The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Nerd Infestation

Episode Date: August 21, 2020

more episodes at patreon.com/theboyscast  @ryanlongcomedy  This Episode I talk about The State of the Internet, What's going on with comedy wars, Working Backwards From Conclusions, and Vices: How autistic people and torrettes people have sex Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead But we gonna live forever, but we gonna live forever And you can tell our friends Welcome to the Boyscast with Ryan Long, first podcast exclusively for the boys Just wanna say thank you to everyone for sharing the videos and stuff like that The boys have been poppin' off, puttin' up numbers on the board I find one of the funniest things that's been happenin' is the boys have been popping off, putting up numbers on the board. I find one of the funniest things that's been happening is over the last, whatever,

couple of months or whatever, the amount of people that have been kind of messaging me or commenting, doing all these things and the general and people in the industry that have been calling me, a lot of people, their comment is like, it's crazy. Like I watch your special and you're just like doing comedy, like your videos. Like that's my gimmick that I'm telling jokes. They go, yeah, it's crazy. Like, I watch your special and you're just like doing comedy, like your videos. Like, that's my gimmick that I'm telling jokes. They go, yeah, it's weird. Like, it's kind of like what comedy was, you know, five years ago or whatever. You know, you're not like afraid to make fun of things. Like, yeah, guilty.

My gimmick is that my comedy special had jokes instead of a lecture. I just love how that's a genre of comedy now. He's like, oh my, you got to check out this guy. It's like, what is he, what's his deal? He tells jokes. He's making videos and they're just funny. Like he's, what about all this stuff you're not supposed to say? You're like, he says it.

That's kind of the gist of a lot of the things that people have been reaching out to me for. And the truth is, in the last little while, I think a lot of people that I think have stood out, one of the things they've done is just like been honest just saying even even if it wasn't true it's just like what they think or how they see it I mean I remember and by no means am I comparing myself to a guy like this in any sort of shape or form but even if you look at some of the people like Jordan Peterson um that you know he had this like meteoric rise, become the most famous guy in the history of the universe and whatever. And then you,

and then you go, this guy's crazy. It's like, you're not supposed to say this stuff. And then you listen and he's like, you know, I just think that there's a difference between guys and girls. And everyone's like,

what? You can't say that. I bet you there was so many people that just heard he's the worst. And then they listen and they're like, well, he's pretty normal stuff. You know, pretty normal opinions. So I had a guy from one of the biggest agencies kind of reach out recently,

which I thought was the first one. Because I've been having all these people kind of reach out and you talk to them. And a lot of times the people in the industry, I think I mentioned this last week, but a lot of people in the industry seem to not get how the whole thing is. They don't care.

They just see, I don't know. Yeah, like people are getting canceled, whatever. They don't give a shit. Right. But I think one of the first times I talked to someone that was pretty important and he reached out and he was kind of really, you know, sick of all the stuff. And he's like, you know, I think that this is what comedy needs right now and blah, blah. And you're like, yeah, yeah, that's what everyone that isn't part of your thing, like that thing has been saying forever. You know, there's people that have these huge followings.

They're just making good stuff. There's, you know, commentators that have these huge followings. They're just kind of not saying what either CNN or Fox is saying. They're just saying what they're actually seeing. not saying what either CNN or Fox is saying. They're just saying what they're actually seeing. And so I think they're saying like, oh, I think people are starting to see, oh, that's why there's this huge audience of people listening to these guys. Cause they're just like actually not paying attention to what the, what the rules are. They're just making what they see is funny. What they and their friends see is funny. And that's why, you know, I have so many,

there's so many people right now that they joke around with their friends one way and you're with your friends and you're making jokes the way you always have been and then you turn on the tv you turn listen to the radio and you go what like are me and my are me and my friends comedic geniuses are we that much miles ahead and and so i released this video this week and the gist of it was there's like a left wing guy and a right wing guy. And all the people are kind of like, yeah, I think I'm on the left. And the left wing guy is like, no, you're not. You don't fit our criteria or whatever. And, you know, tons of people liked it or whatever. But I thought the funniest part was some people would say, oh, you went so easy. You went easier on the left than the right. And that's what they

were kind of saying. And you go, if if you watch a video like that, the three people, the gist of it was there was three people that were like, yeah, we're on the left. We're just normal people. Like, you know, or at least we think we are. And they're like, no, you're not, you're over there. And so if you watch that video and you go, oh, the left guy was crazy. And you're like, well, what about the other three guys that said they were on the left that are just your average normal guy in this context? They're like, well, what about the other three guys that said they were on the left that are just your average normal guy in this context? They're like, yeah, I just want to play basketball. And they see that and they go, why are you making the left look crazy? And you go, well, I think that depends on how you see yourself.

Because I think most normal people saw that and they go, oh, yeah, I identify with those like three guys that, you know, I was like, I don't know. I guess I'm on the left. I'm down with healthcare or whatever. And then they get kicked, everyone's pushing them over there and they're like, what's going on here? It felt like I'm getting bullied around or whatever. And then, so if you watch that video and you're like, I'm that guy that says a lot more about you than it does about the video. Does it not? I think is 90% of people that, uh, probably were reasonable people that consider themselves to

have left-wing views or whatever, some of these, some of those. And you saw that and you identified with the crazy left-wing guy and that's what you took offense with. Well, I think that says a lot more about you, pal. Now, the gist is, I think sometimes I do blow that you know everyone has a tendency to blow things a little out of proportion and think that their time's the most but I've had even people on this podcast that are older and you go have you ever seen you know talking about people in my family have you ever seen it like this and they go no no this is as crazy as it's ever been and but I want to do say that the comedy war has been going on forever especially in art there's always been this war of you know the club comics versus the alt comics and then there's been

if you look at like Andrew Dice Clay kind of people look back and guys like him and Sam Kinison and everyone eventually just gets into this legacy position where everyone likes them again like Howard Stern at the time everyone was like this, this guy is the worst. He has, he always said that, you know, people like him watch 20 minutes a day and people that hate him watch 45 minutes a day. You know, famously he said that. And there's this version of what's going on right now. That's, that's obviously crazier than that. But when you look back, you have to, you, I think it is important to note that it kind of, this has always taken place. It's just been amplified. And now it's kind of the woke comics versus the people that think they're a bit edgy or whatever it is. Right. And comedy has always had a nerd infestation, a nerd infestation.

