The Boyscast with Ryan Long - Revenge of the Cis

Episode Date: May 8, 2020

I talk to the great Mersh and Royce of Revenge of the Cis about Travelling Drunk Boomers, Lockdown Hypocrites, The thing that has got them in the most trouble in their careers, and how the lies were s...upposed to beleive these days have gotten so rediculous - Sorry about the slight technical issues it won't happen again don't murder my family please Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 And you can tell our friends And they can have my things when we're dead But we're gonna live forever But we're gonna live forever And you can tell our friends Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys Boys, boys, boys, boys Oh yeah, have you, do you guys remember my, uh, Ride My Pony?
Starting point is 00:00:19 Boys, boys, boys, boys Fuck, that would be sick. That would be fucking sick. Someone could do a remake. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm just the boys cast. Now we're talking. It's the kind of stuff that we need.
Starting point is 00:00:43 Actually, someone sent me a track and it was a song and he said this would be perfect for the boys cast. And the song goes, me and the boys. Very fun stuff. But today we got a special episode. Now, it seems like we've been going one on one off. You know, we've been doing some guests back to the singles and then back. You know, we've been doing some guests back to the singles and then back to, we, you know, we've been doing lots of different things, picking the troublemakers on and people have started to notice.
Starting point is 00:01:11 They've been like, you haven't a lot of guys on your podcast. They're fucking, they're in a lot of shit. Yeah. Cause that's, who's interesting. It is.
Starting point is 00:01:21 There is, you know, there's a lot to be said about that. People are like, you know, why don't you just fucking have anyone on well because the people that are causing trouble are the people that are interesting to me and those are the people that fucking you know as Colin Quinn said
Starting point is 00:01:36 I didn't get into comedy to march in lockstep with society's conventions I thought that was pretty on fucking point and neither did did I. So today's episode, we have Revenge of the Cis. These guys do a daily web show, literally every day. And then they do their own every day too. So they do two shows a day each. Pretty crazy. Internet fucking dirtbags. Internet troublemakers. I did a live stream at midnight a couple weeks ago and murce was said this was his fifth show that he streamed and he did two hours of streaming in each so i was like he'd been on air for 11 hours you know in front of they have a huge audience they guys do like 20 30 000 for their fucking streams. It's wild. So we talked about a lot of stuff and I know
Starting point is 00:02:26 these guys personally, so it was fun to catch up with them. We talked about, you know, coronavirus a little bit cause they have a unique take. They've been some of the guys since the beginning that have been beating the pavement that there's something fishy going on here. Um, we, I went through some of the great points that these guys have made over the course that I've been, you know, paying attention to them and some of the things, because they've said a few things that have stuck with me. And, you know, I've been actually getting a lot of messages from people here and people have been tagging me in tweets and stuff, saying that tagging me in things that I've said here, being like, this is a sentence that really resonated with people, which I like because, you know, I kind of go into this further on the podcast. But I do. I'm that type of guy too. When I listen to a podcast, a lot of times someone will say something and I'll be like, holy shit. And I'll like, I'll press pause and then
Starting point is 00:03:12 I'll like write it down. I have a little note, uh, quote section where a lot of times I'll write down quotes of people I really like. So I think is, you know, really cool. And it's one thing when it happens in my standup, cause people are like, you know, Oh, I thought this thing you said was good. And I was like, Well, yeah, I've been refining that forever. But when some of my points are articulated on the podcast, and they resonate with people, it feels very, I don't know what the right word is, but it feels very much in line with what I want people to be doing. Because hopefully, it's funny, but also, hopefully, every episode has two or three little things where you're like, fuck, that's such a good way of thinking. We talk about that. We also talk about what to think of the protests and all that sort of stuff. Either way, the only thing that I will say, guys, I got one problem off, one problem in. so I did fix the thing,
Starting point is 00:04:05 so I have everyone on the screen for the interview if you're watching on YouTube, but for the first 30 minutes or so, my audio was a little unclear, but then we fixed it, and it's also totally hearable, so it's nothing too crazy, but my audio actually gets a lot clearer around the 30-minute mark,
Starting point is 00:04:20 and that's the technological world that I'm trying to figure out, and then on top of that there was a one little part where we lost connection so i'm just going to cut that out and you'll just hear a little bit of a beep and that will cut those two parts of the interview together so without further ado check out these guys they have very cool opinions on stuff and they're pretty out there. Fun guys. Just a couple of fun boys. And these guys are definitely for the boys.
Starting point is 00:04:52 All day. Give it up. Don't give it up. You know what I mean? I'm pretending I'm doing live. Doing my host thing. All right. Revenge of the cis.
Starting point is 00:05:01 You guys are sort of, know Part of this futuristic Web community You know what Always reminds me of Is that It's almost like You're fucking Like fan base and everything Everyone's just like
Starting point is 00:05:12 Where are these people from? I was doing I was doing Doing a few of your friends' podcasts And it honestly feels like You know You could say whatever you wanted It also feels like
Starting point is 00:05:21 If at some point You wanted to be like Hey jokes aside Could I buy a kid? You know Everyone would be like Haha But then someone point you wanted to be like hey jokes aside could i buy a kid you know everyone would be like haha but then someone in the chat would be like what race like you know actually well white it is pretty awesome it is it's pretty nice to uh to just yeah there's always somebody that'll dm you and be like did you really want to buy a kid because i mean like i can make that happen that's what it feels
Starting point is 00:05:45 like by the way we're not buying children we're not okay we're not wink and if i buy a child it won't be for sexual purposes it'll be standard slave stuff you know like mow the lawn take the garbage out that kind of thing wink i'm not a perv. I just want to own people. You know what I mean? I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Thomas, so did Thomas Jefferson. People always try to turn that into some kind of perversion thing, and I'm like, nah, I'm just lazy. I was thinking of the funniest sketch would be to,
Starting point is 00:06:15 because you know how people have been flipping out. I saw this photo the other day, and this guy, fuck, I forget his name, but he's some big, you know, social justice guy, and he posted on his thing a photo of everyone on the lawns. It was like, this is white people. Why are cops not taking them down? And you look at the photo and it's like pretty mixed race, you know,
Starting point is 00:06:32 literally like three Brown guys right in the front of the photo. There's like a girl there, you know, everything. It's very futuristic. And I always thought it'd be the funniest sketch to just to get, be like a a guy handing out tickets and arresting people for not social distancing but only minorities like that would be great dude you should do it you're out to do with the videos you should be just like obviously don't don't impersonate a cop but you just have like you know new york private security force and walk out
Starting point is 00:06:59 there just give them tickets yeah go to a group of 20 people and be like listen we got a ticket you can just ticket the black guy that would be great except like you'd totally catch a felony but it would totally not the felonies i'm worried about it'll be the news report uh canadian comedian killed in central park this weekend oh yeah but any of the the i mean if i saw a big group of thugs i wouldn't be like, there's our target. I'd be picturing the guy with the backpack and the group of NYU students. Yeah, that's right. He'd only be giving tickets to the anime black guys.
Starting point is 00:07:35 He's like Dragon Ball. You could link up with my buddy Carl. He'd do it. He'll throw a cop uniform on and go right in there. He doesn't care. How great would it be to be like, here's a brown guy ticket, black guy ticket, white guy ticket cool dude and like wink at him but everyone can see it shake their hand while social distancing take your mask off and give him a kiss on the cheek you know what i was actually uh i listened i actually had a few things i was gonna bring up that you guys have said over the the years because you know like i feel like one of the main things
Starting point is 00:08:04 on the boys cast that i've been kind of pumped about is that a lot of people will come be like yo that one fucking thing you said you know that i can't stop thinking about which is a little bit of what i think with you guys a lot because i this sounds like fucking lame as fuck but i always like write down the quote when someone says something like that really resonates it's kind of like you know when you've been trying to say something forever i mean that's what good comedy is when someone's like that you're like i've been fucking trying to say that for five months you know yeah they can just crystallize it like and you know make it like laser focused yeah you articulate it you know a lot of times my videos like you know i did one about bartenders where it was like everyone was
Starting point is 00:08:40 just like fuck that's what i've been you know because i've been trying to be like i don't know these guys are fucking like it's not that they're losers it's just like, fuck, that's what I've been, you know, cause I've been trying to be like, I don't know, these guys are fucking like, it's not that they're losers. It's they think they're celebrities. That's what's annoying about them. Or the tattletale thing where it's like, you know, that's what you fucking, cause the other things that they want to feel like they're fighting a fight. You need to, you know, they're losers. That's what's funny about them, you know? But, um, there's, there's a few of them, but in the middle, uh, recently, you just had one a couple of days ago where you're saying that we live in a nation of karens yes we do we really do that's what it is you know it's funny because today we were talking about it on the show and uh you know it was the corona snitch list dude it's
Starting point is 00:09:16 ridiculous and it's funny it's like we you know we make we make fun of a bunch of different people obviously all the time jews yeah mostly mostly those, just those two and women and women and women, probably women more than any other group, by the way, but we do make fun of everybody. But like, whenever you make fun of like that one group, they think you only make fun of them.
Starting point is 00:09:35 Cause they, they'll pick it up. You're like, where are you? Like today we made a joke. Cause we, we played like the stupid healing crystal retreat where this girl got fucking trucked because,
Starting point is 00:09:42 uh, the healing energies didn't protect her. And we go, this what you want your ethno statewide people you fucking want your little ethno states it's gonna be filled with these people and then immediately it's like why the fuck you always make a photo white people i'm like what oh my god they're actually kind of the most sensitive a little bit yes they are they are because in you know we were talking about the gender but they bring up they always bring up like, you know, we made cathedrals. We went to the moon. Yeah. But Mike had a great line. He goes, yeah, but you work at a Pep Boys now. Shut up. Seriously. You have no excuse. Like that's even that makes your situation even more pathetic when you break it down.
Starting point is 00:10:15 You're like, OK, so your grandfather went to the moon. You're you know, you drive for DoorDash. I wouldn't exactly brag. It's the white people. We was kings thing. You know, it's it's the white people we was kings thing you know it's it's the same it's the same thing you can't make fun of anybody everybody's everyone's fucking hypersensitive and the thing that karen's is hilarious i don't know you saw on twitter but there was this dude this verified guy that was tweeting chipotle because the the guys that were working at chipotle these you know minimum wage teenagers kind of had their masks pulled down because it's hot. And if you've ever worked in a kitchen, like it's fucking hot back there.
Starting point is 00:10:47 And he was tweeting, well, could you believe these? I have never worked in a kitchen, never will. But I'm sure that's something. Well, that's because you're not Hispanic. But if you were, you'd understand what a kitchen like this. I also like I didn't grow up like particularly around an overwhelming amount of white people. So like to me, I'm still like, you know, not since the show started doing well. Have I really been around like like to me i'm still like you know not since the
Starting point is 00:11:06 show started doing well have i really been around like like actual like i'm not talking about like trashy whites i'm talking about like white people that like are like oh yeah fucking new york i call i call my reservations and ahead of time like weird shit like that i don't understand that world and like i don't understand one brown kid yeah like i don't understand snitching like i've walked past like alleys where some guy is getting beaten savagely within an inch of his life understand one brown kid yeah like i don't understand snitching like i've walked past like alleys where some guy is getting beaten savagely within an inch of his life and had a girlfriend be like i mean we should call and i'm like don't that's nothing to do with us like that's not our business we help you don't know what that guy did i don't know the situation like it's not
Starting point is 00:11:37 our business let's just get out of here honey take a kick this is welcome to the neighborhood so when these people are like can you believe this this guy is in here without a mask ordering a burrito and i'm like that's that's it like again i'm like you know what i mean i i've friends i'm still sending letters to my friends that have like literally murdered people they're in prison and i'm like this is not really a huge deal in the grand scheme of things that's mercy's always dropping the thing you're always dropping like the hard past and i don't want anyone else to live that life, but I've been through it so they don't have to. But back in the day, I thought you had to get popped in my block.
Starting point is 00:12:11 You had to get popped in my block. But I'm just saying there's plenty. Dude, I actually grew up in Toronto area. It was super multicultural. It was only until I started getting into fucking entertainment and comedy that you're completely surrounded by fucking angry white fucking people yeah i i love it now like trust me i i won't like are you kidding me like anything less than a marriott now we're like ew no i'm not saying that you're kidding me like we're doing i'm doing okay now but yeah back then
Starting point is 00:12:39 it was like i was used to just like yeah i could use a curb to just lay my head on and sleep with the night like you know what i mean it's i don't want that ever again but when i see people going oh hi officer oh these people aren't sitting uh six feet apart i'm like are you fucking serious like grow up yeah we don't want to stay at any hotels where the doors face out to the parking lot exactly for us i was used to that for years and now i'm just like who cares dude you know it's funny when i was doing that video uh the recent one i released where i was asking people to snitch on their family members and stuff they literally uh the only people that didn't that like said no essentially was like black ladies like i was like hey would you snip to your family for five bucks she goes i ain't snitching on my mom fucking
Starting point is 00:13:18 family get the fuck out of here it's true though it really is man it really is seeing like i did you did you see what happened in fucking was it in st louis where uh they had that hotline where you could anonymously you know tip people that are opening businesses or not social distancing and then they forgot that they had the free that they have like the sunshine state laws in madrid that's what you were bringing up that's what i wanted to bring up because i was like, this is not so fucking funny. Yeah, so that it was like all these people's name got leaked and they're panicking because a lot of people were reporting their own jobs and their own employers. And now they're like, oh, so Susan, I thought you said this job was full of shit and we weren't social distancing, you dumb bitch.
Starting point is 00:14:01 There was so – so I know people that run businesses and they say they just get fucking flooded with calls all day long calls and emails that people being like just so you know there's a you know what i've been there was funny that three or five didn't include much of this but three or four people when i when they saw that i was asking people to snitch they i didn't even ask them they walked up to me and they're like hey i just so you know there's a couple homeless guys that have been hanging outside of my house can you get them to do something about that or and i kept being like oh is this corona related they're like yeah i'm pretty sure it's if you're getting rid of people for corona if you could just take care of this because it's probably while we're at it while
Starting point is 00:14:38 we're at it there's undesirables sitting on my fucking stoop i'm surprised you get like any black people at all to do the interviews because they they usually are just not about cameras like uh i would i'm doing a thing and they're like no no get away from me if you go to fucking union square the black guys first of all 90 of them are like yo would you mind if i like drop my instagram like they're always promoting right always be selling these guys yeah that's true i watch a lot of lockup all of them are aspiring rappers when they get out in 25 years dude union square every second guy's like yo you mind if i drop bars and they like grab the microphone for me like i don't even have a choice and then the other times sometimes they grab the microphone they're like you know philosophies hypocrisies about a
Starting point is 00:15:17 sims you know and then uh once they're done this is the best once they're done they demand to look at the footage they go yo yo let me see that too and then sometimes you're done, this is the best. Once they're done, they demand to look at the footage. They go, yo, yo, let me see that too. And then sometimes you're like, okay, this is the five big, huge black guys. What are you going to do? And then you show them the footage and then he watches it and he goes, yo, Boris, Boris, like at his own fucking rapping. He's happy with himself.
Starting point is 00:15:37 You should release a mixtape and give them none of the money. Just take all of their raps and release them. Call them out of your trunk yeah hell yeah stand in front of laundromats and sell them shit i was fucking loving the the nation of karen's thing because it's just it's it's so that's the thing that for me was the most the most egregious is that you're like oh how do you not see that a month ago you're the fucking normie fucking loser that was posting Karen memes. It'd be like, Karen wants to speak to the manager.
Starting point is 00:16:08 And then three posts later, you're like, can you believe these people are fucking leaving their house? Like, how do you not see how fucking much of a hypocrite you are? It's such a loser. I also love how they just believe it's so unfathomable that the Nazis came to power. But this is, you're doing this right now. At least the Nazis sold them on a really good story. Like, oh, these Jewish bankers are turning our kids trans and black.
Starting point is 00:16:34 And you're like, whoa. Like nowadays it's like they cough in a Chipotle. Holy shit. Yeah, let's call the police. Obviously we need to get law enforcement involved here. So it's like you're even worse than the Nazis. At least they were sold on a way crazier story than just like oh yeah there's a cough that might kill 0.04 percent of people in their mind they see it as like not jewish people were like poor and like oppressed at the time that's how they see it you're not like no the reason this happened no
Starting point is 00:17:04 you have all these things about like white men are the devil that was what happened then you fucking moron except when they were like we need to get rid of all these white lawyers someone came in there with like a stack of papers and was like joe you're gonna want to see this it wasn't white men look and don't get me wrong white people are awful but it's like every time we're listing off their sins i'm like okay but hey hey we're gonna do black people next right yeah we're gonna do women or we're gonna do jewish people no okay more oh you got some more on the list okay i'll wait i'll wait the list never ends and you're like are we gonna do anybody puerto ricans dominicans you know like there's a lot of people chinese people we get to somebody else do you ever get to use the cuban card royce
Starting point is 00:17:45 do you ever pull that off but me it doesn't fucking every two hours yeah of course i understand like the thing is i'll sit there and read mind confident they try to come at me i'm like excuse me i'm a minority oh a minority can't read mind confident subway without being harassed sorry racist yeah like it doesn't matter what the topic is like a woman a woman could be, like, reading a poetry about her personal rape experience. And Royce would be like, no, I get it. But, like, as a Cuban in America, you know, it's just like, what's it have to do with anything? Speaking of getting raped. I'm a Cuban-American.
Starting point is 00:18:18 I was personally raped. Yeah, okay, my grandparents lived under communism, okay? Speaking of getting raped, Castro raped the Cubanan economy and then make it all about me i'm reading this book to make sure it doesn't happen to my people again yes thank you that's exactly what i do so just read it's it's a historical book i think you should be allowed to read it loudly and then you know live what he says in it that's it Everyone has a different like anti-communist argument. Royce will be like, hey, I'm Cuban. My family came from socialism.
Starting point is 00:18:48 I don't want to go back to that. And like, I'm more of like, if you try to take my money, I'll just punch you in your face. I'll shoot you. How about that? Don't touch my money. Leave me alone. Don't touch my money.
Starting point is 00:18:58 It's my money. But it is funny. Like this will lock up the whole Karen thing. Like I think everybody's kind of dated a Karen. A Karen is basically the type of, have you ever been? I of dated a karen a karen's a is basically the type of have you ever been i've dated a karen a monica a little bit okay start mambo number five number five over here fucking lubega so uh he started a they you ever did you always karen's are basically the girls that you date that start fights for you like you're in a movie theater and they go, the biggest blackest dude at the theater.
Starting point is 00:19:26 And you're like, shut the fuck up faggot. And then they go, you gonna do something about it? Like, I don't want to fight this guy. Karen, leave me alone. One time I was at a bar. I keep staring at me and you're like, yeah, you spent like two hours dressing up like a whore tonight.
Starting point is 00:19:38 What did you want? You want me to go fight that guy now? And this is the 10th time I brought it up. He'd never do this again. Did he touch you first? What part of your mercy does nurses when we start on? You drag him out by the arm. Yeah, what's wrong with you?
Starting point is 00:19:50 You're the one that's the problem. It's what you do to yourself. I had a girl when I was at university. I was getting in a fight with a guy. Or no, sorry, she was getting in a fight with a group of guys at a pizza place, and it was just me and her. And then she walked up to a guy and kicked him in the shin just straight up you and you're like hey
Starting point is 00:20:09 listen i'll fucking help you if you want i'll kick her fucking ass do you know what i've thought about with the the program okay so this is what i was kind of thinking that with the you know how it's because it's been insane the amount that everyone just straight up reinvented themselves as like an anti-social distance person. I actually did a little test of all of my main people that I know that were like crazy on fucking, you know, social justice stuff. And I went through their Twitters yesterday. And I was like every single one without fail. I'm 18 hours deep and I've already had like 40 things about like, you're a murderer if you want to leave the house to get a fucking slice of pizza. You might as well stab your grandmother in the neck it's almost like do you guys know you know
Starting point is 00:20:48 westworld right it's almost like everyone's fucking westworld you know robots and they just got a new update to their programming yeah but you know it's firmware updates they got a firmware update that like the new 2.0 version is now they're about this it's funny because we talked about it on the show too, like going through that, like I've gone through my timeline in the same way. And what I find hilarious is how many people that were, fuck the police, man.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Cops shouldn't be on the subways. These pieces of shit cops are now like, excuse me, officer, this guy's only five and a half feet away. All of a fucking sudden, they love the police. It's like the police are their best friends in the world. And I'm like, wait, but you just said yesterday we should kill all cops because they're Nazis. Yeah, I've actually heard what you said, not even exaggerated. I've heard somebody, and I showed it to Reutz like a month ago.
Starting point is 00:21:38 Somebody actually said, if you leave the house, you're basically a murderer. It wasn't even hyperbole or anything and i'm like but no i'm pretty sure a murderer is a murder like if i bury an axe into my neighbor's head then i'm a murderer i think anything short of that i just kind of want to go get a egg roll and chill i've seen that non-iron and that's what i'm always like okay maybe the the best is the fucking like the twitter hipsters because they fucking have a tinge of like, also, I'm a cool guy on their thing. Like, oh, fucking look at these losers not staying. Like they still they want to they want to have the like the opinions of a 50 year old housewife.
Starting point is 00:22:16 But they want to have like the coolness of like a hip New York guy. It's like you don't get to have both. Yeah, you can't you can't be a Karen and James Dean at the same time. Like, you can't. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. And you're right. They want to be, like, awesome. It's like, hey, man, staying at home and playing my ukulele is really cool.
Starting point is 00:22:32 No, it's not, asshole. No, it's not. No, you get to be the guy James Dean fucked, the porn star, when he did that fucking – when he did Game Boy that one time. One time, sure. My buddy was saying he was like – they were were like what if your grandmother gets it or whatever he's like i think my grandmother would rather die than know that her grandson's a fucking loser very funny he's actually stole that quote directly from her probably it's probably what she said to him word for word it's funny dude because
Starting point is 00:23:02 it's it's also that i love that you brought the grandma thing because it's also the same thing where like these same people you go through their timelines a couple months ago like i can't wait till all these old people die off that way wait till we take over and then it's like i don't want nana to get sick i'm like well hold on a second you wanted all of them to fucking die in an airplane crash yeah no offense ryan but you know because i've had somebody say to me, too, like, how many people have to die before you take this seriously? And I'm like, listen, when it comes to the Constitution, I will. My family's from New York.
Starting point is 00:23:31 I still have family there. I will burn that entire state to the ground with everyone in it. If it means defending, like, my right to go get a slice of pizza, like Roy said. I mean, I just found out about the Constitution. I'll kill every one of your grandmas. Myself. Actually, when we brought that up, somebody goes, but wait a second, your buddy Ryan Long lives in New York. And I go, sacrifices must be made.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Yeah, like, look, sometimes you've got to throw the baby out with the bathwater. And look, I like Ryan Long, but, you know, I like the Constitution more. I like my life more. We'll give you a week notice and move back to Toronto. Yeah, we'll give you a little heads up. I got that, what's that messaging app called? Odigo. It worked-11 i'll just hit you up hey ron you gotta get out don't work on tuesday calling sick dude no i've seen you guys are like hard hard line fucking
Starting point is 00:24:18 constitutionalist is that a thing i don't know people like to put people in boxes i mean you know people i don't know because we're not fucking walking out there with tattoos of the American flag or anything. I'm not a 3% or anything. I'm not that retarded. You have a tattoo of your last name on your back like every other cool guy.
Starting point is 00:24:37 I'm an alcoholic. I got to remember it. And then a cross, but then also prayer hands because I killed somebody. Mm-hmm. No, it's not even a hard line like constitutionalist it's just it's just a leave me the fuck alone mentality it's like i don't really give a shit just leave me the fuck alone like let me do what i want i don't want the fucking government telling me what to do i don't want karen telling me what to do i don't want anybody telling me what to do like why your fucking naggy ass bitch wife telling you what to do yeah shut up you know i'm gonna do
Starting point is 00:25:09 whatever i want and it's just that should be the that should be out if they're gonna add anything to the constitution it should be thou shall get his dick sucked and the amendment that i would be okay with and remove the 19th women shouldn't vote and i think we agree we can all agree that women shouldn't have any political power and i'm not like a hard line libertarian like i understand i gotta pay taxes and you know we have to have schools and like you know emts and police officers and i can't pull my dick out in a school and so like i know i understand there's like a baseline of rules that we all have a society of agreed on but now everybody's like no we'll just tweak the constitution a little bit i will do it like emergency order what who cares right executive orders well you can actually i think this was
Starting point is 00:25:44 oh this was exactly what i was going to say the next thing with the boomers but well i think what you said on that was they were like if you're breaking the law you'll be treated like a criminal and you're like but it's not a law you're just saying it oh you're just saying it is you're just making a rule you're like no you know what it's just in order it's in order it's kind of like a law except it has no authority behind it right Right, because people get mad at us. When this thing first happened, like the first week, people were fucking just, our own fans, a lot of them. Yeah, because you guys were sort of ahead of the getting mad at this.
Starting point is 00:26:15 I was too, but I kept my opinions to myself a little bit on it. We don't. We get in trouble all the time. Oh, we took the fucking brunt. I saw you guys are out there. Here's the beauty of it though. Emails, death threats.
Starting point is 00:26:25 Like it was crazy. The beauty of that though, is it's so worth it because we took the brunt of the abuse and now legitimate, I'm still getting emails from people going, yeah, I'm sorry. Like,
Starting point is 00:26:35 it's kind of worth it to have that moment of people going, yeah, look, I died. I've had that. I've had people come around. I've been saying that to like my listeners that like, you know,
Starting point is 00:26:43 that there's going to be a lot of people that say you're fucking, you know, being insane for leaving your house. And then in six months, they were going to be like, that was pretty crazy. Wow. They made us stay in our houses. And you're like, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Well, I mean, I tweeted something like this earlier the other day, a couple of weeks ago, but it's like, it's a lot of the same people. A lot of the fucking hipsters, the one you were talking about,
Starting point is 00:27:04 that are like, nobody should leave their house ever. Well, except my Uber Eats driver, because daddy needs his pizza. Like, it's like, okay, so your Uber Eats driver could fucking die, right? It's, people got mad when we started saying at the beginning, like, we were like, this is dumb. And everyone's like, no, it's not. This is necessary. And we kept saying, they're going to take it and we kept saying they're gonna take it too far they're gonna take it too far and now you have
Starting point is 00:27:28 videos of like cops telling people i know you're married but you have to stay six feet apart in public it's like it's my wife i live with her dude i was i run on the path every day and uh when i when i was running today two different ladies uh fucking uh put their arm out and then did like a shoe motion to like stay out stay your six feet away from me and made me like viscerally angry at the post office at the post office like we'll fucking stay off the path then okay i'm running on my side like you're walking down the middle of the path and you're like give me more space like then don't run if you want to be on the fucking path if you want to be six feet away
Starting point is 00:28:03 from people i'm making my responsibilities oh i was just like fuck off you should have clotheslined them that would have just fucking clothesline them and go there you go now you distance bitch that happened to me at the post office like the post office i think everywhere but here like you know you have to you have to wait outside not you can't even wait in the post office and they have like these lines on the floor where you have to be six feet apart. And I went to the post office. There was a lady behind me that had the mask on like the whole fucking reggae, like the whole like social distancing. And like, you know, I turned a little bit and I was just pacing.
Starting point is 00:28:34 And you could see her every time I'd walk just an inch closer, she would back up. And then I started making it a game where I kept seeing how far I could make her keep backing up. She didn't say anything, but you could tell she felt so uncomfortable. That's pretty funny. I went out to her. That would be funny if at the end of the day you walked over to her and she's like, that guy fucking smells, dude. He smells bad.
Starting point is 00:28:56 His whole time. I don't even care about this. He just fucking smells like old fryer grease. I went out to dinner last night to the spot. I know. I saw you guys. You guys really put the Kim Kardashian treatment on that dinner. Hell, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:10 They know me there. The manager came over and he's like, hey, what's going on, man? He tapped my shoulder and then immediately he was like, oh, I'm so sorry, man. I know. I'm like, I think this is all gay and stupid. That's fine. Put your arms around me, lover. I don't want to bother you at all. arms around me lover yeah please open up yeah i went
Starting point is 00:29:28 to the restaurant i went to the restaurant all the fucking wait the waitresses had fucking the mask on and i finally got her open up i'm like you have to hate this she goes i hate this shit i can't breathe this is ridiculous yeah and it's like you know and then they act like all social distancing well it'll be safe and i'm like thinking like, I would go down on your bartender right now. You know what I mean? Was he good looking? That old man. But seriously, like, it's just one of those things where it's like,
Starting point is 00:29:53 wasn't eating ass a huge meme like a year ago? Nobody cared about that. Dude, you think you're getting fucking Corona from walking by someone three feet away, but not six feet. It's like insanity. That's a good point. All of these fucking assholes were like, I eat ass, motherfucker. And now you eat ass and now you're worried about this.
Starting point is 00:30:15 And now you won't sit next to me at a restaurant. Like calm the fuck down a little bit. I just want to eat my steak. And everyone in this whole fucking city has had Corona. Like a hundred percent. Well, we, we got sick coming back from new york when we met you that first time we came back and both got fucking violently ill and now that's when you party with the big dogs and now they're saying like yeah probably a lot of people
Starting point is 00:30:36 had it already and probably new york which was the epicenter we probably already had it oh for sure went to vegas when when coffee mcgee was right behind me and he just wouldn't stop bumps on your dick do you have bumps on your dick that's one of the things yeah it's like dude come on at least wait till takeoff like you know what i mean wait till they dim the lights and a leakage yeah that's that's classic and i think that was the only time in this whole corona thing where i started getting nervous where i actually went to the flight attendants i'm like are we gonna let old fucking corona mouth here? Just cough the whole time. Right behind me. And I ended up, you know, upgrading us, but it was just annoying that, um, I really do think we got it. We probably all got it.
Starting point is 00:31:12 And when we did, when we didn't, like, I don't even, I don't went to gas digital in the stand. We were hanging around disgusting human beings. Well, to be fair, we went to gas digital. So we either got the Corona virus or HPV. I'm not sure which one. Jokes on them. I already had it. And I'm like Corona, one. Chokes on them. I already had it. And I'm like, Corona, you can't catch that twice.
Starting point is 00:31:30 Oh! Yeah, but the switch, the one thing I wanted to say, just to switch it from Corona, is with the boomers, there was this, there's probably one, there's like three things that I think were like always stuck with me that you guys said, but the first one was when they were talking about the boomers that didn't want to, they
Starting point is 00:31:47 were saying you should spend your inheritance instead of giving it to your kids. And then you guys said that you should, they want to, they want to take the inheritance and spend it on being a traveling drunk. Yes. That's what they do. They want to fucking just be a, go in their RVs, get hammered. And then their kids are are and that's the other thing like dude boomers let me tell you something they always say this line the line is
Starting point is 00:32:10 like you know when i was when i was a teenager i worked as a janitor yeah because a house cost 50 fuck oh like it was a lot you can provide for a family of four working as a janitor now it's not the same it's like bread was like three cents shut up and then they that's in the boomer meant and then it's like a lot of these boomers you look back and their parents gave them land like here's my house son here you go here's some money you know i want to help you pay for school and now it's like you need to go to school but you better take out a student loan that you can't discharge your bankruptcy good luck yeah passing your home down by generation was supposed to be sort of like uh an immunization against inflation and they just stopped doing that and these people were like no
Starting point is 00:32:54 i'm just gonna sell the home for cash i'm gonna get an rv and we're gonna drive through arizona so i can see the world's largest arrowhead every what like i'm gonna get drunk here i'm gonna grow up in public housing now. What are you doing? Every time I see an RV that's pulling one of those Jeeps, I want to slash their tires because I know exactly who they are. Be like, I know who you are. Your kids are probably starving somewhere, but you got to get
Starting point is 00:33:15 a sticker for every state on the back of that bad boy. They're driving around Tempe, Arizona with cameras around their neck like Japanese tourists so they can go see a fucking statue dedicated to the gin blossoms. That's what these people are doing. Arizona with cameras around their neck like Japanese tourists so they can go see a fucking statue dedicated to the gin blossoms. That's what these people are doing.
Starting point is 00:33:29 It's embarrassing. The gin blossoms. Solid reference. Big abandoned, empty Arizona history, man. Oh, fuck. That made me laugh so hard. God damn it. Because I know Steve.
Starting point is 00:33:37 Rest in peace, Doug Hopkins. Oh, I didn't know he was sick. And then the other one was fucking, this is just a one-liner, but you said that, you're like, one of the things that people don't want you to know is that people actually get along pretty good when the fucking media isn't whispering in their ears who to hate. Yeah, it's true.
Starting point is 00:33:59 Yeah, the media is just like one guy at a bar going around going, yeah, I've got to call you the N-word. 100%. I personally was like, hey, man, he's not like that. You should get to know him. But he just kept calling you the N-word over and over again. It's weird. You're not even black.
Starting point is 00:34:11 I know it's weird, but yeah, it's that guy over there. And then he goes up to the other guy and he's like, I don't want him. That guy just keeps fucking staring at you, dude. I don't know if he wants to fight or something. He said something about he's going to fucking grab your girlfriend's titties later. Dude, I told him he needs to chill the fuck out. And then they just walk out of the bar and watch you fight from their car because everyone's turned into basically facebook or twitter people then like in real life like that's not i mean i dude i have fucking
Starting point is 00:34:32 friends that are hard left that are fucking hippies that are liberal different fucking races and that's what it's like when you grow up somewhere like that people that have that opinion that everyone's against each other didn't grow up around fucking any other race or fucking class other than themselves yeah and so it's it's you're right people like don't give a shit and honestly for the most part like if i go to a bar with a bunch of friends we're never talking about politics right like and if you are who gives a shit it's not like you fucking exactly and if somebody is if someone's like well i actually think that obama was a good president i go ah shut up faggot and we joke around and everything's fine like nobody cares in real life nobody cares but
Starting point is 00:35:09 like dude a lot of people joking for years about keyboard warriors but that's what happens like people just become like this so brazen online and go i guess you want us all to die i'm like no i don't like i don't really i don't really fucking care who i hang out with and i don't care if they're fucking jewish person but also that's what i mean like fucking europe as a poc uh thank you thank you and my person of tucking my preferred my preferred pronouns are he and spic i thought i thought poc stuff with roy stood for purveyor of come. Yes. Okay. And you confused it. I'm a big, I'm a big POD fan. POD fan.
Starting point is 00:35:52 Boom. You got there with the fucking bass. I remember the whole thing was like, you know, you know, they're Christian too. I'm like, I don't care.
Starting point is 00:35:59 I'm not gonna listen to them anyway. Fuck you both. That album still holds up. POD does. It actually does. Yes. Never knew. I take a. That album still holds up. P.O.D.? It does. It actually does. Yes. Never knew I'd take a mic like this to Calabasas.
Starting point is 00:36:08 Whatever the thing was. It's still a couple songs. Most of the songs still hold up. Oh. Don't be musical snob. Yeah, P.O.D. and Saliva and... Saliva. Those are hard times.
Starting point is 00:36:19 I actually ran a pretty good article recently and it was like, we sat down with the members of Stained or Disturbed. I don't know, one of those actually those were those are what i call like strip club bands like saliva band that only plays at strip clubs now like they're not they're not going selling out concerts and they were at one point huge fucking huge you know what's funny about that like limp biscuit obviously they're a joke here but when they go to europe and stuff they're gods still like they sell out arenas and shit it's crazy i want to go on one of those uh cruises i've been trying to talk royce into going on one of those cruises and just writing it off
Starting point is 00:36:53 oh yeah because if we go and like do like one interview and then we're like yeah we'll just write it off it's going like one of those like ship rocked go hang out with like fucking chevelle or some shit you know dude you gotta go on the 311 cruise. They do a big one. Yes. Duke Coke with the guy, the lead singer of Seether. The fucking new metal reunion cruise. Dude, I had a buddy years ago when I worked in Radio Sully.
Starting point is 00:37:18 Everyone's got their fucking dreads hanging in the fucking soup. Dreads, but we're seating hairlines. We're seating hairlines. Receding hairline dreads. Dude, I had a, with the guy that trained me in radio, Sully, he's one of the coolest guys ever. He, when he was like an intern, basically, setting up a live remote, he got to hang
Starting point is 00:37:34 out with, I can't remember if it's Richard Patrick or Robert Patrick, whichever one, Richard Patrick, I think, is the guy from the fucking filter. And he said he just basically got really hammered and didn't coke all night and just talked cash money shit about fucking trent resner the whole night and he's like i didn't understand it dude he's like i never met this guy before but he kept buying me drinks
Starting point is 00:37:53 throwing his arm around me and going but you young guys man you guys are the future man and i'm like i'm just here to set up the tables man i don't really know like he wasn't even on air at the time he wasn't even an on-air personality. But this guy kept thinking he was the DJ. And he's like, yo, I fucking love your show, man. You're the fucking best. And Sully's like, thanks, I guess. I got to go take this tent down. Those guys all really thought they were like, man.
Starting point is 00:38:17 Apparently, the guy from Nickelback told my buddy that he goes, he can only fuck two girls at once in the ass because he's so bored of pussy. And just like, shut the fuck up. Like, how bad did he want that written in his biography? But instead, the biography is like the guy from Nickelback. Yeah. We know that the reason why I brought that up was the fucking Amazon thing where recently there was a, they're trying to do the walkouts at all the different
Starting point is 00:38:45 buildings like you guys obviously you got more on the pulse than fucking anyone but they're doing the walkouts of all the things and there's like a big twitter thread like when you do the walkouts and there's all these amazon people being like we're actually like getting paid four dollars extra an hour and it's pretty much like probably the best job you could have right now i've never been happier at an employer and they're like that's not the point you need to talk out and you're like what the fuck are you talking how is that not the point you're like and it's so dumb because like the people that are cheery because it's you're right it's not normally the people that are working there it's other people that like yeah there's this like mentality of people that they they try to virtue signal but you can tell that they have
Starting point is 00:39:24 disdain for the people that they're virtue signaling for. Oh, fuck yeah. No skin in the game whatsoever. You guys should strike. It's like, I have a family. And the other part is, there's 30 million people without a job now. Do you know how quickly you'll be replaced at an Amazon warehouse in a second?
Starting point is 00:39:40 Someone will take that job. There's so much of them. I've always been the guy at the job when people are like, bro, I'm telling you, we should go tell the boss we fucking quit. I'll be like, yeah, I'll be right in there. Yeah, you go first. I've always been the guy that's like, I'll take this shit. Just get rid of him. It's fine.
Starting point is 00:39:57 We need to fucking fight for this $25 spot to get it to $27. I'm like, yeah, you do whatever you want. I don't even care if he pays me. It's not making a dent in my fucking income. If you're fucking, you know, living or dying over this extra $2, like Jesus Christ, I'm not part of that club. I got to say, by the way, because you brought it up and I want to bring it up to you, your
Starting point is 00:40:19 fucking Corona quarantine comedy video you made, I've been sharing that oh really that because my guess you okay you know you talked about earlier how people crystallize things yeah i've been talking about that like off air a lot like oh my god the comedy scene's gonna be fucking terrible everyone's gonna have fucking 40 minutes on the coronavirus and that fucking two minute video you did was exactly what i meant. It's going to be, everything is going to be correct. Dude, here's the thing. Like, I know we talk about coronavirus.
Starting point is 00:40:51 We talked about it on this show just now, this interview. We talked about it on our show. Yeah. But the side of it is like, there's- The elephant in the room, you know? Yeah, there's nothing- Well, you're the elephant in the room. I'm the elephant in the room.
Starting point is 00:40:59 Right, right, right. But there's nothing else to talk about. You know what I mean? Like, what else are we going to fucking talk about? There's no news going on. No one's allowed outside. And even stories that aren't coronavirus, you have to talk about. You know what it is?
Starting point is 00:41:13 You can talk about other things. But the way that I kind of think of it is, like, there's lots of other things you can talk about. But you obviously, like, examine them through the lens of corona to some degree. You know what I mean? Like, you're kind of talking about a lot of the same principles and discussions as before but it's through the fucking lens of like you know this situation and that's the first thing anybody's making small talk about if they're allowed out of their house you know what i mean like every time you're going anywhere people are like oh my ass corona am i right it's like it's like when they pass the
Starting point is 00:41:41 smoking ban and all the smokers would go outside to smoke that first year. Everybody's like, this is bullshit, right? It's the same thing. I mean, people really connect over like three things and then we never really want to actually scratch the surface and get too deep because then everybody wants to riot. But I mean, that's why I've always, yeah, like I've been a big fan of Ryan's from the first time I saw him. I love your comedy.
Starting point is 00:42:01 And honestly, if this were 10 years ago and I was still doing standup, he would have been the epitome of everything I hated. Like he would have been that guy I hated, was jealous of and complained about, like just outside smoking going, you know, he's not even from here, right? Like he's not one of us.
Starting point is 00:42:15 Dude, I came in New York and I could tell like the first time you, the first time you meet people, you can tell everyone's like, oh, fuck this guy. And then as soon as everyone saw me on stage, I felt like everyone was like, all right, well, this guy's probably not going anywhere. So yeah. It's true. It's true. Because like you just, you,
Starting point is 00:42:33 and I mean this with all due respect, but you look like a douchebag, but the moment I that's true. I, I, the three of us fucking hang out in New York. I've never laughed harder than just fucking busting balls with you. It was fucking great. You and Danny. Oh, Danny's great. Yeah, he's the man.
Starting point is 00:42:53 We were at that shitty little dive bar. I remember fucking just crying, laughing at some of the stupidity. Because it's funny because, you know, as soon as we sat down i hadn't even met you guys before and like we i barely said hi where we just like right into it right into like how look at that faggot over there look at that asshole fuck him for no reason for no fucking reason but uh yeah you know it's it's it's it's kind of like a glimmer of hope too because you know you look at when we went to new york i i will say that before that i thought man the fucking
Starting point is 00:43:31 comedy community is is you know what i like to call it a family a band of brothers uh a civilian ryan's like a band banned as a hero and i said no but then you're like oh there's still fucking people that don't give a shit like that was that was the best part about that trip like oh there's some people don't give a fuck and are still actually trying to fucking be funny and you know i was watching one of your uh one of your other episodes of your uh of your boys cast and you brought something up that that was a really good point it's like a lot of people think that just being an edgy comic is like, hey, fuck you, you loser, you fart thing. And it's like, no, you have to have like some sort –
Starting point is 00:44:13 like you could say those things, and it was great that you brought it up, but you could say those things, but you have to have some sort of charisma behind it, and you have to be kind of likable where you can get away with it. Like you just can't – Yeah, and the coherent perspective i find is the main one i remember like you know a very specific example of that is someone was saying like something about and it's i'm not going to say that person because he's like a guy i like but jim gaffigan it was a friend of mine but it would it would be kind of like at least when my family dies, the police will go looking for them. And I was kind of like, you know, it basically gets like a ooh or whatever, because like they don't look for natives when they, you know, a lot of natives or trans people go missing or whatever.
Starting point is 00:44:53 Right. And I'm kind of like, but my point was like, what do you think on that issue? Like, do you think the cops are like need to look for them more? Or do you think this is like an overreaction from the public? And the reason that they're in this situation of being murdered more because they're prostitutes what do you think of those two sides and he's like i'm like you don't have an opinion you just know that you say those words and people will go oh and i'm like so it's not good or bad but i'm like if you have no if you have no structure to like what your coherent philosophy is then like
Starting point is 00:45:23 you're just saying words that you know will make people feel weird. Yeah. When a trans person disappears, they just assume it's a suicide. They just go by statistics. Just statistics. But yeah, no, there, and there is a lot of leverage and capital nowadays in, in being woke. Like there's no more, like, you know, maybe a couple of years ago, like I remember a couple of years ago, there was this comedian. I know he's still around.'m not gonna say who but it's a guy in
Starting point is 00:45:47 your neck of the woods um who was like woke before woke was being cool and like yes that guy i'll give credit to because he again he was woke guy when nobody even knew what that was and like that's why i'll still put up with his shit now because it's like i got you we're always a good guy but now people are getting into this woke thing like oh yeah I can get more gigs and you know it's like stop it yeah that's almost over like to me it's that's the to me I see
Starting point is 00:46:13 that as kind of like back in the day when the whatever you want to call it right wing or whatever the where the puritanical ones they sort of lost the culture war and you can see it just kind of happening the other way around yeah I mean I would hope it's never fun to be the puritanical fucking squad and that's why this is sort of lost the culture war and you can see it just kind of happening the other way around. Yeah. I mean, I would hope so. It's never fun to be the puritanical fucking squad. And that's why this is sort of removing the party lines a little bit.
Starting point is 00:46:30 Cause you see the fucking woke left and you know, puritanical Republican side, you see them, you know those memes where they see them holding hands. Yes. And it's like, stop all comedy. But it's, it's, you know, it's, I think for me, it's, it's what bothered me the most about when this, when it all started shifting was, you know, there were certain bigger name comedians, you know, that made their career being edgy.
Starting point is 00:46:54 Oh, yeah, that sucks. Like fucking being edgy and like, you know, saying things you weren't supposed to say. Making rape jokes. And then when they finally made it, like, they're like, well, that was the old me. I always call it like closing the door behind them where it's like but you can't do it anymore times have changed and it's like you know a great a great example of that is like you know
Starting point is 00:47:15 uh I think young Sarah Silverman might have been one of the funniest female and I mean this one of the funniest female comics she was very funny her delivery was great and then she just kind of became this woke thing and she's had like a lot of her edgy stuff just wiped off the internet like it never happened uh another one that bummed me out that i thought used to be really funny it's like patten oswald and now he's not even a comic anymore he's just like an sjw twitter guy and i'm like come on i think there's lots of parts i think we may have talked about this but there's there's a lot there's so much to that it's like it's a nuanced thing because it's not just one thing. It's, it's the, A being edgy is a young person's game.
Starting point is 00:47:50 C you need to have a little bit of like a, uh, I don't, uh, all or nothing attitude. Like you need to be willing, you know, like the craziest guy is the guy who has fucking nothing to lose. Like you need to be able to risk it all to like hit a home runs in that game. So I think a lot of people don't have that. That's a really good point. I mean, look what happened. Look what they did to Louis C.K., you know?
Starting point is 00:48:10 They made him funnier. Yeah, you know what? They really did. Like, his new stuff is fucking – you're right, man. That's a really good point. The moment that they – because one of the bits that he had in his new special, not the new one, but the one that leaked was, like, you know what's not funny? Like about making 43 million dollars because i made 43 million dollars you know what's hilarious losing 43 million dollars and i'm like
Starting point is 00:48:34 that's true because that's it once you're right i think that's a really good point like once you have nothing to fucking lose what you could do what you want you could go where you want and people are gonna follow you and people are gonna fucking because you can't be scared right like i mean really when i was i think you know the comedy stopped right now but i was pretty close to in you know as as tight and strong as i've ever been in the most like and it's almost like there's a such a fearlessness that comes with that being in your stride like that that you're really willing to like take shots and chances on stage that when it fucking you know there's a point in those guys career where pat and oswald's not in the clubs every night like
Starting point is 00:49:08 to take those chances he doesn't have it in him right so it's like you have to and it is like you're to almost not to their credit but like a natural preservation thing is to have disdain for things that you don't want right like this is right in the 48 laws of power like have disdain for things that you can't have like he can't compete on the fucking you know edgy yeah false comedy so he has to just say it sucks and be against it yeah and you know that's a good point i guess when you have an mbc sitcom to lose it's a lot different than losing a gig at the fucking ice house you know what i'm like that's a lot of money your your network tv that's an easy easier easier gig it's guaranteed you're a network TV. That's an easy, easier, easier gig. It's guaranteed. You know,
Starting point is 00:49:46 you don't have to travel around the country with your fucking friend in a, in a fucking geo Metro going from club to club. I do get that there's a lot more to lose and I'm not even against, I'm not even against self-preservation. Like I'm fine. Yeah. I'm just saying that I don't even think it's conscious a lot of time. I think it's almost like self-conscious. They don't even probably realize that's what they're doing. Like you're saying you're like, Oh, that's people shouldn't be doing that think it's almost like self-conscious they don't even probably realize that's what they're doing like you're saying you're like oh that's people shouldn't
Starting point is 00:50:08 be doing that it's like well yeah easy for you to say because you didn't stand a chance competing in that arena yeah but but then you have people like you know great example is uh like andy andy richter is a great example of somebody that he mike and i were talking about it yesterday off there's sexy he is he's so attractive it really blows my mind he might be the world's most miserable man yeah he actively goes out on twitter and like looks for not people adding him or anything he goes out and looks for people to fight with like randos yeah exactly like mike was saying he got into a fight with like a 16 year old girl dude what are you doing bro yeah you have the easy andy richter has the easiest gig that you could have like oh my god
Starting point is 00:50:53 yeah conan's sidekick you have to have a couple zingers now and then and you get paid 10 million dollars to do it it's like dude you get two zingers in an hour yeah that's all you gotta do you get handed the zingers on a piece of paper and it's good to show. It's not like you're even coming up with it. That's the dream. Yeah. You know, it's a funny story. Like, years ago, before we started ROTC, I got into a fight with Andy.
Starting point is 00:51:16 Lost a bet. Well, I got into a fight with Andy Richter on Twitter. And then he retweeted me to put me on Front Street. And out of everybody that got involved was Will Forte. So then I had Andy Richter and Will Forte just screaming at me online. And I'm laughing. I'm like, I can't believe these assholes are yelling at me to the point where Will Forte blocked me. Andy Richter fucking blocked me.
Starting point is 00:51:39 And it was over some dumb shit. Like it was over like Andy Richter tried to be poignant or something. You know, hey, you know, I might be be a comic but i'm a truth teller and i just called him out i'm like bro you used to be funny that's all i said all i said was bro you used to be funny what happened and he got so fucking pissed at me and he was screaming at me for like an hour online so fucking funny it's almost like comedy has a recipe that they comedy is like a language almost where you know in if you spoke a language and someone says like yeah man or like yeah man like if you understand the language you
Starting point is 00:52:15 would understand the difference of the subtleties but if you don't understand the language you'd be like what do you mean he just said yeah man whereas in comedy it's like they it's almost like they vaguely understand the language and they're like, they know that you shouldn't like punch up and punch down. So it's like, they vaguely understand the concept of finding the right target. But when you talk about something like what they don't understand is like part of the recipe of what something means is how not allowed you are to do it. So when they're like, you can't say this, it's like, you don't understand that you just made it the thing to do. So it's like, there's so much like there's's it's just a language that they don't speak very well
Starting point is 00:52:48 well it's funny because i think that actually ties back into what you we were talking about before like being online and you think maybe that's the i've never really thought of it that way but you think maybe that's the reason why people fight more on twitter and on facebook than in real life because it's text right so you lose a lot of the subtlety, like the way, if I, if like I'm talking, like you said, the yeah man thing, you know, like you would catch how I mean it if I'm just talking to you, but online it's like, what do you mean? Yeah, man. And everybody, I think online, everybody now interprets everything in the worst way possible.
Starting point is 00:53:21 You know, it's like that they must've meant that i'm that i'm an asshole they must have meant that they hated me and you could just say two words or or three words like i think one of the funniest things that happened was a couple years ago when 4chan played that prank and they just started posting signs everywhere like it's okay to be white and people were losing their shit but they didn't know what to say because because the prank is a perfect prank by the way right because what do you say to that what prank is a perfect prank, by the way, right? Because what do you say to that? What are you going to go?
Starting point is 00:53:47 It's not okay to be white, but it is. It's total bait. It's total bait, but everybody took it. Yeah, the dark web was pretty good at playing prank for a while when they were getting, you know, what's that guy's name, Shia LaBeouf and stuff. That was beautiful. That was art.
Starting point is 00:54:03 I mean, they drove him into a fucking mental asylum you know what i mean that when when they were sending fucking drones with flamethrowers on them to burn his we will not divide us flag i'm like that people that should that should be in a museum like that what they did to him was art like they they made him lose his mind yeah that was fucking that was a real good shit right there um you know what the other one you and then one more that you said was uh when you did the article it was like how hillary clinton's so hot and you got hillary clinton's a dime that's right there's like a vault like it was just like it was it's kind of i feel like by the way it's like uh when we're talking about the uh the points that really crystallize something.
Starting point is 00:54:45 I feel like the ultimate one of those, that was the ultimate kill shot. Do you remember when South Park said that Family Guy wasn't funny anymore, essentially? And they just called out Family Guy's photo, Family Guy's formula? It was almost like, oh, I guess we're done with Family Guy now. Dude, it's true. It was funny with the Family Guy thing. I think a lot of people really felt that way like when because i i feel like a lot of times family guy like matt and trey
Starting point is 00:55:10 they they which i think they're still geniuses and i think they they they they talk through their characters and i really felt they were talking through cartman in that scene when they were telling cart when when because you know they probably get it all the time i was like you would love family guy matt and trey they're just like you. And Carmen's like, people always walk up to me and they tell me, Family Guy's so funny. It's so funny. It's not funny. And then they broke down the manatee balls.
Starting point is 00:55:33 It was a kill shot. It was literally like, every time you watch it, all you saw was that now. It was a real kill shot. But when you said, it's like they've been lying to people about all this stuff. And they're like, let's lie to them about this. Let's lie to them about that. And then literally at around, you after like a hundred lies they're like let's just fuck it let's just tell them hillary clinton's fucking sexy so hot yeah it's the article because when i read that i realized when i read the article i when i saw the
Starting point is 00:56:00 title i always check like is this the hard times is Is this just the onion? Like, I'm like, this can't be, but it was like a legit article where like Hillary Clinton is beautiful. And it's like, look, how is she? How is she so hot? I think was the, you know, how is she aging so great? And I'm like, she's aging like a fucking old avocado. And, but, but that's, it's like, it's, it's, that's where, I think that's where people, like you you start losing people right when you you keep you keep trying to pass these like you push things that are objectively untrue and then it's like all right dude come on man i'm on your side here
Starting point is 00:56:34 you're not being not helping yourself they used to be good at lying to us they're not anymore yeah well because they're so egregious with it like you know what you want to have sorry sorry what was that i was just saying there's no nuance but yeah go ahead you know what you want to have sorry sorry what was that no i was just saying there's no nuance but yeah go ahead you know what's the one i saw so this is one that was really fucking agrees egregious to me so when all this uh corona stuff happened i tried to sign up for the 1200 or whatever right but because i didn't sign my because i'm just a new immigrant i didn't sign my taxes before so i tried to look on the internet for like all this stuff about like, well, how do you, what do you do if you're an immigrant? Like, how does that work? Like, where do you sign up?
Starting point is 00:57:09 Because they always want your tax form for last year. And the only thing I could find on the internet was like 10,000 articles about like immigrants aren't allowed to get the thing. And then when you click on it, it means illegal immigrants. So it's like, of course. And you're like, so they have 50 articles about how immigrants can't get the thing and i'm like oh i can't and then you look like so but you're just lying you know that's not the same thing you know it's like it's like saying you know rich guy steals the government steals home from you know poor person and then you look at it and you're like some fucking homeless guy squatted in some rich guy's house while he went on vacation and they like took it away it's just such a fucking such a egregious lie or or it's like or it's like he hadn't paid
Starting point is 00:57:51 his mortgage in like two years and you're like you were warned man what do you want yeah or they just went like some guy online was like hey let me have your house and they were like oh and then they just signed their deed over and they're like i don't know i get easily confused it's okay but there wasn't like you you you had a role in it you kind of did it to yourself dude it's it's very much how like it used to be kind of the other way where you know someone would have like a misdemeanor when they were like 14 and then be like working at mcdonald's when they're 30 and they're like you know liberals want your want uh fucking criminals handling your credit card information just these like crazy spins on it you know what i mean well i remember i remember years ago there was uh there was a big outcry in north carolina where i lived because um they were letting the
Starting point is 00:58:35 they were having like the uh you know the the prisoners like clean up the side of the highways and stuff right and and news and some hysterical karens were on the news going like i don't want these rapists and murderers free to clean and i'm like they're not using like they're not using the rapists and the murderers and that's what the news was pushing like like the death row inmates were being allowed out of jail to clean the roads and it's like that but that's not that's not the case it's it's dudes that like got caught with weed and just want to get the hell out of the jail for a couple hours you you know? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:08 No, they're getting super aggressive with the lies. And it's almost like we were, we were willing to accept a few lies as long as we didn't have to like constantly be admitting their true publicly. It's good. You remember like forever in the, in the, in every time a guy was portrayed as like the husband, he's like, I just want sex and she doesn't want to give it to me and then behind her every guy's like i mean you know she kind of
Starting point is 00:59:30 wants sex more than me like there's that but publicly we're just like every guy is just a pussy hound and the girls are always well we're just my wife i hope she fucks me and we're like fine we're the dumb idiots publicly as long as we don't have to constantly be like saying it whereas these ones they're like you have to you have to long as we don't have to constantly be like saying it whereas these ones they're like you have to you have to like believe these lies you have to believe hillary's hot and you're like fine they're like no but say it they want you to be saying them you're right that's a good point like you it's not it's not enough like it's funny because i think it kind of all goes but you know it's a great way to see what happened when like with the with the trans community which is i'll be honest with you like
Starting point is 01:00:09 i don't if you're fucking over 18 years old i don't give a flying fuck if you want to do whatever you want but then what happens is is that you see some dude with a wig and then if you call him anything but beautiful you're a bigot i'm like well wait a second like i'm allowed to go this guy looks ridiculous right like even you know there's some good ones don't get me wrong we've all made that mistake right fellas but uh i know i thought it was not even allowed i thought it was free op and then i got post-op i'm like yucky poo poo i guess i'll suck on my fingers i don't know yeah it doesn't even need to be a trans person like i if i have to be told one more time that i need to acknowledge that
Starting point is 01:00:52 lizzo is beautiful i'm gonna fucking punch somebody it's not gonna happen you know what it's got it's kind of like if you want to be the one that calls the shots you know like if you're gonna be the boss you don't get to also be like the cool boss and it's kind of like they want to like all these people want to be sort of the boss and in charge but they want everyone to be like happy with it and think they're cool it's like no if you were gonna call it like that's what it was forever it's like the people that kind of were like this is how things are gonna be you know you're gonna believe these rules everyone's like and then everyone else gets to make fun of you that's kind of how the system works. But now the whole eco, but I mean, I think, I really hope you're right, man.
Starting point is 01:01:26 I really hope that it's coming back the other way. I think that most people are just like, all right, enough. Like, I don't care anymore. You know what I would say would be an example of how it's coming back. And I wanted to ask you guys your opinion on this actually. But it's starting to be cool.
Starting point is 01:01:41 You know the phrase, the dirt bag left? Have you guys? No no that's so i've kind of heard oh is it like bernie yeah like come down or like you know you'd call them like the dirt bag left like a lot of people on the left have kind of started identifying as like they're the dirt bag left and it was like to me that was kind of a perfect example of like it this whole thing starting to break up and people being like yeah that stuff's not cool anymore it's almost like the first step was like people are like okay but i've been a fucking liberal my life you know you grew up where it was like yeah
Starting point is 01:02:14 obviously i'm this whatever and then you know realistically you didn't even have to think about your fucking political ideology it didn't have to be in your fucking twitter bio up until five years ago you know and it's so then they're like, so I'm not a fucking Republican. What am I? And they're like, the dirtbag left. And you're like, oh, you're giving me a way to hate all of this fucking liberal shit and then keep my identity. Boom.
Starting point is 01:02:35 And I feel like that was a perfect start of like where people are stuck and sick of this shit. No, I mean, I get that. And I think there's a lot of that stuff. I think there's I don't know if there's a name i think there's there's a lot of that stuff uh i think there's i don't know if there's a name for it but there's there's a lot of that going on on the right too where it's like you don't have to be puritan like i'm sure i'm i'm never fun yeah i'm really sick of everybody on the right going like oh my god you kiss girls on the mouth you degenerate i'm like shut the fuck up you know what i mean yeah like you jerk off to porn occasionally
Starting point is 01:03:04 you can't want lower taxes don't suck my dick yes i can you know and i mean yeah like you jerk off to porn occasionally you can't want lower taxes don't suck my dick yes i can you know and that's the kind of that bothers it's it's the same thing on both sides where most people are like no no no i want to go to a strip club sometimes but i also want lower property taxes what do you want you call me whatever you want can i not right would that defraze would kind of probably personality wise describe you more than fucking you'd align with like people from the fucking young Republicans club or whatever the fuck. So I think that's the start of the merger.
Starting point is 01:03:31 It's the merger of like, okay, there's cool people. And then there's losers what it should be. Exactly. That's kind of how it should have always been. We got to start putting people, nerds back in lockers again. That'll fix things. Yeah. Cause it's like having a discussion with somebody and you're like yeah no we agree politically and then it's like
Starting point is 01:03:49 then they find out and they'll start calling you a race traitor because you're like i like black girls i'm like oh fuck down like jesus like you know what i mean it shouldn't really get that far and i'm like you're miscegenating you're degenerate you're watching pornography and i'm like well i just i just want small government. That's all I want. It's not even pornography. Dude, you can't even watch Netflix anymore without being, you're watching Netflix.
Starting point is 01:04:12 You know Obama controls the Netflix. I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up, all right? I want to watch Star Trek. They made a movie where Jesus was a homosexual, and you're like, I'm not watching that movie. I'm not going to watch that one. An array of projects on you. Well, that's why. It's like, that's the step two it's like i mean if you think
Starting point is 01:04:28 about it you guys are kind of making fun of fucking people on the right or whatever because you understand that culture right the same way but you also understand liberal culture because you probably grew up a certain way and fucking you know been around that your whole life and it's like that was always the problem with fucking making fun of people on the right is people were doing a caricature of it because they didn't grow up with those people. They didn't really know them. And now people like you guys who sort of right wing people are sort of in the mix now they're, you know, they're not as lame.
Starting point is 01:04:54 So you guys actually do know how to make fun of them the way that Portlandia can make fun of people on the fucking left. Well, here's what happened. Like, and so can we talk about this all the time? Like there were, there was a small window there, right? Like, early 2016, there's a couple months where it was like, holy shit, it's kind of cool to be on the right a little bit. Where it's like, Trump's calling Rosie fat and telling people, I don't care, I bang models. And it was like, wow, it's kind of cool.
Starting point is 01:05:21 For a while, they're like the left. You know, they were cool. Like, they were the cool kids. Like, you know, we're making all the funny TV. John Stewart and all that. Yeah, and for the left, for a while, they had the cool factor. It's like, oh, we're cool. We don't give a fuck.
Starting point is 01:05:36 We're going to make jokes about everything. Dude, just watch all the episodes of Reno 911, for example. Like, there's some brutal stuff in there that you couldn't get away with now. But, you know, they stopped being cool once they started going like well actually you can't make fun of minorities and you can't make fun of gays anymore and they stopped being cool for a while there just for a small window there was the right was like no fuck you i'm gonna say whatever i want i'm gonna be cool but then what happens is all the fucking nerds come out and they go you better not like women anymore you better you you better, you better only,
Starting point is 01:06:06 you better only have sex during marriage. You degenerate. And you're like, all right, see, we were cool for a second and now we're not anymore. Thanks a lot, boys. Because it switches back and forth all the time. Sorry, but Charlie Sheen was raping one of the Corys behind the trailer.
Starting point is 01:06:21 I'm going to need you to do that a third time. Oh, fuck. All right, we're going to do it one more time. Three. Oh, fuck. Put it this way. When Howard Stern was doing his show, it was the right wing people saying,
Starting point is 01:06:34 yo, you shouldn't have these people on. Now it's the left wing people like, you know, people would say like, oh, you shouldn't have these guys on. I give you the platform. It's like, do you like Howard Stern? Okay, well, he had the leader of the KKK on a bunch of times.
Starting point is 01:06:44 I don't know what to tell you. Which, by the way, those are the greatest segments ever. It's like, do you like Howard Stern? Okay, well, he had the leader of the KKK on a bunch of times. I don't know what to tell you. Which, by the way, those were the greatest segments ever. It's hilarious. Dude, Jimmy Fallon got in trouble for tussling Trump's hair. Are you stealing internet from the nail salon downstairs? We were talking about telling truth to power, I believe. Yeah, talking truth to power. The one thing I was actually talking about is,
Starting point is 01:07:04 because I find that's such a thing that people will be like, you know, oh, why would you have that person on? And, you know, even like fucking Rogan's always getting shit for, why would you have this guy on? And you're like, literally none of you said anything when Howard Stern had the fucking head of the KKK on and then joked around with them as he like fucking said the N word. And you're like,
Starting point is 01:07:25 because you understood that anyone watching this wasn't like making some good points though. No, they were all fucking laughing at him. And fucking, that's what Howard Stern knew that that was hilarious to do. Dude, when, when Stern had Bill Maher do politically incorrect and had, and Daniel Carver in it and okay, it was one of the best segments of all time that discussed on Bill Maherher's face the entire time it was just amazing it was so funny but yeah no but like you said nobody was ever like well yeah this guy's got some points i mean but they let him just run wild on fm radio it was crazy like some of the daniel carver stuff's the funniest stuff
Starting point is 01:07:59 i've ever heard from radio it's so awful well it's like rod and fez used to have shirley phelps on like all the time all the fuck of time the westboro baptist person and it was nobody was going you're right i also hate fags like that was never happening no of course not that's why i mean that's why at the end of the day all of the people that you guys are kind of making fun of on both sides essentially what you said they go to the puritanical the side whereas i can see with certain people and i always thought as much as people trash gavin mckinnis i thought he was one of them i think you guys like dick massington was that whereas like you clearly care about putting on a good show and being funny more than you care about like getting your opinions or like changing
Starting point is 01:08:39 people's minds if you fucking give a shit about that at all well even the gavin thing like we've even said like we we don't like some especially some of the stuff he's done lately but we've never said have we ever said gavin's not funny like gavin's funny gavin can be very funny you kind of beat him up on some other shit yeah he's just a terrible human but he does a good job but he could but he is funny like you know it's one thing doesn't mean the other. And honestly, at the end of the day, I'd rather there be more funny people than not funny people. Like, I think that's more. I was kind of thinking about doing interviews with some of the bigger names that, like, weren't really comedy people.
Starting point is 01:09:20 Like, my publicist represents Roger Stone. And I was like, ooh, that could be an interesting person. But then I'm like, the fuck do I want to talk to roger stone about i don't know dude if you can get roger stone are you kidding me you have to get roger stone but talk about none of the political stuff like that's the bit right you get him on and you talk about asking if he's a dog person or a cat what his favorite finally got roger stone he was censored for for six months and now he can speak. And it's just the whole interview is just like,
Starting point is 01:09:47 so anyway, what's your favorite kind of bread? I like ciabatta. Yeah, the bit is to get somebody like that on, but then only talk about yourself. Like, ask him what his favorite bit of yours is. What's your favorite part of my show? What was your personal favorite episode of Boy's Cast? I just saw someone tweet this, and I wanted to read it to you guys.
Starting point is 01:10:08 We'll get out of here soon. People aren't out there protesting to be waitresses and hairdressers again. People are out there demanding that their waitresses and hairdressers go back to work. The idea to force the service industry to serve them despite the risk of servers. If you have ever wondered what modern white america would think about slavery today consider it the white women yelling and screaming because no one will die to do their frosted bangs this is these are the same people that if a new iphone came out right now they would fuck social distancing and stand in a mile line like it's it's and again like i said they say that but they're still ordering uber eats like there's there's still somebody's going
Starting point is 01:10:44 to be put at risk right and this isn't about white american wedding to do work this is about waitress and waitresses wanting to fucking have money like that's really what it comes down to it's not about they because i of course it is yeah i have friends that work in the fucking service industry and they tell me all the time they go dude i want to go back to work i don't want to do this anymore yeah dude i worked in i worked and lived in tampa for years and that whole city is like basically all service industry people and i've got like legit friends that are like yeah i mean i might just like i guess kill myself or something i mean at this point like what do you do like so it's not
Starting point is 01:11:19 trust me they're not going like i don't want to go back there's a lot of people that are like i would fucking suck it there's a lot of people who fucking spent the last 10 years like building a fucking business for their family you know i own people that spent five to ten years building a business and they're like you're like oh we'll take it alone well they can't carry a hundred and fifty thousand dollar loan because they're barely making it as is so yeah if they could carry a hundred and fifty thousand dollar loan they would have a hundred and fifty thousand dollars extra if that's the kind of fucking margins they're working with and you're just like oh where do you even start yeah it's always people that like it's always people that only only have only have an etsy store that don't really need to work
Starting point is 01:11:53 yeah that are fucking telling you like i don't understand why don't you just always stay home like i don't get it it should be easy don't you want to be home it's always people that have like a fucking seven bedroom house with a pool telling you uh you don't want to be trapped in your studio apartment for the rest of your life no i don't no i don't i do i want to leave and they're like uh excuse me why don't you just take advantage of the small business loans i can't because the lakers and amazon just to call the money so yeah even to go against that it's like because not to go against it but like if people are like oh it's the fucking small business just like you guys are fine i'm fine like this isn't gonna fuck me over like i'll be fine with four months of not making like my normal money you guys are probably fine so the fact that you're saying this you're like
Starting point is 01:12:34 it's actually the opposite it's not fucking you over it's not personal it's like straight up principle yeah we're this is the truth we're making more money during this like when this opens back up we're gonna probably make less money we're making more money during this. Like when this opens back up, we're going to probably make less money. We're making more money because people are at home. People got their Trump bucks and people are watching all the shows, donating a little bit more. And it's like, so it's not, it's, it's not for us. I don't, I mean, shit, keep it locked up. We'll keep making money. But you know, I don't, I, I,
Starting point is 01:13:02 I actually like people always go, you guys are dickheads. But the reality is I feel bad for people. You know what I don't, I actually, like, people always go, you guys are dickheads. But the reality is, I feel bad for people. You know what I mean? Like, I actually, I feel bad for people that have to work every day and, you know, they're bartenders and shit like that. I'm like, come on, man. Like, those people want to leave the house. They want to make more money. They want to make tips.
Starting point is 01:13:18 And, like, in Florida now, like, the restaurants opened up at 25%. And I'm talking to the people that work at the restaurant. It sucks, though, because I'm making no money still because now I can't collect unemployment because they gave me my job back. But 25%, that's 25% of the tips I would normally be making. Sorry, 75% less. And it's like, this is all bullshit. I love it when the, it's always funny that people that are like, yeah, I guess if I'm not doing this anymore i guess i'll just get a job at a call center and then you're like yeah i mean you probably can't they like they go apply and they're like yeah i mean i guess i couldn't do that either so
Starting point is 01:13:58 the only people that are hiring now is like amazon walmart and uber like pick pick and poison that's what you get to do hey what do you think about one of the things i've gone back and forth on there's the kind of like the narrative that the government's you know using all this stuff to give money to big corporations a lot of people are like you know everyone's getting very little money but really the government's gonna line the pockets of like the fucking banks and the airlines and all that stuff. And to me, I guess, so I agree with the airlines. It seems like totally not moral that the government's just constantly like handing out these big balls of cash every time the airlines go out. Cause you're like, well, for starters, someone, you know, Warren Buffett can buy an
Starting point is 01:14:38 airline if he felt like it at whatever price it goes down to. So there's actually really no reason, you know, any of these businesses, it's like at the end of the day, someone can buy them. There's tons of capital in America, but I guess the bank one, I'm hearing like everyone kind of say, and maybe this is like, you know, me fucking doing like a basic Keynesian economics degree or whatever, that's infected my brain or whatever the fuck. But everyone's always like, they make the interest rates lower and then they allow you to sell that out. And that's like, they're just lining the pockets of the banks. But I'm like, yeah, but anyone can start a bank.
Starting point is 01:15:11 So it's not, so I don't know. I guess I don't see that one as unfair. They make the zero interest rates and the banks get to take this money and then lend it out to people. But the part that I guess doesn't seem that fair, but it's like anyone can take that deal. If you start a company, you can now get that money too. So it's not just that fair but it's like anyone can take that deal if you start a company you can now get that money too so it's not just that they get it whereas the airlines it's literally like here's these five companies so i don't know what are your thoughts on that well first off i agree airlines can get fucked like i i'm really sick of airlines or anytime like they stub their toe
Starting point is 01:15:40 they we need a bailout like fucking airlines are especially after 9-11 airlines have always have been treating us like crap to begin with so i don't feel bad for them at all and you're right look like i think the the truth of the matter is when they say bailing out the airlines planes aren't going to go away like they're just as scare tactics like flying is important yeah okay the planes are there like the staff is there you're right forget warren buffett jimmy buffett could buy a fucking airline like you know fucking margaritaville airline sounds awesome right but so airlines are going to be there this stuff when they're bailing out airlines what they're really bailing out is the people they owe debt to like they're the ones
Starting point is 01:16:21 being bailed out they're the ones that are getting the money because the planes are going to go anywhere the supply and demand people got to fly right when this opens up people have to fly but as far as when it comes to bailing out the banks like i don't know man i'm i'm always a little i always get a little the zero interest rate stuff and i get it anybody could apply for it and this and that but then you have to look at what the fucking banks were doing during the housing crisis you know what i mean like well that seemed that seemed way more aggressive that seemed different to me yeah and then the problem is with bailing out the banks too it's never gonna bail you out so right you know what i mean it's not like they're providing this amazing service they're
Starting point is 01:16:57 it's literally usury usury that that that's that's a really good point, too, because it's like, oh, cool. Like the banks, they get bailed out, right? Okay, cool. Go call your same bank and tell them, hey, I can't pay for my car this month because they're never going to go, it's okay, pal. Don't you worry about it. Yeah, the government's not helping out drug dealers. Like, excuse me, I provide a vital service selling heroin to pregnant women. Like, where's my bailout? But they're not really getting bailed out any different than anyone else i guess is what i
Starting point is 01:17:30 guess what i'm arguing like it feels like the bank argument what like i want to agree with it and they've been right like most of the other times they bailed out the banks but the zero interest rate argument i just feel like is kind of flawed, if that makes sense. I mean, maybe. I mean, you know, the zero interest rate thing, you're right, because then anybody could apply for it. Because when they were bailing out the mortgages, that was, yeah. Yeah, that was different.
Starting point is 01:17:57 But I guess it's one of those things where it's like the bank is like a girlfriend that's cheated on you. Yeah. And even if you really go well this time they're not going to and there's no way they will you're like i don't know even though in this situation you're probably not i don't know man i mean maybe maybe not who knows who knows yeah i always get kind of weird i always get worried with any bailouts like the auto bailout like any any anytime the government is is giving money to
Starting point is 01:18:25 these people they're not giving it back like they're i mean i guess you're right the zero interest rate thing is a different animal but but still you know at the end of the day when this is all said and done like people still have to fuck to pay their rent you know people still have to fuck to pay their mortgage people still have to fuck to pay their car payments and guess what if you got locked into a high interest loan before this, they're not going to go, no, it's zero. They're not doing that. You know?
Starting point is 01:18:49 And that's, companies are, they know we're going to bail them out every time. So it's encouraging their bad behavior. It's like, if we went to Vegas and we sat at a blackjack table and somebody said to me, don't worry, Marcia, every time you fucking run out of money, I'm going to come over,
Starting point is 01:19:03 I'm just going to hand you 10,000 more. Like, I'm going to start playing really sloppy and aggressive oh you're gonna fucking take the wild shot of course but the problem is is that when they win they're like no no but i keep them on dude my buddy's like that with the fucking stock market he literally every time he fucking anytime a stock like if i if i tell him i'll be like yo i would sell that because you're a little high and then if it goes up he'll literally message me every day and he'll be like you cost me a thousand dollars and i'm like yeah that's not how this works you don't get to like if if i fucking he's like oh i'm gonna bet red and then he and then he sits there 10 times and every time it's on red
Starting point is 01:19:37 he's like oh come on you owe me money it's like yeah i also saved you money all the other times you fucking retard yeah no you're right it's like the Japanese guy from Casino. You know what I mean? He just doesn't know when he's up. Just be happy. How do you guys reconcile the point that, like, you agree fundamentally with the protesters, but they're all losers? Oh, Mike, we've been through this on the show.
Starting point is 01:20:00 Thank you so much. We actually had a debate about this on the show where, you know, I absolutely agree. And Mike brought a debate about this on the show where, you know, I absolutely agree. And Mike brought a good point up with the protesters. Like if they were out there, they were protesting, just going, we want to work. That's fine. But the fact that they're going out there with Trump flags and Q stuff, you're like, Oh God. So, you know, and this is not the best look. You're protesting the state state but you're holding up pro-state signs yeah you're like it's one of those things where you'll see people online being like look at these
Starting point is 01:20:30 lame protesters and you take a look and you're like yeah i don't think i'm gonna be defending that okay what do you do but you know then again like the other alternative is just not protesting like i actually saw this video today where this woman in California, because the beaches are closed again. And she was out at the beach, like, you know, just walking and a cop walked up and was going to try to arrest her.
Starting point is 01:20:53 Right. A group of these protesters, just not violently, but just started surrounding the cop to where the cop went, put his hands up. Okay. Sorry. And he left and he just left and he didn't arrest her and he left him alone so i think these protests would be a lot better and i mean this and i honestly
Starting point is 01:21:10 wouldn't the optics be better if they went dressed up in their fucking chili's uniform or their you know like no think about like their service uniform like i just want to work motherfuckers instead of their q flags and stuff like that i think that would look a lot better because i mean it's the same thing as the left-wing ones where you're like, is this a feminist march? Like, why do you have a party t-shirt on? Exactly, exactly. Well, you know-
Starting point is 01:21:32 Yeah, they turned it into a Trump march. Yeah. I think, honestly, a more effective tactic, you don't need all these protests either. Just don't listen to them. Like, if enough people just don't listen, then they really can't enforce it. Which is sort of happening. I just got an email from a listener in michigan yeah like i know a guy in michigan that was telling me he's like yeah everybody just got
Starting point is 01:21:53 sick of this shit this weekend we all went to the lake and like a bunch of people were down at the lake at this park and the sheriff showed up and he's like you guys all gotta get out of here i'm gonna arrest you and everybody's like yeah that's great i just ignored him and just stayed and nobody was nobody was chanting slogans nobody was holding up signs nobody was protesting they just were like yeah we're not gonna go anywhere and the cop sat there and he circled around the drug parking lot a couple times like oh you're gonna get it buddy and then he just gave up left and said nobody left he didn't they didn't even have enough sheriff's deputies and cars to pick up all these people and they were like i have to get those yeah what are we gonna do arrest everyone in the world
Starting point is 01:22:24 you don't need a protest just don't listen to them if everyone apparently they handed out like 500 tickets last weekend at the one park that everyone hangs out at it's like a cut day at school it's like they're not gonna suspend all of us so people just cut yeah they always warn you they go anybody that on the cut date doesn't show up it's gonna get and then every they don't ever do it because they're not going to suspend the entire school. You can't have your graduation rate drop by 30% because a senior class didn't show up. They're not going to lose the state football championships
Starting point is 01:22:51 because a couple kids didn't want to show up the last day. But I agree with that. That's been happening in a lot of places. Like even here, the lockdown technically ended Monday here. So – but even before that, like a couple weeks before that there were people on the roads there were people at parks and honestly what are you gonna do it i i think i think people forget sometimes really what are they gonna do yeah that there's more of us and i don't talk about yeah i'm not talking about left or right by the way i'm just talking about there's
Starting point is 01:23:20 more of us like people there's more people that are like if enough people show up first off because i always hate that argument with what people kind of do with the second amendment where it's like oh hello sweaty why do you get to fight the government they have drones and they have tanks i get it but do you understand the optics of using drones and tanks against civilian like there would be fucking international war crimes so it's the same thing like there you don't need to go out there you don't need to go out there you don't need to yell at anybody's face but enough people go no i'm gonna go dude do you don't think that right now if every business decided no no we're gonna open fully do something what are you gonna do people are just gonna go uh okay i guess like give a business fines that's
Starting point is 01:23:59 already like about to go bankrupt if it's not gonna open like give us a fine it's like okay well i guess expand the loan you're giving me and i'll pay you this fine you're gonna give me the money anyway i'll get you back with your own money you fucking morons and it's also like you know that that whole argument is weak because people go oh yeah they have uh planes and tanks it's like yeah you know also had a bunch of planes and tanks the soviets in afghanistan and they got wrecked yeah like so you know what i mean really it's by a bunch of dudes wearing like pajamas in a cave vietnam yeah exactly we got we got fucked by a bunch of no a lot of people fucking you know that was one of those ones where it's like i would think that too why what oh what are you gonna fight back with your guns against the
Starting point is 01:24:39 government but you're like no that actually does work. And like, if you have a bunch of people have guns, it's the threat of the guns that keeps them away. Like, you know, and actually does work, you know, police don't want to fucking be at war with their own country because all it takes is, you know, another government to be like, yeah, let's impeach this guy. Cause he just killed like a fucking entire city. Yeah, no, it's exactly how many times have fucking, we put in a puppet dictatorship
Starting point is 01:25:06 in south america like we do it all the time to other countries wait i'll answer your question how many countries are there in south america all of them yeah there you go we do it all the time we're like it just happened in venezuela which i hate the fucking president of venezuela guy's an asshole but you saw what trump's like yeah this guy's not the president anymore this new guy's the president now what are you gonna do it? You can't do that. But he did. But he did. You can't do that, though.
Starting point is 01:25:28 But I'm going to do it. At least we used to be a little more subtle in the 80s, you know? Now every fucking country's got their Trump, though. They either have an American dictator or their own version of a Trump. That's a good point. That's a good point. But it turns out at the end of the day, all of these, all of these fucking people, just all of these populist people eventually always fall into the game and
Starting point is 01:25:50 they become the thing that they hate. I would argue it the other way around. I think like if you like straight out of the fucking like start a cult playbook is like preach the need for change, but never actually try to change that much. So to me, it was more like, that's the game they were playing from the get go. You're like, you know, your, your message has to always be like a vague, you know, we need change. What kind of change? Just like all sorts of it. You know, the Obama playbook. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:26:19 that was the best. That was the Obama playbook, hope and change. And it's like, not just same old shit but that's like 101 running a cult right so then you know then when you start changing too much people start owning you and you kind of lose them so you got to always keep them on their toes by never getting anything done you're right you're right just fucking don't change anything and then we go back to the same thing and uh you know i i really i i don't know, man. I think at the end of the day, at the end of all of this, at the end of this quarantine and all that, that's fine. The only thing that I do hope,
Starting point is 01:26:52 the only thing that I do hope that happens at the end of all of this is that people realize how fucking much power local government has. Like, that's, dude, I was surprised. Like when you start thinking like people always worry like, you know, the federal government, blah, blah, blah. And, you know, the federal government has a lot of power. But then when you start realizing mayors going like, hey, you're not allowed to have guns anymore and no booze because, fuck it,
Starting point is 01:27:19 there was a statute that was written in 1789 that gave me the power to not only take your guns but take your children. You're like, wait, what? We were okay with this? And you're like, well, you weren't, but pilgrims were. And because they were, sorry, bud. Like, that's what I hope happens, that people go, fuck you, mayors, and fuck.
Starting point is 01:27:38 Like, I think the funniest thing is, you know, just to take it, stop being serious for a second. I think the funniest thing for me is like, this has been, this coronavirus thing has been like the miss america for governors because think about it nobody really fucking thinks about governors normally like when the country's running doesn't i didn't know their name period like when i moved here i didn't know who the governors were some people that have lived through their whole life don't know the governors of their own fucking country, right? So I think to me, that's the funniest part.
Starting point is 01:28:09 It's like, it's a beauty pageant because these guys never get attention. And now all 50 of them, all 50 of them are like, oh, actually, they were doing like this, see who could do the lockdown longer, where it's like, I'm gonna be close till May 8th. And no one's like, I'm gonna do May may 12th i'm gonna do may 15th i'm going till june and it's just i'm putting a bubble around the entire fucking city a fucking dome around it and that to me has been one of the
Starting point is 01:28:38 funniest things is seeing governors that normally don't matter, right? Like, at the end of the day, governors are basically just passing, like, these dumb laws that really don't affect anybody. It's like, oh, we're going to clean up a river and shit like that. And now it's like, these people are important. They care about public health. And they're doing prices right rules with how long they're for. They think they're wartime governors, yeah. and they're doing prices right rules with how long they think they're wartime governors yeah like last week they were voting on they were trying to petition everyone for the last month over what fucking bridge they're gonna build over a dam no you're right like they really have turned into
Starting point is 01:29:14 these guys that are like uh you know ordering everybody to turn their lights out at night so we don't get bombed by the germans you know what i mean and i'm like you're the governor of delaware nobody gives a fuck all these guys have been they've been loving the air time getting on that oh yeah of course all of them left right it doesn't matter all of them think about this and i i honestly believe this and i mean god i don't want it to true, but you know that like there's somewhere inside their brain, right in the back of their brain. Not only that, but they're like, I don't want this to end. Oh, hell no.
Starting point is 01:29:53 I'm always going to be on CNN. I'm always going to be on Fox. People are going to be talking about the governor of this and the governor of that. And once this ends, it's going to go back to like, wait, governor who? Who's our governor? I don't remember who you are bro shut up that's so funny almost the past law emergency order or like that everyone's required to have nipple rings yeah that's gonna be the next thing it's gonna be amazing that was that governor cuomo that has the nipple rings yeah
Starting point is 01:30:22 yeah he does which is objectively are fucking such a bunch of fucks. Which is objectively sexy, but still. It's never somebody cool like Tulsi Gabbard. Yeah, I know. Let's see her. Yeah, let's get her to put some nipple rings in. You think so? You think she parties? I like to think she does. Coconut milk mommy?
Starting point is 01:30:38 I like to just imagine she does. You know, I'm the one thing about the fucking protest that at least, when you look at protests in the last Fucking 30 years even Really what makes a protest Legitimate is they're asking for Something that they don't have Whereas every protest
Starting point is 01:30:56 Every other protest in a long Time has been like I don't know Or like I guess we're for trans Stuff and you know Women should be like you should be nicer to us i'm not really sure i got got a hat on like they're all so fucking vague that i think at least this one has a message they're asking for yeah yeah we just want to go back to work yeah you know when i think those vague protests started i think ground zero of that
Starting point is 01:31:19 was occupy wall street that was what dude because the occupy wall street thing i will say started with good intentions right where it's like hey man Wall Street has a lot of power. It's kind of nuts, right? But then like, it turned into a music festival. And it was and you interview people and like, so like, okay, I get it. Wall Street has too much power. But like, you know, what do you think we should do? And they're like, uh, I don't know, bro. Like, I just showed up because, you know, I thought the strokes were going to be here. And it's like, oh, good. Great. Dude, it's straight up the end of young people stuff of like, you know, we need to fucking,
Starting point is 01:31:55 you know, we need to get like women's rights. And they're like, well, but also like black rights. And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah. It's a black power march, too. It's like, OK, but also like, so what? You don't care about trans people? It's like, no, no, it's a trans march as well.'s like okay but also like so what you don't care about trans people it's like no no it's a trans march as well oh this is also a trans march you're like right is there anything you're not marching for right now because you're giving me a list of 85 things you mind
Starting point is 01:32:13 putting them in order at least can i at least have them in order of which ones you're asking for first but you're right dude because like they really muddles the water where it then the model comes about nothing like even if we agree okay so if we agree that you're right what does that now mean and they're like hmm i don't i don't know man but it's true man it's a really good point it's like where when you don't focus on something it becomes about nothing like the civil rights march was like okay we knew what they're marching for right like jim crow laws are bad and we you know we want this or even with tuesdays everyone you know smoking jazz cigarettes oh fucking but like suffer like the women's suffrage is another
Starting point is 01:32:56 one where it's like well we want to vote we want to ruin this country and they did they got what they wanted but at least it's a point but now all the marches are like except for like this one let's open back up before that it was just like i don't know bro like i guess i want more money but also less government and like i want the government to take everything over but also to leave me alone and you're like okay but it can't be everything like you actually oh so yeah you're kind of like you're kind of are going against me a little bit on that because you're right that was the problem with it it was like an open up march but then you're like so why are you rambling on about all this other stuff like if your argument is people want to go back to work why yeah why are you fucking yeah like it's just
Starting point is 01:33:37 go back to work bro like and there's a lot of people that really do just want to go back to work and i and i and i want them to go back to work but don't go out i don't want to go to one of these marches and have them tell me how jfk is in a bunker because q told them you know what i mean one thing i want to ask you guys too is uh what is okay so the i know the first thing is the most trouble you guys have ever gotten was the jewish thing right wasn't that the kind of thing that fucked you up the most uh i think the thing that doesn you up the most? I think the thing that got me... So what was the most trouble?
Starting point is 01:34:10 I like to ask, but what's the most trouble you've ever gotten in for something? Yeah, going to the Moor Alley and basically jokingly tricking QAnon people into saying a bunch of neo-Nazi slogans and shit, but we thought it was funny. We weren't doing it on purpose. We just and we were like right we it was the equivalent of
Starting point is 01:34:29 throw the jews down a well essentially right basically and royce was like you know uh like was interviewing this lady and he's just like oh i'm all about q anon and i love trump we need to come together as americans and you know royce was just like yeah like it's white americans right you know yeah you know she's like well no all americans and he's like, yeah, like, it's white Americans, right? Yeah. She's like, well, no, I like all Americans. And he's like, yeah, no, but like particularly the white ones, though, right? No, they're better. And she was just fucking like, you know, I don't want to – like she wouldn't bite.
Starting point is 01:34:54 But then at the end of the thing, the thing that got us in trouble was Royce was like, look, before I go, just real quick, can you give the fans like – we got a little catchphrase on the show, 1488. Can you give our fans 1488? And she's like, you know, with the Q shirt on, I'm like, 1488 can you get up there like you know the q shirt i'm like 1488 he's like thank you so much and before we even left dc we were on fucking like eight websites and it really bothered me right because if they were really paying attention to what we're like you're right it's like it was it was basically what borat does right he goes
Starting point is 01:35:21 around there and he gets people to say the most egregious thing and the whole point of us being at the more rally wasn't was was us making fun of these stupid boomers like that was the point the point is to see these guys at least what I was doing was like these guys are just fucking with them straight up these guys are so dumb they don't even know they'll just say anything you tell them to say and it was funny right and the funniest part was was like my mom saw the article right like she independently saw the the the hate watch splc article really say are you a white power man i don't know quite the opposite she called me laughing like oh she liked it bawling laughing she goes do they know you're cuban i'm like i know my last name's lopez of course they know
Starting point is 01:36:04 you go these guys are fucking idiots i'm like i know they're idiots? I'm like, I know my last name's Lopez. Of course they know. You go, these guys are fucking idiots. I'm like, I know they're idiots. And anybody with a mind, by the way, that watched that bit that we would have known what we were doing. Like it was very clear. Cause right before I did that, I was actually dancing to born in the USA with the boomers, like just fucking and just dancing with them. And, but that's, they spun it how they wanted to. And that's probably, yeah, I would say that's probably. And then what happened to you? And then like
Starting point is 01:36:28 my family, they're mostly like, I have a bunch of racist cops on some part of my family. You guys know how to find some people telling it like it is, eh? They just called me and they were like, nice. And I'm like, no, it's not. It was a joke. You don't get the joke. It was a joke. i knew you'd come around
Starting point is 01:36:45 you know one time i handcuffed one of those fucks and i just wailed on him like i have so yeah that's probably the the biggest the most trouble we ever got into and in reality like people it's you know i i know you can't expect everybody to watch every minute of your show right but if you watch our show even like one episode you should get what we're about like you know at the we make we fucking make fun of boomers when we get yelled at we make fun of fucking lefties and we get made we get yelled at and it's like we just at the end of the day like yeah sure that we talk about things that sometimes that aren't funny but we're comedy show like that's what we are you know i was actually you know just to interrupt you because i wanted to hear your opinion on that too i was thinking you guys are like a new
Starting point is 01:37:29 thing because you're really it's like a radio show but it's meant to be watched in video what is it what do you call it well i mean mike and i will mike and i have been doing this way for 12 13 years ago we were doing this when there was no video element. It was just us putting a podcast up. And then early on, we had like a grainy, like 2040p camera that we would do. And there was no YouTube live. It was like we were making doing our videos on Ustream. Remember that we're doing our shit on Ustream and stuff like that. I don't know what you would call it because every name that people come up with it is gay. You know, it is it's like, oh, you're a bathhouse spectacular. You're like, I don't like that. Well, what kind of bathhouse? But no, like, you know oh it is it's like oh you're a bathhouse spectacular you're like i don't like that well what kind of bathhouse but no like you know you're a content creator i don't know that sounds pretty
Starting point is 01:38:12 gay i guess or you're not really a youtuber i don't know if that would make sense no because when i think of youtubers i think of streamer youtubers i maybe sounds a little like peeing on each other right which again i'm four you know that's degenerate i don't care golden streamers golden the golden streamer award goes we'll go to the next year we can nominate for an apn award that'll be amazing can you imagine going from being on the hate watch list to getting a porn award we're just gonna win all the awards this year i guess streamer right you would stream i'm fine with YouTuber. I don't care. It's what I do.
Starting point is 01:38:45 I make my money on YouTube primarily. Yeah, but I would be, it would be fucking really disingenuous to try to pull the Nicole Arbor thing and go, I'm actually a comedian. I've worked with this. Stop.
Starting point is 01:38:55 It's fine. You can call me whatever you want. Just fucking don't try to get my show kicked off. I would like to be called a truth teller. There you go. Speaking truth to power. That's what I think. What's happening there?
Starting point is 01:39:04 I want to agree. I want to be, I want, I like those comedians that stop being comics and they do one-man shows i want to be i want to be that guy i want to do the one-man show like hey i had a mailman and he talks something like this did you guys ever see the fred armisen one-man show if you guys watch this look it up fred armisen one-man shows it was a sketch that originally became portlandia okay so he does a one-man show and it's only carrie in the audience like his one friend showed up which the best is afterwards he shows up he goes you came oh my god she's the only one in the whole audience i and i'll say this he puts on different hats i love fred armisen like he's a man dude dude people i don't know why some people don't like him i've always loved ford armisen to
Starting point is 01:39:44 this day i love ford armisen that dude maybe i think he's underrated i really believe that i think he's one of the funniest dudes still around just talented yeah like dude i we're watching his on his netflix special that he did where he was doing for jars well that was dude what a neat thing he did like that was crazy but then yeah and he could do every accent of every state and he fucking nails it i'm like this guy he should be doing more like i i mean i know it's insane but this guy should be portlandia like people hate port i think people that hated portland was one of the greatest shows of all time he didn't get portlandia like he was making fun of them he wasn't
Starting point is 01:40:25 he you know what i mean like he was goofing on the portland portland people he wasn't one of them like that was dude one of the funniest kids on portlandia i'm sure it's half and half i mean he's kind of like making fun of people but he knows them like he's making fun of his friends that like you know but he's he's still making fun of them but one of the i just i have my food's here and i gotta eat yeah that's that's fine. Yeah, yeah. Well, why don't we can like wrap up in like two minutes. No, no, no, do your thing. I just gotta, I just gotta-
Starting point is 01:40:49 Well, okay. Yeah, we can wrap, we can wrap up. Let's wrap, let's wrap up. Yeah, we've done a whole thing. All right, the final question is what happens with the election? Is it Joe Biden or do we get a different- Trump wins. Yeah, Trump's gonna win.
Starting point is 01:41:01 Trump's gonna win. No, no, no. Who it happens? Is it Biden? Who's the candidate? I think it'll still be Biden. Yeah, it'll be Biden win. Trump's going to win. No, no, no. Who would happen? Is it Biden? Who's the candidate? I think it'll still be Biden. Yeah, it'll be Biden and then whoever. Hillary from the dead? The vice president is going to be the real president. Yeah, whoever the vice president is will be the president of this country
Starting point is 01:41:14 because Biden will retire three months ago. I have Alzheimer's. Yeah, we know. We've been saying that for years. Yeah, we've been the one telling you. And then he's going to go, wait, why am I up here? Yeah. Wait, I'm what?
Starting point is 01:41:23 I got elected to what? Okay, I'll let you guys go because you got to thing and fucking we did like almost two hours so that's awesome dude i fucking appreciate you guys having on coming on of course dude no when it opens back up we got a fucking hanging in up there man for real i know yeah i was actually thinking about coming down to uh i'm down down to florida to hang out with danny maybe we could meet in the middle or something let's all link up and then we'll just do a podcast high on cocaine like the cum boys let's go let's go dude there was there was literally flights for like 80 and then i looked again and now they're up to like 350 so it's kind of back up which is
Starting point is 01:41:57 annoying but come down dude yeah the airbnbs are still cheap i was just looking at some in some towns and it's like really cheap i'm. I'll press end but just stick around for one second. Alright. Okay. Revenge of the Cis. Follow them at Hold on. Give me all your stuff here. YouTube.com slash Revenge of the Cis. I'm at HippoJuiceFilm on Twitter. Mike's at
Starting point is 01:42:17 Terrorsburg. There you go. Fuck yeah. That was the Revenge of the Cis. Check them out on YouTube. Subscribe to the boys cast on YouTube and iTunes. Leave me a review. If you, you know, if you're really for the boys, leave me a review. But if you're really, really for the boys, what you can do,
Starting point is 01:42:37 take a screenshot of what you're listening to right now. You know, just do the screenshot app on your phone or whatever. Post that to Instagram, Twitter. Tag me in it. Email questions to the boyscast withryanlong at gmail.com or just send them to me on Instagram or Twitter.
Starting point is 01:42:54 And then, because I have a few now, so I'm going to be addressing them next week. Thank you. Thank you to the boys. Peace.

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