The Breakfast Club - INTERVIEW: Shanti Das Talks Have Yourself AMerry LittleGriefmas! & Navigating Grief During The Holidays

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

The Breakfast Club Sits Down With Shanti Das To Discuss Having Yourself AMerry LittleGriefmas! & Navigating Grief During The Holidays. Listen For More!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm David Boren. And I am his dear friend Langston Kerman. And we host My Mama Told Me, a podcast about black conspiracy theories. We just did a spectacular live show with some of your favorite comedians on the planet. David, tell them who was there. We had the Kid Mero, Marie Faustin,

and we had Jaboukie Young White. Some of your favorite comedians playing some of the most offensive and groundbreaking games. So listen to My Mama Told Me on iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry.

I really wanted to be a player boy, my doll. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Wiz Khalifa. The craziest part of my life, I can go from performing in front of 40,000 people to either being in a dressing room, being in a plane, or being back in a bed all by myself. He is a multi-platinum selling recording artist, mini mogul, and an actor. Which of them are the one, the only? The Wings of the League!

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join iHeart Media chairman and CEO Bob Pitman for a special episode of the hit podcast, Math and Magic, Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing, as he interviews the iconic and prolific Martha Stewart in front of a live audience in celebration of her 100th book. Did you ever think you were gonna wind up writing 100 books?

Yeah. You did? Yeah, it's just a minor goal. Listen to Math and Magic on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. And I'm Jordan, or Joe Ho. And we are the Black Fat Film Podcast. A podcast where all the intersections of identity

are celebrated. Ooh, chat, this year we have had some of our favorite people on including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross, and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Fam podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or whatever you get your podcast, girl.

Ooh, I know that's right. Wake that ass up. Early in the morning, The Breakfast Club. Morning, everybody. It's DJ NV, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne the guy. We are The Breakfast Club. We got a special guest in the building. And it's not Silence the Shame Day.

No, it is not. Oh. I know. I feel special. We have Shanti Daz back in the building. Hey. Hey. Good morning. What up, Shanti?

How y'all doing? Bless black and holly favor. Thank you. I'm trying to be like you. Channeling, you know, the great energy. Yeah, but then after I just had that baby, you want to stand back like. With that beautiful baby girl. Thank you. Thank you.

She has a new book. What do you call it? Book or pamphlet? I call it pocket God. A pocket God. Pocket God. It's called Have Yourself a Merry Little Griefness, where it's 20 tips for navigating grief during the holidays.

I think this is amazing. Thank you, I don't think it's anything else like it. I think it's genius. And the fact it's a pocket guide, you can just really keep it in your pocket during the holiday season. Talk to us about it. So I actually, God placed it on my spirit

to write it last year, but it was three days before Christmas. So everything was shut down. So I literally just had a friend of mine put it up on Amazon. And this year I was like, I really wanna put it out right. And so I kinda re-edited, added a few things,

and now it's out, it's 20 tips. You know, it's no stranger, you know, my grief story, those that might know my story. I lost my mom almost three years ago, my sister five years ago unexpectedly. And then my dad took his own life when I was just seven months old. I've lost uncles along the way,

best friend took her own life in 2014. So like, grief has been a part of my life. And it is the greatest equalizer for all of us, because we've all lost somebody, y'all. And then you look at it, I was just making notes, like, you know, rest in peace to Clark Kent, and shout out to his wife and kids and, you know, Fat Man Scoop, Rico Wade, people grieving in Atlanta.

So those are just like the high profile people. But think about the aunties and the uncles, right? Or that spouse or that child. People are struggling and the holidays can be a really, really tough time. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion and time, but that's not the case. And grief is an individual journey. And you gotta give people occasion and time, but that's not the case. And grief is an individual journey.

And you gotta give people grace and space, as I say, to feel and heal. And so all of these 20 steps, these are what you took to get through your grief, to navigate through that. Yeah, and again, especially during the holidays, because I love the holidays. I'm like a big old kid.

