The Breakfast Club - Zuri Hall's Hot Happy Mess: Reclaim Your Life!

Episode Date: August 2, 2021

The Black Effect Presents... Zuri Hall's Hot Happy Mess. Restlessness. Panic attacks. Depersonalization. Obsessive worrying. Yep, we're talking about anxiety. We all deal with it and struggle with managing anxiety. So what do you do? How do you handle it? Can you overcome your anxiety?   Today's episode is our signature segment, 'Real Woman, Real Story,' where Zuri is joined by podcast host Latoya D. Newton of The Analog Girl, who shares her powerful story with anxiety & chronic depersonalization and her journey through recovery to emotional wellness. This 'Real Woman, Real Story' spotlight is guaranteed to leave you LYAO + simultaneously ready to wipe away a thug tear.    LaToya shares her hilarious story of being fired from her corporate job. She shares her candid advice on how Black women + WOC should navigate mental health discussions in the workplace. The boundaries she's had to set with her family + friends (and why she's chosen to remain single throughout her journey).    Latoya also opens up to Z about the different anxiety treatments she's tried — from cannabis to transcendental meditation to therapy -- and hints at her trippy experience with weed. LaToya also shares her moving testimony on how she copes with anxiety as a Christian and the stigma of dealing with mental health in the Black community. LaToya also shares why she created her amazing support network for POC struggling with anxiety.   Stay tuned till the end, as LaToya takes us through a guided breathing meditation to help us slay our anxiety today, tomorrow, and in the future!!!   Resources: Share this episode with a friend NOW + let us know your favorite part of the convo: @ZuriHall and @HotHappyMess Head over to hothappymess.com for all the show notes mentioned in this episode and for ALL the deets on how to join our exclusive Facebook group!   Recent episodes: if ya feel like bingeing: ICYMI: Listen to Episode 34: How To Slay Your Anxiety ICYMI: Listen to Episode 33: Zuri Hall on Protecting Your Peace + Doing a Year of Yes ICYMI: Listen to Episode 32: Get Your Boss On - The Keys to Corporate America ICYMI: Listen to Episode 31: How To Network Without Being a Stalker ICYMI: Listen to Episode 27: Screw Finding Your Dream Job! It’s Time for Your Dream Life! Go back to the beginning --- ICYMI: Listen to Episode 1: How to Be Happy   Follow @ZuriHall and @HotHappyMess on Instagram to keep the good vibes going. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own? I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God.

What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. We need help! That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast

Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay.

Have grace with yourself. You're trying your best. And you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. hot happy mess celebrate your magic in the middle of life's messes hi happy mess i'm siri hall and this is hot happy mess oh shoot what is up happy monday we are back at it. It is the dog days of summer and it's hot. It's really hot, guys. It's hot. Can y'all beep that? Jax, please beep that. I'm sorry.

That was intense. You just got here. Stay, please. Look, my house is in the valley and it's hot here. It's like 10 degrees hotter than the rest of Los Angeles, which I technically love, but sometimes don't, especially when I'm podcasting because this office is not the coolest situation. And I really need to get the AC checked out because I don't think it's working. Anyways, I need a vacation and I'm planning to escape.

I'm going to Barbados at the end. No, I'm going to Barbados in the end uh no I'm going to Barbados in September which I'm really excited about um because my best friend is getting married and I'm the maid of honor hi Julie and before that we're going to turn up in Miami for the bachelorette party bienvenidos a Miami so if y'all know what we should do or if you have any suggestions while I'm there, slide in my DMs with a debauchery. Cool? Cool. Okay, so last week we had the first part of our anxiety episode with our expert, Dr. Alicia. And if you haven't listened to that episode, go do it.

She dropped a lot of gems on how to identify anxiety, how to manage it, cope with it, how to support someone. If you have a loved one or a friend or a family member, maybe a child or a parent who's dealing with it. So it's a really great one. So go check it out. And today we've got part two, baby. We have one of what is now one of my favorite real woman, real story spot spotlight ever, where I am talking with the super amazing, awesome, hilarious, dope Latoya Newton, who is just, just dropping wisdom left and right. She's sharing her personal story with anxiety and why she created an amazing support network for others who might be dealing with it, yourself included. So you're going to love the conversation. Here's Latoya.

All right, y'all. For today's Real Woman, Real Story, we have Latoya D. Newton. She is a quintessential Bronx girl. She describes herself as a healthy mix of Cardi B and Lena James. If you know, you know. I love it. She's the post of her own podcast, The Analog Girl, and LaToya shares her experiences with anxiety and her journey through recovery to emotional wellness. When LaToya is not raising awareness about anxiety as an advocate for mental wealth, a relaxing day for her is

laughing at ridiculous memes on Instagram or watching episodes of A Different World. Sign me up for either one of them, honestly, LaToya. I'm down. It is my favorite thing to do, honestly. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm really excited to have you sort of open up to our listeners from a real woman perspective, because we have an expert on this episode, and we all have dealt with various forms of anxiety, some stronger than others, but especially coming out of the pandemic, I think more people than ever have had triggering events, myself included, that I hadn't experienced before what 2020 was for a lot of us. So I'd love if you could just dive in by sharing your personal journey with anxiety. Tell us your story. How did you get to a place where you

realized this is something that I've got to figure out or get a hold on? Sure. So I think it all hit the fan for me in 2018. I started to struggle with something called depersonalization. And for people who don't know what that is, it's a symptom of anxiety. And it makes you feel like you are living in an altered reality or like you're in a dream world or you're kind of disassociated and disconnected from your body. And you're feeling very disconnected from people and even your atmosphere. So I woke up March 1st feeling like that. And I just thought the world was coming to an end. I thought I was dying. I thought I was in purgatory.

I didn't know what the hell was going on. Ooh, not purgatory. Yeah, I was like, well, is it purgatory, child? Like, I don't know what this is. And I just kept saying to my mom, like, yo, I feel weird. Like, what's going on? I didn't know what the fuck was going on. So I'm like, wow.

So I started to go to the emergency room I was getting cat scans I was getting um x-rays what did what did it feel like physically like what made you feel like I need to go to the hospital I just didn't feel real like I I can't it's the only way I can explain it and if you google depersonalization um you'll see that that is one of the things like you just don't feel real like your body you feel completely disconnected from your body. So I like I would look in the mirror and I would see myself, but it was like it wasn't connecting. So it was just very it's a very strange feeling. And it's just a symptom of anxiety, like I said.

And it just comes from being in a place of chronic fear or heightened fear. So my body had went into a fight or flight feeling. You know what I mean? Like, so I, prior to that, had a panic attack. I was having panic attacks. And then I also smoked some weed. You know, I tried to do, I be trying to be like other people I need to chill.

Because weed is not for me. And I actually had one of those nights, like Smokey on Friday, like when he was running in the streets. Just tweaked out. That was me. Tweaked out in the middle of Harlem, out there wilding the f*** out, rushed to the hospital. It's a very funny story.

There's actually an episode on my podcast that you can go back. And listen to the full story? Okay. Yeah, so that's a long one. So short story long, or long story short. I started to have panic attacks after tweaking. And I think that the panic attacks would cause me to go into the depersonalization. So a lot of people do experience depersonalization after having a bad reaction to weed.

There's a lot of people out there. And sometimes it just happens from people who are just going through some trauma or any kind of long-term anxiety that they have gone through. So it's, or brain or trauma, brain trauma, brain injury can bring this along too as well. So it's a lot of different ways to experience it. So that's what happened to me. And I just decided like, I hated the feeling. I didn't like being on a train and not knowing what, I just, everything I was scared to come out of my room I was scared to walk outside I was scared to um um look be on the train and was looking around and everything just seemed so

familiar it was like I was on a whole nother planet it's just a weird f***ing thing it's very bizarre and so I was like yo I don't want to feel like this. What can I do? And then I just started Googling, you know, when we not feeling good, we always WebMD, we all become professional. WebMD, diagnosing yourself. We all become professional doctors. And so I just started to do my research and was figuring out that there was a community of people out there. I wasn't noticing any black people. And I'm like, yo, where are the black folks folks like somebody else got to be going through this shit it can't just be all white people in the UK because that's what I kept finding

but it's just British white yeah I was like is this a British thing like what is this like why so um so yeah I started to do my research um I started to figure out I got to the point when I was like okay so this is anxiety so boom check it this is what we gonna do I'm gonna figure out, I got to the point when I was like, okay, so this is anxiety. So boom, check it. This is what we're going to do. I'm going to figure this out. What do I got to do to just lower my anxiety? How do I try to heal this or recover from this? And so I started teaching myself tools. I found books.

I found people. I started Analog Girl. I was in the talks at that time with a network with actually Loudspeaker to have my own podcast there blew that shit in the ground because I was I was so depersonalized my pilot was trash because you just weren't even I was not there I was I don't I was in outer space somewhere I was gone so I lost that opportunity and let me ask you this just because I'm curious to know, was there a triggering event for you? And only, you know, share as much as you're comfortable with or not. Was this something that you dealt with off and on for years in 2018 was just when it went to the next level? Or did

it come out of nowhere? Not Yeah. So I remember my very first panic attack. I remember having my sophomore year in college. I remember having the panic attack, but not really knowing what it was. And I think what triggered me, and it's oddly, it's so weird, is that Aaliyah dying, because she was so close in age with me. I was very traumatized by that. Like I got really scared and started to question mortality at that point point so um prior to that I had experienced trauma in my life and I have a lot of things that have happened but I was able to um you know I guess sweep that stuff under the rug so when the when I started to have to be faced with mortality is when I started to become really like oh god what does this mean I'm not I'm not going to be

on earth forever that stuff started to ruminating thoughts started to happen really like, oh, God, what does this mean? I'm not going to be on Earth forever. That stuff started to, ruminating thoughts started to happen when Aaliyah died. So I think that was the first time I experienced a panic attack. And then it happened again in my older age when I've had friends who were close to me that passed away. So I think that has always been in my life, but it really hit the fan for me in 2018. And I guess, you know, my body was just like, okay, enough is enough. We got to figure this out. You know, so I just started going to therapy. I was reading up on stuff. I started analog girl. I, you know, was just working out and changing my diet. So I was just trying to

get myself together that way. And then people started coming to me saying, yo, your story is crazy because I was going through the same thing. Never had I seen a Black woman talk about this. So thank you. So it just helped me to move forward and keep going with telling my story. It's beautiful and amazing that you have been able to take that part of your story and really reclaim it, right? Like that could easily have gripped you, taken a hold of you and become who you are. But instead of that, it's how do I work with this and help other people also, which is what I want to get into in just a little bit with the analog girl. But first, just sort of diving in for someone who may be listening and feeling like, hold up, what she's explaining sounds a lot like what I'm going

through right now. What all did that feel like? Not even in those specific moments when maybe you were having an obvious panic attack or anxiety attack, but just your day-to-day, your career, you were a project manager at the time when you were dealing with a lot of this, right? How did that affect your work? Oh, Chyna fired me. So- I did not know that was the answer. Wait. What? How long you got? Like, how long you got? When I tell you, I mean, know that was the answer What? How long you got? Like how long you got? When I tell you

I mean I went through the ringer When it comes to Girl what were you doing at work? This didn't even look like A damn daring headlights In the middle of the In the meeting like

I don't know what the fuck They saying to me Like you know what I'm saying And as a project manager You gotta like Be on your P's and Q's And really like I was lost in the sauce.

I remember talking to one guy in a meeting. I was just like, you know, I just don't feel real today. He was giving me the face like, he was like backing up. Yo, what is he talking about? Yo, he was, like, backing up away from me like, I don't know what the fuck. And I was the only black girl. So, of course, they like, oh, so we going to let the niggas in and now the niggas don't know how to act in the fucking place now. You didn't know how to act in the first place.

Just got here. Yeah, just got there. Had just got there. So, yo, it was crazy. And I laugh about it now, but I was just really bugging out. I was really bugging out. So, I remember even one day, like, the vice president, she was like, we need to have a one-on-one because like you're not producing any work. Like I literally was coming to work and just sitting there staring like, I don't know what

the fuck I'm doing. I don't understand anything because also too, like I was still going on and I was having all these existential crisis thoughts, like thinking I was dead or was going to die or was dying. It was just so crazy. And then at the same time, I had another friend who was close to me die suddenly after we had just went to Essence Festival. So that was all compounded into one. And so she pulled me in for the one-on-one and I was crying like crazy, just telling her I don't know what's going on with me.

Like I really, and she said she was going to give me a chance and like, I'll give you a month. And she didn't advocate for me. HR didn't give a fuck. Like they was just like, whatever. And did you, you told them you felt like it was a mental health thing? Yeah, I felt like it was a mental health thing. They didn't offer me no help, no services. They just basically clowned me.

They was talking about me. They would go get in their little clicks and laugh at me and I knew they was but at that point I was just like I mean I'm used to getting teased and all that kind of shit so I was just like whatever you know like I gotta just figure out what the hell's going on and then finally she was like yeah we're gonna let you go so I was like well before you let me go can I at least get two months pay because like you let you go so I was like well before you let me go can I at least get two months pay because like you know you guys really I was telling you about my mental health situation and you guys f***ing laughed you thought I was you know you thought it was a joke and so they did they gave me two months pay they owe me nasty asses and microaggression and

everything else and um I started to freelance and then I had a lot of free time. And that's how I was able to, you know, work on Analog Girl and like build that from the ground up, like after realizing that I blew the opportunity with loudspeakers. So that's what happened. Yeah. Okay. I'm interested when you talk about, you know, the fact that you raised your concerns about your mental health to your colleagues, to your boss. And then that kind of went unanswered. And eventually it kind of shot you in the foot, right? Yep. We want to feel like we can have a safe space at work to talk about our health. If we show up with

a broken back or I need two weeks out because I'm contagious or whatever, it's like, okay. But I've even hesitated with that where I'm like, I need a mental health day and it's worse than if I was sick or down with the flu or whatever it is. But the hesitation comes in because you don't trust that people will take that as seriously as we do the physical stuff. So I'm curious to know what you would say to someone who might be dealing with that hesitation for good reason. Because it doesn't always end well to go to your boss and say, I need a mental health break. Okay. So I really, again, you know, I always have to preface like I'm not a professional. Analog Girl is not a professional thing. Okay. So I've always got to say Analog Girl was brought about to talk about my own personal experiences

because it helps to be relatable to other people. So I don't think all the time it is behooves you to share it with your employer. I don't think so. And I think that you have to know what you got to go test out what HR is about. What, what are their, what are, what's important to them? You know what I mean? What are their, what do they step there and put their neck out for? You know what I mean? And that organization, how do they step there and put their neck out for? You know what I mean? And that organization, how do they feel about you as a black person there? You know what I mean? Or did they just start saying, oh, race to, to, to health equity for black people or race to, you know, get 50 people of color in our organization. And by the year 25, did they just start doing that? So you have to evaluate that and see like, how much do

they really care about us? And then how much do they really care about us? And then how much do they really care about mental health? You know what I mean? So I think that you have to, you know, gauge that. And if you have a relationship with your supervisor or boss, then, yeah, I would say bring it up. Otherwise, I personally, if you need that money and you need that job, start going to therapy. Start figuring out another job. Start figuring out what your passion is, start figuring out another job, start figuring

out what your passion is, start figuring out your exit strategy. Because if it is not helping you and it's making you worse, and you also don't feel like you have a support system there, then that's not a place for you to work. That's how I feel. So by them letting me go was a blessing. And I felt so relieved on that day. I was ashamed. But at the same time, I was like, you know what? Now it's like, now what? Now let me hit the ground running and figure shit out for myself.

You know, like I've been homeless before. I can do this. You know what I'm saying? So I got into that mode. So I do believe that sometimes if you do have that support system, you can say something, but sometimes you can't. Yeah. I appreciate you keeping it real about it because honestly, that's how I feel. I would love to get out here and be like, just go to your boss. And that's what they're there for in HR. I learned a while ago under different circumstances,

that is not what HR is there to do half the time. They're there to protect the company and do what benefits the company. Because they will look at you as a threat. That's exactly it. And their job oftentimes is to eliminate threats for the corporation. But that's really good advice. You talk about having a really good or strong support network. I'm curious to know, when you were going through the thick of it, did your relationship suffer? And then also, what was the advice you got

from family and friends, you know, particularly in the black community, there's, there's been traditionally so much stigma around mental health, around therapy, around talking to people. I grew up with the mindset of, we don't, we just get, we just get it done. We just keep it moving. Like we don't really do too much talking about stuff. And I had to grow out of that and unlearn so many of those behaviors. What was that like for you? So my mom, I'm a preacher's kid. My mom is about that life with the Bible and the prayer and the oil. Okay. And let me tell you, get that holy oil right now. Listen, my granny stayed with a bottle of oil. She'd just be ready to just. Listen, and I was like, I want you to get it because I don't know what the hell is going on right now.

Get the oil. As a matter of fact, just douse my whole body in that shit. Get the olives, the brushable. All of it. All of it. Okay. Moisturize me, please. So my mom was definitely there for me.

She was there for me from day one. She had to get in the bed and sleep with me and rock me to sleep because I was so scared to fall asleep. My heart would be racing so bad. She would feel my pulse in my hands, and she would just start praying and be like, you know, you got to— not telling me to calm down because she knew all the right things to say, but she was just basically soothing me and rocking me until I would fall asleep. And my mom stayed with me about a week, and then she looked at me, and she was like, it's time because now you have to get yourself through this. So my mom was just very supportive in that and just nurturing me in that. And then also let me know she experienced

something like this before too in her younger age and how she dealt with it. I also had a friend who came out to me and was like, yo, I was going through this all last year. I just never said anything. So now I'm like, what bitch? Like you never said nothing. Like I was telling any, everybody who would listen because I wanted to know what was going on.

And I was just like, this is so crazy to me. So, you know, people just started to open up and talk to me and tell me what they were going through um as far as relationships now listen I was in a situation ship okay he had to go because snicker started having sex with other people immediately immediately because who got time to have sex when they think they're dying you know what I'm saying so like that's a valid question like who got time for that this ain't the movies like I am literally trying to survive no because you know in those movies the day after tomorrow whatever they be in the middle of the war they always find time to you know shoot up the club like nah I was not doing none of that so

you know he went on and was doing him. And then he wasn't believing me. And he was just in denial about the whole thing. Like, he was just looking at me like, so what do you mean? Like, you know, because on the outside, I was looking like this. I was still doing my face. I was still getting dressed, you know. But I would be like, yo, I feel so crazy right now. And he wasn't understanding that.

So, I wasn't mad at him for doing that. You know, n***a gonna be n***a. So I was just like, whatever. But I had to come out of that situation because it was a situation and it was stressing me out. So I started to remove all those stressors from my life. I'm glad you brought that up because I wanted to ask, what did you have to lose? What did you have to cut away? What boundaries did you have to set to start that journey to becoming healthier? Yeah, it was definitely the situationship. Okay. And knowing who I am and going to therapy and starting to learn how I, and even now, I still, and that's why I'm single now, I'm going to get myself together.

Because I become the man. I become, I want that love so much. And, you know, my daddy issues come up and I want to be loved. So I become engrossed, you know, and I knew that that was something that I had to just take, I had to come out of that.

So I took that away. I became more disciplined with my health. I stopped drinking at the time because I was doing a lot of heavy drinking out of depression, out of wanting to be loved, out of wanting to be in a relationship. And this man was just all over the place doing him. And then also just not being set in my career, in my passion. I, you know, was just stuck. I was stuck. So I just started to find ways of becoming unstuck, you know,

and removing all of those things from my life was helping me to not be stuck anymore. Is your country falling apart? Feeling tired? Depressed? A little bit revolutionary? Consider this. Start your own country. I planted the flag. I just kind of looked out of like, this is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. There are 55 gallons of water for 500 pounds of concrete. Everybody's doing it.

I am King Ernest Emmanuel. I am the Queen of Ladonia. I'm Jackson I, King of Kaperburg. I am the Supreme Leader of the Grand Republic of Mentonia. Be part of a great colonial tradition. Why can't I create my own country? My forefathers did that themselves. What could go wrong?

No country willingly gives up their territory. I was making a rocket with a black powder, you know, with explosive warhead. Oh, my God. What is that? Bullets. Bullet holes. We need help!

We still have the off-road portion to go. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. And we're losing daylight fast. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast Post Run High is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the

thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. You know that rush of endorphins you feel after a great workout? Well, that's when the real magic happens. So if you love hearing real, inspiring stories from the people you know, follow, and admire, join me every week for Post Run High. It's where we take the conversation beyond the run and get into the heart of it all. It's lighthearted, pretty crazy, and very fun.

Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you. Alicia Keys opens up about conquering doubt, learning to trust herself, and leaning into her dreams. I think a lot of times we are built to doubt the possibilities for ourselves. For self-preservation and protection, it was literally that step by step.

And so I discovered that that is how we get where we're going. This increment of small, determined moments. Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude, and the power of love. I forgive myself. It's okay. Like grace. Have grace with yourself. You're trying your best.

And you're going to figure out the rhythm of this thing. Alicia Keys, like you've never heard her before listen to on purpose with jay shetty on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts you talked about what you lost or not lost really but what you let go of so that you could get to a healthy place what did you? What did you add to your lifestyle that helped you? Your faith was a part of that growth. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I do believe that I became closer with God in that situation. I am definitely a hood chick, you know what I'm saying? But I love Jesus. I grew up in a church, born and raised. So I knew what my

foundation was. I know the scriptures. I know the prayers, you know what I'm saying. I grew up in a church, born and raised. So I knew what my foundation was. I know the scriptures. I know the prayers. You know what I'm saying? I know that God has a plan for my life. And I know that he's always had his hand on my life every time I was going through a situation. So it was just like the second nature for me to just go into prayer and start to figure these things out and seek guidance and seek wisdom from him. But it helped me to get closer. And it wasn't when I started to go back to church, the way people were gravitating towards me and I wasn't even speaking to them is when I realized like, okay, God, you are guiding me. You are putting me in a place where I must be fulfilling my purpose or calling at some place, a point in time by doing this. So yes, spirituality has really, really gotten me through. And I talk about that often on the podcast

and write about it, you know, and give the scriptures that helped me. Yeah. Wait, I'm curious. What's one of your favorite scriptures? So Psalms 116, where he says, I know you don't think I heard you, but I heard your prayer.

So I would listen to that all the, wait a minute, because that's going to make me start getting teary-eyed right now. I got to chill. Look, we can cry together. I'm all about a little teary-eyed. Hold on, because you know, the Holy Spirit will come right on in, child. So let me bring it, let me reign it on in. Talk about it. You don't got to reign it in. No, because I, you know, when you have depersonalization, you feel invisible. And so, you know, I would listen to that prayer. And I mean, I'm sorry, I would read that scripture.

And then I would say my prayers and I'd be like, you know, that scripture gave me confirmation that he was hearing my prayer and he was going to bring me out of it. And so that whole Psalms 116 is basically that saying, I hear your prayer. I know that you're going through this battlefield in your mind, but you are going to come out of this. And not only are you going to come out of this, but you're going to come out of this as pure gold. So that's what I will always focus on with Psalm 116. So, yes. Let's keep the lashes on. Talk about, I know, I love crying the lashes off. Listen, let's keep the lashes on. I love crying the lashes off.

Listen, let's keep the lashes on. But yes, yes. And I had a very, like it was an experience at church with my pastor who she's just recently passed away. But I was just sitting by myself and I was going to church alone every Sunday, minding my business. And one day she just was like, you, excuse me, question, were you in Black Panther? And I was like, excuse me, pastor. I was like, no. She was like, but you know what? It's not even that, your look. She was like, I'm just grabbing. And this is her from the pulpit in the middle of the service. Oh, oh, oh, I thought this was like, I'm just grabbing. And this is her from the pulpit in the middle of the service. Oh, oh, oh. I thought this was like after church. No, no, no. She stopped service and was like, I'm just so drawn to you.

And she was like, are you a member here? And I was like, not yet. And she talked to me and then she spoke into my life. And, you know, she was just like, you know, well, it ain't Wakanda forever. It's Jesus forever. It's pretty funny. But that in itself was God just saying, I see you and other people see you. You're not invisible. So like that was like the defining moment for me of coming out of this depersonalization and this altered universe of wherever I was living at the time spiritually.

How long ago was that? How recently was that? That was at the end. No, that was 2019. So I went through 2018, joined the church at the end of 2018. And that happened in 2019. Okay, got it. You mentioned your podcast.

On it, you said something super interesting about not saying my anxiety anymore my anxiety uh tell me about that what does that mean why not that uh because it ain't mine I don't want that shit so I do not want that shit so yes and I you know like I recently just finished writing a book honestly and I just had to go back and see where I was still saying it. Like muscle work, like mine. I was like, nope, take that out. Take that out because I don't want other people to say it and start claiming ownership of it. So, you know, that was in my mind.

I'm like, why do I keep saying mine? Like I own this thing. I don't own this. You know, like anxiety is also always going to be a part of our lives. It's a natural thing that happens. But I don't own that. You know, I don't own that, you know? I don't own that.

I own peace. I own happiness. My happiness, my peace. What do you refer to? Do you not refer to it at all? Or what do you say? I just say anxiety. Or, you know, like, so, you know, today I'm not, I'm feeling a little anxious.

Or, you know, girl, I be having a little anxiety sometimes. Or like, not, girl, the way my anxiety's set up. No, no, no. You know what I mean? Like, I try to change my language when I'm speaking. Right. I love that, that sort of intention. We talk about being intentional in all facets of life on the podcast. And it's like, I can be sick, right? But I would just say, you know, I came down with a cold or, you know, I feel a little sick right now. I don't go around

saying my sickness and it's not like a part of me. It's a thing I'm experiencing in sick right now. I don't go around saying my sickness. It's not a part of me. It's a thing I'm experiencing at a given moment. Exactly. Exactly. I love that. Okay. When it comes to tactics to sort of curb anxious behavior or feelings when they do arise, do you have go-tos, things that you recommend other people try that might work? Sure. Yeah. I mean, I, I be doing it all. Um, so meditation is one of the main things that I do. I do TM, um, transcendental meditation, which is one of the easiest ones. Explain that to people who don't know. So it's the most effortless, um, meditation where they give you a mantra. I don't, you know what,

I'm not going to say that cause I don't know where this is going but they give you a mantra and um you rehearse the mantra over and over in your head as you're quiet and your quiet time for 20 minutes two times a day um the mantra means absolutely nothing it has nothing to do with spirituality anything no religion anything it means nothing it's just something for you to focus on so that you are not focusing on other things. Now, with TM, you do have your thoughts. And what I love about that is they teach you that these thoughts are not bad. And I think what happens is a lot of, especially a lot of people who struggle with anxiety, is that when you try to meditate, your thoughts are like 100 miles a minute.

So you think you're failing. You're not failing. Like, that's what happens when you're meditating. You're going to have these thoughts, good or bad. It's just a matter of getting into the flow and learning how to not be so affected by these thoughts that come. They come and they go. They flow easy like water, moving back and forth like air. So that's what transcendental meditation is. And I often do that, especially in the height of when I'm feeling like real frantic or struggling with my mortality or some kind of existential crisis, I do the TM. I mean, I don't keep it up and try to, I need to

be more consistent with it, but especially when I'm doing bad or not doing bad or when I'm having a struggling day, I'll do the TM. What else do I do? I oftentimes do juice cleansing I feel like that helps me okay that does help me um for clarity um and you don't get so hungry I always want to do a cleanse I always give up I do and I just finished doing chef v um which was easier because she helps she gives you the like you have you can eat like a salad and some protein or whatever so it helps with that yeah you have a little something, but it does give you a little clarity and make you feel lighter. So I do know that anxiety does have a lot to do with your gut too as well. So I try to maintain what I'm eating and eat a little

healthy. And I've cut back on drinking alcohol because I find that the next day I feel like shit, especially when people who struggle with anxiety. You wake up the next day I feel like shit. Right. Especially when people who struggle with anxiety, you wake up the next day and you're like, I'm so depressed and I have no reason. I don't understand why I'm depressed. It be that anxiety. It be that alcohol. It really is like the come down from that.

Right. Like people think of it only in the sense of like hard drugs or like drugs, literally, but like any substance. And we've all been there. I have certainly had those experiences where I'm like, last night was fun, but today I'm like, what is the point of any of it? What is the point of it all? Because yeah, your anxiety spikes regardless, whether you feel like it's something you struggle with every day or not. I have found that when I drink heavily the next morning, I would always just feel on edge and wired and just down.

So I'm glad to hear you say that because it really normalizes the fact that, yeah, that can play a part in it, the substance. It really does. It really does. So I noticed that about myself. And that's another thing. You just got to be honest with yourself and then start holding yourself accountable. And, you know, I know that we are having, while we are having compassion for ourselves during our struggles with our mental health, we also have to be holding ourselves accountable. And that's what I found that I had to start doing too. And then, of course, therapy.

I sit on the couch every week. I don't play those games. I go and just leave everything there with my therapist. Right now, I'm looking for a male therapist. I feel like I want to be intentional about my therapy now. Like, my therapist was great, but I don't have great relationships with men. And I'm just now rekindling my relationship with my father. So I feel like going and being intentional by seeking out a male therapist will help me to get a little more

trustworthy of men especially black men so I'm on the search for that um but yes I've been intentional about my therapy and intentional about who's going to be nurturing me in therapy yeah um and I think that that's important for us to do too as well yeah um and then you know the breathing uh techniques and panic attack techniques one is a suck on a lemon that'll take you right out of the lemon no way yeah it'll it'll ground you in a second fascinating if you're starting to have never heard that yeah because of the sourness so if you're having a panic attack and one day try it go on a lemon because the lemon you'll focus on the on the sourness of it.

Right, right. So to kind of ground you and bring you down. Cold water, walking back and forth, that kind of stuff. Yeah. How do you feel about caffeine? Coffee? Can't do that. Yeah.

Caffeine make me feel like I done snorted a whole line of cocaine. All of us, if you drink it up a bit. And listen, I was like, I don't like this. And it was like, I remember going to sleep and feeling like I knew I was asleep, but I felt like I was up. So I was like, I'm never doing this shit again. So caffeine don't sit well with me. Not even like a sip of Pepsi.

I can't even do it. Yeah, really? So if you're highly, and yeah, nah, if you're like really, really anxious or, you know, you have an anxiety disorder, like cut the caffeine out. Cut the caffeine out. Okay. Cut the caffeine out. Okay. Cut the caffeine out. That's a really good tip. Before we wrap up, I could talk to you forever. This is so fascinating. I know. I love talking to you. Great. You're so informative and just real and honest about everything, which is something I

always respect and appreciate and try to be myself. As we talk about vulnerability and mental health and the stigma, I'm curious to know why. Why do you share as much as you share? Why are you so open? And was there ever a hesitation about being this open with such personal stuff? Well, I'll start from the latter then. Go ahead. So always hesitation there's always hesitation because of the shame that I have harbored during my struggle um and then also not wanting to feel like a Debbie Downer all the time

so that's why I always bring humor into my episodes a lot and I'm always just like you know I'm just a ratchet regular regular girl who girl who struggles with anxiety, you know? So I always like to, you know, make, not make light of the situation, but also just, just be a little more humorous in it so that it's more relatable. So I do struggle with it and being as open as I am because I don't want to seem like a Debbie Downer. And why I did it is because I just never saw, I didn't see anybody else doing it at the time. Now, celebrities are doing it and we are very appreciative of them. But of course, they have the privilege of the audience and the marketing and the money behind them. Whereas someone like myself is doing a whole thing by herself, but has found this small community that's so loyal.

And they are just like, yo, we just want to hear what you got to say. Please. Can we just, you know, can we email, can we talk? And I can talk with them. I do one-on-ones with some people who are struggling with depersonalization. So that was, to me, that's the reason why I'm doing it for the people who just want to have someone that they can relate to a peer to peer kind of thing. So and also for black women and black men, men have reached out to me, you know, and they don't see this situation. There was, you know, a black guy who was like he was going through DP and he's like, yo, never have I seen anybody of any color talking about this, you know? So it's for them and it's for me because it's healing for me to keep talking about it and to keep sharing and not keeping this stuff bottled out. So that's why.

I love it. I love it. I love it. Latoya, I adore you. I'm like in love right now. I want to talk about where people can find you. But before we wrap up with that, you do some guided breath work. You're in a guided breath work, right? Yes. Okay. Can you take us through just a short, like a minute or less guided meditation that can help release some stress and anxiety, maybe a little overthinking for us? Oh, sure.

So I always do the four count. Okay. And that's inhale on the four count, and then you hold on the four count, and then you exhale on the four count. Okay. And that's inhale on the four count, and then you hold on the four count, and then you exhale on the four count. Okay. And it helps in anything when you're stressed in front of your computer. It helps for panic attacks, too. Okay. So you take a deep breath in on the four, hold for-

Wait, you got to count me in or something. I want to do it. I will. So we can start now. Okay, here we go. Okay. So breathe in on the four. Hold it.

And then exhale on the floor. And then I usually roll my shoulders, roll my neck. And if I need it one more time, we can do it again. I'm going to start cracking bones soon, y'all. How you feeling? Do you want to do it one more time, breathing in? Let's do it one more time. Okay, one more.

Inhale on the four count. Hold it. And then exhale on a four count. And then roll it out. This is reminding me that I need to get my life together. I need to get back to my consistent meditation game. Yeah, so do I, girl. I need to get mine together.

I'm not consistent either. Well, I love it. That's the beauty of it all. Right. We always have tomorrow, God willing. Amen to that. Latoya, if people want to reach out to you, go one-on-one with you, listen to your podcast, where can they find you? Okay. So my Instagram is the.analoggirl. My Twitter is the underscore analog girl, or you can go to my website at the analog girl.com why is it analog

well because i'm a 90s girl and i loved analog worlds right and you know eric badu said analog girl in the digital world and so analog is like my foundation my calm my peace you know digital world is so fast paced make you so anxious andog just calms you out, zenned out. I love it. That's why I chose it. Oh, God. This is like my favorite conversation of all time.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. And I love being on your show. I'm so honored that you asked me when I saw it. I was like, oh my God! I want to be on it right away! I'm just grateful you said yes

because you are dropping gems left and right. I'll be applying a lot of this too. So I so appreciate you. Thank you. I appreciate it. Hi, happy. Yes, yes.

Didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you? Did I not tell you? I told you. You didn't want to listen, but I told you and that was the truth. And now you know. You can trust me.

Latoya is amazing. Special thank you again to her for sharing her story and being so vulnerable and honest and real. Make sure y'all hit her up. And if you feel like that's something that you're struggling with when it comes to anxiety and you feel like you would love the support that her network provides, go check it out. Go slide in the DMs or hit her up or check out her podcast. Okay. Now, before we head out, I want to share with you an iTunes review from a lovely listener, Inger Berenshot. I'm sorry if I mispronounced it, but she says best podcast for the modern woman. I love this new Zuri venture. Always been a big fan since her early E days and single ladies

YouTube video. And she brings her spirit and bright sparkle to this too. I love the great topics, which are not the typical light fluff often heard in other podcasts, but real life issues and life decisions. And no, it's not boring or tough to get through. Zuri makes it so fun and relatable by incorporating her own experiences and struggles into adulthood. Highly recommended. Thank you so much, love, for taking the time to leave a review. I appreciate it.

I'm so glad you're enjoying it. And a reminder to you listening that leaving a review on iTunes is free. It's easy. It's the quickest way to support Hot Happy Mess. So if you like what you hear and you want to keep hearing it to be straight up, okay, then I'm going to usually review. Just kidding. I don't need it. No pressure,

but I would appreciate it. And it does show, um, show that people are vibing with Hot Happy Mess and what we're creating here. The community's growing, the podcast is growing, and that just warms my heart. It makes me feel so good. I love reading all of your messages. I see all of your comments. So hit me up. If you want to leave a review, you can do that. Go to Apple Podcasts, type in Hot Happy Mess, scroll down and write the review. Slide in my DMs at Zuri Hall, Z-U-R-I-H-A-L-L or at Hot Happy Mess.

I love to talk to y'all. I see everything even if I don't have time to respond to everything. And I love getting your messages. So shoot me one. Yeah. Oh, and can you do me a huge favor? Super fast, super easy. If you could just like tell a friend or tell your mama, tweet your mutuals, tell them to listen to hot, Happy Mess, okay? If you could just share us on Instagram, Facebook, spam, maybe not spam, low-key spam. And just tell the people that they should be getting their Hot Happy Mess on and tag us on social.

You would be a real one. And I want to repost you and all of your love. So that's it for me this week. Come back next week when we are getting into another wellness conversation. We are talking about it all, y'all. Astrology, horoscopes. I'm a Gemini, in case you couldn't tell. Meditation, Enneagrams, all of the things.

And if there's something you think we should dive into this series or that you think would be fun to talk about, let me know. If you feel like you're a real woman with a real story you think would be fun to talk about, let me know. If you feel like you're a real woman with a real story and you want to be on the podcast, let me know. If you feel like you know somebody who should be that woman, let me know. The theme is let me know. All right. I'll see you all next week.

In the meantime, stay blessed. I'm sending love and light and I'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Had enough of. Bye. Bye. Had enough of this country? Ever dreamt about starting your own?

I planted the flag. This is mine. I own this. It's surprisingly easy. 55 gallons of water, 500 pounds of concrete. Or maybe not. No country willingly gives up their territory. Oh my God.

What is that? Bullets. Listen to Escape from Zakistan. That's Escape from Z-A-Q-istan on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series,

The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. As a kid, I really do remember having these dreams and visions, but you just don't know what is going to come for you.

Alicia shares her wisdom on growth, gratitude,'ve never heard her before. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.