The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Nick Rochefort on Scammers, Selling Cars & The Number 1 Way to Ruin Your Life

Episode Date: October 8, 2024

Comedian Nick Rochefort joins the Boys to discuss what happens when you move to Vegas, bugging out to the wilderness, and Canadian turf wars SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS! Marek Health - Go to https://marekhealth.com/boyscast and use promo code BOYSCAST for 10% off Fitbod - Go to https://fitbod.me/boyscast for 25% off your subscription ***Check out Ryan’s special “PROBLEM SOLVED” on his youtube channel https://youtube.com/ryanlongcomedy on Wednesday Oct. 9th at 12PM EST!*** SUPPORT THE BOYS PATREON.COM/THEBOYSCAST  RYAN ON TOUR: Fort Wayne: Oct 11/12, Louisville: Oct 13, Phoenix: Feb 14-16, Portland: Feb 25/26, Edmonton: Jan 24-26, Tacoma: Feb 27-March 1, Minneapolis: Jan 17-19 - ryanlongcomedy.com DANNY ON TOUR: Baltimore Oct 10, Tampa Oct 20, Albany Dec 4 and Hartford Dec 5 dannycomedy.com SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST:  https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes

A reminder that my one-hour stand-up comedy special will be available on my channel tomorrow, October 9th, Wednesday at 12 p.m. Please watch it. Please share a clip. There's gonna be a drop-off link. Please share one. The artworks, anything, tell a friend. It is all very much appreciated for free on the channel. And without further ado, one of our most requested guests that we had in our hotel room in Vegas where we set up a studio. Ladies and gentlemen, Nick Rochefort. The bros The homies The dudes The boys The cast

Danny met a guy yesterday That his wife wants to fuck a midget And they're going to midget wrestling Vegas Real brings out the freaks It really does Everyone that I know That lives here, that's always trying to sell Vegas.

They're like, this is the spot. And then within an hour of talking to them, dude, there's a comic, our buddy, he was like, it's the best,

you know, it's just a great place to live. And then he was like, yeah, I started playing again. And then he started, he told me, he goes,

he goes, the slot machines. He goes, yeah, but I know the thing now. Right. So he's goes, I'm spending six hours.

He starts showing me pictures of slot machines. He gets a diaper. This is a good conversation. It's all like logistical stories that don't mean shit. They're like out of context logistical stories that are like pick from the hat. It's like saying it's 83 degrees. That's it. Not where, not why, not when.

So it's like a logistical, nonsensical, loopy hell ride. You get to jump in the middle of people. He started telling me that, he goes, I hit it big it big right and i don't know how much it was but then he goes i have to keep playing because you can write off the losses after you win or whatever and it was like yes right you can't write off gambling losses like what are you like your llc gambling like dgen llc showing up like the jabberwockies are his fucking accountant on the strip out there they're like you can write off your llcs the pregnant nun with the fucking pasties on her tits that's his accountant she's like so crazy i've seen her three years in a row in the

first year she was pregnant and then really but she's not pregnant anymore oh pregnant the nun the nun but she must have had the kid she miscarried in a garage somewhere she queefed it out and smoked crystal meth out of its eye sockets yeah that's the only thing

to do gotta keep the show on the road though gotta keep going this is wholesale's pitch that if you win it big then every for the rest of the year

everything you lose is right off so it's like you're like yeah but the alternative is keep it yeah just have the money keep it okay yeah i just have the money hide it not one person on earth who's played slots for like 40 years and

they're like i'm up yeah that's not how that works not a single one not one like it's does there's a reason why we're in like las vegas is so nice and everything's so opulent it's because like you lose money to pay for this stuff like they didn't you, like all the money that's lost that they make from gambling pays for all the shit. Like, you know, they don't lose money. That's not their business model. Do you ever hear the stories about how people, like,

drive their cars here from, like, Ohio and then gamble so much they can't leave? Like, for real? Have you ever heard that? Yeah, Bruno Mars. Sweet Bruno Mars. Bruno Mars is the ultimate of that. So sad.

Bruno Mars just got caught up in, like fucking blackjack, high-limit blackjack game, and he's like, yeah, I'm like indentured servitude for the next 10 years in Vegas because he owes them $50 million. He's dancing right now. Dude, literally, his residency right now is just to pay off his gambling debts. Stop.

He has an indefinite residency to cover his gambling debts. That's incredible. It's insane. He's a lucky bastard, yeah. I think that's what happens. If you lose enough money, they force you to become a magician. What was it?

Magic school. Remember Frankie Valley? There was that video going around a couple months ago where he came out and they wheeled him out and he's just like... And they're like,

is he okay? He's like, yeah, he lost a lot of money playing blackjack. He's like, this is how you pay it back. He's like, help me. Jesus Christ. He's doing the, can lost a lot of money from blackjack. He's like this is how you pay back Can I have an angel shot is that I'll have an angel shot, please like who is it? It's like the guy in blue. He's like Frankie Valley blinking Morse code. Help me as he's like

He's blinking that his assholes falling out because he's been being raped so hard for his gambling debts that's a good point though you go and you can't get out yeah because you come into vegas and you're like yeah i'll do a residency for a week you're like no it's gonna be for the rest of your life yeah for the rest of your life that's how they lock you in poor bastards you know i always find it funny too that in this city the magicians uh like kind of in entertainment at large like when you're generally trying to do some, any entertainment that it's kind of like skill-based, less so, other than music, less so your photos.

The press photos of magicians are all them like with oil on, like almost looking like their magic mic. Like you never see, you know what I mean? Like sexy magicians. Yeah, every magician here, and it's not even guys that are good looking, but their photo is like them with their shirt off, kind of like, I don't know why magicians became like, you're

supposed to look hot. I think only in Vegas. I think they get pussy though. Oh, hell yeah. Like girls like skulls and ponytails here. So like magician is like the look. Yeah. There's a very fine line between like, you know, this guy's dressed like an actual like

high school woman versus like he's crushed every piece of like 10 ass on this strip. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, these fucking fat heifer retards that are here for their fucking bachelorette parties are looking to be like throat checked all night long by a fucking guy with like pulling a fucking rabbit out of a hat. I mean, this is the major leagues for magicians. Yeah.

This is like when you start magic, you hopefully like wind up having a show in Vegas. Yeah. This is it, man. This is the top. Well, there's a couple of magicians kicking around the festival. Yeah, yeah.

This is the tops though. Really? My favorite thing on Fremont Street is the, you know, there's just like all the chicks out there who are like, just like a six. Yeah. Like, you want to pay money to have a photo with me? Yeah.

The balls. The balls. Like literally, you're like to have a photo with me? Yeah. The balls. The balls. Literally, you're like, and there's some people who are probably some podunk town. They go, yeah, yeah. Oh, I love a photo. I love a photo. Yeah. But you're like, I love a photo with this just six on Fremont Street.

I mean, like, what were they doing 10 minutes ago? They were like mouthing the words to a poison song. I was watching a couple clap at another couple while dancing that they don't know. They're like... And it was just like... And they're like... It's just like... And between that and everybody singing,

it's just mid-80s cock rock singing and everybody mouths the words. There's a special kind of retard down there. You ever see someone... You know the Heart Attack Cafe? Is that what it's called? Heart Attack Grill right on Frem street where like there's a scale outside and if you're over 350 pounds your girlfriend can't get in you for free you eat for free her out and like to see someone go on there and then they're like 340 and they're

disappointed they're just like it's like the only time i'm on 345 yeah they're like god damn it she was heavier well this guy came up to us and he goes he had a handful of tic tacs and he goes pick a tic tac and someone picked the tic tac and then he goes uh he goes grab my eyelid all right i grab his eyelid he goes tic tac comes out of his eyelid and like honestly everyone there was just like a gross man. No one was like you. I was like, yeah, you went to bed after that. You took an Uber home and went to bed. You were like you quit.

You did. You're going to do a little less comedy in your life now. I was probably on like daily antibiotics. His doctor's like, you can't just keep a tic tac in your eye all day, man. Like, what do you even learn that trick? He's like a magician. It's like a fucking crystal meth.

Yeah, it's not that cool magician that is one thing too though because he was talking about the wrestle brave the we're saying like a lot of these magicians caught a couple me too's and just like go about their daily life like nothing happened like vegas there is there is uh whatever happened in your normal show business whatever's in the tabloids you leave it at the door when you get to vegas yeah yeah for sure yeah yeah start over yeah nobody lost a residency here for me, too. Like, I don't think I heard of one. It's impossible.

I always tell my wife when I, if my wife ever fucks with me hard enough, I will as well. I was like, keep fucking with me that hard. I will fucking disappear to Las Vegas. I will be a street magician with a, my name will be like Ryan, Ryan Adams from like Iowa,

like a completely fake identity. And like you, and you'll sink here. Like, no, you can blend in, live under a fucking bridge and just oh yeah this is one I'm probably the main city for starting over like start a new life in America like if you just kind of shit's not going good and you just funny cuz they show up just like it's probably we were waiting for like you know what fuck it I'm just gonna move to Vegas start new life three weeks in you're like this one didn't work I you're in nashville you're a country singer it's a couple

weeks later third life it is yeah you're like fuck it's not that easy actually there's a start in your life i lost the car that i drove in on doesn't know i'm yeah i'm zero lives yeah there's a parking lot somewhere with a bunch of titles owned by like degenerate gambling addicts like uh women women do it and there's a there's a program here that you can sign up for if you get into that it's called like afN or something and like it's like addicts people who drive here and lose their shit and then you're like don't worry. We have a solution for you. You're going to be pushing a trash can around this hotel for the next fucking 20 years. It's like Bruno Mars. Yeah,

just like low level Bruno Mars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. That's what they all say to like make themselves feel better. They're like Bruno Mars did it. It's awesome. Bruno Mars in my graduating class. They're all in the fucking break room. Bruno Mars is there just eating. They're all just in the indentured servitude break room. It's like, hey, what's up? Having a bite with Bruno.

Going, how are things going? Getting some coin off your debt? It's so funny that they just slot you into the city. Yeah, yeah. We got plenty of jobs for you. Don't worry about it. Shit. But yeah, we saw a video of Russell Brand is like baptizing a guy.

Yeah. I saw that. Yeah. He's so hard. Yeah. He's baptizing people now. Good. Yeah.

