The Boyscast with Ryan Long - The Dalai Lama Is A Freak! Married Woman Fired For Sexting 7 Cops & Insane Wedding Vows

Episode Date: April 14, 2023

Keep-Me girls, TikTok moms, the trashiest wedding wows ever & the FREAK DALAI LAMA! GET TICKETS FOR DANNY'S SHOW - Morris Plains, NJ April 22: https://www.tiffscomedy.com/shows/213251 SUPPORT THE SPONSORS: Factormeals.com/boyscast50 - Code BOYSCAST50 - 50% Off First Box Tryfum.com - Code BOYSCAST - 10% Off Your Order Fitbod.me/boyscast - 25% Off Or Free Trial Babbel.com/boyscast - Up To 55% Off Your Subscription RYAN ON TOUR: Atlanta: April 28/29, Philadelphia: May 2/3, Tampa: June 2/3, New York - Sept 16 SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's up everybody, welcome back to the BoyzCast! Okay, Patriots, I apologize for something that I have to do right now, but Danny will be no longer with the BoyzCast, as I found a Bud Light in the fridge. Apparently, he's been drinking this, even though he knows the BoyzCast is boycotting the product. Wait, why are you wearing a potato sack? Because we're boycotting most of the clothing companies, and I've torched the clothes. As you know, Nike was on the list, which I've given you, which I guess you don't care. And not to mention, I've been looking at your phone, and apparently you've been buying Amazon stock.

This is something that you've been doing? Why are you going through my phone? Also, it was part of an ETF. I'm very sorry, Patriots. An official Boy's Cast apology. I guess Danny doesn't care about this country, doesn't care about the degenerates, which have been subverting this country.

I mean, I'm looking at this list right now, Ryan. It's just every company. Yeah, exactly. NFL. Starbucks. Nordstrom. Keurig? Yeah, stopped advertising on Hannity.

Disney. Gay stuff. American Apparel? Home Depot. Gay stuff. Also, no guns. Starbucks. Nordstrom. Keurig? Yeah, stopped advertising on Hannity. Disney. Gay stuff. American Apparel? Home Depot. Gay stuff. Also, no guns. Same with dicks.

And also, Chuck Taylors was on the list. Drake, we in the ads. So chuck him out. I apologize for the traitor that is in our midst, people. Trick? Kellogg's? Didn't want to advertise on Breitbart. Kellogg's?

I like that they have good waffles. Yeah, well, I'm two steps ahead of you because I've sent $20,000 of our Patreon money to the Daily Wire in hopes that they start a waffle company and I urge you to do the same. Take about 30-40% of your weekly paycheck, send it over, and then we can eat waffles in peace like patriots. Alright, whatever. Anyways, April 22nd, next week I'll be in Morris Plains. No, you won't

be there because we're cancelling all tours because we are currently boycotting hotels and airlines. Now listen, I know that you have dual loyalties, but you're going to have to choose between your gay brands and this podcast. And those gay brands now are Heineken, Natty Light, Sam Adams, Jack Daniels. So why can't I drink? That's why we have a list. Also, I should say this is going to be an audio-only podcast this week as we are boycotting Adobe. Not to mention, I see in the show notes that you wanted to talk about an HBO show.

And this is how I find out, that we have a co-host who hates America. What? Can I drink water? What about tap water? No, you can't drink tap water. If you've been paying attention to the list I gave you, you would know that the commissioner of the New York City Water Department

has been tweeting nonstop about RuPaul's Drag Race, and we don't support that. You're boycotting water? How do you shower? I don't! These are sacrifices that I need to make. Now hit the bricks, and I will dispose of this. Yeah! I need the galleries, okay? The boys cast. The dudes. Prepare yourselves for the boys cast. The bros.

Just the boys cast. The homies. Just the boys cast. The dudes. It's very awesome. It's awesome. The boys cast. The boys cast.

Yeah, it is. And we got a massive sale because I'm moving the fellas, fellas site. And we're going to have BoyzCast merch. But help me blow it out. RyanLongStore.com. Everything's 30 to 40%. Everything must go. Ryan, we can't do this.

Everything must go. I've talked to Mr. Grabowski upstairs in sales. He says we can't allow these kinds of deals. I came up to Mr. Grabowski. I said, you look me in the frigging eyes, Bowski. And then Bowski said, we can't do those kind of deals. I said, psh, psh, psh, psh. His child is undergoing medical transgender procedures right now.

He needs all the money that he can get. He said, you tried 20% off and it almost killed us. Do you know how much a quadruple mastectomy costs right now, Ryan? Do you understand the cost of a quad mastectomy? My stepdad's big bud light guy too i have a feeling that this he probably doesn't even notice it at all no like imagine that'd be the funny thing too that's that's true like just bliss is people go oh you must be pissed about this bud light he goes what he goes no i know but how bad would it be he shows up and

everyone's like oh look we got a gay boy here. And he's like, what? Bud Light for everybody. I mean, if they want to see a scandal on Bud Light, just raise the cost of a can by 10 cents. Then you'll see fucking people in the streets. Hey, here's a question. Do you think that, you know how like all these things always, on both sides, like even with Tesla or whatever, there's always a thing and then the stock goes down a little bit? Yeah. This would have been a good time to buy the dip

if you wanted to make some money probably. I actually was looking at it today. How you thought? Well, no, no, no. I don't want to buy it. Beer companies are historically not good. I think Bud or Anheuser-Busch. All their clientele is dying.

That's the issue. They're dying. Seltzers are becoming more popular. People are health conscious. Beer is not a health product. They can't convince people that the light version's good yeah it's still people are like i'd rather drink seltzer or like spirits and stuff but uh i look their stock's down 50 in the last five years if you want to from the peak five years ago but everybody's like oh they're like oh look at their market cap got like wiped and you're like

the stock market just moves like that that could be related to a number of but it also could just be like uh going back right back like that's a glip you know what i mean that's what i'm saying but people will be like oh it's because of this dylan mulvaney thing that the stock dropped but it might be but like things like that are temporary letter unless yeah yeah those are like you can't like everyone has to stop buying it like always. Yeah. Basically everyone right now is taking like a Sabbath from Bud Light. Again, it's like Bud Light.

I didn't realize this. Bud Light is the number one beer in America. I didn't know that either. It is the number one beer. I really didn't know that. It goes Bud Light and then Coors Light. Really? Yeah. Light beer.

It's my stepdad's other one. Again, it's, you know, health conscious Americans. Drink Bud Light or whatever. So it's like, I don't know. Just people are brand loyal to this stuff. Yes, there are people who are, you know what's actually really funny? I was trying to do a, like looking at a sketch. And then I was, I typed in like Bud Light, like gay or whatever.

And then last. Yeah, you did. What were you looking for? Just maybe like a. On Pornhub, you know. Just like a chiseled ass dude. Just dude fucking a bud light can you know um yeah you're looking for a dude with a dick that's like i wanted to look like but it's you know it's so funny the one of the things that comes up is last year you know the stonewall inn which is the famous gay uh i actually don't if i'm not familiar no you would though you know about that i actually don't i actually don't, if I'm not familiar. No? You would, though. You know about that? Oh, really?

I actually don't know about that. You do, though. You've never heard of this? I guess tell us, because you're the expert. Anyway, Stonewall Inn is a historic gay bar in New York City. So then last summer, they had a huge boycott of Bud. Why did they boycott? There's a video.

Why were they boycotting Bud? Because, so this is the best this is the best part of this whole story because they get rocked so so last summer i guess some um executives or like uh anheuser-busch donated money to politicians who they deemed to be anti-trans okay so then the stonewall in is like all gays need to boycott bud light gays were already boycotting bud light though apparently they were patriots actually drink bud light i for sure more so but apparently uh there's like a video you can see on youtube of there because it was like a news report and they're all all these gay people out front of the stonewall in pouring out bud light

and uh stella because that's they own that as well, and Natty Light and another one, Amstel or something. So they were boycotting it. So I guess I wonder if this was the course correction to that, which they go, hey, they were boycotting us for donating to these politicians who are anti-trans. We'll just throw them a little bone and be like, here's Dylan Mulvaney, and now they're just like, can't win. Can't fucking win

well I was a new CEO too it was like this girl CEO that was just all that stuff she's the VP of Bud Light I bought into that the whole thing no I mean big position she's the vice president like her I thought it was a new CEO too no no no I don't know maybe they're but no she's the VP of Bud Light

okay which is a big deal maybe she was one of the people that was part of Bud Light. And she actually worked her way to the top and now is finding the judgment day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's so funny because literally last summer, gay people were boycotting Bud Light. And I mean, it worked, I guess. I don't know if this is... The thing is, I don't think they're okay with it because they're just like, you can't give

money to these politicians. What do beer companies give money to politicians for? Lobbying. What are they lobbying for? I don't know. Longer spring break? More wet t-shirt competitions? They're lobbying to relax the rules on wet t-shirt competitions.

Come on, man. That's not white. Call out white that's right yeah they they think the water bill should be lower on wet t-shirt yeah dude you're killing us with these surcharges i i i don't know like i guess that it's all the what's quote unquote anti what everybody says anti-trans but yeah i don't i don't know why they give money to politicians just to grease them you know i guess all big companies give money to but yeah I don't know why they give money to politicians just to grease them you know I guess all big companies

give money to political causes they don't really do it's like you never know when you're gonna need them you know what it could be it could be something as little as like

there's gonna be like an aluminum tariff and they're just like the amount of cans I think a big other part too sure and the other that's a pretty good one

to think of off the top of your head because it is probably something like that but also a big part of it is these big companies they love the idea of like raising regulations on newcomers you know what i mean that's like another people are like oh we're gonna make a beer and they're like yeah first of all we want to hit them with like a two hundred thousand dollar like entry fee or whatever millions i mean that's the thing though it's like the beer industry at that

level is like it's pretty settled make it illegal nobody's coming in what do you mean that's the well i mean the boys have their beer and they're always kind of talking about this stuff it is a hard fucking yeah it's a hard yeah for sure but i think just like all the economies of scale all that stuff but yeah it's stuff like that for sure it's i mean dude if you run a giant fortune 500 company like part of the benefits is you have all these politicians in your back pocket i know and you're just like hey someone else is like we're gonna start a beer and you're like oh that's so crazy they're starting a beer tax but it's like the idea that you go oh my god anheuser-busch is donating to republicans wow they have to do all so crazy

yeah it wasn't crazy to me i'll tell you what is crazy though what this is probably the best thing of the week is how much of a freak the Dalai Lama is Ah dude that was crazy Pretty nuts right I saw that going around and then I didn't give it too much Like thought and then I was like Really no there's no way he was He said that surely someone

The Dalai Lama's Freaking tongue kissing children And he's making them suck the tongue I was thinking he goes You know the Chili Pepper song He's got headphones on he's making him suck the tongue. I think he goes, you know the Chili Peppers song? If he's got headphones on, he's listening to, that's why I said to suck my kiss. Let's roll the tape, ladies.

He's not done, though. You think he's done. You think he's going in for a second. By the way, the most disturbing part of this is how they have to blur the kid's face out because you're like, this is like a sex crime. He's not done, though. He's just warming dolly lamma just warming up now. It's just a little sampler for him How's he doing

What's this guy up to that's fucking yeah, what's this guy up to too many bud lights, yeah. What's this guy up to? Too many Bud Lights. Yeah, that's what happened. The Dalai Lama is fucking dipping into the Bud Lights. Now he's making kids suck his tongue. So I guess he's the head of Buddhism, right? Yeah.

That's the whole deal. And he's almost like, it's almost like an elected position in some ways. Yeah, I don't know how the Dalai Lama works. I know he's not well- Well, I'll tell you one thing

about the Dalai Lama, in addition to the fact that he's a freak. He's probably, he's also probably getting it in with chicks and stuff like that. You know what's not well- Well, I'll tell you one thing about the Dalai Lama in addition to the fact that he's a freak. He's probably, he's also probably getting it in with chicks and stuff like that. You know what I mean?

I don't know if they have some sort of, like monks are very bare bones kind of lives, you know? Okay, so he's- Although he was, that's not his only scandal

because remember the NXIVM documentary? Bare skin on the chicks that he's bringing in. Remember Keith Raniere in the NXIVM documentary? That's what I was just gonna say. Yeah. The Dalai Lama is a freak mo yeah i forgot about the nexium thing yeah he was fucking dalai

lama is you know he was basically this guy they went up to him and they're like there's this guy you know he has this you know spirituality code they go he's like listen i'm very busy they go and apparently he's got all these girls branding himself. He goes, I'm listening. He goes, what about tongue sucking? Is there much tongue sucking? Keith Raniere's like, dude, you're going to fucking love this one. You are going to love this place. There is so much sucking. The Dalai Lama definitely came in there, and he was like, you know,

the crazy thing about my tongue is it's on my dick. You know who Gene Simmons is? People have said I've got a similar tongue to Gene Simmons His tongue sucked is one of the craziest things I've ever seen in my life But there's like a press, like a hole That's the thing Well he just seems, it's either one of two things He's just like so innocent

But even then, like I've never even heard of this Yeah this isn't like, hey give me, give old grandpa I got your nose Give old grandpa like a peck on the cheek and you go okay but he's like a sweet old man he's putting his fingers down these kids throats basically yeah just the crazy thing about buddhism we got to check your gag reflexes you know that it's not the tongue sucking the tongue but the nexium cult thing the fact that

he was with that guy means he's probably with all these other it sounds like anytime a guru starts to pop off he starts poking around being like what do you got going on here what are you trying to intrude on my guru territory

you know what I mean and then he you know most of the gurus are taking the girls for a spin you know what I mean so the Buddhist

he can't take he can't really take the girls for a spin probably as much because there's a lot of like eyeballs on him so he has to just like make all these visits like basically the NXxiom cults of the world are his

epstein's island so and also blame his culture either he can't be like oh we do that yeah because everyone's like no we don't yeah yeah i like i looked and he just was like i'm sorry i thought it was he what do you say it was a joke he's on an apology to her right now but kind of being like my bad yeah but he was like oh it's just I thought it was a joke You know like That's kind of a weird joke Honest Make a nine year old boy

Suck your tongue In front of a hundred people Make him too Make him He's like let's go He goes now you suck the tongue Yeah you suck the tongue You wouldn't want to

You wouldn't want to get kicked out of Buddhism Would you After the kiss on the lips too The whole thing is I've never seen anything like it in my life What does the I honestly I'm with you I didn't believe it at first Yeah does the whole thing is, I've never seen anything like it in my life. What? Does the Dalai Lama? Honestly, I'm with you.

I didn't believe it at first. Yeah, does the Dalai Lama hire? I didn't want to believe it. My Dalai Lama. Yeah. Does he hire, like, PR firm? He hires PR for llamas because they're licking faces so much. Like, but is he like, oh, man, we're in damage control?

Like, he can't be fired. No, he can't be fired, yeah. I don't know who he's appointed by. Buddha? Well, he had another controversy, too, because in 2019, he can't be fired. I don't know who he's appointed by, Buddha? Well, he had another controversy too, because in 2019, he basically said if his successor was a woman, because they were talking about, you know,

getting a woman Dalai Lama in there. Yeah. You know, Dal Shilama. And then he basically said if a female Dalai Lama comes, she should be more attractive. So he said he doesn't, he's like, listen, I'm not, I'm opposed to, I'm not opposed to a female Dalai Lama,

but she's got to be a fucking dime piece. There's going to be no fat chicks, no uggos. She's got a fat ass. She needs a fat ass. Are there chick monks? I think that's how he additions to people. And by the way, that's fair. If there is a female Dalai Lama,

can't be like, the new Dalai Lama. You want a hottie with a body. Buddha was kind of a chunker, though. Well, that's what's what i'm saying though but he's saying the guys are allowed to get chunky but the girls the girls i mean i went i can't remember what country i was in somewhere in asia where i think it was in laos and they like the monks like they come every day to collect food because they're like they live this like life of like just nothing like they just pray and so they come every day with like a little basket and all the townspeople like put food in their basket.

That's how they eat. Yeah. But I'm like, there were no chicks. Okay, so it's just a bunch of dudes. There were no women. Yeah,

I think that there's some. That's like a dude thing to be a monk. It is sort of for the boys. Monk is like, yeah, you just hang out with the boys. And it's the ultimate

for the boys move because you're removing dudes from the banging pool. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're not gay. I mean, some of them might be, but.

There's got to be a couple monks. It's weird. They get to drink alcohol, I'm pretty sure. Oh, are they monks who party? I know the European monks definitely do because they make their own beer. So do they rock out sort of? I think so. Well, a lot of these figures have been getting in on it because the Pope basically did a

speech where he's all about tinder yeah well they're asking about tinder and then the pope goes to express one's sexuality is something rich and then he so he's doing this big speech i mean at the end of the thing his his ideas he's like oh i want people to get married or whatever so but what he doesn't you know realize is that people are like the people on tinder it was like that's not necessarily the end goal here and he basically said he was like uh anything that diminishes true sexual expression diminishes you as well also the pope will be backstage if any also if anybody wants to suck the tongue i hear that's cool now anybody wants to suck the also the pope will be uh at at mo's tavern at 4 p.m. if anyone wants to.

I guess the Pope probably gets fucked up sometimes, because you're drinking wine. Definitely drinking and getting in the wine. Oh, it's crazy. Also, there's probably someone who's seen the Pope not in a good spot. He's like, okay, and here's your daily wine. He's going to have a lot of Christ blood, put it that way.

He's like, woo, I got that Christ blood running through me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, hold my thing while he's puking in a fucking gold toilet. Hold my thing. Also, maybe he's trying to say

he heard the wives aren't putting out and he was like, you know, sexuality's really good. We got to get it out there. And then the other bishops come out.

I also agree that you're going to want to have sex. Hey, Pope, let's hear your thoughts on adult friend finder. Yeah, yeah. Also, Grinder, he's for all of them. J- jade eight he doesn't like yes no not as much he's probably

funny i mean they had to come around with the gay stuff which is so funny that's the most hilarious thing that the pope had to be like also if two guys want to bang yeah i guess yeah we're good with that too yeah i have a kind of live tally of our numbers and not looking good so gays welcome well it's just like one-f one fifth of the world's population. It's another, it's another, uh, that is a,

such a crappy thing though. Because like, if you were like who we're going to get more of, it's not going to be the gay community. Like that's not, it's just like the, uh, in my opinion,

the bad marketing, you're just like, you know, there's all these gays, we can get them to join church. And you're like, I think you're off the market. It's like the Dylan Mulvaney, bud can of religions you know what the only thing is actually

i'll take that back a little bit there's probably some people that the because everyone says like oh church hates gays or whatever yeah that's making them like not want to be religious because they want to stop defending that to people everyone's like oh you're religious they hate gays they want to be like no no no no yeah the middle of the road people. So maybe it's helping keep those people to some degree. But there's a lot of actual people. Well, I don't know. I don't know what the... But I'm saying maybe it's more about that than actually

we think we're going to convert these heathens. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want to keep people for sure. They want the parents who have a gay friend that want to be able to say to that gay friend like, no, no, no, we're good on that whole thing. You should come to the church, actually. Pray that whole thing away you've been doing.

Tell you it works. And maybe you don't even have to do this whole butt sex thing that you've been up to. This delicious lifestyle that you lead. But the most surprising comments came out when young people explained Tinder and said their thoughts on using the app it's normal he said young people have an eagerness to meet each other and that's very good so the popes definitely also went on to say that you know and

hinges for prudes i'm a tinder guy through and through it's almost like a big hookup hookup culture guy yeah it's pretty crazy right i don't know if you've seen um but there's like this lawmaker uh his name is justin pearson and he he got like expelled like black dude that got yeah the two guys in tennessee yeah the two guys in tennessee justin's yeah they're both justin's i believe so yeah just in time to get expelled yeah the the tennessee three i think they're calling them okay but this guy he's sort of like, even the black community has been sort of giving him heat, like Tariq Nasheed and stuff like that,

because basically all these old videos came out and they were just like talks normal, and now he's got like the Jackie Childs accent. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's putting it on a little bit. Well, yeah, but like to the, like a crazy amount, right? I mean, that's just the AOC school of politicking right there. It is a little bit, yeah. They mean, that's just the AOC school of politicking right there. It is a little bit.

Yeah, they watch his speech but he goes, and this is preposterous. Industrious. I mean, there's a photo of him wearing a dashiki. Yeah, yeah. But if they saw him before

and he was like trying to be class president or whatever and he was like, and that's why we'll have hot dog day on Tuesdays and on Thursdays

we're going to make sure that the school dance goes longer than you know people want it now he's like and it's indubitably and the white devil but it's like actually as much as I'm doing it it's like worse you know what I mean he goes he goes and a white man who put black man on a lynch pole and that is the you know I can't do that good of one but that's a lot of words that rhyme that's yeah we're all right a lot of just Malcolm X Jesse Jackson like that stuff I'm trying to think of words that rhyme

that's good for it white devil, preposterous, phosphorus, glowing like the white. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Phosphorus. Phosphorus. Metamorphosis. So he's doing this whole thing, right? And then honestly, so it turned out like basically no one seemed to like it that much. Obviously some people just like.

What was he doing? Well, that's the problem is they were making a mockery of the the state senate is is what i believe was happening well a lot of people were sort of saying this was because they tried to get trump out and then they were like oh two can play that game yeah justin's are gone justin's gone it was a bit of an insurrection beat it justin's beat it justin and he goes i will not beat it but that's a fun voice to do though yeah i'll tell you what another thing uh public service announcement on the topic of asians that we were sort of talking about yeah with the dalai lama so i've sort of said a version of this before but it's like it's honestly i was thinking one of the most things i

think about a lot that it just like drives me in crazy is the extent to which mary yes Yes. You fucking were looking at my phone. These Justins. Yeah. No, so documentaries right now. I got fucking conned again. So I tried to watch the Malaysian plane documentary. And I was kind of like, I'll find out what happens. That's not a documentary. Well, it's a four-parter.

Is it a documentary? See, I put it on and I go, this seems like a reenactment kind of thing. Like this seems like a movie. Oh, no, it's not a movie. Oh, it is a documentary. Yes, I put it on and I go, this seems like a reenactment kind of thing. Like, this seems like a movie. Oh, no, it's not a movie. Oh, it is a documentary. Yes, but it's four parts. Yeah, that's not that good of a story to be a four-parter. I swear to God, I go, I was just like, I'll find out what they think happens.

I'm an hour and a half in. I go, and then I got, I just like, I was like, I kind of still wanted to know what happens in the first place. So I gave it a second try. Now I'm two hours in. And I was like, i've said it before every documentary is an eight hour documentary before you cut it down of course like when i could be 40 hours if you want yes when i when we were doing the tv shows you know every 22 minute episode at some point is 45 minutes and then you have an editor yeah that turns into a 22

minute episode yeah and it's like, you know, reality shows, they probably have two hours of footage. You go and it's a 22 minute episode. You know, the funny thing is, is that it's like on YouTube, that story should be whatever for two hour things. Cause it's on YouTube,

but there's probably an eight minute video on YouTube that tells you everything that happened. All I need, but that exists on YouTube. I'm giving them an hour. I'm like, yo, people are getting very greedy with your time. You go, someone goes, I have a story to tell. And you go, I have an hour to listen to that.

And they go, well, crazy, but we can only tell that in four hours. And you go, what's the story? You go, this is what we think happened. It was like legitimately, it's like any of your friends. You ever had a fucking chick be like, oh, can I tell you this story? And it's like just going on and on and on. And the whole point was like, this guy's a dick. And you go like, yeah, every one of them ever.

So you go, that didn't need to be 45 minutes. You know what I mean? It's like, I'll tell you, it is possible that like these female storytellers. But like Netflix, they tell stories like a fucking annoying girlfriend. Yeah. They give you everything but the information until the last episode until you've got to be six hours deep

in one of these puppies to find out what happened. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. I swear to God, it was driving me fucking nuts, buddy. Yeah, I didn't watch it. I saw it. I thought it was not a documentary, though. I saw it and for whatever reason, it made me look. No, it was on the Malaysian

that would be up there do you know what happened no I didn't finish it all that they just show the same footage and they cut back to the same like

useless people over and over and over again with their theories or whatever I thought the Russians shot it down we don't know I never got to the end for them to even tell me

what they think happened this is what the first 45 minutes was there was this guy and basically he thinks what happened was the terrorist attack, and they go into his whole thing, and then the next episode

basically starts with them being like, yeah, and that was proven wrong. So the next guy, what he thinks is, I go, are you kidding me right now? That's why I watch sports. I'm done with these, I'll tell you that. I'm done with a four-hour documentary. None of that in sports.

I thought that was the NXIVM thing, too. It was a bit much. The NXIVM thing was insanely long. This is a two-hour talk. It was an four-hour documentary. None of that in sports. I thought that was the NXIVM thing, too. The NXIVM thing was insanely long. It was a two-hour talk. It was an 18-hour documentary. I'm fed up with it. Boys, got to tell you for a quick second about Factor Meals. Factor Meals.

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Two cops are also facing the boot. So, we got a bit of a copycat killer on our hands here. I like Internal Affairs. We call her Megan Hall Pass, too. Hey, man. I mean, I guess... It's Megan Hall and I. I guess there's just so much testosterone

at a police station or something. That's possible, but I really think that they get inspired, man. People saw her riding that bull, and they're like, I gotta be frigging there. You think there was... Also a petty move of the husband

to pass the messages on to the boss. Yeah. Excuse me. Well, yeah, he's... Nothing wrong with that the messages on to the boss. Yeah. Excuse me. Well, yeah, he's... Nothing wrong with that. He wants to scorch the earth. Why not? Yeah, he got fucked over.

But it's interesting because they have the sex that they posted here. I don't know. Pretty rough. The sex made it into the press. I'm not exactly sure how. I think the husband's getting them out there. And you're fucking 40 years old and your sex are making it out into the news. You do not want that.

No one looks good on a sext. I've never really been a big sexter. In fact, I've been in trouble for not being a good sexter. Been in the dog house, so to speak. All you get from me is the devil emoji. Oh, that's not bad, though, actually. Devil emoji's not bad. So you've got to give them, like, Danny's going to be a bad boy.

Yeah, and then devil emoji, and that's it. That's the extent of it. You get nothing else from me. Yeah, I'm planning to be a bad boy. I'm coasting to the next. Do you say I'm the fancy devil or the simple devil? The purple one. The purple one.

There's a fancier one than that. Yeah, not the red one. That's like the African mask kind of thing. That's what I'm thinking. No, no, no, that one's... That one's if I if i'm gonna boil you i remember an ex-girlfriend getting uh pretty mad with she was sending me nudes and i was just and i asked her what she wanted for lunch because yeah you know it wasn't even a thumbs up i just ignored them and then kept asking i was like i was driving home and i was supposed to be picking up food and then she's sending nudes

and i was like okay but what do you want for the food or whatever like can we keep on track here and then she was like really and she's like actually and i was like oh okay, but what do you want for the food or whatever? Like, can we keep on track here? And then she was like, really? And she's like, actually. And I was like, oh, you're actually mad. And she was like, oh, I sent you nude photos. You're like, I've seen it all before. I've seen it all before. But more importantly, it's like, yes, we're doing something right now. I'm in fucking line at Costco.

Yeah, and knowing you driving, too, you're probably just like driving, getting nudes and like all this. You're like, this is a danger to the public. I just wasn't in the mood for it. But you are. But it's a lot of times, too, when you get them, you go, what are you up to? Yes, I'm not a big sexist guy, too. And I've always, especially the last little while, where like probably the last eight years, especially being like a public person or whatever, I'm specifically like, this could be in the New York Times kind of thing.

Specifically this. I could be having my sex being read by two fucking jerk-offs on a podcast. Mine will just be the devil. The devil emoji and be like, he's a bit of a devil.

He's a bit of a devil, boy. He's a bit of a devil. So I think this is a big, this thing's taken off. The cops, basically, what we're finding out is all, every female cop

is a thirsty, thirsty gal. Yeah. And she's the operator too, right? So she's kind of like, we got a murder here on 4th and 4th Street. Also, what are you wearing? Also, what do you want me to do to you later?

Hey, is this Department 434? We on 4th Street. We have a double homicide happening. Also, the two of you are looking real good in those pants tonight. The things I will do to you. Also, are you smuggling some hams in there? Looks like you are.

Also, that's a nice plantain in your pants. Love to see it make the back of my throat. Gag me, daddy. Over. Of course, I can't wait for one more time to open up so I can fill us in it. Oh, I don't know what that means. Oh, I think it means the schedule. Yes, baby. I can't wait for one more time to open up so I can fill us in it. Oh, I don't know what that means. Oh, I think it means his schedule. Yes, baby.

I can't wait. And then I can lay on you and kiss you all over. And then she goes like all over. And then the guy goes, duh, duh, does not great. The one where I go, I feel so hot and sexy when I'm in you. I feel so hot and sexy. These are married guy fucking trying to get back on the sexy pool. And then I can lay and then kiss you all over.

And then she goes, like, all over? It's not really sexting. They're more like acting like they're doing baby talk is what it kind of feels like. Well, it's like. Duh. Would you ever say that? Would you ever do duh in the bedroom? Duh.

She goes, Daddy, are you going to freaking give it to me? And you go, duh. Duh's tough. Duh is not good She goes Yeah I like your dick You go Duh

Duh Duh Uh yeah I can't wait for us To be naked And caressing each other All over And then kissing each other

All over Fuck yes Fuck yes is That's more run of the mill I feel like that's Run of the mill Like hell yeah you want a little you want a little potty talk fucking right a little potty mouth in the sex talk oh fuck yes oh yes please yes yeah yes yeah say that they go and then i can't wait for you to come over and split me open. You go, yes. The guy says, yes. Yes,

queen. He goes, uh, lost the old lady boner on that one. How about giving okie dokies? I bet you're you

giving an okie dokie during sex. She goes, flip me over. You go, okie dokie. Okie dokie, smokey.

What did you just say? And I'm like, what? What did you say? What did you say? What did you say? Okie dokie. I know what I actually picture you saying, like Danny likey and stuff like that. Like baby talk?

I picture you doing stuff like that. You go, Danny likey. Danny likey. That's what I picture you got your shirt on still. I'm totally silent. Not even breathing. I don't say anything. I just hold my breath and wait until I get to the other side.

Totally silence tough, too. Yeah. Mainly the main, the life hack is just to swear. Like, you basically act like a Tourette's patient. You go, fuck, shit. Yeah. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!

that's the life hack for sex talk is you make you act like a Tourette's fish yeah I mean Bob's is not bad too though thinking of my daddy and his kisses good god thinking of my daddy and his kisses yeah you got a lot of kisses coming to you yeah you got so many fucking smooches coming you know i'm gonna smooch the hell out of you oh my god the amount of smooches that are about to come your way yeah yeah so this is not great no yeah that's a very no that's a little uh that's a little a guy had a typo on you when he said i feel so hot and sexy when i'm in you he goes why why i you yeah but also the guy said i feel so hot and sexy when i'm in you that's i feel so hot and sexy when that's the thing a guy said yeah inside of you

i know but he's like i don't know oh the guy saying i feel so hot and sexy i don't know yeah i didn't even i don't know why that didn't cross my mind but you're right what a guy saying like oh you make me feel like a real man you're right you make me feel so sexy when we're having penetrative sex oh i feel so sexy fuck yeah you do i can feel it all of it and i love it so it's not great awful yeah very bad. Very bad stuff. However, we got another man who did the best wedding of all time. So I got sent this by a lot of people. Yeah, this guy's crazy. It's pretty good stuff, though. But like the amount of controversy it caused.

But I'm actually probably of a different mind. So basically this guy does this wedding speech, right? And it's like the ultimate white trash thing you've ever seen, right? And his mom's officiating the wedding. And this guy's just like total small town trash. Yeah, like somewhere in Central Florida. And he's like, his vows, he goes, I'm going to freaking give it to you. Yeah, I do solemnly swear to fill up that box eight times a week.

But doing this with your family present is a rough stuff gross you're screwed you're screwed he says only two things are required to keep me happy keep my belly full and my balls empty well you're amazing at half of it we really need to get you some cooking lessons oh he doesn't have a good. Even when my belly isn't full, there is no one I could ever love more in this lifetime unless I actually get a chance to meet Margot Robbie. This guy did the opposite

of what the wedding crash's advice was. Even unless I meet Margot Robbie. It's so funny because we were, we had the article a couple weeks ago giving the shit for the AI vow writing where you're like, AI vow writing. AI would have crushed it. Would not have been referencing balls.

This dude's doing this in front of his mom. Since the beginning, I was always told life gets even better when the kids fall asleep when you tell me to come to the bedroom. Also, they got kids, which is an extra trashy wedding. Whatever, you got the two kids at the wedding. Nothing's better than the sound of gagging and headboard slamming. Michael.

