The Boyscast with Ryan Long - WE WISH YOU A TOXIC NEW YEAR

Episode Date: December 31, 2021

Happy New Year to the boys - we go over whether or not holidays are problematic, Jordan Peterson not being able to log into his MSN account, simp shaming and demisexual husbands. Ryan @ryanlongcomedy Danny @dannyjokes Support the sponsors at: fitbod.me/boyscast for 25% off your membership DoorDash app - Promocode BOYSCAST LEAVE US A FIVE STAR REVIEW! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And you can tell our friends, and they can have my things when we're dead. But we don't end forever. But we don't end forever. The BoyzCast! Almost New Year's. I've made the resolution that I'm going to stop punching old, the elderly. You're going to stop, when was the last time you... You said you were going to stop Asian-hating, right?

That's what you sort of said. Stop Asian hate, hashtag. When was the last elderly you punched? I don't, you know what, I can't keep track of them anymore, and that's the thing sort of said yeah yeah yeah stop Asian hate hashtag what was the last elderly you punched I don't you know what I can't keep track of them anymore and that's the thing in Canada

Danny's thing is he's gonna eat six things of lard a day instead of seven and like me some good lard boys my fine news resolution

is more fat jokes we are back from the hell the communist hellhole oh my god that is dude you understand Toronto Canada dude I had I brought my girlfriend More fat jokes. We are back from the hell of the communist hellhole. Oh, my God. That is Toronto, Canada. Dude, I brought my girlfriend with me, and the whole time I'd be like, it's not this crappy.

I swear. I had to apologize nonstop. I'm telling you, it's better than this. Well, you couldn't take her to your usual spots. The bathhouse. The lard factory. The lard. The renderinghouse. The lard factory. The lard. The rendering plant.

The big and tall store dressing room where you go for a quickie. I did take her to the Nestle factory where they make the Kit Kats. Can you smell the chop in there? Yeah, there you go. The, okay, I don't think I told you about this, but before we get into this stuff, there's a few pretty funny Toronto things. I met like, so I was hanging out with Paul's buddy who's like the most, Mr. Canada, right?

Perry Sound, won't say his name. Pretty solid dude. His name is Perry Sound. Yeah, we'll call him Perry Sound. So fucking me and Paul and Perry are hanging out, right? This guy's, every second word's bud. Buddy! You know, he's on every things like that. Like, oh fucking, just, oh, we fucking tuning this

up, tuning that up. But he's in the army, right? And me and Paul. That bustier tuning this up tuning that up but he's in the army right and me and Paul that busts your kind of thing where you don't know people in the army in Canada I know this guy

well that's the thing I maybe didn't know enough Perry sound did he go like hey I'm in the army and you're like you sure about that yeah you sure bud

sure bud so this guy this is the type of dude that he takes he was trying to get me to go in the forest with him and Paul and they like blow up

propane tanks I saw Paul's Instagram where he was like shooting yeah he's there now shooting he keeps sending me instagram stories but the best is this guy he was he was telling me his army stories and he's like this is what he says he goes we're in the fuck so yeah i had to do a couple little rips down there right so me and the fucking boys went down there we were in russia for a bit gotten a bit of a scrap there he called a war a scrap yeah jimmy and the taliban just had to go fucking buckets and gloves did i miss that news cycle where canada was at war with russia no no some of the troops went in there for some russia thing i think it was like a war game or ukraine sort of situation the canada boys got

sent to some peacekeeping no they went in there yeah well that's the thing i was loving the idea of the canadian army after they fucking. So we're fighting, right? The Taliban is just fucking eating it, right? We're fucking mucking barn. Yeah, yeah. And then after it's done, like you shoot all the Taliban and you come up, you're trying to be like, good fucking fight out there.

Like trying to squash the beat. Yeah, yeah. Good boys get in the line. Like the hockey lineup at the end goes, boys get in the line. We're fucking doing this classy, okay? Fucking line her up. That's the way he was talking about good work good work good work good work he really was he's like you know on first day we were kind of eating it right but then we just started feeding them dude i'm telling you i was fucking dying did you just call a war a scrap and then no one that got me thinking when we were at the corner i went to the corner a lot of times

after you're gone but the uh we were fucking talking about rally who's the second most canadian guy i know after this guy rallies i actually takes a cool like a real our buddy rick rally takes a real like well rally's faking it right if he's talking normally he's not as much like our buddy rick rally puts it on kind of the way that like a gangster is like yeah you know i mean he's literally trying to be like a hockey like personality yeah when he goes home and he does like he occasionally does like some barstool stuff like the spit and chiclets so like and they're americans so like they really he's like oh fucking fucking Rick from like Oshawa. And he goes-

He plays a retard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fucking, I'm just fucking struggling to get my helmet off. You play hockey today? No, I just wear it around the house, you know? So he goes like, he's like that, right? But the funny story was one of our other bodies

that we were just dying about. So this is like two years ago and our body was telling us like he goes yeah back in the day a few years ago i was in a relationship with a man and you know this you know who this is but oh yeah he's basically like he's like yeah and then i've never you know i was always people were mean to me and then this is the first guy that ever treated me right and we ended up having a relationship and I went home and, you know,

he sucked me off. And then Raul, everyone's sort of standing there. Like, no one really knows what to say. Cause it's kind of like not the crowd for this. Like he's not in the right group of things to get the pats on the back that he wants.

And then as this is going, it kind of goes silent. And the Rick rally goes, couldn't you just bought him a beer or something? I don't know if we need to do all that yeah rick that's literally like rick's fucking uh what is the conversion therapy you're sending our kids to rick rally's conversion therapy and he just buys them beers he goes every time you're thinking about sucking a guy off you don't have to do all that you just buy him a brew just fucking buy him a beer just

buy him a coors light and then down and fucking go watch some leafs you're pretty good to go at that point like big pop couldn't you just bought him a beer or something that was i remember where he was doing the fucking stand-up and then i go hey just because he was like he'd start so weird and everybody's like what's wrong with this guy and i go hey just at the beginning of your set just be like just so you know i'm not retarded remember i told him that and he started doing it and he was killing so hard that he had to stop doing it because he didn't like how hard he was killing and he was like i just said like look just like when you get that awkward pause just be like just so you know i'm not retarded like explosive laughter and then he

did it so many times he goes like i don't like how this makes me feel how well this is doing yeah it's like the huge fat guy being like obviously i'm gross it's funny because it's true people slap in their chairs and stuff the problem was like because he turned it on so much and then i was like people are there are some people who are like unsure what yeah is it okay to laugh at this? Is this a make-a-wish situation? Yeah, exactly. But I'll tell you one thing about Canada. People are not happy there. There's a few people still that are getting their free money and whatever.

They're like, okay, whatever. Shut us down if you want to shut us down. I don't like working. But for the most part, without saying anything about what I think or anything like that, from talking to a cab driver, dude who works at a store you know I'm chatty with the people you know I'm a man of the people man of the people

right along I do get chatting with people we even went to this like underground bar you know yeah you know what I must say it's funny though

that you're like yeah all the people who are trying to work still are unhappy with having everything shut you're like yeah it's a fucking nightmare no but even normal people

in my family your family's every I don't think I'm is your mom getting red pilled a bit oh she's fucking flipped buddy has she she's she's about to start mag hats she's about to start sending me steve bannon videos dude yeah but she she really was like this was her last straw right yeah but everyone's like that except for a few people that are like with the program, I would say, and this is not a group of people that I'm like talking to comics at the fucking edgy boy club. Yeah,

of course. I'm talking to across the board. Every person that was kind of on board with the program is like, this is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's getting a lot to where there's just,

I mean, everybody's like, we're going to do another lockdown every December lockdown. It's getting a lot, too, where there's just... I mean, everybody's like, we're going to do another lockdown every December, lockdown. It's almost like both... Because there's a million people that are super fucking liberal that are so flipped on this stuff. And then there... Because most people don't really give a shit about being right or left, right?

Yeah. And then there's a million conservatives that are like old conservatives that actually are pretty safe and for lockdowns and all that stuff, but they have to pretend that they don't. So there's a couple people that are politically minded that have to lie to make their team happy. Yeah, of course. But everyone else in the middle, I think, is fucking over it.

Yeah, they're just like, what the fuck? Well, a lot of them, too, is they're like, they were promised, they say, look, once we hit this vaccine, you get the vaccine, we'll get out of the woods, we'll be out of the woods. And they go, okay, I got it. Nine more. No, but they're like, okay, we were very like obeyed we did all the stuff you asked us to do

we didn't make a stink yeah that's how they think and they okay they're like now we're here and they're like oh okay this is we were lied to yeah yeah and there's uh israel's on their ninth right now they're fucking getting them in there we got them in there but the uh and i'm talking this cuban dude who i know i don't rat out, but he was giving me all this. Cuban B? Yeah, he's basically like, you know, he married a girl at the resort and came over here. He lived in a dream, right? And then he met this girl and he got like, you know, moved to Canada.

And he's like, oh, I came to North America for freedom sort of thing. And then he's basically like saying he's getting out of there. And then one thing he said is, and this is another guy told me this too, it's somewhere else. out of there and then one thing he said is and this is another guy told me this too somewhere else but apparently in canada and america there's all these borders that you can just walk across or drive i mean canada and montreal is literally the world's largest like unguarded border it is so people just they just drive up to sherbrooke and then they just walk yeah you walk dude i actually looked um because when i was driving back i I had to figure out like I wanted to do the crossing times or whatever. And you can get the list of all the land crossings in Canada.

It's like 12. Yeah. Right. It's like think how long that long. But some people, because you know, if you're like applying for visas or green cards, you're not really supposed to be going back and forth. They just apply for their shit and go use those. Even though they probably could get across, they just don't want to be tracked. Yeah, of course.

They just walk across. I mean, you do run the risk they have like you know motion sensor cameras and stuff remember there's a thing too for a while where all the fucking like illegal immigrants were coming in from like from central america and they're getting into america and then they were crossing over into canada yeah they were just walking across like it was like a little like pond like a brook and they just like crossed this brook and they go they're just cracking a few brews and walking like cross this brook and they go they're just cracking a few brews and walking across the border yeah and then they go i'm here but yeah the uh so anyways the last thing is uh that is uh had that fucking uh sketch right and left sponsors or

whatever that kind of popped off on the internet that was very funny thank you and that was like honestly like that and like it was so like just the whole thing was so well done. I had a couple, like, did a couple milli, right? And then, so whenever that happens, it becomes a big, like, there's always people yelling and arguing with you and whatever. A couple of cool things is, like, Rob Schneider posted it and stuff like that. The fucking copy, man. Glenn Greenwald making copies. Yeah, Greenwald was one where it's like, I got to be Greenwald.

