The Boyscast with Ryan Long - The Hot vs Crazy Matrix Proven by Science! & Inane Onlyfans Advice Reddits

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

Comedians Che Durena and JJ Liberman join the fellas to discuss dating Gypsy Rose, infamous medievaljester Ronald the Farter, and which presidential candidate lays the most pipe. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS...: Magic Spoon - go to http://magicspoon.com/boyscast and use promo code boyscast for $5 off your order AG1 - Go to http://drinkag1.com/boyscast to get $20 off your order, a free 1-year supply of vitamin D and 5 free AG1 travel packs Songfinch - go to http://songfinch.com/boyscast to add Spotify streaming to your song for free! ($50 value) FÜM - go to http://tryfum.com and use promo code BOYSCAST to get 10% off your order SUPPORT THE BOYSCAST: https://www.patreon.com/theboyscast http://ryanlongcomedy.com MERCH - ryanlongstore.com Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome back to the Landlordcast, the first podcast for landlords by landlords. Now, people like to talk about marginalized communities, but don't like to acknowledge that landlords are the most discriminated against people on earth. Well said. Landlords can be openly hated, stereotyped, slandered to no end. To be honest, the anti-landlord rhetoric you see right now makes me worry for my kids, who will one day inherit the property. You know, when I was coming up, I had respect for my landlord. Yes.
Starting point is 00:00:22 I remember one day, a pipe burst. The landlord wanted to inspect the house, just make sure it wasn't my fault. I said, you know what? No need. I called the plumber, paid for it on my own dime, reached back out to the landlord and said, sir, I know you have a stressful job. This one's on me. Class act.
Starting point is 00:00:36 You don't see that anymore. These new tenants are all me, me, me. Fix this, fix that. Don't raise my rent, please. There's no hot water. Yes, master. I'll be right over to fix your flooded basement at 3am. Last week I get a call from a particularly needy tenant. The house is infested with rodents and it's gotten unlivable.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Did you tell him about rat traps? Yeah, but your majesty the snowflake wanted an exterminator. Why wouldn't he? So I paid for several rat traps out of pocket, installed them myself, so naturally when the first of the month comes around I'm expecting at minimum 10-15% gratuity on top of that check. Let me guess, he tipped you less than 5%? They asked for a reduction in rent. It really is a thankless job. Probably slandered you online for your troubles.
Starting point is 00:01:15 Man to man, I'd be embarrassed to tip my landlord less than 5%. And by the way, there's an extra day in February this year, and I've chosen not to charge more that month. Very kind of you. And that's why BlackRock is such an inspiration to me. They don't put up with that kind of thing. They would have reduced that rent to zero in the form of an eviction. Send them packing and once again we do always like to pay homage to the best in the business BlackRock. And you know I always respect when fellow travelers in the game are on that Seahouse diet. They see houses they buy them. Shout out to Fink Army. Legend. We are here at the boys cast with the official boys panel, the original fellas.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Also me and Danny are in Europe right now. We'll talk about that more on the patreon.com slash the boys cast. And there's a lot of things going on with the official boys panel, which is J.J. Lieberman. How are we doing here? Well, it's been a few months after our last viral boys cast. J.J. won hearts and minds. Big argument between me and Danny.
Starting point is 00:02:40 He says that Douglas Murray pumped the numbers. I say it was the co-host. Yeah, it was definitely J.J. Yeah. I rescind that. 50-50 split. There was an argument at a bar at a bar but yes it's good to be back jay dorana in the building how are we doing guys are we good we're fucking it's gonna be all fucking boy shit all day the tea is just the tea is coursing through my face locker room talk baby let's go grab her by the pussy oh man yeah this is the episode where you turn it on
Starting point is 00:03:10 your girlfriend's there and she's like turn this the fuck off jesus christ locker room talk's a good title also we talked about this last week obviously but the the jew tunnels are going hard right now the jew tunnels oh my god dude them like popping out of the sewer one of the top 10 things i've ever seen in my life dude i'd say there's some sort of ninja turtles crossover that needs to happen there's something there of them like putting nunchucks on them i don't know well we know splinters religion officially yes he's got the look he almost had the fucking side things going on yeah he kind of did i was loving the idea that yeah just having a video with danny just
Starting point is 00:03:49 and the toilet being like we found another one he was living in the toilet just a couple of gold bars kicking around the toilet i mean the one you see like obviously i'm sure everybody did you see the one with the guy coming through the grate yeah that was the one he said. It's the main thing. Dude, that'd be like the whole thing with like, oh, we think you got a Jew in here. And there's like gold bar, like traces. It's like, oh, here's a dreidel. Yeah, there's definitely some of them in here.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Just going into your bathroom and seeing traces of stuff they left. Yeah, dude. Do you hear that? He puts his ear up against the wall. It's like... Just one lone tassel sitting beside your empty change jar. Yeah. My N-word jar is completely empty.
Starting point is 00:04:42 I love how those guys, too, when they were trying to talk to them and they had like no idea what the issue was they go what? what's your problem? what is the secret tunnel? what?
Starting point is 00:04:51 what? the cops are like we don't do that in America the guy's like where are you from? he's like Israel he's like yeah he goes
Starting point is 00:04:56 we don't do this in America and they're like what? you're like the whole fucking street is gonna collapse like the whole building is gonna collapse where is it in Brooklyn?
Starting point is 00:05:02 yeah in Crown Heights do you think there's anyone in Hamas that's like, y'all do it too. Y'all do it too. Oh, yeah. Pro-Palestinian. JJ's been trolling people on the Palestine.
Starting point is 00:05:11 I think it's pretty funny because JJ will mention me. He'll be like, I've been trolling these people. We're seeing these people that are really into Palestine. He'll be like, this many dead. And he'll just write back,
Starting point is 00:05:19 not nearly enough. And shit like that. And he'll be like, I'm just messing with him. What did he say? No response back. I send the videos. Ben Bank is
Starting point is 00:05:34 It's a Wonderful Day for Jihad. He made this video and I send it to everyone who's pro-Palestine and their stories. I'm like, can you believe this and there's a video of the idf dancing around like they're like yada yada and they're dancing with israeli flag and i just send it to people who are there's a female comedian who i won't say her name but she cried on stage about palestine and so i sent her the video i'm like can you believe this and
Starting point is 00:06:01 you're just trying to rile her up oh yeah i love you have no political stance no political standing you just want to see the world burn yeah just like pushing buttons but it's funny because they don't they have this one they don't know it's kind of like someone's dad died and you message them like what a piece of shit and then they're like what the fuck and you're like got him like they don't really know they're being drilled yeah they're just like wow this is wildly offensive oh the one i posted there was a picture of a guy with his uh baby cares going up steps and i'm like and he's like oh it's a tough because he's very pro-bihalaston he's like this is a tough one to conquer today i'm like yeah it seems like the uh israelis occupied those
Starting point is 00:06:42 steps huh and then he's like what does that mean i'm like okay? And then he's like, what does that mean? I'm like, okay, bye. JJ gets a lot of, what does that mean? What does that mean? He takes one shot at trolling and they're like, what? And he's like, okay, too much work. I'm over this. You know what JJ is for trolling? It's the body that was like, dude'm like i wingman that girl so you could
Starting point is 00:07:05 fuck the other one and you're like what i wasn't even looking at that girl you're like yeah i'm i've been going out with her all week we're actually i'm meeting her parents next week and we're actually engaged to be married she's moving in with me you're welcome yeah i have no idea which girl are you talking about yeah yeah he's like no i did this for the so you could get laid that's him with like for the joke. You know that soft seven we saw eight weeks ago? Wait, what? Well, anyways, her friend who's a two. I'm now living with.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Bad prankster. It is funny, though. Those same people, they'll post like, oh, my God, the atrocities. And then the next picture, it's like a selfie of them. That is funny. I agree. It's pretty good. It's like, oh, we forgot about it. Like, there's atrocities going on but i'm still hot people need to know yeah they need to know how hot i am gotta post those thirst
Starting point is 00:07:53 traps i don't know if you saw in canada because uh it's a canadian boys panel yeah canadian excellence like a cup i think this was a bit ago too but I was like it's the most Canadian thing ever because it was on the hockey rink so basically it was on a hockey rink and there was these old Jews that are skating oh this was great
Starting point is 00:08:12 right and then so the old Jews are like skating and then there's like five like Muslim dudes that are also skating and they're calling
Starting point is 00:08:19 the Jews terrorists oh yeah it was at Nathan Phillips Square like yesterday no way yeah Toronto or whatever but yeah yeah yeah it was like no it was just likeathan phillips square yesterday no way yeah whatever whatever but yeah yeah it was like no it's just like this old i don't even know if they were jews
Starting point is 00:08:29 it was larry david and his wife it was just like two white people i don't know if they were necessarily jews and they were just like get it we're like we're just trying to have a skate yeah like the city we're just like it's winter the winter like we're just trying to do a skate and then these like pro-palestine people are like standing swarming not even on skates they're just standing on the ice trying to ruin everybody's fun like they were doing it like the bridge over here they were swarming them like the jews in the cellars they blocked off every bridge here yesterday for like four hours i saw people were uh people were not happy every bridge in new york city the pro-palestine they just go to the base of them and then they just lay down.
Starting point is 00:09:06 Dude, that's a bad way to get people on your side. I remember one time I was going to a haircut and there was an anti-climate change whatever fucking protest. And I was like, I hope the world lights on fire. I need to get to this fucking haircut right now. Yeah, I just want to do the opposite of whatever you do. And they go, well, you wouldn't take us seriously if we didn't do this. Well, that's funny because Danny was telling me yesterday after the protest on the bridge he's like i hope gaza lights on fire and uh i think his wish is coming to fruition you know it's honestly really weird
Starting point is 00:09:33 about the i don't know if my algorithm or what but like i barely see anything about the war anymore oh no no i my algorithm is all people falling off skateboards and that was has been but it was like but like at the start of the war like everything was you know cnn fox msnbc all they did recover now you go on there they're like talking about whatever people are like it's like people are like over it like the world's like over dude yeah i mean it's not over it's very much not over but like for the people living there but like dude until we start getting ourselves out yeah no no people the attention span is always so short it's what's the new hot thing people are talking about kat williams people
Starting point is 00:10:08 are talking about the epstein logs yeah kat williams is the new hot story right now kat williams to israel palestine was will smith to ukraine and russia two-year anniversary of Will Smith Dude Oh my god What a slap No The most No one else is funny though Is So Michael Rappaport
Starting point is 00:10:30 Obviously everyone's seen How wild he is But He basically He's getting boycotted I actually took the photo So He's doing helium
Starting point is 00:10:37 And then there's like Huge boycotts of his show And he's like The bad boy comic right now No Really Yes He's back to being the bad boy.
Starting point is 00:10:45 When was he the bad boy? When he was in the 80s and 90s or whenever he was an actor. Wasn't he a bad boy? He was on Friends. Oh. I mean, there's that one college movie he did where he's the Nazi. Bad boy. There you go.
Starting point is 00:11:04 But he's just an actor. Oh, he wasn't the bad boy? He's a wigger. Oh. The bad boy. I don't know. JJ has one face. Helium Comedy Club is a non-Portland-based chain that has been platforming racist, misogynist,
Starting point is 00:11:18 and violent comedians. He posted this, by the way. And they've been known to suppress local comedians, specifically black and brown comedians. They continue to support problematic comedians. In interest of our local comedian, let's choose to support local comedy producers, brackets, especially black comedy producers, which I think Michael Rapaport does count. Instead of attempting shows at Helium.
Starting point is 00:11:39 And he's been posting all these. He's getting protested like he's milo yenopolis doing a campus speech right now that's crazy dude and he's also watch he's gonna open his own comedy club that's gonna he's like and guess where you can perform at my club we're very inclusive yeah that's uh did you ever see uh mayor adams video that went viral like every like two years it goes viral again oh Oh I know exactly. When he's like he's going through a house he's like you never know where your kids
Starting point is 00:12:09 could be hiding something. Dude that's crazy. I never saw that. Let me play a bit of it. Hold on I'm going to play a bit of it for you guys. It like plays like a sketch. It does. Because it looks like he's on a set kind of like. It's the funniest thing in the world. You can start out.
Starting point is 00:12:27 I always recommend to start out in a periodic fashion so you'll be used to going through the rooms and look at the various items in the room. You can look at a jewelry box. A jewelry box of this nature, maybe a simple jewelry box, but if you look through it closely, you don't know what your child may be hiding. For instance, a gun could be hidden. A small, fallible weapon could be hidden inside a jewelry box.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Look at the various colognes and perfumes and photos and pictures. Look through the colognes. You should always when your child brings in his popular knapsack with many different locations look through it to see what exactly is your child carrying in addition to a book.
Starting point is 00:13:02 Something simple as a crack pipe. What is the music? I also like something as simple as a crack pipe you know then he's like at one point he like reaches into a pillow and just pulls out a huge bag of coke yeah so he pulls the gun out of the pillow he says just guns everywhere it's like a huge gun dude it's like a magna like yeah dude i got a fucking 50 cal magnum hidden in this fellow just in case i'm going to shoot down an elephant real quick that storms into my place he when you find the crack pipe it doesn't necessarily mean that they're smoking crack but that might be a conversation that you might want to have it's like it might mean they're
Starting point is 00:13:39 smoking crack and they're bloody crack plates everywhere dude i just sell the pipes i don't do the crack mom and dad dad. Oh my god. He wasn't the mayor when he made that though. This is like eight years ago. It's a police guy. It looks like a sketch. It's so insane. His stuff is wild. When he was talking about New York City
Starting point is 00:13:58 he's like, New York City is a crazy city. Someone could be celebrating a birthday and the next day a plane crashes into the Twin Towers. Yeah! One time. someone could be celebrating a birthday and the next day a plane crashes into the Twin Towers yeah like one time he's like what the fuck he's like
Starting point is 00:14:10 any day any day it's gonna happen world of opportunity in New York City oh boy god you know what
Starting point is 00:14:20 obviously you want to look at the picture frames and he starts he jiggles the picture frames he's like look behind that bullets he's like a handful of bullets and he jiggles the picture frames. He's like, look behind that. Bullets.
Starting point is 00:14:27 He's like, a handful of bullets. And he goes, just because they have bullets, that doesn't mean they have a gun, but it is an indication that there may be a gun. They have a bunch of bullets. Yeah, I just keep my loose bullets next to my mom and dad picture. What was the solution? If you got a fucking kid with a gun and crack pipes?
Starting point is 00:14:44 I don't know. You want to sit him down and turn your chair around and level with him. Yeah. Listen, son. The Dr. Huxtable speech with Theo.
Starting point is 00:14:53 We don't talk about Dr. Huxtable on this podcast anymore. Who's Dr. Huxtable? Cosby. Oh, Cosby. Innocent man. You erased him
Starting point is 00:15:02 from your memory. I did. I forgot. It's in solidarity. Dude, that woke mind virus got me have you ever seen that fucking eric andre prank where he dresses in an octopus suit and then he has four midgets on the tentacles and he goes into restaurants and just yells crazy shit and he goes this one place he, Bill Cosby is innocent. And the servers are just covering their heads.
Starting point is 00:15:31 They're like, I don't know what to do. What do I do in this situation? I don't train you for that. Yeah, no, no, not that. You know what you had recently, Jay, that I was very much in agreement with? But there was a video where basically a girl was saying you know instead of ghosting someone or you know uh drifting away what you should be doing is sending them a message
Starting point is 00:15:50 being like we had a great time but honestly i just don't think we're compatible and you're just like fat fucking shit i'm like no way never dude you always do like the slow fade that's it that's i said i call it a haunting where you just kind of like you do you respond to like every fourth message you stop texting them but you maybe respond on instagram yeah and you just like slowly disappear yeah that's your answer you don't feel kind of like bill cosby and ghost dad yeah you just you just walk into the cornfield and all of a sudden you're gone just disappear that is the proper move. That's the move. It's like, and you literally time it. You go like, what was the last time I responded to her text? How much duration in between?
Starting point is 00:16:30 You expand it. You expand it. You go, okay, so I have to wait longer so that you actually consciously are like, okay, so that was two days. Now there's three days. Oh, that's a good whiteboard. Well, you just have to bring her to watch your act.
Starting point is 00:16:43 Or just talk with me for 10 minutes. Because have you actually? Yeah, you'd be like, just ask JJ to take you to his favorite restaurant, and it's just like a fucking bodega hole in the wall. Your favorite restaurant? Best food in New York City. Then I say, can I please speak to the chef? Some fucking Ecuadorian who's 4'5".
Starting point is 00:17:04 Amazing. You're incredible. Hey, mister. some fucking Ecuadorian who's 4'5". Amazing. Amazing. You're incredible. Hey, mister. Look at that. Look at those knife skills. Some of them
Starting point is 00:17:12 do have good knife skills. Dude, they use like fucking painter spackles when they like cook. They don't even have a knife. They just use one of those putty knives
Starting point is 00:17:20 chopping shit up. They do. I love it, man. Yeah, they use like actual like from a hardware From like a hardware store Yeah Not even for
Starting point is 00:17:27 Culinary places That's what they do At shawarma places too Yeah just chop up When they have that Old meat They pull it out of a bucket And just throw it on the grill
Starting point is 00:17:35 And I'm like Oh Give me that diarrhea baby I'm ready for it Yeah It's your technique No I'm pretty good On the no
Starting point is 00:17:43 Where I choose You're gonna you're gonna getting rid of them where i choose my street the idea of sending the idea of sending like an actual like you've dated you've hung out with someone two times and you're sending this and this and this go not you it makes my body feel ill thinking about doing that i'll marry her and stay with her for the rest of my life before i do that yeah oh it's a blonde podcaster is that no no no not that one not um no but it was it's just like yeah you like if you're not really in a relationship with someone you're not dating seriously it's like yeah you just fade out that's how you do it every single time i one time even if you're married i moved to a different
Starting point is 00:18:19 country dude i love those old like con man stories where it's like a guy just like god it's like 1915 and he just gets on a horse and goes to a new town like a guy just like, it's like 1915 and he just gets on a horse and goes to a new town and he's just like, I'm done. No records, nothing. Dude, I watched Ferrari and it's with, what's his name? Adam Driver, right? Oh, the movie. Adam Driver plays, he played the same role as he did in Gucci.
Starting point is 00:18:38 He's just like another, he only plays old Italian guys now. And honestly, he's pretty good, but basically he has like a whole another family he's had for like 11 years and the wife finds out and he comes back and he's very like it is what it is he goes you have another wife and son he goes i do not have another wife i do have another son he's like he goes he's just really chill about it you ever hear that pablo picasso story where apparently he got confronted by these two like young hot models that he was banging at the time they come into like his studio he's sitting there and they go like you're dating both of us and he goes fight fight for my daughter he makes them fight picasso dude he had the dog in him man a lot of those old guys especially the french guys they are very like oh yeah misogynist the
Starting point is 00:19:26 penis ones what's the penis one but also he wasn't he wasn't like famous later in life he was like the most famous artist in the world probably yeah yeah he's like it's like mick jagger you'd be like yeah go i could duke it out dude did they duke it out i think they did yeah yeah i don't know who won do you think he was like cat Yeah, he just started throwing paint at them. Yeah. Get it going. Get it going. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:19:54 Only one can be Picasso Muse. I lived with a guy once who was dating. This is in college on my baseball team. He was dating four different chicks. One day they all showed up to the dorm. All of them. I don't know how they put it together. I guess they all went to... Free social media for them to put it together.
Starting point is 00:20:13 That's like an entire private investigator. It was amazing. They all showed up and it was me, another Dominican and this guy Mike. And Mike was the white guy from Georgia. Can JJ get a slice? I was watching this dying laughing. That's honestly though
Starting point is 00:20:28 for him that's actually best case scenario. You look amazing. But he probably is like well obviously I'm not just going to bang him. He probably
Starting point is 00:20:35 that's like a hard reset for him. He gets rid of all four at once. Yeah. Versus having to break up with four of them individually. He's probably like this is going to suck for the next hour
Starting point is 00:20:43 and then I'm like I'm free like i'm free yes free times four franchise that dude there was exactly i remember one time a girl that's a great thing you start a group chat on instagram and accidentally add two chicks you don't want to fuck anymore in the same group chat dude whoops that's smart clear them out right away yeah you go whoa what happened you just kind of be like oh boomery i don't know how this app works take me out for an hour there was this dude uh this chick who posted something on on tiktok very similar where she was like we found out he was dating or talking to her seeing all four of us and so we did a photo shoot together and i went that's his
Starting point is 00:21:20 favorite thing ever him seeing that he showed all his boys. He's like, yo, look at this. He has a picture of you in his house. He's like, that was my lineup once. Then they fucking killed, dude. Look at how tight they were. Having the lineup all together is crazy. You're right. Amazing.
Starting point is 00:21:35 I've had that a few times in my life where it's like, you know, it smashed girls at different points. And now they're sort of around the friend group or whatever. There's three of them like standing beside each other. And you're like, pretty funny. Dude, there was one time i was at this party and i was high on mdma and there's this chick who came who i didn't know was going to be there who i had banged and there was another chick who i was currently banging and they know that i banged each other the girl who i didn't know was gonna be there was talking to me then the other girl walked up and like it was like
Starting point is 00:22:03 you know i'm gonna be in this conversation too like we're you're talking to both of them yeah so i'm talking to both of them at the same time i'm high on mdma the the conversation just kind of dies and i go i gotta pee and i just leave the two then what happened i fucking don't know dude i went home with a different girl that night i went home with a third one the dogs are in the building what are you asking me for i third one. The dogs are in the building. What are you asking me for? I went and fucked two other chicks in the bathroom. Came out, asked these two girls to smell my fingers.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Dorena out. Oh, fuck, man. Yeah, that's good. Good stuff. Good stuff, boys. Skyped him in. You know what else i thought that another thing is you sort of have uh jay the most uh because me and jj were talking about this about you because you have like obviously everyone's like technology's making everything worse everyone's glued to their phones video games are bad for you jerking off for you's bad for you you're one of
Starting point is 00:23:03 the only people that you're just like none of this stuff's bad for me no it's like it is what it is it's sick it doesn't affect you dude it's awesome it's like what there's booty pictures everywhere we get to fucking hang out like you love this era oh it's amazing it's amazing there's like a five percent chance though in like 15 years from now you're gonna be like a like a pastor though you're gonna go like the full mace you're gonna you're like, yeah, mace. Exactly. You're going to be like full mace. You're going to be like, I've seen the heirs of my ways. I was addicted to every substance you can imagine. Video games, television, pussy. Paws.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Paws. Ten of nights. He's going to be telling that same story. I've sinned. One time they were talking to each other at a party. You're going to be telling the same story. I'll send! One time they were talking to each other at a party. You're going to be telling the same story. I was high on drugs in my darkest moments.
Starting point is 00:23:51 And I went home with a third one. Disgusting! I didn't recognize the man that I'd become. My wrist muscles were so strong. So strong. I could lift up a whore on each finger oh my god yeah no there is a chance but very very small chance but it does seem like you're sort of it is sort of you're maybe wired right for this or something yeah i'm like i'm having
Starting point is 00:24:20 a good time i'm having fun i like my alone. I like the fucking different pussy moving in and out. I like playing video games. I'm like, why the fuck? Just love it. Okay, but even like you're on your phone all day long. That obviously can be good for you, but you seem to sort of not let it affect you. I feel like that's not good for me. I cut it out when I need to cut it out.
Starting point is 00:24:37 I don't look at my phone until later in the day. I have my things that help me be like a human being. But besides that, I'm like, yeah, being but besides that i'm like yeah i like my phone so much my phone is like my favorite i do love it too i agree i can go on instagram and not be affected because i still do again what you said you can't do i have my routine in the morning you're like i don't know he has a 20 hour morning routine it's like i'm so efficient i do six hours of morning routine yeah it's great no yeah my morning routine is like i usually start at like nine and then i'm done by like three yeah it's like but that's like so efficient but that's also
Starting point is 00:25:12 that's making content that's writing jokes that's not your morning routine that's your job but that's no i mean like the walk the yoga the stretch this is all shit like that yeah the walk the yoga and then the breathing yeah the breathing that's an hour and a half. Yeah. Hour and a half. We're good to go. Yeah. Feel great.
Starting point is 00:25:28 Remember when you, Danny, had the box for your phone? That was sort of short. I still have the box. Do you ever use the box? I still use the box. Oh, you do use the box. I have the box. First girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:25:36 Yeah, I just put it away. It's like one of those timed cookie jars. Where you're just like, yeah, can't get in. Yeah, I just can't get into it. Also has a turkey jar. That dude. You get dings? Oh, it's treat time.
Starting point is 00:25:57 Ding, it's treat time. Oh, it's just a phone box. Damn it. No, that's when I take time to make cookies. They alternate. Yeah, they alternate. I put the phone away, and then I go time to make cookies. They alternate. Yeah, they alternate. I put the phone away, and then I go make a batch of 24-pack. With that phone charge lock, he smashes the cookie. He has a Heather box, too.
Starting point is 00:26:14 Bro. My favorite thing when I'm in... Sometimes I accept it. I'm like, I'm going to be a slug, like you're hungover or some shit. I will fucking like watch porn repeatedly play video games all day and then order take out all day and i'm like just dopamine non-stop it's the best fucking day ever yeah but that's once that's like a yeah yeah yeah once every two weeks yeah no no not even that often i try to yeah once a month is like i'm just in the
Starting point is 00:26:39 hole i mean i just fuck i call it the triangle of disgustingness because you just bounce from point to point on the triangle. You just live in it. You live in it. I love it. That's the one where you order, take out, have a bit of it, and then order another one. Yes. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:26:54 Order dessert from one place, food from another place. You can order two Uber Eats at the same time. Yeah. You can get them both run into your place. Yeah. They ask you. Are you sure? They would like.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Like, is this a mistake? No. They say, would you like while we're waiting for this order to put in another order? Yeah, they ask you. Are you sure? Like, is this a mistake? No, they say, would you like, while we're waiting for this order, to put in another order for you. Oh, they actually prompt you? Yeah, and they give you options, like desserts. It looks like you're not. It's like Greg Giraldo bit. They know they got a sucker on the whole. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:17 Uber Eats is one of the greatest marvels of all time. It really is. Dude, fuck the pyramids. Fuck that shit. It's like, oh oh big rock buildings dude a guy on a bicycle that i don't know brings me a delicious meal and then disappears i'm not and that guy came to america to like live the american dream dude i'm dreaming over here but not only that i swear to god i thought of this idea when i was a kid because all you could
Starting point is 00:27:42 order a lot of uber eats dude when you were I'm older than you so you'll never understand there was a time you could only order Chinese and pizza and I thought how great would it be to get something else I fucking thought of it you invented I swear to God a buddy who what about what about this but more. I had a buddy who had What about this? But more. 1992. I had a buddy who had this business in Mexico. He literally had a delivery service you could call
Starting point is 00:28:12 that would bring you anything. Yeah, it was JJ Money. I'll tell you that much. Dude, but then I guess Uber probably wiped them out. Well, but they're just super inefficient because Yeah, well, because Uber is just too good.
Starting point is 00:28:20 The thing, the reason Uber Eats works is because there's someone that happens to be like a minute away from whatever place you are. Yeah. That guy's like, oh, I'm across town.
Starting point is 00:28:27 I'll get to it in an hour and a half. They don't even speak English. Why do they need to? Well, what I'm saying, they're not Americans. Yeah. They're like so illegal.
Starting point is 00:28:36 There's Americans who don't speak English. Sure, but these guys. No, yeah, I know. That's what one of our buddies says that if anything happens, those are the guys you got to watch out for because they all have the scooters. It's like they of our buddies says, that if anything happens, those are the guys you got to watch out for because they all have the scooters.
Starting point is 00:28:48 It's like they're going to be driving. What do you mean if anything happens? What do you mean watch out for? Like if there's a civil war. Oh. Those guys who can operate on those fucking scooters and Molotov cocktails. This is what you and your buddy are talking about?
