The Breakfast Club - INTERVIEW: Shenequa Golding Talks 'A Black Girl in the Middle,' 'Black Girl Math,' BBL's, Relationships + More

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

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Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God.

What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. We need help! That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast

Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay.

Have grace with yourself. You're trying your best. And you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. like you to join us each week for our show Civic Cipher. That's right. We discuss social issues especially those that affect black

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on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. Niminy here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Executive produced by Questlove, The Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop. Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history. Like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa

Parks did the same thing. Check it. And it began with me. Did you know, did you know? I wouldn't give up my seat. Nine months before Rosa, it was called a moment. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because in order to make history, you have to make some noise.

Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Wake that ass up. In the morning. The Breakfast Club. Morning, everybody.

It's DJ Envy, Just Hilarious, Charlamagne Tha Guy. We are The Breakfast Club and we got a special guest in the building. Yes, indeed. We have Shaniqua Golding. Welcome. Good morning. How you feeling? Good morning, Queen Golding. How are you?

I feel good. Thank you guys for having me. She's got a new book out, A Black Girl in the Middle, Essays on Allegedly Figuring It All Out. I love that title. Thank you. What inspired that title? Oh oh because i don't know what i'm doing okay if that makes sense uh this book is uh 12 chapters a large portion of it is me uh chronicling the things i did in my 20s experiences i had in my 20s how i reacted in my 20s and with my soon-to-be 40-year-old mind,

kind of bringing it all to an end, closure. Sometimes there are some chapters where I still don't even know where I land, and there are two incidents that took place in the pandemic. But mostly it's a look back on who I was, where I was, and hopefully where I will be. So, you know, in the middle of it all. I love that because so many people act like they're experts about things, but you know, we're not really experts on anything. We just have experiences and sometimes those experiences can help, you know, people. We should be willing to share those. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Now for people that don't know who Shaniqua Golding is, can you give them a rundown who you are? Of course you had things published in Vibe and Vanity Fair, but who is Shaniqua Golding for people that don't know? Professionally or personally? Both. Oh, well, professionally, I'm a writer, editor, and new author. Personally, I am a very curious woman, a very intimate woman.

I am a compassionate, loving, thoughtful, empathetic woman. But I am also stern. Stern in my standards, stern in how I operate with people, stern in the love that I have for myself. Stern might not be the best way, but just like I'm very. You have boundaries. I'm boundaries and I'm very serious about the people I love and i'm very serious about those who i choose to love me when did you get to that point oh like last week like last week y'all like this is let me not like you know i mean like um but you know i i'm going to be 40 god willing next year i'll be 39 next

month and the older i get the more things are just becoming clear to me on who i am what i can tolerate who i can tolerate and all that jazz and this book started from an essay right this book did start from an essay y'all better have just done y'all research um uh so uh in may 2020 we all were confined to our homes because of the pandemic and um as we all know, George Floyd was murdered by Derek Chauvin. But it's I try my very best to not watch those videos in those moments of, you know, our brothers and sisters being killed. I feel like we don't have to memorialize them in that way. But you know, the timeline is what it is and you can't ignore it. So the photo of Floyd's lifeless body

on the floor with Chauvin's neck hit my timeline and I couldn't Unsee it it was Memorial Day weekend if you remember So we had that Monday off and then Tuesday we go back to work so I log online and these were old co-workers and You know if you work in corporate America, you know that there's some small talk prior to the actual meeting starting and they were just like Oh my god, what'd you do this weekend? Like I was out on the islands. It was so hot and just like, and they weren't intentionally trying to be insensitive. They sincerely did not know because they did not have to know. Does that make sense?

And I just was, I was taken away and I had to maintain some professionalism in that moment. You can't, you can't cuss them out. So I wrote a story called Maintaining Professionalism in the Age of Black Death is a Lot. I remember that. And I wrote it. You know, I wrote it. Went about my business.

