The Breakfast Club - Best Of Full Interview: Pastor Michael Todd On Facing Your Damage, Finding Your Value, Support Systems, Spit Incident + More

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

Best of 2023 - Recorded October 2023 - Pastor Michael Todd On Facing Your Damage, Finding Your Value, Support Systems, Spit Incident, Listen For More!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up, y'all? So, on a recent episode of Quest Love Supreme, my co-hosts, I'm-a-Bill and Sugar Steve and I sat down with the king at rock of the Beastie Boys. We talked about the early days of the Beasties, thinking for records around the globe, and now he makes music these days in a cabin in the mountains. Oh, and this jewel. I was trying to start a band in the 90s called the Nasal Tongues. Me and Q-Tip and MC Milk and Be Real.

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Morning everybody, it's DJ, Envy, Charlamagne, the guy. We. The Breakfast Club. Morning, everybody. It's DJ Envy, Charlamagne the Guy. We are The Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed. We have Pastor Mike Todd. Welcome, brother. What's going on, fam? Y'all good? Yes.

Man, I'm blessed, man. Good, good, good. I'm at The Breakfast Club. Hey! With y'all. I'm blessed black and highly favored. You are definitely black, blessed, and highly favored. It feels... I feel like all of us are blessed black and highly favored.

Absolutely, absolutely. Feels good, thank y'all for having me, man. Happy to have you, man. New book, damaged but not destroyed, From Trauma to Triumph. Yes, sir. Powerful title. Bro, it's my life.

Okay. And it's honestly, I believe a lot of people's life that they don't share. You know, you see everybody from people who've gone from the gutter to this big platform, or people who've just made it out of the hood, or just made it from where they thought they would never come, but then they shut up

and stopped telling the actual story about how they got from where they were to where they are now. I have a theory about that. What is it? I think the theory now, like I'm 45 years old. You look good. So growing, thank you brother. So growing up, you know, it was those stories of overcoming,

those stories of making mistakes and becoming a better person that we always gravitated towards, that we learned from. Nowadays, because of this so-called cancel culture, nobody wants to talk about the mistakes that they made. Nobody, because they feel like they'll be judged for them and crucified for them, which they probably will. But it's temporary. The truth of the matter is, because I'm like they'll be judged for them and crucified for them, which they probably will. But it's temporary.

The truth of the matter is, because I'm a person of faith, I believe the truth of the matter is, we overcome by the blood of the lamb, that's what Christ says to them, but the words of our own testimony. Even if you don't believe what I believe, the truth is, when you see somebody else go through something and you make it through it,

it gives you courage, it gives you hope, it gives you, dang, maybe I can do that too. And a lot of people are robbing other people of the fuel that they need to overcome their actual situation, because they scared, number one. And number two is because they feel like maybe my worst moment defined me.

But I found that in my worst moment, that's what made me. And so I just wanted to come like completely clean, completely raw, I say hot, humble, open and transparent. And I mean, it takes also the power out of what anybody can ever say about me. I used to, I believe you, I agree with everything you say. I used to always say live your truth so nobody can use

your truth against you. Well boy, they will try. They'll try. The truth of the matter is, but if it's real, like when you cut it open and it's real and you actually grew from it and you actually learned from the cheating and you actually did the work and went to therapy

and you actually, yeah, no, I did embezzle that money but I'm not gonna do that never again. And I'm like, when you actually grow, I believe that this life is about progression, not perfection. And on the gram and in front of people were always trying to present Perfection, but I really believe like when you cut it all down It's one baby step in front of another baby step in front of another baby step and you look up and like how did I get?

Here it was a bunch of small moments that got you to this you say that but then I don't I don't think people necessarily Care about that right because let's take one of the biggest things I think people have been talking about in the last week, right? Jada Pinkett Smith's book, right? Yeah. People have been talking about how she's so foul on Will and how she did this and how, but we always talk about tell your truth, right? Yeah.

Good, bad, or indifferent. We don't know what happened in their relationship. I have no idea. The way your marriage is, the way my marriage is, the way his marriage is, it's not the way their marriage might be. So we don't know, but people have been killing them and killing their relationship based off things that we don't know when she was just sharing her truth

because please believe, I'm sure there's somebody out there that's living a life just like them and now feels comfortable being able to talk about it because she was able to talk about it. But those are moments. Like think about what y'all talked about a year ago compared to what y'all talk about today, compared to what you're gonna talk about next month.

The truth of the matter is, in the culture that we, the feedback culture that we live in right now, everybody's just trying to say, what's gonna get them a happy meal off of the YouTube clips. That's what everybody's trying to say right now. But the truth of the matter is, the person that is in the situation, that's in the fire, is that fire actually purifying something out of you?

Is that fire actually making you into something? Fire is not bad, it actually purifies the real. And so most people, every piece of gold and jewelry had to be put against fire. The problem is when it's not authentically who you are, when it's not really what's in you, that stuff gets melted away. And that's where people get exposed. That's where people like like, they talk, I was all about this and I all about this.

When fire hit, it shows like, that's not what you was really about. And so for me, I just think that too many people, especially black people, we do not face the damage that we went through, we run from it. We go away from it, we try to Gucci Louie it down, we try to get out of the neighborhood, we try to get out of the neighborhood, we try to, but the truth of the matter is

we're running from an insecurity at 15. Putting cake icing on dog shit, that's what I like to say. That, I wouldn't say it like that, but because you said it like that, I'm gonna say, amen, you know what I'm saying? But the truth of the matter is, we're hoping people don't actually find out what it really is, and we're about to go into Thanksgiving.

