The Boyscast with Ryan Long - THE APOLOGY INDUSTRY

Episode Date: September 3, 2021

Ryan trecks through hurricane, Vice Employees are Fired, Jeapardy Dude is gone for Good, Hollywood PR Girl tells you how to craft the perfect apology, Crack Cocain, and Pro Vacinne Influencers!  Extra Episode at patreon.com/theboyscast every week.  Buy Tickets for Plano TX / PHEONIX at ryanlongcomedy.com Support The Sponsors at  http://cutsclothing.com/boyscast http://fitbod.me/boyscast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead. But we don't end forever. But we don't end forever. We are here at the Boyscast, the first podcast exclusively for the boys, and just sitting here with Danny Poloshock, sports guy. In the boys' bunker. Got a, he's got a baseball signed by, who was it signed by? Oh, yeah, so went to.

Who's the baseball signed by? Rudy Giuliani. A big hero of Danny's. Went to Corinne Fisher, our friend Corinne Fisher's store. We talked about it last week, perfectly centered. She had all sorts. Dude, she had a Mickey Mantle signed baseball, and I left her, and I go, I should probably. It's a happy camper.

Danny's trying to turn his side of the boys' cast into sort of a sports thing. He's got his shorts on as he slowly morphs into Adam Sandler. I've always been the Sandman. This ball is so funny because this is the year of 9-11, the World Series. Celebratory. 2001. Favorite year for you. Official World Series baseball with the American flag ceremonial first pitch on it.

Signed by Rudy Giuliani. Literally, if I could just figure out a way to rub off his name, the value of this ball would go up. Danny has, you know, he's decided he's going to turn his side. He wants to get a beer pong table over there. Some red cups. Sort of a guy's guy's guy. Danny Pulitzer. No, I'm a guy's guy's man's guy. You're a guy's. dating bullshit no i'm a guy's guy's man's guy you're a guy's no you're like a man's man's man like if anything like you're the type of guy that your

boy i'm a boy's boy your boyfriend would be a man's man like you're like oh he's sort of like a guy's guy's guy this guy's guy's guy like any you know you walk in and you having sex with a guy and you'd be like you gay you go if i was gay would this guy be such a fucking bro woody i don't know just an aggressive man playing basketball with his shorts on got a baseball aggressive i had to wear longer shorts this week because everybody was saying my shorts were too short well that's why he's slowly just turning into the sand man. You're going to see him crying. He wears ridiculous. For a dude who's like, I'm sure I will

at some point, but for a guy who's like, what is he in his 50s? And he's just like, his main clothing thing is just like double XL basketball shorts. That's the main thing he wears. Adam Sandler's, his whole thing is he's like, I'm so rich and important that I can dress like a fucking literal homeless person.

He dresses like I dressed when I was 12. No, but he looks like he was given those clothes, like someone dropped them off in a bag as he was sitting across the street. They all came in a beer case. Yes. But that's the kind of thing. You know what I was thinking? They were saying, you know what they say? You know they cut dogs' balls off to make them less aggressive?

Yes. say um you know they cut dogs balls off to make them less aggressive yes so you know how um you know women would say that or like you know a certain type of the new age woman would basically say that there's no you know differences between aggression like if men are getting in fights more for example that's because of socialization and all that sort of stuff right yeah so it's like all these dogs have been getting their balls cut off for nothing then according to their logic that's true well remember we did that podcast with the trans lady and her the she had her her wiener but no balls wiener no balls is wild wiener no balls and you know i'm sure so we and imagine you're like the confused guy that's like gonna have sex with a trans woman for the first time and you go to reach for the balls you're like nice yeah you go all

right i'm doing it i'm sucking this dick you go all right i'm gonna do sex with a trans woman for the first time and you go to reach for the balls you're like nice yeah you go all right i'm doing it i'm sucking this dick you go all right i'm gonna do something with the wait a minute have you ever seen that scene in mcgruber where mcgruber is trying to cut off his dick and at the end of it he goes down he goes i'm gonna cut off your dick and he it was it was taken off in the explosion so cunt starts laughing goes ah ha ha because he's so happy that mcgruber didn't get a chance to cut off his dick and MacGruber's really sad because he wanted to cut it off that was a big deal for him that's the thing

you go down to squeeze and the balls are gone you go what's going on massive dong I wonder if he was packing I think we were talking about it though before that podcast and I think

they said that it's it's like a natural testosterone reducer yeah but that's so funny if girls are like, well, actually, men are just more aggressive because they're fucking socialized to be dicks.

And it was like, so why is it like objectively that when you cut off a dog's balls, they're less aggressive? And they also make testosterone. So I overcame adversity to get home last night. What happened? Disaster in New York. It was a nightmare.

Day after tomorrow stuff. So I'm doing shows. And it's basically, it's kind of outdoor. This is uptown New York, uptown like around like 60th or whatever it is. And it's on like a patio, but it's covered. And it's raining so hard that you have to yell. Like even with the microphone. Because the rain's, you know what I mean?

So I'm up up i'm doing two shows the second show right after i go up it gets so crazy the power just goes off in the whole bar or whatever right whole thing goes off so they basically cancel the show and then they go you can't leave because they're like apparently the area where you go out it's like it's flooding pouring everywhere i saw saw the subways. There was one subway around there, actually, where it's almost like Ghostbusters or some shit. It's like water's coming down the stairs.

Yeah, the bar had this area. So I basically, I tried to pay because I bought food or whatever. So the guy's like, we have no way to do it or whatever, so you have to stay. I'm just like, okay, I'm leaving. You probably heard that.

He goes, when God closes a door, he opens a window. I go, listen, I'm leaving. So I sort of storm out. I didn't realize how big of a deal it was. I wasn't clicking.

I go, all right, whatever. I'll call a lift. So I get outside. I'm pouring. It's pouring. You're not an umbrella guy either. No.

So I have to find awnings because I brought an umbrella on the way there. Oh, you did have one. On the way there and then I forgot it at the bar. Oh, no. Because I thought I was going to waltz outside and get an Uber. So I walked outside. I tried to get an Uber. I tried to get

a Lyft. Couldn't get anything. It's like there for 20 minutes. So I'm like, okay, I'll go to the subway. Run to the subway. Subways are closed. Then I was like, the only thing you can get is a bus. So I started waiting for a bus i wait like half an hour for a bus couldn't get the bus and then i go to a different bus station i waited there and then i finally got on the bus and then when i get on the bus after about 20

minutes i'm like this bus is going somewhere else isn't it brings me more uptown now i'm at like fucking 80th where i could jump up in harlem it's all wet so i'm get I get dropped off in Harlem. It's all wet. Dude, so I get dropped off on there. Now the buses are even scarcer. Now it's been like an hour and a half on my journey. I'm drenched. I got in a soaker, as your ex called it, loser foot. Loser foot. Doesn't count in this scenario, but yeah.

Yeah, so I'm drenched. I'm trying to get a bus. The subways, no one can get. You can't get a Lyft. You can't get an Uber. So at this point, it's been an hour and a half, so go i don't know what to do so i just go to a bar by myself and just start you know i get a couple shots i'm like i'm gonna be here forever i start thinking i might have to get a hotel around this area yeah then i had the idea i'm just gonna weather it on the bike so i saw a city bike i walked by and i go you can do this yeah so if you got the electric bike no electric bike gear didn't work the thing's broken i'm uh it's 30

minute bike ride drenched like overcoming storm adversity basically like tom hanks and yeah yeah and something he's saving private ryan i could imagine a movie where he's overcoming philadelphia basically like philadelphia basically like tom hanks in one of the movies where he's overcome something i was like ryan gosling in one of the movies where he had to overcome something because i was also overcome the notebook they were they're making out in the rain yeah they go in the rain when you fucking making out with that bike you go i fucking love you bike just get me there i was fucking get me there i was also like ben Affleck in one of the movies where he's overcome something. I don't know about that.

I was like a Hollywood actor in the sense that I had something that I had to overcome for the plot line of my life. A character arc. So I get home at like one. And by the way, I'm driving through this storm. Cars are basically driving on the sidewalk it's chaos and man it sounds like forrest gump when he's in the army remember and he goes the rain was coming up from the is a little bit like forrest gump when he was in the army it's also a little bit like danny trey you in one of the movies where he overcame adversity

so much adversity for him it's also like some of the wwe franchise movies where hulk hogan had to become a nanny for example and overcome adversity i'm not saying i was a nanny i'm saying the adversity level was comparable was similar if you were if you were watching this and you knew hulk hogan had to become a nanny okay in a battle of nannies who do you think would win hulk hogan as mr nanny or mrs doubtfire i'd say hulk hogan as mrs mrs uh in. Doubtfire? I'd say Hulk Hogan as Mrs. Nanny. In a hell in a cell. Yeah, I don't even... It's obvious.

Oh, hello! So this week, before we even get into any of the fucking real shit, we do have to pour one out because some of our content team at the Boyscast has been let go. Oh, man. It's so upsetting.

60 employees or so at vice magazine aka the boys cast they don't know they're working for us they're subcontract they're subcontractors 60 employees of vice fired after writing some of the best articles known to man you know what it is travesty i think what happened is they figured out all the different ways to fit a dildo inside of you they go here's they go they were like you know what i think we did it yeah there's no more articles left about how many dildos can you safely fit inside your anus it's a it's a mess out there do you remember uh when our buddy did the thing at vice he said that um he said that shane smith comes on the teleprompters like

zordon from the power rangers and he goes everyone's sitting there and then it goes and shane smith comes he broadcasts himself on all the tvs and he said that he goes we won't air it which buddy but he goes you know all the other places are making shit but vice what we're making not shit he barely just kept saying that he goes some of these other you know these news stations these television stations shit vice not shit he just kept not he said he was really strong to emphasize that it's not shit he's then he then he signs off but i decided that i since um one of the funniest things too is that people always actually think that I work at Vice. I know.

That's the best thing. You go, what the hell? Vice is making good stuff. Yeah. So when I was. Do you think these ladies are going to learn to cook? Oh, by the way, because in the comments, it's mostly ladies. It's a she session.

Well, that's the thing. This is the she session. That's what makes it really disgusting. Fire some men. Fire some men. And then give those women the men's jobs. It's insane what they're doing at Vice. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to look at Vice and be like,

fire the dudes, hire more boobs. That's my policy. Boobs over dudes. No, promote the boobs. You promote them to the men's job because the men's have better jobs than them, obviously. Yes, me and those fucking dudes are fucking boobs. Boobs of the week. I want to throw my hat in the ring with some ideas.

How about this? Because they're going to need content and whatever reason they decide to fire people, I'm sure the business is booming as always. I can't imagine in any sort of way that their digital team wasn't producing maximum huge amounts of money i think they were like one above amazon in terms of like revenue last year but oh somewhere in that yeah yeah they're i think one of the most valuable private companies in the world i'm just gonna you know i want to throw some kickstarters out there just if you are listening and you work advice and you're looking to hire people i will will go trans for the job. And how about this?

Why chair legs are demisexual phobic. That's one that I came up with. Hockey pucks are racist and urinal pucks are sexist. That's one that I've seen. Urinal pucks should also be racist because they're white. Urinal pucks can be blue, though. Oh, right. I was thinking of the white ones.

But also it's sexist because blue is like the male color. They should be pink. And bestial thinking of the white ones. But also it's sexist because blue is like the male color. They should be pink. And bestiality is the new black. That's a fun one. Black's the new bestiality. Black's the new bestiality. You can kind of get a two for one there if you just switch them up. And I have sex with babies, but I'm not a monster.

It's funny if someone pitched that. I have sex with newborns, but i'm not a mom someone probably has pitched that advice and that wasn't a fireball offense but like they're like we're not they got laid off for some other bullshit he goes we're not there quite yet but we're come back in a month yeah and last one my two dads are transphobic so i like like that. You know what else? Uh, you know, people will say that, uh,

I mean, people, it's like homophobic and a lot of the transphobic and a lot of comedians have made the point where it's like, I'm not afraid of them. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Or whatever. Yeah. Like the spot. Cause the Iraq, they're like, it's not a spider. So it doesn't really make sense, but it's like what I was kind of thinking was,

by the way, I am, I just like to go on record. I rack a phobic, homophobic, transphobic. I am a skit. Like it is a phobia. Danny's pants phobic. I have nothing wrong.

Danny's don't you hate pants? Don't you hate pants? Posting those memes on Facebook. Just a fun guy. He posts baseball memes. Honestly, you might be done with Facebook forever, by the way, because I updated to the newest thing. And then I was like, I don't know what's going on anymore i feel like fucking you don't get 90 years old you can't make i go on there i go what i gotta learn this all

over again why do you guys keep switch i hadn't updated in like two years the app and i'm like i don't know what's going on here yeah you can't be giving me fucking uh like changing the infrastructure on an app that's number five on my use link yeah i like i use it once a week one on danny's usury list i use literally like a couple times people money a couple times a week and now i'm like what i gotta i feel like brooks and shawshank i'm institutionalized yeah well if they say it's funny because they're like okay so this guy's transphobic and it's like well it is let's say you're saying i don't i don't want a bunch of like trans people around and someone's like you're transph say you're saying, I don't, I don't want a bunch of trans people around. And someone's like, you're transphobic.

You're like, well, I don't know. I'm not transphobic, but I am trans lobby phobic in the sense that I'm afraid of the lobby. Yeah. So, you know what I mean? It's like a mobster's wife, right? It's like, imagine, you imagine you said a mob you're you had a company work party right and one guy was in the mafia and he was like the head of the mafia he also works at you know target with you yeah sorry garbage no she does the monsters might work the target but you're at

target you're at the office you're all waste management yeah you're on the christmas party and they go you got the waste management party she goes she's gonna be around tonight you're not afraid of her but you are a little bit like, she comes around, you're like, okay, I'm a hot, hot. Yeah, you don't want to be walking on eggshells.

Well, yeah, you're going to have, what, you're going to have one extra drink in front of her and then be like, what's it like dating someone who killed a guy? Next thing you know, you're getting dragged out.

You're sleeping with the fishes. So yeah, Tony Scarboni's girlfriend shows up. I don't think fishes so yeah tony scarboni's girlfriend shows up i don't think i'm afraid of tony scarboni's girlfriend but i might be afraid of tony scarboni the same way you're like if someone shows up and they're like hey uh the workplace um beside you is going to be like a guy uh right there is going to be a trans person and uh they're in blah blah blah and you're going to run the meeting and uh hey we want you to give a talk on diversity like also you go i'm actually fucking in this example tony scarboni is actually a pretty

reasonable guy where he's only actually going to give you the fucking business if you deserve it whereas you might just like misstep or something right and the other scenario you go actually didn't i mean well i didn't do anything and they're like well we interpreted it this way, so you're done. So is that really all that irrational to be afraid of the surrounding about them? If you have anyone where you go, they're going to be around, and if you say it a little bit wrong even, like, I'm just like,

I'd rather have my fucking, rather have my balls cut off. Well, that's anyway. But I'm saying, like, you'd rather have, like, you know, your chick come up and be like, what do you think of my new haircut? And it's a buzz cut. Like that's less scary than being surrounded by protected groups and having to talk. Yeah.

It's like, oh, that's why you should be a good white boy and shut your goddamn mouth and just listen, Ryan. Well, that's the thing. You just have to shut up because you're afraid. You know that movie where there's only women, that show or whatever that's coming out? Last Man on Earth or whatever? What if that equivalent kind of movie, but it's just where white guys just listen? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's just a show where white guys just listen. Imagine a world where white guys just shut their mouth and listen and this fall it's time to shut the fuck up so all the white guys are literally just extras because they have no lines yeah but you get silent on camera but you get famous people to do it yeah it's it's like brad pitt brad pitt reminds me of when i was uh yeah but i relate to because we've had similar adversity that we've had to overcome and then It's like Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt. Who reminds me of when I was. Yeah. But I relate to because we've had similar adversity that we've had to overcome. And then it's like people just add like, you know, minorities or whatever, asking them questions.

They're like, it's all just you tell me. Well, luckily, vice the employees, the vice that were fired. The skills are very transferable and that's something that if you are you know if you lost your blogger job luckily i would say that i would you know take a couple weeks off you know what i mean probably for mental health but after that you know all the skills that you learn at blogging you can maybe be like a doctor people come in and they say you know something's wrong with my knee and they're like well yeah society's bigotry is the problem with your knee yeah oh big time they could be an accountant maybe you know you go hey you come

in they say oh uh what happened with my money they say it's all gone and you say why they go it's called reparations pal and reparations to women oh yeah so maybe an actuary i mean i say that actuaries and bloggers have similar skill set. Yeah, you're basically accounting, but you're just one is accounting for society and the other is accounting for insurance purposes. You know, you are, you know, you're on the abacus of society. Just moving these little beads over to the racist side. So this is what they say. They laid off 155, includes refinery 29 um that's their uh

company i guess is laying off 155 employees or more than five percent of the total worldwide hit count in response to revenue declining stemming from the coronavirus pandemic so it's the pandemic's the pandemic's fault why would why would digital which and whose fault is the pandemic trump trump so basically yeah but like she lost her job and like they're they're all just losing their job because of trump why why would the like it's a pretty uh agreed upon thing that digital properties did better in the pandemic yeah like again you have to it's like you're fucking on the you know like you get teamed up with the best players and then all of a sudden you have all these advantages and then you lose and you go, you got to make something. I don't know.

It just seems like the focus, you can't blame your digital properties on success on the pandemic. Also, it's like, it's pretty known that before the pandemic, it's not everybody was like super bullish on digital properties. Well, that's what I mean. It was the worst business worst business yeah it was the worst business pre-pandemic but it had a little moment where they see these places first of all it's like the worst business model how many um you know big companies like nbc tried cso uh like all they forgot about quibi quibi every single one of these places were're like hey you know what we'll do we'll start a property where you look at your phone and watch our things and they're like yeah we already have like youtube and instagram we already do that and you're like

yeah but what if you paid for one and everyone's like why yeah and then these places they get into the they're all like trend tracing which is you know fairly reasonable that's what you know companies do. If you're making entertainment like big companies, of course, you're going to be on top of the trends. But the problem is that this trend is you can't escape it. So if you get into the, you know, chairs are racist trend. Yeah. And you hire all people that are experts in, you know, saying that chairs are demisexual phobic.

Then when you go, oh, you know what? This thing's drying phobic then when you go oh you know what this thing's drying up a bit we'll move on they go move on from helping yeah exactly well we're shifted we're making a division shift into and what are we gonna use white supremacy you just tell the news like a bunch of fucking nazis do so they have so they can't get out of this thing like vice has shifted what they are two get out of this thing. Like, Vice has shifted what they are two or three times. This was obviously

the worst iteration, but you can't leave this iteration. No. No. No, the only, the,

you know, realistic outcome is you just do this until you implode like a black, like a black hole, you know, just implode on yourself.

Yeah, it's the equivalent of the bleed it dry where you just like, let's just milk every last little bit of well how are you supposed to be vice and be like hey we're like we're vice women and we're what we are now and then we're like you know what we just want to be like a fun company a fun company we're gonna go back to being like you know cool vice and people like i don't well then you have people at the place come up and they're like hey so i wrote this article about oppression they're like yeah we're kind of going a different direction we're just we're going back to rape is cool so if we could

write some stuff up about that so there's no such thing as date rape and they're like oh yeah and then the you know what else there was there was one uh this was like a while ago but someone was saying that um someone their name was like david chan or something and they had an article it was like the guy who started 4chan he's david yeah the guy who started 4chan his name is david chan yeah oh cool nice yeah yeah um but he he was like saying that it was a microaggression because someone was like um he said his name was chan and he goes or you related to this other chan and he was like it was a microaggression because he thinks we're related

just because they're Asian. And it was just like, no, the racist would be like, yeah, no surprise there. There's 10 million of you. Yeah, totally. Like the not racist take is... Of course it is.

Yeah, of course. David Chan goes, yeah, that would have been my first guess. See what I'm saying? If you go, oh, it's you, so-and-so. That guy's so not racist that he doesn't even know

that there's a lot of, that doesn't even know there's a trillion chans. Yeah. He just thinks, oh, that's just a guy named, whereas if you were racist, you'd just be like,

yeah, you guys can't think of any new names. Every single one of you, like some shit like that. I mean, the ultimate thing is everybody gets burned on that is like the most, you know, milquetoast thing is people go, oh, where are you from?

Like meaning your background. But then people are like, where am I from? I'm from America. I'm from America. And you go, I know you're from America. Obviously, anybody could tell by the sound of your voice and your accent. I was just wondering like your background. Sorry.

Sorry. I said, where are you from instead of what's your background? And then it's like the ultimate like slight. Now that is one of the most ridiculous ultimate slights. I know. Yeah. Where they're like, where am I from?

I don't know. Earth. We're Africa. Like all of us. Yeah. I remember. Yeah. I remember fucking when this stuff was early popping off.

I was like on a date, like hanging out with a chick. And she had some, where are you from? And she was like, she said some shit like that. And she was like, Canada. I go, yeah, that's what I meant. Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. Maybe let's not like have our first instinct to get offended and upset. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.

When I asked a brown chick where she's from, like have our first instinct to be get offended and upset i was like oh yeah yeah when i when i know exactly what's when i asked a brown chick where she's from what i meant was yeah are you do you live here or are you touring where are you from uh water down ontario yeah but literally if someone's like what's your background you're like you know you're russian i'm irish yeah of course and you go but the idea is like like i'm supposed to look at someone that's clearly fucking indian and be like and not uh and and be like oh i mean they could be from canada they could be from ireland they could be like no are you like what are you yeah irish like are you indian, are you like, what are you? Yeah. I like, are you Indian or are you like, that's yeah. Again, that's your question. So you could be third generation.

That's whatever. That's just, that's what you're wondering. Yeah. Like if you're Italian, it's not bad. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost the, if you're Italian, it's the opposite where someone's like, uh, they're like, you know where I'm from.

I go, I know where you're from. Canada. I go, Hey bro. What are you saying? Hey, you know, fucking back in the you know where i'm from i go i know where you're from canada i go hey bro what are you saying hey you know fucking back in the home country where i'm from you go you know where you're from you're from america brother bro bro bro guy out there waving his stupid macedonian flag from napoli yeah no you're i'll tell you where you're fucking from Napoli. Yeah. I'll tell you where you're fucking from.

You're from the East Village of New York. And don't let anybody ask you or tell you differently. Hey. Especially like the Trinidad people where it's like if anyone gets offended by that, it's like, where are you from? It's like, where am I from? I mean, I don't really need to ask because you have Trinidad flags. Puerto Ricans. That's Puerto Rico.

They love it. New York is like the Puerto Rican pride. There's actually near. Have you ever seen the the the I think it's on Avenue B. There's these guys and they put every single day they park a giant van like camper van thing and they open the doors up and they hang out under scaffolding. I'm not even exaggerating. Three hundred sixty five days a year could be the coldest day. Last night fucking torrential downpour. They're hanging out on their scaffolding and they'm not even exaggerating. 365 days a year. It could be the coldest day. Last night, fucking torrential downpour.

They're hanging out under scaffolding and they're just raging it. And they're all Puerto Rican. Their fucking license plate says Rican, I believe. And it's like Puerto Rican. They just love Puerto Rico and they just love chilling on the street. And they just hang out.

They bring that van every day and they just park and they chill there. They're just rocking it. The wives are at home. There might be some. No, the the wives i think some come out there it's on avenue 12th and avenue b in new york check it out you've been asking those people yeah where are you from it's like imagine them sitting there they're on their thing hey puerto rican music playing puerto rican flags everywhere puerto rican tattoos uh america uh queens it's the most ridiculous thing that was yeah that was like a high a high end getting ridiculous like

getting getting offended over ridiculous my favorite is people getting offended over food i'll never get over people getting offended over food like how much you eat like you're getting offended over hey we brought this guy over and he literally we walked into the kitchen ate full desserts eating the flour the dinner hadn't even started we haven't even we literally brought out a few drinks we are serving the first course and this fat piece of shit he walks into the kitchen eats the pie including the tray and then he came out and burp and he goes i call that the reverse order he goes so when's appetizer starting he comes in he comes out burps out the pie tray and then looks me in the eyes and he goes it's called the reversal that you didn't

like when people were offended by that did you no no no just the people who are like someone decides some restaurant goes hey we're adding uh we're adding uh wontons to our menu and then someone's like you're not fucking from china excuse me and then they like make this whole stink they go oh i got made fun of when i was a kid for eating wonton oh yeah yeah you know they go they go i when i was 10 years old i ate a wonton and someone in my elementary school made fun of me and now this fucking white oppressor selling wontons at their store? It's like, what the fuck, man?

When I was nine years old, I was eating a wonton. A gang of people kicked it out of my hand. They held me down. They go, you don't ever eat wontons ever again. And then now I have to go, and that same bully opens up their own wonton shop. If we ever see you eating wontons in this town again,

you're not going to want to talk about it all right all right okay um they say that uh okay so in a statement vice's union which represents the editorial and other employees. We understand that the entire news industry is hurting, Vice Union statement said, because Trump's gone. We do not understand why Vice chose to lay off so many of our colleagues in the middle of a global pandemic instead of exhausting all options to save the jobs. I mean, they've been saving your jobs for five years. You've all been redundant for five years

and things were just good enough where they're like yeah we'll keep you around and i guess one of the problems with the unions in creative field it's like you know there is places where unions are good and especially when there's like danger involved you know what i mean and but the the problem with unions in like creative fields is especially like ones like this is they make it so i will talk about vice specifically but when they have blogger unions right what they do is they basically make they eat they kind of like socialize everything where it's like they turn jobs that like some people are way better than other people into you know in comedy in canada is very like you work your way up you work at this club like it's not like who's popping and who's killing the hardest

if you're at like for example yuck yucks it's like there is a seniority of this guy's been here longer yeah for sure right whereas something like this where it's you know who's the best at making the like cheers of racist articles it really is like who's getting the most clicks yeah yeah exactly nobody's getting preferential treatment for how it's like right but they have like if you work here for this many years you get this much of a raise so what it does is the best people it sort of blocks you off from giving them like double the pay like you can't just for example be like this person's making way more money let's give them a huge raise it's it's kind of uh how in construction it's very like the one guy's

like working an extra minute for his break and you're like what are you doing like are you trying to yeah like hey union you're not allowed to work for the next 15 minutes it's like someone sparked a cigarette we're all on break yeah we all smoke now everybody we smoke now that's part of the union part of the union grab your smokes the union rules everyone needs to smoke now that's part of the union part of the union grab your smokes the union rules everyone needs to smoke so that's what it does so what happens over the course of a long time in places like this is and again whether maybe you think if you run this company maybe that's what you want so it's like it's just a value system thing to some degree but it's the best people if you're actually someone that's like flourishing in an environment like

this, it's harder to move up and get like the big money. So they, it's very hard with like a big union system to go, Hey, this guy who's been here three years is crushing it so hard. We're going to give him a hundred grand a year, even though everyone else makes 30 grand a year.

It's almost like impossible. Also, these people don't really create any value for their company. Like they're not like, you know, if someone. I'm sure there's some star blog. I'm sure there are. And maybe this guy cannot stop getting. But they didn't.

But the thing is, is like they didn't shut down. Like a lot of these people got shit cam from Refinery29. Like it's not like Refinery29 is gone. They just were like, you know, we don't need any of these unnecessary articles that don't do well. I'm sure they kept. If you're cranking, you know, cranking out articles that are doing really well i doubt they fire you these people were just doing you know nobody was wanted any of their shit yeah but there was no value created well that's what happens is because all the people that are crushing it just they leave for you know

because the only way to get a bigger uh uh pay off the bat is to leave to a new place like make a big move and then you kind of left with all the you know average performers yeah and i think that's probably one of the reasons why you get such wild articles because when you're when you're not that great it's like you have to use the dark arts of just like like everyone knows probably in that field that the most salacious stuff is just the most like basic bullshit. Like white people should die. Like, you know, that article is going to do better than like a nuanced take.

Right. Yeah. So I think that the, probably the smartest people somewhat probably know in any like article or any news sort of oriented thing, know how to a little bit like spice on like a little bit of both. I mean, the bad people just only know how to do that. That's the only way they know how to a little bit like spice on like a little bit of both i mean the bad people just only know how to do that that's the only way they know how to get well it's the trick they were never good to begin with and it's this trick they figured out as a bit of a shortcut and they

abuse it yeah they abuse it and it's it's literally the comedian who finds out one little like trick of comedy and then analogies analogies i look like a love child Like if you go into like a comedy club in 1995, every comedian, their opener is like, yeah, yeah. I know you're thinking, I look like a love child of blank and blank. Danny comes in.

He goes, I know what you're thinking. I look like a love child of Chris Farley and Kevin Farley. Cause I'm fat, but I'm retarded looking. Yeah. There's nothing funnier than when one of your buddies finds a new trick. Like our friend JJ came in, and he figured out analogies.

And one day he just came, and he was like, yeah, I'm sort of like a chair, you know? It's like, I got a big, long leg, and people want to sit on my face. If you actually think about it, It's like, I got a big long leg and people want to sit on my face. Whatever the fuck you wanted. If you actually think about it, having sex is a lot like going to the gym. You know, a lot of tugging and pulling. You basically turn your comedy into like a bathroom reader. Remember all those bathroom readers back in the day?

Like books were specifically called bathroom readers. And it was like, they just had stuff like that in them. They like yeah i'm kind of like yeah jokes a lot of tugging and pulling uh and at the end you have to pay money and every month you have to pay a monthly for all a lot of them a lot of the this is like sex end up that's crazy that there was someone who's like very successful who's like made all of their money from writing joke books that people read while they shit, specifically. Like, they're four. Having sex is a lot like eating spicy food.

I'm sweating the whole time. It's over in two minutes. And at the end, I have to pay money. And my asshole burns. Oh, yeah. Asshole burns is a big one. Asshole burns. Every joke ends with your Asshole Burns

Yeah yeah yeah At the end of it my Asshole's burning Drinking a glass of water is like having sex At the end my Asshole's burning It takes two seconds There's something going into my mouth And at the end of it My Asshole's burning

Dude our buddy He literally came up to the comedy club and his act was just 4 000 analogies he figured out analogies you know something's a lot like and then the actor you go this sounds not like uh um you go like a clown. It's like if you're a clown, you're not going to work at a doctor's office. What would that look like? But if you did, what would that look like? Good shit. Yeah.

Well, I can't believe that they fired women. One thing I was gonna say disgusting she session so this is kind of like a funny thing but Vice

some guy was making an Andrew Dice Clay doc at Vice and he like reached out to like my management and stuff

and asked if I wanted to be in it but I fucking waved it down yeah I said what about what about a sketch idea right now Andrew Vice Clay. Hey, cheers.

Hey, what's the deal with two genders? The 72 genders. Oh. Andrew Vice Clay. Holy shit, that's so funny. Hickory dickory dock. Gay marriage is Acceptable Hickory dickory doc

Dudes don't have to have a cock Hickory dickory doc Ladies can have a cock Oh Andrew Vice Clay Jack be nimble Jack be quick i'm sucking on this chick's dick oh i'm sucking my chick's dick with like a sequined leather vest it's like yeah very non-binary yeah very non-binary just like eye shadow

uh on a vape with a vape and vice clay Yeah. Very non-binary. Yeah, very non-binary. Just like eye shadow. On a vape, with a vape. Andrew Weiss-Clay. All right, that was good. That was good. Okay, you know what? We'll do a quick sponsor here. Fit Bond, ladies and gentlemen.

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This guy cannot catch a fucking break. Yeah, me and Danny have been texting back and forth about our Jeopardy, this Jeopardy guy, who we've been following the story. This guy cannot catch a fucking break. Yeah, me and Danny have been texting back and forth about this Jeopardy guy. This guy cannot catch a break right now. So this is, someone from the Patreon sent me a pretty great article that they wrote about it. So this is what we're going to do. So the Jeopardy guy has been fired, but fired but vice who is we're centered around vice today this is very important to us has written an article about how to write the perfect apology and we're going to go through both of those but first of all so after all that we wrote you know

we talked about this last week he got fired from his one job they said you can keep your executive producer job and then bam they said, they said, take backs. Yeah, you know what? Too much of a distraction. Even though it wasn't. You're like, okay, it's over. The whole thing's done. And then, so that's so crazy that afterwards,

they literally said he can keep his executive producer job. And then because of his bro-y comments, they kicked him out of that too. And let this be a lesson to any man any man that thinks you should just have a job but the best part is before we get vice vices advice so washington post wrote the fucking most hilarious article on this topic so after he got fired from his other job this is what washington post wrote they go how journalism saved jeopardy from an unworthy host after an utter failure of corporate vetting wait uh pat yourself on the back journalism

that's their take you think they're watching it on the news and it's like breaking news like like in their newsroom on the tv mike richards or whatever out as and they're like yay journalism we did it journalism yeah fuck do you ever see you know that uh the newsroom yeah i remember one of the lines that i always think of the famous thing is when he goes yeah america's the frigging best. Yeah. Well, yeah, we're pretty good. Well, do you think about this?

We're number 45 in meat consumption. You know, I list off all the things they're bad at. But that show, at one point, when he's on like a come up, he's doing good. And then he has like a good story and he looks at the girl and he goes, I fucking love the news. I thought that was so funny, I fucking love the news. I thought that was so funny. I fucking love the news.

He looks at the mirror and he goes, fuck, I love news. So these people, their take is bowl washing themselves. Insane. Where they go, this guy got fired. And their take on this is if those people at Jeopardy would have done their jobs, we wouldn't have. You think we want to do this? We could be on a fucking beach in Cabo right now. But you guys couldn't do it.

Also, the idea that they, you know, the baseline of this is like Jeopardy is this like institution that must be preserved in its like pristine form. And that any sort of like changes that could negative is it could bring down the country like this is like important yeah you know it's like jenga and they're like you're fucking you're fucking with the fabric of our culture that's exactly how they're talking they are they really are they go oh my god imagine jeff it's like it's a game show that from 40 years ago that you know five percent of people give a shit about who used to and even when they do it's like fake nostalgia i'm sure there's some people that watch jeopardy but this person said this person that wrote this article they started by saying

um listen me and my friends love jeopardy and we watch it every night and blah blah right then he goes so when this happened my friend and i considered boycotting jeopardy over this decision though that would have meant forfeiting our pop culture comfort food so they didn't decided at a big meeting i'm sorry is jeopardy this big pop culture things for this dork but can you they the first of all the arrogance to be like a single person. And when you stop watching a show, like you go, oh, I don't watch that. It's a boycott. Yeah. There is one thing I'll say that I am kind of like, not probably lukewarm on is the fact

that this dude was the executive producer. You're like, you're on a hunt to pick a host. Then you just pull this move where you pick yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Like straight up. You go like, you weren't even in the mix we know we talked about that yeah i know i know but i'm saying it's such a scumbag move but yeah for him to just lose everything you know what they put us into positions where we have to defend people i don't know maybe this guy sucks but the

problem is right now i am fucking pro mike richards i'm pro michael richard if your name is mike your name is rich, your name's Richards. Let's hang. Richard Jennings. You think him and fucking Kramer are hanging? Going, dude, it's tough being us, huh? Tough being Mike Richards. How far we have fallen. Yeah.

And so, but he goes, him and his friend decided whether they're going to boycott Jeopardy. And they called each other and they're like, are we doing this? Are we doing this? Well, like, what else are we going to do at 7 o'clock? And they go, alright, we'll watch it, but we won't be happy about it. So they decided they decided, despite their conversations, they decided not to boycott

Jeopardy. And they said, so McNair, that's the person that vetted Richards, they go, McNair vetted Richards with material that was out there in plain sight. Happily, person that vetted richards they go mcnear vetted richards with material that was out there in plain sight happily we won't have to do that now said thanks to thanks to claire mcnair of the ringer the reporter and author who diligently did what sony the show's parent company failed to do and then mcnear so mcnear says her process wasn't all that complex they're interviewing journalists about her process about her process of saving jeopardy process process yeah oh i say

process i'm a fucking hoser like you i am a i'm a fucking hoser i'm getting polluted you want to talk about my process of getting fucking play some fucking offense boys boys can they're they are legitimately this is a journalist yeah journalism is just like just listening it's the same journalist as your like girlfriend who's trying to bust you and she's like yeah she just went and dig through all your shit

just listen to 43 hours of podcast but okay this is a journalist who didn't break the story interviewing the girl from the ringer who released the article that got him fired the washington post is like can we do you think we could get her but this is and they are interviewing a journalist from another publication on her process it's almost like how she takes them down her cancel process this is like their watergate this is honestly you go you know we need to we need to like get the journalists who

broke watergate they're the new stars of this holy shit their cancel process how do you cancel because this is what she says of her process it's not that complex i just kept looking yeah i just uh downloaded a podcast and i listened to it she told cnn's brian stelter on sunday i'm not kidding she was being interviewed i want i want them to talk shop and she goes yeah so sometimes i've been toying with listening to 1.5 speed or two speed because you know you can't listen to one speed that just takes too long sometimes on two though you miss stuff So I've settled on 1.5 speed. Or she's like, I had a custom speed made for me.

I had a friend at Spotify. 1.77 is the perfect speed. It's a perfect speed. But it's a custom speed. You can't get that. Not everybody does. Just journalists only. Dude, the ultimate, like the expert mode cancelers.

She's listening to two podcasts at once. She has two different devices she's she's able to right left hand taking notes just like speed reading you know when they read every fifth word yeah she can listen to every fifth word and still know if something was offensive it's like that and i go reel that back a little bit that black i knew i see i could tell by the tone that was about to be a cancelable offense cancelable hours you know the lawyers is billable just reading transcripts of podcasts holy shit in a twitter thread over the weekend mcnair included

some of the material that she didn't have any room for in the last week's story sort of like the x like the extras yeah it's like the bloopers and the extra footage on the cutting room floor on the canceling room floor after he already got fired she released some of the materials hello i have more the body's dead he's cold body's cold this needs to be a lesson to any fucking man who thinks he should just have a job. So, you know, and we talked about that a bit, but there were some developments and I'm obsessed with this Jeopardy story because it is the ultimate in just like, yep, you never have

a job. That's the end of that. You can't be in those fields. But Vice, and this made me laugh so much because I was thinking about doing a job. That's the end of that. You can't be in those fields, but vice. And this was, this made me laugh so much because I was thinking about doing a sketch and it's kind of one of those things where the reality, I never made the sketch, but it's one of those things where reality like is crazier than what I would

have made. So vice. And I don't know if this girl still works here or not. Right. That's something that we aren't aware of right i mean well she may have been fired in the in the mass well her twitter doesn't exist but this article is called the making of the perfect celebrity apology and so vice is interviewing uh this girl who's like a PR person that does all the apologies. And it's so funny because the way they're talking about it, it's like, you know, you want to pretend that you care, but not actually care too much.

And you're like, she's talking about it. And then Vice, it's like the two of these people working together is like the Federal Reserve and the chairman of the chairman of like goldman sachs being like what's your process what's your process like they're working together yeah so vice they're like it's quite the racket they've got it's like vice puts them on blast it's a bit of an ecosystem yeah it's almost like the publicists they get these clients and then they're paying off the blogs like yo we need a hit piece yeah i got i just got clooney if you could dig up some dirt on clooney and then clooney calls his publicist like they're coming for me and he goes oh we're gonna have to work overtime it's like a yeah uh what kind of circle jerk is this a bit of

a racket like if you are a publicist you shouldn't be interviewing with vice you should be like they're the enemy yeah totally but the fact that they're in cahoots you know what the problem is i don't this is a this is like a conspiracy we're giving all of these people so much credit as like these are these full-time gigs when in fact these are all like side hustles for every one of these people you know and so we're like what are you doing they're like yeah i do i don't have a lot of i will say though these big publicity firms are these are full-time jobs yeah like these are publicity firms that represent big celebrities yeah that's true you they make lots of money and especially if so it isn't it interesting to think that there's an entire industry that is making lots of money off celebrity apologies

from an incentive standpoint not great great. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking at her Twitter right now, by the way. She doesn't mention Vice, so I think maybe she's not with them anymore. This is her coup de grace. But she doesn't say anything that crazy. She's interviewing the person on her process. So she interviews the counselor on her process.

Then she interviews the apology team on their process. Oh, yeah. There's a whole cottage industry. Yeah. She should maybe link the two. Well, it seems like they are. Yeah.

And so I was going to do a sketch on the guy who makes the Hollywood apologies and put them all together and whatever, right? And she says the stuff that I'm like, I would have said this stuff verbatim and my sketch is a joke. Yes. You know what the other thing about, for example the jeopardy guy getting a cancel or whatever like all the people that get fired it's like it's almost very few really talented people are like in sync with consensus for their whole life do you know what i mean how many talented people are consistently in sync with what the consensus is?

Yeah. No, it's almost like you want to just not follow that stuff at all. Just by nature of like being independently thinking over time, you're not going to be in sync with a lot of it, right? Yeah. Unless you follow the feedback so closely that you almost let the feedback like reshape you because you try and like. Well, then you're not talented anymore. Well, for sure.

But I mean, you see that a lot on like, you know, YouTubers and stuff who their fan base is like, ah, I hate that. And they go, okay, I'll never do that again.

Sorry. But I wouldn't consider that a talented person. I would consider that a coward. Yeah, totally. But I'm saying you see that where they like, they just let, you know,

they let the audience turn them into a mascot almost. Saying I'm sorry has become its own art form in hollywood and for better or worse it takes a team to make it happen well you would want people to think that yeah some of the biggest names in the business break down how the biggest in the apologies business fucking crazy we've got an expert from Hallmark who writes cards for a little, imagine. Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who writes the apology Hallmark cards is like a hot. Yeah, he's like, he's like, that's,

that's the ultimate job for the, you know, yeah, I crank out about 20 different ideas a day. He says, they're going to break down how the sausage gets made of the apology. So it's like, so every,

we all, or you know what? The other thing is you think this apology person would be kind of like a secretive business yeah where they're just like yeah it's fucking complete bullshit like we we get a team together we can they're not even and you're just like why are you telling us this like shouldn't shouldn't you at least pretend yeah we just copy and paste kind of mostly yeah shouldn't you at least pretend that a team didn't write their apology i know you're like yeah we all just we just wrote clooney's apology the other day and you're like clooney's like what the fuck yeah clooney's like yeah i mean kind of takes a little of the uh the apology away from when people know that i meticulously

crafted it and spent fucking i was on a boat when you were meticulously crafting it. Yeah, that's true. It's crazy. They go, sometimes it's an affair. Sometimes it's working with Woody Allen. Sometimes it's benefiting from a system that contones misogyny and racism. Oh, I hate misogyny and racism.

But worse, it's benefiting. But always apologizing for the affair is always nuts. Yeah. You know what i mean because you're just like yeah it sucks but like you should say sorry to your wife and that's your own business i know the public why am i saying sorry to you yeah to the public i go hey public i had a an affair i'm sorry like imagine you were married with kids and you got caught cheating and it was like a whole fucking debacle like yeah your life would be a mess but if you came to me and you're like dude i'm so sorry i go what are you saying sorry to me for yeah you're like what

do i care let alone like uh i guess the only time i get it is if you present yourself as like mr family values sure and then there's been like a bait and switch like if you're a pastor like a mega pastor and you're like i'm sorry because i was lying yeah well no they have the ultimate because they have all these like little with the lord stuff so it could be oh the lord just i slipped up and he was testing me and i failed the test but i'm i'm back you can always they have all the things yeah you can always fucking figure out you know it'd be the best fucking apology for someone cheating would be if john legend got busted for cheating and his legend in his letter was like you guys all know why i did this okay just fucking get off my back you've seen what she's yeah you guys know why i did this

come on you don't cheat let's see you try not because i'm john legend my fucking wife's dumb bitch chrissy tegan yeah oh what oh i okay well how about you don't cheat then yeah everybody be like yeah we get it man so sometimes can you imagine though being a uh public hiring a publicist team and you're like we need to apologize you go what are we apologizing for benefiting from a system that condones misogyny and racism that's like even if you broadly that's like if you don't have a scandal. That's just like if you just have guilt. Just general white. Me and you could just straight up be like,

call them up right now and go, we need to issue an apology. Yeah, can we do an apology? What happened? We've been benefiting from the system that condones misogyny. For our whole lives. For our whole lives, really.

30 plus years. So if you can really get the team on it. If we get the A team together on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't hold back. Cancel your schedule. Hey, it's Ryan. Cancel your schedule.

Go. How much, how much of a retainer do you need? They're like, I don't know, 10,000. And like, I'm sending 20 do this,

right? Yeah. Do not mess this up. So they say writing out a celebrity's story has become a cottage industry. How you, how do you craft a statement that needs to be read as authentic and not focus grouped and driven by buzzwords? But they're like, how do you craft a statement that needs to read as authentic? Do it yourself?

Yeah, they're already implicitly accepting that, like, I mean, obviously it's not going to be authentic. And also it's like, obviously nobody who's sorry is actually sorry they're just sorry that they got caught so you know you gotta navigate that whole thing what if the the uh but it's understood when you read it like you know like when you're reading mike richard's apology you're like he does not think or believe any of this stuff like you read the apology and the apology was enough for him to keep his executive producer job at least at first but you're like you don't think this at all it's obvious you like no duh yeah that's what i'm saying when they're like oh like nobody who's in the public like the people who are mad at him are even more dubious of the apology the people who want him fired are

like they think there's nothing to his apology whereas me and you were like maybe something but he was forced but like they don't even accept the people you're apologizing to don't won't accept it at all yeah i know they only accept you just being like oh i'm gonna kill myself and they go thank you kevin spacey probably the best apology i'm gay yeah he goes okay he started uh because the old school that's actually my apology that's my apology with my girl anytime i do anything bad i just go i'm sorry'm sorry, I'm gay. I'm gay. She goes, you fucking left the coffee pot on

and it's all ruined. I go, I'm sorry, I'm gay. You ate the pies again, I'm gay. Oh, I'm sorry

that I'm gay. So you're right. No, there's no one, they don't want to listen to the apology. No. What if Michael, Mike Richards said this was his apology?

He came out and he said, very somberly, he goes, I would like to address everyone that I've hurt. Misogyny. Boobies. I'm sorry. Look at these. And then he pulls down a girl's shirt and he goes, not sorry. He goes, you remember when in that old?

Oh, yeah. Misogyny. I'm sorry. Boobies. Look at these. I'm sorry. Boobies. Look at these. And pulls down the girl's shirt. And he goes, I quit. Fuck you.

R. Kelly wrote an I'm sorry song. I said, I'm sorry. He had a song about all the things he's sorry about. Is that going to be used against him in this fucking trial? Yeah, probably didn't help. By the way, the YouTube comments are going to be lighting up with how you pronounce sorry. Sorry. That's better, right? Yeah, probably didn't help. By the way, the YouTube comments are going to be lighting up with how you pronounce sorry. Sorry. That's better, right?

No, you say sorry. Did you know that the Death From Above guy? Yeah. So there was a, who's actually like a pretty solid dude. It's like a pretty big band

from Canada, but he went to lunch with Gavin McInnes. Oh, I remember. And someone posted a photo that the two of them were at a bar together and they started

canceling his shows. He had like 90 hit pieces and he had to be like i'm so sorry that i had a beer with that guy yeah who i've known for 15 years yeah totally he had to apologize for having a beer with a guy that he fucking knows but apparently that guy is like fucking like a g who the death of roger yeah well i think I met him a couple times actually. Now that I think about it. But there was, oh yeah, because this happened way before I met him. But everyone like,

Jarek and all those guys are buddies with him and they were like, nah, that guy fucking, he's like badass. Yeah, I'm sure he's just, again, he's just placating those. How do you express contrition but not culpability? Whom do you pay to pen a statement that minimizes damage instead of magnifying the mistake? And what happens when your client skips all that, goes rogue, and fires off their own quick message of regret?

Or worse, doesn't think they did anything wrong at all. And it was like, in the apology game, there's nothing worse than if they didn't think they did anything wrong it's like well yeah the internet's never wrong i would never if i had to like ever work with someone on an apology which i i don't know hopefully i've never like fucking living like that yeah but i would want i would want the publicist that like like we can okay but like we can uh level that this is all bullshit, right? Like the publicist that has to believe it. It's like a fucking, if you commit a murder,

it's like OJ's lawyers. It's not, they're like, you're innocent, OJ. Like it's, you know. No,

but this girl, her sort of energy is like, she's like, and obviously they are so, she, this girl, they're working in the apology industry. She believes the apologies are necessary.

So you know what I would do? I would remember in the, the fucking South Park, whereons has sucked my balls then mr garrison's like present them whatever you present them present them you know what i would do is if i had to do an apology i just go on twitter and post my own address i'll be like see you guys later docs myself i go all right we reached the end of it here's my address i'll see'll see everybody tonight. Yeah, yeah. And this is what, this is the part that was making me, that was wild for me. She goes,

I don't like to wait until it blows up. I don't like to wait until it's a mandatory apology because the whole world knows. I've debated this with teams. If you're going to apologize later, why not apologize now? And it was like, oh, oh,

so the pay me to write your apology person thinks like, you should be apologizing all the time. Literally have us on retainer. Just crank out our monthly apologies. She goes, I debate this all the time with clients and teams. Why don't we just apologize before it even happened? And it was like, you think that, do you?

I keep saying. How much is it going to cost me? 10 grand. I keep seeing on the list of apologies, it says like LA based, the Paul publicist. But then I think of like based publicist where it's like, they're literally,

their apology is just like, fuck those queers. I want to apologize. Yeah. Yeah. Is he New York based? No, he's just based.

I'd like to apologize for Israel putting me in this position. Whoa. That's a base publicist. Base publicist. Yeah. Base. Can I, and then they go, can I just reply to the one person on Twitter who called me out? My response is always, no, if you've upset one person, there's definitely more who are

upset. They might not be tweeting you, but there's definitely more. So it's like, she goes, she's telling clients if one person on Twitter is mad at them about something, they should already be apologizing. Where there's smoke,

there's fire. Right, but my, what I'm saying is these apology people probably have a whole branch that's on Twitter being like, Oh yeah.

Like, they're working with Vice. This is my conspiracy. They're working with all the Buzzfeeds and the Vices, the Seth Simons of the world. Like, they're working with Vice. This is my conspiracy. They're working with all the BuzzFeeds and the Vices, the Seth Simons of the world. Then, those people find the things, right? Then they take that, start a fake Twitter account, like, you know, normal guy who used to like you. Yeah. And they post, hey, what's this thing you said in 1901?

You know what I mean? And then they go back to their client. They're like, I think we should apologize now. They force them to do an apology. Then they call up BuzzFeed and they go, we're going to need another article. BuzzFeed writes the article. They go back to the client now for the real apology.

They just got paid three times. Oh, yeah. Not to mention that for Vice or BuzzFeed or whatever, they regularly have articles where the headline is, the internet is fuming over this and then the internet in this scenario is one Twitter account. Them.

But it's one anonymous Twitter account. They can create their own news. That's what I'm saying. You got this flywheel. It's the perfect scam. I know. All you need is a sucker celebrity. So that's why you have to stay away

from these people because the apology person's like, hey, you want to talk about apologies? You to be like no no no i would never apologize for anything ever yeah and then she they they can't use their thing on you where their scheme they're scheming and she goes sometimes there's lots of drafts um the ones i've done have probably had at least 10 drafts in a 48 hour span. So they're doing, you know, anytime you see a celebrity do anything, they've done, they have 10 drafts minimum. Except for Shane.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, he did what she didn't want. Yeah. She goes, sometimes they just do a knee jerk post themselves. Well, no, they gave, no, Shane said they gave him, NBC gave him the boilerplate apology and he's like, I'm not doing that. And then he just did his own.

He had 10 minutes. Yeah. That's what she says she doesn't like them to do but yeah there go we have to always do the drafts because they probably let the client do the first one and they're like they come back they go I wouldn't put the n-word in your apology

just you consider it's the thing that got you in trouble here I probably leave it out even though you're just referencing you saying it but I just want to say that I'm sorry to these broads and you know let's not do that one andrew vice glenn it takes a while to get in the place where the statement is straightforward authentic and impactful it needs to be so they're admitting we need a team of people to get it authentic and they said they're these are really painful hard days on the job,

especially when you know, especially when you know that they've grown as a person. Oh, that's the worst, is writing an authentic apology for someone who can't do it for themselves, especially when you know they've grown as a person. Like, that must be so hard, because you're like, I know you've grown,

you just can't write an apology authentically yourself because you're not authentically yourself, because you've been acting your whole life. So they're literally she goes, it's painful, hard days. They have a fucking, you know, a panic. What do they call it? A crisis. Yeah.

They're all yelling at each other. She's smoking. She thinks she thinks she's Hunter S. Thompson. Oh, no. I'll just take a spell his guns see we got chain smoking cigarettes i've got it i've oh i've finally done it i have what do you think the steven seagal school of crisis management would be like it would literally be like hey steven uh i said something bad on the internet and all these people are mad he goes we'll break

their necks tell her i want them to come over to my house and i'll apologize meet me in the garage tell tell them to meet me in the parking garage for my personal apology fucking snapping everybody's necks oh yeah they're like just waiting for him he just sneaks up from behind them how many is there do you think there's a tally somewhere how many times has steven seagal snapped someone's neck like this in a movie mostly like how many over 100 in all the movies he's ever done more more nobody was sick if he just did it all like you know how like um the cereals or whatever like captain crunch and they do only crunch berries yeah what about a steven seagal movie where it's only neck snapping it's just one after another of just snap neck compilation compilation but it's not a couple cutting out the fat it's not a compilation it is

its own movie but just him snapping snap dragon yeah snap here we go all that yeah love it and then her final thing she's like um i know that a lot of reps will uh you know the idea of if these people are talking if these people on twitter stop talking about it it'll be gone and what she says is no what'll actually happen is they're all just waiting in the fringes and the next time you have something big happen it'll hit you even harder. So she thinks that she's out there with her fake Twitter accounts. And she's like, you should always apologize when three people on Twitter yell at you. And it was like, no, the answer is, I guess, never have a job ever. Well, no, the real answer is, look, if you get a job working for a corporation when you previously did not.

Delete everything you've ever done on the internet. Especially a public corporation, a public company, all your podcasts there's there's no benefit your podcast delete your twitter delete your everything just delete everything yeah delete every it really is delete everything you've ever if you have this cushy job where you're like i'm just how i'm an executive producer whatever there's no reason for you to keep your podcasts up and then when people ask you anything, they go, you turn into Steven Seagal where they go, hey, didn't you used to do a podcast?

You go, I told you never to ask about my past. What's done is done. I'm not that guy anymore. That guy's erased. Next snap. You start a new name, start a new identity, and then start a new Facebook account, and then burn your computer. Take the hard drives.

Throw them in the river. Did you see that high school football thing, by the way? What was that? So this company, it's called Sycamore something. They got like there's high school football is huge in the US and they like play each other on ESPN, like the big teams. This team was like all, none of them are high school players. They were like a fake team and they made up that they were like this big like prep academy but nobody could

back it up and they got a game on ESPN against like the IMG academy they lost like 58 to nothing or something but like the coach was like had current like open warrants for his arrest and it's like a fake football team they were were like, I don't even know. They were a football team, but they didn't play anybody. They weren't attached to a school. They made up the whole thing so they could play on ESPN.

They got smoked. And they don't play in any conference or league. The whole point of it was just to be able to weasel their way into the tournament? Well, I guess, I don't know because football is like, you can't just be like, oh, we're just going to play football this weekend. I don't get it, really.

I'm not really following this. It's like literally a fake football team. But what's the point? To play on ESPN on TV, and they played this. They wanted to win, but they were nowhere near good enough. So they faked all the stuff. They said they had all these, this was last week, too. They said they had all these D1 recruits.

And then everybody's like, nobody on their team's even in high school. They're all older. Sweet. The whole thing's crazy. And it worked. It worked until they got busted a few days later. And they're like, yeah, the coach is wanted for all these crimes. For other crimes.

Other crimes. Non-football related crimes. Hilarious. That was crazy. Just take a quick second here for our second sponsor cuts clothing if you want to look good if you want the ladies to look at you and be like now that's a guy that i could take home to my parents and my dad would look at him be like who is this movie star movie star oh gary v is dating my daughter i didn't know The Rock is taking my daughter on a date?

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JQ Magazine. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen do you think that there was one guy that was just about to go to epstein island like he had a trip planned the day before epstein got busted oh yeah he's like holy shit he's like we're gonna bang all these girls bill clinton's gonna be there it's gonna be amazing and then they're like hey we got some bad news. Yeah, like he's been thinking forever. Like the whole reason he even got into hedge fund blackmailing. It's like, what do you think I got in the Israeli army for? And every day he was talking to, you know, he's talking to Epstein.

He's like, so Jeff, I mean, last week you said I could come next week. And then for sure, for sure. It's just full this week. We're going to get you on the island. It's going to be fun. Get your dick ready. Get the Viagras. Take extras.

He was like the kid that's supposed to go to his dad's house and the dad never comes. He's sitting on the thing. He's supposed to pick him up in a limo. And then he just gets a call like, sorry, buddy. You know, I'm going to take you next time. Cops are on to us, so. I'm going to take you next time. and then he gets busted right the day before he was gonna double team chicks with

clinton he's so pissed so that's funny i watched this doc um i actually watched two different docs on the crack cocaine scandal right crack cocaine scandal yeah the scandal that your mom has a lot of crack what crack cocaine scandal well if you when you bent over yeah there was a scam i have a high crack actually you got a high crack yeah my girlfriend she uh oh she's just trying to bring uh uh like lower your self-esteem no no i'm saying there's no she's about you no it's in a high crack it's not even that weird just like man your ass crack goes high. Was it a compliment? No, it's more of just an observation. It's not like sick or bad. How high does your crack go?

I don't know. Around here. You guys are weird. What do you mean you have a high crack? No, I just have a flat ass, so it looks like my crack is high. Do you have a really flat ass? Oh, I got zero zero ass like a cartoon character i have like i have like we always joke about an old man ass if you ever see there's like

this like girls in tight jeans with no ass meme and it's like this dog and yeah i know that's my ass in those jeans and your girlfriend's behind you being like it's a big crack no it's not it's not a big crack it's a high crack it just goes so high up the back what the fuck show the camera it's a regular crack it just because the it's more of an optical illusion because so someone was doing the joke where they were if you were bent over and someone was doing the joke where they swiped your credit card it'd be a long swipe yeah oh yeah it'd be a long swipe but i watched this uh this talk and i mean first of all it's obviously so crazy like all the contra stuff or whatever but it was one thing that was interesting was because basically they're what's the name of the doc uh there was two of them and they're the two ones on netflix and they're basically ones called like Just Crack and the other ones

it's something you know the crack epidemic or whatever but it's funny because you know a lot of these one of them was way more of the premise of it was kind of like how it affected the black community or whatever right but it's so interesting because it's like all of these like pundits that are in these things

and university professors and experts of all sorts all of them consistently are going on about how the media was lying here you know the media was lying here how the media got everything wrong and you know 1950 of the lies the overreactions when you're just like i bet you every single one of those people would be like the media is right about yeah yeah yeah they're nailing it you know what i'm saying absolutely it's like i mean again how can you say oh every decade you look back and you go oh the media is wrong about all this stuff and then now be like i mean so just they're gonna be getting lots of

stuff wrong now right and i think a lot of people live in that where they were they would agree with you if you look back at this with the media get it. If you look back at this, did the media get it wrong? If you look back at this war, did the media get it wrong? If you look back at the crack thing, did the media get it wrong? Yes, yes, yes. How's the media doing on COVID? Great. Great.

I mean, you know what? I get that people trust the media because it's by far the path of least resistance. It's so much easier to be like trustful than distrustful, even though it's not necessarily to your benefit. Not really. Because you can be just dismissive. You don't have to be the guy that's out there telling everyone they're lying to you, man. You can just be like, yeah, I don't listen to that fucking shit.

True, true. But I think people would rather think, yeah, they're not all out to get me. I think so, too. But it is funny to hold that belief side by side. Oh, for sure. You know what I mean mean and that was a lot of these docs but they would always say about the experts so and it was so it is an interesting thing with all the race stuff because the one doc was very you know how it's raceful but and they

kind of guys were even saying it's like it almost makes it conspiratorial when it happens to all one group and there is things where why would um cocaine have a way smaller charge than crack like what's the difference you know what i mean yeah but if you then when some people would kind of be saying well i wasn't you know it wasn't about race it was just like we don't care uh when we were like um bringing crack in the streets like we don't care who we're selling it to like it was essentially the contras were selling and they were using these profits for you know to war it's a war but they don't care like those people were not like oh let's make it like black people it's like the reason it was like a turn of events obviously a lot of times seems conspiratorial yeah where it's like no the reason they put in those communities is because there was

less police there. Yeah. To some degree, no one's caring. So there is a conspiracy that maybe no one cared about those communities, which made it easier to do this. But the conspiracy that it was like on purpose to ruin the black community. I don't know. It's like, yeah, there's those things. You can think whatever you want, but there's different opinions on those. When I lived in Guelph, actually, I knew a guy who lived in my building my last year in guelph was like a functioning crack addict yeah well yeah

then they were it is well this is why he had a normal job and everything but he was like legit like crackhead well i don't know if you like how much you know this and i don't really talk about like that much personal stuff like on docs or whatever but the one of the reasons why or sorry i'm like you know whatever yeah like i don't live like a reality star really but the one of the reasons why or sorry i'm like you know whatever yeah like i don't live like a reality star really but the the reason why it was so weird to me it's like in a lot of these things it's kind of the same as when you know everything's about race and all these there's a lot of white people that are like you know opioid addicts or whatever it was funny to me because i was watching the one doc was kind of more about the drug thing and the other

thing was like very you know social justice oriented yeah and it was sort of interesting to me because it was kind of like these university professors being like and the crack was like a black problem it's only to and it was kind of like but i have two uncles that died from that yeah so in my family like it wasn't at all uh-huh it's just like if you put it in a pride yeah for sure so it's not i can see but i can see how it makes people mad because to me you're just like if you put it in a pride. Yeah, for sure. So it's not. I can see. But I can see how it makes people mad because to me, you're just like, like, imagine some fucking white college kid being like, oh, crack only affect black families. And I'm like, well, not in mine. It didn't.

Yeah, totally. And you're just like, fuck you. Like, I went through that. Well, they just probably go like, yeah, they just pick a very small sample size specifically and be like, look how bad it was here. And you go, yeah, I guess if you pick only there, then, yeah how bad it was here. And you go, yeah, I guess if you pick only there,

then yeah, that proves your point. And then, yeah. And also, I mean, it is, it is one of those things where there's so many components of it.

But when you look at the, the, when they were saying that Coke was, you know, higher sentence, one of the arguments, and it's like, it's hard to crack was right.

Crack was the higher sentence. It's like concentrated. Is that the reason? Yeah. It's, arguments and it's like it's hard to crack was right because it's like concentrated is that the reason yeah it's i think it's because uh i think so or it's like i think that they were saying the sentence is way higher but there is something to be said about laws that are you know if you're trying to fucking make the laws that make your country better or whatever like one was like devastating societies and the other wasn't like if, yeah, maybe it's you, if you have an immoral obligation against drugs,

but like, to be honest, if you say your average person who's like going to clubs and doing Coke, is that really wrecking? Like, you're not walking around and it's, you know, nonsense because those people aren't doing stealing and

prostituting to get their coke whereas in the crack people actually are it's like causing all this crime so it is kind of worse I'm sure there's lots of crime based on people getting hooked on coke that are just not in you know but do you know very many?

no but I mean there's no shortage of people who are like yeah I've fucking spent 50 grand a year on Coke or something for... Right, so I had two... Yeah, it's not... I had two different uncles die in a two-year span. And that's...

So what happened was... And it was literally what you hear about in fucking books. Like, you know, these people kind of over the time become you know they grew up in the projects and stuff and then ended up on the streets essentially all that stuff and then the one would be going to my grandmother's house stealing her things emptied out her pension shit like that and anything like silverware she'd come they'd pawn off her and then you know my mom would be

like her brothers would be like we're gonna if you ever come back you know yeah of course it would be these but it's one of those things where it's it's so easy for everyone everyone has the answers to like everything when it's uh you know when it's broad it's kind of like what people think homeless people they're like just do this and's like, you could just throw money at every problem, but everyone knows they're like, hey, if you had a family that had 10 people and one person was like doing drugs and stealing from everyone,

like, could you just throw money at that problem? No, you'd kill them. There isn't, there's, who knows what, you're right. I mean, if you go, you are right. Yeah, you go, someone's like at that point where they're like stealing for their, like, you'd be like, here's a bunch of money. You're like, okay, I'm just gonna- You just killed them. Yeah, you just killed them. They go, okay, I'm gonna spend this all on this drug I'm addicted to that point where they're like stealing for their like you'd be like here's a bunch of money you're like okay you just killed them yeah you just killed them

they go okay i'm gonna spend this all on this drug i'm addicted to and then they're dead yeah i didn't even think at that point but then so then they would kind of disappear for another six months and then they would come back and then you know cycle is all cycles although and then because it's their mom she takes them and then so like even when she died, for example, there was like a supposed to be a life insurance policy or whatever. They even just paid for the funeral and little things like that because when her husband died, whatever, right? Cash that out. So on top of it.

And they didn't find out until. In his death, it's like everyone else has to pay, you know, thousands of dollars and they're not that rich on that side, right? So it's like they've got to come up with all this money because, like, the other brother, like, emptied out her pension. And this was. Yeah, it's fucking. So it's just like a crazy mess. Like, I can see how, you know, crack is so.

But it is, you know, it's just those poor neighborhoods. It's like, what a wild fucking drug. I mean, that's the thing. Yeah, there's plenty of fucking affluent people who are addicted to crack who just stay addicted to crack because it doesn't, you know, they have so much money and they're able to not kill themselves.

There'll be like little pockets where it's like, oh yeah, maybe they stop for a second, get a part-time job as like a mover and then four months later, it's like, oh, someone saw them like begging outside of like the beer store or whatever and then it was like,

then you don't see them there anymore and then they're you know stealing i actually was thinking walking down the street walking down the street in our neighborhood the other day where i'm like it is crazy how good heroin must be where it makes you kind of like fine with being homeless because like you see all the people who are like their life is just getting more heroin like that's the whole purpose of of existing is just more heroin all the time yeah it's kind of like pussy where it's like people live on the street where they're as long as they get that new little piece coming at them yeah i mean except you can't be homeless and get tons of pussy the uh it always makes me laugh that that old kills more people than drunk drivers.

Yeah. And that's such a funny stat. Where it's like any person that's drunk driving is bad. If I'm leaving with my grandmother and we get in the car and I'm smashed, I'm less likely to probably get in a car accident than her just sober being old. Just being old. Just like shouldn't have her license anymore but she does yeah she's kind of got too old for her license but her license hasn't

expired so funny uh let's see if there's okay so i don't know if you've seen it i always think it's kind of like the scummiest thing ever but the fact that all these influencers are taking money to be pro-vax people or whatever so the government is giving people like all this money wait you didn't get anything well that's getting too great a month right now why do you think i'm so pro-vax how funny would that be if we just turned out you know yeah the government's giving people money and we just think that's such a great thing, which is why we're here today. We want you to say, get your jab, people. By the way, the word jab sort of always makes me cringe.

I know. Welcome to the jab hour with Brian Long and Danny Polichuk. Jabbing and gabbing. We got the gift of jab and the gift of gab. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the boys' cast. We're just jabbing and gabbing. Brought to you by AstraZeneca, your only choice for vaccines. Oh, fuck.

We are just ducking and jabbing. Anyways, having fun here. Get that vax, ladies and gentlemen. Listen to the experts. Don't care which ones. Just the experts. But I told you, i had a few people messaging me being like i'll give you some money to say some shit and you're just like

if you are if you are just a person that really does like dance or something like that i guess okay but if you're someone that says your opinions for a living you gotta be some type of like how can anyone listen to you if they know you're being paid for opinions well that's just from i mean the thing is integrity is keep that to yourself you can't though because you have to well i think that you're supposed to i mean that's there's people who are paid for you by them right right oh yeah i guess i guess the idea the only thing is you say you go well i think this so much already that yeah but it is like such a political thing too it's if you aren't in that what do you want to take like a super political stance on anything

and like the 50 50 thing but you go you know a tiktok creator with over 10 million followers received an email in june from village marketing so it was on behalf of the white house so you imagine getting email from the white house and you're like a 12 year old you're just doing dumb dances on tiktok like we need you so they're giving them a thousand dollars a month which actually kind of seems low to fucking shill for something pretty good if you're 12 yeah i guess depends on i mean fucking but the efforts are as a part of a counter-attack against a rising tide of misinformation that has flooded the internet where the anti-vaccine pretty good hustle where probably they've been able to say that anything

they don't agree with is misinformation um and they go but this may not be a match for mass organ organic online movements it was like yeah you don't say this just reminds me of the crack thing where they had the commercials where it was like, don't do crack because crack is bad. If you're bad, you won't do crack. Do you remember smoking was bad when we were in high school?

Did you have all the things? It was like, and dare, like drugs are bad. I had that. I remember really one that I remember a big one from the early 90s was this is your brain on drugs with the eggs. If they were smart, if they actually gave a shit. Wilford Brimley, yous was this is your brain on drugs with the eggs with the eggs if they were smart if they actually gave a shit wilford brimley you go this is your brain and he cracks the eggs go this is your brain on drugs you go what does that mean

your brain gets squished you go wait my brain was just the the uncooked egg yeah your brain's an egg pal hey listen hi crack your brain's a raw egg now your brain's a cooked egg which one would you rather have i go i think the cooked egg i would rather have yeah i'd rather have a cooked egg more like a brain i can't really do much with a raw egg other than a bunch of liquids yeah rugs kind of gross and like a break i think cooked egg for me what they should have said if they really wanted to uh to make you care, have a hot dog and be like, this is your dick. This is your dick on drugs.

And then chop it up. And you go, you won't even, your dick won't work if you fucking. It'll be all chopped up. All the cool kids don't smoke weed. This is your time of need. Don't smoke weed. Don't smoke weed. Don't smoke weed.

Smoking's bad and weed's for losers get the vaccine the last thing you want to be is a drug user don't smoke weed get the jab and you'll be cooler don't smoke weed get vaccinated don't do crackin get the jab but um the uh

I would love some other way of, a bunch of people give influencers like TikTok influencers money to just say like, fucking, Hey, uh, this is in a conjunction with the boys cast. And I just want to say that women suck. And he gets some like TikToker. I just want to say that, um, men rule and girls drool. Yeah. Anyways, back to my TikTok dances.

Like they don't have that ad ad was that for? just want to say that um men rule and uh girls drool yeah anyways back to my tiktok dances like they don't have that ad what ad was that for yeah they don't even want to but i was talking to this um this uh this uh black comic and he was funny he was like people were like did you get a vaccine he goes i kind of you know it is what is i don't really talk about it i like to keep one foot in the hood like yeah cause he was like, you have to, you do have to, the mainstream,

you have to say that you are, but for him, he was like, I don't want to go back to the homies and the, you know, the hood and be like, I got the jet. Like,

it's very cool. Yeah. It's not cool. But one thing I've been thinking about, so I did this one. You have syphilis probably. The only thing that I've done on the vaccine was I have this one video that's how fighting about the vaccine is the new fighting about Trump. And it's like a music video.

So we did that video. But the reason why this one is so weird and I think about it a lot because it's such a it really has become the new fighting about trump but the reason why it's like a weird fight is because for most people their life is completely back to normal like if you don't live somewhere insane like i was thinking about it the other day what what has changed for me what am i what is covet affecting me right now is that you wear a mask on a plane and maybe in an uber depending on you show your card in new york sometimes how many times have you done that rarely but it's no it's now it's more often but that's what i mean okay so if you have gotten vaccinated like it really is for most people and that number can only go up that's why it's so funny when people show stats

and they're like look at the vaccination rates you're like well yeah those can only go one way well theoretically not because you can unvaccine yourself double vaxxers if you're double vaxxed at a certain point you're going to be considered unvaccinated they're going to be like it's worn off and you will go back to being it's not vaccinated yeah but i mean the i think the most reasonable stance is like get it or don't get it yeah but like at this point the the vaccinated people their main argument now they've run because at first they were like well what about my health what about other people's health blah blah now really their thing is we're like look if you're not getting vaccinated you're taking up like hospital beds from people they're they're all making up who need it i feel like but that's like their last like avenue of argument is to go like there's

nothing else because they're like look you're vaccinated you can wear a mask you should be protected if you're you know you're protected from like dying or whatever like you're not going to go to the hospital if you're vaccinated and or you know most people won't or whatever and then now they're like well but if you're unvaccinated you will go to the hospital and you shouldn't be allowed to like take up hospital beds but like that's the end of their argument like that's we've reached that one point where it's just about this like hospital bed capacity right and that's really it they're not like you're gonna make me sick you're gonna make my kids sick that's over it's like no what so i don't i don't believe them that's so i don't even like it's it's just become this argument but then on the other side there is

that it's always kind of like you know when people go well you, well, you should just quit comedy. If you have, if they make you get vaccinated, you go, are you, are you insane? Yeah. Like, so what?

I just quick, you go, are you insane? Like you have no, I mean, some people are so principled that they think they're like, let me ask you a question. Like,

I don't think that you should pay as much taxes as you do. Are you going to go to jail for that? No, obviously not. It's like, I understand. It's like someone in the NBA who was like, there was, there was this one guy actually Royce white. And he's like i understand it's like someone in the nba who's like there was there was this one guy actually royce white and he's like yeah i don't know i have

anxiety i can't fly and then they're like well we it's just impossible we can't get you bust you around you play in the nba like you might play in a city that's too the next night's too far away and he goes well then i'm not playing and And they go, okay, someone's going to take your spot, man. Like, I don't think you're not LeBron James. Like, it's fine. Don't play. Well, yeah, it is a really like know your. And he's like very principled.

He's like, yeah, see, like I started. And you go, okay, like, yeah, good for you. Yeah. And that's why it's sort of, it's not as funny to me. Because the only two, I honestly think most normal people think, yeah, get the Vax or don't get the Vax. I don't really like the passports,

but it's not going to be my fight. Yeah. Because the only thing you can make funny wise is just going to be red meat. Like you're either, it's like, you know, it's very like, and some people do that where they make videos.

That's just very red meat. But I always try to think of like, what can you add to the conversation you know what i mean and it's like and honestly it feels like in normal life i don't think people really talk about covid anymore i really don't do you like when i'm out with people it's like it's so not a thing no but then so you go we have a couple friends like but on the internet that are really this is like their whole fight right now but for most normal people you just kind of don't think about it anymore. It kind of reminds me of like, imagine you're big into ending the Fed or all that stuff. That may be, you know, right.

But it's like, it's a re it's really a conversation on the internet. Yeah. And most people kind of don't give a shit. That's why when lockdowns were happening, it was like, no, you're fucking with everyone's lives. You're, you're locking everything down. And this stuff, I agree. It's, it's it's like you know they probably shouldn't have a passport but at the end of the day i just think that it's in it's a weird fight because no one gives a shit yeah it's like it's like arguing on the internet well some people care but most people know but

on the internet it really is an internet fight yeah i very how many people do you know in real life that care that much i mean we know them a few yeah me too yeah i don't know why i said that yeah to be honest i do know people that care well we know people who are like literally don't like our one buddy kevin he gets kicked out of anywhere he goes it's like yeah now they're in toronto there is going to be a vaccine passport in a couple weeks that is wild and he's not gonna be able to go in anywhere it's fucking wild so i actually well yeah well the thing is it's wild i feel bad for places that they're actually digitized and there's a good system like ontario seems like there is a database so there won't be like a faking it like when i was at stand-up new york uh on saturday dude at stand-up new york i was like i was talking about

i go yeah this we're in a room full of vaccinated people and people who have basic computer skills and own a printer and everybody's like dying because they're like yeah they're like

obviously and everybody's like I know everybody feels it's so easy and you're like all you vaccinated people you feel so fucking safe but I'm like

someone besides you probably is not vaccinated and just has a printer and you're like it's so easy yeah here but in some places like in Toronto I don't like it's so easy yeah here but in some places like i in toronto i don't think it's just printing off a piece of paper you will have to get

like an app on your phone you're in a database and though you will like you know your your app will go from green to red the day that six months expires and your time for a booster you're like it'll just one day you wake up you're like oh i can't go in anywhere right now yeah we just fucked up that was really fucked up but it is a weird one and i've been thinking about a lot of like i want to say anything about it comedically and it kind of reminds me of like you know how trump made politics culture for like a while but a lot of these things it's impossible to like add something to the conversation without it just really seeming like you know real fucking red meat it's hard to find the gray area i think it's like it seems like yeah it's not even gray area it's just like what are you adding like

imagine you think vaccine passports are bad right that's your point like okay so what's the video just the vaccine passports are bad like what's your point so you're just like you know how we all think that here's me saying in a video yeah what's your point yeah yeah like what's the new what's the point that you're making the only point that people can make is like you know that it's worse for minorities or whatever but it's like but in theory i don't really like i get the idea of being like well if you think this then why don't you think this but i don't really agree that just because something affects one group more than another that it's sexist or racist so it's like i guess your point is like the hypocrisy but yeah you know there's no shortage of hypocrisy everywhere here it's like

i think it's just become like the ultimate politicized thing yeah oh i mean so that red meat space is just not like a space i really like occupying but yeah yeah i don't know the vaccine passports are fucking lame stupid the question is just like how long will they go on for i guess that's a lot of the people who are against them they go this is never gonna end yeah well there's and the problem is is if it does end then it's like what i said last week where it's like if it does end then you know the people who are fine with it be like see it ended but then at that point those people are not going to be like oh well i guess i was wrong for five years right you know oh there you go that was weird i wish i didn't make my identity all about that for the last several years because i guess it was just nothing well i'm gonna keep thinking about that i feel

like i'm i want to crack something i uh but anyways this has been the boys cast we actually have a buttload to talk about this week on the patreon if you guys want to come over we're actually going to continue come on over come on over boys boys, boys. We're going to talk about the Texas abortion stuff, like Beijing, real cancel culture, scrubbing people from the internet. We're going to do a list, what do you call it, a rating of all the celebrity apologies

and an article on Cuomo that we didn't get to last week, some boys questions. Patreon.com slash the boys cast. Thank you everyone for listening. Follow the YouTube clips channel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Questions and email articles to the boys cast with Ryan Long at gmail.com. Some questions in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what it is. Peace.