He used it for this, this like really long-winded well that's what everyone did like so many people I've never seen even on all the other things I've done I don't think

any one of my sketches and it was basically right-wing sponsors left-wing sponsors if you haven't seen it I don't think anyone and this is the thing about satire

has used my sketches to misinterpret my meaning like more yeah yeah yeah you know what I mean yeah and then because all the people on and then Greenwall was like see this is proof that fucking misinterpret my meaning like more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then,

because all the people on, and then Grant Greenwald was like, see, this is proof that fucking, you know, that liberals are bad

or whatever. And I was like, I mean, it's kind of funny that they're both like, you know, it's also funny that people are selling

Patriot spoons. Yeah, literally because they can't get corporate funding. They're just making up nonsense to sell like. Yeah, but there's also like,

you know, funniness in like hawking like shit that's garbage as well of course and then but the point was that so then that happened and all the left-wing people started being like well this is not actually left-wing this is liberal blah blah and it's like that was the interesting part because obviously there's more nuance of you could say that's not actually like right-wing people that's like neoconservative boomer which is kind of they start chopping it down well then these people are like that's not left it's like neo-liberal this and that and you're kind of like so there's two parts of it like one the idea is that it was like hip hip uh hypocritical to be like you know kind of being like the anti-fucking capitalist podcast and this and that for one i was kind of it they are a little

bit right that yes it's more liberals or whatever but for starters liberals verse you know neo-liberals versus neo-boomer conservative is the worst title yeah everyone caught it yeah of course it's when they're normal and second of all the sponsor list was straight from npr sponsors like this was yeah the china bank one i don't remember if that one was specifically but like you know and yeah of course of course all those i i straight up like went to NPR's sponsor list and I was looking at a lot of those. And if you look at it, NPR has like 50 things that are like why capitalism is bad,

the communist takeover, like all that bullshit. And then on top of that, you still do all have these like proper fucking left-wing streamer dudes that have these big contracts with Microsoft. Of course. You know, big headphone, whatever it is, right? So it's like... The Angie's List one is actually kind of funny have these big contracts with microsoft of course like you know beat hassan yeah big like headphone whatever it is right so it's like the angie's list one is actually kind of funny because probably

like they do it on npr because all those people like can't do renovations at home themselves whereas like everybody on the right they're like yeah i'm fixing this myself that's a good point that also applies to me though it's like yeah i guess but it's like still i'm not saying that i'm not trying to sell myself as some handyman no no ryan's not That also applies to me though. It's like, yeah, yeah, I guess. But it's like, still, it's funny. I'm not saying that I'm not trying to sell myself as some handyman. No, no, no. Ryan's not a handyman. Danny sort of does sell himself as some handyman.

I do not sell myself as a handyman. Yeah, you do. You come in and you go, I can fix this. In fact, lo and behold, this stuff never gets fixed. He's talking about doing a hole in our fucking thing for the microphone since 1945. We got a new table. We got a new table coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. A new table came before the hole got drilled in the first one. Just to let you know his level. He's all talk and a walk. But anyways, I thought it was fucking interesting, the level of misinterpretation on that skirt. I mean, there's no way with that kind of volume that there's not going to be.

So the one last thing on that before we move. So when we went to, Danny noticed this the td canada bank this was someone tagged me in this yesterday i tagged him and then i had to i straight up like because you know people tag you and then you go this isn't real and then i had to go through and then a lot of times you go you find the thing you go oh this is like just edited and it's selectively edited and it's not so td canada td canada trust or whatever biggest bank in north america i'm pretty sure okay it's huge biggest bank in america uh they fucking had like their twitter was like uh happy hanukkah happy holidays happy kwanzaa and they just skipped christmas

and you're like and they're the gay bank right they're the one who they're the big they're the big gay bank. Their CEO comes out and he's wearing like a leather ball gag. And he's like, you guys like not just support the community. Apparently someone told me who worked at TD Bank that the CEO's son was gay. And that's why. Okay. And he was like, that's why they're so big.

Well, that's why he's skipping Christmas. I don't know. But like, you're just like, who's running the social media? Where you're like, again, what percentage of Canada is a Christian that celebrates Christmas? Even better than that. There was this... Are they like, look, it doesn't even need to be said. Everybody celebrates it.

I guess. No, I don't think... How many people celebrate Kwanzaa in Canada? Ten? Well, that's the question. We do have. So is it okay to say Christmas? And there's a big article here of someone that was really, really upset about it.

And I want to apologize to Danny for being insensitive because I believe I wish you a merry Christmas. I love Christmas. This is the ultimate of... I hate these people. Because the ultimate is like, is there a war on Christmas? Is probably of all of the... I'm not triggered. You're triggered.

That's probably the most one. They go, oh, are you triggered that someone doesn't want to say Christmas? and you're like i guess it seems like the original thing was being triggered by christmas you go yeah but you're more triggered by us taking it away yeah then you go you're more triggered by us saying it still right and you go it's a classic who's triggered yeah this is the original classic who's true i mean it's original but also it's like in the last i don't know when was the first stink about getting wished a Merry Christmas happen? Well, this girl, she's Jewish. She's Russian Jewish.

So she's the same as Danny. And she wrote a big article being like what her beef was. And so we're going to go whether or not for Russian Jews, is it a Merry Christmas or is it a Happy Holidays? This is a question of the answers. And I screwed it up this year, but I want to not be making those fucking mistakes. I mean, you better not fucking make that mistake next year. And she said...

She said... Some repercussions. It's impolite and it's alienating to assume I follow your religion. And so this is... I don't know if you've ever had this scenario where you... Or someone wished me a Merry Christmas. And what did you do? Break down?

What the fuck? I mean, first of all, most people that celebrate Christmas are like agnostic or celebrate nothing. Nobody's... Yeah, but also it's just like you live in a society where... Like, dude, if I lived in fucking Saudi Arabia and someone goes, happy Ramadan, I'm not like, excuse me? What the fuck did you just say? Did you take a look at my skin, pal?

Yeah, it's like- You want to fucking drop them? Yeah, it's like the fucking predominant thing, the culture you, I mean, the craziest part is- Well, is anyone saying- I would be more acceptable of her if she was not being like, oh, well, I came from a different,

like if I've been here for five generations, fuck you. Do you think she'd ever go to China and write her white Jew article write white jewish person article from russia being yeah in an article it's like stop wishing me a fucking chinese happy new year it's not my new year my new year's on january 1st yeah it's alienating to the culture but also it is sort of one of those things where you're damned if you do damned if you don't because think about this right it's like very do not assume that i celebrate your yeah but then if you fucking put a sombrero on and you start celebrating fiestas or what's the what's the one

whatever tomorrow yeah if i if i get two in a cinco de mayo it's like they go hey this is not for you and i go oh you can do mine too i go yeah i can do yours but also imagine this chick you you see her and you don't know where they will you go hey happy hanukkah she goes how do you know i'm jewish she's like you know you're kind of inbred jew face that you have i kind of just assumed it and she's like what yeah you that's what i'm sort of saying you can't win right either way you can't i'll say one thing i will say is my my fucking holidays i've been talking to other people that were kind of like having, Oh, fucking my parents.

I'll tell you what mine were banging. I went to mine, both my dads, my moms and Waldo's and all three were fun. And I was thinking about it when I was in the Uber on the way home. Do you know what the cross factor of all of them is me? I make things fun. Ryan, the party long.

Let's get it started. That's what I, within five minutes, he brings the boom box in. Let's get it started that's what within five minutes I fucking got in he brings the boom box in let's get retarded I get in there

they're arguing about you know critical race theory yeah yeah yeah and then I get in there I go let's get it started who wants jello shots

I got turned up pretty quick in all of them we have me and my younger brother had a pretty good thing against my other brother. So he was basically, you know the Mark Twain thing? Where he was like, basically, he goes,

there's no such thing as an original idea. My middle brother dropped that, and he was kind of, oh, there's no such thing as an original idea or whatever. And then me and my younger brother, everyone kept going like, iPhones for shoes, strawberries for eyes. for us just combining the dumbest pipe cleaners for fingers using a spoon for a bowl and a bowl for a spoon that's not original you thought it i guess we'll look it up see if anyone's thought of it and turns out it was original idea that's actually the domain names available we can just buy this right now iphones for shoes

no you use headphones for a hat and a hat for headphones. And then, you know, gloves for shoes, shoes for gloves. There's an original idea. Shove a beer can up your ass and shove a dildo in your ear. Original idea. Not bad. That one wasn't as good. A lot of them, if you combine iPhone shoes with them,

so you say dildo in your mouth, hat in your ass, and iPhones for shoes shoes so that's the combination is you always get iphones for shoes on top of it there's a sweater so i'm roasting in here yeah you are you fucking fat fuck it's new year's resolution to eat less lard that's kicked in you fucking another day the other thing is my mom was fucking coming up with bizarro ideas man i think the fucking red pilling cooked her brain a little. I was just watching that. She got a new house and she goes,

my brother's going to drive me up there two hours away. And then they go, she goes, what if you just, and then when they drive home, she goes, what if you stay over there for a couple of days by yourself? And I was like, okay, well, and she's like, or just even a four or five hours you can stay. And I go, why? And she's like, are you going to be there?

She goes, no, we're taking off. And she goes, no, she doesn't want, she goes, it'd be good for you. You can relax for four hours. And I go, why? And she's like, are you going to be there? She goes, no, we're taking off. And she goes, no, she doesn't want, she goes, it'd be good for you. You can relax for four hours. And I go, yeah, but my brother's driving me. And she goes, well, you can rent a car. And that's it. It's over text. I call, I go, what are you talking about?

So you go, instead of getting a drive up to your house two hours away and then drive back and leave with my brothers, we go up. I rent a car to drive up myself. They leave. You leave. I bop around for four or five more hours. And what does this accomplish? She says it's relaxing for me.

She goes, it'd be nice to have your house to yourself. I go, I have a hotel to myself. Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, right?