People going back to families they hate. We're going back into Christmas. People are about to buy expensive stuff and go into debt for children that they don't know, but they keep Jordan'd up. Like, just think about all the things. Like these kids don't even know who their real daddy is or who their actual family is.

But instead of facing it, instead of going to counseling with our kids, instead of just saying, I'm sorry, like we just going to keep moving on up. We going to keep buying new cars. We going to keep getting new wigs. And I'm like, yo, something has to change. We have to deal with our damage. And I believe that God loves damaged people. Like you can't find nobody in the Bible, nobody in faith that wasn't jacked up. But God does his best work with damaged people. If you would just admit I'm damaged.

How important is a support system, right? Cause he came with your wife, Charlamagne's been with his wife 25, I've been with my wife 30. How important is that? Cause a lot of times you hear people say, I don't need that, I'm looking for a guy that's gonna make this much money, but they never talk about the heart.

The truth of the matter is- Did you say that's dumb? Yeah. Thank you for that. Please say that loud. It's dumb. Like I tell people all the time, I did a book, my first book was called Relationship Goals,

and I have this whole chapter in the book about rip up your list. And I know people are gonna say whatever they gonna say about they got this list, you still single the truth of the matter The truth of the matter is is a lot of times God never hands you a finished product He hands you something you got to work right and and that's why IKEA is one of the greatest furniture companies No matter what you think about it is they they give you something that you have to put your hands to to assemble. And it gives people another greater level of satisfaction

because when they actually put their hands in to help make that thing happen, it feels like I've accomplished something. Relationship is the same way. God never, T.D. Jakes says it, God never gives you a table, he gives you a tree. The same thing with the relationship. And so I think many times people need to rip up their list

and actually look for the things that are in the heart. You can't Instagram integrity. You can't Facebook faithfulness. And so look at my man, he da da da. The greatest things that have made me and my wife's relationship work, I cannot show you on a post. It has to be lived out, proved out, and over time.

And so when you say support system, bro, that's what, that is literally the only reason I'm here right now. It's cause I got people who could see me at my worst and still think of me in my best situation. To still, like, while it still smells like that word that you said just a second ago, they still walking with me and like,

I'll actually, I'll be with you because I know it's not gonna be like this the whole time. I tell people community is everything. Having mentors is everything. Being around people that are further than you is everything. And if you're gonna deal with your damage, you need that. Because a lot of people do it in isolation. And COVID has really jacked up people.

And when I say that, I'm not even talking from a health standpoint physically, I'm talking about a mental health standpoint, a spiritual health standpoint, a relational health standpoint. People went into their caves and started spectating on what everybody was doing and it made them look out instead of looking in. I agree with that, but I also feel like during COVID,

a lot of people had to stop and see themselves for the first time. Yeah. And they didn't like what they saw. But then we went back outside. So it's one thing to see it, it's another thing to deal with it. It's one thing to see it, and it's another thing.

I mean, vacations or travel is going up like a thousand percent because people are trying to escape. They're running from themselves. They're running from themselves. They're running from themselves. And the only person you cannot finesse is you. That's right. Or the significant other. A lot of people in COVID realized

they didn't like their partner. They hated them. They hated their partner. Cause you know, usually you think about it, you know, you work for eight, nine hours a day. You come home for a couple of hours and you only really seeing your partner for a couple hours. But COVID exposed everybody. And this is where I think for most of us, it's time to take our trauma and know

that our trauma can go to triumph. Every horrible thing that ever happened to me, every trashy thing I did to myself. When I brought that to counseling, to my community, to Christ, it was like, oh yeah, we can package that. We can move that, we can cut that out. Oh, you needed to learn that. And then it became the pain that built the platform. And I'm just trying to go first, especially in somebody who does what I do

as a pastor, a leader, we usually stand on a platform and tell everybody, you know, you need to work on this. You can do this. And I was like, yeah, I'm gonna take a different approach. I'm gonna go do it first. I'm gonna go to intensive therapy. Me and my wife gonna fly to Colorado for a whole year every month

and spend five days in counseling for five hours. We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna. Oh, cause what's not transformed is transferred. Everybody leaving an inheritance for their kids and money and cars, but they're leaving poor spiritual, emotional and mental health. So what happens when you give a kid who's never been seen, who's never actually known their identity and who has no self worth a million dollars? What do you think they're going to do? They're going to buy friends.

They're going to go out here and try to numb because they don't want to feel that. Like, I just think that we could do it better. I'm not saying be broke. I'm saying be rich everywhere. What was your breakthrough moment that inspired you to be so vulnerable in this book? Bro, I have a son, our second son. His name is MJ. My name's sake.

He has autism. And me and my wife, we're going through the height of our ministry and our business is growing and everything's exploding. My first book goes number one New York Times bestseller. I barely graduated English class. Like I'm in a shock and then our only son, we take him to the doctor and they're like, yeah, he's not progressing normally. He's not talking.

He's not looking anymore. And he was going the right, he's not progressing normally. He's not he's not talking. He's not looking anymore. And he was going the right way. And then just something switched. And my motor has always been let me be greater. Let me be better. Let me make more money. Let me do this. And I I tried to do everything I knew how to do. And it didn't fix nothing.

Getting a bigger platform, writing another book, making more money. It didn't do anything. And so when my motor broke, it was like, what's going on? I'm watching my wife slip into depression Nothing. Nothing is working and so I was like, hold on. We got to start working on this I was sitting with my mentor Tim Ross at a Crackle Barrel outside of Oklahoma City And I was just telling them what I was going through and we started thinking about back back over my life, and he said, yeah, he was like, yeah, when did God's standard become lower than your standard? And I was like, what are you talking about?

He was like, Michael, you've been telling me all this stuff you wanna make better, and you want it to be great, you keep using this word, great, great, great, great. He said, but in the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth, he looked at it and he said, it's good. And then he created the stars, and he created the land stars and he created the land and said you go right here

You go right here created the animals going through the whole creation He said it's good then he created man on the sixth day and he said you know what that's very good He said if God's standard is good. Why is yours great? Mmm, and he then he asked me this question. He said when did you make a decision that good was not good enough? And immediately I went back to 12 years old. When I'm in church, my parents raised us in church and I played drums since I was young.

And I would go at 12 years old to the choir rehearsal because my dream was to play in big church, like play with the big choir, like not the youth or the junior, I wanted to play. And I was good. And I would go every Tuesday, only 12 year old there, and they would never let me play. They would tell me I was great. They would tell me that, man, you're getting so good, pinch my cheeks, take all the little

stuff. But they would never let me play. They probably had a legitimate reason, but I remember sitting on that maroon chair in the back and deciding, I guess good is not good enough. I will only be great. And what ended up happening from 12 years old to 35 years old, I would not settle for anything good.

And now I'm looking at my son and he's not good. And I couldn't rationalize or reconcile what was going on in me. And God was like, you're gonna have to become okay with things being good. And I had to go and heal that 12 year old Michael to be able to even raise the 35 year old Michael and raise his son.

And bro, I went on a journey bro, to like actually deal with the damage that was in me. And as I did that, it was... What'd you say? My wife said I couldn't fix her either. I couldn't even relate because there was so much stuff on the inside of me that I had just put success over, put money over, put all this other stuff over. And it was kind of like, yeah, like we out here. And man, because I went on this healing journey, because I spent the money, everybody talking about investing in property, you're the only thing that is priceless.

That's why I always say invest in your mental well-being. Why won't you invest in yourself? That's right. You got J's you don't even wear for three years, you sitting them in boxes. That's right. And you won't even invest in dealing with why your daddy left you, and you're so broken over it, but you just can't even communicate to nobody,

and now you're raising another generation that you're their present, but you're not their present emotionally. You have to start from someplace, though. You gotta start. But that's why I went first. DJ Envy, this is why I wrote this book. This may not be my most popular book, but it's my most valuable book. Because if anybody actually reads this, if anybody actually like goes in it, they're going to be like, dang, I can see myself.

I can see where this could happen. And maybe I'll take the first step. And that's all I'm trying to get somebody to do. Take a first first step like don't even freaking think about being this next version of yourself just take admit that you are still hurt from that first relationship because you have been in 17 other relationships acting like he ain't ish I ain't this and then like you're still hurt from old boy in 2008. Man, you know, that's exactly why I wrote my second book, Shook On Anxiety, Playing Tricks On Me. And that's, you know, it was me just talking

about the things I had learned in therapy, but I had an actual psychiatrist, Dr. Ish Major, in the book with me. Cause that's what I wanted. I wanted to admit that not only am I damaged, I wanted to talk about my traumas, but I wanted somebody to read that book and just take a first step.

That's it. That's it. Because the first step leads to the next step. And most of us have been so caught up on perfection, bro, that it is jacking your whole life up. It's progression. Somebody may leap to the next step, but if you just scootin', like if you barely,

like dang, I just listened to the podcast and I'ma go get the book, or I'm you just scootin', like if you barely, like, dang, I just listened to the podcast and I'ma go get the book, or I'ma just watch a message, like, or I'm gonna go get Charlamagne's, like just take a step because the end of the day, man, your wellbeing, who you really wanna be, is available to you. I love how you talk about, you know,

how you need God and therapy. Yeah, bro. You know, how, people feel like you can't have both, cause they'll say things like, you can't have faith in God, faith and fear don't coexist. I don't, I don't know. First thing you gotta realize is the opposite of faith is not fear, the opposite of faith is love.

The Bible says perfect love casts out all fear. The truth of the matter is most people don't know how loved they are by God. So that's where fear really comes from. But the truth of the matter for me is I've been raised in church. I'm a pastor's kid. I've been around in my whole life, been at the altar, played, done all the other stuff. And I believe, me and my wife believe in theology and therapy. We believe in prayer and going to a practice. We believe in worshiping and doing the hard work. Because the truth of the matter is many times what happens at church, at the altar, in your alone time with God is a catalyst.

It's supposed to start something. And for years, especially in the black church, and for many reasons, like maybe because we didn't have access to things and maybe because we weren't taught about them or maybe generationally there was a stigma on it But we act like everything happened when they prayed no no no no no no no everything started when they prayed and We're supposed to continue to pray, but there was some stuff that was in me that I had to communicate about if you watch Jesus in The Bible most of the miracles happened in communication They weren't just like bow and then it's over. They were walking with him.

He had disciples that walked with him like me and you sitting here that was still cutting people's ears off, still backstabbing, still doing stuff. But it was a process. And I just think that church has to do a better job at letting people know that when you get saved, that's your spirit getting saved. But you still got this flesh and you still got this soul, the mind, will and emotions. And it has to be continually worked on. It has to be continually transformed.

And that's why I go to church. That's why I read my Bible, because I can make a good decision today and be ready to go off on somebody tomorrow. I need to continually be in this process of becoming, the old folks would say, sanctification, the process of being made holy. All I'm trying to do is be set apart, but it's a process to that. And I just think again, that's why I go back to progression, not perfection. Let me ask you a question, right? Let's go.

