The Boyscast with Ryan Long - The Hot vs Crazy Matrix Proven by Science! & Inane Onlyfans Advice Reddits
Episode Date: January 19, 2024Comedians Che Durena and JJ Liberman join the fellas to discuss dating Gypsy Rose, infamous medievaljester Ronald the Farter, and which presidential candidate lays the most pipe. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS...: Magic Spoon - go to http://magicspoon.com/boyscast and use promo code boyscast for $5 off your order AG1 - Go to http://drinkag1.com/boyscast to get $20 off your order, a free 1-year supply of vitamin D and 5 free AG1 travel packs Songfinch - go to http://songfinch.com/boyscast to add Spotify streaming to your song for free! ($50 value) FÜM - go to http://tryfum.com and use promo code BOYSCAST to get 10% off your order SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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Welcome back to the Landlordcast, the first podcast for landlords by landlords.
Now, people like to talk about marginalized communities, but don't like to acknowledge
that landlords are the most discriminated against people on earth.
Well said. Landlords can be openly hated, stereotyped, slandered to no end.
To be honest, the anti-landlord rhetoric you see right now makes me worry for my kids,
who will one day inherit the property.
You know, when I was coming up, I had respect for my landlord.
Yes.
I remember one day, a pipe burst. The landlord wanted to inspect the house, just make sure it wasn't my fault.
I said, you know what?
No need.
I called the plumber, paid for it on my own dime,
reached back out to the landlord and said,
sir, I know you have a stressful job.
This one's on me.
Class act.
You don't see that anymore.
These new tenants are all me, me, me.
Fix this, fix that.
Don't raise my rent, please.
There's no hot water.
Yes, master.
I'll be right over to fix your flooded basement at 3am. Last week I get a call from a particularly needy tenant.
The house is infested with rodents and it's gotten unlivable.
Did you tell him about rat traps?
Yeah, but your majesty the snowflake wanted an exterminator.
Why wouldn't he?
So I paid for several rat traps out of pocket, installed them myself, so naturally when the
first of the month comes around I'm expecting at minimum 10-15% gratuity on top of that check.
Let me guess, he tipped you less than 5%?
They asked for a reduction in rent.
It really is a thankless job. Probably slandered you online for your troubles.
Man to man, I'd be embarrassed to tip my landlord less than 5%.
And by the way, there's an extra day in February this year,
and I've chosen not to charge more that month.
Very kind of you. And that's why BlackRock is such an inspiration to me. They don't put up with that kind of thing. They would have
reduced that rent to zero in the form of an eviction. Send them packing and once again we do
always like to pay homage to the best in the business BlackRock. And you know I always respect
when fellow travelers in the game are on that Seahouse diet. They see houses they buy them.
Shout out to Fink Army. Legend. We are here at the boys cast with the official boys panel, the original fellas.
Also me and Danny are in Europe right now.
We'll talk about that more on the patreon.com slash the boys cast.
And there's a lot of things going on with the official boys panel,
which is J.J. Lieberman.
How are we doing here?
Well, it's been a few months after our last viral boys cast.
J.J. won hearts and minds.
Big argument between me and Danny.
He says that Douglas Murray pumped the numbers.
I say it was the co-host.
Yeah, it was definitely J.J.
Yeah.
I rescind that.
50-50 split. There was an argument at a bar at a bar but yes it's good to be back jay dorana in the building how are we
doing guys are we good we're fucking it's gonna be all fucking boy shit all day the tea is just
the tea is coursing through my face locker room talk baby let's go grab her by the pussy oh man yeah this is the episode where you turn it on
your girlfriend's there and she's like turn this the fuck off jesus christ locker room talk's a
good title also we talked about this last week obviously but the the jew tunnels are going hard
right now the jew tunnels oh my god dude them like popping out
of the sewer one of the top 10 things i've ever seen in my life dude i'd say there's some sort
of ninja turtles crossover that needs to happen there's something there of them like putting
nunchucks on them i don't know well we know splinters religion officially yes
he's got the look he almost had the fucking side things going on yeah he kind of did
i was loving the idea that yeah just having a video with danny just
and the toilet being like we found another one he was living in the toilet
just a couple of gold bars kicking around the toilet i mean the one you see like obviously
i'm sure everybody did you see the one with the guy coming through the grate
yeah that was the one he said. It's the main thing.
Dude, that'd be like the whole thing with like, oh, we think you got a Jew in here.
And there's like gold bar, like traces.
It's like, oh, here's a dreidel.
Yeah, there's definitely some of them in here.
Just going into your bathroom and seeing traces of stuff they left.
Yeah, dude.
Do you hear that?
He puts his ear up against the wall.
It's like...
Just one lone tassel sitting beside your empty change jar.
Yeah.
My N-word jar is completely empty.
I love how those guys, too, when they were trying to talk to them
and they had like no idea
what the issue was
they go
what?
what's your problem?
what is the secret tunnel?
what?
what?
the cops are like
we don't do that in America
the guy's like
where are you from?
he's like Israel
he's like yeah
he goes
we don't do this in America
and they're like what?
you're like
the whole fucking street
is gonna collapse
like the whole building
is gonna collapse
where is it in Brooklyn?
yeah in Crown Heights
do you think there's anyone
in Hamas
that's like, y'all do it too.
Y'all do it too.
Oh, yeah.
Pro-Palestinian.
JJ's been trolling people on the Palestine.
I think it's pretty funny
because JJ will mention me.
He'll be like,
I've been trolling these people.
We're seeing these people
that are really into Palestine.
He'll be like, this many dead.
And he'll just write back,
not nearly enough.
And shit like that.
And he'll be like,
I'm just messing with him.
What did he say?
No response back.
I send the videos.
Ben Bank is
It's a Wonderful Day for Jihad.
He made this video and I send it
to everyone who's pro-Palestine
and their stories.
I'm like, can you believe this and there's
a video of the idf dancing around like they're like yada yada and they're dancing with israeli
flag and i just send it to people who are there's a female comedian who i won't say her name but
she cried on stage about palestine and so i sent her the video i'm like can you believe this and
you're just trying to rile her up oh yeah i love you have no political
stance no political standing you just want to see the world burn yeah just like pushing buttons
but it's funny because they don't they have this one they don't know it's kind of like someone's
dad died and you message them like what a piece of shit and then they're like what the fuck and
you're like got him like they don't really know they're being drilled yeah they're just like wow this is
wildly offensive oh the one i posted there was a picture of a guy with his uh baby cares going
up steps and i'm like and he's like oh it's a tough because he's very pro-bihalaston he's like
this is a tough one to conquer today i'm like yeah it seems like the uh israelis occupied those
steps huh and then he's like what does that mean i'm like okay? And then he's like, what does that mean? I'm like, okay, bye.
JJ gets a lot of, what does that mean?
What does that mean?
He takes one shot at trolling and they're like, what?
And he's like, okay, too much work.
I'm over this.
You know what JJ is for trolling?
It's the body that was like, dude'm like i wingman that girl so you could
fuck the other one and you're like what i wasn't even looking at that girl you're like yeah i'm
i've been going out with her all week we're actually i'm meeting her parents next week
and we're actually engaged to be married she's moving in with me you're welcome yeah
i have no idea which girl are you talking about yeah yeah he's like no i did this
for the so you could get laid that's him with like for the joke. You know that soft seven we saw eight weeks ago?
Wait, what?
Well, anyways, her friend who's a two.
I'm now living with.
Bad prankster.
It is funny, though.
Those same people, they'll post like, oh, my God, the atrocities.
And then the next picture, it's like a selfie of them.
That is funny.
I agree.
It's pretty good.
It's like, oh, we forgot about it. Like, there's atrocities going on but i'm still hot people need to know yeah they need to know how hot i am gotta post those thirst
traps i don't know if you saw in canada because uh it's a canadian boys panel yeah canadian
excellence like a cup i think this was a bit ago too but I was like it's the most Canadian thing ever
because it was on the hockey rink
so basically
it was on a hockey rink
and there was these old Jews
that are skating
oh this was great
right
and then so the old Jews
are like skating
and then
there's like five
like Muslim dudes
that are also skating
and they're calling
the Jews terrorists
oh yeah
it was at Nathan Phillips Square
like yesterday
no way
yeah Toronto
or whatever but yeah yeah yeah it was like no it was just likeathan phillips square yesterday no way yeah whatever
whatever but yeah yeah it was like no it's just like this old i don't even know if they were jews
it was larry david and his wife it was just like two white people i don't know if they were
necessarily jews and they were just like get it we're like we're just trying to have a skate
yeah like the city we're just like it's winter the winter like we're just trying to do a skate
and then these like pro-palestine people are like standing swarming not even on skates they're just standing on the ice trying to ruin everybody's fun
like they were doing it like the bridge over here they were swarming them like the jews in the
cellars they blocked off every bridge here yesterday for like four hours i saw people were
uh people were not happy every bridge in new york city the pro-palestine they just go to the base of
them and then they just lay down.
Dude, that's a bad way to get people on your side.
I remember one time I was going to a haircut and there was an anti-climate change whatever fucking protest.
And I was like, I hope the world lights on fire.
I need to get to this fucking haircut right now.
Yeah, I just want to do the opposite of whatever you do.
And they go, well, you wouldn't take us seriously if we didn't do this.
Well, that's funny because Danny was telling me yesterday after the protest on the bridge he's like i hope gaza lights
on fire and uh i think his wish is coming to fruition you know it's honestly really weird
about the i don't know if my algorithm or what but like i barely see anything about the war anymore
oh no no i my algorithm is all people falling off skateboards and that was has been but it was like
but like at the start of the war like everything was you know cnn
fox msnbc all they did recover now you go on there they're like talking about whatever
people are like it's like people are like over it like the world's like over
dude yeah i mean it's not over it's very much not over but like for the people living there
but like dude until we start getting ourselves out yeah no no people the attention span is
always so short it's what's the new hot thing people are talking about kat williams people
are talking about the epstein logs yeah kat williams is the new hot story right now kat
williams to israel palestine was will smith to ukraine and russia
two-year anniversary of Will Smith Dude Oh my god What a slap
No
The most
No one else is funny though
Is
So Michael Rappaport
Obviously everyone's seen
How wild he is
But
He basically
He's getting boycotted
I actually took the photo
So
He's doing helium
And then there's like
Huge boycotts of his show
And he's like
The bad boy comic right now
No
Really
Yes
He's back to being the bad boy.
When was he the bad boy?
When he was in the 80s and 90s or whenever
he was an actor. Wasn't he a bad boy?
He was on Friends.
Oh.
I mean, there's that one
college movie he did where he's the Nazi.
Bad boy. There you go.
But he's just an actor.
Oh, he wasn't the bad boy?
He's a wigger.
Oh.
The bad boy.
I don't know.
JJ has one face.
Helium Comedy Club is a non-Portland-based chain that has been platforming racist, misogynist,
and violent comedians.
He posted this, by the way.
And they've been known to suppress local comedians, specifically
black and brown comedians.
They continue to support problematic comedians.
In interest of our local comedian, let's choose to support local comedy producers, brackets,
especially black comedy producers, which I think Michael Rapaport does count.
Instead of attempting shows at Helium.
And he's been posting all these.
He's getting protested like he's milo yenopolis doing
a campus speech right now that's crazy dude and he's also watch he's gonna open his own comedy
club that's gonna he's like and guess where you can perform at my club we're very inclusive
yeah that's uh did you ever see uh mayor adams video that went viral like every like two years
it goes viral again oh Oh I know exactly.
When he's like he's going through a house
he's like you never know where your kids
could be hiding something. Dude that's crazy.
I never saw that. Let me play a bit of it.
Hold on I'm going to play a bit of it for you guys.
It like plays like a sketch.
It does. Because it looks like he's on a set
kind of like. It's the funniest thing
in the world.
You can start out.
I always recommend to start out in a periodic fashion so you'll be used to going through the rooms
and look at the various items in the room.
You can look at a jewelry box.
A jewelry box of this nature, maybe a simple jewelry box,
but if you look through it closely,
you don't know what your child may be hiding.
For instance, a gun could be hidden.
A small, fallible weapon could be hidden inside a jewelry box.
Look at the various colognes
and perfumes and photos and pictures.
Look through the colognes. You should always
when your child brings in his popular
knapsack with many different locations
look through it to see what exactly
is your child carrying
in addition to a book.
Something simple as a crack pipe.
What is the music? I also like something as simple as a crack pipe you know then he's like at one point he like reaches
into a pillow and just pulls out a huge bag of coke yeah so he pulls the gun out of the pillow
he says just guns everywhere it's like a huge gun dude it's like a magna like yeah dude i got a
fucking 50 cal magnum hidden in this fellow
just in case i'm going to shoot down an elephant real quick that storms into my place
he when you find the crack pipe it doesn't necessarily mean that they're smoking crack
but that might be a conversation that you might want to have it's like it might mean they're
smoking crack and they're bloody crack plates everywhere dude i just sell the pipes i don't
do the crack mom and dad dad. Oh my god.
He wasn't the mayor when he made that though.
This is like eight years ago.
It's a police guy.
It looks like a sketch.
It's so insane.
His stuff is wild. When he was talking about New York City
he's like, New York City is a crazy city.
Someone could be celebrating a birthday
and the next day a plane crashes into the
Twin Towers.
Yeah!
One time. someone could be celebrating a birthday and the next day a plane crashes into the Twin Towers yeah like one time he's like
what the fuck
he's like
any day
any day
it's gonna happen
world of opportunity
in New York City
oh boy
god
you know what
obviously you want to
look at the picture frames
and he starts
he jiggles the picture frames
he's like
look behind that
bullets
he's like a handful of bullets and he jiggles the picture frames. He's like, look behind that. Bullets.