My Christmas decorations, I hate to say, was up in November. Like I'm that girl. Like your outfit gives holiday. Thank you. Like I love it. Silver, you know, you like the nice cute little ornament. Thank you.

So trying to get some holiday joy, but it gets to be tough. And I find myself with the ugly cry at the light, or if a Christmas song comes on that me and my sister used to listen to all the time, or my mom, it just takes me back. But I allow myself to go through those moments. I don't care where I am.

It could hit me now on the show and I'm gonna cry and I'll wipe my tears and move on. Lean into your field, that's your first tip. That's right. You know it's interesting, right, because I love your dedication, because you dedicated the book to your sister, your mother, your father, your grandmother,

uncles and a few great friends, and you say, I pray your souls are singing hymns of good holiday cheer up in heaven. Man, how difficult is it to have that mentality and to believe that, but then also not want to join them before your time? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I would give anything to see my sister,

my mom, and my loved ones, but it's my faith. And it's so crazy, you know how you remember that one thing you forgot to put in the book? But last year, I coined this new acronym for grief, and it stands for going right into extreme faith. So my faith is what got me to be able to even say that, I coined this new acronym for grief, and it stands for going right into extreme faith. So my faith is what got me to be able to even say that because I do feel like I'm gonna see my loved ones.

I believe in life after death, and I wanna make sure their souls are happy and that they're awaiting me, but I don't wanna leave this earth until it's my time because I still feel like God has more work for me to do. And you know the space that I'm in now. Coming from having a really big career in music, being like the number two right under Sylvia Rhone,

to like now, just helping the culture and the world in a different way, trying to heal, because we hurting out here. And a lot of people grieve, but they don't talk about it. And you don't have to talk about it, but you need to talk to somebody about it. I was gonna ask you, all these artists in the music industry,

and I know you spoke about it before, but I'm sure that with everything going on in the industry, do you think that these artists should be, like I guess the label should force these artists to do therapy or some type of therapy to make sure that their mind is right? I know even in basketball and sports, they have therapists there to talk to the athletes.

And sometimes they say that the athletes are in their own way. They gotta get things off of their mind before they can start going again. Do you think it should be the same for the music industry? Yeah, I often said, just like you have spring training and camp for the athletes, that there needs to be some type of boot camps.

And my nonprofit, Silence of Shame, we have been talking to a couple of labels trying to do some boot camps, especially for rookie artists, if you will. You call them rookie artists, whatever it is, but they need to go to a couple of labels trying to do some boot camps, especially for like rookie artists, if you will. You call them rookie artists, whatever it is, but they need to go through a series of trainings because we don't have insurance, right? There is no union for music artists,

which I feel like it should be. A lot of them don't even have insurance. Shout out to Music Cares, who does a lot in terms of helping people through counseling and therapy and medical bills and stuff like that. But these labels, just when they sign that deal, or even if it's management, you need to make sure that they're talking to therapists, that they understand whether it's, you know,

financial wellness, you know, overall mental health and wellness, how you navigate through the pressures of it, because that's why so many people end up either using recreational drugs as a healthy way to cope, and I'm not the social police, you know, you can have your drinks or do whatever is your fancy, but don't use it to cope in the wrong way. And so then something like death happens, right?

You lose Big Mama, or you lose the person that raised you, which oftentimes happen in underserved communities, and kids that go on to play in sports, or work in the music industry, become artists, you know, they lose that one person, and then the world really comes crashing down. And they don't know how to process through that grief. And so I find myself living at the intersection

of health and culture now. That is where I feel like my place is with God and I just wanna be able to continue pushing the culture forward, letting people think about stuff like grief that you don't normally think about and how heavy it can be during the holidays. I love tip number six,

reject the notion of another lonely Christmas. Definitely just looking at that one too, yeah. Yeah, and that was one of my during the holidays. I love tip number six, reject the notion of another lonely Christmas. Definitely just looking at that one too, yeah. Yeah, and you know that was one of my songs from Prince that I love, but I feel like, you know, if we tend to isolate ourselves, that just makes it worse. But when you're grieving, you really don't sometimes feel like doing anything. You don't wanna be around someone.

So you gotta really dig deep from within and use your faith and use those in your village around you to allow them into your space because you shouldn't be grieving by yourself during the holidays. Yeah, but then you have people who really, they can't bring themselves to even be around family. So how do you set boundaries for the holiday season

without looking like Scrooge Oh, the flip side of that is you got to be honest and upfront You know I talk about it like trying to set a plan like whether it's right before Thanksgiving or you know right after Thanksgiving Hits you got to tell your family members look Christmas is gonna look different for me this year. I might not put up a tree You know you might have to put up one in your room if you're kids, if you still have family or other people, put it in your room, but I might not do the big tree.

Or we might take a trip, we might do something different. Maybe we do a staycation or vacation somewhere else. Like for me, when my sister passed away five years ago, we were heavy on Christmas. I spent every Christmas with her, like probably my entire adult and kid life. And so we used to do the pajamas before pajamas were a thing.

So I went to London by myself and just spent the week. And I knew that if I was spending money to go somewhere, I wouldn't stay in my hotel room. And it kind of forced me to get out. So travel can be a really good way. And the whole idea of it is just a change of scenery and doing something different. Last, I just have one last question.

Tip number four, that's a major tip, no. Is a complete sentence. No, that's a difficult one. And the reason I always say that's a difficult one is because you got family, man. But this is the time where family feels like they can lean on you the most, right? Absolutely.

Bills are high, gas is high, they gotta get toys, they gotta get that, talk about that tip. So it's nothing wrong with saying no. What y'all think? This guy's crazy, man. What? Cause he said that's a major tip, no. It is though.

Barry, you should have paused that. That's a pause that was. Oh my God. You said that, you said, well, that was crazy. You kinky this morning. That's a major tip, no. I don't want it, it's way too big for me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm out of here. I didn't say none of that. You're crazy. You know what you walked in when you came up here. I know, I love't want it, it's way too big for me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna say none of that. I'm not gonna say none of that. You're crazy. You know what you walked in when you came up here. I know, I love y'all. But seriously though, no is very important, and it may be offensive to some of your family members if you tell them like, I can't do this during the holidays

or I can't lend you that money, but you just gotta be selfish, right? Especially during those first few years of losing someone, and you have to be unapologetic Especially during those first few years of losing someone and you have to be unapologetic about it and just, again, going back to establishing the boundaries, say, hey, look, I can't do what I normally do and if you don't understand, I'm really sorry,

but over time, I hope you will understand what I'm going through because until you've walked through someone's shoes, until you have experienced profound loss of a loved one, nobody really knows what to say. And you just have to be comfortable in saying no. No is a complete sentence. I can't go to that holiday event.

I can't cook the Christmas cookies. I can't do the gingerbread house. I can't take the trip. I can't loan you $1,000 to go Christmas shopping this year. My pockets are dry. And I love the fact that you said it's a complete sentence because then a lot of people are expecting for you to say why.

Nah, I just know, no, I can't. And when you put it out there early with the disclaimer and tell them what the plan is and say, look, I need y'all to do things differently this holiday season. I'm barely hanging on. And so if you love me, you will honor how I'm feeling right now.

I'm in my nose season, especially financially, and I cannot tell you how freeing it's been. It's been so freeing. I just can't even describe, it's like, I just gotta set the boundaries. It's like, no, I'm not able to do it right now. I say boundaries are a blessing. And then, as my last question, as far as social media, would you encourage,

because I see that's not a tip. I know you don't tell people what to do with their social media, but would you encourage people to stay off of social media? So again, in the first few years, it can be really difficult. I had to stay off social media, looking at every family and their traditions, because, oof, it's just different. Yeah.

We don't wake up and have on the same pajamas anymore. You know, Christmas is just different for me, and don't wake up and have on the same pajamas anymore. Christmas is just different for me. And it's hard looking at other families. And it's not that I'm not happy for y'all. It's just that it cuts deep. So I would encourage you, if you are just losing somebody, monitor the time that you're on social media

because you don't want to find yourself going down that rabbit hole of comparing your life to somebody else's life. You know, things happen unfortunately. You know, we are on borrowed time, I always say, in this world anyway. Nobody knows the day or the time of the hour, right, that we will pass on and pass away. And so live in the moment, be present,

but protect your peace. And if protecting your peace means staying off of social media so that you don't have to watch all the joy or the perceived joy, let's just say the perceived joy from social media so that you don't have to watch all the joy or the perceived joy. Let's just say the perceived joy from social media that people are going through. Then yeah, give yourself that grace and space

and don't be scrolling. Where can we find this pocket guide of tips to help you find peace in the Hollywood street? Yeah, so the pocket guide is available on my website, www.shantydas. Or the ebook is available on Amazon. All right. I need to buy a bunch of these and just give them out. shantidas, S-H-A-N-T-I-D-A-S dot B-I-Z. Or the ebook is available on Amazon. All right.

I need to buy a bunch of these and just give them out. I think this is a great idea. And that's what I've been, I've been gifting it. Like, you know, shout out to several of my friends, Tracy Baker Simmons and Tarita. Tarita, they both were like, oh my God, this is such a blessing. And so I'm praying hopefully some TV show will have you on

so I can talk about it. And it, you know, I don't care if you're black, white, Asian, Jewish, what, you know, nationality, background, ethnicity, this book can help you. Because again, we all go through grief. It's just finding pathways forward. Yeah, that's right. Well, it's Shanti Doss.

We appreciate you for joining us always. And make sure you pick out her pocketbook. Her pocketbook sounds crazy. It sounds like a pocketbook. Yeah, man, you sound like a pocket guy. It sounds like a Nicaragua. Make sure you pick up her pocketbook. Yeah, man, you sound like a pocket guy. Pocket guy. Pocket guy. Make sure you pick up a pocketbook. It's The Breakfast Club, as Shanti does.

Wake that ass up. Early in the morning. The Breakfast Club. Hi, I'm David Bore. And I am his dear friend, Langston Kerman. And we host My Mama Told Me, a podcast about black conspiracy theories. We just did a spectacular live show with some of your favorite comedians on the planet.

David, tell them who was there. We had the Kid Mero, Marie Faustin, and we had Jaboukie Young White. Some of your favorite comedians playing some of the most offensive and groundbreaking games. So listen to My Mama Told Me on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We want to speak out and we want this to stop.

Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playerboy, my doll. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him.

From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Wiz Khalifa. The craziest part of my life, I can go from performing in front of 40,000 people to either being in a dressing room, being in a plane, or being back in a bed all by myself. He is a multi-platinum selling recording artist, mini mogul and an actor. Which one of the one, the only. The only one.

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Join iHeart Media Chairman and CEO, Bob Pitman for a special episode of the hit podcast, Math and Magic Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing, as he interviews the iconic and prolific Martha Stewart in front of a live audience in celebration of her 100th book.

Did you ever think you were going to wind up writing 100 books? Yeah. You did? Yeah, it's just a minor goal. Listen to Math & Magic on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey everyone, it's John, also known as Dr. John Paul. And I'm Jordan, or Joe Ho.

And we are the BlackFatFilm Podcast. A podcast where all the intersections of identity are celebrated. Ooh, chat, this year we have had some of our favorite people on, including Kid Fury, T.S. Madison, Amber Ruffin from the Amber and Lacey Show, Angelica Ross and more. Make sure you listen to the Black Fat Fam podcast on the iHeartRadio app, have a podcast or whatever you get your podcast girl.

Oh, I know that's right.