So my daughter was talking to me the other day, and she was talking about the Bible, right? Yeah. And she was telling me that there was a lot of things in the Bible that wasn't understandable to her, right? Meaning that she felt like the world crucifies you for certain things that are in the Bible, but for other things, they don't crucify you as much.

Yeah. So for her, she was having a hard time necessarily believing as much, because she was like, it doesn't make sense. Yeah. And when a child says it doesn't make sense, she's putting two and two together. So what would you say to a child or a young adult that's reading the Bible, even an adult that's reading the Bible, and say, hey, when you talk about this in the Bible, it's kind

of like, ah, it happens every day, B. But when you talk about this, it's like, oh my gosh, you can't do that. So what do you say on that effect? Number one, you cannot look at culture to be able to get what you need to get from the Bible. So that's the first thing. There's some things in the Bible that I cancel you forever. Definitely. You lose jobs, sponsorships, everything. But it's in the Bible.

So the truth of the matter is the spirit of the Bible is stronger than the word of the Bible, the letter of the Bible. And that's why I believe you have to have an actual relationship with God. Because the Bible is the only book that you read it, it'll start reading you. You'll read something like that don't feel right in the heart of it. I believe the Spirit of God will speak to you, give you an impression on your heart, bring clarity, and I think you should study to show yourself approved. There's tons of stuff in the Bible that I'm like, dang, like, whoa, okay, what do I do with that? Well, this is a different culture and a different time that all this stuff was happening, but behind

everything that happens in the Bible, there's an idea, a spirit, and a meaning behind it, and it's finding that thing. What I would encourage your daughter to do is first not just start, there's some parts in the Bible that if you start there, you're going to be confused for the rest of your life. Start with the gospels. Go to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Just learn about Jesus. He's the fulfillment of the whole Bible.

So when you go to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and watch how he touched people, watch how he loved people, watch how when church people were telling him not to heal people, he was stepping out on days that he was not supposed to heal nobody and reaching beyond people's faults and seeing their needs. Learn the person of Jesus. That's what I would tell anybody.

Don't go start in the Old Testament trying to figure out what all the sacrifices are in Leviticus and Deuteronomy. Just start there because in the person of Jesus, he is the word. And when that word comes to life in you, and then tell her to watch some of my messages. Tell her to check in with somebody who's done the studying and can break it down in another level. How old is your daughter?

21. 21. Tell her to go back and watch Relationship Goals by Mike Todd. Like, just send it to her. And I'm telling you, sometimes it's harder to understand something when you approach it by yourself instead of approaching it with somebody who knows. How did your car work?

All of us, we go to our car and we probably y'all, y'all rich. So y'all push a start button or don't even touch it and it comes on. You don't know all of the things that happened for that to happen. But if you get with a mechanic, somebody who works with that, they'll be able to say, hey, this is how this happens, this how's, and you come with another understanding. So I believe that the Bible is something that you approach by yourself in your alone time,

but you can't stay there. I had to get people to help me understand that thing. And I think that's what I would tell your daughter. You know, I wanna go back to the theology and therapy thing. I got a couple of questions about that. Let's go. My good brother, Lil Duval, he posted a few weeks ago, he put a lot of y'all going to therapy

because you're avoiding God. No, no, no, no, no, no. That may be his experience. I think a lot of people need to go to therapy because of what God's shown them. And a lot of times God shows you you in Situations and I will agree. I'll say this some people are going to therapy Running from God like I will say that because they need to prove that they are working on something And so going to therapy paying the thing not being checked in just going and sitting there for an hour

That could make you feel good like you check something off. But I do truly believe that we have been made by a creator and God has given people the ability to understand. Me and my wife had to do this thing called reprocessing. I don't know if everybody knows what that means, but like literally you have to go to a situation, you have to think about that situation situation and then you have to actually think about what you wish would have happened How how it could have been different you got to retrain the pathways in your brain to be able to see hear Feel something different and God made us that unique and so I believe it's both and I believe there are some people That will go to therapy running from God and I think there are some people that will go to therapy running from God. And I think there are some people that go to God running from therapy.

Do you think everybody needs therapy though? Do I think everybody needs therapy? Yes. The Bible says that there is wisdom in the multitude of counselors. I don't think that everybody just needs therapy for their emotional stuff. They need therapy for their finances. I need a count. I got counselors for my finances. I got counselors for my relationship. I got counselors. If the Bible says there's wisdom in the multitude of counselors, like you need, you need therapy and just how to respond sometimes to your kids. Like,

I mean, we were all raised differently, but sometimes, especially in our community, like the hand, the embarrassing our kids, berating our kids, a lot of that stuff is just because it happened to us. And we've never admitted how much that jacked us up, so then we try to do it to the next generation and see, like, and then, and play it

like it's good parenting. All I'm saying is maybe you need to talk to somebody. Like, maybe you you need to talk to somebody. Like maybe you actually need to communicate what being embarrassed in the grocery store actually did to you and why you all puffed up every time anybody tries to correct you. I think the issue with mental and spiritual therapy

is if we could actually look at it the way we look at physical therapy, we'd have a different mindset on it. Because like when my arm breaks, I know I need to go to a doctor. My mom can pray over it. I can go to church and everything, but I still gotta go to a doctor. And it's not that just, like, you get the surgery,

but then after it heals, you have to do therapies. Why? Because I'm trying to get it not just back to where it was. I'm trying to get it stronger than it was. Like, so that it doesn't, and they tell you, if it breaks in that place, and you actually do the therapy, it's a very small chance that it'll ever break there again. It's not that nothing else will break,

but because you broke it there, you were damaged, you did the work, you healed, and then you did the therapy, you actually don't even have to worry about that area no more. And I agree with you, Charlamagne, that's the coldest thing I think I heard you say in a year. If people would view the emotional healing they need,

like a physical healing, everybody would do the work. But you know the problem is, the problem is, the problem is, it's like what you said before, it's learned behavior. Yes sir. Like most of our parents didn't go to therapy, and if they did, never told us. Hold on.

Like that was grown up business, we didn't know about it. To this day, I love my parents, but it still is a thing, like, you going to therapy? Like, and again, I haven't been able, I'm not a therapist to the nation. Her mama, my mama, as many times as we was telling them we were going to therapy, it almost seemed like a shock. It's a problem.

Yeah, it's like, what's wrong with y'all relationship? What's wrong with y'all? That's what most people do, yeah. But the truth of the matter is both of our parents, as well as many of our parents, have had health issues. What's up, y'all? So in a recent episode of Quest Love Supreme, my co-hosts, I'm P. Bill and Sugar Steve and I sat down with the king at rock of the Beastie Boys.

We talked about the early days of the Beasties, thinking for records around the globe, and now he makes music these days in a cabin in the mountains. Oh, and this jewel. I was trying to start a band in the 90s called the Nasal Tongues. Me and Q-Tip and MC Milk and Be Real. Listen to Quest Love Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, y'all, I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. And I'm thrilled to invite you to our January Jumpstart series for the third year running.

All January, I'll be joined by inspiring guests who will help you kickstart your personal growth with actionable ideas and real conversations. We're talking about topics like building community and creating an inner and outer glow. I always tell people that when you buy a handbag, it doesn't cover a childhood scar. You know, when you buy a jacket, it doesn't reaffirm what you love about the hair you were told not to love. So when I think about beauty, it's so emotional because it starts to go back into the archives of who we were, how we want to see ourselves and who we know ourselves to be and who we can be.

So a little bit of past, present and future, all in one idea, soothing something from the past. And it doesn't have to be always an insecurity. It can be something that you love. All to help you start 2025 feeling empowered and ready. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more.

After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout? Well, that's when the real magic happens. So if you love hearing real, inspiring stories from the people you know, follow, and

admire, join me every week for Post Run High. It's where we take the conversation beyond the run and get into the heart of it all. It's lighthearted, pretty crazy and very fun. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Jenny Garth, Jana Kramer, Amy Robach and TJ Holmes bring you I Do Part Two, a one of a kind experiment in podcasting to help you find love again. If you didn't get it right the first time, it's time to try, try again as they guide you through this podcast experiment in dating.

Hey, I'm Jana Kramer. As they say, those that cannot do, teach. Actually, I think I finally got it right. So take the failures I've had, the second or even third or whatever, maybe the fourth time around. I'm Jenny Garth. 29 years ago, Kelly Taylor said these words, I choose me. She made her choice, she chose herself. When it comes to love, choose you first. Hi everyone, I'm Amy Robach.

And I'm TJ Holmes, and we are, well, not necessarily relationship experts. If you're ready to dive back into the dating pool and find lasting love, finally, we want to help. Listen to iDo Part 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro, host of the hit podcast, Family Secrets. How would you feel if when you met your biological father for the first time, he didn't even

say hello? And how would you feel if your doctor advised you to keep your life-altering medical procedure a secret from everyone? And what if your past itself was a secret and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child. These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions we'll be asking on our eleventh season of Family Secrets. Some of you have been with us since season one, and others are just tuning in.

Whatever the case, and wherever you are, thank you for being part of our Family Secrets family, where every week we explore the secrets that are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, and the secrets we keep from ourselves. Listen to season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

When they have to go get glasses, when they have to wear a boot, when they have to do anything to get back to the vision they were once at, nobody says anything. We spend money, we raise money, we use insurance, we do all of those things to get back to a place we were. Why wouldn't we?

Since we've been damaged since five, 10, 17, 26, why wouldn't we do everything we can? And that's why when I wrote this book, I knew that I had to do something that most people, specifically in a pastoring role, a shepherd over people, or anybody that's doing this in 2023, that's too much ammunition for somebody to be able to discredit me. My freedom was more important.

That's real. How do you know when to bring your pain to a therapist and when you bring your pain to God? I think you bring all your pain to God. Okay. I don't think, the Bible says, cast all your cares upon him because he cares for you. It says take on the easy yoke and the easy burden

that he has, trade him for that. I take everything to God. I acknowledge God in all my ways. He will direct my path. He directed my path to therapy. Bro, I wasn't, I was the pastor. I was the crazy faith guy. I was like, yo, we gonna pray, we're gonna believe.

And God was like, no, you gonna sit your butt down and talk to an old white lady. What? Like, let's just, let's shout. And he was like, no, you need to cry. Like, I mean mean I haven't cried I can count on my hands how many times I have cried as a grown man that's not okay my body needs to release those emotions and that stuff but I had not

been taught how to do that and just how I needed to be taught how to drive, taught how to run a business, taught how to actually be a husband. I needed to be taught how to be able to deal with my emotions. And it was almost like I was seeing in black and white. The reason the cover of the book is black and white is because that's where I was living.

Even though I was smiling, it was black and white. Now, like how I live now, what God's white. Now? Like, how I live now? What God's done in my heart now? How I can love this woman now? The four kids that I'm raising, the people I can affect now? Bro, it's 3D, HD color. And was it hard? Hell yes.

