The Breakfast Club - The Breakfast Club Presents: Hot Happy Mess

Episode Date: December 28, 2020

With the holidays here, The Breakfast Club is going to take a little break but we’ve got a little something for you! We are gifting you with a brand new podcast from the Black Effect Podcast Network! Sit back, relax, and check out this new podcast from Zuri Hall. Her new podcast “Zuri Hall’s Hot Happy Mess” is all about helping you find your magic, in the middle of life’s messes.   Make sure you listen to Zuri Hall’s Hot Happy Mess Podcast on the Black Effect or wherever you get your podcast!   We’re kicking things off with our Peace + Happiness series, on HHM! Zuri is joined by relationship expert Nedra Glover Tawwab as they dive into the topic of how can we find our happy — getting to a state of being happy, instead of constantly chasing it. Nedra also shares 3 happiness hacks that will blow your mind (and leave you LOL).   Next, Zuri chats with her real-life best friends in the signature segment “The Group Chat” — where the girls get real + vulnerable, confessing when they first realized they weren’t happy and the steps they took to fix it. Stay tuned because these next few episodes are gonna dive into how to find your happy, protect your peace, and enjoy best life minus the burnout.   FYI: Listen to more Hot Happy Mess podcast episodes, here:  https://hothappymess.podlink.to/NewEpisodes — and keep the good vibes going at https://www.instagram.com/hothappymess.   Nedra Glover Tawwab is a licensed therapist and sought-after relationship expert. Nedra runs a popular Instagram account where she shares resources and tools on how to create healthy relationships and implement boundaries: @nedratawwab.   The Group Chat: Zuri: @zurihall | Ashlee: @ashleeraye_ | Travasha : @lifeofasassystew Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay. Have grace with yourself. You're trying your best. And you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing.

Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going.

That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag.

This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that?

Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. We need help! That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Peace to the planet. Charlemagne the God here,

your Uncle Charle, Leonard, whatever you want to call me. I'm just here to bring you a brand new podcast from the Black Effect Podcast Network. With the holidays here, the Breakfast Club is, Lenard, whatever you want to call me. I'm just here to bring you a brand new podcast from the Black Effect Podcast Network. With the holidays here, The Breakfast Club is going to be taking a little break, but we've got a little gift for you until we come back with new episodes in January

of 2021. So sit back, okay, relax, and take some time for yourself while listening to this new podcast from my loved one, Zuri Hall. Her new podcast, Zuri Hall's Hot Happy Mess, is all about helping you find your magic in the middle of life's messes. Make sure you listen to Zuri Hall's Hot Happy Mess podcast on the Black Effect or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Hello, hello, what is up? Hey y'all, I'm Zuri Hall and oh my goodness, welcome to the first episode ever. First episode ever of Hot Happy Mess. I just want to dive right in. I have to tell you guys a story. A story. I don't have any more detail than that outside of me telling it. So I was in the Netherlands on vacation, and life just hit me like smack dab in the middle of the face,

right between the eyes when I was least expecting it. And oh my God, it's how I got where I am today. It's why I am here right now talking to you. Okay. So years ago, my career was taking off. I mean, my TV hosting dreams were coming true. Don't get me wrong. I love, love, love, loved these huge career moments. Honestly, I live for them. Definitely was living for them at the time. And yet, as soon as that temporary high of achievement wore off, I felt so burnt out. I was exhausted. I was emotionally drained. And I was like, what the heck is up? I needed a break so badly. So I hopped on a flight to Europe and got my Eat, Pray, Love on. I was just like, rom-com energy, sign me up. Something's got to give.

I was cycling through canal-lined streets in Amsterdam. I was falling in love with my life, with the freedom that was coming from exploration, the feeling of just enjoying my days at a really slow, leisurely pace. I had nothing to do tomorrow if I didn't want to do it. And then it got real, real, real quick, okay? So I was in the countryside just outside of Amsterdam and I was taking a stroll and it was quiet and beautiful. And I was just like, oh my gosh, this is like nothing I've seen or experienced in the States yet. And so as I reached a nearby lake and stopped, just like stopped for a second and sat down and just

took it in, in complete silence by the water. And I was really enjoying this moment and the like crazy view. It was amazing. And I started crying. I started bawling like a little who you know what. And I'm going to tell you why in just a few minutes here. But first, you got to listen to this. Hot Happy Mess. Celebrate your magic in the middle of life's messes. Hot Happy Mess. I'm Zuri Hall, and this is Hot Happy Mess. Oh, shoot. Oh, we got a theme song. We are so official. Hey, y'all. I'm Zuri Hall and this is Hot Happy Mess. Welcome, welcome, welcome.

Where we are making the most of the moments we're in and finding and celebrating the magic and all that is hot, happy, and messy in our lives. So this podcast is for mindful, ambitious millennial women who are craving best life minus the burnout. Women who believe that you can make a bomb ass living while enjoying a bomb ass life. And sometimes life is just, well, it's ass and that's okay too. Because life is about learning to love what is.

Our North Star with this community is happy and it is not an end destination. It is a state of being during the entire journey of our lives. Achieving all of our goals is only worth it, only really feels good if we're happy while we're achieving them. Each episode is gonna entertain you, empower you,

maybe even educate you a little bit so that you can get rid of the bad stuff and infuse your life with more of the good stuff. So you might be like, girl, but who are you though? First of all, rude, but also I'm Zuri. Already said that. But about me, you might know me from all of my red carpet interviews, my celebrity sit downs for years on shows on MTV, E! News and now Access Hollywood. But this show, Hot Happy Mess, is all about the most important VIP of your life. You. OK, it's all about you, girl. It's time to own it. Each Monday, come get your hot, happy mess on with me. Tune out the chaos and the confusion of the outside world and just vibe with other women who get it. Each Monday, come get your hot, happy mess on with me. Tune out the chaos and the confusion of the outside world and just vibe with other women who get it.

Now, I know I said mindful, ambitious millennial women earlier, and that's broad. All are welcome, but some context clues that you might really like it here. If you've ever texted your mom and asked, what time was I born? So that you can run your astrology chart and see if the hot dude that you just matched with on Bumble

like 13 seconds ago was your future husband. Welcome, you're safe here. If you like browsing Zillow, knowing damn well you can't afford that $4 million mansion in Dallas. Well, then first of all, same, but also you're safe here. If you still passionately debate on which 90s boy bands are the best of the best,

as if anybody else except us cares, you are amongst friends, also in sync. Don't at me. Don't at me. If you say aesthetic, adulting, or bae unironically, we probably need to start a support group for that, but also welcome. Saying all that out loud, I am really a basic bitch.

Okay, so be it. You can look at this space as our never-ending dinner party with heavy pours and juicy off-the-record chat, and you ain't even got to take your shoes off. Now, the whole never-ending thing does sound a bit like a hostage situation. So just to clarify, you are totally free to go, but like, don't. So I'm kicking off my first series ever, and this one is all about peace and happiness. We're going to have a bunch of different series as the show continues and evolves on love, dating, relationships. We're going to have series on career.

We're going to have Alpha Babe Spotlights with inspirational women. But this first one, this is the groundwork. This is what is so important to do to kind of lay the foundation because it's all about happiness, peace. None of those other things that we're going to talk about matter if you're not approaching it from a place of happiness, if you don't feel good while you're trying to get it right in those areas of your life. OK, so kumbaya, bitches. This next few episodes, we are going to dive into how to find your happy, how to protect your peace and how to enjoy best life minus the burnout. OK.

Hey, guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout? Well, that's when the real magic happens. So if you love hearing real, inspiring stories from the people you know, follow, and admire, join me every week for Post Run High. It's where we take the conversation beyond the run and get into the heart of it all. It's lighthearted, pretty crazy and very fun. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia Keys opens up about conquering doubt, learning to trust herself and leaning into her dreams. I think a lot of times we are built to doubt the possibilities for ourselves. For self-preservation and protection, it was literally that step by step. And so I discovered that that is how we get where we're going. This increment of small, determined moments. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude,

and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay. Like grace. Like grace, have grace with yourself. You're trying your best and you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Is your country falling apart? Feeling tired? Depressed? A little bit revolutionary?

Consider this. Start your own country. I planted the flag. I just kind of looked out of like, this is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. There are 55 gallons of water for 500 pounds of concrete. Everybody's doing it.

I am King Ernest Emmanuel. I am the Queen of Laudonia. I'm Jackson I, King of Kaperburg. I am the Supreme Leader of the Grand Republic of Mentonia. Be part of a great colonial tradition. The Waikana tribe own country. My forefathers did that themselves. What could go wrong? No country willingly gives up their territory.

I was making a racket with a black powder, you know, with explosive warhead. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Bullets. We need help! We need help! We still have the off-road portion to go. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. And we're losing daylight fast. That's Escape

from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. So in today's first ever episode, drum roll, please. Okay. Well, like I almost said in today's first ever episode, I am talking about how to be happy, but also what the heck do I know? Don't answer that. Just stick with me here. Today, I am going one-on-one with the amazing Nedra Glover-Tawwab about how to find our happy, get to a state of being happy always or most times instead of constantly chasing it. Nedra is a licensed therapist. She's a sought-after relationship expert. She has a very popular Instagram account for good reason where she shares resources and

tools on how to create healthy relationships and implement boundaries. Then we are going to call up my girls, my day ones, my real life best friends for a little group chat action. They are going to confess when they first realized that they weren't happy and reveal the steps they took to fix it. Make sure you stay tuned until the end of this episode. For this week's party trick, we've got three instant mood boosters, three happiness hacks, if you will,

for when you need a quick fix to just infuse your day with a little more juice. Okay? Just a little something, something extra. So before I finish my story, I promise it's coming, I just want to make one thing clear. As we go on this journey together, as we step into this circle of trust, okay, I got to confess a couple of things. So here's the thing. Yes, I am generally happy. Yes, I feel hot on any random day of the week.

50% of the time, maybe. Guestimate? I don't really know. And also, I am not a mess. Not a total one, at least. And I honestly would be doing you a disservice to pretend that I am. The truth is, I work really, really hard to keep shit together. And I have done really well at it. And that is not a humble brag. That is full disclosure

so that you really believe me when I say. No matter what it looks like from the outside, no matter what it may seem like, and this goes for everyone, all of us looking at everyone else's lives, I still have messy moments. I have chapters that are a total mess. I have life moments that have banged me up to the point that I thought they broke me. Snot-nosed sobs from the gut in the middle of dark, dark nights when I stopped asking God if he'd left me because I was almost completely sure he had. Spoiler alert, he had not. So that's the heavy mess of it. But sometimes mess is as low key and minor as being in the middle of a fancy red carpet, you know. And at the end of the day, no matter what it looks like from the outside, I still forgot to pay my Verizon bill.

So they cut my shit off mid interview. And now I can't catch an Uber home. Highs and lows, folks. Highs and lows. I'm a Gemini. Expect a lot of it. So no matter how hot or happy my life may seem, I want you to know, my friend, my sister, that there is a consistent enough mess in the middle of all that. And instead of why did this happen to me,

I'm learning to ask, what is this here to teach me? I am committing to finding the magic in the middle of my life's messes and really trying to embrace each moment as it comes and accept each moment and myself exactly as we are. And I want you to join me on that journey because in my humble opinion, that's the key to it all. That's it. All we've got is now. We got to make the most of it. Okay. So back to my story, as promised, not a few minutes later, but we got there. All right. of it. Okay, so back to my story. As promised, not a few minutes later, but

we got there. All right, picture it. Amsterdam, the summer of 69. Just kidding. It was like 2015 or something. I was sitting down by this lake in complete silence, and I was just enjoying the moment, soaking up this sick view. The birds are chirping. The grass is green. The water is calm. The sun is setting gently over the Dutch abyss. Is that even the right word to use in this moment? I don't know. But I cried and I cried and I cried. And again, it was not just because I'm a bad swimmer and the water was super close for comfort. It was because the overwhelming sense of peace that I was experiencing in that moment felt so foreign. And I remember thinking, why should a feeling this great, this good, be so rare. I was crying because I was mourning my own lack of peace in my everyday life. Like I said, I was hosting a daily music countdown show on a popular cable

music channel. I was guest hosting shows that I remember watching from my one bedroom, tiny box of an apartment in Ohio and being like, man, one day I want to be on that show. I was on it now. You know, I was co-hosting with legends. I had just co-hosted with Joan Rivers, the legend on Fashion Police, a show I grew up watching. And that all was amazing. I genuinely loved all of those moments. But when I wasn't working, I was kind of miserable. And I didn't even know it at the time. I was constantly striving for more. I lacked peace. And I hadn't even realized it until I accidentally stumbled into peace by the water in the Dutch countryside. Rest, calm, permission to be still.

It was true peace. And I remember thinking to myself, peace should not feel this foreign. It shouldn't feel this foreign. When I got back to New York, because that's where I was living at the time and probably had a lot to do with the state of my mental health or lack thereof, I focused on carving out 15 to 30 minutes every day to just be alone with my thoughts, to breathe slow, try to shut off my brain, which is super hard because my brain is always in overdrive. I am an overthinker, card-carrying member, and just make sure that I had a little bit of time for quiet and calm.

And you know what? It helped. Coming back from that vacation refreshed, taking a few minutes to relax and re-energize at work each day, those things helped me present the best version of Zuri that I have to offer. That best version of Zuri is the one that I always want to show up as, which means I had to start showing up for myself. And that's the version of yourself that you deserve to have be admired in your office,

in the classroom, or wherever it is that you want to put your best foot forward, whether it's personal, professional, it doesn't matter. If you want to be the best, that's the best. The person, the version of you that is full of peace. You know, we each deserve to find a place of mental calm, unwind. You can practice yoga, you can meditate, go see that shrink, book the appointment. You owe it to yourself to save up and plan for that seven-day vacation if you can. And if you can't get away for that long, maybe it's an extended weekend. Hell, maybe it's a lunch break.

Maybe it's a Saturday afternoon. Girl, whatever it is, your peace is free and it is priceless. Just try to take a little bit of quiet time each day to reconnect with yourself, to calm down. Listen to Hot Happy Mess every Monday. Basically, demand you're happy, okay? I promised myself that I was never going to let peace feel that foreign again. When I was by that water, I dedicated that to my,

it was like a vow to myself, okay? I haven't tied the knot yet. I'm not engaged to be married. I'm not vowing to any one person yet, but I'll tell you who I vowed to that day at the water, Zuri, and you deserve the same. So years and years after that first fateful day, when I decided to get my life together, it has been a slow process. Trust me, I will reveal more as we continue on this journey. Here we are years later. This is a space for us to keep getting our lives together. Together. Okay. Yay. Hot, happy mess. Let's go, baby. So next up, as promised, Nedra. Oh my gosh. This was such a fun, fun, fun, informative conversation. Nedra Glover-Tawab. She's a licensed therapist, a super sought after relationship expert. She runs a very popular

Instagram account at Nedra Tawwab. Go follow her. Thank me later, where she shares resources and tools on how to create healthy relationships and implement boundaries, which honestly is the key to it all for me. Boundaries for yourself, for the people in your life. Our convo gave me so many aha moments and reminders about how to create a life that is full of peace and joy. And honestly, we just laughed a lot. She is so chill, so down to earth. Here's our conversation.

You're going to love it. All right, you guys, I am super excited because the expert who we have on our first ever episode of Hot Happy Mess is going to guide us into happiness. Or at least she's going to help us get some insight on exactly what we can do to take some small actionable steps towards that. Nedra Glover-Tawab, thank you so much for joining me on the first episode. I'm so happy to be first. I am. I'm just glad you did it. I've been able to check out your Instagram account. A lot of the information and the tools and the tips you provide are just so necessary. And what I love is that it's so relatable. It's easy to process and understand. I feel like sometimes people get this idea of what therapy is supposed to look like or what

wellness is supposed to look like. And they're overwhelmed by the idea that they're not far enough along in their journey to do it or to implement it in their everyday lives. So I'm excited to have you here today. Thank you. You're welcome. Yes. My whole goal for Instagram is to normalize therapy, to normalize the tips and roles we have in relationships. And I think so much of it is jargonized. And so we don't understand it. And so it's good to be in a space where you can add things that people can relate to and make things seem very normal. No, absolutely. I want to kick things right off, get into the thick of it.

What would you define happiness as? Obviously, that's a personal question, but then there's also the broad sort of therapist lens. So I'm curious to know what makes Nedra happy and then how do you define happiness, you know, for all of us? Happiness is joy and peace. And that looks like different things for different people. For me, it's being able to live a life that feels good for me. And that's going to look different for everyone. So we can't determine what makes other people happy. We can only seek to understand our own happiness. And so it's just about curating those things that make you feel good, doing more of it, creating new

experiences. That is what happiness is to me. And I think it's the same thing for many other people. And it's changing because we think once we get one thing, we'll be happy. But as you know, once you get it, it's like, okay, I need something else to be happy. So it's a continuous cycle of figuring that thing out that will make you feel good. When it comes to unhappiness, we have good days, we have bad days, but I think that what's important to recognize is there is a state of unhappiness that one can be in. And what I would love for you to talk with our listeners about is when does that shift happen? When do I need to stop ignoring the fact that I'm waking up and I'm still unhappy or this emotion, this feeling is sort of pervading my everyday existence to where it's like, this isn't a bad day.

This is a bad phase or a bad chapter. And I need to switch it up. I need to acknowledge that I'm unhappy and do something about it. What are those signs? When you get tired of being unhappy, that's the biggest sign. I think so often we feel like we have to be unhappy, kind of like a, you know, an Eeyore kind of mood. Like this is just how I am. I'm a complainer. I'm pessimistic. And we know that. And we sometimes embrace our depression or we embrace sadness being a part of us because we don't have the hope that anything can be

different, but it can be. You don't have to be sad. So I think if you recognize that you're someone who chronically complains or you often feel unhappy or sad, that is a space to act in your power. And what would you recommend as those first steps to acting in your power? How do you sort of reclaim that and decide, you know what, not today. This is when the shift begins, because that can be scary when you've normalized these negative emotions and you've gotten used to it. And I think especially as women, sometimes we're conditioned to wear it as a badge of honor. Like I'm going through this, I've got the kids, I've got my job and the idea that I might step outside of all of these other people and things that need me

to just serve myself, society has told us is selfish. So how do you take those first steps to figuring out what might light you up? Embrace a new narrative. It's so interesting that we take stress as a badge of honor. We take being a martyr, a rescuer, a codependent as a badge of honor. I have to help everybody. It's like, oh, okay. And you're excited. I don't ever get any sleep. Yeah, that's a good thing. This is not a good thing.

We have to figure out a way to empower and not to promote those ideas of, well, that's just how it is when you're a mom. You don't get any sleep because we recreate that and we emphasize that to new mothers. We emphasize the importance of women having to do certain things in relationships, which make them feel more burnout and stressed and sad and depressed and all of these things. So we have to embrace a new narrative that includes rest, that includes seeking joy and not just, this is my life and it's painful and I'm overwhelmed. That can't be the narrative anymore. Right. What I'm hearing you say is we have to take responsibility for our happiness. And it's so easy to blame the other person, to blame social media. If these things didn't exist, if this person wasn't this way, then I would be insert emotion here when it's really about, well, how are you choosing to react to that thing, that person?

And it's easy to throw it on them because then we don't have to do the hard work. And I am so guilty of it because I'm like, oh, well, if they were just this or if Instagram was just this. Yeah. I get the question all the time. Like, what do you do when your friends are posting stuff on social media and you don't like it, I'm like, unfollow them? Oh, no! Like, you can't make them change their content? Right, right, right. Like, you don't have to follow things that cause you displeasure.

You don't. And if you don't feel comfortable unfollowing, mute. Right. What would you say to someone who says, Nedra, I want to mute them or I want to unfollow or I'm whatever, but I'm worried about what they'll think. What would you say to someone who is just trapped essentially like so many of us in the idea of what others think on the quest to happiness, their own happiness? Well, that's why I mentioned muting because there are some people who will check you for unfollowing this.

We have some petty people in our lives. We do. And they're like, did you unfollow me? It's like, oops, by accident. Exactly. But with the muting, again, boundaries. How do we say to people that I'm trying to experience a certain thing as I tap into this? And so instead of leaving this platform, I'm trying to navigate how to use it in a way that speaks to me. For those who are maybe new to the journey of mindfulness, of presence, of letting things go sometimes. I would love if you could just briefly talk about the concept of attachment and how that sometimes holding on to something too tightly, even

a bad moment in a morning, holding on to that too tightly can sort of permeate the rest of your day. And again, this being all about embracing the magic in the middle of the mess, I think that's really the key to happiness for me is saying I can have a bad morning, but it's not a bad day. How do you encourage people or what do you hope people keep in mind when it comes to staying in a state of mind that allows you to be with joy or peace, even when everything is not perfect? Reminding yourself that a moment is not a minute. A moment is not a day. A moment is not the morning. Right, right, right.

A moment is a moment. You waste something on your pants. Now let's move on. Yes. It doesn't mean your whole day is bad because you've wasted something on your pants. Change your pants and keep going. But it doesn't need to be a prediction about the rest of your day. And that's when you get into that,

like this is a bad day. You have predicted the rest of the day. So the day will now rise to meet your expectations of it. So you can have a bad moment without having a bad day, without having a bad morning. So just rephrasing that so it's not taking over your whole day. Even in the pandemic, we have to remember the things that are going well. And right now, lots of folks are focused on this is bad, this is bad, this is bad. And I saw a post on Instagram by Alex L that said, I am grateful to be alive. That's a big thing. That's a huge thing. So whatever else is going on, it's like, you can breathe. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Nedra, this has been amazing. Thank you so much for the conversation, the tools, the tips. If people want to follow you, learn more about, Nedra, this has been amazing. Thank you so much for the conversation, the tools, the tips. If people want to follow you,

learn more about, you know, what you offer your services and also just the amazing energy and vibes you provide on social media, especially where can they keep up with you? Yes. So I am at Nedra Tawwab on Instagram and I have other platforms,

but to be honest, I am not a multi-social media person. That might be the key to happiness, really. Like pick a platform and that's it. That would make me 10 times happier. Pick one platform. Well, we will keep up with you on Instagram then. Nedra, thank you so much for your time.

I appreciate it. We're going to have to have you back. I'm just telling you right now because this is amazing. So I'll keep my fingers crossed. We'll be in touch soon. Thank you. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia Keys opens up about conquering doubt, learning to trust herself and leaning into her dreams. I think a lot of times we are built to doubt the possibilities

for ourselves. For self-preservation and protection, it was literally that step by step. And so I discovered that that is how we get where we're going. This increment of small, determined moments. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay. Like grace. Have grace with yourself.

You're trying your best. And you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. keep going. That's what my podcast Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout?

Well, that's when the real magic happens. So if you love hearing real, inspiring stories from the people you know, follow, and admire, join me every week for Post Run High. It's where we take the conversation beyond the run and get into the heart of it all. It's lighthearted, pretty crazy, and very fun. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Is your country falling apart? Feeling tired, depressed, a little bit revolutionary? Consider this. Start your own country. I planted the flag. I just kind of looked out of like, this is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. There are 55 gallons of water,

500 pounds of concrete. Everybody's doing it. I am King Ernest Emmanuel. I am the Queen of Laudonia. I'm Jackson I, King of Capraburg. I am the Supreme Leader of the Grand Republic of Mentonia. Be part of a great colonial tradition. The Waikana tribe owned country. My forefathers did that themselves. What could go wrong?

No country willingly gives up their territory. I was making a racket with a black powder, you know, with explosive warhead. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Bullets. We need help! We still have the off-road portion to go.

Listen to Escape from Zakistan. And we're losing daylight fast. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you. Hi. Happy.

Best. Best. Hope you loved that conversation with Nedra. Don't forget you can follow her at Nedra Tawwab. We're going to have so many amazing experts just like her. And I'm going to try to convince Nedra to come back on because she is so dope. I just, I love that conversation. Next up, it's time for the group chat.

The group chat is my signature hot, happy mess segment. This is where, you know, we go to vent, right? You've got your group chat. I've got mine. This is where we go to our girls to just decode weird text messages from whoever we're dating or exes we're trying to avoid. Draft, post, then collectively vote to delete

or post petty subtweets. In this segment, when I need backup support or have a tough topic that I want to pick apart with some really smart, really funny women whose opinions or ideas might be a little different from mine, might be a whole lot different from mine, talk shit and just download on whatever is the hottest of messes that week. We're taking it to the group chat. So this week, it is my girls, my besties, Ashley and Travasha.

So you guys, today we have the first two people, humans, ladies, awesome best friends. I'm a group chat. Ashley and Travasha. I'm super excited for you to meet them. We go way back. I'm talking my Indianapolis days, my first job out of college. People were paying me to do things and I'm still not entirely sure why, but these were my friends that I first met. So just really quickly, Ash, we'll start with you. Travasha, then we'll go to you. So Ashley, just let everybody know who you are, what you love, what you do, how we met. What's up, everyone? I'm Ashley. I am a 30-something newlywed hailing from the Midwest. I'm actually from the Indianapolis area, which is where, as Zuri said, where her and I met. My husband and I picked up everything or dropped

everything, I guess you can say, picked up and dropped everything at the same time. And we just moved across the country to Phoenix, Arizona last year, which is one of the best decisions we ever made. So I guess that tells you a little bit about me in terms of being a little bit of a free spirit. But I'm also like your fun, sophisticated best friend who is an operations person in healthcare corporate America by day, but by night, I am a free spirit. I'm just out of

control. It's like, I mean, if you ask me to drop everything and go to China tonight, I'm with you. You guys, she's not even joking. We didn't go to China, but we went to Milan and it is an episode in and of itself. So we'll talk about that in later time. Yay. How did we meet Ashley? Okay. So we met, we actually have a mutual friend, um, that does

a golf outing every year that my mom and I have been helping out for helping out with for years. And he introduced Suri. I believe you had only for helping out with for years. And he introduced Suri. I believe you had only been there for a few months. Is that correct? Girl, if that, yeah, like maybe two, it felt you were a guest there or yeah, he invited me as a guest, like one of their quote unquote celebrity golfers. Mind you, I had only been a celebrity in Indiana for three weeks. And then I met you. Yes. And then I met you there because you were volunteering. Ashley's like super friendly and outgoing. Travasha and Ashley are honestly. And I remember you were like, Oh, Hey, what's up? How are you? Whatever. And I was in TV,

but it was my first job in TV. And I was actually kind of shy still. Like I'm not a natural true extrovert. And so I was like, Oh my God, there's like some of my age and she's so cute and friendly and like, I think we're going to be friends. I'm really excited about this. Okay. Next up, Travasha T. Hello. Travasha for those who would like to try and T for those who cannot. I am also a 30 something, but I am a first time mommy and a pandemic mommy. I have a baby that was born right before all the schools were shut down in the whole country. Like a week before the point where your husband, they were, you were not sure if he was going to be able to be in the delivery room. Right. So the night I went into labor, they were

like, Oh, it's so good that like you went into labor tonight because tomorrow, starting tomorrow, you'll only be able to have one person in there. And I was like, oh, that would have sucked because I would have chosen my doula over Tyler. Like a whole husband out there. So that's interesting in and of itself. And then I also have a my niece is here visiting with us for a long while so we love her but um she's five years old and and you have a freaking puppy or a dog you just texted me and there was a chihuahua in the shot so where did this dog come from okay so okay this just quit. We don't need a backstory on the puppy.

You got a dog now. Anyway, so, yes, I'm a flight attendant. I love being a flight attendant. I've been doing that for like five years. I used to cheer professionally and that's how I met Zuri. She slid into my DMs.

I dispute these claims. Yeah, don't let her fool you. She slid into my DMs. I dispute these claims. Yeah. Don't let her fool you. She slid into the DMs and she was like, can I move in with you? No, I'm just kidding. Okay. First of all, she didn't do that. I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding. She's trolling. I did follow her on Twitter. I was just looking for friends. Like, it's hard to make friends after college. This should be an episode in and of itself. Like, after you graduate, it's weird to just creep on another woman of your age. How did you even find me?

How did you find me? Honestly, God, I couldn't tell you. I cannot remember that. I truly can't. Then not too long after that, we were moving together. Now we're not. Chaos ensued. Here we are today on episode one of Hot Happy Mess,

the group chat segment. And I want to talk about happiness because that's what this is all about. It's different for everyone. No two people's journeys look the same. No two people's definitions of happiness look the same. So for me, happiness is, there's a quote that I can't quite get right. I always fuck it up. But it's when what you do, what you say, what you believe, or something to that effect, are all in agreement, all aligned.

So basically, you don't have to show up anywhere different than you show up for yourself because you have the integrity. You're operating with the integrity that allows you to be the same person all the time. And the things that you feel quietly are a priority are also the things that you prioritize in your everyday life. So your core value system, like I wake up happy because I'm not doing things that don't serve me anymore, that don't light me up. It doesn't matter if I'm paid. There was a time in my life where I just had to be paid. Successful, if it looked hot, if people would think Zuri's killing it, I was happy.

I guess, whatever happy meant at that time. 10 years later, I realized I was nowhere near happy. I was kind of miserable. Now it's like, do I wake up and I'm excited? If nobody else ever knew that I was gonna have the day that I was about to have, would I still be excited to have that day? That's happiness for me. So I want to know what is happiness for you guys. And then I just kind of want to get into the journey of it, how you got

there, why you got there. Anybody want to take it? Yeah. So happiness for me is being surrounded by the people that I love. Also knowing that those people are happy, being in a beautiful space, like I came from Indiana. So coming to a place that's like where I can be free and feel free, enjoy nature, be outside, be active all year round. And also being in a space where I can people, um, that is happiness for me. And I think I used to think it was something else. I used to, I used to feel like it was what society tells us, you know, what happiness is. Um, and I learned, I feel like later, like I just learned this a couple of years ago that that's not necessarily what happiness is for me. And I had to create my own. I feel like my happiness is very simple. Um, but I've definitely had to create my own happiness. I feel like my happiness is very simple, but I've definitely had to create my own happy space and environment. It's been a journey for

sure. Yeah. Yeah. Basha, what about you? Years back, if you would have asked me like in my 20s, what happiness looks like, it would have been the cliche like, oh, you know, I've got money, I've got this, I've got that. I was playing salon with my five-year-old niece. So it was crazy. The dog was running around, chasing my niece, my daughter crawling while Tyler, my husband's trying to figure out how he's going Like for me for so long, I was doing things that made me happy in the moment, like dancing, going to this place, traveling, whatever, but I wasn't happy. But the fact that my life is so chaotic right now, we're going down to one income and we just raised our expenses. Like all in all

of tomorrow in the next day, in the next month, the next year is like uncertain. And I don't know what we're going to do or how we're going to do it, but I know it's going to get done. And I know that our relationship is stronger. Like this is the closest I've been in a relationship with God, like just my entire life. Oh, and learning how to say no, that has helped me. Me being able to say no allowed me to do the things that replenish my spirit so that I can then give back to the people that I, you know, I could give back to. Overall, I don't know if it was like the pandemic that really helped me slow down and get to this happiness or if it was like the postpartum meds or what, but we're good now. Well, and I think too, like, I think society also teaches us that being able

to take on so many things or work super hard, which tends to mean like taking on extra projects, working super long hours. Like it's, it's almost like society teaches you that you're, oh my gosh, you're so strong and you're able to do so much and you're able to take on so much. So we grow up thinking that like, if we take on all this stuff, like, I don't know, we're going to get a medal for it or something, or be recognized. And in all while we are drowning, we're trying to make other people happy. When at the end of the day, like say you quit your job tomorrow, people are going to replace you like the same day. You're replaceable. And so it's like, it's almost trying to make other people happy. Like you were saying, Zee, at the expense of

your own peace and happiness, which you learn as you get older, it's just not worth it. Right. I, I really feel like the, the switch to happiness happens, like the commitment to happiness, the commitment to being like, I am no longer doing anything that doesn't serve me happens when you reach a breaking point. It's like with anything. That's when someone quits the job that they paid it for the last 10 years. That's when somebody says, screw it. I'm breaking up with the guy who doesn't want the things that I know I've secretly wanted for years. And I hope that he would get on board with it when you just can't do it anymore. And so when it comes to being happy and living in a state of happiness, it normally comes from being so unhappy that you had to say,

screw it, throw whatever you were doing out of the window and figure out how to do it differently because it was so bad that you just couldn't fake the funk anymore. Um, do you guys remember what your, what that chapter was for you, the time in your life, the circumstance where it was like, you know, I am so fucking sad or unhappy or miserable that I don't know what has to change, but something's got to give. And I'm willing to give up who I've been or what I've been or what I've done. Yeah. Like I feel, honestly, I feel like I'm still in that journey, um, through I'm still in therapy and that's helping and all this stuff. Um, but y'all, I had not even found myself. Like I didn't know who I was. And on top of just having like normal insecurities, I was assaulted in my teens and that was like never addressed, never went to talk to anyone,

just held it in. So here I am trying to like now find myself with, by covering myself up. And I was able to fake the funk forever. People thought I was happy, but I was just happy in the moment doing things. And I was always looking for the next happiness. So I realized it when I was no longer a professional cheerleader. I was not in that realm anymore. And I had become a flight attendant. Every time someone would ask me about myself, they could literally ask like, oh, I like your shirt or, Oh, your hair's pretty. And I would find a way to put it in there that I was a cold cheerleader, that I was a Pacers like dancer.

Did you feel like you identified so closely with that or that was the thing that made people interested? I think it was all of the above. Like I did not know who I was. Like I wasn't anything more than that, like to myself. Um, and so I think that's when I started realizing, wow, like I'm really, really not happy. It's just like my old life was my identifier and I have since been finding, um, my new self and I, you know, and I started with therapy. I think, especially in like

the black community, people are afraid of going through therapy and addressing some of those past issues has helped me create those current boundaries that I need for my own happiness and for the, my, the happiness of my marriage and all of that stuff. And so, yeah. We're going to talk about sort of that transition, but to your point, Travasha, of that's the moment that you realized or the phase when you realized, wow, I'm really unhappy. There is no end goal. So me even asking you that, it's not like, and then when did you become happy? Because that's the whole point of it is that doesn't happen. It's a state of mind. There's a commitment to a certain frame of mind. And it's just how you decide to look at life, who you decide you are.

And there are ups and downs with that. And every day is not going to be as amazing and shiny and sexy as, you know, some of your best days. So it's not like I figured it out. And now I'm not just a coach cheerleader. I'm this and this and this. And I am happy. Like you, you figure that out and you're happier and you're in a state of knowing who you are

and there's peace and happiness with that. But I just hope that people realize there is no end destination. Like there's nothing you arrive at. Like if you have a point in mind, save yourself the time, save yourself the life and just like throw that out of the window because you will waste so much of your life and time trying to arrive at some destination that doesn't exist. It's just, it's the way you approach the day to day of your life. That's, that's kind of how I feel about it. Absolutely. Ashley, when did you so realize that you were unhappy that you were like something

you got to give? So I think for me, happy has been this line that's going up with peaks and valleys. So I have like three distinct times in my life where I've been so unhappy that I've made changes. And every time I've made the change, it's just added to my life. And then I'll get to a place where I'm like unhappy and I have to make another change. But that's how I see my happiness. And to me, it's just growth, right? It's like you learn something new about yourself and then you take that and you grow on that. And then you find something else new about yourself

and then you keep growing. So I'll for sure say there was a time in 2012, I was 27. And I was in like a bad situation ship. Lord, I actually was doing, and this is the crazy thing because society teaches you that like, if you have a good job and you're making good money, life should be great. Like, what do you have to complain about? Right? So I was really conflicted because all of that was true. At the same time, I was really unhappy with myself. I still had confidence issues, situationships for me and past relationships really affected my confidence level. That same, it was like all these things happened that year, the same year, a male friend, I was

really close to being assaulted and I was threatened to have like this in my face. So that beat me down a lot. Cause I didn't see that coming. Um, I also like had a period of like blaming myself for that. So I was just trying to process all these things. And I just think it was like God's way of like telling me like, you need to shed people in your life and you need to find out who you are. And I remember my mom specifically telling me, like, I was just like, we went to this Pacer game and I got in the car and I was bawling. And she was like, you really need to work on yourself. So that was one time.

Ironically, I spent probably about six months really working on myself. I had been to therapy before. I had been diagnosed with chronic anxiety. So I already knew that that was part of me. I just had to figure out like what my triggers were. I met my husband the next year. And I say this all the time that had I met him earlier, it would not have worked out. I just was not spiritually and mentally prepared for him. So God's timing on that was like huge. Thank God. So then we get come around to the year that we went to Spain, Europe for your birthday, Zuri.

I felt really stuck. My career has gone well with minor peaks and valleys throughout my, my career. So it's still going well. I have bought my home for myself. Like, again, society is telling me like, what are you upset about? The check mark.

Yeah, like you're saying that you're supposed to want and now you should be happy. You got the house, you had the salary, you had the man and everything. And you're beautiful. Thank you. But I, again, felt really guilty because I was like, what?

I should not feel like this. My anxiety was super high. And I just had a revelation on that trip. That trip for me, as much as it was to celebrate you, was life changing for me because we went on this like four wheeling trip in the mountains. I realized like I was thinking it was like two hours. I was like the whole time I was like, this is what I should be doing. I should be surrounded by beauty in nature i should feel free and i am in indiana feeling like

super fucking stuck i hate it i mean i literally hated it there um i called my husband who was my boyfriend at that point and i was like we are getting the fuck out of indy um literally like yeah um yeah i came i was coming back to a to Arizona like three weeks later. And I was like, if I come back here and feel this energy, that's it. We're moving. So we made a plan and moved. But in the midst of that, I had, I don't think I've ever been more depressed. Like the transition, you guys was so tough, but it was saying no to people. I had people in my ear like, why would you do that? You have a house, you have a good job. And I'm like, I know, but I don't enjoy life right now. I'm on antidepressant medication. I'm on anxiety meds. I can't do

this. I felt like I was fighting for my life every day. In the midst of that, I also knew I was making a change. It was just going through that is really hard. I mean, I love it. I love that you did that, Ashley. I remember that phase. I was like, if anybody would do it, it was you. So that didn't surprise me. I was never like, oh, Ashley's never going to do it.

But when you did it, I was like, oh shit, Ashley's doing it. Like that was still a big deal. But that inspired me. So if us turning up and twerking in Ibiza inspired Joanne, you actually coming back from Ibiza and Milan and being like, I'm going to Arizona, Arizona inspired me because I was like, oh wait. It was a reminder to me.

I've always been that type of person. Big risk, big reward. But the older you get, the more we tend to start to play it safe. We have more to lose. We have more to lose. We have more at stake. More people are depending on us. We have lived enough life to know we're not invincible. So we're a little more humble, which can be scary because you don't think everything's going to work out because life has shown you shit's not always going to work out.

So for you to still do that, I took so much inspiration from that and was like, damn, like she just went for it. For me, it was similar to you, Ashley, like you and I are both high achievers, high functioning, very career focused in the sense of it is very much a part of our identity to a certain extent, or at least for those, the twenties, it was like, I took so much pride in what I'd done and what I'd accomplished and what people would think of that. Because I had been trained to do that. And so it brought me joy. I was proud of it. I was happy.

I loved it. And not even in an arrogant stunt way. It was around the age of 30. Because 30 is when I had just gotten out of a four to five year relationship. One that I had been thinking about leaving for a long time and probably should have left sooner than I had. And so I, at 30, was living for me for the first time in so long. And having been a people pleaser, having been a high achiever, having been a giver, I was trying to figure out who I was. I didn't know. I came out of that relationship. And when I got into it, I was only like 24 or 25. And I knew who I was in my early

twenties in the sense of, oh, I'm going to kill the game. I'm a high achiever. I'm going to check these boxes. I'm going to get these jobs. But I hadn't sat with Zuri single, even in college. I felt like the last 10 years of my life, my twenties, I felt like I was fighting against, I was suppressing, which is such a sad word. I was suppressing who I felt I might be if I had the space to be. So I tried to date and I could feel, I could feel my spirit coming alive. I could feel Zuri starting to kick up dust.

And y'all, I'm still afraid of who Zuri might be. We'll get into that. Yeah, that's a whole episode by itself. We'll figure her out. But I felt it kicking up. And then men came around and I was attracted to them. I was dating, I was going, whatever. They could sense, oh, this is a virgin. Oh, she's untouched.

Oh, she's not dated around. So I was what the world had told me to be. This prized virgin who didn't date a lot and a guy who's going to swoop in. Yes. And he was going to choose me and I should be lucky to be chosen. And the entire time, something in my gut was fighting that. And then my next relationship, the same thing. So anyways, so I got in this rhythm, this pattern of not being happy, but not being unhappy and

assuming that this was as good as it could get. So I accepted it and I've just learned to be happy in these things because I had these guys that treated me right for the most part. And that was that. When I turned 30 and I broke up and I left my current, that relationship because of a lot of stuff that went down, I was single at 30 and I was figuring out who I was for the first time and I had so much space to do it that I was afraid and terrified in the most exciting and exhilarating way. It is like walking into a fucking candy shop and being like, what do you want? The tab is open. And so I spent that time figuring out what I wanted. And what was crazy was being free romantically freed me up mentally and emotionally to also be like, wait, this is what it feels like to be happy in my personal romantic life. Am I happy in my professional life?

Like now I'm starting to see what it feels like to step into my own romantically. I'm like, well, hold up. What job would I choose if I could start fresh and choose a job? What would I wake up and do every morning if I could wake up and do it? And I realized I had gotten to a point where I was so miserable. And we will talk about this in a later series about career ambition, about pivoting when you're unhappy, especially in career, I was so unhappy in my job and it was no one's fault, but I had outgrown what I was doing and my core value system got stronger over time. And I credit that to my parents, to my family, to who I am, but it had gotten stronger. And so it was the alarm bells ringing inside of me saying, we can't do this anymore.

Not if we want to be who we are. And so all I'd ever been was a high achieving career killer. And so to continue to achieve high in this space that I was in and kill my career, I had to be something different suddenly. And because I didn't know who I was, I said, okay, well, Zuri achieves. She figures out what she needs to do to be the best in whatever space she is in. When the question I should have been asking is, do I even want to be in this space? So I started sacrificing who I was to be this high achiever.

And at a certain point, I was like, maybe this ain't it. Maybe I'm not just built to achieve and to check the boxes. I was crying every day. I would go out during my 15 second lunch break and sob and then pull it together, go back inside and be who I was suddenly expected to be, to be who I'd always been, who was the girl who gets it right and does what she's expected to do. And we can count on her to give whatever we need, not who she is. She'll give what we need. It doesn't matter what she wants. And at a certain point I realized, I don't, there is not a job I want. There is not a human I want. There is not a career path I want that is worth trading in who I am and what I stand

for. And I was afraid. I thought I was going to lose my job. I really did because I was done. I just woke up one day and I was done. And I was like, I might lose this job tomorrow, but I can't lose myself any more than I've lost me. And at that point, I was so afraid. I called my dad. We cried together. And, you know, he was so proud of me for that. And he was the one that I was nervous about because he was the one who trained me

to be this little soldier, get the job done. Like, you know, and in that moment, I realized, holy shit, I've had it so wrong. And of course my dad doesn't care about this shit that I just thought he did. Like he is so, we're crying together because he sees that he did a good job with his daughter and it wasn't the accolades, the job, the promotions, the trophies that did it. It was him realizing I taught this girl who she is and it has nothing to do with what she's done and she sees it now and she gets it and she's willing to walk away from all this shit to commit to that to be that it's been hard there

is a hard moment because again when you put so much of your worth into accomplishment and succeeding and you start to realize oh they're operating by a different playbook so it takes something different to succeed you have to choose at a certain. Do I want to succeed or do I want to be who I am and who I'm proud about being? And I reached that point where I had to decide and I chose to be who I am and who I was going to be because there's nothing I want to be more than I want to be Joe's daughter and Valencia's daughter and the sister of my two brothers. And that girl, that woman at this point is very different from what, you know, a chapter in my life was asking of me if I wanted to, you know, play by their rules and operate in their space

and be acknowledged for it. And I thank God that I didn't because the truth is you think you're giving something up, but really you are making space for something new. And then I realized as soon as I did that, the universe shifted. It's so woo-woo, y'all, I know. But the universe shifted and matched me. The same way I walked into work the next day and the energy shifted to match my energy, the industry, my industry shifted to match that industry. And suddenly opportunities presented themselves where I could be who I was. And that was not just accepted. It was celebrated. And I just wasn't ready to see it or brave enough or clear headed enough to, to just step outside of the cage. Cause it's same with the relationships.

You will be in a whole cage, convince yourself there's no opening the door when the truth is, did you try to turn the knob? Did you even try to open it? I shared a lot of my journey, um, last year and I've been a lot, I've been a lot more open about my struggles with anxiety and, um, intermittent depression and how this moved like really, I mean, I still have anxiety. That's just a part of me. It's just a lot less than I know my triggers. I know how to manage it a lot better and I don't take medication anymore, which is amazing. But I always like when I was going through the journey, I was like, I really hope this inspires other people to know that when you believe in who you are, you believe in yourself,

you have faith, you know, you kind of have the confidence to just take a leap of faith that things will work in your favor. And I'm not saying they're, they're not going to work without like bumps in the road, but staying true to who you are and believing in yourself and having faith, all of those things together, the universe will come together and it will work in your favor. I really believe that. So this was, everyone always talks about the Alchemist. Sometimes they make it sound like it's like a basic bitch book for like self-discovery, but I'm like, whatever, then I'm a basic bitch because I read it and I was like, I just discovered myself. But you guys, I recommend the Alchemist. We'll make sure you guys have in the show notes how you can get, you know, the book

or where to buy. But there's a quote, the author is Paolo Coelho. And it says, and when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. And then there's another quote that says, it's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting. And it is so true. I didn't realize it at the time because I wasn't that deep in my journey.

But looking back, yes, anytime I have set an intention and just committed to it, it's like the universe is just clearing that path. God is like, all right, well, let me just move him out of your way. All right, well, let me just whatever. I can't wait for the relationship series, y'all. Oh, my God. So I can just throw up a Hail Mary because I was like, oh, my God. We've got the website, hothappymess.com. We're going to have a secret Facebook group where you can go to join and exchange notes, ideas, resources.

And then the Instagram page, at hothappymess. So just in closing, there's so much more we could talk about. I'm excited because this is a full series. This is the group chat. So y'all aren't going anywhere. I have, you know,

six of my closest friends on this amazing rotation to dive into all of this stuff that we're going to be talking about on this podcast. You'll get my solo commentary. We're going to have experts. If you love Ash, if you love Ash, we're going to get so much more from them. So fear not. They will be back and we will be talking about more of this. Just really quickly as like a fun way to close it out. We're

going to make a happiness cocktail and this one's going to be superficial. So we don't have to get too deep. What would your happiness cocktail include? What is your happiness cocktail comprised of? I'll take this one because I like to drink the cocktail. I would say first for me, it'd probably be like three ounces of family. Okay. The fact that you're giving us ounces. I love it. Thank you. Three ounces of family. Naturally. One ounce of travel. And then the other three ounces. This is a big drink.

The other three ounces of God and God in my life and my spirituality. Those are huge. Family and God with a splash of travel. Anytime I'm upset, I just take a little quick trip. And yeah, that's it. Okay. Like a little maraschino cherry on the top. With a little cherry.

A little cherry. There we go. I love it. Love the cocktail. Ash, what's your happiness cocktail? Oh my gosh. This is what I was going to say initially. Some wine.

Exactly. My people, so friends, family are all one, right? Yeah. Like, yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Um, my happiness cocktail, uh, wine, wine and food, food. Honestly, it brings me so much joy and the curation and creating of it. So I love cooking. I love being served food and drink, like at a restaurant, like dining out. I love serving. I love hospitality. So it's really the experience of food and drink for me that goes into my next thing, which would 100% be family and friends. Like, especially over the last few years, the way I used to crave a new destination or a new country to visit, I just

crave going home. I just crave going to Toledo, probably because I don't live there. I don't know if I'm going to live there again. But it's like on my spirit to just be back all the time because of the people who are there. I love my people so much. And y'all, like, you know, we do our group trips. I'm always trying to curate at least one big get-together per year. So family and friends would be the second one. My third one, I would say, I'm not good at this. I'm getting better. And that's what this whole show is about, is the journey to this. But meditation and sort of that bubble of spiritual enlightenment and growth. And I don't just mean religion. So I'm not just talking my Christianity. I'm talking sitting with myself, meditating, reflecting, learning to be still and not need

to do or say or be anything because that in itself is kind of the goal for my life at this point, that if I never did another thing, I am still enough. And I am still on the journey of believing that. I would be lying if I said I didn't still feel the need or desire to do and to accomplish. And I take joy from that. It's my personality type. We'll get into that in another episode. But I want to be okay. I want to be happy to be still. I want to not always feel the need to do more. And I'm here for a reason. And that's the reason I'm here. Like, I don't need to do anything else, you know? And it's the same with you, Travasha, and the same with you, Ashley. Like our lives are blessings. We should be so grateful for them, but we don't need to feel like there's this constant pressure to impress and do with our lives all these, you've only got a short amount of time. You better da-da-da- of time. You better do it. You will go into the grave exhausted. So I've, I've just been trying to dedicate myself more to my meditation practice

and, and you know, all my chance and my, my chakra aligning. Okay. Vash, Ashley, thank you so much. This was a great first group chat. It was so good. It went so long because how could it not? Okay. I love you guys. We'll see you in the next one. Thank you. It was so good. It went so long because how could it not? Okay. I love you guys. We'll see you in the next one. Thank you. Hi. Happy.

Best. I love them so much. You'll get to know the rest of the group chat girls as the show goes on. So stay tuned. In the meantime, I promised you a party trick. The party trick is our sexy, fun, cool, super quick segment where we just give you a little something, something. So this week's party trick, as promised, three happiness hacks that you can apply to your life today. Easy peasy. Here you go.

Three happiness hacks. Number one, minding your business and biting, and biting your tongue. You just came for my whole life. You just came for everybody's life. Come straight out the gate. Okay. I love it. Yeah. I mean, sometimes we hear people say stuff and we just got to jump in and correct them. And I, you know, it's very peaceful to just allow people to be wrong. Just let them, you could say whatever you want, the sky's pink. Okay. It feels good to me to not have an argument. That just makes me happy. Yeah. Oh, that might be the best one already. Already. Mind your business, y'all. All right. Let's just go on about our days. Yeah. Number two is remember that people are human beings. So as we are on

social media, as we are looking at things, consider the whole person and not just what you see. As people, we experience so much and we see a cute little picture with two little kids and a little dog. And we're not even thinking that the lady probably got pee on the end of her dress or something. You know, we just, oh, my gosh, this is the look at this. I got to have this. Consider the whole story. You know, it's it's a whole picture behind a picture. So don't get caught up in what you see. Gosh, number three, I'm going to go back to gratitude. I think it's so important to remember something to be grateful for. One of the practices that I use is I have a friend and we email each other every day. Just one thing we to send one. So it's like an accountability partner because

it's so important just to remember that things are going well. And sometimes when I'm like in the funk, I go back and look at those and I'm like, girl, like, you know, you have to get really creative when you're committed to being grateful because there are so many things that could get you down. And when you just reflect on like, wow, like I remember when this was a thing and now is not anymore. Just the progress of where you are in life makes me happy. Like, whoa. Yes. That feels good. Progress feels great. All right, y'all. I hope you enjoyed my very first episode of Hot Happy Mess. I'm so excited to be on this journey with you.

Stick around because next episode, you don't want to miss. Remember, it's a series. This is the Protect Your P series, okay? So we are talking about obsessive comparison disorder because yes, it's a thing. Social media only makes it worse. We also do it in our everyday lives. But I am talking with some amazing experts who are breaking it all down. They're going to crack the code on how you can step out of that and into, you know, more peace and not just acceptance,

but celebration for where you are in your life and so much more. So make sure you go ahead and check out episode two. And in the meantime, are you subscribed? Make sure you subscribe. Okay. So you don't miss an episode, hit the subscribe button, leave a five-star review, put a thing, leave a comment, let me know what you liked, what you loved, what you'd love to see more of as we continue this hot, happy mess journey and follow us. We are building an amazing, inclusive, diverse community of just badass women over on social media, especially Instagram right now at Hot Happy Mess. You can find me, Zuri Hall, at Zuri, Z-U-R-I-H-A-L-L. So keep up with us over there. In the meantime, that's it for this one. I will talk to you in the next one.

Until then, bye. Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete.

Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going.

That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay.

Have grace for yourself. You're trying your best, and you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.