The Breakfast Club - Why Can't Men Express Their Feelings Without Being Shamed?!

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

Why Can't Men Express Their Feelings Without Being Shamed?!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God.

What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. We need help! That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast

Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Marie. And I'm Sydney. And we're Mess. Well, not a mess, but on our podcast called Mess, we celebrate all things messy. But the gag is, not everything is a mess.

Sometimes it's just living. Yeah, things like J-Lo on her third divorce. Living. Girl's trip to Miami. Mess. Breaking up with your girlfriend while on Instagram Live. Living. It's kind of mess.

Yeah. Well, you get it. Got it? Live, love, mess. Listen to Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up? This is Ramses Jha. And I go by the name Q Ward. And we'd like you to join us each week for our show Civic Cipher.

That's right. We discuss social issues, especially those that affect black and brown people, but in a way that informs and empowers all people. We discuss everything from prejudice to politics to police violence, and we try to give you the tools to create positive change in your home, workplace, and social circle. We're going to learn how to become better allies to each other, so join us each Saturday for Civic Cipher on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who, October 16th, 2017, was assassinated. Crooks Everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks.

She exposed the culture of crime and corruption that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Morning, everybody.

It's DJ Envy, Charlamagne Tha Guy. We are The Breakfast Club. If you're just joining us, we're celebrating the 20th anniversary of Wild N' Out. You could take your headphones off, guys. You could take your headphones off. I'm sorry. I should have told you that. We're like, no headphones. We're kind of musing like we're like no headphones yeah it's our first day but we're celebrating the 20th anniversary of wild and out and we have b simone and justina valentine we are this morning yes

and we're asking 800-585-1051 can men show weakness can they show vulnerability can they be uh open and free with their feelings without looking like a sucker sometimes we can but is it worth it it's probably not it is worth it if you do it the right way talk to us you can't do it on first of all the internet is never going to be a place where hundreds and thousands of people aren't going to attack somebody and have opinions that's right so at the end of the day if i'm putting something on the internet i have to know that that's going to happen yeah and you have to be that that's going to happen. Yeah. And you have to be fine with it. But I know one thing for sure.

And two things for certain. My man better let me bust it open on Drake or whomever. Like he better not say nothing about my outfit. You said forget Usher. I want Drake. I mean, you know. My man better let me bust it open on Future. Yeah.

Why do y'all think a man should just be okay with that? I love you. You're my woman. If I've committed to you in that way, like say we're married or we got children together, why can't my feelings be hurt if I see you busting it open on anybody? I think it can be if she's not in the entertainment space. But again, Kiki is an entertainer. She has eyes on her.

This is why Usher picked her out of the crowd to dance with her because she is who she is. So that's why I think she gets a free pass for that. She has a man, though, too. She has a baby father that she's in a relationship with. She didn't bang him. She just like. But y'all do know that it's all entertainment thing is not a valid excuse. And guess what?

Well, then I need a new one. You know, we in this industry, we used to take our. We were told not to wear our wedding rings and then act like we weren't married back in the day. Yeah, back in the day. Yeah. Don't you think that wouldn't hurt a wife's feelings? Of course. not to wear our wedding rings and act like we weren't married back in the day. Yeah, back in the day. Don't you think that wouldn't hurt a wife's feelings? Or whatever you say to your partner. If he really was upset about that,

that's something you should know about your partner before you get in front of Usher. That's true. I want to take it out of the Usher and Kiki thing. I just want to say, man, we got so many men in therapy,

so many men doing the work, but men always get so much flack for not expressing their emotions, not expressing their feelings, but when they do, they get called insecure and suckers and punks and you know he's not on her level he's jealous of her success how about some men are just in love and trying to figure it out yeah but they'd be jealous though too especially like no i'm just saying like it could it could be and it could be a little bit of both it could be a little bit of um jealousness and a little bit because you love her to be a little bit of both. It could be a little bit of jealousness and a little bit because you love her. And I want my man to be a little jealous of me.

Yeah. Yeah. You know that. I'm in love and my feelings hurt because you busting it open on somebody else. See, but the thing is, if you guys had men and you broke up with your man and you put on Instagram or social media, I broke up with my man. I'm not feeling good. It's not right.

