks. Yeah. Because it got so ugly. There was actually, it was funny.

Where do they sleep in the dome? I think they get them cots. Yeah, cots. Like they turn it into like a disaster relief thing. Yo, the guy in the military. He's trying to get pussy at the fucking. I tried that. I went in help.

Because this girl I had a crush on. She was like, I'm going to go to the super dome and help. And I was like, I'll go with you. Oh, you went to hell. I went to help. He's looting and helping yes i got a lot of range gotta balance it out you know and so this they were like okay you got to take this old guy and like be in charge of him he was like 900 years old and he needed help shitting so i had to help him shit and i had to wipe his ass and i'm like no way so i had to wipe this old guy's ass you thought you were gonna be like ladling soup for people exactly and now you're literally wiping i was gonna be doing puppet shows with the kids uh and all this shit or watch the rapist guy whatever and then

here i am wiping an old man's ass i mean his balls that's the first thing they gave you yeah it was number one and so like we went in together, and she was off with the women, and I had to help the old guy. And I was like, I'm not even hanging out with her. This is a bummer. And so I didn't get laid. You didn't even get laid? Well, I fucked the old guy.

That's the guy trying to smash her. You go, oh, you're the one. You came to see Karen here. We got a job for you. Yeah, exactly. So he probably fucked her, the mediator guy. And then you dipped after. I kind of dipped.

That's when he started stealing in the streets. He goes yeah and then you dipped after that's when he started stealing in the streets i'm looting yeah i stole some purell it's like an old man poo on my there was uh at the time that actually happened it was so funny that there's this canadian like legendary canadian rock band called the tragically hip and they have a song called new orleans is sinking oh wow and they were like at the time that happened they're like they they were like we can't play this and it's like a really famous song you know the song was it was it a oh they said they're not gonna play it no they had the song before and then they were like yeah out of respect they're like we can't that's like there's like this big conversation in canada they're like when can we play this again yeah carlin had a special called i like

when a lot of people die and then 9-11 happened, and he changed it to Back in New York or Live in New York or something like that. When some girl named Eileen gets murdered and raped, everyone changes the name of that song, too. Oh, we can't, in good faith. We found semen on her body. Come on, Eileen. We can't do it.

That is the worst job of all time though being the like literal washing old people's bodies or wasn't a job he was volunteering there's the worst possible thing you could do and you wanted people to see it like look everybody of course i'm wiping his ass but nobody everybody else is helping and no social media also if you're the old guy though you don't have anyone else because you show up and you're like listen i need some help you need i need a volunteer i'd be embarrassed to say that like i'm gonna need a volunteer yeah and you go i just fucking shit all over my ass his knees were shaking it was rough like i had to help him up off the was he apologetic because i feel like if i was very old maybe at some point after years of it you just stop but if i was like

90 years old and i had to have like a nurse wipe my ass the whole thing i'd probably be the whole like if i was very old maybe at some point after years of it you just stop but if i was like 90 years old and i had to have like a nurse wipe my ass the whole thing i'd probably be the whole time like super sorry about this i think eventually you stop apologizing yeah i wasn't well he was he was he was just like a lot of moaning he's like oh wipe me you know like a lot of that did he request does like how does that do you go back to front front to back like does he go i'm a back to front guy i just did it the way I would do it to me. So he stood up and I gave it the old up, down to up. But you know, I helped a blind lady fell in the street on 6th Avenue about a week ago.

And I was with my lady and I helped the old lady up and I got her in a cab. And you go, why didn't anyone film this? That's huge. And I hate myself for having that thought. You have to bring it up on a podcast after. I know. I'm getting that in I want the credit If I get cancelled I'm like I want to show that video

You should go to like a business Nearby and ask for like the security cam That's huge You know how like cops when there's crimes Like if you push that old lady They would go find that video Oh that'd be great Yeah go do a little sleuthing

Like hey can I just get your camera from this day And then you have to make a burner account that video oh that'd be great yeah good point yeah go do a little sleuthing yeah like hey can i just get your camera from this day and then you have to make a burner account tag yourself in and be like exactly just and then you know what yeah someone else you basically say just so you know people are spreading false information that's one view before you retweet it yeah well that is if you are a celebrity that does charity most of of them have a team that's involved in making sure people know about this. Of course, of course. It's like half the deal. Yeah.

You want people to see. It's like when they go, hey, I'm going to the Grove, and they hang up, and TMZ shows up. Yeah. I'll tell you what, I did feel kind of a piece of shit because I donated to a couple of GoFundMes, and I was doing my taxes, and I did call the accountant, and I was like, this is a good write-offable, right? Oh, yeah. It is. It is. But it is funny just inquiring, just for the record.

Which one's the Canadian Truckers? I can't remember. Honest to God, I can't remember. I think it was probably some... The Daily Storm. What the fuck? Alright, write it off. $88 to the Daily Stormer. That's a weird number. Canadian Truckers,

and then when Alex Jones got kicked off of, when they, Alex Jones Defense Fund. He does need money. He's down a billion. Alex Jones Defense Fund, and then Kanye's presidential run. Three things I don't end.

Wouldn't it be crazy if he won? He was like, Jews are out. Get rid of all of them. First policy. He didn't really have it thought out because I did listen to one of the things where they were like, so what do you do? You go, so basically you have to be

Christian to be in the media. And you go, so what do you do if the people aren't Christian? He was like, listen, some stuff's going to have to happen. Yeah, yeah. Abortion would definitely be out. Yeah, yeah. But I was like, yeah, is it going to be bad things? He goes, no, I don't know out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, all that. But I was like, yeah, is it going to be bad things? He goes, no, I don't know.

We'll deal with it then. Oh, shit. Okay, so you know Andrew Tate? Mm-hmm. He went viral, people saying that he's gay because he was like, basically, he did. I feel like you have a good take on this, but the gist was a 10 out of 10 girl, and I'm sure you've heard this question before,

but it kind of went crazy on the internet yesterday. 10 out of 10 girl, and I'm sure you've heard this question before, but it kind of went crazy on the internet yesterday. 10 out of 10 girl described as Megan Fox, but has a penis. Or 1 out of 10, you know. Hulk Hogan. Oh, sorry. Trans woman, super hot, versus biological woman that's super ugly. Basically looks like Hulk Hogan. Vagina.

She has like a new, you know, constructed vagina. No, no, the trans has a penis. Yeah. Oh, does have a penis. But looks like Megan Fox. Yeah. Oh, I see, I see.

The discourse on Twitter yesterday was what's more gay? Yeah, that's a good question. That's a new, they didn't have that who would you rather when I was a kid. You know?

It's a new, it's a modern day, it's a modern day take on would you rather. Yeah i would go with the trans me too i think that's what he said and everyone was sort of i mean his community was sort of saying that's the gay choice yeah i mean you could also just not touch the dick i would hope that wasn't a part of it you could get blown yeah you can feel the boobs you can make out and just fuck her. Yeah, I mean, the moment I touch a penis, I'm like. This was the gayer option? Yeah, I go, I should have gone with the Hulkster.

I mean, this is the thing. I've definitely had sex with ones, I would say. Yeah. Yeah, we all have. Yeah, exactly. Whereas I probably never would do that one, so I don't know. Maybe. Yeah. Well, it's also hard because I'm sure when you banged the hog,

there was some booze involved. A lot of booze involved. I got her really drunk first, so she would do it. But like this, when you have to see them face-to-face, that's when you got to go just Megan Fox. I think it's, yeah. In front of you. I mean, that's the hard part of this, because it's funny,

because they're like, in this hypothetical, they're just like, really hot girl with a dick or really ugly girl with a pussy, and you're like, the really ugly girl with a pussy I've done 12 times, so I guess it starts with exactly. Is there any way I could find out with the trans one after the fact about the penis?

If I knew, I go, there's a penis, like, there's a dick there, I'm like, I don't, I'll be two in my head. I don't think it would even be possible. Here's the question. If you got trapped if what would you do if you got trapped we're like hot girl you get home and it was had a penis what would you do you think you probably go through it at that point i'd be like i gotta go clean up and then bounce you would bounce yeah i might be too polite yeah i would too i'd make out i think i'd be too polite to leave at that

point i just would be so awkward like my hand yeah i'd be like my hand is like you don't have to touch it. And it's the one time if you don't get it up, you don't hate yourself. Oh, yeah. No, it's almost like you do hate yourself if you get it up. But if you don't, you're like, I guess I'm not gay. Well, then she's like, oh, we'll do it in the morning. You go, morning would probably be worse.

I don't think morning sex. I like to sleep in. Pitch black. Yeah. Yeah, so if you can't get it up, you're good. If you can't get it up, you're still good. Yeah, yeah. So they're going to get both.

They go, all right, one out of ten, but biological, or ten out of ten with a dick, and you go, is both an option? Well, the beauty of the fat, ugly gal is, like, we've all had our ones and twos. They love it. They appreciate it. It's like a crowd in Youngstown, Ohio, like, thanks for coming here. We appreciate you coming.

And you're like, all right. And then the big lady. It's the size of a crowd in Youngstown, Ohio. Yeah. The big lady's like, oh, I needed this. I have had a bigger lady than that. So you're saying from the altruistic point of view, it is a more altruistic thing to do than biological. Sometimes it is hotter, though, having a less hot girl that's super down. I've had a girl so hot I couldn't get it up because I was like, I'm too in my head.

I'm too nervous. I'm way more trouble getting it up the hotter the girl. Same. 100%. But if the girl's gross, you're like a porn star. You last all night. You're confident. You feel good.

You're in the mirror doing this shit, you know? Yeah, because you're the hot one for the first time. 1000%. That's the sliding scale. And then I guess it would probably go like the uglier they are, the more you get it up. And then there's probably like a point where the equation starts to rip the other way. Yes, yes. Where like three to six is probably like peak,

you can get it up, no problem. Yeah. And then it starts to peak a little down there and you start catching glimpses of them that are like a little too gross, I think. Yes, for sure. Mustache. There's a lot of variables in this.

Mustache. C-section scar, wheelchair. Making weird noises. Yeah. Have you guys heard of Madonna syndrome? What's Madonna syndrome? That's where if you really love a girl or really like a girl, you can't sexualize her. Okay.