Like, it took a lot to keep showing up and to keep paying for it. Come on, let's be for real. Like, when you start seeing that tax, like you're like, oh shoot. But was it worth it? I'm telling you right now, it was the greatest investment that I've ever made in myself

and I couldn't keep it to myself. I could have wrote another book, I could have done something, but God was like, nah, you need to, you got to share this because there's more people who are damaged and they need to know they're not destroyed. What are untransferred wounds?

It's the stuff that you said untransferred wounds? Yeah, talking about the untransferred wounds. Oh, the truth of the matter is every wound that you get has the ability to transfer to somebody else in your actions or in your non-actions. And that's why I said earlier, what's not transformed is transferred. You got a lot of your mom and daddy in you

that they didn't give you directly. That's right. Like, they gave it to you because you received it. The way that you handle issues, the way that you go through stuff, we got a lot of stuff because they didn't handle it. I'll give a prime example, I'll tell it in the book. I had a pornography addiction.

I mean, jacked up. Taking my money, my mind, my focus. Your money? Oh, bro. Porn over is free. Yeah, back in the day, you know, when you, okay, come on now, don't act like you didn't 3.99 sometimes. Come on now.

And if you was buying magazines or if you doing any of that, come on, let's be honest. It was robbing me and the money was the least part of it. Well, I'm going through this whole thing by myself. I'm suffering, like still trying to pray, still trying to love God, still trying to, and if somebody's like, the pastor, I tell it every Sunday, don't even trip,

like, cause we out here, every man is actually struggling with something, okay? I'm out here addicted, trying to do what I've been called to do. After I actually start going through the process of healing and making decisions and making disciplines and being accountable and all this other stuff,

I find out my dad, he was a drum major for Gremlin State University. And he said, they came to New York, it's crazy,remlin State University. And he said, they came to New York. It's crazy, I'm in New York right now. They came to New York and there was a street back in the day, now this is back back in the day, where they had peep shows down the whole street. That's 42nd Street.

Okay, so he know the street. 42nd Street. And he said back in the day, they got here on the bus and he said he got a pocket full of quarters and you could go and you could put the thing, the money in the machine and then the curtain would open and you'd see naked women. Back in the day, that was the equivalent of pornography.

He said, after I told him what I was going through, he said, Michael, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never told you about it. I'm sorry I never dealt with it publicly. I'm sorry that I did this. He said, because I had five sons. And every single one of my brothers and me dealt with the sexual addiction.

Because what was not transformed in him was transferred into us. And all of us had to deal with it in another level. And that's what he told me. So I don't know the extent of it. I don't know how it affected him and my mom. I mean, you know when you're telling somebody something at the end, it's like you tell them what part

you think they can handle. But I know there was real things there because now I'm a man raising four kids. How do you know you have a sexual addiction? A man, you're supposed to have a healthy sexual appetite. Definitely you're supposed to have a sexual, God gave it to you. That's right.

The truth of the matter is- Women are from the earth, women are of God. Of God, but God also- God's greatest creation. Oh, the best creation, you see mine back there. Glory to the most high God. The problem is, the problem is our human nature The problem is, the problem is, our human nature is,

leans to overindulgence. I mean, I'm talking about just in a Krispy Kreme donut. I mean, you don't even have to, you're not even hungry, but if somebody puts some hot Krispy Kremes on the table, and before you know it, six of them. Jesus. Like before, you didn't even feel like it was and that and you're still not full Mm-hmm What happens when you eat was going to go against what you need and you're still not full

What if you point all of that into your your your woman beautiful? It's your wife beautiful, okay I think all of that is beautiful There is nothing wrong with that the truth of the matter is if you pour it all into your wife and you still need it from the people at your job and you still need it from the app and you still need it. I get what you're saying. I'm not saying within the confines of marriage

as well as from my belief in confines of marriage, nothing's off limits but that y'all agree on. The truth of the matter is, people think that their addiction gets solved when they get married. It never does. So there's some trauma or some drama or some triggers that actually need to be dealt with and everybody thinks it's the person.

That's the person's not the problem. It's what's in you that you have not addressed. And so that's why four marriages, five marriages, six, I don't want to be married no more. And you just showing your, okay, do that. But after you've done it with everybody, you still feel empty. How have you flown out? Everybody made whole careers about it, sung about it. And at the end of the day, you still feel empty, it can't be the sex.

Yeah, I feel like that's people who, they trying to feed their ego and not their soul. But even if you're trying to feed your ego, where did that come from? Somebody didn't see you. That's right. You weren't affirmed somewhere, you got picked over, and it's like, nah, forget that,

everybody gonna see me now. That's right. And now, I'm just saying that a lot of the things we clap for as the fruit has a rotten root. Because for me all the stuff that I was doing and being great at and doing when nobody else was doing in my small little community, like people were applauding me. I was getting attention for it. I was gonna be great. But the truth of the matter is, the root of it was foul. It was because I was not affirmed,

I was not seen, and I was rejected. And until I dealt with that, everything I did, I was, bro, I had made more money than I had ever thought. I was in, I was doing drink, I couldn't feel it. I could not feel it because I haven't dealt with my real issue. And that's why I believe God many times brings you to a place where you have nothing else

so that you can find everything. That's real. And too many people are running from that place. I actually believe everybody should hit rock bottom at least once. Whatever that is, hit it because that's where you can fall apart. And when you fall apart, that's when God takes all the pieces and he makes a masterpiece. And so many people are trying their hardest

not to fall apart, just fall apart. God does his best work with pieces of people. And then he creates masterpieces. Do you get counseling from other pastors? Yeah, definitely people who've been in the game a lot longer than me. Like, have TD Jakes, you and TD Jakes? Yeah, man, we had an awesome meeting

for probably about five hours at a restaurant. TD Jakes, he's like the OG of OGs. Love the vision. So we met and it was like in this secret building that was unmarked and we went up and like, you hit the floor and it's like a restaurant. I'm like, where am I? It was like me with the Godfather you know yeah and I'm like I'm like what is going on and that man just begin to pour into

me I love TD Jakes I love him too as just somebody who talks even more than preaching if you ever get to just talk to him, it is like, and that mentorship, mentorship from Tim Ross, mentorship from Robert Morris, mentorship from Steven Furtick, mentorship from all, like, it's invaluable what you learn from people who've been damaged. Me and Steven from the same hometown?

No. Monks Corner, South Carolina? Bro, I just preached for him two weeks ago. Oh, he was in Charlotte? Yeah, I preached in Charlotte two weeks ago. Him and my wife, cause I was already kicked out of school by then, but him and my wife went to high school together.

Bro, it's invaluable what you can learn from somebody who will share from their damage. And that's what all of those men did. Like if I think about it right now, like I'm thinking, you call it mentoring, but all mentoring it really is, is people showing you where they messed up, where they should have done it differently,

sharing from their damage, and it helps push you into your death. Was this after the spit incident? No, bro, that was before. Okay, cause I- The spit hits the fan, that's what I call it. Spit hits the fan, cause I felt- Well, break it down, people don't know. I know we reported a long

time ago. It was the Smearing spit on your brother's face. I don't even remember what it was. But to see your point, think about how that was back then, how everybody had you in the storm talking about it now. I don't even remember what it was. I did an example at my church. First off, let me say this. I am not a regular preacher. When I say a regular preacher, I was bored in church. And so when God called me to preach, I was like, all right, I'm going to actually use everything that I have to help people get it. And so I tell stories, I use examples, and honestly, I'm doing everything how Virgil

Abloh said for my 17-year-old self. Most 17-year-olds, they don't care nothing about church. They're trying to see the girl with the booty and go eat and go play with the... So I'm trying to light capture. So I've always used examples and stuff like that. And so there's this story in the Bible where Jesus basically heals a man by spitting on his hand and putting on his face. And so this is an example I had done three times before, and this is with my blood little

brother. This is not some random audience done three times before, and this is with my blood little brother. This is not some random audience member or anything like this. Now, this is a brother we fought, blood, like this is my little brother, and he wanted to do the example with me so I could show it. And the whole idea was, like, many people will not be willing to go through a messy process to get their healing. So the idea was, this man was blind, he wasn't deaf. So if Jesus is about to spit, he's standing there in front of Jesus and he can hear.

Like if you hear somebody about the Hukaloo, you're like, oh my God. And I was trying to say, as disgusting as this is, that man stayed there and he received something that nobody else could give him. And as I was saying that, I said, maybe you, the counseling would be messy for you. Maybe apologizing would be messing for you. Maybe downsizing your house would be messy for you after you've put on this whole thing

about how God blessed you. But what if on the other side of this mess was your healing? And I did the example, it worked too well. And by that night we was on TMZ, CNN, next morning, Breakfast Club, all that other stuff. And it was, somebody was saying to me the other day, they was like, do you wish it wouldn't have happened? I was like, honestly, no.

I was like, it shocked me. But what I had to deal with internally and what I had to become okay with inside of me because of that situation, it made me into a man that I would have never met had it not happened. Oh, go ahead, I'm sorry. Go.

I mean, for me, it changed my whole view of who I was called to reach and how much I needed anybody's applause. I was gonna, the only reason I even brought it up cause I felt like you was getting subbed a lot by other pastors during that time. Yeah, it was beautiful. Yeah, I feel like a lot of other pastors

was like trying to call you out but not say your name. They don't got my cell phone number. They didn't text me, they didn't show up. And this is the beautiful thing about people. Like for many years, it was up and to the right, everything about what we were doing. This was the first opportunity for somebody to take a hit. And some people tried.

But when God calls you, you can't cancel somebody. And that's why I asked you, you know, who's your mentor or shit, because I felt like it's good to know that there were other pastors who weren't saying, I'm not gonna talk about the brother, I'm gonna bring the brother in and have a conversation. I had people who pulled up on me. I had people who put their arm around me,

but that's what we supposed to do. If you say you're my brother, if you say you're my sister, if you say we down, that means nothing on the mountain top. Absolutely. It only means something in the valley. And so I'm grateful for all the men and women and people who rode with us through that storm, because if you're doing anything, anything of significance, you're going to have in moments, it don't matter who you are. And so we walked through it and God has changed me in the process,

because I wasn't trying to combat anything. What is this exposing about me? And thank God I was in therapy. Thank God I had community. Thank God. And the crazy thing is I finished writing this book. So it wasn't even going to be in the book. And God was like, I'm going to give you a live example of what

this looks like to be damaged, but not destroyed. So I had to go back and re-edit the book, chapter two or three is when the spit hits the fan and I walked through how the whole situation, because I'm gonna use everything. I'm gonna die empty man, if it happens to me and God can get glory out of it, I'm gonna use all of it. No, bro, if we're supposed to be defined

by our worst moments, then everybody's jacked up. But if we can take our worst moments, give it to God, he can flip that thing and turn it into something beautiful. That's not about me, that's about him. That used to be what the world was about. That is what the world is about. I can't let social media make me think otherwise. Well, the truth of the matter is

it just doesn't get as many clicks. That's right, right. A few weeks before this, our church has been a generous church to nonprofits, organizations, sex trafficking. I started in the hood of Tulsa, Oklahoma, where right up the street from where the race massacres happened in 1921, like that's where my church was. And God somehow took that from a 300 member church

to a large church that's affecting the world. Well, part of that was I'm not gonna be a church that just has resources and we not gonna really give. Prior to the spit hitting the fan incident, Charlamagne, we gave away in one year, $8 million with no strings attached. Wow. Not one news report, not one clip.