Y'all wouldn't get hateful comments. You would get a lot of people supporting you. That's true. It's all good. It's going to be okay, girl. It's going to be okay. You'll get through it. Now, if me and Charlamagne put on there, I just broke up with my girl they'd be like man man up

you're about to go to a club and we know it's double standards for everything but when women express their emotions and feelings we're told we should listen regardless of where they express them but when men do it we we suckers and we insecure that's not right man and y'all gonna make it the way men aren't gonna to want to express their emotions publicly. And that's dangerous because men expressing themselves publicly is how other men will learn how to publicly express their emotions. Look at my situation in my book. I wrote a book about me and my wife's relationship.

We've been together 29 years, 30 years. And I talked about an early on. I couldn't make her orgasm. I didn't know we were 16 and 15. There were memes. They made fun of me, but it was me expressing how I was.

Now, if I was a very sensitive person, which I am, I would be like, when I write the next one, I'm like, I ain't putting nothing else out there because me trying to express myself, open the door,

because there were so many men that hit me on the DM that felt the same way and went through the same thing, but they were scared to say it. What? He's trying to get sympathy right now. Nobody shamed him

because he expressed his feelings and emotions. We shamed him because he didn't know how to work the middle. That's why we were shaming him. It's the same shame. Well, it's a lot of guys who he didn't know how to work the middle. That's why we were shaming him. It's the same shame. We were shaming you for. But if you don't know, you can't fix it. You didn't know, right? Exactly. It was 16 when I was 16 years old. She was at least faking it.

That's how it came out. So I was 16, but I used to watch porn, so I thought sex was bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, done. But you had to learn. There was nobody to tell me or teach me. So yes, I did it so people could learn and have those conversations and you made fun of me. Everybody read that book and was like, I've been making women orgasm.

Okay, you the one that ain't doing your job. See, making fun of me. Well, God bless your wife. So you ain't the only one that ain't doing nothing in the bedroom. I'm 33 and had my first orgasm this year. Yeah, that's crazy B. But you weren't having sex with one person for 10 years.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Come on now. She was having an orgasm with my mouth, not with my penis. That's the thing. Oh, that's it. I was going to say, she really loved you, though, because she stood by your side with

no orgasms from sex and wanted to make you feel good like she was. So she, you know. But that's the problem, too. She's really about to die. Ladies, you got to speak up. I feel good. I like that. she, you know. But that's the problem too. She's really about to die. You gotta speak up. No, it's true. Like, she's a real writer. You gotta speak up.

It's not the man's fault if you don't know. If you ain't telling him nothing. No, it's not about me. He keep telling this lie about how he was making her do it with his mouth. I did. She was peeing on you, bro. She was peeing all in your face. Oh, stop.

Oh, yes. She didn't clap. You're a bully. You're a bully. She was peeing on you, you simp. And the first thing you did, see? Call me a simp. I am not I'm I love the fact you express your fear no you don't that's what we're talking about we're not talking about you expressing your feelings that's you did no I'm not that's me expressing my feelings I said you about you expressing your feelings. That's you, dude. No, I'm not. That's me expressing my feelings. I'm not one to not say you wrong for expressing your feelings. I'm saying you're wrong for not making her orgasm for 10 years. So wait.

There's a difference. The first time she actually really orgasmed, was she like, oh my gosh, babe, I've been lying for a decade. Like, did she bug out? Like, what was that like? 10 years of lying. Right. Justina?

It's in the book. Oh, let me read the book. It's in the book. Okay, period. The moral of the story is we gotta stop shaming men for expressing themselves

after you just shamed me no man the moral of the story we made so much toxic behavior public we have to make the positive healing

behavior public too and y'all gonna make it the way men feel like it's not worth it to express themselves because of how y'all react to it and guess what more men step up

like there should be more men on the internet really supporting this brother in this time if that's what y'all believe. We get shamed for that. Against Archie's amount. I don't care what outfit she wears.

I don't care about any of that. I care about, man, this man, if his feelings are hurt, he should be able to express that. Courtney, what up, gentlemen, ladies? What's up, brother? What's your thoughts, man? That's just how this world is, man. They expect the men to shut up, be quiet, produce, don't have no feelings, don't show no hurt. I work in the criminal courts.

Right now, there's a case. A brother was losing custody of his child. And let's just say right now, he got to do 18 years in prison because nobody would listen to him you know nobody expects oh why is a man you want to see your child so much you know he ended up he ended up causing doing violence to the young lady exactly lord yeah so avenue he was calling his friend every night crying yeah yeah yeah yeah nobody else would listen to him. No, I get it. This man was in a lot of pain.

And they just wanted him to shut up. Imagine seeing a woman on stage dressed like that. I don't care about the outfit. Something inappropriate. What's the man supposed to do? React after he told him to come out dressed like that. He told her? Well, I don't know if he told her that.

I mean, but this is... I don't know. We're going too far. I don't know i mean but this is this is i don't know this is also kiki palmer very famous very talented entertainer she's not just you know someone who went out that night to go like get a freak on with guys like she is who she is i think we're forgetting that point that's a very important point we're forgetting that oh that's why that's what he was expressing in that interview he was saying saying how he always felt he had the need to be perfect because she's Kiki Palmer. And he felt that she would always be perfect because she's Kiki Palmer. So let me ask you a question. All the allowances that men are afforded who are famous, who are lit, are females not afforded those same allowances?

Because men that have, you know, a long list of options and are famous, I feel like they get away with a lot more than just a normal doer. If they're in a relationship, they should. I don't think they should. See, the problem was, I don't necessarily think the problem was what happened. I think it was this, the phone, right? That's it. When you think about it, men go to a strip club, they get lap dances. Nobody knows.

Nobody sees. But now imagine your man, there's a video of your man getting a crazy lap dance now the world sees you feeling bad oh snail trail yeah snail trail yeah when that fudge leaves a little line okay you'd be mad because you've been publicly embarrassed yes that's all so it's really not about it's really you don't want people to know because it's really you want to do everything behind closed doors and you don't want the internet to know yeah i don't think i just think you shouldn't publicly embarrass your significant other i think they're more publicly but why is it not embarrassing if it's behind closed doors but it's only embarrassing if people see it if it's truly who you are but i think it's what do you mean when you say behind closed doors like you said if there's no cameras out

and you could do it oh then y'all two can have a conversation that could work it's easy to work and that's like if you and your man get in an argument at home, it's different. But now if you're in public, it's a lot different because now people don't know what you're arguing about. It's pressing now. You might feel a certain way. Things that you might have forgave him for at home, you might not forgive him for if it's in the public. And that's what the young man was wrong for. The young man was wrong for.

She was wrong for publicly embarrassing him with us. He was wrong for publicly embarrassing her on social media. They could have just had a conversation with each other at home and nobody would have been the wiser. Let's take some more calls. 800-585-1051. Call in. Let us know what you think.

It's the Breakfast Club. Good morning. You should be able to express their feelings. Morning, everybody. It's DJ Envy, Charlamagne Tha Guy. We are the Breakfast Club.

You know, it's the 20th anniversary or the 20th season of Wildin' Out. And we have Justina Valentine and Bea Simone here. Hi, dessert. And if you're just joining us, we're talking about men being able to express their feelings. Is it worth it? or the 20th season of Wildin' Out. And we have Justina Valentine and B. Simone here. Hi, Lizard. And if you're just joining us,

we're talking about men being able to express their feelings. And why would a man express his feelings? He's a sucker. He's a simp. He's a wimp. But when women do it, they get some more support. And I know you were about to say something, Justina. I was going to say, did I not see the full clip? Because the clip I saw was not that crazy.

That's what I'm saying. If she had been bent over and usher was just you know pulling her hair and just like you know slamming her i'll be like okay it was a little crazy but the clip i saw was not crazy at all say this though like as a man what you just said is probably what he saw in his mind right that's what translated to that's your wife your girl your baby mother that's what you did to love. That's your wife, your girl, your baby mother. That's what you seen. You didn't just see a little dance.

You seen us abandoning all over. You saw the past. Yeah, that's what you seen. And also, by the way, what's wrong with being insecure? And what's wrong with me expressing that I'm insecure? Nothing. Because the insecurity going to express whether I say I'm insecure or not. You're going to tell about my behavior.

You're going to tell about certain language I use. All I'm saying is you got to let men be able to express these emotions because if you don't they're gonna keep them pent up inside and we've all seen what that leads to that don't mean nothing but toxic masculinity my thing is express it but then what is the solution like if i'm insecure we need to figure out how to get work on that if i'm just with each other right but i think people just want to vent and express and let's get to the root of it though. We have to heal it and fix it.

But the whole thing is in a lot of relationships people they argue to win right and not argue to be on the same side. Not argue to resolve. I want to argue to resolve. We need to resolve.

Let's resolve. There's no winner. If you win, I lose. There shouldn't be a winner or loser. Let's resolve this situation and move on. Simple as that.

Well we have Charlina on the phone. Yes. Hey, how you doing? Are you we have Charlena on the phone. Yes. Hey, how you doing? Are you named after Charlemagne, the God? No. I'm just joking. I'm just joking, Charlena.

Go ahead. What do you think? What's your thoughts? Okay. Well, I feel like her baby father was very insecure about the whole scenario. I mean, if anything, he should have been uplifting her and proud of his woman because how she's good, how she's carrying herself, she's healthy, she's living. And she just had their baby. I don't understand why he had to broadcast it.

We're missing the whole point of the conversation. The whole point of the conversation is, should men be able to express their feelings publicly without being shamed? Well, he didn't express his feelings. He expressed his insecurities. That is his feelings! My God! A man's insecurities aren't even considered feelings anymore? That was an insecurity shot of me.

Seriously. Men can't be insecure. We can't reserve the right to be insecure. You know what? You can be insecure, but not at the expense of putting your woman down. So if he would have just said, my woman dancing with Usher made me very insecure because of his legendary sex habits.

But he kind of... You're a mom, your ass is out. Yeah, and like, and if she's really not cheating on him at all, which I don't think she is, it's like you also have to give her that grace. Like, you know what life she's living. She's coming home to you and she just had a baby. Looks damn good. It's like you also have to give her that grace. Like, you know what life she's living. She's coming home to you.

And she just had a baby. Looks damn good. But you hear what y'all just said. And that's what I keep trying to stress. That is the conversation that should have been had. We know it was misplaced aggression. We know he didn't care about the mom thing and the outfit. We know his feelings was hurt.

Why not teach that brother how to properly express his emotions? That's what I'm saying. The solution, therapy, somebody, a professional to talk to, this, that, like, if you go to relationship counseling, y'all need to sit down, whatever, you know, but get to the solution. Don't just keep arguing about it.

TJ. Yo. What's up, brother? What's your thoughts, man? Man, so my thoughts is you should be able to express how you feel. I mean, you know, we say, you know, mental health is awareness, but you should be able to say if you don't like you know we say you know mental health is awareness but you

can't even say if i don't like something straight up uh i mean you you keep it all that bottled up as a man next you know you lash out on your kid or you lash out on your wife that's right at work like it just ain't healthy like i'm waiting a young son right now he's 35 and in the month one thing i'm always telling him is hey use your use your voice. If you don't like something, say it. That's right. Because the reality is we're going to get there.

Meaning that if you use your voice, even if you don't say what you really mean, like you said before, we're going to get to the root. That's all we're trying to do is get to the root to heal the problem.

All right, well, we got a moral of the story. The moral of the story is men should be able to express their emotions and feelings without being shameful. Simple as that. And women should be able to hoe it up. As without being ashamed for it. Simple as that. And women should be able to hoe it up.

As long as they're not really like a hoe. As long as it's just innocent hoeing. It's a difference. The thing is innocent hoeing. Especially if you're in a relationship. It was innocent hoeing. And it wasn't even hoeing. I'm on Kiki's side.

You know what? That's the kind of crazy stuff men used to say to their women for years. It was just innocent hoeing. I mean. I was just fucking them girls. I was going to get no all right it's 2023 when we come back we got your rumor report we got to talk about tiffany haddish if you're trying to shoot your shot as celebrities well she's gonna give you some tips on how to do so we'll get to it next it's the breakfast club on bet had enough of this country Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine.

I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God. What is that? Bullets.

Listen to Escape from Zakistan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan. on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Marie. And I'm Sydney. And we're Mess. Well, not a mess, but on our podcast called Mess, we celebrate all things messy. But the gag is not everything is a mess. Sometimes it's just living. Yeah, things like J-Lo on her third divorce. Living.

Girls trip to Miami. Mess. Breaking up with your girlfriend while on Instagram Live. Living. It's kind of mess. Yeah. Well, you get it. Got it?

Live, love, mess. Listen to Mess with Sydney Washington and Marie Faustin on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, what's up? This is Ramses Jha. And I go by the name Q Ward. And we'd like you to join us each week for our show Civic Cipher. That's right. We discuss social issues, especially those that affect black and brown people, but in a way that informs and empowers all people. We discuss everything from prejudice to politics to police violence,

and we try to give you the tools to create positive change in your home, workplace, and social circle. We're going to learn how to become better allies to each other, so join us each Saturday for Civic Cipher on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Daphne Caruana Galizia was a Maltese investigative journalist who on October 16th 2017 was assassinated. Crooks Everywhere unearthed the plot to murder a one-woman WikiLeaks. She exposed the culture of crime and corruption

that were turning her beloved country into a mafia state. Listen to Crooks Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.