The Breakfast Club - INTERVIEW: Pastor Michael Todd On Facing Your Damage, Finding Your Value, Support Systems, Spit Incident + More

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

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We are The Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed. We have Pastor Mike Todd. Welcome, brother. What's going on, fam? Y'all good? Yes.

Man, I'm blessed, man. Good, good, good. I'm at The Breakfast Club. Hey. With y'all. I'm blessed, black, and highly favored. You are definitely black, blessed, and highly favored. I feel like all of us are blessed, black, and highly favored. Hey. With y'all. I'm blessed black and highly favored. You are definitely black, blessed, and highly favored. I feel like all of us are blessed black and highly favored. Absolutely. Feels good. Thank y'all for having me, man. Happy to have you, man. New book, Damaged But Not

Destroyed, From Trauma to Triumph. Yes, sir. Powerful title. Bro, it's my life. Okay. And it's, honestly, I believe a lot of people's life that they don't share. You know, you see everybody from people who've gone from the gutter to this big platform or people who've just made it out of the hood or just made it from where they thought they would never come, but then they shut up and stopped telling the actual story about how they got from where they were to where they are now. I have a theory about that. What is it? I think the theory now, like I'm 45 years old. You look good.

Thank you, brother. about that what what is it i think the theory now like i'm 45 years old so you look so grown thank you brother so growing up you know it was those stories of uh overcoming those stories of making mistakes and you know becoming a better person that we always gravitated towards that we learned from nowadays because of this so-called cancel culture yeah nobody wants to talk about the mistakes that they made you know nobody because they feel like they'll be judged for them and crucified for them which they probably will well well but it's temporary like the truth of the matter is um because i'm a person of faith i believe the truth of the matter is though we overcome by the blood of the lamb that's what christ has done but the words of our own testimony even if you don't believe what i believe the truth is when you see somebody else go through

something and you make it through it it gives gives you courage. It gives you hope. It gives you, dang, maybe I can do that too. And a lot of people are robbing other people of the fuel that they need to overcome their actual situation because they scared. Number one. And number two is because they feel like maybe my worst moment defined me. But I found that in my worst moment. That's who that's what made me. And so I just wanted to come like completely clean completely raw I

say hot humble open and transparent and I mean it takes also the power out of what anybody can ever say about me I used to I know I believe you I agree with everything you say I always say live your truth so nobody can use your truth against you well boy they will try they'll try the truth of the matter is but if it's real like when you cut it open and it's real and you actually grew from it and you actually learned from the cheating and you actually um did the work and went to therapy and you actually yeah no i did embezzle that money but i'm not gonna do that never again and i'm like when you

actually grow i believe that this life is about progression, not perfection. And on the gram and in front of people, we're always trying to present perfection. But I really believe like when you cut it all down, it's one baby step in front of another baby step in front of another baby step. And you look at me like, how did I get here? It was a bunch of small moments that got you to that moment. You say that, but then I don't think people necessarily care about that, right? Because let's take one of the biggest things I think people have been talking about in the last week, right? Jada Pinkett Smith's book, right?

People have been talking about how she's so foul on Will and how she did this and how. But we always talk about tell your truth, right? Good, bad, or indifferent. We don't know what happened in their relationship. I have no idea. The way your marriage is, the way my marriage is, the way his marriage is, it's not the way their marriage might be. So we don't know.

But people have been killing them and killing their relationship based on things that we don't know when she was just sharing her truth. Because please believe, I'm sure there's somebody out there that's living a life just like them and now feels comfortable being able to talk about it because she was able to talk about it. But those are moments. Like think about what y'all talked about a year ago compared to what y'all talk about today compared to what you're going to talk about next month. The truth of the matter is in the culture that we the feedback culture that we live in right now. Everybody's just trying to say what's going to get them a happy meal off of the YouTube clips. That's what everybody's trying to say right now. But the truth of the matter is the person that is in the situation that's in the fire.

Is that fire actually purifying something out of you? Is that fire actually making you into something fire is not bad It actually purifies the real and so most people every piece of gold and jewelry had to be Put against fire the problem is when it's not authentically who you are when it's not really what's in you that stuff gets melted away And that's where people get exposed that's where people like they talk i was all about this and i all about this when fire hit it shows like that's not what you was really about and so for me i just think that too many people especially black especially black people we do not face the damage that we went through we run from it we go away from it we try to gucci louie it down we try

to get out of the neighborhood we try to but the truth of the matter is we're running from an insecurity at 15. putting cake icing on dog that's what i like to say that i wouldn't say it like that but because you said it like that i'm gonna say amen you know what i'm saying but the truth of the matter is we're hoping people don't actually find out what it really is. And we're about to go into Thanksgiving. People going back to families they hate. We're going back into Christmas. People about to buy expensive stuff and go into debt for children that they don't know, but they keep Jordaned up. Like, just think about all the things like these kids don't even know who their real daddy is or who their actual family is.

But instead of facing it, instead of going to counseling with our kids, instead of just saying, I'm sorry, like we just going to keep moving on up. We going to keep buying new cars. We going to keep getting new wigs. And I'm like, yo, something has to change. We have to deal with our damage. And I believe that God loves damaged people. Like you can't find nobody in the Bible, nobody in faith that wasn't jacked up. But God does his best work with damaged people. If you would just admit, I'm damaged. How important is a support system, right? Because you came with your wife, Charlemagne's been with his wife 25, I've been with my wife 30.

How important is that? Because a lot of times you hear people say, I don't need that'm looking for a guy that's gonna make this much money but that's dope they never talk about the heart the truth of the matter is that's dumb yeah thank you for say that loud it's dumb like i tell people all the time i did a book my first book was called relationship goals and um i have this whole chapter in the book about rip up your list and i know people are gonna say whatever they going to say about they got this list. You're still single. The truth of the matter is, like, the truth of the matter is, is a lot of times God never hands you a finished product.

He hands you something you got to work. Right. And that's why Ikea is one of the greatest furniture companies, no matter what you think about it, is they give you something that you have to put your hands to to assemble. And it gives people another greater level of satisfaction because when they actually put their hands in to help make that thing happen, it feels like I've accomplished something. Relationship is the same way. God never, T.D. Jake says it. God never gives you a table.

He gives you a tree. That's right. The same thing with the relationship. And so I think many times people need to rip up their list and actually look for the things that are in the heart you can't instagram integrity you can't facebook faithfulness right like and so look at my man he did it the the greatest things that have made me and my wife's relationship work i cannot show you on a post it has to be lived out proved out and over time and so when you say support system bro that's what it's that is literally the

only reason I'm here right now it's because I got people who could see me at my worst and still think of me in my best situation to steal like while it still smells like that word that you said just a second ago, they still walking with me and like, I'll actually, I'll be with you because I know it's not going to be like this the whole time. I tell people community is everything. Having mentors is everything. Being around people that are further than you is everything.

And if you're going to deal with your damage, you need that because a lot of people do it in isolation and COVID has really jacked up people. And when I say that, I'm not even talking from a health standpoint physically I'm talking about a mental health standpoint a spiritual health standpoint a relational health standpoint people went into their caves and started spectating on what everybody was doing and it made them look out instead of looking right I agree with that, but I also feel like during COVID, a lot of people had to stop and see themselves for the first time. Yeah.

And they didn't like what they saw. But then we went back outside. So it's one thing to see it. It's another thing to deal with it. It's one thing to see it, and it's another thing. I mean, vacations or travel has gone up like 1,000% because people are trying to escape. They're running from themselves.

They're running from themselves. And the only person you cannot finesse is you. That's right. Or the significant other. A lot of people in COVID realized they didn't like their partner. They hated them. They hated their partner because, you know, usually you think about it, you know, you work for eight, nine hours a day and you come home for a couple hours and you're only really

seeing your partner for a couple hours. But COVID exposed everybody and this is where i think for most of us um it's time to take our trauma and know that our trauma can go to triumph every horrible thing that ever happened to me every trashy thing i did to myself when i brought that to counseling to my community to christ it was like, oh yeah, we can package that. We can move that. We can cut that out. Oh, you needed to learn that. And then it became the pain that built the platform. And I'm just trying to go first, especially in somebody who does what I do as a pastor, a leader, we usually stand on a platform

and tell everybody, you know, you need to work on this. You can do this. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to take a different approach. I'm going to go do it first. I'm going tell everybody you know you need to work on this you can do this and I was like yeah I'm gonna take a different approach. I'm gonna go do it first I'm gonna go to intensive therapy me and my wife gonna fly to Colorado for a whole year every Month and spend five days in counseling for five hours. We're gonna we're going we're gonna work work Oh cuz what's not transformed is transferred Everybody leaving an inheritance for their kids of money and cars, but they're leaving poor spiritual, emotional and mental health. So what happens when you give a kid who's never been seen, who's never actually known their identity and who has no self-worth a million dollars? What do you think they're going to do?

They're going to buy friends. They're going to go out here and try to numb because they don't want to feel. Like, I just think that we could do it better. I'm not saying be broke. I'm saying be rich everywhere. What was your breakthrough moment that inspired you to be so vulnerable in this book? Bro, I have a son, our second son. His name is MJ, my namesake.

He has autism. And me and my wife, we're going through the height of our ministry and our business is growing and everything's exploding my first book goes number one New York Times bestseller I barely graduated English class like I'm I'm in a shock and then our only son we take him to the doctor and they're like yeah he's not progressing normally he's not he's not talking he's not looking anymore and he was going the right way and then just something switched and my motor has always been let me be greater let me be better let me make more money let me do this and I I tried to do everything I knew how to do and it didn't fix nothing getting a bigger

platform writing another book making more money it didn't fix nothing. Getting a bigger platform, writing another book, making more money, it didn't do anything. And so when my motor broke, it was like, what's going on? I'm watching my wife slip into depression. Nothing is working. And so I was like, hold on, we got to start working on this. I was sitting with my mentor, Tim Ross, at a Crackle Barrel outside of Oklahoma City. And I was just telling him what I was going through and we started thinking about back over my life and he said yeah he's like yeah when did God's standard become lower than your standard and I was like what are you talking about he was like Michael you've been telling me all this stuff you want to make better and you want it to be great you keep using this word great

great great great he said but in the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth he looked at it he said it's good and then he created the the the stars and he created the land and said uh-uh you go right here you go right here created the animals going through the whole creation he said it's good then he created man on the sixth day and he said you know what that's very good he said if God's standard is good why is yours great hmm and he then he asked me this question. He said, when did you make a decision that good was not good enough?

And immediately I went back to 12 years old. When I'm in church, my parents raised us in church and I played drums since I was young. And I would go at 12 years old to the choir rehearsal because my dream was to play in big church, like play with the big choir, like not the youth or the junior. I wanted to play. And I was good. And I would go every Tuesday, only 12-year-old there.

And they would never let me play. They would tell me I was great. They would tell me that, man, you're getting so good. Pinch my cheeks. Take all the little stuff. But they would never let me play. They probably had a legitimate reason. But I remember sitting on that maroon chair in the back and deciding, I guess good is not good enough.

I will only be great. And what ended up happening from 12 years old to 35 years old, I would not settle for anything good. And now I'm looking at my son and he's not good. And I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't um rationalize or reconcile what was going on in me and God was like you're gonna have to become okay with things being good and I had to go and heal that 12 year old Michael to be able to even raise the 35 year old Michael and raise his son and bro I went on a journey bro to like actually deal with the damage that was in me and as I did that it was what'd you say my wife said I couldn't fix her either I couldn't even

relate because there was so much stuff on the inside of me that I had just put success over put money over put all this other stuff over. And it was kind of like, yeah, like we out here. And man, because I went on this healing journey, because I spent the money, everybody talking about investing property. You're the only thing that is priceless. That's what I always say. Invest in your mental wealth. Why won't you invest in yourself? You got J's you don't even wear for three years you sitting them in boxes and you won't even invest in dealing with why your daddy left you and you you so broken over it but you just can't even communicate to nobody and now you're raising another generation that you're there present

but you're not there present emotionally you have to start from someplace you gotta but that's why i went first dj envy this is why i wrote this book this may not be my most popular book but it's my most valuable book because if anybody actually reads this if anybody actually like goes in it they're gonna be like dang i can see myself i can see where this could happen and maybe i'll take the first step right and that's all i'm trying to get somebody to do. Take a first step. Like, don't even freaking think about being this next version of yourself. Just take, admit that you are still hurt from that first relationship.

Because you have been in 17 other relationships acting like he ain't ish, I ain't this. And like, you're still hurt from old boy in 2008. Man, you know, that's, that's exactly why I wrote my second book, shook on anxiety, playing tricks on me. And that's, I, you know, it was me just talking about the things I had learned in therapy, but I had an actual psychiatrist, Dr. Ishmael in the book with me. Cause that's what I wanted. I wanted to admit that not only am I damaged, I wanted to talk about my traumas, but I wanted somebody to read that book and just take a first step that's it that's it because the first step leads to the next step and most of us have been so caught up on perfection bro that it is jacking your whole life up it's progression somebody may leap to the next step

but if you just scootin like if you barely like dang I just listened to the podcast and I'm gonna go get the book or I'm gonna just watch a message like or I'm gonna go get Charlamagne's like just take a step because the end of the day man your well-being who you really want to be is available to you I love how you talk about you know how you need God and therapy. Yeah, bro. People feel like you can't have both, but they'll say things like you can't have faith in God. Faith and fear don't coexist.

I don't know. First thing you got to realize is the opposite of faith is not fear. The opposite of faith is love. The Bible says perfect love casts out all fear. The truth of the matter is most people don't know how loved they are by God. So that's where fear really comes from. But the truth of the matter for me is I've been raised in church. I'm a pastor's kid. I've been around in my whole life, been at the altar, played, done all the other stuff. And I believe, me and my wife believe in theology and therapy. We believe in prayer and going to a practice. We believe in worshiping

and doing the hard work because the truth of the matter is many times what happens at church, at the altar, in your alone time with God is a catalyst. It's supposed to start something. And for years, especially in the black church, and for many reasons, like maybe because we didn't have access to things and maybe because we weren't taught about them or maybe generationally there was a stigma on it but we act like everything happened when they prayed no no no no no no everything started when they prayed and we're supposed to continue to pray but there was some stuff that was in me that i had to communicate about if you watch jesus in uh um Bible, most of the miracles happened in communication. They weren't just like bow and then it's over. It was they were walking with him. He had disciples

that walk with him like like me and you sitting here. That was still cutting people's ears off, still backstabbing, still doing stuff. But it was a process. And I just think that church has to do a better job at letting people know that when you get saved, that's your spirit getting saved, but you still got this flesh and you still got this soul, the mind, will, and emotions. And it has to be continually worked on. It has to be continually transformed. And that's why I go to church. That's why I read my Bible. Because I can make a good decision today and be ready to go off on somebody tomorrow. I need to continually be in this process of becoming. The old folks would say sanctification.

The process of being made holy. All I'm trying to do is be set apart. But it's a process to that. And I just think, again, that's why I go back to progression, not perfection. Let me ask you a question, right? Let's go. So my daughter was talking to me the other day. And she was talking about the Bible, right?

Yeah. And she was telling me that there was a lot of things in the Bible that wasn't understandable to her, right? Meaning that she felt like the world crucifies you for certain things that are in the Bible. But for other things, they don't crucify you as much. So for her, she was having a hard time necessarily believing as much because she was like it doesn't make sense yeah and when a child says it doesn't make sense she's putting two and two and two together so so what would you say to a child or young adult that's reading the bible even an adult that's reading the bible and say hey when you talk about this in the bible

it's kind of like it happens every day b but when you talk about this is like oh my gosh you can't do that so what do you say on that effect number one you cannot look at culture to be able to get what you need to get from the Bible so so that's the first thing things in the Bible that I can't for you forever then you lose jobs sponsors completely but it's so so in the Bible so the truth of the matter is the spirit of the Bible is stronger than the word of the Bible, the letter of the Bible. And that's why I believe you have to have an actual relationship with God because the Bible is the only book that you read it. It'll start reading you. You'll read something like that. Don't feel right in the heart of it. I believe the spirit of God will speak to you, give you an impression on your heart, bring clarity. And I think you should study to show yourself approved. There's tons of stuff in the Bible that I'm like, dang, like, whoa, okay. What do I do with that? Well, this is a

different culture and a different time that all this stuff was happening, but behind everything that happens in the Bible, there's an idea, a spirit and a meaning behind it. And it's finding that thing. What I would encourage your daughter to do is first, not just start. There's some parts in the Bible that if you start there you gonna be confused for the rest of your life Start with the Gospels go to Matthew Mark Luke and John just learn about Jesus He's the fulfillment of the whole Bible So when you go to Matthew Mark Luke and John and watch how he touched people watched how he loved people Watch how when church people were telling him not to heal people he was stepping out on days that he was not supposed to heal nobody and reaching beyond people's faults and seeing

their needs learn the person of jesus that's what i would tell anybody don't go start in the old testament trying to figure out what all the sacrifices are in leviticus and deuteronomy just start there because in the person of Jesus, he is the word. And when that word comes to life in you and then tell her to watch some of my messages, tell her to check in with somebody who's done the studying and can break it down in another level. How old is your daughter? 21. 21.

Tell her to go back and watch Relationship Goals by Mike Todd. Like just send it to her. And I'm telling you there, sometimes it's harder to understand something when you approach it by yourself Instead of approaching it with somebody who knows how did your car work? All of us we go to our car and we probably y'all y'all rich So y'all push a start button or don't even touch it and it comes on You don't know all of the things that happen for that to happen But if you get with a mechanic, somebody who works with that,

they'll be able to say, hey, this is how this happens, this has, and you come with another understanding. So I believe that the Bible is something that you approach by yourself in your alone time, but you can't stay there. I had to get people to help me understand that thing. And I think that's what I would tell your daughter. You know, I want to go back to the theology and therapy thing. I got a couple of questions about that.

Let's go. My good brother, Lil Duval, he posted a few weeks ago. He put a lot of y'all going to therapy because you're avoiding God. No, no, no, no, no, no. That may be his experience. I think a lot of people need to go to therapy because of what God's shown them. And a lot of times God shows you, you in situations. And I will agree. I'll say this. Some people are going to therapy running from God.

Like I will say that because they need to prove that they are working on something. And so going to therapy, paying the thing, not not being checked in just going and sitting there for an hour That could make you feel good like you check something off But I do truly believe That we have been made by a creator and god has given people the ability to understand Me and my wife had to do this thing called reprocessing I don't know if everybody knows what that means. But like like literally you have to go to a situation you have to think about that situation and then you have to actually think about what you wish would have happened how how it could have been different you got to retrain the pathways in your

brain to be able to see hear feel something different and god made us that unique and so i believe it's both and i believe there are some people that will go to therapy running from God. And I think there are some people that go to God running from therapy. Do I think everybody needs therapy? Yes. The Bible says that there is wisdom in the multitude of counselors. I, I don't think that everybody just needs therapy for their emotional stuff they

need therapy for their finances i need to count i got counselors for my finances i got counselors for my relationship i got counselors if the bible says there's wisdom in the multitude of counselors like you need you need therapy and just how to respond sometimes to your kids. Like, I mean, we were all raised differently, but sometimes, especially in our community, like the hand, the embarrassing our kids, berating our kids, a lot of that stuff is just because it happened to us. And we've never admitted how much that jacked us up. So then we try to do it to the next generation and see like, and then and play it like it's good parenting.

All I'm saying is maybe you need to talk to somebody. Like maybe you actually need to communicate what being embarrassed in the grocery store actually did to you and why you all puffed up every time anybody tries to correct you. I think the issue with mental and spiritual therapy is if we could actually look at it the way we look at physical therapy, we'd have a different mindset on it. Because when my arm breaks, I know I need to go to a doctor. I know I need to. My mom can pray over it.

I can go to church and everything, but I still got to go to a doctor. And it's not that just like you get the surgery, but then after it heals. You got to do more therapy. You have to do therapy. Why? Because I'm trying to get it not just back to where it was i'm trying to get it stronger than it was that's right like so that it doesn't and they tell you if it breaks in that place and you actually do the therapy it's a very small chance that'll ever

break there again it's not that nothing else will break but because you broke it there you were damaged you did the work you healed and then you did the therapy you actually don't even have to worry about that area no more and i agree with you charlamagne that's the coldest thing i think i heard you say in a year like uh like if people would view the emotional healing they need like a healing, everybody would do the work. But you know what the problem is? The problem is, is like what you said before, it's learned behavior.

Yes, sir. Like most of our parents didn't go to therapy. And if they did, never told us. That was grown up business. We didn't know about it. To this day, I love my parents, but it still is a thing like, you going to therapy? And again, I haven't been able, I'm not a therapist to the nation.

Her mama, my mama, as many times as we was telling them we were going to therapy, it almost seemed like a shock. It's a problem. Yeah. What's wrong with y'all? That's what most people did. But the truth of the matter is both, both of our parents, as well as many of our parents have had health issues when they have to go get

glasses, when they have to wear a boot, when they have to do anything to get back to the vision they were once at, nobody says anything. We spend money, we raise money, we use insurance, we do all of those things to get back to a place we were. Why wouldn't we? Since we've been damaged since five, 10, 17, 26, why wouldn't we do everything we can? And that's why when I wrote this book,

I knew that I had to do something that most people specifically in a pastoring role, a shepherd over people or anybody that's doing this in 2023, that's too much ammunition for somebody to be able to discredit me. My freedom was more important. That's real. How do you know when to bring your pain to a therapist and when you bring your pain to God? I think you bring all your pain to God. Okay.

I don't think the Bible says cast all your cares upon him because he cares for you. It says take on the easy yoke and the easy burden that he has trade him for that i take everything to god i acknowledge god in all my ways he will direct my path he directed my path to therapy bro i wasn't i was the pastor i was the crazy faith guy i was like yo we gonna pray we're gonna believe and god's like no you're gonna sit your butt down and talk to a white lady what like let's just let's shout and he was like no you need to cry like i mean i i haven't cried i can count on my hands how many times i have cried as a grown man that's not okay my body needs to release those emotions and that stuff. But I had not been taught how to do that. And just how I needed to be taught how to drive, taught how to run a business, taught how to actually be a husband. I needed to be taught how to be able to deal with my emotions.

And it was almost like I was seeing in black and white. The reason the cover of the book is black and white is because that's where I was living. Even though I was smiling, it was black and white the reason the cover the book is black and white is because that's where i was living even though i was smiling it was black and white now like how i live now what god's done in my heart now how i can love this woman now the four kids that i'm raising the people i can affect now bro it's 3d hd color and was it hard hell yes like it took a lot to keep showing up and to keep paying for it come on let's be for real like when you start seeing that tax like you're like oh shoot but was it worth it i'm telling you right now it was the greatest investment that i've ever made in myself and i couldn't keep it to myself i could have wrote another book i could have done something

but god was like no you need to you got to share this because there's more people who are damaged and they need to know they're not destroyed what are untransferred wounds it's the stuff that you said untransferred rooms yeah oh the truth of the matter is every wound that you get has the ability to transfer to somebody else in your actions or in your non actions and that's why i said earlier what's not transformed is transferred um you got a lot of your mom and daddy in you that they didn't give you directly that's right like they they gave it to you because you received it the way that handle issues, the way that you go through stuff, we got a lot of stuff because they didn't handle it.

I'll give a prime example. I'll tell it in the book. I had a pornography addiction. I mean, jacked up. Taking my money, my mind, my focus. Your money? Oh, bro. Pornhub is free.

Yeah. Back in the day, you know. Okay, come on now. Don't act like you didn't 399 sometimes come on now And if you was buying magazines or if you doing any of that, come on, let's be honest It was robbing me and the money was the least part of it. Well, I'm going through this whole thing by myself I'm suffering like still trying to pray still trying to love God still trying and if somebody's like the pastor I tell it every Sunday don't even trip like because we out here every man is actually struggling with

something okay i'm out here addicted trying to do what i've been called to do after i actually start going through the process of healing and making decisions and making disciplines and being accountable and all this other stuff i found out out my dad, he was a drum major for Gremlin State University. And he said, they came to New York. It's crazy, I'm in New York right now. They came to New York, and there was a street back in the day,

now this is back in the day, where they had peep shows down the whole street. That's 42nd Street. Okay, so he know the street. 42nd Street. And he said back in the day, they got here on the bus and he said he got a pocket

full of quarters and you could go and you could put the thing, the money in the machine and then the curtain would open and you'd see naked women. Back in the day, that was the equivalent of pornography. He said, after I told him what I was going through he said Michael

I'm sorry I'm sorry I never told you about it I'm sorry I never dealt with it publicly I'm sorry that I did this he said because I had five sons and every single one of my brothers and me dealt with the sexual addiction because what was not transformed in him was transferred into us and All of us had to deal with it in another level and that's what he told me So, I don't know the extent of it. I don't know how it affected him and my mom I don't know I mean, you know when you tell us somebody something at the end is like you tell them what part you think they can handle

But I know there was real things there because now i'm a man raising four kids how do you know you have a sexual addiction a man you're supposed to have a healthy sexual appetite right definitely you're supposed to have a sick god gave it to you that's right the truth of the matter women are from the earth women of god of god but god all greatest creation oh the best creation you see mine back there glory to the most high god the problem is the problem is our human nature is leans to overindulgence i mean i'm talking about just in a krispy kreme donut you i mean you don't even have to you're not even hungry but if somebody puts some hot krispy kremes on the table and before you know it six of them jesus like before you didn't even feel like it was and that and you're still not full

what happens when you eat was going to go against what you need and you're still not full what if you point all of that into your your woman beautiful it's your wife beautiful okay i i think all of that is beautiful. There is nothing wrong with that. The truth of the matter is if you pour it all into your wife and you still need it from the people at your job and you still need it from the app and you still need it.

I get what you're saying. I'm not saying within the confines of marriage as well as from my belief in confines of marriage, nothing's off limits my belief in confines of marriage nothing's off limits but that y'all agree on right the truth of the matter is people think that their addiction gets solved when they get married it never does so there's some trauma or some drama or some triggers that actually need to be dealt with and everybody everybody thinks it's the person. That's the person's not the problem.

It's what's in you that you have not addressed. And so that's why four marriages, five marriages, I don't want to be married no more. And you just showing your, okay, do that. But after you've done it with everybody, you still feel empty. How have you flown out? Everybody made whole careers about it sung about it and at the end

of the day you still feel empty it can't be the sex yeah i feel like that's people who uh they trying to feed their ego and not their soul but even if you're trying to feed your ego where did that come from somebody didn't see you that's right you weren't affirmed somewhere you got picked over and it's like nah forget that forget that. Everybody's going to see me now. That's right. And now I'm just saying that a lot of the things we clap for as the fruit has a rotten root. Because for me, all the stuff that I was doing and being great at and doing what nobody else was doing in my small little community, like people were applauding me. I was getting attention for it

i was going to be great but the truth of the matter is the root of it was foul it was because i was not affirmed i was not seen and i was rejected and until i dealt with that everything i did i was bro i had made more money than i had ever thought i was in I was doing drink I couldn't feel it I could not feel it because I haven't dealt with my real issue and that's why I believe God many times brings you to a place where you have nothing else so that you can find everything and too many people are running from that place I actually believe everybody should hit rock bottom at least once whatever that is hit it cuz that's where you can fall apart and when you fall apart that's when God takes all the pieces

and he makes a masterpiece and so many people are trying their hardest not to fall apart just fall apart God does his best work with pieces of people and then he creates masterpieces do you um do you get counseling from other other passes yeah definitely people have been in the game a lot longer than me yeah man we had an awesome meeting for probably about five hours at a restaurant TD Jake's he's like the OG of OGs like so so he we met and it was like in this secret building that was unmarked. And we went up, and you hit the floor, and it's like a restaurant. I'm like, where am I?

It was like me with the Godfather. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I'm like, what is going on? And that man just began to pour into me. I love T.D. Jakes. I love him too. As just somebody who talks even more than preaching if you ever get to just talk

to him it is like and that mentorship mentorship from Tim Ross mentorship from Robert Morris mentorship from Steven Furtick mentorship from God like it's invaluable what you learn from people who've been damaged. Me and Steven from the same hometown. No. Montecona, South Carolina. Bro, I just preached for him two weeks ago. Oh, he was in Charlotte?

Yeah, I preached in Charlotte two weeks ago. Him and my wife, because I was already kicked out of school by then, but him and my wife went to high school together. Bro, it's invaluable what you can learn from somebody who will share from their damage. And that's what all of those men did. If I think about it right now, you call it mentoring. But all mentoring really is is people showing you where they messed up,

where they should have done it differently, sharing from their damage, and it helps push you into your destiny. Was this after the spit incident? No, bro. That was before. Okay. The spit hits the fan. That's what before. Okay. The spit hits the fan. That's what I call it.

Break it down. People don't know. I know we reported a long time ago. Smearing spit on your brother's face. I don't even remember what it was.

To see your point, think about how that was back then, how everybody had you in the storm talking about it. I don't even remember what it was.

I did an example at my church. First off, let me say this i am not a regular preacher like when i say a regular preacher like i was bored in church and so when god called me to preach i was like all right i'm gonna actually use everything that i have to help people get it and so i tell stories i use examples and honestly i'm doing everything how virgil abloh said for my 17 year old self most 17 year olds they don't care nothing about church they trying to see the girl with the booty and go eat and go play with it so I'm trying to like

capture so I've always used examples and stuff like that and so there's this story in the Bible where Jesus basically heals a man by spitting on his hand and putting on his face and so this this is an example I had done three times before. And this is what my blood little brother, this is not some random audience member or anything like this. Now there's a brother we fought blood, but like, this is my little brother. And he, uh, wanted to do the example with me so I could show it. And the whole idea was like, many people will not be willing to go through a messy process to get their healing. So the idea was this man was blind.

He wasn't deaf. So if Jesus is about to spit, he's standing there in front of Jesus. He can hear like if you hear somebody about the Huckaloo, you're like, oh, my God. And I was trying to say as disgusting as this is, that man stayed there and he received something that nobody else could give him. And as I was saying that, I said, maybe you, the counseling would be messy for you. Maybe apologizing would be messing for you. Maybe downsizing your house would be messy for you after you've put on this whole thing

about how God blessed you. But what if on the other side of this mess was your healing? And I did the example. It worked too well. And by that night we was on TMZ, CNN, Next Morning Breakfast Club, all that other stuff. And it was somebody was saying to me the other day, they was like, do you wish it wouldn't have happened? I was like, honestly, no. I was like, it shocked me. But what I had to deal with internally and what I had to become okay with inside of me because of that situation, it made me into a man that I would have never met had it not happened. Go. and go i mean for me it changed my whole view of who i was called to reach and how much i needed anybody's applause i was gonna the only reason i even bought it up because

i felt like you was getting subbed a lot by other pastors during yeah it was beautiful yeah i feel like a lot of other pastors was like trying to call you out but not say your name they don't got my cell phone number they They didn't text me. They didn't show up. And this is the beautiful thing about people. Like, for many years, it was up and to the right, everything about what we were doing. This was the first opportunity for somebody to take a hit.

And some people tried. But when God calls you, you can't cancel somebody. And that's why I asked you who's your mentorship, And some people tried. But when God calls you, you can't cancel somebody. And that's why I asked you, you know, who's your mentorship? Because I felt like it's good to know that there were other pastors who weren't saying, I'm not going to talk about the brother. I'm going to bring the brother in and have a conversation. I have people who pulled up on me.

I have people who put their arm around me. But that's what we're supposed to do. If you say you're my brother, if you say you're my sister, if you say we down, that means nothing on the mountaintop it only means something in the valley and so um i'm grateful for all the men and women and people who rode with us through that storm because if you're doing anything anything of significance you gonna have in moments it don't matter who you are and so we walked through it and um god has changed me in the process because i wasn't trying to combat anything what is this exposing about me and uh thank god i was in therapy thank

god i had community thank god and the crazy thing is i had finished writing this book so it wasn't even gonna be in the book and god was like i'm gonna give you a live example of what this looks like to be damaged, but not destroyed. So I had to go back and reedit the book. Chapter two or three is when the spit hits the fan. And I walked through how the whole situation because I'm going to use everything. I'm a die empty man. If it happens to me and God can get glory out of it, I'm going to use all of it. No, bro.

If we're supposed to be defined by our worst moments then everybody jacked up but if we can take our worst moments give it to God he can flip that thing and turn it into something beautiful that's not about me that's about him that used to be what the world was about I guess I still that is what the world is yeah I can't let social media make me think well the truth of the matter is it just doesn't get as many clicks. That's right. A few weeks before this, our church has been a generous church to nonprofits, organizations, sex trafficking. I started in the hood of Tulsa, Oklahoma, right up the street from where the race massacres happened in 1921.

That's where my church was. And God somehow took that from a 300-member church to a large church that's affecting the world. Well, part of that was I'm not going to be a church that just has resources and we not going to really give. Prior to the spit hitting the fan incident, Charlemagne, we gave away in one year, eight million dollars with no strings attached. Wow. Not one news report. Not one clip. Our local news didn't even cover Did y'all put out a press release about that? eight

million Dollars, we even took the three. I'm surviving now. There's only two People who survived the race massacres Massacres and we brought them on Junune 10th and because they've not received reparations from anybody not oklahoma not not the government anything we gave them each 200 000 with no strings attached i know wow but the truth of the matter is that's not what people desire to feed on hope they desire to feed on people's failures and so until we actually do the inner work why the question is why why does the will and

Jada thing make us feel better about us because our relationship is jacked up but we not living them out loud like away from the mic what why does potentially seeing somebody lose their money make you feel? Why? It's because at the end of the day, there's something in you that is not satisfied, not fulfilled. And so seeing what happens with Meg Thee Stallion and Tory Lanez and seeing what happens with this pastor who falls and seeing what happens. It just makes us temporarily not think about how we need to do some work. And that's why the Bible says like before you pull that whole log that that speckle out of your brother's eye you

need to get that tree log out of your home and right now it's very easy not to even look at yourself because I can look at everybody else man damaged but not not destroy what do you hope people get from this book man I believe that if you read this book and actually do the work that's in here, I tell people this all the time, it may not have been your fault what happened to you, but it is now your responsibility. It's time to do the work. And I'm just here to say I've had to do the work in front of people.

Like with hundreds of thousands of people watching me, judging me, all this stuff, you can do this work that's right no matter where you are how much money you have um what your family thinks about it you will become a different person that will be able to actually be a blessing to other people the healed version of you is better than the version of you that you have right now if If you do the work, if you actually do it, let me just say it like this. I dedicated this book to my great grandkids. Like in the dedication, now my oldest daughter's 10 and I dedicated it because the Bible says a good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children. And yes, I want to leave them houses. Yes, I want to leave them investments investments but i want to leave them emotional health i pray one day my

grandson picks this book up and is able to say my grandpapa dealt with his stuff and i know i'm struggling right now because life be lifing and everybody's going to go through it but god be god but god be god and there be be therapy and that's why let me show you I don't know what camera I can look into right here um the back of it it's a double cover the front is me smiling that's the triumph but the back of it is me my dad my four brothers and my son this this is a picture of all of us it It looks like me, but it's all of us. Because your damage affects every person you say you love. So if you want to do the work, join me.

Damage but not destroy. If we can pass on generational traumas, we can definitely pass on generational blessings. Bro, you just said it. And take it from blessing, generational healing. That's right. Like what happens if the greatest thing I could give to the next generation is how to deal with their issues? Absolutely.

Yeah. You want me to pray for you? Of course. Let's pray for it. Let's pray for it. Father, we just thank you for this opportunity to be here, to be in this moment, to be with you, for everybody listening and with my four brothers in the room. I thank you, Father, that something was said here that sparks their faith to believe that you can help them deal with their damage. God, we got different relationships, different responsibilities,

different pains, different hurts, but God, you know them all. I thank you that by faith, something is about to change on the inside of every person under the sound of my voice Bring back a moment a memory a reason why they need to make this step And I thank you that no matter what has happened to them no matter how bad or how good I thank you that you can take our trauma and you can turn it into triumph You can take our pain and you can turn it into platform father I thank you for all the people who are damaged but not destroyed. Bless them is my prayer.

In Jesus' name we agree. Amen. Amen. Ladies and gentlemen, Pastor Mike Todd, we appreciate you, brother. Hey, bro, we can make this maybe like a monthly thing. Man, don't be a stranger, brother, please. Let's make it happen. I appreciate y'all.

It's The Breakfast Club. Good morning. Wake that ass up. In the morning. The Breakfast Club. Hey, guys. Breakfast Club, good morning. Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show,

where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. their territory. Oh my god. What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your

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