He's like, a handful of bullets.
And he goes, just because they have bullets,
that doesn't mean they have a gun,
but it is an indication that there may be a gun.
They have a bunch of bullets.
Yeah, I just keep my loose bullets next to my mom and dad picture.
What was the solution?
If you got a fucking kid with a gun and crack pipes?
I don't know.
You want to sit him down
and turn your chair around
and level with him.
Yeah.
Listen, son.
The Dr. Huxtable speech
with Theo.
We don't talk about
Dr. Huxtable
on this podcast anymore.
Who's Dr. Huxtable?
Cosby.
Oh, Cosby.
Innocent man.
You erased him
from your memory.
I did.
I forgot.
It's in solidarity.
Dude, that woke mind virus got me have you ever seen that fucking eric andre prank where he dresses in an octopus suit and then he
has four midgets on the tentacles and he goes into restaurants and just yells crazy shit and
he goes this one place he, Bill Cosby is innocent.
And the servers are just covering their heads.
They're like, I don't know what to do.
What do I do in this situation?
I don't train you for that.
Yeah, no, no, not that.
You know what you had recently, Jay,
that I was very much in agreement with?
But there was a video where basically a girl was saying you know instead
of ghosting someone or you know uh drifting away what you should be doing is sending them a message
being like we had a great time but honestly i just don't think we're compatible and you're just like
fat fucking shit i'm like no way never dude you always do like the slow fade that's it that's i
said i call it a haunting where you just kind of like you do you respond to like every fourth message you stop texting them but you maybe respond on
instagram yeah and you just like slowly disappear yeah that's your answer you don't feel kind of
like bill cosby and ghost dad yeah you just you just walk into the cornfield and all of a sudden
you're gone just disappear that is the proper move. That's the move. It's like, and you literally time it.
You go like, what was the last time I responded to her text?
How much duration in between?
You expand it.
You expand it.
You go, okay, so I have to wait longer
so that you actually consciously are like,
okay, so that was two days.
Now there's three days.
Oh, that's a good whiteboard.
Well, you just have to bring her to watch your act.
Or just talk with me for 10 minutes.
Because have you actually?
Yeah, you'd be like, just ask JJ to take you to his favorite restaurant,
and it's just like a fucking bodega hole in the wall.
Your favorite restaurant?
Best food in New York City.
Then I say, can I please speak to the chef?
Some fucking Ecuadorian who's 4'5".
Amazing. You're incredible. Hey, mister. some fucking Ecuadorian who's 4'5".
Amazing.
Amazing.
You're incredible.
Hey, mister.
Look at that.
Look at those knife skills.
Some of them
do have good knife skills.
Dude, they use
like fucking
painter spackles
when they like cook.
They don't even have a knife.
They just use
one of those putty knives
chopping shit up.
They do.
I love it, man.
Yeah, they use
like actual
like from a hardware From like a hardware store
Yeah
Not even for
Culinary places
That's what they do
At shawarma places too
Yeah just chop up
When they have that
Old meat
They pull it out of a bucket
And just throw it on the grill
And I'm like
Oh
Give me that diarrhea baby
I'm ready for it
Yeah
It's your technique
No I'm pretty good
On the no
Where I choose You're gonna you're
gonna getting rid of them where i choose my street the idea of sending the idea of sending
like an actual like you've dated you've hung out with someone two times and you're sending
this and this and this go not you it makes my body feel ill thinking about doing that
i'll marry her and stay with her for the rest of my life before i do that yeah oh it's a blonde
podcaster is that no no no not that one not um no but it was it's just like yeah you like if you're not
really in a relationship with someone you're not dating seriously it's like yeah you just fade out
that's how you do it every single time i one time even if you're married i moved to a different
country dude i love those old like con man stories where it's like a guy just like god it's like
1915 and he just gets on a horse and goes to a new town like a guy just like, it's like 1915 and he
just gets on a horse and goes to a new town and he's just like, I'm done.
No records, nothing.
Dude, I watched Ferrari and it's with, what's his name?
Adam Driver, right?
Oh, the movie.
Adam Driver plays, he played the same role as he did in Gucci.
He's just like another, he only plays old Italian guys now.
And honestly, he's pretty good, but basically he has like a whole another family he's had for like 11 years and the wife finds out and he comes back and he's very like
it is what it is he goes you have another wife and son he goes i do not have another wife i do
have another son he's like he goes he's just really chill about it you ever hear that pablo
picasso story where apparently he got confronted by these two like young hot models that he was banging at the time they come into like his studio he's sitting
there and they go like you're dating both of us and he goes fight fight for my daughter
he makes them fight picasso dude he had the dog in him man
a lot of those old guys especially the french guys they are very like oh yeah misogynist the
penis ones what's the penis one but also he wasn't he wasn't like famous later in life he was like
the most famous artist in the world probably yeah yeah he's like it's like mick jagger you'd be like
yeah go i could duke it out dude did they duke it out i think they did yeah yeah i don't know
who won do you think he was like cat Yeah, he just started throwing paint at them.
Yeah.
Get it going.
Get it going.
Holy shit.
Only one can be Picasso Muse.
I lived with a guy once who was dating.
This is in college on my baseball team.
He was dating four different chicks.
One day they all showed up to the dorm.
All of them. I don't know how they
put it together. I guess they all went to...
Free social media for them to put it together.
That's like an entire private investigator.
It was amazing. They all showed up
and it was me, another Dominican
and this guy Mike. And Mike was the white guy
from Georgia. Can JJ get a slice?
I was watching this
dying laughing.
That's honestly though
for him
that's actually
best case scenario.
You look amazing.
But he probably is like
well obviously
I'm not just going to bang him.
He probably
that's like a hard reset for him.
He gets rid of all four at once.
Yeah.
Versus having to break up
with four of them individually.
He's probably like
this is going to suck
for the next hour
and then I'm like
I'm free like i'm free
yes free times four franchise that dude there was exactly i remember one time a girl that's a great
thing you start a group chat on instagram and accidentally add two chicks you don't want to
fuck anymore in the same group chat dude whoops that's smart clear them out right away yeah you
go whoa what happened you just kind of be like oh boomery i don't know how this app works take me out for an hour there was this dude uh this chick
who posted something on on tiktok very similar where she was like we found out he was dating
or talking to her seeing all four of us and so we did a photo shoot together and i went that's his
favorite thing ever him seeing that he showed all his boys. He's like, yo, look at this.
He has a picture of you in his house.
He's like, that was my lineup once.
Then they fucking killed, dude.
Look at how tight they were.
Having the lineup all together is crazy.
You're right.
Amazing.
I've had that a few times in my life where it's like, you know,
it smashed girls at different points.
And now they're sort of around the friend group or whatever.
There's three of them like standing beside each other.
And you're like, pretty funny.
Dude, there was one time i was at this party and i was high on mdma and there's this chick who came who i didn't know was going to be there who i had banged and there
was another chick who i was currently banging and they know that i banged each other the girl who i
didn't know was gonna be there was talking to me then the other girl walked up and like it was like
you know i'm gonna be in this conversation too like we're you're talking to both of them yeah so i'm talking
to both of them at the same time i'm high on mdma the the conversation just kind of dies and i go
i gotta pee and i just leave the two then what happened i fucking don't know
dude i went home with a different girl that night i went home with a third one the dogs are in the
building what are you asking me for i third one. The dogs are in the building.
What are you asking me for?
I went and fucked two other chicks in the bathroom.
Came out, asked these two girls to smell my fingers.
Dorena out.
Oh, fuck, man.
Yeah, that's good.
Good stuff.
Good stuff, boys.
Skyped him in. You know what else i thought that another thing is you sort of have uh jay the most uh because me and jj were talking about this about
you because you have like obviously everyone's like technology's making everything worse everyone's
glued to their phones video games are bad for you jerking off for you's bad for you you're one of
the only people that you're just like none of this stuff's bad for me no it's like it is what it is it's sick it doesn't
affect you dude it's awesome it's like what there's booty pictures everywhere we get to
fucking hang out like you love this era oh it's amazing it's amazing there's like a five percent
chance though in like 15 years from now you're gonna be like a like a pastor though you're gonna
go like the full mace you're gonna you're like, yeah, mace. Exactly. You're going to be like full mace. You're going to be like, I've seen the heirs of my ways.
I was addicted to every substance you can imagine.
Video games, television, pussy.
Paws.
Paws.
Ten of nights.
He's going to be telling that same story.
I've sinned.
One time they were talking to each other at a party.
You're going to be telling the same story. I'll send! One time they were talking to each other at a party. You're going to be telling the same story.
I was high on drugs
in my darkest moments.
And I went home
with a third one. Disgusting!
I didn't recognize the man that I'd become.
My wrist
muscles were so strong. So strong.
I could lift up a whore on each finger
oh my god yeah no there is a chance but very very small chance but it does seem like you're
sort of it is sort of you're maybe wired right for this or something yeah i'm like i'm having
a good time i'm having fun i like my alone. I like the fucking different pussy moving in and out.
I like playing video games.
I'm like, why the fuck?
Just love it.
Okay, but even like you're on your phone all day long.
That obviously can be good for you, but you seem to sort of not let it affect you.
I feel like that's not good for me.
I cut it out when I need to cut it out.
I don't look at my phone until later in the day.
I have my things that help me be like a human being.
But besides that, I'm like, yeah, being but besides that i'm like yeah i like my
phone so much my phone is like my favorite i do love it too i agree i can go on instagram and not
be affected because i still do again what you said you can't do i have my routine in the morning
you're like i don't know he has a 20 hour morning routine it's like i'm so efficient i do six hours
of morning routine yeah it's great no yeah my morning routine is like i usually start at like
nine and then i'm done by like three yeah it's like but that's like so efficient but that's also
that's making content that's writing jokes that's not your morning routine that's your job but that's
no i mean like the walk the yoga the stretch this is all shit like that yeah the walk the yoga and
then the breathing yeah the breathing that's an hour and a half.
Yeah.
Hour and a half.
We're good to go.
Yeah.
Feel great.
Remember when you, Danny, had the box for your phone?
That was sort of short.
I still have the box.
Do you ever use the box?
I still use the box.
Oh, you do use the box.
I have the box.
First girlfriend.
Yeah, I just put it away.
It's like one of those timed cookie jars.
Where you're just like, yeah, can't get in.
Yeah, I just can't get into it.
Also has a turkey jar.
That dude.
You get dings?
Oh, it's treat time.
Ding, it's treat time.
Oh, it's just a phone box.
Damn it.
No, that's when I take time to make cookies.
They alternate. Yeah, they alternate. I put the phone away, and then I go time to make cookies. They alternate.
Yeah, they alternate.
I put the phone away, and then I go make a batch of 24-pack. With that phone charge lock, he smashes the cookie.
He has a Heather box, too.
Bro.
My favorite thing when I'm in...
Sometimes I accept it.
I'm like, I'm going to be a slug, like you're hungover or some shit.
I will fucking like watch porn
repeatedly play video games all day and then order take out all day and i'm like just dopamine
non-stop it's the best fucking day ever yeah but that's once that's like a yeah yeah yeah once
every two weeks yeah no no not even that often i try to yeah once a month is like i'm just in the
hole i mean i just fuck i call it the triangle of disgustingness because you just bounce from point to point on the
triangle.
You just live in it.
You live in it.
I love it.
That's the one where you order, take out, have a bit of it, and then order another one.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Order dessert from one place, food from another place.
You can order two Uber Eats at the same time.
Yeah.
You can get them both run into your place.
Yeah.
They ask you.
Are you sure?
They would like.
Like, is this a mistake?
No. They say, would you like while we're waiting for this order to put in another order? Yeah, they ask you. Are you sure? Like, is this a mistake?
No, they say, would you like, while we're waiting for this order, to put in another order for you. Oh, they actually prompt you?
Yeah, and they give you options, like desserts.
It looks like you're not.
It's like Greg Giraldo bit.
They know they got a sucker on the whole.
Yeah.
Uber Eats is one of the greatest marvels of all time.
It really is.
Dude, fuck the pyramids.
Fuck that shit.
It's like, oh oh big rock buildings dude a
guy on a bicycle that i don't know brings me a delicious meal and then disappears i'm not and
that guy came to america to like live the american dream dude i'm dreaming over here
but not only that i swear to god i thought of this idea when i was a kid because all you could
order a lot of uber eats dude when you were I'm older than you so you'll never understand there was a time you could
only order Chinese and pizza and I thought how great would it be to get
something else I fucking thought of it you invented
I swear to God a buddy who what about what about this but more. I had a buddy who had What about this? But more.
1992.
I had a buddy who had this business in Mexico.
He literally had a delivery service
you could call
that would bring you anything.
Yeah, it was JJ Money.
I'll tell you that much.
Dude, but then I guess Uber
probably wiped them out.
Well, but they're just super inefficient
because
Yeah, well, because Uber is just too good.
The thing, the reason Uber Eats works
is because there's someone
that happens to be like
a minute away
from whatever place you are.
Yeah.
That guy's like,
oh, I'm across town.
I'll get to it
in an hour and a half.
They don't even speak English.
Why do they need to?
Well, what I'm saying,
they're not Americans.
Yeah.
They're like so illegal.
There's Americans
who don't speak English.
Sure, but these guys.
No, yeah, I know.