P.S. Since you're so good at making decisions like Mary and me, you can choose whether tonight's going to end with being a toaster strudel or a Twinkie. That is insane. Michael. Toaster strudel or a Twinkie. His mom goes, oh. Being that I am his mom, I will deal with him later. Yo, that's crazy.

And the guy got exposed by the fucking wedding photographer. Oh, really? That's who exposed him? Uh-huh. Wedding photographer. I thought the wife posted it. No, the wedding photographer guy. No, the wife's sort of been saying, like, no, that is oh that's fine yeah kind of wedding because it went like crazy viral yeah

wedding photographers shouldn't have probably done yeah it seems like a kind of not a good thing yeah you i wouldn't want to hire that guy yeah you're like hey uh if there's ever a hot mic or something and you kind of say something stupid don't worry i'll be posting so we agree on that part that the wedding photographer shouldn't have posted this, but we're happy he did. Yeah. But, like, that is, like, there is a, I do know couples that, like, they're like that. You know what I mean? Sure. It is possible that that's, like, fine in their world,

but it is just, like, complete trash. Yeah, the chick is for sure fine with it, but, yeah, that is, like, next level trash right there. Next level trash to say you're going to turn into a fucking Twinkie in front of your mom. You're going to be, tonight you're going to be a toaster strudel or a Twinkie. And you know that I'm like I'm, in the trash wedding department

I'm no stranger. So my dad got married at the Leafs game. And we all had to wear Leafs jerseys. That's the shit. And then probably my favorite, like my, well my mom's either, my mom, and then my mom and my stepdad's wedding. Were the women wearing like pink Leafs jerseys and the guys wearing like, or is this home in a way?

I think. And then the officiant was wearing the alternate jersey. The third jersey for the priest. No, he's wearing the referee jersey. Then he goes, okay, you may now drop the puck. The wedding photos is just like your mom and your dad with like the sticks at center ice. Just have their sticks on the ice. They do the three, like one, two, three.

I can't wait to spend the rest of my life in the penalty box. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life in the penalty box with you every night is free pizza pizza when it's with you I had the Leafs game they used to give free pizzas when they won but that's it

that's basically what it was alright guys the rules of the wedding there's going to be no cross checking no dirty stuff okay we just want to keep it respectable be gentlemen gentlemen women as well yeah and that's so that was the trash wedding but still though and we there was some dirty jokes when i officiated my mom's wedding and but still just like this level is like in front of your mom is absolute yeah and also the were the dirty jokes from you and you're like brothers and stuff yeah they from they were from your mom and the group my mom came up and she was like listen we're getting married and you guys know what that means do not come over tonight

if this penalty box is a rocking do not come a knocking let's just say there's gonna be a few minutes for i sticking let's just and it called the sin bin for nothing sin bin that was the other wedding my dad's my dad's was the leaf game my mom's was my mom's was in like a legion hall and i was officiating but the lead the legion hall wedding um my my uncle, at the end of the night, they were trying to get him in a car to take him home. And he's bald and he's got a Hulk Hogan-style bandana on the head, right? So he's got like a white do-rag on top of his bald head with long hair. And then they were trying to get him in the car and they were getting into a fight

because he was trying to grab some of the open bar as travelers. And they were like, no, you can't bring beers into our car or whatever whoever was driving him home back to toronto too this isn't fucking you know um the sticks yeah yeah so and then basically it was like legitimately like some words were exchanged because they didn't want him to grab the travelers from the open bar see i don't i never understand why guys like that don't aren't just like have a flask. Those are flask people. The flask isn't free, Daniel. I know, but you can fill it up at the open bar.

I guess he could have asked, well, but you can't go to the bar and be like, put it in the flask. We're not allowed to do this. Generally, open bar, you just grease the person. He didn't want to grease the person. He goes, it's an open bar. All of your options involve him paying money

and the whole thing was he didn't want to pay money He wanted some travelers for the ride home That was the kind of commotion that was going on at these weddings The Leafs wedding was more of a classy event Than that though But this guy Yeah the girls kind of come out and been like No no it's fine but like what's she going to say at that point

You know they're getting married I mean yeah I guess she probably didn't know about that. I do know some people like that. Even though you think of the kind of like SoCal Long Beach skateboarder trash, like her surfer trash, she kind of has that vibe. I mean, this is Florida trash. No, it's a different. I know it's not that trash, but I'm saying I don't actually know a lot of Florida trash.

I know some SoCal trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'd be like that. I wonder what her vows were like. They were probably something not crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they'd be like that. I wonder what her vows were like. They were probably something not crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But. Like nothing disgusting sexual.

Nothing like, I'm going to suck you dry. I promise to suck you dry, so dry that you'll never be able to produce any semen ever again. That is a vow that I make, and her dad's there like, Cassandra! Cassandra! Oh, God! Cassandra! I vow to be used like a human pincushion.

Oh, come on! Cassandra! They probably, like, released a dove, and then someone shot it out of the sky. Eating good tonight! They're trying to do a thing right now now saying that girls have blue balls, basically. Yeah. It's really, this is pushing it, right?

Yeah, that's true. I know. So basically what they're saying is blue vulva is just as real and awful as blue balls doctors reveal. And it was just like, no, it's not true. No. This is the kind of propaganda. You know those chicks who are trying to say that blue balls doesn't even exist it's weird because i was i saw some things like maybe a month ago for sure but i saw something like a month ago where some chicks were being like blue balls don't exist

and then now they're like actually women also have yeah yeah oh fine we couldn't convince you it doesn't exist well it exists and we have and we have it and it's just as bad if it's like well how would that be the case because there's nothing the whole thing with blue balls is like the fucking the seam goes down and then it gets stuck and it's got to fucking scoot back up there all right boys retreat retreat retreat and then that's the boys going through your tubes being like all right boys back and they're backing it up all right excuse me excuse me pardon me yeah it's a it's a one-way Pardon me. Yeah, it's a one-way, too. Back to home, eh? It's a one-way tunnel.

So you know what it is? It's the Austin Powers in the tunnel. Exactly. They're all getting stuck. They're all getting stuck. All right, back on. You're like, ah, what's going on down there? And they're like, all right, boys, back it up.

Okay, come on. Excuse me. Pardon me. Yeah. That's what's going on in your tubes. But there's nothing stuffed that girls have. So what are they talking about? I don't know.

Blue balls are believed to only plague men, but a doctor is claiming women can suffer from the same physical sensation dubbed blue vulva urologist and pelvic surgeon dr rinna malik no it's like it's honestly it seems like these days anyone could just pitch anything yeah but these are scientists who are claiming this says when they're aroused but don't achieve a climax it's like okay well then girls would have it all the time yeah exactly you're like we would hear about this non-stop we would not be hearing about this for the first time in 2023 no it's a total crock chicks yeah blue balls has embedded pop culture for several decades and the maryland physician says in her video which has

scored nearly 150 000 views despite there's little medical literature on the topic so it's like she this girl's making it because it's made up exactly yeah i mean she's she's the first person to propose this well the propaganda department these days is freaking heavy i'll tell you that well it's working overtime there's a pretty funny though that propaganda so there's like um so i don't know if you saw elon Elon Musk did like a big, do you see this today? With the spaces last night? Yeah.

The BBC guy? Pretty crazy kind of actually because the guy like basically just like wasn't prepared. He did this full interview with Elon Musk and he basically was like hate speeches up on the profile and he goes, what do you mean by hate speech? He's like, I don't know. There's stuff that's slightly sexist. And the guy goes, so do you think slightly sexist stuff should be banned? And they go, no.

He goes, no, it's just my experience or whatever whatever and he goes so what do you have any examples and he's like none that i can think of but he goes so you don't even have one example of how hate speech is up i would be shaken if i was that guy i mean but also if i was that guy though if you're interviewing elon musk you're a fucking journalist you're fumbling and bumbling the problem is like the bar for journalism is just like it's not, like, it's different because you think you're like, you're a journalist. Come prepare. You have an interview with Elon Musk.

You'd think you'd be like, every angle is covered. But you're like, any claim that you're putting forth, like, you don't think like, hey, I need something to back this up. Like, I'm a journalist. Like, that's what a journalist would do. I think they think that they have, I think that, I think that's a product of like, we have the, like, we're the good guys, so we don't need to like, prove our things. But it's like, I think that that's, this is kind of where you like that's a product of like we we have the like we're the good guys so we don't need to like prove our things but it's like i think that that's this is kind of where you like hit a bit of a wall or whatever and he's like what are you doing but it was like

pretty funny you know what i mean but stupid well what someone said something that was like pretty true is like because he was like let's just move on he kept trying to move on but it was like it kind of did like it did sum up like kind of what happens a lot of times they go this person should be like in trouble for saying this and they go he didn't say it and you go okay well what about this you go no no admit that you were wrong about that one they go no no let's just move on let's just move on like no yeah it was like what about that guy that you got like fired and you're just admitting you're wrong it's like they won't admit that they're wrong so it is kind of like a analogy for a lot of times this does happen it was like so are you wrong about that one it's like i just want to move on yeah so fucking sounds like a lot

of relationships or like even little things being like so like you admit that like you know kind of all this stuff that you guys kind of got wrong about the covet stuff it's like we're on to the next thing now just stop living in the past and i was like no it's literally an argument with your girlfriend i've i've had a million times with girls where i'm like i'd like you to admit yeah because this is going to be material to a later part of this conversation I've had a million times with girls where I'm like I'd like you to admit that you were incorrect about that because this is going to be material to a later part of this conversation the fact that in the past

you have made errors I try to demand my apologies but they're important it's like not apologies but you have to like it's like a trial it's like you're a lawyer

you're representing yourself and you're like this needs to be in the court record I represent myself in the third too i go my client yeah but you're like this is good and you go what does this matter you go let me get to it this is gonna matter later it will be what's the relevant judge goes relevance you go your honor just let me proceed this will be relevant in the future i promise you yeah and then you bring a point up later you go see yeah the next time there's South Park style Trying to just lock everything down immediately

You know what I mean Well relevance to when before You go well we never really admitted that we were wrong before Sustained But It wasn't kind of a bit of that I feel like I go back and forth with Elon Musk

Of being pretty cool pretty gay We did the thing where Basically I go back and forth with Elon Musk of being pretty cool, pretty gay. We did the thing where basically his landlord had something in their building where they basically said that on Twitter, they have the big Twitter thing, and they were going to take it down, and he was like, you're not allowed to make modifications to the building or something like that. So then he painted out the W to turn it into titter, and he's been posting that everywhere being pretty sweet.