Starting point is 00:28:57 Oh, yeah. Him and Bob Sacramento. When the civil war happens. You got to watch out for those guys. You got to watch out for them? No, if anything, you got to be like, how much for me to hitch a ride? Let's get out out of town and now you're friends with one yeah now you're just like you've you've partnered up with one to get you out of town you should learn spanish that's
Starting point is 00:29:12 the move i think i think they don't all speak spanish that's true that is fucking true so i do speak like basic and i speak enough spanish i'll go south that's the move if it kicks off they're like we're sending you to war fucking that I'm going right problem is is when you're in like if because every ever says we're like every doomsday like fucked up thing it always takes place is modeled in New York City yeah right like they're always like any
Starting point is 00:29:35 bad thing like like a chemical spill nuke they're all shit and not a day after tomorrow New York all of it happens in New York City but like if we're here, I think you're kind of fucked. Unless you have bridges. You have maybe five minutes. Because you have to catch all the Ubers out of town and stuff.
Starting point is 00:29:55 Or cabs. Well, they're not going to drive either. They're going to take care of their families. Exactly. So they're going to be like, fuck this. So then what, are you going to take the subway? You're not going to walk in there. No, you have to walk.
Starting point is 00:30:05 If you get any sniff of it, you have to start walking. What, are you going to walk to Westchester? Because you got a sniff? I'm telling you, I'm prepared. I have my fucking water things, my bug out bag. I have stuff. Okay, so you've planned this. What's in JJ's bug out bag?
Starting point is 00:30:21 I have two X's. We've talked about this. JJ's bug man bag. A flashlight. Bug out bag. I have two X's. Bug man bag. We've talked about this. JJ's bug man bag. A fleshlight. Bug out bag. Lube. JJ knows there's going to be some thirsty chicks
Starting point is 00:30:30 in the apocalypse. Yeah, he just has like a picture of some hairless blonde guy. Over 18. Over 18. Yeah, that's when he takes off his war helmet.
Starting point is 00:30:40 That's what's in there. He's like, oh, this is what's keeping me going, boys. I can't say who, but I have and I can't say what state, but it's northeast of here. I have a plan right now. Okay, so you have a plan.
Starting point is 00:30:51 Northeast of here. So what are we talking about? You can't say what state? Maybe. Vermont? Maybe. Okay, so how do you get shit going down? There's like a fucking sirens panicking the streets. It's a three-day walk. We've already done it. It takes three days to walk to Maine? We've mapped it out, yeah. Who's we?
Starting point is 00:31:06 What's that? I can't say. I don't name names in these situations. I don't name names. I don't name names. I can't say. Straight secret, maybe. I don't know if I'm buying.
Starting point is 00:31:16 But when do you sleep? Do you sleep in like a ditch or something? Well, we have the back roads and everything. We already have it mapped out. We have a bunker. Bunker in Maine. You have a bunker in Maine Maine we have a place and there's sugar daddy and there's guns and everything let's see how long it takes to walk to Maine maybe
Starting point is 00:31:31 it takes longer than three days but we when covid how do you even get out of New York but I can't this could go viral I'm not telling my I guess you gotta steal it no you need to tell you know what you need a city bike you need to steal a city bike city bike is the way out oh city bike. You need to steal a city bike. City bike is the way out. City bike is the way out. A motorcycle is real good. You get a dirt bike, you cross the border with that because the border is going to be fucked. Main roads are going to be fucked too.
Starting point is 00:31:56 I'd try to get back to Canada to be honest. No. I'm thinking if it goes down bad, Canada is going to be fully police. You'd rather be in Mexico though. That's a good point. I think I, it is fully a police state right now. I'd rather be in Mexico.
Starting point is 00:32:09 You'd be in a rainbow prison. Yeah. Yeah. I think I go, I keep going South for as far as I can go. I try to make it to Chile. Yeah. I agree. Somewhere in South America is better than Mexico is good, but they're lawless down there,
Starting point is 00:32:22 but it doesn't matter. I'm not going fucking South without weapons. No, you're not. down there. But it doesn't matter. You don't have weapons? I'm not going fucking south without like... You'll get weapons. No, you're not. What do you mean you're getting weapons? But they're not going to be... Dopey Jew? What are you going to do with weapons?
Starting point is 00:32:33 I'm going to hire some fucking immigrant who can fire them. Yeah, and then he's going to kill you and take all your shit. I think farm. You want to go to a farm, something that's useful, so whoever the occupying people are, you make trade. I'm'm a body i'll work on the farm a dig i'll be like pushing the plow whatever i'm like yeah that's that's my role now that is my role jay's like i can make tiktoks of me farming yeah is that anything yes excuse me i can do a tiktok rain dance to make the crops grow is that something that we need jay jay jay you're there the other the guy's just like
Starting point is 00:33:11 fixing the crops and then you come up like see what he's doing here you just pop up some guys know what happens is he's milking the, and you make a funny face. Whoa! Wouldn't it be nice? Wouldn't it be nice? 2024 is the year for the boys, the year for the fellas. You're going to cut back on sugar, add protein to the diet, stay on track with the fitness goals, and Magic Spoon makes that easy and more delicious than ever. Listen, I've always been a cereal guy.
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Starting point is 00:37:08 Get off the farm, put your phone in the box. Those are your options right now. It would be brutal. To be set back like that. You don't even have internet. You're like, I'm storing. Yeah, dude. When it comes back, we're going to have a backlog. Also, that's another thing.
Starting point is 00:37:18 Imagine solar flare. You're like, so how do you even get to Maine? You got a compass? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The bug out back has everything the bug out back has everything it has knives it has fucking emergency the idea of you just being like let's just walk northeast north so we hit maine i have a good partner you're gonna wind up in fucking like seattle or some shit. Dude, that place would go crazy. Have you seen the videos of Seattle? I watched an hour of a guy walking through Tent City
Starting point is 00:37:49 and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. Seattle is disgusting. They have that everywhere, though. All those Tent City things, you're like, they have those videos everywhere. Not like, not. It's crazier in Seattle, dude.
Starting point is 00:38:00 I told you, I was talking to a guy from Seattle, and he basically said the homeless people had this whole big whole big tent city and then the homeless people basically had they had homeless police they were keeping other people because their tent city was full and they really they've blocked off in portland i think it is the four after the blm protests they have this yeah they have the chop and the chas that's gone's gone, though. That's gone now? That's long gone. That was only during like... No, there's something right now that's still... They all have the... Yeah, they have the 10 cities. Yeah, but... Oh, not the downtown area?
Starting point is 00:38:31 I don't think they have like the CHOP and the CHAZ. The autonomous zones. Denver. Denver. Dude, this was fucking insane. We went to a place to go eat for breakfast in Denver and then driving back, our hotel was right near the club. If you went one way, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:38:48 If you go the other way, you're fucked. Danny's right. That's East Hastings. That's so many places. Toronto. Trinity Bellwoods. They used to have stuff in Vancouver. There was this place.
Starting point is 00:39:02 I can't remember what it was called. East Hastings. It was an insane asylum like they had and they shut it down and once they shut it down police arrests for mental illness went from like nine a week to like 270 a week so it's like there's nowhere they got nowhere to go if someone's like severely mentally ill in all the streets it's not like oh they're gonna clean it up and they're gonna get no they need a fucking institution to take care of them because that's the only option you're right and that institution thing they sort of shut it down on the premise of like this is medieval right it was kind of like this is rude for us to put them in an institution it was like all right get out there it's like yeah
Starting point is 00:39:38 they just sort of unleash them they're just what they are shutter island they just fucking empty to stop to get out here 35th andth, there's just six people right there. Like, they're not humans. Jesus. They're not humans. And this has nothing to do with race. There was mixed races down there. No white people, but mixed race.
Starting point is 00:40:01 I swear I saw a whitey. Dude. They're honestly, like, around here, they're bad. They're not that bad. There's whitey. Dude. They're honestly like around here. They're bad. They're not that bad. There's worse parts. No, 35th and 80th. Do you remember during COVID when everybody left around here and then it was just full
Starting point is 00:40:13 of junkies? I wasn't here. And then it's just like this whole area just became occupied by just junkies. That's wild. That's one thing New York doesn't really have is like everyone's spread out. Everyone has like the city's so big and there's not like a tent city here. Well, no,
Starting point is 00:40:27 because New York is the only city, I think the only city in America where they have a law here where you can't be homeless. Oh, really? You have to,
Starting point is 00:40:34 they have a thing, it's like, that's the whole problem with the city. They have to find you a bed. Yeah. They have to. Like, if you show up,
Starting point is 00:40:40 doesn't matter if you're not from here or whatever, if you're like, I'm homeless, they have to find you a bed, which is why they're putting them in hotels and adams is trying to get rid of it because he's like it's literally bankrupting the city but it's also it's like then where are they going to go they're going to go to you need to find well i guess the idea is they stop coming to some degree right like it's preventative if you go like obviously if you hear hey if we get
Starting point is 00:41:00 to new york we get a free bed yeah like you know it's the same as people go to the warmer places normally but it's you know there's obviously like chicago or boston they don't have that no but chicago they'll same with like toronto they'll just be like sorry we're out of beds but because chicago's so cold if you go ride the subway the subway's scary in chicago that when we were there i rode the subway it's the subway in chicago is worse than here really oh dangerous yeah. Really uncomfortable. Like, real crack infested. But you need a solution.
Starting point is 00:41:29 You can't just be like, we're going to put you all on the streets. You need some sort of thing. I mean, they had a good solution before the migrant thing, which is they're like, yeah, we'll just literally put everybody in a bed and deal with it. Yeah. All right. So the boys panel solved homelessness. Okay.
Starting point is 00:41:44 I have a couple of quick ones. So one JJ one. with it. Yeah. Alright, so the boys panel solved homelessness. Okay, here's a couple quick ones. So one, JJ won. Straight men with bisexual genes are more likely to have children because the variations are linked to risk-taking study claims. I saw that. That's a true thing. This is kind of a theory me and JJ were arguing
Starting point is 00:41:59 with girls about because there's two types of gay men. It's like very deviant or very feminine right yes those are the two and so yeah they're saying it's more likely to have kids but this article is trying to pitch essentially that bisexuality may have arisen in humans for good reason to have more children it was trying to say it's like evolutionary the biology uh bisexuality is like a good basically it's like propaganda article yeah yeah but um if it did send jj here to repopulate the earth
Starting point is 00:42:30 sort of a propaganda thing it's actually actually you're even more of a man that's like you know yeah it's like you have the tendency to suck dick well you're the most masculine guy around it's definitely yeah yeah yeah, could you imagine? Black comedy community wouldn't fuck with that theory. No, not a chance. And also, JJ was six kids. Oh, my God. Dude, could you imagine all these kids running around with these ideas?
Starting point is 00:42:55 Bunch of little balls. Two dogs with diapers. Took care of them. Yeah, it's not the craziest. I could probably be a great dad. Jay, are you still getting the vasectomy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting, eh? You're getting a vasectomy?
Starting point is 00:43:10 Getting a vasectomy, yeah. I think it's February 26th or 27th. It's on the books! It's on the books. Just to protect the assets? To protect the assets. He doesn't trust the hoes! I don't trust the hoes.
Starting point is 00:43:19 I guess you could reverse it. Well, you can reverse it. I know it's not 100%, but also if I really want a kid, I'll adopt if the reversal doesn't work. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not. I don't want kids at all right now. I keep seeing that article of fucking Seth Rogen being like, yeah, not having kids was actually the best thing I ever did. He's like, I think I get more joy out of not having kids than my friends do out of raising children.
Starting point is 00:43:41 And I'm like, yeah. You don't know because you're comparing something you don't know to something you don't know i guess exactly and it's like maybe it's just not for me but if i want it to be for me i can do it later but right now if i had a kid it would fuck up everything dude i'm laying in bed watching porn jerking off fucking playing video but you could just be a deadbeat dad who's just kind of ah that sucks though that's yeah that would that would just eat you like if you have any kind of fucking... And if it gets out, it's going to hurt your ticket sales. Yours?
Starting point is 00:44:10 Your ticket sales? Yeah, if it turns out he's a deadbeat dad. Specifically you? Yeah, it could be. It could be like, oh, man. Dude, that might be part of the brand. Yeah, it could be. You go, yeah, you're like, I've been fucking spraying all over.
Starting point is 00:44:20 What do you think was going to happen? Of course one of these whores got knocked up, and now I don't want to keep it. You're the deadbeat dad, and then you start a new channel that's always with your shirt off and is deadbeat Chad. He's just only Chad content. I don't think Anthony Edwards or Zion Williamson or whatever, they didn't have any. No, but it's going to cost you money.
Starting point is 00:44:39 It'll cost you money for sure. I don't have Zion Williams money. And I think if you have one, then you go the fucking Nick Cannon route where you try to just do 10 and then it's like- It's one or 10. It's one or 10. Oh, that's a feast or famine for you.
Starting point is 00:44:50 Well, because then I heard the Nick Cannon thing. It's like if you have so many, you legally can't support, you don't have to support them because there's too many. It's like a loophole. Once you get over 10, they're like, the courts are like, you don't have to pay child support. Can you imagine having a chick this day? Having a chick taking you to court. You have a court date in't have to pay child support. Can you imagine having a chick taking you to court? You have a court date in 10 months for your child support,
Starting point is 00:45:08 and then you go pregnant with 11 different chicks? I got too many on the go, man. I can't afford any of them. So that's a real thing. That's what I heard. I don't know. I didn't do the research. Yeah, I was going to say, I imagine the canon is...
Starting point is 00:45:23 There's so many rocks It's probably the percentage Probably does Like that you're entitled to Goes down Cause like I'm a Udoka or whatever He just had Some alimony thing
Starting point is 00:45:33 And he basically Was like 10% of his Really Can't give 10% of your income To fucking 12 chicks That's impossible Cause I think there's like Six Rock brothers
Starting point is 00:45:41 Chris Rock Jordan Rock Like they're all A bunch of them in their con tony yeah like they all do come but chris rock in the documentary i don't know if you said he's like he doesn't help out anyone they're like no because well he's not the father but i'm just saying it is funny that they're like tony said like i won't ask him for anything because he'll just say no which is great which is the way you should do it. I think a little bit here and there is not bad.