The next day, reposted it again. Cool. I went to sleep one night, woke up in the middle of the night, had to use the restroom, rolled over, looked at my phone, and somebody was just like, oh, excellent story by Schneeck Golding. I saw it on Jeff Bezos' page page all right that's a typo and you know and i went back to sleep and then the neck and then i woke up for real for real and i saw that he reposted it on his ig account and then you know jeff bezos jeff bezos jeffrey bezos yes wow and that led to the book deal and everything else yes because my uh agent saw it because it went viral, super viral.

And she reached out. We started working together, made my proposal, sold it to Beacon Press, and here we are. Wow. What did your, I guess your coworkers at the time, who the article was essentially about, what did they say? You know what's so crazy? I don't know if they knew that I was talking about them. I don't know if they knew I was talking about them.

But when Jeff Bezos reposted the story, I was very nervous because I did not know how our community would react to it. I was just like, will they think that Jeff Bezos reposting this story about Black death is diluting the importance of Black death? I was so scared. You know what I'm saying? But thankfully, it was the opposite. And I'm very glad he reposted it and I speak about it a bit in my book but it sometimes feels like when white people acknowledge that something bad has happened to a black person that's when it kind of gets legs

you know what I'm saying and then I think because of that my co-workers were just like oh wow like this is really serious you know what I mean the? One of the richest men in the world said, I gotta pay attention. Yes. Were you worried about expressing too much in the book, like in the Daddy Girl's chapter? Did you care how you put, you know, trade him at all? Or how he would feel about that chapter?

So when I was writing this book, the comment section in my mind was off. Great. I didn't really, I was just writing. Daddy's Girl is a chapter about my father my absentee father and um i i don't it's gonna sound horrible to say like i don't care what he thinks but this is more so like me speaking about his absence and i'm allowed to talk about the people who hurt me even if you're my father have y'all spoke since i have not spoken to my father in like i've had my locks for six years maybe 10 is that because you don't want that relationship or it just never connected uh it it's just you

know he um okay so before he abandoned me he abandoned my mother right i can tell my business you abandoned me i will not tell why he abandoned her you know what i'm saying and um it's it's a large part of that and um i've tried but it didn't work you know yearning for someone doesn't feel good. You know, and you two are active fathers in your children's life. I know you have four kids. I know you have six. Dear God. But it's a lot when you want someone who doesn't want you. Romantically familiar. And it's just, I had to accept that it just wasn't going to happen.

Now, I'm not comparing or anything, but when I speak to a lot of women, a lot of times when they don't have a dad in their life, it affects them. It affects their relationships. It affects how they work. It affects how they look at men. Have you had the same feeling when it comes to men in relationships and and God always up because you never know how has that been through your life with your dad not being there so um my dad was not in my life but my mother thankfully dated a really great guy um shout out to Greg and he was very consistent throughout my life and he

he no one can feel the whole of your father not being there but he was a really good guy for me growing up as far as uh men are concerned I've dated some good dudes I've also not dated some good dudes does it affect me I'm sure it does I'm sure it does because the first real pain I've ever had in my life came from a man. And I think, and I don't, you know, correct me if I'm wrong, you guys have daughters. I think within the black community, we raise black girls to be like vibranium because black men, men in general, know that you will receive pain from another man. And I think that's really, I think that's something that needs to be unpacked. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm noticing a trend in a lot of books, even, you know, well, with Kendrick Lamar's song, Father Time, even in my new book, I have a chapter called Father Time. And Tiffany Haddish has a chapter in her book now. And it's like everybody's unpacking issues with their father. And I think that that's a dynamic that needs to be unpacked in a real way because you don't ever really think about how not having a father or even having a father who might

have been raising you out of fear instead of love impacted you absolutely and i also think that men not all not all don't realize how important they are and how necessary they are you know like you'll see on Instagram like a father with his son and how the little boy is just like looking up and everything that the father does a little boy does and it's like I don't think that they realize that like you are needed right like needed you know what i'm saying um in men and women's lives because they always people act like daddy issues are just something regulated women yes yes not true correct um so yeah yeah i think you realize that i have a 22

year old um you realize that as they get a lot older he's bigger than way bigger than him by the way it's 22 years my 22 years a girl you're talking about my son who's 20 oh yeah i'm so i'm sorry you're talking about yeah i have a 22 year 20 i have they look through the thing 22 20 10 9 7 and 2 2 2 2 you started over but you do realize uh when they get a lot older how they do things like you how they walk like you how they look around like you how they maneuver like you and you realize how important that is um and you also realize uh how you have to change like my dad coming from queens he's a retired police officer it wasn't it wasn't a a conversation it was you do what i say and that's what it is yeah um my wife's mother who is is jamaican as, it was the same thing.

It was like you do that. We decided to do it a lot differently and we see how it affects them differently because we don't know. And like Charlamagne says, there's never an instruction manual. You just have to learn as you go. And sometimes that learning process can affect your kids in a negative way because we really don't know what we're doing and we don't have those conversations. So with the guy, the gentleman, Gregreg i noticed that you didn't call him dad or father was there a reason for that um because that's a good question thank you for that i just i didn't call him that it was just greg you know but i i loved him like my dad

yeah interesting you know uh we were talking about Ozempic butt early this morning. Oh, okay. I don't know if you've heard of Ozempic butt. Ozempic butt is where women are losing weight in their stomachs

but also in their asses. Okay. So they're depressed. Yeah. So it's a side effect of Ozempic and it made me think of the BBL chapter

where you say not having a big butt ignited something sour inside of you. Why did not having a big butt affect you so much? a big butt that's so much no but that that's what i wrote um okay so i am my family's jamaican and everyone in my family is all i come from a family of women just shapely women beautiful women gorgeous women and

that's what i saw growing up so i figured you saw big rear ends I saw beautiful women who were yeah yes I saw beautiful women who were very shapely who were very gorgeous and that was just not me I was I was very tall athletic and I was just like why can't I be beautiful in this way and it just it wasn't it was not nice it wasn't a good feeling now no one in my family made fun of me no one in my family tried to play me but it was just like you start to see how you're different in a very early way i love that though because that's such a new experience right because i remember you know you read stories of people growing up and thinking that that physique of a black woman

wasn't something they wanted you know as far as the body the body really yeah like you know so to hear somebody say no that's what i actually wanted was very refreshing and also like my two uh uh best friends growing up they were shapely too you know what i'm saying it was that's just all it was that's all i saw around me and i really really really really really really really wished i had that physique and had i had the money or it had ozempic butt been a thing for me when I was in my like teens I totally would have done that totally yeah because you don't let me tell you insecurities they they they don't let you go that's real they do not let you go however whatever insecurities you have and for a very very very long time i just wished like i had a big like this is gonna i might be playing myself

but like when you're a woman and you walk past a group of guys they start to like they start to look right and then you walk past and they say fine never mind that's not a nice feeling you know what i mean like that's not nice growing up oh man but you know what i'm saying that never happened to my friends growing up but it happened to me i'm just like oh come on but i feel like i have a nice smile i feel like but you're 38 and i feel like 39 i'll be 39 in june june smile. I feel like you're 38 and I feel like. 39. I'll be 39 in June. June.

Okay. But I feel like when we were growing up, people made fun of people or they talked about the little skinny girl. I don't feel like it affected us the same way, but maybe it did, like you said. Okay. So, okay. I see what you're saying. In my household, because that's what I saw, that's what I wanted. But I will say that growing up in the 90s, there was more of a totality of beauty. That's real.

You see what I'm saying? Like, to this day, we all acknowledge how gorgeous Aaliyah was. Aaliyah wasn't like any shapely woman like that. You know, looking back, you can see photos of a young Nia Long, young Gabrielle, Halle Berry, Sonali, Jada Pinkett,

Jada Pinkett, young women. And it really was about the face card growing up. It really, really was about the face card. Many different body types. Many different body types. J-Lo was a different body type. Exactly.

You know what I'm saying? And then Serena came out. Not came out, but you know what I'm saying like that? So growing up, there was definitely like more of a spectrum. Like now you got to be fine. You got to be bad.

You got to be sexy. Like growing up, you could be cute. You could be, you know what I'm like? Around the way girl. You could be around the way girl growing up. Like LL's coined that phrase. He's right. Yeah, you could definitely be that girl and still be able to pull the dude.

Those are the flyest ones though. Like the around the way girls are the way the flyest ones. Like, but you know, on social media and social media, that's not what it, that's not what it's giving on social media. Like you gotta be the baddest.

You know what I'm saying? And it's just like, okay, cool. You also say in the book, we talking to Shaniqua Golden, her new book, a black girl in the middle essays on allegedly figuring it all out.

Now you say that having fun is exhausting. Having fun is exhausting. Is your country falling apart? Feeling tired, depressed, a little bit revolutionary? Consider this. Start your own country. I planted the flag. I just kind of looked out of like, this is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. There are 55 gallons of water for 500 pounds of concrete. Everybody's doing it. I am King Ernest Emmanuel. I am the Queen of Laudonia. I'm Jackson I, King of Capraburg. I am the Supreme Leader of the Grand Republic of Mentonia.

Be part of a great colonial tradition. Why can't I trade my own country? My forefathers did that themselves. What could go wrong? No country willingly gives up their territory. I was making a rocket with a black powder, you know, with explosive warhead. Oh my God. What is that?

Bullets. Bullets. We need help! We need help! We still have the off-road portion to go. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. And we're losing daylight fast. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast Post Run High is all about. It's

a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout? Well, that's when the real magic happens. So if you love hearing real, inspiring stories from the people you know, follow, and admire, join me every week for Post Run High. It's where we take the conversation beyond the run and get into the heart of it all. It's lighthearted, pretty crazy, and very fun.

Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia Keys opens up about conquering doubt, learning to trust herself, and leaning into her dreams. I think a lot of times we are built to doubt the possibilities for ourselves. For self-preservation and protection, it was literally that step by step. And so I discovered that that is how we get where we're going. This increment of small, determined moments.

Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay. Like grace. Have grace with yourself. You're trying your best. And you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before.

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You heard that right. A podcast for all ages. One you can listen to and enjoy with your kids starting on September 27th. I'm going to toss it over to the host of Historical Records, Nimany, to tell you all about it. Make sure you check it out. Hey, y'all. Nimany here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop. Flash, slam, another one gone.

Bash, bam, another one gone. The crack of the bat and another one gone. The tip of the cap is another one gone. Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history, like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa Parks did the same thing. Check it.

And it began with me. Did you know, did you know? I wouldn't give up my seat. Nine months before Rosa, it was Claudette Colvin. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro, host of the hit podcast, Family Secrets.

How would you feel if when you met your biological father for the first time, he didn't even say hello? And how would you feel if your doctor advised you to keep your life-altering medical procedure a secret from everyone? And what if your past itself was a secret and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child? These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions we'll be asking on our 11th season of Family Secrets. Some of you have been with us since season one, and others are just tuning in. Whatever the case, and wherever you are, thank you for being part of our Family Secrets family, where every week we explore the secrets that are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, and the secrets we keep from ourselves. Listen to Season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I think Buddy's exhausted. Explain it. Sounds like that big old age when you start saying that, that old age. Honestly, I'm an introvert. So I am somebody who is recharged with candles, being by myself, intimate settings are those that I really love. Growing, when I finally became of age to like go out and party I was trying to conform to the type of person I thought I should be in my 20s which is someone who goes out parties drinks and now I had those moments I definitely did I'm not gonna say I didn't but I would always have to like sit on the

couch regroup recharge just like sit in the corner to myself and i really thought that there was something wrong with me growing up because people would be like yo like have fun you're gonna you're gonna regret this when you get older and now like the only thing i regret is if i miss like a jet blue deal you know what i mean like i don't regret not going to the club or not going to a party or whatever the case may be but this world really doesn't know how to interact with introverts without taking offense and the type of fun that you're supposed to have to me it's just i'm i'm super good like i'm super good like i'm not the girl that's outside

were you allowed to go out because i know with especially west indian families right they right make sure especially their daughters don't go out until 21 you know i mean like so excellent question again so my mom was my mom had me when she was 16 years old and she was super protective of me because she was afraid that i was going to do what she did so growing up i could not go outside like that and then when i finally got of age everyone was like oh you're you're gonna wild out you're gonna do this you're gonna do that and when I finally got outside I was like I think I'm good I'm like I think I'm alright I kinda just want to go home and you know read this book but it's hard telling people,

I don't want to be with you anymore. I'd rather go home and be by myself. They cannot understand that without taking offense. They don't get it. You know what I'm saying? And I think it might be challenging being friends with me because I'm someone who needs to be by themselves. But I've also experienced

that extroverts they use you what do you mean they use because they need the energy of other people they need to what's going on how you feeling like they they need that energy you know what i'm saying and like for me like i keep most extroverts at a distance because I will not be used as your battery. And when you're an introvert, just going out, the energy you exert, just having to perform. Yes. And put on the happy face. Perform and be on and be like, what's up? And how you doing?

I'm ready to leave before I even get there. Word. I'm ready to go before I even have arrived. In the book, you also talk about a black girl math. What is black girl math exactly? And can we learn it? Black girl math is a quick calculation that black women have to do when they are met with racism, when they are met with condescension. And sometimes the reaction can just be an eye roll like and

sometimes the reaction is a full-blown cuss out but it's the quick how do I address this situation and some black women they choose not to address it just going about their day depending on the setting of where you are should i say anything how do i say something because when you are a black woman having any kind of emotion outside of that's okay is considered bad because of the angry black woman stereotype the angry black woman stereotype because of the fact that we are the mules of the world, the fact that we must bear everyone else's ish. So it is. Yeah, it's the math that we sometimes have to do. That's why I like the Jagged Little Pill chapter, because you talk about being both terrified of your anger and propelled by it.

I say it all the time. If you if you meet a person, a black woman and you label them them an angry black woman there's probably a legitimate reason why they're angry and doesn't your therapist say you should feel your feels my therapist does i'm gonna see him today my therapist says i'm gonna feel my feels um so jagged little pill chapter seven is about is about uh anger i am not someone who is comfortable with anger because i have not been in situations where I have seen two people with opposing viewpoints respectfully disagree feelings not get hurt things not being said that you can't take back um I've also uh before I could even articulate it, I've also been someone who was like, if you could do that and or say that, then you don't really have much to lose.

So me expressing my anger to you, is it going to really benefit this situation? Confrontation is not something that I feel like I'm good at because I have, I've, I've been the recipient of many emotional misdemeanors and felonies and people. Um, I don't think people have conflict resolution skills.

They just want to disrespect. They want to tear you down. They want to make fun of you. And if I use better discernment and picked people who were um sincerely interested in my point of view against what common ground then i think i might be better with anger people like confrontation over conversation nowadays they do they do like that um there are i had an incident happen maybe about a year ago with a dear friend and he just. It was his perspective. I'm wrong. This is what I'm going to apologize for. And that's that.

So, you know, that's fun he called he was just interested in ensuring that his pride was still intact at the expense of my feelings his pride was still intact at the expense of your feelings yeah okay

let's round on that a little more we're done yeah I was going to ask you was it somebody you were dating or was it just a friend because when you're in a in a relationship I notice pride is a lot more because a lot of people feel like they want to win that relation

that situation or that argument in a relationship if it's a friend a friend is more likely to be like ah we'll talk tomorrow but in a relationship it's more of a I gotta stand my ground. And that's where we, you know, term right fighting was like you fighting just to be right. Even though you're not hearing the other person at all. It wasn't a relationship.

It wasn't. It wasn't a relationship, but it was a man who I cared for deeply. And, you know, he just needed to be right. Y'all don't speak anymore, obviously. Oh, absolutely not. Damn it, man. Was it that serious? Could be nothing that serious if y'all don't speak anymore, obviously. Oh, absolutely not. Damn it, man. Was it that serious? Could be nothing that serious if y'all weren't in a relationship.

It was just a topic. No, it wasn't that serious. Jesus. It's okay, though. May God bless him. That means she don't really mean that. May God bless him. When you sat down earlier, you talked about your standards and how you have a set of standards.

But also in the book, you talk about lowering your expectations. So is that for people or just things? Wait, what do you mean lowering expectations? Which chapter? Chapter 10. No, no, no. Lowered expectations. Lowered expectations.

That's actually about my cousins. My cousin Tara, who is married, and I went to her house for Halloween one day. She had a big party. We got drunk. We both went to sleep. The kitchen was a mess. And then we woke up and it was clean because her husband cleaned the kitchen. And I was blown away.

I said, you married a man who helps you in the kitchen. This is it. And I just could not. That was like the first time i ever saw that and then it realized i realized that what i was asking for in romantic relationships partnership and hope was not um it was not such a big deal like it could be done but it just wasn't being done yeah so that's that's what that chapter is about lowered expectations that's what we were talking about also this morning because you know on mother's Mother's Day... Was it after Ozempic Butt?

Before Ozempic Butt. Before Ozempic Butt. Yesterday was Mother's Day, and on Mother's Day, men, we try our best to make our wives' days easy. Yeah. I'm like, why can't we do this every day? Yeah.

You know? But I think, like you said, it's partnership and relationship, right? Because most people would be like, I didn't expect him to do that. But in my relationship, and I'm sure Charlamagne's relationship as well, if his wife is drinking and she's with her friends, we take care of the house. It is what it is.

It's not like this is my duty or this is what I have to do. It's just this is what we do together. We build together. But you've been married. You said you've been married for 23 years. And how long have you been married? Me and my wife have been together 26 years. We've been married.

It'll be 10 this year. 10 this year. I also think that you been married? Me and my wife have been together 26. We've been married. It'll be 10 this year. 10 this year. I also think that you have to like grow into marriage. You know what I'm saying? And you have to like figure out the ebb and flow of the relationship. What I haven't, what it said that in that chapter, Tara and Winston, they've been together for like 20 some odd years. You know what I'm saying?

So they definitely help one another. But I don't want to wait 10 or 15 years for my partner to wash the dishes after I've cooked all day. That's what I'm saying. That level of partnership I don't think should have to come after 20 some odd years of marriage. Or being in a relationship with someone. If you and I are together and you see i cooked bust some suds that's that's what i'm saying true but you might have a 15 year old that's their job i'm just saying you're not wrong but if you've got 15 year old yeah that's your that's their job now okay fair yeah yeah fair um does anybody ever figure things out no yeah no hold on you look like you're thinking about

something what are you thinking about no i was thinking about um we always have these conversations with uh gender roles right gender okay and what people feel that they should be doing in a relationship okay um and when i heard that, I was like, some people would feel that a woman, that's a woman's place and a woman's job. And I think a lot of times, not to say that that is a place and that is a woman's job, but I feel like in sometimes relationships,

we lose gender roles because people want to be too independent. And what I mean by that is, there's some things I don't want my wife to do. Such as? I don't want my wife taking out the trash. Okay. It just is what it is. That's my job.

Certain things, but that's just our relationship because I want to do that as a man. That's what my dad taught me. Not to say that my wife can't take out the trash, but certain things, I'm going to do

because I don't want my wife doing that. You know what I mean? But in certain things like washing the dishes, I don't, I wash the dishes and like Charlamagne said,

I got six kids. One of them all is going to wash the dishes of them is what it is but i just feel like sometimes in relationships people get too stuck on gender roles and not stuck on just having a happy relationship you know like what i can do what i can't do that's what i was just thinking okay does anybody ever figure it all out no no. No. No one figures it all out. Allegedly. No.

That's why you put allegedly in parentheses? Yeah, definitely why I put the allegedly in parentheses. No one figures it all out. No. I'm not even close to figuring it all out. I'm still healing from things that happened. I talk about a friendship that has gone awry. I talk about a relationship that caused me to change my phone number.

I'm still healing from a lot of things, so I haven't figured it out at all. talk about a friendship that has gone awry. I talk about a relationship that caused me to change my phone number. I'm still healing from a lot of things, so I haven't figured it out at all. I am trying to figure it out, but no. Why should people get this book if you had to leave our listeners with one reason to go out there and get a black girl in the middle, essays on allegedly figuring it all out, what would it be? I worked really hard on this book. I put a lot of energy into this book.

There's a lot of vulnerability and honesty in this book. And more importantly, I know how much joy and contentment comes from reading books. Every day is not going to be a sunny day. Every day. That's four sneezes. Three?

Three. You got me scared in here. I'm like, damn. Every day is not going to be a sunny day in life. But I have opened up a book and I've dived into different worlds. A cup of coffee, a glass of wine. And it brings you so much contentment. It allows you to escape from whatever reality that you have at the moment. And I hope that my book does that for others. I want black women to feel reflected and represented. And I

want non-black people to understand that we are just as nuanced. When you are black in this country, it often feels like you have to be Barack and Michelle or Jane Beyonce you have to get shot nine times you know like the Tuesdays of life the Tuesdays of emotions that's not something that we're allowed to to play in that ground and I feel like my book does that

well go get it right now okay I just got before we go I just have one last question you just mentioned that you had to change your number for a friend for a relationship yeah I did why did you have to change your number so in 2019

I dated a man and everything was going great and then we broke up and he did not take that breakup well and he kept calling and he kept calling and the only way I could regain a sense of security and or peace was to change my phone number breakups are they are what they are they're very hard you know what i'm saying

you guys have been married since the year of the flood so you may not remember but um when we broke up i was going through the emotions of having broken up with this man that i really cared for but i was not expecting the fallout to lead to these the constant text messages constant phone numbers and i don't know if any of you have had to change your phone number but you become very emotionally attached to your number you know what i'm saying like my old number still has some points on from cbs you know that sounds kind of crazy of all things but it still does and um the only way i could get some distance was because of changing my phone number and the emotional things that came from that okay well the new book a black girl in the middle s is on allegedly figuring it all out

out right now we appreciate you for joining us tell them how to follow you and all that stuff too because shaniqua is you know her book is fantastic but she's just a phenomenal writer period so if you follow her on instagram like i do you're gonna get a lot of gems oh thank you so much and i want to say thank you so much for having your book come out next week give me just you know like if it came out or just i appreciate that so um i'm on golding girl 617 g-o-l-d-i-n-g girl 617 i'm on uh twitter x threads and instagram thank you so much all right it's breakfast club good morning wake that ass up. In the morning. The Breakfast Club.

Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not.

No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zaka-stan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-a-stan. On the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max.

You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay. Have grace with yourself. You're trying your best

and you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up? This is Ramses Jha. And I go by the name Q Ward. And we'd like you to join us each week for our show Civic Cipher. That's right. We discuss social issues, especially those that affect black and brown people, but in a way that informs and empowers all people. We discuss everything from prejudice to politics to police violence, and we try to give you the tools to create positive change in your home, workplace, and social circle.

We're going to learn how to become better allies to each other. So join us each Saturday for Civic Cipher on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, y'all. Nimany here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Executive produced by Questlove, The Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop. Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history. Like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa Parks did the same thing. Check it. Did you know, did you know I wouldn't give up my seat Nine months before Rosa

It was called a woman Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.