The Breakfast Club - Has Diarrhea Ever Ruined Your Plans For The Day?

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

Has Diarrhea Ever Ruined Your Plans For The Day?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

it's topic time call 800-585-1051 to join into the discussion with the breakfast club morning everybody it's dj nv charlamagne the guy we are the breakfast club now if you're just joining us we're talking diarrhea this morning we're talking diarrhea now this conversation comes from our co-host jess hilarious She was supposed to co-host this morning. Yes. And she didn't make it. She's right across the street. Right across the street.

And what's crazy is she sent a text to one of our producers. It was like, I'll be there at like 5.55, 5.59, right? Then she sent a text like, bro, I'm on the toilet. I'm on the toilet. Because she said she had some bad seafood. And people are saying in the comments that there's some oysters up north that have been causing people stomach problems. Really? That's what people are saying in our comments.

Really? Yeah. Well, I don't know. You know, for myself, diarrhea doesn't... You know how you say sometimes a period don't start nothing but a sentence? Whoa. Diarrhea doesn't stop nothing at all for me. Whoa. If I have...

So, talking about if you were a bottom and you had messy diarrhea, you would still let the person run that brown light? Is that what you're saying? You let them play in the mud? This is an odd situation. No, because the reason I say a period don't stop nothing but a sentence is for sexual reasons. I'm not talking about sexual reasons. Especially when you're married, right? Whoa.

Wow. That was wild. Yeah, that was wild. I should have said it like that. I don't even know why you used that one. I don't know why I used that. But basically, diarrhea is not stopping anything. It does not matter.

If I got diarrhea, I will use whatever I have to use to whatever. If it's a public bathroom. That's a lie. If it's McDonald's. You know how we know we lying? What? Let me tell you how you know we lying. We're both men of a certain age.

Correct. I was born in 1978. Yes, sir. You were born in 1963. That's a lie. Right? We got colonoscopies. Correct. You ain't leaving that damn house. But I was born in 1978. Yes, sir. You were born in 1963. That's a lie. Right? We got colonoscopies. Correct.

You ain't leaving that damn house. But I was about to. When you're doing that first day of colonoscopy. And I told you. You remember. Because I was going. I remember I had a show. You're right.

And I had a party. He was like, Envy, please don't leave the house. You're bugging. The day before a colonoscopy, the prep you got to do for that colonoscopy, that's a different. I don't even know if you call that diarrhea. That's a different level. That's water. It's nothing but water. Ain't nothing but water. That's it. You're cleaning out your whole system. But I was going to do a party. I had a party lined up

and you was like, you are bugging. Please do not leave the house. Man, but I should have told you to go. See? I should have told you to go and sent Nick our cameraman just to follow you around all night long. That would have been amazing to see. Wow. I mean, I've been up here with diarrhea.

You was up here with diarrhea? Yeah. You threw your underwear in the trash can? That's right. I passed gas. I shot it. And it had a little brown on my underwear. I couldn't walk around with the stinky stink,

so I just took my underwear off and doop. That's when the janitor thought we was really wild and the custodians thought we was bugging. They was finding bloodstained things and dirty underwear with doo-doo in it there was no blood stains in my underwear that's not what he said because that just sounded that sounded crazy that sounded crazy jesus hello who's this j Jasmine. Hey, Jasmine. Good morning. Good morning. When did you have loose booty? In high school. So my teacher, right?

This was like the worst teacher at this school. So I guess everybody had been asking me to go to the bathroom that day. And mind you, this is my senior year. I was 17. I was about six months pregnant. So I'm not asking to go to the bathroom. First of all, you're not supposed to be a pregnant person to go to the bathroom. But the teacher was like, no.

So, I'm thinking I can hold on. I'm like, alright. You know, we only got like an hour left of school. So, about ten minutes go by and I felt like I had to pass gas and it just went left from there. Oh, man. And you were pregnant too? Nasty jazz. And you were pregnant, too? Nasty, Jasmine.

I know it looked... What it look like? Hennessy with grilled chicken in it? Ew. Goodbye, Jasmine. Ew, that's disgusting. Dre. Yo, what's up, y'all?

Turn the radio down, brother. I'm turning it down right now. Now, tell us when you had loose booty, bro Hey, I'm gonna say loose booty But there's one time I was working for this inventory company We were doing the inventory at us and Express clothing when it was like 6 o'clock in the morning So I just had to go in a bathroom and I blew it up so bad, I stopped the toilet up. I even tried to plunge it. I even tried to plunge it and it wouldn't work. So I just locked the door and left out. Was there a plunge in there?

It was. I tried. Like, I tried doing it. And so I just locked the door, left out, and I finished the job. And we just left. And, like, as we was leaving, it was like, who locked the bathroom door? And I just got out of there. I hate people like you.

I really do. I hate people who leave behind evidence at the scene of a crime. What was he supposed to do? He tried. I can't stand when I walk in the bathroom and I just see somebody else's doodoo. Like, you ain't see all of that in there? You know what I mean? He just said he tried.

He couldn't get out. You can call somebody. You can call a custodian or something. We've seen that happen before. Remember that time in Myrtle Beach? Paris. Yes. You know what I'm saying

She decided to eat 7 out of 12 Krispy Kreme donuts I remember And she messed the bathroom up I remember And we had to call down And that person had to come fix it You know And then the first time they didn't get it

So I called back again And the guy was like Oh my god I was just up there Oh my god The guy was complaining That's how the dude would tell you He was like Oh I just saw it

Oh he was like What was she eating I'm like I don't know sir But you know Jesus 800-585-1051 We're talking loose booties this morning That's how the dude would tell you. He's like, oh, I just saw it. Oh, he was like, what was she eating? I'm like, I don't know, sir, but you know. Jesus. 800-585-1051. We're talking loose booties this morning.

Have you ever had diarrhea so bad you couldn't make it to work? Maybe you missed a game. It was just that bad. Let's talk about it. It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning. I ain't no witness. I ain't playing.

I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing.

I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing.

I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing.

I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing.

I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. I ain't playing. That kid don't even deal with that. Call me. And your opinion to the Breakfast Club topic. Come on. 800-585-1051. Morning, everybody. It's DJ Envy Charlemagne, the guy we are, the Breakfast Club. Now, if you're just joining us, we had a co-host this morning, Jess Hilarious.

We didn't make it to work. Our good sister, Jess Hilarious. But she will be co-hosting the first ever black effect podcast festival this saturday in atlanta now jess is literally across the street she's across the street yes she can't get off the toilet she can't she just can't get off the car and it's happened to all of us yes it's never made me not uh come to work you know i mean but i'm not leaving the house if i got really really really bad diarrhea because it's just too embarrassing i. But it is what it is. It's nature. It's not.

You know what I mean? It's got to be something. But by the way, even when I got a really, really big event, I know I got to do something really important. I watch what I eat on purpose. I watch what I eat the day before, and I watch what I eat the day of. Because of situations like this. Straight up.

Or say Saturday in Atlanta, right? I know that I'm going to be out all day at the festival. Right. I'm going to eat very, very, very light the night before. And I'm probably not even going to have breakfast. I probably will because I'm very regular. I poop every day at 830, as you know. So after I get that out, I'm good for the day.

Because I know I'm going to be there all day. I don't like pooping in public. Right. That's number one. And I don't want to end up having the bubble guts. Okay. All right, well, let's go to the phone lines. Hello, who's this?

Hello, this is Chandler. Can y'all hear me? Hey, Chandler, what's going on? Chandler from Columbus, Ohio. Good morning, Chandler. Chandler, you had some loose booty problems, Chandler? Yeah, man, I was talking to this girl. I've been finally, for two years, finally got to get a date with her or whatever, right?

So I tell her to meet me at the restaurant or whatever.'m running a little late and my i had a nutrient drink right before and i just had the worst case of mud but like i had to lay on the floor it was bad so i lied to her and told her like you know my car is messed up whoopie whoop but really i had mud but so i guess she rolled by my house like an hour later and uh she was like, how's your car not working? And I just seen you pull off. And I just. Did you be honest with her in that moment and say, man, I really had mud butt and I was too embarrassed to tell you? No, I started speaking Japanese, man.

I just made up a line. She just never, never hit me back. Blocked me from social media. Blocked my number and everything. That's real. And it's better to just telling the truth. Everybody has had mud butt. That's a moment to relate to that young lady in a much deeper way.

Hello, who's this? This is Nikki. Now tell us what happened with you, mama. I used to manage local artists. And I had a fight party at my house. And my friend brought her homeboy who was military. So he felt like he could party as hard as my artist did. But he couldn't.

We had a line to go to the bathroom after the fight party. He kind of shuffled out the bathroom kind of fast. We were kind of tripping. Like, why are you moving so fast? He had boo-boo all over my bathroom. What you mean boo-boo all over your bathroom? He couldn't hold his stomach. They're doing all them heavy drugs.

You know, rappers, they do drugs, drugs. So during the party, they was doing drugs. Damn. And I guess he thought since he was military or commando, he could hang as hard as my boys could. But he couldn't. Did y'all clown him? Did y'all clown him?

You'd be like, nah, bro, that's not the way you post the shit on him as a rapper. No, he said he dig in boo-boo. He said it was more to him. I only got one bathroom and one him. And he shit all over. Only got one bathroom and one him. And he's f***ed all over. Jesus. Only got one bathroom and one him. Let me ask you a question, right?

Why when you have to go, it feels like it's extra more right when you're about to unbuckle your pants? Because if you wait. Because what happens is your first thought is, I think I got to go. And you'll be like, nah, it ain't that serious. And then your stomach will be like, hey, I ain't playing with you. As soon as you take that belt off it's like that's right your stomach be like i'm going with or without you all right let's go to one more caller hello who's this hi this is lola good morning y'all how are you hey lola talk to us mama what happened

with you oh my god so it was a family reunion and we rented a 15 passenger van we were going to water country usa and we got there and my ibs started acting up and water and diarrhea it's just not a good look i was like yeah they had to shut the pool down you did it in a pool at what age how old were you i was what 41 oh my goodness that is nasty i didn't i didn't try i thought it was like a little poop but it wasn't so you left you turned the whole pool in the poo-poo water man they had to shut it down i was so embarrassed as you should be you sound like you're proud too i know i'm not proud but when you live with IBS, you can't help it. So I don't feel like y'all should joke on Jess.

I will say this, though. Jess with the mess takes on a whole other meaning now. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Yes, it does. And I hope that you went and got a job at UPS right after that. Jesus. What can Brown do for you?

Doodle Brown. Hello, who's this? Jess with the mess. What's your name, man? Doodle Brown. Hello, who's this? Just with the magic. Yo, what's your name, man? It's Ace from Brooklyn. Hey, what's up, bro? Talk to us, man. You got a loose booty scare?

Yeah. First of all, I just want to say, y'all make me crazy, man. But this was way back in the day. I was supposed to meet with Taylor. Taylor? Taylor that work up there? Yeah.

Yeah, Taylor that work up there. Our Taylor? Taylor gang? Taylor made it? Fun size T? Taylor. Taylor that works up there? Yeah. Yeah, Taylor that works up there. Our Taylor? Taylor gang? Taylor made it? Fun Size T? Taylor. Yes, yes, yes. Little Philly John from Lower Derby?

Yeah, can I get my stories? Yeah, I was trying to make sure. I need to make sure. This is our Taylor. Taylor's a producer, man. Bye. Get out of here. Don't come in here interrupting us, Taylor, okay?

So go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. What happened now? Good shot, Taylor. But we had been on the app i think it was ok cupid or something like that and um we're supposed to link for a date so i'm about to leave the house my stomach starts feeling crazy so i text taylor like yo uh can you push the date back to like half an hour and she she was not having it that's not like you're wasting my time that's right that's not like you're like yeah you're like you're wasting my time and

that was literally the last time i was supposed to tell it but this man have bubble guts that's messed up tail you are okay cupid once you think about people's medical conditions and stuff man before you do stuff like that that's's messed up. Sir, Taylor's in here right now. Would you like to try another date? Yeah, I would love to. Okay, say, go ahead. You would love to do what now? Take Taylor out. Okay, take her out. Okay, she's always talking to us about that.

Taylor, this gentleman wants to take you out. Would you give him another chance? Don't you miss your blessing. Don't you miss your blessing. This could be your blessing Taylor Alright What do you look like sir

What do you look like sir Clearly you already seen it My IG is ace the goat 24 Ace the goat Hold on let me look you up What is it ace the goat Ace the goat You spell the regular

Or like a negro Regular regular Ace the Goat. Ace. Ace. You spelled the regular or like a Negro? Yeah. Regular, regular, regular. Case the Goat 24. Yeah. Kevin, you look like you still got diarrhea, bro. Is that?

You on there with your lover. No, I'm looking at him right here. Oh, that's not him. He's from Brooklyn. Yeah, he's from Brooklyn, bro. And while I'm here, I want to shout out my podcast. Oh, no, never mind. Now you can't detail. No, you can't detail. No, you can't detail.

Now you see what this is about. Saying you got a podcast is like saying you a mixtape rapper. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Damn it, man. See, you had us. That is the moral of the story. All right? All right.

Jesus Christ. Well, when we come back, we got your rumor report. We got to talk Nick Cannon. Now, Nick Cannon got a lot of kids. You think he can remember all his kids' names? We'll talk about it when we come back. It's The Breakfast Club. Good morning.