Starting point is 00:46:08 Helping out your brother? Yeah. I like that. I'm like, nah, I did it. You do it now. I like that. Don't you like that? I think I would help out a little bit.
Starting point is 00:46:17 I went on a trip with some family and stuff, and I paid for a lot of it. I'll do stuff like that. No, but that's different. He's talking in terms of like career helping the career yeah i would i would help here and there but there would be like oh sorry man i can't help you on this one like i wouldn't be willing to sacrifice some connections right yeah okay so the next thing is why this study could have damaging consequences for borderline personality disorder community so essentially they were doing the hot uh versus crazy access yes and this study went viral like people getting mad at it because of uh essentially they were sexist and yeah well i don't know what it was they like basically a guy did a study of like whether people uh like girls that have
Starting point is 00:47:01 bipolar disorder based on how hot they were yeah you can imagine why that wasn't like a popular in like today's day and age or whatever right but so this was and then they did a guy based on how rich he is based on how good looking he is and the study actually is pretty crazy because it was basically what you would think it said if if a girl's ugly and she has bpd she's the least desirable but if she's hot and she has BPD, she's the least desirable. But if she's hot and she has bipolar disorder, she's the most desirable. Short term. But only short term. Only short term, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:32 Only short term. But it was kind of interesting because everything's like that. Even when a girl has a mark on her face. If she's smoking hot, it kind of makes her a little bit hotter. But if she's ugly, it makes her a little uglier. But then when you've been living for two years and you wake up in the morning and you go, ah, you still got that mark, huh? Yeah, but if she's hot, the mark's kind of cute.
Starting point is 00:47:50 It's a Cindy... Like missing a finger on a smoke show is like... You're like, oh, a little character. A little character. It's a scar on a good-looking guy versus a scar on a gargoyle. Yeah, dude. My buddy said this once. I was like, oh, I love hot chicks with tattoos.
Starting point is 00:48:03 He's like, no, you just love hot chicks. Yeah, yeah, of course. That with tattoos. He's like, no, you just love hot chicks. That's the math. You just fucking put a frying pan on a hot chick's head. You're like, oh, is that the new thing? Oh, frying pans. Oh. Yeah, dude. I love that where they did the math on like hot crazy.
Starting point is 00:48:24 It's like, yeah, it's the best pussy. I tweeted like two years ago, bipolar pussy, the best pussy. It's been known. We didn't need to do the math. A little something different every time. Oh, yeah, dude. You won it. Hot cool.
Starting point is 00:48:36 Yeah, I guess the only reason. Well, it was just interesting that they scientifically did it. But also just doing the hot crazy axis for real, like just some bros at the science lab. But it is interesting that you think it might not change as much short term with the average or a good look but the fact that it was like stay away from any girl that's ugly but when they're hot it was the best thing i thought that was pretty yeah because for a bit it's the novel there's so much novelty that you're like holy shit she's crazy she's like she assaulted a cab driver yesterday it's like this is awesome and then you're like fuck she assaulted a cab driver yesterday. It's like, this is awesome. And then you're like, fuck, she assaulted
Starting point is 00:49:05 a cab driver. And she's a six. No, but the difference is, too, the hot ones to the ugly ones, the hot ones don't have opinions. The ugly ones... The hot ones have opinions. No, but not like social. Not social opinions. What was that Reddit forum? Remember all these bitches are complaining
Starting point is 00:49:23 non-stop about... R slash bitches complaining. Whatever it is. Not social opinions. What was that Reddit forum? Remember all these bitches are complaining nonstop. R slash bitches complaining. I believe it's the subreddit. Whatever it is, it's all these fucking blue haired land whales that have so many opinions that are so ugly. It's true. You can't even see their pictures on Reddit. Yeah. I mean, he's not off.
Starting point is 00:49:43 He's not wrong. It's a calculated guess. Yeah. I mean, he's not off. He's not wrong. It's a calculated guess. Dude, holy shit. You think a hot chick's posting? He's like, I did the math. Most hot chicks don't even know
Starting point is 00:49:55 what Reddit is. No, that's true. Hot chicks aren't going over to Reddit. That's not their platform. That's not a hot chick. Yeah, that's not a hot chick platform.
Starting point is 00:50:02 It's a calculated guess. Oh, dude, fuck. Here's a question. Could you date Gypsy Rose? I feel like you're the only one that could pull that off in this squad right now. The Gypsy Rose thing? Do you see her posting about how she's like- I watched episode one of the documentary.
Starting point is 00:50:15 Let me see. You don't know who Gypsy Rose is? No. Oh, tell you. She looks like the kid from Deliverance with a wig on. Hold on. Let me see. Gypsy Rose. Her mom was portraying her as dying from
Starting point is 00:50:31 cancer and was abusing her, doing all this fucked up shit to her to basically get money to be like, oh, I need to support my kid who's dying. And she wasn't dying. She was shaving her head. Munchausen by proxy is the... What's that? Whatever the term. The term of what she was doing. When you make them sick. Munchausen by proxy is the... What's that? Is the... Whatever the term. The term of what she was doing. When you make them sick.
Starting point is 00:50:47 You basically make them sick. Munchausen, yeah. What's his face? God sad. So, yeah. So she was doing this for years to her daughter. And then her daughter eventually met a new guy. And then they started having a relationship.
Starting point is 00:50:58 And they... In jail? Just the guy straight up? No, no, no. She killed her mom. Yeah, she killed her mom. And then went to jail. Oh. And just got out out and now she has this
Starting point is 00:51:06 she's like blowing up and has this HBO document but the guy she's married to straight up slid into her DMs in prison you didn't know that? the guy she's marrying right now slid into her prison DMs in the form of a written letter oh my god
Starting point is 00:51:22 it worked I guess for him this guy is not the best looking guy. He's kind of like a big ogre-y type of dude. Yeah, he looks like Peter Griffin. Yeah, he does look like Peter Griffin. He looks very much like Peter Griffin. Yeah, he looks like Peter Griffin. Yeah, and she was probably getting tons of messages, dude.
Starting point is 00:51:35 Oh yeah. When you're in jail for shit like that, and especially she was sort of sympathetic in the story. I never even heard of her until like two weeks ago. I've been hearing about her because girls are all about this. I've heard about this. But didn't she get her in the Stanley cups? Is that the whole girl thing?
Starting point is 00:51:49 Yeah, in the last couple of weeks for sure. Girls love their Stanley cups. They love Gypsy Rose. Yeah, dude. And shopping. Dude, there's like a video of a girl getting one of those Stanley cups for Christmas and she starts crying. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:52:02 She's so happy. I'm like, what's going on? They are pretty sick. Dude, I saw one where a guy thermos no it's colder i'm telling you it's i'm not one to go with the girl propaganda yes the vetties you literally yetis honestly i'm embarrassed even talking about it but it is better okay how cold does it stay fucking freeze your ears out but You didn't give a shit about this two years ago Don't put your finger in there, I'll tell you that much The Yeti coffee mug You don't want to put your dick in there, I'll tell you that much
Starting point is 00:52:33 It's basically a Yeti It's new Yeti branded towards women Moving on from the Stanley Cup It's not Boyle's panel conversation I brought it up, I apologize The original Stanley Cup is the only cup we can talk about.
Starting point is 00:52:46 If we want to talk about the fucking cup on this podcast, we can talk about the cup. Talk about fucking Willie Nylander getting locked up for a fucking eight years.
Starting point is 00:52:54 So he went to jail. You want to talk about the cup and it being cold? You try 6 a.m. practice. I'll tell you that. And you're trying to get that cup in your car.
Starting point is 00:53:02 Fucking bag skates at 6 a.m. That's the only cup we're talking about dude oh my god so anyways gypsy rose the girls are really into this but there's a big documentary so it's blown up more but the you're you're talking about the stuff she's posting online right yeah she's talking about how her her husband is like giving her the best dick like i have the message the dick is fire and like there's multiple posts of the dick is fired
Starting point is 00:53:26 tiktoks of her being like i'm out i'm living my best life and the d is fire how many how many different guys do you think she's had sex with in her life oh i think two no three three yeah she sort of said and i think she was sort of saying she has another thing where she said her grandfather molested her oh shit and the grandfather's still alive and he was just like didn't happen but the grandfather sort of had a weird one because the grandfather goes no i remember she tried to touch me at one point i told her no not then i was like no it's like she was like six and he was like she actually she tried but i just be lying you're gay you're gay she was coming on to me i had to fucking pump the brakes on this one that's
Starting point is 00:54:05 fucking nuts well it is sort of like gay though because they say that people that are molested are more likely to molest and people that were like i think molester more likely to be gay they have that same thing right really basically being molested is contagious essentially whether being gay is contagious because if you have sex with another man he's probably more likely to then have sex with another man after yeah you're more likely to then have sex with another man after. You're passing it on. Sort of is contagious. I'm just going to do this podcast from over here.
Starting point is 00:54:32 You're going to catch the JJ game. I'll read you a thing though. The guy's name is Ryan, by the way. Oh, love it. Love it. So people were posting and then a lot of people were hating on it. She goes, Ryan, don't listen to the haters.
Starting point is 00:54:42 I love you and you love me. We do not owe anyone anything. Our family's all that matters. If you get likes and good comments, great. If you get hate, then that's fine too. Whatever. They don't matter. I love you because they just jealous
Starting point is 00:54:54 because you are rocking my world every night. Yeah, I said it. The D is fire. Fire emoji. Happy wife, happy life. I love it. Isn't that crazy? crazy dude and also great for him he's getting gassed up this guy was nobody a while ago and he did the move he he bought low and sold i mean maybe sell high but you're right he like when she's in prison she's like fucking he's like i'm
Starting point is 00:55:17 gonna slide and she's not one of those have you ever seen on tiktok you know why he said the girls do the like they have the online dating thing in prison. What? No. So prison has like a thing for pen pals, but it's like the modern version of it now where there's like TikToks that are just replay them. And so you go and you have a little camera and you just, it's like an old like video dating from like the nineties or whatever, where you like pick up the phone and you go, Hey, my name is so-so.
Starting point is 00:55:40 I'm just looking to like meet people. And then that's how people connect with you on the phone. No, no, no, no. You leave a video and then that's how people connect with you on on the phone no no no you leave a video and then that's how you start pen pals but that's how you like introduce yourself and so but there's like some hot chicks oh there's some bangers and so this dude was like he he scrolled to page like 99 like the last page don't know what he said no he actually is public with this and he said the reason he's uh he was into her and he got the idea because he was watching tiger king and he said the tiger king's uh he was into her and he got the idea because he was watching tiger king and he said the tiger king guy was in jail and then he started thinking about who
Starting point is 00:56:09 else is in jail that's what he says he said that tiger king gave him the inspiration to message her that's he's thinking outside the box like he's not the best looking dude he's like all this pussy outside the prison ain't giving me nothing what about the pussy in the prison yeah this kind of goes back to this uh matrix thing though because he chose gross and crazy yeah which is the least desirable the hot and crazy girl she's like some hot chick with fucking tears he chose famous and crazy though was she that famous before this though that's a good question like before like they're really pumping her because she has an hbo doc coming out but she was just like a blip in the news i think i don't think she was like I don't remember this being some insane national news story.
Starting point is 00:56:48 No, girls have been on it. How was this not a defense? I do remember hearing this. I thought that was a defense, like the Munchausen thing. I don't know if you're allowed to murder someone over it. You're premeditated. And I think it probably reduced her sentence because she didn't get life in prison. Didn't she do like eight years or something?
Starting point is 00:57:03 Yeah, eight years. Eight years is not bad. That's normal, though, for a lot of people for their first crime for a murder. Like, you'll end up serving them. It was her and another guy that did it. Oh, really? Oh, I thought this is what I thought was the guy who she's dating was the one who helped
Starting point is 00:57:17 her kill this. No, no. That guy's still on the fucking clink. Oh, really? Yeah, they spent a long time. He did all the work. He's getting no buzz. He's getting no documentary either.
Starting point is 00:57:26 He got a bum deal out of all this. That's what you get for simping, though, honestly. I think that guy learned his lesson about simping for a girl to kill her mom. It's a good life lesson for everyone. This is like in the social network. She didn't do the murder. The guy who stabbed her 17 times. She has organized it.
Starting point is 00:57:45 Yeah, still, again didn't do the murder. The guy who stabbed her 17 times. She has organized it. She organized it. Yeah, still, again, it is the sim. Yeah, and then afterwards, she had sex with the guy in the room. After they killed her? Which is probably really high. Yeah, that is actually pretty high. Oh, she said she was against her will. So I guess you guys might think so. I don't think so either.
Starting point is 00:58:03 Opinion changed. See her talking about how she fucked that guy in the movie theater? I'm listening. No. Yeah, she was on Dr. Phil. And he's like, so they went to the movies with her mom and this guy. And then she goes into the men's bathroom, like wheels into there, goes into the handicapped stall. He goes in.
Starting point is 00:58:17 The mom thinks he's getting popcorn. And then they just fuck in the bathroom. So she was like, oh, I'm disabled. Then gets out, fucks really quick. And then goes back into the chair and then fucking wheels out like oh no i'm not disabled at all what the hell whereas normally i mean there were no strangers to a girl having to go in the chair after we fuck her yeah i got one i got a fold out one in my place just what's that might be needing this sorry it's a walk-up oh yeah the guy got 25 years i told you the guy's doing time that would be so funny so yeah he he was the one who went through with it yeah but you are right
Starting point is 00:58:59 though it's a it's sort of and i was honestly thinking this just uh the other day about life it's like there's so many people that just play the life, the game that is supposed to be played. Even the people that went to school and then did this. It doesn't work out because you don't really have a competitive advantage. You're just in the game doing the thing. You need to find some competitive advantage one way. Even if I was like, okay, I went to this because I know someone really in that industry. Some competitive advantage.
Starting point is 00:59:22 Whereas this guy was looking outside the box. He was looking for looking outside the box. Yeah. He was looking for box outside the box. I mean, also, if you see this guy, you're probably like, yeah, he just couldn't meet someone who was not incarcerated, probably. Like, that was his competitive advantage. He goes, someone's going to want to write back to me. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:38 Yeah. Yeah. How many letters did he send out? That's a good question. Probably a lot. Yeah. He was probably fucking doing- This guy's hands numb.
Starting point is 00:59:46 He might have been photocopying. Yeah, let's just hope some girl in jail is not like, yeah, he's been messaging me too kind of thing. Yo, dude. That's a second murder she'll be involved in. That'll be a story for sure. Definitely. Yeah. Dude, men ain't shit. That'll be the ultimate men ain't shit. The girls
Starting point is 01:00:01 will be all over this guy, ripping him to shreds no scrub i'm gonna do a quick question because uh i asked the patreon um have they anything before we'll do the we'll go through these like reddit threads the only fans and stuff love it but this is a real thing and then i thought it was a good question because people had a lot of them and said curious how you guys know when it's time to start a new phase i.e like quitting music leaving canada uh danny getting engaged it's one thing if your life sucks and you know it's time to make a change but what about when everything's going pretty good that's a pretty good question right that's a good question
Starting point is 01:00:35 chris williamson always used to talk about i i mean we kind of i had something that he posted and he had said something too because he was sort of saying that there's a theory when a lot of times people don't move, they don't get out of a bad situation because it's not bad enough. Yeah. And he's like, you know,
Starting point is 01:00:50 like a relationship or a job, you go, if it was actually worse, you'd be more likely to leave. for sure, rock bottom. Yeah, yeah,
Starting point is 01:00:55 but you haven't hit rock bottom. He's like, it's just okay. Yeah. So it's a lot of people don't progress because everything's just okay. But then I was also,
Starting point is 01:01:00 there's that phrase that I was telling him that the, what's the best person to be on the ladder? It's like the one that's still climbing. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:07 Yeah. Yeah. I just heard that one. He did. That was great. Yeah. Yeah. No, it was real good.
Starting point is 01:01:11 I think for, I don't know, for me, it was always like, I always knew where I wanted to go. So I like, but when I started standup, I knew I wanted to go to New York and I had to go to Toronto first to like make it over there. They were stepping stones. Yeah. So I always kind of had the vision of where it was going. And then the baseline was just like get funnier like all that would that
Starting point is 01:01:28 is a constant that never changes and then all these other things like making tiktoks doing stuff on youtube all that stuff came in as a goal of getting funnier and getting better at comedy and then these opportunities to move were just presented to like they start presenting themselves and that's when you know to make the change so you're you're saying in your scenario you'd probably describe that as like you have a high north star yeah that sort of guides everything else in between everything else falls into place there is no finish exactly there's no finish line and also when if you're like apprehensive because there was like moments where i was like i could stay in toronto when i first started i was like i could stay in mexico that's where i started doing stand-up and i was like i could stay in toronto when i first started i was like i could stay in mexico that's where i started doing stand-up and i was like i could stay there and grow a scene here or
Starting point is 01:02:07 do that but it's like are you doing that out of complacency or fear and if that's the motivator you're like oh i'm too scared to make this move or i'm too comfortable then you always make the other move oh man i mean the comfort thing for comedy is like you see that for a lot of people in canada or whatever yeah they're like they just get enough stuff, which is in the grand scheme of things, like nothing. But then, yeah, but he said, like this guy even said, though, like, what about when things going pretty good? Like, you know, a lot of times people will leave things when it's doing good.
Starting point is 01:02:33 And I think the answer to that is when you don't feel like you're progressing anymore. Yeah. Like, you know, because everything has a certain and then there's at some point it really levels out. Yeah. And it's like, when do you not feel like you're progressing, like at a human end in life or in anything? And if you feel yourself starting to get frustrated with very simple things, like what I noticed, I noticed this actually when I was scuba diving because there was a very clear hierarchy of moving up. You basically had to pay for a new course to get to the next level to do like teach higher level students.
Starting point is 01:03:01 And people who stayed at the open water level, like the beginner teaching beginner divers divers they were so frustrated with the simplest things like they're kicking the reef they can't do buoyancy or whatever the fuck and that's because you have the same problem every day for like two years it's no longer an interesting challenge now it's just frustrating you need to keep bringing new challenges into your sphere to keep your career and your life interesting and challenging in a fun way that's like that's a very important part that's a pretty good one no i always kind of i think if i was to like my version of what you were saying would be like it's where is there like still energy yeah you know i mean because energy is sort of like contagious so when you have energy like you
Starting point is 01:03:38 can feel it even like there's probably certain people you even hang around with like that maybe was like i don't have this that much but like old like some people would describe like old friends in the old town when you go ahead you're not even like really pumped about it you're just kind of like oh just going through the motions or whatever so because there's no like energy there you're getting pumped up so maybe like when you feel like you're going through the motions yeah absolutely if you're if that's if that's all you're doing that's not the place you want to be that complacency that frustration it's a it's a horrible it just you get draining then you'll that's what you're doing that's not the place you want to be that complacency that frustration it's a it's a horrible it just you get draining then you'll that's what you're doing though but yeah like what's the context of this question just in general uh maybe they're asking in terms of
Starting point is 01:04:12 their own life but i don't have the specifics but yeah because i think you're sometimes uh you when i mean seinfeld said uh some version of like that with like oh because he was the for the biggest guy that was like i'll never get married i'm why he goes why why would you do that yeah and then uh i think like you know at like 40 or something like that he just like got married and people were like you were the main guy and he was like yeah i just kind of felt like i was just doing the same thing over and over again yeah like event yeah yeah i think he just kept sort of yeah it just feels like uh groundhog day a little bit cabin fever of life it's time it's time you're like yeah you have to listen to maybe you're like internal clock you know yeah like you guys
Starting point is 01:04:48 probably felt it in toronto where it's like oh any one of these rooms i go and i can get up almost any time i want the crowds i know how to like work these crowds there's like also the money isn't changing or going anywhere just do it there's like you're gonna try uh fucking hit a ceiling wheel yeah just like doing the same thing over and over and just by moving to new york and you also know you see it like if you're say whatever you're a finance guy or you're a tech guy you're working for a company and you move up to a certain point and it's kind of like you're a smaller tech company that does whatever like deliveries or some shit like that you see oh i could work for google i could work for them but do i take the move i don't know it's like yeah go
Starting point is 01:05:23 take that move take that fucking next step and move in that direction or if you get high up in google it's like i want to start my own company that does this i have this idea that they don't want to do make those moves that you see in your head it's that fucking book the the alchemist it's like you see the omens you see these these what does it describe i've never read the alchemist actually i heard of the alchemist is amazing what's the omens so it's basically life presents you omens like opportunities to do things like it like now presents jj oh man man but it get life will present you opportunities it'll be like oh you have an opportunity to talk to this person or meet this person or start this company or make this money or move to new york or whatever it is and then if you don't acknowledge the omens and do something with them eventually
Starting point is 01:06:04 they just disappear and then you don't have the omens and do something with them, eventually they just disappear. And then you don't have those opportunities again. So when you see those things, you go, oh, I want to do that. And you don't take it, like I said, out of fear, then that is the worst decision-making. But also, I think there's something to be said about if you look at life like that,
Starting point is 01:06:19 you go, the opportunities don't come that often, and it's up to you to take them. You go, well, then it's just, it's like there is no decision paralysis because you're like, it's already made. Well, it's like I only get this, I only get the opportunities every now and then. So when things come and like there's a light bulb moment, you have to move. Oh, yeah, move. And then it sort of isn't a would I, won't I? Because you're just like, of course I do.
Starting point is 01:06:38 Yeah. Well, I think we're all in a very similar space where we've found the direction we want to move in. So like I said before, having that North Star that you're building towards, all these other things just fucking fix the place. But he's right. I've had that North Star before
Starting point is 01:06:50 and I've changed. But again, it was like, you could feel the energy was over in that moment. The moment was over. Yeah. You want to be like
Starting point is 01:06:58 in a moment or moving towards a moment. Yeah. Not on the other side of those moments. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. We were telling you about song
Starting point is 01:07:06 finch at the boys cast which i have now used to make a love song about danny that will be debuted it's honestly song finch is pretty solid all right so maybe you got that special someone that uh you know and you want to tell them what they mean to you. Funny and cool gift. Chicks love this kind of stuff. Chicks love this kind of stuff. Chicks, everybody goes, every guy goes, hey, here's, I have some money, and I exchanged it for some flowers.
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Starting point is 01:07:44 that you might want to do, it doesn't, you know, might not want to, you know what I also saying i love you something like that that you might want to do sure it doesn't you know might not want to you know what i mean it's not something you you leave it to some other people to say it on your behalf easy for some maybe nerve-wracking for others perfect gift can do it for you especially when the gift is a one-of-a-kind uniquely crafted song for them valentine's day is coming up can't think of an easier and better way to do it flowers just aren't cutting it, as Danny said. Forget the teddy bear chocolates and perfume. Stand away from the pack with
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Starting point is 01:11:21 we went through a really deep dive. And I guess it's different now because essentially it's just got so saturated yeah so i think there was a moment where you could kind of if you were like the first certain people in like you could kind of make a thousand bucks a month like without trying that hard yeah and now it's like corporate there's so many people there's like systems all the big managers there's managers so it's really like a thing right yeah so and then there's these people people. There's systems, all the big managers. There's managers now. So it's really like a thing, right? Yeah. And then there's these people now that are just getting into this game really late with these crazy questions.
Starting point is 01:11:51 Yeah. Okay, so the first one. Does anyone make content while living with their family? I've been making content for three years in my own apartment, but moved in with my mom to save money and take care of her. I live downstairs with no door. I have have no privacy and it's so frustrated i bought two sound machines but they aren't loud enough and who who wants to make a video with the sound machines in the background also i've been in the middle of recording a video and my mother coughs because she has emphysema You're like, I'm coming. Sorry, I got to do the noise machine up.
Starting point is 01:12:37 This is a sad story she's painting. It's like massive squirt video capped with like, ah, God, gonna rehydrate shoot again clean the set and also the noise machines obviously the mom knows when the noise machines pop on what's going on too it's my daughter hard at work but salute to this chick for like fucking being like you know what i'm gonna sell this pussy to take care of my mom there's nothing that's like maybe one of the saddest things to me. Isn't that dark? It's the struggling OnlyFans creator.
Starting point is 01:13:07 It is. Are you considered maybe doing some sort of thing, maybe like an altruistic project where you go find just the crappiest OnlyFans creator and then somehow bring it up? Kind of like one of those, remember the shows where they remodel a poor person's house? You know, and then they have the bus,
Starting point is 01:13:24 and then the bus, and then they're all... Kitchen confidential. Something like that where you're like, I've got $10,000 and one pig. Yeah, like horror confidential. Oh my God, that's so funny.
Starting point is 01:13:39 There's very few people... It's such a brilliant idea. One at a time, you two. Oh, this is great, though. Yeah. Like, you know, you find someone who's like, you know, they're the top 1%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You find the bottom 1%.
Starting point is 01:13:51 Well, the bottom 1%. But there's probably some talent down there. Oh, there for sure is. They just need a shot. They need a remodeling. They need a, like, what's your niche? How do we repurpose this? How do we sell your personality?
Starting point is 01:14:02 But also, you can just, you have an audience where you and then you just i can just i can say i can blow them up and you bring in and this is how this is great dude yeah the show jj loves having a show i love this but then you get like guest appearances from top only fan models yeah you bring them in as fucking coaches yeah you bring it like next top whore yes you literally go and today and the music stuff and where everyone starts looking behind the door and today we have fucking everyone's like this is a great idea am Did Amaranth make $57 million from OnlyFans? Yo!
Starting point is 01:14:47 What was she doing, selling spit and shit? I don't know. She posted it today, though. She's like one of the top. She's like the top titty person on Twitch. 0.1%. I like it more, JB, than the Gordon Ramsay, where you walk in and you look and you go, what the fuck is this shit?
Starting point is 01:15:00 You call that squirt? You go, grab the dildo. You smell it? You're disgusting! You don't clean this? You're trying to jerko. You smell it. You're disgusting. You don't clean these. You're trying to jerk off. You go, I'm fucking soft. These titties, they're uneven.
Starting point is 01:15:12 Great, man. I'm excited. That is actually a fucking incredible idea. Is there a way to find the bottom 1% of all these tits? Oh, yeah. You might be able to search by that. JJ, you do a gay one also called the bottom 1%. Just fat, hairy, unshaven, stinky.
Starting point is 01:15:31 I went on Grindr a couple days ago, and this troll fucking DM, like, he pinged me, and I'm like, in what fucking world, fatty? Oh, you actually, like, you take it personal? Yeah. That you got a DM from this guy? Oh, my God. What, he sent you just the asshole? No, he just sent me a message. Because you can tap.
Starting point is 01:15:48 You tap that knows someone's interested in you, and then they send you a phone. I don't think JJ's boned a dude in a long time. I think you're more of a window shopper now. Yeah, I'm a window shopper right now. Yeah. All you do is go on Grindr and guys message you. You go, what the fuck? Yeah, you just try to see where you're at.
Starting point is 01:16:02 You go on Grindr just to see where you're at still? See where I'm at. Dude, what's my ranking in the gay community am i dropping am i still good i go on there i do a little makeover right before i put some mascara in my hair to push it up do the picture mascara you're painting the top of your head at this point you got the ron popeel just like like one of the plastic thing You know you were Alright let's see where I'm at
Starting point is 01:16:32 LeBron does the same thing though He gave up He's actually giving up Oh yeah Did you see the video of him He got the Steve Harvey flat top He was brushing his head He had like
Starting point is 01:16:43 He's like completely bald And he has a brush And he's doing an interview, and he's vigorously brushing his head, and people are like, what the fuck are you doing? Dude, there's nothing. But is this moving the soil so the crops are growing? I'm surprised he won't go do the hair transplants. Yeah, they're such good ones.
Starting point is 01:16:57 I think he kept doing it, and it wouldn't take. It just won't take. My theory on that is that they can't do black hair. Yeah. I don't think that. Oh, you're right. I wonder about that, because it is a different- It's a different type of hair. they just don't, they can't do black hair. Yeah. Oh, you're right. I wonder about that because it is a different. It's a different type of hair.
Starting point is 01:17:08 I just don't think they take it off your head. But I just don't, I don't know if like the curliness. Because it's stronger hair. It needs more like follicles are harder to get in. I don't know. I don't know. It's just black people haven't been able to pull off the hair transplant. See, I think, okay.
Starting point is 01:17:21 White privilege. By the way, that may be true. I don't think I have any information on that But it also could just be that Black guys don't bother because it's like Totally reasonable to be bald You look great, every black guy I haven't seen a guy who looks terrible That's bald and black
Starting point is 01:17:38 I have, but it only lasts for Half a year and then they cut it No, but I'm saying A couple girls call them dusty and then they pick it yeah and no but i'm saying girls call them dusty and then they pick it yeah no but i think bick looks good bick looks great on a black guy it looks i haven't seen a man like honestly what's bick like totally okay but like even like a fat black guy looks fine where flat and fat white guy just really sick every other race doesn't look that great no that's good that's the only race where you don't look sick like a fat fat white guy when they have the hot dogs the six
Starting point is 01:18:09 pack of hot dogs on the back of the neck the sharp a neck yes the sharp a neck's disgusting but a black guy looks like oh yeah that looks awesome yeah no it looks as you're like this is a powerful man yes powerful man it's like what do's like, what are you, Bench? Yeah, how are you repping that? Okay, so this girl, the advice, yeah, definitely I like the idea of the smoke machine. Obviously, the real actual answer is music. Yeah. Turn on some music. I think it's like, no breathing. That's what you guys, this is some system in the background.
Starting point is 01:18:39 Yeah, we'll get a little system of a down going or something. Actually, you know what? There was that one thing I forgot I was going to mention. system of a down going or something actually you know there was that one thing i forgot i was gonna mention this because you know kanye west is posting all the new photos of his uh yeah his girl naked which is hilarious because he was just like he went from being like kim kardashian i don't respect what she's doing and then like he's i'm the church guy and everything now he's just like here's my wife naked my new wife naked who looks like her yeah but the system of the down guy commented on it uh what was it system of the
Starting point is 01:19:05 down guy um the i think it's the bass player in system of the down wrote on kanye westwall show some class man you have kids who look up to you for moral guidance is this supposed to be the person to protect the most your wife isn't supposed to be your trophy she's pride and dignity this isn't it blah blah this is the bald white guy no i wish it was the bald white guy with the hair not the one he's the one that works the bald white guy if he was commenting on kanye west he would have just said wake up not sure grabber didn't put on some makeup not sure uh not uh sure what's his name not the main guy no this is like the drummer or something yeah yeah yeah i love those guys i just found them this year.
Starting point is 01:19:47 I've DM'd you guys. They haven't made a new song in like 15 years. I literally heard the fucking it was last year, Lex Friedman talk to Rick Rubin about them. I never heard these guys. That is a crazy thing when he said just pull a book off the shelf and look for a line.
Starting point is 01:20:02 What was that? In System of a Down, Rick Rubin was like they couldn't figure out a line. What was that? Rick Rubin. Rick Rubin was like, they couldn't figure out a line for their song and he's like, just grab a book and pull it off. Yeah, I remember that. I saw that video. And the line, I can't remember what the fuck it is. Something about a priest or God or something? Yeah, and it's like an incredible line.
Starting point is 01:20:17 I can't remember that. What's that? Forsaken Me. You know what? I know that JJ really liked Rick Rubin and Rick Rubin had a good one recently that I thought
Starting point is 01:20:29 really related to comedy because stuff that we talk about a lot because he was basically saying that art isn't supposed to be for other people
Starting point is 01:20:37 it's kind of like a journal entry as soon as you start because he was like you're making it for yourself not for other people and he goes
Starting point is 01:20:43 when you start making it for other people that's not art that's commerce and I was like that's such a making it for yourself not for other people and he goes when you start making it for other people that's not art that's commerce oh and i was like that's such a good yeah it's so many things because i've always sort of said it's more of the my description of it was more you can't worship two gods yeah like a lot of people that try to make art that try to make some point but they're also trying to make art it's like you can't do two things at once you can't worship two gods right but i thought that was another a good way to put because i used to say maybe it's propaganda when you're doing the other thing but i think commerce is a
Starting point is 01:21:07 better way to say you're trying to make money yeah he goes when you're trying to you're when you're writing the jokes that you think other people will like that's not art that's commerce yeah yeah that's how joe joe coy just got fucked up fucked over because he made last week yeah yeah because that was yeah that was commerce that's commerce and it's like well and i love him and i'm like you just took on a fluff gig to make money and that's what you know what i'm gonna go a little different than that bad i thought he wasn't that bad he's just the truth is with those stupid fucking hollywood actors the only thing that works now is to just to go and like tell them they suck yeah like and and if you bomb people will be like oh yeah he's not that good because he's trashing them he's not that exactly he's not like that's why they hired him because
Starting point is 01:21:48 they didn't want that guy it was literally you're doing a corporate and then you're trying to be nice yeah and then that's not working like if he had just said you to all them and then people would be like yeah he bombed making fun of them because he's the man yeah he's not that guy so he was in a rock and hard place. No, what he should have done is crowd work. Should have been like, so what do you do? I'm Steven Spielberg. And you're like, oh, really? So what do you do? I'm a director. That's crazy. Anything I see.
Starting point is 01:22:18 Isn't there a story with him that he found his wife? How long you've been together? How long you've been together, Selena Gomez? But there was a story. He found his wife cheating. Wasn't that? He walked in.
Starting point is 01:22:29 Joe Coy? His first wife. I thought that was him. I don't know the Joe Coy lore that hard. He was in a rock and hard place. I don't put that on him. And I think they gave him the gig on December 21st or something. I don't know about that.
Starting point is 01:22:43 Everybody's like, what? That's not enough? I mean, to write a six minute novel. Yeah, you hire your 10 funniest friends to write you a joke. Yeah, that's the weird thing. He goes, I didn't get my writers until like five. I'll be like, fuck my writers. I'm calling my friends.
Starting point is 01:22:54 I'm calling every one of my buddies. I'm calling my buddies. To be honest with you, I've only done one roast and I called two fucking savages. But I'm saying you're like, I wouldn't be like, oh shit, clock's ticking. I wish they'll give me my writers, the Golden Globes. I'm like calling my friends immediately. Easy. And 10 days is more than enough.
Starting point is 01:23:12 Oh, easy. I don't know if he's reading off a teleprompter. No, he wasn't. He wasn't. Okay. No. Yeah. I think he was getting more flat than he deserved.
Starting point is 01:23:20 Yeah. And then everybody's like, he's bombing. You're like, he was doing fine. No, the only reason I knew. It's the Taylor Swift thing. It's the moment that they cut to her and then she's like he's bombing you're like he was doing fine no the only reason I knew is the Taylor Swift thing is the moment that they cut to her and then she's just like like yeah
Starting point is 01:23:29 and then they go oh he's bombing like it's literally like the king thing like you know like everybody is like the jester and then everybody looks to see if the king
Starting point is 01:23:35 and the king's not enjoying themselves and everybody's like sucks yeah it was the boss at the corp the boss at the workplace corp yeah
Starting point is 01:23:41 and then everybody looked at her and she's not enjoying it oh he's bombing dude right he wasn't bombing yeah I listened to it. It wasn't terrible. You know that all-time famous jester, Ronald the Farter? What? Ronald the Farter? Ronald the Farter is like the most famous
Starting point is 01:23:55 jester ever. Oh, fantastic. He would come to the king and he would fart and the king loved it. What's king? I don't know which king. It was like in the 1500s and the king bought bought him a fucking like castle yeah castle acres of land and he even like retired mansion and then he was like i need you to come out of retirement fart for me again like he like came back and like all right guys like how's this not a movie there was a funny i can go on command I think so I think he could fart
Starting point is 01:24:25 on command man back then that would have there was dude there was a fucking nobody was farting man
Starting point is 01:24:32 it's so funny actually because I literally was listening to an interview yesterday and they were talking about this dude his name was Lepeto Main
Starting point is 01:24:40 and he was a French flatulence oh really and he was like yeah his name is Joseph Pph puyol better known by his name i swear to god joseph puyol french flatulence he died in 1945 and he's because i was watching um the david cross podcast with mark maron and they were talking about because
Starting point is 01:24:57 they used to have on mr show this bit called gary the farter and it was based off of like they it was a mr show bit but it was based off of this guy and he would just like fart or whatever like that was all his punch lines he would just be like and he i guess like suck aaron in his ass and let his ass and then he's so he constantly has like punch lines which is like and then we were like yeah this is like in like you know the late 1800s yeah they don't got the internet yeah because they try to make france out to be like they're all like high culture and stuff. But they're just like watching this guy rip ass
Starting point is 01:25:27 and laughing. They like mimes, man. A mime is like a pie in my face. And they're like, excellent, excellent. French people do, yeah, they do have more of a highfalutin reputation than they deserve. Just because they talk stupid. Dude, one time I was in an argument with this French guy. We're just like discussing
Starting point is 01:25:43 whatever. And then I'm getting the edge on him and he goes oh what do you know your country's like 400 years old and i was like what the fuck does that have to do with anything dude that was his argument like i'm from an older like monarchy you i know more than you shut the fuck up this is by the way this is the description of le peto man right here. Little farts warmed up the crowd. Lepeto main. He teased the big shit. He goes, listen. Lepeto main named the toots as he went, doing such impressions as a bride on her wedding night,
Starting point is 01:26:14 a very little fart, a lengthy 10-second fart replicated the sound of a dressmaker tearing two yards of calico. Then, with all his might, he blasted one in the form of a cannon firing. So he's just like, I wonder what this would sound like if this is a fire he's like a bride on her wedding night you're probably doing half hour at least a half hour of fart i love to think that that they were like people come back and they see him again and they're like they're like oh he's gonna do the cannon and they're like and he's like they're like yeah it's amazing someone steps on his
Starting point is 01:26:50 punchline farts in the crowd oh shit a huge move there's a video of him from 1900 farting oh wow can people see it it's on youtube yeah le peto main farting on film and ronald the farter is like the equivalent to play one little bit of this give me a little fart could they record back then like audio yeah yeah they used to watch and we'll send this to johnny i'll put it on the screen i don't there's no audio oh i don't even think there's audio well that's crazy kind of loose well it's 1900 but it's just so fucking crazy watching this special you kind of do see him he looks like a magician with his hands all right we'll put that on the screen that's so funny for the audio listeners uh you're not missing much there's the silent
Starting point is 01:27:38 but he does cut away yeah well he does kind of like he goes he bends over and then he's kind of just like but his his thing doesn't uh the suit the time that would be a lot yeah that'd be incredible you need to hire a guy to like yeah that's like your magician's assistant yeah they just send some wind well actually leading into our next one this pretty topical because i'm having a hard time knowing what kind of vibe i should do so they haven't been doing that good on OnlyFans. I've heard people making money from stepping on things, but that sounds so not real, is it? It is real. I absolutely don't want to do anything schoolgirl, though.
Starting point is 01:28:13 Otherwise, I'm pretty open to niche groups. And what I'm saying is it's pretty obvious that farting can be a niche. Do crush models. Because our boy Kevin Soldo, remember he moved to New York 10 years ago? He moved to New York 10 years ago for a year, and he was dating a girl who was a crush model. She would step on toys, and then there's ones where they step on
Starting point is 01:28:34 little crawfish that are alive. They're big girls. They're big girls, and they just squish bugs with their feet. They were live crawfish. And then there's dudes, I guess, in Asia jacking off to that stuff. Oh, yeah. In Asia.
Starting point is 01:28:49 That's the market. That's right. Dude, that's all the different niches. I think farting definitely. You should get into that if you can. That fart in the jar. Yeah. Like, that's like, it's like.
Starting point is 01:29:01 How gross you want to go. Yeah. It's like. But on OnlyFans, there's certain shit you can't do. Like, you can't do... You know the whole is piss squirt or squirt piss, blah, blah, blah thing? You can't piss, but you can squirt? You can squirt, but you can't piss.
Starting point is 01:29:13 Yeah, no titty milk either now. So you can't admit... Yeah, no titty milk, no shitting, of course. That's why Fansly is taking off. Oh, is that quite... Because Fansly is the shitting one? The bad boy OnlyFans? Maybe.
Starting point is 01:29:24 Fansly is the one that allows shitting? It allows titty milk. Wow. But why not kiss it? That's still funny. It's like excrement or whatever. That's hilarious though, being an OnlyFans chick
Starting point is 01:29:33 and being like, hey, I'm trying to start. Like, should I step on stuff? Yeah. What should I do? I read down that a little bit and someone was like, niches don't matter.
Starting point is 01:29:42 Just start like putting the titties out there. Someone will make a request for something weird and then that's your niche oh the niche comes to you yeah the niche finds you chicken or the egg because at the end of the day this is commerce so you you appeal to the audience that's true yeah you're right this is not art i mean just get a job at fucking subway no sell No. Sell the tits, dude. Fuck that shit. What is more degrading? You going to school and telling the girls this? Start an online class like Hustlers Only.
Starting point is 01:30:14 Only fans. How to sell your titties. But yeah, working at Subway and fucking making no money and getting treated like shit. I know this one chick who started OnlyFans. She's making like $15,000 a month. Before that... they always tell you the high high things though most people are this they're i made 50 last month should i try stepping on live animals a lot of people a lot of people okay how hot before anything how hot is she she's decently because none of these
Starting point is 01:30:38 things go what should i do and nobody's like go to the gym like eat less and go to the gym quite the opposite the one is saying she lost weight and it's costing her money. Really? Yeah. Well, I guess if you're in that niche, right? Yeah, if you're a big girl niche, dude, they want you to stay big.
Starting point is 01:30:51 There's feeders out there. Feeders. That they're like, please eat for me, my queen or whatever. They'll like send you food and shit like that. And they'll Uber Eats you? Yeah, they'll Uber Eats you or they'll give you like credit
Starting point is 01:31:00 to go get food or something. Those are the farters too. The SSBBWs? Is there like some version? Who the fuck the ssbbws is there like some is there like some version of that like you know when you buy a like a bartender a drink and then they do like water shots because they're like we don't want to be drinking all night but they don't want to seem like anti-social kind of thing is there like you get it like a subway sub but you're like hollow it out it's just like the edges so then you're just like eating mostly just like
Starting point is 01:31:24 nothing in the middle just so you can keep going. There probably is. Fake feeders. I can't just eat 10 subs a night. Yeah, but these chicks are like 400 pounds. Some of them are pretty big. Some of them are enjoying this. They're like, sick, dude. Fetching Alfredo again?