Because you feel guilty or you just see her as this beautiful person that you can't really defile. I mean, Madonna, maybe Madonna 1975 syndrome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not now. But yeah. So I definitely have that. So I start liking a girl. You start dating her for a

while and i'm like oh my god i like this girl so much i have feelings for her i have trouble performing really yeah because i got over her yeah you just don't you know she's like choke me fuck me in the ass throw me against the wall i'm like oh you're too nice you're better than this yeah you're a sweet lady that i sort of agree with but is that that sort of feels like it's mixing up the two syndromes because the first syndrome seems like well i don't want to do all this like stuff that i do with hoes with like this girl i love or whatever that's the first part and then the other part is that like they're so on this pedestal so maybe that's two syndromes separately maybe maybe but yeah i definitely had but i talked to a therapist and i got over you

talked to a therapist about yeah because it was Oh you talked to a therapist about it Yeah cause it was ruining the relationship She's like Hey I want you to fuck the shit out of me And I was like I can't You're nice You deserve the world You sweet

Girl Baby That's Yeah That's crazy Cause you're right That must be such a turn off And they don't believe you either

Of course Of course Not a chance that they believe That that's actually the truth Yeah But you're like She's like Why don't you want to do anything

You never want to sex with me? It's like, you're just too good. Yes. She's like, shut up. You're a saint. I love you. I should be giving you roses. Is it I'm not hot enough? You're too hot. Too hot. Too hot and too fun. Sounds like such a lie you would tell someone. It really does. Yeah, but it's a real thing.

If a girl ever told that to me, you're just honestly, you're just too cool and funny. Your dick's just too nice. I had to Google it and show her, and she was like, all right, all right. But I'm still horny, and I'm like, I'll get a guy. I'll find a guy to fuck you. Because you deserve that. Yeah, you deserve it.

I just want to take you out and, you know, massage your feet. So what did the therapist say? He was just like, you just got to do it, and then. Therapist says just get in there. Yeah, don't give her hell. But actually, I'm getting a little Viagra. And then I started to wean myself off. I didn't have a boner problem except with her.

And I weaned myself off. How old were you when this happened? This was probably like 27. And this is your first boner problem at 27? Oh, I was a boner guy. Playground, funeral, you name it. Had a boner everywhere. Family reunion, but with her, I couldn't do it.

I went the opposite a little. Really? Well, I feel like it's the nervous thing. I've never had, like, I don't think I've had nerves once. Never had nerves? Not really. Where I couldn't get it out of me. You're almost like more of like the classic guy where the girl takes her shirt off and

you're like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm the same way. Oh, yeah. There it is. Yes, please. You're jizzing at the strip club. Yeah, I know that guy. At the ATM machine.

Yeah. So you're very, yeah. Yes, please. This really is the boys cast. This is all dude shit dude shit you're the one who brought up with your all your hot stories with that guy in new orleans i'm not i'm not knocking it i'm just saying this is male shit for sure that is sort of the idea of the podcast a little bit but yeah yeah good good theme no definitely for me it was way more younger because more nervous. And then as I got older, I cared less about girls.

Like, you know, as you get older, you're just like, I mean, especially once you hit 30, it was kind of like, yeah, okay, whatever. You don't get up with this girl. Who gives a shit? Like the fact that it, you know what it is, it's like once it doesn't matter anymore, like kind of the same thing you were saying with the uglier girl. Yes.

It's like the yips. What's the yips? Exactly. You have the yips. It's like a golf thing where basically you just can't putt anymore. Basketball players get it on free throws. Yep. Where it's just you're so in your head that this thing is like that's probably so easy

to you. Yes. Otherwise, you just like in that moment, you can't do it. It's like doing a tonight show versus doing eight people at the stand. Eight people at the stand, you're loose. You're like, who gives a fuck? That's exactly what it is. You're like, you got to nail it.

One shot. And then you get in your fuck? That's exactly what it is. You're like, you gotta nail it, one shot, and then you get in your head. That's what I feel about it. So you say you don't feel like that about it. I don't get the yips, no. I'm with you usually. High performance performer.

Yeah. I can get a ball, I can like, you know when you ever, I'm married now, but when I was single, I'd be flirting with a girl and it'd be going so well,

and then you'd touch knees and I would get hard. You know, just shit like that would get me hard. I was single, I'd be flirting with a girl and it'd be going so well. Then you'd touch knees and I would get hard. Just shit like that would get me hard. I was always so just ready to go. Oh, yeah. Well, actually, I was going to move on to the Chris Rock thing, but we actually did have some questions that were very dude-oriented, kind of what you were just saying.

Yeah. And since you are married, this guy, he wants to know, and I feel like you have a good opinion on this. When you're married or even with long-term girlfriend, what do you think sex per week is like a normal amount? I heard a married person say years ago, and this sounds bad. It was a woman who told me this.

She was like, you have to have sex once a week whether you want to or not. I agree. Just because it gets the garbage out. It just flushes the pipes. And the resentment that starts to build up a little. And then the longer that goes, the awkwardness that starts building up and then you're like, when are we going to do it?

And then are we doing it just to do it? That's that mental thing I've definitely been in. And then you go like, this hangs over your relationship. You're not even taking your shirt off anymore. And then you watch movies where there are hot sex in it. And then you sit movies where they're like hot sex in it. I hate that.

And then you sit there with your lady and you're like, oh, we used to do that. That's so awkward. My least favorite thing is the sex scene in a movie when you're watching with your chick. Yeah. A lot of times. That's why a lot of times if I actually want to join a movie, I'll do stuff with the girl before the movie. Yeah.

Like you get your chick and be like, the movie's about to start. You know what I mean? Especially if it's like a not a start Like you know what I mean Especially if it's like You know Like a Not a Monday You know what I mean Like you

So you have sex before And then you can enjoy The movie in peace And then when They have sex You're like Yeah we already did that Right right

Welcome to the party Yes They're like us Huh Yeah It's the other way around You flip it Yeah

That's a good move That's yeah Well you can more enjoy The movie too Because then there is A little bit Especially when you get In that territory Danny's talking good move that's yeah well you can more enjoy the movie too because then there is a little bit especially when you get in that territory danny's talking about like it's been a while where you are sort of sitting there being like then you see it on the movie you're like i guess maybe at some point we should but like doing it now is weird yes yes

you're like the awkward like you're the when there's a double date, like in high school and then people start making out, you're the other couple. Oh, that's the worst. That's the worst. You're like, I guess we could. And the girl's like, no, we're probably good. And you're like, okay. I've been there. What if we do that?

Yeah. Yeah. Once a week, I think is bare minimum. And then, okay. So there's a second part of his question. And then it was like, and then birthdays and Father's Days, should that be guaranteed for wetting his whistle? He says, my wife reacts like she has no idea it's of a thing.

So what do you think about that? Oh, that's crazy. I think they should be, I hate this birthday blowjob. You should be blowing me on a Tuesday. Couldn't agree more. And vice versa. I'll go down on you. I'm not going to wait until Valentine's.

I'll go down on you all the time, whatever to wait until Valentine's. I'll go down on you all the time. Whatever you want. The Father's Day one's weird. Yeah, he's probably a dad, this guy. Yeah, but even so, I get it. It's weird for like a blowjob. That's true. Yeah, the kids give you your present that they made at school and then your wife's giving you a present and you're like,

well, that's not what I asked for, though. Right, right. I don't want some fake gift from the kid that you bought I agree with Mark 100% though that sort of stuff period puts your relationship in a weird it's like a power dynamic thing where it's like no I don't want to put it on the table

that this is some big treat that we're having sex yes exactly we both want to do this and this is not something that I'm getting from you I would love if my lady was like hey it's Like, we both want to do this, and this is not something that, like, I'm getting from you. Yes. I would love if my lady was like, hey, it's your birthday.

I'll pay the rent this month. Now we're talking. Yes, if you're cleaning. Dream on. Yes. A birthday, like, a real thing, like, for them giving you head. You're like, no, no, no, no, no. That's, like, something I already get. Yes, exactly.

Exactly. That's a girl giving you comedy tickets for your birthday. You go, I get those for free Yeah, there you go, perfect analogy I bought you pants I'm like, I work at the Gap I get pants Yeah, she's like, yeah, I messaged your agent

What do you think, how do you think I got them? Yeah No, I don't like Any of that stuff where you sort of like Put yourself into like the sitcom dad territory Right Oh, I hope I get lucky of that stuff where you sort of put yourself into the sitcom dad territory. Right, right. Oh, I hope I get lucky. It's my birthday coming up.

Yeah, exactly. Just Al Bundy, basically. No, I hate that. Here's a coupon for Christmas for one free whatever. I'm like, what? Yeah, not a good precedent. That's bullshit. Get the fuck out of here.

Unless it's a new thing, like butt stuff or something that we haven't done. Or if the coupon's for a different chick. Okay. Yeah. That's something. Now we're talking. Now for a different chick. Okay, that's something. Now that's a gift. Yeah, that's a gift. All right.

Something. That seems to be more and more popular now. There's a lot of this, like, I feel like guys have over decades of just like, maybe a threesome. What about polyamory? Hey, what about bringing on the other people? And now that's starting to really be accepted more and more. Polyamory and... Seems like hell.

Yeah, yeah. It's good on paper be accepted more and more. Polyamory and... Seems like hell. Yeah, yeah. It's good on paper, but it rarely works. But like the actual lifestyle where you're like, you're not even like, it becomes your identity kind of with upside down pineapples and all that stuff. It's sort of this, it's what Mark was saying before where you're like,

you know how with the sex thing with your main chick, it's this. You know, almost what you want is like a main chick that you're exclusive with and then a side chick that you're polyamorous yeah that's an ideal scenario yeah too many stories to keep going though no too many balls up in the air well yeah a lot of well there you don't really need any balls up in the air with the other one because it's like where you're not

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And the best part about FitBod is that it's legitimately you're getting just a whole new workout. And there's all these things where I'm like, yeah, normally I don't do Turkish get-ups. Sure. Right? I don't do that. But then FitBod goes, hey, today we're doing Turkish get-ups. I 100% agree. That's what's good about it.

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personalized workout program from FitBot. Get 25% off your subscription or try the app free at fitbod.me slash boys cast that's fitbod.me f-i-t-b-o-d dot m-e slash boys cast 25% off to be honest i wanted to mention that talk about this but they're like that was the chris rock thing like the special did you watch it i did yeah but even there's like a few funny things but like the first thing was even after that came out like will smith's wife basically was like doing press again and she was like i'm just not built for a conventional marriage and she talks more about how the marriage was a golden cage and it was like if you are going to be a polyamorous relationship the number one thing or any sort of like hollywood thing the number one thing is like yeah you can't be doing a press

tour about all the guys that would be the number one request is like, yeah, you can't be doing a press tour about all the guys you're paying. That would be the number one request is like, well, definitely don't do a TV show about all the guys you're paying. I know. And bring your husband on and talk about it with him. It's fucking bananas. No wonder the guy went nuts. Bananas. It's crazy. I mean, this guy just got cucked

on HBO in front of everybody. He had so long to back out of that, too. He must have. He long to back out of that too he must have he has to go the other way where he just starts showing up to events with like some smoking hot model 28 year old and be like hey look I'm doing it too and it's not like he can't get laid he can walk out the door

and pussy just hits him like an old newspaper yeah he's probably tearing through DiCaprio's catalog the same time he is oh yeah well where are you guys on that? He had a 28-year-old, so he's sort of a... Oh, yeah, that's the

big news is that he's... Finally, he's the one who can get a rental car, you know? Danny's been talking about this a lot. I think it's funny. There's a big, like,

on the internet discourse of, like, age gap stuff where it'll be like, the guy's 26 and the girl's 21 and they're like, what a predator. Just stop, everybody. Shut the internet down. Well. What do you think would happen

if he was dating a 19-year-old but she was obese and on a rascal? Would they be as mad? Would the women be as mad if it was that? That's a very good question. I don't think they would. They would be concerned for him, I think. But your point is your point that you're getting at sort of like

obviously they just don't like a hotter younger girl i think some even if they don't know it i think subconsciously that's what's happening yeah they feel like threatened because if a 19 year old woman became the ceo of xerox i think they'd be like go girl how about that they wouldn't be like she's not developed yet uh-huh but if she became the ceo they'd be like whoa that's one youngest ceo of all-time female how cool is that so you can't have it both ways but if you became the CEO, they'd be like, whoa, that's one of the youngest CEOs of all-time female. How cool is that? So you can't have it both ways. But if you become the CEO of smashing Leonardo DiCaprio. Yes.

Yeah, no, 100%. But that is... It's a theory. I'd like to get all the ladies to know. No, I think you're right. I mean, there's obviously a bit of that. They would just be... They would say, you know, their brains aren't developed for making...

Because they say that. It's like their brains are not developed for this one thing. Yeah. But they can do anything else. Right. And that's fine. But this one thing. I could be wrong.

And it's generally older women who are saying this as well. Dude, there's literally an article that me and Danny were going to talk about that was like, that got released in a bunch of places. It goes, I'm a proud cougar at 52. Women hate me, but I hunt college hunks. There you go. And there was this girl, basically, it's pretty, like, way weirder than the DiCaprio thing.

Like, he's basically some girl that she's, like, at college parties taking photos or whatever. Oh, shit. Dude, if you're the 52-year-old, like, dude, and you're like, I go to college parties to hunt fucking college girls. Hunt is crazy. Yo, you'd be, like, predator number one.

Well, you don't think this is our, like, in retaliation to all the MILF hunter videos and now, like, the hunted is becoming the hunter? No, she's being a MILF hunter. I guess, but it's so, yeah, basically she was like, yeah, I'm 52 and I'm, like, having sex with, she's, like, hunting the guys. Funny, like, a frat being like,

yeah, 52-year-old girls want to come here and suck us off, be my guest. Bring them on, I'm a hunk. I'm a college hunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sign me up. But that's the difference. That's why it's annoying when we go men and women are the same we're all the same it's like so why is one thing scary and one thing awesome sure we're not the same if a teacher fucks a 14 year old boy we're all like high five that kid where was that when i was in school but if it's the other way around we're like this guy's an animal he can't be around kids

literally that guy will get like killed in prison yes like if that guy that guy will go to prison and then they will kill him yes we're all the same can you walk me to my car

why not I thought we were the same why am I walking to your car you know like which one is it sounds like when it's convenient in my opinion the actual

yeah you're right for them it would be the whatever it's convenient but the real answer is that on physical things it's not the same but on age things it is like on age things like it should actually be the same like it's totally

fine if you want to you know like if a 19 year old and a 25 year old it should be the same like whatever no big deal but on like obviously physical things like yeah it's not the same like if you're if a 40 year old guy's molesting like a 14 year old girl that's way different than a 40 year old girl and a 15 year old guy 100 and they're both probably wrong and they're both illegal but you the way we look at

it it's not the same well obviously you have to make laws too right that's one of those things where it's like why is it like you know that's what like the barely legal part or whatever right like i'm sure like the guy that was like, oh, yesterday, it was like, this guy's a child molester and today it's like, front row of the bodega, they're selling the videos,

you know what I mean? The girl holding the ID or whatever, and it was like, literally one second difference. Like, obviously, you just have to make... Yeah, you gotta make sense.

The same reason I... Unless you wanna see Sted. I talked about that a bit on stage, but it was like, the same as the cousin stuff where it's like- Right, right. You know, it's like you can't have sex with your cousin.

Wait, you can't have sex with your cousin? Someone's getting locked up. He's got to sort of make some- He's got to draw the line somewhere in these societies, I guess. And you can just kind of feel it. It's in you. Like, I saw a woman, a female comedian, she went on stage. She was like, hey, girls, I'm dating a younger guy.

And everybody applauded. And then the guy after as a goof went up and go hey guys i'm dating a younger girl they all went oh he's like wait what happened to equality and all that it was a funny moment and he was making a point but that's just how it is the audience just they just feel it yeah i think women there's this inherent unfairness that they feel with the fact yes they have to have kids and like they have to have the kids and then eventually they can't. They have a window. So many guys are like, I'm on my third

family and they have three full families. If they fuck up their family, they get another crack at it. Whereas a woman... If you're Jamaican, you get nine cracks at it. If you're a chick, you can't be like, I'm 50, I'll just have another family.

Which is a huge male privilege. That's a big lucky break we got there we can go out for cigarettes and not come back the lucky break is that you yeah you really are no time crunch and the lucky break for females is if you're on a time crunch you can always just find a rich guy that's two points less hot than you there you go there you go that's the trade-off like there's no there's not that many versions where you're just like like oh you know what i'll just like find some girl to take care of me you're like yeah good luck you're better off like you're better off getting a finding a way to get rich yes yes exactly yeah i mean that's why guys are do that more it does

make me think that though when i see when you see the guys that like you know are on their second family like to be honest my dad was like a little bit like that oh really yeah just kind of like you know when i was like you know 32 living in toronto he had like a you know 14 year old and a 12 year whatever right yeah so it was kind of like they you know because i guess if you have kids young enough like you basically just do it again yeah i would never i mean larry king was like but so many people do it. People do it all the time. So it does make you, when you start being like, oh, should I be on this time limit?

You're on this time limit. You're like, you could literally just catch up on the second round. It's like, your friend's running the track and you're allowed to just kind of jump in.

Yeah, but women can't do that. And that's why they're... And that sucks. Yeah, and that's why I think... They could jump in and be a stepmom, but... Yeah, but... Yeah, but that's about it.

But that one, I think that one's not that crazy, though. Like, you could easily, like, you know, even like Chelsea Handler was getting a lot of shit for being single or whatever. Like, she could easily date some guy with a three-year-old right now, some Hollywood producer who's got a three-year-old, move in together, and she basically becomes that girl's kind of mom. And it's like, you weren't the mom, but you did the whole thing still. Yeah, for the most part. Or adopt, I adopt i guess but again that kid probably has a biological mother all of it's a little easier when you're rich she's not dead yeah the money is a big factor you want the person to die yeah yeah ideally the parent dies but why would you want to say i think running a family is so hard and paying for all these kids

and wiping ass and changing diapers. Why would you do that again? Well, the real reason is if you did it young enough and you're 50, or let's say whatever. Let's say you had kids at like 27 even, right? So 37, 47. So you're like 50 now. Your kid's 23. And you're 50 and you're in pretty good shape.

We know a lot of 50 comics. You're like, yeah, I want to date a pretty hot 30-year-old. But you don't have to. shape like we know a lot of like 50 comics and you're like yeah I want to date like a pretty hot like 30 year old but you don't have to I guess they want a kid they want yeah the girl wants a kid

of course and then also you're probably like man I made so many mistakes the first time around yeah some of it's that but either

the real reason is like you're either like I'm doing this again or I'm dating a 50 year old yeah that's good I think what happens that's your right that's true yeah yeah if you want to date a 30 year old and you're 50. I think what happens. That's your right.

That's true. Yeah. Yeah. If you want to date a 30 year old and you're 50, like that's generally what they want. Yeah. Like, so it is kind of a tough one because that's tough.

Or you date, like even if you date like a, let's say you date like 35 or whatever. Right. And then you're like, we'll date someone that already has a seven year old kid. Like that's what kind of like my dad did or whatever. It's like, yeah. Yeah. then you start dating some woman that's like

you know 10 years younger whatever eight years younger than you she's like 40 but like she has kids that are seven and eight and it was like well now you she's the mom so they live with her yeah so if you ever move in like now you've got a 10 year old and a 12 year old so you're kind of doing it again yeah true i guess that's when you just get really distant you come home you fuck the mom you have dinner with them and you you're like, all right, I'll see you at Christmas. Yeah, you don't let them call you by your first name. It's Mr.

Yeah. Kids call you old Mr. Yeah. I'm like, you want the stepkids to call you Mr. Long? Yeah. He's like, Dad. You're like, don't fucking call me Dad. It's Mr.

Yeah. You have a dad. He's dead. You're like Don't fucking call me dad It's mister You have a dad He's dead Yeah That's so funny Well so With the Chris Rock thing Yeah

It was like a couple Interesting things Like I mean first of all I was gonna say You saw him like Doing a lot of that material Right

I loved it live You'd see it at the cellar And he wasn't selling it so much Not at all The water bottle Look at this bottle of water. It was kind of making me laugh. I was like, alright, we got it, man.

I don't want to shit on another comic, but he's one of the greats, but seeing it live at the cellar, it was a little more toned down. It was just about the material, and I liked it more. Well, I think also with someone like Chris Rock, there's a bit of the Jerry Seinfeld thing where it's like when you're so iconic, your cadence becomes like a joke a little bit right

like you have such an iconic cadence i'm sure in 15 years you'll have a bit of that but you're so like joke oriented and so it's like when seinfeld says like what's the deal yeah like it just it feels like funny almost you know sure so when chris rock there's a few times where he was like he was like the girl like i don't know whatever he was saying like you know a so when chris rock there was a few times where he was like he was like the girl like i don't know whatever he was saying like you know a girl's pussy changes the world changes the world her world like the way he was saying i didn't like what he was calling him so funny he goes bitch he's saying it's so like he's like he's a bitch like he kept saying it and every time he kept calling him a bitch and it was like every time he kept being like, he's a bitch!

He kept calling him a bitch and it was like every time it was a little angrier. Yeah, that was rough. I'm shocked though that he flubbed that joke at the end. That was the worst. And he probably did that like 20 times leading up to it and didn't. I know. He probably did that perfectly so many times. That stressed me out to watch.

I honestly was watching and I go, wait, what just happened? Like for a second, I was like confused. The live thing is a horrible idea. I was thinking, I'm like, is he going to try to do it again?

Yeah, that's it. And he did. Yeah, he did, yeah. I know. Well, I guess I heard they're going to what? They're going to cut it up and- That's what I thought. I heard that too, yeah.

That's what I was kind of thinking. I was like, I bet this gets re-uploaded. But it's still up as this. But how great would it be to be Will Smith? Like, oh, you got me, except for for that flub You can just zing him If Will Smith came You had a year to prepare this whole amazing comeback

This KO and then you flubbed it Will Smith isn't that funny I don't think That's true No but I'm sure in that moment Chris Rock in his brain Was probably just like as he's telling the joke A win for Will And he even said I I fucked that up. I would have just fixed it.

I would have just reset it. I wouldn't have gone, I fucked that up. He said the movie name the wrong. He flipped them. Two movie names. Concussion and Ali. You're so right, though, because one of the things with the Chris Rock slap is that everyone was saying,

maybe he could have had a good comeback. Yes. It was that all over again. Yeah. With Will Smith in his head again. Oh, poor guy. Definitely poor guy. You couldn't have flubbed anything in the beginning.

I know, right? The main closer. The final blow. But there was kind of, like, you know, he was kind of talking about all the trans stuff or whatever, and it was like no one really cared, which to me it was, like, an interesting, like, okay, the people giving a shit, trying to get mad about that stuff to me is like somewhat over.

Other than like a tiny corner of the internet. I hope you're right. I know that's why I kind of want to see what you thought of that. Well, my thing is like I hate this argument like Leah Thomas, the swimmer person, you know? And everybody's like, oh, when do you care about women swimming? And I'm like, when this unprecedented thing that never happened before happened when it becomes the number one thing yeah you know it's like oh oh 9-11 when did you care about skyscrapers when a fucking plane flew into one you retard i hate that argument when do

you care about uh uh bicycling i'm like well lance armstrong's on drugs and he started fucking cheryl crowe and jizzed on her tits and gave her breast cancer. That's when I started caring about cycling. That is a good point. And I don't even care about it. I just care about this exact news story and this exact swimmer. When did you start caring about that? Also on top of that, when did you start caring about the one news story that everyone tells you you're not allowed to talk about even though you're a comedian?

And it's just such a common sense thing where we're basically being forced to say like, if you disagree that you're like, oh, there's no difference. Right. Come on. Well I'm not even mad about that shit. You can swim. I don't give a fuck who's swimming. Don't tell me not to talk about it. Yeah exactly. So the trans stuff I saw a bunch

of tweets like can one comic talk about not talk about trans geez we have to talk and it's like well why does it bother you that trans people exist so do toothbrushes and dogs and cars. We talk about that. They just are very popular right now. So why wouldn't we talk about it?

And it's like the linchpin issue of between the two arguments or whatever. Yeah, legitimately, it is like the number one thing that defines how you fucking interface with the world right now. Yes. Which is so crazy because only maybe like 10% of people actually believe that it's probably fine. Like there's only, honestly.

That's a whole other argument. Well, honestly, there's like 80% of people or whatever, there's some huge percentage who are like, just not commenting. Yes, yes.

Like you just will not get their commentary on it and then, but there's probably only really 10% of people who are like, yeah, that should be totally not an issue.

Sure, and I have two trans bits in my new hour and they're not knocking trans, they're not supporting, it's just a bit about trans. It's like a neutral bit. And then you see these tweets and you're like, can I not do a neutral bit about a thing that is a huge talking point?

I hate that argument. It's like when people go like, airplane humor, and you're like, well, I got molested on a plane, you know, so i can't do it i can't talk about it because this plane cliche thing it's technically a molestation joke yes would it happen on a delta flight god damn it i think people are just getting so comedy savvy yeah you know that they're actually learning what is the hack stuff, which what they think is hack is like hack to be called hack. We've gone like eight levels deep now.

But like, you know, you're so right. It's like there. It's a very like it's just saying like, oh, the way that this guy like dunks. That's not why it's like, yeah, except for that guy can do it. Like, right, right, right. Like Louie has a lot of brilliant airplane shit, like the whole thing about Wi-Fi on the plane and like how he's mad it didn't work. That's a brilliant joke.

But if he said, oh, it's an airplane joke, maybe I should pull it away. If anything, it's the opposite where you're just like, oh, like doing like a brilliant bit

on like one of the most shredded topics is like a double axel. Right. Sometimes. Yeah. It's really difficult. Exactly.

So true. Yeah, you're like, you have a portion of the audience that's comedy savvy is like, ugh, an airplane bit And then after those people were like Fuck, that was a good airplane bit It's like, yeah, you pulled off the same

It's the same thing as someone being like Oh really, you're going to talk about this And then you make them laugh about it I saw, you know Jeff Asmus? Yeah, I love Jeff Funny guy, funny guy He had this bit about participation trophies And I was like, I heard the set

I was like, here we go And he tricked you And he flipped it with a brilliant uh twist about black at like oh yeah well you had a true a real joke you'd have to play against black athletes yeah never heard that take great bit well done and also then you can use the like the fact that they have like there is a take that everyone's heard kids didn't get participation trophies everyone already has that in their head and you can use that energy to like sling back at them little jujitsu yeah they expect they're like expecting something too yeah so you're able to do the opposite of what's expected because everyone already has like a thing in their head that you think you're gonna and then you don't say it's a misdirect yeah completely yeah of course so like

yeah those cultural anything that like becomes hack also has an imprint in people's heads that you mess with. Yes, exactly. Louis is the best at that where he'll be like, I saw two kids on a, on a crying on an airplane. And, you know, he's like, ah, you know, they were crying because gays can get married now. You thought he was going to talk about the crying, how it's annoying, but he flipped it to that. And you're like, man, that's a great joke. Norm had a really, did you watch Norm's Zoom special? Yeah. Or whatever,

he had the one with the flight attendants where he's like, what do you call a male flight attendant? And you're like, remember? And you're all like,

what's the word for it? And you're all thinking like a slur or whatever. Oh, yeah. I can't remember exactly the joke, but it was like so, I was like, that's so funny.

What was the punchline? You don't remember? I don't remember. I think he's like, oh, they're called gay. Yeah, he's like, you were expecting like in your head like you were saying like queer or something crazy and he's

like no they're called stewardesses stewards yeah yeah he flipped it wait what did you and he's like what did you think i was gonna say yeah i like those yeah well you make them think the thing that you want them to think anyway which is pretty high level comedy because you have to know what they're gonna think and then figure that out and then change it enough to where it doesn't. And then that was over zoom. Yeah. I was like, just to his front facing camera. I know. That was sad.

I like bummed me out watching that because I'm, you know, such a huge fan. Where'd you watch it? I just watched it at home on, on Netflix. Yeah. They did some comics in New York,

did like a viewing, you know, TJ Miller. He did like a big viewing party and a bunch of people did it and it was like pretty cool. Oh really? Yeah. Cause you like watched it with people and people were laughing and stuff like that. And it killed.

I remember watching that too. I was like, I don't know if this is... Yeah. I just was the whole time, I'm like, I don't know. And then I watched it. I was like, that was surprisingly good. It was cool to watch with people. That's the crazy thing about comedy.

I always say comedy is like an orgy where everybody's got to be into it or it doesn't work because I've seen shit... Because you can say the same jokes the same cadence to two different rooms and they have totally different reactions and that's so strange about kind of so frustrating because like basketball you throw a ball and it goes in the hoop you get two points comedy you got a killer joke that works all the time can just not work one crowd yeah and it's so frustrating but i guess that's also what's kind of beautiful about it is it like it's a it's a moment it would be too mechanical

the same every time true and I guess people even know that too like as an audience they're like yeah anything could happen like yeah yeah I forgot my point well well do you think like when you for you like you've been at like the Comedy Cellar I feel like I always think that like there's these kind of pockets of people that invented a style of comedy and I put you and Joe and Sam. Oh, wow. A style of comedy.

I don't know about that. Yeah, like a little fucking genre. I would say like Shane and the Philly Boys are one. I feel like in Toronto we had our kind of little crew. But I don't know a style of comedy as much as like, you know, whatever.

It's like anything. If there was like punk bands and there was like a little scene that you guys... Oh, I see. A little scene. Yeah, but you guys definitely invented like a little, you know, kind it's like of anything if there was like punk bands and there was like a little scene that you guys a little scene yeah but you guys definitely invented like a little you know kind of whatever it is i'll take it i'll see it as like a very pure comedian comedian kind of i don't know i see you guys kind of represent that to me in new york oh yeah well we were sticklers about that shit but do you do you still think it's like cool when you like see chris rock

and stuff like that like working out that material? Is that completely nothing to you, or are you ever kind of like, oh, that's kind of cool? I'm a nerd. I love all that shit. I love all that. I had, not to name drop, I had breakfast with Seinfeld three days ago. Still super cool. I was shitting myself.

I got there like 20 minutes early. I got an outfit. I showered. I did like three push-ups. Did you switch the outfit? Yeah, yeah. And then we showed up. We were wearing the same exact thing. It was crazy.

That's not true, is it? Well, we had a gray sweater on and jeans. But I showed up to the place and I was like, hey, I'm here to see. And they go, oh, this is his table. And the whole thing was awesome. And then we talked about comedy and it's fun hearing his opinion. And he gets kind of labeled as this out-of-touch old guy who's clean and corny but like you talk to he's the coolest guy he's raw he's funny he's he could cut you down in two seconds he can cut you right to the bone he's like vicious really and

yet it's like this is this is the guy that no one knows so i still i see chris rock walk in i'm still like oh shit this is gonna be a cool night so i'm definitely a nerd especially there's been a few times like especially because comedy cell has got all the tunnels or whatever yeah there's been a few times that i kind of finished at the end of the night had like a few drinks or whatever and just be like let me just sit down like and sort of just like kick it for a while and actually watch people like a towel goes on or whatever and you're i was like you're like this is cool yeah this is why this is why you moved to new york yeah i remember what i did there used to be the show cabin it was like the hottest show in the city.

It's gone now. But Gaffigan walked in and went on after my friend, who no longer does it. And he goes, good set. And we were all like, ah! And we went to a diner and sat there for nine hours talking about how Gaffigan. Because we're from Louisiana. So moving up to the big city, poor, got mugged a bunch, lived in one studio together, and Gaffigan going, hey, good set.

And then watching him was like, this is insane. And I remember Sean Patton went up to him and goes, tell me dreams don't come true. And we're all jerking each other off. Yeah, I'm a real geek with that shit. I mean, comedy is the only thing you can do that to, where you can start kicking around in comedy. You go like, yeah, I was on the show with one of the most famous comedians in the world yeah and I'm three years and he just happened to

be on the same show like if you're a bar like a guitar bar guy you're not gonna go talk to Jagger no it's never gonna happen but yeah like you know you're not gonna be on a table where you're just like random at the end of the night you just happen to be at a table drinking with the like Anthony Kiedis like it's not yes exactly but we can we can talk to Chappelle he'll just sit there

and smoke with a like some guy who he doesn't know is an open micer and he's like oh where you going this weekend

and you guys can connect yeah yeah yeah cause you're just yeah it's like there's that it's still a job but that's what's cool about comedy

is less pretension you know we're all still you know idiots at the end of the day who like to fuck and drink and do drugs and say retard i know and there is that thing where i feel like one thing we talk about like a decent amount whereas like most guys and not all but like a lot of dudes one of the things is like once they're past like 30 you don't spend a lot of

time with like your friends or whatever that's true unless you like unless your job really entails it like i feel like you know like, unless your job really entails it. Like, I feel like, you know, like a firefighter is like a guy that you're around dudes all day. You know what I mean? Yeah. Whereas like for most dudes,

um, you probably aren't unless you like play sports where you're like, have a hockey team twice a week. So I think for a lot of comics too, for a lot of comics, like if I was, you know, like getting increasingly famous where you're like increasingly not around people, like the more you're on the road and the more you're selling out places, the less you're around people.

I think you actually like it's you miss like coming back. Oh, it's the best. Yeah. So you're like, oh, a little. I've been on both sides of that with people, you know, more popular and less popular where you're kind of like, oh, I wonder if I'm bugging this guy. And this guy's like, no, I'm like pumped to fucking just talk shit like a comic. Do something normal. Instead of talking to like, you know, fans or an agent right right yeah i open for

this guy i'm not gonna say who but uh i was like i'm gonna leave him alone i had my own dressing room it was at some it was like a random thing where he had the same agent this is years ago and they were like he needs a guy tomorrow to go to san francisco i was like i'm in he's got my own room and i was like i'm just gonna open for him and not bug him and he was like what are you doing he like came into my room and he's like what are you doing i was like oh i'm just working on my act and he goes come over here i'm dying oh yeah he's bored out of his mind i guess you don't know so you're like yeah yeah it was awesome yeah and you're in you know it is kind of like in comedy or whatever like everyone needs some version of that where you're just like you know talking shit with a bunch of dudes.

And the less you do that, I think the more out of touch you get. You see these guys who are celebrity level. They're hanging out with DiCaprio and Tom Hanks and shit. And then you see their act and you're like, this is not relatable at all. That's what it looks like when you're hanging out with Tom Hanks and Johnny Depp. No humility at all. It's a bummer.

You're talking about your private jet and shit. It's weird. Crazy story. Last one, and I'll leave you alone. What do you mean? Give them to us all. This is like eight years ago. I'm bombing in the Charlotte Comedy Zone in North Carolina.

There's like 28 people there. I'm eating shit, doing an hour. And one guy in the back is like, ah, just howling, laughing. I was like, well well that guy likes me fuck you guys whatever and i go back and it's brian regan come on and i was like what are you doing here and he's like i did the theater around the corner i'm bored so i want to see what's at the comedy we've never met we end up getting drunk all night oh really so it's super cool and also a little sad you're like dude you have a family and shit and you're like i'm gonna see who's at

the comedy club well his family's probably some other city. Yeah, exactly. And he just doesn't know who is there. That is cool, though. Yeah, that is a uniquely comedic thing. Like, I can't imagine some big musicians, like, just going to check out. No, I think once in a while there's, like, the Bill Murrays of the game. You know what I mean?

That, like, are notoriously wacky. Yes. But you can, like, yeah, like, if Dave Chappelle decides Dave Chappelle decides to drink for a while at the end of the night, it's not like, he doesn't get the reputation as this zany dude. Yeah, yeah. But like if Liam Gallagher wants to just like, you know, go out with a group of people from the show, it's like, ooh, Liam Gallagher's being zany. Yes, yes.

Well, they had, one of the things with the chris rock special was because um basically the articles that were coming out and this is why i was kind of saying that it reminded me that it was like people don't care about any of that shit it goes megan markel's pal caught laughing backstage at the chris rock show and legitimately because they did a whole bunch of stuff on yeah and they have video They posted it Of Meghan Markle's friend laughing That's awesome

And now she's like getting cancelled She's definitely getting cancelled by Meghan Markle That's for sure Wow She's getting it on the chin this month It's like South Park Now Chris Rock And all of us

Yeah And the worst thing too I don't know why she doesn't get it She doesn't have good advisors Because like There's this whole thing coming out About the South Park being like she's really mad about it. Yeah, I saw that. You're like, don't comment on it at all.

It makes it way worse to be like it got under your skin. That's the worst thing. I don't get why people like her. I don't think they do. I assume so. That guy's book, The Husband, it's like the record-breaking sales on that book. Oh, it actually did sell a lot. Oh, it sold like crazy.

Because in my mind, I was like, who wants to buy this garbage? I guess my mom. It sold well, yeah. I think it's like high school. It's royalty is like high school at the top level, you know? It's drama. There's so many old ladies. That is true, yeah.

There's so many old ladies who just love like the queen and all that shit. Yeah, yeah, the spectacle. And it's, love the queen and all that shit. Yeah, the spectacle. People love that shit. It's like, ooh, the wife hates the mom and the daughter is pissed. It's a real-life soap opera. Exactly. It's a fairy tale shit. You're right.

So we're watching this being like, that's crazy. But you're like, no, that book made a trillion dollars. Oh, yeah. So somebody's on board, obviously. You're right, because it might be theard stern thing where people hate read it but do they but also do they like is it that they like him like is it that they're more like royal family harry supporters and she's just kind of you know what it is it's probably like the football player and the prom queen and we're all like obsessed with them but we're all kind of rooting they fail you know like oh i hope he gets

aids and she gets fat you know but that's none of my business yeah yeah yeah you want to be all the gossip about it but pretend you're not happy exactly exactly you're like did you hear that everyone's uh everyone's mad at prince harry and he's calling him racist i mean i don't think that but if yeah you know that's the beat on the street right you're right that's what's cool about my wife is like she hates these two. And I was like, we should put this on because it was a Netflix thing. And she was like, I can't watch it. I just hate them.

And I'm like, that's what we're watching for. I know. But I was like, at least you have integrity where you're consistent. Like, I don't give a shit about them either. But I was also like, we should watch. That's a popcorn. So maybe I'm guilty too. Well, it is also, there's a part of being you know a

commentator where you want to sort of be tapped into the main event that's true that's true as a comic which is also nice to be honest even as a guy if you're like you're like hey there's something that everyone's going to be talking about yes yes i know you can be the hipster like i don't even pay attention you're just like we all know someone that's like that for everything right you see this i don't listen to sports you see this movie i hate movies you see this you're just like okay so you have an opinion on nothing what are you talking about man i know that's true that person is annoying the two hip that's yeah i mean for comedy for sure you just uh you at least have a idea yeah you can't be like i have no idea what you're talking about totally totally and i do a q a at

the end so they'll throw something out i I'm embarrassed if I don't know anything. I have to have a shake as a comic. Do you have a lot of things where you're like, I don't know? I will try to skirt it into something I do have. Kind of like when they go, hey, you got to do a show tonight and the theme is high school. And you're like, ah, shit, I got nothing on that. So I'll just

be like, oh, I dated a girl in high school, but my girlfriend now. So you twist it back. So that's my move with that, you can take another quick second here to tell the fellas about athletic greens you know this is what we tell you about at the boys cast we want you to have a vitamin routine we want you healthy we if you die you can't join the patreon no we want you in good healthy shape in tip-top shape we want you to have that every single morning. I use Athletic Greens, and we want you to be able to experience that. It's the first thing I take.

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Okay, I want to show you. Where are you getting this fun? You got good news stuff, like the woman laughing at Megan Moore. What was that on? Well, we do a lot of research here at the Boyscast. We have a whole research department. That's a big part of what we do.

We go through Reddits and wild stories of women and stuff like that. We sort of do a half version of it with a guest here. Oh, nice. But I think you're going to think this one's funny. So this is actually a girl that was on No Jumper. You know Adam 22? The big dong?

The tattoos? The big tattoo guy, yeah, yeah. Friend of the pod. He came on our podcast. So there's this girl. This is her talking about how she met Drake. Oh, wow. Listen to this.

The Drake thing. You met him. When did you first meet him so so i played basketball right so he really was a fan of one of or not a fan supported one of my teammates um at the time and this is when you're in high school yeah in high school so he was a fan of women's basketball high school basketball i was her teammate so he followed me because of her and i was like oh shit bitch you got drake to follow me like what the hell like that's so crazy drake literally needs to now just to cover his tracks on this get a wnba team in toronto like that's the only way out of this he goes he, he's like, no, I really love women's basketball.

I'm telling you. Yeah. I love them so much. I'll be at every game courtside for like five years until this. But Drake has done it because we were talking about the age difference. Drake's done a pretty good job because it's like, this is like the 10th time where Drake's been like accused of being way too friendly with a 15 year old.

Oh, really? That guy must have the most. The girl from Stranger a 15 year old oh really that guy must have the most the girl from Stranger Things oh that guy he must have the most bulletproof NDA that's what I'm saying like bulletproof

well he's obviously prepared because he has hot sauce in his fucking room yeah he has hot sauce but not only that I've never heard of somebody being his girlfriend like you hear Leo

like every week someone goes this is Leo's new girlfriend you're like you do not hear that I guess Rihanna there was a thing for a second wasn't it I remember Serena Williams there was a thing for a second, wasn't it?

I remember Serena Williams for like a minute. What? Yeah, where he was maybe smashing Serena Williams. White husband. Yeah, the Reddit guy. Yeah, he's less of a tennis and more of a high school girls basketball. That is the worst. That's the alibi that's like maybe the worst alibi.

Like your girl's like, what's this? You're talking to the girl. Baby, you know I love High school girls basketball I mean he is a crazy basketball Like he has his He's scouting Yeah And then it's

High school girls Basketball Not one person in history Is a fan of No one's a fan of the WNBA Let alone high school level Like he Yeah cause that's the thing too

Is unless there's He's playing with fire One of the kids is like, you know, his friend's daughter. Yeah, or cousin or nephew. Something, because there is a thing in, I can't remember, like LeBron James' son. Drake does go to those high school games. But he's like, I'm friends with LeBron James. Yeah.

And so, like, that's why I'm at this high school boys basketball game. Right, right, right, right. You're like, what's your excuse? Is boys weirder or less weird? Less weird. Less weird. And in these ones... Well, it's at least culpable deniability.

But not... If you're like, I'm into basketball, I'm into college basketball, I'll even go to watch high school. Yeah, that's true. But these high school boys games are like, all these guys are going to be in the NBA. Right.

And LeBron James is there. And it's like a sold out arena. It's a big deal. It's a big arena, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, this is not bad. Well, yeah, there was one more basketball related thing because there was funny things.

So the Raptors put out this. Girls run the world because they're the only one that can procreate. They birth everybody. All women are great because they're all queens. Does that seem problematic to you well i could you could definitely take it as like somebody will spin that but a lot of people also why do they have to make this for women's history currently women's history month it's actually international women's day today this is fun because it's fun when you see like super you know trans activist people yell at black people

there's that moment of like hey well they're black how do i how do i play this it's a lot more tap dancing over laser beams you know it is always that was the one thing that always that when you love when there's a good fight between a bunch of groups that you're not one of them. That's why I love South Side of Chicago. Hey, boys, keep up the good work as you're driving by. But my, I was at a, this is years ago, I was at a comedy or like an open mic kind of alt show, we'll say it was at a bar and it was in DC. And there's this one woman there,

a female comedian who was like holding court and being like, there's too many men on this show and there's none of woman there, a female comedian who was like holding court and being like, there's too many men on this show and there's none of this, none of that and yelling at every guy and she yelled at one of my friends and he's a just big black guy

and he was like, bitch, don't whitesplain me and she was like, you got it, whatever you say, I'm so sorry and she completely crumbled and I was like,

oh, I wish I had a hammer like that where I could just go, hey, how about this? Black guys. I feel like that was the end. That was a where I could just go, hey, how about this? Black guys. I feel like that was the end. That was a part of the end of it was white girls started yelling at black guys. That was the end where I was like,

oh, this thing's done. Right, right. But they're not done with it. It's getting increasingly more laughable now. I mean, the Toronto Raptors literally issued an apology. That's, but you know, but this is even funny. So you'd think you'd watch that

and kind of be like, well, they're saying that all women are is like they birth sick. Right, right. No, what they were mad about was the other one that you'd think, which is no, men can get pregnant too. Yes, that's what I was thinking. Or you would think that one first. Yeah, yeah.

I was kind of thinking the other way where they would say like, oh, as if like only, well, that's all we are. Right, right. Oh, no, no, no. That crossed my mind as well no i thought it was yeah though but the pokrini is amazing you make people it's fucking amazing they're just mad that they said women make people well it's funny to me that's an even better one because they're the woman being like you're the woman having the other argument where you're like

that's all we are to you uh someone they just and then the other person's like no we don't even think you're that right we don't think you're not even that yeah that's true that we think you're worthless yeah there was a lady right when covid started there was a lady in my neighborhood would go around and go you're not wearing a mask and she was like this crazy outdoors yeah outdoors and then i'd watch black guys walk by and she'd go and I was like oh that's hilarious and I got a real kick out of that I love that

dude I always do like it when there's just like another fucking just a banger like it's one of those things where it's not like

you're not going to it'd be insane to be mad but it's funny like recently they did Barbie has a new one where they did a scoliosis Barbie oh no way.

And you're just like, you're not mad about it. You're like, this is the funniest thing in the world. That is so niche. Keep going. Make like an obese Barbie,

a blind Barbie. Yeah, that's exactly. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. It has a back brace. It has a back brace. It has a back brace. I saw the picture.

Oh, that I gotta show you. But they gotta go make a racist Barbie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a transphobic Barbie. That's the two-bar one. Oh two bar one okay okay but they exist too tell me that it's like my favorite thing c-section barbie uh and they're gonna sell 10 of them alopecia barbie also if you have like a back brace you probably like don't think it's sick that you have a back brace that's what i'm saying. What happened to like aspiration?

Like what happened to things being aspirational where you see like, you know, some like whatever and you'd be like, I want to be like, that's what I aspire to eventually from where I currently am, which is not that. Of course. Well,

that's out. That's hard. You know what kind of was making me laugh from a aspiration thing? Like, you know, like all representation is kind of like kids want to be able to watch someone and see them? Whereas white people is the opposite. You know when white people watched black guys, they weren't like, oh, it's all black guys rapping.

I can't be a rapper. Every white guy was like, I can be black. Yes, yes, exactly. I want to be a rapper. I want to be an as well player. Every white guy watched all the black guys and was like, maybe I can be black. It's easy to buy Jordans. Oh, wait.

I had one more thing about the Raptors thing. Oh, yeah. Damn it. Oh, I lost it. Oh, dude. Black guy. Women are pregnant. Oh, shit.

Procreate. Women are pregnant. All women are is a womb, and they're not even that. Oh, I got it back. All right. Nice. When Kimmel was fun, they did a man show sketch where they had all these PETA ladies, and they throw a paint on people with fur, and they did one at the player's ball, and nobody

would throw it, because these are like gangster guys who would just shoot if you throw paint on they'll shoot your fucking head off you know and they wouldn't throw it on them because they were like hey you got oh hey all right good luck boys uh you know but it was a brilliant of course yeah i guess just self-preservation yeah we throw paint on this one we can't throw paint on anybody ever again. I've been sort of saying that on stage too. Hey, do you guys think we should treat people of different races the same or different? And everyone will kind of be like, oh, the same

obviously. I mean, if you're out of your fucking mind. Right. I'm a similar bit. I would never go, if my white friend is acting nutty, I'll go, dude, you're an animal. But I would never say it to my black friend. Of course there's differences. I fuck a white chick, I'm pulling her hair. I fuck a black chick and I'm like slapping her ass

more. You know, you up that part. Black guy could be your twin brother. I'm not telling you you look like him. It doesn't matter. I can't take the stakes are too high. That's another one. And to me, that's actually being considerate. That's beyond nice. It's like the better way to be. Not taking that chance. No, thank you. Yes.

Obviously the N-word, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah thank you. Yes. Obviously the N-word, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I call my white friends the N-word all the time. Exactly. Whereas my black friends. Or savage. I wait for them to leave. Yeah, you're a fucking savage.

Yeah, you. Oh, you're crazy, man. That's the better way. That's the more, you know, politically correct way to be. Ah, shit. It's nice to not hang out with those people. Sure. You know what they have?

So this is like right now in Brazil, you know how people always get kidnapped and robbed or whatever? And I know you were saying you got robbed. You got robbed all by dudes, right? Yes. Well, inzil right now 90 percent of robberies and kidnappings are done through tinder yeah it's still dudes doing the robbing though no i know yeah but like isn't that crazy like kid robberies are a big one yo there's a

that's a new you get robbed by like a gang of kids oh that's like a big one i've been to brazil that's embarrassing too yeah it's legitimately like a big thing there where you'll just be, cause they have like these favelas things where they're like the slums and they're so bad that the police won't even go in them. Cause they're just like, you just stay away and they'll like come out and just like a group of like six year olds will just slowly surround. Six.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Come on. No, no, no. Legitimately or like eight or whatever little kids.

And, but a lot of them and they will surround you and then like what are you gonna beat the shit out of 20 kids oh that's the reason so you don't beat them up and but eventually like they kind of overwhelm these and stuff no i don't think they have no they don't have weapons and they'll just uh yeah there was i met a guy when i was in rio and he's like this irish guy and he went to the store to go buy like a couple like six packs of beer and then they robbed him or whatever kids yeah like he's like literally got robbed by kids and i can't remember exactly what happened but then he went back to go get more money and then he brought 10 of his own kids no

no he went to go buy and then they robbed him again and then he's like i got robbed again and this time he's like they took all his shoes and stuff oh first of all this is bittersweet for a pedophile you know he's like hey these 20 kids are all over me but you know then he's like rob me harder and secondly nick cannon is like oh yeah and then he gets all of his kids to come out there was just a big kid melee yeah there's uh maybe like there's that'd be the worst like from high to low too because I'm sure a lot of these dudes

they probably make it look like they're getting just the hottest chick you know what I mean like way out of your league like yeah I mean that's but that is the like I do not feel bad for them

there's a 55 year old man it's happening a lot matches with a model on tinder a 22 year old model wearing like skimpy clothes and then he's like yeah I, I guess I still got it.

Yeah. And then he goes and meets her somewhere private and gets robbed by some guys. And you're like, I don't know. I don't know. You just think they're too stupid. I'm like, what are you doing? What makes you think that you're getting these kinds of women? Right, right.

Well, guys are so- Oh, that's what I'm saying. So egotistical. They were like, oh, I still got it. Yeah, but I feel like you can tell the difference. She's in lingerie in her first Tinder profile. Yeah, that's true. And then she's matching with you.

We've all had that moment on Facebook where you're like, this girl wants to follow me? Wait, she's in Russia? Wait, this is airbrushed? Wait, but there's a split second where you go, hey. Her first name is 12 consonants in a row. Oh, with a line in it? Facebook was the ground zero for that. Oh, yeah.

And the best was when you'd see one that was obvious, and then you see, like, Mark Norman follows her. Like, you can tell it got one of your friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a... I'll follow anybody. That was on Manti IT out. Have you seen that?

Yeah, that was a... Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah. We used to have a fake profile that we would add a lot of our friends back into, like, college days. Oh, really? Hot girl? Yeah, that's fun.

Julie Shuler. That's a good realistic name, too. Isn't that a good fake name? Yeah, that's good. I actually had a buddy that was kidnapped in Mexico, and they brought him out to a thing and drained his bank accounts. And then sort of let him go, and it was just this big story, but it really does happen.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It just happened two days ago. There was these four people who got kidnapped, and two of them were murdered in Mexico. I saw that. Yeah.

But I guess the moral is don't be on Tinder outside of... Yeah, well, did I ever tell you when I went to Dominion? I've told you that story. I feel like meeting prostitutes, I'd feel...

If I was going to go overseas and try to meet a prostitute, that's where I'd be more like, 10% chance I'm getting murdered. Totally. At the very least getting murdered at the very least this is a risk that you're taking but um I went to Dominican Republic my friend's bachelor party I think I've told you this before and uh these two guys was like 10 of us and so we're at the resort and they tell you like don't leave the resort right they're like don't because it's like dangerous outside of the resort and then these two guys at like you know 11 p.m they're like we're going to meet some girls at a different

resort that has like a club so they go to the resort it's like whatever fine 2 a.m uh rolls around it closes they get in a taxi to come back to the resort that we're all staying at and as they're driving the taxi driver just stops like you know side of the road pitch black and he's like give me all your stuff so then the both of them like kind of have a struggle with them they run in opposite directions and then they both hid in like the jungle basically until the sun came up and then so we see them like they show up at like you know 10 in the morning and they're all just like banged up and stuff and they're like yeah we had to sleep in the ditch all night. Damn. Yeah, to escape.

That's horrible. Was that Mexico? This is Dominican. Oh, Dominican Republic. Yeah, my buddy in Mexico, we all went to some border town. We were like 19. And my 6'9 friend, not going to say his name. 6'9 friend?

He likes 6'9 the rapper? He remember the fall to the table? But we were at a bar, and this big, hot prostitute was like, we're going upstairs. I'll charge you half. You're a big, hot, strapping 19-year-old. I can't resist. And he was like, okay. And he went upstairs, and we watched them go up together,

and we're like, man, she's got some thighs. Man, she's got a back on her, like big, wide back. And we're like, could it be? And all the waiters are laughing. And I was like, uh-oh. And then he came down, and we're all kind of like, what the fuck? How did he go?

She let me fuck her in the ass. She charged me double. We all died laughing. Cause we're like, you fucked a dude. She let you. Yeah. And then it was like a nine hour drive back.

He didn't say a word. He got married like a month later. Cause he was like, I'm not gay. I'm getting married. I married a woman. Do you think he would take the Hulk Hogan with the vagina over that? Probably now because he's already been there. He's scarred by it a little.

See, back then you were gay automatically. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was like 2003 or something. Now you just got to find a nice Ian Fidance to fucking wet that one. Yeah, and you got to own it. Yeah, you got to own it. If you try to hide it, you're fucked. There was a, this is kind of like a funny story,

but like this has sort of been popping up on on tiktok it's been like becoming a big thing but new york times ran a thing basically being would you date a podcast bro and there's a lot of propaganda trashing podcasters right now especially like white male like you know what i mean sure sure the whole thing is basically like heaven forbid this guy ever like i mean I wouldn't date a woman with a podcast. Oh, interesting. Well, there you go. Well, I do get that.

Yeah. So they basically said, this girl did this whole article where she was going on a date with a guy, and then she came to the realization she had a podcast, and then eventually he listened to the podcast. She goes, my biggest mistake in life so far

was dating a man with a podcast. Oh, wow. That's a little overdramatic. I got bad news. Every guy has one now. Yeah. Every single... Obama has a podcast, you know?

Exactly. Good luck. Podcast bro in chief. That's a very good point. I'm sure, and to go back to your original point, too, it's like I'm sure she wouldn't say that to Obama's face. Aha, yes. And podcasts are so big now, and it's just so blown out of proportion.

I used to go look at apartments and they'd be like, this could be a nursery, this could be a weight room, and now it's like, this is your podcast room. That's like a thing now in real estate. This is a podcast room. Podcast nook? Because everyone has it. And people make money off it and they do it from home.

Well, yeah, there is a big sort of – there's also like that old school thing where it's just like we don't want – well want uh well i'll tell you first of all if you did it the other way around too on top of that like i do get that if i had i would i don't love the idea of dating a girl who's documenting all their lives but there is a big difference and this is like every girl podcast is about the intricacies of their life like you have a podcast you tell stories about your life or whatever but like you're not really like the nitty-gritty of like no. Like, you have a podcast, you tell stories about your life or whatever, but like, you're not really like the nitty gritty of like... No. That's more of like a girl podcast thing than a guy podcast.

Oh, those get real nitty gritty and no one goes after them. No, but like, I do get I wouldn't want to date a girl. It's like every time we have sex, she's like, I liked this, I didn't like that. Like, to the fucking detail. Of course. And especially if people, they're like, the audience knows that that's you that they're talking about too. Right, right. What they really don't like is that I think

that their sort of thing is that there's a chance that he doesn't have the right opinions. I think it's coming from that perspective. It's a New York Times article. I know a lot of girls who are like, I'm open-minded, I'm queer, I like this, I like men, women, but they all end up just dating white guys. Just a lot of white guys over and over. And I'm like, which one is it queer, I like this, I like men, women, but they all end up just dating white guys,

just a lot of white guys over and over. And I'm like, which one is it? But I think you just kind of have to say that. I think too, though, if you are one of those girls that's like super like, you know, classic Brooklyn, like I'm into all that stuff. It's like, yeah, black guys like hate that shit. So it's like they'll bang you.

But it's like, yeah, there's obviously like a small percentage of black guys that are like, you know, college kid, like, you know, whatever. It's the same as a white guy at that point. Right, right, yeah, there's obviously like a small percentage of black guys that are like, you know, college kid, like, you know, whatever. It's the same as a white guy at that point. Right. Yeah, yeah. But like, I don't think that there's this huge market of like hood dudes that also like want to hear about intersectionality. Being your polycule.

I'm good. All right. Well, yeah, look at the Raptors, you know. They don't know what the fuck they're saying. Well, that's what happens the funniest thing is those three guys in that video when they canceled it they were probably like just absolutely dumbfounded they're like what did we i love you yeah they're probably like watching it over and over again being like i have no idea that would be a funny recap video like a reaction video of them watching it like i still don't see yeah i go what is the problem we're not that

online i don't know right i don't get the issue i here. Yeah, I go, what is the problem here? We're not that online. I don't know. I don't get the issue. I play the NBA. That guy's like, I go to clubs and have sex with models. What's the issue here? Yeah, exactly. Again, they just didn't say anything really bad. They just offended this tiny, tiny subsection of people who then blew the whole thing up.

Well, it's like Chappelle's thing where he's just like, his whole trans, everybody gets mad about the trans stuff, and he's like, I'm black. That's why it bothers me. Stop saying how hard they have it. And maybe they do, but don't complain to me. I'm black. There is a big fight, I feel like, in the hip-hop community about, you know who Blueface is and Crescian Rock?

No. There's these two people, and it's like, honestly, it feels like, to me, I wish I, it's one of those things like I feel like I shouldn't know so much about them. I barely know anything

about them. Well, I just keep seeing them go viral. Yeah. Is this a rapper? Two rappers, but they've like,

the girl's always fighting the guy and then the guy's like punched her and threw her around on a couple occasions and you're just like, and then they're basically

like just kind of back at it. Same with like Chris Rock's like, you know, he's basically, you know, just back to normal, business as usual, kind of, for the huh same with like chris rocks like you know he's basically you know just back to normal business as usual kind of for the most part to a female audience where it's like

i feel like the hip-hop community really has like a big clash of like the people being like hey we need to cancel people to like this guy's like famous rapper that like beats his girlfriend pretty regularly and then she beats him and there's like and people just look at it as like which to be honest there is something to be said about like a couple that just like fights a lot there is there's a point where you're like hey this guy beats his wife and then there's a point where it crosses over to you you're like that couple gets in fist fights that's what they do that's their thing but sam j told me this once and and i know this is kind of heavy but she said black people snitch less on black people because like of slave history.

Like if you snitch, they would just kill the slave. Right. You know, so like there's a lot less me tooing and shit like that with the black community because like it just goes back to this generational thing of like. Family business. Yeah, you don't snitch on each other because the master will come down hard on you. Interesting. I mean, if you are a black dude, it is really good that they convinced all the black girls

that that's how they do it in the Blacks movie. That too. That's pretty good. If only white guys convinced white girls. If we could convince white girls, like, listen, if you care about black people, you wouldn't snitch on this white dude. We'd have to stick together.

That's a huge move to convince them. Yeah. Okay, we're we're gonna just a few uh like one of the things that was like that's interesting that we always want to ask people that i feel like i don't know about you but like so you i know you grew up in new orleans right yep and you were like a skateboarder dude oh yeah big that was my whole life that was and you've you i feel like i had that too with like skateboarding band stuff where it's like, and then you switched to all how everything in your life was that and then you moved it into comedy. Yeah, exactly.

Because I was, you know, I broke both ankles like seven times. I broke my wrist. It's a young guy game too. It's totally a young guy game. And then there's that point too where you're like 34 and you're kind of like stretching before and you're like maybe i should wear knee pads and you gotta just give it up and then if you fuck up you're like and then i'm bedridden for two yeah that too and then like i did tony hawk's podcast

and i got there and he's skating on a vert ramp and uh he got off and he was like clicking like he was like an old printer he's like oh you actually could yeah he was making all these noises because he's 50 whatever and he's six five and he's all banged up he's like i broke my knee a week ago so i'm trying to get back into it and blah blah blah i'm like you're 52 or whatever that's crazy start golfing yeah so yeah there's just a point where you gotta or i felt like i had to stop and then it becomes like kind of dorky like you're the old guy with the board 100 with the banana board. Yeah, whereas comedy, you can look at Don Rickles was like 90, still doing it.

That's one of the big things I thought about comedy versus a lot of the things I was doing was that I liked that it was sort of not a young guy's thing. Yes, yes. That's the problem with the industry. They're like, we need a young, hip, cool, trans comic. And you're like, they haven't lived. It's not a young guy's game. Yeah, like you got to get good.

It takes 10 years. So if they're 22, they didn't start at 12. So like you get the old dude or the old lady. That's funny. Yeah, like YouTubing, TikToking, that's a young person's game. But this one isn't really. The same way it's like politics isn't really like a young person's game. Right, right.

Yeah, you got to live it up a little bit. Or like being a CEO. Yes, yes, exactly. Should be. Yeah. And it should only be for women. Yeah, it should be. There you go.

So when you grew up, was your squad of friends all skateboarder dudes? All skateboarders. We'd skate from like 9 a.m. to 9 at night. Then you get 40s. And then it was this all, we'd watch skate videos all night. Kids. You know, punk rock. And then go back out.

Do you still hang out with all those dudes from New Orleans? Or what percent of those guys? No, two of them have died. One was a heroin addict. One died in a drunk driving. That was sort of my next question. Like, that's crazy dudes, right? All crazy guys.

Like a lot of lighting themselves on fire. A lot of like, you know. Jackass. Yeah, I was was gonna say jackass Very jackass-y, one of them has a family now one is in rehab, I mean they're all banged up, they're like line cooks and mechanics and shit now

So, yeah What did they die from? One was heroin, and one was drunk driving Anyone in jail? Do you have any friends in jail? They've been in and out, but not currently What did they get into? Was it drug related or getting into petty crime like in the skateboarding movie Lord's Dogtown? One guy stole a car and he got busted.

He was like this car whiz. He could just build cars. And he did the whole hot wire thing and he stole a car. And then one guy was a drug thing. That's wild. Yeah, one's still living at home with the mom and dad who I knew. So it's pretty rough.

But great times growing up. What's the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the wildest story with the skateboard squad getting in trouble? These guys... I think there was a lot of

bad family life, bad home life. So when we were young before drugs, they would do thrill shit. We had this one guy, Adam, where he would be like, his favorite pastime, New Orleans is always hot,

so during the summer, we'd go pool hopping, where you'd go on the top of an apartment building or a hotel and jump into the pool. It would be like 12 stories. Pool hopping was great. It was insane, and I was terrified the whole time I would do it. I didn't know pool hopping involved being on the roof. I knew pool hopping. I thought you'd pop

the fence. Yeah, I didn't know that part of it. No, that wasn't fun enough. That wasn't enough of a rush. Also, we lived in suburbs. People didn't really have apartments. Oh, yeah. We'd go to hotels and jump off the roof. And I was so scared. I would never tell him. I was so scared. And we'd drink before. I mean, the whole thing was insane.

And we're just lucky You know it's a point where some guy would jump and he's like you ever seen those videos Oh, I can't watch that shit those videos are probably my least favorite videos to watch is the guy with the arm out Yeah, like oh just the armor just the leg or something like that. You're like The only one I want to see is like the one where they're cliff jumping and then they kind of just like Bail earlier trip and then they just bump it a bit, but then they don't die. Yeah. You see it just at the beginning, and then they're gone.

That's okay. No follow-up. Yeah, a lot of bungee jumping, a lot of that shit. They got into that stuff, base jumping and stuff. That's the next thrill up, right? But the problem is that's not cheap. You got to buy equipment and everything. The pool lobby was free.

So it was a lot of shit like that. Being a thrill seeker is not cheap. You got to buy equipment and everything. The pool lobby was free. So it was a lot of shit like that. Then you'd like- Being a thrill seeker is not cheap. Not at that level with a GoPro and a helicopter or a parasail thing. But you know, they'd get a taser. Like I stole a taser from a cop car and then we'd spend the night tasing each other.

It was that kind of horse shit. Yeah, yeah. That's what, like I feel like it is half and half of like the troublemaker squad. Like half of the troublemakers I went, like know's what, like, I feel like it is half and half of, like, the troublemaker squad. Like, half of the troublemakers I went, like, know growing up were, like, became just 100% like, drug addict dudes. Yeah. And half of the people.

I have multiple troublemaker friends who are cops now. Oh, that's another one. Dude, I have a guy who I used to buy weed from who is a cop. That doesn't surprise me. The buying weed from doesn't surprise me as much. But he was a total troublemaker. Like, he was one of those dudes in high school. That's common. That's very common. Where you were like, yeah, this guy's going to be, like, homeless under a cop. That doesn't surprise me. The guy we eat from doesn't surprise me as much. But he was a total troublemaker. He was one of those dudes in high school

where you were like, yeah, this guy's going to be homeless under a bridge and now he's just a fucking cop. Well, you need that kind of wild side to be a cop because you have to walk up to cars,

they could have a gun, somebody takes a swing at you, someone else has a rifle. You need a little of that. Yeah, but it's like most of those guys did, I think, end up just kind of living under a bridge

but there's a couple of them who somehow just totally turned it around. of the burlington guys yeah but i'm saying for the most part but there's like two guys legitimately just like cops so two cops yeah that that's not it doesn't surprise me at all yeah i don't think i know that did i don't know at the time i go he's a i hadn't seen him in like 10 years and i was like he's a cop now oh yeah but i think it was a moderate nepotism thing because a lot of like firefighters and cops so because like here in new york like i think you just sign up yeah you just like walk in and they just go okay you're right you're a cop now we just need bodies but like it's hard there like i had so

many friends who wanted to be cops you fail all that you would like you know do bad on one test or you miss or whatever one interview and you're just like out of the system i think young men have this like fire in them and they're just we're just like cum and and jizz and anger and ego and all that and so like that's why i think back in the day they just put young boys in the military like just go shoot this out of you do crawl under a string jump a wall you know shave your head go shoot somebody overseas like that find out that life's that you can be dead at any moment. So you add some gravity to your system. Exactly.

And now we just push those kids out in the world, and they're like, you know, and then they shoot up a school or whatever. Sure. Yeah, basically all young people need to join the military. Sierra Leone does it right. There you go. Yeah, Jerusalem too. Israel does the mandatory military. Jerusalem, too. Israel does the mandatory military.

And then one last question from our Patreon. People said when you put Joe Rogan in a chokehold, how thick was that neck and was it scary? His neck is... He's got a huge dong, too, and they're the same width. That's the beat? Yeah. And it says on it, right on his dick. But no, that was fun. But he went to pee. And then so you have that me and the boys moment.

Like, what if we just beat up Joe Rogan? What if we take over? I'll get him in the chokehold. And then Shane's like, I'll kick him in the nuts. And Ari's like, I'll punch him. And then I got him in the chokehold. And they just sat there, which was pretty funny. But he's such a good fighter that he was like, here's what would happen if you guys all attacked me. And he played it out and he was dead on yeah he was completely right he knew

exactly how we would do it and uh he's a he's a tough guy and he's just he's like a rock he's like a low center of gravity too yeah short guy he's just stocky and thick fuck no those those protector parks are so cool dude it's like that's fun yeah you guys like i mean when i'm it was interesting because i like when we moved here i felt like you. It's like, yeah, you guys like, I mean, when I'm, it was interesting because I've, like, when we moved here, I felt like, you know, you were like one of the, you know, guys that was kind of popping off and it was like, that I feel like everyone would have bet on being like, oh yeah, Mark will be like, you know what I mean? Oh, thanks. Like, there's probably like six or seven.

And it all, that's what, to me, that's what's like cool about comedy was when I moved here, if you were to say the seven guys that were kind of like crushing in New York and everyone kind of knew it, like you, it's like every single one of those people is like more popular. Oh, yeah, that's fun. That's nice. Isn't that cool? Like it's true. Obviously, there's some people that you wouldn't have picked.

But like all of the, there's no one that you would be like that guy's, and then like, oh, remember that guy? Yeah. I see it now, too. I see young guy, I'm like, he's going to be big. He's going to be big. It's cool. It's just, it's almost not as much of a funny. It's like, oh, he's got the drive.

Yeah. I was doing 18 million sets a night, and everybody made fun of me, too. Like, do you really need to do that? Oh, you fucking nerd. You workaholic. Come have a drink. And I was like, I will. I'll black out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll throw the stuff. But let me just get this going. That's like the best part of New York City is you can just do a million sets. Yeah, and comedy is so hard imagine trying to play the piano 15 minutes at a time I'll fuck around here and there yeah so like you have to

Louie once said it's like ice skating you gotta get up at 5 you gotta go to the rink every day or else they'll just pass you and I feel like comedy is the same way it's so hard to is your biggest struggle right now trying to manage all the other stuff while still doing it what's the hardest thing right now trying to manage all the other stuff while still doing it? Or what do you find is the hardest thing right now that you're trying to fix or whatever?

I do The Road every weekend. I like The Road. Every weekend? Every weekend. I like it. And I kind of spaz out if I'm not doing stuff. But I have a podcast where I drink. And that's hard.

Because we drink. We'll do like two in a day. So you drink whiskey on one. So you always have to do that. Yeah. Then we'll drink vodka on the next one. We might be drunk for the podcast. And now I'm drunk at six, and I have four shows at nine, ten, eleven, and twelve.

And you're like, oh God, I've got to get my head in the game. What was my new idea I thought out? And then you're up there kind of room spinning. You're like, hold on, I got this. And then people are like, man, he sucks now. I'm like, oh, I drank. I'm smashed. I talked to Bill Burr today, and I got hammered. so it's like a structural issue yeah that part's hard so why don't you i

mean what is the solution what are you gonna do well you could do a fake do it later you could do it later obviously could do a later one yeah yeah uh do it 12 and then sometimes we'll just do like four in a day and get plastered take off the night and then have a couple weeks that's probably the best move is four in a day get absolutely just shit faced and then that's the one night yeah so the podcasts are a real channel i used to have all day to like write yeah and now it's like podcast podcast podcast fuck yeah which is great too because you sell tickets you make money and you get to talk shit and it's fun but it but it is time-consuming. 100%, dude. That is the, and just, like,

and it's also, like, when everyone's, you know, I'm sure that you're dealing with, like, so many people and stuff like that. You're like, how do I make sure that I block off two hours of writing? Yeah, exactly, exactly. That, to me, is, like, gets increasingly harder. And writing is real easy to put off. You know, you're like, oh, I couldn't get to it today.

I'll do it tomorrow, and then that fucking, that just snowballs snowballs so what's your solution what do you have any what's your what are your tips for that i i think and this sounds bad but i think you gotta try to go to bed early and wake up early or do it early in the morning or late at night yeah yeah knock it out in the morning but then my lady works from home so she's like i have a i have a lunch today with my boss and i was like great all right while you're at lunch because i have to talk out loud and say it yeah and if you don't write it doesn't it doesn't it's not as good of an act i i hate to say it if you don't write what are we doing like if you dude even if i don't write for a week and then i go out and do spots and i'm like what am i doing yes yeah you're just saying the same shit that already works

i know and then you're like i'll write on stage And then you try it for like 10 seconds and you're bombing horribly. And you're like, okay, let me go back to the other thing. And some people can do it because they're insanely selfish and indulgent. And they're like, what else is going on? I'll just go bomb so bad. Yeah. And you're like, well, these people paid, you know, and you're at a comedy club and you're just like, hmm, this is an idea I had kicking around that went nowhere.

What else? Yeah. What else is my biggest pet peeve? What else is going on? What else is the worst? Or then they're just like, what do you do? And you're like, what are you doing? I'm not against crowd work, but like.

Well, just stay home at that point. Exactly. Exactly. What are we doing here? Well, they're probably looking for someone to say something racist to them. And then they get a clip. Big clip. Well, sure.

Yeah. All right. Hell yeah, dude. And we might be drunk Tuesdays with stories. And where are you this weekend? Big clip, yeah. Well, sure. Yeah, fine. All right. Hell yeah, dude. And we might be drunk Tuesdays with stories. Where are you this weekend? This week I'm in Rochester. We just added a show.

When's this come out? Friday. Oh, great. So that'll be too late. We added a Thursday. But hopefully that sells out. But yeah, marknormancomedy.com. I'm all over the road.

And praise Allah. And then I will be this weekend I'm gonna be in Calgary which is like actually fucking almost sold out you were just there actually I'm the guy who filmed you is he's gonna host oh he's good he's cool good guy Alex Byron's gonna be there so Calgary next weekend and then after that There's some other dates. We're in Long County. And then also, yeah, Boston, Las Vegas, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Tampa, New York. And as always, patreon.com slash the boys cast extra episode every week. You already know what it is. All right.

Thank you, everyone. Peace.