She's coming up with these ideas. Does she have like a cool sauna or something in there? No, nothing. Pretty standard. Just standard house. Yeah,

so it's like all this. And I go, what are you talking about she goes you're making it seem like I'm weird this is a really good idea like she's on to her idea

she comes back you're like in the hot tub just like eating strawberries and drinking champagne she goes see what'd I tell you well there's another one that

that I was kind of in my after I got hyped up on there's no I originalize because you know my favorite thing is phrases that are fake

that everyone thinks fake platitudes kind of that's a good way to put it yeah there was another one I listened to Tim Ferriss who it's like he's fucking tough

to listen to these days every once in a while it's guest specific you gotta really like there was someone actually I saw recently that I want to listen to but I don't even remember

oh probably fucking RuPaul RuPaul so tell me about your motivation. How do you come up with RuPaul? Yeah, and he goes, he had some guy on

and the whole thing was this book called Liberation of Cosmic Significance. All that stuff, like that stuff, the stoicism stuff. I always said it's like- Sounds like crystals for guys. It is a little bit crystals for guys

and it's also a little bit, you never, it never goes to the people who need it. Yeah. It's always some guy that's already too much of this. So the whole thing was like basically a complicated way of you say, if we're to look up in the sky, we're all just specks of dust. Dust in the wind.

Right. And the whole thing was. Did you listen to the whole thing? No, I tapped out. And basically he's going, you know, he's this whole philosophy, his whole life's work is life's work is this book and tim ferris is like the oldest book is one of those books that i had to put it down because i had to process the thoughts because it was you know kind of that sort of thing right he's really up the guy's ass loves them and then this guy's going on about uh you know in every point of your life if you just think it's actually significant if you look back through

history it's like a billion years and this is the tiniest clip on history and it's like so nothing matters and it's basically his theory is if you worry too much and it was kind of like okay but if you don't worry too much things do kind of matter there's an objective amount that they matter it's like if you go kill someone and you go to jail for life like you go this doesn't matter it's like well it kind of does matter also everything's a relative amount of matter and if you're like all mattering is zero then what are you talking about also the people who worry too much are not the kind of people who. Everything's a relative amount of matter. And if you're like, all mattering is zero, then what are you talking about? Also, the people who worry too much are not the kind of people who do well

when you're like, how about you worry less? And they're like, yeah, that's the problem. Right, exactly. Like, I didn't need a podcast to tell me to worry less. I'm trying to worry less. They would just find out how to worry less about being, you know, but they would make them worry more. They go, you're just nothing.

And it's that same thing that you go, it can be one of two things. It can make you liberated where you go, oh, I am nothing. Or you go the other way. It's the AA they would it's that same thing that you go it can be one of two things it can make you liberated where you go oh i am nothing so yeah or you go the other it's the a thing where it's like you're out of you're not in control like or you go the other way where you go oh no i'm nothing what is this what is my existence and you can kind of flip out that way or you could go the other way where they're droning on about this stuff and you go what is this you're doing is there like a self what is this bullshit is there like a self-help book that's like so spicy that some people read

it and just kill themselves you go i figured it out yeah i need to kill myself well why would that matter if it's so insignificant exactly and it's just like well no everything has like relative significance and some things matter some things something obviously some things matter more so as soon if you unless your theory is that everything matters exactly the same zero you're just trying to say that some things matter here but everything's really insignificant but they're still higher it's like okay so now zoom in and then you can see what the hierarchy looks like the crazy thing is this guy has built a career off of this i have this kind of nonsense well he's in this one book Tim Ferriss read and he couldn't get over himself.

He's the biggest revelation he's heard, right? He's going on and on reading passages and it's just like all of it was... Oh, well, dude, he used to be not a drug guy and then he became like a real psychedelic. Well, it did seem like a guy that's done a bunch of acid and having this realization nothing matters. But then you go to the extreme, take that to extreme. It's like, well, kill yourself. It's like, well, some things matter a little bit. done a bunch of acid having this realization nothing matters let's take it but then you go to the extreme take that to extreme it's like well kill yourself it's

like well some things matter a little bit they're gonna rip up the book then does your podcast matter tim so it's far back to the christmas fiasco and whether or not we're allowed to say it this is what she said this is the bad day that she had my lyft driver was the umpteenth person to wish me a Merry Christmas that day. He'd probably just meant it the way that most people do, as a kind sort of December shorthand for have a good day. But he had a cross hanging from his rearview mirror. I said thank you, wished him the same, got off my street,

went into my house, and just sighed. So that was... She probably goes, how many more days we have until Christmas? 364 again, right? Fuck, man. Every year I have to go through this bullshit. Never grab one.

Look, I got one star for sure. Dude, we should fucking track her down and just be like, on like mid-February. She probably lives in New York. Mid-February, we'll be like, hey, hey, Merry Christmas. Hey, Merry Christmas.

With the hat on. All right some cheer holiday cheer apparently later in the story she is getting trolled by people that were saying merry christmas and she didn't like that is essentially hate speech the way that she was saying it i mean she's literally uh this is those ones where it's very possible to get sucked in you could you could her this is the type of girl that's going to her holiday party and arguing with her dad and as long as her dad was like the trump guy that's like there are that's the thing there's both of these people if she's fucking soviet union her dad probably is the trump you know what i mean like if she moved from the soviet union she got like a liberal arts education or whatever dad's her dad's fucking like loves hates put hates Putin, loves Trump. Hates Biden, man.

Hates Biden. Let's go, Brandon. All that shit. He's the type of dude that you come in and he... He probably fucking is like, hey, Julia, Merry Christmas.

Right, right, right. He's on that. I bet you like, when I was... There's like guys that you'll date like someone and their dad will be like super Republican.

I don't date guys. You've dated guys whose dad's a republican busted but they'll go they'll be like to me or something be like oh look here fucking probably love biden you know what i mean yeah they size you up like in a moment and then you go no whatever and then they go yeah you do though it's like this i can't wait to find like if no one they're like you like you like button you like button they wait for wait to find. Like if no one, they're like, you like Biden? You like Biden? You like Biden? They wait for someone to be like, yeah, I like him. They go, here we go.

Well, they like just learned about the term snowflake in the last like six months. They just itch in to use it. They slam the turkey off the table. They go, all right, let's go. Strap him up. You fucking snowflake. Oh, I guess you're going to be eating a tofurkey, huh? Let me just get rid of the turkey, you fucking snowflake.

Yeah, yeah. And you're like, I don't even really care. I actually like turkey. Yeah, yeah. They go, no, you don't. They need someone to fight against. Yeah, yeah. And then this person comes around being like, first rule of business, anyone that says Merry

Christmas, I will shrivel and die on the spot. I will be exiting the building. And the dad's like, ding ding ding yeah we got one here we go here we go and she said i like good cheer so in case you were wondering she actually does not have a problem with cheer yeah she loves a good cheer she loves a good love's cheer go fuck yourself trump that's the cheer she likes but please do not wish me a merry christmas it's wonderful that you celebrate it but i don't and i don't feel like explaining to it the funny is you don't have to explain it to them if they go merry christmas it's like the end the whole transaction is over

the moment somebody wishes you the merry christmas that's the end of the line it's the end of it there's no like the fact that you are like getting Merry Christmas and you file it away. Unless they're caroling. Can you imagine that? I've never had carolers in my life. She'd probably be fucking kicking those kids in the head. We, they open the door, six, seven, eight, we wish you a Merry Christmas.

At this point, if there were carolers, I would be so suspicious that something else is going on that I would be like, wait, else is going on. Me too. I would be like, wait, just eight of you got together and you're going door to door? Yeah, what are you up to? To just do some carols? Do you tip carolers?

You're supposed to. Is that the deal with caroling? So they're basically buskers? They're buskers, yeah. Oh, okay. Sometimes they're not. Sometimes it's like Jehovah's Witness where they're just sort of spreading the cheer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you, when you were a kid, carolers ever give you this? I don't know if I've ever had a caroler. I think it's a myth. I don't think so. Or maybe my parents have the mezuzah thing on their door. So that's no carolers allowed. No Christmas carolers, please. No solicitors and no Christmas carolers. She says, I don't share your faith, but I don't begrudge you

for the joy of your celebration. In fact, I often participate. So now she's participating sometimes. She goes like, I'm actually pretty fun, but... That's all. Literally, she goes, no, no, no, just like, so you know,

I have this whole article about how I'm not fun, but just so you know, I am actually fun. There's a lot of articles like that where they always sort of preface it. I'm not like not fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm actually the funnest person in my whole crew. As I will this year when I bring Christmas presents wrapped in Christmas paper to the Christmas dinner with my friends or their children. So she's at the Christmas party, even saying, you know, don't watch me, but she's like, which is fine. I'm at the party.

We're doing the Christmas. You got a tree, but I have my line. Do not fucking. She probably has like, she really probably goes to like Christmas work parties and like has to go to the bathroom for a few minutes to just like cry and compose herself and be like just two more hours for sure two more hours of this hate speech and violence that's the thing though too they fucking russians do have a tendency to hate fun so maybe it's a russian side in her maybe well there's the whole thing is like they didn't have christmas i i i kind of known this but like my parents never had a tree but they only celebrate the death of christ well they're no they're they're they're they're like china with communism where they're you're

not allowed to have any religious stuff right it's all just like they have their new year thing but nobody is religious yeah i know any religion but if you go to israel and someone says happy anika i go what the fuck do you say i don't know what did you say you're fucking you can i mean israel is ground central for all the crazy Christian people who they go, I want to walk where Jesus walked. Yeah, I know. They like, they're big Jesus. Show me the way. They don't fuck around in Russia, though.

That's what Patrick was saying. That if you don't learn the language, they'll like deport you. Yeah. I mean, again, that's not, Russia is not the kind of place where you get by without knowing the language. Like you just can't get by there. So this is always the time of the year i feel most excluded from the society one one jewish friend told me another one told me it makes me feel un-american so the you're not american but that's why i say damned if you do damned if you don't you go what do you i feel very excluded

it's like oh we'll include you yeah you are you well interesting this are you gonna rub your festivities in my face okay don't come so you're excluding me it's like a fucking mentally ill person this is like this article i read and i go this is like the classic thing of like when you're a good writer so like there is like like there's a you're useful in the sense that you can write but you have nothing left to say that's an okay point but you're like you have nothing else to say but you're good at writing and then you're like okay i'll just put this stuff out there well i've been you know i've been always saying this is not really right left it's more girl thing whereas like there was one there i can just say i've known many jews female male i've never heard this from anybody no they

were there i've never heard no this isn't a jew this is nothing she has nothing to do with being jewish has nothing to do with being russian has everything to do with being a girl who's making a you know identity out of being a complainer yeah exactly she's literally uh like just always aggrieved yeah and she so that patricia morgan girl who's like a a girl uh politician oh yeah yeah she's like republican or whatever and tweeted, she goes, I had a black friend. I liked her and she liked me too. But now she is hostile and unpleasant. I'm sure I didn't do anything to her except be white.