Fucking go to hell. What's wrong with that fucking guy? That ghoul. My buddy Charles has like a really good Russell Brand rant. It's just, he's something wrong. He's a gigantic. He looks like, remember that you guys ever play Twisted Metal 2, the video game? Of course.

You remember the, he's not the, who's the motorcycle with the skull? That's him. That's Russell Brand. He's been like, I want to look like that now. He's like,

his facial features are getting insane now. I don't know, something wrong with him. Dude, I was actually thinking, I watch a lot of like the realtor stuff that you do. It's funny because you're, you just actually, if you like distill it it down there's like actual practical advice where i remember danny used to he's the one who got me into like four hour work week you remember like

oh yeah i love tim ferris and i was kind of like super into that that kind of shit and then there was like a switch where it's switched from like this is how to like manage your day to here's my like 19 you know morning routines yeah the switch of like a guy just and you were the whole book that he did after that was just like you know here's the tea i drink here's the walk and it was just like eight hours of stuff and there was like a switch from it being useful he's like he's like i got so much fucking time now because i only work four hours a week yeah i got all the time so he's like this is what you do with your life now ryan you only work four hours a week so you you get an eight-hour morning routine.

Steeping tea and brewing it and curing it. 30-30-30. Wake up in the first 30 minutes, eat 30 grams of protein, do 30 minutes of steady-state cardio. It was a Tim Ferriss thing. He went to South America. It's not bad. Right, right. He helped my fucking...

That's when I told my fat-ass wife to go do it. No, I'm not fucking with you. My sweetheart... Oh, man, I'm into big chicks. She's 400 pounds, but i told her if you want to lose do the tim ferriss he's a salsa dancing champion too and so far oh yeah that's one of the things he like learned he goes i just like because of the four-hour work week he's like he got super or maybe four-hour body but he's like he just went and got super jacked and he

like went and learned salsa and yeah he just does all the shit just don't believe that the story ends there no like you just oh yeah you went to south america if you consider it all right crushing behavior. He's got fucking eight bastard kids down there. Yeah, right, right. Which I mean, a lot of that tech behavior makes more sense if you understand the pussy crushing element. You're like, oh, this guy went and hung out with salsa people for like a year and a half. You're like, yeah, this guy's running through fucking.

Yeah, yeah. Big piles of Colombian whores. Literally. He's like, here's my thing. I put eight of them on a bed. I crawl underneath them. I let them lick me, fucking fuck me, suck me, kick me. It's a really great thing to do.

We've actually had a lot of, on our podcast, there was a while where people were sending us stories and we were trying to tackle the problem of what to do if your wife gets fat. That was actually big.

And people were sending us success stories and stuff like that. Really? Like, look at her now, like before and afters and shit. But it was all,

well, it was all like, we didn't post anyone's identity and stuff, but a big thing was, they tried, one of the biggest things that one of our patrons said, Well, it was all like we didn't post anyone's identity and stuff, but a big thing was they tried. One of the biggest things that one of our patrons said, one of his biggest things is he's like, I convinced her that I wanted to go with walks with her.

It's a good thing romantically for us to do. Oh, that's nice. And then she got really into the walking. Right. She walked right to another man. She's like, I thought you were in a face sitting and you were like. That's a good place to start is you convince him like walking is our thing yeah good for you you figured it out yeah she's really walking 20 000 steps at a time is our thing yeah yeah we're gonna get it is the hardest problem to tackle and social media is hitting you

from every angle trying to keep her fat yeah just yeah that's well no it depends which social media there's definitely there's still a social media of like you got stealer algorithm. Yeah, you got to go. You got to get it on anorexia. Take it out. Ashian, yeah, before and afters from like wholesome girls and I've been like you've been working out. Yeah, I love it before. Is it that porn afters who knew underneath all these fucking fat girls was like a well preserved hot white girl, like every like hot American preserve like just just absolutely it was like they were like salting it like fish like it's like holy shit so anybody who's been cured just cured the skin like no aging

on the skin like skinny girls age like fucking milk i know you know their skin looks like my fucking ball sack number one thing yeah yeah my buddy was in a skinny like really thin chicks that was this thing and his wife aged like a fucking lackey dude yeah i'm like this dude yeah who's this fucking guy you're married to well super skinny chick who likes to tan that's a recipe she looks like really like the sun tan mom like tan mom like that's a tough that's bad for the skin i think yeah yeah that's not that doesn't work out it doesn't it doesn't salt with them the fat girls that are preserving it and fucking lard yeah well tons of collagen the collagen's all there the you know the that's such a funny concept. They're actually a better skinny girl because

preserving the for sure it's in good shape. It wasn't stretched out. It wasn't. It wasn't now nourish like the guys who keep the couch in the in the plastic. Yeah, that's all that is. That's all that is and look if it takes six months with these born afters. Good news guys like you don't need to recreate your life for a teacher out of white. You'll you'll figure out, but ever at the gym I love it's really really exciting like I just like I keep turning the phone

I'm a look at this one, you know, you know, like there's a thing where like people fucking will like stab someone with like a needle with heroin in it, like some crazy guy will just like people. Yeah, you do that with us. She and I got the girl that was someone's at the grocery store and she's like I think I have it in heard that where someone's at the grocery store and she's like i think that happened in toronto actually where someone was at the grocery store she's like i felt like a pinch and i turned around

some guy was just like holding a fucking needle good he just was like stabbing people with needles he's like some junkie dude and he's like crazy i think she was like i thought she had hepatitis or hiv or some shit i was just over at the golden you know in the pool right with you guys yeah yeah you were full carbon the pool yeah and pants i might be going there right after this there was a haitian migrant walking through like barefoot like like just scheming like he was like spitting out whiskers like hate the look of your average haitian like uh your haitian homeless guy for a white guy that that's the scariest looking dude right like his hair's like he was like biting the air. He had no shoes on.

He's in a casino. There's just happy-go-lucky morons. How'd they land into the pool? They were on a fucking tight ship there. No, no. He was at the pool. He was walking to the casino. But I'm like, I always think of the heroin needle stab.

For some reason, that's like a big one for me. You ever see the one about the toilet paper? When they stab the side of the toilet paper? No, so if you shoot heroin, you shoot it in a bathroom and then to clean the pin, they'll stick it in the side of the toilet paper racks. So people were like wiping their ass and shit and they'd like pull the toilet out and they're like, why is there fucking blood on this fucking toilet

paper and you're just rubbing like a fucking heroin addicts fucking arm, arm goo and your asshole. You're like boofing fucking HIV, basically. Yeah, just hepatitis. Your teeth fall out immediately. They shoot out of your mouth. God damn it. Yeah, that was a wild night.

The Haitian guy, there were two of them last night where I was like, damn, this is crazy. I'm surprised they don't like the bar. I mean, if I was like indigent, I'm coming to West Coast. I see all the the new york fucking homeless people like man what are you doing yeah like you're like you're dealing with the snow yes like get out get out west coast like vegas la california anywhere the california guys i looked at menace they were out here these are these are the best bums in the history these are these are vegas has the greatest bums yeah when was Probably like 21 I filmed this video

Called the homeless rap crew And I was like Just a stupid YouTube video And then we went to East Hastings in Vancouver Which is like They've taken over that area It's probably the most

It's like Amsterdam From the water Really? Yeah Really? It's like a real Like open market Like every Sunday

They do like a flea market It's like they shut down Like the city allows them To shut down the street Yeah they sell their Nice stuff And they sell all the stuff They've just stolen Leg market. It's like they shut down. Like the city allows them to shut down the street. Yeah, they sell their stuff. And they sell all the stuff they've just stolen. It's a laptop. Like if you're ever looking for like, hey, I have like an Epson printer from like 97.

Like I need the cable. It's there. Yeah, they have every cable for fucking everything. Carbon fiber road bikes. Yeah. Like I'm sure you bought the Fiji carbon fiber speed series road bike with like a shimano derailer and he's like yeah i actually like it to speed between the gears like shut the fuck up he's got clip in pedals like yeah we had a bum one time that he was

he's like riding around he's got like nine chains on and we're like we used to pay like bombs to like a dollar to do something on camera same kind of thing and they would like jump in front of city buses and shit for like a dollar and then one guy were like all right. We'll give anybody like five bucks to do something crazy and like carbon fiber fiji road bike pulls up and he's like do a doll. It ain't even worth my fucking time. He rides away with like obviously ten thousand dollar road bike like one of the wheels was like a plate like it was a champion. Yeah,

oh you fell a drone bike. Yeah, yeah, are you like cycling? Well cycling well this these guys we started filming the video and it pissed them off they didn't want us in there and they started like 15 of them started chasing us oh no like out of the block and legitimately brought me and i think it was two other guys we just started running with our cameras we had 15 homeless guys chase i swear we get to like where the strip ends they stopped like it was you know They're all out to like sell drugs in there and you're probably like filming them selling drugs and you're like you're ruining it for us Ryan yeah The market

commercials Can you give me a dollar? You don't know how much exposure that I'm... They can pay you in exposure. This is in Vancouver? Vancouver. East Hastings. And dude, my brother used to live on East Hastings.

And it's like downtown Vancouver. So it's like... He lived in this really nice apartment. It was probably like $6,000 a month for this sick apartment. You literally walk downstairs It's on East Hastings Street You go out the alley And there's like

As you walk out of the alley Three people just like Shooting up fucking heroin Into their foot Like every day Like it's like the worst part But also like People live in like

Really expensive places I was gonna say Isn't Vancouver the most Isn't it the richest zip code In the world Buddy it's a It's a switch Like legitimately

It is more than Canada Bill Gates' house Versus you know Like that one over is what he's talking about just like skid row bill gates it's a quick switch yeah really but it's not even a quick switch like people live like the street is rough but then like people still do live there because it's like not anymore no they do vancouver's so small like the actual size of like the vancouver portion is like it's tiny so there's so little real estate but if you live there like i'm surprised the chinese absentee landlord is landlords haven't taken over the uh well they started taxing them they started they started hitting them with like a

like a fucking 25 vacant home tax like annually or something yeah you guys are getting molly we're getting killed there with that oh kill new york has a bit of that right now yeah the hey let me ask you a tax question that I feel like I can, because everyone's always. Can you write off slot machine losses? So my buddy won a shitload of money. I'm talking six, 700. Hey, asshole, I won over 1,200 last night.

Like, wow, wow. Yeah. You're close. Keep going. I'm always, I feel like, listen, I like a good scam as much as anyone. Yeah. Danny's better at doing scams. My scams are all just like kind of working really hard.

Like I don't have very good scams, but people are saying it's like invest in real estate. You write off the thing that this is, I've seen 50 Instagram videos, 50 YouTube videos. And then every time I like actually start thinking about it, you go, well, you buy the house, you write off the amount and then you rent it out and that income equals the same thing so you're what are you writing like you're not what tax write-off are you getting mortgage interest mortgage interest yeah but wouldn't then you have to claim the income if you're renting it out well you have you have to claim the income so then it's not it's not it's not actually okay let's say you do what are you saying the alternative is

though well i just don't see what it helps so someone let's say you do a set. What are you saying the alternative is, though? Well, I just don't see what it helps. So let's say someone owes $100,000 to the government, right? Yeah. And then you go, well, if I have a house, then that house is, let's say, $30,000 a year. You're like, that's just $30,000 off my $100,000, whatever. You go, yes, but then if I rent it out for $30,000, now I have $30,000 more income. Yeah, you have to lose money.

Like a write-off is a loss. You wouldn't want to be buying houses for like ultimate shelters for tax havens. Do you have an S-Corp? S-Corp? S-Corp. You have an S-Corp here? Yeah. You said there were going to be nine S-Corts in here.

Like you fucking tricked me. Now there's a scam. I'll give you the tax advice, but what are you going to do for me? I'm not a fucking... One of my best friends on the count, I just listen to what he says. So, and my mom's just an AR, like an accounts receivable chick her whole life. But you can do a supplemental employee pension fund,

and that's a shield for like 69 grand, 60 years. That's like the third thing that you can dump into relatively tax-free, but it's a limit to it. It's like 60 grand if you pay yourself. You can that that you can do that instead of a house that's like the new thing you learn if you make over like 200 it starts to get into like oh I need you're not gonna have that much more feels like a lot of it good scams you see on Instagram you look into them and you're like this is not with the best games beyond Instagram I don't know it's always like you can go to the

government they give you a loan like I love this sending kids in the hood they're like this list they have to give you a hundred thousand in loan and then you have the money in your account i mean literally the best scam if you have a lot of money is if you own equities is you borrow against them and you pay the interest and then the interest that you pay is literally like that scam i like you can write that off and then you get like a low interest rate against your equities that are just collateral and then they just appreciate and you never take a capital gains that seems like the real high level. Like that's what I'll like.

If you're really rich, like Elon Musk, like when Elon Musk needs to raise money, he doesn't sell Tesla stock. He just literally borrows against it. Yeah. And uses as collateral and then he writes off the interest. That's like the biggest scam that really rich people do.

Yeah. This, that's the thing. It's like income brackets. Like you get the, like we get all these like bust out ass fucking scams. They're like, so you piece of of shit you started making some money i was like what i sold cars i was making like a buck 50 a year buck 80 a year when i was like 20

and i always hung out with guys which is a lot of money when you're 20 when you get older like ah you know and everybody just like talks about these fucking things like they're like a like they're elon musk like they figured something out. They're like, oh, well, I have to shelter my money. Like, motherfucker, you're talking about $4,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, shut up. All the way up to like $500,000. So we're all bust outs.

Like all the way out. And we're like, oh, wait till I do these moves. Wait till they get a load of me. Like, they're playing checkers. I'm playing chess over here. I'm hiding here. I have two. When you're like, oh, I'm washing money because you have cash.

And you're just like, you give it to to someone and then they pay the rent for you. Yeah, cool. Just wash two grand. It's like you think. Cleaning money. Yeah, you think you're like a fucking CEO. Like I'm getting basis points. I'm shaving interest.

Wow, I might be able to marginalize the Q3 2027. And really what you're doing is you're just smoking crack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You basically at the end of the year, you explain this to your accountant. He's like, you can't do any of that. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, what you're doing is you're just smoking crack yeah yeah yeah like you you basically at end of year you explain this to your accountant he's like you can't do any of that yeah yeah he's like what are you doing would you learn all these words kevin ryan was telling me he goes uh he was like one of the things he goes they want you to pay like quarterly payments to the government right and then he was like yeah you you don't do that it's like no free loans to the government

whatever and i told my i call my accountant i'm like we're giving free loans to the government he goes you don't think they've thought of that? He's like, yeah, you pay interest if you don't want to do quarterly. I go, all right then. Your boy's over there like fucking, fuck the government, dude. He's got a state trooper's head on his foot. He's like, you're going to freeze. He's like, don't fuck you.

You alone. I gave you money, cocksucker. Yeah, dude, you're killing it, bro. I'm calling the accountant like, you're not going Yeah, dude. Kill it, bro. Yeah. I'm calling the accountant like, you're not going to believe what I'm about to say. Yeah, you can't believe what I'm looking at. Are you sitting down? Yeah.

You know who Kevin Ryan is? Yeah. Fuck, man. What the fuck? This is all... You guys... Well, you're not in Canada anymore, right? No, I'm not in Canada.

You're all in the U.S. Yeah, wow. How'd you get your... Green card? Yeah. The whole fucking procedure. Really? Do you have to marry Canada anymore, right? Not in Canada. You're all in the U.S. Yeah, wow. How'd you get your... Green card? Yeah. The whole fucking procedure. Really? Did you have to marry

a Guatemalan lady? You saw Visa, right? I saw Visa. He did that. Yeah. Is that how you did it? Yeah. I got married, yeah.

An arranged marriage for 50,000 bucks? No. She always jokes, she's like, did you just marry me for the convenience? I'm like,

there's nothing convenient about this. Oh, yeah, there's less convenient than $50,000. You know a better way. Was there a better way? No. Yeah, I did the whole procedure. You suck off the government officials. It's easier than flying to Mexico.

You can't always fly to Mexico. I want to get out of here. Go where? I don't know, Wales. Wales? Yeah, Portugal? Yeah, I would. i would portugal what do you think about spain is spain is sick yeah spain is fucking like nobody works there i know like it's you get you get which is good until you go to any anywhere and you're like oh right no one works no one works here but you get to go you just go out for dinner every night at midnight till 4 a.m. It's just, I don't know. Everybody's just living the life.

It's just the life. Actually, I know Canada. Prince Edward Island. You want to move to Prince Edward Island? You want to be like off the map. Somewhere, nowhere, nowhere. You want to be in one of those. It is a fine line between you're like, oh, I like cracked life to like, do I cease to exist?

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. Am I even alive? Do I exist anymore? I want to be like a wool sweater somewhere like i just i don't i like the people like i don't like the cold i love the like i'm fucking fat i like the cold yeah west coast canada is sick like my brother lives in victoria it's beautiful dude it looks like in the summer it looks like you're in hawaii yeah like it's sick or i mean hawai Hawaii is like the ultimate like if you're American, you know, like Hawaii wasn't for me either.

Really? It's just it's kind of Hawaiian. It's like the it's like one of those things you do. It's like liking the the offspring too much. You know, like I don't know how to explain, but that's what it feels like. It's like being really into the offspring. You're like we all a couple songs. Yeah, that's pretty good. Kids on all right was a good song. And you're like, no all, a couple songs every now and then. Yeah, that was pretty good.

Kids on the Right was a good song. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no. You're sleeping on Dexter Holland, man. You're sleeping, criminally sleeping on him. And do you know they have a plane? They did all their own records. Nitro Records is a big deal. Yeah, you're like, um.

And that's Hawaii. You know what I mean? Why don't you go like Wyoming or something? Yeah, Wyoming's nice and dead. But no, I like ocean, fat, cold. cold i like east coast i like being bumped into dude i was having this i went to you're talking about i went to uh i when i came back i did like uh like uh my uh like biometric whatever we did you know all the blood work and then the guy was like you know your stress levels are way too high and it's fucking shit up and i was i was kind of like on that like i need to get that down but then i'm talking to a guy who owns a cellar no he's like

smart dude and i was like telling that he was like well yeah life's stressful if you want to do anything you're going to be stressed out and i was just like yeah that's the other side of it yeah makes me feel better what your cortisol was you guys got your labs done yeah i got our labs that's exciting would you get any mind-blowing information he's doing fucking injecting shit injecting uh no nothing crazy no no i was talking i was talking to h jake shields about it last night i was talking about testosterone with him for fucking like an hour because he's all all into that yeah he's just like dude it's the best he's like you just take like 100 milligrams a week of test of test yeah which is not that much like bodybuilders take 500 milligrams a day yeah he's like he's like you take

like 100 milligrams like a week just like a little more energy right oh he's like it's great but he's like sometimes like he's like i'll take 200 and it's like you literally feel like the muscle getting like added to your body like yeah it's fucking crazy but uh no i was thinking the one that i did which um they they put me on was uh but they put it's like merrick health if you know them you know that guy like more plates more dates okay derrick oh yeah yeah probably a big jack dude yeah from he's from vancouver actually but they gave me um cialis every day like low dose cialis but i don't have any like dick pills yeah but i don't have any ed problems like at all i never have but it's it's blood flow like you should have i don't have dick problems never have have at all. You should get that.

That's three. You should get that to six. I don't have dick problems. Never had them at all, ever. Couldn't even have them. Literally, popsicle stick nonstop. Unrelated medical diagnosis. No, they take it for blood flow

because it gives you really good pumps in the gym. Really? Because it's just like a blood flow. No, no. I've heard of it. I'm not totally. But also, I had high had high blood pressure yeah and it lowered my blood pressure if you what if you saw your wife paying off the dog girl yeah right you're going she's loving it she's getting the sex of her life she's like yeah i did the cialis thing she's like sitting on a donut she's always like icing down no no don't stop taking him it's cool i know it looks like

i'm a pig yeah we got to keep that blood pressure down i'm gonna run my over with a steamroller She's always like icing down She's like no no no Don't stop taking them It's cool I know it looks like I'm gonna pay that Yeah we gotta keep That blood pressure down I want him to run my shit Over with a fucking steamroller And I've been injecting L-carnitine

L-carnitine No shit With just like I guess amino acid You're like fucking Lee Priest right now huh Yeah well those are Just the two that they

I mean they can put you on Fucking like I love They give you like the whole shit. They could put you on so much stuff if you're willing to do it. But I never did anything in my life. I did steroids in college. Oh, really?

I love it. I'd never done it, so I was like, I was kind of... That's great. Yeah. How long did you do it for? Two years. I did like a growth hormone, primobolin, Winstrel, Deca. I did like two pretty big cycles.

Were you just getting jacked for getting jack i was getting what no i played college football i played like a for wagner college i sucked but i was a tight end yeah i'm juiced up i'm just fucking raging everywhere like trying to flip cars over for ras and shit like being a retard just i like lifting weights it was fun and then um my cousin knew a state trooper who used to sell steroids so i would just buy them from this i used to get viagra from a guy that was a steroid worst yeah that and they did have the same guy they had always it's always the same guy yeah this kid had a bucket it was a five gallon bucket loaded with shit and he was like what do you need everything was like 200 bucks and i would

just buy it but the growth hormone worked really it worked really well i remember like being like wow this is awesome yeah you probably you probably recover super well, right? No problems. No injuries. Your lifts are super strong, like, instantly. I was like, wow, this is great. Boys, we gotta tell you about Merrick Health, which is a game changer. Insurance companies regularly deny progressive treatment

options. Primary care physicians refuse to order comprehensive lab work, and standards of care lag years behind the leading research. Merrick Health represents a paradigm shift in how people approach medicine, empowering those who want the most out of their healthcare and wish to maximize their potential. Me and Danny have both done it. It's very simple procedure. You go in, you do your blood work, you assign someone that will help you go through it, make sense of that, tell you where you're lacking,

what you can improve upon, what supplements might that, tell you where you're lacking, what you can improve upon, what supplements might help, what you might need to change in your diet. And basically, whether you're trying to optimize for energy, whether you're trying to optimize for tea, whatever it is that you think your problem is, maybe you have a problem sleeping,

whatever it is, these people will help actually have you reach your goals. So Merrick Health offers cutting edge diagnostic labs, concierge health coaching, expert clinical oversight. They support clients in achieving their health and fitness goals by leveraging data driven lifestyle and nutrition recommendations along with supplement and prescription treatment options. So they're not just treating the problem. They're here to actually make you feel better. Yeah. And I mean, I've been using them for, you know, months now know they prescribed me i got a daily to dalafil what the wife is like yeah she is even though i got no problems there it's just uh i'm telling you they're saying it's

this is going to be in the future everybody's going to be doing this it's just blood flow gives you sick pumps at the gym yeah that's what you've been saying i've been telling you man it's a lot of things they gave me it's just like it makes going to the gym so much better you get such better workouts so i i've already told everyone the one thing i regret is just not doing it earlier so i have more to compare to so the team maintains rigorous clinical standards they only hire physicians that reflect the standard of excellence and are hungry to continue their education in the years to come as the science evolves you're not going in to just have some fat doctor. No.

Yeah. These guys are all jacked. Every single one of them. They are pretty jacked. They are pretty jacked. Yeah. You can tell it's health guys. Yeah.

The clinical teams got the most recent cutting edge literature to create the most informed, personalized, evidence-based, and impactful protocols for the clients as possible. So you can get expedited onboarding for those interested in working with a Merrick Health provider for personalized treatment options ranging from hormone optimization, cognitive enhancement, hair loss prevention, body recomposition, anything you want. So the optimization package includes the same elaborate panel that me and Danny both did. And those test results from the Merrick Health clinical team optimizes our personal protocol to get the exact same panel and medical oversight click the link in the video description

below or go to merrickhealth.com slash boys cast and use the code boys cast to save 10% at checkout merrickhealth.com slash boys cast with the code boys cast great this is wild the amount of like nine. When I went out to, I went to university in Guelph and I played lacrosse for the first year. Really? And I went, yeah, I went.

And I was like, you know, I saw I was 18 and I'm a pretty fucking skinny guy. Probably weighed like a buck 45 at the time. You know what I mean? And I was like six, three, right? Yeah. I was just like fast. And I went and it was just guys that were,

you know, 245 pound beast just juiced up. And I'm like a child yeah yeah they're breaking your ribs and shit where did you go you notice a gulp uh guelph is like outside toronto is it nice well it's kind of like a fucking san francisco-y portland-y kind of place yeah like the university is the whole city yeah it's like when the meeting both why were there too oh is that is that what you guys meant no me and danny have randomly had like we are kind of the same life i was thinking about We both bought a place

Like right beside each other At the same time Yeah Not related In Toronto No way Yeah Wow

We didn't know each other In university We went to the same program Like we had classes together Yeah And we didn't know each other Did you play lacrosse too Did you

No No No I was just smoking weed The whole time Woo Yeah Yeah fuck you Do you find that

You know like You're a car salesman do you find that like everything else you do you do like that because that was your like template for how to do things like as you get older um i don't know i i kind of treated car sales as like a like a parachute like um well you're like if everything out no matter what i can always do this i never feel like i'm pinched for dough like right i'm not like worried or i don't get stressed out about bread and it's not because like a and when all else fails sell cars you know it's like a thing or sell anything right like if you can say i mean

if you can just if you're decent at buying shit but like cars so but as far as like analytical data like i mean you you i think what people don't know or don't grasp quickly about car salesman in general have had to have a lot of zero to 60 conversations quickly. You know what I mean? Like, hi, how are you? You're going to spend $45,000 to $100,000 with me in like 40 minutes if things go well. Like, you didn't come in here by accident. I'm not conning you in anything.

Right. It's just like you're going to. And then when you spend any amount of money, like if you bought a TV with the guy, like by the end of the TV purchase at best buy you're like you kind of like the kid you know what i mean you're like this guy was a good guy he got me to speak he told me about speakers that i could get yeah and like cars is kind of like the same way so you're like i'm not gonna lie to you i'll tell you what i'm gonna lie to my manager i'm gonna tell him you can't go into another dealership we're gonna trust me and i'll show you where i could fuck you and then you can call me out and lie that's how i sell cars and people like oh that's a huge move telling where i could fuck yeah yeah this is where i could fuck you i'd fuck you right here the interest rate is where i

could i'm marking up two points if i wanted to be an asshole but i won't that's the listen i could i could probably talk you have come bring you home have sex with you tonight but honestly i kind of want to see like a long-term thing with us yeah yeah i don't want to get started off on the right foot i don't want to fuck on the first date i want to take two weeks you know what i mean like do you convinced her you said no yeah it would be weird to watch your wife rim a 250 pound car salesman you know i mean like and like jerk me off in the back is strange right you know i mean like you're trying to buy a mercedes you're not trying to like watch you know get humiliated right you're not like a humiliated cuck fetish guy are you uh so i don't know i think like when you uh go through things you can get you can get there faster and your

average even like your average fucking any any sales guy who's been in it they've just been tortured by people and then if you go to like certain brands like i sold mercedes and acura so it was like engineers and pricks you know yeah so like my dad's an engineer and has an acura oh they're the best yeah they're the best cars of all time acuras are like the one i used to like what they used to have only nissan maximus for in the 90s my first car was like a 95 Nissan Maxima that's a nice one that was the best one they ever made yeah and they had they had that I think was a 90 which I had the digital neon yeah wipe yeah the digital everyone yeah that's the best one it was sick before door sports car yeah it was fucking

what do you think maximum the 90s 90s. What do you guys, you don't have cars in New York. No whips now. No. I went from driving every day of my life to driven once in five years.

Really? Do you suck at driving now? I was good at driving before. No, I was the same. He thinks I'm bad at driving. Well, you could maybe weigh in on this. Maybe what he would call

is like reckless where he's in the car being like, you didn't yield for that sign. You know? And I'm just like, I, this is,

you know, I don't crash. Like I've done, you know, some fender benders, but it's like, I'm, I'm in control.

It's just that I'm a reckless human period. Yeah. Yeah. Like Ryan's like the classic car where like when you open the passenger side door, like a month of garbage just comes like, yes. Oh,

I was just talking about this. Yeah, your car looks like... You have to basically move garbage around to just put your feet down. Princess Danny doesn't like this. No. I wanted to fucking drop a cinder block on my wife's head for that. I bought her a... I get deals on...

I got her a fucking wagon. I got her the yuppie mobile of all time. I open the fucking door. There's coffee cups in every pocket. I was like, I want to fucking kick you in the head while you're sleeping. What's the kick where you kick up and then down? I want to do that while she's asleep. Like that.

I'm going to fucking hit it, you fucking asshole. Yeah. It's humiliating. Your ride didn't really crash. I had a couple of big ones, though. I had a car with a parking brake. I used to drive standard. Oh, yeah, it's humiliating. didn't really crash, but I remember one time. I had a couple big ones, though, where I had a car with a parking brake. Like,

I used to drive standard. Oh, yeah. Like a stick shift, and I, we had an office in Toronto where it was on like a slope, and multiple times,

I drove the car up, just got out of the car, and just watched it come crash into the car. Yeah, like literally, like doesn't turn, doesn't turn the keys,

nothing. He like, just comes to a stop. Yes. Dude, literally comes to a stop. Dude literally comes to a stop and then just walks out of the car. I love that. Still in drive and just hits the wall. Radio on, windshield wipers on.

The trunk's open up. It just goes right down, smash. One time the guy was in the car. I go, Hun's like, all right, what do you want to do? Dude, I had a really good one of those. I used to be a referee for hockey and lacrosse. Really? And I pulled an all-nighter once when I was probably 14. Went to the game.

Popping chips all night. Yeah, right? Yeah, we went to fucking Street Fighter II. That was that. I'm 14. I had to ref like three games. I don't even know where I am. This is like my main move.

The parents would yell at me me and then I would just, whatever they yelled at, I would act like I was about to call that anyway. Like I basically let them ref the game. They go, you didn't see that fucking ice sticking? I go, yeah,

obviously I saw that ice sticking. The cost of my son is college education here. I would just let them dictate. But so anyway, I was all nighter, hadn't slept, drove home, just fell asleep while I was driving, like at a light, then just woke up, crashed into the guy before me. And then he was out all night or hadn't slept drove home just fell asleep while i was driving like at a light then just woke up crashed into the guy behind me and then he came out like

super gangster dude right and then he ended up not having insurance so yeah yeah exactly right he was like yo what the fuck and i was like well let's call insurance he's like no we can't do that blah blah and he starts going yo that like necklace you got what's that so i gave him my necklace and then i in my back of my car i had some video games so i probably did like 1500 bucks for the damage on this guy's car gave him my necklace probably worth 150 bucks maybe 90 i don't know what it was worth canadian necklace and then like two fucking yeah like some twisted metal or some shit oh i love this game i want to play with sweet thank you. He like grabs it and goes right back to the sky. His trunk couldn't even open. I know how to get the cheat code.

I'm going to get Mr. Grim. This guy's so pissed. He loves Twisted Metal too, though. How'd you know? Where were you? Were you in Canada? This was Newmarket, Ontario, I believe. Wow, you guys got super gangsters up there.

Don't you have a lot of Hell's Angels up there? That's Montreal's, their hub. Montreal's their hub, yeah gangsters up there. Don't you have a lot of, uh, hell's angels up there? That's Montreal. They're hot. Yeah. Yeah. Great. I like that. That's like Montreal is like the last place where,

uh, the Italian mafia is like really popping off still. Like they still have like, like targeted hits like regularly. Yeah. Like we're like, like right now happening right now. We're like,

like, you know, like a big Italian mobsters getting shot up in parking lots and stuff. Excellent. Yeah. That's great news. I like that.

I love that. In the West Coast, they're all Indian gangsters. They're all like- Have you ever watched the wrestling documentaries? All the Montreal guys, they were all mob tapped in. Really? One wrestler, the vice dark side of the ring or whatever, there was this one dude, and he was a big Montreal gangster enforcer dude. they get their hooks into you you know yeah i mean

the wrestlers are the toughest like uh they're the toughest guys in the world like you'd never fuck with a wrestler a buddy of mine boxed a wrestler and like a celebrity boxing thing and the second he's a big guy and i thought he was like oh this will be easy and i was the second i was like who you fighting he was like oh this guy used to be a pro wrestler and i was like don't do it. You're like, I don't know what you think you can do, but I wouldn't fight a girl wrestler. I'm like 250 pounds.

I would not fight. They take punishment, too. Dude, they will beat the fucking ass off you. Yeah, they're tough as shit. Did you ever see that where they did, I think it was on one of the Dark Side of the Rings, they, like the WWF or whatever e in the 90s someone had an idea to do a real boxing tournament where they were gonna all like box each other but for real jesus christ and then it like ended up being like this disaster because these guys were like

i don't want to box yeah like they're like i don't want to actually like have to go fist fight fucking lex luther or something yeah yeah like i don't want to have to go fist fight him or like box him and like it ended up being like this like they were just like it was a big mistake to do it but there's a whole episode on it where they did this like round robin this one i can't remember who wrestling lore is the best it's more exciting than football or any of those sports it's like i'm wasn't a big wrestling guy but watching stories about you know like hulk hogan sex tapes where he crawls off the chick and says my chan do you ever see that the hulk hogan he's like oh it's a chinese food the sushi that's the first thing he talks about it's you know how crazy they are when like hulk

hogan the wholesome the wholesome one is like like he's like fucking a girl in a hotel room he's like oh oh sushi fucking what like how fucking ct bro like the crispin walk killing his mother the love sponge his wife too wasn't yeah yeah he didn't any wanted a right didn't he like that I said come on come on Terry once you slammer Terry Mr. Bley you want to come inside my wife I'd love to suck a cream pie out of her you done in there you done in there it's all you're really giving her some business I love that oh the best part of that documentary was that uh he had to go up and be like

uh they showed the size of his dick and that was the damages and he was like well yes terry has a six inch dick but like hulk hogan probably has like a 12 or 13 when he's the hulk it's huge the damages that was done to his brand by showing his fucking dick. Wow. Hulk's got a medium dick? Well, no. Terry Bollea has a medium dick. Terry Bollea.

Hulk has a fucking Hulk dick. Hulk's got a huge cock, actually. Yeah, a huge cock. Yeah, yeah. So it did some real damage. I wonder why that's why his son's getting all those DUIs. His son, Nick. He's like, my dad's got a fucking medium cock.

Just racing his Viper through South Florida. What else did you lie to me you fucking dickhead get back with mom where's brooke could have had hulk's cock you got your career advice now i thought you got a five inch hammer what nick you do now did you bring my cock up when he's talking to the cops about his kids dui did nick you bring my cock up yeah he's's talking to the cops about his kid's DUI. Did Nicky bring my cock up? Yeah, he's got a real problem with that. He's got to get over it.

He's been having a real problem dealing with it. That's fucking awesome. That's so funny you guys are talking about that. Between the trash and your car, I was literally just looking at these two things this morning. You're like a car guy, so I can see you being like you keep a nice... Yeah, car wash nearby. You do just like you enjoy a Sunday nice like yeah you just car wash nearby

like you do like just like you enjoy like a sunday just do you think that's the biggest thing i know we have in a car is having a bunch of stuff in there yeah i got my stuff with me my god you have a closet yeah just can drive shirt yeah i agree of all your stuff that was the biggest thing that i miss is like being at the comedy club and i'm like oh i don't have all my belongings with me yeah yeah i have my backpack outside it with wheels Fucking to go back at all time. That's one of those carts like, you know, like the people who take to the grocery store Everything in there you got your driver's license Is that one of the biggest waste of money is like the guy who leases like the fancy Porsche, you know

I Think just people have like car, it's like porn. It's like, you know, like this is a fun experiment and I don't want to embarrass anybody, but like what kind of porn do you watch? The answer will always surprise you. I don't care who you ask. Like for real, what do you watch the most of? The guy who most looks like me, fucking the hottest chick.

No, I'm joking. No No but that's 100% true Yeah you're like You're zooming into the guy It's like her I'm a little taller than him He is tall that bed does look pretty short It's tall If I'm being honest probably the guy that makes the less noise

That's my biggest thing That I can't watch is a guy that's fucking too wordy shut it down yeah yeah dude they do the dirty talk guy has to only be wearing timberlands confederate flag yeah yeah yeah yeah one of my favorites is i saw porn once and there's a guy and the only thing he was wearing was a carpal tunnel bracelet on his wrist. That's the worst. He's like fingering her with it. It was so funny. He had nothing on except he had to have the carpal tunnel bracelet.

That's like a boner. That's like the pussy napkins. Yeah. That thing is fucking. I was like, but your carpal tunnel is so bad. He like can't fuck. So he's like, he can't even. He he's just like he can't put any weight on so he's like i gotta wear it still yeah baby girl you like that stuck in there yeah oh shit hold up

oh shit i got a little snag here yeah didn't mean to be i said it's pretty in there yeah he just like takes it off it's still stuck like you know he takes it off his dick's down she's bummed out but what was the porn thing what were you saying i think it's like to quench the thirst like i i uh i'm not into it i just i have the dug dug below i have the dug the mural garage i have like, just cars that won't lose value, but guys in general, it is a waste of money and like leasing Porsche.

Porsche is actually, it's unfortunate, but if you're truly gaming the market, you're trying to basically find cars that will have sustainable value for the longest time. Like a Land Cruiser, a 911, believe it or not.

It's unfortunate because it's like, they don't make a lot of 911s, so you can't get one. Like if we wanted a 911 right now, we couldn't call, we could have, you can't get one. Like it's impossible. It's like a watch. It's unfortunate because it's like they don't make a lot of 911s, so you can't get one. Like if we wanted a 911 right now, we couldn't call. Yeah, you can't get one. You can't get one. Like it's impossible. It's like a lot.

It's a limited supply. Like you've got to be like you've bought five Porsches before. And they laugh at you. And it's like laugh at me. I'll fucking burn this building down. You cock-sucking fucking. And Porsche guys are the worst. They're the worst.

Like my cousin's one. He's the fucking worst. They know the colors. He's like in the paint. You is talking about Jerry Seinfeld right now yeah yeah I'll take a Veracruz what's my daughter my buddy's daughter so

hot for what times her high school get out with those big knockers they shake in my old air cooled Porscheed porsche but like porsche culture is is like a vapid and it's basically guys that are like dude where am i like the thing i like about hanging all the porsche owners is um where the hell am i gonna talk about getting uh custom painted air vents for 3500 and not be like a complete douche and you're like don't worry buddy

nowhere you are like you're a fucking that was the big thing uh where i grew up is people used to meet at the wendy's parking lot actually wendy's and tim hortons oh and uh they'd have their souped up honda civics and to just be like 14 fucking off-white like you know like a dark italian maybe a persian like yep just 19 guys standing there outside their things just showing their new seat belt covers off just yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no wasn't a chain it looked like it almost looked like the cyber truck steering wheel oh yeah you know like that but it was this was 20 years ago and it was like it was like a racing car right yeah like it was almost like a go-kart steering wheel so you're so that guy's a badass certified fucking badass when we

were 14 he was yeah 16 well i remember when i was in high school a few of the parking lot guys would like date girls in high school and it was like big deal this guy would pick up and you're like that car must be a trillion dollars yeah she's saying that fiero must be a trillion dollar wow billionaire is that a honda del sol he doesn't give those seatbelts to anyone yeah you can't even get though they're on back order from the apc yeah no he's got an intake holy shit my pussy's soaked i can't believe you got the hottest girl in school with a fucking that's i mean that's 200 cultures a thing but i kind of wish sometimes that i was into like it seems like some people that are into

cars and just collectibles it seems like it's uh you go also it seems like a fun thing i mean i've tried to pretend that i care about things but i just can't what do you spend a disproportionate amount of money zero i just don't i don't buy anything i've yeah nothing you just live there's not one thing that jumps off your sheet that you say. There's nothing that I would buy that I'd be like, I mean, he doesn't, but I'll go for nice dinners occasionally, like with my wife or whatever, but nothing crazy. But I do like a nice meal. He hates it.

He literally goes, he goes, It's worse food. We go to like a three Michelin star restaurant, where I'm just like, hot dogs and macaronis, just as good as this. Good for you, bro. Hey, that's admirable. We go to like a three Michelin star restaurant where I was just like hot dogs and macaronis just as good as this. Good for you, bro. Yeah. Hey, that's, that's admirable. I mean, to be able to turn the, uh, to turn the fucking, uh, shades up on that.

I mean, well, the truth is though, as you get older and I feel, I feel like it comes across, like if anything, I go against my true nature because people think you're like putting it on, you know? Yeah. Like you're just like, oh, I don't like this food. And they're like, oh, you're too cool. Like, you know what I mean? So I have anything you just pretend you're like, it on, you know? Like you're just like, oh, I don't like this food. And they're like, oh, you're too cool. Like, you know what I mean? So anything you just pretend you're like, oh yeah, it's good.

Like, because you don't want to come across like you're trying to be that guy or something. Michelin man, like you're the Michelin star dickhead. Or like the guy that's like, I don't have a phone. I don't do, it comes across like you're trying to, you're doing it to make some point. You can't fucking win either way. And I'm like, if I'm'm like i'd rather like yeah i like

uh i don't want to i'll just blame it on my wife like my wife had a sick job it's the best excuse and i'm like yeah she has a sick job we get to go to hotels it's true she could write it like she had her she could write them all off they're actually my thing that's the trip like you'll travel like you'll go away go away and like go to the galapagos paying money for a chore yeah to pack yeah a second administration job. Like I don't have enough administration. Lucky you. Yeah.

Yeah. Five days of airports and two days of laundry for your wife to do after you get back. And yeah. Legitimately. You're booking. You're booking like, oh, where are we going to go here? How do we get there? This it's.

Yeah. Yeah. Legitimately. You get bossed around by your chick. I would pay not to do that. Yeah. To do less than nothing. You're going to end up in the Caribbean or something, man. Yeah.. You're gonna have like a jet ski business in the Caribbean when you retire.

Hey, man, for real, that's like true living, like the people who don't want and a fishing fishing charter. Yeah, yeah, charter. That's nothing. Those dudes just take people out on the boat by the boat and then the book pay for the boat by just taking people out on the boat. You don't even have to drive the boat. You don't have to fish you're just the guy you're like probably that that's all you need is a hat yeah a hat a cool shirt life hack being like you're 35 years old you have three million dollars in stuff you know that and then you're just like i could do whatever i want forever to me that's the whenever people talk

about all the ways but that's the only way that you're like okay everything else is just like you know preference that's the only way that you're like you kind of beat the game now yes you're doing it the difference from five million to a hundred million is so far it's not even worth talking about and like three and a half to six millions like that magic number they say i think they said something like well you're like oh i have 200 grand a year for the rest of my life yeah well yeah you're sitting there with interest for forever yeah not that not doable there's guys right now just being like i'm working two jobs that both make pay 150 a year making 300 grand a year i'm living cheap as you know i'm gonna have two mil by you know 30 yeah

that'll turn into four by 40 i'm out they say that thing my buddy told me this is like 300 000 is the perfect amount of money to make before people start. After that, family starts asking you for money. Expectations go to weird places. I remember. You start buying stuff just for the sake of it. I have some friends who make a lot of money, but they work at a bank for 80 hours a week. They literally just buy stuff because they're like, I have to.

To make themselves feel better. I do. That's a good point. Why am I working 80 hours hours a week and then they just fill their house with shit that milwaukee tools yeah you have to look at that you know like this is why i do it yeah yeah exactly have this but it's like yeah like a sick car and you're like i just have to i like i can't justify living like it's like putting a rolex on before you eat a crack whore out kind of it makes me feel better it's like it's this flies on your mouth bro you have like fucking a toxic goo on your lips and this flies on your mouth like i actual stink line can you even see what time it is on that thing like it's fucking covered in goop bro

i go i go to war with my buddy who's a fine he's a finance guy and i love him to death but he's he's like he's got you know the golden handcuffs theory he's making you know two three hundred grand a year but he And he buys stuff. And he's like, ah, your life's fucking crazy. I would never do this. And clearly, our life is fucking crazy. We're thinking about becoming a Jabberwocky and a fucking magician, a street magician on Fremont Street.

Clearly, he's not going. You've got fucking Tic Tacs under your eye. You've got a double life, too, because you have the store, right? Well, I don't have a store. I did have a store. That was a mistake. It's online now. That runs itself. I have a building that just did have a store. That was a mistake. I have an... It's online now. That runs itself.

I have like a building that just kind of two girls work full time, my wife. They all work full time, packaging, shipping, marketing. I got you. So you're like the Hermosia of the business where you become the marketing arm. Yeah. I just wear nose strips and get yanks. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And I'm just trying to turn my wife into a guy. So... Just fucking sticking her with tea. Yeah. Yeah. Be a guy. Like just become a guy. You have time now. with tea yeah be a guy like just become a guy you have time now

but yeah the finance guy he's he's like he's living life where he's like he's chained there for for years and i'm like you know 10 years ago by like we're not spring chickens anymore like we were we're 30 year old like why he was a cool like really cool guy he was a formula four racer and shit this guy was just like the coolest guy back in the day it's like one of your buddies i had edge and then he went he's gotten a little bit of problems and he went the other way in like life he married like a straight and narrow and his life is like so straight and narrow now and i'm like your license plate on your m3 in high school was 69069 on purpose like you were the wildest guy i knew and now you find it still in him like

do you nope it's all gone interesting i know it's these the one that for him might be the better he says it's the best thing that ever yeah he's like dude like that you know he might be through a magic on fremont street right now i think if he came on like this trip he'd be like hey man i found heroin you want to these hookers i have a few of those bodies that they're that guy when it comes out you're like that's you know what it is it's you never win like the boys go out and it's uh you know like 2 3 a.m and you're probably like all right rap and the one guy that's like come on guys we can't like don't make me go back there you know i'm not going back i'm gonna stay you're packing up to leave the i'm staying what yeah man i called my wife this morning i'm staying you know what i told her

i said i called her father and said i beat the shit out of her so he knows for real it's over hey father-in-law yeah i hit your fucking daughter i want you to know it's over for real tell the kids i love them yeah tell the kids i love my name's glenn now i'm different i live in vegas the guy because the guy's inside there he's's going to come back out, dude. Eventually. But like when, you know what I mean? Like when, I mean,

I'm sure you guys have these buddies, especially cocaine. They all become, those are the cocaine guys. I don't know if I can tell this story. Is there wipes all like, Oh, don't be,

you know, be out. Yeah. I don't know if I can tell. Okay. I can probably tell us. Well, it's,

it's used dinosaur. I can use it. It doesn't matter. So my dad, so we know I was at the strip club last night and I was just fucking bored. Cause I'm like, I don't know. I'm not a big stripper. Fucking doesn't matter. It's not something we know. I was at the strip club last night, and I was just fucking bored because I'm like, I'm not a big stripper. Fucking female strippers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking they can't dance for shit. Where's the fucking Thunder Down Under? No bodies. The fucking Chippendales guys are fucking yanked. These girls are flabby and soft. The stripper was like sitting beside me,

and I was just like literally just like on my phone or whatever. And then this fucking stripper. Just being like, it's like you on your boat. It's like literally four in the morning. Bitcoin's up. And then she's just like talking to me.

And I'm like, and it was like not that many people. They're just talking to me. I'm like, so yeah, my go-to with strippers is if they're talking to me, I'm like, so you got any like wild stories or whatever?

And then she's like, yeah, she's like last year, fucking Jimmy Kimmel came in here, and he was just doing blow and trying to fuck every hooker. He was like taking condoms out. You were Jimmy Kimmel's going to be mad you told this? Well, I don't know.

I was like, is this slander? But whatever. But anyways, he was like, we're going to get a knock on the door. He's here. Are you talking about Jimmy? He's got a condom on. He's hard. This guy runs Vegas, man.

He's going to put you in a fucking hole in the desert. He's got six condoms on. You look hard. This guy runs Vegas, man. He's going to put you in a fucking hole in the desert. He's got six condoms on. You look down, they're like, he's got six condoms on? But he was like putting condoms on, and she was like fucking trying to get me to snort or let him snort coke off my asshole and all this stuff. But it's like Jimmy Kimmel, like clean cut Jimmy Kimmel. Really? I mean, obviously, he was a man show Jimmy Kimmel, so that's always who he'll be.

Right. But he's like pivoted so hard, but then she's like, no, that guy's still in him. Oh, yeah. That's still there. But he doesn't want you to think that. He wants you to think he's a new man. It's Diddy Parting Kimmel. Yeah, yeah.

He's fucking... I mean, the strip clubs are ridiculous. I hate them. Or casinos. Just strip clubs and casinos. Honestly, it's my wife who always drags me to them. What's that? It's my wife who always drags me to them.

Oh, you lucky son of a bitch. No, it's not lucky, though, because I'm not like, my wife's not like, go get a bunch of lap dances. It's just like I sit there, and then I'm like, okay. She likes the vibe? She just likes the, yeah, she just likes the party. Wow, you're so lucky. Fellas, whether you're looking for a core that won't fit,

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Again, that is F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slash boyscast. You want to hear the funniest story of all time about that? I have a good one like that. If we're not too late. No. We got that well you're on more of your schedule than ours um when i first started i've been with my wife for 15 years she's not a fat bitch i actually love her to death she's she's great if love isn't real i'm literally like if my wife and i get a divorce i will join the hell's angels i will be a murderer that's the truth i will be in

montreal like this hey ryan hey what are you guys doing here i gotta go do something out over there the italians are getting too loud like just like killer stonker when we first met i thought i heard her say she likes chicks i thought i heard that and like a guy i just go noted noted yeah like a fucking pig that i am i'm just like this got Got it. File that away. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, oh, cool. This will be cool. So we're dating.

She's going to New York for trips. She's got an executive job. She was buying for TK Maxx, right? She was buying a million dollars worth of clothes a week. So she would go to New York every Tuesday and Wednesday on a train, paid for a trip, nice hotels, blah, blah, blah. She's like, want to go to New York with me? Now we're in for like a year.

We're dating. We're in love. We're moved into, you know, we're full on. We know we're going to get married. So we go to New York. And I remember the mental note that I made. This is like, oh, it's like 2009. You're thinking chitching.

Yeah, I'm like, all right. So we're at it's like 2009. You're thinking chitching. Yeah, I'm like, all right. So we're at dinner at like somewhere. It was a Beauty in Essex when it was good. Remember the Beauty in Essex is like the pawn shop. It's in New York. It's in the meat pack. Whatever. So we're in Beauty in Essex having like a nice dinner.

And I was like, can I tell you something? She's like, yeah. I was like, I did something crazy. She's like, God, what? And I was like, remember that conversation we had like we were drunk when we're dancing we used to dance in the living room you told me like you like chicks and she's like not really and i was like yeah well uh i put an ad on craigslist to have a threesome. She's like what

what the fuck did you just say? I was like we're gonna. I'm getting like the hottest Russian girls ever are replying to it. I'm like this and I'm like she's like. Are you fucking pervert? Is there something fucking wrong with you? She's like I fucking love you like that. Are you fucked up? Are you a fucking sex fuck freak and i was like no no i didn't know yeah you're like i thought you you like you want to do this that's what you said you'd like it was it was the fucking gutting of all guttings i was like no no like i took the ad down what do you think i was gonna stay up all night doing coke and fucking some Russian girl on a business trip.

We're not doing the coke either. I was like, what? I'm not going to call my guy. I was so fucked. We were like knocked down. Sitting in silence. It was a knockdown drag. I fight for two for two hours, like in the cab, out of the restaurant.

I was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought it was what I thought you wanted. I was like, you were cool. I'm cool. I do it at home. We're fucking we'll do it. We don't know anybody. You don't even know you fucking weird, you fucking weird shit. That's kind of stuff you're into. I was like it was fucking brutal, so my wife doesn't like chicks. It turns out she lied. Yeah, fucking fucking lion sack of shit or I just

remembered it. She was probably like i like like fucking chicks like small yellow chicks yeah whatever she's like i don't know it's like i like them aesthetically yeah not for sexual purposes clearly yeah clearly fucking to be honest i had a like a kind of similar one like when i was probably like 23 i dated some girl that was like you know obviously we're together but like i'm not an idiot like if something happens on the road whatever and then i brought that up like you know six months later like yeah obviously we kind of had a thing where she doesn't care if she goes what the fuck and i what you said she goes i didn't mean like sleeping with another girl i mean like if you got in

trouble or went to jail yeah i know that's why i'm in two 23 that's how i bust my wife's balls i'm always like uh like we'll be out in and if we're arguing, I'll do two things. I'll be like, just found out we're not in an open relationship for 15 years. I'll tell the waitress. Or I'll act like a wigger. Like hard. Yeah!

Like at restaurants in front of waitresses. Like nice restaurants. She's like, stop it, stop it. And I'm like, yeah, we'll go get the horses. Like real corny. Like corny, cring nice restaurants. Stop it. Stop it. Yeah. We'll go get the oysters. I'm in there. Like real corny, like corny, cringy shit.

Just to fuck with her. Dude, I used to have my, my ex. I did it for a while. She was like Indian, but she grew up where they speak Spanish. So she like went to school speaking Spanish.

That's confusing. Fucking like X, some expat shit, whatever. She spoke Spanish. Um, and, we would always do a thing where she would pretend she doesn't speak

English and we'd talk to people at the bar and I'd be like dude this girl I've been dating for six months she don't speak a fucking word of English so then I'd have conversations about her with her there and then she'd be like see like whatever that's awesome that's like a bit we were pretty aggressive that's a good bit though yeah I don't know help me yeah angel shot angel shot and I'm like dude I told her i'm rich she doesn't fucking know what money is broke yeah she doesn't know shit that's fucking you had indy did you say there was indian mafia oh yeah west coast canada oh yeah like the town like the tamils and i know they're not indian but there's i think sri lankan sri lankan but there's all these like all the

like gang dude there's they have like shootouts like big time my high school they had that there was like really yeah yeah yeah like in the west coast they're like all the gangsters are basically like indian or um like sri lankan and they are fucking vicious i've told this and there's native gangsters like native like indigenous but the tamils are the ones to mess with. This tattoo gangsters? No, those. No, we don't have those ones. There's like the Mayores or whatever. Yeah, the Mayores, they're gangsters too.

They have the natives ones. The Tamils came to my high school and they got in a big fight with the Italians. And the Italians, we used to have like a gang of Italians that kind of were like, you know, this is when, you know, Sopranos is big and everything. Like wear the full cap of suits. And they kind of thought they were like, you know, this is when Sopranos is big and everything, like wear the full cap of suits and they kind of thought they were like real Italian gangsters. They might've been connected in some which way to doing some small time crime,

but they got in a fight with the Tamils. The Tamils probably like maybe 15, 20 Honda Civic showed up and then the Tamils got all the fucking Genos around and the main Tamil made the two main genos kisses shoes in front of everyone what yeah they roll so deep there's so many of them really yeah yeah they're just like like nunchucks yeah yeah yeah this is like they're popping out of fucking like rick shaws and shit you know they're in like 20 30 of them yeah there's got to be like that's because that tamils that's interesting that's really i've never heard that yeah so random yeah that's right that oh yeah what was i gonna say that um

but so he always talks about probably the uh the biggest way that you can fuck up your life is choose the wrong girl you know obviously you know go bankrupt and move to vegas is a which way but like what do you think's like the biggest uh like the biggest way that a dude can, the one mistake everyone always makes in their 20s that like fucks shit up for them? That's a good question. That's a really good question. Damn. Biggest thing you could fucking do?

Like a lot of people go, you know, just house poor on some shit they can't afford. Like, yeah. You know, believing a false, believing a retard, believing a moron. Ah. Like finding a boss that's not that talented, but you think he's the man.

Taking his system. Yeah. Like, oh, this guy's the man. He's like a 600,000. I call him like 600,000aires. Yeah. We have them in Ryle. They're like wannabes that drive Jaguars and Land Rovers.

Like not the good, they're not driving full body Range Rovers. They're buying like Velars. Yeah, yeah. You know, like you have the Velar. It's a shit box. You have the Discovery. It's a shit box.

You have the Jaguar, the F-Type. No one wants it. Yeah, the F-Type. No one wants it. Yeah, the F-Type's a piece of shit. They're like the wannabes. 600,000 years. But people will, like, believe those guys' systems. Yeah. And, like, if you have, like, a fucking...

I mean, the thing is, if you have a crazy system, you're not fucking just putting it on Instagram. Yeah. And if it's working so fucking good, why are you talking to me? Yeah, exactly. You're like... Yeah, you're just... Because they need an apprentice.

They're, like, working out their system on you, kind of. Yeah. You are the system. Like, the girl he's dating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are the system. A dude talks to like the girl he's dating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are the system. Like they're like, yeah, the system is me fucking you believing that I have all these answers.

That I'm cool as shit. And then you're giving me money. Yeah. Like that's the system. You're saying like it could be like a construction guy. Like, you know, you're working for a construction guy and you're like, oh, this guy's figured it out. And then you follow him for 10 years and the next thing you know, he's in jail.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in jail. He, yeah, yeah. He's in jail. He's on his third wife. He's got, you know, 50 cars. And you're at $35 an hour in your mid-30s. You know what I mean? He calls you up at like midnight to like strip the fucking cop. Yeah, he owns you.

Yeah. Following bad advice to its conclusion. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, I just gave this guy 15 years of my fucking life. I mean, that? Bad habits? Yeah, bad habits. I mean i mean obviously that's pretty fucking like broad but you know what i was kind of thinking uh i was thinking yesterday when i was talking to people that like probably uh the same way that dan because he always says that like choosing the wrong woman which is true but there's guys that like choose the wrong woman but she don't like she don't

really affect them always it can be yeah but i was thinking staying single too long yeah dude i have a buddy that we went back to he had his house a while ago and then he's like probably 45 and he's kind of like just been on the scene on every dating app forever you know probably does he get laid yeah it does all right i mean you know if you're 45 and you got a bit of money just you just find the right pool you're gonna it doesn't matter yeah eventually you're gonna find your pocket though it is a lot of work a lot of work he had a he had hooks in his roof because he's like has a fucking sex swing and shit now and you're just like this because you can't like that's where it goes you know yeah yeah you're just a pervert yeah yeah yeah you're like you're like that was it uh burn after reading yeah you're george clooney and burn

after reading where you discuss it over the fuck machine that you built and you kick it while crying you're just like why am i like this you're like you're fucking fuck machine that you built and you kick it while crying. You're just like, why am I like this? You're like you fucking your dildo arm and you were going to like fuck with the girl you're. Yeah, I have friends who. Maybe turn in like a 20 year old phase into like a full time identity forever. Yeah, yeah, this is like I'm basically a glorified fucking crystallized pervert. Yeah, I crystallize my perversion.

Instead of being like a sick dude, it's it's just switches into a pervert. Yeah, yeah, you're like, are you like you have it down so well and you realize there Instead of being like a sick dude, it just switches into a pervert. Yeah, yeah. You're like, you have it down so well, and you realize there's like a, you know your 100% closing ratio types of women. You know, and it's like stupid ones. Yeah, you're just doing it now. Yeah, yeah. And you're just going through the motions.

My dad kind of put me under that at young. He was like, we had like this cool uncle. He was like the man. He was like the biker. He always had dope chicks. He was steroided out big fucking. He'd he knock anybody out fucking he's cool and then uh he would always be like yeah tommy's cool you good guy but he don't tell you the four nights a week he's got a jerk off i was like six you know i was like what he's like yeah tracy's pretty hot now but

she's got a lot of miles on her he don't tell you about like six year old yeah like six or seven he's like yeah he's those guys you get a nice girl and you'll be a lot happier and i was like okay it is the one thing i think about a lot though is it's amazing it's like no matter who you are like you can't escape like the it's just the chick ruin in your life that you like like it's crazy like when you see like a guy like jeff bezos or whatever like literally like he paid a hundred billion dollars to get rid of his wife yup you're like that guy you're like you have all the money in the world you can't still escape this bullshit like it's not like he imported a new problem yeah

tony gonzalez's huge new yeah you see the problem. His newscaster Latina girlfriend that looks totally unnatural with him. Oh, yeah, she was she married. She was married. She married Tony Gonzales. Yep. Really? And he's like Tony Gonzales tight end. She's like, do you want to have Tony on the boat over for 4th of July?

He's like, yes, pictures of him with Tony Gonzales and his chick. And I'm like, oh, that's like the cockiest shit ever. pictures of him with tony gonzalez and his chick and i'm like oh that's like the cuckiest shit i've ever heard sure have your gigantic all all pro tight end ex-husband over here just shaking your hand just doing it oh he's sucking cream pie but i'm sure she's she's not getting she probably has a rock solid prenup but just you know bezos is probably just like fuck man this is gonna cost me so much money and it is worth it i i i guess fuck yeah good for you hundred billion he goes worth it yeah worth it worth it i mean the bad though a bad wife ruining uh ruining a bad chick is a great i've seen it happen you have to have kids with them for it to really mess you up though yeah yeah yeah because there's no going you know

you there's so many things that come in you know you can't leave the wife of a buy you have kids well they're always going to be in your life that's why like this person's in your life for a turn but did bezos have kids he must have i just think he thinks he treats the united states public as his children he's like you're all my children and i am santa claus order some stuff on amazon you can have a comb i've got lotion for you anything you need tomorrow yeah i'll have it there as fast as possible oh those are great ones Fuck yeah dude Thank you for coming

This is fucking awesome Thank you for having me Yeah awesome Your shit's Last year I watched The new special You guys did That I guess

Is on your website right now But that shit was so funny man That's fun Yeah you guys are the best man You guys were I always say You guys were like Super nice to us last year

I was like yeah Those guys are cool I like that Really Dude I love that Dude that special was like I've always liked the show but especially you guys did it was cool that you just like did it on your own released the full special filmed it like at a high level it was really good like all the you know the musical cues from an editing like it was you know spending the

money spent the money put in the time everything was you know the way that you kind of uh weaved like one big plot line together that most people thought. It was kind of like a lot of little things where I was like, I know that's hard to do. You know, it's a little thing, but I was like, that was hard to pull off. Yeah, a little sketch. It's tough. Stand-up, crossover, sketch, and vice versa. I'm learning because I didn't do stand-up last year.

Now I do it. And it's like stand-up is like hard to do and sketch is hard to do. And that's why stand-ups don't typically do good sketch shows and vice versa i have a theory on that tell me if you've probably uh done so much sketches i think that one of the reasons uh that's that stand-ups are like uh it it's kind of like live podcast and versus normal podcast too but you're just like the what's funny in the sketch like what's funny in a sketch wouldn't be funny online. 100%. So they can't, like your instincts

are all fucked up, you know? Yeah. Because all of your instincts are this would be funny and you're like, that would actually be the least funny thing to do.

100%. Because it's compositional, right? Like you have like the film, the shot, the actor, the costumes,

the dialogue, the music, the setup. There's so many things that you can tweak where it's like, yeah, like,

you know, pie is good and pizza is good but you don't eat them them all together and blah, blah, blah. And like the ratios come into play on that. Yeah, the ratios are good. And then like with stand up, like you think like something's funny and then you're like, go ahead, go say that on stage, dickhead. I've been doing this and I'm like, it's not fucking funny at all.

I thought that was so funny when I was wrong. Like, this is really funny. I'll write it down. Like, that's not funny at all. That's probably the first thing that like took me a while too, especially like, cause you're starting as like a fully formed guy, which helps you probably in a lot of ways cause you have like a very clear perspective, you know, you're funny. But on the other part of it, it was like, you realize that all the things that, you

know, friends of yours or people that like, you think you're sick, you're like, that's actually like off putting to a stranger, you know what I mean? In a lot of ways. Like pat you on the back so hard yeah that's hilarious strangers are like what the fuck yeah yeah yeah what did that guy just say you're only with comedians all the time and you're like like we have the sensibility because we're always just getting our fucking ears fucked with the craziest things yeah yeah they think you know like look what we're doing this weekend you know what i mean like this is non-stop like and then and then like, look what we're doing this weekend. You know what I mean? Like, this is nonstop. Like, and then, and then, and then, and then. And we're like, shh, shh, shh.

Like, no. And then we're like, how was your weekend? Your pals from home. And you're like, oh, it was fucking crazy. Joe pissed his pants. And they did a $5,000. I was at a strip club. I was asking her crazy stories.

Two, five in the morning. I'm a fucking degenerate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see how this comes off. And you're like, oh. Do you see, like see like tommy lee for example like guys like that he does like a podcast you know tour promoting something or other right and it's like you're like this guy's doing like a tour just like humble bragging basically yeah and you're just like i think if the more anytime you do this you're just like oh right like you kind of you have to be in tune with how like everyone

else is seeing it at the moment and then on sketches your pacing like you you have your pacing and then people will find it on stand-up you need to match like the energy of the room's pacing and that's probably like a huge switch that's a wicked big one yeah like and then like you have like you'll they'll catch up to you when you're making stuff you know and that's crazy then like that that side of things is crazy like reading the room and working with the room or like yeah laughter or bills or like clanging of bottles and stuff. Oh yeah, and you like you'll be like a lot of external shit. Yeah, and you're like, what the fuck is this? Like you'll be doing a set of the audio.

You want a course like Bud Light Heineken? I'm like shut the fuck up. Like what are you crazy? You stupid fucking bitch. It's in the middle of my punch line. Yeah, you'd get fucking kicked in the fucking head if you were on the set like and then you say that and then everybody's just like yo chill job job man and i'm like you fucking i'll fucking kill you you fucking like if it was on a set like you just cost us fucking three grand you dumb bitch

and then like it happens over and over again you're like oh shit that's happened that's just just bringing guy beers i'm like i feel like you're like that's how this bar makes their money is even to go back to the other thing it feel like a dickhead. You're like, that's how this bar makes their money is. You're selling beers. Even to go back to the other thing, it's like that thing where you've learned to be an expert at two things or three things, it's like you'll just do that again and your thing will be so much quicker than everyone else's, I'm sure. It's like, yeah. I mean, you guys write jokes.

All stand-ups, you guys are stand-ups. Stand-ups write jokes. You have a format and you know you can say them. I don't have that. I just don't know know i don't know like i'm not there yet where i'm like oh this is my this will work this is my shtick this is how i do you know what you do have though is that you have that thing you can like click into as like a human where i don't i wouldn't call it like a character but like you click into as a human like something that's just like a fucking ball of funny and it's like you have your p you find a way yeah that

that's such a hard that's very few people have yeah but it's hard yeah but also it's a thing that certain people just have like you know like i've like probably as a guy who like you know he's made movies i made tv shows and stuff like i was casting people or whatever it's like five people i know have that you know what i mean yeah well they can kick it on kick it on but and it's not uh doesn't feel over the top. It doesn't feel awkward. You know. It's genuine. Yeah.

It's something that's in you or something. I think it's working with Chuck. Chuck and Sammy, they'll, I don't know. I took UCB classes. Oh, really? I did. That was fun. I took a month of intensive improv.

Really? It was good? I think it was shaking the nerves out. Acting is fucking gay. Yeah. It's cringyy the gayest part is people who take it really serious that's the worst part you're like you are so replaceable like every person who's like no no i'm the best at eating cereal in this fucking kellogg's commercial nobody can do it like me and you go literally anybody can do it like you and Mechanics. Anyone. Any fucking person can eat cereal. You're not special.

And that's the toughest part. But it's like, all right, asshole. What are you going to do? Be a cool guy right now? Yeah. You're going to be LA cool. You're paying to be here. Yeah.

You paid $300 or $700 or whatever the fuck it was. And now what are you going to be? Fucking Johnny. I ain't doing Zip Zap. I'm not playing Zip Zap Zop. I'm not playing. I don't want to do it i don't want to make up a name for myself yeah gay yeah yeah i'm gonna sit over here and make fun of you guys

like that those like nerves are so like it was like oh my god and you're there with those people that you're talking about like yeah those like actors that you see in every people are like afterwards they're like hey you want to go grab a beer you're like i hate all of you yeah i literally i hope you grab a fucking ambulance. I despise you all. I hope you grab a chemotherapy. Shit. Yeah, dude, that's self-suck. And you guys got dates?

I don't know if you want to. Yeah, well, we'll be in Ohio. Sam Hyde Live for tickets and Scuff the Realtor every Tuesday and Thursday on YouTube. Sam and Nick's Perfect Clips. That's more important than anything. That's basically the stream we do. Check out real estate and have fun. Look at listings all over United States, Canada, Australia, australia new zealand fun yeah you ever look at that zillow gone wild shit i've seen some of your streams but some of the man it's so crazy because everybody's like complains you know like

housing so expensive and then they'll be a little cool down but but yeah yeah but then they'll show like some place and you know i don't know fucking rural alabama it's just like some mansion for 400 grand Or something Those are Like because you know People obviously want to be Near like these cities

But you're like man If you're willing to just live in the Which everybody should do Yeah You're like You can get the sickest place Buddy I was looking at Places

Like There's places that are like Not that crazy expensive Near Central Park And I was like Fuck that would be kind of cool Like being in Central Park Near Central Park

New York Yeah And I was like I'd be sick Yeah wait for the fucking homeowners fees property tax and homeowner fees nine grand a month on a place that's 1.2 yeah nine grand a month because so new york city has um buildings uh buildings have land leases so a lot of buildings uh lease the land from the city never and they're like 99 year leases so you can get a place that like if it wasn't a land lease it would be five million dollars but it's now 1.2 million dollars but your fees like you literally are paying the city doesn't make any sense 12k i've never seen

one thing in this i if this is the way i would play new york city i would get a really nice place with four friends and say listen guys we're gonna go 25 000 each a year and we're gonna get a four bedroom something for like 15 to 30 000 a month something stupid yeah and then we'll just fuck this thing for what it's worth and we'll time share between three guys and then buy a house an hour out yeah or two i don't know why more people don't play that better 20 year old move but that's a yeah you know i mean yeah if you're a fucking man you're not gonna be like hey what's up you fucking kidding me i was like do we live in like a commun man. You're not going to be like, hey, what's up? Shut the door. You fucking kidding me?

I had a boy. Do we live in like a commune or something? What's going on here? It's like four families. You're like. I'll be in physical response. It's a central park. It's beautiful. Are you into chicks, by the way?

Put an ad on Craigslist. Yeah, I want an ad on Craigslist. I'd get the way worse result. Yeah, fuck yeah. All right. This has been the boys, guys. Yeah. Thank you.

Thanks, buddy.