The Breakfast Club - Nia Long & Ime Udoka are in a good coparenting space after his alleged Celtics coworker cheating scandal 

Episode Date: October 10, 2025

Nia Long talks about her priorities in romance and her amazing career in a new article with The Cut. There’s some real gems in here, especially about partnership and children.YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@BreakfastClubPower1051FMSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. The murder of an 18-year-old girl in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved for years, until a local housewife, a journalist, and a handful of girls, came forward with a story. America, y'all better work the hell up. Bad things happens to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad-free,

subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. Short on time, but big on true crime. On a recent episode of the podcast, hunting for answers, I highlighted the story of 19-year-old Lechay Dungey. But she never knocked on that door. She never made it in size. and that text message would be the last time anyone would ever hear from her. Listen to hunting for answers from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decoding Women's Health. I'm Dr. Elizabeth Pointer, chair of Women's Health and Gynecology at the Atria Health Institute in New York City. I'll be talking to top researchers and clinicians and bringing vital information about midlife women's health directly to you. A hundred percent of women go through menopause. Even if it's natural, why should we suffer through it? Listen to decoding women's health with Dr. Elizabeth Pointer

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, we're not going to choose an adaptive strategy. which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denials is easier.

Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm a homegirl that knows a little bit about everything and everybody. You know what's going to lie about that, right? Lauren came in hot. Hey, y'all, what's up? It's Lauren La Rosa.

and this is the latest with Lauren LaRosa. This is your deli dig on all things, pop culture, entertainment news, and all of the conversations that shake the room, baby. Now, today we are going to dive into an article that was honestly just released. As I was heading here to the podcast, I saw that this article was released and a major announcement about this celebrity was released. So we're going to get into all things Nia Long today. And for those of you, I mean, if you're listening to this podcast,

I don't know how you would be unfamiliar with Nealong. But for those of you who are unfamiliar with Neal, honestly, I don't even want to do that. Because if you listen to this podcast and you're unfamiliar with Nealong, the rock you live under is not my problem. We are not going to do that today. So, Nealong, you know, actress, you know, just, man, like, Nealong is literally when I think, just saying actress to me is an underscore, it's an undersell. I think when you talk about Nealong, and what her career has been.

Nia Long has been, I'll just speak for me personally. Like, she is an actress. And, you know, I visually, when I say actress, see all of the roles that she has played on camera from boys in the hood to, I mean, even like recent things she's done. Like, you know, there is a movie, I forget, what is it called? It's about, I only remember her name in the movie, C.C. Bloom. because my best friend Sierra, that's what her family calls her. Hold on one second.

Beaches, yes. So from Boys in the Hood to, I mean, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, and of course, Love Jones. I mean, it's Nealong. Like, Love Jones. Like, I just, I literally just watched Beaches again on Netflix. Nealong remade the, I think it was an 80-time,

the 80-film, the 80-film beaches. And she played C.C. Boom in the film. But, I mean, I just think, of her as a 90s culture like architect and I feel like with Nealong and she talks about it we're going to get into an interview that she did for The Cut magazine and the headline of the article says Nia Long isn't romanticized in the past she'd rather live in the moment and lift up the next generation in Hollywood and you know I just think about everything that Nia Long Like stood for, right, as a black woman in television, just a woman, a powerful, beautiful, but, like, sexy, not afraid to say how she feels and show a powerful woman in Hollywood, for me, just watching her.

And I think about, you know, down to, they just announced that she is going to be Estée Lauder's first ever ambassador for North America exclusively, which means she'll get to do, like, TV deals and or TV campaigns and digital. campaigns and all the things for the brand, but I'm like, duh. Like, Nia Long not only is a person that I watched on camera because she was great at playing these characters and these roles and storytelling and really just being the girl, you know, the girl next door and the girl from around the way who was so smart. You know, I remember boys in the hood, I always thought that it was so fired at, like, she was the girl that was, like, beautiful and she was like there and she's around, but she's headed to college and her head is on straight and she's fly and she's sex.

And, you know, I think for a lot of us, you know, for me as a black woman, looking at that on TV, it was like, okay, cool. Like, I'm growing up as a girl around the way, but there's more to just my neighborhood. But it's also okay for me to still be very intertwined and indulged and engulfed in my neighborhood. But when it's time to step away, it's time to step away. But also just being, I mean, I don't know. Her beauty, to me, I'm like, duh, Estee Lauder and whoever else, cover girl, all the brands, right? But that came out today as well. So she did this interview with The Cut and they talk about, you know, her and everything

she's doing with Estée Lauder. But then they also get into just what being a woman in her role has meant for her. So she's speaking with the cut and they just start really getting into her life. And one of the things that is starting to go super viral already is one of the quotes from a part of the interview. So this part of the interview, they're talking in a day along. about balancing work and love. And she says, I don't think there's ever been a time in my life

where I was willing to give up my life to be someone's wife or girlfriend ever, period. And then she laughs. She says, I don't care how difficult the journey has been. I think you can have both. And she's talking about the love and the career, which has always been a conversation, especially, you know, I mean,

Nia Long has been in this game for a long time. Leon Long has kids. Nealong has been in a very public, you know, situation with her partner. I may, I'm probably saying his name wrong. I may, who was coaching for the Celtics, you know, at the time when all this stuff was going down and there was the cheating allegations and Nealong, like publicly, that's like finding out you got cheated on when you're at work.

And it's like, it's nothing you can do because you got to finish a shift, but you're so pissed and your heart is broken. Nealong would do some things publicly with her youngest son's father. She has two sons, her youngest son's father. I may. I believe it's I may. Is it I may? E may. If I'm saying it wrong, I apologize. I say a lot of people's names wrong. My bad. So, okay, my bad. But yeah, so she's been through a lot publicly. But, you know, even before that, she had the career. She had the husband. She had the family. All of the things. And she says, I never wanted to wake up in my 30s and 40s and say, well, what is the value of my life?

She says, now don't get me wrong, I admire women who are committed to being stay-at-home wives and running a house and raising the children. That's a job. But I also know that those children grow up and when they grow up, whether you're working, whether you're a working mom, a single mom, or stay-at-home mom, there's a moment that every woman feels like, okay, now it's time to recreate who I am. Now it's time to tap into my passion because there's so much pouring out. It's like the give or take.

It's basically like, okay, now your cup is empty and you got to refill it. So you got to give back somewhere. She says, I just have never been willing to give up my career and my dreams and my aspirations for a man. I think it's beautiful to have a partnership, but I don't need to be taken care of. It's nice to be treated. It's nice for a man to financially be giving. I love all of that.

I'm here for all of that. And it's actually like a prerequisite, right? Yes, girl. That's one of the biggest things I'm learning. It's nothing wrong with that being a prerequisite. The 2025 and this whole list of where people won't eat and will eat on the date, I ain't going to a chain restaurant and all that will make you feel like having prerequisites or things that you want when it comes to finances is a bad thing as a woman, which is crazy

to me. You don't got to be, you know, I'm not the type that's like if my man don't or can't, I won't, but you do want it. And I want to be honest about the fact that I want that. So I love that Neil Long said that here. She says, you got to come with all the presents. She laughs. The offerings, the surprises, the trips.

That's the icing on the cake. That's where I get to be soft. That's where I get to be a girl's girl. I'm sorry, that's where I get to be a girly girl, felt it. So when I think about Nia Long and I think about, you know, since the 90s, how long Nia Long has been in this industry and been relevant in this industry. I mean, the minute I think about Nia Long, I think about the line, short hair like Nia Long. Like her beauty has been a focus. Short hair like Nia Long.

People think of 90s, you know, beautiful brown skin, brown lit, brown gloss. soul food love Jones the flipped up bob anytime I do short hair brown lip it's all even my shirt today my shirt today I don't know if you guys can see it well because I'm sitting down but it's very much knee along soul food inspired when I put this on today I was like oh I just want to do brown lip natural glow vibes very much reminiscent of neon always an inspo but it's not just about her look I think it's always for a lot of us you know women that are trying to figure this out, we model and we model and we look at women who seem like they have it all figured out. And I say, I say seem like not as a knock to what Nealong may have

or may not have figured out. But, you know, I just know, people always say, I look like I haven't figured out, but I don't. Not about me, but like she would probably, I'm assuming she would probably say that because everybody, and she says in this article when she talks about co-parenting and having to figure out her situation after that very public separation that we talked about. Nobody has it all figured out, but eventually you get to a place of peace and understanding. And for Nia Long, looking at her career in the way that people have regarded her as a 90s beauty and all the things, that's something to aspire to. I think the way that people talk about you, in my opinion, in this industry carries you in how you are or how you are perceived

when you walk in before you're able to open your mouth and do so. And I think if you know nothing else about near long you know she is gorgeous you know she has had some of the most iconic roles she's been one of the most impactful and iconic black faces actress wise uh you know since the 90s and you know that there are generations of women especially us brown skin girls that have looked at nealong for inspo so we're in it we're and we're not just doing it because of beauty it's like okay she getting money she looks good the family unit is there just all the things and i think we saw a lot of people regard nia long when the situation with her ex and her child's father her youngest child's father happened because when everything came out you know about the allegations that were being thrown

his way and in real time nia long was being put in conversations of what was done to her and her relationship as far as you know his infidelity his alleged infidelity the world came out swinging like don't play with her like that we not don't play with our girl like that we not don't play with our girl like And also, Nia Long has talked about, I remember she did to sit down with GZ and she talked about how she didn't feel protected in that situation. And not by us, because again, we, the people came out swinging for Nia Long. Like, why is this even a public conversation? Why is this being leaked to press into media at all? But she said she felt she didn't feel protected or that the necessary steps were taken by the organization he was working.

with at the time and just people involved to protect her in their situation and the you know the fact that a lot of this should have remained anonymous but we move on all I know is what I've been told and that's a half truth is a whole lie for almost a decade the murder of an 18 year old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved, until a local homemaker, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story. I'm telling you, we know Quincy Kilder, we know. A story that law enforcement used to convict six people, and that got the citizen investigator on national TV.

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica occur. My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, producer, and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find. I did not know her and I did not kill her, or rape or burn, or any of that other stuff that y'all said. They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her. From Lava for Good, this is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame. America, y'all better work the hell up.

Bad things happens to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County in the Bone Valley feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad-free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Chetty, host of the On Purpose podcast. I had the incredible opportunity to sit down with the one, the only, Cardi B.

My marriage, I felt the love dying. I was crying every day. I felt in the deepest depression that I had ever had. How do you think you're misunderstood? I'm not this evil, mean person that people think that. I am. I'm too compassionate. I have sympathy for that fuck my man.

Put so much heart and soul into your work. What's the hardest part for you to take that criticism? This shit was not given to me. I worked my ass off for me. Even when I was a stripper, I'm gonna be the best pole dancer in here. When was the moment you felt I did it? I still, to this day, don't feel comfortable. I fight every day to keep this level of success because people want to take it from you so bad.

so bad. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Chetty on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite-sized stories of missing and murdered black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women. My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded

stories. stories like Tamika Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people, talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. But Tamika never bought the car, and she never returned home that day. One podcast, one mission, save our girls. Join the searches we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered black women and girls. Listen to hunting for answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network,

iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia. We had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles and you name But what they find is not what they expected. Basically, your stay-at-home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin. They go, is this your daughter?

I said yes. They go, oh, you may not see her for like 25 years. Caught between a federal investigation and the violent gang who recruited them, the women must decide who they're willing to protect and who they dare to betray. Once I saw the gun I tried to take his hand

And I saw the flash of light Listen to the Chinatown Sting On the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcasts Or anywhere you get your podcasts She also talks about co-parenting in this article And to my surprise Because I'm be honest with y'all

If I was near along And I had to go through What she had to go through Because she's a public figure and this was, you know, you talk about, you know, he's a coach for the Celtics at the time. And it's a very high profile situation. It would be a bit hard for me to figure out co-parenting in the way she's describing in this article. I get it.

They have kids and they got to figure it out. But I think, I don't know. There would just be a level of hurt and distrust that I don't know I would be able to as easily get over. But maybe it's different when you got kids. I don't have kids yet. But she says, Neil Long says, this summer I try. travel with my youngest son and my ex, E-May. We had a great time.

And that's what I mean, but I don't know if I could get to this point where y'all are seeing us out in public traveling together. You know, we've shown up at like basketball, soccer ball, soccer ball. Basketball soccer games together. That's one thing. That's easy to say, okay, they're both here because of like whatever. But traveling on trips together, her kid can easily go with his father and take that same trip.

It's a very big step for you guys to be doing that together. She says this summer, I traveled with my youngest son and my ex. We had a great time. I've never walked that much in my life, but it was really beautiful because we've had a very public journey that has found its way to peace and understanding. And there's a lot of mutual respect that we have for each other. The most important gift you can give your kids is to heal your trauma. And that's what I mean by, look, I don't have kids.

So me right now, I'm speaking from a place of that trauma would still be sitting very deep at the top of my stomach. And every single time I would have to engage, it would just come up like the, look, come up like the spirits in me, okay? It would hit me like the Holy Ghost every single time I had to just see the person in real life anyway. But listen, maybe kids give you a different sense of strength that I don't have yet in a different sense of needing for peace because I'm all here for peace.

But my piece is I never have to see you again nor talk to you. They don't have a choice here. She says, I don't talk much about my personal life. because it's no one's business. But every now and then, people speculate on social media. And it's like, me and coach are good. I hope he wins. He deserves to win.

He's really great at what he does. We can have experiences with our son and make him the priority. They're still healing to be done and understanding to be had, but the past is the past. And that's what I think to me is what is so like, oh my God, Lauren, you might need to grow up, like so remarkable and profound here. because I can understand piece is piece, there's no issue, but I think that's easier said than done when, again, I don't have to deal with anybody that I've dealt with in the past, I don't have to deal with them. We have no strings attached, not a thing, okay?

Love that for me. Love it. Like, I really, at this point, I don't even have an ex. I've never dated anybody besides a date, but a person I'm dating right now. That is how I handle, you know, life at this point. And that brings me peace. But it's a bit different here, especially too. I think even if they didn't share a son together, it's a bit different because, again,

it was so high profile. So you're always attached to that person once it's high profile and it hits the media and it becomes a storyline. She says, they're still healing and it needs to be done. I understand it to be had, but the past is the past. I'm not going to carry burdensome energy with me because that just transfers to my children and it transfers to everything else in my life. I'm working on me, Nia, all right?

I hear you speaking. I'm proud of myself. I think we're proud of each other as parents And we're able to make this an annual thing And commit to these last sweet years Of him being in grade school And high school before he goes off to college We're both going to be standing there

Watching him graduate And I mean I think this is the place that you have to arrive to Especially with a kid Grade school age is That's a big kid Your kid is on social So your kid is hearing things

seeing things, and even if your kid is not directly on social, their friends are. We just talked today at the breakfast club about Blue Ivy. And when Blue Ivy was doing the Cowboy Carter tour, y'all remember in the beginning of the tour, people were, you know, having some things to say about her dancing and her choreography, especially because, I mean, Beyonce is her mom. But Matthew Nose told Carlos King on reality with the king that social media was the reason and that Blue Ivy went, basically got in the gym. So I think at this point, when you have a kid that is this old

and also to, you know, Neil Long and, you know, her ex were together for some time, and they're just in different spaces, a lot more mature than I am. You don't have a choice, but to get to this place, and I think that it's important because you have so much going on day to day. And don't get me wrong, I'm not harboring any bad feelings or ill will for anybody in my past.

I think I've gotten to a point two where I'm like, I don't even know if these people deserve that. energy. But I don't interact with anyone. I think if I were to have to interact with any X that I had any bad breakup situation with, honestly, like my last situation, if I were to walk past him to there tomorrow, it would be nothing, like literally. Even if you were to speak, it just be like, oh, hey, what's up? But it's taking time for me to get there. And I've had the luxury of not having an interact and just acting like he fell off the edge of the earth. Because it's what I needed. And I'm sure it's what he needed as well, too.

But I had also gotten to a place by the end of that where, like, it wasn't like abrupt. Like, it seems like Nia Long's situation with her ex and her child's, her youngest son's father was very like, she didn't have a choice. Like, it was like, everything hit the news and it was just like, okay, is Nia Long going to go back? Is she not going to go back? And I think she did have a choice. Let me not say that. She did have a choice. But I think there is pressure when, you know, you got the whole world and all these girls who are doing the,

Short-haired like knee-long and a brown lip liner looking up to you about what are you going to do in this situation. And people forget that celebrities are only human. So it's like, you can take your baby father back like 10,000 11 times, right? He don't come pick up the kids. He got about four or five baby mamas. You're arguing and fussing and fighting with all of them. You can take him back. Cool.

The men in Neil Long decides to take anybody back or we get a photo of them on his vacation and it's picked up the wrong way as if they might be trying to figure things out. baby you the same person in the comments like i cannot believe her she is a role model for black people forget that celebrities are human but i mean neelong stood in where she stood in i think that's always been one of the things again that you know you look at people and you admire about them it's like it seems need it don't take no shit is what it seems like and be it as it may she's grown up in the industry where she can't so that goes into so many other parts of her life uh she continues to say, I talk about my kids a lot because they take up so much space in my life and my heart. Everything I do is for them.

I'm not a perfect mother. I've made any mistakes. My kids have seen me go through it, but that's the type of mother I am. If I'm pissed, everyone knows. See, that's so crazy that I said that. And I hadn't even read this paragraph in prep for today's episode. I just, I've never met Nealong, but just from watching her in interviews and how she's navigated her career and her characters too.

and I like in their characters but I think it gets to a certain point where you know when you're in a certain part of your career you get to pick and choose kind of what you're playing and why you're playing it and you know you're very mindful about what you're picking and she's been able to craft almost like a brand or a conversation for herself through her characters All I know is what I've been told, and that's a half-truth is a whole lie. For almost a decade, the murder of an 18-year-old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved, until a local homemaker, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story. I'm telling you, we know Quinn's. She killed her. We know. A story that law enforcement used to convict six people, and that got the citizen investigator on national TV.

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran. My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, producer, and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find. I did not know her and I did not kill her. Or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that y'all said it. They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her.

They made me say that I poured gas on her. From Lava for Good, this is Graves County. A show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame. America, y'all better work the hell up. Bad things happens to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County in the Bone Valley feed on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to binge the entire season ad-free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. marriage I felt the love dying I was crying every day I felt in the deepest

depression that I had ever had how do you think you're misunderstood I'm not this evil mean person that people think that I am I'm too compassionate I have sympathy for that my man put so much heart and soul into your work what's the hardest part for you to take that criticism this was not given to me I I worked my ass off for me. Even when I was a stripper, I'm going to be the best pole dancer in here. When was the moment you felt I did it? I still, to this day, don't feel comfortable.

I fight every day to keep this level of success because people want to take it from you so bad. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Chetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Hunter, host of Hunting for Answers on the Black Effect Podcast Network. Join me every weekday as I share bite-sized stories of missing and murdered black women and girls in America. There are several ways we can all do better at protecting black women.

My contribution is shining a light on our missing sisters and amplifying their disregarded stories. Stories like Tamika Anderson. As she drove toward Galvez, she was in contact with several people, talking on the phone as she made her way to what should have been a routine transaction. but Tamika never bought the car and she never returned home that day one podcast, one mission, save our girls.

Join the searches we explore the chilling cases of missing and murdered black women and girls. Listen to hunting for answers every weekday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia. We had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles and you name it.

But what they find is not what they expected. Basically, your stay-at-home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin. They go, is this your daughter? I said yes. They go, oh, you may not see her for like 25 years. Caught between a federal investigation and the violent gang who recruited them, the women must decide who they're willing to protect and who they dare to betray.

Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand, and I saw the flash of light. Listen to the Chinatown Stang on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts. Now this next part of the article, and we're going in here, because I want to open it up for conversation from you guys. This next part of the article hit me very close to home. So they talked to me along about being in her 30s, and then they talked to me along about being in her 50s.

So she says, your 30s are time to experience everything around you so that by the time you get to the age where you decide, I want to get married, or I want to have kids, or I don't want to get married, but I still want to have children. and you've been open enough to have these experiences to narrow down your purpose. I think 30 is definitely the time where, like, you start thinking purpose. Like, you think you know purpose and you think you know, oh, my God, this is why God put me here and the world deserves to get this version of me. No, I think 30 is where you at least, I don't think you get it fully in your 30s, but I think you start thinking about it in a real way and things start hitting you differently, especially if you coming to your 30s with kids or thinking about having them.

She says when I was 30, I was like, and I'm not. 33. That's why this hit me so close to home. She says when I was 30, I was like, okay, I want to have my first child by 30. I thought I was going to have my first child at 25. Like, that was always my thing before I got to college. When I got to college, I was like, 25 is not happening. Okay. I need my years back that I just spent in college. We're going to look at 35. Now I'm 33 and I'm like, oh, God. She says when I was 30, I was like, okay, I want to have my first child by 30. And it was always weird because I never said I wanted to be married. Marriage was secondary because I felt if it was meant to be, that would happen.

I had my first child at 30 and my second one at 40. I was so hyper-focused on surviving that I probably should have had more fun. So I think there's a healthy balance between being intentional about your focus, your passion, and to just say, fuck it, and have fun. You're going to have plenty of years to grind it out. That part hit me because one of my biggest things right now is, is, you know, I'm open to the idea of beginning to plan having my children. I don't want to have children right now.

This is not the time I think I'm just beginning to build, like, foundation in a real way for myself career-wise, and that's very important for me to, I know it won't be all figured out, but I do want a certain foundation before I have my kids. But when she said she at one point was planning her children and she was just like, you know, if marriage happens, it happens. I want to be married. I want the family dynamic. That is something I've always said.

But I realized this year that I've been, even though I've always said that, and a big part of that is because I didn't grow up with my father in my house. I bet my dad when I was like 13, I can pick up the phone and call him. He may or he may not answer. It depends on what he's going through that day. And if he answers how well our conversation goes depends on him, his energy that day. And I mean, my dad watches and listens to everything, gets upset when I say things like that, but it's the honest truth. And the reason why I bring that up, it's not a stab at him.

It's just that I realized this year has created an idea in my mind of like, okay, I want to be married and I want the family dynamic because it's not what I had traditionally in my house. My brother's dad was around. I have a lot of uncles and like all of that. So I was straight. I never knew I needed for a man in the household until I met people who had their dads in their house. but it's so it's created this idea that yes I want all of this stuff because I didn't have it and I know it's needed but I don't even really know why like like what is the need like why am I saying that like I'm saying it because traditionally that's what's supposed to happen but

I think this past so not this past summer it was a summer prior to that um about yeah the summer when I came home from L.A. and I was in transition. So it was, you know, I had done a little bit of a guest host in 2020, Breakfast Club. That was the first time that me and my dad spent like actual real time together because he was helping me renovate an event space that I had at the time. And I remember one day we were on the phone with contractors or it was like a painting company. It was a painting company, like a paint store. And my dad has an interior decorated business, does painting and all the things. So that's why he was there helping me. And there were two conversations, actually. So this is the first one.

I was on the phone with the paint store and I'm talking through things and he's telling me what to say and I think I said something wrong or like they told me they didn't have something that like it didn't make sense for them not to have and he took the phone and the way that they talked to him and was a guy on the phone the way that he talked to my dad and just I don't know the level of understanding that happened in the conversation instantly because a man got in the phone got on the phone and kind of just like took over and I was able to sit back. I remember literally the feeling of like, oh, this is what having a dad around is like and for. Like, I literally remember that. And that's something as small as like ordering paint from a paint store. But I just remember the reassurance of like, my dad got it. And like the reinsurance of, oh, a man is here. So it feels like there's like a safer space or like a, you know, like I never felt that

before. So I didn't really understand. Because it's different when it's your father versus like, you know, my brother's dad. And even that, him and my mom weren't together getting too personal. My whole point is, is that when I read this from Nia Long, I realized that when she says, and it was always weird because I never said I wanted to be married, that's different for me. I've always said I wanted to be married. But she says marriage was secondary because I felt if it was meant to be, that would happen.

I think in my mind, I'm saying this is what I want. But my actions, I was moving like, I mean, I can deal with who. whoever, even if I don't see my forever or this being the father of my children, because that's just going to find me, like the great men who's the father of my children, but not just the father of my children, but my life partner and my husband, oh, that'll just find me. I don't need to be intentional because it'll just snap into it or it'll just happen. No, I got to a certain point being single and being in my 30s and really starting to like think through what I want my like like this thing over here on the left of me that I'm saying

I want like marriage and children and like I don't just want a man in my house and to be married because I didn't see that. I want a real life partner. I want my kids to see me happy. I want my kids to see me working through things and it actually working out when I'm not happy. I want my kids to see me being respected, valued. And I want my kids to see me doing that to someone as well and I oh my god like this past like year has just been oh even the way I speak about kids I say my kids and I've had to learn how to be like our kids and our because in my mind marriage and all that it was just like I'm going to do that because it hasn't been done and I haven't seen it not because I truly felt like I was ever going to find a person that like

was my actual like okay this is my partner we're equally yokes this is what my children need, not just this is what I want for them. That whole little line right there, oh, it's just going to happen. It'll just fall in the place. I felt that. That's where I was up until this year, 33. And then she compares it to her 50s and she says, I'm turning 55 this year. My 60s are around the corner.

It sounds crazy to me, but I still feel like I'm in my 30s. I feel smarter. I feel safe. I've practiced a lot of forgiveness over the past couple years. most of my relationships are in a really good place and I did it for myself. I didn't do it for anyone else. Don't get me wrong.

There are days that I want to go in. We all have that. But when I feel that pressure or that angst or that anxiety or that need to have a deeper understanding of something or someone, I tend to get quiet and think about what I'm going through rather than whatever the outside circumstance is. And then you can approach things differently. I'm not in my 50s, but I feel like I've begun to do that a bit differently.

And maybe it's too, is because of, like, Nia Long has been famous and has been, had platform and success in a public eye for a really long time. Everything's just starting for me. Like, and I'm such a, I'm like, you know, small fish, huge pond on this platform that is like, you know, elevating things every single day for me. So I'm beginning to think about how I deal with things, how I respond to things so much more and so differently than how I've ever been.

because my only thought is you can't F this up. This is your shot. You cannot mess this up. And anything you do has a chance to hit the public. You cannot mess this up. So, I mean, this article, and I didn't even fully go through everything, but this article in reading about Nealong and just, you know, where her thinking is today from where she's come from and where she's been and where

she's going. She talks about, you know, she's dropping a memoir soon. She has a project coming up with Lauren's Tate. it was a great read. It was a great read. And I think, you know, here on the list with Lauren La Rosa, I think one of the things that is beautiful is that we get to talk about things in pop culture and conversations, in conversation, but we get to really have a conversation.

This was, you know, something that made me reflect. We'll love for you guys to go read the article on the cut, the feature on the along. Let me know what you guys think. Get in the comments. Get in, you know, the tweets, take it to the streets. and the tweets You for the tweets We outside, we outside, we outside in the tweets

Every other page I go I want to hear from you guys Ladies, especially like the ladies I would love to hear from you guys Because I think that conversation of like have it all We're having it a lot more now And we see people who do it

Like I commend Cardi B I commend all of the women Beyonce, all of the women that are able to Because it's not easy whatsoever But it's scary That is one of the things that I am most scared of doing. Someone asked me a question, what is the dream that you are scared of most? And I said, becoming a mom. And I'm not scared because I don't think I'll be a great mom.

I'll adjust. I move and shake. You can take care of your mother and your grandmother because the older people get, the more you can't tell them nothing. If I can figure that out, I can figure out a child, especially with a great partner, which I have. But the biggest thing for me is how will impact my career you know you got to be fit you got to show up physically mentally in ways like never before when you're a woman on a platform and I'm new here so my girl you only got one shot comes in to thought so much when I think about when am I going to have kids I want kids twins to start twin girls and they're going to be all over YouTube that's a whole other story um but yes like that's one of my biggest like I'm scared it's like I'm playing double dutch like all right

win all right when because I do want to plan it I think my career deserves a plan a plan a bit but I'm down you know if not plan but I'm scared so hearing her talk about you know just the way she used to think about marriage and you know she's okay with having a career while having a family and she's always been that way and she's always set out to be that way it's encouraging to hear because it's tough so ladies in the streets and the tweets let me me know what y'all think is anybody else out there scared like me is this thing going i'm the only one let's talk at the end of the day you guys could be anywhere with anybody having a conversation about all these things but you choose to be right here with me my low riders and i appreciate you guys

for that i'm la rosa this is the latest with la rosa and i will see you guys in my next episode The murder of an 18-year-old girl in Graves County, Kentucky, went unsolved for years until a local housewife, a journalist, and a handful of girls came forward with a story. America, y'all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people in small towns. Listen to Graves County on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. And to binge the entire season, ad-free, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts. Short on time, but big on true crime.

On a recent episode of the podcast, hunting for answers, I highlighted the story of 19-year-old Lechay Dungey. But she never knocked on that door. She never made it inside. And that text message would be the last time anyone would ever hear from her. Listen to hunting for answers from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to Decoding Women's Health. I'm Dr. Elizabeth Pointer, chair of Women's Health and Gynecology at the Atria Health Institute in New York City. I'll be talking to top researchers and clinicians and bringing vital information about midlife women's health directly to you. A hundred percent of women go through medical health. Menopause. Even if it's natural, why should we suffer through it? Listen to Decoding Women's Help with Dr. Elizabeth Pointer on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia. Had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles and you name it. Five, six white people. Pushing me in the car. I'm going to go. Basically, your stay-at-home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin. All you got to do is receive the package. Don't have to open it, just accept it. She was very upset, crying.

Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand and I saw the flash of light. Listen to the Chinatown Stang on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast.