The Boyscast with Ryan Long - School Shooters are Female Now, Colleges offer Influencer Courses & BYE to Justin Trudeau
Episode Date: December 20, 2024“Experts” claim hotdogs shorten your lifespan, Ryan experiences American healthcare, and science confirms women who can’t achieve climax have only themselves to blame. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS Facto...r - Go to https://factormeals/50boyscast and use code 50BOYSCAST for 50% off your first month & free shipping Fitbod - Go to fitbod.me/boyscast for 25% off your subscription VIIA - Go to https://bit.ly/viiaboyscast and use code BOYSCAST to get 15% off AG1 - Go to https://drinkag1.com/boyscast for a free bottle of vitamin D3K2, 5 AG1 Travel packs SUPPORT THE BOYS PATREON.COM/THEBOYSCAST RYAN ON TOUR: Minneapolis: Jan 17-19, Phoenix: Feb 14-16, Portland: Feb 25/26, Edmonton: Jan 24-26, Tacoma: Feb 27-March 1, LA: March 30, Irvine: March 21, San Jose: March 22/23, Tampa: March 28/29, Salt Lake City: April 11/12, Denver: April 13, Atlanta: April 25/26 ryanlongcomedy.com dannycomedy.com SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Oh, why so glum, Ryan?
I'm actually not glum.
Ha ha, I said why so glum, Ryan? You can tell old Santa Claus.
I'm just a little glum because this woman, Lily Phillips, beat my friend Danny Poloshuk's record of sleeping with a hundred men.
Ha ha ha, that's obviously not true. Tell me, what's actually bothering you?
No, that's what it is. It's the Lily Phillips thing. That's why I'm glum.
What the f*** are you doing? Can you stop the music, please?
Look, the line is, you want a Justin Trudeau out, and I say I might give you a Christmas miracle. I told you I don't want to do your crappy Justin
Trudeau sketch. I told you this via email. All right, I'm getting really sick of you
sabotaging this podcast. Plus, I spent $3,500 renting this costume, okay? Yes, fine. Okay,
let's do your crappy Trudeau sketch. No, no, no, you don't want to. No, let's put it out there
for the world to see. No, no, no. Okay, fine, need it. Okay, fine, I'm fine. Ho, ho, ho.
Why so glum, Brian?
I'm just glum right now because my friend Danny Polishek's mom's been flying around New York
and everyone thinks it's a drone.
All right, f*** this.
Christmas is canceled.
The boys.
It's the boys' cast.
The lads.
It's the boys' cast.
The dudes.
Prepare yourselves for the boys' cast. The bros. It's the boys' cast. The homies. The boys cast Christmas special.
And the BoyzCast Christmas special.
The birth of a man that Danny killed.
I guess not you personally, but you're happy he's dead.
Hey, man, you wouldn't get all these sick gifts if it wasn't.
I was thinking, you know how people go to Israel and they put a message in the wall?
Yeah.
Do you think anyone puts get bitches chase money?
Some people do. What do you think?
I guess everyone puts get money. Yeah,, but what do people put in the walls?
Is it a prayer?
Prayers, yeah.
When I went, I was a little like edgelord.
Things that they want?
I was a little edgelord kid.
What did you do?
You dirty bitch?
I can't remember what I put exactly, but it was like something like, like literally I
was like such a little fucking 14 year old like edgelord and I was just like, there is
no God.
And then I put in the wall or something.
This is like, oh, this is like, cause i was listening to like george carlin a lot and like i legitimately put like this is a fucking scam and everybody's like there's
no way you're gonna put it in the wall i'm like watch me
you're smoking a cigarette i was smoking six yeah the cape on
there's no way danny polishak's gonna put that in the wall yeah he goes no way no way Danny Polichuk's gonna put that in the wall no way no way
watch me and then you spit on the thing
roll it up
grease it up you smoke a little bit first
yeah yeah
it's just like
there's my family
gets together without me because I live here now
and there's a beat on the street that they were fucking getting
into about politics
oh yeah it's gotten akin to my brother messaging me and he said the why you saw some trudeau supporters in the family oh yeah it's
50 50 well i'd say yeah uh a few people are diehards yeah on the extended definitely crazy
yeah they ride or die for him a little bit so apparently people were getting into it a little
bit so i couldn't who could heat up when i go back yeah my favorite one was
we don't want to move on from Christmas but I feel like my favorite
was still that there was about three or four
years in a row where me and my family
we didn't really
it was like my parents were divorced and my dad would go to
his wife's house and me and my
brothers would go half a day at my mom's
so we didn't really have anywhere to go
because they would be at their
respective spouse's parents or whatever and we didn't have time so basically me and
my brothers and my dad just met up in a parking lot oh yeah and then we we pulled the trunks up
together and this weird parking lot and then we exchanged the gifts where it's like without even
opening them we just took one like i had a present that i just put in my dad's trunk he had a present
he put in my trunk and then we just put them from different trunks like a drug deal like a drug deal without even
opening it we all just like one or separate ways that's good shit that's good shit right there
everyone in the long family gives each other boxing gloves too all boxing gloves every year
you got boxing gloves again yeah so how did you know everyone has the wrapped up
that's a loose glove no the glove the wrapped up oh yeah it's not a loose glove
no the glove and wrapping paper yeah but it's like loose just wrapped oh shit okay so you got
the stick though you got the stick oh it's just a hockey stick yeah hockey sticks going in each
person's car the wrapped hockey stick you go i wonder what this is so we have another of well
i don't know if i don't think it was the first one
but we have a female shooter i think it's as far as i know maybe i'm wrong but the first
cisgender female well there was a couple trans then transgender there was also a couple um
uh there was the woman that went to shoot up the female church and then she had zero kills and the
joke was we were saying it was mcgruber style yeah you know they go and it's one of those things you know what i was thinking
with this female school shooter you know we talk about the black the uh the black comics
that are just like you they'll never have a black president never ever ever ever ever and then then
they have to go they'll never have a black vice president, ever. And then they have to go, they'll never have a black vice president.
Never, ever, ever.
And then they go down.
But they ain't never going to have a black speaker in the house.
That's me with the school shooter,
female school shooters.
What, there's never going to be a black school shooter?
I've had multiple jokes
about how there's never female school shooters.
Oh, no.
I'm the guy, I'm on record being like,
you never, ever, y'all go see your sister
shoot up a school
now the brothers
brothers be shooting schools up
but the sisters
sisters be at home
being like
what school
I can't decide
I guess I just do not go
yeah
I'll stay home
and do my crocheting
I'll stay
yeah yeah yeah
I mean hey man
this is a first
and you know the brothers
they be shooting up schools
because they be
they be getting
you know girls
they be fucking numb
and sucking they dicks
and shit
whereas women
they be shooting up
whatever
women be shooting up schools
I don't know if you read
her thing
it's her parents
well I
well you didn't
you only read the first manifesto
the second manifesto
just said it's that time of the month
over and over and over
just blood smeared on it
blood smeared all over
written in her period
well she had two manifestos
one of them
was written
two days before
and she was like
feeling good
nothing out of the ordinary
and then the one
when she was on her period
and then she started
writing a thing
being like you know
I will not live in a world
where Birkin bags
are out of price range
for people like me
I can feel her pain man
she goes this is some bullshit in this new world where women have to work now I gotta fucking Birkin bags are out of price range for people like me. I can feel her pain, man.
She goes, this is some bullshit in this new world where women have to work.
Now I got to fucking reach for my wallet.
Yeah, I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what.
You want me? So the sisters, they be shooting up schools because people want them to be reaching for
their wallet and shit.
Talking about equality.
Talking about pot, pot, pot, pot.
Yeah.
You think there'll be copycats?
This is...
It's like such not a girl thing to do.
Well, this is a copycat.
Yeah.
But you mentioned she was copying the other shooters.
Well, no.
I mean, she was just a female school shooter.
Yeah, but she paid like homage to the...
In her thing, she paid homage to the goats.
She was like...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She was really...
And she had an account on some website called
Watch People Die or something, where you can just watch people die.
She was just really into that shit.
You know what? Speaking of...
She was really in her feelings for a 15-year-old.
Like, reading the thing, you go,
Yeah, if you gave it five years...
There was a lot of screw you dads in there.
A lot of, like, fuck my parents.
Speaking of, it just reminded me of this.
Do you see Will Smith? He's doing like concerts now again no so will smith is like
he he's doing like rap concerts i guess okay but in the thing it's it's always so i know will smith
was a rapper but it's always so weird to me when he does rappy stuff because he seems like such a
clean-cut guy yeah yeah and
and then he's out there being playing all the hits though like parents just don't understand
he planned the hits but he's also he's walking around like addressing things y'all been saying
about me oh but he's using the voice right so he's like he's he's like code switching i guess
you'd call it right but he goes he does a whole thing where he gets up there and he was just like,
now, you know,
Big Willie Styles gotta be addressing
something that you've
been saying.
Yo, nah, nah.
Y'all people been
having your fun
saying I be hanging
with Diddy and shit.
But nah, nah.
You don't went too far.
Big Willie Styles
ain't never been
no Diddy party.
This is making me laugh
saying that.
Jada Pinkett Smith never missed a party.
Jada Pinkett Smith thought she had been to several parties.
Big Willie Styles never missed a party.
Jada Pinkett Smith, on the other hand, she never.
Didn't take me as her plus one.
She comes home walking funny three days later.
I know, it's tough to be.
Anyways, I just always think it's so funny.
What kind of venues is he playing?
He's playing big.
He's a big star man
he's the biggest movie star
in the world
yeah
I would go
I would 1000
if Will Smith is playing
fucking New York
I would 1000% go
I would not
what
that'd be so fun
I don't want to go see Will Smith
getting jiggy with it
no no no
yeah getting jiggy with it
Wild Wild West
Miami
yeah
the Fresh Prince theme song
Wild Wild West is a banger
Yeah
Wicca Wild
Jim West
Desperado
Rough Rider
No you don't want
None of this
Gunning this brother
Running this buffalo soldier
Just like I told ya
Telling me you wouldn't want
It is a banger
Wouldn't want that
Cranking in the headphones
I'd be going crazy
And I'd be like
I would be at the thing
I'd be getting jazzed up
I'd go
Yeah and if anyone says
He went to Diddy Party
You're gonna have to go through
Rhyme though I'd be getting jazzed up. I'd go, yeah, and if anyone says he went to Diddy Party, you're going to have to go through Ryan Long.
I'd be getting fucking jazzed.
Anyway.
Yeah.
I digress.
Digress.
This is me doing my black voice.
Got me thinking of Will Smith.
He sounds like me doing my black voice.
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, that's like, I think that was like when he would really hype it up on Fresh Prince,
you know, like when he would try and do like a.
Yeah, because I think he doesn't like the, like,
he hates the idea that people
think he's kind of like not a
street dude. Yeah. I mean, it's hard to...
You're not a street dude anymore.
Yeah, but I do get it because he's like
people... It bothers him that people
think he's like a poser or whatever and he was like,
oh, you think... I honestly find it hard to believe he didn't go to
one Diddy party, to be honest. Yeah, I know.
Actually, what was his quote? He said
I can't find it. That might legitimately hurt him when it turns out that he did go to multiple Diddy Party, to be honest. Yeah, I know. Actually, what was his quote? He said, I can't find it.
That might legitimately hurt him
when it turns out
that he did go to multiple Diddy Parties.
I ain't never been to no damn freak off.
So he says damn, though.
Yeah, but he didn't say...
He still has like...
So he basically is like,
just to be clear,
I've been to Diddy Parties.
I didn't stay around for the freak off.
I ain't even like baby oil.
That's what he said.
Jada Pinkett Smith, on the other hand. I ain't even like baby oil. That's what he said. Jada Pink is Smith on the other hand.
Big baby oil kind of soup.
She drinks that shit like fine wine.
She has it aged to perfection.
Anyways, that's the Diddy thing.
Okay, back to the school shooter.
Yeah.
So that's me though.
That's me with the female school shooter because I've been on record being like, you. Okay, back to the school shooter. Yeah. So that's me, though. That's me with the female school shooter.
Because I've been on record being like,
you ain't never had a female school shooter.
And now, not only do we have a female school shooter,
this one's got kills on her hands.
She's straight.
She's straight?
That's the craziest part, is that she's not gay.
The manifesto has a lot of fuck you, dad in it.
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Her parents got divorced multiple times.
A lot of
just you know this is not my parents fault i hate everybody i've i mean it's pretty standard like
kind of emo 15 year old shit it was such emo 15 year old and it's funnier if you read it in that
because you could read her manifesto of like the human scum is color and the way they are raised or
you can read this i've grown to hate people and society,
and it's truly not my fault.
It never was.
But all of you in the world have picked on me and teased me.
You push me into corners.
Well, we know she is a biological woman.
It's never her fault.
Never my fault.
Never done one thing wrong.
I've never even ever done it.
I never go back
and nag my way through life.
Okay, give it a fucking couple years.
It's not even my fault, though. It's everyone else's.
It has to be theirs and not mine.
A lot of it's everyone else's fault and not mine.
Classic Scorpio.
Checks out.
That is crazy though
she mentions multiple times
it's never her fault
yeah
nothing's her fault
that's what she says
alright
or maybe you don't think
I might just be crazy
or maybe you think
I might be crazy
I probably think
you're a bit crazy
yeah probably a bit crazy
maybe you'll see me
as a weirdo
a freak
just as some of you do now
but I'm not
that's fine maybe you see me as a it's got a little just as some of you do now but i'm not that's fine maybe you see
me it's got a little it's got a little freaking you out
freaky i'm fucking deranged i'm local it definitely has a little bit of like you just
listen to one too many slipknot songs you go oh am i freaking you out i'm sorry if i'm a psycho
and it's like a 20 year old girl that's like 120 pounds you're like no you're not freaking you out? I'm sorry if I'm a psycho. And it's like a 20 year old girl that's like 120 pounds. You're like, no, you're not freaking me out.
She's like, do you want me to?
Yeah. If she just made it to like
college age, she would have probably just worked on the
side of her system. 1000%
man. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, she was like, I get picked on at school. You're like, yeah,
lots of people do. She wasn't even that bad looking
though. Yeah. No, she's just kind of quiet. She kind of looks
like your classic internet
look. She looks like the chick from Red Scare. A kind of she kind of looks like your classic uh internet looks like
the chick from red scare a little like that she looks like a chick that like internet people would
love yeah you know what i mean for sure maybe you just see me as a weirdo a freak just as some of
you do now but i'm not you know it's true though because if she got obsessed with like slipknot or
something she would have been you know just just like in the lore of that band,
instead of reading like Shooter Manifesto,
she would have been obsessed with like
the singer of Death Cab for Cutie.
You could easily see it go that way.
You know what I mean?
And I mean,
she would have had like most people like at 15,
like at 18,
she would have had a completely new identity.
I think so too.
By the way,
if everyone hears this,
Danny's sick and he's been bragging About how he never gets sick
I know
I know
I fucking
Jigs myself
I was in bed all day yesterday
Really?
Jacking it?
Not to do with the sickness
I just fucking found a video
I wish I had the fucking strength
Yesterday to crank one
But no
I was like
Just in bed all day
Dude it's the time of year man
People get sick
I haven't been sick
In like years though
I literally jigs myself
That's what you claim
But I feel like
Not like this
Well this is the thing You're always a little bit sick Yeah but not like But like my legs are aching right now People get sick. I haven't been sick in like years though. I literally jinxed myself. That's what you claim, but I feel like- Not like this.
Well, this is the thing.
You're always a little bit sick, right? Yeah, but my legs are aching right now and I haven't done leg day this week.
Achy shit stinks.
But I mean, it's funny you saying that you've never been sick when I'd say like 30% of the
podcast is-
Yeah, but that's my baseline.
You're right.
That's 100% for me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Not sick.
Anyways, apologies. I have a little extra energy to cover for the sick men. All right. That's 100% for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's sick. Anyways, apologies.
I have a little extra energy to cover for the sick men.
All right.
Sick men.
Sick men and sick men.
I hate how the population thinks, grows, and talks, and how they make romance fake.
If only some days we could do a public execution, that would be gladly needed.
I wouldn't mind throwing some stones at idiots or
even watching from the back as they get hanged okay does feel like um you could sort of see this
as a lyric for like a metal song hold on let me um by the way i'll say that this was there's
someone on the internet that found this manifesto the boyfriend basically said this was out some
people tagged this in it because they didn't make the google doc private right she made the google doc private yeah but in her manifesto
you're telling me this couldn't be okay so a lot of these manifestos do read as a
so this would be let's find a metal song here
maybe you just see me as a weirdo
hold on Maybe you just see me as a weirdo Hold on Okay, so this is
Maybe you just see
I fucked it up
I fucked it up
You got the bit
Maybe you just see me as a weirdo A a freak, just as some of you do now.
But I'm not.
I'm not like the others.
I would never ever want to be like them.
With how they think and what they do a simple day.
I hate how the population thinks, grows, and talks about how they make romance fake.
So you can see how it kind of is like a poetic metal song.
The manifestos of girls are better because they are a little better at writing.
Yeah.
A lot of times girls have, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
I feel like every 15-year-old girl thinks she can be a famous writer.
What was funny actually was like the photo that was out of her or whatever that they
were using at first.
Yeah.
And then this chick talked to the boyfriend and then the boyfriend just wanted to clarify.
He's like, she's actually hotter than that.
It's like, they use a kind of bad picture.
I just want to be clear.
That's not.
Boyfriend wanted to...
Even though he's never met her
and he's like, it's like a two...
They've been together two years.
Long distance, online.
Long distance, online relationship.
He's just like, I just like to clear things up.
She was hotter than that.
Yeah, he said they weren't using a hot enough photo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's just like, hey, you're kind of sandbagging her a bit.
You're doing like the Joe Rog cnn filter where they made them all
green they're just like i just like to be on the record here my girlfriend was a dime piece yeah
she was hotter than that come on whores whores and scum are things i hate the most and will always
hate you have no meaning you and your parents Should be hanging In front of everyone She's big into hanging Yeah
Well she was
N words though
So she
Not cool
That part wouldn't be
Yeah exactly
Not cool
Not okay
Not cool
Slurs in your thing
Like you
Whoa
You commit a school shooting
And then you're also racist
Yeah I mean the school shooting
Is bad
But this is
This is
School shootings are not great
But now you're being racist
Now you've crossed a line
with the boys
do they chalk this up
to like a white supremacist
thing then
because of that line
oh for sure
I think that
that's what's gonna be
yeah
I mean they're definitely
not gonna be hitting her
on like
this is women are toxic
no
it's gonna be white
she's gonna be
she's gonna be a white person
today
white dudes
it's literally white guys
they're gonna somehow
swing this
like spin this into how white guys she was radicalized by white men online i think probably n words
though worse once you sleep with them you are she's saying if you sleep with a black guy you're
a whore so she's she's getting that took a left turn because at first it was like fuck you dad
there was a lot of lines about her dad i can't find one i got the weapons by lies and manipulation
and my father's stupidity I planned the shooting myself
a while ago
thought better
for evolution
rather than just
one stupid
boring suicide
which will hopefully
I'll reach that point
I hate looking at
some people in society
seeing what you are
they do with their lives
like no
like how does
one do that but I know how out of scum and
just pure retardedness okay so she's saying retarded yeah drops gay retarded she dropped
that n-word oh dropping dropping the n-word in the manifesto is interesting though right well i guess
that's trying to yeah trying to make it but it's not a race thing because she didn't kill any black
people i don't believe no she didn't no i black people, I don't believe. No, she didn't.
No.
I think she killed a white teacher.
So it seems like Maine, yeah, pretty, but yeah.
So I think this is the first like, yeah, like just a girl born a girl school shooter.
Yeah.
The question is, is this a one-off or do we get more of these?
It seems like it's just women.
They're just not, they're not wired to be like this.
Well, the women are getting hyped up about the uh uh luigi the luigi mangione there was one woman that um she got hyped up about it
and then she got denied a claim and then she goes she was like denied dispose yeah dude i mean it's
pretty crazy that she said that on the phone she goes you're next and like she's facing like she's
the chick from florida she's facing like 15 years in jail terrorism charges basically they're like
yeah we're gonna make an example out of you and she's like it was just a phone call
she's like i just got carried away yeah yeah and they're like okay well yeah there's no way she was
ever gonna do anything but she was just there was a march she was hyped up like they get hyped up on
the internet and they kind of they start feeling like revolutionaries and then next thing you know
they're you know yeah they're like i wasn't actually gonna do anything yeah you guys i was
just mad in the moment i was hot but that's what i'm saying i i i don't think this is gonna hype up a ton of girls
but i think the luigi and manjiani stuff hyped up a ton of girls there was some there was like a
bunch of guys protesting free luigi things yeah there was like literally like a anti-ceo thing
like basically like trying there was like apparently there was like remember how they
had like the hostage posters they had in for the israeli hostages they had like similar posters of the ceos no way like posting
them all around like this is the ceo of this company no but they couldn't i don't like this
anti-ceo rhetoric i'm not a fan of the anti-ceo rhetoric that's going on right now ceos are good
people all right they're the time Exactly right Yeah they're good people
I do like that
They're just like
People hate us
Why
Their minds blown
I know
They're like
We create so much value though
Shareholder value
Do you understand
How much shareholder
Guys I think
There's a misconception
Out here
They do
Imagine they do
A press conference
Just like
85
You know what
The CEOs need to do Is like What the actors did They do a press conference. Just like 85. You know what the CEOs need to do?
It's like what the actors did.
They do like an Imagine video together.
Like 100 CEOs.
There's no CEOs.
A hundred actors need to get together to do like a Zoom.
I think they should all go on strike.
Every CEO should.
What?
Why can't we be friends?
I think they should all go on strike.
Every CEO should.
What?
Why can't we be friends?
It's like the CEO of Raytheon, the CEO of Pfizer.
They're all just holding hands.
Should they do like a walkout?
See the world.
Yeah, the CEOs do a walkout.
They do a walkout.
See how you like America when there's no CEOs.
It's like the Evergreen College thing where they did no black people see what it's like
when there's no black people around
and people are like oh
heal the world
make it a better
it is funny them doing a press conference
that's such a funny image
85 CEOs standing on solidarity together
on stage and being like
we want to clear up misconceptions out here.
We're just like you,
me,
like we're the exact same as you.
We put our shoes on one foot at a time and then we create so much fucking
shareholder value.
You know,
just like you,
you know,
the only difference is once our shoes are on,
we create fucking shareholder value.
Heal the world. Make it a better yeah i would be hilarious for his bunch of ceos to do that yeah people are like yeah you shouldn't
don't do that we're actually play low just lay low we're actually pretty good guys so they're
yeah so i was thinking that stuff might get the girls hyped up But I don't know if the copycat
This it seems like
Too much of
Like dude shit almost
Yeah it is
Just it is
Calling people retarded
She's like
Yeah like racist
It's like chicks are
I hate looking at
Some of the people in society
And seeing what they're doing
With their lives
So anyways
But it does have a bit
Of a fuck you dad
Yeah
She goes fuck you dad
I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
Yeah It's all your fault I could have been normal Yeah But it does have a bit of a fuck you, dad. Yeah. It just goes, fuck you, dad. I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. Yeah.
It's all your fault.
I could have been normal.
Yeah.
It's your fault, not mine.
Yeah.
I mean, that's the thing.
Sometimes when you have kids, sometimes you have a kid and you think they have infinite
possibilities and then they just go shoot up a school and kill themselves.
I know.
I know.
Well, I'll tell you what.
Stuff like this is never good for the internet because this is like they
always start using this to be like we need to crack down on the internet we need to crack down
on the thing but yeah they do i mean it is a lot of shootings in america it happens a lot yeah by
the way that uh like this happened and they're like we need gun control the ceo gets shot no
calls for gun control yeah definitely like when the ceo got shot nobody's like we need gun control
i don't think a single
person said that
no they didn't
well apparently
hers was like a handgun
it wasn't one of the
ones that are illegal
anyway
yeah I mean
lots of
I mean most guns
aren't illegal in America
you know there's also
that little thing
where when they say
mass shootings
it is a little
wishy-washy
because
it's mostly gang
like the total stats
are like literally
yeah 90 percent
dude they literally someone if you kill more than two people they call a mass shooting but they
rejig them sometimes they go the other way because it'll be like would they you know if they're if
they're trying to juke racial stats they'll do it one way if they're trying to however they're
trying to juke the stats they sort of define differently what like a mass shooting entails
it feels like there was one i don't know what camera which side but some side was like this was the 353rd mass shooting in america this year
like school shooting and i was just like no it's not yeah that's not true no it's like we'd be
hearing more about this stuff i think they mean like mass shooting and what they mean by mass
shooting is like yeah guy killed two people it can be a mass shooting or three yeah yeah but like
like we see these shootings as like you know some person like her goes into a school and starts going to school and killing kids is like so much worse that's
that's the peak that's what we talk about as a mass shooting not like hey you guys like two guys
who didn't like each other what like in a gang when just like shot each other up on school property
because that counts that's like counts towards mass shootings oh so when that's sort of different
like you're saying like like that's a school shooting if a gang... What are they called?
Drill rappers.
Yeah.
They go to another school
and shoot their ops.
Yeah, if you go shoot your ops,
that's considered a school shooting.
Yeah, to me, school shooting
is meat and potatoes,
trench coat.
Yeah, just random.
I'm pissed off at the world.
Random.
Yeah, exactly.
Random targets.
As soon as it's your ops i feel
like that's not that's a different category yeah i agree movie theater guy the redhead with the
movie theater yeah like columbine was a classic terrorism essentially right yeah where when it's
targeted that to me that would be the different when it's targeted you're not like oh i could
be next you're just like okay well i'm not i saw this uh this guy's ops they were interviewing
this guy who was like in jail and he was like a actual like registered pedophile and he says that he goes
how does he it was kind of bizarre they're asking him how he picks his targets and he goes i look
for a lot of times i look for people without a dad because i'm like if the dad's too tough i feel
like that could be problems for me i was like such a fucking creepy thing to say hey yeah but he was
like yeah like there he's like a weasel.
And he was just like,
well,
I don't want to pick a guy with a tough dad because then even if like,
they're going to come kill me.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He picks a little.
And that's how you,
you end up,
that is how you end up in real bad problems as you fucking,
the dad finds out.
Yeah.
Well,
I mean,
or anybody finds out and you just go to jail.
Well,
going to jail is probably,
he's probably like,
I'll go to jail.
You ever see that black?
He's not worried about going to jail. He's worried go to jail. You ever see that black kid? He's not worried about going to jail.
He's worried about like revenge.
You ever see that black kid on Instagram?
His name's like Scam Likely.
You've probably seen him.
No.
You ever seen him?
He basically does this whole thing
where he's like, if you're really like down bad,
like in trying to get some pussy and you can't,
he's like, whenever he goes to towns,
he uses the town's sex offender registry
as like Tinder, basically.
Stop it.
Yeah, yeah. Like he goes on there and he'll find, like women who are on's sex offender registry as like tinder basically stop it yeah yeah like he goes
on there and he'll find like women who are on the sex offender registry and then he just thinks
they're hoes i mean he knows they're in no fucking some shit and he's like pretty young he's like 20
or something and it's like and then he literally will just go like because you can find all their
do you think he's just kidding no i don't actually like it and then what knock on their door no no
no he messaged he finds them on facebook and
he like messages them and he like shows his like facebook message so he just finds some
and he's just like i'm in town for a night and he's just like that's the real pedophile hunting
yeah yeah yeah but he literally is like goes and looks at their charges and it's like no way
some shit and knows where she lives and full name and all that stuff he goes and finds her
on facebook and there's a photo so he can go match the photo on facebook and he says he's been doing pretty good
with that i think it's the last case scenario but he's just like yeah there's got to be a better way
i mean he's just shopping for the broken toys you know
i'll tell you what since there's been a lot of propaganda on the internet anyways we just want
to condemn the school shooting yes we don't Anyways we just want to condemn the school shootings Yes we condemn all the school shootings
And we think that girls need to get their act together
Ladies come on pull it together
Stop shooting up schools
Unladylike
Exactly it's unladylike
Scientists have been done
You don't like what the scientists are doing
Because you think that they're doing like
Useless studies
This is worse they've crossed the line Because scientists claim eating a hot dog could shorten your life by
more than an hour now i don't know where the scientists get off trying to do anti-hot dog
propaganda but it's like for some reason they picked a bone with the hot dog industry sure
paid for by like beyond meat the study one thousand percent uh christmas i know that christmas is an
excuse to eat whatever we want
but the delicious food is entirely health professionals are warning the dangers that
can occur with foods like hot dogs the 2021 study looked at a whole range of ultra processed foods
cured meats pizza mac and cheese and it says on average 36 minutes off your life which 36 minutes though at the tail
end that's what it's saying that's fine those aren't not good 36 minutes well i mean add them
up for me i'm gonna be taking a couple fucking years off i'm like yeah i don't know that's so
that hot dog eating competition cost me like four hours of my life i just thought there's yeah
so i'm saying this is messed up yeah i mean i know they're not good for you i've never
been under that i don't know how they yeah i think it's all relative though because really when
they're just like if all things remain equal yeah but a lot of times when you eat a couple hot dogs
then you're like okay i gotta not eat as much the next day sure like if okay when if you eat if you
had like a week where i like cranked pizza
hot dogs and popcorn the next week i'm just like all right i gotta fucking take it more easy so it
all evens out well i guess they're saying that like you it's irrelevant it wouldn't because it's
just like those are negatives and the other ones are neutral like if you eat well you don't add
time to your life that's just maybe you do i mean i'd like to see that science scientists
wait waiting for it.
Tell me how to cancel out a hot dog.
I don't love this business where they're fucking trashing on the hot dogs.
No.
I mean, Joey Chastain would literally be dead if this was true.
Yeah, he's in the best shape of his life.
But I mean, he would be dead.
The guy probably eats 10,000 hot dogs a year.
There's no way they could even know that.
36 minutes.
You could say it's going to make you less healthy, but there's no way you could put a that 36 minutes like you could say it's gonna make you less healthy but it's like there's no way you can put a minute's level on it it was like cigarettes used to take like a
one cigarette would take like an hour of your life or something i don't know they don't know
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Can you think of a better time than right now
to start getting fit?
You know, me and Danny,
we've been at it right now, man.
I've been in the gym.
I was just talking about it.
I got my boys in there, too.
I have two friends that we hit the gym,
and then we hit the sauna, man.
I'm starting to get building, guys.
You've got to come link up with us.
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Yeah, you got the weird ones you never do. And muscles that you don't even think about. Like Danny said, we got the dinner plate curls. Yeah, yeah. You got the weird ones you never do. And muscles that
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Okay, we have a Christmas present for the boys, though.
Actually, two things.
It's fucking hot in here.
I know.
It's fucking so hot in here.
But, um...
Hold on These are the best Christmas songs this thing gave me
Orgasms
Scientists discover
The secret of the female orgasm
And reveal how to climax every time
Now what the funny part is
Is that they said
Psychologists have revealed
It is the ability for women
To tune into their own physical sensations
Like heartbeat, breathing and touch
Our studies demonstrate
Women need to get out of their heads
And into their bodies
In order to have more frequent orgasms
It's called a Hitachi.
It's actually not called a Hitachi because it's called,
they basically said that it has nothing to do with the man.
Yeah, which is a Hitachi.
Well, but even with the Hitachi, they're still in their head.
Oh, right, right, they're thinking of the man.
No, because all the talk has always been about,
does this guy give orgasms, this and that,
guys are bad at sex.
And then they basically did a study,
and it's just like it's all,
whether the girl has more or less orgasms
has nothing to do with the guy almost at all.
It's like 100% whether the girl can tune into her own body
and get out of her head.
So women have worse genitalia and brains,
is what you're saying?
Is that what you're saying?
Well, yeah.
Because I'm back on science if this is the case. That what i'm saying so we actually have a good one i might
be back on science well how many times have you heard like people say like oh can you make a girl
squirt but like really you probably date a girl or whatever slept with a girl that's like squirts
or whatever and you're just like yeah she does that yeah that's not like i have some no no no
yeah it's like some girls do it some girl some girl pisses all over you when you're high. I fucking hate it.
It's like a cool novelty, but yeah.
In a hotel.
Yeah, dating a girl like that that's just like pissing all over you nonstop.
Soaking up the bed to go crazy.
You're sleeping in piss every night.
I know some people try to claim it's not piss, but at very least it's got piss in there.
Whatever it is, I don't want to be sleeping in.
I don't want to be sleeping in water.
That's just not a good restful night's sleep right there it's a brutal sleep man and it soaks right
down to the mattress it's a nightmare oh man so anyways i just think it's funny because all
obviously obviously the guy has something to do with it but on aggregate they're saying women's
brains there's that's what they're saying yeah which to some degree i would
agree the other way around but it's like we've just all cracked the code and it's easier whatever
but i think guys i mean the guys who can't but isn't this a funny study when the girls are like
that guy probably can't even make a girl come you're just like on the contrary it has nothing
to fucking do with me that's between you and the lord right and the lord obviously isn't listening whether a girl can orgasm is between her and the lord yeah i mean that's pretty uh it's pretty good
if your chick's fucking giving you problems and you're just going like hey there's a study on this
they already solved this science has fucking finally done something right they're wrong about
the hot dog thing but they were they were wrong with the hot dog thing but that was paid for by for sure like vegan foods or whatever yeah i guess
that is what happens yeah big soy or some paid for the hot dog study big soy yeah big soy boy
although maybe this is a whiskey dick backed study dude's whiskey dick's association
turns out it's all in your head, lady.
It is, but it actually, it does kind of make sense.
Like, I'm sure you've dated girls where it's, like, super easy for her.
And you've dated girls where it's, like, almost never.
And mostly those.
Mostly those.
Yeah, it's hard for me to keep my enthusiasm, you know?
Anyways, I thought that it was interesting.
Yeah, it's a nice little piece of info. That's a good study that you take.
And then the other Christmas thing was, which we mentioned already,
but you probably know, I feel like you know this stuff a little better than me,
but they're talking about the Canadian, the fifth state, or the 51st state.
Trump's trolling hard right now.
He keeps referring to it as the 51st state.
I know, and every politician in Canada
keeps coming out having to post a statement
saying we're not going to be part of America.
It's not up to you.
Well, I mean...
It ain't up to you.
Kind of is, right?
No, I know.
There's no way that could happen.
I mean, I don't know exactly the mechanics of it.
At the very least, they'd have to vote or something. Yeah, they'd have to vote. It wouldn't be boots on the ground. I don't know exactly the mechanics of it. At the very least, they'd have to vote or something.
Yeah, they'd have to vote. It wouldn't be boots on the ground.
I don't know, man.
Again, there is
a theoretical
plan they could put forward that
could be very enticing. Obviously, there are a lot
of Canadians who
just are like, we're Canadian and
we want to have our unique...
The vote would be like 15
percent of people voted for it well it needs to get worse for sure but trudeau seems to fucking
be hanging on right now so what's going on with him like he basically he was talking about uh his
finance minister stepped down they had like a budget it was like way over their budget was like
basically the deficit was like 20 billion dollars over what they said it was going to be yeah and
he keeps saying i'm just going to give everyone 250 bucks took that away they were like
we're not doing that because we need the money to like in case these tariffs or whatever by the way
everybody talking shit about the tariffs you're like look what they're doing to canada just the
threat of these tariffs is like basically causing like the government to fucking dissolve essentially
but because like everybody has to deal like literally good point like literally the part
of the reason why they took away the 250 checks was because they're like we need that money
in case the tariff situation is bad right yeah yeah but so anyways she stepped down or got fired
and then the guy who was supposed to take her place he's just like i'm not doing it so then
they had to like replace him last minute with some i don't know who it was some dude and uh but and then the ndp guy was like uh
said he needs to resign but he won't actually like force an election because his um what is it his uh
government pension his pension doesn't kick in is that true yeah it doesn't kick in until february
25th he doesn't want to lose dude that's the fucking nutty i guess that sort of stuff is
happening in the american they just had some bill and el Elon Musk is trying to stop it, but you look into it and it was
like just big raises for everyone.
Honestly, I'm like, not to like, I think they deserve the raises, to be honest.
You're like, they haven't had the Congress people haven't had a raise since 2009.
The problem is they do it all at once.
40% seems really high.
Well, it's not even that they do it all at once.
It's that they add a million things on top of it
Just have an inflation adjusted raise every year
They're coming for my AI actually
What do you mean they're coming for your AI
That's in this fucking bill or whatever
They cram so many things in these bills
You need a microscope
So basically they're coming for
Like deep fake porn
But that's how it starts
They're basically making it illegal To um like deep fake porn or whatever but that's how it starts that's how it
starts it starts with they're basically making it illegal to make any deep fake porn uh with like
penalties up to two years in jail what would that entail like the extent to which it's illegal like
for example if you're as a guy and then you um you took a like you had like a nudie calendar
and then you took a girl and you printed her Facebook photo
off and then cut her head out and put it on
the calendar so you're looking at
basically a naked picture of her. Like how we used to do it
in high school. Exactly. Yeah.
Does that count? I don't think so.
Like are they going to bust into like auto shops
and like tear those off the wall and
fucking you're going away.
I mean they're saying it's specifically AI
but like. They've got to be movement.
But again, they're going to go for the...
People are going to be meeting in like back alleys
with hard drives full of like,
yeah, just put Jennifer Aniston on a porn.
Right, I know.
And then...
Pokey Man.
Yeah, Pokey Man or whatever.
But that's how this shit starts
is they go, okay, we're dealing with...
This is like...
First they come for the porn.
And then they come for the comedy.
Then they come for the porn users, you. Yeah. I'm not a big AI porn guy, but... No. They're going to come for the porn and then they come then they come for the porn users you yeah i'm a big ai porn guy but no they're gonna come for the jokes next they always
come for the jokes next man every single time the jokes are always next on the chopping block and
it's literally like the chick who is doing it amy klobuchar who like is putting this thing forward
like it's from it was because jake tapper like told her to really yeah yeah like literally it's
like because of so you just literally dug your own grave like it's literally because of me what
the fuck yeah isn't that crazy i mean that is crazy yeah like literally because i made these
ai videos and then jake tapper found out about it and then he would have never found out about it
if you hadn't made one about him yeah and then he went he knows amy klobuchar who's like i believe
a senator or a congresswoman or something kind of blown my mind and then he went he knows amy klobuchar who's like i believe a senator or a congresswoman or something it's kind of blown my mind and then he was basically like what she he
brought the segment that i made for him was with her and he brought it on and he's basically like
trying to get her to make it illegal and it is pretty crazy because you basically you made the
first one about him yeah then you got the shovel and started digging your own grave because you
thought that maybe you could you thought if you maybe cozied up yeah
you could get yourself out of the chopping block you were like uh you know like the you were kind
of like the oligarchs in russia back in the day that were well i'll help you round up the other
oligarchs i'm one of the good oligarchs danny's like i'm one of the good ai guys you know what
i mean yeah yeah Capo or whatever.
Holy shit.
So he made this thing about Jake Tapper.
It changed his life.
He goes to Amy Klobuchar and you're like, you got to make this illegal.
And then now it's in the bill.
So the porn stuff is in the bill.
It's sponsored by her and Ted Cruz.
Ted Cruz doesn't like that either.
Ted Cruz's wife probably found him doing some AI porn.
This is part of his reparations. Yeah, probably gonna have to make some fucking cruise ais yeah definitely make some
cruise missiles over here you should just you know you should do is make like cruise ais where he's
saying like you know he would be an example of ai porn that i wouldn't like
scat or have him there and his wife's like beside him and he's kind of like you know
and i just think it's really bad and his wife's like tapping him being like hey and he goes
also uh no one should ever make ai porn of their babysitter again and again keep going also if any
of your wife's if any of your wife's friends for for example, are in videos, you should never mix and match
them with your favorite.
No, never make them maybe kiss each other and then gratify yourself while you watch
the video.
You also shouldn't make AI porn where you give your wife better set of jugs.
Okay, this is just a list of things that we shouldn't be doing.
I did.
Yeah, Ted Cruz just did the chopping block from his personal.
It's crazy, though.
For me, literally, I made an AI video, and then three months later, it's in a bill to from his personal. It's crazy though. For me, literally I made an AI video and then three months later
it's in a bill to make it illegal.
So they're making the AI porn
illegal and that's
part of the bill.
Among a million other things.
The Congress thing, honestly, you don't want to...
Someone was saying this, which is a good point.
Congress people actually don't do that well because
on top of... They do well
after though. They do well after though they do well after
yes or during for most of them well sell a book the ones who trade stocks or whatever do but
there's so many congress people like they're not like that like it's like most of them are not i
bet you anyone that's been in congress for like five to ten years is starting to get rich um you
ever seen the things where it's like people that go into politics you know their net worth and
well you really make the money when you leave right that's kind of unless you write a book while you're there
yeah but again there's like five bernie sanders got cash he hasn't gone anywhere yeah yeah there's
like well he's been for he's okay what's the difference though i'm just saying like you're
saying oh i'll give you this like if you're like the famous ones is probably the famous ones but
there's 540 of them i believe and like i mean i know a lot of times the people that go into
politics though already have cash.
Yeah, no, not Congress.
Congress is different. Like Lauren Boebert,
I remember when I did In Hot Water.
What did she have, Patreon?
No, she was literally like a fucking
server at a bar.
While she was in Congress? No, while she was running.
And then what, she gets like $100,000 a year?
I think they can make $175,000,
which is not bad, but you have to maintain two residences.
I think these days, though, once you get...
You have to have a place in Washington and your district.
So it's like you have two houses.
I'm not saying they're fucking starving or anything.
But to give them a raise,
like first raise in 15 years,
I don't think it's that crazy.
And then also, it dissuades them from having to do shady shit
to make money.
Well, that's the argument, to some degree. But is is they go they put this that's not true though because
people get a taste of money and they want more that's true yeah you get them up to a 180 they're
just like oh now i can really i can just feel like i could be really rich yeah yeah for sure
and i mean again they do all make money trading stocks if they're half a brain because you have
so much fucking insider information that's what i'm saying yeah yeah like that's i mean again that is the way that people are like
we don't want that that's the way that's literally it's all training speaking fees speaking fees yeah
but the thing is people don't want them insider trading it's like it's illegal for everybody else
except for congress people what do you mean they don't want them to because they're literally what
they do in congress is illegal for any other civilian.
They literally get this insider information
about government contracts,
and they act on it,
and you're like,
if you do that as a person,
you go to jail.
Yeah, I don't know how they're allowed to.
They're just allowed to.
It's just like that's one of the fucking deals.
They're allowed to trade stocks.
It's your perk.
It's your perk.
You're allowed to trade stocks,
and you can act on this proprietary information you have.
Well, it is funny, though, that Jagmeetmeet sings basically like i'm not going to do this thing because then i'm going to get more i'm going to get my government pension to kick in
and he's supposed to be like the most for the people socialist guy yeah it is funny that it's
just like so obvious so the country is so you're saying the country's falling apart and you're
going to let that happen for three more months just because so you can get.
So you can lock in your.
So you can lock in your fucking extra 30 grand a year.
It's probably more than that.
And it's for life.
Like, it's probably like you're actually kind of set for life.
A hundred grand a year forever.
I bet you it's more.
If you're a party leader, like it's probably like, I would imagine a decent chunk of change
and it's for the rest of your life.
Well, benefits everything.
And realistically, he doesn't have a career in politics
after this anyway, so.
No, I'm just saying it's funny.
It's funny that you have to
like outwardly say that.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Well, he's,
when he agents,
he just lies like,
I'm not doing,
that's not what I'm doing.
But then,
obviously,
secretly, they're like, yeah.
But anyways,
I could see Trudeau legitimately,
he's so fucking insane
that like,
I think he might just wait it out
till it's over.
I don't think,
I don't see it
the way other people see it because everyone keeps saying he's going to step down but i'm like
this guy's the biggest egomaniac on the planet you can actually there was actually a polymarket
bet that i was thinking of doing 83 that he was going to go by april yeah trudeau out before april
it's 66 uh yes you're like man that's like three to one on your money if you take the no by by
march 31st yeah it feels like he's not going to leave on his own accord.
No.
It doesn't feel like he wants to.
No, but I guess...
There's no indication that he's planning to.
I guess maybe there literally is the thing where it's just like single once he locks in his pension.
He likes the power.
It's like the ring.
You know what I mean?
The Lord of the Rings.
Of course.
You know the movie Lord of the Rings, Danny?
I've heard of it, yeah.
That's him with his...
Yeah, yeah.
He loves his pressure.
Dude, you want to know
something so funny fuck i'm glad i remember this i was in the hardware store uh the other day by
my house okay drill bits uh kind of yeah actually that's a nice one right there i had to hang these
fucking curtains right and so the dude who owns this hardware store this is like long island city
he um he there's this like dude in there this guy with his like wife or whatever and they
were i can't i don't know what they were looking at but it was like maybe like um some sort of like
like bracket or something like some sort of whatever decorative thing and this dude he's
like an old it's probably like six in his 60s like some old like european maybe some eastern
european dude and then uh he goes oh what do you what are you looking at there and he goes oh you
like the gold ones right and then he goes oh why are you saying that why would i like gold no but he goes
you like the gold ones he goes are you jewish and the guy goes uh yeah he goes what kind of
jewish are you and he goes uh i can't remember what he said like something he goes yeah he goes
you know the jews they love gold and the guy's like yes we do love gold it was i was like that
what was the hardware store guy like he was like this fucking old Greek guy
he was some eastern European
like in his 60s dude
who just like ran this hardware store
in Long Island City
totally just like
chopping it up
like totally normal conversation
he goes you know you Jews love gold right
and the guy's like yes we do love gold
and he didn't even look
like the guy wasn't like some
like he wasn't
didn't have a keep on or anything
he was just like in a suit
with his fucking wife.
And you were kind of one aisle over watching this?
I was right beside him.
You just take your gold and drill a bit and put it back?
Yeah, I go, oh.
No, I don't.
Do we have a tungsten?
It's so funny.
He goes, you Jews love gold, right?
He goes, you Jews, the Persian Jews and whatever Jews, you guys love gold?
Yeah, we do love gold.
I have a story, actually, too, now that you've kind of jogged my memory
because I went to do my physical
and one thing that they got
they got these clinics that you go to
I pay because I don't have health insurance
you know what I'm saying
because you're not going to catch me on that shit
I have health insurance and it's a fucking scam
how much do you pay a year for health insurance?
like five grand
and I mean I've never used it
so since we've been here not only have i never
you're down 25k i haven't spent a sh i've spent i think i went to get once i made them look at
the bump on my head for 500 bucks not only have a couple visits yeah not only have i never used it
but like i think i have like an eight thousand dollar deductible or some shit so it's like
it doesn't even cover anything see the way i see it and this is you know because they did a study actually but the health insurance ceo there were
like 45 of uh 18 to 30 uh are think this was uh reasonable that the guy got shot or whatever what
which seems high but there is another part of it where it's like a lot of these things are a little
bit of money transfers from young people to old people you know yeah you know and i kind of see
that and i'm like i what you look around everyone's so fat you know it's the most unhealthy company and you go
why would i want to like split our medical costs together yeah yeah well again and the main thing
with insurance why would i want to do that i go how about we all just pay for our own i'm not gonna
subsidize a bunch of these fucking arby's eaters yeah and also the premise of insurance is like it should like
insurance the point of it is it should be for stuff like unforeseen like random things right
it's i'm paying for half you know you get your health insurance you just paid for 90 people's
ozempic yeah yeah but it's like for you know like insurance should be for like these crazy
outlier events that happens like it's not should be catastrophe yeah like it's not meant for like
just checkups like but it is because those are like again it's just like risk management and like yeah you can predict people need checkups
or whatever like that's not the point of it but yeah i mean and they with like i believe with
obama you get it from your work you get it from your work like they made it illegal to not have
insurance like if you don't have insurance in america what yeah like you have to pay a penalty
what's the penalty depends i think it's like state by state But it's like 600 to like thousands
Per person
If you don't have insurance
Well I guess I'd have to pay the penalty
But
Maybe
But it depends where you are
I don't know exactly what the
I think it varies by state
But like
See the guy waddling in with a mobility scooter
Like I don't want to pay for that guy
Yeah for sure
You're not going to get me on that man
Well
Find another sucker
They literally made it illegal
To not have insurance
If I broke my like leg or something like that
and got charged 25 grand,
I'd still break even
because I've been here
for five years
and had five grand a pop.
Yeah,
but you would also be like,
if they charge you 25 grand,
you'd be like,
I don't have insurance.
I guess the problem is
if you get cancer,
then you're really fucked.
Yeah.
The problem is
if I get some real shit,
then I'm screwed.
Yeah,
if you get something really bad.
Fingers crossed.
Yeah, of course.
But it's like,
if you get something really bad, then you're fucked but it's like if you get something really bad then you're fucked and i mean that's uh you
know that's basically why i have insurance is for those catastrophes but yeah again i mean i'm
getting to the point where i might start getting it soon but i've i haven't had it since i've been
here it's a fucking scam but you're not you don't live on the wire as much as i do
you don't know what it's like to be on living on the edge you know in the fridge yeah but
anyways when i went to the doctor to get my physical i thought this was weird that like i
was training people and they had to i like look i didn't have to do anything embarrassing because
i was just kind of physical yeah but it did throw me off imagine i did have to say something
embarrassing it's this doctor and these two chicks were standing behind him and he's like what's the
issue blah blah and i was just like all three of you are gonna fucking i'm and i was like well i
just need this thing but i just need you to check my i just need it yeah i just need an easy thing
but i thought it was weird like usually there's the person there and then they leave and the doctor
comes in and it feels kind of like confidential and he goes okay what's the problem i'm like
i've got this audience of like four people i was thinking i was like if i had like, if I had something that I was, like, personal, I was like, I
wouldn't want to say it to this everyone here.
Right, yeah.
I mean, I guess they are also doctors, not like some randoms, but.
No, they weren't.
It wasn't three doctors.
It was like a.
Actually, I don't think any of them are doctors at those fucking CVS clinics.
I don't know.
I think the one guy was like a janitor.
He's like cleaning the fucking tools and stuff.
I think they're nurses at best.
Yeah, at best they were nurses but it felt like to me
Weird
Like I've never been in a doctor's office where like the doctor
Comes in and asks you what's wrong
And there's a big audience
Oh dude I had the fucking when I got dengue fever
In Laos or whatever and they put me in this like
Looked like from like a TV show or something
They put me in this like observation room
Like it was literally this like circular room
And they put me on the table
And there was one like table and then literally
the doctor this like laocian chick brought in like 10 students to like and they were all around
dude one of them poking and prodding you literally one of them took my fucking sandal off and they
were passing around my sandal because why because they'd never seen a sandal so big.
It was crazy.
I was like, I swear to God,
I've never been sicker in my life and they were all just like, oh, so big.
And they didn't speak any English.
Three beds put together for you?
Probably.
Bring you from bed to bed with a forklift.
You're just like, I'm pretty normal size in America. I'm like i can walk i didn't break anything i just have dengue fever
you were just lying there on the bed and the guy just comes and takes your sandal off doesn't say
anything they didn't speak any english and none of them did not even the doctor the doctor didn't
even speak english but what was wrong with you dengue fever how'd you just tell them that you
had dengue fever uh well i was just like a very sick
dan gay fever dan gay fever and then they did this like because laos is such a poor country like
very poor and so they did this like normally if you get dengue fever in like miami they just take
your blood and then they send it to a lab but they don't have that there or at least they didn't at
the time they probably still don't excuse me and so they put like a blood pressure cuff on my arm and pumped it up until
like,
it literally felt like my arm was like fucking going numb.
It was like painful.
Like they were doing it as hard as possible.
And then I was like,
I kept trying to like rip it off.
Cause I was like,
what are you guys doing?
And they couldn't speak any English.
I was like,
what are you guys doing?
And then she kept like hitting my hand away or whatever.
And then they kept it like literally for a minute, or whatever. And then they kept it, like, literally for a minute.
Like, as tight as it could possibly be.
My arm was so painful.
And then they took it off.
And then they look at your arm, and based on your blood vessels bursting,
like, if your blood vessels burst in, like, a tight enough, like,
rate of pattern or whatever, then they're like, you have dengue fever.
The sound they, like, would detect it in the 50s.
And you did. And I did, yeah yeah and then they just gave me some shit so you just got
medication then on your way like do they keep the sandal no they gave me the sandal back
they had a good time with the sandal taking pictures with it yeah like it's novelty they
had a good time with i mean i if you ever try and buy fucking shoes in asia you're like they don't
make them in my size. What's your size?
12 or 13.
Like, nobody has that there.
Like, dude, if you go to like a market in anywhere in like China or something,
and you're like, I'm like a quadruple XL.
Or whatever.
That's so funny.
They just don't have it.
You have to go to the big and fat stores.
It doesn't exist.
And they're like...
You've seen, remember,
we've seen the Asian stores
where it'll be like fatty, fatty boom boom and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah remember you used to buy shit from china big fat lard boys like they
have the craziest names i know yeah that was in thailand but remember you used to buy shit from
china disgusting fat woman xxl yeah and it's like if you get like a large or an xl something from
china like you're like this is like a yeah yeah they're just small people. Hello, cow. Hello, kitty.
And then beside that, hello.
Moo.
Hello, mule.
Hello, heifers.
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This is crazy thing that college courses I guess it's not crazy but a lot of colleges uh have
started doing influencer programs okay so there's all these colleges that started doing um is this
a top a what is the top signal on the influencer space when now the colleges are getting on the
cash grab i'd say it's probably in my opinion this is more a indication that it's
becoming like a legacy thing right now i would say because if you look at it there's film and tv
jobs like you can go to college for film and tv you can go to college for screenwriting
you can go to college for music that's true so to me this is like the legitimization of where it's
like right where we go oh there's tv and then there's radio and
then there's film and then there's this other thing that's kind of below that i think this
is the legitimization where they're like no a guy having like a big youtube channel is not lower than
like you know what i mean it's the exact same so i i would see it as someone like that to some degree
okay but you know you can you, but these programs are so useless,
but especially it's one thing learning like film and TV.
And it's another thing learning.
The only thing that this would be useful for is if you go to fake,
you know,
influencer school and then you get a job like running the social media of
like black and Decker.
Like,
you know what I mean?
I could see that where you're like,
you do a,
but they already had social media courses.
This is on actually being an influencer.
But probably the worst advice you could get for influencers is you're like,
you're long,
you're young.
You're like,
focus all your time on influencing and never look like the biggest influencers
have another thing.
That's their trade first.
Yeah,
of course.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like you have to be good at writing or production.
Yeah.
Most,
but I wasn't even to say that.
I was saying most of the people are like,
you know, they had a job or they have some perspective or they were like an expert on this other thing and they combine that like we're not we're comedians like our people are
like you know i was a uh like uh i was an athlete and now i'm doing sports and i was in i was a
fitness guy now i'm doing influence like it's not that they they're not an expert at fit influencing
they're an expert at like fitness yeah yeah you know so that's why you listen to them or finance or you know politics
even you know like there's so many people where they're big influencers but it's like yeah but
their expertise isn't influencing yeah so this is like removing what are you in the tool yeah
you're they're removing like the interesting part about the person and just treating it it's like
yeah you influence you like what's the content they're just like well i don't know you just
show them your life you're like well what's my life's going to influencer school document that
you know that's pretty boring what the fuck is this so you go there's gonna be all these
influencers they're influencing is about influence school i mean the only thing is when you go to
these programs they're a total load of shit but the one thing i guess is all the other you just meet a bunch of people that are all trying to do
the same thing yeah but i mean you can just meet those people on the internet right but it seems
like you listen there's courses on music and i'm sure there's some people that went to school for
music but again the the trade is still like the actual instrument yeah of course like if they
were just like if it was it's like of course. Like if they were just like,
it's like a course on being a rock star,
but they don't teach you how to play an instrument.
Right, yeah, yeah.
Like to me, that's what influencer school is.
You go, well, what are you influencing on?
You'd be better off like learning to be a dentist
and then doing influencing with your dentistry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get some sort of skill outside
and then influence from that.
Well, yeah, I guess they're just trying to,
and this is the crazy part.
What school is this at?
Well, there's a bunch of them starting up.
And apparently it's like 50% of young people
said they want to be an influencer,
but it's like, again, most of the people,
they have something that they're offering before,
you know what I mean?
Something else, for sure.
Yeah, yeah.
Like the amount of people who are like-
Even film guys, it's like, well, yeah,
but then they can go work on sets as a film guy. But like the amount of people who are like, I'll teach you it's like, well, yeah, but then they can go work on sets as a film guy.
But like the amount of people who are like,
I'll teach you to be rich.
And you're like,
are you rich?
And go,
no,
I will be.
If you sign up for my course,
I will be.
But currently it's not,
it feels a lot like that.
It feels a lot like a guy teaching you how to be rich and he's not rich.
Yeah.
Okay.
Cause yeah,
you're like,
pick your thing.
You're like,
I don't know.
I'll be like,
you probably,
one of your things is,
you know,
pick what your thing is. And you're like, first year, you're like, I'll be a finance influencer. You're like, pick your thing. You're like, I don't know. I'll be a, like, you probably, one of your things is, you know, pick what your thing is.
And you're like, first year, you're like, I'll be a finance influencer.
You're like, yep.
See, no problem with that.
Do you know anything about finance?
No, I actually go to influencer school.
Fake it till you make it.
It is.
It's really fake it till you make it.
Like, most of the people that I know that are popular on the internet have something else that they did.
Even, like, our friends that are, like, business have something else that they did even like our friends
that are like business guys like a Chris Williamson or that kind of realm it's like yeah then they were
successful in something else first sure they have some sort of yeah something that you care about
do you can like most of the things I've got I was kind of talking about this with uh unless you want
to be like the freak show influencers that's that you don't have to have any skill right so they're just like like if you're like the first first class eat a bunch of gross stuff
i mean and they're not gonna you know they're not gonna say the things that you should do it's like
first girl it's like first off like every girl here like you're gonna want to figure out a way
to get a point hotter yeah yeah they're not gonna say the shit that they really should know uh how
comfortable are you with uh showing your asshole just the edge of it, in a very tight thong?
I mean, we're about a fucking year away from OnlyFans at school.
Probably.
OnlyFans school.
That's the true dystopia.
Yeah.
When girls are coming out of high school and going to OnlyFans school.
It's instead of like a cosmetology school.
It's like OnlyFans school.
what was it like cosmetology school yeah fan school well it is funny because i think i had an article about this but basically the ai speaking of your ai thing the ai bots are like
they have all these programs that are like ai programs that respond to the only fans yeah and
they were saying it's an issue because they're taking all the indian guys jobs they actually
were talking about it and it's funny it always makes me laugh how open these conversations are where they're
just like you know and this is a job that indians were doing and now we're gonna have the computer
programs doing it's like there's no one gonna stop and be like so are any like how does any
guy sign up for a thing and be like you ever talk to an indian guy to an ai body i guess that's
better yeah i guess and you're just like i don don't know. Do you know what they said? They go,
technically, it doesn't
wreck the terms of service because
they type the things and
a human's still pressing send.
So the AI has to do it, but they still have to hire
an Indian guy to press send on them.
Okay, so that's something.
You don't want to put them completely
out of work. I mean, it really is fraud, and I don't
think they're going to do it, but I guess that's on you i mean like the end of the day if
you're stupid enough i mean if you're such a simp where you're talking to a fucking you're like
jacking off talking to a robot i don't know i'd rather be jacking off talking to a robot than
some fucking dude in yeah abu dhabi philippines or some shit it's fucking nuts yeah so anyways
they're they're a week away from only fan school but but influencer school has
started but the only if they were saying we're going to teach social media but they already have
that and then you go and work for you know a big corporation and you do their social media they
have to do their posts or whatever and you pretend you're an expert and really but generally the
people who those they hire is somebody who figured out social media on their own well there's half and half there's a lot of places that do have like
a a guy that went to school for that again we used to always say this when we were doing music
we used to always like say that like for social media stuff like hiring some social media expert
you'd be 10 times better just picking a random 16 year old for sure like you know what i mean i
mean like yeah the technology changes so quick.
Like this is just a job for 16 year olds.
And you need someone who's just like on the internet all day.
And understands the new things.
Understands it.
The problem is most people when they have jobs,
they don't like to adapt.
Like most people when you hire them,
they don't want to adapt to the new thing really quickly.
Yeah.
So it's like you're better,
like your best bet would be hire a 16 year old
who knows all the new sites right now.
Yeah, it's like a fucking intern.
And you're like, that's our social media intern or whatever sure yeah yeah yeah exactly and then you if you
pay 50 grand a year that's a ton for like a 16 year old amazing i love it yeah so but this is
the crazy part because it's even worse than what you thought because what you think is okay people
are going to influencing school it's retarded you know what i mean unless you're like a hot girl
maybe or at least if it's just like production school and they just renamed it like the it's retarded you know what i mean unless you're like a hot girl maybe or at least if it's just
like production school and they just renamed it like the it's like film production renamed kind
of thing no it's not because guess what one of the okay i'll tell you what the courses are
some of the things students are learning on their path to be the next big thing on tiktok
battling misinformation well the perfect ring light and learning to increase likes are skills most
influence want to gain the university of texas teamed up with unesco to tackle a much bigger
issue online misinformation so you get there and you're just like all right when do i start my
influencing and then they're just like well there's bigger we have bigger fish to fry all
your first 10 tests are just like spot the misinformation.
So they're,
they're training you to be like,
they're trying to train like an army of Harry Sissons,
I guess.
I guess.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
that's University of Texas.
I wouldn't have thought would be the most,
uh,
you know,
I guess like play.
I see that.
Oh no, I think it is.
I think I've heard it's pretty,
uh,
cause it is in Austin.
Avoiding pitfalls.
Another topic that future influences
are learning about the legal and financial troubles they can run into so it's all about
like just don't do misinformation basically don't do misinformation don't do slander like what the
fuck is this i mean i guess what i mean this is i guess if you wanted to really go to school for
nothing and just like party for three years.
Yeah.
Well, this isn't a degree.
It's just a course.
If you're getting a fucking degree in influencing, that is insane.
You're like, save the 150 grand.
Well, if they're not getting degrees in influencing now, they're going to be getting degrees in
influencing at some point.
Like people have, you know, all these things eventually.
Is that not nuts?'s fucking i mean think about all the people that are popular right now from toronto comedy wise we can probably think of like 10 to 15 that have like done really well
a lot of them are our little friends like jay nema you know a lot of the people that are popular
from our little squad did any of them go to the comedy school? No.
Anyone?
Steph Tolove is pretty popular.
Did she go to the comedy school?
I think she might have. Maybe one.
Kay Traver Wilson from Letterkenny.
But I believe, so the comedy school, they had a deal where they would actually, because
I don't know if it, does the comedy school still-
Yeah, the comedy school didn't help, but they hooked you up with-
But does the comedy school still exist?
Probably.
It's Humber College. A Humber comedy program't i don't know if it still exists uh oh yeah
comedy writing but basically when you did that so they used to have a thing where they would like
someone would be doing well in toronto in comedy and then they would literally be like you can come
for free come do our thing for free because we just want to say you went here yeah so some of
it you're like these guys didn't really go yeah they didn't like really go
they were just like hey we'll just give you like a scholarship and then uh kind of deal yeah it's
i mean you are not gonna do well going to humber comedy school i mean nobody it was there's the
biggest thing where everybody's like these guys like when we were doing it they're like they never
actually do comedy it's it's crazy there's no comedy industry in canada what is this yeah i'm like it's just this
is like the fakest thing on earth so oh yeah we know we should make a quick announcement that
so for the christmas we're not we are we are doing a patreon only christmas special next week
because everyone's taking the week off um so we are doing
an episode but it's going to be on the patreon only and we were going to do a lot of patreon
people sent us questions for this james sexton interview we were going to do if people know who
this is nyc top lawyer uh divorce lawyer divorce lawyer and we were talking and we were going to do an interview. Yes. He disrespected us on a level that is...
I feel embarrassed with how much this guy caught us.
He's fucking the puppet master just playing his fucking...
He played us like a fucking fiddle, man.
Got to get this guy disbarred.
So, everyone in the Patreon gave us a bunch of questions.
We were going to do this interview.
So, three weeks ago, I guess Danny was like, oh maybe this guy and i saw i think he followed one of us
so it's like one of the podcasts he goes yes we set a time and then he messages the next day and
we you know we all block off our schedule he messages the next day and he was like oh i
actually can't i got called into court get covid one time then we call oh yeah then we call then
the second time he goes okay i'm sick we said. Then we called. Then the second time, he goes, okay, I'm sick.
We said a third time.
And then after the third time, he goes, oh, I got called into court today.
Yeah. So we're just like, and each of these times, by the way, we like, you know, Johnny comes
in.
He's $8,000 an hour.
Yeah.
So Johnny's $8,000 an hour.
Patreon.com.
That's the boys' cost.
We come in.
And after the second time time we're just like
want to try this again like yeah we started honestly he know what he did he just spit on us
and then this is after two weeks i go all right i'm divorcing my wife because of him it's i didn't
want to have to do it buddy me i literally came back from vegas so then the fourth fucking time
we're gonna okay we'll do it he goes how early can you do it we said it we're gonna do it at like 10 I'm coming back
from Vegas I've been gone for like three days I get back super late at night so I
get back late at night I start putting going through all the questions go to
sleep at like 2 I have to wake up at 8 I haven't slept in like a long time and
then also I'm on West Coast time at this point and then we wake up in the morning
morning I'm on the way here 10 minutes point. And then we wake up in the morning. Morning, I'm on the way here.
10 minutes before.
And he goes,
yeah, it was probably like 20 minutes before.
And he goes,
I had to go into court again.
I'm like,
how does even court even work like that?
I don't know.
I don't even get it.
I guess you get called in the court.
I don't know.
What if you decide to sleep in there?
Are you on call?
I guess.
Where they go,
you might have to come into court.
I can understand if you're like a public defender.
I have no idea.
I have no clue.
I have no idea what happened.
I just feel like I've been...
The guy took...
We tried.
God knows.
We're not...
There is no fifth try with that guy.
I'll tell you that much.
No, there will be no more trying.
I've...
By the way, this guy's not even more popular than us.
It's one thing if you go, you know, we're trying to do interviews with like you know we're potentially having uh who's ever famous person
on the podcast and he's i the thing is if i ever canceled on someone twice oh i'd be like oh i
didn't even say that and i go okay well we're already at the studio let us know how long your
thing is and we'll just wait for you. And then he never responded to that.
You know what I would do?
If I ever, maybe I'm too fucking nice or something, but if I ever had.
Yeah, I don't think you have what it takes to be a cutthroat New York City lawyer, Ryan.
I know, right?
Yeah, you're too nice.
Helping these gold diggers get the bag.
Yeah, dude, you got to be fucking cutthroat.
You have to really not give a shit.
Because if I ever canceled on someone like that, and if if i booked them a third time let alone a fourth and then i woke up and had like any sort of
emergency where i had to cancel i would literally call and be like yo dude i'm so fucking sorry oh
like yo if you can wait as soon as i'm done this i'll call you i like i would be like over the moon
apologetic if i ever did and i would like i would have like a pit in my stomach if i had so bad if i had to cancel someone on a third time like that i would like i would be fucking like oh
yeah yeah i would have a pit in my stomach at how uh ashamed i was yeah well i just feel bad yeah
i would be like dude i'm so sorry like what do you need to do if hey i can come to like you know
what i mean of course i mean fucking canceling that many times is crazy Last minute I was like
Honestly I was like
Was this like a registered hit where he was like
Let me fuck with these guys a little bit
Doesn't seem like he would do that
I've never experienced that
Dude we've had real famous people on the podcast
And you know people cancel
Yeah shit happens
But what four times in a row
What are the odds that you wake up and you get called into court?
Okay, if it's 50%-
Every single time you have-
If it's 50%-
Unless you're just getting called into court every single day.
Then you wouldn't book a thing.
So you got to say it's at least less than 50%.
Because otherwise, why would you book anything?
And if you were like, oh, let me book this thing.
I'm going to tell these guys I'm going to come to their podcast, but there's like a 50% chance-
It's not going to happen.
It's got to be closer to like 10.
Yeah.
So then if you're like 10,
it's 0.1 times 0.1 times 0.1 times 0.1.
The chance of this happening
four times or whatever,
you're just like,
it's statistically impossible.
No, it's not happening.
I'm telling you,
he's laughing at us with some way.
I don't know.
We've wronged him in some way.
Did we talk shit about him
on a podcast sometime?
I don't think so.
I don't think I did.
I couldn't believe
what I was hearing, man.
When I walked in, what was the mood when I walked in and saw you i go you wouldn't believe you're not gonna fucking believe it i believe it and danny goes i did believe it i do believe it i
was kind of expecting it for whatever reason well yeah i wasn't surprising but then at night
at like 11 p.m i message him again and i go just to confirm tomorrow like if you're canceling like
let us know now because i'm fucking on four hours sleep and i have to go through all this shit
tomorrow i don't have to wake up early yeah right and then uh then he goes no good to go see you in
the morning and then within five hours he fucking so he's on the bad list for the boys cast yeah
you're not gonna be seeing him here colin is stalking. Exactly. Anything, we need to find his rival and get him on.
The rival divorce lawyer.
He must have a rival that we can get on.
He must, yeah.
The second best divorce lawyer.
Yeah, and I've never seen anything like that in all our years of podcasting, which has
been five years right now.
It was...
Dude, it literally felt like you find out after and he was like, yeah, back in the day
you fucked my wife.
Yeah, honestly,
it feels like there's
some sort of big reveal coming
that we just cannot,
that we're not seeing here.
So, Danny,
I was hoping you could tell me
about this drone business
because I live, right,
you live,
well, both of us live
like on the water.
Everyone says the drones
are in New York.
The obvious... They're mostly in New York. The obvious.
They're mostly in New Jersey.
The most.
They had a bunch of them over LaGuardia last week.
But I'm looking for these everywhere.
I couldn't see them anywhere.
They're not really in New York City.
They're mostly in New Jersey.
They've mostly been in New Jersey.
There's a lot of theories going on.
Like, I mean, the government.
I mean, they're definitely the government's drones.
There's no way.
It seems like that's the obvious answer.
They have to be.
Because the government's just like, there's nothing to worry about.
There's no laws being broken.
They're just like,
what do you think they're looking for?
Nuclear,
as people would say.
That was the theory.
And apparently they're walking around,
they're going around looking for the nuclear energy
and trying to be like,
hey,
there's a pocket.
They do that in the shows a lot.
So I'm very,
very 24.
I'm familiar with this kind of shit.
I watched the first season one of Desiree and Survivor.
First 10 episodes,
good.
I told you,
first season's sick. Well, no, the first 10 episodes good. I told you, first season's sick.
Well, no, the first 10 episodes were good.
And I go, why is the show 23 episodes or something long?