And that's just what it is. I mean, the people at the top at the, you know, people that work at these, at the, at the companies, like if if you take a talk comedy central and those people it's always been people that were kind of into improv and there's this comedy's always been somewhat of a sanctuary for nerds and i don't even if you might be into nerd stuff and that's not good or bad but people that maybe weren't you know cool or popular they kind of saw this thing and they found their like niche in it and they kind of see it as the fighting back against what they see as like jocks and this and that so whenever they see anyone that's sort of like that they they kind of get really up in arms you know and then they throw

throw it all kind of names like before they're oh this guy's the worst and he's sexist and he's gross and whatever but really what's happening is the different things form their sex and it happens in music too. And it happens in film. So people form their different like cliques of what they have. And then they hate the other thing and they think it's a war like the Montagues and the Capulets. But the problem is they're seeing it. They don't really know how to combat it because when the nerds become the puritanical side, that's when you get essentially the sassy nerds. Everyone knows the guy in high school that he was like the nerd, but he also wants to kind of bully everyone around. He's like, you know, oh, this guy doesn't even know this.

This guy doesn't even know this. And you're like, yo, you're a nerd, dude. I don't want to get bullied around by you. So I think then when he gets to that category And on top of that they say oh these guys are like the jocks Or whatever and you go yeah but I'm not though And a lot of these people aren't If anything a lot of these people were kind of

Would be neither of those If you take the nerds and the jocks in a traditional high school A lot of these people would have been What were the artists Or the troublemakers Getting expelled and stuff like that A lot of these people were the kids causing trouble they weren't really on either of those sides and the truth is a lot of people that they're saying trying to paint in like a certain sort of jock situation and this may you know probably takes place in a workplace and that

you go yeah but that guy's actually nice to everyone and that guy's kind of a kind person and so you were, you're putting your like our venomous energy on him. And you're like, ah, he wants to throw me in a locker. And you're like, he doesn't even think about you. That's, that's the reality of the situation. So, so then they sort of take the, you know, they try to pick new words to make it. And that's one of the things they do with, they go, this guy is conservative. And you go, you look around and you go a bunch of like New York comedians that are troublemakers. And then these bloggers make this big list and they go, this guy is conservative. And they go, what are you even talking about? And eventually some people have

sort of subscribed to this. Dude, I have friends right now that have, that essentially are that, or even people I know or people in the industry that they're kind of saying like yeah I'm like a conservative or whatever you know like they kind of like became a Trump guy or whatever and you go you didn't have a political identity for 30 years for like if you asked you four years ago you go who are you voting for like I'm voting what are you talking about and now they're essentially like wearing a shirt they've got it in their handle and it's the same thing, but that's what happens when you've, you know, when people form teams, then they get all in on the fucking team. And social media is obviously

the thing that's made that worse. And I think that some people that have come on this podcast have talked about that, but of all the platforms, definitely Twitter's the worst. And I was actually having someone describe this to me and they were kind of like you know I think one of the things that people realize is you go people are just mean on Twitter like and people have no I'm this um my chick once she's like talking about how she's posted stuff and she has like friends of her and she's like mad left or whatever and she's friends of her they would repost her like retweet her things and then go i can't believe someone would say this and you go you're my friend like in what world i understand if this is like a private chat group and you have some sort of ways but to say that like in in someone that you're kind of friends with to retweet them and publicly try to shame them and start a

fight it's like it's it's this other world that they think they're living in. I guess maybe they feel like they're in the way that you're playing laser tag and you go, no, no, no. Anything goes when we're in here, this is paintball. We're my friend, but you're getting fragged motherfucker. And that's what it feels like. And speaking of chat groups, this is just a side thing. I've been, uh, the new Photoshop I have been having a blast with. I've been the new Photoshop. I have been having a blast with. So so there's this there's this there's this show. And basically the branding is gay as fuck. Right. So they made the flyer and it's the guy. It's as gay as fuck.

It has the picture of the guy. And it's funny because I guess some people are just bisexual. And there's a lot of people that they essentially have, you know, girls that are like, oh, yeah, I'm non-binary. And you're like, what does that mean? You're like, I kissed a chick once, you know. I'm just in the scene. Can I be on the shows now? Kind of like me when I moved to Canada and there's all these, like, immigrant shows. And I was like, where do I sign?

When I was one of the first shows I did here, I was an immigrant show. And I was like, this rules. I can do all these now. Because so they have this show and they're branding it. It's gay as fuck, right? So I've been taking all of these flyers and Photoshopping all of my friends into them. these now because uh so they have this show and they're branding it it's gay as fuck right so i've been taking all of these flyers and photoshopping all of my friends into them and i photoshop my point of tish and i go uh i go yo i can't believe this is the flyer for this and he goes what the

fuck he goes tell me that he flips right because he actually thought he's on this other show and then he posted he found the he goes dude i almost was about to peak right there. And the real flyer, uh, it says, it says super funny. And then I, uh, Photoshopped that to say super gay. And I go, this is the one I saw. So we've been having fun with that. And then one of the other guys in the chat group, he's, uh, there's another guy that he said he's had sex with trans girls before. And we keep saying that, oh my God, like I've saw his new chick.

Like she's so hot, dude. And then I'm picking like the fattest dude comics and Photoshopping wigs on them. So you can have a lot of fun with Photoshop if you don't care about getting anything done that day. But that's where I've been at with that. And so when I say Twitter, it's like you have these people that are kind of like professional reply guys and that's their whole life. I mean, we all know these people, but it's your whole life is like reading other people's tweets. You know, Trump says something, you reply. You're like, I don't know about that. Actually, wrong. I says the racist. That's what a racist person would says.

And vice versa. But that's their whole life is being on Twitter. You know, you're a professional reply guy. And then kind of like in I don't know if you guys have seen, because I finished SVU. So now I'm on to Criminal Minds. And in Criminal Minds, the whole gist is they're like professional noticers, which I've been loving. So the gist is, what happens is they have this skill where the guy will come in and they go, oh, try to psychoanalyze me. He goes, you're wearing socks that are blue. You like to match your outfits. That's because you have insecurity with your with your level of wealth you have a watch that is fake that's because in high school something happened to you and then on top of that you've been checking

your phone every 20 minutes my guess would be you've lost all your money gambling and you take big bets that's why you take big bets on this case and the guy goes oh my god the girl goes you you're cheating on you. You've been flirting with me all day, but you actually love your wife. And if you let, and they nail it, right. They're just professional noticers. I always think that's really funny, but these guys are professional reply guys. That's their whole, their whole life. And I think Facebook is pretty venomous. You see people fight and face, but it's not as bad as Twitter. And it's more of, um, more boomer takes. That's why I that's why I see I see a lot of

bad takes on Facebook and you know what's an example of that is you know when it's kind of I find on Facebook the argument at least on Twitter a lot of times people try to be funny or whatever and

someone will argue and then the other argument will be like I mean yeah you're a loser but whatever and not on facebook it's kind of like who's more of a victim competition so you know with the george floyd thing everyone's posting about george floyd and then you see everyone that's against that they essentially post like what about this white kid that died he died no one says about that and the obviously criticism is that there's kind of like the right-wing news networks and people make that criticism about me but it's not really accurate and I'll tell you why but the on the you know the Fox News side they kind of go you know you never hear a peep about this in the

mainstream media and you're like kind of sinking I mean you're talking about it and you're a pretty big thing so and then they go well now and they both both sides do that they go, well, now, and they both, both sides do that. They go, why is no one talking about this? And I'm like, that's kind of all I've seen today. No one, oh, not a peep that this person was murdered in cold blood. And I'm like, that's my entire timeline. So I'm not really sure where you're expecting these peeps to be, but I'm seeing them. You know, are you, are you walking into the donut shop and you're like, everyone was talking and not one conversation about this dead kid. And when I, you dropped on conversations at

the donut shop all day long, but with me, a lot of times with comedy, they go, you're saying that, uh, these people, you know, you're saying that these, uh, institutions don't want to, you know, uh, mess with comedy like you and people like that. And I kind of fight that fight or whatever. And then people go, Oh, this guy with this big following is saying that he's being silenced or whatever. And you go, yeah, but this isn't the institutions. There's a difference between like someone having a podcast and there's a difference between like someone that's objectively doing the best in a system and then it's suppressing you. I mean, those are clearly two different things. But I will say when you're on, when you're the biggest newscaster in the world on a mainstream network for making $20 million a year, it is a little bit different.

And there's all in-betweens of those. So maybe I'm a tiny bit guilty of that. But that's what Facebook is. People having a victim off of who's the bigger victim. One of the things that's really funny about comedy in the last little bit, and when I, going back to what I said, where my, my gist is when they go, this guy's gig, his gimmick is that I'm just telling jokes. If you look at, you know, a friend of mine was telling me this, they were saying there was all the wet ass pussy thing. I don't know if you guys saw that.

It was a big deal. And Ben Shapiro kind of talked about it and he got made fun of. And then Russell Brand talked about it and they made fun of and whatever. Who cares, right? You know, he says his opinion and everyone goes, ah, and whatever you think of Russell Brand one way or the other. I think the interesting part that someone pointed out to me is they go, the weird part about the world right now is I watched political commentators like Ben Shapiro and whether you think of him or not, whatever you think of him,

he was trying to be funny. So you watch this guy, and he's doing his political commentator, and he's trying to make jokes, and then you watch Russell Brand, and he's trying to be really serious. So you essentially have comedians being somber, like, well, the intellectuals.

And I know Russell Brand is, a lot of these British comedians, it's very important for them to think of as intellectuals. A lot of them, Russell Brand went is a lot of these British comedians it's very important for them to be to think of as intellectuals like a lot of them you know Russell Brand went back to school and he's kind of like telling you what you learned in class today but there's a lot of there's a lot of comedians that do this and you watch comedy and it's giving you you know trying to make a point and trying to tell you that you know trying to make a lecture and tell you what's what's up and then you watch these political commentator guys and a lot of them are trying to kind of be funny. So I think that says a lot about this state of the world right now. And if I, dude, if I went to a show, you know, people always talk about,

you know, this opinions and what, what you're trying to get people to think. And this is the ideology you're pushing. I go, if I left a show and everyone came up to me and they go, dude, you're so smart. I would die. Like if that's the, if I did a comedy show for an hour and people came up to me and go, yo, you are a brilliant dude. That's so smart. You made the smartest point. It was very intellectual. I love you changed my opinion.

I'd go, okay, get to the point where, where I was funny. Like I could care less. I only thing I want people to leave saying is like, that was hilarious. I laughed a lot. Yeah. That's the only thing I care about. So it makes me, it's an interesting state where your comedians are trying to be smart and your, your smart people are trying to be funny. And that's, it seems like

where we're at right now. And the reason, and the problem is whenever you start caring too much about any of that stuff, you start making bad things. And this, whenever I'm talking about guys with, you know, uh, picking, you know, trying to get chicks, or if you're talking about like trying to get a job or whatever, a lot of the people's advice is kind of like, you have to pretend you don't care, but that's not true because you have to actually not care. And they're two very different things because you won't be able to let it go if you actually care. So a lot of times, you know, you're in a job interview, you're trying to meet someone, you're trying to make a deal. And I believe James Aldrich said this, but if you can't walk away, you're just negotiating your terms of slavery.

And that's what a lot of this stuff is. When people need you to think a certain way, all they're doing, and when so you need people to think a certain way out of the gate, and you manufacture it backwards, it doesn't work very good. And that's what you're seeing a lot of. And in articles and everything in science right now, they decide what they want to tell you and whatever that is, they decide what they want you to tell you. And then they work backwards instead of doing research and then letting that take them to

a conclusion that they want to get to. Here's a perfect example. So the star, which is the Toronto star is the big paper in Canada. And some, you know, a lot of Canada people follow me. So some people send me stuff like this, but basically they would be equivalent of like the New York Times. And they do this huge article. And the gist of it was that cops are racist. Now that may be true. But let's say we're starting there and we're going to work on the thing. And then they show the stats and it basically says that white men are five times less likely to be killed

by police than black guys. And then it says that Asians and Indian dudes are twice as less likely to be killed than white people. And their conclusion from this is what they wanted to say in the first place, that the cops are racist. And you go, well, that may be true. This doesn't prove it.

And you go, because, well, then are the cops more racist against white people than Indians and Asian people? And then they don't even address that. So they don't even include that in their thing. And even if they did, they'd be like, all right, we got to, we got to figure this out. Right. Um, maybe the cops are, don't arrest Asian people because they're more likely to do karate and cops are prone to be afraid of karate chops.

Is that possible? So they end up in this situation. And the truth is this, the prob, probably the reason why, if you want to get real about why white people are more, uh, get in trouble more than Asians and Indian people with the cops is because a lot of those people are second generation immigrants and it takes about few generations to be trash. So if you go to places, which would be the equivalent of like New Jersey and Canada, or, you know, these like hell holes with a bunch of frigging low life, you know, crackhead white trash types. They didn't,

they weren't like their grandmother didn't like move here for a better life. So white people have been here for more generations. So they have, they've had longer to become dirt trash. Whereas with Indians, Asian people, a lot of their parents or grandparents, whatever that moved here probably moved here for a better life and they wanted them to study hard and they were taught a certain way where they don't, and they probably don't have as many like single parents and stuff. and that's probably what it is and and there's probably some of that with both and maybe and maybe there is some racism in there

it's very possible but unfortunately this didn't prove it and you go well you're gonna keep trying experiments till we prove it and that's kind of where we're at with all these things the the one of the same publications was big on saying that when when we when white people um are being like vegetarians or whatever right that's because they're a you know it's they're like privileged because you know the natives they're like no we eat meat that's what we do we can't and you go this is so racist for you to try to say that eating meat is bad when it's part of our culture you're white and you're imposing your white racist values of of what they should do with animals even if you know it's all it's always this like you know racism is bad uh and then you go what if asians are racist you go that's their culture because white people are

so like um white people are so up their own ass that they're the only ones that could do it. You know what I mean? And then they go, we can't talk about other cultures. So when they go, oh, vegetarian is bad, and they go, well, we eat meat. That's part of our culture. And they go, I am so fucking sorry, dude. I want to, do you have a gun?

Do you have a gun? I'm going to shoot myself. Really? I apologize on behalf of me. I apologize on behalf of my family. And then the same article did the, did an article recently where basically they were saying that white people were appropriating vegetarianism from other cultures. And you're like, okay, so if, so you're stealing it from other cultures when you do it. And then also you're bad for doing

it because other cultures don't do it. And you go, it's like, it's just so obvious. You're like, how can we make this racist? And you go, I found five, I found 10 things actually. I found 10 ways to make it racist. And you go, do you want to just pick one? And you're like, let's do all of them or we'll roll them out. And hopefully, hopefully people forget about the last one because they don't really work that great in unison. get about the last one because they don't really work that great in unison. That's why with all this stuff and Corona has made it so much worse. Like I said, I felt like this stuff was, you know, dying down a little bit in the clubs. I think with my normal friends, I feel like, I don't know if you guys have seen this, some of your family members,

some of your friends that were like all in on this nonsense, we're starting to come around. They were starting to be like, yeah, I got a little out of hand there. And then Corona bubbled this the hell back up. That's why I was good to be out doing shows with normal people. So I went, I went, did a show in New Jersey. A bunch of the fucking boys came out. A couple, couple of dudes, there were a couple of Indian dudes came out and they're like, yo, we're deletes. Because they said they love that article because I was making fun of the cast discrimination last episode. And I sold out the show in New Jersey. It was my first show that I've done in like four months and we sold it out.

And it was honestly, even just being on the road, being around normal people and people that weren't my friends, just around a bunch of normal people. It was honestly, this cooped up stuff is no good. You got to get out there. You got to live your life. I was having fun. I was remembering my own, my old jokes where I was in the car with Danny Polishak and just having fun. You may, I don't know if you guys know the song G unit, many men, many, many, many, many men. How good, it's just a fun thing to say that your friend has sex with many men. Many, many, many, many men. Oh, that guy got laid tonight.

By who? Many men. Many, many, many, many men. Having a lot of fun with that. At one point in the car ride, we're having a fun time. And then Montel Jordan, this is how we do it, came on the radio. And Danny goes, honestly, they don't make songs like this. This is when they used to make songs. And we're both like, excuse me?

My top five, obviously, you know, for me, it's like the Rolling Stones, Jordan, obviously. Oh, are you talking about Michael Jordan? No, Montel. That's when they made music. Not that the song's bad, but that's your reference point for making music. This is how we do it. They don't make them like they used to, huh?

I was getting in arguments with all my friends. I got a young friend who's always talking about pleasuring. He's always going, every time I have sex with my girl, I put in this half-hour performance. I give her an orgasm every single time. I go, that sounds like hell on earth. half hour performance. I give her an orgasm every single time. I go, that sounds like hell on earth. If the girl can't finish like in the 10 minutes, you know, I got to put in this 50 hour performance. You're down there. No, thank you. Once a week. This is my advice to anyone that's under 25 that has this mentality of like, I got to put in the performance. No, you got to put in one

banger of a performance every three or four times and the rest of them should be average performances. If you're laying down pipe every time, I think that you're going to get tired of living that life. It's not a life for a man to live where every time, I'm having sex with my girlfriend. I need to get my hard hat and my lunch pail out. It's not fun. You put down one banger every now and then and then

you move on also the indian dude said that i could come by and do their uh they've got like a uh one of them runs uh a place where you could do the tanks where you go in the liquid or whatever and i was like that's fun and then they were saying danny was looking he goes oh it's um has a one of those ones where you do the freeze thing and you go in and it's freezing. I go, that sounds like hell on earth. That's when I stopped getting, I stopped listening to like Tim Ferriss and Tony Robbins and those guys. Cause they started just making the ridiculous things. If first of all, their morning routines would be a lot of these self-help guys, a lot of their, I don't know if self-help lifestyle design, whatever it is like good, they give good advice, you know, on things. And a lot of their, uh, tips at first would be like, you know, this, you should have like a certain percentage of your stock portfolio

like this, or they, or their tips would be like, you know, I recommend, um, you know, dedicating two hours a day to writing before you check your phone, like practical things that you go, okay, these are good. And then by, you know, year, like Tony Robbins, by the end, you'd be listening to me be like, what you want to do is you wake up and then you sit in an ice bath for nine minutes and then you go, yeah, I'm not going to do that. Yeah. You go, I'm out. I'm not sitting in an ice bath for any minutes. And he goes, it's ice bath for 10 minutes. Then you go a sauna and then you journal for 95 hours before you start your day. And you're like, yeah, you can suck my dick if you think I'm going to do any of that. So I think a lot of this boils down to

people not being around normal people and having no idea how it is. You know, it's kind of like the same way. It's like my gimmick is just, I'm just this crazy normal guy that's telling jokes the same way that your friends do. My comedy stick. And you go, yeah, I'm like just a frigging normal guy. My friend group was super funny and I'd make stuff with sensibilities like that. I'm not trying to like pwn libs. My friends just aren't nerds and I'm not riddled with insecurities like a lot of people that are funny. And when you're not around and when you're not around and when you're on the internet 24 seven, you get to these insane places. So I think that one of the things that I think everyone's

wrong about, and this, I think that people are going to disagree with me because I've heard very few people agree with me that have platforms or are in the industry or wrapped up in this stuff on any side, is that I've talked to normal people, like, you know, someone's parents, just like a guy who's like 60 that works in the industry, doesn't care that much about the Kamala Harris and Joe Biden thing. And on the internet, you know, you see the left wing people be like, how could you pick Kamala Harris? We need a, you know, communist and this and that. And on the right, they go, it's backfiring. Even the left doesn't like her. And then I'm telling you, I talked to a few like normal older people and they go, yeah, Kamala seems like reasonable. She's kind of seems like she's tough on crime and it's actually um seems like a reasonable pair and you go oh normal

people see joe biden and kamala harris and they go yeah that's fine so that's i think and i could be wrong i think like your normal 50 year old sees those two is like yeah that's pretty reasonable and your normal 20 year old on no matter what is like, you know, she's whatever this and that. And I don't give two shits about her one way or the other, you know, but I'm just saying what I'm observing other people think I'm seeing the loud internet people being like, what a mistake. Everyone hates this. And then I'm seeing some of the older people be like, yeah, that's fine. I'm down. Let's do it. Biden. I'm a Biden head. You know, because they're like, oh, that's better than Trump or whatever.

That's what I think a lot of people are thinking. And you can tell me I'm wrong, but I guess we'll see too, right? So someone sent me their job training video because they started a new job. And, you know, I'm always kind of talking about how normal people are so sick of all this stuff. But the funniest part was, so there's, if you start a normal job right now, it starts out and this is, it wasn't like some crazy social justice company. It was just a company. And basically what happened was they had to do a seminar and out of the gate, everyone had to say their pronouns. Like I'm so, and so he, him, I'm so, and so she, her. And there wasn't a single trans person. It wasn't a single

non-binary person. It's just set like just a bunch of dudes letting everyone know like, hi, I'm Ryan. Um, if you didn't know, I'm a guy. Everyone's like, yeah, I guess so. Um, and then on top of that, they made them watch five job training videos. Right. And most of them were explaining what like trans people are. So it goes, Hey, I'm a guy. Uh, I was born a man. I'm a, I'm cisgender, which means I was born a boy and I still identify as that. And then the other person goes, I'm a girl. And they go, which means pink balloons. And then, but now I don't identify. So I would be trans. And then there's two checks. They go, I'm non-binary. That means that I don't have a gender. And then the other person is like, my gender could change from day to day. And then there's two chicks that go, I'm non-binary. That means that I don't have a gender. And then the other person's like, my gender could change from day to day.

And then she goes, no, let's talk sexuality. And it goes through all the things. And you go, why do I need to know this to be a computer programmer exactly? And they're literally giving propaganda sex ed for someone I would love as a prank show. A bunch of roofers. You know, they start their roofing job and you make them watch these videos. Yeah. All right, guys, put the hammers down.

We're going to learn what trans people are. And you go, now, if you're sucking someone's dick, that doesn't necessarily mean you're gay because that could be a woman's dick. All right, boys, you ready to roof some roofs? So it's just so funny how permeated this is in everything. And in the video, at the end of it, it starts talking about what sexual harassment is. And it goes, trans people are sexually harassed. And again, zero trans people at the company.

With the roofing company, you have five guys and you're sort of like, you know, trans people are harassed a lot. And you keep like just kind of like winking like it's someone like just saying like we got to. So they go trans people are harassed 80 percent more than other people or whatever. And then they explain that harassment doesn't need to actually be harassment. The person just needs to feel like they are harassed. So you could say you know i felt like i was being treated differently because i was trans that counts as harassment and then these numbers get out there and then they start they end up on cnn with people saying 80 of people

are harassed and you go i what are we talking about you're making up numbers so this stuff and then on top of that uh another part that was ridiculous is they go in, in the article, they said, or not in the video, they said, now a lot of guys say that they're afraid to work with women right now for fear of sexual harassment complaints. And you go, yeah, that's obviously the case. I mean, people work in, uh, you know, as a logical way and they're motivated by motives. So if you go, hey, if you watch five of your friends get sexual harassment complaints and you're like, I don't think they did it, obviously you're going to be a little weary to work with women or whatever. Of course. So then they go, well, instead of worrying about you're wrong, they go, if you're worrying about

getting sexual harassment complaints, you need to stop thinking like that. What you need to think is where it's to worry about not sexual harassing. And you go, okay, obviously I know that's what you would say, but people aren't worried about sexual harassment accusations. They are worried about false sexual harassment accusations. So I don't know how that would stop them and you it's just such a um not understanding of the position if the guy's like i don't want to like surround myself with that chick because she's kind of like keeps accusing people of harassment and then you go well why don't you not harass you go you know i'm not worried about controlling myself i wasn't like oh i don't want to work with her because I'm going to be like,

I got to grab that butt. I just can't help myself from honking titties. That's not what they're saying. They're saying they're worried about false ones, obviously, but they just can't possibly see the other side of it and it's just like such blinders on. You know, the same thing with the Silicon Valley thing where people say to me and real normal people have come up to me and they go,

you know, cancel culture is not real. And you go, I know. And, and they, and this is people in good faith, honest to God, just like a chick. And she'll be like, I don't know if I, is it, is it, is that, that's not a real thing, right? Like, I mean, we hear about it a lot, but is it actually happening? And you go, I understand if one, if you're a woman, you probably haven't seen it as much. But I'm like, I know 20 people that that's happened to. And this isn't just in entertainment. I know people that's happened to in normal jobs. I know people that have lost their jobs for things they've tweeted.

