The Breakfast Club - Should You Keep A Relationship With Your Ex’s Child?

Episode Date: May 23, 2023

Should You Keep A Relationship With Your Ex’s Child?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's topic time Call 800-585-1051 to join in to the discussion with The Breakfast Club Morning everybody, it's DJ Envy, Charlamagne Tha Guy We are The Breakfast Club, of course Jess Hilarious is here Now somebody emailed Jess and wanted them to fix their mess Now Jess, what was the email, what was the question? So, it was very broad, but basically this girl has a boyfriend who she has a baby father and they

are somewhat similar to me and Rome's situation. They're very, very cool, close. They do business together. And her boyfriend has a child that he is attached to from a previous relationship. That's not his biological daughter, but he still is is attached to from a previous relationship that's not his biological daughter but he still is very attached to her they were only in a relationship for a year and he grew attached to this little girl right and he kind of uses that as leverage for the girlfriend being cool with her baby daddy and for people who just uh you know might be listening to the breakfast club rome is just his baby's father yes Yes. But they're like brother and sister. Yes.

That's her baby daddy brother. Yes. Right. Yes. So, I mean, I really would say once you break up with the mom, especially that's not your child, you break up with that baby too. They only been together one year. Dang.

Yeah. That's how I feel. And the baby got a father. Yes. The baby has a father. Yes. I'm sure the woman is dating somebody else. Yes.

So, not all three of us going to be at the... No. All three of us and the mom going to be at the graduation. So, no. Once you break up with that mom, you break up with the baby, especially if it's only been a year. Like you,

you got to let that baby go. That's not your child. Yeah. But also in the new situation, I would look at that differently. You got to set boundaries. You just can't, you can't,

you and your baby father can't be all cool and together and shop. Nah, like this is a new relationship. I respect what y'all have together. Yeah. But this ain't this one big family.

And it ain't even no time. A year? A year. Like, why, first of all, he shouldn't even be meeting your child after a year, and how you grow a bond with a whole child in a year? First of all, I can't hide no nigga from my child for a year. Ass too nosy for that. He grown though. So, you know, yeah, but, and then the little girl was like 9, 10, you know,

she's older. So it was like, yo, alright, like, she already knows her father. She spent the last year with you, one year with you, and yeah, you, kids are very impressionable. She already knows her father. She spent the last year, one year with you. And yeah, kids are very impressionable. You're a good guy. He's good with kids and stuff. And that's cool. But.

Do you really know a person after a year, though, to have them around your turn? Right. And then why is your mom trying to be the dad collector? This is not what we're going to do. The dad collector. You know what I'm saying? We're not going to do that. You know?

But let's go to the phone line. Hello, who's this? Hey, this is not open but also georgia hey what's up brother what's your thoughts man i'll say man i don't feel like that's right because um when you're in a relationship and you start something new you don't want to bring on luggage from the past yeah that can tend to rekindle something you know what i'm saying so leave that baggage in the past i appreciate that well y'all be out here breaking up with kids boy y'all cold okay but she got a dad right and now she got a

new dad because she the mom is dating someone else i think jess is right three dads that's a dad collector instead of calling him horse let's just say dad collectors yeah i like that it's like hello who's this this is chelsea from run robbins. Hey, Mama, what's your thoughts? My thoughts are if she's in a relationship, she does need to set some boundaries with her baby

father. But it also sounds like he's just being petty. Yeah. And the only reason he only wants to be around

the little girl is because she's around her baby father. That's what it sounds like, don't it, baby? Yeah.

It don't even sound like he care about the little girl. He just wants to kiss off his girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah.'s what it sounds like, don't it, baby? Yeah, it don't even sound like he care about the little girl. He just wants his father's girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like that because she said he uses it as leverage. Yeah. Because if you love somebody, you accept everything that comes with them, right?

Yeah. Like if somebody loves Jess, you got to accept the child, you got to accept Rome, you got to accept everybody that's in your circle. Why would they accept Rome, yo? Because, because yo you always make things that's your baby you gotta do it you gotta accept rome but also you people gotta understand if somebody is dating somebody with with a a baby daddy and a baby daddy's cool a lot of times the baby daddy's cool because you want as close as normal for the child that's right

and if my child is still under age that's right i'm gonna be here bro that's right because you want the child to feel comfortable and be like no i can underage, I'm going to be here, bro. That's right, because you want the child to feel comfortable and be like, no, I can call my mom, I can call my dad. My mom and dad are cool. I should come to them.

Now this new gentleman is here, I got it, he's dating my mom and I respect him, but you still want to feel as normal as possible. Yeah, and telling you, my son loves me

and his dad's relationship. He loves that. How did he feel when other guys come around? I mean, I don't introduce him to everybody to everybody make it seem like guys be coming around all the time hello this hi my name is Tamara hey Tamara what's your thoughts Tamara I'm sorry I couldn't hear you I said what's your thoughts mama

You a dad collector Okay so My thoughts are I definitely think that After only a year and a half Of dating someone That you shouldn't even have A bond with the child

I agree I think a lot of problem With people that are dating That you know have children Is they just introduce Their kids to people too soon. I agree. I mean, maybe like a high-end vibe, maybe pass-by,

but an 8-year-old and a man, like, absolutely not. So he needs to wane his stuff off, and the mom really should think better next time. Like, you wouldn't have this problem if you wouldn't have introduced your child to him before you really even knew the person. Period. See, but I kind of disagree, though.

Like, if a woman is dating a man and the woman has sole custody of that child, right? So that means if a woman is dating, you know how at first it gets serious and then you start going out a lot. So when I go out a lot, what, am I going to leave my son at home? I'm going to leave my son?

No. After a while, six, seven, eight months, you start taking your child with you because you want to see how that man is with your child. That's too soon, man. Six, seven, eight months. I don't think, no, I disagree with you. with your child so that's too soon man six seven eight months i don't think now i disagree with you i don't think that's too soon you go you go out a lot and if that person if you're really into that person just think about when you started dating your wife i started dating my wife we were around each other a lot yeah and if you have a child a young child at the time that's eight nine you're gonna be

taking that child to plays and games and this and that. Because this is not just somebody that you're just hitting and missing. You know what I'm saying? This is somebody that you may not see yourself with them for the rest of your life, but it's like, oh, I mean, I'm feeling you. Like, this is cool. What you just said is the key, though, Jess. If you don't feel like you're going to be with the person for the rest of your life, you've got to get this man some time.

That's why I said I don't introduce everybody, Ash. But when I feel like there's, like, okay, this is like something, and you're giving me butterflies, and I'm actually talking to people about you, I do feel like there is something, you know, so when a girl gets that feeling, then she would, huh? When was the last time you felt like this? In a long time. So if she feels like that, right, and she's going to bring that, I don't think it's wrong with her introducing the- After, yeah, depending on how tight that relationship I'm with you, yeah. But it's up to the guy. Yo, if it's done...

It's done. After a year or a year and a half, wean yourself off the baby girl. I'm with you. I'm not saying just completely cut yourself out, but wean yourself off. It didn't even explain. So if she, you that close with her, look, your mom collected me. And that's it. So that's, we done.

You know, you gotta be real. 800-585-1051. The question is, what's the question? Break it down again. There's a lot going on. Oh my God. Should you stop being cool with your ex and your ex's family for your new man? There you go.

Or is Jess ever going to be able to find true happiness because Rome's in her life? Yo, shut up, man. We'll take your calls when we come back. This is not about me. It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning. Morning, everybody. It's DJ Envy, Charlamagne Tha Guy.

We are the Breakfast Club. Jess Hilarious is here. Now, if you just joined us, we're asking 800-585-1051. What's the question? Okay. It's a lot of moving parts. All right, Charlamagne, what is the question? What would you say?

I thought it was, you know, basically, should you stop being cool with your ex and, you know, your ex's family for your new man do you cut off a child from a previous relationship going into a new relationship if it's not biologically yours there you go boom yes i think you do depending on how close you and the child is so if you raise that child let's say you've been with that person for eight to ten years or a long time though see how y'all be moving but that's what i'm saying because we just that person for eight to ten years if you ask the question you gotta have boundaries you gotta explain if it's long time and you raised a child yes I think you should still be in that

child's life but it was only a year like this situation yeah you actually did no you said a year was too soon to introduce to the child. I'm like, a year might not be too soon, depending on how it was. Keep disagreeing with me. I'm going to throw a car show. I'm going to throw my own car show. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Is that what you're going to do? I know that's right. Y'all better stop with this. Is that what you're going to do? Well, my car show is this Sunday, by the way. Memphis, May 20th. Memphis, yes. Kids fine and under are free.

There's going to be cars from Young Dolph, Key Glock, 50 Cent, Bun B, and myself. Memphis, May 20th. Memphis, yes. Kids 5 and under are free. There's going to be cars from Young Dolph, Key Glock, 50 Cent, Bumpy, and myself. If you haven't got your tickets, get your tickets now. Can't wait to see you in Memphis. Yes. Hey. All right. Now, let's get to the phone lines.

Hello, who's this? What's up, Envy? Good morning. This is Jay from Bacon Torture. Hey, Jay. Talk to us. What's your thoughts? Okay, so I got two things. First thing is, Jessica, I'm so glad you're on here this morning.

Thank you, girl. Because you always here this morning. Thank you, girl. Because you always give good insight. Thank you, baby. So, number one, suggest, tell your friend that she is a placeholder for him. That dude is still trying to show up for the egg and hope that she'll see, oh, he's this, he's that type of father to somebody that's not even his real child. Yep. And if you ever try to take him back, he's going. Number two, Indy, I know you was the one to answer the phone.

The fact that you talked out and said the extremes are either they got to be beefing like crisp and blood as baby mama, baby daddy, or the opposite of that is big happy family and everybody living in the same house. There are so many levels between that when it comes to relationships between co-parents and just told you that they have businesses together and things like that so they can't communicate and have a healthy relationship one of the biggest things about co-parenting is respect respect of the other parent respect their relationships and all of that there's levels to it.

It does not mean that they are intimately involved or there's anything going on under the table. There are levels to it. And speaking from a space that you can't talk from because all your kids are with you. Correct. You just can't relate. We can't relate. I can't relate. Right.

Neither of y'all can't relate, but y'all also have both stepped out on your wives. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You bringing up old stuff. For no reason. Why you bringing up old stuff? Why? She came with the chopper today. Why on this fine Tuesday?

She came with the chopper. Why you bringing up old stuff, ma'am? Okay, continue. I'm just saying. Yes, ma'am. What's your name? Just like me. I'm Jay.

Jay? My daughter will be 17 this year. Me and her dad do business together. We have not had any dealings since I was pregnant with her. That's right. She'll be 17 this year. That's right. There's a mutual respect and understanding that I have for his relationship, the situations

that he has for mine as well. But we do not argue. We don't fight. We don't do any of that. Right. What does your new man think about it? He don't have a problem with it because they've been introduced. We spend time together on holidays.

It's no problem. If you create any man that is creating drama and bringing that into my space, my energy, my family, he wouldn't be there anyway. That's right. That's right. No, I agree with everything she said. I'm going to tell you something that's interesting. There's been such a negative narrative around baby mamas and baby daddies that we always expect it to be drama.

So when I see situations like Jess and Rome and how they co-parent so well, I didn't know it was so many people out here co-parenting so well. I'm not even lying to you. See, but co-parenting is not the problem. Everybody, you have to co-parent. That's not the problem. The problem is when... Cordial co-parenting, like actually being friends.

That's not the problem. The problem is when i feel like they cross the lines right and sometimes i feel like people cross the lines in that situation like with the individual that you said i feel like he's crossing the lines meaning they only been together a a short period of time there's no reason to still be in that child's life yeah like that that child has a father that child has a new boyfriend that the mom has. So it's to the point now where there's no reason to be there. It's just what makes sense. Yeah.

You know, in my opinion. And then also, we not talking about me, girl from Macon, Georgia. I don't. You sure? Yeah, because you see how she personalized. She was like, just so tell your friend that you and your baby father. Like, yo. It do sound personal.

And when you was describing it, you did what you were saying. It's my mess. I told you, people write me all the time. You were slipping up. You said, I wrote myself, and I told myself. Ain't no slipping up. First of all, I didn't know you stepped out. What's up?

What happened with you and the merch? Okay, thank you. Moving on. What's next? Yeah. Yeah, we know about one-person allegations. What about yours? Did you write that in that little book?

I did. Shooketh one. Okay. What's the moral of the story? The moral of the story? I don't know what the moral of the story is. Don't use no damn leverage. The moral of the story is, look, everything you do not bring, and then it's kind of hard

to say, don't bring baggage from other relationships because I'm not trying to say anyone's child is baggage. My thing is, I would never say that. The thing is, you have to, it's so, it's, because I'm so conflicted on it. It's like, you have to be open enough to bring all the facts before you get into another relationship.

This is what I had going on here. It's going to be hard, breaking this bond with this little girl, but you got to be willing to try to do that. You know what I'm saying? Especially if you ain't got no kids at all let's say that the situation was with you right and you met a new man you love but he just he felt uncomfortable he felt that you and rome were too close with each other y'all spoke too much because yeah y'all were in a

relationship y'all did date y'all didn't cut rome off no i'm never gonna cut rome but let's say he wanted to set boundaries to make sure he was comfortable. I do get that. Look, it happened. It happened before. Rome used to call me any time of the night, and I used to answer any time of the night. You know what I mean? He used to have a real bad drinking problem. He'd fall asleep behind the wheel. This ain't nothing to know.

Everybody don't know. But, like, you know what I mean? So I would go get him. I would send somebody to get him. Just anything. But I was also enabling him a lot, and then just too accessible for him, which also, like, enabling him a lot and then just too accessible for him which also like spoiled them a lot so I did set boundaries myself and even it was a guy that was like yo this nigga calling you was one o'clock in the morning I mean I feel me and you me and you in

bed at one o'clock in the morning and you go pick him up I'm gonna feel the way no I never did that but I that's when I did set the boundaries when this guy did say yo this is a lie and I'm like all right you're right so no wrong don't call me at the nine don't call me after that uh even when you called me about advice i would say just kind of lay off i'm talking to this guy like it's like this we you do cross boundaries and i let you i allow you so it's not all your fault but we got we gotta chill i understand what the advice thing but if rome need help like you know he don't want to drink a drive i have to like you can come with me if you like you know he don't want to drink i have to like you can come with me if you want you know what i mean but like that's my friend that's my

family like it's like it's it's different the new man don't understand that you got to build a wall that's build a wall between the new man and the baby daddy don't don't do it just let it go just let it go just let it go just look at What? Justin, the mess is up next. We got some rumors? Yeah, we got some rumors, yo. We'll get to it next. Just look at me, Justin. Don't even...

Just look at me. We'll be back. It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning.