The Breakfast Club - Jess Fix My Mess! Callers Tap Jess Hilarious For Relationship Advice

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

Jess Fix My Mess! Callers Tap Jess Hilarious For Relationship AdviceSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God.

What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. We need help! That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast

Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay.

Have grace with yourself. You're trying your best. And you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Teresa, your resident ghost host. And do I have a treat for you. Haunting is crawling out from the shadows, and it's going to be devilishly good. We've got chills, thrills, and stories that'll make you wish the lights stayed on. So join me, won't you?

Let's dive into the eerie unknown together. Sleep tight, if you can. Listen to Haunting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated. Crooks everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were

turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Morning, everybody. It's DJ Envy, Charlamagne Tha Guy. We are The Breakfast Club. Jess Solaris is our guest co-host. That's right. Now we're doing Jess Fix My Mess. You know Jess got a podcast, Carefully Reckless.

Yeah, he keep on trying to talk over there. I'm in the third season, Carefully Reckless. That's right. There you go. Charlamagne, thank you so much. And I fix people's mess. That's what I do every Wednesday, y'all. Now, if you have a question

Or you need relationship advice Or any type of advice Jess is here for you Hello who's this? Hey this is Chomp House Customs What's going on y'all? Chomp House Turn your radio down

And ask Jess Whatever your problem is Give me your advice Listen I done got caught cheating On my old lady man I went out of town with her She done caught me cheating

Now I'm trying to get my family back together, man. I've been singing Keisha Cole every day, and I hate Keisha Cole with a passion, y'all. I don't know what to do. You don't know what to do. Uh, move on. Yes, I've been trying everything, y'all. What you mean you said just move on? Move on. You're not getting a back. You gotta fight

for that back, brother. Nah, it seem like he's been fighting, and he ain't been winning. I've been fighting hard. Yeah, and you ain't been winning. What you been doing to fight? Man, she done beat my ass, brother. No, it seemed like he's been fighting and he ain't been winning. I've been fighting hard. Yeah, and you ain't been winning. What you been doing to fight? She done beat my ass. She done beat my ass, destroyed my shop, all type of stuff. I'm still trying to fight for the family. It's not the first time, I can tell you. It's not your first time cheating, is it? No, this is the

first time. This is the first time. I ain't never cheated over four, five years together, nothing. Okay, so what made you do it? Man, I was drunk out of town one day, man. How you got to be trusted? Yeah, how made you do it? Man, I was drunk out of town one day, man. How you got considered not to be trusted yet? How did you get caught? Man, I was drunk one night and I was texting the girl.

When I came back home, I was tripping, y'all. But this is the thing. Did you post something? Did somebody call her? How did she find out that you cheated? No, she went through my phone because I was just moving kind of weird. We've been together since middle school, really. Right, so you don't know how to cheat, and your first time you got caught,

so that's why you don't need to know. Yeah, yeah. Or a bookie does not count. It's not my lane. Well, I think that she's more betrayed than anything, so it's just going to take time for that. This is your first time, and sometimes you only got to cheat one time to lose the person that you really shouldn't have cheated on. But, yeah, just keep fighting.

Can I give a shout out to my wife real quick? You got to do it nice. So you want to embarrass her? You want to embarrass her publicly? You want to put her name on there? Don't embarrass her. I'm tired of sleeping in my van. We didn't even hear her name.

We didn't even hear her name. You got a van? Angelina Marie McKinney name Angelina Marie McKinney Angelina Marie McKinney I love you aww I like Jess's advice it's going to take time and you might have messed it up so much

that she may not be coming back buddy but keep trying be persistent be consistent but be smart alright appreciate y'all y'all follow me on Instagram you worried about the wrong things right now. That's how he had bitches in the first place in the bed in Miami. Follow me. I'm going to give a shout out. Hello. Who's this?

Hi, this is Erica. Hey, good morning. What's your question for Jess? Hi, family. I feel like we're all family. I listen to y'all every morning. We are. Well, my question is, I've been with my husband for right at six years. Before we got married, things were off. You know, there was nobody taking score of anything. Whatever he didn't do, I picked up the slack, did it, without asking questions or anything, and vice versa. But we got married the first year after I remember my first anniversary. I'm sitting at the table by myself with the top of the cake from the wedding,

and he's outside watching the car. But it just went down here from then. So I'm just trying to see, should I stay? Because every time he apologizes, I accept it and it seems like he does something else. Like, he cheated the first year. The second year, he just started going in on my character, trying to make me feel like I'm less than who I am. But thank God I know who I am. But he's just been so disrespectful and disloyal.

He talks about me to his family. Listen, listen, listen. Well, do you know who you are? I do. Do you? Hey. No, seriously. Am I looking in the mirror?

That's literally it. I'm serious. No, that's a real question. No, seriously. He says, do you know who you are? You stuck around for a lot and you got red flags early on. And he knows all he got to do is apologize. And you'll forgive him

you love him to death uh he loves the convenience he loves being able to do what he wants to do if he knows he can smooth it over with you know whatever you want to hear he knows what you want to hear he knows how to get back in good graces with you i don't think you do i think you know who you are i don't think you know your value i don't think that value yeah i think you you should search for that because that is no way is no way you supposed to be in the predicament you in right now and you've seen all them flags boo hey it is so hard my parents been married 50 years kept saying work you know i'm like oh my god mommy daddy i just so you are so you don't know who you are you're living for everybody else you're living for everybody else you have to really really know who you are you have to because

honestly he don't need to know who you are if he did he wouldn't be doing it so yeah you got to go you got to go anybody talk to you about his family he talks about you too girl you're gonna get me mad don't go i talk about you Wednesday, girl. Damn. Damn. I don't like that. That's true, though. I was going to say, at least try to have a conversation with the brother. But you know what? This is Jess. This is Jess Fix My Mess.

800-585. And this is how I fix it. All right. 800-585-1051. You need relationship advice, call Jess right now. It's The Breakfast Club. Good morning. Good morning, everybody.

It's DJ Envy, Charlamagne Tha Guy. We are The Breakfast Club. Now, if you just joined us, of course, our co-host is Jess Hilarious. She's here. And we opened up the phone lines for Jess Fix My Mess. If you're going through some problems, some relationship issues, Jess is here to help you. Hello, Sandy. Hey.

Good morning. Hey, you're going through a big problem right now, and I know it's holding you back, so you can go ahead and talk to her right now. I am married. I've been married for three years and we just had our first baby last year. Congrats. Congratulations.

Thank you guys. The situation is kind of drastic. At first, the sex was great. My husband and I were sexing all the time but it's been about 11 months. I didn't do a breakfast the whole time. I've tried, like, setting the mood.

I've done it all. Like, but we are not having sex. It's only 60, girl. I'm done breastfeeding. Like, my body, I'm getting my body back right. I've lost about 60 pounds. But he's just not, he's not, like, it's not getting up.

The side chick draining the hell out of him. Excuse me, Charlamagne, what you say? Okay. Now you said it's been 12 months you haven't had sex, right? 12. Well, since I got pregnant with a baby. So that would be a year. So 12 plus 9. Okay, so y'all haven't had sex in a long time. Okay, have you

ever talked to him about it Like you know this Communication Have you ever Talked to him about it Asked him what's wrong Or are you embarrassed We get a virtual Virtual therapy session

Like I ask him If he wanna see Like a sex doctor He's an introvert Like he's a black nerd He's not really Like aggressive So I'm like okay babe

We can work around that But I'm kind of like At my peak Cause I'm like Bro I'm ready Like I'm Needing okay, babe, we can work around that. But I'm kind of like at my peak because I'm like, bro, I'm ready. Like, I'm needing a little bit more. Okay. And then when you said that, what did he say? He was like, okay, babe, I'll get it together.

I'll try, you know, and it's just still nothing. You don't think at all that it's somebody else? I'm not trying to put that in your head. I just have to ask because, you know, I'm a therapist, allegedly. I don't think so. I honestly don't think so. I know finances were like a big thing. You know, I know sometimes men can't focus

on multiple things at once. I put a year off with the baby. Is his penis getting hard? You're worried about the wrong thing, man. Damn. Maybe she just had a baby. He's having stress. Maybe his penis is not getting hard. You're going to cut her off. She was talking about her damn baby. Yo stress maybe his penis is not getting her she was talking you were cut her

off she was talking about her damn baby and you're going yo is this penis hard you know i'm saying right now two women talking ain't not one woman bought a penis but you did first here you go and then now you got your man howling at you mad at you and all that listen all right i'm sorry ash i mean what's your name sandy sandy all right sandy so listen yes so when it. So when a man is stressed out, it can be a number of things. Girl, you said you took off for a year. So you were home. So he had to fend for the whole household. I don't know what he does or what that looks like, but I know that that man is probably tired.

Newborn baby, because I know you're tired. So y'all still take turns with the baby, I'm assuming. And then sex is probably not the furthest thing from his mind, but when you're struggling, it's a lot of things going on. I'm telling you, you can't get it up. And I ain't got one to know, but I had a man who was stressed out before and could not get it up. Really? So I left, yeah.

You left him? Damn it. Yeah, he was struggling on his own, not me. He's ****. Damn, I am. So, yeah. Damn it, yeah. You left him? Damn it. Yeah, he was struggling on his own, not me. He told you? Yeah, I... So, yeah, you know. Damn it, Jess trouble. Okay, okay.

Yeah, so I think that's what it is. So what should I do? Like, just be patient and just... Girl, do you have a rose? Do you have a toy? Yeah, I know you asked me, can you cheat? I want a rose. Oh, okay.

Do you still want to be my... You good? You still want to stay there? I do. I mean, I'm... At this point, I'm at this point, I'm at the gym every day. You just, okay. So basically, you're saying you're getting this body together. And if one man ain't going to take advantage, somebody else will, huh?

Take him to the doctor so he can get himself checked out. Because maybe they have pills or the honey or whatever they can use. I'm going to be honest. She said he a nerd. He probably in that metaverse having sex with them virtual reality with. Listen, that's why I said it has to be something. I don't know.

Don't put that in her mind. That might not be true. Yeah, you know what? Yeah, and I don't need to say I thought about it too. No. We ain't going there with it. I don't want him

when he say he playing video games. I bet you he be in there pumping the air. Yo, shut up, man. With them dumb ass glasses on. This is what I think. This is what I think you should do. I think you should honestly

talk to him and tell him that you are a female that you have needs and you understand you know his black nerdism and all the introvert and all of that and everything is going on but you need to be sexually satisfied some type of way so if he can give you a hall pass until he get his his you know his thing situated you know what i'm saying or does he does he give good oral what's going on or is he too nerdy for that well he's not he's not really an oral person

oh girl yeah you got to get a hall pass if he ain't doing this but also you know sometimes this is not for me because I actually I love when my wife's pregnant

but sometimes when you know men see the baby come out the vagina and the vagina opens so much and then the after boof it turns guys off so he gonna be turned he still turned off right now

I don't know they ain't I don't know. They ain't. I don't believe that. No, I still think there's compromises. And I'm not married. These two men are married. But I think you have to compromise. Look, if you know you ain't getting it up, you got to be sopping me up like a biscuit or something.

Like you have to. You say, I don't like giving a s**t. Child, what do we like doing? Damn. Radio silence? Exactly. I mean, it's a year. It's been a year. We haven't done anything

in a while. I don't condone cheating. I don't condone cheating. I condone an understanding that needs have to be met. And as long as he knows what's up, if he agrees with it, I think that y'all just need to go ahead and do

that. Invite another man in or invite in or another woman or something how much did your body change yeah she after the birth gained about 100 pounds so you ain't say that damn what did you weigh before hold up what did you weigh you both the lead with that man you left that off i'm sorry you left that off the scale, right? See? You want to ask the right question? First of all, she 150 to 250? I know. What did you weigh before the 100? I weighed 190 pounds. But, I mean, I carry it very well.

Oh, so you got up to 290? Yes. Yes. I was on bed rest. You went from 190 to 290. So what do you say now, Jess? I just say that she's doing the right thing by being in that damn gym. And she just keep coming down

and just, I think. I'm about 60 down. Oh, that's good. That girl just keep on coming. You're on that pin too. Was that diabetic pin everybody used? No, I think she's doing good with the gym. Just keep on because the more you come down on the weight, the more the penis will go up.

I think that's what it is. Now that we know, we're getting to it. So I love you. Good luck, Sandy. Just stay in there. Don't cheat. Damn, I didn't know she was that bad. See, I figured that. I was like, you know, maybe the body transformed.

He's not turned on anymore. See, you're a man, so this is good. I can't ask the questions for a man. I never seen 300, though. You both would love your boo, though, even if she gained a little weight. I agree. For sure, for sure. No, and he's saying that his penis don't.

Oh, you stupid. It's him. He's staying. He there. And we don't know what he look like. He might have gained some weight, too. We don't know. You know what I mean?

Jesus. We don't know. It might just be two big old circles. This is on top of each other. All right. Let's get it. That's enough. We got Jess with the mess coming up.

Give us a little tease. What we talking about, Jess? Jesus. Oh, my God. Oh, but listen. Make sure you subscribe to Jess and Larry's podcast, Carefully Reckless on the Black Effect iHeartRadio Podcast Network. She does Jess Fix My Mess on there every week.

Every week. All right. So Styles P says, Biggie wanted to squash beef between Diddy and the Lox before he died. Great segue. Y'all went from that call to the Biggie Smalls story. Yeah, because he was big. That's right. Yeah.

Great segue. Jess with the mess is up. big. That's right. Yeah. Great segue. Just with the messes up, next is The Breakfast Club. Good morning. The Breakfast Club. Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine.

I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets.

Listen to Escape from Zakistan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself.

It's okay. Have grace for yourself. You're trying your best, and you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast's going to be devilishly good. We've got chills, thrills, and stories that'll make you wish the lights stayed on.

So join me, won't you? Let's dive into the eerie unknown together. Sleep tight, if you can. Listen to Haunting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th, 2017

was assassinated. Crooks Everywhere unearths the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. into a mafia state.