I know someone that have lost jobs before they started for things that they wrote on the internet. And so, of course, it's real. And a lot of times people will say, oh, cancel culture is not real. As they're trying to cancel people, they'll be like posting something, like literally trying to get someone fired while they're like saying, oh, this thing's, look at these guys crying. It's not real.

So like my friend, he worked in Silicon Valley. Super funny dude. He's a comic, actually. And he was even telling me, and I think I might have mentioned this story somewhere else, but he was talking about the idea that in Silicon Valley, he has his boss, and the Slack channels and the whole organization all became social justice. And they go, what are you going to do about this scenario? What are we posting about Black Lives Matter?

And he's like, honestly, I think we should just stay out of this. And all the 20-year-olds started like bullying their boss around right he's like some 65 year old 75 year old guy or 65 70 year old guy and he's just trying to he's like you know like oh my god like can we just can i not i i don't i don't want our company to be an activist and then they have five clients and the people started saying we don't like what this client posts on social media we should get rid of them and then he was like okay you know we'll think about it and then eventually after, my buddy goes,

after a month of this, he goes, all right, everyone just needs to get back to work. Enough of this. If you don't like this job, you can get another job. But like you have a job to do and we're not spending all our time activists.

No, I'm not going to fire our biggest client because you don't like they tweeted. You know, we're a publicly traded company. We have stockholders. People own this company. We're not going to take a 20% loss in income because you don't like what they tweeted if you don't want to work your fun apparently the guy just snapped and he said a big thing and i was like that's so funny the guy just snapped and they just it's everywhere like i just saw they go they released

the other day they go nasa is getting rid of the term Siamese twins and they're getting rid of the terms. Okay. So going forward and there's some stars that they think they're named, uh, they're named, you know, in a way that will hurt people's feelings. And they go going forward. NASA said that they will be working with diversity, inclusion, equity experts to provide advice and guidance for designated nicknames. The nicknames of the solar system.

What a job. That's my job is I get hired to a company. I want to be the diversity inclusion nickname guy for like a group of friends. This is Tom. His friends call him the Pussy Crusher. The Pussy Crusher? Your new nickname will be Equity Freddy.

And that's a job. And all of it boils down to you give them an inch, they take a mile. You give them an inch, they want the full nine inches of the boys' dongs. They need the dongs. An inch isn't enough when you're talking about boys' dongs. And if you didn't want to rub it in your face, I think everyone would be fine with you guys are over there, do your thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, there's seven blah, There's something about 80 genders, whatever it is.

But the problem is they rub it in everyone's face. And this is so this is a vice article. And basically, the idea is I have Tourette's and he's on the autism spectrum. Here's how we have sex. And this is a vice article. And first of all, I don't need to know this. But if I do need to know this, you can't tell me not to find it funny. I mean, come on.

You go, this is what they say to start. We take showers together. We touch. We kiss. We sleep together. We hold each other. We meow like cats. Okay. So now you're forcing me to picture a guy with Tourette's like fuck you and then someone that's autistic so you know they're

they're counting cards while he's making noises they're meowing like cats and I have to sit here being like yeah I mean that's that's what it Yes, thank you for telling me. I was actually just wondering. Me and my friends were just having a conversation about how was someone with autism and Tourette's have sex and what would they meow? I mean, thank you for clearing that up. So it's fine. But the problem is you want everyone to read this

and be like, yeah, that is reasonable. It's like you're showing us these articles and you're like, hey, here's this mentally retarded guy and here's a video of how he masturbates and it's beautiful, right? And you got to watch a guy be like, duh. And then you got to be like, honestly, I was just brave. If anything, I can't believe I haven't seen this sooner. I'm like, why am I seeing this? Guy with no arms and legs doing karate.

How inspirational. And you go, I'm only human. There's only so much of this you can show me before I'm like... This guy... Here's this guy that's face was singed off in a fire. And here's a YouTube video of him blowing kisses. He has a channel where he blows kisses at people and his face was singed off in a fire. And you go, I am sorry. I can't not laugh

at this. And you can't expect people to, I got to look at this and find this normal. Come on. You're normal. If you want to normalize weird shit, but who needs to know this? Why is this an article? And the people that are watching this, don't pretend you're watching this in good faith with, yeah, obviously. Mm. Yes. Oh yes. Very progressive. No, you're watching this. You're like, let's see what these freaks are up to. And that's what they're doing. They're watching it the same way people looked at the fucking 800 pound man shows on, you know, TLC. This is fat fuck that can't even leave his house because he's too big. That's what you're doing. So there's no way that people are watching this without completely lying to themselves, making up a fake personality where you watch an article about a guy

rolling around with no arms and it's, um, yes, that is what the, that's the progress society needs to make. All right. This is what they say. When people with neurodevelopment disorders that affect their social communication capabilities, like Grace and Paul, an older couple that respectively have Asperger's syndrome and Tourette's syndrome, and some related problems that focus on impulse control.

Can't get away from that pussy. I need sex all the time. When they talk about their sex lives, it can make outsiders, even doctors and family members, feel uncomfortable. Why? I mean, the truth is, yeah, I think a little bit. If anyone talks about their sex lives too much, it makes people feel uncomfortable. I mean, so you're starting from the premise that everyone should be talking about their sex lives all the time. So I'm sure if these guys are your friends, it's not if we had a guy in the crew that was like had Tourette's and he was talking about his sex life.

It wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable if he was our friend. But if it was a stranger that came up to me and he was like, I was fucking this girl last night. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Yeah. I mean, you'd be like, why is this guy telling us about this? Like, and he's and he's pretending he's like telling us all the details like yeah and then i yelled this and that and it's like are you is he telling us to be funny or is he just telling us who's am i who are you telling about your sex lives non-stop isn't your friend tourette's for

the most part is characterized by physical and verbal tics that can only be suppressed temporarily and often with great and distracting effort and discomfort in rare cases these tics that can only be suppressed temporarily and often with great and distracting effort and discomfort. In rare cases, these tics can include involuntary sexual comments or actions like groping someone else without consent. I mean, pretty good alibi. That's my tic that I can't stop groping. I think you're being played by Paul here, my friends. Paul can't stop honking titties. What's, uh, what's my, I have Tourette's. What's my tick? Ah, there it goes again.

That's why I just can't stop honking boobies. It's, hey, I didn't wish to be born this way. People with autism like Amy Gravino have started speaking openly about their experiences with sex, the good and the bad. I mean, if this is supposed to be funny, sure. But if it's not supposed to be funny, don't pretend you're doing this to help the community. You're doing this to start a YouTube channel to get clicks.

And you're like, I think there's a market for people that want to like see some weirdos saying some weird ass shit. Grace says, we can't have sex because Paul's penis will not fit into my vagina. He's got that fucking mentally retarded cock. I love that Paul, Paul's pretty happy. This article is coming out like that's, that's Paul's, you know, I don't think that has anything to do with his, uh, Tourette's either. Oh yeah. Part of having Tourette's is my cock so big it can't fit into her vagina or just smarts. Yeah, she's walking funny. Tourette's. We tried several times throughout our relationship and it was incredibly painful.

I don't know how it got that way. So, okay. Out of the gate, the majority of your problem is, is wieners too big. And you go, what does this have to do with you go, Hey, if you want to hear about us sex with an autistic and Tourette's person, you're like, yeah, what does this have to do with you go, Hey, you want to hear about us sex with an autistic and Tourette's person? You're like, yeah, what does it look like? We can't have sex is dicks too big. All right. And you're like, so we have to do this other stuff. And you're like, that doesn't sound Tourette's related. It all just sounds like the fact that this guy's got, you know, that it's like Mandingo with autism, Mandingo with Tourette's is, and you can't fuck you because it's literally rip you to

shreds. And you go, yeah, isn't that weird how autistic people have sex? And you go, I don't really know if that's what's going on here. Paul says we make sounds like cats as a come on sexually in the form of meows or imitation and purring. Yeah, I'm not, again, not really seeing the correlation. I've got a big dick and we like to pretend we're cats. Being autistic's crazy. We think in terms of affection, it would be, we think, we think in terms of what affection would be for a cat, petting and stroking each other and acting as if we are cats with each other.

This literally has nothing to do with being autistic. It's, you're meowing around on the floor, you're meowing on the floor, you're shitting and pissing on each other. This literally has nothing to do with being autistic. It's you're mowing around on the floor. You're meowing on the floor. You're shitting and pissing on each other. And you go autistic. People are, we have wild sex. A lot of people not want to, don't want to know about what it's like to be autistic, but let me tell you. And it's, so you're in the article and you go, what's your point here? You didn't find an autistic people and you go, oh, we're trying to help autistic people. It's like, well, you're not, you found two fucking weirdos that happened to be autistic. It's like, imagine finding an article about two people that like to

dress up. You know, when we have sex, what we do, we dress up in bondage outfits. We bring, we call over 15 prostitutes. We piss and shit all over each other. He spanks me with a spatula. We make pancakes. I put them on top of him and then I lick the pancakes off. And then you write an article being like how autistic people have sex and you're trying to help autistic people. And you go, that is not what's happening here. You bigots. In the past, it was harder for us to balance things when my mom got real sick with diabetes and lupus after we got together i had to take care of her i wasn't available to go to all of these events and he had affairs behind my back because i said i was unavailable dude this guy

with his big retard cock is a pussy hound he's straight up so this guy is like oh i'd be an autistic's heart he's like i have a girl i'm fucking i bring her over i can't even fuck her because my dick's too big i got her meowing on the ground like a cat like i'm her fucking king and then she goes to her house and i'm just running through pussy with my tourette syndrome that would be good you know this guy's probably mixing up the names every stacy stars, did you call me the wrong name? Baby, you know I got the Tourette's, baby. It's the perfect alibi. These are times that I ask him, are you sick of me?

Are you tired of me? He says, no, not at all. We're the cats. Are you sick of me? Are you tired of me? Baby, come on. Yeah, all right. We're the cats.

He cares and wants to work things out. I've never had a boyfriend who's done that. Are you tired of me? Baby, come on. Meow, right? We're the cats. He cares and wants to work things out. I've never had a boyfriend who's done that. This cat thing is his get out of jail card. Dude, you just fucked all my friends. Baby, meow. But, yeah, but, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Okay. Hey, where were you last night? Oh, I came to get cat food for you. Arr, all right. You skipped Valentine's day and then you fucked my friend this guy's got the perfect get out of jail card so this is kind of what they do is they they you give them an inch where you go yeah you know what maybe we should be a little more sympathetic to people that have weird situations. If you're in like a, if you're, you should be able to still get puss. You should still be able to get one of the boys getting puss just because you have a tick and everyone's like

fine with that. And you're like, awesome. Now let me Trojan horse in rolling on the ground, pretending to be cats, not even having sex because this guy's got a math of Python. He's cheating on the girl right and left. And you're like autistic sex. So that's why it's hard to like have conversations about the individual things, because really what's going on here is this stuff is out of control. And then they want to have conversations and you get to arguing, you know, it's like when they cancel 85 people and you have a conversation about this guy wasn't that bad I mean this guy wasn't that bad and I'm kind of always seeing I find like girls because it didn't affect them as much until recently so they've been kind of having these conversations where

they'll say the lot you know there's been an argument about like you know guys that are whatever 35 that are dating some like 20 year old and they'll be like, Oh, he's grooming her or whatever. This is like abuse or whatever. And then girls will kind of be like noticing, well, you're taking away girls agency and there's problems with this. And they're always trying to like poke problems with the thing within the system of it being like, no, no, I agree with all this stuff. But I think in this particular case, and you go, you're almost there. But the truth is this stuff is in bad faith. They're not trying to help people. It's like stems from narcissism from the most part. Most of the people that are

pushing this stuff or trying to gain like an online following, they're making a lot of this stuff for you to be mad. And then they'll get, and then if they think you're right, they'll move on to the next one. They've decided what they want is to get mad at people or to call someone racist or to say this person is like a insensitive and they'll find a reason they go, Oh, he's was wrong because he was 35 and dated this 20 year old. Then you go, Oh, actually this in the agency. And they go, Oh, okay. Well then he did this wrong. They don't care. So it's the same thing. I saw this article and they're jumping through people that are kind of like noticing this or jumping through hoops to find problems with it.

