The Breakfast Club - Pretty Private: Down Low Men Exposed: Part 1 with the DL Whisperer

Episode Date: August 2, 2025

The Black Effect Presents... Pretty Private with Eboné! In this Pretty Open series episode, Part 1 of Eboné’s conversation with the DL Whisperer, he shares his personal journey dating men on the down-low and what inspired him to support women facing similar experiences. Together, they discuss the prevalence of DL men in the industry, the emotional impact of relationships with men living double lives, and the common patterns he’s observed among DL men. Connect with Eboné: Buy Eboné A Gift: Shop Now Eboné PHG Storefront: Shop Now Read Eboné's Love Letters: www.theyalltheone.com  Website: www.thephgpodcast.com Instagram: @theprofessionalhomegirl & @prettyprivatepodcast TikTok: @prettyprivatepodcast Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@theprofessionalhomegirl Email: [e-mail] Shop PHG: https://www.thephgpodcast.com/shopYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@BreakfastClubPower1051FMSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Every case that is a cold case that has DNA right now in a backlog will be identified in our lifetime. On the new podcast, America's Crime Lab, every case has a story to tell and the DNA holds the truth. He never thought he was going to get caught. And I just looked at my computer screen. I was just like, ah, gotcha. This technology is already solving so many cases. Listen to America's Crime Lab on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you

get your podcasts. Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebene, a space where no question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower. From the laughs to the lessons, just remember, tough times don't last, but professional home girls do. Enjoy the show.

["What's Up?" by Ebenai plays in background.] What's up, y'all? I hope all is cute. It's your girl Ebene here and welcome back to Pretty Private. Now this week on the show, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down with DL Whisperer, someone who's shedding light on conversations most people are too afraid to have. Now in part one of our conversation, we dive into his personal journey with DL Men and how those experiences led him to create a platform that not only informs but also challenges the way we think about DL culture, black relationships,

and taboo topics within our community. So get ready because my conversation with DL Whisperer starts now. All right, so my guest, thank you so much for being a guest on Pretty Private. How are you doing? How are you feeling? Yeah. I'm feeling great. It's Sunday, it's early.

This is my prime time, early in the morning. So I feel great. Yeah, he got me recording on a Sunday on the lowest day. I said, I know that's right. Well, for those who may not know, I love your work. I discovered you on one of my favorite YouTubers, Stormarow. Shout out to him. And I was just so intrigued with what you're doing because I feel like you're literally doing God's work and being very informative, very helpful, very insightful.

And I can only imagine the flak that you do receive from certain people. But before we start, can you please let people know what is a down low man? So a down low man is a man that either has been with men, has desires to be with men, or I mean essentially either he wants to be with men or he has been with men and he's secretly doing it, but he's keeping his heterosexual identity. So essentially dating women, marrying women, but sleeping with men secretly. That's the cut and draw definition.

Right. So would you say there's a difference between a down low man and a closet man? Because I feel like it's a very thin line, right? I just made a video about that. Oh, you did? There's a big thin line. Because I feel like it's semantics thin line, right? It's a, I just made a video about that. Oh you did? There's a big thin line. Because I feel like it's semantics technically and I hate semantics.

Same. So I know people are like, oh I respect the closeted men, but I'm like, it's technically the same thing. Like the only difference is we assume a closeted man isn't pursuing women and that they're just only pursuing men, but people just don't know about their sexuality.

But I don't know many closet men, cause that's the street is gay people would call it. Exactly. That's why I was like, let me ask this question. Cause I feel like the line is very thin between the two. To me it's the same, but people are semantics. So I just let them, they want to use it. Cause even the whole gay and bi like men are either gay or they're straight. I don't do bi. Like it's, let's just keep it cut and dry like I don't like the semantics of it all.

Listen, if we both on my fours it's the same baby. Because a lot of people have been asking like what's the difference and I'm just like I don't really talk about it because there's really no difference because regardless you're not going to know if a man is if he's Sleeping with women or if you think that he's straight you're not going to know he's secretly with men regardless of if he's closeted or DL So they both do the same thing. It's just one we're assuming is not is not affecting women Yeah so what inspired the start helping women detect men who identify as or

So what inspired you to start helping women detect men who identify as or who are down low because I was reading Listen to your videos and stuff and I'm like wow, like you've been doing this for a very long time Yeah, so what originally inspired me I guess you could say is because okay when I like always tell people I was never with download men as like you see some people do it for My competition, I guess you could say, I don't approach men. So if a man approached me, I was never gonna assume he was down low. This is where that closeted comes into play. I'm gonna assume you're closeted.

But then I find out you're into women and all of this. Now I know that you're down low. So it makes it a lot different. And I wasn't too privy about the dating. So I didn't look at it as a bad thing. When men told me that they were down low, it's like, okay, that's your sexuality that has nothing to do with me.

So by me not really knowing what down low was, throughout dating, I learned what it was and I learned the way that they move. And like I always tell people, there was instances where my life was almost taken. So when my life was almost taken- From a down low man? Yeah. Oh, wow. So I was listening to almost taken. From a down low man? Yeah.

Oh, wow. So I was listening to that video. We don't have to say the name, but did you try to like confront him or? I tried to leave him actually, because I had essentially, you know, after a couple of years, I'm like, okay, are we getting married?

Cause at this point it's like, it's been five years. Like what we doing, nigga? You know what we doing? So he was like, we're never gonna get married. Like his parents were going through a divorce. It was a lot of stuff. So for me, I'm done. But then you know how it was a month later,

it was late at night, we was texting, I let him come over, shit didn't go how I needed it to go. And he couldn't get hard. Like, so when he couldn't get hard, I'm like, well, this is a sign from God that we're not even supposed to be right here right now. Right, not that nigga't get hard like so when he couldn't get hard I'm like well This is the sign from God that we're not even supposed to be right here right now Right, not get hard. It's a sign from God, child

So I was just telling him like well, this is a sign and he just couldn't you know And then I was growing on social media So he had built this paranoia in his head that somehow when we are completely done since I was leaving him that I was gonna Go do story times and you know, we exposed him. Right. I told him after five years don't you think after so many things that had happened if I was going to expose you I would have done that but see that's when I realized like their paranoia had it had nothing to do with me. It had to do with him thinking that his secret could even be exposed because I knew his secret. And not that I'm from a true,

because usually you don't see gay men leaving the deal, man. So even me doing that was like a big like, oh wow, like you're leaving me? Like, yo, like I'm done. I started- So how did it end? With all of that, like he tried to kill me and he ended up going to jail.

I ended up exposing him against the police wishes. Then I got doxxed. Then that was the end. I never saw him again. We had one conversation since, besides him doxxing me. But that was it. Because once we get physical and then, I know people when they hear like,

oh, he tried to save my life, like, I'm not playing. Like when I think knives, candles, biting, like just nonstop fighting for like 30 minutes. Then if you're from Atlanta or you live in, it's like Atlanta police forever to get somewhere. Like if I wanna, if I like always tell people if I couldn't have defended myself, I wouldn't even be here.

And when the police got there, they're like, don't expose him. Like you don't know what that's gonna do to his mental health. Wait, the police was encouraging not to expose him? Yeah, they was encouraging me to essentially allow him to do all of which he did to me. Because they only took him to jail because I pressed the issue.

They weren't even gonna take him to jail. He was driving with no license, DUIs, all of this. Then they didn't give a fuck. He had sold my wallet, my iPad, all of this. They're arresting him and they're taking out all of my shit. And they're like, oh, because they thought I was lying. They didn't believe you. From that point, I was like, OK, because I had never been in a situation with the police

and a DL man. And then I realized like, this wasn't what I thought. Yeah. And then that's when I was like, OK, even as far as the women, like, you know, I had a DL guy that I was talking to. Me even as far as the women, like, um, you know, I had a deal, got it. I was talking to me and his baby mama's kept getting to it and stuff. So I was like, you know, for me, I wanted to help women cause I was, like I said, I was a little bit younger.

So I was more so beefing with them. Like we're going back and forth. Whereas like I always tell the deal to now, cause I still talk to some of them just, you know, because it me up, but I be letting them know I should have went against you. I should not have been beefing with women, even though women were beefing with me, like they were approaching me, but I still should have thought like, hmm, maybe I should team up with them because the man is in our own. Because essentially he's playing us both. Thank you. And it was the, that's why I was like, I didn't beef with so many women about men that it well they beef with me but it's the fact that people be surprised because they'll think

that when women hear that their man is the L that that's it and it's like no a lot of them don't leave they'll just just like they'll be for the woman they're gonna beef with that gay boy. Which I am so surprised that in 2025 we are still going through this. I know. Like it's very shocking to me. I see why though. Why? Because people don't want somebody. People don't know how to be loved.

And I was like that too. So I was willing to accept literally anything because like I always tell my family, like it played into how I was raised. That's why we still people, how people are raised plays such a big part in who they become. So once I started going to therapy

and realizing a lot of my toxic traits, that made me not even wanna be with the old man. Cause it made me realize like their whole existence is- It's alive. It's alive. Like everything is built on lies. And then once I saw, when I came to everybody with what happens to me,

and I saw everybody's reaction, I was just like a little shocked because people didn't have sympathy, not that I wanted it, but it was like he became the victim. They become the victims. And I'm just like, are people like, I understand it's not okay to expose somebody's sexuality,

but the things that they do. But also don't force my hand. Right. That's why I say like, if he would have never attacked me, he would have never got exposed. And then from there, when somebody tried to take your life and that's the serious matter. So like I always tell people,

I should have got off social media, but I had my mental breakdown that I was gonna have, regardless I had it on social media, which is how all of these other men got exposed. Because I was pissed, like, you know, cause some of them were reaching out blaming me too. So I'm just like, everybody blaming me for actions that somebody else done.

Like at the end of the day, I can't make somebody attack me and try to kill me. Yeah. And how were you raised? Cause I think you make, that's a really good point. I always say that childhood makes or breaks your adulthood. So I was raised like split, like when I was with my mother, very toxic. But when I was with my great grandmother, very Christian,

very like, I feel like I contribute most of my personality and my, the good parts of me to my great grandmother. But my mom- You do have an old soul. Yeah, like my mom was toxic. So that's why they tell people like that, toxicness is in there because me, my mom was very, very toxic. And like I always tell people, I, it was this

one deal to, and he the one who made me even realize to start self reflecting it because he wasn't a bad person. And I guess we all say he was causative, but, um, you know, I kind of treated him terribly. And I, that was the first time I ever got cut off by anybody So it made me start reflecting then I realized like the way that you're treating people This is not love But I thought it was love because like like I said people long from you'll get cussed out be everything and then you're okay Yeah, you'll fight cuz scream say some of the most hateful shit, and then you're okay. Yeah, because that's the norm.

That's how I grew up. Yeah, but that's toxic. Right, no, it is. Because some people, I was with a man that had never got cussed out. His mama had never cussed at him. So when I'm cussing him out, calling him all types of bitches and that,

he couldn't take it. And I'm just like- Yeah, I would've left your ass too, nigga. Like, who you talking to? To me, I'm like, this is just tough love. Like, I mean, when you get to? So me, I want this just talk love. Like, I mean, when you get mad, you say shit sometimes that might. I had to realize that's that's not love, you know. So that's why we say like it was the combination. That's why I never I'm not mad at the old man,

because they helped me learn a lot about myself and the world in general. Because I know we can't say no names, but maybe when we're not recording, I'll tell you some stories. But the amount of men that are DL is crazy. Celebrity wise? Yeah. Oh, yeah. But people always think I'm like, like Atlanta now. That's why I say I'll tell you. So we'll talk about that after. But yeah, that's why I'm like, I had TV shows in college, all of this. So the DL thing has always been something that, you know, I've been, you know, kind of trying to help people with because with the TV shows that was going to help people, but DL man stopped it.

So, you know, when I realized like, okay, I don't really need a TV show or I don't need other platforms or other people to help me spread this information. I can just literally record a video. So once I really got into that and I finally decided like I didn't care what my job thought cause I've always worked in public education. So, you know, working at it. You definitely give me educator vibes.

Like, child, you pull out them notes and you get to teach it. I just know that's right. But you know, this one, because this is part of why I lost my job, because this is too controversial. Yeah, I knew that's why I wasn't associated my name with it. But once I got doxxed again and people associated it to my name, I didn't really have a choice.

So, you know, I kind of go with it. And that's why I was like, for me, it just made me realize, like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing, because this had nothing. I was the best at my job. Nobody else could do financial aid. I still can't do it how I do it. But it's the fact that this right here, me helping women and think about it. I work with all black women, managed by black women, and they were the ones who got rid of me because of this type of content. I'm just like, you would have thought they would have been more appreciative because I'm literally just trying to help women in general.

And what does this have to do with My 9 to 5? Right. Well, they said they don't want this to reflect on them. Because again, it makes sense. Like people coming up at the school, like, you know, they, I got it. That's why I was like, for a long time, I didn't really help women publicly. Like I've always helped my friends. Like if they send me a dude, do you think he gay? I'm gonna let them know. Like, yo baby daddy doing some questionable stuff,

I'm gonna let you know. Like I've always, that's why I say like, essentially now I'm just giving women on the internet the same advice that I give women in my everyday life. Like my best friends and my acquaintances and just women. Because, I mean, like I always say, I've never been the type of gay guy that felt like in competition with women, hated women, because for me, you don't get those vibes from you at all.

Yeah, I was like to say, because there's a lot of women that feel like they go through that. But I'm like, I know that I'm a man and I know that you're a woman. If a man, he doesn't want me for the reasons that he wants you. So there's no competition ever. We are complete different things. So I feel like with knowing that it was never,

cause a lot of gay men have women mentalities where everybody is all competition, like competing with everybody. And it's like, it's just one sided. I mean, they could never compete with women, but you can't tell some of them that. Get ready for a celebration of play like no other at the all new LEGO Summer of Play event

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Streaming, radio, and podcasting. Let us show you at iHeart. Streaming, radio and podcasting. Let us show you at iHeartAdvertising.com. That's iHeartAdvertising.com. Kelly Harnett spent over a decade in prison for a murder she says she didn't commit. I'm 100% innocent. While behind bars, she learned the law from scratch. Because oh God, Harn and that jailhouse lawyer.

And as she fought for herself, she also became a lifeline for the women locked up alongside her. You're supposed to have faith in God, but I had nothing but faith in her. So many of these women had lived the same stories. I said, were you a victim of domestic violence? And she was like, yeah.

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at The Professional Homegirl. Now let's get back to the show. Listen, quick story time. So I was in Paris, right? I went to go see Beyonce perform and I met this guy through a friend that was with me and come to find out he was gay. I feel like this was the nigga version of me, like for real, like we had such a good time. So it was another guy that we noticed in the same rooms with us, whatever.

And I feel like he was like, maybe not on the DL, but probably just not fully out. And the only reason why I said that is because when he saw me, when I tell you he was staring at me, and I ain't gonna lie, the nigga was fine. So I'm like, is he gay or does he like me? Or you know what I'm saying? So eventually we went to some other spots, whatever,

and it was predominantly where the girls was at, and I see him with a nigga, so I'm like, and he saw me, so I can tell he got a little uncomfortable, but I was like, no, it'd be cool to snap, because I'm like, shit, everybody want this nigga, because he was fine. And so I was telling my homeboy, and he was like, because the guy ended up following me

on Instagram, so I followed him back, whatever, and I was telling my homeboy, he was like, well, send me his page, and he was like, I made the best bitch win. And I was like, child. But it's so true what you're saying that like a lot of these men, like I could just tell how tense he got.

Like every time he would see me with our mutual friend, like he would not be comfortable. But when I walk away and I'll watch him from like, you know, him not knowing, I'm like, look at this nigga. I'm like, boy, just be free. It's 2025. And it's all in their head for the most part. That's what they don't get.

Like they think everybody is just judging them, which a lot of them know that. A lot of them also know a woman isn't gonna want them if she knows that he's into men. So a lot of them, they have an attraction for women. Like, I mean, listen, I like always tell people I wouldn't be with a woman, but I can look at a woman and find a woman attractive. So there are going to be men that

are going to go further than that. And they still might not want to be with a woman. And some DL men actually want to be with women, but they just have these secret little kinks for men. So that's why we kind of got to know where you at with a man because I mean, is any man in straights? I think that's kind of like a defect at this point. If a man is straight, is the fact that, because where are the straight men? Well, maybe not online, let me be clear. There are straight men, but I think it's a very small,

it's a very small percentage. Because I can't find no man child or no man ain't found me. But you make a good point because I had a conversation with this, with one of my other guests and her stories were finding out that her husband was on a DL and I think he had AIDS and she lived in Atlanta. Right. And she was saying how she don't believe

that no man is straight. Well, in Atlanta, no, that's, you're gonna give her one of the capitals. If you ain't in Houston, Atlanta, New York, Miami. New York, I'm in New York. Okay. Not just getting quiet. I hope you're not in like, none of the boroughs.

No. None of the boroughs, no? You think all of them gay? Don't, and don't let them be Puerto Rican. Oh, come on now. I know about the poppies now. Okay, you know about the poppies. I don't care about them.

The poppies like to get freaky stuff. Okay, but listen, who do you know about the poppies now. Okay, you know about it But listen Who do you think like the poppies? The niggas the niggas I know There's all my if it's a bunch of them and it's a bunch of niggas somewhere. You got to start watching That's why I told women about the app still going because I mean at this point these deal men are so lazy that Of course, they're gonna go to her app and just get on there, person 200 feet away, right next door, it's easy.

So you don't think that the white man's where is that? I really wanna be with a nigga, but. I think you'll have more transparency with a white man. But I think I always tell women, like I wouldn't, at this point in time, I would not put all of my eggs in especially one basket, but especially not just black men. No, because I think that the amount of black men that have not been conquered by white supremacy and all of the other bullshit that has been thrown in our community, I think that they're already taken for starters. they're already taken for starters and it's such a small number that you're going to be picking for needles in the haystack. So it's like open it up because a lot of other men will appreciate, I mean I think in general a straight man isn't going to be so concerned about race,

but they're also not going to be self-hating. So let's make that clear because it's like always looking for about interracial dating. You just have to weed out those people. Like if you meet a black man that doesn't date black women, big red flag. If you meet a white- I always say that. Yeah, like- Because I'm not black. Thank you. You came from somebody black. How can you not? Like self-hating people, that's the prerequisite for a man to be DL.

So as long as you're not seeing those men, a white man that, oh, I don't date white women. I only want black women. Okay, so you have a fetish. Okay, cool. If you're cool with being a fetish, that's why we always tell people, just know what you're getting yourself into when you're dating certain ethnic groups, because you have to know how to- That's a fact.

That's a fact. Do you think that some of these men are addicted to living a double life? Are they addicted or can they just get away with it easily? I'm not even gonna, I do think some of them are addicted but I think it's more so, and I don't give them no excuses but it's like a society thing because even now like I tell people, I know plenty of people like sports players, let's do sports specifically that if the world was to find out their deal they're off of the team like they will

never play again if it's confirmed. Now, if it's just a rumor and there's no proof or nothing there. But I feel like society just it does demonize people that are not straight in certain positions. So that's always say, like, you have to know what type of man you're dating. If you're dating a man that like if you're dating a coach, I coaches need a wife and kids to make that whole aesthetic work. Like you know the image works so you have to know which type of man like when you're in these music industries, podcast, anything with fine arts or the media, you need a

lot of men that are gonna need beards. You know that's so crazy that you said that cuz one of my homeboys he works in the industry and he was like girl he said you ain't gonna get no man in this industry he was like in the industry and he was like girl he said you ain't gonna get no man in this industry he was like in you and media he said either they gay or whores he was like you're not gonna find anybody and I was like for real he was like and that's who was telling me like you might as well just get you a white man I see you or get other man he was like cuz you ain't gonna get no nigga all these niggas are either gay or they nasty because

especially for a black man because we are the epitome of masculinity, a lot of them, when they're getting to these heights, they're having to, and I hate to bring racism to it, but I have to, they're having to go through these white men that are gonna make them do things that are humiliating, demeaning, that makes them hate themselves, because the whole objective is for black men, especially to not feel good about themselves.

Like all of this, look what they're doing. Look what that repression does. Like, look how you always see where the athlete gets with that white woman and then look what always end up happening. Yeah, but that goes back to slavery. That's how they used to break the household down. They'll break the man down, right?

Come on now, one thing about professional homegirls, we know something now. They'll break the household down, they'll break the man down, right? Come on now, one thing about professional homegirls, we know something now. They'll break the man down, and once he break the man down, then everybody else in the household follows because the man is the head of the household. And once you take that from a man, his dignity, that's it. And see, this is the good part.

Black women, it didn't work on black women because I feel like what happened, it worked on black men, but it made black women stronger. That's why we sell black women. Like when you hear somebody calling you stronger, those are used to make you think that you being strong and independent is bad, but you had to be because you couldn't depend on your men.

Facts, you have no choice. They didn't want y'all to be strong and independent. But I'm like, that's what's holding the black community up is black women. Like if black women have been conquered by men or they like black men conquered them, the whole black community is going to be done. It's not standing on black men. Like think about it, anytime there's a political movement, who's at the forefront, black men or black women? Yeah.

When anytime there's anything, anything is women because black men are cowards. Yeah, ooh child. That's why I'm saying when you go back to the racism and all of that, that's why we tell people like the DL thing is so much deeper than just that. Cause I was like, even like when we get into the STDs that they put in this community, I was like, everything that they done to break the black community,

it somewhat worked, but what they didn't account for is that it affected their communities too. Exactly, and that's when it becomes a problem. That's when it becomes a problem. And that's why now it is more so about just elitists. Like they don't care. They always knew that all white people would not have the the same white supremacy. Like it was about the elite people of the society. Prime example when everybody was doing drugs, niggas been doing drugs for any time. But then when these white kids started doing drugs

and getting high and overdosing on opioids, oh, it was an epidemic, it was a problem. And that's why I say I hate to make it so black and white, but we have to be integrated for 75 years. So we have to go back to like, if you go back 75 years to now, you're like, I mean, it started black and white. You were either white or you were colored or mulatto.

So that's why we still, I'm not making it black and white, but that's where it started because like, even with the LGT, I don't ever consider myself a part of LGT because if you look at how the LGT community was formed, it was formed for white people. So they didn't hate themselves because if you go back, so before we were colonized, African people, because men love to bring up Africans

when they wanna talk about piercings and other girly things that they're doing to beautify their self. But if you go back and really study all African cultures had to where they felt like their people were two-spirited where they had a male spirit, woman spirit, like sexuality wasn't a thing. I was like, white people started putting everything Two-spirited where they had a male spirit, woman spirit, like sexuality wasn't a thing.

I was like, white people started putting everything into categories and everything. Like think about it, like if we would have never been colonized, it would be no straight gay or whatever. People just were people. Yeah, yeah.

And then you also mentioned in one of your videos that you felt like the community wasn't really fucking with you. They don't. Oh, they still don't? Why is that? You talking about the gay community, right? Yeah.

Or the LGBT, because they don't like to hear the truth. Like, as you can see, like, I'm not gonna say good things about people. I'm gonna just speak the truth. And they try to disconnect the DL man from the community. And like I always tell them, like, DL men are literally just gay men.

So I know people love to say, well, they're making gay men look back. Well, this is where a gay man need to take accountability That's why I honestly thought when I started this whole process I'm like, okay There's gonna be so many other people that are gonna come in and add their information. This was not that yeah It was so much negative from in from like the trans community the gay community the bi community or the bi community really don't Count because they're so small. I don't even think it's no openly by me Because they felt like a lot of them did feel me like they felt like I was holding up a mirror and they didn't like Seeing essentially themselves and some, it was just traumatic.

And I get it, it's a traumatic experience. Like for women, it's a traumatic experience for some gay men, like it's trauma. That's why I always say like, DL men don't help anybody but themselves. So that's why I was confused on why everybody teamed up against me, cause they don't help nobody. Like I've never heard somebody say a DL man

came into their life and brought them so much joy. I- I've never heard somebody say a deal man came into their life and brought them so much joy Have you I never heard no shit like that that's so funny I know one thing about this podcast I didn't have so many different conversations because another woman who I was talking to we talked about her journey with her being promiscuous and she was talking about the download man and she was saying how she was at a party with her homeboy And her homeboy saw her friend with a nigga and homeboys like I know that nigga from somewhere I don't know where you already smile him So she was like, well, how you know him because he had just got out of jail come to find out

the nigga was fucking with his uh jail, bunkee And he was like she was like we need to go tell my home girl So he went to go tell her home girl was like hey like you know I'm not trying to be messing anything I'm just looking out for you I just want you to know what your man been doing when he was in jail and the nigga denied it and she believed her man obviously but then until the jail monkey had called him and stepped to her like a woman and she still didn't believe it. And I'm like, girl. She want a man.

You cannot want a man that bad, child. I'm telling you, some people, like literally, because you know I help women too. So I talk to so many women. I'm telling you, some women want a man that bad. That is. Like, to the point that, I mean, we ain't even able to get into know too much, but like I always say,

these deal men are perverted, they're deviant. So some women would, let's just say, put others at risk to keep these men, like maybe their kids and so, cause you know, like I said, I don't want to trigger nobody, but so that's why I always say like, some women will do a lot to keep them in. Is there a particular story you're thinking about?

Oh, yeah. But because this this one girl I was talking to, essentially her man who already she was calling me to ask, you know, is he deal, et cetera? But when we started getting into it and she was just telling me some instances where, you know, he's naked and hard in front of her daughters, and he's picking the kids up hard, and they're naked, and just a whole lot of nakedness and weird, you know. Girl, what you need? But she was saying that he was telling her,

well, me and my dad done this pretty much my whole life. No, no. I was just like, you see him and his dad done it their whole life. He doesn't see it's something wrong here. And that's why I was like, a lot of men that are DL have been touched and they haven't talked about it. I mean, not to say that that's going to make somebody be DL, but I think a lot of men have went through some type of assault that they just don't talk about because they don't think that

even if it's a woman that has done it, they don't want to talk about it. That's why I always say, when she was telling me that that and I hear a lot of perverted stories that involve kids or animals and I'm like. That for me, be red flags, like animals. Yeah, like this girl, her man, she was doing something with horses, like she was a horse rider or, you know, whatever they do, whatever you call it. Horses got big dicks. Her man made her stop working with the horses

because he thought she would fuck a horse. And I was just like, girl, that's bestiality. The fact that he even got that thought in his mind and the fact that he really pushed the issue that serious to make you start working with horses. I was like, something's off there. And she's still with him? She still wants him. He doesn't really want her.

Yeah, because he want the fucking horse. The thing is she flew all the way from Norway to America. And he showed me some pictures. I was like, you could do so much better than her. I was like, listen, you don't know how white supremacy and how white men. I was like, you over here worried about this white man that's a redneck in a trailer park that's doing methamphetamines with his dad thinking you gonna fuck a horse. Like, who's this like? Girl.

You should have stayed in Norway. I'm like, you could have had any white man. And this is what you think is like, you know, I'm like, you don't know the culture. And that's why I always tell people, know the culture. She was like, I don't like Norwegian guys. Like, OK, I'm like, I still you feel. Why are you fucking with a crackhead? Thank you. She was like, well, his body, like, I'm like, I still, you still should- But girl, why you fucking with a crackhead?

Thank you. She was like, well, his body, like, who cares? But you see, this is why we gotta hold our sisters accountable, because it's like, come on, girl, you can't be this fucking slow. Like, I'm not, I will never judge anybody, but sometimes I be like, girl, come on now. I hear a lot of women that be thinking,

just because the man got a big dick, that somehow that's supposed to Mean something it's like is dick paying your bills is dick making you feel good Right well that come with all of these other problems and you might end up with some fevers some aches and some chills So it's like it's really worth it. And I'm not saying that It ain't funny y'all No I don't know what he's talking about But it's true though. It's true.

Because he's making me so mad or he's so cute. Like, okay, you're gonna he's so cute into a incurable STD. Like, members, women are five times more likely to catch HIV if they're dealing with men that are sleeping with men. They're 78% more likely to have catch STIs if they deal with men that are sleepwalking. So it's like, your chances are gonna increase significantly high. So that's why we felt them like, this is not something you kind of wanna play with because see me as a gay man,

I know that these men don't get tested. Because a lot of women will be with men and they're never going to get tested together. Their man is never getting tested. He's relying on her to get tested to tell him if he got something, I wouldn't be a man like that. So that's why I'm saying, I think a lot of women be oblivious because they're like,

it can never be my man. And it's like a lot of these men are like that. And they think I just be being dramatic. It's like, no. Because even people always say, I done had so many male friends that were straight. I show me a straight man at this point. And I try not to say that out loud Because even people always say, I didn't have so many male friends that were straight. Show me a straight man at this point.

And I try not to say that out loud, because I still have some male friends that I am presuming are straight that haven't tried to have sex with me yet. But again, show me a straight man. Because I don't know any men that are 100% straight. That's all when people ask me, what is a straight man? Tell us who you think is straight. I have to think really hard The only person that almost that has me somewhat convinced is Terrence Howard

And I mean, you know what happened recently when they were trying to get him to play Marvin Gaye Okay, boom this goes back into the white people instead of getting a gay man to play Marvin Gaye since you know, there's going to be gay scenes. You want to see the fantasy of a straight man and they want to break that straight man down because imagine if he kissing a man and doing all of this on screen, what is that going to do to his masculinity or even though it's already probably fragile, it's going to break you.

Yeah, and they were just trying to do that because they know that he's straight. Like he said about his empire, that was really how he felt. And I'm not mad at him, be homophobic. I mean, I don't know. Where's the nip out to go like me? Be what you wanna be. I mean, I think those straight men

are gonna be a little bit homophobic because I mean, I'm sure they can't foul them the gay shit. I wouldn't expect them to, they're not gay. So it is what it is, like it's ignorance. Ultimately homophobia is just again semantics Like it's just ignorance like they just don't understand it. They don't and they shouldn't they're not gay But I feel like again It's always gonna be that those type of things that happen like think about it every black man Especially that we hear about getting into the industry. Oh, I had to put on a dress, so I had to do this, so I had to do that.

Something that would compromise their masculinity and that they didn't want to do like even with Will Smith, Seven Degrees of Power, he was gay as hell in that. That movie, though, because a lot of people don't know that movie. So they don't know when these people. I have to watch that movie. When they be forced to do this type of stuff. And it really be them, though, because We don't have to talk a lot because this tool is too. I'm just saying If you say names I'm gonna beep it out, but do you think he's gay?

Yes Are you do you are you are you? Have you okay No, ask me. I'm saying like you don't have you I mean do you I don't keep up with him all the way Yeah, but even from the like this stuff because when I was doing research on him Because you know I people ask me to look into people all of them videos. He got kissing his son in the mouth Done, I was done with it Like all is too much that movie all in the videos kissing his son in the mouth all of that stuff with August

I was seen it became a little blurry on if August Alsina was there. All right, damn, stand. Well, no, that's fine, because I wasn't expecting August to be gay. That took me, that was a wild card. Yeah, I mean, I see now looking back, but when we first was introduced to him,

like, I don't know, it's just, I didn't see it. But he's in the industry. Think of like really. So you think everybody in the industry is gay? Okay I want you to tell me somebody in the industry that you think is straight and then we're gonna see. Just throw out a name that you think of a straight man that you think is in the industry. Have you I've done a video on him if you go on my youtube that that's the last person I'm gonna think is straight. When you look into all of

this stuff with to all of these other men that that football player man that he was living with his perversion he he literally fills all of the boxes out to be a deal man and like I said when you do all your research I don't think he's straight at all like I honestly think these type of men that have a lot of status and power he could have never kept it without having the woman that everybody essentially wants That's always say you're you're gonna have those women that are gonna be great beards like and I'm sorry. I keep saying they People but yeah, I think essentially became a beer because if you really pay attention it was before they were the same age almost like Underage like it's a lot of stuff that's get kind of murky there.

He had been around so many people, him and Diddy, it's too many connections for me as a person that has too much logic to think that all of these things are lies. Even if you look at some of the old interviews, Wendy Williams, then all of these other people from back in the day, they've been saying some of this stuff. It's just nobody was really listening.

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Because, oh God, H her and that jailhouse lawyer. And as she fought for herself, she also became a lifeline for the women locked up alongside her. You're supposed to have faith in God, but I had nothing but faith in her. So many of these women had lived the same stories. I said, were you a victim of domestic violence? And she was like, yeah. But maybe Kelly could change the ending. I said, how many people have gotten other incarcerated individuals out of here?

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Who do I think is straight in the industry? I don't think nobody's straight because even I'm telling you, they're not going to let's just talk about this. Every man that you see in the industry, what is their ultimate? They're all chasing money, right? Okay, money and power. Who has the money and power? Who are they going to have to go through? Because even Jay-Z, we see that he's over the NFL. He's pretty powerful. He can get people out of jail and everything. But what just happened to him? He got a little bit humble for a second to let him know like, okay, you're not above the program.

That's why I say like, it's always gonna still be a white man at the top. No black man is gonna ban the Vanguard family. If you look into it, it's five families that essentially operate all of the wealth in America. And if you look at how the 13 colonies will form from the Europeans and all of that, those families then connect back to that. Like, it's countries, the shit that we'll never be able to get through. That's why I always say like, they're gonna to have to go through it and it's never going to work because those white men always, they're going to make them do things that they might not want to do. That's fucking crazy. I believe it though. I really do believe, I do believe, because

even when you think of all these people who just popped out of nowhere and they just like, they it. And I'm just like, wow, like I'm like Ebene you can't be so hard against stuff because the game is rigged. Thank you it's rigged because you're unless you're willing to essentially at this point in the game unless you're willing to be like because I can just feel like you're a classy woman you carry yourself with intelligence and grace they don't like that they won't choose to be showing these other black women that you need to be shaking your ass and doing this shit that you're doing bad.

So until you, and I hate to say it, but that's what they want, the black community. They want women to feel like this. I was like, the amount of women that be at baddies auditions and fighting and shit now, I was like, they want that. They got 60 red and all of these other people going to school, they want women to think that Especially black women. That's how y'all are. It used to be a time where

We would be arguing about education. I still argue about stuff like that because I'm highly educated people are not caring about that No, you get what I'm saying. I used to know Same people for doing certain shit Yes, so I had a moment and I shared this with my audience before where I had like experienced extreme burnout and I've been doing this for seven years and I'm just like, yo, like I feel like like my show is fucking good. Like even you were telling me like your show comes from a different perspective. You're not afraid to talk about things like I feel like like we I talk about a lot of different things within our community, but you know, obviously I make it fun.

Put the medicine and candy, but I'm like, damn, like I feel like I, I talk about a lot of different things within our community, but you know, obviously I make it fun, put the medicine in candy. But I'm like, damn, I feel like I should be further ahead. But I'm like, it just feels like I need to be on a handstand popping my fucking pussy and shaking my ass. Because I see other people, and I know comparison is a thief of joy, and I'm not comparing myself to anybody because I work really hard.

But I'm just like, damn, what do I gotta do to get to the next level? I feel like I should be having all these opportunities, and just like sometimes I get breadcrumbs and I'm like, yo, it's not fair Yeah, and that's and that's why I always tell people like I try to fight for women because patriarchy whites like it's so many things that especially black women are It's so many layers that you have to go through and like you said said, you should be further. And you've been doing this so, like when I was watching your videos, I was asking myself why you weren't further either,

but I already knew the answer because if you just even compare it to the white woman that came out of nowhere that I don't have to say her name, because holy shit, when, what the fuck is she doing? But guess what? She's more palatable for media because like I always tell people,

if you look at media, media controls culture and society. So they want certain things. So by you being so classy and essentially, they only want one Tamron Hall. They only want one Tamron Hall. Like you see Jennifer Hudson couldn't be Tamron. She had to be, Jennifer Hudson act so ditzy on her show that I show that I don't like it because I mean I

always be laughing but I'm like this is not Jennifer Hudson like they donned her down so much for that show. That's what I said as well because I'm like Jennifer can't be a little bit more quicker than this like. She is we've heard her in interviews that's not Jennifer Hudson that's all right literally but she's working for a company so you know she gotta do but she's working for a company. So, you know, she got to do what she got to do. Right, right. Ciao. How you ever met a down low man

who regret the way he was living his life? A lot of them always say they regret it. Like I think a lot of them feel shame at some point or another, why they disassociate from the actions because they know that they're just wrong. they know that's why even all of the men that I've ever exposed like they never be mad at me they always say like I understand because they know like bitch you put me through a fucking lot yeah not like that's not an easy life that's always say like in for me to willingly be in it is

crazy that's why I say like women unwillingly be in it and it take you to such a low place in life so that's all I say like women unwillingly be in it and it take you to such a low place in life. So that's why I thought like, okay, I can help people avoid this because by me being from a small town and dating after I turned 18, because this always tell people, they always like, well, I was messing with Donald Lowe man in high school, you were fast, you were grown. I didn't start dating until I got to college. I was two. So it's like, I started, and that's why people be like, you're too grown for this. And it's like, well, bitch, I only been dating for a few years, technically.

Right, right. So it's like, I'm still new to dating. So I had to figure shit out. And I saw somebody that was probably telling me what I'm telling people in a real way and showing, I probably would have just never even had to figure out all of those things from DL man Man or, you know, learn that. But I am glad that I had some of those experiences because DL Men are everywhere.

Like when I was in college, the Dean of Students, I met the Dean of Students getting to it with a girl about a DL Man and the Dean of Students is a DL Man. Which worked in my favor because he understood what was going on because I was up against some sexual harassment I was up against some charges like criminal charges because this girl had thought I was fucking her man But really she was fucking my man. So then she it was snowball effect But luckily and I didn't want to expose the dude, but of course once police get involved bitch You're coming out of the closet. Yeah, I'm not going down for you nigga

Draw the line so that's when I started telling the truth. I'm like, do I need to get the receipts? But he was the elf, so he understood why I hadn't told the girl the truth and how this situation got where it got. Because I would never tell the girl the truth. Like, we had had sit downs. I essentially just told her I didn't know her man.

He wasn't her man. Like, he was her old man. So it's like, he technically was your man, but he not your man no more. So I didn't think I really owed her that, even though in reality, I'm like, had I just went ahead and told her the truth, it probably would have made the situation better.

But then even when she found out the truth, she told all of these other people. So. Yeah, that's not cool. Yeah, so I was like, sometimes anytime I've ever been with a DL man and I found out he had a woman, I always go to the woman, but there has yet to be a woman that was receptive and that didn't turn it into drama,

trying to fight or, you know, trying to beef about a man that like I always tell women, if he wants me, you there's no competition. Just like if he wants you, I don't see no competition. Like they can't be, girl, woman, or pen. It's like they're gonna pen us against each other because they'll do that with two women too. They don't care.

They just don't want them to be in the wrong. They wanna take all of the attention off them and have people arguing and beefing because that makes them feel good. Yeah. How many men would you say that you've been with have been on a download? Oh, and let me clarify something. When I say date, that does not mean folk.

Right. People can't. And I got to say that because a lot of people want to hear that you dated a lot of me. They think they're going to think you a whole. Yeah. So because I did used to be a sugar baby. So I am going to. Yeah. Come on now. No. At least like 200. Because I did used to be a sugar baby, so I am gonna include all my sugar daddy. Come on now. At least like 200, like on dates, personal,

still have phone numbers. Some of them are in the industry. That's why I say like in Atlanta, I wasn't playing. Wow. Some things people don't catch on my page, but I had this video, a woman got on prel. Her ex-husband was like first sugar daddy when I got there and I was getting into college and shit.

So that's why I always say, there's so many people that you just would never expect. Wow. Child, you about to have me like these cookies are for good, baby. But Atlanta is a hot spot for gay stuff. I mean, yeah, but still. But I do agree like women, because a lot of these men, especially now that there's trans women too, they're going to play semantics with that. Now you ask a man, you ever been with men?

No, because he's he technically is going to say no, because he's only into trans women or he's only dealing with trans women. So semantics. Yeah. Are you ever afraid, like, because of the work that you're doing? I mean- Because you're popping, you got a large following,

you know, this is not a topic that people feel comfortable about. Yeah, they don't like it. Yeah, so like, you know, and then you're cute, you're young, you know, you building a life for yourself. So are you ever afraid for your safety? Well, I guess because I mean, somebody already tried to take my life. But in general, I will say this, any nigger that's ever tried me that got his ass beat, the only the only way niggas notice because I'm not no little nigga, I'm six foot six foot four very like I'll beat the fuck out of you

So the only way they're gonna if a nigga shoot me But even when it comes to shooting they can't even shoot like I didn't have to pull out a gun So like that's why we feel like people don't realize that if you think i'm gonna lay down and let you do something to me You're crazy, right? And I typically live in gated communities like my my home they they can't get And I typically live in gated communities like my my home they can't get So, you know, I like I always tell people if you're gonna do something at the airport Unless you're gonna do something you won't catch me in the club You're not gonna catch me at too many spaces that you know, I just you know

So I'm like I really don't be worried and if somebody does something to me behind this information Then that might have just been my destiny And if somebody does something to me behind this information, then that might've just been my destiny. That's all I know about it. I mean, I feel like if, because I'm spiritual, so I feel like if I've been protected all of this time, all of this while throughout my whole life, because a lot of shit has happened to me in my life, like the deal shit go all the way back to childhood. So I feel like if I've been protected this long, it's for a reason. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I told you, you're doing God's work, baby. Yeah.

So that's why I mean, that's why I be feeling like I'm doing because I'm happy about it too. Like I like helping people. I like educating people. I'm like, this topic is so important because a lot of people either a don't know much and women don't be suspecting it. Yeah. People always like, well, you think every man is the or not?

I'm sorry to cut you off, but I don't think every man is the ill. But when people have to realize a lot of these men are terrible people, that's why I was like, I process even if your man is not the ill by everything that I tell you, if he does all of the shit that I say, he's the horrible person. So he's like these little men. So you shouldn't be with him regardless. Cause if he's acting like them, he's probably dumb.

Yeah, no, that's a fact, that's a fact. So let's talk about some behavioral patterns and personality traits. What are some personality traits that you observe in down low men? Okay, so first narcissism, which again, let me clarify, cause I mean, a lot of men are narcissistic so like I always tell women every DL man is a narcissist but not all

Narcissist men are deal because so hey, I mean is this a lot of men that are narcissistic But right after that they have to be misogynistic and like I always tell women gay men trans like misogyny Even some women have internalized it so you know misogyny you know when you can tell when a man hates women he's gonna always put them down he's never gonna have anything good to say he's gonna make hasty generalizations women don't want nothing but money from men or all women ain't shit or you know those type of men and then impulsivity those are the top three because the impulses that's what get them in trouble. A lot of DL men, they'll not act on their impulses

for time periods, but they always have that time where they slip and you gotta go either sleep with a man or a trans woman or you're at a bath house or you're doing something salacious. And it might be eight months before you do something else, but those impulses always come back and they can't control them. Like, they can control his impulses because being impulsive, that gets literally that,

the word in itself, like the definition of impulsive. So, you know, that's the big problem because they're so indecisive. And again, when they want something, a man usually are just sexual creatures. So I always think men pick all of their friends, everything, most men do everything based off of attraction. So I put them in the right circumstances and they'll go. Yeah. And then when it comes to behavioral patterns, I thought you was on point with this, cause I agree, anger is a reflection of self-hate.

If a nigga is always fucking angry, something ain't right. Right, or he want that princess treatment, or he's angry because you not treating him like a princess, or you know, because I always say like, no straight man is going to sit around and want a woman to take care of him. No, no. He's not gonna be mad that you won't send him money for lunch.

Talking about heena prize. Right. So that's why they say like some of these personalities like that should be obvious, but the narcissist, the impulsivity and the misogyny, because when you put all of those things together, again, that helps make a deal, man, because if you hate women, you can't control your impulses, and you think that the world revolves around you and that you're invincible, what is gonna hold you back from doing whatever you want? Ooh, chow.

This concludes part one of this week's episode. And y'all, part two is really where we get into some things. So please make sure you subscribe to the show so you don't miss it. And also if you think this episode will resonate with someone, please send it their way. Okay? Spread love is the Brooklyn way. And if you have any comments, questions or concerns or you want to say hey girl hey, shoot me an email at hello at the pxgpodcast.com. Yeah, I really, really hope you enjoyed this week's episode and I cannot wait for you all to hear part two

So until next time everyone later Pretty private is a production of the black effect podcast network for more podcasts from I heart radio This is the I heart radio app Apple, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show. And you can connect with me on social media at Pretty Private Podcast. So long. This thing is ancient. Still using yesterday's tech? Upgrade to the ThinkPad X1 Carbon. Ultra light, ultra powerful, and built for serious productivity

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Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just like great shoes, great books take you places. Through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget. I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies. I'm Danielle Robay and this is Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from Hello Sunshine and iHeart Podcasts where we dive into the stories that shape us, on the page and off.

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