The Breakfast Club - Professional Homegirl Podcast: My Mother And I Are Sisters Part 1

Episode Date: January 6, 2024

The Black Effect Presents... The Professional Homegirl Podcast! Trigger Warning: This content discusses sensitive topics that may be distressing or triggering to some individuals. The following conversation includes discussions of sexual abuse, painful experiences, and traumatic events. Please prioritize your well-being and exercise self-care while engaging with this content. If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, we encourage you to seek support from a trusted person or professional.   In Part 1 of this week's episode, Eboné welcomes a guest who unveils a shocking family secret: the astonishing revelation that her mother and herself are, in fact, siblings. Our episode kicks off by exploring Eboné's guest's perspective on sexual abuse within black communities. She recounts her mother's painful story and the summer she experienced at the age of 13. While sharing her mother's story, Eboné's guest reveals yet another family secret that leaves Eboné in silence. Eboné and her guest explore the enduring nature of generational curses, pointing to families' limited access to the essential knowledge and resources needed to break these patterns, which in turn sustains their impact on future generations. Furthermore, Eboné's guest openly expresses her views on individuals who question God's existence when confronted with adversity or misfortune. Additionally, she dives into her heartfelt desire to be an outstanding mother to her own child and later unveils the underlying causes of their estrangement. Prepare for a heartfelt and candid discussion as we embark on a journey through her family's history, marred by the shadow of past sexual abuse, and how its profound effects have manifested differently in the lives of those involved. Tune in to Part 1 now, only on The Professional Homegirl Podcast! Connect with Eboné: Website: www.thephgpodcast.com Instagram: @theprofessionalhomegirl & @thephgpodcast Twitter: @theprofessionalhomegirl  Tik Tok: @theprofessionalhomegirl Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@theprofessionalhomegirl Email: [e-mail] Shop PHG: https://www.thephgpodcast.com/shop Read Eboné's Love Letters: www.theyalltheone.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God.

What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. We need help! That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast

Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jenny Garth, Jana Kramer, Amy Robach, and TJ Holmes bring you I Do Part 2, a one-of-a-kind experiment in podcasting to help you find love again. Hey, I'm Jana Kramer. I'm Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone. I'm Amy Robach.

And I'm TJ Holmes, and we are, well, not necessarily relationship experts. If you're ready to dive back into the dating pool and find lasting love, we want to help. Listen to I Do Part 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, y'all. Nimany here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Executive produced by Questlove, The Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop.

Flash, slam, another one gone. Bash, bam, another one gone. The crack of the bat and another one gone. The tip of the cap, there's another one gone. Each episode is about a different, inspiring figure from history. Like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus

nine whole months before Rosa Parks did the same thing. Check it. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was, should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home, and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami. Imagine that

your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. hey guys it's your girl ebene aka the professional homegirl and before we dive into this week's episode let's take care of a few quick housekeeping items. Be sure to follow me at the professional homegirl on Instagram, TikTok, and don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube page. Also, don't forget to follow at the PXG podcast on Instagram so that we can kiki about all of the episodes. And if you are enjoying our conversations on the show, show some love by leaving a five-star review on Apple Podcasts. Remember, hold me down, don't hold me up, okay? In case this week's episode brings up any discomfort or triggers, always remember to prioritize your well-being and mental health first. I love y'all deep,

and until next time, everyone, later. In part one of this week's episode, my guest will be sharing a deeply personal and rarely discussed topic within Black communities. She will dive into her family's biggest secret, where her mother is also her biological sister. This candid conversation promises to provide valuable insights and perspectives on a subject that often remains concealed, fostering a more open and empathetic dialogue within our community. So to my guests, thank you so much for coming on the show. How you feeling? How you doing? I am good. I'm good. I'm blessed to be here.

Okay. We're blessed to have you, child. Now, have you ever came across the topic of incest before you found out about your family secret? And if you have, what were your thoughts about it? When I found out about when I found out that I was the family secret, I had never I was like 12, 13 years old. I had never known anything about incest whatsoever. And as a matter of fact, when I, not too long after I learned about my conception and I learned about how I came to be, I ended up in foster care, completely disconnected from my natural family for a while.

So it actually wasn't until I was an adult that I, well, I ended up back in Michigan with my grandmother when I was 17, a senior in high school. But even that year that I, well, I ended up back in Michigan with my grandmother when I was 17, a senior in high school. But even that year that I stayed with my grandparents, there really was no conversation because I had been living in emotional turmoil about it. Because one of the many questions that I would always ask God was, why would my grandmother allow this? And then not once, but twice, you know, so I was battling emotionally with not wanting to be offensive to my grandmother, not wanting to hurt her feelings because I absolutely loved her and adored her. But I had so many questions that I knew would

cause other people harm, emotional harm. So I refrained from asking those questions, but ended up becoming a young mother myself, speaking with older cousins who knew more than I actually did. Well, you know the cousins always got the tea. Yes, always. Delving into figuring out that my brother, who I really didn't know because he was born the same way that I was,

my mother was raped by her father a year later, so I have a biological brother, full biological brother. Wait! Oh, you didn't tell that in the documentary right yes it happened two summers in a row with my mother oh wow god bless your mother man i mean we're gonna talk about her situation your relationship with her towards you know once we get to your the meat of your story, but man, that is heartbreaking. Yes. So when I was, when I became an adult and was talking to my cousins about it and learning about this brother that I really didn't know, only had heard of in bits and pieces. And I realized,

so it happened now once but twice. And that took me back to more frustration with my grandmother. And then it got hushed up because I became a young mother really quick. So my, my attention span went to, I need to make sure that my daughter never deals with molestation. My daughter never sees me taking on vices to deal with trauma. My daughter never deals with anything that I dealt with. And so all of my time and attention and all of my energy went into providing for my daughter naturally, i.e. financially, and then also taking care of her everyday needs. So things kind of got put on a back burner until she was maybe eight, nine, 10 years old. And God's still talking to me.

God's still dealing with me as he had been since I was a little girl. Right. I was a little girl, I began to realize the issues that I still struggle with, with people in relationships is because I am harboring this trauma. I have not talked about it and it is eating me up and it is causing me to not be able to truly heal. It's not, it's causing me to not truly be delivered in these natural areas. And just move on with this part of your life. Right. Right. truly be delivered in these natural areas that are just part of your life right right and so i began

to seek god because if my family won't really talk about it because i'm the family secret i'll go i'll go to god about it and god began to point me into different directions that would allow me to get information bit by bit right getting that information bit by bit with just as much of a blow with the information that i got is my own information because when you grow up the family secret you're thinking that you're the black sheep you're the different one only to find out that you're not where is your brother at now in prison wow yes my brother's in prison. May I ask what he did? Yes. Because I'm pretty I feel like a lot of people don't understand like situations like this can really affect someone's mental well-being. Yes. And I was just speaking with someone a couple of hours ago who called me from seeing my documentary.

And I was telling her the difference between my brother and I are stark and they are night and day like the physical differences and the emotional and the mental differences and the biggest takeaway that I want people to take from my brother and I and how different we are is the fact that he was raised outside of the family disconnected from our family completely. I was raised in the family to a degree, but disconnected because of foster care, but then reattached to the family. Right.

You have some type of relationship. You would think that the path that he ended up down would have been my path because he was disconnected and I wasn't. But it doesn't matter where we are raised or who we are raised by. If those generational curses and those demonic covenants are not detached from us. Right. Even though he was raised outside of the family, he still struggled and still struggles to this day with the generational covenants and the demonic curses that are attached to our

bloodline because you know our father was a pedophile that's there's just no getting around that he had multiple young victims our father was just a pedophile you know that was my next question i was i was going to ask you that later on towards the interview do you think your mother was the only oh no she definitely was she definitely was not but without going into too much detail about my brother it's people people can google it everybody knows our family at 12 years old he did the same thing to his foster mother's five-year-old granddaughter out of anger wow so from 12 from age 12 on he has dealt had to deal with the legal system and I will say this on his behalf from 12 years old to 43 years old I have never known him to do anything else since that incident

at 12 years old so I don't think that my brother I know that my brother is not a pedophile like my father was but that spirit still erupted in him when he got angry enough with the person that his mother figure, when he got angry with his mother figure and he did not get what he was getting from her, his way of getting back to her was to violate her granddaughter because she adored her granddaughter. Right.

And so he has not been able to come from up under the mental issues that come when you have to live with the fact that you did this. And now this is the life that you have to take to yourself too, because the criminal system, the legal system, they put labels on you. Society, we put labels, they put labels on you. And even as his sister, you know, my daughter is 22 years old. And when my brother and I would start to have, try to have a relationship and i

don't apologize because my daughter was my priority but i would always tell my daughter you don't know him i don't really know him yeah yeah but you are to never ever be alone with him that's a fact fashion or form yeah no the the it would be completely and i don't think there's anything wrong with that no my my daughter has to come first i am not like my family members when they don't separate the pedophiles from the rest of the family they don't make them not come around they tell the children that's your uncle that's your this that's that's not who has ever been as a mother why do you think black people are like that and i mean i'm pretty sure other races are like that but i can only speak from my experience and the stories i hear i feel like that is very prominent within our community it is because it's generational it's cyclic and it's

all they know and if our elders will ever open up their mouths and deal with that trauma and deal with that pain what you will hear is well well, it happened to me. Yeah. It happened in my home to a point to where it's almost normal to them. Even though you have these young children being adversely affected, you know that you didn't like it when it happened to you. It's still that norm that they don't know how to break away from. And people like me in the family who say, you know what? No, I refuse to accept

this right we become problematic right you're the issue i'm the issue i'm crazy right something wrong with that girl no nothing's wrong with me as a matter of fact there's something wrong with you guys because this is not normal you guys are okay going to the family reunion with all the perverts it's like you're leading sheep to a slaughter yeah it's like why are you okay with having us around these men who you know have raped and molested throughout the line yeah you know what's so crazy because i do a lot of conversations on topics that a lot of people don't talk about within our communities and obviously sexual abuse is one of those topics that's like swept under the rug and you mentioned a couple of things that my previous guests who share stories that's similar to yours have said the exact same thing like one of my homegirls she came in the show and she shared her story of being

molested by her brother and she said she one of the things that she's afraid of is being along with kids because she don't want that spirit to come out and take a hold of her and I was like yeah and I was like damn like that kind of like broke my heart because for you to be aware of that and you're afraid to be around your nieces and nephews even though I believe she has good intentions I don't think she would do anything but I do believe there's a spirit within our community that is like taking hold and really hurting these kids and then another good point you made was I interviewed this lady her and her sister had similar situations as you and your brother and she spoke about how the abuse affected both her and her sister differently so my guess was similar to your story and why her sister was similar to your brother's story and it just shows you how like abuse can affect people in many different ways yep the manifestation is definitely

different depending on the situation depending on the person depending on their spiritual prominence because i know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has said about me from even at, even at my incestuous conception, that one is mine. Yeah. I have a plan for her and I am not going to allow her to be so adversely affected by the works of the enemy that I can't use her. Right. So God has stayed, even when I was cursing him, even when I hated him, because at eight,

nine, 10, 11, 12 years old, what have I done to welcome the kind of abuse that I was born into? Yeah. My grandmother singing about this God who was so perfect and she's always in church, but the God that you keep singing about and bragging about don't seem to know me. Yeah. You know, that's what it felt like until he started talking to me at a young age. But even when he started talking to me at a young age. But even when he started talking to me and I subconsciously knew that he was indeed who he said he was, God, I still had a strong resentment toward him because of the stuff that I endured. He had to nurture that relationship with me himself. What are your thoughts on when people say there can't be a God because of all the things that happens to, because like I was in a very traumatic childhood upbringing. My mother used to beat the hell out of me to like a pulp. My father is on drugs. You know, I know people, I share stories about people going through abuse and all

of that nature. So what is your thoughts when people say that God can't be real? Because if he is real, why would he let his children go through all this? I like to make it a natural reflection. God, I'm a seer and God deals with me visually. So I like to make it a natural reflection. God, I'm a seer and God deals with me visually. So I like to make it a natural reflection for people because when people have turned off God in their minds, nothing that you say to them to try to get to them will make them see what you see. So I take it naturally. And my thing is this, you think, think of a woman with eight kids. When you are carrying that baby in your womb, you're nurturing it in your womb, you have all these ideas, you have all these plans about what this child is going to become,

what they're going to do, how they're going to look, how they're going to do this, that, the third, whatnot. That child comes out and that child gets to an age where they make it clear that they are going to do the exact opposite of what you have designed for them to do. As a mother, you can't hold your child's hands 24 seven to keep them from doing wrong. You can only put in them what you, what you think ought to be in them. But if that child goes out and that child murdered somebody as a mother, do you stop loving your child as a mother? Do your expectations for your child cease? Right. You know, it doesn't mean that because your child went out and did what he did, that you're not still a mother.

Right. Your child made choices that they themselves walked into. You didn't do it. People should not blame a mother for a child going out, committing murder, going out, raping, going out, robbing. As mothers, we can only do so much. Once our children begin to make choices on their own, we have to let them make those choices. And when they decide to come back to us, we receive them and we continue to love them. It is the same with God.

Unfortunately for us, God had this perfect plan for us when he was creating mankind. But clearly once Adam and Eve partook of the fruit in the garden of Eden, we automatically had the power of choice. And once we received the power of choice, that's when all the havoc started to come about because, oh, wait a minute, I have feelings, I have this, I have that. God, I know what you said, but this is what I want. And we have to remember that God spent years and years and years watching his creation do the complete opposite of what he wanted to do. He had all these laws in place that were hard to follow because people were choosing their flesh. He was ready to say, you know what?

This is not what I created. This is not what I designed. I'm done. He was going to destroy it and just start from scratch or possibly not even start over at all. Pick the blood. Jesus was our saving grace. Yeah. You know what? You make a good point because I do feel like

God tried to start over a couple of times I think we forget that yes nobody wants to think about that it's like we have forced pushed him into a corner so many times yeah to a point to where i tell people he had to dumb down salvation he had to dumb down christianity yeah that that slogan seas get degrees yeah guess what seas get you into heaven too yeah you can float through doing the bare minimum and you can still get into heaven it's easy for us to get in our emotion and to say well this happened and that happened and that happened but there can't be a god yes there is a God because this is the thing. We now have the power of choice. And not only do we have the power of choice,

but the enemy knows that we have the power of choice. And because we have the power of choice, he has greater room to maneuver, to manipulate us, to get us to do all those things that go against second guess it yes so at the root of it god is saying i'm right here waiting for you to choose me i'm right here i can't because you guys know the power of choice i can't force my will on you i can't force you to do right i can't force you to do what i know you ought to be doing right you have to choose me when i gave up my Jesus, for you, it meant that you have to now make the conscious decision to choose me. And when your choices lead you down a path that I did not call you down, you are going to have to deal with the ramifications of those choices. And unfortunately,

not just you, but you and those attached to you. so you end up in a life of crime you end up a drug addict a prostitute or whatever ripple effect and you have children attached to you guess what they're going to inadvertently be affected by that but that's not because of god that's because of the choices that you make now god's grace and god's mercy is evident even in those situations. And I'm a living example of that. Even in his word it says he will not allow us to endure more than that which we have been equipped to handle. So all the things that we have gone through, God has only allowed it because he knows that even in the darkest of those moments and those experiences, he has already equipped us to come out of it and still be used by him. Yeah. I feel like we have to give the enemy a black eye about it.

I feel like we about to go to church in this episode. Honey, I'm telling you, God is good. All the time. Okay. Wow. I'm just still thinking about your brother. God bless him. So when you began sharing your story how do people react because you know

how we are like we you don't tell the family business like what goes on in this house stays in this house yes from the family i would get they're starting to come around more now but especially my grandmother's siblings her brothers in particular don't tell too much why because you scared of what's going to get revealed about you you know and was your grandma the one that you love and spoke so highly about was that her husband no okay i didn't know no it wasn't her husband because he lived in st louis and my grandmother was married to another man but unfortunately my family as a whole, trauma and abuse. If my family would get together and would just start, even my grandmother comes from probably close to 30 siblings. Wow.

Yeah. So outside of that 30 siblings, even though it's pervasive in all those lines, if my grandmother and her, my grandmother's children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren alone, if we got to talking, the world would be looking at us like, how in the world are y'all saying? Because it's a lot. It's the stories. How many kids you think were born in your family similar to

you and your brother's situation? Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. I'm finding out more and more. I have a cousin who is older than me. She's a pastor now in Las Vegas. I did not know how similar her story was to mine until she wrote her book a couple of years ago. She was actually raped by her stepfather, her mother's husband, her and her sister. So her and her sister both have children by their stepfather.

Thank God it's not their biological father, but still a father figure. Yeah, right. So I met a cousin, this particular cousin who was raped by her stepfather and have children by him. I haven't met in person her children because they're out of Michigan. But her sister, who also had a child by that same man, that cousin, her and I talk on a regular basis and I hurt for her because she is not where I am. You know, she still struggles with the fact that she was born from this dark family secret and she really has not gotten any of her questions answered. And she cannot accept the fact that there are certain ways to go about your healing process. And unfortunately, when your healing process inadvertently causes others harm or takes them back, you need to figure out what's right or what's wrong. Should I do this or should I not?

Right. She's trying to heal on her terms, regardless of how it affects other people, because she feels like she needs to know certain things. But because she's not getting the responses that she's getting, she's kind of stuck. And you can tell that she has lived a life where she is just boxed into all of this trauma and she's, she hasn't been delivered. She hasn't truly healed. She's this little girl who was stuck in the knowledge of these family

secrets. And I, even though we're, our stories are similar, I hurt for her because I know what she feels like, but I also understand from her mother's perspective too. And what's her mother's perspective? Her mother, even though people know what happened to her, it's not something that she's ready to just openly talk about, not even to her daughter.

It's like that wound that's buried so deep down that to get to it you have to drudge up so much and every layer that comes up before you get to that layer has its own form of trauma and its own form of pain and for some people they're not strong enough yeah to deal with that it didn't really bring people yes and so i'm always telling her you have to stop you know other people in the, you have to stop. You know, other people in the family, you have to stop. You have no idea the damage you are doing to her by pushing and pushing and trying to force answers to questions that you need to go to God. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more.

After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout? Well, that's when the real magic happens. So if you love hearing real, inspiring stories from the people you know, follow, and admire, join me every week for Post Run High. It's where we take the conversation beyond the run and get into the heart of it all. It's lighthearted, pretty crazy, and very fun. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Is your country falling apart? Feeling tired?

Depressed? A little bit revolutionary? Consider this. Start your own country. I planted the flag. I just kind of looked out of like, this is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy.

There are 55 gallons of water for 500 pounds of concrete. Everybody's doing it. I am King Ernest Emmanuel. I am the Queen of Ladonia. I'm Jackson I, King of Kaperburg. I am the Supreme Leader of the Grand Republic of Mentonia. Be part of a great colonial tradition. Why can't I trade my own country?

My forefathers did that themselves. What could go wrong? No country willingly gives up their territory. I was making a rocket with a black powder, you know, with explosive warhead. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Bullets.

We need help! We still have the off-road portion to go. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. And we're losing daylight fast. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What's up, y'all? This is Questlove, and I'm here to tell you about a new podcast I've been working on with the Story Pirates and John Glickman called Historical Records. It's a family-friendly podcast.

Yeah, you heard that right. A podcast for all ages. One you can listen to and enjoy with your kids starting on September 27th. I'm going to toss it over to the host of Historical Records, Nimany, to tell you all about it. Make sure you check it out. Hey, y'all. Nimany here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records.

Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop. Flash, slam, another one gone. Bash, bam, another one gone. The crack of the bat and another one gone. The tip of the cap is another one gone. Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history, like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama

who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa Parks did the same thing. Check it. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Dani Shapiro, host of the hit podcast, Family Secrets. How would you feel if when you met your biological father for the first time, he didn't even say hello?

And how would you feel if your doctor advised you to keep your life-altering medical procedure a secret from everyone? And what if your past itself was a secret, and the time had suddenly come to share that past with your child. These are just a few of the powerful and profound questions we'll be asking on our 11th season of Family Secrets. Some of you have been with us since season one, and others are just tuning in. Whatever the case, and wherever you are, thank you for being part of our Family Secrets family, where every week we explore the secrets that are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, and the secrets we keep from ourselves. Listen to Season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Jenny Garth, Jana Kramer, Amy Robach, and TJ Holmes bring you I Do Part Two, a one-of-a-kind experiment in podcasting to help you find love again. If you didn't get it right the first time, it's time to try, try again as they guide you through this podcast experiment in dating. Hey, I'm Jana Kramer. As they say, those that cannot do, teach. Actually, I think I finally got it right. So take the failures I've had the second or even third or whatever, maybe the fourth time around. I'm Jenny Garth. 29 years ago, Kelly Taylor said these words, I choose me.

She made her choice. She chose herself. When it comes to love, choose you first. Hi, everyone. I'm Amy Robach. And I'm TJ Holmes. And we are, well, not necessarily relationship experts. If you're ready to dive back into the dating pool and find lasting love,

finally, we want to help. Listen to I Do Part 2 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Yeah. yeah you know and then to a degree she idolized she still idolizes the man it's like you know what this man did to your mother to your aunt you know what he represents to the family but because he's the only father figure that you've ever known you make it known that you still love him which is another form of trauma to them wow and that's heartbreaking yes that's so interesting i have cousins i have cousins who are the product of brother sister molestation brother sister ancestors like my grandmother's brothers raping her sisters and children being produced the older i've gotten especially in the

last five years i've looked around and I've gone, whoa. So it's just pervasive. It's not just me. Yeah. How has this, this just came to my mind, but how has this, we haven't even got to the meat of your story. Right. But I just feel like these are just conversations that need to be had. And I'm just curious to know, how has this, like just your story, hearing your cousin's stories and just hearing stories overall. How has this influenced your perspective on men and women? And that is the saving grace, because when I was 16, God knew that I was never going to forgive my mother.

Yeah. And he walked me through that vision that I talk about in my documentary. And because of that experience, like it could not have been any more real. There is no way for me to adequately verbalize that vision to get people to truly understand what I felt in that moment. And because of the emotion of it, and it still stays with me, just as God said to me, every time you refuse to forgive your mother, it's that 13 year old little girl you're refusing to forgive. I've never been able to backtrack from that so everything that she does i equate to that 13 year old little wounded girl right so i can't hate her so i now since 16 years old have looked at things from a different lens and i'm sure that it's because I didn't know it then obviously but I know and now that there's a prophetic anointing on me and I'm also a seer so I see things differently than most people and I hear things differently than most people so even though I'm in this thing I still

have the the grace given to me by God to be able to deal with people from their place of trauma and not my own emotion facts yeah you got me people have unhealthy relationships i used to have unhealthy relationships with dark-skinned black men not because of molestation but because my mother's husband dark-skinned big black man jerry curl was i equated him to being i called him him the monster. He was just trauma and just, oh, big black. It was just trauma for me. So every dark skinned man up until about 10 years ago took me back to him. So how did you move past that? The church that God sent me to when my daughter was five years old.

Big black,erry curl you talk about the most genuine sweetest nicest caring protective gentle giant it was he is he was the on the outside very similar to the monster but on the inside the complete opposite it was like god put him in my life even at a distance for a while because i was so just put off by the visual appearance right for me to get the essence of who he was to to feel god literally yeah through this man it's like the god that i had formed a relationship with the spirit of that relationship was manifesting in this man. And a father figure, awesome, anointed. And I remember looking up one day thinking to myself, I just hugged and flinched and think twice.

I embraced it and I wanted it. in that moment that God had taken away that fear yeah and the trigger of what he presented and about six years ago my stepfather my mother's ex-husband he actually came to Mississippi or to Michigan from Mississippi out of the blue and I ran into him at the gas station oh wow and i thought let me go say hi to this man did he like this no oh wow he didn't even reckon i walked up on him and said hi how are you and he said who are you i said wow you don't even know me wow you you have fathered three of my sisters i lived with you for umpteen years and you don't know who I am? I look just like my mother. You do look like your mother.

Yes. I've seen the pictures. Yes. And he was funny like, yes. And he was like, oh, okay. You know, he kind of did his little grunt. Somebody in the car was trying to get his attention. So I let him go, but that was more for me.

I needed to approach him to see how I would react to him yeah and it was weird because in my mind up until that day he's just this big black monster but he even seems shorter and smaller yeah and I'm like you know you're on the path of healing yes I'm like okay okay and i was able to call my sisters and say hey i saw your dad yada yada yada and it wasn't a i saw your dad you know it was a different tone yeah like i saw your dad yes you know you think you killed because you haven't had to face the thing but you don't know that you've truly healed until you come face to face with that thing right right once i came face to face with it i. Right, right. Once I came face to face with it, I was like, okay, okay. God, I see you.

Right. Okay. Right, right. So let's start with the early chapters of your story, beginning with your mother. At the age of 13, she met her father for the first time. And how did that come about? Like she didn't know who he was or they just live in different states? My family is originally from Mississippi.

And that's where my grandmother had the first, I think, three or four of her children, actually five of her children in Mississippi. And when they left Mississippi, my mother was really young. Right. And so when they moved to Mississippi, when they moved to Michigan, contact was lost. You know, my grandmother was with somebody else. Contact was lost. Even though she had three girls by him, contact was lost. You know, my grandmother was with somebody else. Contact was lost. Even though she had three girls by him, contact was lost. He left Mississippi and went to St. Louis, Missouri, started his own family there. And so he got in contact with my grandmother.

My mother was around 13 years old and said, I want to have a relationship with my girls. And of course, my grandmother hadn't had any contact with them. She really didn't know what his tendencies were. And at least I don't think she knew what his tendencies were. And my mother was given the option. You know, your dad wants to spend some time with you. He wants to get to know you. And according from what my mother told me, she wanted to go because of issues that were

happening within the home already. She felt like it could be a safe haven if I go with my dad. The other sisters didn't want to go but she went and it turned out to be a nightmare for her i wonder why they didn't want to go you know what my sister slash aunt posted on my facebook page a couple of i think yesterday or the day before and i was reading what she wrote and i thought now see i'm learning something else because i'm pretty sure she's telling me that she knew that he was a pedophile right and that's why she didn't want to go wow so i spent the last couple of day in a day day

and a half since whenever she posted it just pondered and i'm like it seems like every time i talk to them i get something else yeah the secrets and it just keeps spilling out because she's never verbalized that to me i've never known that she had a choice but she knew that he was off so she didn't go that aspect of this story i've never been privy to that right you know so i'm still i'm this is gonna be a lesson until the day i die a continual lesson because this is years and years like this goes beyond your your mom and her mom and then you got this side of family like yes wow generational trauma begets generational trauma begets generational trauma yeah and i had a conversation with my grandmother one day as I was an adult, she absolutely loved and adored me.

So she definitely absolutely, absolutely loved and adored my daughter. And we were just laughing and talking one day. And because she was in such a good mood, I just kind of threw a question in there. Right. Just to see. Just slide it on in there to see what she'll say. Test the waters. You know, I was just asking her.

I said, Mama mama my daddy raped my mama twice man if somebody went to my child they're gonna be in prison you know just to see what she what she would go with it and she said baby if that nigga would have been in michigan he'd have been under the jail right and i'm like that's an emotion okay wow i had a bunch of questions once she said that but didn't want to push it too far right so I ate them and let them go but I'm thinking to myself your this answer was an instant answer the emotion was just raw so why would she go back the next year and why wouldn't he be under the jail why was he allowed to live a long life and why why did she go back the next year

she told me years and years ago that she went back because she was already living in hell with under my grandmother's roof and he promised her that he would never do it again and he apologized and she believed it you know at this time she's 14 years old she's struggling she's living in hell pretty much at home and he's acknowledged that he did it and he was out of order and he's promising that he won't do it again so he basically manipulated her and she went back and it happened again wow so when she came back home and she was pregnant what did the family say oh they knew oh they knew that's crazy but the issue this is the issue and i'm an adult so i can look back and i can see this now how can we make a big deal about her being raped by her father when and i'm saying this from my grandmother's perspective and

from her her sister's perspective because our family is extremely close we can't really make a big deal out of that when our brothers are doing the same thing to us and our daughters and to our boys so if we gonna get mad at him and prosecute him we got to get mad at our brothers but doing what they're doing to our kids and some of our spouses but doing what they're doing to our kids wow so it's just you, pot calling the kettle black. Yeah. And you know what's so crazy? I was talking to somebody and somebody was saying like a lot of people allow things to happen to other people because it happened to them. And they think they quote unquote came out okay. So if I'm still here. And then they done.

Yeah. And that mentality is sickening. Yeah. Nobody protected me. So why would I protect you? I got told to keep quiet. So you better keepickening. Yeah. Nobody protected me, so why would I protect you? I got told to keep quiet, so you better keep quiet too. Right. And at such a young age, like not once, but twice?

Yes, twice. Wow. So as you was getting older, your mom would leave you at home with your boyfriend's son, and he would molest you and bribe you with food and religion. Yes. Her boyfriend. and he will molest you and bribe you with food and religion yes her her boyfriend and because you know it's crazy how she was always drawn to older men but it's not crazy because that's what she sought out a father figure but it got twisted and perverted into love and because

i'm thinking the spirits in these men recognize the the trauma in her and that like spirit in her and saw her as an easy victim because she always dated men who are much older than my grandmother. Yeah. Even at her teen teen years, she dated men who were my grandmother's age or older. So when she was dating this one particular man, his son was her age. As a matter of fact, she should have been dating the son instead of the dad. Right. Yo, these niggas is nasty man yes and she would leave us and she would leave us at home with him and he would molest me and i'm just like you know what this just don't make no sense right thank god he never penetrated me but the oral sex was just a bit much i'm like i i will never forget

that this man would force me to do it under the guise of religion i didn't want to go to hell and under the guise of if you don't want to make your brother do it well i'm not gonna subject my little brother to this right you think your mom knew all along what was going on i would have a hard time believing that she didn't know because how many times do you have to come into the house with this man bringing me out of a bathroom to give me ice cream telling you that he promised me a treat? You can't put two and two together. When you have gone through that, you should be hypervigilant to that. Right.

Yes. molested by him i wasn't molested by a close family member on until my teen years yet i was still hyper vigilant about protecting my daughter right so and i would look at her like couldn't say anything with him standing there but i would be talking to her with my eyes and it's funny because now i always hear your mouth don't have to say it because your face don't say it yeah and so when I hear that I'm like and I'm pretty sure when I was a little girl my face was saying a whole lot too but she wasn't catching it because probably because she didn't want to catch it right wow and I do believe that my mother back especially back then my mother absolutely loved me but I because of her age and what she was dealing with she did not know how and i think

if she would have accepted what was happening to me it would have destroyed her back then yeah so i think that she knew to a degree but as a defense mechanism she convinced herself that it wasn't happening because i didn't actually come out and say it. Right. Have you ever seen or heard about this documentary? It was about this father, a black man, and he had nothing but girls. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. Yes. It was just so crazy because the son did the documentary on how the father was sleeping with every single daughter.

And one of the daughters fell in love with the father yep and then the father is dying so everybody's around him on his deathbed and the son is like are y'all serious crazy yeah crazy just like when a young girl is kidnapped and she's kidnapped and she's gone for a long time and then they go to rescue her and she wants to be back with her kidnapper. Yeah. There was a term for it and it's lost on me at the moment, but there is a mental effect that causes you to actually feel compassion for them. Yeah. you to actually feel compassion for them yeah and as a survival mechanism you begin to equate the abuse with love yeah and especially in a house full of girls i'm pretty sure it got to a point to where it became a competition they all knew yeah they all knew i'm connected to a family

now where the dad was molesting all the girls and had even started on the grand grandchildren but you ask them now and they will tell you my daddy didn't do that my daddy didn't do that yes he did we know he did it everybody knows he did it wow nah these men it's sick it's disgusting it's like the more that you find out, it's just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And it's part of why I stayed single. That's why I asked you, did this affect your relationship with men? Yes, because my daughter's father met him in high school. He was an amazing man.

We didn't date in high school, but we met after we got out of high school. And he was an amazing man we ended up having to separate for a lot of reasons but the ultimate reason was he just was not mentally equipped to be in a relationship he was in the military straight out of high school they sent him to Guam he should have never been sent to Guam as an 18 year old young man he saw some things that messed up his mind, literally. And when he came back, he wasn't okay. And then he ended up getting shot when my daughter was three. He got shot in March and my daughter turned four that July. So my daughter was three when her daughter, when her dad was permanently paralyzed, he got shot in the throat with a

shotgun. Wow. So he has been totally and permanently disabled since my daughter was three years old and she's 22 now. And even though he and I separated before then, I still had gotten to a place where I was like, I've tried to date and it's not working. And because of my background, I had the mindset of no man will ever take advantage of me. No man will ever get the one up on me. I'm going to control all these relationships. And even though it was only a couple of relationships, the one that I was in was the one that I had no business being in. I got hoodwinked. I did not know the man was engaged to be married. Yes, honey. I did not know he was engaged to be married. I found out that he was getting married the weekend

that he told me he was going to visit his kids wow I'm not surprised because of that I realized quickly I don't have the control over this relationship that I thought I had right and because it took me so long to get rid of him and the only way that I was able to finally get rid of him even after he was married was for me to go to my cousin to say I have no business being with this man but I don't know how to say no to him what is wrong with me because I know better like this is sickening to me I know better and she had to explain to me that's a soul tie that's why we have no business sleeping with men we're not married to because a soul tie is formed once we connect sexually. And I went down a treasure trove of what is a soul tie, how to break it, and he found some prayers because I was adamant about not continuing the relationship.

And I said to God then, I said, if you break me from this soul tie, I promise you I will not lay with another man that is not my husband. And two weeks of this man calling me ignoring him and me praying two weeks of him calling me ignoring him and me praying finally one day God said pick up the phone and I'm thinking I cannot you okay so I picked up the phone and what happened 10 minutes later I hung up the phone I'm like said no I said no I said no it's broken the soul tie has been broken right and he tried still for about two three years after that and every single time it was by going somewhere with that right right and I never forgot that and my promise to God I kept that if you break me from this soul tie I promise you I will not lay with another man that is not my husband.

So you've been celibate for a while? My daughter is 22 years old. I have been celibate since she was five. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout? Well, that's when the real magic happens. So if you love hearing real inspiring stories from the people you you know, follow and admire join me every week for post run high. It's where we take the conversation beyond the run

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we'll be asking on our 11th season of Family Secrets. Some of you have been with us since season one, and others are just tuning in. Whatever the case, and wherever you are, thank you for being part of our Family Secrets family, where every week we explore the secrets that are kept from us, the secrets we keep from others, and the secrets we keep from ourselves.

Listen to season 11 of Family Secrets on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, a five-year-old boy floated alone in the ocean. He had lost his mother trying to reach Florida from Cuba. He looked like a little angel. I mean, he looked so fresh.

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as part of the My Cultura podcast network, available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Wow. wow so i've been there has been one oops in that time about three years ago but yes celibate because i am not the power that that man had over me is the power that i never want another another individual to possess over me. Another nigga. I'll say it for you. It's like a drug. Yeah.

It helped me to understand the drug addicts in my family. Yeah. How can I be mad at you because you can't put that pipe down, but I have my full faculty about me and I can't leave this man alone. Yeah. It's like they're just vices. I forgot the track tracks i can't keep keep caught keep up with it but i've been celibate for like three or four years now

and i almost had a oops too but i'm like i got right right i got tricked but it's like even as it was happening i'm like i need him to go i need him to go yeah and I just felt so I was so repulsed by it more so because I had disappointed God oh my god I we're gonna have to talk because I felt that's why I was telling my friends and I'm delicious probably like child but I was telling my friends because I made a promise to God and I didn't tell him I was going for my husband but I told him that I was gonna wait for I was gonna be able to be with a man that we both feel like is accepting of what I want to give him or just, you know, not rewarding, but like who I felt comfortable with and who I felt safe with. So I'm like, God, that is our agreement. And I feel like God has gave me everything that my heart desire. And I have really been struggling with the fact that if I do decide to move forward and

engage in sexual activity, I feel like God is going to be really upset with me. And it has really been like weighing on my heart. So I just been praying and I've just been asking God to like, I don't know, I've just been praying to him because I'm like, I don't want to disappoint him because I feel like my relationship with God is so important to me. And we came a long way. Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. I'm glad we're on the same page.

But I know exactly what you're talking about when it comes to disappointment. Like that is like the worst feeling ever. And I tell people, I always tell people, because I'm a prophet and a seer, and I'm not just a prophet with the gift of prophecy, I'm called to the prophetic office. Because of my relationship with God, I liken it so that people can understand it i liken it to the your grandmother's favorite child the child who while 20 kids are outside all day playing you got that one child who's just at your side yeah that's how i am with god and just like that one child who was always at that grandparent's side you hear, you hear how they gossip and how they talk about so-and-so doing this and so-and-so doing that. And she ain't got no sense

and her kid's crazy and you know, this, that, or the third. So you get to hear, but you also hear the disappointment when they're talking about their children and their nieces and their grandkids and so-and-so's kids. And as a kid, and because I was like this with my grandmother, I was taking that all in, wanting to not cause them to have to feel the same emotion. Right. And so with God, it's the same way. I sit at his feet. You know, he allows me to feel his emotion per se. And I have access to how he feels or what's going on in the world. And because I know how disappointed he is and how he longs to have us turn

from our way, wicked ways and to turn toward him. I don't want to add to that burden. Yeah. Oh, that's exactly how I feel. It's just like, no, I cannot, I cannot add to that burden. I live my life to police. I annoy my body every single morning. If it is not of you for you or by you, keep it from me. Let it not enter into me. Let it not come out of me. I live my life to police. I annoy my body every single morning. If it is not of you,

for you, or by you, keep it from me. Let it not enter into me. Let it not come out of me. I am your vessel. And people always ask me, if you look at my social media, why do you type in all caps? I don't care if it's annoying to you. It's not about you. I type every single word in all caps because it is a visual reminder to me that everything that comes out of my mouth no matter how simple or how big it is is important right and if it is not pleasing to god in any way shape fashion or form why is it coming out of me right it is like a visual reminder to be mindful of what i put into the atmosphere everything important even the little even the does and the ands because it's all connected to something else right so not to get in your business well i feel like i'm

already in your business so what do you do because i mean you're human you're a beautiful woman what do you do when you get horny honestly a lot of the time i am always on the go so much that it does not happen a lot so for the last couple of years because i now know that that is a trick of the enemy to get me to veer toward perversion because god doesn't even want want me to masturbate i call it out is it wrong to masturbate god it's pleasure it's like that's not your husband it's like you're giving in to the lust of the flesh you're giving in to the lust of the flesh and i'm just like okay i can't do it i can't do it and i will if i'm up and i'm finding especially the mornings where i decide to sleep in if i sleep in and i'm not rushed to go anywhere

that's when that spirit tries to creep in and it plays plays in my mind. I'm like, nope, nope. Get up out of this bed. Go find you something to do. Right, right, right, right. You know, no, we not even giving in to the enemy in that way. He's not going to creep in because I am a woman. You know, it's not easy, but it is always staying ahead of it, recognizing the trigger, recognizing what will cause me to even begin to go down there and quickly acknowledging that saying, you what i got control over yeah no spirit will control me in any way shape fashion or form no man will control me in any way shape fashion or form no i have the power to control completely and totally damn now i feel bad i mean i don't do a lot but the beauty is god in his infinite wisdom extends us grace he he knows us better than we know

ourselves i just like to say you know what once you know something you are not responsible for the knowledge that you've been given and you have to work to do it better. But it's work. And that's why that oops happened a couple of years ago because I was extremely vulnerable. And by trade, I am a mobile notary signing agent. So I traveled the state closing out real estate transactions, dealing with anything else that needs notarization. So I am always in a FedEx or a UPS or something. And it was a man in one of them all the time that was flirting up the wazoo all the time right and

one night he i said something to him on social media just a flippant comment and it went down the road i'm like oh good lord what did i do ain't nothing like a fine man in your presence though lord have mercy like okay i got i can't i can't do this right i can't do this i can't do this i can't do this and it's bad when you don't even enjoy it like it's what's supposed to happen i feel dirty i know that i've offended god i'm so upset like i couldn't even get back on track. I couldn't even get off on this. And now I feel bad.

Like it's like everything about this is just no. Right. Right. Wow. You know, one thing that I love about your story and I go back and forth with my friends and my cousins about this, because I don't feel like kids should be left at home by themselves.

No, I feel like maybe if the child is at a certain age. But I just feel like, I just don't like it. I feel like anything can happen. And I don't know. And I'm not passing judgment on anybody who does this. Because I do understand that, unfortunately, a lot of people don't have the support and resources that they need when it comes to child care. Because child care is very expensive.

But it just makes me so uncomfortable when children are left at home and in your situation your mom used to leave you at home with your siblings and you was only eight or nine years old yes for days at a time yeah yes so how was y'all my daughter my daughter would hit certain milestones and i would look at her and i would go when i was your age so so-and-so was happening. Right. I'm like, there's no way in the world I would leave you to deal with that. You know, just the light bulb moments that I would have. And it also helped me to realize how old, how young my mother was. Because the older my daughter got, i would equate my mother's age when stuff was happening to her to my daughter's age and i would go so when my when my mother was a senior in high

school you mean to tell me that she had two kids and was about to have a whoa okay and then the immaturity of my daughter because she was raised in a bubble highly gifted extremely intelligent but i tell her it seems like you're immature, but you're not. It's just that your maturity level is age appropriate. Yeah, you're a child. And it's not something that I'm accustomed to or anybody around me has been accustomed to outside of our community. Right. You know, in our community, the way that she did, my family still calls her, some of them still call her the white girl.

My daughter's not white. Right. She's age appropriate. Right, right. The way that she was brought up is it doesn't match our family right you know but yeah it would be weird to just look at her at certain ages and go whoa yeah no yeah i don't see it and i don't see it and on top of the neglect you also mentioned that your mother used to severely beat you to the point that cps was called several times yes yes i now know that the beatings that i took was because she could not beat her abusers. Yeah. I felt the same way. She couldn't beat me. I mean, because I would literally get whooped and beat for nothing.

Yeah. You're really beating me because a dish got left in the sink. No, let's be honest. You're beating me because that man in black and July and you can't fight him. When you, when you was telling the story about her and her husband was the, um, the big time drug dealer and how she was gonna like shoot him and then he took the gun and he pistol whipped her and i'm just like wow like i can't even imagine because at this point i'm still she's still a child or she's still probably under 18 and just

that much abuse and then she came back actually when that happened to her i was 12 or 13 so she was probably 26 27 okay okay i mean but still yeah 14 24 yeah she had to be she was definitely under 30 she was like in her mid-20s right which is a baby because this man is in his 50s wow this man yeah he he was much he had children her age oh my god God. Yeah. It's just, it was traumatic. I mean, the beatings, they were just, it was just atrocious. I just, I will never wrap my mind around how somebody could beat their child the way that I was beat when my daughter was little, when I would have to spank her because it was okay. We've had this conversation two, two three four times and you're just doing what you want to do you're being disobedient on purpose right and i would spank her but we would have a conversation about what she had done wrong and why she needed a spanking and even as i would pop her

two or three times i'd be sitting there crying yeah god said did you feel uncomfortable whooping her i'm crying you know i don't want to inflict this kind of pain on my daughter so thank god super nanny and nanny 911 came out when she was around four so i was able to navigate and use mind manipulation and just put her in my lap when nanny 911 came on and i would show her these children and how misbehaved they were and we would sit and we would watch it and i would talk to her like look at that child she knows she out of order her mom need to whoop her little butt and we would watch it. And I would talk to her like, look at that child. She knows she out of order. Her mama need to whoop her little butt. And I would plant those seeds.

And planting those seeds helped her, even at that young age, be mindful of her behavior and how, you know, it was just, there are certain things you do, certain things you don't do. And it was so ingrained in her that when she started preschool, her teacher called me and said, your daughter keep telling me to call and they didn't 911. Because she knows that those kids are acting crazy and that is not how we act at home. Right. You know what? No.

I just had an aha moment. I feel like your daughter really saved you because I feel like as I'm hearing you speak about your daughter, I feel like you got a chance to mother yourself while being a mother to her. Yes. Yes. She definitely saved me in more ways than one. And it's like mothering her was a double-edged sword. And I now know that. And I'll say this, backtrack for a minute.

And God in his infinite wisdom, this is how I know that he was upset with me when I got pregnant with my daughter. Before I got pregnant with my daughter, I had dated a man from age 12. Shouldn't have been dating him because he was 19. He ended up dating me. But I dated him for like eight, nine years. Dated him until my early 20s. Wow. He and I had been having unprotected sex for probably the last

three four years of our relationship never got pregnant even though we both wanted for me to get pregnant it never happened my daughter's father who i reconnected with after he came back from guam couldn't have kids according to him because of he had been electrocuted too many times don't laugh at me he told me that i believed it i was 20 21 he told me he had been electrocuted too many times wait wait wait i can't even get the question now yeah this one thing a man gonna do baby he gonna come up with something colorful to tell honey now i laugh at it and go girl you was a fool yes I was a fool but in my family my closest cousins will tell you this because I it was immediate the night that I got pregnant with my daughter I felt it the minute that it happened like I it was conception was immediate I knew it I looked

at him get off me he said get off me you know did I do? You said you couldn't have kids. Girl, I can't. Well, you just made one. What did it feel like? He thought I was nuts. Yeah, what did it feel like? And that's up until a few years ago, that story had one tone to it. And now that I know better spiritually, now I know that I know what was really happening because the only way that I could describe it to people was to say, the only way for me to make you

understand what this feels like, even though it probably has prayerfully has never happened to you is, and it's a vulgar description, but I felt like my egg was getting gang raped. Oh, wow. It felt traumatic. It did not feel good. It, it felt traumatic. And it felt traumatic it did not feel good it it felt traumatic and it felt like that for a good 24 to 48 hours I was just I came home from Mississippi cousins wanted to take me I'm like no you know I was just angry I just knew and after a couple of days it transitioned from that feeling to just flutters and I felt fluttered after the first couple of days I felt flutters until the day that she started kicking so I was never not consciously aware of my daughter's existence from the minute from the minute

conception happened I felt hurt every single day and then I parented her the way that I parented her for 18 years. And because I'm a seer, when she was around 13, 12, 13 years old, we started having some serious issues internally. And then God started showing me visions. And the visions that God would show me was me turning 40, which was ironically the year that my daughter turned 18. And he would show me going in one direction and her going in another direction. And I never understood it. And I would always ask him like, Abba, you showed me everything. I'm a seer, but you're not showing me all of this. And I have questions. And my main question is, is you keep showing me in front of these different audiences and ministering the gospel and preaching and doing this and doing that, which I didn't understand and wasn't ready

to receive back then, but I knew what he was showing me, but why is my daughter never in the audience? Why is my baby never supporting me? And he would never answer the question. Fast forward to me taking my baby to college in August of 2019, October of 2019, the tension that had been building up between us over the years just exploded because she was never a disrespectful child. Everybody in their mind loves this kid because she's just an amazing kid, empathic, sweet, can connect with anybody. So the explosion shocked the heck out of me and what came out of it was our separation and I remember going to God in tears going I gave this child my life right anybody who talks about my baby or anybody who mentions me in my conversations know that all I talked about

was my baby she was literally my world I'm like god my mother hating me should have been enough now all of a sudden this kid that i've given 18 years to everything about my world was and now my daughter hates me why are you allowing this to happen she was my world and i kept saying she was my world and he said listen to what you just said she was your world you made her your item i could not get a leg in with you now that i have allowed the separation because i didn't cause it this separation is not of me but i allowed it to happen because i needed to get you by yourself for this season. Now that I have your attention, can I get some attention? Will you do what you said that you would do years ago, which was let me use you. I told you when you were a little girl that if you trusted me one day, I would use

your voice. Now I'm asking you to trust me. Let me develop you. Let me process you so that I can use you because I couldn't get a leg in edgewise with you between your daughter. Right. And I just bawled and I'm like, oh my God. So you never showed me why she was never in the audience. You never told me because you felt like I would have tried to change it. He said, yes, you would have. Right. He said, the separation is hurtful, but it's necessary for me to get you in position for what I've called you for. And that my dear was in 2019 and it is now 2023. And I can tell you now that I completely understand why he allowed what he allowed, even though he would have not liked it to have happened. I understand what he had or he has allowed. And it has helped me to understand what was happening during her conception.

Right. It goes, it took me back to her conception and it was like, he was upset. Yeah. My choice to lay with the man who was not my husband, to put myself in a position to get pregnant. God knew back then that I was derailing my destiny. Wow. And so now I tell people I want an 18 year detour.

And I've been back on this path for four years. And the way that he has propelled me from 2019 to now. I was supposed to be doing this a long time ago. Right. Wow. My God, my God, my God. So what's your relationship like with your daughter now? My baby and I still don't talk.

It's because she won't talk to me. And my baby is struggling with the spirit and it's what her generation is dealing with. She says that she's not a girl. She's a boy. She's transgender. And what I try to get people to understand is I'm not upset because my daughter wants to be a boy.

I'm not upset because my daughter doesn't, it fell out of the image that I have for her. What bothers me is I know who my daughter is in Christ. I know what her anointing is. And I know that all the enemy is doing is distorting her anointing because he does not want her to manifest. This is the child who was 10, 11, and 12 years old going to church, getting in trouble because the youth pastors didn't think that she was paying attention. And they would try to embarrass her and ask her to recite what they had just preached. And by their own admission, she would preach their messages better than they would at 11 and 12 years old.

So I know that my baby is spiritually gifted and anointed. My mother, even though she doesn't operate in it because of her trauma and the demons that she's entertaining my mother is a prophetic seer i'm a prophetic seer i know what's on me and i know that what's on my daughter is even more magnified than what's on me this girl came out of the womb anointed even though i wasn't supposed to it wasn't in god's will the child came out anointed right she's always been different she's just always been the one that could reach everybody and what better way to keep her from manifesting than to distort her identity and that is my issue is that the enemy has convinced my baby that she is not who god says she is so that's the problem that i have with. So do you think that people can be born transgender?

People are not born transgender. What the issue is, is that people are born with spirits attached to them. And this is why in the video that I posted today in a group that I have, it talks about how we have to make sure that we call out the generational covenants and curses that are on bloodlines when we get ready to have kids. And we have to figure out when we're courting someone, let's go over your family history. Let's figure out what's attached to your family that has not been broken because I don't want to deal with this and a kid 10, 15 years down the line. And I'm like, nobody in my family, at least at that point,

nobody in my family had been dealing with that issue to that degree that I knew of. Right. And God took me back to my daughter's father. My daughter's father shared something with me when he came back from Guam and he was telling me that he had been in a relationship with a woman that he was in love with. And he found out he was a man found out he found out after the fact that she was a man yes and his personality is much like my daughter's they're sweet they're empathic he's a perfect southern gentleman so i understand how sex didn't easily come into the picture with this woman that was actually a man and he fell in love with her before it actually came to that and once

it went once he tried to get it to go there and he found out the truth he was conflicted like i'm in love with this woman but this woman is a man so it was an emotional soul tie that was formed he had inadvertently entered into a covenant with that spirit. And then right after he gets home, we end up coming together. And so now that spirit has transferred to my child and manifested 12, 13 years down the line. It was that spirit, that transference. Wow. And it is exactly why I tell people, even when kids like my brother get adopted out of the family, the familial stuff still comes up. Yeah, because it's that lineage attached to the lineage.

Those demonic curses and covenants are still attached until somebody decides to break them. Right. Deliverance is what needs to happen. But the black church especially has gotten so far away from deliverance ministries that it's not funny. And that's where our healing lies. Wow. This concludes part one of this week's episode. Stay tuned for part two, which will be out next week.

And I cannot wait for you all to hear because we dive even deeper into my guest story. And I know y'all probably like, girl, how deep can we go? But I'm telling y'all, it is really good. Don't forget to connect with me on social media at The Professional Homegirl, on Instagram, TikTok, and subscribe to my YouTube channel at The Professional Homegirl. And if you want to kiki about this week's episode, please make sure to follow me at the PHG Podcast on Instagram as well. Be sure to check out my new project title,

They All The One, where I write short stories based on true events from my love life. You can check that out at www.thayaltheone.com. Until next time, everyone. Later. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show. And you can connect with me on social media at the PHG Podcast. Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own?

I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God.

What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zaka-stan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-a-stan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running

Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Jenny Garth, Jana Kramer, Amy Robach, and TJ Holmes bring you I Do Part 2, a one-of-a a kind experiment in podcasting to help you find love again. Hey, I'm Jana Kramer. I'm Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone.

I'm Amy Robach. And I'm TJ Holmes. And we are, well, not necessarily relationship experts. If you're ready to dive back into the dating pool and find lasting love, we want to help. Listen to I Do Part Two on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey, y'all. Niminy here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records.

Executive produced by Questlove, The Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop. Each episode is about a different inspiring figure from history, like this one about Claudette Colvin, a 15-year-old girl in Alabama who refused to give up her seat on the city bus nine whole months before Rosa Parks did the same thing. Check it. And it began with me. Did you know, did you know?

I wouldn't give up my seat. Nine months before Rosa, it was called a moment. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Because in order to make history, you have to make some noise. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Thanksgiving Day, 1999, five-year-old Cuban boy Elian Gonzalez was found off the coast of Florida. And the question was,

should the boy go back to his father in Cuba? Mr. Gonzalez wanted to go home and he wanted to take his son with him. Or stay with his relatives in Miami? Imagine that your mother died trying to get you to freedom. Listen to Chess Peace, the Elian Gonzalez story, on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.