The Breakfast Club - What Is The Blueprint To Being Married?

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

What Is The Blueprint To Being Married?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water,

500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zaka Stan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-A-S-T-A-N on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay. Have grace with yourself. You're trying your best, and you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before.

Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Teresa, your resident ghost host. And do I have a treat for you. Haunting is crawling out from the shadows, and it's going to be devilishly good. We've got chills, thrills, and stories that'll make you wish the lights stayed on. So join me, won't you? Let's dive into the eerie unknown together. Sleep tight, if you can. Listen to Haunting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th, 2017, was assassinated. Crooks everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. it's dj envy charlamagne the guy we are the breakfast club our guest host ray j is here you better know it no nonsense ray today that's right now uh we were talking about the ellisons

who joined us earlier kadin and deval and we were talking about their relationship and talking about marriage after wedding and this is what they said y'all have a chapter called uh there's a marriage after this wedding break that down so while we were writing the book we had discussed what our thought process was about getting engaged and being married and kadine had admitted that she had never really thought about the marriage nope anytime i had conversations with anyone regarding marriage or the wedding it was the wedding it was you know what dresses you're gonna get and what and who's the florist and it was the planning of the day. At no point in time did anyone pull me aside and say, Kadeen, like, once you get married, here are some things to expect.

Right? You watch these Disney movies and it says happily ever after. No one sees what happens after they ride off into the sunset. I agree with that. But it was particularly difficult because I just did not think about or plan for what life was going to look like after the wedding. Yeah, they have a great chapter in their book called uh you know the marriage after the wedding and basically you know it's the work that has to be done after you say I do and I don't know if there is a blueprint to being married like what is the work that needs to be done

after one is married I don't know if marriage is something you can game plan for I think you know with marriage we got to remember the fourth agreement, which is always do your best. Because I don't believe you can prepare for everything that marriage will throw at you. No, you definitely can't prepare. And like you said, marriage is something that you consistently work on. I mean, it's so many different people. People are growing. People are involved.

And you have to understand people's feelings. And it's not just because y'all been dating. But now you have to understand somebody. When you go to work and you come home and you had a bad day, you take that energy out on your partner. How to deal with it. How to deal with everything in a relationship so let's go to you ray ray jizzle ray ray how you've been married how long ray we've been married for six years six years congratulations you had a lot of ups and downs public some things have been public y'all called for divorce sometime and got back together y'all back together now yeah i love

princess man and i think that a lot of times mean, because I can only listen to people who's been married for 20 years or 15. And they kind of gave us like the timing of when it gets rough and then you get over this year hump and then it kind of smooths out. How long you been married? 22. I've been married since 2014. I'm not good at math. What's that? I got it.

But I've been with my wife for 25 years. I've been with her for 25 years. Eight years, nine years this year. It'll be nine years this it. But I've been with my wife for 25 years. I've been with her for 25 years. Eight years, nine years this year. It'll be nine years this year, but I've been with my wife for 25 years. I've been with my wife 28. So around the like sixth, seventh year, was it rough? Or fifth, fourth, fifth? You guys have been married for so long.

No, no, no. Yes. With marriage, yes. Because when I got married, I hadn't let go of a lot of my childish ways. So I was still out here in these streets. You know what I mean? Doing things I had no business doing. You know what I mean?

Infidelity and all of that. So yes. Yes. So around this time, I just felt like, you know, that I really wanted to just be a good husband. But then not only that, be a good father. And the timing away from them and my kids. And not being there every single day every hour you know did you have a lot of insecurities for myself i had a lot of insecurities

and being married it kind of exposed that like what what do you mean um my wife is beautiful she's smart she's intelligent and i was scared a book come out so yeah we had a book came out real life real love we talk about that and at, I was scared that if she left, she might see somebody that's smarter than me, that looks better than me. That's not hard, though. It's very hard. It's very difficult, actually. It's very hard. It's very difficult.

That bar is low, bro. It's very hard. It's very difficult. It's very hard for her to find somebody smarter than you. That's actually very difficult. Why are we trying to be serious? Why are we trying to be serious? You said you want to keep him grounded in the couch.

No, he made it sound like that's difficult. I want to be serious today. I don't want to be lit he made it sound like that difficult I want to be serious I don't want to be lit no no I'm saying y'all making me lit because y'all like I want to get litter

because y'all making me laugh I'm trying to be serious let's talk about the work that it takes in a marriage yeah yeah yeah let's go back to being serious we all being serious he want to joke

what's the work we all had to do in our marriages compromise communication compromise communication that's a good one

and also yeah communication and really it's like if you feel a certain way express yourself about it absolutely if you let it linger and then nobody knows and then it's just an attitude that's in the air and you just what's wrong were you scared to express yourself were you scared to ask questions at times yeah it depends on the question because there's questions you want to ask but can you handle the answer what did you have to compromise? A lot of things. Just making sure that I stay in communication all the time, listening more, going out more, and spending time outside and inside.

And really just kind of like making my wife my close friend. Absolutely. making my wife my close friend absolutely and and roll and we roll together and we do everything like as far as fun together because a lot of times dudes want to go hang out with their friends and have the fun and then come back and you got to think your girl or the dude been in the house for days and you just want to come back and lay up because you're tired then we got it you had a long week right we've been scared it's great in a lot of different ways i you know rated you know they you actually got in divorce papers right well yeah well actually we both fouled damn like i fouled she fouled y'all didn't really want that though i think deep down we didn't you know

what i'm saying but a lot of times people are stubborn like stubborn and and and and i think it hurts to think that a lot of times if your ego got in the way and you actually got divorced and you didn't want to, but your pride got in the way. That's scary. What did your friends and, you know, you're very close to your mom, of course. What did your family say during that time? I really don't go to them for that, for relationship advice. Really? Because, yeah, I think that's dangerous. Right?

I love Princess. She loves me. Can't nobody tell me how to feel or what to do. They can only guide you and help you. But when they're done telling you what you either want to or not, you still got to go back home. Right. And you still got to deal with it from a man's perspective or a woman's perspective. So I just think just that one-on-one tight-knit nobody can come in

between these walls and if we got issues let's deal with them if we don't then let's enjoy ourselves together and like what do you think about what we did what is that what that's when it get besides the tv show yeah was there did y'all go see therapy or a therapist or was there you know pastor preacher or somebody to be the middle person in between y'all or y'all just worked it out yourselves we just worked it out and I know

we went we had a therapist like a lot of stuff we do on the show it's still needed you get what I'm saying and the show for me when I watch each season

I'm like like the first few seasons of Love and Hip Hop I was terrible I was embarrassed to be who I am you were I was right and I looked at myself nobody needed to tell me what I did first few seasons of loving hip hop i was terrible i was embarrassed to be who i am you were i was

right and i and i looked at myself nobody needed to tell me what i did i could see it right and so i used the show every year to either watch myself do bad or or see myself enhance and upgrade and so that's why i appreciate loving hip hop which is crazy because a lot of people would never say they appreciate loving hip hop but i just do because I was able to I was able to watch my plays and then make my changes from watching myself I'm glad y'all beat that curse making reality TV breaking couples apart. I'm glad Princess Yeah, yeah, I know he always been dropping bombs drop a bomb and drop one of Clue's bombs that's a witch princess whose bomb is that Clue's bomb so Clue has his own bomb here yeah I know he always been

dropping bombs but Clue has his own bomb so you guys don't have one no it's Clue's bomb what do you have a sound effect I don't know you don't have nothing

the hee haw oh yeah you do have you got the hee haw and who does the hee haw who does that a donkey oh a real one yeah I got a real one

I bought a real one in here. We recorded it live. Get out of here. It was crazy. Well, not this one. You had an old studio. So how did you make the donkey do it? Did you hit him?

Like, how'd he go, hee-haw? No, you know what I did, really? I played One Wish, and then you put a little pinky in his... I'm just about to say, you was doing too much pinky action. I'm like, that's what I was trying to figure out. Where did we go? I was going to say something, but then you actually was going there. So I'm like, damn, okay.

That's exactly what happened. Let me hit you with the bunny high. This whole show has ADD this week. We just go all over the place. The question is, 800-585, after the wedding, the marriage. That's when the marriage starts. What's the blueprint to being married? What's the blueprint for being married?

What is the work that needs to be done? All right, let's talk about it when we come back. It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning. After the wedding, you go have a good time. Well, I mean, after. You know what? It's the Breakfast Club Good morning After the wedding You go have a good time Well I mean You know what It's the Breakfast Club

Good morning That's what I'm saying It's time to get it poppin' Legally Morning everybody It's DJ Envy Charlamagne Tha Guy We are the Breakfast Club Topic. Come on. 800-585-1051. Morning, everybody. It's DJ Envy, Charlamagne Tha Guy. We are The Breakfast Club.

Our guest host, Ray J, is still here. No nonsense. Ray today. Raycon Global. Period. Now, if you just joined us, we were talking about the Ellis' Kadeen and DeVal. Their book, We Over Me, is out right now. It's called what now?

We Over Me. We? Like, we together over me by myself. I like that. Yeah, yeah. We Over Me. Correct. We Over Me. What's called what now? We over me. Like we together over me by myself. I like that. We over me. Correct. What about he and she? Or they? He and she and we.

He and she together and we. I just asked a lot of questions. That's all right. It's cool. I'm curious. So we're asking about the blueprint for marriage. Vicky, talk to us. So I think that if you get premarital counseling,

premarital counseling will give you a foundation to actually build off of. A lot of people don't want to subscribe to it, but it gets your mind off of the wedding and it allows you to build with one another. And our premarital counseling included what did we see growing up? What are things that we would like to carry over? What are things that and that allowed us to say, OK, unconsciously, we may do things that we saw growing up. So if I start to act out a certain way, my husband would be prepared mentally to say, OK, that may not be her consciously doing that. That may be an unconscious thing that she's repeating from what she saw growing up. I like that. And she can now have a conversation with one another so he can point it out to me and say, hey, remember we talked about this.

You know, this is, you're starting to do X, Y, and Z. Right. Which would prepare me not to take it personally. So I think there's premarital counseling and then that allows you to have a person that you can now go to two or three months later when things start to appear and creep up. And I agree with you. I think there should be somebody before you get married

to talk to that break things down. Don't mind Charlamagne and Ray J up here laughing. They're not laughing at you. I could never be in class with Ray J. Both of them. But I agree with you, Vicky. And I agree with you all. Vicky's right, though.

Vicky ain't wrong at all. Vicky's right. But Ray J's looking at me like, what? I'm listening to Vicky and I'm into it and I agree with you Vicky's right Vicky ain't wrong at all Vicky's right but Ray J's looking at me like what I'm listening to Vicky and I'm into it and I'm focusing and he look at me and see me focus

and start laughing and it's like dang I was so focused both of y'all go to the principal's office both of y'all need to go to the principal's office

right now Vicky not wrong though y'all would teach his nightmares I can tell like both of y'all would teach his nightmares I was so into

what Vicky was saying no you wasn't no I wasn't y'all were laughing at Vicky he made me laugh and it got no i wasn't you're laughing at vicky vicky you're right there should be pre-marriage counseling that that help couples and break things down that that especially newlyweds just don't know because there's so many things that i didn't know about i'm sure charlamagne and definitely not no no vicky for real no you right

vicky hung up but you know the thing about pre-marital counseling the thing about pre-marital counseling even though i do agree with vicky you don't know what you're talking to the premarital counselor about because you haven't even encountered none of the issues that you'll have in your marriage. How was the premarital counselor's life? How was her relationship? You get what I'm saying? She's a counselor. You're talking about a counselor without the facts of science, right? We don't know how their relationship is.

We don't know how they're doing that's true doctor if he's a heart doctor he's gonna make sure your heart works right and a marriage counselor is like I can't and shout out to all the marriage counselor I want to mess up nobody business but there's no scientific fact that is true saying is right you're right a marriage counselor everybody else and it's all opinionated like saying I hate this song but then it turns into being a hit sometimes a marriage counselor is just there to be a conductor though right like because you y'all might be having a problem communicating a referee but if the marriage counselor is on the guy's side the girl gonna trip on the marriage counselor

yeah but a marriage counselor should be a referee in the middle that's letting both sides speak and both sides thoughts be heard but if one side and the marriage counselor knows that one side is right and the other one needs to work more on the right side then the wrong side is going to trip and say let's get a new one that's on my side.

I'm with you. If I had one wish. Yeah, no doubt. No, I did. What would you do if you had one wish? Take another call? No, we can't.

We need to wrap this up. And it's not raining today so one wish is not going to pop off. Was that real rain in that video? Nah, Lil X had the fake ring. Oh, got you.

It was independent, but I still gave Lil X like $250 to do the video. Word. Yeah. It was worth it. And you made it all back. That record went gold. Yeah, no doubt. I mean, the whole album went gold.

Ray J still spending one wish money. Don't get it twisted. The whole album went gold at $299. Oh, man. Well, what's the moral of that story if there isn't more? The moral of the story is like, you know... Be independent. No, it's not to be independent.

No, I'm talking about the record. No, I'm talking about marriage. You can't be independent. That's why you be getting in trouble right there. Break out ADD. That's why you be getting in trouble. No, no, no. You asked me what did the record do.

I said the album ain't gold. You said I didn't do it. I said, what's the moral of the story of it going gold? Be independent. You better clear that up. I took Herbural. It's working.

Y'all was talking about marriage on the radio and you said the moral of the story is to be independent no be independent for the music because we was like we're all over the place with like the topics this guy going into in and out of stuff and you know i got ray dd the moral of the story is that you know there is work to be done after somebody is married and don't be afraid to do that work that goes without saying like we gotta go to like your kid gotta go to school we gotta go to work of course there's work to be done after the marriage yeah i'm talking work between y'all as a couple first off the work gotta be done after the i gotta get it in for a little while we married all right when we come back we got your i gotta get it in we just got married so legally now we can have a good time so let's spiritually get that in for a little while and then if if there's problems that pull up, we'll deal with them.

But right now, life is good. Let's live. Let's enjoy the wedding. After the wedding, let me be in it and marinate in it for at least a couple weeks. Okay. At least. I'm with you, Ray. Spare the rock.

All right. When we come back, we got rumors. We're talking Wendy Williams. All right? Don't move. It's the Breakfast Club. Come on in. You said Wendy Williams coming in here?

No, no. This is you. It's The Breakfast Club. Good morning. The Breakfast Club. Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag.

This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that?

Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about.

It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself.

It's okay. Have grace with yourself. You're trying your best, and you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before listen to on purpose with jay shetty on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts hello my undeadly darlings it's theresa your resident ghost host and do i have a treat for you. Haunting is crawling out from the shadows, and it's going to be devilishly good.

We've got chills, thrills, and stories that'll make you wish the lights stayed on. So join me, won't you? Let's dive into the eerie unknown together. Sleep tight, if you can. Listen to Haunting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up? This is Ramses Jha.

And I go by the name Q Ward. And we'd like you to join us each week for our show, Civic Cipher. That's right. We discuss social issues, especially those that affect black and brown people, but in a way that informs and empowers all people. We discuss everything from prejudice to politics to police violence, and we try to give you the tools to create positive change in your home, workplace, and social circle. We're going to learn how to become better allies to each other, so join us each Saturday for Civic Cipher on the iHeartRadio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.