That's what one of our buddies says
that if anything happens, those are the guys you got to watch out for because they all have the scooters. It's like they of our buddies says, that if anything happens,
those are the guys you got to watch out for
because they all have the scooters.
It's like they're going to be driving.
What do you mean if anything happens?
What do you mean watch out for?
Like if there's a civil war.
Oh.
Those guys who can operate on those fucking scooters
and Molotov cocktails.
This is what you and your buddy are talking about?
Oh, yeah.
Him and Bob Sacramento.
When the civil war happens.
You got to watch out for those guys.
You got to watch out for them?
No, if anything, you got to be like,
how much for me to hitch a ride? Let's get out out of town and now you're friends with one yeah now you're
just like you've you've partnered up with one to get you out of town you should learn spanish that's
the move i think i think they don't all speak spanish that's true that is fucking true so i do
speak like basic and i speak enough spanish i'll go south that's the move if it kicks off they're
like we're sending you to war fucking that I'm going right
problem is is when you're in like if because
every ever says we're like every
doomsday like fucked up thing it
always takes place is modeled in New
York City yeah right like they're always like any
bad thing like like a chemical
spill nuke they're all
shit and not a day after tomorrow
New York all of it happens in
New York City but like if we're here, I think you're kind of fucked.
Unless you have bridges.
You have maybe five minutes.
Because you have to catch all the Ubers out of town and stuff.
Or cabs.
Well, they're not going to drive either.
They're going to take care of their families.
Exactly.
So they're going to be like, fuck this.
So then what, are you going to take the subway?
You're not going to walk in there.
No, you have to walk.
If you get any sniff of it, you have to start walking.
What, are you going to walk to Westchester?
Because you got a sniff?
I'm telling you, I'm prepared.
I have my fucking water things, my bug out bag.
I have stuff.
Okay, so you've planned this.
What's in JJ's bug out bag?
I have two X's.
We've talked about this.
JJ's bug man bag.
A flashlight. Bug out bag. I have two X's. Bug man bag. We've talked about this. JJ's bug man bag. A fleshlight.
Bug out bag.
Lube.
JJ knows there's going to be
some thirsty chicks
in the apocalypse.
Yeah, he just has like
a picture of some
hairless blonde guy.
Over 18.
Over 18.
Yeah, that's when
he takes off his war helmet.
That's what's in there.
He's like,
oh, this is what's
keeping me going, boys.
I can't say who, but I have
and I can't say what state, but it's northeast
of here. I have a plan right now.
Okay, so you have a plan.
Northeast of here. So what are we
talking about? You can't say what state? Maybe.
Vermont? Maybe. Okay, so how do you
get shit going down? There's like a fucking
sirens panicking the streets.
It's a three-day walk. We've already done it.
It takes three days to walk to Maine? We've mapped it out, yeah.
Who's we?
What's that?
I can't say.
I don't name names in these situations.
I don't name names.
I don't name names.
I can't say.
Straight secret, maybe.
I don't know if I'm buying.
But when do you sleep?
Do you sleep in like a ditch or something?
Well, we have the back roads and everything.
We already have it mapped out.
We have a bunker.
Bunker in Maine.
You have a bunker in Maine Maine we have a place and
there's sugar daddy and there's guns and everything let's see how long it takes to walk to Maine maybe
it takes longer than three days but we when covid how do you even get out of New York but I can't
this could go viral I'm not telling my I guess you gotta steal it no you need to tell you know
what you need a city bike you need to steal a city bike city bike is the way out oh city bike. You need to steal a city bike. City bike is the way out.
City bike is the way out.
A motorcycle is real good.
You get a dirt bike, you cross the border with that
because the border is going to be fucked.
Main roads are going to be fucked too.
I'd try to get back to Canada to be honest.
No.
I'm thinking if it goes down bad,
Canada is going to be fully police.
You'd rather be in Mexico though.
That's a good point.
I think I, it is fully a police state right now.
I'd rather be in Mexico.
You'd be in a rainbow prison.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I go, I keep going South for as far as I can go.
I try to make it to Chile.
Yeah.
I agree.
Somewhere in South America is better than Mexico is good, but they're lawless down there,
but it doesn't matter.
I'm not going fucking South without weapons. No, you're not. down there. But it doesn't matter. You don't have weapons? I'm not going fucking south without like...
You'll get weapons.
No, you're not.
What do you mean you're getting weapons?
But they're not going to be...
Dopey Jew?
What are you going to do with weapons?
I'm going to hire some fucking immigrant who can fire them.
Yeah, and then he's going to kill you and take all your shit.
I think farm.
You want to go to a farm, something that's useful,
so whoever the occupying people are, you make trade. I'm'm a body i'll work on the farm a dig i'll be like
pushing the plow whatever i'm like yeah that's that's my role now that is my role jay's like i
can make tiktoks of me farming yeah is that anything yes excuse me i can do a tiktok rain dance to make the crops grow is that something that we need
jay jay jay you're there the other the guy's just like
fixing the crops and then you come up like see what he's doing here
you just pop up some guys know what happens is he's milking the, and you make a funny face. Whoa! Wouldn't it be nice?
Wouldn't it be nice?
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fuck off this farm right now.
Get off the farm, put your phone in the box.
Those are your options right now.
It would be brutal.
To be set back like that. You don't even have internet.
You're like, I'm storing.
Yeah, dude.
When it comes back, we're going to have a backlog.
Also, that's another thing.
Imagine solar flare.
You're like, so how do you even get to Maine?
You got a compass?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The bug out back has everything the bug out back has everything it has knives it has fucking emergency the idea of you just being
like let's just walk northeast north so we hit maine i have a good partner you're gonna wind up
in fucking like seattle or some shit. Dude, that place would go crazy.
Have you seen the videos of Seattle? I watched an hour of a guy walking through Tent City
and stuff like that.
Oh, yeah.
Seattle is disgusting.
They have that everywhere, though.
All those Tent City things, you're like,
they have those videos everywhere.
Not like, not.
It's crazier in Seattle, dude.
I told you, I was talking to a guy from Seattle,
and he basically said the homeless people had this whole big whole big tent city and then the homeless people basically had they had
homeless police they were keeping other people because their tent city was full and they really
they've blocked off in portland i think it is the four after the blm protests they have this yeah
they have the chop and the chas that's gone's gone, though. That's gone now? That's long gone. That was only during
like... No, there's something right now
that's still... They all have the... Yeah, they have the 10 cities.
Yeah, but... Oh, not the downtown area?
I don't think they have like the CHOP and the CHAZ.
The autonomous zones. Denver.
Denver. Dude, this was
fucking insane. We went to a place
to go eat for breakfast in Denver
and then driving back, our hotel
was right near the club.
If you went one way, it's fine.
If you go the other way, you're fucked.
Danny's right. That's East Hastings.
That's so many places.
Toronto.
Trinity Bellwoods.
They used to have stuff
in Vancouver.
There was this place.
I can't remember what it was called.
East Hastings. It was an insane asylum like they had
and they shut it down and once they shut it down police arrests for mental illness went from like
nine a week to like 270 a week so it's like there's nowhere they got nowhere to go if someone's like
severely mentally ill in all the streets it's not like oh they're gonna clean it up and they're
gonna get no they need a fucking institution to take care of them because that's the only option you're right and that institution
thing they sort of shut it down on the premise of like this is medieval right it was kind of like
this is rude for us to put them in an institution it was like all right get out there it's like yeah
they just sort of unleash them they're just what they are shutter island they just fucking
empty to stop to get out here 35th andth, there's just six people right there.
Like, they're not humans.
Jesus.
They're not humans.
And this has nothing to do with race.
There was mixed races down there.
No white people, but mixed race.
I swear I saw a whitey.
Dude. They're honestly, like, around here, they're bad. They're not that bad. There's whitey. Dude.
They're honestly like around here.
They're bad.
They're not that bad.
There's worse parts.
No, 35th and 80th.
Do you remember during COVID when everybody left around here and then it was just full
of junkies?
I wasn't here.
And then it's just like this whole area just became occupied by just junkies.
That's wild.
That's one thing New York doesn't really have is like everyone's spread out.
Everyone has like the city's so big and there's not like
a tent city here.
Well, no,
because New York
is the only city,
I think the only city
in America
where they have a law here
where you can't be homeless.
Oh, really?
You have to,
they have a thing,
it's like,
that's the whole problem
with the city.
They have to find you a bed.
Yeah.
They have to.
Like, if you show up,
doesn't matter if you're
not from here or whatever,
if you're like,
I'm homeless,
they have to find you a bed, which is why they're putting them in hotels and adams is trying to get rid
of it because he's like it's literally bankrupting the city but it's also it's like then where are
they going to go they're going to go to you need to find well i guess the idea is they stop coming
to some degree right like it's preventative if you go like obviously if you hear hey if we get
to new york we get a free bed yeah like you know it's the same as people go to the warmer places
normally but it's you know there's obviously like chicago or boston they don't
have that no but chicago they'll same with like toronto they'll just be like sorry we're out of
beds but because chicago's so cold if you go ride the subway the subway's scary in chicago
that when we were there i rode the subway it's the subway in chicago is worse than here really
oh dangerous yeah. Really uncomfortable.
Like, real crack infested.
But you need a solution.
You can't just be like, we're going to put you all on the streets.
You need some sort of thing.
I mean, they had a good solution before the migrant thing, which is they're like, yeah,
we'll just literally put everybody in a bed and deal with it.
Yeah.
All right.
So the boys panel solved homelessness.
Okay.
I have a couple of quick ones. So one JJ one. with it. Yeah. Alright, so the boys panel solved homelessness. Okay, here's a
couple quick ones. So one, JJ won.
Straight men with bisexual
genes are more likely to have children
because the variations are linked to
risk-taking study claims. I saw that.
That's a true thing.
This is kind of a theory me and JJ were arguing
with girls about because
there's two types of
gay men. It's like very deviant or very
feminine right yes those are the two and so yeah they're saying it's more likely to have kids but
this article is trying to pitch essentially that bisexuality may have arisen in humans for good
reason to have more children it was trying to say it's like evolutionary the biology uh bisexuality
is like a good basically it's like propaganda article yeah yeah but um
if it did send jj here to repopulate the earth
sort of a propaganda thing it's actually actually you're even more of a man that's like
you know yeah it's like you have the tendency to suck dick well you're the most masculine guy
around it's definitely yeah yeah yeah, could you imagine? Black comedy community
wouldn't fuck with that theory.
No, not a chance.
And also, JJ was six kids.
Oh, my God. Dude, could you imagine
all these kids running around with these ideas?
Bunch of little balls. Two dogs with diapers.
Took care of them.
Yeah, it's not the craziest.
I could probably be a great dad.
Jay, are you still getting the vasectomy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Interesting, eh?
You're getting a vasectomy?
Getting a vasectomy, yeah.
I think it's February 26th or 27th.
It's on the books!
It's on the books.
Just to protect the assets?
To protect the assets.
He doesn't trust the hoes!
I don't trust the hoes.
I guess you could reverse it.
Well, you can reverse it.
I know it's not 100%,
but also if I really want a kid, I'll adopt if the reversal doesn't work.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm not.
I don't want kids at all right now.
I keep seeing that article of fucking Seth Rogen being like, yeah, not having kids was actually the best thing I ever did.
He's like, I think I get more joy out of not having kids than my friends do out of raising children.
And I'm like, yeah.
You don't know because you're comparing something you don't know to something you don't know i guess exactly and it's like maybe it's just
not for me but if i want it to be for me i can do it later but right now if i had a kid it would
fuck up everything dude i'm laying in bed watching porn jerking off fucking playing video but you
could just be a deadbeat dad who's just kind of ah that sucks though that's yeah that would that
would just eat you like if you have any kind of fucking...
And if it gets out, it's going to hurt your ticket sales.
Yours?
Your ticket sales?
Yeah, if it turns out he's a deadbeat dad.
Specifically you?
Yeah, it could be.
It could be like, oh, man.
Dude, that might be part of the brand.
Yeah, it could be.
You go, yeah, you're like, I've been fucking spraying all over.
What do you think was going to happen?
Of course one of these whores got knocked up, and now I don't want to keep it.
You're the deadbeat dad, and then you start a new channel
that's always with your shirt off and is deadbeat Chad.
He's just only Chad content.
I don't think Anthony Edwards or Zion Williamson or whatever,
they didn't have any.
No, but it's going to cost you money.
It'll cost you money for sure.
I don't have Zion Williams money.
And I think if you have one, then you go the fucking Nick Cannon route
where you try to
just do 10 and then it's like-
It's one or 10.
It's one or 10.
Oh, that's a feast or famine for you.
Well, because then I heard the Nick Cannon thing.
It's like if you have so many, you legally can't support, you don't have to support them
because there's too many.
It's like a loophole.
Once you get over 10, they're like, the courts are like, you don't have to pay child support.
Can you imagine having a chick this day?
Having a chick taking you to court. You have a court date in't have to pay child support. Can you imagine having a chick taking you to court?
You have a court date in 10 months for your child support,
and then you go pregnant with 11 different chicks?
I got too many on the go, man.
I can't afford any of them.
So that's a real thing.
That's what I heard.
I don't know.
I didn't do the research.
Yeah, I was going to say, I imagine the canon is...
There's so many rocks It's probably the percentage
Probably does
Like that you're entitled to
Goes down
Cause like
I'm a Udoka or whatever
He just had
Some alimony thing
And he basically
Was like 10% of his
Really
Can't give 10% of your income
To fucking 12 chicks
That's impossible
Cause I think there's like
Six Rock brothers
Chris Rock
Jordan Rock
Like they're all
A bunch of them in their con
tony yeah like they all do come but chris rock in the documentary i don't know if you said
he's like he doesn't help out anyone they're like no because well he's not the father but i'm just
saying it is funny that they're like tony said like i won't ask him for anything because he'll
just say no which is great which is the way you should do it. I think a little bit here and there is not bad.
Helping out your brother?
Yeah.
I like that.
I'm like, nah, I did it.
You do it now.
I like that.
Don't you like that?
I think I would help out a little bit.
I went on a trip with some family and stuff, and I paid for a lot of it.
I'll do stuff like that.
No, but that's different. He's talking in terms of like career helping the career yeah i would i would
help here and there but there would be like oh sorry man i can't help you on this one like i
wouldn't be willing to sacrifice some connections right yeah okay so the next thing is why this
study could have damaging consequences for borderline personality disorder community so essentially they were doing the hot uh versus crazy access yes and this study went viral like
people getting mad at it because of uh essentially they were sexist and yeah well i don't know what
it was they like basically a guy did a study of like whether people uh like girls that have
bipolar disorder based on how hot they were yeah you can imagine why that wasn't like a popular in like today's day and age or whatever right but so this was
and then they did a guy based on how rich he is based on how good looking he is and the study
actually is pretty crazy because it was basically what you would think it said if if a girl's ugly
and she has bpd she's the least desirable but if she's hot and she has BPD, she's the least desirable.
But if she's hot and she has bipolar disorder, she's the most desirable.
Short term.
But only short term.
Only short term, yeah.
Only short term.
But it was kind of interesting because everything's like that.
Even when a girl has a mark on her face.
If she's smoking hot, it kind of makes her a little bit hotter.
But if she's ugly, it makes her a little uglier.
But then when you've been living for two years and you wake up in the morning and you go,
ah, you still got that mark, huh?
Yeah, but if she's hot, the mark's kind of cute.
It's a Cindy... Like missing a finger on a smoke show is like...
You're like, oh, a little character.
A little character.
It's a scar on a good-looking guy
versus a scar on a gargoyle.
Yeah, dude.
My buddy said this once.
I was like, oh, I love hot chicks with tattoos.
He's like, no, you just love hot chicks.
Yeah, yeah, of course. That with tattoos. He's like, no, you just love hot chicks.
That's the math.
You just fucking put a frying pan on a hot chick's head.
You're like, oh, is that the new thing?
Oh, frying pans. Oh.
Yeah, dude.
I love that where they did the math on like hot crazy.
It's like, yeah, it's the best pussy.
I tweeted like two years ago, bipolar pussy, the best pussy.
It's been known.
We didn't need to do the math.
A little something different every time.
Oh, yeah, dude.
You won it.
Hot cool.
Yeah, I guess the only reason.
Well, it was just interesting that they scientifically did it.
But also just doing the hot crazy axis for real, like just some bros at the science lab.
But it is interesting that you think it might not change as much short term with the average or a good look
but the fact that it was like stay away from any girl that's ugly but when they're hot it was the
best thing i thought that was pretty yeah because for a bit it's the novel there's so much novelty
that you're like holy shit she's crazy she's like she assaulted a cab driver yesterday it's like
this is awesome and then you're like fuck she assaulted a cab driver yesterday. It's like, this is awesome. And then you're like, fuck, she assaulted
a cab driver. And she's a six.
No, but the difference is, too, the
hot ones to the ugly ones,
the hot ones don't have opinions.
The ugly ones... The hot ones have opinions.
No, but not like social.
Not social opinions. What was that Reddit
forum? Remember all these bitches are complaining
non-stop about... R slash bitches complaining. Whatever it is. Not social opinions. What was that Reddit forum? Remember all these bitches are complaining nonstop.
R slash bitches complaining.
I believe it's the subreddit.
Whatever it is, it's all these fucking blue haired land whales that have so many opinions that are so ugly.
It's true.
You can't even see their pictures on Reddit.
Yeah.
I mean, he's not off.
He's not wrong.
It's a calculated guess. Yeah. I mean, he's not off. He's not wrong. It's a calculated guess.
Dude, holy shit.
You think a hot chick's posting?
He's like,
I did the math.
Most hot chicks
don't even know
what Reddit is.
No, that's true.
Hot chicks aren't
going over to Reddit.
That's not their platform.
That's not a hot chick.
Yeah, that's not a hot chick
platform.
It's a calculated guess.
Oh, dude, fuck.
Here's a question.
Could you date Gypsy Rose?
I feel like you're the only one that could pull that off in this squad right now.
The Gypsy Rose thing?
Do you see her posting about how she's like-
I watched episode one of the documentary.
Let me see.
You don't know who Gypsy Rose is?
No.
Oh, tell you.
She looks like the kid from Deliverance with a wig on.
Hold on. Let me see.
Gypsy Rose. Her mom
was portraying her as dying from
cancer and was abusing her, doing
all this fucked up shit to her to basically get
money to be like, oh, I need to support
my kid who's dying. And she wasn't dying. She was
shaving her head. Munchausen by
proxy is the... What's that?
Whatever the term. The term of what she was doing. When you make them sick. Munchausen by proxy is the... What's that? Is the... Whatever the term. The term of what she was doing.
When you make them sick.
You basically make them sick.
Munchausen, yeah.
What's his face?
God sad.
So, yeah.
So she was doing this for years to her daughter.
And then her daughter eventually met a new guy.
And then they started having a relationship.
And they...
In jail?
Just the guy straight up?
No, no, no.
She killed her mom.
Yeah, she killed her mom.
And then went to jail.
Oh. And just got out out and now she has this
she's like blowing up and has this HBO document
but the guy she's married to
straight up slid into her DMs in prison
you didn't know that?
the guy she's marrying right now
slid into her prison DMs
in the form of a written letter
oh my god
it worked I guess for him
this guy is not the best looking guy.
He's kind of like a big ogre-y type of dude.
Yeah, he looks like Peter Griffin.
Yeah, he does look like Peter Griffin.
He looks very much like Peter Griffin.
Yeah, he looks like Peter Griffin.
Yeah, and she was probably getting tons of messages, dude.
Oh yeah.
When you're in jail for shit like that,
and especially she was sort of sympathetic in the story.
I never even heard of her until like two weeks ago.
I've been hearing about her because girls are all about this.
I've heard about this.
But didn't she get her in the Stanley cups?
Is that the whole girl thing?
Yeah, in the last couple of weeks for sure.
Girls love their Stanley cups.
They love Gypsy Rose.
Yeah, dude.
And shopping.
Dude, there's like a video of a girl getting one of those Stanley cups for Christmas and
she starts crying.
Oh my God.
She's so happy.
I'm like, what's going on?
They are pretty sick. Dude, I saw one where a guy thermos no it's colder i'm telling you it's i'm not one
to go with the girl propaganda yes the vetties you literally yetis honestly i'm embarrassed even
talking about it but it is better okay how cold does it stay fucking freeze your ears out but You didn't give a shit about this two years ago
Don't put your finger in there, I'll tell you that much
The Yeti coffee mug
You don't want to put your dick in there, I'll tell you that much
It's basically a Yeti
It's new Yeti branded towards women
Moving on from the Stanley Cup
It's not Boyle's panel conversation
I brought it up, I apologize
The original Stanley Cup
is the only cup
we can talk about.
If we want to talk
about the fucking cup
on this podcast,
we can talk about the cup.
Talk about fucking
Willie Nylander
getting locked up
for a fucking eight years.
So he went to jail.
You want to talk about
the cup and it being cold?
You try 6 a.m. practice.
I'll tell you that.
And you're trying
to get that cup
in your car.
Fucking bag skates
at 6 a.m.
That's the only cup
we're talking
about dude oh my god so anyways gypsy rose the girls are really into this but there's a big
documentary so it's blown up more but the you're you're talking about the stuff she's posting
online right yeah she's talking about how her her husband is like giving her the best dick
like i have the message the dick is fire and like there's multiple posts of the dick is fired
tiktoks of her being like i'm out i'm living my best life and the d is fire how many how many
different guys do you think she's had sex with in her life oh i think two no three three yeah
she sort of said and i think she was sort of saying she has another thing where she said her
grandfather molested her oh shit and the grandfather's still alive and he was just like
didn't happen but the grandfather sort of had a weird one because the grandfather
goes no i remember she tried to touch me at one point i told her no not then i was like
no it's like she was like six and he was like she actually she tried but i just be lying
you're gay you're gay she was coming on to me i had to fucking pump the brakes on this one that's
fucking nuts well it is sort of like gay though because they say that people that are molested
are more likely to molest and people that were like i think molester more likely to be gay they
have that same thing right really basically being molested is contagious essentially whether being
gay is contagious because if you have sex with another man he's probably more likely to then
have sex with another man after yeah you're more likely to then have sex with another man after.
You're passing it on.
Sort of is contagious.
I'm just going to do this podcast from over here.
You're going to catch the JJ game.
I'll read you a thing though.
The guy's name is Ryan, by the way. Oh, love it.
Love it.
So people were posting
and then a lot of people were hating on it.
She goes,
Ryan, don't listen to the haters.
I love you and you love me.
We do not owe anyone anything.
Our family's all that matters.
If you get likes and good comments, great.
If you get hate, then that's fine too.
Whatever.
They don't matter.
I love you because they just jealous
because you are rocking my world every night.
Yeah, I said it.
The D is fire.
Fire emoji.
Happy wife, happy life.
I love it. Isn't that crazy? crazy dude and also great for him he's getting
gassed up this guy was nobody a while ago and he did the move he he bought low and sold i mean
maybe sell high but you're right he like when she's in prison she's like fucking he's like i'm
gonna slide and she's not one of those have you ever seen on tiktok you know why he said the girls
do the like they have the online dating thing in prison. What?
No.
So prison has like a thing for pen pals, but it's like the modern version of it now where
there's like TikToks that are just replay them.
And so you go and you have a little camera and you just, it's like an old like video
dating from like the nineties or whatever, where you like pick up the phone and you go,
Hey, my name is so-so.
I'm just looking to like meet people.
And then that's how people connect with you on the phone. No, no, no, no. You leave a video and then that's how people connect with you on on the
phone no no no you leave a video and then that's how you start pen pals but that's how you like
introduce yourself and so but there's like some hot chicks oh there's some bangers and so this
dude was like he he scrolled to page like 99 like the last page don't know what he said no he
actually is public with this and he said the reason he's uh he was into her and he got the idea
because he was watching tiger king and he said the tiger king's uh he was into her and he got the idea because he was
watching tiger king and he said the tiger king guy was in jail and then he started thinking about who
else is in jail that's what he says he said that tiger king gave him the inspiration to message her
that's he's thinking outside the box like he's not the best looking dude he's like all this pussy
outside the prison ain't giving me nothing what about the pussy in the prison yeah this kind of
goes back to this uh matrix thing though because he chose gross and crazy yeah which is the least
desirable the hot and crazy girl she's like some hot chick with fucking tears he chose famous and
crazy though was she that famous before this though that's a good question like before like
they're really pumping her because she has an hbo doc coming out but she was just like a blip in the
news i think i don't think she was like I don't remember this being some insane national news story.
No, girls have been on it.
How was this not a defense?
I do remember hearing this.
I thought that was a defense, like the Munchausen thing.
I don't know if you're allowed to murder someone over it.
You're premeditated.
And I think it probably reduced her sentence because she didn't get life in prison.
Didn't she do like eight years or something?
Yeah, eight years.
Eight years is not bad.
That's normal, though, for a lot of people for their first crime for a
murder.
Like, you'll end up serving them.
It was her and another guy that did it.
Oh, really?
Oh, I thought this is what I thought was the guy who she's dating was the one who helped
her kill this.
No, no.
That guy's still on the fucking clink.
Oh, really?
Yeah, they spent a long time.
He did all the work.
He's getting no buzz.
He's getting no documentary either.
He got a bum deal out of all this.
That's what you get for simping, though, honestly.
I think that guy learned his lesson about simping for a girl to kill her mom.
It's a good life lesson for everyone.
This is like in the social network.
She didn't do the murder.
The guy who stabbed her 17 times.
She has organized it.
Yeah, still, again didn't do the murder. The guy who stabbed her 17 times. She has organized it. She organized it.
Yeah, still, again, it is the sim.
Yeah, and then afterwards, she had sex with the guy in the room.
After they killed her?
Which is probably really high.
Yeah, that is actually pretty high. Oh, she said she was against her will.
So I guess you guys might think so.
I don't think so either.
Opinion changed.
See her talking about how she fucked that guy in the movie theater?
I'm listening.
No.
Yeah, she was on Dr. Phil.
And he's like, so they went to the movies with her mom and this guy.
And then she goes into the men's bathroom, like wheels into there, goes into the handicapped stall.
He goes in.
The mom thinks he's getting popcorn.
And then they just fuck in the bathroom.
So she was like, oh, I'm disabled.
Then gets out, fucks really quick.
And then goes back into the chair and then fucking wheels out like oh no i'm not disabled at all what
the hell whereas normally i mean there were no strangers to a girl having to go in the chair
after we fuck her yeah i got one i got a fold out one in my place just what's that might be needing this sorry it's a walk-up oh yeah the guy got 25 years i told you the guy's doing time
that would be so funny so yeah he he was the one who went through with it yeah but you are right
though it's a it's sort of and i was honestly thinking this just uh the other day about life
it's like there's so many people that just play the life, the game that is supposed to be played.
Even the people that went to school and then did this.
It doesn't work out because you don't really have a competitive advantage.
You're just in the game doing the thing.
You need to find some competitive advantage one way.
Even if I was like, okay, I went to this because I know someone really in that industry.
Some competitive advantage.
Whereas this guy was looking outside the box.
He was looking for looking outside the box. Yeah.
He was looking for box outside the box.
I mean, also, if you see this guy, you're probably like, yeah, he just couldn't meet
someone who was not incarcerated, probably.
Like, that was his competitive advantage.
He goes, someone's going to want to write back to me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
How many letters did he send out?
That's a good question.
Probably a lot.
Yeah.
He was probably fucking doing-
This guy's hands numb.
He might have been photocopying.
Yeah, let's just hope some girl in jail
is not like, yeah, he's been messaging me
too kind of thing. Yo, dude.
That's a second murder she'll be involved in. That'll be a
story for sure. Definitely.
Yeah. Dude, men ain't
shit. That'll be the ultimate men ain't shit. The girls
will be all over this guy, ripping him
to shreds
no scrub i'm gonna do a quick question because uh i asked the patreon um have they anything before
we'll do the we'll go through these like reddit threads the only fans and stuff love it but this
is a real thing and then i thought it was a good question because people had a lot of them and said
curious how you guys know when it's time to start a new phase i.e like quitting music leaving canada uh danny
getting engaged it's one thing if your life sucks and you know it's time to make a change but what
about when everything's going pretty good that's a pretty good question right that's a good question
chris williamson always used to talk about i i mean we kind of i had something that he posted
and he had said something too because he was sort of saying that there's a theory when a lot of times people don't move,
they don't get out
of a bad situation
because it's not bad enough.
Yeah.
And he's like,
you know,
like a relationship or a job,
you go,
if it was actually worse,
you'd be more likely to leave.
for sure,
rock bottom.
Yeah,
yeah,
but you haven't hit rock bottom.
He's like,
it's just okay.
Yeah.
So it's a lot of people
don't progress
because everything's just okay.
But then I was also,
there's that phrase
that I was telling him
that the,
what's the best person
to be on the ladder?
It's like the one that's still climbing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just heard that one.
He did.
That was great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, it was real good.
I think for, I don't know, for me, it was always like, I always knew where I wanted
to go.
So I like, but when I started standup, I knew I wanted to go to New York and I had to go
to Toronto first to like make it over there.
They were stepping stones.
Yeah.
So I always kind of had the vision of where it was going.
And then the baseline was just like get funnier like all that would that
is a constant that never changes and then all these other things like making tiktoks doing
stuff on youtube all that stuff came in as a goal of getting funnier and getting better at comedy
and then these opportunities to move were just presented to like they start presenting themselves
and that's when you know to make the change so you're you're saying in your scenario you'd probably describe that as like you have a high
north star yeah that sort of guides everything else in between everything else falls into place
there is no finish exactly there's no finish line and also when if you're like apprehensive because
there was like moments where i was like i could stay in toronto when i first started i was like
i could stay in mexico that's where i started doing stand-up and i was like i could stay in toronto when i first started i was like i could stay in mexico that's where i started doing stand-up and i was like i could stay there and grow a scene here or
do that but it's like are you doing that out of complacency or fear and if that's the motivator
you're like oh i'm too scared to make this move or i'm too comfortable then you always make the
other move oh man i mean the comfort thing for comedy is like you see that for a lot of people
in canada or whatever yeah they're like they just get enough stuff, which is in the grand scheme of things, like
nothing.
But then, yeah, but he said, like this guy even said, though, like, what about when things
going pretty good?
Like, you know, a lot of times people will leave things when it's doing good.
And I think the answer to that is when you don't feel like you're progressing anymore.
Yeah.
Like, you know, because everything has a certain and then there's at some point it really levels
out.
Yeah.
And it's like, when do you not feel like you're progressing, like at a human end in life or in anything?
And if you feel yourself starting to get frustrated with very simple things, like what I noticed, I noticed this actually when I was scuba diving because there was a very clear hierarchy of moving up.
You basically had to pay for a new course to get to the next level to do like teach higher level students.
And people who stayed at the open water level, like the beginner teaching beginner divers divers they were so frustrated with the simplest things like they're kicking the reef they can't
do buoyancy or whatever the fuck and that's because you have the same problem every day for
like two years it's no longer an interesting challenge now it's just frustrating you need to
keep bringing new challenges into your sphere to keep your career and your life interesting
and challenging in a fun way that's like that's
a very important part that's a pretty good one no i always kind of i think if i was to like
my version of what you were saying would be like it's where is there like still energy yeah you
know i mean because energy is sort of like contagious so when you have energy like you
can feel it even like there's probably certain people you even hang around with like that maybe
was like i don't have this that much but like old like some people would describe like old friends in the old town
when you go ahead you're not even like really pumped about it you're just kind of like oh just
going through the motions or whatever so because there's no like energy there you're getting pumped
up so maybe like when you feel like you're going through the motions yeah absolutely if you're if
that's if that's all you're doing that's not the place you want to be that complacency that
frustration it's a it's a horrible it just you get draining then you'll that's what you're doing that's not the place you want to be that complacency that frustration it's a it's a horrible it just you get draining then you'll that's what you're doing though but yeah
like what's the context of this question just in general uh maybe they're asking in terms of
their own life but i don't have the specifics but yeah because i think you're sometimes uh
you when i mean seinfeld said uh some version of like that with like oh because he was the
for the biggest guy that was
like i'll never get married i'm why he goes why why would you do that yeah and then uh i think
like you know at like 40 or something like that he just like got married and people were like you
were the main guy and he was like yeah i just kind of felt like i was just doing the same thing over
and over again yeah like event yeah yeah i think he just kept sort of yeah it just feels like uh
groundhog day a little bit cabin fever of life it's time it's time you're like yeah you have to listen to maybe you're like internal clock you know yeah like you guys
probably felt it in toronto where it's like oh any one of these rooms i go and i can get up almost
any time i want the crowds i know how to like work these crowds there's like also the money
isn't changing or going anywhere just do it there's like you're gonna try uh fucking hit a
ceiling wheel yeah just like doing the same thing over and over and just by moving to new york and
you also know you see it like if you're say whatever you're a finance guy or you're a tech
guy you're working for a company and you move up to a certain point and it's kind of like you're a
smaller tech company that does whatever like deliveries or some shit like that you see oh i
could work for google i could work for them but do i take the move i don't know it's like yeah go
take that move take that fucking next step and move in that direction or if you get high up in google it's
like i want to start my own company that does this i have this idea that they don't want to do
make those moves that you see in your head it's that fucking book the the alchemist it's like you
see the omens you see these these what does it describe i've never read the alchemist actually
i heard of the alchemist is amazing what's the omens so it's basically life presents you omens like opportunities to do things like it like now presents jj oh man
man but it get life will present you opportunities it'll be like oh you have an opportunity to talk
to this person or meet this person or start this company or make this money or move to new york or
whatever it is and then if you don't acknowledge the omens and do something with them eventually
they just disappear and then you don't have the omens and do something with them, eventually they just disappear.
And then you don't have those opportunities again.
So when you see those things,
you go, oh, I want to do that.
And you don't take it, like I said, out of fear,
then that is the worst decision-making.
But also, I think there's something to be said about
if you look at life like that,
you go, the opportunities don't come that often,
and it's up to you to take them.
You go, well, then it's just, it's like there is no decision paralysis because you're like, it's already made.
Well, it's like I only get this, I only get the opportunities every now and then.
So when things come and like there's a light bulb moment, you have to move.
Oh, yeah, move.
And then it sort of isn't a would I, won't I?
Because you're just like, of course I do.
Yeah.
Well, I think we're all in a very similar space where we've found the direction we want to move in.
So like I said before, having that North Star
that you're building towards,
all these other things
just fucking fix the place.
But he's right.
I've had that North Star before
and I've changed.
But again,
it was like,
you could feel the energy
was over in that moment.
The moment was over.
Yeah.
You want to be like
in a moment
or moving towards a moment.
Yeah.
Not on the other side
of those moments.
Yeah, yeah.
Exactly.
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There's three different Reddits
that we've gone through the OnlyFans,
which is the PageRanker, the TollPos, and all this.
But the OnlyFans one,
we went through a really deep dive.
And I guess it's
different now because essentially it's just got so saturated yeah so i think there was a moment
where you could kind of if you were like the first certain people in like you could kind of make a
thousand bucks a month like without trying that hard yeah and now it's like corporate there's so
many people there's like systems all the big managers there's managers so it's really like a thing right yeah so and then there's these people people. There's systems, all the big managers. There's managers now. So it's really like a thing, right?
Yeah.
And then there's these people now that are just getting into this game really late with these crazy questions.
Yeah.
Okay, so the first one.
Does anyone make content while living with their family?
I've been making content for three years in my own apartment, but moved in with my mom to save money and take care of her.
I live downstairs with no door. I have have no privacy and it's so frustrated i bought two sound machines but they
aren't loud enough and who who wants to make a video with the sound machines in the background
also i've been in the middle of recording a video and my mother coughs because she has emphysema You're like, I'm coming.
Sorry, I got to do the noise machine up.
This is a sad story she's painting.
It's like massive squirt video capped with like, ah, God, gonna rehydrate shoot again clean the set and also
the noise machines obviously the mom knows when the noise machines pop on what's going on too
it's my daughter hard at work but salute to this chick for like fucking being like you know what
i'm gonna sell this pussy to take care of my mom there's nothing that's like maybe one of the
saddest things to me.
Isn't that dark?
It's the struggling OnlyFans creator.
It is.
Are you considered maybe doing some sort of thing,
maybe like an altruistic project
where you go find just the crappiest OnlyFans creator
and then somehow bring it up?
Kind of like one of those,
remember the shows where they remodel a poor person's house?
You know, and then they have the bus,
and then the bus, and then they're all...
Kitchen confidential.
Something like that where you're like,
I've got $10,000
and one pig.
Yeah, like horror
confidential.
Oh my God, that's so funny.
There's very few people...
It's such a brilliant idea.
One at a time, you two.
Oh, this is great, though.
Yeah.
Like, you know, you find someone who's like, you know, they're the top 1%.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You find the bottom 1%.
Well, the bottom 1%.
But there's probably some talent down there.
Oh, there for sure is.
They just need a shot.
They need a remodeling.
They need a, like, what's your niche?
How do we repurpose this?
How do we sell your personality?
But also, you can just, you have an audience where you and then you just i can just i can say i can blow them up and you bring
in and this is how this is great dude yeah
the show jj loves having a show i love this but then you get like guest appearances from top
only fan models yeah you bring them in
as fucking coaches yeah you bring it like next top whore yes you literally go and today and the
music stuff and where everyone starts looking behind the door and today we have fucking
everyone's like this is a great idea am Did Amaranth make $57 million from OnlyFans?
Yo!
What was she doing, selling spit and shit?
I don't know.
She posted it today, though.
She's like one of the top.
She's like the top titty person on Twitch.
0.1%.
I like it more, JB, than the Gordon Ramsay, where you walk in and you look and you go,
what the fuck is this shit?
You call that squirt?
You go, grab the dildo.
You smell it?
You're disgusting!
You don't clean this? You're trying to jerko. You smell it. You're disgusting. You don't clean these.
You're trying to jerk off.
You go, I'm fucking soft.
These titties, they're uneven.
Great, man.
I'm excited.
That is actually a fucking incredible idea.
Is there a way to find the bottom 1% of all these tits?
Oh, yeah.
You might be able to search by that.
JJ, you do a gay one also called the bottom 1%.
Just fat, hairy, unshaven, stinky.
I went on Grindr a couple days ago, and this troll fucking DM, like, he pinged me, and I'm like, in what fucking world, fatty?
Oh, you actually, like, you take it personal?
Yeah.
That you got a DM from this guy?
Oh, my God.
What, he sent you just the asshole?
No, he just sent me a message.
Because you can tap.
You tap that knows someone's interested in you, and then they send you a phone.
I don't think JJ's boned a dude in a long time.
I think you're more of a window shopper now.
Yeah, I'm a window shopper right now.
Yeah.
All you do is go on Grindr and guys message you.
You go, what the fuck?
Yeah, you just try to see where you're at.
You go on Grindr just to see where you're at still?
See where I'm at. Dude, what's my ranking in the gay community am i dropping am i
still good i go on there i do a little makeover right before i put some mascara in my hair to
push it up do the picture mascara you're painting the top of your head at this point
you got the ron popeel just like
like one of the plastic thing
You know you were
Alright let's see where I'm at
LeBron does the same thing though
He gave up
He's actually giving up
Oh yeah
Did you see the video of him
He got the Steve Harvey flat top
He was brushing his head
He had like
He's like completely bald
And he has a brush
And he's doing an interview, and he's vigorously
brushing his head, and people are like, what the fuck are you doing?
Dude, there's nothing.
But is this moving the soil so the crops are growing?
I'm surprised he won't go do the hair transplants.
Yeah, they're such good ones.
I think he kept doing it, and it wouldn't take.
It just won't take.
My theory on that is that they can't do black hair.
Yeah.
I don't think that.
Oh, you're right. I wonder about that, because it is a different- It's a different type of hair. they just don't, they can't do black hair. Yeah. Oh, you're right.
I wonder about that because it is a different.
It's a different type of hair.
I just don't think they take it off your head.
But I just don't, I don't know if like the curliness.
Because it's stronger hair.
It needs more like follicles are harder to get in.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's just black people haven't been able to pull off the hair transplant.
