The Breakfast Club - INTERVIEW: Shanti Das Talks 'Silence The Shame' Initiative, Individual Grief Journeys, New App + More

Episode Date: May 3, 2024

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Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club. Yep, it's the world's most dangerous morning show, The Breakfast Club. Charlamagne Tha God, Jess Hilarious, DJ Envy is off today. But, you know, May 5th is not just Cinco de Mayo. It is National Silence to Shame Day. So we could not have National Silence to Shame Day be happening without talking to the founder of Silence to Shame, Miss Shanti Doss. Good morning, Shanti.

Good morning. It's so good to be here. How you feeling? Good to have you. I'm feeling good. It's a little cool in New York. It's kind of hot in the A, but I'm feeling good. God woke me up this morning. And it's so bipolar here in New York.

Like two days ago, girl was like 90 degrees, and then now it'll be 49 today. It's like that in the A too a little bit. But congratulations to you. It's an honor to be on the show with you. Thank you so much. Now, May 5th is National Silence to Shame Day. For the people who are new here, what is National Silence to Shame Day?

Yeah, so, you know, my nonprofit, Silence to Shame, we exist to empower and educate communities around mental health and wellness. And so I made up my own day in 2017, and we got like 90 million impressions that year. And so I thought, okay, let me apply to the National Day Register. So it's a day of awareness. It's actually an official day.

And so we utilize that day to really continue to normalize the conversation, encourage people to post, encourage people to donate to our organization because we are still a small nonprofit doing mighty work. And we also have an app coming out. Yeah. So I'm really excited about it. Uh, two years ago, doing mighty work. And we also have an app coming out on May 5th. So, yeah. So I'm really excited about it. Two years ago, we partnered with Darrell Booker at Microsoft and they included us in their global hackathon.

And so here we are two years later. It's a free mental health app. Wow. Call Silence the Shame. Okay. If you have an iPhone or Android, you know, you can download it and it's going to have daily content updated, mindfulness moments, daily dosage.

So we might be able to repurpose content from a lot of our old community conversations, new conversations. As you know, we've had a lot of artists to support us and athletes, and so we want to be able to put that content back out there in addition to new content. Of course, educate the community around different mental health challenges and be able to push resources. And again, the goal is to provide accessibility

because so many people in our community still don't have access to the basic. Like Wi-Fi, yeah. Yeah, you know. I like that idea because so many people are also addicted to their phones and we know that social media is causing so many mental health issues so if you're already addicted why not give them something good to be to make a habit every day absolutely and as you said you know this smartphone right here you know is challenging for some but it can save lives as well so we want to meet people where

they're at that's why we're so excited about the app and then also we're going to be doing instagram lives all day again continuing to normalize the also, we're going to be doing Instagram Lives all day. Again, continuing to normalize the conversations. So we're going to be talking to Crystal Renee, the actress from Sisters, who is our official ambassador. Also, Dr. Raquel Martin, who is a phenomenal sister out of Tennessee, and she is a psychologist. My brother, Ronnie DeVoe,

who is also a board member of Silence and Shame. Your girl, my girl, Angela Rye is going to come on and talk. We're going to do like 10-minute segments. Lamar Rucker, ESPN host Elle Duncan, our boy King J. Barnett, and so many others. So we're just going to open up the IG Lives and hopefully get people to either share or just learn a little bit about why these people focus on mental health.

The one thing I am excited about is, you know, this generation is openly talking about it, right? One of my friends said his son is 10 years old and was like, Dad, you know, I think I need to talk to somebody. Oh, wow. He's 10 years old. My daughter does that at eight, yeah. And it's a testament to you too, right?

You're normalizing the conversation right in your own household, and we have to continue to do that but i think you know even just from still talking to some of my colleagues in the music business and other places the resources are there but not everybody are using them that's right like my oldest is 15 and she started she was talking people that talk to a therapist at 13 and not because anything is necessarily wrong it's just like why not like i treat it like i treat it like going to the gym absolutely yeah and to that point our theme this year for national silence the shame day and mental health awareness

month is redefining mental wellness simply put making sure everyone knows that it affects your overall well-being your mental your physical and your spiritual life it's nothing that like people say oh yeah i know about that thing. No, we all have mental health. It's how you think, how you act, and how you feel. So we just want to kind of redefine it and celebrate like taking that journey of your emotional wellbeing and making it a part of your everyday regimen.

Mm-hmm. What have you learned new about yourself over the past year in regards to mindfulness and mental health? Wow. I learned that, one, I am a little bit more of an introvert than I thought I was like kind of being out there and having to promote I feel like I um from doing like my prayer and meditation in the morning that I really like kind of being by myself I like to travel by myself I love those introspective moments and it's important for me to start my

mornings like that in the quiet in the still without the noise and I used to be the girl like I'm on let me see what's going on Instagram like I would start my day like this almost sleeping like this and I realized like I need that peace and quiet and I need to embrace those you know moments where I feel like an introvert or where I feel like I need to just find that balance within myself before I even start calling people or texting or sending emails or taking meetings like I need that quiet time and I really realized like I love myself you think Colby changed that I feel like Colby made me more introverted too absolutely and I think we you know for the first times we had to sit still some Some of us were with family members. Some of us were by ourselves.

And you had to really figure out like, do I really like myself? Am I proud of the person that I am? How am I handling things? And so I just had to take some hard looks at myself and really work on getting to be the person that I wanted to be. Because, you know, I've been in and out of therapy,

you know, over the years, I'm still grieving the loss of my mom and sister the last five years, but just being able to celebrate it and know that I'm enough. And it took a while for me to sit there and feel like I was enough because you're walking away from the music business. Who does that, you know, at the height of their career? And there were times where I felt like I was less than seeing my peers still in it. And, you know, not necessarily having the same amount of commas behind those dollar signs

and doing something different, but I'm out here doing God's work. I feel like I'm doing my purpose-driven work, and I'm just really excited to be working alongside such great team members. We have six staff members at Silence of Shame, but that's such a blessing. I walked away from it all. I left it all. But this work is more fulfilling, though. It is, and I have my own staff. I'm my own boss and and i'm saving we're saving lives now uh shanti just recently sadly you had another passing you know hip-hop had another passing

the great rico wade and and you you wait you worked for rico well i worked with rico yeah because i got hired at la face records in 1993 and met L.A. Reid introduced me to Organized Noise in a little group called Outkast. And he was like, these are your guys. This is what you're going to be responsible for, you know, promotions and then eventually doing marketing. And so meeting Rico for the first time, I was like, he is so Atlanta, but he was so passionate.

And he was really like the spokesperson for Organized Noise. Ray and Pat. Shout out to Ray and Pat. But they were mostly in the studio. But Rico was the one coming up to the label, taking the meetings. And I literally used to go to the dungeon. And we've all seen pictures of the original dungeon.

I love your throwback pictures of the dungeon. Pictures of you and Rico and OutKast. It's red clay on the floor, right? Plaques and speakers all around. But those were like incredible moments. And who knew the impact that they would have on Southern hip hop? You know, Rico always said, you know, we always had Southern rap in Atlanta. But the trajectory of Southern hip hop really changed after OutKast and

Goody Mott were born. And it, you know, all because of Organized Noise. And it was really red clay on the floor of the studio? It was really red clay. So y'all took your shoes off of course no y'all kept your shoes on my shoes on what and it was funny because i was always myself and diddy hibbler who was peaches on the first outcast album we were kind of like the only chicks that was around the only girls a lot but all the guys treated me with respect and you know it was just such a a creative you know feeling when you were down and just the

magic that came out of the dungeon was really dope they even like at one time named their label red clay record so like it was a whole thing yeah how did the passing of rico wade impact you personally it was really difficult i remember getting that call excuse me a couple weeks ago on a saturday morning and i just it was like time stood still and I had just talked to Rico like a few weeks before that excuse me I had just talked to Rico a few weeks before that and we were going to do some things together and he was just so energetic because he was a little sick as well in February he had had surgery and he felt like you know that God had given him another chance and I guess you know now God was preparing him to welcome him into the kingdom.

Little did we know. But I cried a lot. You know, I went over to the studio that day to see Big Boy and Killer Mike and some of the family members in the Dungeon family. It really is like a family. We may not always talk every day, but we came up together. We were kids in this industry. And I feel like we changed the world you know like look at atlanta now it is still you know i i know new york is the birthplace and i give

new york all the props and the mecca of hip-hop but i feel like this generation you know absolutely atlanta is still setting the tone and the trends for hip-hop you know it's undeniable and i we have rico wade and organized Noise to thank for that. When it comes to grief, you know, could you give people tips on dealing with grief? Because you have dealt with a lot of it. Yeah, absolutely. So I tell people, you know, first of all, grief is an individual journey. We all go through it, whether it's the loss of loved ones, family members, et cetera.

And you got to like really process it in your own way. It can hit you in so many different instances. And also the thing about grief, I tell people you never get over it. You just find pathways forward. So being able to talk to a grief counselor, but in your own time, it took me about four months or five months after my sister passed before I was ready to see a grief counselor. The other thing too, is you have to set boundaries for yourself because people mean well, but oftentimes when people pass away and I've fallen victim to this, you just don't know what to say. But sometimes those things that you say can come off hurtful and insensitive.

So you just have to set your personal and professional boundaries. And also, you know, a lot of times, you know, companies will give you only three days and you have to come back to work. You might need some mental health days, you know, a lot of times, you know, companies will give you only three days and you have to come back to work. You might need some mental health days, you know, to continue. I don't know if you'll be ready to go back to work after losing a child or a husband or spouse or a sibling.

I mean, losing my sister and my mom was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. And so it took me time. And so I tell people, grieve on your own timetable. I'm just this past December and I'm going to relaunch it literally a week before Christmas got placed on my spirit to write a book because I feel like the holidays are really tough. And so I wrote a book just giving people tips. It was called Have Yourself a Merry Little Griefmas. It was tips on navigating grief through the holidays.

So I'm going to re-release that. And just, again, it's about grieving in your own time and your own space, but also letting people in. Sometimes just having a friend come in to sit, they ain't got to say nothing. They can just be sitting there and just knowing that their presence is there can help you not to feel so isolated and alone. What tips would you give women who are coming to work and they're pregnant and, you know, like say after 9 a.m. they don't feel like being bothered anymore,

would like the job and, you know, they get quiet and like don't want to talk. Gary's humble, man. No, I'm just. No, I'm just saying. What tips would you give to women? First of all, you got to give yourself grace because every day is different. We have to give ourselves grace and our colleagues have to give, you know, their employees or whoever is experiencing that grace because every day is different. And for women that are pregnant, you know, your hormones are all over the place.

And for somebody like me, the auntie in the room, I'm 53, but I'm dealing with menopause. And there are some mornings where like my mental health and my thoughts are racing and all over the place. And so I just tell people like I think it's OK to say, hey, you know what? It's one of those days. Like y'all know that, like, I love y'all, but I'm not feeling my best self today.

So please give me that grace that I need. It's not personal. I'm not trying to be a B or anything. I'm just having a moment. And that's what I think I do. I don't really vocalize it, you know, just because,

you know, this is my job and I love the people i work with you know what i'm saying so even me just um yeah even you so like i i do feel and and i'm six months pregnant now in my third trimester and i'm like congratulations it gets thank you it gets harder getting up every morning gets harder and harder you know because baby's growing i can't sleep on my stomach, of course. And sometimes not most of the time, not even my side. So don't get proper rest.

But girl, just be like, you got to be kind to yourself. Yeah, we just had a for. So May 1st is Black Children's Mental Health Day in the state of Georgia. On behalf of Silence and Shaming, we had a art contest with kids. And the theme was a kind mind. And so you've got to be kind to yourself when you have to realize like every day our emotions are going to be different you don't know what's going to be triggering you you don't know how you're going to be feeling and so if we

just at least have that open dialogue and tell each other what we're experiencing we don't have to share it all and say hey you know what I need a little grace today give give me some space and I'll be back to myself tomorrow it's just about being open and communicating communication is key i agree with that because i don't feel like when it comes to women being pregnant we always look at it as a physical thing but we don't focus on the mental and emotional toll it takes especially women that are getting up every day going to work 100 yeah and and women in general especially black women we have so much to deal with even from a medical perspective right like showing up and making sure that we're getting the proper care. We talk about maternal health and that sort of

thing. And so again, let's support our black women. And even just when black women in the workplace in general, we have to, we always show up and people think we're the super women, right? And so my message this morning to all my sisters out there, especially sisters of color, give yourself permission to take that cape off, right? And to be who you need to be. I think it's a really dangerous narrative when they're always talking about the strong black woman. Yes, we are strong. We've been resilient since the days of slavery.

But if we don't allow ourselves to pour back in, to have those moments where we have to navigate through our tough feelings and to give ourselves permission to see a therapist or to give ourselves permission to see, I mean, to set those boundaries in place. It can be really dangerous for us in the workplace, within our families, with spouses and loved ones and couples. You got to take time to just stop and quiet the noise and be okay with just being who

we are. We don't always have to be up and show up and be strong every single day because life be lifin'. That's right. How can we support Silence to Shame on this Sunday, May 5th? Yes. So a couple things. So first of all, visit our website, silencetoshame.com

or follow us at silencetoshame on Instagram. We're having these virtual banners again, so you can upload your own photo or video so you can become a mental health champion. You can text the word silence S I L E N C E to donate. You text the word silence to 707070. And then also check out our Instagram lives. Like I mentioned, so many great people from Crystal Renee to Angela Rye to King J. Barnett, L. Duncan and so many others. And let's continue this conversation. You know, May 5th is really the launch and kickoff. But, you know, we're in this to win it 24-7. And we're trying to do this work. And the last thing is download our app. It's free.

Don't judge us, y'all. It's the first iteration. So, you know, technology is. But let's celebrate the fact that there is another resource, particularly for communities of color, that provides, you know, free content and wellness strategies. And I also just want to shout out a lot of our hip hop friends like Lil Jon or Andre 3000 that are doing these albums, right? To me that are from a place of wellness and meditation. And shout out to Frank Ski who just released an album called Climate Change. I tell y'all, it's like different sounds from around the world, the Great Barrier Reef and different things. But it's so dope. And I've started my morning for the last week with it. And it just puts me in such a great place of calm. It's like nine tracks.

So I just love that, like our black men are really leaning in to mindfulness and meditation. And again, we have people like you, Charlamagne, to thank because you post about it, you talk about it, and you really live, you know, in a place of wellness and peace. And I love you for that. Thank you, Shanti. Love the work that you're doing too. Make sure you support Shanti Dodds.

Silence to Shame Day is this Sunday. And also important, donate. Yes, please, please, please donate. And I also just want to mention, I have my own podcast called The Mebo Show. Yes. M-I for mind, B-O for body. And the new episode launches on May 8th with D-Nice.

And we're talking about black men and mental wellness. Make sure you subscribe and download that. Shanti, thank you for coming always. It's Shanti Doss. National Silence to Shame Day is this Sunday. It's The Breakfast Club. Wake that ass up in the morning. The Breakfast Club.