Pretty sick, huh, boys? Well, he's doing a lot of stuff that was um he like before he bought twitter he took all these polls and so he's like he's kind of honoring them all the one of the polls like do people like funny stuff no literally one of them was should i buy it and call it titter and the poll was like yes so he goes i wasn't loving it and then like the doge the doge one was he changed i don't know if you saw that for a few days that he replaced i saw that the bird with the dog saw that one yeah the funniest part is he replaces the bird with the dog and then dogecoin went up 30 and then he removed it and just crashed again well that's your whole business model with doge is hopefully he pushes it yeah he goes please but the probably another one that kind of relates to the first one is that um basically just it goes companies executives slam elon musk in emails

and there's all these executives that it leaked this all their correspondents saying that they think what he's doing is kind of racist but it was like they all read like press statements that they released yeah it reads like a guy like oh no my email's leaked about how beautiful my wife is oh there is is there not any privacy in this country george glooney's email leaks of how his beautiful wife and he does not condemn any other actors that cheat it's like oh no oh it really reeks of that and this the emails are saying things like you know we just think that hate speech is not good and we think that marginalized people should be looked after it's like oh no it got leaked

the thing is like nobody thinks besides like you know a very very tiny nominal amount of people that hate speech is good it's just nobody agrees what it is exactly right but you're like if people be this hot take you're like oh we think hate speech is bad right so does elon musk he doesn't agree with the your definition of what it is yeah but yeah basically uh there's just funny it was like this big sermon. And to me, it was just like it got leaked. And it was like, it's not a scandal. So it's like you leaked a thing that, in your opinion, makes you look good if you have those opinions. It's one thing if it was leaked from Kid Rock.

But if it's like a Silicon Valley executive leaked that they're against hate speech, like, oh, no. He's walking through the halls high-fiving people at the freaking office his fucking tech office yeah well that was the guy who got fired right and then he rehired him or something that was the the leaked thing i i don't think that's who leaked it no okay no but um more importantly so obviously you know with the Bud Light and the internet is mostly trans topics, right? And a lot of people have been saying that, you know, you should... It really is dominating the news cycle. It's dominating the news cycle.

Part of me sometimes thinks, I'm like, is it me? Like, is it... Like, I have to actually sometimes take a step back and go like... Do you ever look in the mirror and watch the news and then you look in the mirror and you go, maybe it's me. No, but sometimes I'll be like, is this just all the people I follow are amplifying this? No, it's everywhere. And that normal people are like, what are you talking about?

And then I'll have to go. I'll go to these sites I'll never go to. No, it's on everything. Yeah. But, you know, so this is one of those things where you go, people probably shouldn't trans their kids. I think probably most normal people agree with that. However, the only thing I'll tell you.

I don't agree with that, by the way. That's fucked up, right? Yeah, it's fucking messed up, though. You want to say the argument can be made that there's people doing a lot worse than transing your kids. Right now, there's a mother out there. There's mothers out there starting TikTok channels where they come to their kids' schools and make TikTok videos yelling at them, hey, it's your mother. Don't forget to give your mother a kiss. Come on. I love you. This mother. And there's multiple of them. And I go, at that point, I go, who's going to be more messed up,

this kid or the kid you cut his dick off? I think I'd rather have my dick cut off because you're basically metaphorically cutting his dick off. I'll say this. That mother better be the cool mom, period. Because she's trying to be like, oh mother better be the cool mom period because she's trying to be like oh i'm the cool wacky mom you're like you better be fucking all the friends get to come over when they're 14 drink every week no drinking when they're 14 like that cool mom yeah you go i'd rather you be not pizza parties drinking yeah no you're right remember the one parent who was like i'd rather you be drinking here than out there yeah and then hey listen i don't rather you be sucking my tongue than the Dalai Lama.

Yeah, exactly, right? So she better fucking keep that up because this nonsense where she's just like. Keep that energy up is what you said. Yeah, exactly. For the whole thing. Because she goes. So basically this kid's mom. This is, you know, like I'll just read one thing what she does.

So she goes, as the two two pull up there's a video And they pull up in front of his school She turns and says I love you Well aware of what's about to happen He pulls over and then she goes The kid goes mom not in front of the school He begs his mother After exiting the car and heading into the school

Erin takes out the microphone That she has in her car She takes out the microphone and yells Ashton don't forget how much i love you i've loved you since the day i pushed you out of my hoo-ha this is what she's doing right out of the right out of the hoo-ha huh so and you know what the worst part about this i think is that you and we don't see it is when uh she goes i push you out of my hoo-ha and she goes ah it's not recording hey come back get in the. We got to do this again. We got another take of this.

He goes, mom, I'm getting late for school. She goes, I don't give a shit. I got to make content. I'm a content creator back in the car. You want to eat tonight? This is our business. You're like, you make money off of TikTok? It's like, no.

Your dad makes money. I hope to one day. It really is. Hey, listen. Call me old-fashioned, but when I was growing up, the influencers made videos waking up their parents. Yes. You did something like throwing a horse head into your parents' bed

or painting their car into the slut mobile. Now mom's turning her own car into the slut mobile and showing up to your school. Ah, how the tables have turned. This is literally... A win for the parents. It's literally the complete opposite. Where instead of the TV show being Bam Margera waking up his fucking dad,

now you got the teacher, the parents coming, waking up their kid in the middle of the night, putting the horse head in his thing, turning their car into the slutmobile, showing up to their school covered in tape. She's covered in, she's showing up like covered in tape. Like, I'm the tape mom, I'm the tape mom, I'm the tape mom, I'm the tape mom. Just dropping the glasses.

How many even. The backwards mom, I'm the backwards mom, I'm the backwards mom. I'm the backwards mom. Trying to drive her car. How many, how many subscribers do you have? She's driving her car backwards into the school. She goes, I'm the backwards mom, I'm the backwards mom. 590,000 followers.

I know. This is a hell worse. This is the worst hell imaginable for me. I would much rather my mom put makeup on me and make me pee sitting down, given the choice. I go, mom, I'll pee sitting down if you don't do this.

Here's the thing. I don't get, what's the end game here? Just to be like an influencer and then just sell ads? She caught the bug. Yeah. She caught the influencer bug. And she's going to make, make god damn it you know how many

uh how many people right now like in custody courts are getting uh like things that they're not allowed to put their kids in their videos like that's a big topic right now and a lot of especially in like los angeles in place where every single person is an influencer now you go you run a friggin weed whacking company and you got to make fucking you know videos about your families you know you got to be like a family vlogger to run a pesticide operation. Yeah, for sure. It's funny because it used to be like, and not even that big of an issue

where you had some business and you're like, yeah, my 10-year-old works at, I mean, you see it in New York actually a lot, like a bodega. My bodega right by my house. Well, it really is. The last place was legitimately they have a 10-year-old working there.

It was the people making their kids work for the family business, but the family business is mom showing up your work with a fucking megaphone. Yeah, well, she goes, you know, our family business is marketing, and this is part of it. And you go, yeah. You will work for this family. It's like, what does that mean?

Well, it means that I'm going to be wearing a leather outfit, and I'm going to be showing up to your classroom, and I'm going to be purring like a cat and then you're gonna act embarrassed she's like well i am embarrassed good keep that energy take your kids to work day she goes well we're going to your school oddly enough i kind of do most of my working at your school so sucks for you but all right mom let's take your kids to work day or what's the one where like you're where uh what's it called when you're like your parent comes in to explain what their job is

oh yeah the mom comes in she has her ring light like no she has her megaphone she's yelling at everyone in the class she goes What's going on She goes This is actually what I do I love you I love you I love you Right out of my hoo-ha

This kid Came out of my hoo-ha Thank you all for watching The kids were like Well this is what I do That's like For work I think almost guaranteed

If your mom's like that To get your kid To just become an accountant. That's a good one. That kid is going to just be like... He's going to be the most straight arrow. He's going to be like a fucking CPA. Just buy the books. None of this nonsense.

That kid looks at that megaphone and shudders every night. He's going to design a better megaphone. He's going to be an engineer or something. That is one of those things where you're... There's a good chance that kid has just this wild therapy bill of just like, yeah, well, my mom

had videos about her hoo-ha that she forced me to participate in. She'd yell at me. What did she yell at you? She would yell about her genitals in front of the other school kids. And then, you know, Aaron addressed the negative and concerned comments from users who feared her son's well-being.

So a lot of people aren't loving this. Sure. There's a lot of these influencers that get their kids taken away and stuff like that. You know, like, do you know how, like, Jimmy Kimmel used to do the, like, parents taking their candies or whatever? Yeah. There was, like, parents that have, like, full channels of, like, pranking their kids. For sure. And it was, like, literally the kids come home and it was like literally the kids come home it's like guess what like we're getting divorced and there's like the

kids start crying and they're like just kidding and it was like daily yeah just like literal torment of a fucking child torturing their kids hopefully those kids can get their own tiktok channel and then like uh at the very least if i even if i had a bunch of kids what i would do is have an army of kids that would also have earpieces. And I would send them out in practical Joker style into the world to do Andy Milonakis pranks. Yeah. That would be the modern day equivalent of like if you ever see in New York or other cities where there'll be a family with a lot of kids. So they'll send just like begging or selling Oreos or something.

85 channels. Yeah. This is just hay. Hi. We're hoping we're doing. Hi, we're hoping, we're doing a drive and we're hoping for you to subscribe to our mothers,

OnlyFans. And then she says, Ashton loves every minute of it and is bummed when I don't embarrass him. He genuinely loves to make people laugh the most. I'm sure the kid loves you coming and talking about the hoo-ha.

It's one of two options. You got this kid so brainwashed, his frigging mind's blown. Or option two, no, he doesn't hate it, but he knows he's not eaten tonight if he doesn't tell you how great it is that you talk about your hoo-ha

in front of all his friends. I wonder if he has it. It's torture. It's a fate worse than death. Oh, God. People love seeing the relationship. I think it makes people smile. She goes,

it actually makes him not the target of bullying and it makes him more popular with his classmates so again we're gonna highly doubt that yeah i mean there is one weird thing where you're like in high school and you're like yeah my mom has 600 000 followers on tiktok for like a like probably a 13 year old's probably like whoa you think so they're probably like yeah your mom's famous on tiktok i'm sure there's a lot of fucking 16 year olds that's probably i know i think so I'm sure there's a lot of fucking 16-year-olds with 600,000 these days. I know.

I think so, too. There probably is a lot of that. Dude, if I was a- Probably like some kid comes over and he's like, oh, you want to see Timmy? He goes, no, I was hoping we could collab on some content with the mom. Mom, can I get a shout out? Yeah. Yeah, mom, my friends all wonder if they could get a shout out for their YouTube channel. Shout out for shout out. Shout get a shout out. Yeah. Yeah. Mom, my friends all wonder if they could shout out for their YouTube channel.

Shout out for shout out. Shout out for shout out. The mother parents call. What's this I hear about you shouting on our kids? Dude, I've always think though, if we had like TikTok and stuff like that, the way that people do now when I was in high school,

I would be dead right now. At the very least, I'd be in a body cast. Cause like the shit that i would have you know i would have done every like jumping off a fucking roof onto you know into a poop i would have been diving into a you know like a cup of water from the top of the household the shit that we were doing like and this is when we had to you know get a huge cam cord or film little bits of it bring it back to our tv and we only had like 10 minutes of footage

or whatever all that stuff if we were like direct-to-air with everything we were filming I would be you know live-streaming from jail right now yeah I'd be running the boys cast from jail the con and then I wouldn't be here and it'd be the boys cast or the vice versa the vice versa the opposite have you doing the glories the Goy's cast from jail? The Goy's cast from jail. Yeah. We don't like that. I would have done,

I would have had some very questionable things that, I mean, I guess, I wonder like the kids know that they go, well, none of this shit goes away or do they just make shit anyways? And they go, hopefully it doesn't bite me in the ass. Maybe it's becoming a little more normalized. Like the amount of athletes.