It was so many episodes.
Yeah, that's what you're looking for in a show like that.
Oh, my God.
But they're like, they fucking...
Kether Sutherland only does shows that have 24 episodes a season.
Dude, they literally just dick around so much.
Dude, there's so much unnecessary shit in the show because they kill
time that's like literally the fucking director the whole time is just like stretching i'm watching
like one episode a night i'm not fucking cranking them like that that's a lot of crank well i cranked
them a lot well i cranked them yesterday when i was sick what i do is every two every two weeks
i fucking crank out like nine episodes in a row and i stay up till 7 a.m yeah well that's what i
did yesterday i was just kind of one more I'm watching them but then I
was like you with food yeah I'm not I'm not I will not be watching season two I
just skipped the number four and watch that just so you can go to the trip a
lot of people message that they agreed with me that it got crazy and there's
there were some people there's like I thought I was being gas lit yeah anyways
anyways yeah the drone stuff is they were like they're looking for the theory was they're looking for some sort of they're saying that like maybe
there was like some nuclear uh hazard or something there was like some this guy that went super viral
was like worked for some drone companies like there was a nuclear warhead that's been lost in
america like literally 24 shit like there's been a nuclear lost in america they're trying to find it
and they need to find it and the only way they can
but then some people are like no like that would be done with special there's special planes that
detect radiation there wouldn't be drones some people are like because there's like a big drone
show on um new year's this year in new york some people are like they're preparing for the
i have no idea like i honestly like they really keep a tight lip though well the thing is like
if it was a drone show...
They would just say that.
They would just say that.
So it's not that.
Right, and they're specifically being like,
it's not an enemy threat.
Now I think they said you can't shoot them down,
even though I don't think anybody has,
but I have no clue.
It is weird, like...
Yeah, that's where I was kind of...
I read this story, and I was just like,
what you said is probably what's happening,
but also I'm like, one of those things where you go, all you can do is speculate.
You'll probably never find out what the fucking thing is.
Yeah, you'll never find out.
I mean, it makes them.
These things are stories that are not that interesting to me because you're just like,
I don't know.
I guess I could guess what's going on.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, I guess it makes the most sense that, maybe not makes the most sense,
but if they had to find like some nuclear thing or whatever, and these, that's what
these things do, which is what this guy was saying saying then they would just have to do it out in
the open and then when people ask they're like well we can't tell you what we're doing because
it would cause a panic so we can't say that's what we're doing because then everybody would
panic like if you live in new york city you'd be like well okay so they're gonna nuke new york city
like it would be insane which is what so then but they still have to do it because they're like if
they have to find this shit so then they're just doing and they're like don't worry the government's not very good
at being conspicuous these days no people are onto their shit a little but then trump's just
like they know what it is 100 there's no way they don't know what it is so i don't know they just
choosing to do it so that was yeah that was probably my least favorite story of the week
and i know that it seemed it had the it kind of seemed interesting but then they went away and they came back and they all come out at night which but i did think
the cnn thing was sort of interesting with the syria i mean the second time this chick's got
pops for fucking fake and shit she she was gonna tell people what happened so it was a calyrex award
and then she basically went syria uh she went to some like prison in syria and like basically
there was a dude in like a cell and like she got him out and he was like she's like oh he's like
a big like press junket and he's like some rebel who has been tortured or whatever all this stuff
and got him out and he's like crying and he's like kissing her and stuff for like but he had
clean finger but he was like yeah clean fingers yeah yeah clean shaven his clothes weren't like
tattered or anything and then they were like yeah that guy's like one of asad's like biggest like torturers essentially
and you guys just fucked it up but then she was the same chick uh after october 7th happened
she they did this like hit where uh she was like in she was like laying down and bombs were going
off but you could hear like the c the CNN producer coaching her how to act.
It was fake.
And they had literally added audio.
Real fake news.
Actual fake news.
Yeah, literally like the shit I do.
Literal, real fake news.
Actual fake news.
Actual fake news.
So this is the second time she's been popped for something in literally a year.
That's wild.
Yeah, yeah.
But so they're like, yeah, you were kissing a torturer.
Notorious dude who like tortured people and she's just like well it was real she's like we didn't know and you know the interaction was real he was pumped to be released but you're like well
what was he doing in the cell he was there for fucking two days yeah they got it does feel like
cnn just gets uh i guess they i guess if you're her you're kind of like oh we got you're
not like another pulitzer yeah they've liked having well he gave a fake name and you're like
there is a language thing and she's probably like i don't know he said his name was this and then
everybody in syria is like yeah that guy's like the worst dude not some not some political prisoner
yeah gave him a fake name and then what happened to him now do you know i have no clue he's just on the dole now uh i don't know i mean i imagine the rebels fucking tore him apart and fucking city
town square or some shit i have no i have no idea i mean i can't imagine he got much further than
that before someone was like hey it's that guy that tortured my brother and that was that she
goes oh that's weird why are they killing the guy who's a rebel
why are the rebels killing another rebel i don't know but then they cnn have to like be like oh
whoops we fucked up again sure yeah people though at this point people are like yeah it's fair game
happens happens to the best of them cnn oh god i can't turn this off one second is it the lawyer
no it's fucking i usually does he want to come back on?
No thanks pal
Yeah not invited
Not invited
Invitation revoked
Invitation
Definitely an invitation
I forgot to mention
The craziest part
He's about a block from us
That's the craziest part
His office is a block from us
That's good
I feel like Elon Musk Wouldn't screw you over that much no you know what i mean no
elon musk would make it happen no i i've heard of people you know interview definitely a lot of
people have interviewed big people where you like hey we'll just be at the studio we're on call you
finish your stuff we'll wait here whenever you're done you're done we'll work around your schedule
yeah we'll work that happens a lot of times you try to be but it's oh my god try to be flexible
but this is ridiculous yeah it was one of those things
You almost had to laugh
Because otherwise
We're just like
We just got punked so hard
That like
You just accept
We're the biggest bitches
In the universe
Or option two
Is you think it's funny
Yeah
It's really the only option
I think
I'll tell you
We got another parents news though
I took my
Oh yeah
So anyways
The moral of that whole story was
We're doing a Patreon episode
An extra long Patreon episode
On Christmas week
And then we'll be back
To normal scheduling
Sign up for the Patreon
Yeah if you want to
Check out that episode
But we got
Wacky Parents News
Wacky Parents News?
I always like
Wacky Parents News
I took my six year old
To an adults only museum
This is how it went
So basically It's just a museum Where it's got got like walls of vaginas and stuff like that.
The vagina wall is the controversial thing.
It's 150 labias.
It's just so insane, like, writing the article.
It's one thing if you're just like, hey, I'm going to go to the dick, I'm going to go to the fucking cock museum.
And you go, and then after you go, you know what?
I'm going to bring my fucking six-year-old to the cock museum.
And then afterwards you go, and then I'm going to write an article about bringing my six-year-old i'm gonna bring my fucking six-year-old to the cock museum yeah and then i'm gonna write an article about bringing my whole thing is like are you triggered
reading this then i brought my fucking six-year-old to the cock museum how does that make you feel huh
yeah it's sort of like having an aunt that's just like over the top where she's just like
just so you know my six-year-old smokes and you go okay and you go yeah that's right we light them
up yeah light them up you got them yeah and on top of that we yeah my
six-year-old smokes and we watch porn together and you're just like and if you don't like it
you go well it's good seeing you it's basically a feminist mom it's feminine she's feminist she
is literally feminist it's feminist mom 100 stare at the vaginas it's a son too yes mom i don't want
to stare at the vagina see they're all different look, too. Mom, I don't want to stare at the vaginas. See, they're all different.
Look at that one.
Look at those meat curtains.
They're all way different.
Yeah, they're all way different.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, like that.
That's the voice.
I'm a good feminist mom voice.
Yeah.
Literally is the feminist mom.
That was my best
feminist mom line
was that babies happen
when sex happens
between a trans man
and a trans woman
or a man, a trans woman and a man and a trans man and a trans woman or a man
or a trans woman
and a man
and a trans man
and a woman
or in some cases
even a man and a woman.
That was a hard one to get
but I had it down.
Yeah!
And another thing.
No.
Mom, can I look at
can I stop looking
at vaginas?
No!
It's literally like
Clockwork Orange
where they fucking
tape the eyes open.
Yeah, they stare at them.
Just two six-year-old twin sons
with their eyes taped over.
Yeah.
Nothing wrong with that.
You see that?
Look at that.
That's what a woman's body looks like.
That's actually what a woman's body looks like.
What are you, freaked out, huh?
You shouldn't be.
It's a patriarchy.
He's making you freaked out.
You go, I don't really know.
Mom, I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't really get what I'm looking at here.
I wanted to see it and all of its reasons.
I wanted Grace to see it, so it is her daughter.
Officially titled...
Well, for now.
Cunts and Other Conversations.
Leave that, Johnny.
That's a...
You go, oh, yeah, what are you guys doing for the Christmas festivities?
It's like, well, I took my daughter to Cunts and Other Conversations.
Okay, we just went and got some apple cider down at the mill.
Thinking about going skating, maybe? Yeah, maybe go for a skate you know dude if you're a dad that took your daughter to like fucking dicks and you know or it's like dad you're on a
list man they're taking your kid well i guess this is a woman taking her daughter so it'd be dad
taking his son to the cox cox museum it'd be questionable Cox and conversation
that would be
very questionable
I mean you know
that's one of those
things where if
she's divorced
the husband is
like fuck me
I need to try to
get custody
yeah he goes
fuck I shouldn't
have given up so
easily on this
whole custody thing
yeah really
for that damn
hot shot New York
City lawyer who
took him from me
well he gave up
the custody because
he wasn't expecting
Trump to happen
yeah you know what I mean he don't forget he gave him the custody because he wasn't expecting trump to happen yeah you know
what i mean he don't forget he gave oh actually six-year-old daughter so no no he gave up the
custody in the thick of it yeah so that was on him you done fucked up you done fucked up 151
porcelain statues of vulvas cast from real women so basically a porn porn museum kind of two good
ones i get you could see like this is the thing that like the stepdad takes the son to like the Jenna
Jameson museum.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Cool.
Stepdad.
Cause you smoke.
You wanna?
Nothing wrong with it.
Yeah.
I don't really want the doctor say it's bad for you.
They don't know.
Fuck it.
Yeah.
Doctors.
What they don't know could fill a book.
Yeah.
They said the COVID vaccine was good for you too. Have a cig.
Crack my beer for me.
That's my favorite.
I had my buddy who was like an alcoholic.
He was 40 and we were like 25.
And he had a son that was 18 and they were in the van together.
And my two favorite lines were always that it was Gary.
And then he goes, his son, he goes, he goes, dad, can I have some money? He goes, what? You already just ate. And he goes, I don't have any more money. And he goes, he goes, he goes, dad, can I have some money?
He goes, what?
You already just ate.
And he goes, I don't have any more money.
And he goes, he goes, how'd you just buy beer?
He goes, you know, beer doesn't count.
And then his son goes, I'm thirsty.
His son's like 17 or 18.
I'm probably like 17, I think, because he was underage.
And he goes, his dad passed him a beer.
And he goes, dad, can I, I was like half sleeping in the van.
I just heard, dad, can I have something other than beer?
Wasn't that like you only drank chocolate milk?
He only drank chocolate milk and beer.
Has that a solid shit in his fucking whole life?
Oh, that'd be tough on the gut.
Buddy, this guy was wild.
He's like our age now, which is funny.
The son?
No, him.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, it's funny to think at the time,
he felt like...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
He's like a deadbeat dad,
but he's just like our age now.
Seems like a good dad to me.
Fucking beer and chocolate milk.
Dad, can I have something other than beer?
You know beer doesn't count.
According to this scription, the artwork aims to highlight the diversity of female genitalia.
So you see them, see, they're not all white.
You've only seen mine.
I need you to see the other ones.
Challenging societal...
See, some of them are gross
challenging societal and perceptions of the female
body Grace was fascinated and asked
a lot of age appropriate questions
what's an age appropriate question
I have no idea what an age appropriate
question at the vagina museum
looks like
151 vulvas
oh he or she but this is the
actually this is the reason that I picked this article
because I thought this is my favorite part.
Visiting the Mona with your kids.
What to skip?
So for the moms reading this,
she says, what to skip?
Cloca, a.k.a. the poop machine.
Grace hated the smell.
There's a poop machine?
Is that just like how food gets turned into poop?
For some reason there's a poop machine
I like the poop machine
The poop machine is the only thing that is actually reasonable for a kid
Yeah you ever wonder what happens to your food?
They have a poop machine that makes actual poop
There's nothing much more to say
She didn't really like the smell of poo
I didn't get it
I don't want to You don't get it the smell of poo. I didn't get it. I don't want to.
You don't get it?
What do you mean you don't get it?
There was only one curtained off adult section.
So she says,
don't go to the actual porn section.
Yeah, you don't need the wall of vulvas.
Of course, it's by a dude, by the way.
The wall of vulvas by a dude?
By Greg Taylor.
Of course.
Yeah, of course.
This guy probably thinks he's...
Yeah, he's like,
I'm just going to take 151 sculptures of vulvas
from a woman.
I need a whole...
I need 151 models.
He walks around the mall being like,
would you like to be in an art exhibit?
I'd like to scout you.
I'd like to...
Would you want to be in an art exhibit?
I'm a sculptor.
What kind of sculpture?
I'm a sculptor.
We're just going to take plastic...
Plaster molds of your vagina.
I'll get back and we'll see.
Greg's got to be a real perv
doing the vagina wall.
Hey man, don't hate the player, hit the game.
So he says skip the actual porn section.
So there you go.
And the poop machine.
Poop machine's a good one.
I like the poop machine.
Poop machine's kind of funny.
And then there was another family drama. Taylor Swift hating husbands can't deal with
their wife's devotion and it's leading to divorce.
I mean, she's just such a girl boss.
She's such a girl boss.
I mean, if you can't handle Taylor Swift, then you might not be able to have a wife.
As I became outspoken on her relationships and my feelings, this is the New York Post,
her music was often blamed.
Like, maybe I was listening to too muchlor swift and ruminating about her problems and i
think what's actually happened i mean you could definitely see that happening a little bit it's
like the guy that just like cranked way too much andrew tayton comes home it's like there's gonna
be some changes yeah we're not listening to fucking taylor swift anymore well she because
taylor swift every song is like you know this guy's the smallest man in the world and all that sort of shit.
She has a breakup every day
and that's their hero, right?
I know.
Her lyrics are all just like,
leave your man.
So the girl's coming home
like chest puffed out,
ready to give it to the guy
and the guy is noting
that you come back
from your Taylor Swift incursions
and you are a little
look at the problem.
Yeah, you've had a couple
of fucking Cosmos
and you're looking to fight.
This is an healthy.
I mean, you could definitely see what, you know.
Yeah.
I mean, guys are probably like,
yeah, this is not great for my relationship.
It's like.
This is just funny getting radicalized by Taylor Swift.
It's like I spent five grand for you to go
to the concert with our daughter.
It's expensive, man.
Oh, man.
Okay, let's see. TikTok has has a i booked out taylor swift tiktok has a uh whole uh hashtag that's taylor swift songs about hating men okay
that's fine i mean i thought that was kind of her whole deal
doesn't she have multiple songs about that hey this is a funny one uh there's a reddit thread
taylor swift the top comment hey is there any taylor swift song lyrics for when you're being
attacked and hated on funny ones like you're getting attacked on the subway is there any
taylor swift all right let's see does taylor swift hate men top comment no no she loves men
she's with travis kelsey well anyways
so apparently that uh the taylor swift the taylor swift groupies are coming home with a chip on
their shoulder for sure you don't want to get on the wrong side of a fucking taylor swift groupie
they are empowered his that's true man so empowered okay maybe you can make dinner tonight
what the fuck did you say to me the fuck she's coming to knock the hat off oh man Maybe you can make dinner tonight What the fuck did you say to me
She's coming and knocks the hat off your head
If she comes home from a Taylor Swift concert
And you don't have fucking dinner waiting on the table
She's fucking putting a cig out on your arm
Just a lit cigarette
Yeah 100% she's coming home
Especially the after party
Where her and her friends went to the local bar
So they could get jazzed up
Bachelorette party style Matching T- t swift outfits comes home like what the fuck are
you looking at nothing honey i made you your favorite it's cold she starts sleeping like
she just decides she's gonna sleep spread out take up more space you're just fucking huddled
up in the corner there another woman sarah officially walked out on her husband in june
her friends surprised her with a post-divorce
trip to the Swift-era's tour.
So, Swift is
becoming... I'm sure
most girls probably like Taylor Swift
without it being the end of the world.
Obviously, there's...
Seems like there's a subset of girls that Swift gets them
hyped up. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, again,
a lot of times the divorces,
the guys aren't hating it either
yeah this guy there's a lot of guys who are like dodge one right there i'm glad there's some dudes
who are like thank god for taylor swift hey check this swift song out you know because probably
taylor swift is very much like get divorced don't take half the money like you know you don't you
don't need you don't even need as much you don't need as much you're a fucking girl boss don't
take half the money don't take half the assets don't make it a real messy divorce don't do any of that stuff yeah that's what you
think yeah i think that's i think the ideal world yeah in an ideal world sure i mean funny yeah you
pay swift to write a song about how how many big big money moves for like a a big billionaire to
pay taylor swift to release a new song about about how women should never ask for alimony.
Never, ever,
ever ask for alimony.
You don't need no alimony.
Be doing the dogs a favor.
If you don't get alimony, put your hands up.
I'm telling you, that would be a huge move if someone
could ever pull that off. Get Swift lyrics
about how... Or you could hypnotize her or something.
Just walk out of his house, leave everything behind.
Ryan has a lot of Taylor Swift songs.
I just made that one up.
That's a skill that I have.
Which one's that?
I don't think that's one.
I'm just saying, you leave everything behind.
Don't even pack a bag, just leave.
That would be the ultimate if men could infiltrate Taylor Swift songs
They need to make her like a Manchurian candidate
Kind of deal where they just hypnotize her
Hypnotize Taylor Swift
Hypnotize Taylor Swift
And you know
A boss bitch gets ready on time
Never late
Birthday presents are for sad bitches
and then uh i just thought huffington post did a funny one where they said
how to not freak out every time there's something bad on the news
one thing it's interesting is i feel like there is a lot of articles
uh like this popping up so it was more of like a general trend less than this article whereas a lot of uh there's been some
but i felt like lately there's been like a ton there's been a lot and i think a similar article
but it's it is interesting like they are moving away a little bit from the tell the world to
change of being like all right we're gonna have to actually engage turn off or just hey you can
just turn off your phone.
Well, yeah, the advice is nothing.
It goes, take a walk.
Take a walk.
You go, take a walk.
Yeah, good advice.
To be honest, good advice.
Normally, I'm like- Who doesn't know that?
Normally, this advice is dog shit, but you're like, yeah, I guess if you need to be told
to just go outside.
Well, they're saying what to do if the news is screwing you up and you're like, okay,
bring it in.
Yeah.
Stop watching the news. Right. And you're like okay bring it in yeah stop watching
the news right you're like what the hey let me write that down well did you think of that five
years ago it was like oh is the news making you upset chop your kid's dick off you should go be
protesting like yeah you know what it used to be it's like is the news making you mad good you
should be mad yeah you should be mad go trans your kid now it's like you know what just turn that
shit off take a walk so then that's that's kind of the point i was making that there is a little bit of a shift the vibe shift on that
front that i thought was interesting they've capitulated they're defeated people right here
they are defeated people they're like you know what i guess i gotta worry about myself yeah
you've lost there's got to be a better way than sounding the alarm every single time a deranged
trump related story drops she said it's unhealthy and unsustainable
it's a bit of a different tone from what you got five years ago right that sounds like a defeated
person right there yeah it is literally my final article it is the last listicle yeah it is the
girl like that's dating the crazy that's dating the like the abusive guy five years in sort of
saying like maybe i should stop going to his house yeah he goes you know what i
don't think i'm going to change him yeah yeah i should just maybe just cut things yeah i don't
think the world's going to change their entire you know no we need a you know what i don't think
human nature is going to change as quick as i thought it would we need to find a way to stay
informed without spiking cortisol and losing sight of the bigger picture i'm just not sure how well
people need to remind
themselves just because news is available you aren't required to consume it this is see what
i'm saying this is you can gauge your personal limit and clock out when need to we asked journalists
and others in the news heavy fields how they cope so this is their you know big advice they say go
outside focus on things that you can control.
Sure.
All good advice.
They're like one step away from being stoic.
Did a man write this?
Actually, I should find out who wrote this.
That's a good question.
No way a man wrote this.
No, Brittany Wong.
Yeah.
But it's a Chinese person.
That's something.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
That is something.
Not a man, but a Chinese but chinese person yep which means uh
maybe practical well yeah i was thinking you know a tiny bit less likely to be like a crazy white
that's true that's true she might have got fucking she might be getting like the other
chicks coming up to her and be like what the fuck is yeah what i just read your thing what the hell
yeah what are you telling people to get fired trying to get fired up when I read shit.
I'm trying to spike my cortisol.
Yeah, not to mention we are the news.
Stop telling people to stop reading the news.
Yeah.
Or no, Huffington Post calling them news, I think, is a crazy thing.
Yeah, it's a bit generous.
Set a bedtime for your phone.
Yeah, this is like one step away from productivity advice.
Yeah, yeah, this is like, is chris williamson wrote this shit
so uh the one thing i just wanted to ask you that i haven't we haven't mentioned because you were
very big on the blue sky stuff yeah and i've noticed that let's said like the users have
gone down a lot it feels like the which was the alternative to twitter like kind of lib
alternative to twitter sure feels like it's died down a little bit it also feels like i keep
keep seeing that they have like a lot of pedo content and there's no moderators what's kind of like the update right
now i don't know you know what i haven't checked in i was more so just like when it was happening
i was i was saying you know it could theoretically make it work i mean there are some people you were
pretty big on it well i wasn't big on it i was just loving it i was worried not worried you say
you got your fix yeah that's where i got my fix i was I was just saying, Twitter's not good if it's just like fucking
all the people are on one thing
and all on the other.
But it seems like,
I mean, some people have left
and have not come back.
A lot of people just post on both,
it seems.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
But it feels like the users are way down
and the buzz has dried up
and it didn't really stick
as much as people thought it would.
Yeah, the crazy thing is
that fucking scam stock
that is still not uh wild
still at like 30 cents or something which makes no sense because they're like it's an unrelated
company completely and it's still up like eight times makes literally zero sense but i don't know
i go on there like occasionally it's but i don't know i don't know if people are sticking i think
keith olbermann said he left and then he keeps coming back so they need their buzz yeah they just can't they're not getting the same buzz from twitter no they don't well they
can't there's no like fighting that's the problem is there's no real fighting on like if you're
addicted to like the fight just like arguing with people and saying salacious shit you're like you
know if he goes and is like fuck trump on blue sky everybody's just like yeah he's like yeah yeah
like nobody's disagreeing with him and he goes yeah it's kind of like trigger some people it's like walking into like a family
gathering and you're like you're the fucking this idiot trump did and everyone's like yeah
that guy's an idiot and you're like all right yeah so i don't know he is an idiot it'll be
the worst and yeah hmm should we call yeah should we check you know, should we check? You know what? Maybe we should invite Trump cousin.
So, yeah, I don't know.
We'll see.
I don't know the actual stats, though,
but it certainly had its moment.
Whether it holds on,
I have no clue.
Well, happy holidays, everyone.
Happy holidays.
Again, we did an extra long episode
where we went through Tulpas.
We went through a bunch of Tulpa Reddits,
best quotes and stuff like that.
Oh, yeah, some wild ones.
For the next week
and then we'll be back to regular scheduled programming right after that happy holidays
everybody peace see you guys