Is this what the teachers and political leaders want for our society? My point is, this is a the new thing girls do is and it's an old thing girls do but it's being rewarded, is what they say is they go, they give you one piece of anecdotal evidence. It's the same as like the Sean Kings of the world or those people, those kind of girls being like this.

I was at a place and a guy ignored me because I'm black. Of course. This girl has her one thing and doesn't even necessarily mean that never happened. But one experience does not create a pattern and it does not create a culture. Exactly. So it's like people like to use anecdotal evidence and they go, see what I've been saying?

That happened once. That happened once. Yeah, yeah. It's like with 330 million people in the country. But also like, hey, normal people don't fucking take a crazy issue with being wished Merry Christmas. No, that's a good point. You're just like, you have something wrong with your brain. I don't like, there's really something wrong with you. Well, Merry Christmas. No, that's a good point. You just have something wrong with your brain.

There's really something wrong with you. Well, I would go more, she knows there's a little bit of a wave where she can get on and be the... She's seen the argument of who's triggered going on, and then she goes, actually, it is them. Allow me to dive in here. Actually, I also think

it's racist being called Merry Christmas. Just want to get my two cents on the mix there. Just want to on the record do you know i've been saying uh the jordan peterson's been getting grumpy on twitter he's been getting i don't even know if he's grumpy anymore i'm like is he drinking or something i feel like he's just fucking has like a good point no he didn't get his drugs that's the thing right maybe he's like what's going through what kind of withdrawals or whatever yeah it's like a guy quitting smoking sort of thing yeah but he's been extra grumpy because he'll sort of he had the tweet he's like, let's go on through what kind of withdrawals or whatever. Yeah, it's like a guy quitting smoking sort of thing. But he's been extra grumpy because he'll sort of,

he had the tweet. He's just like, suck my cock on Twitter. And you're like, Jordan Peterson. Someone call him racist or something.

He quote tweeted saying, say it to his face. Say it to my face, you fuck. That's a pretty good Peterson. He's like, straight up like, you're saying, you know, come to my face you fuck that's a pretty good peterson he's like straight up like you're saying you know come to my fucking you know meet me outside let's see what's what he is because he was never like that he was totally like this intellectual like yeah just like here's he still is when you see him he was a little grumpy in interviews but

it's the same thing as everyone seems like a piece of shit on Twitter. But it's just for some reason funnier when it's him because it just seems like, I don't know, that you don't expect it, I guess. But I've been, my theory is he's just being an old guy a little bit and then you tweeted the best tweet where I was like, this proves everything that I've been saying.

I'll read you guys the tweet. Microsoft, at Microsoft, I cannot sign in. Yeah, I forgot. I cannot sign into my MS office account on one of my computers and you've made it impossible to talk to a person I mean I might tweet something like that I guess but it's just so funny that he went from like that's like because because the more you like uh that's that's the thing. Once you start getting followers on Twitter and you get some traction, there is this desire sometimes

where something happens in your private life. Yeah, I'll put that on blast. Put that on blast. Fuck you, American Airlines. Exactly, right? But then you're like, I don't want to be doing... This is not what this is for.

But yeah, for him to be like, I can't log into my account. Microsoft. Anyways, and then some other people. So HuffPo, this is now on to New Year's. And we're kind of doing a bit of a holiday wrap up here. The toxic phrase that we need to stop saying around the holidays. Merry Christmas.

Well, that's the first one. Is this part two of the first one? Well, they came in. And a lot of people, this is, I might do a video about this. But basically, every New Year's for the last three or four years, they've come in hot with the like new year's is fat phobic. Right? Yeah.

So that's a big one. They go. And this person said, but mid plank, uh, the instructors said, let's work. She was at the gym working out and her instructor goes, Hey, let's work off that candy for the new year's. And then that fucking set her right off. She goes, that candy I ate that candy for the new year's and then not fucking set her right off she goes that candy i ate was actually for the next year then i was saving that candy like a chipmunk yeah she goes that candy i'm working off candy from two years ago yeah yeah that's this

candy is not going to be worked off i'll never it's like the what is it the accounting the first in first out what's that that was like one of the accounting things where it's like one of the things it was like first so you're like you're you're you're working off the first candy you that's not not the last candy well she said it was surely intended as a light hearted joke but it's seriously problematic according to experts i think one of my new year's resolutions is i'm no longer gonna in any way shape or form listen to experts. I'm out. I'm out of the expert game. I don't care. I could be going in for cancer. They go, expert.

I go, you know what? Let Ben Shapiro do my surgery. This chick's in college too, which annoys me even more. So she's going on. I guess you're an expert in offensiveness. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. She's like, I'm like, you She's like I'm like you're 20

I'm like I don't give a shit About your fucking opinions About fat phobia Yeah It's fat phobic Okay You know what you do When people are like that

But obviously you care Because you're working out You go like this to them You go Oh you think about that It's just fucking me Grab their stomach Grab

Girls call When girls are on a thing Calling stuff fat phobic What they really don't like Is when you grab the back of their arm they go ah good thing it's like you're like really like yeah yeah yeah i am fat phobic you go no uh you know what good thing it's uh christmas and not thanksgiving because we had a turkey right here grab her fucking neck fat or Her jowls. Grab her jowls. So that's what you don't do.

Yeah, and she was saying the thing about weighing yourself, where she's like, it's so bad to, she's like, you shouldn't be weighing yourself or whatever. And you're like, yeah, I mean, it helps if you're trying to achieve something. Right, well, she has the card from last week. But it doesn't hurt to be weighing yourself. Obviously, if you have anorexia, maybe it does. If you're anorexic,

you might not want to have that kick in. When the number stops going down, you go, oh. Well, on top of that, this one they also didn't like. And this is a scathing review of the movie Elf. So if you guys are at home

and you go, I watched Elf with my family, popped it on. You got a problem, folks. Yeah. I got a fun thing, actually, by the way, that you're going to like.

I don't think you do this as much, but I always try and see who the person is who writes these things. Spank bank. For the spank bank. You let them cuck you. So the author of this article,

this you'll like just because it's kind of a callback. Her name's Esme Mazeo, and she's the entertainment tv fellow at insider that is her title is the is the entertainment and tv fellow she's the main fellow she's the fellow fellow fellow she's the fellow so she got she basically worked her way up to fellow and her first thing was elf's gotta go yeah sounds like not a fellow to man she was a fellow she's the entertainment tv fellow yeah i think she's a junior fellow tops right and stuff

like that i mean i looked at her profile it doesn't say anything about seniority she says fellow top fellow and doesn't have a problem which is weird because i i didn't know fellow was like a fucking like a job you're like you literally write clickbait yeah and they're calling you a fellow yeah exactly that seems like a pretty fucking hoity-toity bullshit for what you're doing it is hoity-toity yeah because i always thought it's like an economic think tank exactly yeah well that's what we were saying it before that's why i brought it up and then you're like she's like entertainment tv fellow and telling you why elf is like elf literally a kid's movie she had a big problem with health that's like pretty widely regarded as like you don't hear a lot of people being like oh elf that piece of shit it's the worst thing i've ever

seen like most people are like ambivalent or they're like yeah great yeah great kids whatever easy watch you imagine she walked in there elf's playing merry christmas just getting hit at all angles so she goes elf became a modern classic and instantly after it premiered in 2003 but after 20 years later it still baffles me how offensive it is to cognitively disabled cognitively disabled adults so if you want to ruin your family party pop elf on and just watch everyone shriek in horror yeah she's acting like elf's handyman you know what i mean oh it's like it's insane because again like the idea that he goes like just her whole thing is they call him special how does she get to be the senior fellow her whole thing she's not a senior fellow oh she's just a fellow

just a fellow an insider because this is insider this is they're the same ones who went after portnoy with all that nonsense and they used to be business insider and they're run by that like dude who's like banned from wall street and all this stuff i really think like inside of their dad's ass but this sounds like really like they're like a new almost like vice kind of they're run by that like dude who's like banned from wall street and all this stuff i really think like inside of their dad's ass but this sounds like really like they're like a new almost like vice kind of they're going hunting for that territory like straight clickbait like on purpose no journalistic integrity so they don't even call them journalists they're like she's like can i be a journalist and you're like no no you're not you're not a journalist they're like we don't want to get sued so you're

not a journalist you're a fellow oh that's why they stopped calling themselves i don't know i get sued maybe i have no idea she said she couldn't sit through elf for 10 minutes without being offended uh after forcing that's really one of those things where you know when everyone's like oh these people are offended by everything and she goes i can't watch five minutes of elf without being offended and she watched like the tbs cut where they fucking edited it for time and took out the one time they say shit. She needed those breaks when the commercials hit, too, to fucking regroup. The commercials come on, she has to fucking walk her over. She goes, oh, just give me a commercial that's like my pillow.

She's like, no! After forcing myself to sit through the whole film which is also funny she's like clockwork orange her fucking eyes are just taped open she's like forcing yourself to sit through the film was getting me elf for this article by the way so she got she sort of remembered she's trying she brainstorming things that offensive she goes maybe elf was offensive. And then she forced herself to sit through it. And every 10 minutes was tough for her.

She taped the eyes back. Imagine she taped the eyes back to watch it. And then someone came and said, you're doing Chinese eyes. No. She loses her fellowship. She has her fellow badge that they rip off of her. They rip off your fellow. She goes, I'm even more confident that purposefully or not elf makes fun of cognitively disabled adults through body he's referred to as the special as special several times while at the north pole so this is their big

beep yeah he's a he's a human that was raised by elves and he's like a weird dude yeah he's like he's like elf you know what's so funny too is remember like five years ago when people were like, you can't say retard anymore. And everybody's like, well, I don't call people – like I don't call someone who actually is that that. Yeah. And then – and everybody's like, okay. And everybody's like – because a lot of people, this was such a like line where they go, okay, this is not the one they're taking away. And then people are like, okay, fine. Maybe it's not.

And now they're just like, elf's bad. Yeah, yeah. Like it went from like went from like yeah you don't say retard people like okay i can see that now people are like okay we can't show elf anymore i definitely boiled her blood she goes his toy making skills are not up to par and he has to take a post reserve for special elves so she's fucking steaming at this point when that happened and this is but she has advice though right so it's not that's the thing about the fellows but she's not here to just tell you She's fucking steaming at this point when that happened. But she has advice, though, right? That's the thing about the fellows. She's not here to just tell you what's wrong. She has some advice for what they should have done 20 years ago if you had a time machine.

If you had a time machine to kill Hitler, what would you do? Go back in time and force the director to rewrite now? Take out the word special. Well, no, she's fine with special. She goes, if Buddy does have a disability, the movie never explicitly says so and it would have been stronger if he had so she's saying oh but you're also fine with able-bodied will ferrell playing someone with a disability no she is not i know i know i know

but that's her thing she goes well that's the next step and she goes what should have happened yeah you wait till she gets all her stuff about it. Is Stephen Hawking should have played? She does say that. She goes, so basically they should have made, instead of just having this elf that's weird, they should have said like at the beginning, like he has a developmental issue. He's autistic and he's,

they should have listed off his things. He has ADD, all this stuff, right? That's why he's eating cotton balls and stuff like that. He has ADD. And then after that, they should have, because you're right. You can't now be like, hey hey uh alpha he's obviously retarded it's a little less fun now when uh he's falling down the stairs and doing all this stuff right so what they should have done is done that skipped

all those gags and then just had him see a therapist and then sort of that's the whole thing it's kind of like a goodwill hunting mashup well that's what she's saying she goes if buddy does have a disability it would have been stronger if they had mentioned the disability yeah then he goes to therapy and then there's a weird assumption that an elf can have a disability considering it's like a magical thing that's not a real thing yeah but she didn't like the way it was too close to the human if you're gonna make a magical make a fucking magical she don't like the way you're intruding on our territory well he was a six foot six elf yeah she has a problem with that okay she goes i'm not trying to destroy a modern christmas classic so that's what you literally are i mean you you literally are trying to make people feel

bad saying do better next time i think oh really no probably not it was 20 years ago yeah no she doesn't want you watching what elf 2 you wanted to do better like i saw that what was the other one at christmas story people were getting riled up about sort of saying it was a message pro gun message pro gun did two pro gun because he wanted the fucking bb gun yeah but as a physically disabled woman so she's spent she's uh physically disabled where it comes from you know what i mean oh she is yeah that's where it sort of comes from people love their groups right and it sucks when your group doesn't have enough spunk you don't i mean like you know some of the ones like deaf who actually their life's really hard they have to take a back

seat to like these new things you know what i mean like anxious yeah yeah you know you think it's deaf it's bad i'm anxious you're like you think your wheelchair is bad i'm a woman i find it hard to go to grocery stores yeah yeah why the colors too bright no the people there's not enough people of color you know uh because like actually we have bodies that are like you know dj's deaf or whatever right which by the way he's got the sickest contraption so our body's super funny comedian we were hanging out in la and he's got this uh contraption because he's like pretty deaf but he's like uh he has hearing aids and stuff like that which makes him you know but without them he's essentially deaf yeah he is but he does on his seat belt because we drove together he's got on

your he puts on your seat belt a microphone that goes into his ear oh so because he's you know he's not going to be able to hear you because he has to see I know I talked to him about this a million times so I talk into the microphone

because he can't see your lips moving yeah yeah because he can put it together with like the murmurs and then your thing yeah but if he's got this thing

it's like a fucking loud speaker that goes right in his ear and then you talk into the microphone on your seatbelt pretty sweet right that's pretty cool

so they are sort of cracking things yeah yeah for those people but they don't have as much uh you know pizzazz to their group right now it's not as much of a hot group disabled they're on the come up does she say what her disabled people it's kind of like when the fat models are always like kind of hot it's the like disabled people they're always like their disability it's never someone that's like can never someone that can't move for the disability community. It's always like, what's your disability? It's like, fat. Yeah.

Does she say what her disability is? She didn't really say it. Yeah, she has physical disability, but that just means she's on disability, right? Well, no, she's a fellow. Yeah, she's a fellow. Oh, I forgot. She's a disabled fellow. Yeah, she's a disabled fellow.

Who's that disabled fellow That works there You'll have to be more specific This is insider That's so funny Saying a fellow Disabled fellow Hey someone works at your place I'm looking for

It's like a disabled fellow Is it dude No it's a disabled fellow It's a female disabled fellow A female disabled fellow It's a female disabled fellow What don't you get I don't

You having trouble with this So if Elf had a cognitive difference it would have had to take responsibility for its offensive language that would mean erasing a lot of the verbal and physical comedy that were meant to laugh at but none was funny to me so she imagine being like just that i mean honestly part of me feels bad because you're like that is her real her real worldview where she has to like watch Elf and be like, this is fucked. I'm fucking furious. But she's like watching this. It's like, this is fucked up.

It's just steam coming out the ear. But like she, I'm not even like, I don't even know if she's like putting it on. No, they believe they're bullshit, but that's because, you know, it's a cult. But some people don't like the fucking Merry Christmas thing. I don't think she really believes this. She was just trying to make something up. Don't underestimate girls' ability to believe their bullshit. I believe that she believes it.

And multiple bullshit sandwiches that don't really agree with each other. You know what I mean? Many shit sandwiches. Yeah, they'll believe it's fucking dark at night with fucking full confidence each time. So Buddy eating cotton balls, running towards moving taxi cabs, and even exposing a department store Santa as fake doesn't inspire me to laugh.

Instead, these moments made me wish he had a real good support system in life. I mean, he has Santa. Yeah, well, he did have Santa. It's a pretty good support system when you have Santa Claus. I know. Well, it wasn't good enough for her, a white man, Danny. Contrary to popular belief, it is possible to take a joke about a disability. Well, not for you, though.

You just have to let the disabled people, they're in on the joke. So Will Ferrell's character should have, once they've made it clear that the disabled person was disabled, then they cast a disabled person, then they rewrite the script so the joke is sort of like how they they're awesome by the way he was you would still do the same numbers well elf is the protagonist of the story like the dad who's like a dick to him is the bad guy yeah like the moral of the story isn't like and that's why fucking you don't hire a fucking the moral of the story is like see that's what happens when you have a fucking don't like don't underestimate them they can do great stuff yeah that's the positive message yeah but her positive her she thought the movie was like don't she thought the moral of the message was

like don't have them around they'll eat your cotton balls she probably honestly thinks in her mind too she goes you know what if they just like cast some like nobody actor who has had the right disability it would have done the same box office. She thinks that. Yeah. Yeah. She goes like, just cause Will Ferrell's in it.

Like that's not so. If they have a guy that like had to move the wheelchair. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's like, I went to the exact same numbers. Well, contrary to popular belief,

they can take a joke. So that's what she says. You have to let disabled people on a joke. The easiest way is to cast disabled actors in the role, especially like mental, physical, fine. If you go, hey, we're going to go in a wheelchair, let's hire a guy in a wheelchair. Like obviously that kind of whatever,

I don't think it's one way or the other has to be. But if you go mental disability, like if you're hiring someone that's like severely mentally disabled, it's probably like difficult for them to be an actor and memorize lines and do all that stuff I apologize for my bigotry

do you want to cut that out of the podcast or do you want to be on record as such a crazy claim although they did have that remember that show Life Goes On in the fucking 80s and 90s with Corky and the kid had Down Syndrome Down Syndrome people, like a lot of down syndrome people are you know they yeah they're like someone on the line yeah for sure but it depends if you go for the hardcore hectic ones you know

what I mean oh yeah yeah well you were you know there are like grown-ups that have the you know mental capacity of like a you know a child and they have to be like in uh care like 24 seven yeah so I think it might be tough for those guys to deliver a four-page monologue. And to be honest... I don't. To be honest... Me and Esme don't. The fellows don't.

To be honest, it's sort of rude to put them to work like that. You know what I mean? Or if that's their dream, maybe. You can earn in this family, too. No freeloaders. Get this girl a job at a movie studio. Oh, my God.

I mean, fuck, maybe that's what she's angling for. She said, or the film could have at least had a character confront Alf's dad a job at a movie studio oh my god i mean fuck maybe that's what she's angling for she said or the film could have at least had a character confront the uh alf's dad as he hurls insults at buddies but that moment never comes well kind of does come because the dad's like life falls apart and he's sort of the bad guy yeah so it's like it's not obvious that's the thing about her she heard about storytelling because the whole thing was the dad was being a dick and then it

like kind of comes around where his life sort of falls apart or whatever and then he has to realize he's wrong as well and that was good but it's like there's also her thing is like one of what should happen is he yells at a buddy someone comes punches him in the face yeah like she needed a direct consequence like it couldn't be like the universe was giving him the consequence that wasn't enough for her for like the entire universe to be against him. At least someone would be like, hey. I know. Gonna take a quick second here

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support the boys. Don't forget that's the code boys cast for 25% off your first order with door dash. Well, I've been, I've been sort of telling you about how I've been thinking about this a lot, the purpose of like laughter in general, because this conversation always kind of comes up. It's like, what is, you know, the reason for laughter?

And some people have taken this new thing where they go, well, the reason is like for societal change or whatever, right? And the truth is, well, any tool can be used for anything, but what is the reason the humans have that device in general? I would say probably a good way to describe it is humans have the device of humor to deal with like scenarios that they can't change. So it's almost the opposite. Like, for example, if you take someone that's in jail, for example, right. And everything's

so bad that sometimes you just have to laugh about it. Yeah. Like everything's, have you ever been, everything in your life goes so bad. You know, you get splashed by a, you know, like just one of those days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get your wallet stored. You lose your phone. You get splashed by this. Your girlfriend breaks up with you. And at some point you just have to be like, Jesus Christ.

You just have to laugh because there's like no other way to deal with it. Of course. Yeah. It's just like, it's the release valve on terrible stuff. Although some people do not have that capacity. No, I'm not saying, well, I think a lot of people don't. And a lot of people have blocked themselves off. But in a lot of ways.

Yeah. For me, like if stuff, if I have that, all that stuff, I'm just like, we'll laugh about it. Well, in a lot of ways, the human body has that as like a mechanism to deal with, you know, unchangeable circumstances. Right. mechanism to deal with, you know, unchangeable circumstances. Right. That being said, anything, human emotion, you know, uh, structural thing can be used for whatever you want. So it's like, if you go, the purpose of this is this. And if you go, Hey, I, we should be using this for this.

We go, well, yes, I know you think everything should be used for that. Like you think hiring should be used for that. You think that, you know, to make women's lives better or whatever it is, right? You think everything should be used by that. So it's like, you don't really need to get specific where you go, laughter and comedy should be used for this. It's like, just say everything under the sun should be used, you know, to better people's lives.

But don't tell me that's the purpose of those. Well, I mean, you could say that about fighting, like the ability to fight. Like, why do we have it? And they could say, well, if you're a fighter, like, and you could, you know, you should be using that to protect people. It's like, maybe, but that's not the reason

we have the ability to fight predators. People like me and you, they're fucking tough guys that can fight predators. The reason we have it is to like, essentially get more food and get your sperm in more girls. Yeah, just because literally there were things trying to kill you. Yeah, anyways, that was my little rant I was going to make. Yeah, yeah.

Your professor's going to like that. My college, man. That could be a thing. Ryan's a professor at Clown College. I had a feud this week, man. I had some time to think. I was taking planes. I was on planes, trains, and automobiles.

At your mom's house? Oh, by the way, I did stay there for five no but i was thinking that was the other one i was thinking about all the genders i go there's fucking all these so i'm there with my little cousin i go hello there ryan's like back at genders wait ryan's really just fucking stewing on how many genders there i go he's fucking turkeys no okay this is the point i go i go listen so let's say it's a given that there are all the genders or whatever right yeah like i think it was because i was watching like louis special me and paul were talking about it maybe why it got me fucking thinking about this okay so let's say it was a given we're like you know what there is it isn't binary and there's all these different things, which is, you know,

different levels of masculine and feminine. Let's say just for purpose of argument, we give you say that's all true or whatever, right? That still wouldn't mean that you're better at picking it. So, cause that was the contradiction for me because everything is saying the person would not be better at picking it. Why? They might be a little bit better, but they're not always right.

Because the whole deal is self-identification. But if it is self-identification, that sort of implies that it's not real, right? Because if it's real... It's literally whatever critic of it has been saying. You'd be able to diagnose yourself wrong. No, but I'm saying if... I know you're... So you're saying that...

Like people go, I'm a butterfly. And people are like, okay. Okay, but I'm not if I know you're, so you're saying that the people go, I'm a butterfly and people are like, okay, but I'm not saying that critique. I'm saying if you grant that it is real, that still doesn't grant that it would be that it's obvious that you'd be able better at picking it. Like imagine you're saying it's closer to like a fucking mental disorder.

Well, no, no, I'm not saying that. Well, I'm not saying it's a mental disorder. I'm saying, it sounds like what you're, it's closer to like a fucking mental disorder. Well, no. No, I'm not saying that. Where you need to go to like a professional. Well, I'm not saying it's a mental disorder. I mean, it sounds like what you're employing. No, if you said- I'd like that on the record, Your Honor.

Ryan Long said that gender is a mental disorder. Because even if you said it's a perfectly legitimate thing, right? Yeah. So you said, like I'm this, right? How many people have said, you know, identify as non-binary? And then like, I actually realized identify as this, okay? Yeah. So were you wrong before

or it's part of the journey did a minute the minute you changed what you think you are then it changed what you are was there no moment where you were saying i'm this but you were wrong because if there is a moment where you go i'm non-binary i'm non-binary i'm non-binary and then you go actually i think i'm actually a girl so for that moment that you were actually a girl when you're calling yourself a girl, all right, you know what I'm saying. I'll get off of it. Tell me you were smoking weed in Canada

without telling me you were smoking weed in Canada. I'll get off of it. I'm sure the people... And you were a girl before, and then you're not a girl. All right. I'm sure the people are sick of my fucking... No, I kind of get what you're saying,

but yeah, I don't know. I was pushing it with two in a row of my theories. I should have saved the second theory for the Patreon. That's more of the home for theories. I don't know i was pushing it with two in a row of my theories i should have saved the second theory for the patreon that's more of a that's more of the home for theories i don't well i don't have to get the i think the patreon's a little better place for the theories i mean that one yeah that one's a complicated one the well i think i cracked it yeah all right i cracked comedy you know what i want i want i want you to fucking get a room of non-binary people and just make them sit through and be like, any questions?

I've got my lab coat and stats up. Yeah, you've got your fucking PowerPoint, and you go real just like charts and the whole thing. You go, any questions? I just go fucking, fuck you. Fuck you. And you go, ah, the doors are locked, so don't try and leave.

I can't imagine that. Literally, fire alarm goes off, like fucking all their tactics. Because, well, that's the, all right, fuck it, I'm over it. The problem is those, I know, but they're straight up just like, you can't. You're going to fuck around and make me rant again. They're just like, well, whatever. They're just like, you can't question what we say. That's the whole, like the underlying undercarriage of their whole thing

is they go, this is it, and don't question question my identity you also have to buy into there is no objective truth i guess sure but they're also yeah and they're like don't question this is my identity don't question it if it's different in an hour then that's what it is yeah and the minute my body changed in my mouth saying it changed at the exact split second yeah exactly there wasn't a microsecond that doesn't matter that doesn't matter because that's what it is now and they're going right so you choose it as the whole thing yeah they're like don't try and analyze but if you choose it then there's no objective truth and i guess that's their whole point oh yeah these are very subjective people so we did this so our boy um or a guy we know from uh the internet that was making some cartoons of our stuff just put one out there that

you should check out the boys cast channel um youtube.com slash the boys cast with ryan long this is the second one he's done but it was about how demi-romantic and romance uh demi-sexual and demi-romantic or whatever right so i was cruising a little bit through the demo sexuality it got me fucking cooking on demi-sexuality again right and then i was cruising a little bit through the demisexuality is we've covered this so much and if you said gun to my head what is demi romantic i'd be like just pull the trigger right you know i mean and gun to your mom's head you i should be like just kill me yeah well this one's this is this is an accidentally for the boys yeah and this isn't like getting into what demi is this is a the gripe that someone

had so they said i love my demi sexual husband so much but sometimes it just hurts so her husband's actually come out as demi and as you're gonna see the husband is being able to use the demi sexual to his advantage and this is the problem men way too way too often, do what I just did. I go, there's all these gender, you know, I'm doing this. When what you really should do is go, how do I use this to my advantage? Exactly. That's why I use women's restrooms. Yeah.

People are like, what are you doing in here? I'm like, I'm a woman right now there's a woman there all he goes no your your shit drops like an atom bomb mushroom cloud that was from fucking two years ago last in first out that was from fucking two years ago too last in first out that's the thing so this guy i don't believe for a second he hasn't just cracked the case right but what she says is so my husband says that he's demisexual i i suspect that he might just be ace

which is the code for asexual. Yeah. Fucking ace. What happened to this girl? You went home, you didn't have sex with her? She's a fucking ace, bro. What does that mean? Won't fuck. Yo, she's awful. Dude, I fucking took this girl home.

Fucking ace, bro. Oh, you fucked her? No, no, no. Asexual. Yeah, she didn't fuck anybody. You know what sucks, too, for this guy? If he did, in fact, crack this, he can't tell anybody. Yeah,'t it's like it's one of those maybe some of his bodies maybe well he's living the life right now you're probably just he goes husband says he's demisexual i highly suspect that

he might be asexual but he doesn't claim that so here i am i also want to say that i love him very much so she's getting that out of the way. We are the best partners for each other in every way, but one. My sex drive is huge and he doesn't desire to have sex with anyone. And even if he does, it's not a strong enough desire to act on me. So basically, this guy doesn't want to have sex with his wife. Yeah. And he's going with the old, I don't want to have any sex with you. I would love, I mean, obviously nobody in the comments is this, but I'd be like, can

you just post a picture just so we have an idea of what we're working with? What we're dealing with. Just, you know, for just color in this picture here. Just see what's going on. Exactly. Right. Just an idea. I'd love.

It's basically Al Bundy. I actually was thinking that too. I guess we both always think Al Bundy, but I was kind of going through my mind. So Al Bundy's demisexual. Yeah. Like it's basically some old guy doesn't want to have sex with his wife ever. She's gotten, you know,

she's put on a couple. I mean, it is a known thing. The older you get, your testosterone level do decrease. And the girls sometimes, there's a little crossover where the guys aren't into it and the girls get their little

45-year-old where they're hyped up again. Watch a few episodes of Sex and the City and be like, I could be a fucking cougar. So she's getting... And the guy's just like, I just want to play golf. Yeah, I just don't want to do this anymore, right? And then she's getting in there. I tried everything.

Tried to make it sexy and comes in going, uh-huh. And the guy goes my demisexuality makes me puke sometimes a weak gag reflex from my demisexuality crappy joke that i've been saying well crappy but like type that makes me laugh in the right context sam you know well i've been i was saying that if you have to i might have stage fright so if i was gonna pee on a girl what i have to do is pee in a cup and then spritz it on her like a pee baptism

but then I was saying like but there is you know things you learn when you do freaky shit like listen if you are going to pee

during sex make sure you're one of the two people having sex I was liking that idea it's a good visual what the fuck you go what

what it's right in the corner just the cuck but you're pissing that's the cuck in the corner um so basically if you say you're demisexual it's sort of a catch-all to get out of sex with your wife right and they don't question the terms right because they do if they're not fucking super woke no but they know if they are super woke they can't right so if you have a girl that's any sort of that stuff, you can just say you're these things and they go, no, you're not. And you go, Oh, wow. Well, Ryan, I need you to fix the counter. I just identify as disabled. Why? I meant, yeah. If you have a super woke chick who's buys in all this nonsense, if you get a fucking regular person, they're going to be like, okay, then let's get divorced.

Cause I don't want, but you don't, you have a chick that's sort of woke like yeah that's what i'm saying and then both of them and then they fight fire with fire and they're gone and then basically at the end of the day it's both you lying on the floor no one's working you're both like we're both disabled poly blobs poly blobs bring me my feeding tube you bring me my feeding tube i'm actually more disabled mentally they're both fully working body it was like in their 30s going to a retirement home oh she goes he says that he still loves me and finds me attractive and he says that it's not me and i believe him i just want to say yeah it's you honey yeah i don't want to girl it's you when a guy says he you know, I'm trying to fuck you,

but he's still fucking me jacking off. He says it's not me. It's you, honey. Just think, if you told Oprah this story, would she say it's not you? She'd go, I got some motherfucking news for you.

Oprah would tell you it's you. He goes, and I believe him. He doesn't ever initiate. So I tell him not, he doesn't have to initiate because I don't want him to feel uncomfortable by advances or like he's falling for, or he's failing for me as a

husband. Also, there is the thing of like, if you're actually being real, this guy must hate her too because there is, you know, the feeling bad for your husband, suck it up and fuck your wife every now and then. Of course. The bare minimum, you gotta put it down. You know, you put a nose plug on.

Even guys that have been in the closet for 40 years that suck it up and give their wife a pipe. Yeah, exactly. And they're like, it disgusts them. Make her feel like a woman again. Like it physically repels them and they do it. There is an element too, because there is like, we've seen it a lot.

Because we don't know what point in their marriage there is. I don't think they say if they have kids or not but because there are like a recently woke you say the kids just wreaked havoc on no i'm just saying maybe no no i'm just saying maybe like she wasn't like like this and then she's just progressively got woke and he's kind of like doesn't want to get divorced you know like people getting that he just like i don't like this is arrangements or he's cheating or i don't want to get divorced but like it's i don't or he's like yeah i'm demisexual i'm i'm having an affair with this girl named demi that i work with he's like i'm demi i'm gonna go play call of duty with the boys leave me alone exactly and he goes i know he used to feel that way before he came out so before he

came out as demisexual so he had a big official coming out party and after many discussions we agree that if he ever wants to come on to me i'd love that but there are zero expectations in our marriage for sexual encounters but he hasn't so she said to him she goes listen if you ever want to come out he goes honestly i'm glad about that let's make that pact if i ever come out to you she goes just just any time now then two years later, she's looking at her watch. She goes, you said there's no expectations. I go, there's kind of a little bit of expectations. Yeah, I mean, if he could just formally come out.

If your girl says to you, hey, I would like this, but if it ever comes, it's fine. If it never comes, it's not fine. Doesn't have to be now, whenever it is. And you never do it? Ever? Yeah. Also, this more so goes for women than guys

but for ladies if your guy ever comes out as anything not not a good yeah coming out for dudes isn't like like a girl could be like come out of something you'd be like yeah whatever bullshit but this girl's all in he goes she goes and i'm not demi so i don't and can't in brackets understand what it's like to be demi so she So she's bought into like what he must be going through. This guy's playing video games on his couch. She's in lingerie crying. It's not the only thing

he's playing. He's playing her like a fucking fiddle. Like a fucking... And then so she's and she's in the room you know with the whipped cream and roses

she bought and then in her mind she's thinking I can't believe what he must be going through right now. This guy's got her wrapped up in a pretzel

my friend. It's good to be this guy. Yeah, accidentally for him. I've never ever seriously thought of leaving him. Also, there's another part. Also, I'm polyamorous with his support. So they've got this thing where she's allowed to have sex with other men. She says she hasn't, but she's able to.

So basically they're roommates at this point, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she goes, sometimes though, like when I find that he's masturbated recently it hurts he's jacking off playing video games i love how she finds out she just like puts her hand in a fucking mug and there's a bunch of jizz she goes well that's even funnier where he goes but well that's the thing too you go but you if you're demisexual you go why do you jack off you go well i'm in love with myself well that's the whole thing you're supposed to have this like romantic interest to be well and the other thing is like it doesn't even really make sense that this guy's demi like because the whole thing is you're not supposed to be

romantically you're supposed you want to have sex with people you're like really like in love with as a person but he's like you think she'd be like so wait you don't like me as a person then there also is some hint to be taken away here from the fact she goes i'm allowed to have sex with other men he goes please please and but still no takers and she obviously is saying that's me i forgot about that right she's saying that's not hard to find guys but like if you are she blamed it on her city she says why it's because of covid she said and then yeah yeah we know we know fucking covid's been a dry spell for every single guy we know yeah yeah yeah covid yeah for sure that's been an issue and she said there's a tiny dating pole where she lives so there's a couple problems or she has many pre-existing conditions

sometimes though when i find out he masturbated and i want to know and i want to know that i love that part of him and then the best part was the answers people gave him. So people were saying, ask him when he feels the need to pleasure himself, let him know that you can do that for him. You know, there is a compromise. It shouldn't be solely what one person wants in a relationship.

So basically some people in the thing are saying, hey, why don't you, when he's about to masturbate uh just get you involved and he goes we've had that discussion many times he enjoys masturbation more than sex and he just prefers to do it solo this guy's laying down the law this guy's seriously like a piece of work this curmudgeon just like he's like i'm gonna take care of that for you? He's like, no. Get out of here. Get out of here.

No. Get out of here. It takes me 30 seconds. I told you not to bother me while I play my games. I feel bad for her because she's just like, fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't sound like this is the greatest relationship I mean she says it is though she says it's the best minus this one she likes every other part of him that's so funny though she goes sorry honey I just don't want to have sex I'm just not that person I just can't have sex anyways let's turn on the lights what are you doing over there nothing nothing yeah there's dummy shit none of your business just demi-sexual exploring my demi-sexuality i'm just exploring my demi-sexuality over here oh fuck and there was one more that was making me laugh some dude who's for the boys in the chat group comes in he goes hey i hope i can add some value here i'm a demi husband and i've also

struggled with this some guy i hope that was him though yeah yeah he goes uh i am a guy too perfectly normal the comments too are funny because like they're so vague like like demisexuality is generally kind of so they're all in the comments kind of like defining it on the fly a bit on the fly they're like but what about this but this could happen oh shit and another one that people have been getting mad about is so there's this article that uh that you know how people call people like your people simps or whatever yep he said men who are too nice to women are called simps why this insult is problematic and my original takeaway from this thing was they just you know cuck the the there's nothing more that bugs the blogosphere more than when there's like a new thing that they didn't come up with

yeah they hate new terms well also we're not in control and also like applies to them more than others right like they don't you know well they're saying it's like simps is bad because it's basically misogynistic to call guys simps sure and they don't really know what a simp is but that's their understanding of it they said many of us are familiar with jokes about whipped husbands in phrases like nice guys finish last but these nice guys now have a new insult to contend with the controversial slang term simp but whipped husband is like um like a little bit ironically called a simp but that's not what it is no like when you're really saying the guy's a simp

the probably the most pure version is like sending girls shit on only fans you know that you've never met sending a fucking girl money that's never slept with you yeah like you drive a girl around yeah yeah but even in real life like you've been you're the girl's best friend you buy her all the presents and then you know she posts the photo of you two. Like a friend date. Friends for life. Yes. That kind of stuff.

It's not like... By the way, it is kind of simp. It's pretty similar to high-value mail. Oh, really? I mean, kind of. There is a real... Oh, they think a high-value mail is... It's a simp, kind of.

They just wanted this fucking punching bag who does all this stuff. That's a high-value mail. Not perfect, but a lot of similarities yeah a lot of similarities well that's because there's you know even that thing where it's like nice guys finish last that they're sort of saying they're like dispelling the myth and it was like the actual reality is that there's probably nice guys finishing last and and and uh mean guys finishing last and there's nice guys that finish first but as far as what the

saying means towards girls it's like girls sort of like the idea that they tamed you a little bit right and they also like the idea that you're a little more nice to them than everyone else it's not just like this guy's nice to everyone and everyone gets my attention they might be attracted

to that at first but on average i think girls sort of like the idea that yes you're nice to everyone but like i'm you pay more attention to me which makes them feel but also when they're not interested in you it works better to be mean to them than nice to them they have it's just like it's a psychological thing that's not even specifically related to women just people in general it's like there's something about that like you know then whatever nagging or whatever but like very few guys have been i mean i've heard a million girls be like yeah i don't really such asshole i don't know why like i'm like yeah yeah yeah i've had many girls say that to me when i had their phones tapped talking about me but yeah no i'm not really asshole but the girl the ones that are not

saying like a little but you know you're like you're not a fucking door no no you're just unavailable i was just no i was never like mean to them it's like structurally mean yeah you know what i mean yeah but never specifically yeah you're not like literally like are you fat pig but you're like no i'm not i'm like you're just not like those so like she's like oh buy me a drink you're like no i'm out of here like but i'm saying girls like like that sometimes yeah you go come on come on If it comes with the right confidence, not if it comes with the, I will not. Yeah, of course. Exactly.

Okay, this guy's weird. Yeah, but if there's a lot of guys who'd be like, yes, ma'am, I would love to buy you a drink. Do your friends want drinks too? How many girls have said- And then they're like, ew. They're like, it's gross. Yeah, yeah.

They'll take the drinks, but you literally just like disgust them. And then that guy is like i want to be with you whatever and you go uh no i'm not interested and then he just keeps being nice to her yeah buys her a thing shows up at her place with roses and then the only time that works out the only time that works out is when she's dating someone else and he's such an asshole she goes and i'll give this fucking dork a try dude remember fucking my ex there was this dude who was like who she like

worked with like five years previous who lived in Vancouver remember he sent us she sent her tickets to the killers floor seats at the ACC

or whatever and then you went to them I went and she posted a photo and I was like oh I told her at the time I was like

that hurt me on like a level just on for him. Did you do the fingers in the vagina? But it's like, I was like, she's like, yeah, he's just nice. And he sent me a pair of tickets, floor tickets for the killers. And I was like, what?

No, they don't. That's not a normal thing. It's crazy, buddy. So she goes, which one thing i didn't know she goes this word simp derived from the word simpleton that's something i did not know the popular term began as a way to mock men who pander to women in an effort to sleep with them but over time the term has evolved and simp is now used to refer to anyone who treats a woman with any kindness and respect see i didn't know the simpleton thing makes sense but then i remember

like when i got first on my radar i thought it was uh because i looked at this up because i was trying to find it and it's someone i it was an acronym for someone idolizing mediocre pussy that's good that's what i thought it was originally and i didn't simple it doesn't really make sense it doesn't make sense it doesn't exactly i don't think that's true i don't think they still know what the fuck they're talking about no but i also think all they know is that people are buying them stuff and we then there's a word out there that makes it stop yeah yeah exactly they're like shut up yeah for sure but also like it's hard to really pinpoint how like vernacular like that like takes you know especially slang like it starts like it's

unless it's literally in some video or whatever but usually these things happen slowly and organically yes and no it does not anyone who treats a woman with kindness and respect they're trying to make it seem like a guy that's nice with girlfriends like there's a difference between a guy that like buys his girlfriend and provides her good life and she's actually sick yeah and fucking then a guy who buys his girlfriend all this shit does anything she want and she treats him badly and it's like you can't hang out with your friends yes that would be a simp yes anyone who's getting bitched around might be in the simp category i feel like still mostly the people that are buying stuff with people yeah they're not no the moment you actually are like a physical, sexual

relationship with someone, you're no longer a simp. I think so. That ends it. But you can still be simping. You can be like, oh, he's simping for his chick. I think you can be simping, but you aren't actually a simp. It's not an actual definition of one.

I agree with that. Alright, we're going to agree to agree on that. Like my girlfriend likes to just jokingly call me a simp every time I do something nice for her. We've all been doing that too, is jokingly. All just jokes. Just funny jokes. Me and the boys also.

Me and the boys. Yeah, really? Actually, we have a group chat with her. That would be amazing. Me, the boys, and your girlfriend have a group chat. Yeah that'd be amazing me the boys and your girlfriend have a group chat like all the guys we've all had a good laugh she has pictures she takes pictures of you with the credit card out of the grocery store they were buying the at the louis vuitton store danny's there and then she's getting declined i'm in the back fucking washing dishes she sends it to the group chat we we have a good laugh there's

she sends it to the group chat we have a good laugh there's danny walking through fucking department stores with 90 bags all the things holding she's on her phone to chatting with us so he goes if he compliments her he is a simp if he buys her late night cab home he's a simp even if he buys his girlfriend flowers he's a simp so they're they're really trying to get out in front of this simp word by kind of being like simp is yeah yeah well they're trying yeah real and they're trying to make it this huge catch-all where like yeah yeah it's not really what's happening i love this is in usa today in what world the guy buys his girlfriend flowers and everyone's like oh fuck i guess yeah did you hear about this simp what do you do is buy a girl flowers went on her birthday simp life yeah you hear about this simp? What do you do? It's my girl's father's wedding on her birthday. Simp life.

Yeah, you hear about this simp? He fucking asked his girlfriend to marry him. Fucking simp. What a ring, too. If he compliments her, hey, you have nice hair. You go, hey, can I speak to you for a second, Danny? Hey, what do you want to do in your private life? When we're at a restaurant, I don't want you simping around with your chick.

Don't be telling her her hair looks nice. You're making me look bad. People are going to start thinking I associate with simps. I'm a senior fellow of simps. I'm a senior a senior fellow they go though this term may seem like a harmless joke experts more experts are back at it so they have simp experts it's probably the same as the little dick expert from last week he's also a simp expert little dicks are great actually being a simp's pretty awesome yeah i'd say so simp experts with some of danny's people say that it's damaging to equate a man's kindness with weakness i'm so done with experts it's like if you gotta

have the slightest bit of fucking nuance to be an expert at any of these categories you go what happened it's like uh there's this term simp that sounds damaging even the experts says it well this is i mean this is i think a knock-on expert of the whole just like kind of like university complex they expert level you finish and you're just like I don't know I gotta be an expert in simping or something I don't know my education is worthless yeah they're

they're sort of simping for all their students or whatever buying them all those gifts and they go what should I write my dissertation about and then they like they get a phone call it's like hey do you approve this purchase to this credit card that you put all these people on you go i'm an expert yeah so they said when we simp shame it sends us some simp shaming now it sends a message to men that caring about the plight or well-being of women is not a manly thing to do

says the destin garrick the author of the evolved masculine so there's like now you know he's like the it's like sort of the beta manosphere no yeah totally no this guy is straight up just like yeah there's the manosphere and then there's the beta man this guy is literally his book is just like just yeah let her peg you on the first date yeah exactly that's what an evolved man would be you know I was thinking about pegging not not to fucking it was just making me laugh the idea that they go pegging is like sort of so you can be gay but you don't have to actually be gay

like you know what I mean it's like you can get all the benefits of being gay without being gay but it's like the truth is is that the only benefit of being gay well that's the only bad part about being gay if you actually break it down you're like this doesn't compute it's the only bad part about being gay if you actually break it down you go yeah you're like this doesn't compute

yeah that's it's actually the worst part yeah you're only that's the only bad part about being gay aside from that you're just hanging with your boy

yeah that's true it's like aside from the getting pegged being gay would be pretty sweet yeah

and they go what if you just have the getting pegged part and you go and then you hang. So you instead. Potato, potato, man. But then you hang out with chicks.

There you go. This is none of the good parts about being gay. That's the good parts about being gay is hanging out with your boys. Hanging out with your boys and. Oh, oh, oh. You know. Yeah. As you just want to.

Hey, you want to take a break from the wings? It's like pegging all the worst parts of being gay that's what i'm thinking that's what you ask me that's a theory no that's the evolved man guy says it should be the exact opposite to not care is the unmanly thing like yes no one thinks that it's like manly to you know your girlfriend like some chicks like walking home and she's about to get punched and you keep working i ain't no fucking simp you know yeah that's like what the way they're making it out to be it's like your girlfriend's like oh i'm stranded in the middle of nowhere can you pick it up it's like yeah call a fucking simp because i ain't that dude brother it's gonna be real trouble yeah and you're gonna stay in real trouble

call me when you're ready to suck it you know that's the way i am though the evolved man's got like a caricature what he thinks men are like they can say but like women probably read the evolved man they go oh gross i don't want this fucking loser like yeah it's like it's not even women want this well also the other they go if this dangerous idea so and everything's dangerous too right this danger idea it's idea that every interaction with a woman is a social exchange armor says it reinforces the mentality that if i do something for a woman she has to do something in return oftentimes a sexual favor is the context i've heard of yes okay so and then you go the other way around to these people that

think they're into equality okay think about the other way around where you know a girl that all she does is buy guy stuff blah blah blah everything and he won't pleasure her he won't hang out with her he won't do anything would you say that it's dangerous to say that that's uh unreasonable behavior for her all she does is dote over this guy and then he hits her and all this stuff and she just buys him food makes him food and she makes way more money does all the other way around she just non-stop buying him gifts would you be like what's wrong with that yeah of course not yeah you'd be like something deranged about it yes more deranged yes so why would it not be deranged the other way yeah also these aren't these aren't all simping things oh they're not all simping things they're just describing an unequal relationship and saying that all simping things oh they're not all simping things they're just describing

an unequal relationship and saying that's simping yeah but yes if you're in a relationship you're not a sim but it's the same reason they're you they're saying it's the same way then that like everyone's like oh we're going this and you're like i gotta go home like the simping is remember the bell delphine thing or whatever where she sold her bath water if you bought the bath water you're a fucking sim yeah because guess what she didn't bathe in that i'll tell you that was straight from the fucking tap we throw the we throw the uh the simp. Yeah, yeah. Because guess what? She didn't bathe in that water. I'll tell you what. That was straight from the fucking tap. We throw the simp out with the bathwater. Perfect. It is kind of the equivalent of, yeah, when you go-

Like if you're on Craigslist buying a woman's used underwear that she wore jogging- You might be a simp. You might be a simp. You might be a simp. If your bank account statement and the times you had sex with her are both now at zero, you might be a simp. You might be a simp.

If you've been in her driveway multiple times but never through the front door, you might be a simp. But yeah, the idea that it's not uh that it's unreasonable to it's it's almost like the the context that they're using and they're dangerous is kind of what you do as a joke like your buddy has to go home at like 10 and everyone's gonna hang out later he's like i got it i told my chick i'll be here everyone goes but you're kidding it's just like anytime anyone has to stray from the pack you're gonna get a little fucking rib yeah absolutely and you don't go boys this is dangerous what you're doing boys

you're putting me in danger you're putting my girlfriend in danger putting women in danger you're putting women in danger you're putting women in danger yeah exactly this is you're putting everyone in danger line of fucking rhetoric so and they say simp shaming is also a form of benevolent sexism she adds in contrast to hostile sexism which is you know i can't be around you you're a woman benevolent sexism is this kind of stuff so it's like wait is benevolent sexism like how espn promotes the wnba even though nobody wants to watch it like that no that's but that's a quality that's a's benevolent equality. That's equality. Benevolent equality. Got it. Basically, their whole thing is

stop telling men not to buy us stuff. They want to go back to the world where people can buy them stuff and it's still like they're feminists. And the motives are fine. And it's not anti-feminist to want free stuff bought for you on the daily by some guy you're not fucking and it's not some it's not anti-feminist to want free stuff bought for you on the daily by some guy you're not fucking that's actually pretty reasonable while you

have a boyfriend still even yeah like just the bill splitting that's gotta end yeah well the last thing is when we think of the emotions that are acceptable for men we forget to take into consideration that we often teach them from a young age to bottle things up instead of expressing them with other people so what right now we have this you know like same thing in a christmas story where the dad comes down you know stop crying be a man whereas the you know what what should be happening is you come home what's happening keep crying no this girl goes oh yeah keep right now she goes this girl goes, oh. Yeah, keep crying. No, she goes, this girl at school turned me down and I'm really sad.

He goes, all right, here's 30 bucks. What we're going to do? What we're going to do is we're going to wait outside of her house until she falls asleep

and then she's going to wake up. We're going to follow her around all day to kind of get a pattern of what kind of stuff she likes. Then we're going to buy her something that she thinks is totally surprising.

She'll have no idea that you picked the right thing perfectly. Also, does she have a ride home from her real boyfriend's house? So I'm going to lend you my car. That's real masculinity. Always drive her to her boyfriend's house. Don't make her pay for an Uber. Like a man.

Like a real man, you're going to drive her around. All right, fellas, fellas, fellas. Fellows, fellows, fellows. Fellows, fellows fellows fellows you know new year's resolution i'd say 3 000 patrons wanna we're gonna do a big tour of everywhere in america i want to keep growing you know more videos i want to up the content more street videos these are all the things that like i'm focused on and i've been you know even this week i was kind of making all these lists in my head of what i could do better what i and then again stop punching the elderly those are my new year's resolutions i want there to be like you know on cp24 in canada they'd be like uh man punched like a someone can can anyone identify them and it's

just like clearly you at a fucking like ttc station i got the socks showing yeah oh that's the other thing is to get my merch really up to snuff and get yeah i'm i'm spending a lot of time trying to figure that out so we definitely need a fucking a low value shirt that says low value i know i was i know i was thinking about getting the low value mail and so that that's one of the things on the docket but so that's all the sort of stuff all my new year's resolution is just to keep doing a better job and keep systemizing keep uh getting the parts of my life in check to make more cool stuff for the fucking dogs hello danny do you have any resolutions or just do i have any resolutions uh i actually want more money on crypto uh oh i lost so much money on crypto stop

making your friends lose money on stacks no no i'm gonna keep doing that uh no i actually want more money on crypto uh oh i lost so much money on crypto stop making your friends lose money on stacks no no i'm gonna keep doing that uh no i actually i want to start um or i'm not i want to i'm going to start a i want to do a fucking i want to do a call-in show oh colin's cool i want to do a call-in show not on the call-in app i want to do it like i got you but um like uh just a bad advice call-in show and i actually put an, it's going to be called low value mail, but M-A-I-L. Okay. And basically people can just send in questions.

I already got a ton of questions actually. I posted a thing on Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people sent in a bunch of shit. And then, cause it was like, remember I was telling you when during the pandemic,

I was doing that on fucking the Reddit streaming thing. And I had like, at one point like 70,000 people, all these people were calling in. Yeah. But then they shut it down because I put my own phone number on and that was a violation of Reddit

because they're losers. But anyway, so I'm going to do that. That's going to be coming in January. So there's New Year's resolution. All of our resolutions is more stuff for the boys. More stuff for the fellas.

I appreciate y'all. Wish everyone a happy new year. Peace.