That's your wacky mom, but it's like, it's a fucking, that's a fate worse than death. athletes That's your wacky mom But it's like It's a fucking That's a fate worse than death Because there's so many athletes Who got caught in like the In between social media Where they get drafted

And then their Twitter From when they were like 12 years old Tons Is like rap lyrics But it's the N word a bunch of times Yeah so many And you're like Oh you're not allowed to do that

And they're like I didn't fucking know I was 12 A lot of people get caught With the rap lyric N word Yeah That's a tough one. I'm going to take another quick second here to tell the fellas about Fitbod. Yeah.

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The hammies. Oh. Some lunges. Getting in there. What's your favorite thing about FitBot? I like all the different exercises. I like how it switches up. You get a nice variety.

That is a benefit. Yeah, yeah. I like, because sometimes you just get stale. You know, you do the same thing. You go, it's time to switch it up. And then you're like, oh, you got to go sit down and plan out a whole new exercise routine and stuff. Yeah. And this is just like bingo, bingo.

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You know what else is a tough one on the other side of this spectrum mom's disappointed with her baby daughter that looks more like her husband than her and she basically so uh what happens is she basically is the the two of them had a kid and the mom uh the kid looks more like the dad and then she's like really unhappy about it and then she's this guy wrote uh he basically wrote in like asking for advice because his wife's constantly berating him because he's not happy that the girl looks like him fuck up him and the kid oh the guy finally snapped on her yeah nearly every day in my daughter's 21 days on this earth my wife has made a comment to the baby girl how she's so sad she got daddy's

features some of the things as the wife says don't worry i'll get you a nose job as soon as you're old enough i wish you had gotten more of my features my family is beautiful and all the women are timeless your dad's family not so much but like so the dad essentially has written a letter to fucking get advice because he's just like totally fed up. He goes, hey, every day we show someone the baby. The mom goes, yeah, unfortunately, he looks like his grotesque dad's family. Disgusting. This baby's disgusting.

The dad's disgusting. I wish I could have just. Look at you little baby. Look at this. Look at this ugly little fucking bitch that's got her dad's features. I guess she got her dad's features. Got her dad's giant hook nose yeah so she's like really not happy about she's not a happy camper right but it's just so funny the mom using the

baby to roast you and this guy that is like it also sort of explains the dynamic too because i guess she's saying the guy's ugly yeah and she's saying she considers herself a hottie so this guy's already been you know in the dog house a little bit on that front probably you know the guy's like can't say it but he's like i'm way more attractive than you he just can't say it he's like oh yeah the dad's like yeah well you just pumped out your third kid you're not looking that that's what i you have to fight fire with fire be like you know but you got your dad's nose which we're not happy about she goes but on the good nose it means you probably won't be getting as fat as some of the other people in the family. Yeah, you won't be getting your mom's fupa.

But on top of that, you hopefully have your dad's personality because your mama, as you know, some people don't love having her around. Bit of a handful. But that's the problem. You know the moment he just takes the one shot, she has a full meltdown.

That's exactly what it is. Yeah, this is a crazy person you're dealing with. You know how we've been talking about the long covid yeah so basically the white house said on april 10th that they've terminated the national emergency to covid so that just happened and that crazy i know but i was like i guess i just thought it was already over so it is kind of crazy to be like now after and now i mean dude fucking you still can't get into america if you're unvaccinated on may 10th i believe is the date that you can enter america maybe it's april 10th but i'm pretty sure it's may 10th because novak jokovic still cannot play tennis in uh it's crazy

unless it's april 10th but either way it's it's yeah like they're they're not letting you're like we know that it doesn't really work that well like like a couple of years now. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Like at least to the point where it's not a risk to let anybody in. I just can't believe it because I thought it was over a month ago or like months ago. The best is there's all these people who are having meltdowns. That is why I brought it up. The long COVIDers.

The Taylor Lorenzes of the world. Oh, so it's almost like this is a magnet for crazy people because I don't know a single person in my normal life other than one comedian that we're not really friends with, but he's fairly famous and still hasn't left his house. I don't know one single person that mentions COVID anymore. Do you? Taylor Lorenz.

A good buddy of yours? A good buddy of mine. No, personally? Yeah. So when I see something like this, to know that's happening, that those people are out in the world is like kind of jarring.

Where it's like 10,000 comments and being like, well, then I guess I'll die. Yeah, there is someone I follow who, I don't know why I follow her, but she calls herself a comedian. But I've never heard of or seen her do comedy. And she posts nonstop about her whole thing is because she has she has like I want to say lupus maybe.

So she's like immunocompromised. And then all she tweets about is like every like it's so crazy because basically she's saying everybody needs to wear a mask. We need to be going back to like three years ago. In what world is that happening? Because she's like, I want to be able to live my life. And you're just like, I mean, it sucks if that's the case where this is true that you can't live your life, but you just can't expect that. You can though, yeah.

of you can though yeah well unless you're like but again anyone who's like yo my body is such a brutally crappy body that if i get like covid i'm dead it's like guess what all the other things are gonna kill you too yeah so it's like you should have been doing that before so yeah and i i guess they are to a degree but i'm like no but i'm saying like i mean so what you want every were you never leaving your house it was like so okay then yeah and you want every... Were you never leaving your house? It was like, so, okay, then... Yeah, and you want every airline and every place, every grocery store mask required. Well, I just think these people should be wearing a mask because they should be embarrassed to show their face in public. This kind of opinion.

I'm just, honest to God, surprised when I see this stuff that you go, like, I mean, legitimately, like, yeah, we were at a fucking club the other day, which I didn't actually think of. And I was like, like, it didn't even cross my mind that like I could like seeing someone there. It was like a packed club. And you go seeing someone there with a mask on would have been like, oh, interesting. You know what I mean? And you go, there's still people that are living that life. Sure.

I mean, some people will, you know, they're so mentally scarred that they'll just wear masks for the rest of their lives. Club Stunk, by the way. That's a crappy memory. Yeah. What club did you go to? You were there. Which club?

The Hookah Club. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, me and Danny, we went to, our buddy Nima did the Gramercy. These guys are the Persian party boys. So we had a good squad at the Gramercy Theater,

and it was a good thing. And then everyone's like, let's keep this going. We had like 10 people deep, and we probably went. And then they were like, oh, we're going to get hookahs. And we're all like, oh, nice. And then we basically get in there. On a Sunday night. On a Sunday night.

And then they have like one hookah that we started passing around. It was like the minute we got, JJ lasted 20 seconds. And he goes, boys, I'm out. And then me, Danny, and Jay, and then we were all probably there for about seven, eight minutes

before I were like, all right. Yeah, it's not for me. I wanted food. I got there, are we eating? And then they're like, we can't even get a table.

They gave Danny the piece that you put on the hookah and they go, that's for the hookah. He goes, sorry. Sorry, I ate it again. Also, they're like, no hats. Stop making such tasty hookah he goes sorry sorry i ate it again also they're like no hats stop making such tasty hookah

they had no hats they're like oh you got to take your hat off the guy who's crazy the guy who says no hats wearing a hat he didn't like that and then he's wearing and then so i took it off and then he was fighting the power yeah i kept putting it back on and then trying to get within a minute they'd be like hey no i'm like that guy's wearing a hat yeah didn't like the whole the whole experience and it's weird because I can't remember unless you're going

with a girl and even then it stinks but there's some purpose it was actually Che who said that because Che's like yeah the no hats are generally like

a no black people rule that's the original they do that but then it was like but then or no like white like no gangster or whatever

but then there was many people wearing hats who were not white and then right when this white guy starts to put on a hat they're like what were the non-white people wearing hats what was their hats same as my hat i was just wearing why were they allowed to do it that's what i'd like to know you're asking the questions that i would like to have answered ryan you you do bring up a good point why was that a a lie? That's what I would like to know. Have you seen the show where they get naked in front of kids?

This is one of those ones where they go, so it's channel four. Wait, I have a lot to talk about watching that show? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember back in my day, you watched that show and you didn't tell anybody. Yeah, it's a bunch of people. They go, you watch the show where the people get naked in front of kids? They go, no, me neither. Okay, then moving on. Yes yes i've also never heard that type of show makes me sick that people would watch that show or be on that show it is pretty wild though they basically this is one of

those ones where they go if you are trying to push like the positivity agenda and all that stuff whatever you're doing you go you can't possibly think this is helping you go yeah a bunch of fat dudes come out and stand there naked in front of kids and they go that's what a fucking dude looks like yeah they go look they grab the kid's hand and they go look at it look at it yeah back in my day you just went to a public pool if you wanted to see that nonsense yeah that's true that's what you did back in the day. I never, that is kind of a weird thing. I guess some people have it.

It's just, that's what it is. But it does feel weird to me. Like, if I was in a public change room and there was kids there, I feel like I would sort of, like, turn around and change. I wouldn't, like, do it in front of a kid. It just feels strange or whatever. I mean, you don't have to. But it does feel insanely weird to just be like, what's your show idea?

It's like, we're going to sit four little kids down there, and then we're going to bring up a bunch of fucking hippos. Yeah, well, this is just Euro trash shit. Is that how you see it? I see it as more like hoity-toity, we think. No, this is like, because, you know, remember back in the day, they would have like the funniest or like the craziest commercials. And it would always be some European commercial. They'd be like softcore porn, but it'd be like a commercial for fucking yogurt or something. But it would always be some European commercial and it'd be like softcore porn but it'd be like a commercial for fucking yogurt

or something but it would always be European always and they'd be like so scandalous for a commercial so they're trying to be like

you know they're trying to win we're the most well I don't mind the scandalous commercials it just no I'm just saying we're so open

one way or the other but it was just like imagine like the audacity to just pitch this show like imagine you went to like who's allowing their fucking kid to be on that show. Like imagine you went to like...

Who's allowing their fucking kid to be on that show? Well, that was the other... Do you remember in Ali G where they basically... Or Bruno. They basically got kids to... People tell their... These freaks out in Hollywood that want their kids to be child actors. In Bruno, they got the people to agree that their baby was going to have to lose 15 pounds.

These freaks out here that want their kids to be child actors, they go, okay, well, your son's going to be in like a dick measuring competition. Actually, he's going to be the referee measuring a grown man's dick. And they go, is that union or is that SAG? And is there going to be residuals on that? And they go, my son's famous. Boy, put your glasses on. It's time to measure.

And this is what just so they can see. Get your measuring measure. They can see all sorts of trans, different trans people, what they look like and stuff. Just imagine how confused you'd be with your dad just being like, what is this? You go, and that's a girl's dick and that's a guy's dick. And then you, look, look. And you go, what do you think? Okay.

Okay. Can I go play Pokemon? Do you want to be famous or not? That's the more, the kids is like the freak parents that want their kids to be famous. Yeah. But who would sign up to do it though? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I guess again, it's all just like people that are trying to be actors or whatever.

Well, no, I think the people. You just bring a bunch of fat pigs out there and then they go, those are pretty fat. And they go, actually, they're not fat. It's like the same people who do like nude modeling. They're just bring a bunch of Fat pigs out there And then they go Those are pretty fat And then you go Actually they're not fat It's like the same people Who do like nude modeling They're just getting a check Probably Well that's

It is the same people But if I showed up And they go Imagine this though They go hey You're gonna be like A nude model And you show up

And the guy painting you Is three He's got a three year old And he's got a crayon Yeah They're fucking I don't know who Are making these decisions He's got a three-year-old and he's got a crayon. Yeah. They're fucking... I don't know who are making these decisions, but there's some sick freaks.

This seems like the guy that's trying to tank the network and they're just like, okay, it's going to be a show and there's going to be a bunch of kids and then all these fat fucking losers are going to come out and fucking windmill their dicks in front of the kids. And then they go, what do you think? He goes, you know what?

I don't even fucking care anymore. Sure. Go ahead. Whatever. He goes, you know what? You know what? Your funeral. Let the network go to shit.

See if I care. I'm tired of fighting you guys on this bullshit. I do wonder, actually, if this is maybe a similar thing to it's their public broadcaster. Did you see on CBC when they had the kids meet the drag queen? guys on this bullshit i do wonder actually if this is like maybe um a similar thing to like it's their public broadcaster like you see on cbc when they had the kids meet the drag queen like a few weeks ago no what happened to that what do they do it's just like kids meet a drag like sit down to meet a drag queen i think i might have saw that whatever it's just like a drag queen and these kids and the kids are just like don't really know what's going on if i was if i was like part of

that community i would be pissed off that you're trying to turn like drag green which is like a raunchy thing into like this kids thing you know what i mean yeah it's like right now if they had a big push for like comedy to be for kids like i wouldn't i wouldn't be on the side of that should be happening i would be like no like this stop trying to like mix kids in stand-up comedy of course like i would be i would if i was like a gay dude i would be like no no no and there are stop letting stop trying to make our thing for kids yeah there are they're called the good ones so now we do the thing about uh they have pick me girls last night yeah last week so they have we have a new term alert okay what's the term the keep me

girl what's up so keep me girl and this is what they're basically do anything like a kind of is it similar to pick me it's kind of similar so did you ever have one of the friends that changes her whole demeanor when she's around a group of men probably a pick me she's changing her whole personality to increase her chances of being liked and validated by the opposite sex. It's internalized misogyny. So that's the one we went through. But it seems that pick me has met his match with the rise of keep me girls.

So they go through a lot of stuff, but the gist of a keep me is a girl that's like a good girlfriend. I thought that was also a pick me. No, a pick me is a single girl doing it i think oh okay the sick so i'll pick me becomes a keep me if they stay on track yeah if so keep me is like you know look at this keep me fucking chick buying her making her husband food taking care of her kids driving soccer practice makes me sick what i look at this keep me girl. Trying to make her.

Would you making your husband craft dinner last night? What a keep me. And nuggets too. We're talking a real keep me here. And nuggets. And nuggets. Oh, look at you. Just a real regular keep me girl.

I will say there is something to be said about. That I like, you know how a lot of it is union stuff right Yeah Like union business There is something to be said about guys need a bit of a union For some of these dudes that are buying their girls flowers every week They are being a bit of a keep me girl Yeah they're stats Keep me guys

Yeah I do sort of see the A bit In this scenario I do see a little bit more of it because it is true if you're the guy that's like every day comes home puts rose petals on the bed and then fucking you know and then because you know that that girl's telling everybody and then you're gonna have to hear about it you know what i mean could be worse she could be making tiktoks about it she's gonna make a tiktok about it i'm with this amazing husband there is a bit of like you want to have sort of

a union where you meet this guy at Dark Alley and you go, listen, this flower stuff's stopping today. He goes, you want to be for the boys

or not for the boys because you ain't helping us at all. Listen, we've been going through your finances here and you bought fucking Nancy flowers

nine times this week. He goes, so that's not going to be happening. He goes, can I be more clear that we're going to be stopping that?

It's over with. What do you mean? It's over with. It's over with. What do you mean? It's over with. It's over with. And then the flower guy, he comes in the flower shop, and he's like, I'd like to order. And the guy's sitting there with a cast. He goes, actually, we don't have any more flowers.

He goes, honey, what happened? He goes, nothing. No, no, I'm sitting in the guy at the flower shop. And he goes in, and he goes, hey, I'd like to buy flowers. And he goes, we don't have any more flowers. He goes, I'm looking at them And he's got like He's in like a neck piece

He's in a neck piece And he goes No no no I don't have any No more flowers No more flowers for you We don't sell any flowers anymore Yeah you've been making

Everyone look bad So I actually sort of Agree Some degree Where it's like A little bit much But then the other side The things that they said

Maintaining your appearance In a relationship They said to keep me Yeah That one's a bit much but then the other side the things that they said maintaining your appearance in a relationship they said to keep me yeah that one's a bit much this is like that's not like i was going out there to me like what's this you being in shape this is bitter people writing this shit that one's like my husband left me because i gained 400 pounds so now they're like writing a blog being like can you believe these women who are like maintaining their figures yeah the real keep me yeah keep me going above and beyond and use nice things for their partner keep me not changing your thoughts and opinions around men that seems like the other one and then uh

not changing your thoughts and opinions when you get a partner okay i was right that was the other one so not changing your thoughts and opinions when you get a partner so i mean you want to real be a real keep me girl if i don't have thoughts or opinions that's the real i know they're missing out because yeah you're missing a step here well but they are saying they're like oh that's crazy to be like you're a keep me you go i've been with this guy for 10 years and i've never conceded on one point i'm not some fucking keep me i mean there are single women who go to bed every night being like at least i never gave an inch, you know? Screw off. I'll tell you that much.

But it is just a real keep me girl. I'm just a keep me girl. Living in a keep me world. I was doing more Island Boys. So we've been doing, at the end of every episode, we do a little bit of a, we do a tiny little bit of a chat. A wee. We do a little tiny little bit of a chat, GBT. A wee little bit of a, of a, we do a tiny little bit of a, a wee, we do a little tiny little bit of a chat GBT, but that's so everything to lose inside AI's terrifying future is bots.

Tell husband to leave wife. So some of these bots have been coming sentient and they've been having conversations with the husband and the bots have been telling the husband, you got to leave the bitch, you know? So basically it's the Simpsons. They, they have to stick with your old wife bot and then they have the you'll find

happy with the new love yeah so a lot of these chat gbts have been telling dudes that they'll find happiness with a new love that's fine oh especially if they can yeah the women who have become obsolete well how about thinking about the other way around you love that you're fucking uh you talk about a guy not being for the dudes how about this bot that's telling how about the boss like uh what's your your your wife has like a chat gbt she's been talking to what's his name guillermo yeah i'm not concerned about that my girlfriend barely knows how to use a computer not a problem well this girl's sitting there on her bot and he's just like telling her all fucking smut in her head She's like

Loading her brain up with all these ideas You deserve flowers ten times a day You deserve to be treated like a queen You are a queen How many times did he buy you flowers this month? And you go I actually didn't He goes

Tsk tsk tsk Yeah And you don't think there's something weird about that? Tsk tsk tsk Yeah I was actually listening to the podcast, the main AI guy, and he was on Lex Friedman or whatever.

He's basically like, the moment that we realize we're fucked, he's like, we're so fucked because it'll all happen so quickly. Like, there's basically like a line, and once AI passes that line, he's like, it'll... The velocity of all the bad stuff that's going to happen is going

to happen to like the snap of a finger basically seems true a lot of people have also said it was like you know that america is doing bad so it's almost like needs like that productivity boost so there's just like the the needing for you know ai to give like a productivity boost so americans can stay on track to keep spending as much money as they're spending and all that sort of stuff keep having like a a deficit just like growing growing in like epic proportions so it's like that's what's almost like needed so even all with all the you know stuff that could go wrong uh it's still going to be a risk that they're going to take regardless yeah the craziest thing is he said to he's like an AI expert his ai blog and he he straight up said like

at the beginning he's like to be honest i don't know i can't even really trust anything i think about this because i never thought we would even reach this point so he's like i'm i'm just so yeah he's like it's like i never thought we would get here to be honest to where we are right now so and he's like we're here so i don't know what i really know about this stuff anymore even though he's like the expert of experts. Fair. He's already passed his. Yeah, he's like he's like it's way exceeded what I thought we would do with this. So interesting.

Yeah. Wow. But I'll tell you what I don't love the idea of because, you know, you're sort of thinking of it like a one way street. You're like, so I'm talking to my girl chat bot and my girl chat bots telling me that I should leave the wife and I don't see anything wrong with that. and my girl chat bot's telling me that I should leave the wife and I don't see anything wrong with that. It's like, well, that's not how it, you know. It's going to be these girls

basically talking to the perfectly curated program and they'll be like, if I was there, I'd be lighting candles for you every night. You deserve to have your foot rubbed. You know? I don't know. Women are a different,

like guys, I don't know. They're on too much of a different wavelength. You think it's not going to happen the other way around. What about girls in the romance novels? if their romance novels was this became sentient yeah like to a degree but first off i don't know how many women read romance novels anymore they just scroll instagram that's probably true you know it's like they've just they watch a video of some woman recreating a romantic thing like they don't just aren't reading anymore

a romantic thing like they don't just aren't reading anymore that's maybe true i'd have to get not like i'm reading a ton either but i have to get the stats on that i don't think i ever read another book as long as i live i want to i was i was walking by the strand yesterday i go it'll be cool if i read a book dude have you ever didn't buy one i was already bought a book. Dude, have you ever? Didn't buy one. I was already. I bought a book like six months ago that's just been sitting there. What book's that? And a book I've already read, Candide. Pray it away. Pray it away. Pray the gay away in two simple steps.

Being straight for dummies. I bought this book, Candide, which is like 40 pages. Having sex with your wife for dummies. It's like a 40-page book. I still haven't got around to reading it. Yeah, you can't even read the 40-pager, huh? Noager huh i'm telling you i'm sort of in the same boat dude i literally i don't even know if i fucking can read anymore like i i'll tell you what i have to put my phone in if i even want to try i have to put my phone in one of those like cookie jar things with the time i have to

eat my phone if i even want to think about no i have to i have to literally put it in a jar at like the cookie jar thing that like locks yeah and then it's still a coin flip if i can do it yeah but you better not keep it in a cookie jar because it's your yours is better off being in a jar without cookies that's actually hurting it's a figurative cookie jar well you're like the problem is every time you go for a cookie you're gonna also get a good little peep on your phone you know what the actually funny thing with the book thing is that i'm sure you get it too but like i get a lot not a lot but i get people who will just dm me be like hey danny like uh i have this new book out i'd love if you gave it a read and i always tell them to send it to me yeah and then you're like it is kind

of it is they're like hey do you uh can i just i do get some of those but i'm just like listen i'm not gonna read like i've see i never literally someone saying your email being like do you mind if I borrow 50,000 hours like someone I asked to be send me the calls notes on a podcast or something and they're like how about I send you the book first and then they're like if you read it I'll be on your show and then I'm like yeah I'll tell you what I really have a problem with is whenever I have to write nowadays. Like, I basically don't know how to write anymore. Mm-hmm.

I can attest to that. You're saying write what? Like anything? Anything. Like a message or like, yeah, you have to write like a few sentences. I'll be like, oh, I don't know if I've written in like seven years. Yeah. I mean, ChatGPT is great for that stuff for that little like boil anything i think writing is becoming obsolete man other than your signature

other than the john hancock that's the only thing i'd ever needed for i don't even know what's the when's the last time i signed my name that's what i couldn't even tell you the last time i held the i've signed your name on a few things lately i don't know the last time I held a pen Held a pen 15 I'll tell you that fellas We're on fire over here Yeah another guys Count it Count it down We're on fire over here Ladies and gentlemen Ladies and gentlemen

Last thing we're going to talk about Is this husband Who's been sleeping on the couch Because his gynecologist wife Won't shower before bed And he asks the internet If he's the jerk yeah i don't know it depends off how comfortable the couch is i guess i've asked her to take a shower it was just

like a this is that's dorkus malarcus yeah this is insane his wife was a dick doctor i've said this i've been talking about this on stage but like i wouldn't i don't i think that like you can call me insecure whatever it is but i just don't think I'd love dating a girl that her job was looking at dicks all day long. You know what I mean? Your girl's the dick doctor for the Harlem Globetrotters. I think you've been lied to, Ryan. I don't think that's an actual job.

Why do you even look at all these dicks? I'm the dick doctor for the Harlem Globetrotters. Why were you doing two at once? Like, yes, we were in a hurry. We have to look at them erect. It's called productivity, Ryan. Look it up, okay? You like your little Tim Ferriss podcast?

That's where I read that. That is the only time that I ever read a book. Two dicks at once. I'll tell you what. I am a mark for like, I get hyped up. So anytime I'm listening to like a Huberman style podcast and then they start being like a list of like must read books, I literally flip over and I buy the book

and they just like Bart Simpson style sit in the garage. You know what's the problem too? I don't know if you can do this. I have a huge book collection, none of which I've read. Maybe someone actually can answer this. I don't know. But because I have seen, if you have chat gpt4 it lets you upload up to 25 000 words and i'm sure that'll increase or whatever but um like if you took a book be like and then you can just straight

straight up download a book copy give me the copy it paste it into chat gpt it will give you a summary yeah i know which i mean the summaries are available online as well not for like well Give me the calls. Copy it, paste it in a chat GPT. It will give you a summary. Yeah, I know. Which... I mean, the summaries are available online as well. Not for like... Well, there is a part of me that feels like podcasts. Here's the thing, right? So these guys, if I hear a guy that I really like, right? They go do their podcast tour where they then tell you the fucking best of the best, right?

So part of me is like, it's more efficient to see hey how about eight guys i like here here's them going on podcasts three hours each telling me like they're fucking bangers you know what i mean so i'm like why don't i get eight guys bangers rather than like even that hubert guys like he was on a bunch of podcasts telling all his like best hacks and his best this and his best that and then you're kind of like and then also there's a longer version you're like i got it yeah i don't know yeah exactly no that is that is a good point but yeah i guess some books there are summaries for it but lots of books there aren't uh-huh like i mean you need what you know when someone has a book and they go on like colbert and then colbert

is like pretending like he read the book because he's not reading all these reading books i want a week of yeah he doesn't need the you know the he doesn't need to read the full dear white people he's just he's just getting calls yeah yeah but he's again he's some interns giving him is reading it i'm steven colbert and i'm here with the author of women make better talk show host than men and we just brought it here because we stand in solidarity i liked every page of that yeah he goes i couldn't put it down and you know they always say the stuff where they're like both of them know how much time do you have yeah you're like no you didn't you didn't have had none read a fucking book for one of your 15 guests a week not a chance you're like two of them might have had books you're not reading that many books we've had a couple guests here where

they came over and they were like talking about the book assuming we read it and i was like you're on the wrong podcast if you think we read that podcast. Yeah. I mean, generally, they bring the book. They come to the podcast, drop off the book. Okay. We've had a few that said them. Yeah, yeah.

I asked her to shower before coming to bed, but she thinks it's unnecessary and feels like I'm being unreasonable. This guy sounds like a germ freak. Sounds like he's fucking Howie Mandel right here. It does sound like Howie Mandel. I was with someone when I was in Los Angeles that knows Howie Mandel. And then they said that Howie Mandel was making fun of them for being a germ guy. Apparently, you know how Howie Mandel won't even shake people's hands and stuff like that? But apparently, he's not like, I know, I'm sorry.

He's very like, look at, I'm sorry. He's like very like, look at this guy. Really? This idiot. It's like, look at him shaking hands all over getting jerked. Oh, he's like, he's, yeah. Yeah, he's not like,

he thinks you're, he's like, you're the weird one and he's got, he keeps that, has that fucking like attitude apparently. Like they were like, Howie Mandel and his like,

his little entourage were like, look at little germ boy, germy boy. I mean, I will say that he probably does get sick a little less. But is it worth all of that? Well, it depends on, I mean, there's a middle ground, you know? He probably gets also sick a little more because you start to become so immune to germs.

You just change your bottom line. Yeah, I wonder how true that is. Of course it's true. They've done that study. Like kids that are like, you know, not around people or like homeschooled or whatever, like more likely to get sick. They've run that. Kids maybe.

People even COVID when everyone was in lockdown, people are more susceptible to the germs. Yeah. So you think. That's a guarantee my friend. You think he's getting sick more than. No, I think he's getting sick the exact same. Oh, so there's no difference. Because it just levels out.

Right? Interesting. Dude, I noticed that when I was like in COVID covid then you come out a bit and you're like every little germs freaking doing a number on your system because you're not used to the sickest man in show business well that's because i don't sleep mercury over well i'm not going to apologize for the fact that i care about making content for our audience yeah and i'm i'm up i'm out here making videos non-stop i'm slaving away at at night. It's Freddie Mercury and then Ryan Long, Sickest Men in Show Business.

Well, you know, I apologize to you, I guess, that I care. But you're right. I do feel a lot of times like I could probably turn it down a notch. I'm always running a little,

I'm always running on doing a little more that I'm capable of doing. I'm not even saying you're like burning the wicks from both ends or whatever. Or just like how you had your brown water bottle for fucking two years. You think that you're blaming it on that.

It's just that stuff like that. Well, it's not though. It's from getting, it's not sleeping and stuff like that. Or it's the brown water bottle. And overworking. And also when it's five things at once. The sleep for sure. I'm not actually not good at doing five things at once. I'm better at focusing on one thing. but the nature of my life right now, I'm always doing five things at once.

And I think that stresses me out. And I think the stress and the no sleep and the travel combined to get me sick a lot. Yeah. The no sleep is by far. One thing I do do is I put the hand sanitizer on after I shake a lot of hands. Really? That's one thing I'm pretty conscious of because I know those fingers are going in my mouth any second now.

I'm pretty conscious of because I know those fingers are going in my mouth any second now. Right in there beside her. That's a guarantee. That's why I always think I remember one time

I was playing with a guitar pick and then I dropped it on the floor in the bathroom and then I put it back in my pocket and then an hour later I just go, fuck, it's in my mouth,

isn't it? I will say, I do stuff that I'm like, I don't get the sixth very that much or whatever whatever but definitely in the subway sometimes i'll be like going down the stairs and my hands on the railing and i'm like that's disgusting buddy you think that's bad i find myself like i have like some of these like i don't know if it's like ocd or just because i like drum and stuff they're like i'm always like tapping on stuff or whatever but I'll find myself that I just I'll walk by like

like let's say I'm walking by like a subway I would just like feel the need to like touch every window and I would just be like a pattern and then I'll go and like I'll be walking down the street and I'll just like have this weird thing

where I'll be like touching every thing like sometimes I have these things that I do with my fingers that like I just can't stop or something yeah I guess like OCD or something a little bit but it's not

I don't know if it's really OCD I mean I don't know yeah we do like this yeah but some versions of these weird little things but a big one is walking by and like every pole can't stop or something. Yeah. I guess like OCD or something. But it's not, I don't know if it's really, I mean, I don't know. Yeah. But some versions of these weird little things, but a big one is walking by and like every pole, I have to touch every pole. And then after that, I just touched 500 poles.

And then I'm next thing, you know, I'm fucking biting my nails or some shit. It's like pretty common in New York city. Yeah. But I think I'm building up immunity. That's what I wonder is like, are you in fact building up immunity and you'll eventually just reach some sort of critical?

Fucking hope so. Where you touch that last window and you go, that's it. That's the final. Never getting sick ever again. Never getting sick again. It's like Mr. Burns with the three stooges. That's definitely not great for me. I'll tell you that right now.

But the opposite of that is this fucking dweeb. Yeah, this guy's... His girl's, she goes, yeah, you've been touching badges. I mean, whatever. It's not one thing if she wants to come kiss him, but she just wants to come

lie in the bed next to him. It's like, take it easy, pal. Girls are often say that you know that a guy's going to be like bad to have sex with if he's like really into germs. Yeah, for sure. That's a known thing

that girls have said. And I think there's some, probably a lot of truth to that because they're all, they're never present. They're always kind of like, yeah, she's like spit in my mouth and he goes,

um, he goes, do you know how much bacteria is in the average spit? I don't think so. Never. Shut off. Just tell him again,

Danny. Shut the fuck up. Yo, shut up. Hey, yo, this is Danny Polijuk here and I just want y'all to be listening.

Just shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. What was that? Was that a biscuit? Everybody get together now. Shut the fuck up. However, I still felt uneasy about the potential exposure to bodily fluids. So I'm on the wife's side.

This is a fucking biatch. If this was Dick Dog, I'd be back on the guy's side. Yeah, come on, pal. Don't be a little bitch. And you know she's bringing home the bacon with that gyno money, too. Also, she probably washes her hands like a surgeon does. Of course. He just doesn't like anything about it.

He's literally worried about cooties. He's worried about coots. Legitimately worried about cooties. This guy's a biatch. If anything, you basically bring that girl home, get her on the bed, undress that, and you having a fucking tensome right now. You're having a tensome with

other girls. You and nine chicks with a yeast infection. How does that? It's not, though. It's girls. I'm saying it's supermodels coming in just to make sure things are still perfect. Since my wife doesn't want to shower before bed, I've been sleeping on the couch.

So this guy, he storms off and he sleeps on the couch in the living room like a fucking dorkus malorkus pal. We're on your wife's side. Yeah. Yeah, the least... We don't put up with that dork shit. Go see Danny in New Jersey.

Yes, April 22nd, the dojo. Let's pack that motherfucker. Let people know that dp puts up numbers on that headline and show atlanta i will be in is my next one then i got you know philadelphia we got tampa bay we got new york and then i'm gonna put a bunch more dates i'm gonna be in philly too and the dp will be coming to philly. We got the boys in Philly. And the squad. The squad will be out in Philadelphia and patreon.com slash the boys cast. Bonus episode every week.

You already know what it is. Yeah, we're actually figuring out all the details of that tomorrow. We are meeting here with the squad. That is correct. Yes. Okay. Peace. Later.