The Breakfast Club - DONKEY: Man Arrested For Pleasuring Himself In Kum & Go Convenience Store

Episode Date: November 30, 2023

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Hello, my undeadly darlings. It's Teresa, your resident ghost host. And do I have a treat for you. Haunting is crawling out from the shadows, and it's going to be devilishly good. We've got chills, thrills, and stories that'll make you wish the lights stayed on. So join me, won't you?

Let's dive into the eerie unknown together. Sleep tight, if you can. Listen to Haunting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes,

entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, what's up? This is Ramses Jha. And I go by the name Q Ward. And we'd like you to join us each week for our show Civic Cipher. That's right. We discuss social issues, especially those that affect black and brown people, but in a way that informs and empowers all people. We discuss everything from prejudice to politics to police violence, and we try to give you the tools to create positive change in your home, workplace, and social circle.

We're going to learn how to become better allies to each other. So join us each Saturday for Civic Cipher on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Marie. And I'm Sydney. And we're Mess. Well, not a mess, but on our podcast called Mess, we celebrate all things messy. But the gag is not everything is a mess. Sometimes it's just living.

Yeah, things like J-Lo on her third divorce. Living. Girl's trip to Miami. Mess. Breaking up with your girlfriend while on Instagram Live. Living. It's kind of a mess. of mess Well, you get it Got it?

Live, love, mess Listen to Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Hey y'all, Niminy here I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Executive produced by Questlove, The Story Pirates, and John Glickman,

Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop. Flash, slam, another one gone. Bash, bam, another one gone. The crack of the bat and another one gone. The tip of the cap, there's another one gone. Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history. Like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa Parks did the same thing. Check it. And it began with me. Did you know, did you know?

I wouldn't give up my seat. Nine months before Rosa, it was called a moment. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because, in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen

to Historical Records on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I was donkey up the day. Made it. Damn, he hard, didn't he? It's time for donkey up the day. I ain't trying to be donkey

today no more. They should be embarrassed by what they already did. I'm not making these people do these things. Called donkey up the day and it really caught me off guard damn solomon who got the donkey of the day today well just hilarious donkey of the day for thursday november 30th goes to a 54 year old iowa city man named kenneth kelly kenneth was arrested for pleasuring himself in front of customers at a convenience store yes kenneth was arrested for pleasuring himself in front of customers at a convenience store. Yes, Kenneth was arrested for playing five on one. OK, doing a manual override in front of customers at a local convenience store.

Now, some people are doing what they do best, and that's victim blaming, but not blaming the customers who had to witness Kenneth Kelly celebrate Palm Sunday. They are blaming the convenience store. Yes, some people are saying the convenience store was asking for it. Some people are saying that the convenience store played a role in what happened and should be partly responsible for Kenneth Kelly boxing the one-eyed champ in front of customers. Why do they think the store is partly to blame? Well, it's because of the name of the store. What do you mean, Uncle Charlotte, because of the name of the store?

Let's go to TBC News for the report, please. An Iowa city man was arrested on a warrant stemming from an incident where he allegedly followed customers in a convenience store and masturbated in front of them. Customers called 911 to report that an unknown male had said sexual things to them and began masturbating in their presence. The victims were able to provide a description of the man, identified as 54-year-old Kenneth Kelly of Lane Avenue. When officers confronted Kelly at his apartment, he denied it was him. The victims of the incident, though, positively identified him during a photo lineup. I'm sorry, but it's hard to keep a straight

face when talking about this one. Police obtained a search warrant and seized clothing that matched surveillance video and traffic cameras from the incident. After being read as Miranda rights, Kelly allegedly claimed he wasn't exposing himself and was instead scratching his genitals. Kelly was

arrested and charged with indecent exposure, a misdemeanor punishable by a jail term of up to a year if convicted. For TBC News, I'm Barry White. Well, that news report left out the best part. And the best part is the name of the store. The store is called the Come and Go Convenience Store. What?

The Come and Go Convenience Store. The Come and Go Convenience convenience store and come is spelled k-u-m are you serious i gotta google this i am absolutely 100 100 serious i don't know how the news report left that out that's the best part google it tell me if i'm lying google it in vion we know you can charlamagne be playing sometimes it's not called the come and go it's called come and go what the hell is he talking to me it's not called the come and go. It's called come and go. What the hell is he talking about? What do you mean it's not called the come and go?

It's called come and go. It's called come and go. You said the come and go. No, it's called come and go. Jesus Christ, man. And maybe that's what the gentleman was doing. Okay, well.

Now, if I say come as you are, if I say come here and I spell it K-U-M instead of C-O-M-E and somebody decided to shake hands with the milkman and hit me with some clam sauce, am I at fault?

Words matter, okay? But spelling of words matter more so kenneth kelly is wrong but he might have a slight point he might have a slight case simply because why did you spell come like that all right listen everybody on this planet isn't the brightest some folks on this planet are dumb and looking for direction some people are always looking for signs so if you cruising and the old custard slinger starts to stand at attention, man, you see a sign that says come and go and come and spelled K-U-M, you're probably going to pop in and see what's going on. My question is what in that convenience store turned him on? Was it the customers? Was it a bunch of good looking men and women walking around? Or was

it something on the shelf in the store? I consulted with the president of the Fat Lives Matter committee and he said it was probably the holiday tasty cakes according to him the holiday tasty cakes are fresh because they have to be made annually specifically for this season so that could be it and now that i think about it i think the president of the fat lives matter committee thinks i said what would make him hungry no i said horny horny sir jesus uh here's the thing all men visit the safety deposit box from time to time we all butter our muffins but there is absolutely zero reason to hold your sausage hostage in a public place regardless of what the convenience store is called now what else bothers me about

this story is what if this store was really a place where people could come and go how many caution wet floor signs would the store need we slipping on semen if come and go. How many caution wet floor signs would the store need? We slipping on semen. If come and go was actually what Kenneth Kelly thought it was, I would never buy a sticky bun from there. Okay? And if come and go was actually what Kenneth Kelly thought it was, imagine violating the no shoes, no service policy. We slipping on semen.

Walk in with no shoes if you want to. Ew. The moral of this story is come and go convenience store and every customer in there is a victim. Let's not victim blame just because the name of the store is hilarious. Please give Kenneth Kelly the sweet sounds of the Hamilton's. Oh, now you are the donkey of the day. You are the donkey of the day. Yee-haw. Maybe there is a way to combine all these things for real, though.

Like maybe there is a need in the marketplace for a convenience store or fast food establishment where you can also pleasure yourself i don't think so i'm just gonna give it a strong no um if it was come and go with the perfect name for it it is the closest one to us is in colorado really 1600 miles away but um crispy cream would be good too andy's andy's frozen custard you know what i was thinking so this is in america but you know like sometimes how they say like words in America, like they're spelled weird. And like, so maybe that's why he spelled it K-U-M. Because technically, you know, that's pronounced correctly. But I don't know.

But you're from Colorado, so you should know. You don't want to play a game? No. I do. There's other names you can play a game. I want to play a game. But there's other names that are good though, like BJ's. Right?

Yeah. BJ's. In-N-Out. In-N BJ's. In-N-Out. In-N-Out. In-N-Out could definitely work. Or you could make up your own names, like Chick-fil-A the Pipe. Oh. You don't think so?

Chick-fil-A the Pipe. What about Pizza Butt? You wouldn't go to Pizza Butt? Mm-mm. Would not go to Pizza Butt. What about Shake the Steak? You wouldn't go to Shake the Steak. What about Jacking in the Box?

You wouldn't go to that one. No. What about for men and women looking for orgies? Five guys? That wouldn't be a thing either? Five guys, yeah. Is it still going to be expensive? It's five guys expensive.

Probably be a little bit more expensive. Absolutely. Probably be a little bit more expensive. I just don't know why I thought Wendy's. We got the beef. What was... Is that we got the beef? No, that's Arby's.

We got the meats. What is it? Who got the meat? Who got the meats? Arby's got the meats. Dwight Howard would get an endorsement deal so fast. Who does the meat? Which one is it?

Arby's. Arby's does where's the meat? No, it's where's the beef. No, we got the meat. We got the meat. How does Dwight Howard not have an endorsement deal with Arby's? Gotta get it out. Arby's, what y'all doing?

That's a no-brother layup. That'd be dope. Him Arby, what y'all doing? That's a layup. That'd be dope. Him holding the sandwich. Come on, Arby's. That's a layup. That is a layup. Come on, man. Arby's Marketing, we're helping you.

That's right. Come on, man. All right. Well, that is your rumor report. What if he was really confused? No, that was donkey of the day. Oh, donkey of the day. I'm sorry.

I was going to say, what if he was really confused and high and just seen the sign and was like oh this is where you know yeah well i kind of feel about that about the bodega cat that was just taking his little cat genitals all over the apples and oranges i'm not gonna let him die which i put him on my tiktok oh you videotaped him i sure did i'll show it to you all right now when we come back we were talking about young thug in the rumors earlier right and you were talking about he's in jail and he speaks to Mariah, the scientist, all the time. Yeah. And she said they're going to get married as soon as he gets out of jail. And then you also said.

Men who are in jail make a lot of promises. And I say that because my brother did sometime. And a lot of women thought that they were going to marry him. Until he got out. Until he got out. And things did a complete 180. Okay. Well, let's open up the phone lines.

800-585-1051. Ladies, have you ever dealt with a man in jail that sold you dreams? That said you were going to get married and y'all were going to have a kids and family when he got out. And then when he got out, well, he really got out and he was outside. Fellas, have you ever did that to somebody? You were in jail and you were like, this is my boo, this is my bae. And then when you got out, you was like, nah, B.

Let's discuss 800-585-1051 it's jail bae in love on the breakfast club the breakfast club hello my undeadly darlings it's theresa your resident ghost host and do i have a treat for you haunting is crawling out from the shadows and it's going to be devilishly good. We've got chills, thrills, and stories that'll make you wish the lights stayed on. So join me, won't you? Let's dive into the eerie unknown together. Sleep tight, if you can. Listen to Haunting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, guys.

I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, This is Ramses Jha. And I go by the name Q Ward. And we'd like you to join us each week for our show Civic Cipher. That's right. We discuss social issues, especially those that affect black and brown people, but in a way that informs and empowers all people. We discuss everything from prejudice to politics to police violence, and we try to give you the tools to create positive change in your home, workplace, and social circle.

We're going to learn how to become better allies to each other. So join us each Saturday for Civic Cipher on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Marie. And I'm Sydney. And we're Mess. Well, not a mess, but on our podcast called Mess, we celebrate all things messy. But the gag is, not everything is a mess.

Sometimes it's just living. Yeah, things like j-lo on her third divorce living girls trip to miami mess breaking up with your girlfriend while on instagram live living it's kind of mess yeah well you get it got it live love mess listen to mess with syd with Sidney Washington and Marie Faustin on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. Niminy here. I'm the host of a brand-new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records.

Executive produced by Questlove, the Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop. Flash, slam, another one gone. Bash, bam, another one gone. The crack of the bat and another one gone. The tip of the cap, there's another one gone. Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history.

Like this one about Claududette colvin a 15 year old girl in alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before rosa parks did the same thing check it and it began with me did you know did you know i wouldn't give up my seat nine months before rosa it was claudette colvin get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.