See, I think, okay.
White privilege.
By the way, that may be true.
I don't think I have any information on that But it also could just be that
Black guys don't bother because it's like
Totally reasonable to be bald
You look great, every black guy
I haven't seen a guy who looks terrible
That's bald and black
I have, but it only lasts for
Half a year and then they cut it
No, but I'm saying
A couple girls call them dusty and then they pick it yeah and no but i'm saying girls call them dusty and
then they pick it yeah no but i think bick looks good bick looks great on a black guy it looks i
haven't seen a man like honestly what's bick like totally okay but like even like a fat black guy
looks fine where flat and fat white guy just really sick every other race doesn't look that
great no that's good that's the only race where you don't look sick like a fat fat white guy when they have the hot dogs the six
pack of hot dogs on the back of the neck the sharp a neck yes the sharp a neck's disgusting
but a black guy looks like oh yeah that looks awesome yeah no it looks as you're like this is
a powerful man yes powerful man it's like what do's like, what are you, Bench? Yeah, how are you repping that? Okay, so this girl, the advice, yeah, definitely I like the idea of the smoke machine.
Obviously, the real actual answer is music.
Yeah.
Turn on some music.
I think it's like, no breathing.
That's what you guys, this is some system in the background.
Yeah, we'll get a little system of a down going or something.
Actually, you know what?
There was that one thing I forgot I was going to mention.
system of a down going or something actually you know there was that one thing i forgot i was gonna mention this because you know kanye west is posting all the new photos of his uh yeah his
girl naked which is hilarious because he was just like he went from being like kim kardashian i
don't respect what she's doing and then like he's i'm the church guy and everything now he's just
like here's my wife naked my new wife naked who looks like her yeah but the system of the down
guy commented on it uh what was it system of the
down guy um the i think it's the bass player in system of the down wrote on kanye westwall
show some class man you have kids who look up to you for moral guidance is this supposed to be the
person to protect the most your wife isn't supposed to be your trophy she's pride and dignity this
isn't it blah blah this is the bald white guy no i wish it was the bald white
guy with the hair not the one he's the one that works the bald white guy if he was commenting on
kanye west he would have just said wake up not sure grabber didn't put on some makeup not sure
uh not uh sure what's his name not the main guy no this is like the drummer or something yeah yeah
yeah i love those guys i just found them this year.
I've DM'd you guys.
They haven't made a new song in like 15 years.
I literally heard the fucking
it was last year, Lex Friedman
talk to Rick Rubin about them.
I never heard these guys.
That is a crazy thing when he said just pull a book off the shelf
and look for a line.
What was that?
In System of a Down, Rick Rubin was like they couldn't figure out a line. What was that?
Rick Rubin.
Rick Rubin was like, they couldn't figure out a line for their song and he's like, just grab a book and pull it off.
Yeah, I remember that. I saw that video.
And the line, I can't remember what the fuck it is.
Something about a priest or God or something?
Yeah, and it's like an incredible line.
I can't remember that.
What's that?
Forsaken Me.
You know what? I know that JJ really liked
Rick Rubin
and Rick Rubin
had a good one
recently that I thought
really related to comedy
because stuff that we
talk about a lot
because he was basically
saying that
art
isn't supposed to be
for other people
it's kind of like
a journal entry
as soon as you start
because he was like
you're making it
for yourself
not for other people
and he goes
when you start making it
for other people
that's not art that's commerce and I was like that's such a making it for yourself not for other people and he goes when you start making it for other people that's not art that's commerce oh and i was like that's such a good
yeah it's so many things because i've always sort of said it's more of the my description of it was
more you can't worship two gods yeah like a lot of people that try to make art that try to make
some point but they're also trying to make art it's like you can't do two things at once you
can't worship two gods right but i thought that was another a good way to put because i used to
say maybe it's propaganda when you're doing the other thing but i think commerce is a
better way to say you're trying to make money yeah he goes when you're trying to you're when
you're writing the jokes that you think other people will like that's not art that's commerce
yeah yeah that's how joe joe coy just got fucked up fucked over because he made last week yeah yeah
because that was yeah that was commerce that's commerce and it's like well and i love him and i'm like you just
took on a fluff gig to make money and that's what you know what i'm gonna go a little different than
that bad i thought he wasn't that bad he's just the truth is with those stupid fucking hollywood
actors the only thing that works now is to just to go and like tell them they suck yeah like and
and if you bomb people will be like oh yeah he's not that good because he's trashing them he's not that exactly he's not like that's why they hired him because
they didn't want that guy it was literally you're doing a corporate and then you're trying to be
nice yeah and then that's not working like if he had just said you to all them and
then people would be like yeah he bombed making fun of them because he's the man yeah he's not
that guy so he was in a rock and hard place. No, what he should have done is crowd work. Should have been like, so what do you do?
I'm Steven Spielberg.
And you're like, oh, really?
So what do you do? I'm a director. That's crazy.
Anything I see.
Isn't there a story
with him that he found his wife?
How long you've been together?
How long you've been together, Selena Gomez?
But there was a story.
He found his wife cheating.
Wasn't that?
He walked in.
Joe Coy?
His first wife.
I thought that was him.
I don't know the Joe Coy lore that hard.
He was in a rock and hard place.
I don't put that on him.
And I think they gave him the gig on December 21st or something.
I don't know about that.
Everybody's like, what?
That's not enough?
I mean, to write a six minute novel.
Yeah, you hire your 10 funniest friends to write you a joke.
Yeah, that's the weird thing.
He goes, I didn't get my writers until like five.
I'll be like, fuck my writers.
I'm calling my friends.
I'm calling every one of my buddies.
I'm calling my buddies.
To be honest with you, I've only done one roast and I called two fucking savages.
But I'm saying you're like, I wouldn't be like, oh shit, clock's ticking.
I wish they'll give me my writers, the Golden Globes.
I'm like calling my friends immediately.
Easy.
And 10 days is more than enough.
Oh, easy.
I don't know if he's reading off a teleprompter.
No, he wasn't.
He wasn't.
Okay.
No.
Yeah.
I think he was getting more flat than he deserved.
Yeah.
And then everybody's like, he's bombing.
You're like, he was doing fine.
No, the only reason I knew.
It's the Taylor Swift thing. It's the moment that they cut to her and then she's like he's bombing you're like he was doing fine no the only reason I knew is the Taylor Swift thing
is the moment that they cut to her
and then she's just like
like yeah
and then they go
oh he's bombing
like it's literally like
the king thing
like you know like
everybody is like the jester
and then everybody looks
to see if the king
and the king's not enjoying
themselves
and everybody's like
sucks
yeah it was the boss
at the corp
the boss at the workplace corp
yeah
and then everybody looked at her
and she's not enjoying it
oh he's bombing
dude right he wasn't bombing yeah I listened to it. It wasn't terrible.
You know that all-time famous
jester, Ronald the Farter?
What? Ronald the Farter?
Ronald the Farter is like the most famous
jester ever. Oh, fantastic.
He would come to the king and he would
fart and the king loved it.
What's king? I don't know which king.
It was like in the 1500s and the king bought bought him a fucking like castle yeah castle acres of land
and he even like retired mansion and then he was like i need you to come out of retirement
fart for me again like he like came back and like all right guys like how's this not a movie
there was a funny i can go on command I think so I think he could fart
on command man
back then
that would have
there was
dude
there was a fucking
nobody was farting
man
it's so funny actually
because I literally
was listening to an interview
yesterday
and they were talking
about this dude
his name was
Lepeto Main
and he was a French
flatulence
oh really
and he was like
yeah
his name is Joseph Pph puyol better
known by his name i swear to god joseph puyol french flatulence he died in 1945 and he's because
i was watching um the david cross podcast with mark maron and they were talking about because
they used to have on mr show this bit called gary the farter and it was based off of like they it
was a mr show bit but it was based off of this
guy and he would just like fart or whatever like that was all his punch lines he would just be like
and he i guess like suck aaron in his ass and let his ass and then he's so he constantly has
like punch lines which is like and then we were like yeah this is like in like you know the late
1800s yeah they don't got the internet yeah because they try to make france out to be like
they're all like high culture and stuff.
But they're just like watching this guy rip ass
and laughing. They like mimes, man.
A mime is like a pie in my face.
And they're like, excellent, excellent.
French people do, yeah, they do have more of a
highfalutin reputation than they deserve.
Just because they talk stupid.
Dude, one time I was in an argument
with this French guy. We're just like discussing
whatever. And then I'm getting the edge on him and he goes oh what do you know your country's like 400 years
old and i was like what the fuck does that have to do with anything dude that was his argument
like i'm from an older like monarchy you i know more than you shut the fuck up this is by the way
this is the description of le peto man right here. Little farts warmed up the crowd. Lepeto main.
He teased the big shit.
He goes, listen.
Lepeto main named the toots as he went,
doing such impressions as a bride on her wedding night,
a very little fart,
a lengthy 10-second fart replicated the sound of a dressmaker
tearing two yards of calico.
Then, with all his might,
he blasted one in the form of a cannon firing.
So he's just like, I wonder what this would sound like if this is a fire he's like a bride on her wedding night
you're probably doing half hour at least a half hour of fart i love to think that that they were
like people come back and they see him again and they're like they're like oh he's gonna do the cannon and they're like and he's like they're like yeah it's amazing someone steps on his
punchline farts in the crowd oh shit a huge move there's a video of him from 1900 farting oh wow
can people see it it's on youtube yeah le peto main farting on film and
ronald the farter is like the equivalent to
play one little bit of this give me a little fart could they record back then like audio yeah yeah
they used to watch and we'll send this to johnny i'll put it on the screen i don't there's no audio
oh i don't even think there's audio well that's crazy kind of loose well it's 1900
but it's just so fucking crazy watching this special you kind of do see him he looks like a magician with his hands all right we'll put that on the
screen that's so funny for the audio listeners uh you're not missing much there's the silent
but he does cut away yeah well he does kind of like he goes he bends over and then he's kind
of just like but his his thing doesn't uh the suit the time that would be a lot yeah that'd be incredible you need to hire a guy to like
yeah that's like your magician's assistant yeah they just send some wind well actually
leading into our next one this pretty topical because i'm having a hard time knowing what kind
of vibe i should do so they haven't been doing that good on OnlyFans. I've heard people making money from stepping on things,
but that sounds so not real, is it?
It is real.
I absolutely don't want to do anything schoolgirl, though.
Otherwise, I'm pretty open to niche groups.
And what I'm saying is it's pretty obvious that farting can be a niche.
Do crush models.
Because our boy Kevin Soldo, remember he moved to New York 10 years ago? He moved to New York
10 years ago for a year, and he was dating
a girl who was a crush model.
She would step on toys,
and then there's ones where they step on
little crawfish that are alive.
They're big girls.
They're big girls, and they just squish bugs
with their feet.
They were live crawfish.
And then there's dudes, I guess, in Asia jacking off to that stuff.
Oh, yeah.
In Asia.
That's the market.
That's right.
Dude, that's all the different niches.
I think farting definitely.
You should get into that if you can.
That fart in the jar.
Yeah.
Like, that's like, it's like.
How gross you want to go.
Yeah.
It's like.
But on OnlyFans, there's certain shit you can't do.
Like, you can't do...
You know the whole is piss squirt or squirt piss, blah, blah, blah thing?
You can't piss, but you can squirt?
You can squirt, but you can't piss.
Yeah, no titty milk either now.
So you can't admit...
Yeah, no titty milk, no shitting, of course.
That's why Fansly is taking off.
Oh, is that quite...
Because Fansly is the shitting one?
The bad boy OnlyFans?
Maybe.
Fansly is the one that allows shitting?
It allows titty milk.
Wow.
But why not kiss it?
That's still funny.
It's like excrement or whatever.
That's hilarious though,
being an OnlyFans chick
and being like,
hey, I'm trying to start.
Like, should I step on stuff?
Yeah.
What should I do?
I read down that a little bit
and someone was like,
niches don't matter.
Just start like putting the titties out there.
Someone will make a request for something weird and then that's your niche oh the niche comes to you yeah the niche finds you chicken or the egg because at the end of the
day this is commerce so you you appeal to the audience that's true yeah you're right this is
not art i mean just get a job at fucking subway no sell No. Sell the tits, dude. Fuck that shit.
What is more degrading?
You going to school and telling the girls this?
Start an online class
like Hustlers Only.
Only fans. How to sell your titties.
But yeah, working
at Subway and fucking making no money
and getting treated like shit.
I know this one chick who started OnlyFans. She's making like
$15,000 a month. Before that... they always tell you the high high things though most people
are this they're i made 50 last month should i try stepping on live animals a lot of people a
lot of people okay how hot before anything how hot is she she's decently because none of these
things go what should i do and nobody's like go to the gym like eat less and go to the gym
quite the opposite the one is saying she lost weight
and it's costing her money.
Really?
Yeah.
Well, I guess if you're in that niche, right?
Yeah, if you're a big girl niche, dude,
they want you to stay big.
There's feeders out there.
Feeders.
That they're like,
please eat for me, my queen or whatever.
They'll like send you food and shit like that.
And they'll Uber Eats you?
Yeah, they'll Uber Eats you
or they'll give you like credit
to go get food or something.
Those are the farters too.
The SSBBWs?
Is there like some version? Who the fuck the ssbbws is there like some
is there like some version of that like you know when you buy a like a bartender a drink and then
they do like water shots because they're like we don't want to be drinking all night but they don't
want to seem like anti-social kind of thing is there like you get it like a subway sub but you're
like hollow it out it's just like the edges so then you're just like eating mostly just like
nothing in the middle just so you can keep going.