You know, there was this article and it was basically saying, because America is so prone to sort of pushing this like, you know, social justice, Western values that you end up pushing this on these other countries. And it's a form of imperialism. These are some of the arguments people countries. And it's a form of imperialism. These are, these are some of the arguments people are saying that it's a form of American imperialism to kind of go to other countries and, um, and say like, you guys need to be less racist. You need to be less this or that. Right. And it's like, it is, that is true. And it's like, It's like it is. That is true. And it's like you're almost there. But if you go one step further, the whole it's stupid here to to like push authoritarian values on people. And it's like, yes, it's bad there. And now one step further, this stuff's stupid. And not to say that you shouldn't have compassion or be empathetic for people because you should, but that's not what that is. And a lot of people have said this, but it always goes back to this thing where a lot of times with communism people, you see them say it's not for, they don't

love the poor. They hate the rich. And you, and you, you see the venom. And a lot of times people say, we're trying to hate women. And it's just that they hate men. And, you know, whatever. Sometimes it's vice versa. But you should have. So really, if you actually give a shit about people, you do it on an individual level. And you do it in a way that it's not causing as much harm as it is good. Now, I mean, that last part wasn't funny.

And it just started to feel like I was telling people how to live. But I don't I'm not. By the way, I have that Louis C.K. said this at one point. But it's like I have a lot of beliefs and I live by none of them. You know, I might say this is probably what the world should be like. Doesn't mean I'm going to follow it. And I don't mean I think the boys should follow it. It just means like if we're getting into like a philosophical conversation about what's better, then, you know, then let's have that philosophical conversation.

Now, I do want to say that I think it's been super cool how much like people have matched me and give me support. And honestly, because I think a lot of people have been listening to this since the start, but it was only like three, four months ago, something like that. We started the Patreon like three months ago. So this stuff's all super new. And the fact that it's grown so much has been super cool. I've even seen, you know, because every time I come to somewhere new, I feel like people's instincts are to like, hate me because I look like a douchebag and I seem fucking too cocky. And, you know, I just seem, even with comedy, I think a lot of people, when they see me do stand up and meet, they see

a guy like me and they're like, this guy's going to suck. Because there is a lot of guys that have this, you know, that kind of come across the way I do, and they do suck. And so I think with, I've noticed a lot of people, you know, when I first came to New York, I knew that certain people, I was like, you know, just keep your head down. Like, let people see you comedy and let your stand-up comedy do the talking. Just put your head down, make videos do your podcast and i think everyone that even like the first video they like they almost a lot of times people just see my shit and they just want to hate it so they go nah this guy sucks and then you take four or five i've had that with tons of people where i go this guy stinks and i i'm like the first guy to say that and then you like five things in you're like

yeah this guy is actually pretty sick. You know what I mean? So I feel like I've had a lot of people even message me, make mess to me saying like, yo, dude, when I first saw you, I was like, fuck this guy. And then now they've been watching my stuff and doesn't mean like everything, but come around to be like, yeah, this guy doesn't suck at least. And then there's a lot of fucking boys who were like, dude, this is the shit. And that I remind them of their friends and coming out to the shows now and telling everyone about my stuff. So, you know, I've been just trying to put 60 hours a fucking week minimum in. I've just put my head down and I've

had some efficiency tips if you want them, because I've, I've been trying to, to negotiate this life where all this is stuff happening. I go, okay, if I'm going to keep doing this every week, I have to be, you know, on the ball. So one of the things that I've really, I remembered that I've, I've always thought, but I think it's such a, such a good idea is don't do anything for joint reasons. And a lot of this is trips. A lot of this is, you know, for example, if I was going to go to LA, cause I have something, you go, is that enough to go to LA? And you're like, well, I could also do this. I could also do this. And you start putting together reasons. Don't do anything for joint reasons. I think that was a good one. That's like helped me in the last little bit, like manage everything.

Cause you think about like, uh, you know, signing with a thing or should I do this show? And you go, I don't know. It's like, maybe the money's not right. You're like, maybe it's a good, but maybe it's like good to, you know, get in touch with the club owner. Or maybe it'll be a good reason that I can bring someone with me. Or maybe it'll be fun. And you go, well, which is it? Is it, are you doing this for fun? Is it, are you doing this for money? Are you doing this for this? Like when I talked about that, making that movie that one of the things I'm talking about, I go, am I doing this for like a career thing? Am I doing this as like, cause I really want to make a movie right now?

Or am I doing this as like a thing where I'm like, you know what, let me make this and make some money and that could fund some other projects. Like, which is it? Joint, if one reason is not enough, don't do something. Even if it's like going out with your friends, you know what I mean? Like, do I want to do this thing?

Do I really want to hang out with that guy? If there's not one reason, cause then you'll be doing it and you'll hate it. So I think that's another one. And another thing that I've had that I thought was good is whatever you're doing, put time limits on it. So if you go, okay, I'm going to write today. I'm going to, even if it's like, I'm going to talk to someone on the phone.

I'm going to, you know, you can kind of say when you call your parents, you go, hey, like I have like an hour to talk if you want to chat or I have a half an hour to chat. Or if you're, if you uh are going out with someone you say oh i got i got to be somewhere by this time but whatever you do put putting time limits on things even when you're working you go i'm gonna i'm gonna put two hours on spending time on this and it forces your brain to like um to kind of move at the speed that you need it done in so i thought those were at least two of the things that i kind of already know before, but they like kind of refreshed. I kind of like even looked at my notes of things that I've written down and I was like, Oh, those are both things that I was able to kind of

re-internalize and already like use them immediately. So those are the two. I think there's a bunch more of those, but I want to list off a list of like um efficiency tips because it sort of starts to feel uh too nerdy or maybe i should just stop second guessing myself and tell you whatever i want to tell you either way honestly the boys thanks for listening i'm gonna do another one on the patreon this week too keep sharing the stuff keep listening to boys cast i'm gonna do i'm gonna be doing like tours as soon as everything opens up. All right. Ryan Long, the BoyzCast.

Peace.