Starting point is 01:31:39 Don't mind if I do. Yeah. The one girl did say though that she was she she was lost 30 pounds because she was too fat and then she it's kind of like uh acting in that way where it's like you got to be fat or or in shape yeah in between like in be like a decent normal person with an extra 30 pounds is not the sweet spot you want to no. You want to be fat or normal. But also, that's the thing. If you want this chick to be a big girl, it'd be like if you started, like you guys have
Starting point is 01:32:12 your type of comedy, what your podcast is branded as. If all of a sudden you're like, okay, guys, we're doing fucking rainbow flags and all that kind of shit. Talking about Stanley Cups. Dude, it would be fucking, it'd be done. You have, every market has what they want. And if you're in the big girl market, you got to stay there, dude. You got to like.
Starting point is 01:32:28 Well, but that's why with everything, it's like, you don't want your niche to be something that's killing you. Yeah. Well, it's like probably, yeah, you're better off being a comedian than a sword swallower. Yeah. Well, no, you sent me that clip when we were in Bridgeport about all the fatties that died. Oh, yeah. This was crazy.
Starting point is 01:32:45 The plus size influencers that are all like, I can't believe I just said plus size. This is not your podcast with Taylor Lorenz. Holy shit. I forgot Jay
Starting point is 01:32:55 did the Taylor Lorenz podcast. I didn't know who she was. Oh, you did? Taylor Lorenz? I didn't know. They were chumming it up. Where was this? I didn't know
Starting point is 01:33:03 who she was. Old zero COVID Taylor over here. Taylor Lorenz. Jay had his mask on out of respect on Zoom. No, I did not. I did not. I did not know who she was, man. That was the best thing ever.
Starting point is 01:33:16 Jay just posted this podcast. He's like, I'm doing this for a podcast or whatever. And then it's like, Taylor Lorenz? I did it. Dude, it was. She was the guest. You're not doing it. It was the guest.
Starting point is 01:33:23 My co-host was like, I love this person. I was like, cool. Yeah, you didn't bug it, obviously. I had no It was the guest My co-host was like I love this person I was like cool Yeah you didn't bug it I had no idea who she was And then everyone was like Yo this is But I was like
Starting point is 01:33:31 Uh oh Taylor Laurent Is a Cunt Oh yeah She's a big Dude all she But anyways
Starting point is 01:33:39 What was happening With your plus size girls Back to the Dead plus sizes So this chick made Like like basically a super cut of like oh i saw that yeah she was like blair white it was a blair white with the fake lips and all that shit the trans yeah and no she's not trans like yeah yeah i mean if you smack i got bad news for you pal all those spank sessions that you were doing.
Starting point is 01:34:05 No, no. What are you talking about? No, no, no, no. No, play with the woman. With the huge cans and the big fake lips. No. No, say it ain't so. Say it ain't so, Joe.
Starting point is 01:34:18 Say it ain't so. Dude. Bro. I got some of my top cranks that's not possible the cranks were so good that I didn't even see your naked come on I'm just gonna keep one for safekeeping one little peek in there
Starting point is 01:34:36 a little Blair White on the side never hurt anyone dude oh man in that one the one fucking uh article with the the vegans saying that they they were like oh if you do a vegan diet you get hornier oh yeah there's an article that said you want me to read the headline yeah hold on i'll read this headline here uh vegan diets make women hoardier hornier allegedly according to this new experiment where they just took a bunch of girls and then showed them stuff and measured
Starting point is 01:35:09 their blood and all this stuff and it said girls that were vegan apparently had higher sex drive and I was like they said they had some sort of like thing that could test your genitals like if they warm up to see if you're getting horny and I was like is that like a speed gun? you could just fire it at someone's dick like you're watching UFC speed gun like you could just fire at someone's dick
Starting point is 01:35:25 like you're watching ufc with the boys probably yeah and you just fucking shoot at their dick you're horny he's fucking horny he likes dudes who haunt each other fucking get him boys that could be the new party the horny machine yeah in the door. Dude, fully gay. This guy's gay. We got him. That's so funny. Go back to the back thing. You remember Debs actually just checking the gun to see if she's
Starting point is 01:35:52 ready. It's like a steak. You're literally just hitting it with the temperature. The radar thermometer. The laser thermometer. This chick, she basically did a smash cut of these influencers who are, like, huge. Being like, oh, come visit me on my body positive radio show.
Starting point is 01:36:16 And she's like, she's dead. And then it would cut to another dude who's like, I'm eating all this food. And he's like, he's dead. And then everyone, this chick who's like, just because I'm fat doesn't mean my nutrition device isn't good it's like she's dead yeah and it just like one after the other yeah yeah all they all died yeah from being too fat it's too bad yeah don't yeah you don't want to do that no i always thought that would jackass man like it like there's because there's some people go into that thing where like there's new versions of people doing jackass type shit where they're like whatever putting lemon in their eyes or some shit. And I'm like, you could start doing that, but then that's your shit.
Starting point is 01:36:48 And you have to fucking shoot yourself in the balls with a paintball gun. I was in that world because I was doing crazy shit on camera. And that was all my shows that I made. That was my whole deal. I was making crazy videos in a band, God. That was my deal. And I always stayed away from the pain stuff because I just know that I'm not that guy. Pain, like spicy food challenges, all that kind of shit.
Starting point is 01:37:08 Spicy food. Even like prank stuff. I'm like, man, you got to go out and like fucking set up cameras and secret shit and like fuck with people. And then someone beats the shit out of you. It's like, man, I don't know. See, that I never minded. That's my alley.
Starting point is 01:37:19 You're like, oh yeah, I guess. Yeah. Like even like a cop beating you up, like all that stuff. It was like, I almost wanted that. What I don't want is a shark, a fucking hook in like a cop beating you up, like all that stuff. It was like I almost wanted that. What I don't want is a shark, a fucking hook in my mouth. Did you swim in the shark? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:37:30 Yeah. That like the Steve-O shit was the bulls. Like, I do not want the bulls. No, dude. It's like Johnny Knoxville still pissing in a bag. Yeah. And has had like eight concussions or something like that. This is a bag. Really?
Starting point is 01:37:40 Yeah. I think he shits in a bag. Yeah. I heard he has a catheter. Yeah. It's fucking. It's well, even Steve-O. He can't talk like he can barely talk. I don't think that'sits in a bag. I heard he has a catheter. It sucks. It's fucking rough. Well, even Steve-O, he can't talk. He can barely talk.
Starting point is 01:37:48 I don't think that's from the Bulls. Oh, that's from the Coke? Yeah, dude. I think the Bulls got his voice. The fucking rogue kick hit him in the throat, and that's why he talks like that now. Oh, man. Yeah, this girl. Okay.
Starting point is 01:38:04 No, the reason I was bringing this into the niche one, this girl... Okay, no, the reason I was bringing this into the niche one, this next one goes, I'm starting my first OnlyFans site using my lazy pubic hair brush as my shtick. Any advice or recommendations for other hairy baddies? I'm not great at social media, but I'm willing
Starting point is 01:38:20 to learn, so this girl's not making money, and she's just her whole deal. She just hears my brush with my pubes. She hasn't shaved because it's winter so she just wants to be lazy she's like yeah i'm just gonna profit off of this well she's like i want to start but i don't want to shave dude dudes are into everything do you remember that really shitty literally everything that really shitty strip club in toronto film wars there's a couple of shitty ones film They're all shitty for some reason.
Starting point is 01:38:45 Toronto's got grimy ones. There was four different comics who were DJs at Fillmore's. And so I got some inside scoops. And dudes would come in and be like, I'll pay you to piss in my beer and I'll drink it. This one dude would pay to lick a girl's boots. This Chinese guy would come in and he would put
Starting point is 01:39:01 on a finger condom and he would just want to touch them. He'd just touch them and touch them. But he wouldn't have the touch them and touch them yeah he wouldn't touch him with his bare hands film wars was that dumb dude dumb man yeah disgusting and they were doing a whole bunch of sex stuff there i remember we went because it was one dude's last day working there so a bunch of us went and uh this one stripper was like you want to dance you want to dance and i was like yeah we go upstairs. As soon as I sit down, she's like, I'll suck your dick for $150. I've had that too.
Starting point is 01:39:30 And I'm like, no, I just came here for a dance, man. We're just hanging out, dude. I'm trying to get my dick sucked. They proposition you really quick. Really quick. Yeah. Well, she wants to try and make money off you instead of some old haggard troll. That's true when she sees a guy that's like sort of normal. Yeah. But also she's like,
Starting point is 01:39:45 yeah, I'll have this guy out of here in seven minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. She doesn't know who she's dealing with. Yeah, maybe she doesn't. They're whore houses.
Starting point is 01:39:51 Yeah. But I'm desensitized to porn. I'd be like, you got to keep sucking this 150 bucks, dude. It ain't finished yet. Joke on you, I can't call you.
Starting point is 01:40:02 She's like, am I doing it wrong? He's like, unless you can grow a dick We're gonna be here all day Here let me just tape This picture to the top Of your head
Starting point is 01:40:11 Put the VR headset on Alright now you're getting it Holy fuck The one girl says So I had a fan asked for a mean dick rating but his dick was actually pretty normal i saw that one uh that she goes in the comments that people were giving her advice on how to give a meaner dick rating dude yeah that's a crazy one to want the mean dick rating i actually see that jj maybe wanted something like no i'm not into that kind of they love it they love it they love to get like... I don't know.
Starting point is 01:40:45 Who wants that? I guess if you have a really tiny dick, you're like, this is my long life. Yeah, you're like, might as well just embrace it. Is there any girl who's like the best dick raider? Like she's considered like... Because that seems like maybe possibly... There was a bartender who had an OnlyFans. She worked at one of the clubs we perform at.
Starting point is 01:41:04 And I went to her OnlyFans. And she was always like, send me $10 and I'll give you a dick rating. But it wasn't like... $10? Yeah, for a dick rating? That's pretty cheap, I think. But it wasn't negative or anything.
Starting point is 01:41:15 It's worth zero to me. I don't need a dick rating. You can make it fucking pay me five bucks for it. And yeah, that was on her... She had a bunch of menu options and then the dick rating for dick rating is one of them yeah well that's like if you are only fans girl why wouldn't you be doing dick rating it seems so easy so like that's the easiest job yeah and you just fucking riff on a dude's dick dude yeah quick yeah quick do you think you get
Starting point is 01:41:39 chappy gpt to no because it's dick chappy GPT To this dick This guy has like A regular dick So I need to rate it You know what There was a One trans This one In the like
Starting point is 01:41:53 Only fans Cat Forums There was a girl That was basically Saying she was trans But she just puts Like a dildo
Starting point is 01:42:00 In her underwear And she was like Crushing it In the like Because she's actually crushing it. And they're like, cause she's actually like pretty hot. And all the other trans people were like, she's invading like the trans spaces or whatever. And it was like,
Starting point is 01:42:11 people were like, how ironic. Stealing our market. Yeah. It was like, why? She's the fucking Elvis Presley, a trans porn.
Starting point is 01:42:22 That's our fucking thing. Don't like a little taste of your own medicine, do you you that's kind of what people were saying yeah ironic oh my god i know they're probably dying to see the dick to show dick show dick show dick they said that was the biggest power play when we're stripping uh when i was in dc is like the ones who made that jj was a stripper i was a stripper or the ones who made the most money had hair and abs 20 years ago the ones who would make the most money were the ones who kept their underwear on yeah because there are people like it's that little bit of mystique they're like oh that's guys though i don't think the girls are gonna make more money oh if a chick's a teaser though instead of like there is something about a chick who has a you'll make more money to get the to pay to get the bra
Starting point is 01:43:15 i think if you're to get it in the dance be like you only get the titties behind closed doors that might sell it oh that would make huge money and they have to be well jj's obviously making more money he keeps clothes on people paying him to get dressed oh my god gets on stage starts naked slowly puts clothes on yeah it's like one of the older strippers is like jj i got a little advice for you keep the clothes on i did have that'll make you more money in the long run if you just stay covered as much as possible. There was this 38-year-old guy. He said to me, he's like, you got a great ass. This is when I was like 25.
Starting point is 01:43:53 He's like, you got a great ass now, but wait till you get to my age. You can't even flex it anymore. And he flexed and it was all indented. Mr. Burns? Dude, that's a sad truth. The old male stripper. Oh my God. Dude, and because they
Starting point is 01:44:10 only see, so in the strip club, the place I worked at, Seacrested in Ziegfeld, it was actually closed two years ago, rest in peace, that it was all red lights, right? It was all red lights. It was pitch black with red lights. And then we would go in the back in a room like this, because it was 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off.
Starting point is 01:44:26 Chest bump with the boys. Some of these guys were brutal. They were beet red from the tanning beds. And they were just rough looking in the face. They were wearing makeup and stuff. It was brutal. Trying to keep it together. It was like an old Vegas act.
Starting point is 01:44:42 Well, this was in D.C. Yes, yes. A lounge act. old Vegas act. Well, this was in D.C. Yes, yes, a lounge act. A lounge act trying to compete with... Smoking cigarettes on the stage in a firefighter outfit. We had this... I won't say the club. The server... The club was 40 years old,
Starting point is 01:44:58 and the server had been there since day one. Yeah. And she would light up these fucking darts right after the show counting her money just oh she was great loved it that's the vibe you want in a comedy club like there's some comedy clubs that are trying to be classier now and you want like a tinge of class but like you want your comedy club like staff to be like wearing sweaters and people who like love comedy and there's this griminess to it if it's really classy you have this like place where people are it's classy you come down you sit you have an expensive dinner and then i'm talking
Starting point is 01:45:28 about cum like it's the same as jazz too like if you go to watch jazz you want it to feel a tiny bit old-fashioned yeah you don't want it to feel like all modern yeah no no because then it starts to feel like nashville or something you know yeah it feels corporate yeah the best part though was i'm watching in the back and and chay looks over he's on stage and he goes who's that having a full that she's having a full conversation about life with these like customers during the show during the show the server yeah she's like oh she comes over she's like hey how you guys been yeah i i let after i let i was like oh it's just a server it's just a server just let it go but it was kind of like yo what the fuck is going on
Starting point is 01:46:09 but the dinginess of it that makes it awesome and it was a great club too it was super fun time yeah one last thing that's hilarious is you know the politician nicki haley no yes the war pig war yeah yeah jj following i love calling a chick a pig especially when it's the proper You know the politician, Nikki Haley? No. Yes, the war pig. War pig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. JJ follows this stuff. JJ loves calling a chick a pig. Especially when it's the proper. Yes. So basically, she's like, she's one of the, they're saying she's one of the top people in the Republican Party, but debate that.
Starting point is 01:46:38 We don't think that people like her as much as they say that she is. They say she's the fucking front runner right now. People say that. We don't really believe it. say that she is. They say she's the fucking front runner right now. People say that. We don't really believe it. But the funny part is, her husband, she changed his
Starting point is 01:46:50 name. She's like a boss, sort of like top woman. The guy's name is Michael. His first name, she goes, you may be wondering how Bill became Michael. And she wrote in her book, after we started dating, I looked at him one day and I said, what's your name? And he goes, you know, it's Bill. She said, puzzle. puzzle he goes you don't look like a bill what's your whole name
Starting point is 01:47:07 william michael and i just started calling him bill or i just started calling him michael and then everyone started calling him michael and now he's just michael yo that's the most cock shit i've ever heard of for what it's worth i've actually changed my opinion on her after hearing that that is someone who could be a good president Yeah, no, that is some boss shit for sure You beat a man out of his own name And he's gonna be the first lady if she wins The first gentleman
Starting point is 01:47:33 Isn't that crazy though? Imagine you start dating a girl She goes, nah, you're this And then you go, okay, I guess I'm this Oh, dude, I'd be out in a second If a girl goes, I don't want to call you that name I'd be like, that's like 10 levels of you should wear this shirt or cut your hair like it's like isn't that wild change your name bro i'm like dude you have to first name how much are
Starting point is 01:47:53 you sweating if your wife is actually the leader in the polls as for president like you don't want that to happen yeah you are the meme the first, the first lady. I think he is sweating. You're right. I would be like, oh my God, please someone assassinate her. You're going to be leaking your own dirt, yeah. He's probably leaking this. This guy's been going along with this shit for a while. He's probably like, you don't want to be the first lady. Or he knows how busy she is.
Starting point is 01:48:18 He's going to be out of his hair. And he gets to go do cool stuff. That's probably cool to be a first lady. Cutting ribbons at orphanages. And he probably gets to throw do cool stuff. That's probably cool to be a First Lady. Cut ribbons at orphanages. And he probably gets to throw out pitches at games. He'll get a boost on the Epstein Island shit. Like whoever the new guy is. He'll be flying cheap, dude.
Starting point is 01:48:34 He's going to be like, man, I'm eating good, touching these kids. My wife's killing it. Coming home and fucking them with a strap on. Small price to pay. Unlimited adrenochrome. We did this a couple episodes ago we were saying that like every politician is like a different type of used car salesman yeah but on this topic maybe we'll close with this uh you know it's like the old comedy thing and be like uh joe biden having sex with his wife what
Starting point is 01:49:01 would that look like we're saying which ones lay it down the most. Gavin Newsom probably lays it down the most out of any politician. I bet Trump does. Trump and Gavin Newsom probably actually lay pipe. I think Trump's the fucking
Starting point is 01:49:13 I think he's DeSantis shirt on for sure, no question. Oh yeah, no, no. DeSantis isn't fucking laying. DeSantis I would think gets piped for sure. His little like with his like things
Starting point is 01:49:21 and his shoes and everything. His little lips. His little robot body. He just has the lifts on? Yeah. He fucks with the lifts on. Yeah, he doesn't take the lifts off. Like women who fuck with high heels on.
Starting point is 01:49:29 That's how he's getting fucking mowed down. Jesus Christ. I bet Trump's incredible. He's a second year. Incredible? I bet he's a fucking warrior. He's six foot four. He's probably incredible.
Starting point is 01:49:41 Not my type, but I'm mad. Or Orange Man, not bad. You heard it here first. Apparently, he has a weird penis. That Stormy Daniels. Taylor Lorenz
Starting point is 01:49:51 tell you that? Yeah. You can't trust Stormy Daniels. No, yeah. She said his dick looks like Toad from Mario.
Starting point is 01:50:01 That's what she said. Oh, Big Head? Yeah, the little mushroom guy. Big Head, little thin body. I can see that. Yeah, I can see that. I can see that. I mean, he's a big guy, though. Also, too, she's fucking male
Starting point is 01:50:12 porn star, so anyone compared to... Oh, good point. ...is going to have a Toad dick. That's why you're right. A guy in the public shouldn't be on record against being measured against porn stars. No, you have to admit about that. Yeah, exactly. Your dick's going up against this Johnny Sins and all that kind of stuff.
Starting point is 01:50:27 You can't measure up. Not a chance. It's not a good move. Okay, JJ, this one's for you. How does Joe Biden have sex? Oh, man, I don't think he has sex. He's got to be over it by now, right? He's for sure over it.
Starting point is 01:50:40 Dude, did you see that video? He goes to the island just to watch. Yeah, he's just like, I like the sun, you know? I gotta get outside. They make a mean pina colada. That video of him where they're like, how's your holidays going? He's like, I'm eating lots of pasta,
Starting point is 01:50:54 lots of good food, ice cream. Someone wrote, they're like, this sounds like a testimonial from a retirement home. That's what he's like. That's where he should be. That's where he should be. That's brutal, dude. There's been some okay ones that lay it down.
Starting point is 01:51:08 Clinton probably lays it down. Obama's probably pretty boring. Clinton will leave you with a fucking bloody lip. You know who's probably... You know who's probably incredible? He's trying to throw incredible out there. It wasn't just Trump that's incredible.
Starting point is 01:51:33 Jimmy Carter. He had a legendary incredible he's trying to throw incredible out there it wasn't just trump that's incredible jimmy carter he had legendary dick no but you know he's like he looks good now no he doesn't oh he's 99 okay so he's clinging to life have you seen him he's like at that age where you have like 10 open sores on your body all the time. I can change opinions. I can change on the fly. One line. No, he doesn't. All right. You beat me on this. I would say Vivek has one of the watches on that checks his heart rate. He's constantly monitoring his heart rate.
Starting point is 01:51:57 We got to stay in zone two. Can't go too hard. I got to stay in zone two. Oh, dude. Vivek is annoying as fuck, man. He's too much of a dick. He's Bill Lumberg. He's fucking Bill Lumberg.
Starting point is 01:52:09 He's too much of a character. He's got the mug. He's just like dick riding too hard, man. It's like, okay, we get it. You love Trump. I won't run. I mean, he's like, he's literally the best candidate. He's so crazy.
Starting point is 01:52:22 He is the best candidate. He is. I like him a lot. Yeah. But you get no love from the media. He is I like him a lot yeah but like he gets no love from the media he is alright though he does dick ride Trump
Starting point is 01:52:29 a little hard well because I think he's smart enough to know that he's not going to win and he's going to try and get a position in that game
Starting point is 01:52:34 no he's good sure but it is like it does seem like you could probably tone it down a little with the dick ride he probably I bet you Vivek
Starting point is 01:52:39 could name all 48 laws of power in order he knows them all. He's never outshined the master, but he knows every single one. You're right. He's doing 48 laws of power. Of course. He's also doing Obama. He does Obama.
Starting point is 01:52:55 If you ever watch him, if you were to watch him to watch Obama, he's doing Obama. He's doing the way he talks. He speaks better. He's way fucking better. No, because Obama was more natural better he's way fucking has no because Obama was more natural that's what I'm saying yeah Obama was like
Starting point is 01:53:08 funnier and more and more like Vivek is like in terms of like kind of gift of gab you're like that guy yeah he has a good
Starting point is 01:53:14 he can just talk but Vivek Vivek will Vivek's doing now for four years from now it's not for now he'll be the president he'll be the president
Starting point is 01:53:21 unless something happens in four years he'll be vice president I mean Trump hasn't announced his vice president. That would be amazing. Dude, the Tucker combo, I was like, please. Please, for the love of God, make this be true.
Starting point is 01:53:31 That'd be hilarious. It'd be so funny, dude. It would spruce it up a little bit because it is, I've said this, that it's starting to feel like a little bit of a repeat. Yeah. It's like, you know, I mean, I don't like to watch movies again even, right? Yeah. Where you're right.
Starting point is 01:53:42 Get Tucker Carlson and that would spruce up the whole deal oh the memes would be fire dude internet content unreal trump trump versus newsome oh it'd be fun yeah there that would be fun i think that's all the candidates and how they fuck oh shit okay this was boys' panel was cooking. So, Che, you're on the road, and you have your Wilbur show this Friday, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This Friday. It's a big one.
Starting point is 01:54:12 Is this going to be out in time? This is going to be out Friday morning. Okay, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, if you guys are in Boston, come grab a ticket to that. I also got another theater show in Vancouver. We got Calgary, Edmonton, Winnipeg also on the docket. And then Tacoma, and I think that might...
Starting point is 01:54:24 Oh, no, I also got Cleveland. So, if you guys want to comeg also on the docket. And then Tacoma. And I think that might... Oh, no. Also got Cleveland. So if you guys want to come get tickets, go to Chaterina.com. It's Chaterina on all platforms at C-H-E-D-U-R-E-N-A. And JJ is going to have his special coming out soon. Fuck yeah. End of January, February.
Starting point is 01:54:37 I also sell candles on the road. So if I'm... You're selling candles now? Dude. Fuck off. Yeah, candles that smell like... You bring a big bag of candles when you go? Fuck yeah.
Starting point is 01:54:47 Let him go. So candles that smell like fruity pebbles and whiskey. Did you get these in like a grab bag? Would you buy them on fucking like Alibaba, AliExpress or something? Something like that. When did you get this idea? I don't know. I don't know if he's lying.
Starting point is 01:55:09 That's the problem. I don't know. Does he sell candles? He hasn't yet, but we'll see at the Wilbur. Maybe he'll have a bunch of candles. You have an invoice, paid invoice for candles from China? Do you want to see it? What's the company? What are you selling? Yankee candles? Hold on. So if you go to Jay's show, you can buy candles?
Starting point is 01:55:23 You want to get a Swiss candle, dude. But they're not like smell like jizz or like a used jizz sock or something? I have a lot of Thursday, January 11th. They're on the way. And how long do they last? The candles are on the way. How many candles do you buy? I bought 60.
Starting point is 01:55:38 60 candles. How big are the candles? I'm really thinking they're going to move, eh? Four ounces. Four ounce candles. I think I would have started with 20. Where'd you get this idea? What's that? Where'd you get the idea to sell candles?
Starting point is 01:55:46 I was fucking sitting down thinking, what could I sell? Some merch. And you go, what's a thing that no comedian has ever sold as merch? Candles. We'll see. Maybe they move. I don't even think chicks sell candles. Dude, no. How did you come up with the idea to sell candles? Honestly, it just one day
Starting point is 01:56:03 a light bulb went off. I was thinking between custom-made splooge rags, and I thought, that's a pretty good idea, a splooge rag, because you can use it in the kitchen, or you can use it for a fucking splooge. And then I thought, you know what? These candles are fucking unique. Who wouldn't want a candle? This is like one of your craziest ideas.
Starting point is 01:56:24 For what it's worth, we're only going to bring... Good markup on the candles? It's 3X. Not that good, actually. They cost $75 a candle. For how many candles you're going to be fucking saddled with for a while?
Starting point is 01:56:36 I actually thought about this last night. I'm like, there's a good chance I could have 60 candles in 2025. A really good chance. I thought after I... You autographed them or something? What's that? You put like, you'd kiss them maybe?
Starting point is 01:56:51 Like lipstick on and kiss the side of the candle? I just thought it was a great way to make money. Selling candles? What are you, a fucking chick? That's what chicks do. I didn't think this one would do. I'm interested. This is the first I'm hearing about it. So I'll give you guys the full report back on the candle result.
Starting point is 01:57:11 Okay, so how many different scents? So I have a coffee one, a Fruity Pebbles. So I'll call it cereal, smell of cereal. Oh, you're rebranding them. You're white labeling these. I've white labeled this. Whiskey. What's on them?
Starting point is 01:57:25 Are they just white? It's just a picture of my face. Oh, your face is on the candles? J.J. Lieberman comedy. That's pretty good. I like that aspect. That's a good aspect. And then, yeah.
Starting point is 01:57:34 Are they like those saints? Four ounce. No, but do they look like those saints? No, four ounce. Like a small, like the Myers ones. Because you know the saint candles, and then people put Obama on them. That's too expensive I don't have
Starting point is 01:57:45 but that I'm like working with a hundred bucks right here this is a sticker you got 60 candles for a hundred bucks a little more
Starting point is 01:57:51 but a little less than sticker's gonna light on fire it's pretty cheap for a candle it's not a bad deal no the guy
Starting point is 01:57:56 hooked me up there's definitely like asbestos he thought if I could do this he's like this is the proof of concept
Starting point is 01:58:02 I love how you found some desperate guy who has like just a warehouse full of candles and no way to get rid of them and he's just like really just scraping the bottom being like JJ I got a great idea
Starting point is 01:58:14 like you message other people he cold messaged you being like he said to me oh yeah yeah he said to me I need a guy like you to see if this can sell. If you can't sell, no one can.
Starting point is 01:58:27 This is like how The Wolf of Wall Street 2 starts. JJ's just fucking going cross-country selling candles. And if you want to hear me and Danny are doing an episode in Amsterdam at patreon.com slash theboyscast
Starting point is 01:58:39 and there's going to be some other stuff from our tour on there that right now, I believe we are in in one of us is gonna put a full banana in our ass in amsterdam but we're not telling you which one tune in to find out patreon.com slash the boys cast peace

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