There probably is.
Fake feeders.
I can't just eat 10 subs a night.
Yeah, but these chicks are like 400 pounds.
Some of them are pretty big.
Some of them are enjoying this.
They're like, sick, dude. Fetching Alfredo again?
Don't mind if I do.
Yeah.
The one girl did say though that she was she she was lost 30 pounds
because she was too fat and then she it's kind of like uh acting in that way where it's like you
got to be fat or or in shape yeah in between like in be like a decent normal person with an extra 30
pounds is not the sweet spot you want to no. You want to be fat or normal.
But also, that's the thing.
If you want this chick to be a big girl, it'd be like if you started, like you guys have
your type of comedy, what your podcast is branded as.
If all of a sudden you're like, okay, guys, we're doing fucking rainbow flags and all
that kind of shit.
Talking about Stanley Cups.
Dude, it would be fucking, it'd be done.
You have, every market has what they want.
And if you're in the big girl market, you got to stay there, dude.
You got to like.
Well, but that's why with everything, it's like, you don't want your niche to be something
that's killing you.
Yeah.
Well, it's like probably, yeah, you're better off being a comedian than a sword swallower.
Yeah.
Well, no, you sent me that clip when we were in Bridgeport about all the fatties that died.
Oh, yeah.
This was crazy.
The plus size influencers
that are all like,
I can't believe
I just said plus size.
This is not your podcast
with Taylor Lorenz.
Holy shit.
I forgot Jay
did the Taylor Lorenz podcast.
I didn't know who she was.
Oh, you did?
Taylor Lorenz?
I didn't know.
They were chumming it up.
Where was this?
I didn't know
who she was.
Old zero COVID Taylor over here.
Taylor Lorenz.
Jay had his mask on out of respect on Zoom.
No, I did not.
I did not.
I did not know who she was, man.
That was the best thing ever.
Jay just posted this podcast.
He's like, I'm doing this for a podcast or whatever.
And then it's like, Taylor Lorenz?
I did it.
Dude, it was.
She was the guest.
You're not doing it.
It was the guest.
My co-host was like, I love this person.
I was like, cool.
Yeah, you didn't bug it, obviously. I had no It was the guest My co-host was like I love this person I was like cool
Yeah you didn't bug it
I had no idea who she was
And then everyone was like
Yo this is
But I was like
Uh oh
Taylor Laurent
Is a
Cunt
Oh yeah
She's a big
Dude all she
But anyways
What was happening
With your plus size girls
Back to the
Dead plus sizes
So this chick made Like like basically a super cut of
like oh i saw that yeah she was like blair white it was a blair white with the fake lips and all
that shit the trans yeah and no she's not trans like yeah yeah i mean if you smack
i got bad news for you pal all those spank sessions that you were doing.
No, no.
What are you talking about?
No, no, no, no.
No, play with the woman.
With the huge cans and the big fake lips.
No.
No, say it ain't so.
Say it ain't so, Joe.
Say it ain't so.
Dude.
Bro. I got some of my top cranks
that's not possible
the cranks were so good that I didn't even see
your naked come on
I'm just gonna keep one for safekeeping
one little peek in there
a little Blair White on the side never hurt anyone
dude
oh man in that one the one fucking uh article with the the vegans saying that they
they were like oh if you do a vegan diet you get hornier oh yeah there's an article that said
you want me to read the headline yeah hold on i'll read this headline here uh
vegan diets make women hoardier hornier allegedly according to this new experiment
where they just took a bunch of girls
and then showed them stuff and measured
their blood and all this stuff and it said
girls that were vegan apparently had higher sex drive
and I was like they said they had some sort of
like thing that could test your genitals
like if they warm up to see if you're
getting horny and I was like
is that like a speed gun?
you could just fire it at someone's dick like you're watching UFC speed gun like you could just fire at someone's dick
like you're watching ufc with the boys probably yeah and you just fucking shoot at their dick
you're horny he's fucking horny he likes dudes who haunt each other fucking get him boys
that could be the new party
the horny machine yeah in the door. Dude, fully gay. This guy's gay. We got him. That's so funny.
Go back to the
back thing.
You remember Debs actually
just checking the gun to see if she's
ready.
It's like a steak.
You're literally just hitting it with the
temperature.
The radar thermometer.
The laser thermometer.
This chick, she basically did a smash cut of these influencers who are, like, huge.
Being like, oh, come visit me on my body positive radio show.
And she's like, she's dead.
And then it would cut to another dude who's like, I'm eating all this food.
And he's like, he's dead.
And then everyone, this chick who's like, just because I'm fat doesn't mean my nutrition device isn't good it's like she's dead yeah and it just like one after the
other yeah yeah all they all died yeah from being too fat it's too bad yeah don't yeah you don't
want to do that no i always thought that would jackass man like it like there's because there's
some people go into that thing where like there's new versions of people doing jackass type shit
where they're like whatever putting lemon in their eyes or some shit. And I'm like, you could start doing that, but then that's your shit.
And you have to fucking shoot yourself in the balls with a paintball gun.
I was in that world because I was doing crazy shit on camera.
And that was all my shows that I made.
That was my whole deal.
I was making crazy videos in a band, God.
That was my deal.
And I always stayed away from the pain stuff because I just know that I'm not that guy.
Pain, like spicy food challenges, all that kind of shit.
Spicy food.
Even like prank stuff.
I'm like, man, you got to go out and like fucking set up cameras and secret shit and
like fuck with people.
And then someone beats the shit out of you.
It's like, man, I don't know.
See, that I never minded.
That's my alley.
You're like, oh yeah, I guess.
Yeah.
Like even like a cop beating you up, like all that stuff.
It was like, I almost wanted that.
What I don't want is a shark, a fucking hook in like a cop beating you up, like all that stuff. It was like I almost wanted that.
What I don't want is a shark, a fucking hook in my mouth.
Did you swim in the shark?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That like the Steve-O shit was the bulls.
Like, I do not want the bulls.
No, dude.
It's like Johnny Knoxville still pissing in a bag.
Yeah. And has had like eight concussions or something like that.
This is a bag.
Really?
Yeah.
I think he shits in a bag.
Yeah.
I heard he has a catheter.
Yeah.
It's fucking. It's well, even Steve-O. He can't talk like he can barely talk. I don't think that'sits in a bag. I heard he has a catheter. It sucks. It's fucking rough.
Well, even Steve-O, he can't talk.
He can barely talk.
I don't think that's from the Bulls.
Oh, that's from the Coke?
Yeah, dude.
I think the Bulls got his voice.
The fucking rogue kick hit him in the throat, and that's why he talks like that now.
Oh, man.
Yeah, this girl.
Okay.
No, the reason I was bringing this into the niche one, this girl... Okay, no, the reason I was bringing this
into the niche one, this next one goes,
I'm starting my first OnlyFans site
using my lazy
pubic hair brush as my shtick.
Any advice or recommendations
for other hairy baddies?
I'm not great at social media, but I'm willing
to learn, so this girl's not making money, and she's
just her whole deal. She just hears my brush
with my pubes.
She hasn't shaved because it's
winter so she just wants to be lazy she's like yeah i'm just gonna profit off of this well she's
like i want to start but i don't want to shave dude dudes are into everything do you remember
that really shitty literally everything that really shitty strip club in toronto film wars
there's a couple of shitty ones film They're all shitty for some reason.
Toronto's got grimy ones.
There was four different comics
who were DJs at Fillmore's.
And so I got some inside scoops.
And dudes would come in and be like, I'll pay you
to piss in my beer and I'll drink it.
This one dude would pay to lick a girl's boots.
This Chinese guy would come in and he would put
on a finger condom and he would just want to touch them.
He'd just touch them and touch them. But he wouldn't have the touch them and touch them yeah he wouldn't touch him with his bare hands
film wars was that dumb dude dumb man yeah disgusting and they were doing a whole bunch
of sex stuff there i remember we went because it was one dude's last day working there so a bunch
of us went and uh this one stripper was like you want to dance you want to dance and i was like
yeah we go upstairs.
As soon as I sit down, she's like, I'll suck your dick for $150.
I've had that too.
And I'm like, no, I just came here for a dance, man.
We're just hanging out, dude.
I'm trying to get my dick sucked.
They proposition you really quick.
Really quick.
Yeah.
Well, she wants to try and make money off you instead of some old haggard troll.
That's true when she sees a guy that's like sort of normal. Yeah. But also she's like,
yeah, I'll have this guy
out of here in seven minutes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right.
She doesn't know
who she's dealing with.
Yeah, maybe she doesn't.
They're whore houses.
Yeah.
But I'm desensitized to porn.
I'd be like,
you got to keep sucking
this 150 bucks, dude.
It ain't finished yet.
Joke on you,
I can't call you.
She's like,
am I doing it wrong?
He's like,
unless you can grow a dick
We're gonna be here all day
Here let me just tape
This picture to the top
Of your head
Put the VR headset on
Alright now you're getting it
Holy fuck
The one girl says So I had a fan asked for a mean dick rating but his dick
was actually pretty normal i saw that one uh that she goes in the comments that people were giving
her advice on how to give a meaner dick rating dude yeah that's a crazy one to want the mean
dick rating i actually see that jj maybe wanted something like no i'm not into that kind of they
love it they love it they love to get like... I don't know.
Who wants that?
I guess if you have a really tiny dick, you're like, this is my long life.
Yeah, you're like, might as well just embrace it.
Is there any girl who's like the best dick raider?
Like she's considered like...
Because that seems like maybe possibly...
There was a bartender who had an OnlyFans.
She worked at one of the clubs we perform at.
And I went to her OnlyFans.
And she was always like,
send me $10 and I'll give you a dick rating.
But it wasn't like...
$10?
Yeah, for a dick rating?
That's pretty cheap, I think.
But it wasn't negative or anything.
It's worth zero to me.
I don't need a dick rating.
You can make it fucking pay me five bucks for it.
And yeah, that was on her...
She had a bunch of menu options and
then the dick rating for dick rating is one of them yeah well that's like if you are only fans
girl why wouldn't you be doing dick rating it seems so easy so like that's the easiest job
yeah and you just fucking riff on a dude's dick dude yeah quick yeah quick do you think you get
chappy gpt to no because it's dick chappy GPT To this dick This guy has like
A regular dick
So I need to rate it
You know what
There was a
One trans
This one
In the like
Only fans
Cat
Forums
There was a girl
That was basically
Saying she was trans
But she just puts
Like a dildo
In her underwear
And she was like
Crushing it
In the like Because she's actually crushing it. And they're like,
cause she's actually like pretty hot.
And all the other trans people were like,
she's invading like the trans spaces or whatever.
And it was like,
people were like,
how ironic.
Stealing our market.
Yeah.
It was like,
why?
She's the fucking Elvis Presley,
a trans porn.
That's our fucking thing.
Don't like a little taste of your own medicine, do you you that's kind of what people were saying yeah
ironic oh my god i know they're probably dying to see the dick to show dick show dick show dick
they said that was the biggest power play when we're stripping uh when i was in dc is like the
ones who made that jj was a stripper i was a stripper or the ones who made the most money had hair and abs 20 years ago the ones who would make the most money were the ones
who kept their underwear on yeah because there are people like it's that little bit of mystique
they're like oh that's guys though i don't think the girls are gonna make more money oh if a chick's a teaser though instead of like
there is something about a chick who has a you'll make more money to get the to pay to get the bra
i think if you're to get it in the dance be like you only get the titties behind closed doors that
might sell it oh that would make huge money and they have to be well jj's obviously making more
money he keeps clothes on people paying him to get dressed oh my god gets on stage starts naked
slowly puts clothes on yeah it's like one of the older strippers is like jj i got a little advice
for you keep the clothes on i did have that'll make you more money in the long run if you just stay covered as much as possible.
There was this 38-year-old guy.
He said to me, he's like, you got a great ass.
This is when I was like 25.
He's like, you got a great ass now,
but wait till you get to my age.
You can't even flex it anymore.
And he flexed and it was all indented.
Mr. Burns?
Dude, that's a sad truth. The old
male stripper.
Oh my God. Dude, and because they
only see, so in the strip club,
the place I worked at, Seacrested in Ziegfeld,
it was actually closed two years ago, rest in peace,
that it was
all red lights, right? It was all red lights.
It was pitch black with red lights.
And then we would go in the back in a room like
this, because it was 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off.
Chest bump with the boys.
Some of these guys were brutal.
They were beet red from the tanning beds.
And they were just rough looking in the face.
They were wearing makeup and stuff.
It was brutal.
Trying to keep it together.
It was like an old Vegas act.
Well, this was in D.C.
Yes, yes. A lounge act. old Vegas act. Well, this was in D.C. Yes, yes, a lounge act.
A lounge act trying to compete with...
Smoking cigarettes on the stage in a firefighter outfit.
We had this...
I won't say the club.
The server...
The club was 40 years old,
and the server had been there since day one.
Yeah.
And she would light up these fucking darts
right after the show counting her
money just oh she was great loved it that's the vibe you want in a comedy club like there's some
comedy clubs that are trying to be classier now and you want like a tinge of class but like you
want your comedy club like staff to be like wearing sweaters and people who like love comedy and
there's this griminess to it if it's really classy you have this like place where people are it's classy you come down you sit you have an expensive dinner and then i'm talking
about cum like it's the same as jazz too like if you go to watch jazz you want it to feel a tiny
bit old-fashioned yeah you don't want it to feel like all modern yeah no no because then it starts
to feel like nashville or something you know yeah it feels corporate yeah the best part though was i'm watching in
the back and and chay looks over he's on stage and he goes who's that having a full that she's
having a full conversation about life with these like customers during the show during the show
the server yeah she's like oh she comes over she's like hey how you guys been yeah i i let
after i let i was like oh it's just a
server it's just a server just let it go but it was kind of like yo what the fuck is going on
but the dinginess of it that makes it awesome and it was a great club too it was super fun time yeah
one last thing that's hilarious is you know the politician nicki haley no yes the war pig
war yeah yeah jj following i love calling a chick a pig especially when it's the proper You know the politician, Nikki Haley? No. Yes, the war pig. War pig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. JJ follows this stuff.
JJ loves calling a chick a pig.
Especially when it's the proper.
Yes.
So basically, she's like, she's one of the, they're saying she's one of the top people
in the Republican Party, but debate that.
We don't think that people like her as much as they say that she is.
They say she's the fucking front runner right now.
People say that.
We don't really believe it.
say that she is. They say she's the fucking front runner right now. People say that. We don't really
believe it. But the funny part is, her
husband,
she changed his
name. She's like a
boss, sort of like top
woman. The guy's name is Michael.
His first name, she goes, you may be wondering how
Bill became Michael. And she
wrote in her book, after we started dating,
I looked at him one day and I said, what's your name? And he
goes, you know, it's Bill. She said, puzzle. puzzle he goes you don't look like a bill what's your whole name
william michael and i just started calling him bill or i just started calling him michael and
then everyone started calling him michael and now he's just michael yo that's the most cock shit i've
ever heard of for what it's worth i've actually changed my opinion on her after hearing that
that is someone who could be a good president
Yeah, no, that is some boss shit for sure
You beat a man out of his own name
And he's gonna be the first lady if she wins
The first gentleman
Isn't that crazy though?
Imagine you start dating a girl
She goes, nah, you're this
And then you go, okay, I guess I'm this
Oh, dude, I'd be out in a second
If a girl goes, I don't want to call you that name
I'd be like, that's like 10 levels of you should wear this shirt or cut your hair like
it's like isn't that wild change your name bro i'm like dude you have to first name how much are
you sweating if your wife is actually the leader in the polls as for president like you don't want
that to happen yeah you are the meme the first, the first lady. I think he is sweating. You're right.
I would be like, oh my God, please someone assassinate her.
You're going to be leaking your own dirt, yeah.
He's probably leaking this.
This guy's been going along with this shit for a while.
He's probably like, you don't want to be the first lady.
Or he knows how busy she is.
He's going to be out of his hair.
And he gets to go do cool stuff.
That's probably cool to be a first lady.
Cutting ribbons at orphanages. And he probably gets to throw do cool stuff. That's probably cool to be a First Lady. Cut ribbons at orphanages.
And he probably gets to throw out pitches at games.
He'll get a boost on the Epstein Island shit.
Like whoever the new guy is.
He'll be flying cheap, dude.
He's going to be like, man, I'm eating good, touching these kids.
My wife's killing it.
Coming home and fucking them with a strap on.
Small price to pay.
Unlimited adrenochrome.
We did this a couple episodes ago we were saying that like every politician is like a different type
of used car salesman yeah but on this topic maybe we'll close with this uh
you know it's like the old comedy thing and be like uh joe biden having sex with his wife what
would that look like we're saying which ones lay it down the most.
Gavin Newsom probably
lays it down the most
out of any politician.
I bet Trump does.
Trump and Gavin Newsom
probably actually lay pipe.
I think Trump's the fucking
I think he's DeSantis shirt on
for sure, no question.
Oh yeah, no, no.
DeSantis isn't fucking laying.
DeSantis I would think
gets piped for sure.
His little like
with his like things
and his shoes and everything.
His little lips.
His little robot body.
He just has the lifts on?
Yeah.
He fucks with the lifts on.
Yeah, he doesn't take the lifts off.
Like women who fuck with high heels on.
That's how he's getting fucking mowed down.
Jesus Christ.
I bet Trump's incredible.
He's a second year.
Incredible?
I bet he's a fucking warrior.
He's six foot four.
He's probably incredible.
Not my type, but I'm mad.
Or Orange Man,
not bad.
You heard it here first.
Apparently,
he has a weird penis.
That Stormy Daniels.
Taylor Lorenz
tell you that?
Yeah.
You can't trust
Stormy Daniels.
No, yeah.
She said his dick
looks like Toad
from Mario.
That's what she said.
Oh, Big Head?
Yeah, the little mushroom guy.
Big Head,
little thin body. I can see that.
Yeah, I can see that. I can see that.
I mean, he's a big guy, though.
Also, too, she's fucking male
porn star, so anyone compared
to... Oh, good point.
...is going to have a Toad dick. That's why
you're right. A guy in the public shouldn't be on record
against being measured against porn stars.
No, you have to admit about that. Yeah, exactly.
Your dick's going up against this Johnny Sins
and all that kind of stuff.
You can't measure up.
Not a chance.
It's not a good move.
Okay, JJ, this one's for you.
How does Joe Biden have sex?
Oh, man, I don't think he has sex.
He's got to be over it by now, right?
He's for sure over it.
Dude, did you see that video?
He goes to the island just to watch.
Yeah, he's just like,
I like the sun, you know? I gotta get outside.
They make a mean pina colada.
That video of him
where they're like, how's your holidays going? He's like,
I'm eating lots of pasta,
lots of good food, ice cream.
Someone wrote, they're like, this sounds
like a testimonial from a retirement
home. That's what he's like.
That's where he should be.
That's where he should be.
That's brutal, dude.
There's been some okay ones that lay it down.
Clinton probably lays it down.
Obama's probably pretty boring.
Clinton will leave you with a fucking bloody lip.
You know who's probably...
You know who's
probably incredible?
He's trying to throw incredible out there. It wasn't just Trump
that's incredible.
Jimmy Carter. He had a legendary incredible he's trying to throw incredible out there it wasn't just trump that's incredible jimmy carter he had legendary dick no but you know he's like he looks good now no he doesn't oh he's 99 okay so he's clinging to life have you seen him he's like at that age where you have like
10 open sores on your body all the time. I can change opinions. I can change on the fly.
One line. No, he doesn't.
All right.
You beat me on this.
I would say Vivek has one of the
watches on that checks his heart rate.
He's constantly monitoring his heart rate.
We got to stay in zone two.
Can't go too hard.
I got to stay in zone two.
Oh, dude.
Vivek is annoying as fuck, man.
He's too much of a dick.
He's Bill Lumberg.
He's fucking Bill Lumberg.
He's too much of a character.
He's got the mug.
He's just like dick riding too hard, man.
It's like, okay, we get it.
You love Trump.
I won't run.
I mean, he's like, he's literally the best candidate.
He's so crazy.
He is the best candidate.
He is.
I like him a lot.
Yeah.
But you get no love from the media. He is I like him a lot yeah but like he gets no love
from the media
he is alright though
he does dick ride Trump
a little hard
well because I think
he's smart enough
to know that he's
not going to win
and he's going to try
and get a position
in that game
no he's good
sure but it is
like it does seem
like you could probably
tone it down a little
with the dick ride
he probably
I bet you Vivek
could name all 48 laws
of power in order
he knows them all.
He's never outshined the master,
but he knows every single one. You're right. He's doing
48 laws of power. Of course.
He's also doing Obama.
He does Obama.
If you ever watch him, if you were to watch him
to watch Obama, he's doing
Obama. He's doing the way he talks.
He speaks better. He's way fucking
better. No, because Obama was more natural better he's way fucking has no because Obama
was more natural
that's what I'm saying
yeah Obama was like
funnier and more
and more like
Vivek is like
in terms of like
kind of gift of gab
you're like
that guy
yeah he has a good
he can just talk
but Vivek
Vivek will
Vivek's doing now
for four years from now
it's not for now
he'll be the president
he'll be the president
unless something happens
in four years
he'll be vice president
I mean Trump hasn't
announced his vice president.
That would be amazing.
Dude, the Tucker combo, I was like, please.
Please, for the love of God, make this be true.
That'd be hilarious.
It'd be so funny, dude.
It would spruce it up a little bit because it is, I've said this, that it's starting
to feel like a little bit of a repeat.
Yeah.
It's like, you know, I mean, I don't like to watch movies again even, right?
Yeah.
Where you're right.
Get Tucker Carlson and that would spruce up the whole deal oh the memes would be fire dude internet content unreal trump trump versus newsome
oh it'd be fun yeah there that would be fun i think that's all the candidates and how they fuck
oh shit okay this was boys' panel was cooking.
So, Che, you're on the road,
and you have your Wilbur show this Friday, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This Friday.
It's a big one.
Is this going to be out in time?
This is going to be out Friday morning.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, if you guys are in Boston,
come grab a ticket to that.
I also got another theater show in Vancouver.
We got Calgary, Edmonton, Winnipeg also on the docket.
And then Tacoma, and I think that might...
Oh, no, I also got Cleveland. So, if you guys want to comeg also on the docket. And then Tacoma. And I think that might...
Oh, no.
Also got Cleveland.
So if you guys want to come get tickets, go to Chaterina.com.
It's Chaterina on all platforms at C-H-E-D-U-R-E-N-A.
And JJ is going to have his special coming out soon.
Fuck yeah.
End of January, February.
I also sell candles on the road.
So if I'm...
You're selling candles now?
Dude.
Fuck off.
Yeah, candles that smell like...
You bring a big bag of candles when you go?
Fuck yeah.
Let him go.
So candles that smell like fruity pebbles and whiskey.
Did you get these in like a grab bag?
Would you buy them on fucking like Alibaba, AliExpress or something?
Something like that.
When did you get this idea?
I don't know.
I don't know if he's lying.
That's the problem. I don't know. Does he sell candles?
He hasn't yet, but we'll see at the Wilbur.
Maybe he'll have a bunch of candles.
You have an invoice, paid invoice for candles from China?
Do you want to see it?
What's the company? What are you selling? Yankee candles?
Hold on.
So if you go to Jay's show, you can buy candles?
You want to get a Swiss candle, dude.
But they're not like smell like jizz or like a used jizz sock or something?
I have a lot of Thursday, January 11th.
They're on the way.
And how long do they last?
The candles are on the way.
How many candles do you buy?
I bought 60.
60 candles.
How big are the candles?
I'm really thinking they're going to move, eh?
Four ounces.
Four ounce candles.
I think I would have started with 20.
Where'd you get this idea?
What's that? Where'd you get the idea to sell candles?
I was fucking sitting down thinking, what could I sell?
Some merch. And you go, what's a thing
that no comedian has ever sold as
merch? Candles. We'll see.
Maybe they move. I don't even think chicks sell candles.
Dude, no.
How did you come up with the idea to sell candles?
Honestly, it just one day
a light bulb went off.
I was thinking between custom-made splooge rags,
and I thought, that's a pretty good idea, a splooge rag,
because you can use it in the kitchen, or you can use it for a fucking splooge.
And then I thought, you know what?
These candles are fucking unique.
Who wouldn't want a candle?
This is like one of your craziest ideas.
For what it's worth,
we're only going to bring...
Good markup on the candles?
It's 3X.
Not that good, actually.
They cost $75 a candle.
For how many candles you're going to be fucking saddled with
for a while?
I actually thought about this last night.
I'm like, there's a good chance
I could have 60 candles in 2025.
A really good chance.
I thought after I...
You autographed them or something?
What's that?
You put like, you'd kiss them maybe?
Like lipstick on and kiss the side of the candle?
I just thought it was a great way to make money.
Selling candles?
What are you, a fucking chick?
That's what chicks do.
I didn't think this one would do.
I'm interested.
This is the first I'm hearing about it. So I'll give you guys the full report back on the candle result.
Okay, so how many different scents?
So I have a coffee one, a Fruity Pebbles.
So I'll call it cereal, smell of cereal.
Oh, you're rebranding them.
You're white labeling these.
I've white labeled this.
Whiskey.
What's on them?
Are they just white?
It's just a picture of my face.
Oh, your face is on the candles?
J.J. Lieberman comedy.
That's pretty good.
I like that aspect.
That's a good aspect.
And then, yeah.
Are they like those saints?
Four ounce.
No, but do they look like those saints?
No, four ounce.
Like a small, like the Myers ones.
Because you know the saint candles, and then people put Obama on them.
That's too expensive
I don't have
but that
I'm like working
with a hundred bucks
right here
this is a sticker
you got 60 candles
for a hundred bucks
a little more
but a little less
than
sticker's gonna
light on fire
it's pretty cheap
for a candle
it's not a bad deal
no the guy
hooked me up
there's definitely
like asbestos
he thought
if I could do this
he's like
this is the proof
of concept
I love how you
found some
desperate guy
who has like just a warehouse
full of candles and no way
to get rid of them and he's just like
really just scraping the bottom
being like JJ I got a great idea
like you message other people
he cold messaged you being like
he said to me
oh yeah yeah
he said to me I need a guy like you
to see if this can sell.
If you can't sell,
no one can.
This is like how
The Wolf of Wall Street 2 starts.
JJ's just fucking
going cross-country selling candles.
And if you want to hear me and Danny
are doing an episode in Amsterdam
at patreon.com
slash theboyscast
and there's going to be
some other stuff
from our tour on there
that right now,
I believe we are in in one of us is
gonna put a full banana in our ass in amsterdam but we're not telling you which one tune in to
find out patreon.com slash the boys cast peace