Our local news didn't even cover it. Did y'all put out a press release about that? $8 million. We even took the three surviving, now there's only two people who survived the race massacres. And we brought them on Juneteenth, cause they've not received reparations from anybody,

not Oklahoma, not the government anything we gave them each $200,000 with no strings attached I know wow but the truth of the matter is That's not what people desire to feed on hope they desire to feed on people's failures Mm-hmm, and so until we actually do the inner work, why, the question is why? Why does the Will and Jada thing make us feel better about us? Because our relationships are jacked up, but we not living them out loud like they are.

I'm gonna step away from the mic. Why does potentially seeing somebody lose their money make you feel, why? Is because at the end of the day, there's something in you that is not satisfied, not fulfilled. And so seeing what happens with Meg the Stallion and Tory Lanez and seeing what happens with this pastor who falls and seeing what happens, it just makes us temporarily not think about

how we need to do some work. And that's why the Bible says like, before you pull that whole log, that speckle out of your brother's eye, you need to get that tree log out of your own. And right now it's very easy not to even look at yourself because I can look at everybody else. Damaged. But not destroyed. What do you hope people get from this book, man? I believe that if you read this book and actually do the work that's in here,

I tell people this all the time, it may not have been your fault what happened to you, but it is now your responsibility. It's time to do the work. And I'm just here to say I've had to do the work in front of people. Like with hundreds of thousands of people watching me, judging me, all that stuff, you can do this work. That's right.

No matter where you are, how much money you have, what your family thinks about it, you will become a different person that will be able to actually be a blessing to other people. The healed version of you is better than the version of you that you have right now. If you do the work, if you actually do it, let me just say it like this.

I dedicated this book to my great grandkids. Like in the dedication, now my oldest daughter's 10. And I dedicated it because the Bible says, a good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children. And yes, I wanna leave them houses, and yes, I wanna leave them investments, but I wanna leave them emotional health.

I pray one day my grandson picks this book up and is able to say my grandpapa dealt with his stuff, and I know I'm struggling right now because life be life-ing, and everybody's gonna go through it. But God be God, and there be be therapy. And there be be therapy. And that's why, let me show you,

I don't know what camera I can look into right here. The back of it, it's a double cover. The front is me smiling, that's the triumph. But the back of it is me, my dad, my four brothers, and my son. This is a picture of all of us. It looks like me, but it's all of us. Because your damage affects every person you say you love.

So if you wanna do the work, join me. Damage but not destroy. Let's leave it on the prayer, bro. If we can pass on generational traumas, we can definitely pass on generational blessing. Bro, you just said it. And take it from blessing, generational healing. Like what happens if the greatest thing I could give

to the next generation is how to deal with their issues? Absolutely. Yeah. You want me to pray for you? Of course. Let's pray for you. Father, we just thank you for this opportunity to be here, to be in this moment, to be with you,

for everybody listening and with my four brothers in the room. I thank you, Father, that something was said here that sparks their faith to believe that you can help them deal with their damage. God, we got different relationships, different responsibilities, different pains, different hurts, but God, you know them all. I thank you that by faith, something is about to change on the inside of every person under

the sound of my voice. Bring back a moment, a memory, a reason why they need to make this step. And I thank you that no matter what has happened to them, no matter how bad or how good, I thank you that you can take our trauma and you can turn it into triumph. You can take our pain and you can turn it into platform.

Father, I thank you for all the people who are damaged but not destroyed. Bless them is my prayer. In Jesus' name we agree, amen. Amen. Ladies and gentlemen, Pastor Mike Todd, we appreciate you for all the people who are damaged but not destroyed. Bless them is my prayer. In Jesus' name we agree, amen. Amen. Ladies and gentlemen, Pastor Mike Todd, we appreciate you, brother. Hey bro, we can make this maybe like a monthly thing.

Come on up, let's make it happen. I appreciate y'all. It's The Breakfast Club, good morning. Wake that ass up. It's in the morning. The Breakfast Club. What's up, y'all? So on a recent episode of Quest Love Supreme, my co-hosts, I'm Bay Bill and Sugar Steve and I sat down with the king at rock of the Beastie Boys.

We talked about the early days of the Beasties, thinking for records around the globe, and now he makes music these days in a cabin in the mountains. Oh, and this jewel. I was trying to start a band in the 90s called the Nasal Tongues. Me and Q-Tip and MC Milk and Be Real. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey y'all.

I'm Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, host of Therapy for Black Girls. This January, join me for our third annual January Jump Start series. Starting January 1st, we'll have inspiring conversations to give you a hand in kickstarting your personal growth. If you've been holding back or playing small, this is your all-access pass to step fully into the possibilities of the new year. Listen to Therapy for Black Girls starting on January 1st on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max.

You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Ruthie Rogers, host of our podcast, Ruthie's Table Four.

There are many luxuries in life, but I have to say that going to see Ian McKellen was one of the great days of my life. It's a joke that actors in the old days of not being paid enough money or getting enough to eat would say, we're doing Chekhov. There's a practical pork pie in the third act. Free, free food. Listen to Rupi's Table Four on iHeart, Apple Podcasts,

and wherever you listen to your podcasts. See you there. The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created the Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all.

Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this BIM stock stuff is I think embarrassing to the SEC. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen.