The Breakfast Club - Best Of Full Interview: Sarah Jakes Roberts Talks 'Power Moves,' Early Motherhood, Removing Wig During Preach, Church +More

Episode Date: December 25, 2024

Best of 2024 - Recorded April 2024 - Sarah Jakes Roberts Talks 'Power Moves,' Early Motherhood, Removing Wig During Preach, Church. Listen For More!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's up, y'all? So, on a recent episode of Quest Love Supreme, my co-hosts, I'm-a-Bill and Sugar Steve and I sat down with the king at rock of the Beastie Boys. We talked about the early days of the Beasties, thinking for records around the globe, and now he makes music these days in a cabin in the mountains. Oh, and this jewel. I was trying to start a band in the 90s called the Nasal Tongues. Me and Q-Tip and MC Milk and Be Real.

Listen to Quest Love Supreme on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. And I'm Jordan, or Joe Ho. And we are the Black Fat Film Podcast. A podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. Ooh, chat, this year we have had some

of our favorite people on, including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angela Carrasso, and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Film Podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Alpha Podcast, or whatever you get your podcast, girl. Ooh, I know that's right. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show,

where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Jenny Garth, Jana Kramer, Amy Robach, and TJ Holmes Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, not necessarily relationship experts. If you're ready to dive back into the dating pool and find lasting love, we want to help. Listen to I Do Part 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Happy holidays from me, Michael Rapoport, and my gift to you is a free subscription to the I Am Rapappaport Stereo Podcast, where I discuss entertainment, sports, politics, and anything and everything that catches my attention. I am here to call it as I see it, and there's a whole lot of things catching my eyes these days. Listen to the I Am Rappaport Stereo Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast,

and wherever you get your podcast. Wake that ass up. Early in the morning. The Breakfast Club. Morning, everybody. It's DJ, Envy, Jess, Hilarious, Charlamagne, the guy. We are The Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building. Come on, now.

We have Sarah Jake Roberts. Welcome. Thank you. How are you feeling? I feel good. I'm a little tired, but I'm glad to be here. OK. You're always dressed to the nines. I'm trying to be a little something. You got a stylist? I good. I'm a little tired, but I'm glad to be here. Okay. You're always dressed to the nines.

I'm trying to be a little something. You got a stylist? I do. I'm Jason Bowling. Yeah, we've been working together for almost 10 years. Okay. I thought you was praying and putting it together yourself. Oh, praying.

Squeaking and playing, squeaking and playing. Yeah. Put the new book, Power Moves, Ignite Your Confidence and Become a Force. Where did the inspiration for the book come from? It really started about five years ago whenever I'd finish speaking people would always tell me like that was so powerful, you're so powerful, but I didn't really feel powerful. Like I'd be in the fight of my life up there

and I started just asking God like what does it mean to truly be powerful and I feel like God just revealed to me that it has so much to do with obedience and authenticity but not only that, that power is a flow. And so what makes me powerful when I'm preaching is different than what makes me powerful as a mother. So I started digging into the fluidity of power and this notion that power moves and embracing that from season to season really started resonating with me.

I saw you preaching yesterday and you said something to the extent of being in control is not power, control is not power. What does that mean? Okay, so whenever we lose our sense of safety, I think our initial response is to try and control as much as we can after that. Instead of really surrendering to whatever the moment is trying to teach us and discovering the power,

the wisdom, the lessons, in that we control it. And as a result of that, we end up closing ourselves out, not just from whatever God's trying to teach us in the moment, but sometimes dynamic relationships that can be helpful to us. And so balancing this idea of vulnerability and openness so that power can flow through us, I think should be the goal of anyone

who really wants to effect change in the world. I do have a question. This is gonna sound stupid, but I just want people to understand where you came from and how you got into faith. I know you were here last time. So for people that's- No, she's never been in the studio.

Yes she has. No, it was during the pandemic. It was during the pandemic, yeah. So for people that don't know, they automatically assume that your dad is into religion, that's what got you into it, but you had a different start with you. So let's talk about that a little bit first.

How did you start and how did you get to where you at now and the fact that you had your first child at 14? Let's break that all down for people. And he's in the studio, looking like a grown man. That's right. He's a grown man, I was watching you. But a full beard. A full beard, a grown man.

He's not though, don't give him that much gas. He don't need that. That's a child over there. Yeah, so my dad has been in ministry my whole life and growing up when I was growing up in church, we were at church every single day of the week and you either found a spot, you were in the choir, you were dancing, you were doing something,

or you were like me and you were sitting in a corner somewhere. And I can remember my siblings telling me, you gonna go to hell. You can shout on beat, you can me, you gonna go to hell. You can shout on beat, you can clap, you gonna go to hell. And I was like, you might be right, because what I'm listening to on the radio

was resonating with me. It doesn't align with what's being preached. And so I never really felt like I had a sense of belonging within faith. And then when my father's ministry kind of took off, I didn't know where I fit within the dynamic of our family at all. And so I tried to find myself,

a 13 year old trying to find herself is gonna be open to anything. And so I got pregnant at 13. I had my son at 14, which just further confirmed to me, like you not wanting the good girls. And so I spent probably 10 years of my life just being like, all right, faith isn't for me, you guys not for me, I'ma figure out

what's happening outside. And I got to this space after this traumatic experience in my first marriage where I almost got arrested and I was defending the right to keep my kids. And I was like, I have tried literally everything. I might as well just try faith. And I wasn't trying to build a platform, I was trying to build myself.

And I started blogging about all of my experiences and it turns out that there were other women who felt maybe forgotten by church, but because they didn't feel- Did you feel that way? Especially because your dad was in ministry, did you feel like his church forgot about you? Especially that being your dad?

It's hard, knowing what I know now, it's hard to say because I felt so much shame from having a teen pregnancy that I'm sure that there were people who were like still loving on me, but I couldn't cut through the idea of like during purity culture, the height of purity culture, you didn't got pregnant. Like this, it just doesn't align. And I don't know, cause even my father is surprised that my life has turned in this direction. So I'm not sure if anyone thought that I was gonna be

the girl talking about Jesus, but I tried it for myself and I started sharing it with these other misfits and it turns out there were a lot of us back road church goers who were there because we had to be but didn't fit in and I was able to give them a voice and a language through trying to find my own voice and language and it's resonated with them. What level of ratchet were you on a scale

of like one to gorilla? Well, at the end of the day, the day's gotta end. Yeah. I don't know, I don't even know how to answer that question. But I mean, I was not outside. I was not trying to be the good girl at all. I embraced this idea of you can just do your own thing and try anything.

So I mean, I did quite a few things. It's interesting to hear you say the bishop was surprised to see how things turned out because I'm sure him and the first lady was praying over you and asking God to turn you around. It would make sense, right? Yeah, but I mean, I have always been very strong-willed. I've always been my own person.

And so I think that they were praying, but just like we praying, we like, I don't know if you're gonna answer this prayer. We'll see how it happens. I don't think that they were for sure knowing that things were absolutely going to turn around. Even if they did turn around, I don't think anyone anticipates like,

oh, she's going to be in ministry. Because that's not necessarily a turnaround. Like maybe she'll figure out who God is, but this fact that she's also going to be in ministry and helping others, that was a wild card nobody saw coming. I do have a question, and this is something that we talk about a lot up here,

me and my wife been arguing about this. Well, not arguing, but having a conversation about this. I feel sometimes when, especially when people play with the church, right, and I'll tell you why I say play with the church. They come off like a very church, holier than thou, right? So when they speak, a lot of people actually believe it and listen because they feel like they study,

they go through it, they read the Bible, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But also you realize that person is not a good person. So where do you cross the lines of somebody, I would say, taking on an assignment, doing something positive? I think you spoke about it earlier, somebody giving a message

opposed to who they are as a person. Like can somebody give a message and be a effed up person? Yeah, I mean a broken clock is right twice a day. You know what I mean? You don't even have to be a Christian to say something that could be profound and deep. But that doesn't change the fact that you have an opportunity to be more fully integrated in your character. But I think that the messages that resonate the most are from people who

are literally walking it out, living it out. And so it does discredit the message. Sometimes when you're telling me something that you don't live by, but I think about it like this. So I'm a parent. And now that my children are moving into adulthood, I recognize that many of the things that we have told them growing up, they're also realizing that I am figuring it out with them as well. And I don't know that it's a lot different in ministry. Like this is where the goal is.

I think we all know where the goal is, but I'm still working it out too. I think where people get in trouble is that they're not actually doing the work. Like I'm telling you that this is the goal and I'm doing the exact opposite of it, which is why I've tried to be really intentional about being authentic. Like I'm going through depression,

I'm going through an anxiety. This is what I'm learning in the midst of that because it doesn't serve me for me to come off as your God when we all need the same one. So I try to really make sure that I'm not on a pedestal. I try to kick the pedestal down. Like you see a preacher, a preacher will be preaching, right, and then he's cheating on his wife. Or a preacher will be preaching

and then he's hitting his wife, you know what I mean? So it's kinda, it's like a blurred line. That's not a blurred line though. I mean, that's not like, that's wrong. That's wickedness, you know what I mean? Like that's. But how do you preach? You went to the extreme just now though.

Yeah, I mean. But like cheating on his wife or hitting his his wife you see that a lot of time You see a preacher say I'm sorry. I cheated on my wife you you see that in the church sometimes none of my preachers But you do see that so when you see that it's kind of Difficult to uphold a preacher and you'd be like is this whole ish bullshit Are we just playing this game or do you really feel that way and really made a mistake you understand saying well? I mean, I can't judge someone's heart and I can't judge their experiences.

So I'm a little hesitant to really make a judgment on situations like that. I'm not saying anybody in particular, if anybody's listening, there's nobody in particular. Yeah, well, you know, people, I don't know anyone either who's going through this, but I think people infer a lot. But I will say this, like, preachers are human. So if you are who you are and you can cheat on your wife

and a preacher can cheat on his wife, he's a man too, she's a woman too. And so you guys are still gonna have the same areas of temptation that you need to overcome. I think your response to that, what is my response? How do I grow from here? How do I create boundaries? Do I need to sit down?

Do I need to heal? I think how you handle your humanity in the face of this divine call is what's most important. I am careful that pastors don't have a license to do whatever they want to because of the power they hold. I think that you can be human, but all of us need to be trying, stretching, growing to be more like Jesus, or we are up here playing.

I'm not asking you to be perfect. I'm asking you to really be on this walk for real. That's right. Who's this white pastor you talking about? Black pastor's don't cheat. And does he listen to the Breakfast Club? That's right. I want to, because you are a mother of six,

and you're busy, extremely busy with your podcast, and then you're writing a book, and then traveling. How do you balance that, like, motherhood? I know you said your children are growing into a daughterhood, but how do you balance that? Well, yeah, and I feel for you, because you got a lot going on. Yeah.

I think it's the message of this book. I think it's really allowing myself to, like, flow in a different definition of power based off of each of those roles. Because as much as I want to bring the same intensity to everything I do, if I do that, I may end up damaging my children because I'm talking to them like a business partner.

And so really defining for myself, what does it mean to be powerful in these specific roles? And how much capacity do I have to show up in that space? Asking for help, changing and modifying my life to really fit my priorities has done a lot. And then also just making sure my kids know I'm tired. So my daughter is eight. She was devastated when I left yesterday.

She was like, please don't leave me. Literally, she's like, can you please come home? And I'm like, I just need this one week to get this book in as many hands as possible and then mommy will be home. But I'm packing to her,, you know, you do this, well, I'm doing this. So she understands that sometimes absence does not mean

that I don't care. And it's a balancing walk, especially I think if you have mom guilt like I do sometimes. But I also want her to see a woman walking in her purpose and being excited about it and changing lives. So I share testimonies with her too. I'm like, let's sit down and read these comments from this week and thank you for being a part of this.

So she feels a part of it as well. Okay, because my son is 12 now, but I miss like a lot of him, like a lot of him being going from grade to grade, because my mom, between my mom and his dad, that's who has him. I was touring a lot before I actually got to do this. And I just feel so guilty a lot sometimes,

like, oh, and now I have this new baby, and I'm like, I'm bringing him up to Jersey with me. And he wants to grow up in the house with the baby instead of me being in Jersey with the new baby, and then him still being with my mother, and I don't want to repeat that. I don't wanna do that again. I feel guilty, though. I had my son at 14 that. I don't want to do that again. I feel guilty though.

I had my son at 14 and I think one of the things that makes me feel most guilty is that I know that I was growing up while he was growing up. And so the way that I'm able to be present, even for my younger kids, I know that he didn't have that. So I think one, I don't know if you have to deal with this, but I had to really forgive myself for what I didn't know when I was raising him. I just, I didn't know if you have to deal with this, but I had to really forgive myself for what I didn't know when I was raising him. Yeah.

You know, I just, I didn't know. I did the best that I could. And to trust that I still have opportunity. If you think about adult children who are wounded from relationships that didn't go well with their parents, there's still a little kid inside of them that wants their parent to show up,

that wants to experience healing in that space. And so it reminds me too that I'm never out of time. So I'm constantly still re-parenting him even at 21 years old. Gotcha. You know, in the clamp down chapter, you start by saying, if you're one of those people who know better and instantly do better,

I'm probably gonna be the friend who you roll your eyes at constantly. Why are you that friend? Because things need to marinate for me. Like I don't just activate things. Like you that friend? Because things need to marinate for me. I don't just activate things. You can tell me you need to be vegan and I'm gonna let that marinate for a year or two

before that actually activates because I don't do things just because someone says that I should do them. It has to be real. I have to have a conviction about it. But I will marinate it so I can figure out how does this revelation actually fit within the context of my life. So in the back of the books each book has like something

to marinate on something to activate and something to pray on because I know everyone moves into change differently. I love the marinating before activating but I feel like that's probably how the majority of us move but is there ever a time we shouldn't marinate before activating like the spirit says do it we just go. I mean, to each his own. I think if you feel, I'm not into telling folks what they should do. You know what I mean?

Like, I think if you feel like there's a now on it, you should do that. You should move in it now. And a lot of times when we move in it now, we learn the marination lessons afterwards, you know? What's up, y'all? So on a recent episode of Quest Love Supreme, my co-hosts, I'm B. Bill and Sugar Steve and I sat down with the king at rock of the Beastie Boys. afterwards, you know. the nasal tongues, me and Q-Tip and MC Milk and Be Real. Listen to Questlove Supreme on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. So y'all, this is Questlove and I'm here to tell you about a new podcast I've been working on with the Story Pirates and John Glickman called Historical Records. It's a family-friendly podcast. Yeah, you heard that right. A podcast for all ages.

One you can listen to and enjoy with your kids starting on September 27th. I'm gonna toss it over to the host of Historical Records, Nimini, to tell you all about it. Make sure you check it out. Hey, y'all, Nimini here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records.

Historical Records brings history to life through hip hop. -♪ Flash slam another one gone, bash bam another one gone, the cracker to bat and another one gone, the tip of the cap is another one gone. Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history, like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa Parks

did the same thing. Check it. And if you came with me, did you know, did you know, I wouldn't give up my seat? Nine months before Rosa, he was Claudette Colvin. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning into Historical Records because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

The forces shaping markets and the economy are often hiding behind a blur of numbers. So that's why we created The Big Take from Bloomberg Podcasts, to give you the context you need to make sense of it all. Every day in just 15 minutes, we dive into one global business story that matters. You'll hear from Bloomberg journalists like Matt Levine. A lot of this Boomstock stuff I think, embarrassing to the SEC. Amanda Moll, who writes our Business Week buying power column. Very few companies who go viral are, like, totally prepared for what that means.

And Zoe Tillman, senior legal reporter. Courts are not supposed to decide elections. Courts are not really supposed to play a big role in choosing our elected leaders. It's for the voters to decide. Follow The Big Take podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. Hey, everyone. It's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. And I'm Jordan, or Joe Ho. And we are the Black Fat Film Podcast.

A podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. Ooh chat, this year we have had some of our favorite people on including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Film Podcast on the iHeart Radio app,

have a podcast or whatever you get your podcast girl. Ooh, I know that's right. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro, host of the hit podcast, Family Secrets. How would you feel if when you met your biological father for the first time, he didn't even say hello? And how would you feel if your doctor advised you to keep your life-altering medical procedure a secret from everyone? And what if your past itself was a secret and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child? These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions

we'll be asking on our eleventh season of Family Secrets. Some of you have been with us since season one, and others are just tuning in. Whatever the case, and wherever you are, thank you for being part of our Family Secrets family, where every week we explore the secrets that are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, and the secrets we keep from others, and the secrets we keep from ourselves. Listen to Season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. But um yeah. What about the spirit though? The spirit says move like the spirit always tells you to be patient and marinate? Well I mean I'm in relationship. I've seen you snatch your wig off on stage. You didn't marinate on that.

I didn't have a choice. She didn't. She didn't. She got tired of it. I didn't have a choice. I didn't have a choice. That, oh Lord. I know.

But yeah, no. No, I was in the spirit in that I had a mission to accomplish and I didn't want anything to distract me and my husband wasn't there, my parents weren't there. So it wasn't like I was going to be able to toss the microphone. I was the senior leadership person that was present in that room. And so I had to take it off. I didn't love it. I didn't enjoy it, but I stood up to it.

And I think it was really interesting because I was going through something at that time where I was wondering, could I be in Dallas, a part of senior leadership, like with my past, with the way that I preach, with the way that I'm a little different than I guess traditional pastors. And I really did feel like God was trying to tell me, like, just be authentic, just trust yourself in that season of my life. And so that Sunday, when I'm sitting there with a wig cap on and then other women start taking their wigs off on the altar, I was like, you know what?

I think this may be God trying to tell me you gonna have to show up as your full self in order to get this done. And I know a lot of people made fun of it, but there were so many people who were like, seeing you stand there, being courageous, stepping inside that moment helped me so much to just embrace who I am.

And so I really feel like God took something that would have been very embarrassing and at least allowed there to be a buffer from the people who were moved by that moment. Well, at least for me, I was like, that's why we rock with her. A lot of people said that. Because you're just always willing

to be your true self at all times. Well, I mean, like y'all know this isn't my hair and like, no, it's not ideal, but it's not more important than what I'm here for. So like, I'm gonna take it off and we're gonna move on down the road when I got back behind the platform that I was like oh lord I have desecrated the potter's house. There are bundles on the altar I have desecrated this place but yeah it just

turns out it wasn't that way. I love chapter 16 too know your harm. Oh yeah. What is knowing your harm? Well I talk about the oath that doctors take where they say that they'll do no harm, but they're also recognizing that they're practicing. And when we move in power, part of the reason why so many of us don't move in power is that we're afraid that we won't do it perfectly or that we'll make mistakes.

But if we can embrace the reality that I'm gonna be powerful and humble, I'm gonna be wrong, I'm gonna have to apologize. I'm gonna mess up I may say things too sharply then that doesn't make me any less powerful as a matter of fact It makes me more powerful because I recognize that my position of power could disrupt my relationship sometimes But I value these relationships enough to learn how to be powerful in a way that honors the spaces that I'm in next time What should what's your thought on the way that honors the spaces that I'm in next time. What's your thought on the way that church is now, right?

As a kid, you had to go to church every Sunday. You had to be in the building. You had to sit there. And if there was a baptism, you was going to be there all day. Now a lot of people turn it on Sunday morning, and it's a lot easier. So what are your thoughts on people not actually attending the institution of church?

First of all, you're not about to tie trip at. No you don't. No you don't. Let's be very clear. Let me see. I mean I think that the world is changing and as the world changes I think people are finding things that are more convenient for them and I do think that you are able to have intimate encounters with God from this comfort of your own home. And I think it's powerful that that's the way that things are being spread. I think it's like watching a football game at home.

Like you can get hype, you can be excited for your team, but there is something about being in the room with other people that makes you just take things over the edge. I was surprised that in a world where people aren't coming to church, that we have 40,000 women at the Women Evolve Conference, because I'm like, I don't know that this is a thing

that people are gonna really be into when they like virtual experiences, but there is something that happens in healthy community and connection that allows your faith to really be strengthened. I've had people come into rooms and like they didn't really wanna be there. Somebody drug them in there.

They were going through a depression. They don't even know why they were there. But just being in this space, sitting next to someone who was able to care for them and just being surrounded by worship, lifted their spirits when they couldn't lift their own hands. And I don't think that there's any substitute for that. But you also keep it tight though.

One hour, that's, woo, let's go. Let me tell you something. I don't, yeah, it's finished, he said it. Everything he said has been said to me and so now we can go home and have brunch. Yeah, I do think we have to honor people's time because people do have options and so being really intentional

about making sure people feel like I can go get out and have the rest of my day is part of what we should really lean into. Is the church whack? That's the question. That's the question. That's what Ty got smoked for. He said that he thinks the church has become whack. I think it's a system now oh God. It's a system. Everything is a system and systems work with or without God. So I think the institution of church is whack. I think

how church is ran is whack. I think the religious system and structure is whack. I don't subscribe to it even though I grew up in it, I benefited from it, but I learned that God is not the church. I heard in context what he said made a lot more sense, but I heard the sound bite was trash. I think that everyone has a different experience of church and I think that there are some people who have probably had an experience that has disheartened them in that way, but I love the church.

I mean, as much as I went through my own church hurt and trauma, the church was also really beautiful to me in times where I didn't have anywhere to go and I could sit in that presence and experience God and sometimes to really experience God in church, you have to look past the people. And maybe that's why, maybe it's not because maybe it keeps our focus on what should really matter.

I love what you said too about in the Know Your Harm. You said deflecting from the way that you harm someone and highlighting the way that they harm instead is a sign of immaturity that keeps you from truly being powerful. What's found on that? Well, a lot of times we will not embrace what we did to someone because of what they've done to us.

And it keeps us from owning our stuff and growing. And so being able to say, even though my teacher may not be perfect, my teacher may have failed in chemistry, but they get an A plus in this history class, that means that I need to at least be able to receive from them this opportunity to grow. And I feel like in relationships, that's hard,

especially if you're married, because when you're married, your person brings up something and you're like, oh, but last week you did X, Y, and Z. But what did you do today? You know, and how can you own that? And I think when we own our stuff, we give other people permission to do it as well.

Sometimes we want to be the person who receives the apology, but not the one who gives it, but we have to lead in humility and vulnerability. You said that's how you went to a Ray Warp initially, right? Where? Like you weren't listening. Oh no, yeah, no. You were throwing everything at,

throwing his stuff at him all the time? Well, I don't know if I was throwing his stuff at him as much as I was maybe reciting it in my own head. But I think I will say that when I was single, after I went through my divorce, I finally got my life together with me and my two kids. You really could not tell me that I was not Miss Independent out here.

So I really went into our relationship with a certain level of pride where I was like, at the end of the day, I got my stuff together. I finally love who I am and embracing it. And so when I was in relationship with him, and he would just ask me the simplest of questions. We weren't even fighting. It would just be like, why'd you do that?

I didn't like that. Because I'm not used to having nobody question my decision. And it was a simple, harmless question. And so I think that I went into a defensive one because I wanted to protect my healing. And when you're in a marriage and you go into it trying to protect yourself and make sure that you don't get done the way that you were done

in the past, I don't know that it's fair for creating intimacy. And so I had to do a lot of work of receiving his perspective and finding get valuable so that I could become better and I have become better as a result of it. What does power look like in a relationship? Those dynamics are always changing. I think especially now that we see you know hyper masculinity is beginning to be interrogated. We're seeing women move into positions

where sometimes they're the breadwinners and men are at home being more comfortable taking care of the family. I think power in a relationship is recognizing the strengths of what your person carries and how that strength builds you in your area of weakness without feeling like they have to be strong or stronger in the same area that you're strong.

I think it's like this symbiotic relationship, this flow where you're able to build a life together because both of you bring something different to the table and to honor that, to really honor it is important. You said something else in the book. You said when you are unable to connect the dots between who you sense you could become and who you presently are,

it doesn't just cause internal frustration, it renders you powerless. And one of the examples you use is you don't defend yourself when misunderstood. And to me, not feeling the need to explain yourself is powerful. Well, I think not explaining yourself and not defending yourself,

and I think it's different because you have a platform, and so you can't defend yourself 24 seven. But when we're in intimate relationships with someone and they have an expectation of who we are or this idea of who we are, and we don't change that, we allow them to believe it, we do end up powerless because I'm not even bringing the full version of who I am into this friendship,

into this parent child dynamic. And you end up robbing yourself of the ability to really show up in your power and allow them to believe something about you that's not true. And so it is powerful to be like, you got me messed up. Like, that's not what I believe, that's not what I think. And if we're gonna walk this thing out,

I want you to know who I am for real, so that you can know what to expect from me. Okay guys, so you talk about intimate relationships. Yeah, yeah, no. I'm like, I'm not defending, nothing to do with this. Oh, I, yeah. It's hard, it's hard for me. We know she has to go.

I know she has TV or something, but I know she has to go, so. Damn. Yeah, well anyway, all you're doing is telling them the book. They're not gonna buy if you ask all the questions about the book, making her basically recite the book. You should pray that your Bob looks like hers I see. I do. Can you leave? Exactly. I will leave it in the dressing room. You just keep on answering questions over at him so you forcing me to see him.

Oh yes, that was great. Hey. Well, can you leave us with a prayer? Yeah, well, what message are you hoping people get from the book? Oh, the message that I am hoping people get from the book is that power is afloat and that power that you have experienced in your past is still present in your future it just must it just might be taken on a different form so to be open to how power is being redefined in your present.

Well now can you leave us on a prayer? Thank you God for this opportunity for this platform thank you for using these voices at this stage in their life. And I'd usually pray for the listeners, but God, I'm gonna pray for them that you would stir up the gift of God that's on the inside of them, that you would highlight the areas of their life

where you want them to experience more of your power and to show them the power that you've placed inside of them. I thank you God for giving them wisdom, strategy, not just for their careers, but for their family, their emotional health and wellness. And God, I pray that you would continue to show them your light that they may lean into it, in Jesus' name. Amen.

That's right. Make sure you go get Sarah Jake Roberts' new book, Power Moves, Ignite Your Confidence and Become a Force, and subscribe to her podcast, The Woman of All Podcast all podcasts on the black effect iHeartRadio podcast network. That's right. We appreciate you for coming miss Roberts. You need to come more often for people who think church is whack because you're the person I feel like is gonna bridge the gap between you know church in this new generation. Yeah I really feel that way. I hope so thank you. That's that's a tremendous honor a lot of responsibility but I'm committed to you know so, thank you. That's a tremendous honor, a lot of responsibility, but I'm committed to holding down my square.

That's right. All right, Sarah Jakes Roberts, it's The Breakfast Club, good morning. Wake that ass up. Early in the morning. The Breakfast Club. What's up, y'all? So on a recent episode of Quest Love Supreme,

my co-hosts, I'm P. Bill and Sugar Steve, and I sat down with the king at rock of the Beastie Boys. We talked about the early days of the Beasties, thinking for records around the globe, and now he makes music these days in a cabin in the mountains. Oh, and this jewel. I was trying to start a band in the 90s called the Nasal Tongues. Me and Q-Tip and MC Milk and Be Real. Listen to Quest Love Supreme on the iHeartRadio app,

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Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross, and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Film Podcast on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or whatever you get your podcast, girl. Ooh, I know that's right. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, the running interview show, where

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